


Impossible Relationships

by nanuk_dain



Series: Impossible Relationships 2020 Update [1]
Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, BAMF!Ray, Bamf!Tim, DADT, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-OIF, Ray and Tim building a life, Ray's dirty mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:54:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 81
Words: 373,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23854162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/pseuds/nanuk_dain
Summary: Because it's becoming a problem, Doc Bryan addresses Ray's consumption of Ripped Fuel. Somehow things take on a life of their own after that.NOW COMPLETE!
Relationships: Brad Colbert & Ray Person, Brad Colbert/Nate Fick, Brad Colbert/Nate Fick(chapters 57/64/71), Pappy Patrick/Rudy Reyes, Pappy Patrick/Rudy Reyes (chapter 80), Timothy Bryan/Ray Person, Walt Hasser & Ray Person, implied Brad Colbert/Nate Fick, implied Pappy Patrick/Rudy Reyes
Series: Impossible Relationships 2020 Update [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1777879
Comments: 385
Kudos: 58





	1. CONTENT LIST

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Veronibell](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Veronibell/gifts).



> **Note:** This is the long overdue reworked and improved version of the series "Impossible Relationships" that I posted back in 2012 and which I continued in 2020. Oh my, I've meant to rework this series for ages. And post it as a chaptered fic, because that's so much easier to read and save ^_^ I hope you enjoy it!
> 
> Also, this is for my dear **veronibell** , because we were partners in crime in this rare pair back in 2012, and we still are! *hugs*
> 
> And because it's important to point this out (although it should be a given): I mean no disrespect to the real men, this was written with the characters of the mini-series in mind!

A wee info for those who just discovered the story: I wrote 29 chapters of it, about 65.000 words, in 2012, and the story was finished for eight years. Then during lockdown in 2020 my Muse hit me big time and I continued the fic with another 122.000 words. And then I again continued the story with another 185.000 words.... ^^ Due to this you might notice a point where the style of writing changes a wee bit - well, it was written eight years apart. I'm currently reworking the 'old' chapters to adapt them to the new style, but even if they're not all done yet, that shoudn't impact on the flow of the fic too much (if you don't even notice while reading, all the better XD). I hope you can forgive that and still enjoy the story ^_^

Because this story has become almost epic in length, I decided to give you a list with all the chapters and their summaries.

**SPOILER ALERT: Reading the chapter summary list below the banner will let you know what happens in the story!**

Only read it if you either want to know or if you already do and are just looking for something specific. You might ruin the fun (and most certainly the surprise) otherwise ^_^

If you feel like leaving me a wee word, know that you'll make my day :D Comments are love! ^^

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)

** CHAPTERS **

1 - CONTENT LIST

2 - Attention  
Doc Bryan discovers a new way to look at things. 

3 - Observation  
Ray observes. 

4 - Favour  
Tim accepts an unexpected offer. 

5 - Addiction  
Ray realises some things. 

6 - Silence  
Tim watches and worries. 

7 - Aftermath  
Ray's having a Big Gay Epiphany – in a closet. 

8 - Risks  
Ray decides he needs to take some risks to get what he wants. 

9 - Tension  
Ray reaches his limits. 

10 - Discoveries  
Brad watches something he never in his life expected to see. 

11 - Arrangements  
Brad and Doc Bryan come to an understanding. 

12 - Marks  
Tim leaves a mark. Then he covers it with another one. 

13 - Friends  
Walt asks. Ray tells - even if only reluctantly. 

14 - Sleep  
The Bravo men return from deployment. 

15 - Restrains  
Tim, Ray and the kitchen. 

16 - Honesty  
An evening with beer, pizza and action movies leads to some truths being revealed. 

17 - Realisation  
Brad and Ray have an interesting conversation. 

18 - Acceptance  
Tim flies to Nevada, Missouri. 

19 - Insight  
She might be old, but she isn't blind. Ray's grandmother observes. 

20 - Departure  
Tim has bad news.

21 - War  
Iraq without Ray just isn't the same. 

22 - Homecoming  
Ray waits for Tim to come back home. 

23 - Changes  
An early morning conversation about past and future. 

24 - Responsibility  
When the Indian Ocean tsunami hits in December 2004, Tim is sent to the disaster area. 

25 - Disaster  
In the immediate aftermath of the 2004 tsunami, Ray and Tim arrive in Sri Lanka as part of a rescue and relief group. It's worse than anything they'd expected. 

26 - Limits  
Tim loses focus and forgets his limits. 

27 - Family  
The time for Tim and Ray has come to decide – Sri Lanka or the US? 

28 - Visitor  
Brad comes to see Ray – in Sri Lanka. 

29 - Revelations  
Ray has a revelation. It proves to be rather earth-shattering.

30 - History  
Tim gets a call from his older sister.

31 - Truth  
Tim is so different, Marley thinks while she's watching her brother carry her daughter through the arrivals hall. 

32 - Differences  
Ruth Bryan learns a few things about her son when Tim comes by for dinner on Christmas Eve.

33 - Decisions  
Ray has a very important thing to tell Tim. The life-or-death kind. Well, kind of.

34 - Reassurance  
Angela Person gets a very interesting call from her son.

35 - Developments  
Ray knew the adoption process would be long, but it's only while it's running its course that he realises how nerve-wrecking it's going to be.

36 - Home  
A little girl thinks about the place she calls home.

37 - Hope  
Tim thinks about the progress of the adoption process.

38 - News  
Ray has some important news to share.

39 - Surprise  
Poke reads something rather interesting.

40 - Shift  
Ray and Tim begin the process of transferring the headmaster's office to Padma.

41 - Return  
Tim, Ray and Mini arrive in in the States and Brad gives them a hand with getting home.

42 - Routines  
Tim, Ray and Mini settle into their new life.

43 - Impact  
Brad just about keeps Ray from killing a racist whiskey tango granny.

44 - Connection  
Ray and Tim return to Nevada, Missouri, with their daughter in tow so that she can meet her new Granny and Nana. 

45 - Lessons  
A fire fighter observes the new Doc around the station.

46 - Despair  
Tim learns the hard way what it means that he's not legally Mini's parent.

47 - Mentor  
Walt helps Tim and Ray out and gets Mini from school. 

48 - Issues  
Time for Ray and Mini to meet Tim's family. Things escalate.

49 - Amends  
Tim's mother tries to make amends.

50 - Plans  
Mary-Ann decides it's time to ask Ray a very important question. 

51 - Pact  
Something is up with Ray, Tim can tell. He just doesn't know what it is and Ray isn't forthcoming.

52 - Provocation  
Tim gets a very interesting letter. 

53 - Witness  
Ruth Bryan watches her son get married.

54 - Bond  
Tim and Ray have a gift for Mini.

55 - Reunion  
There's a reunion of Bravo at Poke's house, and things get interesting when Tim and Ray show up together.

56 - Understanding  
Nate and Tim exchange a few honest words at Bravo's reunion. 

57 - Confessions  
Nate meets Mini and she asks a few very interesting question that he was _so_ not prepared for.

58 - Statement  
Tim takes his husband to the 2008 Lone Sailor Award Dinner hosted by the Navy Memorial. The invitation clearly stated that spouses are encouraged to attend, after all.

59 - Self-Defence  
Ray clashes with Tim's co-worker Jim during an evening out in town.

60 - Precautions  
Ray decides it's time to teach Mini some self-defence moves. It doesn't go like he expected. At all.

61 - Green  
Mini's class has 'Show and Tell Friday' in school.

62 - Encouragement  
Ray decides it's time to have a talk with Walt about Walt's love life. And a few other things that he knows Walt needs his absolutely brilliant, expert advice on.

63 - Mail  
Larson notices that Brad gets _a lot_ of letters during their current deployment to Iraq - and most of them come from the same address in Oceanside.

64 - Sympathy  
Nate can't help wondering why he always finds himself in these kinds of heavy conversations on Poke's front porch.

65 - Backbone  
Brad gets an interesting letter from Ray during his deployment to Iraq. Yes, a fucking _handwritten letter_. On _green_ stationery. WTF.

66 - Loss  
A night shift at the fire station ends badly.

67 - Fear  
Brad gets a call - from the hospital.

68 - Emergency  
Marley learns about Tim being shot and immediately gets on the next plane to California.

69 - Stalemate  
Ruth makes her way to Oceanside to be with her son. Alan decides to join her. Ray is not amused.

70 - Collapse  
Ray reaches the end of his rope.

71 - Support  
Brad takes an important step.

72 - Distraction  
The Bravo Squad Survival Camp ends with Walt bringing Mini to the hospital to visit Tim.

73 - Alleviation  
Tim wakes up to find himself in the hospital.

74 - Apprehension  
Tim learns about some of the fundamental things that happened while he was in a coma.

75 - Closure  
Tim decides to talk to his father after all.

76 - Concurrence  
Mini comes across Tim's father in the hospital hallway.

77 - Puzzlement  
Mini and Brianna insist that they all go out to have dinner together to celebrate Alan's birthday. Ruth doesn't know what to make of that.

78 - Comfort  
Tim finally comes home.

79 - Care  
Marley and Bri stay the week after Tim is released from hospital. It's... well, definitely not boring.

80 - Backup  
Rudy, Walt and Poke organise an impromptu Bravo Reunion - with families. What better way to show Doc their support?

81 - Pain  
Tim is rather forcefully reminded that recovery is a bitch. Not just for him.


	2. Attention - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doc Bryan discovers a new way to look at things.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)   


Timothy Bryan has always been a good observer, even as a child. Sometimes he wonders if that's the reason he's what others call 'cynical'. He prefers to call it 'realistic'. If you observe the world around you close enough for a long time, you see things you wish you'd never seen. He's not the kind of man to turn away and forget, though, and maybe it's the urge to help where nobody else will that made him join the forces as a corpsman.

It doesn't take much observation skills, though, to notice how much Ripped Fuel Corporal Ray Person is ingesting on a daily basis. Tim's been aware of this habit of his from the very beginning – he knows about almost all the quirks of the men, it's his job to know, because it can be essential for saving their lives – but with every day that passes, it becomes worse. Tim watches from a distance, carefully keeping count in his head and keeping an eye on Person's insane and high-strung behaviour. He knows Person's body can take it only for so long. Shortly after the fiasco in Al Gharraf, when he observes Person show the first signs of exhaustion that even the Ripped Fuel can't quite sweep away anymore, he knows it's time to address the matter.

The opportunity comes when they've set up camp for the night. Person's even giving him a perfect excuse when he's bitching loudly about his sore feet. Tim's well aware that he can't address the subject of his Ripped Fuel consumption with anybody around since the stuff is technically forbidden. It could cause Person a lot of trouble should any of the officers hear Tim in his function as the corpsman talk about it. Not that they don't know about it – everybody does, it's one of those open secrets that the Marines have tons of. Not that the Navy is any better.

“Come with me, Person.” Tim says with his usual frown firmly in place and gestures at Person's feet. “I'll have a look.”

Person looks up in mild surprise, but it doesn't take him long to find his voice and the matching grin. “You're too kind, Doc. Or do you just want my awesomeness all to yourself?”

“Cut the crap, Person, or I'll just let your feet rot and then you can crawl through the goddamn desert on your knees.” Tim replies and makes sure to deepen his frown and give his voice an annoyed tone, staring at Person intently. Person seems to get that there's something more to it than his feet, and Tim assumes it's mostly his curiosity that makes him get up to follow Tim.

“Boys, you'll excuse me, I have a date with the Doc.” Person grins and bows exaggeratedly low to the other men who don't miss out on the opportunity to give teasing catcalls. “Pity there aren't any nurses to hold my hand. Really, why aren't there any nurses when you need them? I mean nurses that look like those hotties in short skirts from my porn collection - ”

Tim rolls his eyes and mostly ignores the ensuing monologue about nurses and clichés in porn. He walks over to the supply truck - the most secluded location around right now - where he makes Person sit down on the truck bed and take off his boots. His feet aren't as bad as some others Tim has seen in the past days, but he retrieves some gauze and a soothing ointment from his pack to treat the sore flesh appropriately. The entire time Person has never once stopped talking.

“Cut down on the Ripped Fuel, Person.” Tim interrupts Person's suggestions of how to create more diversity in porn. Tim keeps applying the ointment to Person's left foot, never looking up from his task.

The rather rude interruption doesn't throw Person in the least. He continues talking without even taking a breath, only the subject changes. “How would you even know I have any of that stuff? We're in the middle of nowhere – and in a fucking war zone on top of that – it's not like I can get it delivered after ordering online. Not to mention that the internet connection sucks, and the postal services are even worse, homes. Even FedEx doesn't deliver, just ask Brad where his mail-order turret is. Maybe I'm just a hyperactive person - ”

Tim cuts in before Person can go off on another rant. “You don't shut up when you've taken Ripped Fuel.”

“It's funny you say that, because Brad told me the same thing a few days ago. Actually, it was nights and not days, but that's - ”

“ _Person._ ” Tim doesn't even have to pretend to be annoyed to make his voice sound like it. “Shut the fuck up and listen. You cut down on that stuff or you're going to burn out long before we've even reached Baghdad.”

Person is silent all of the sudden and looks at him, gaze firm and serious. There's no sign of the hyperactive moron he behaved like only one minute ago. Instead there's a strange intensity to him that Tim hasn't seen before.

“I'd rather harm myself with too much Ripped Fuel than let the others die because I fall asleep at the wheel. I'm the RTO _and_ the driver of the point vehicle, Doc – if I screw up, chances are I get them all killed.” He shrugs, but his eyes belie the casualness of the gesture. “It's not like I can make up for the lack of sleep the natural way. So it's going to be Ripped Fuel for as long as it's necessary.”

Tim stares at Person, his frown deepening even more. He didn't expect such insight from Person, didn't expected such a sense of responsibility. It seems out of character for him, but then Tim reminds himself that he didn't really known Person before this deployment. He's never seen him _entirely_ clean, without any kind of stimulant in his bloodstream, and he's well aware that substances like Ripped Fuel can have character altering effects. All of that doesn't change the fact that he knows that Person's right, though. They all just have to pull through the lack of sleep, the exhaustion, the bad food, this screwed up mission, and everybody has their own ways of coping. Person's is a wall of bullshit and a lot of Ripped Fuel. Tim may not like it, may even condemn the latter from a professional point of view, but he has to admit that he doesn't see any other way, either.

“Try to take less of that stuff, Person, and sleep whenever you can.” Tim says after a long moment of silence when he begins to treat the right foot, going through the same procedure again. “I know that there's an additional strain on you as the driver and the RTO, but it's in your own interest to keep your body from shutting down for good.”

Person is quiet for some time. “I know.”

Tim finishes his treatment and watches Person bend down to put his socks back on. He looks up once he has tied his boots and catches Tim's gaze. “Thanks, Doc.”

Tim just gives him a nod and watches him hop off the truck bed and leave. He's not entirely sure what Person thanked him for, but he has the distinct feeling it's not just for the treatment of his sore feet.

Tim's gaze follows the silhouette retreating in the direction of the Humvee of One Alpha. The most he ever had to do with Person was when Tim took care of the burn on his face caused by Rudy's exploding stove, but apart from that he never paid Person much attention before. He didn't have to in order to hear him, though, because Person is loud and talking almost non-stop. When living in the same tent with him there was no way _not_ to hear him rant about the weirdest things with the strangest logic Tim has ever encountered. It's not something Tim particularly likes, so he never much cared for Person's company. 

As if to prove that first impression right, Tim hears Person's voice echo through the night when Person reaches his Humvee. “Boys, your Ray-Ray is back! Did you girls miss me?”

With a shake of his head Tim pulls off the latex gloves and packs up the materials he used. After tonight he's sure that there's more to Person than he lets on. Tim has the feeling that he just saw a side of the man that he usually doesn't show to anybody. A quiet side, thoughtful and responsible, a man who puts the lives and the welfare of his comrades first without ever having to think about it.

Tim sighs, shoulders his pack and picks up his M16 to return to his own Humvee. Well, he's just going to have to keep an eye on Person and make sure he doesn't overdo it. He's certain Person will take it as far as he has to, and then some - until he breaks down. Someone's going to have to keep that from happening.

Or be there to pick up the pieces.


	3. Observation - (Tim/Ray, implied Brad/Nate)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray observes.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Stupid.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

Ray stares at the stars through the holes in the camo net. He just can't stop the cacophony of 'stupid' that's running through his mind, repeating again and again like a broken CD. So maybe he was _a bit_ high on Ripped Fuel when the Doc pulled him aside, but that's no explanation for the incredible _stupidity_ of actually admitting it aloud. To a corpsman, of all people, who's kind of bound to report stuff like that.

Well, not that the Doc is such a stickler for rules. Ray has to think of his moustache and grins. The Doc's the only one who hasn't trimmed it down more and more, like Pappy or Wasik had to, and now that everybody was ordered to shave it off, he's the only guy in the entire company who's still sporting a moustache. The Doc clearly knows that since he's Navy he's technically not under Sixta's direct command and doesn't have to follow the grooming standard Godfather sets up. He almost seems to enjoy rubbing that into Sixta's face. Not that he shows that he enjoys it, the Doc's great at keeping a straight face - well, and a deep frown - but the action alone speaks volumes.

Back to the actual topic at hand. Ray _admitted_ to the _corpsman_ that he takes Ripped Fuel. That was stupid. Well, he established that point already. Doesn't harm to repeat it, though. He wonders if the Doc's going to report it or not. He has an inkling that he won't as long as Ray follows his advice – okay, let's be honest, his _order_ – to cut down on it and sleep whenever there's even the tiniest opportunity. So he should probably do that.

He's not doing a good job at it right now, though. He should be sleeping, not torturing his brain with all the possible outcomes of admitting to the Doc that he's high on Ripped Fuel most of the time. Well, all of the time. Never mind.

Sleeping. Right. Like, _now_ , because there are only about two hours left before they'll be on the road again and he'll have to drive for another day. And while he feels exhausted most of the time he's awake, now that he actually has the opportunity to sleep, his brain just doesn't want to shut up. Maybe the Ripped Fuel is working too well. Ray closes his eyes resolutely, trying to force his body into submission and making it fall asleep, never mind if his brain agrees or not.

It takes some time, but then it works. But when Brad shakes his shoulder to wake him up, Ray feels even more exhausted than he usually does, and he has already taken the first dose of Ripped Fuel before breakfast. That's probably not quite what the Doc had in mind, Ray thinks almost guiltily and glances around to find out if the corpsman saw him take the pills. As if to prove his fear correct, he finds the Doc glaring at him from where he's sitting on the hood of his Humvee with a MRE in his hand.

Shit.

Ray tries an apologetic smile, but he has the distinct feeling that it didn't do the job when the Doc's frown only deepens. He'll have to be more careful when and where he takes his Ripped Fuel, Ray decides and turns to where Walt and Trombley are sitting on the ground. When he leans with his back against the Humvee next to Walt, his oh-so-fantastic breakfast in his hands, he spots the Doc coming over to them, squatting down and leaning on his M16 while talking to Brad. He gives Ray a quick glance that Ray's pretty sure nobody else noticed. The Doc's great at subtle. Ray himself only noticed because he's actually watching the Doc to find out if he's going to say something about the Ripped Fuel thing - and maybe because he's slightly worried what the Doc will do if he finds out that Ray's not exactly cutting down like he was ordered to.

Throughout the day Ray can't quite suppress the occasional glance at the Doc. Okay, so maybe 'occasional' is not the correct word. He knows he's becoming paranoid, but regarding the amount of times the Doc's frowning at him when Ray turns to look, he's pretty sure he has every right to be paranoid. He started taking his Ripped Fuel only when he's in the Humvee _and_ driving, because there's no way the Doc can see him then considering that he's riding in the last victor of their convoy. At least he hopes so. The Doc has this all-knowing aura sometimes, and it's kind of creepy. Maybe it's a corpsman-thing, Ray muses before he bans all thoughts of omniscient docs from his mind in order to concentrate on the non-existent road. Once they abandon it, all his focus is taken up by the assault run on the airfield. 

Once they've dug in after the successful assault on the Qalat Sukhar airfield where nobody was left to assault, Ray finds himself watching the Doc more and more often. That morning the Doc is particularly pissed off after those shepherd boys that Trombley shot are brought in, even if they do get casevaced in the end. Later that day Ray watches the Doc walk to Two-Three's Humvee and one of the corpsman's hands is absently rubbing his neck and he rotates his shoulders before he sits down with his feet in a ranger grave, his back turned towards Ray. From then on, whenever the Doc catches his gaze, Ray doesn't turn away anymore, instead he just grins and sometimes he even raises his water bottle to the Doc as if to say cheers. One time Ray even has a full five mikes to watch the Doc lying on top of the Humvee with one arm draped across his eyes before the corpsman turns and catches his gaze, one eyebrow rising almost provocatively. Ray can't decide if he was granted those minutes on purpose or if the Doc really wasn't aware of Ray watching him.

Ray never had much to do with the man before - save for that burn on his face from Rudy's explosive espresso maker - and he always had the impression that Doc Bryan doesn't particularly like him. It never really bothered him, they're not on the same team, so it's not really important that they get along. Three nights ago when the Doc told Ray to cut down on the Ripped Fuel, though, there was _something_ about him that cut through Ray's shields as if they were nothing, that calmed Ray down and made him reply honestly where he usually never would have. He still can't say what _it_ was, but the fact that the Doc obviously never reported him vaguely reassures him that his instincts haven't failed him completely.

It's interesting how much Ray finds out about the silent corpsman once he starts watching him. Like that the Doc may frown and make snide remarks, but he keeps an eye on the men and he's infinitely patient when it comes to treating people, never mind whether they're Marines or Iraqi civilians. He's fiercely protective of everybody placed under his care and children take to him immediately. They seem to trust him from the moment they see him and he always has a reassuring words and a gentle smile for them. For a moment Ray wonders what it would feel like to have that smile directed at _him_.

Furthermore Ray notices that while the Doc is clearly liked and highly respected by the men and joins them often enough, he also actively seeks solitude from time to time. Then he will retreat somewhere in a reasonable distance and sit on his own, and everybody accepts it without ever commenting on it. Ray also realises that the Doc does that rubbing-his-neck-and-rotating-his-shoulders thing a lot, and it doesn't take him long to understand that the corpsman has a problem with a stiff neck and tense muscles. Ray can't help seeing the irony in that.

What surprises him most, though, is that he realises that the Doc's actually quite attractive. Not in your standard Calvin-Klein-model kind of way, but in the interesting-mysterious-silent-guy kind of way - although Ray decides he can't really evaluate the Doc's model qualities as long as he hasn't had the opportunity to inspect the man closely without the bulky uniform on, because he certainly never paid him such close attention before in the communal showers. All right, so the Doc has a rather handsome face and the moustache and that damn bandana work surprisingly well on him, but that's not the point. The point is that Ray never ever _wanted_ to notice those things about another guy – and no, Rudy doesn't count. Now that he _has_ noticed, he can't stop looking at the Doc, and that's rather unsettling. Ray's not gay, after all.

He's not, is he? Ray decides to conduct a little experiment to find out. So he watches Brad. It doesn't get any results. Okay, he _does_ find out a few things, but they don't really concern _him_ and his potential gayness. But he has to admit that it's rather reassuring to know that he's not the only one who can't stop looking at another guy. And Brad and the LT are _way_ more obvious than he is. They're practically eye-fucking each other, and while Ray is pretty sure they haven't done more than that, he's also sure they'd be humping like horny bunnies if they weren't inconveniently stuck in a combat zone with zero privacy. Oh, and that pesky little issue that they're CO and subordinate - and in the direct chain of command, to make things even worse, not to mention DADT. He decide to keep watching them, even if just to see how this soap opera will play out. It's bound to be interesting.

After his fruitless observation of Brad, Ray then watches Walt. He _is_ the Calvin-Klein-model kind of good-looking, and he's rather endearingly innocent and cute sometimes, but that's it. Nothing else. Zip, zilch, nada.

Ray doesn't even bother watching Trombley. Or Reporter, for that matter.

So, he decides, he's definitely not gay. After another round of watching a certain corpsman, he wonders if maybe he's just Doc-o-phile. Because there's no other explanation, really. None of the other men interest him even remotely - boy, is he relieved about that - but he could spend hours looking at the Doc. Not that he's ever done it, it's kind of impossible in their current situation. But that doesn't mean that he _wouldn't_ do it, given the opportunity. He can appreciate beauty in whatever form it comes. He's not blind, after all.

Wow, that's a thought he really _never_ wanted to have in connection to a guy. But he has to admit that the Doc has really nice arms, and Ray would absolutely _love_ to get a look at the rest of him, like, a _proper_ look, maybe in the showers with water running down his body... Ray's almost relieved when Walt interrupts his first combat jack, because there were definitely some images of a certain corpsman sneaking inbetween his standard jerk-off fantasies of pussy and tits. That supposed heavy armour attack gives him an excuse to abandon those weird, weird thoughts. Pity that it doesn't help for very long. 

By the next night Ray has come to the conclusion that some reconnaissance is in order. He has to gather intel in order to decide on how to proceed. Just staring at the Doc isn't going to resolve anything. At least he knows that the Doc is looking at him just as much as he's looking at the Doc, otherwise the corpsman would never be able to catch Ray almost every single time when he's glancing over for a second. As if to test his resolve, Ray sees the Doc walk beyond the camp boundaries, obviously looking for some privacy, his steps slow and casual, his hand rubbing his neck.

Ray stares after him, then he grins. No time like the present. He's going to find out what all this is about, and he already has a _great_ idea how he's going to do that. He smirks, satisfied with his plan, and gets up from where he's leaning against the Humvee.

He's a Recon Marine, after all. He might just as well use the skills Uncle Sam spent so much money on, Ray decides and makes his way over to where the Doc disappeared in the darkness.


	4. Favour - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim accepts an unexpected offer.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)   


It's dark, men are milling around the Humvees and in the free areas inbetween, preparing food and sitting together in groups. Tim's standing next to his Humvee and he feels the familiar urge to get away for a moment, to have a bit of peace and _quiet_. Sometimes he just needs the distance, and now is one of those occasions. 

He's still angry that Trombley didn't see what he did, didn't see the light in those boys' eyes fade more with every minute that passed, didn't hear their mother crying. War will always remain a game for that fucking trigger-happy kid, and he'll never learn his lesson if he's not confronted with the consequences of his actions. Tim's convinced that in the long run Brad didn't do the kid a favour by sparing him the sight. And while Tim understands why Brad takes the blame as the team leader who gave the order, he doesn't see why Trombley shouldn't have helped them carry the boys.

Tim looks around the airfield, taking in the positions of the men and the vehicles. He decides to turn towards the left where he knows there's a destroyed truck right at the boundaries of the camp. Its silhouette is illuminated ever so slightly, not quite light, not quite dark. It's all the privacy he's going to get.

While walking towards the destroyed truck Tim rotates his shoulders in an effort to relax his tense muscles. It's a curse, really, and no amount of training is able to keep the muscles in his back and his neck from cramping up. Especially his right shoulder is sometimes acting up, the one where he got shot a few years ago. He was lucky, though, it was a nice through-and-through, no structural or vascular damage. It healed just fine, but sometimes he still feels it. Tim sits down on the hood of the truck and closes his eyes, concentrating on the slow movements that usually help at least a bit.

He hears almost silent footsteps approaching from the camp right before a familiar voice says, “I give a terrific massage, Doc.”

Tim turns his head towards the speaker and finds Person standing next to the truck, a grin on his face.

“Sure, Person.” Tim replies dismissively, annoyed that his moment of peace has been disturbed. He can't help being slightly suspicious because he indeed noticed that Person's been watching him those past few days, and he's not entirely sure what the man is playing at.

“Come on, Doc, trust me.” Tim hears a serious note in Person's voice, well hidden under the joking tone, but there nonetheless. “You'll feel better afterwards.”

Tim stares at him with a frown. Person seems to get nervous under his gaze and begins to fidget subtly, and that's enough to convince Tim that Person is serious about his offer. He never gets nervous or fidgets when he's up to something.

“All right, Person.” Tim inclines his head. “Show me what you're capable of.”

Person's grin widens and he stretches his hands and fingers pointedly. “I'll make you forget your name, Doc. My hands are magical.”

Tim only snorts. “Talk, nothing but talk. I'll only believe it when I've experienced it.”

Person climbs onto the hood of the truck behind him and tugs on the back of Tim's flak jacket. “Take that off, or all my efforts will be for naught.”

“What, your famous hands aren't strong enough to get through a flak jacket?” Tim teases with a smirk while loosening the straps. “I'm disappointed, Person.”

“Wait until you feel the power of my magical hands, Doc.” Person replies and his voice has adapted a bragging tone. “You'll be a true believer afterwards.”

Tim just snorts again and sets his flak jacket down on the ground next to his right foot. “I don't feel a thing yet.”

“Tsk tsk tsk.” Person chides him. “Don't be so impatient, Doc. I thought corpsmen were supposed to be all calm and laid-back.”

“Rumours, Person, rumours.”

Only a moment later Tim feels hands settle on his shoulders. They try to dig in, but his uniform jacket bunches up under the pressure and Person makes an unhappy noise and straightens the fabric. He finds a different angle for his hands and presses down, but it only happens again, and this time Person huffs in outright frustration.

“Want me to take off my jacket as well?” Tim asks with a note to his voice that's half teasing, half mocking.

“It would help. I can't work my magic like that.” Tim feels through the hands that are still lying on his shoulders that Person is shrugging. “But it's your choice, Doc. I guess you know a thing or two about massages, so you _probably_ know that multiple layers of clothes aren't exactly beneficial.”

“All right.” Tim hesitates only for a second before he opens the jacket of his MOPP suit and pushes it off his shoulders to reveal the olive drab t-shirt underneath. He feels Person's hands on his neck only a moment later, and this time his grip is strong and sure, and his fingers dig into Tim's sore muscles with intent. It takes Tim by surprise, the pain-pleasure shooting through his back and leaving goosebumps in its wake.

“Oh God!” Tim couldn't have held back the groan if his life had depended on it.

“Magic.” Person remarks with a chuckle. “Told you so.”

Tim thinks he sounds smug, but his hands never falter, never lose their strength or their sure aim for Tim's sorest spots. After only a few minutes Tim feels as if his whole back is on fire, from his neck to the small of his back, but it's a good fire, relaxing his tense muscles for the first time in ages. His eyes have closed and he presses back into Person's hands almost unconsciously, lost in the sensation and the comfortable silence.

Only then does he realise that Person doesn't seem to have any problems being quiet when he's around Tim, and the silence doesn't feel awkward at all. It's comfortable in a way Tim rarely experiences. It makes him smile, and he allows himself to simply enjoy the admittedly fantastic massage he's given. He's not used to it, but for once he lets somebody else take care of _him_. It feels good, and he decides to enjoy it as long as it lasts and to recharge his batteries while he can. You never know when the opportunity comes along again.

“Where did you learn that?” Tim asks after a while, and he couldn't have said if it were minutes or hours.

Person is quiet, working on Tim's left shoulder blade, and when he finally replies, Tim can hear the smile in his voice. “My mom has a really bad back. I've given her more massages than I can count.”

He falls silent again, his hands finding the right spots without any trouble, pressing down with the perfect amount of strength, and the pressure of his fingers makes Tim relax and at the same time it causes goosebumps to spread all over his body. He takes a deep breath and concentrates on the soothing touch, never bothering to raise his head or open his eyes. When Person speaks again, his voice is low and Tim hears the smile again. “Her sore spots are almost identical to yours. That makes it even easier.”

As if to prove his point, his thumbs dig into Tim's shoulders, right where he always feels the sting when he's been carrying his pack for too long. Tim groans involuntarily, and Person chuckles.

“You're enjoying that, aren't you?” Tim growls, but he doesn't move away from the hands on his shoulders.

“Of course I am, Doc.” Person replies and the smirk is audible in his voice. “I don't think any of the men ever managed to get you to make those sounds.”

Tim snorts. “Most certainly not.”

“Well, _I_ managed.” Person's grin is obvious even if Tim can't see his face. “I told you my hands are magical.”

A moment later the quality of Person's touch changes, his hands are now resting flat on Tim's neck, slowly passing from his head over his shoulders and his arms down to his fingertips in one long, soothing movement. He repeats the touch several times, working his way over to Tim's back, gently stroking out the last kinks, easing off the tension and ending the massage like a trained physical therapist would. He definitely has some experience in this.

“Feel any better?” Person asks, his voice even lower than before. His hands trail down Tim's back, almost a caress, before they fall away. Tim's eyes are still closed and he's soaking up every moment of contact. He can't even remember the last time anybody touched him like that, caused goosebumps all over his body just by passing their hands over his arms and his back. He's not sure he likes that thought coming up in connection with _Person_ of all people, but there's no denying his body's reaction. When Person gets up and jumps off the hood of the truck Tim opens his eyes and straightens, an uneasy feeling in his stomach that he shoves aside resolutely. He's been alone for _way_ too long.

“A lot better, actually.” Tim replies and rotates his shoulders. He can't feel any aches other than some bruises where Person dug in extra hard. He looks up, one corner of his mouth raised in a half-smirk. “Thank you, Person.”

“You're welcome, Doc.” Person smiles - not smirks or grins, no, _smiles_ \- and holds out Tim's MOPP suit jacket. Tim feels something in his stomach shift in a way he hasn't experienced in a long time - seven years, to be exact - and he knows instantly that he's in trouble. He accepts the jacket and puts it on, just to have a reason to look away.

“I've got to get back to the guys.” Person says after a moment and turns to leave.

He has already taken a few steps before Tim looks up. “Person.”

Person turns back, an expression on his face that's somewhere between guarded and surprised. “Yeah?”

“You were right.” Tim admits with a smirk and wonders _what the hell_ he's doing. “Your hands _are_ magical.”

Person gives a startled laugh and a huge grin spreads over his face, replacing the guarded expression. “I'm always right, Doc. Remember that the next time I offer to do you a favour.”

Tim just chuckles. When Person turns and walks back towards the Humvees Tim thinks he can see a spring to his gait. Tim stares after him, his grin slowly transforming into a frown, and only a few minutes after Person left Tim decides to get back to his own team. Maybe it's better if tonight he _doesn't_ have the privacy to think about things he definitely shouldn't spend even _one minute_ thinking about. Not when they concern somebody in the forces. _Never_ when they concern one of his Recon Marines. It's against the rules he set up a long time ago.

When he gets up and puts his flak jacket back on he feels it press against a bruise that Person left on his right shoulder. Tim raises his hand and gently presses on the bruise to establish its size. He knows he will feel it for days, and he's slightly alarmed to discover that he doesn't mind at all.

Oh yes, he's in _serious_ trouble.


	5. Addiction - (Tim/Ray, implied Brad/Nate)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray realises some things.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


It's like an addiction. Even worse than his need for Ripped Fuel.

_Much_ worse.

Ray leans his head against the wheel of the Humvee and screws his eyes shut. It was a stupid idea, really. Seems he's prone to stupid ideas at the moment, especially when it concerns the Doc. What the _hell_ was he thinking? Feeling the Doc up under the pretence of a massage is so incredibly stupid that it blows the one-to-ten scale by about a hundred.

First of all, it's the Doc – the grumpiest, snarkiest, most deadly corpsman there is. What did Poke say again when they shipped out? Oh, yes, _'Doc Bryan is one of the most dangerous motherfuckers in the whole battalion, dawg, he's a fucking SARC'_. You don't mess with the Doc. Nobody does, not even the dumbest Marine in the whole fucking battalion. Apart from Ray, of course. He's even dumber than the dumbest Marine, then. He honestly thought that it was a _good idea_ to realise his personal recon mission by passing his hands all over the Doc and see how he'd react.

What worries Ray most is his _own_ reaction, though. He just has to close his eyes and he remembers what the Doc felt like under his hands, remembers the hardness of his muscles, remembers every damn moment his fingers passed over a sliver of bare skin that was warm to his touch. He also remembers the way the Doc leaned into his hands, remembers those dark, low, delicious sounds he made. Every single one of them sent shivers down Ray's back, caused goosebumps to spread all over his body. Ray was careful to keep a certain distance between the hard evidence of his body's reaction to those sounds and the Doc's back when they were sitting on the hood of the old truck. Shit, he has so much sensory input to enhance his jack-off fantasies now that he's worried that thinking about random pussy and tits will become difficult.

The worst, the _absolute worst_ , though, is that Ray wants to feel it again. Maybe he has to rethink the whole gay thing. But then, maybe not. 'Doc-o-phile' just sounds better, and this _thing_ is definitely exclusive to Doc Bryan.

Timothy.

Tim.

Hmm, that name sounds _good_ in his mind. He just so withstands the temptation to say it out aloud, because there's no way in hell he can gloss _that_ over should anybody hear him. It's tempting nevertheless. Not that he has any right to use the Doc's first name. He was never offered – no surprise here, considering that his relationship with the corpsman is only a few days old. They're not exactly friends. They're not even team-mates. Maybe 'relationship' isn't the entirely correct word. 'Mutual stalking' is more like it. The Doc stares – or glares – at Ray, Ray watches the Doc. Like some kind of silent agreement.

The shit really hits the fan after Poke shares his musings about the power of the mind and getting off without even touching yourself. At the time Ray thinks it's a load of bullshit. He should have known better. If he thought that his obsession with watching the Doc was bad before, he's taught that it can always get worse. It's as if his eyes have a mind of their own and don't listen to his brain at all. Ray has the feeling he developed some kind of sixth sense that's focussed entirely on the Doc - _Tim_ \- because he always just _knows_ when the corpsman is around. He knows even _before_ he looks, and that's downright creepy.

Add to that Poke's great musings on the power of the imagination and Ray's mind _really_ taking to the idea, and his dreams become pure torture. They're vivid and real in a way Ray never experienced before, and the worst is that they're not about pussy. Not _at all_. Not one pussy in the whole wide dreamscape of his. Instead, there's Tim.

_A lot_ of him. In very _inspiring_ positions. With and without his gear. His brain certainly makes good use of the sensory input Ray got from that massage.

After the first one of those dreams Ray has to admit that maybe Poke's theory isn't entirely bullshit. Okay, so maybe Ray didn't come from the dream, but he's honest enough to admit - at least to himself - that it's a close call. One touch of the real Tim and he would have been a goner. Even if it was just a kick to the head – and isn't _that_ pathetic?

Ray's glad when they're back on the road again and he has to admit that he's actually relieved that the time he spends asleep is reduced to half-hour-naps here and there. Even _his_ mind doesn't get the dreams going in half an hour of dozing. Lucky him, because there's no way the others won't notice what's going on if he's 'graced' with a hot Doc-dream while they're piled up next to each other in the Humvee.

What makes matters worse, though, is that he gets more and more visual input to feed his dreams. Tim being on the same platoon means that Ray sees him a lot. Okay, okay, so _maybe_ he's specifically looking for him. During their road block in Al Hayy Ray can't help noticing for the umpteenth time that Tim looks _smoking hot_ with his weapon at the ready, and for some reason he finds it especially sexy that Tim carries his M16 with the 203 launcher underslung which is commonly used by officers and team leaders. Tim's the kind of kick-ass warrior healer that you hear stories about, but rarely ever meet. He's just as perfect with a gun as he is with a stethoscope. When Ray has ample time to watch him during the road block, he does so even if he knows it's not good for his peace of mind.

Okay, maybe he's _a bit_ gay for the Doc. Just a tiny bit.

Ray sighs. Right now he could really use some of the weed they found in the hamlet earlier that day. Pity Brad's so bent on being decent and not destroying the Haji's livelihood. As if one little pack would have made such a big difference for them. It _really_ could have helped Ray out, though. And some other guys, too. It's not like he's greedy or anything, he would have shared. Maybe that's why Brad didn't let him take it. A whole platoon of severely sleep deprived Recon Marines high on local weed and they would all behave like Trombley. Probably there wouldn't be much left of the platoon afterwards. Or of this whole fucking country.

Ray snorts to himself, amused by the idea of Captain America on weed. He wonders if that guy can actually get any worse than he already is. Probably not. The Doc - _Tim_ \- on weed would be interesting, though, Ray thinks with a rather dirty smirk. Maybe he'd participate in the realisation of some of Ray's dreams, then. Ray can name several things he'd like to try.

Before Ray can spend any more time musing on his little obsession with the corpsman, The Epic Clusterfuck of Muwaffaqiyah happens. Ray capitalises it in his mind because he just _can't believe_ the stupidity of it all. He doesn't even find the words to rant about it, there just are no words for such incompetence. The worst is the roadblock and Walt shooting civilians and losing all his cheer. It's enough to keep Ray's mind occupied, but there's still this _awareness_ of the Doc, and Ray finds himself looking when he feels that Tim's around. It's his own way of finding a moment of positive energy in all this shit, because seeing Tim, even if only for a moment and all bunched up in his gear and his usual frown firmly in place, makes Ray feel better. He can't say why, doesn't have the time or the nerve to think about it, he just takes it for the good thing it is. You don't question the few good things that keep you going, not when at war. So Ray doesn't.

When they've stopped at the POG camp and Ray has shut off the engine, he quickly looks inside the brown plastic bottle he keeps hidden in the Humvee and frowns. He's running out of Ripped Fuel, and he knows there's no way to restock. He's going to have to ration it, because the war's not over yet and he _has_ to keep going. Without Ripped Fuel he'll go down due to exhaustion at some point sooner or later. Probably sooner rather than later. So that night Ray dares to really sleep for the first time in days. There's enough distance between him and the man lying next to him – Walt in this case – that he allows himself to indulge in sleep. The dreams come, just like he knew they would, and for once he embraces them. He enjoys every moment of the Tim-induced hotness that his mind comes up with, and he decides he can learn a thing or two from his own imagination. The next morning, when Walt wakes him with a smirk on his lips and a mischievous gleam in his eyes, Ray knows that some of what he dreamt about must have shown. He really hopes he didn't talk in his sleep or groaned suspiciously male names. Like 'Tim'.

“Slept well?” Walt asks, his smirk deepening, but he doesn't say anything else on the matter. Ray's incredibly grateful for it because he really doesn't think he can come up with any convincing excuses about dreams full of tight pussy. Not after the things his mind just showed him. Tim's definitely _not_ pussy. No doubt about that. Ray grins at the memories of his dreams, then he gets up to find some breakfast.

It's sometime later that he sees Brad run through the field, arms raised as if he's pretending to be a plane. A rather strangely coloured plane. Ray spots the LT among the men watching Brad's rather weird behaviour, and Ray doesn't miss the way the LT's eyes seem glued to Brad or how there's a tiny smile tugging on his lips. Yeah, Ray's definitely not the only one with a serious guy crush in this platoon.

Ray stops next to Reporter who's watching Brad with a puzzled expression.

“What did you do to him?” Ray asks, honestly surprised at Brad's sudden display of insanity.

Rolling Stone shrugs. “Just asked him what he would be if he wasn't a Marine.”

Ray's gaze follows Brad, who's running in a long semi-circle through the high grass. Only a moment later his eyes land on Tim who's lounging on the open bed of Two-Three's Humvee with his back resting comfortably against his pack and a book in hand, watching Brad with a bemused frown. It's interesting how many different frowns Tim has, Ray thinks. Reporter's question is still fresh in his mind while his gaze lingers on the Doc. What would _Ray_ do if he wasn't a Marine? Right now? He'd grab Tim and jump him. Right here in front of everybody. Screw DADT. And then screw Tim. Or let Tim screw him, he hasn't entirely decided on that matter yet. Maybe just do both. Not at the same time, though, that's physically impossible.

As if he's sensing Ray's eyes on him, Tim turns his head and catches Ray's gaze, the half-smirk half-frown expression still on his face. Ray feels a shiver run down his spine, icy and hot at the same time - and don't ask him how _that_ is physically possible - and all the images left over from his fading dream come crashing down on him. Ray has to swallow hard against the sudden lump in his throat and he licks his lips in a gesture that's as much nervous as it's hungry. He feels heat in his cheeks and he's slightly troubled at the possibility that he's _blushing_.

Shit.

Shit, shit, _shit_.

When Brad comes to his senses and tells Ray to get the team together, Ray has never in his life been so grateful to be ordered to move. The Doc - _Tim_ \- is still looking at him when Ray turns to leave, and Ray's hyperaware of the goosebumps that are spreading all over his body at the feeling of Tim's gaze on him.

Ray's relieved when the order comes through that they're going to move north to Baqubah. He's glad to get out of the POG camp and to be back in the game, but more than anything he's glad to be out of the Doc's intense gaze. Ray feels as if it burns him every time it finds him, and he's worried that Tim was actually able to read on his face what Ray thought about right before he'd turned around to follow Brad's order to gather the team. That Tim _knows_ that Ray kind of has the hots for him. It would be worse than a worst case scenario. Ray resolutely bans all thought of it as soon as they cross the magic line. There are more pressing matters to take care of right now. He grabs the bottle of Ripped Fuel and downs the last few pills. It'll have to do.

It's the next day, when they're on their way back south and shortly before Baghdad, that Ray feels the effects of the Ripped Fuel wear off for good and exhaustion take over. His limbs feel heavy and he's so tired that he could fall asleep on his feet. He's infinitely glad that they've stopped some time ago, and he's sitting on the ground, leaning with his back against the Humvee, when he sees the Doc walk over to him. His gaze is focussed on Ray, passing over him as if checking his status without asking a question or taking his vitals. Tim stops close to Ray, then he squats down right next to him, a frown on his face. Ray's not even surprised anymore that he can easily recognise it as Tim's concerned frown. He's become good at reading Tim.

“You need to sleep.” The Doc says without beating around the bush, his voice very quiet. “Allow yourself a moment of rest, Ray.”

Ray looks up to find Tim's worried gaze directed at him. It's not the Doc's concern that surprises him, though, it's the fact that the corpsman used his first name - well, his second name, really, but he won't go split hairs now. The important thing is that Tim called him 'Ray', and he's never done that before. Not once.

Huh. Interesting.

“I can't.” Ray replies after a moment that lasted too long, and he can't say if it's due to surprise or exhaustion. “I'm the driver.”

“Hasser is good at the wheel, Ray, and you need to recharge. Do it as long as you still can.” Tim's gaze is intense, and although Ray kind of wants to turn away, he also doesn't. “There won't be much rest once we arrive in Baghdad.”

“Walt doesn't have the experience with the Humvee.” Ray tries to object, although he knows the Doc's right.

“Your experience isn't worth jack shit once you fall asleep at the wheel.” Now there's a tense note to Tim's voice, and his frown shifts from worried to annoyed. “I know you don't have any Ripped Fuel left. Your body is at the end of its rope, Ray. Don't push it when it's not necessary.”

Ray doesn't reply to that, partly because there's nothing to say and partly because he's still focussed on the way his name sounds coming from Tim. He likes it, it feels even better than when dream-Tim said it.

“Trust your team. They will cover for you.” Tim's hand comes to rest on Ray's shoulder and squeezes. His gaze is locked with Ray's, intense and dark and real. “Get some sleep, Ray.”

Ray wants to close his eyes and lean into the comforting touch on his shoulder, but with one final squeeze, Tim gets up and leaves. Ray remains where he is, lets his head fall back to rest against the tyre, and stares off into the distance. Close by he can see Walt looking out over the street. Ray takes a deep breath, then he heaves himself off the ground and walks up to him. He stops next to him, then he bumps his shoulder against Walt's. “Hey Walt. You mind driving?”

Walt turns to look at him, surprise in his gaze, then he grins. “Not at all. Actually, I'd love to.”

Ray returns the grin and feels relief spread through his entire body. He's so exhausted that he begins to doze off as soon as he's sitting in the back seat, Trombley on the gun, Walt at the wheel. Tim was right, Ray thinks while he's drifting off. His team didn't hesitate a single second to cover for him.

Before sleep takes over Ray wonders if Tim's going to be in his dreams again.


	6. Silence - (Tim/Ray, implied Brad/Nate, implied Rudy/Pappy)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim watches and worries.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)   


In Baghdad, Ray falls silent.

Tim notices it immediately. Ever since that massage at the airfield thirteen days ago his senses seem to have tuned to Ray more than to anybody else. He's been aware of Ray's accelerating downward spiral for the past few days, watched him gather his last energy reserves and still succumb to exhaustion more and more with every day that passed. And it's not just his body that's spent almost beyond its limits, although the Ripped Fuel Ray kept ingesting those past weeks definitely took its toll. On top of that Ray seems withdrawn, the frown on his face doesn't leave at all anymore and he's keeping to himself instead of mingling with the guys. Those are all warning signs, and Tim can read them loud an clear.

Tim can't help worrying. He knows Ray's silence isn't a good sign, and he suspects that the time to pick up the pieces is fast approaching. He doubts that the breakdown can be prevented. It's bound to happen as an outlet for all the tension that Ray amassed throughout the tour, and all Tim can do is to be there and keep the damage to a minimum. So Tim makes sure to keep an eye on Ray. When he watched Ray get into the back seat for the final leg of the journey to Baghdad, he was in equal measure relieved that Ray took the opportunity to rest and worried about the fact that Ray admitting to his exhaustion meant that he had to be even worse off than Tim thought. It's like a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach, and it takes Tim a while to recognise it as real and profound worry for somebody he cares about.

There's more to it, though. Tim noticed that Ray's been watching him even more than before the massage at the Qalat Sukhar airfield, and the quality of his gaze has changed. It's not something obvious, and Tim's pretty sure none of the other Marines have picked up on it. It's subtle, as if there's a new layer to Ray's gaze that makes heat spread through Tim's whole body every time he catches those brown eyes. It makes Tim aware of how dangerous this _thing_ can become, for both of them. 

In order to avoid a situation like that Tim set up some rules when he joined the Navy. Number one is not to allow the men he's responsible for to come too close, not to care for them beyond a professional relationship. He knows they can die any moment, and losing friends is harder than losing a fellow warrior. So Tim makes sure to keep his distance. Rule number two is that he will _never ever_ get involved with somebody in the forces, especially not a Marine. Never mind whether they're female or male - and considering that Tim's bisexual, he always knew he'd have to be extra careful with the latter. It's bound to create unpleasant situations, and in case of it being a man, it can not only end his career, but also endanger both of their lives. Tim doesn't want to have to deal with such unnecessary complications on top of the shit he has to experience on a daily basis.

And then comes Ray and messes with his rules. Worse even, Tim _let_ him. First he began to pay special attention to Ray. Of course it was only in his function as the corpsman, he told himself. But it quickly turned into a habit to watch Ray, and Ray actually watching Tim in return didn't do anything to ease the tension. Then he allowed Ray to touch him. Agreeing to the massage was a fatal mistake, and Tim knows that now. It sparked things that were only shadows before, made them real. It gave him a taste of what he shouldn't want. Ray's hands on him, sometimes even on his bare skin, are a memory he can't forget, can't lock away in the back of his mind. It comes out when his guard is down, in the rare moments of sleep or when he's dozing in the sun for a few minutes.

It didn't stop there, though. Tim began to call him 'Ray' instead of 'Person' in his mind. The transition came silently, and he only noticed when it was too late to undo the change. It was only after he told Ray to get some sleep before they reached Baghdad that Tim realised he'd called him 'Ray' out aloud. He can't take that back without making a complete fool out of himself, and he hates himself for slipping up like that. It tells him how deep in trouble he already is, because whether he likes it or not, he's definitely attracted to Ray, and he's pretty sure it's mutual. 

It's only remotely comforting to know that he's not the only guy in the platoon to be in violation - or almost-violation - of DADT. Since Tim is naturally observant and on top of that it's his job to know the men's quirks, he's very well aware of the fact that there other guys in the platoon who are either attracted to one of their comrades or are even already together. For one there are Brad and the LT, who have such an intense connection that Tim would know about their mutual attraction even without their constant eye-fucking. Tim's pretty sure nothing actually happened between them yet, not just because of the rather inconvenient situation of them being in a combat zone, but also because Tim's convinced that the LT would have serious reservations about the chain of command issue with Brad being his subordinate. Yet that attraction is clearly there, and it's been there from the very beginning as far as Tim can tell. When Tim was assigned to Bravo Two in December 2002, the LT was also still new to the platoon, but this off-the-chart chemistry with Brad was already firmly in place. It's a bit like Rudy and Pappy - who Tim actually _knows_ are a couple, not that he'd ever breathe a word about it - although those two are so fucking open about it that most of the men don't even think about it twice, it's just a given. Many probably aren't even sure if it's true because Rudy and Pappy are _too_ open about it for it to actually be correct, right? It never ceases to amaze Tim how twisted the ways are in which most people think.

The time they spend in Baghdad is even worse than the weeks beforehand. On top of the constant worry for Ray Tim feels the war-torn city weigh on him more and more with every neighbourhood they pass, every child's eyes that look at him with an expression no child should ever have. He wishes he could take all their bad memories and erase them, could give them their childhood back and allow them to be careless and happy, to play with their friends without any knowledge of bombs and bullets. He knows it's not going to happen.

Tim reaches the end of his patience on their third day in Baghdad when Christopher tells him that grown men are stealing candy from the sick kids waiting in line to be treated by him. It sparks a nameless rage inside him and he's on his feet and outside the medical tent within seconds. He shoves the men back, clearing a circle around the line of sick children and their parents, and out of the corner of his eye he notices Ray joining him. Ray's expression is dark with anger in a way Tim has never seen on him before, and Tim's not sure if it's the shoving or Ray's barely restrained rage that makes the men back off. Although Tim feels the same helpless anger in his chest, he throws Ray a warning gaze, telling him with his eyes to stay cool, to keep his calm. Any violence coming from the American side against civilians in this city full of scared, desperate and angry people is bound to end in bloodshed. Nobody wants that to happen.

When they have to take down the medical tent in order to retreat, Tim feels his insides clench at the sight of the children he leaves behind. He's vaguely relieved that the LT gave him enough time to have a look at all the kids who came to them, but he knows it won't help much in the long run. What they're doing here is no real help, it's nothing more than scratching an itch and then leaving it to infect even further. Tim hates the madness of war, hates what it does to the innocent caught in the middle, especially the children. In moments like these he wonders why he's doing this to himself, why he's still in the forces going through this shit again and again. But then he remembers the brave little girl who was in his care for a huge infected flesh wound on her right arm. She was maybe five or six years old, but she didn't cry at all when he cleaned out the wound which he knows must have hurt terribly. She just gave him a huge smile when he offered her a candy bar afterwards, honest joy in her large brown eyes. _That_ is why he's still doing this. Maybe it doesn't matter in the long run, but at that moment, for that little girl, he made a difference.

It's long dark when they reach the power plant in the east of the city. It's not running anymore, which is the reason why there's no electricity in huge parts of Baghdad. Tim knows they're only here to spend the night in relatively safe quarters, not because they're supposed to do something to re-establish power. It's not their mission. He hates this sentence with a passion.

The Humvees are parked inside the large hall that's part of the power plant, offering at least some shelter against the nightly bullets and mortars. Tim joins the group checking out the perimeter, he needs to move around a bit to burn off the restless energy that built up during the day. He doesn't feel ready to settle down for some hours of sleep, although he's well aware that's what he should do, take all the rest he can get. When they've completed their rounds and have reported to the LT, Tim splits from the men and walks off the same way they've taken for their rounds. He needs some privacy, a moment to regain his centre.

He's rather surprised when he notices one of the men leaning against the wall a short distance down the long corridor that leads to multiple little chambers that once served as offices and storage room. It takes him less than a second to recognise Ray, his head resting against the wall, his eyes closed. Tim makes sure his footsteps are loud enough that he doesn't startle Ray, then he approaches slowly until he comes to stand in front of him.

Ray doesn't react to his presence although Tim is absolutely certain that Ray knows he's there. Tim takes the opportunity to look at Ray, _really look_ , and he's not happy with what he's seeing. Although Ray is still holding onto his M4 the way that's ingrained in all of them, his posture is slack in exhaustion rather than relaxation. His throat is exposed by the way his head is tilted back to rest against the wall, and for some reason that gesture makes him look even more exhausted, but on more than just the physical plain. The dark circles under his closed eyes only add to the impression, and the lines on his forehead and around his mouth seem deeper than before. Tim finds himself thinking that he'd much prefer to see Ray's dimples instead, the ones that come out when Ray's smiling and that Tim noticed he can't help but find utterly attractive. 

When Ray still hasn't shown any sign of reacting after a minute, Tim decides it's time to address him. He keeps his voice low and soothing when he asks, “Ray?”

Ray's eyes snap open and suddenly he's pushing Tim backwards. He takes Tim totally by surprise, probably the only reason why Ray manages to shove him through one of the multiple doors before Tim has any time to even consider reacting. His back hits the opposite wall of the closet-like storage space at the same time that Ray kicks the door shut behind them. Not even a second later Ray's right up in Tim's personal space, his hands clenched into fists in the collar of Tim's uniform, and he's pulling Tim down at the same moment that he raises his head. He captures Tim's lips in an open-mouthed kiss that's almost desperate, pressing against Tim from head to toe, all lean strength and tense muscles.

Tim takes a sharp breath in shock and suddenly his mind is overwhelmed with Ray's scent, his feel and his taste, and Tim returns the kiss without giving it any thought. He tilts his head to get a better angle and opens his mouth to the invading tongue, meeting it with the same fierceness. Ray makes an almost broken little sound deep inside his throat and melts against Tim's body, pressing him back into the wall. Something inside Tim gives way and all the pent up tension, all the desire that has been growing ever since the airfield shoots through his entire system with blinding force. Tim's arms come up on their own accord and his left arm wraps around Ray's waist to pull him in while his right hand is finding its way into Ray's hair. The short strands feel soft under his fingers, and he cards through them, profoundly enjoying the sensation. God, he's been wanting to do this for the past two weeks.

Ray presses against him, all quiet and intense, his hands cupping Tim's jaw to deepen the kiss even further. He's demanding in a way that betrays his despair, his need to feel, to reassure himself of life, and Tim understands this craving only too well. It's been his companion for so long, and only now, with Ray in his arms, Ray's tongue in his mouth and his fingers buried in Ray's hair, does the feeling begin to fade. It makes him feel light-headed and grounded at the same time, and when Ray's mouth leaves Tim's to wander down his jaw to his throat, Tim lets his head fall to the side to grant him better access. Ray growls, low and raw, and Tim feels teeth dig into the skin right below his collarbone. The pain shoots through him, but instead of turning him off, it causes his arousal to climb to unexpected heights.

“Ray, what the fu-”

“Josh.” Ray interrupts him, breathing the word against the skin of Tim's collarbone, right below the spot he just marked.

“What?” Tim's brain's not working properly and he frowns in concentration as well as confusion.

“It's my first name.” Ray replies, his voice so rough and quiet that it's almost inaudible, and his tongue trails over the spot where Tim feels the dull throbbing of the bite mark. A wave of _something_ passes through Tim at the sudden realisation that he's offered something special, something so private Ray hasn't granted it to anybody else in the Corps.

“Josh.” Tim repeats after a moment, his lips close to Ray's ear, wanting to find out what the name feels like on his tongue. A shiver runs through Ray's body underneath his fingers, and that's the moment when Tim decides that he _really_ likes that name. He touches his lips to Ray's ear, almost a kiss, and asks quietly, “What do you need, Josh?”

“I need...” Ray looks up, his eyes wild and dark and insecure, as if he doesn't know how to go on, how to put in words what he needs. “I need to feel...”

Tim holds his gaze, his fingers passing over Ray's cheek in a reassuring caress. He cradles Ray's jaw in a grip that's firm and gentle at the same time, and bends down so that he can touch his nose to Ray's. “I know.”

Ray shifts even closer, and Tim gives in to his own need to feel and catches Ray's mouth with his own. It's only a whisper of a touch at first, a caress of lips on lips; reassurance, comfort, understanding. A promise.

Ray's eyes close and he groans against Tim's lips, then he pushes him against the wall again and deepens the kiss, makes it real and hungry. Tim responds to the change immediately, caught in the intensity that surrounds Ray. It's almost too much, and yet it's not enough. He feels Ray's hands loosening the fastenings of Tim's flak jacket, then the fingers work on his uniform jacket. The movements are frantic, almost desperate to reach skin. Only a moment later Ray's flat hand settles on Tim's side, shoved under the t-shirt, now resting on his bare skin.

Tim can't contain the shiver that the touch causes to run through him and he presses into Ray's hand, seeks more contact. He separates from Ray only long enough to get rid of his own flak jacket and his uniform jacket, then he concentrates on removing Ray's. He knows it's risky, incredibly so, maybe even stupid, but that doesn't change the fact that he knows Ray needs this, _he_ needs this. They both do, and that's more important than the risk they take by doing this in a storage room in a power plant in Baghdad, only some thirty metres away from the other men. Yet Tim knows that getting entirely naked is _not_ an option, not here, not when the call for the next mission can come at any second. So he just pulls Ray's t-shirt out of his pants and pushes his hands underneath it, never removing it. Ray seems to think along the same lines, it's something they've both been trained to remember even when their brains shut off.

And Tim's brain _has_ shut off, he's not thinking anymore, he's feeling. The way Ray moves against him and rubs against the thigh Tim pushed between his legs tells him that the same is true for Ray. Their kisses have become deeper and dirtier, their touches more daring. Tim's hands have found their way under the waistband of Ray's pants and have settled on his butt, supporting the movement of his groin against Tim's thigh, encouraging it. Tim can't keep some remote corner of his corpsman-brain from noticing that he can fit his hands underneath Ray's waistband even without undoing the fly, a sign for how much weight Ray must have already lost during this tour. 

He's quickly distracted by the way Ray's panting against his neck, right where he bit Tim, and his fingers are passing all over Tim's body wherever he can reach bare skin. They find his sides and Tim feels his fingertips trace blindly along the long scar running down his ribcage, a reminder of a bullet that grazed Tim's left side during his second tour to Afghanistan. Then Ray's hands wander up his chest and his fingertips halt over the entrance wound of the through-and-through on Tim's right shoulder, another reminder of that second tour to Afghanistan, before they continue over his arms and his back to his butt, stroke over his stomach and up his chest again, attentive and frantic at the same time, as if Ray wants to simultaneously touch him all over and learn his body's shape and feel by heart. It's intoxicating.

Before Tim realises what's happening Ray's right hand finds a way inside Tim's pants and wraps around his erection. His vision blanks and his mouth opens in a mindless groan. “ _Fuck_ , yes...”

“Shhh.” Ray hushes and presses his lips to Tim's, almost as if he wants to keep him from making any more loud noises by swallowing them. They have to be quiet, Tim _knows_ they have to be, but it's difficult, so incredibly difficult. It takes all of his discipline not to groan out aloud again, and he deepens the kiss to tell Ray by touch what he can't express through sound. Ray's hand on him feels so fucking good, his grip maybe just a tad tighter than Tim usually likes it, but right now he doesn't mind at all, to the contrary, it only intensifies his pleasure. It's strange how this very simple touch makes him see stars when it normally would take far more to make him lose his mind like this.

Ray begins to move his hand slowly and experimentally in a way that tells Tim that he's new to this and that he needs a moment to find a rhythm. His mouth leaves Tim's to fasten on the spot below Tim's collarbone that he marked before, and he nips on the skin and drives Tim crazy with the combination of pain and pleasure. It's exactly what he needs, and Tim's hips buck and he thrusts into Ray's fist, his own hands clawing into Ray's butt without realising it. It takes Ray's harsh gasp against his throat paired with him pressing his hard dick against Tim's thigh to remind Tim that he wants Ray to feel what he feels, that he wants to make him forget the world for a moment and live only in the pleasure of touch.

Tim gathers all the concentration he has left and forces his hands to let go of Ray's very nice ass to move towards Ray's fly instead. He opens it and lets his right hand slip inside the pants, and his fingers close around Ray's erection without hesitation, feeling his size and weight before Tim moves his hand in the way he knows works best. It's not the first time he's doing this, after all, and when Ray's hips buck almost violently and he can't hold back a hoarse groan, Tim smirks. 

“ _Tim_..." It's the very first time Tim hears Ray say his first name, and the intonation of mindless desire that colours it makes him shiver with desire. He gives Ray's dick another jerk and traces his thumb over the leaking tip, and that makes Ray groan his name again. "Oh fuck... _Tim_!”

Ray's hand loses its rhythm and his mouth opens in another barely suppressed groan. Tim shifts and pulls Ray closer with the left hand on his waist, aligning their erections. Then his right hand closes over Ray's, and the slide of skin against skin, hot and pulsing and wet with precum, is enough to make Ray go wild. His breathing turns as frantic as the movements of his hips, and his left hand finds the nape of Tim's neck, holding on for dear life, while the right moves with Tim's in perfect sync. Tim allows himself to get lost in the intense pleasure and lets his head come to rest on Ray's shoulder, turning his face so that his nose presses against the skin of Ray's neck and he can breathe in his scent, and fuck, he smells _so good_. Ray moves against him, with him, in their entwined hands, passionate and hard and _real_ , and Tim tightens his grip on their erections and speeds up the pace because he knows they're both close.

“Tim... yes...” The sound of his name in Ray's voice, hoarse and rough with pleasure, is enough to send Tim over the edge. He comes with such an intensity that he has to bite his lip really hard in order to keep the groan quiet. He feels Ray's body tense against his, feels his hot breath on his neck, feels Ray's dick pulse in his hand, feels the wetness on their entwined fingers. Tim's knees want to give out, and it's only his deeply ingrained discipline along with the support of the wall in his back that makes him remain upright. Ray has sagged against him, breath coming in pants that are almost in sync with Tim's, and they both simply remain where they are. Tim guesses that he's not the only one whose brain needs a moment to regain functionality, and he doesn't mind staying like this for a little while longer. Ray's closeness, his scent and his taste are alluring, and somehow Tim just _knows_ that what they just did wasn't only a way to release tension.

Not for him.

Not for Ray.

It's been building for weeks, and it's not going to end now. It's only going to get more intense, and Tim feels a shiver run down his spine. He doesn't bother to raise his head from where it's resting on Ray's shoulder when he speaks. “We're in serious trouble, Josh.”

He feels Ray nod, his hand still resting on the nape of Tim's neck, his fingers under the bandana in his hair. “Yip, we are.”


	7. Aftermath - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray's having a Big Gay Epiphany – in a closet.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)   


All right, so he's not the only one prone to stupid decisions. Good to know.

The small storage room is mostly dark in the night without any electricity for the lights. It's almost quiet this far away from the men, only random sounds from their camp inside the power plant filter through, along with the gunfire outside. Ray's breath has begun to calm down after that spectacular orgasm - the first one not induced by his own hand in _way_ too long - but he hasn't bothered moving away from Tim who's still leaning heavily against the wall at his back.

Tim's right, they're really in _serious_ trouble.

Ray takes a deep breath and with it he inhales the scent of Tim's skin where his nose is resting against his neck. Damn, he never thought he'd _ever_ think that, but Tim smells incredibly good. Ray suppresses a snort. Something is seriously wrong with him. He never particularly liked the smell of male sweat before, but suddenly he does. As long as it's Tim's, anyway.

Shit, he sounds like a lovesick pussy.

Out of the blue he's hit with the sudden urge to taste Tim's skin again and without giving it any thought Ray shifts his head a little so that he can trail his tongue over the skin of Tim's collarbone. Just because he can.

The reaction is immediate. Tim shudders against him and takes a sharp breath, his hand on Ray's waist pulling him in.

“Josh...” Tim's voice is low and dark against Ray's ear, his breath warm against Ray's skin. Now it's up to Ray to shiver. He can't help it, it's just that his first name coming from Tim, his voice holding that particular shade of breathlessness, does things to his insides he will never be able to explain. Or will ever _try_ to explain, because he'd be a total chick if he ever said those things aloud. That doesn't make them any less true, though.

No, Ray corrects in his mind, they aren't just in _serious_ trouble. They're in so much trouble he can't even find the words to define _how_ much.

Ray thinks he should feel bad about this, should panic or get all in denial. Because what they just did - what _he_ just initiated - is as gay as it gets. His hand is covered in come, for fuck's sake, and it's _not_ just his own. Shocking as it is, he finds he doesn't care right now, though. Can't, not with his face buried against Tim's neck, with the feeling of Tim's body pressed against his and Tim's scent in his nose. It makes him feel comfortable, satisfied, _safe_ , and the firm grip of Tim's hand on his waist reassures him that he's not the only one feeling it.

Well, the fact that Tim's here with him _at all_ is pretty much all the reassurance he needs. Tim is as level-headed as a person can be in this whole fucking insanity that is this deployment. He's certainly not the type to take such great risks for his career or his life just to satisfy a physical craving. And he has the strength and the skill to fight Ray off if he really wants to, Ray doesn't doubt that for a moment.

“Stop thinking so loudly, Josh.” Tim's voice is tinged with amusement, and when he presses his lips against Ray's neck, Ray can feel him smirk. “We're already in over our heads. The only thing we can do now is being really _really_ careful.”

“So it wasn't just me imagining things.” Ray cringes inwardly at those words as soon as he says them. They slip out before he thought about what they imply, and he hates how they make him sound like an insecure, lovesick teenage girl with a major crush.

Tim's quiet for a moment, as if he's considering how to answer - or if he should answer at all, Ray guesses - but when he speaks his voice is firm. “No, it wasn't just you.”

Ray feels himself relax against Tim, a tension leaving his body that he wasn't even consciously aware of. “Good to know.”

Tim chuckles - and how pathetic is it that Ray could listen to that sound for hours - and bites Ray's earlobe. "Do you really think I'd allow every horny whiskey tango Marine to jump my bones?"

Ray grins against the skin of Tim's neck. "I sure hope not. I don't want to have to beat up the whole battalion."

Tim just snorts. "I'm not a girl, Josh. You don't have to defend my honour."

"Who says I want to defend your honour?" Ray turns his head and lightly bites the skin below Tim's collarbone where a prominent dark mark has begun forming. "I just don't like to share."

"Possessive, aren't we?" There's a sarcastic tone to Tim's voice, but Ray doesn't miss the way it's darker and more gravelly than usual. Or that the grip of Tim's hand on Ray's waist tightens marginally at his words instead of pushing Ray away.

Ray doesn't reply, he just bites Tim again. He doesn't really know _how_ to reply. He's never been serious enough about anybody to be possessive. Sure, he wouldn't like his girl - whoever the girl of the week might be - getting it on with any other guys, but once they're over, he doesn't really care anymore. And now here he is, after his first hand job with a _guy_ , and he already knows deep down that he would go berserk should anybody else touch Tim like he just did.

That reaction is kind of scary, actually.

Ray decides not to think about it - at least not now - and scrapes his teeth over Tim's collarbone. Tim lets his head fall back until it's resting against the wall and he bares his throat even more to grant Ray better access. There's _something_ about the gesture that makes a shiver run through Ray's entire body. He opens his mouth and trails his tongue along the sharp line of Tim's throat up to his ear, accompanied by small bites, always careful not to leave any marks where they would be visible.

"We should go back before we're missed and the LT sends out a search party." Tim remarks after a long moment of silence, his head still resting against the wall and his eyes closed. There's no real effort behind his words, his voice low and almost lazy, his hands pulling Ray closer instead of pushing him away.

"Hmmm." Ray hums against the skin under his lips, but doesn't stop what he's doing. Tim's not really objecting, and Ray doesn't want this to be over yet. It's only the sound of footsteps somewhere down the hallway that remind them with a vengeance that they have to get out of here and back to the guys. Tim is right about that search party the LT will send out if they're gone for too long. Ray pulls away - even if it's reluctant - and when he looks up, Tim's head is still leaning against the wall in a way that bares his throat, now glistering wet where Ray's tongue traced the skin. Tim opens his eyes and looks at Ray from under half-lowered lids, and the sight makes a bout of heat shoot through Ray's entire body. He swallows hard and forces himself to step back to give Tim room to move. After a second of watching Ray, Tim straightens and pushes off the wall.

"We're a mess." Ray can't help remarking when he looks down his uniform. There are unmistakable stains on his pants and on the hem of his t-shirt while his jacket and his flak are lying in some kind of unidentifiable dirt on the ground, and his right hand is sticky with their come. Tim doesn't look any better with his t-shirt tugged out of his pants that are still undone. His bandana is askew due to Ray's hands sliding underneath it, his mouth is reddened from their kisses and Ray knows that hidden right under the collar of his t-shirt there's a dark mark where Ray bit him. Tim looks deliciously debauched, and it's an incredibly sexy look on him. Ray's seriously tempted to jump him again, never mind that he knows he can't get it up again this soon.

Tim doesn't seem to notice the turn Ray's thoughts have taken - or he ignores it because he's well aware that they'll never get out of this room otherwise - and wordlessly holds out his canteen. He pours some water over Ray's hands, than over his own. "Let's wash it out the best we can."

“I hope nobody wonders were water stains come from in this dry shithole of a country.” Ray murmurs while he's using water from his own canteen to clean the white stains on his pants close to his fly. It's not like he's bothered by stains in general considering how dirty they all are, it's just that these particular white stains in this particular location only allow _one_ conclusion. And that could lead to serious trouble.

"It's dark. They won't be able to see the wetness and it'll be dry within half an hour anyway." Tim replies with a casual shrug while he cleans his own clothes, then he looks up and smirks. “If they notice, just say you pissed on yourself in the dark.”

“Gee, thanks Tim. I'm flattered that you think so highly of my _shooting_ skills.”

Tim snorts and bends over to retrieve his jacket from the ground where Ray had thrown it at the beginning of their make-out session. He pulls it on, tucks his t-shirt in his pants and buttons his jacket before he reaches for his flak jacket. Ray watches out of the corner of his eye while he puts his own clothes back on. It's amazing how quickly Tim transforms back into the Navy corpsman, the playful side Ray just got to know disappearing more and more with every piece of clothing and equipment.

“You go first.” Tim says with a jerk of his chin towards the door when Ray has finished dressing. “You've been gone longer than me.”

Ray nods and turns towards the door, squaring his shoulders and taking hold of his M4.

“Time to get out of the closet.” Ray remarks with a grin. His first sexual encounter with a guy, and it took place in a literal _closet_. The irony of that is not lost on him.

“Literally, at least.” Tim comments behind him with a low chuckle and Ray wonders how long it will be until he gets to hear that sound again. It's not something Tim does often when he's around the men. Ray feels the handle of the door under his fingers and all he wants is to turn around and to steal one more kiss. Oh god, he wants it _so much_. He bites his bottom lip hard enough to almost break the skin and forces himself not to look back. He knows he'll lose the battle if he so much as glances at Tim.

It takes all of the discipline the Marine Corps taught him to open the door and step out without looking back.

When Ray's lying between Brad and Trombley that night he can't find any sleep. He stares at the concrete ceiling, not really seeing anything. He did it. He really did it. He _jumped Tim_. Only now, with some hours of distance, does it sink in how insane that was, how reckless and _utterly stupid_. It could have backfired _spectacularly_. And yet it was so incredibly _good_. He knows he will do it again given the opportunity, no doubt about that. Now if _that's_ not gay, he doesn't know what is. Yet Tim didn't freak out, and Ray has the distinct impression this wasn't the first time he did something with a guy. Tim knew where to grab, how to hold, how to make Ray lose any conscious thought. Impossible that he's that much of a natural talent.

Ray closes his eyes resolutely and forces his body to relax. It's kind of strange, he muses, that he knows that it's not a question of _'if'_ they do it again, only of _'when'_. He has no idea how he knows that, it's not like they really talked about how to go on from here, but he's still absolutely certain that this isn't over. The real problem are the many people around them. And the war. And the lack of privacy.

And the fact that they can get kicked out of the forces for this.


	8. Risks - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray decides he needs to take some risks to get what he wants.

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  
  


Five days.

It had been _five days_ , and Ray was close to exploding. Five days since they'd left the power plant. Five days of crappy neighbourhoods, bombs in gardens and Brad being all heroic.

Five days since he'd last touched Tim in _any_ way.

It had been so busy that there hadn't been any opportunity to get Tim alone. None at all. They'd barely said ten words to each other, and every time they'd talked there had been some of the guys around, so it had been strictly professional. Like Tim handing out vitamin pills and ordering them to take them. Ray hadn't been able to keep himself from glancing at the exact spot where he knew his bite mark graced Tim's skin under his clothes. Tim had caught his gaze and his mouth had twitched in a suppressed smirk that did things to Ray's stomach that he would _never_ admit aloud. It had taken all his discipline not to jump Tim right there and then.

Ray felt like he was back in puberty when he'd first discovered the advantages of girls. He'd been so horny all the time that just the sight of a pair of long legs or a nice cleavage had made him want to jump somebody – or even some _thing_. He would have humped a tree, so desperate had he been. He'd thought he'd left that stage behind some years ago, but obviously he'd been wrong. If he just glimpsed a part of Tim – _any_ part – he felt that pubertal horniness wash over him like a tsunami. And there weren't even that many trees around in this damn city.

For the first time in his life, Ray understood what it meant to go crazy with the need to feel a certain person. He'd never experienced that before, not even in his horniest times. He'd always just found some girl to get rid of the urge. But this _thing_ couldn't be satisfied by just anybody, only Tim would be able to ease the need. And wasn't that just _pathetic_. He'd turned into a lovey-dovey chick. He would have cared, had the desire to jump Tim not taken over his mind almost to its entirety. Because hey, no touching didn't mean no looking. The only problem was that watching Tim made the urge to touch even stronger.

Once they were settled in the former soccer stadium, Ray felt his restlessness grow even stronger. He was almost grateful enough to sink down on his knees and bow when he discovered that the Iraqis at the fence sold real strong alcohol – he wasn't quite convinced it was really gin, but he didn't care anyway. Booze was booze, and it was going to help him to take off the edge. Dull the misery of this city, dull the desire to touch Tim. That was everything that mattered.

Ray felt detached from the other guys when they stood together around the Humvee, drinking the clear stuff that might have been gin, talking about this stupid war. Ray kept quiet, drank and listened. Somehow he felt as if he wasn't really with them, as if his mind was in another world and he was nothing but an observer. He knew he was having mood swings – and was maybe _slightly_ depressed – due to the sudden lack of Ripped Fuel that his body had become accustomed to over the past few weeks, but knowing that didn't change how he felt.

He only wished it was over. He had enough of all this crap and was secretly relieved that they were going to leave Baghdad tomorrow. He wanted out of this city that pulled him down more and more with every day that passed, with every neighbourhood they crossed, with every time they had to leave people without actually changing a thing. He wanted to get away from the pain and the despair, away from these freaking Humvees that were nothing more than camouflage-painted Tupperware containers on wheels, away form the other Marines and from stupid, incompetent command. He wanted to sleep in a real bed – entirely naked if he felt like it – without hearing twenty guys snore nearby. He wanted to wake up next to Tim and see him smile first thing in the morning.

Ray shook his head at the thought. He needed more booze. Pity that the Ripped Fuel was all gone.

Now that they were in a place with actual rooms _with doors_ , though, Ray couldn't help thinking about the new possibilities that opened up. He pondered on finding a moment with Tim somewhere in the labyrinth of the hallways, away from the guys, away from the world. Maybe the alcohol in his bloodstream made him a bit bolder than he usually would have been given their situation. Combined with the desire that had grown to almost unbearable levels in the past few days, he was maybe a tad single-minded, Ray admitted to himself. Still, the idea of touching Tim, of feeling his hands, his mouth, of hearing his voice drop an octave, was enough to make him forget all risks.

The opportunity came when the night had fallen and most of the guys had settled down for some hours of sleep. Ray walked past Humvee five where Tim lay on the ground, his eyes closed as he, too, was trying to find a few hours of rest. Ray nudged his foot while walking past him, knowing Tim would feel it, knowing Tim would recognise him, _hoping_ Tim would understand to follow him. Ray didn't turn to look, he knew he couldn't risk being that obvious, and kept walking at a casual pace towards the central hallway of the stadium. There were a number of corridors and rooms leading away from it. Ray turned towards the right, making sure to leave a trail in the dirt on the ground, and took position in the second doorway to the left. He waited in absolute silence, listening to the mortar fire and the gunshots outside the stadium, always trying to pick up the sound of Tim's boots on the ground.

It took about five minutes until he heard almost silent footsteps. Ray was well aware Tim made the faint sound on purpose to allow Ray to locate him, and Ray smirked. Oh yes, Tim was in for a surprise. A pleasant one.

Ray waited in perfect silence until Tim had almost reached the doorway, then he grabbed him and pulled him inside the former office that now lay in ruins. Ray didn't care, he'd only made sure this afternoon, when he'd scouted the building, that it was empty and couldn't be looked into from the outside. That it offered a moment of privacy.

Ray pulled Tim close, mouth already open when their lips met. He was desperate, felt overwhelmed by the sheer _need_ , by the shock of arousal that coursed through his entire body now that he finally felt Tim under his lips, under his hands, against his body. Tim stood stiff and unmoving for about one second, then he groaned into Ray's mouth and his hands clenched into fists in Ray's uniform, pulling him even closer. It was frantic and messy, no elegance or finesse.

To Ray, it was perfect. Tim turning liquid against him, touching him wherever he could reach, his breathing irregular and shallow, was the best aphrodisiac Ray had ever experienced. There was just _something_ about Tim losing his cool that turned Ray on _so incredibly much_.

“Just had to feel you.” Ray growled under his breath when he finally let go of Tim's mouth. He would have been embarrassed for actually saying those words aloud, but he felt too good to care.

He expected to be chided for the risk he'd taken, for the stupidity of the action itself, but instead Tim just pressed another kiss to Ray's lips, this one soft and teasing. His moustache scratched lightly over Ray's lips, and Ray shivered at the feeling. “I know what you mean. It was driving me crazy.”

For a moment, Ray was too surprised to say anything, then he chuckled. “Yeah, same here.”

Tim smirked. “I noticed that, Josh.”

Ray felt goosebumps spread all over his body. God, he hadn't even realised how much he'd missed Tim saying his first name. It had only been this one time in the power plant that Tim had had the opportunity to use it because they couldn't risk showing any sudden familiarity that hadn't been there before. They couldn't afford to raise any suspicions. They were both very much aware of that fact, and to Ray, that made every 'Josh' coming from Tim even more precious. His name in Tim's low voice felt like a caress, it made Ray's skin prickle and caused a queasy feeling in his stomach that he vaguely recognised as butterflies. He hadn't experienced that in some time.

Ray closed his eyes with a low groan and used his hand on the nape of Tim's neck to pull him into another kiss, no less greedy than the first one. It wasn't enough, and as long as they were in this shithole of a country, with a whole platoon of Marines surrounding them, that was never going to change. He wanted more than they could ever risk under these circumstances, and he didn't care how gay it was that he wanted Tim butt-naked all for himself, be it in a bed or on a couch or even on a goddamn kitchen table. It didn't really matter where.

Tim returned his passion, his hands wandering over Ray's body, over his neck, his face, carding through his hair. He kissed Ray so fiercely that Ray found himself pressed with his back against the wall, Tim's hands on his thighs, lifting him off the ground. It was pure instinct to wrap his legs around Tim's waist, and when Tim bucked his hips, the sudden friction made Ray gasp. Holy shit, this position was fantastic! Ray tightened his legs and pushed his groin firmly against Tim's, taking pleasure in the low growl it caused deep in Tim's throat. He did it again, rubbing against Tim in mindless pleasure. It was far better than a tree, that much was sure.

Ray couldn't have said how much time had passed when Tim's hands on his thighs tightened, stilling Ray's movements. Tim pulled back a little, his eyes closed, his breathing heavy. His nose touched Ray's throat, stroked along his jaw in a caress that felt strangely intimate. Ray tightened his hold on Tim's shoulders and focussed on the feeling of Tim's wet, warm breath against his skin.

“I wish it was different, Josh, but this is neither the time nor the place.” Tim said slowly, his voice low and rough, and he sounded as if he hated saying those words.

Ray was silent for a moment, then he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against Tim's. “Yeah, I know.”

Tim let out a long breath and turned his head so that his nose touched Ray's in an unexpectedly soft Eskimo kiss. Ray turned in to the caress instinctively, his fingers clenching in the fabric of the uniform under his hands. It took him by surprise how this little touch felt way more intimate than Tim's lips on his own. After a moment, Tim slowly pulled back to look at Ray, his eyes dark and their expression telling Ray what Tim was thinking as clearly as if he'd said it aloud. _I don't want to let go._

Tim took a deep breath, then he loosened his grip on Ray's thighs and let his legs slide back to the ground. He never once broke the gaze. _We're going to continue this._ Ray nodded, as if Tim had actually said those words aloud, and began to straighten his uniform. His pants felt uncomfortably tight, and one glance at Tim told him that he wasn't the only one who was going to suffer from a severe case of blue balls tonight. In a weird way that was quite reassuring.

Tim had stepped back, had brought some distance between them, and tugged on the hem of his jacket that Ray had pulled up in his passion. He grabbed his M4 before he looked up, his gaze finding Ray's. Tim licked his lips in an unconscious gesture and it seemed to Ray that he was tempted to lean in again, to give Ray a last quick kiss. But Tim knew probably just as well as Ray that it wasn't going to end with one _quick_ kiss, so he took another step back instead, back straight, hands on his M4.

“Later.” Tim said into the almost unnatural quiet of the room. His voice was barely above a whisper, but Ray understood the promise in it effortlessly.

“I'll take your word for that.” Ray replied equally quiet, a tiny smirk on his lips.

Tim nodded, returning the smirk, his gaze focussed on Ray. He hesitated for a split second, then he turned towards the door and left the room, his footsteps entirely silent this time. The door closed behind him with almost no sound, yet to Ray it felt as if it had been slammed shut. All the tension he'd felt growing inside him over the past few days came back full force, and Ray leaned against the wall Tim had pressed him against only minutes ago, seeking the support it offered. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself.

Shit, this damn war was _really_ beginning to grate on his nerves.


	9. Tension - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray reaches his limits.

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  
  


Tim watched Ray. He had watched him for weeks, but now he saw things he hadn't seen before.

Ray _wanted_ him, and Tim was astonished how easy it was for him to read that in every gaze, every gesture, every word Ray directed at him. At the same time he was pretty sure nobody else noticed, because Ray kept his mask firmly in place. Tim only saw it because he knew what to look for, because he knew Ray without his mask, because he had a weird kind of sixth sense when it came to Ray. It made it incredibly hard to remain professional, to keep his distance when all he wanted was to devour Ray right then and there. Instead, their contact was even more limited than it had been before that night in the power plant, but it wasn't due to them trying to be careful. It was because there was just no opportunity to exchange even a few words. They were busy all the time, patrolling through countless neighbourhoods, rarely coming to the same one twice.

The city wore on Ray, the whole insanity of this war affected him, and it began to show now that he was off Ripped Fuel. The camp south of Baghdad was the worst, though. Tim could _see_ Ray grow more unsettled, more tense and volatile with every day that passed. Ray tried to hide it, but Tim could tell he didn't manage to fool everybody. There were cracks in his façade, and several people noticed. Tim was sure that Brad did, and Hasser, too. Even the Reporter seemed to pick up on it, but he wisely refrained from saying anything.

Tim had suspected for a while that the enforced distance between him and Ray only added to the strain, and ever since Ray had pulled him aside in the soccer stadium, had kissed him with an urgency that had been palpable, he knew it for certain. For those few minutes that he had Ray pressed against the wall, all tension and despair had seemed to leave him, he had only been focussed on Tim, on their closeness, on what they'd been doing. Leaving Ray alone in that office was one of the most difficult things Tim had ever had to do. He knew that it was the only right thing to do, but that hadn't made it any easier.

He'd been _so close_ to turning back.

Ever since, Ray had become more and more tense and Tim kept a close eye on him, worried how it would end. He had no doubt that Ray couldn't go on like that much longer. The level of suppressed emotions, of tension and restlessness was bound to find an outlet sooner or later, and it wouldn't be nice. Tim tried to stay in sight of Ray so that he could intervene should it become necessary. He was aware of Brad doing the same thing, both of them felt that the final explosion was coming closer.

They left for the military base near Ad Diwaniyah after a few days, and Tim couldn't help being relieved that Ray had kept it together. For a while he even wondered if he'd been wrong about Ray's state of mind when Poke and Ray came by and asked him and a few other guys to play football. On the field, Ray seemed to use the game to let off some steam, but otherwise he appeared to be okay. He was even back to ranting, and that was a good sign. Tim watched from the sidelines where he stood with some of the other guys, waiting to get back into the game.

At some point, Rudy tackled Ray and threw him to the ground. It was nothing out of the ordinary for the game, but it turned ugly pretty quickly. Ray exploded in a fit of violence, angry shouts and mindless rage. Rudy was physically superior to almost all of them and he was one of the best fighters Tim had ever met. Attacking him was stupid, everybody knew that, but Ray's common sense had totally blacked out. On top of that, Rudy's usually tight restraints seemed to have snapped because it was obvious that he used his strength and his skill to hurt Ray for real.

The guys were quick to react, it was obvious that this wasn't a fight for fun. Before Tim could reach them, Rudy and Ray were already separated. Mike had a firm grip on Rudy while Ray freed himself of the arms that had pulled him away from the fight. He yelled at Rudy before he turned around, his face a mirror of his inner turmoil, and stalked away from the guys. Tim looked after Ray's retreating form and watched with a frown how Ray ignored Brad's words of concern. A moment later, Tim made to follow.

The time to pick up the pieces had come.


	10. Discoveries - (Tim/Ray, Brad & Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brad watches something he never in his life expected to see.

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  
  


Brad looked after Ray's retreating figure with a worried frown.

He could read the pain, the pent up emotion and the desperation in every single one of Ray's movements, in his every step and even in the way he held himself. His body language screamed when Ray himself was unusually silent. Brad had seen it coming ever since they'd left Baghdad, had waited for it, and he knew it wasn't the time to offer comfort. He understood where the sudden explosion had come from, knew that Ray was suffering from going cold turkey off Ripped Fuel, knew that he felt like everything was coming down on him. Ray was just barely keeping it together, and any sign of compassion would tear down his walls, break his restraint, and Brad was well aware Ray was desperately trying to keep exactly that from happening.

So Brad stayed on the field with the other men and watched how Ray stalked off towards the buildings, finally disappearing around the corner of the half destroyed warehouse. He deserved a moment alone to regain his composure, and so Brad decided to give him a few minutes before he was going to look for Ray to make sure that he was okay.

Well, as okay as you could be in this shithole.

So he waited a while before he followed Ray. Ray wasn't behind the building, so Brad walked around it and then inside. It was remarkably empty with most of the men out on the field playing ball and the rest busy with inventory, but there was still no sign of Ray anywhere. Brad frowned and made his way up the stairs to the first floor. There were several smaller rooms up here that had been offices at some point long past, and Brad checked them one after the other. He was quite sure Ray had hidden somewhere out of the way to lick his wounds until he was ready to go back and face the other men.

Brad was just about to turn the corner to the last office when his instincts screamed, alerting him that something was off. His footfall became even more silent than it had already been and he turned with his back towards the wall, slowly and carefully approaching the corner of the doorframe to peek around it. He took in the scene inside the room with one quick glance, just like he was trained to do, before he focussed on the target – Ray, in this case.

Ray wasn't alone, like Brad had expected. In fact, it was only when Brad recognised Doc Bryan's tell-tale bandana that he realised that the corpsman had been missing on the field. He must have gone after Ray right away, and Brad had never even seen him leaving.

Brad suppressed a snort. What great a Recon Marine he was. Really fantastic. Didn't even notice somebody walking off right under his nose.

But what really surprised him was that Doc Bryan's hands were touching Ray's neck – his bare hands, no latex gloves – and his forehead was resting against Ray's. Ray's eyes were screwed shut, his shoulders were tense and his hands were clenched into fists at his sides. The two men were too far away for Brad to hear them, but he could tell that Doc Bryan was saying something to Ray, his thumbs stroking over the side of Ray's tense neck in a soothing motion that seemed strangely intimate to Brad, more a caress that a simple touch.

To Brad's surprise, Ray responded to Doc Bryan's presence, be it his words or his touch, and the tension left his body almost visibly. He seemed to lean into the Doc's touch, then he took a step closer and let his head sag forwards until it rested on Doc Bryan's shoulder, his nose buried against the corpsman's neck, not caring in the least about the sweat that stained the front of Doc Bryan's T-shirt.

Brad tensed where he stood behind the wall. He had never seen Ray like this, stripped off all his bullshit, all his talk, all his rants and all his high-strung energy. Suddenly, he looked incredibly young to Brad, vulnerable in a way he'd never allowed himself to be before. It was a side that Brad had always suspected was there, but Ray was very good at hiding it. Brad had never seen it shine through so clearly, and it made him aware of how young Ray really was. It was so easy to forget.

Doc Bryan's arms wrapped around Ray's shoulders and pulled him in, then he turned his head and pressed a lingering kiss to Ray's temple. It was a soft kiss, gentle and caring, meant to comfort and support, speaking of a trust and familiarity that Brad had never once noticed between the Doc and Ray before. Ray's arms tightened around the corpsman's waist and he buried his face against the skin of Doc Bryan's neck even further, as if he was trying to hide from the world.

Out of the blue, Doc Bryan looked up, straight at where Brad was standing mostly hidden behind the doorframe, and Brad found himself staring into the corpsman's eyes over Ray's head. Doc Bryan didn't pull back, instead he settled his hand on the back of Ray's neck in a gesture that was as much protective as it was possessive. He stared at Brad, firmly, never backing down, challenging him and at the same time telling Brad without words that he would protect Ray no matter what. Even from Brad should it become necessary.

Brad held his gaze steadily, then he gave a small nod. After a moment, Doc Bryan returned it, understanding.

Brad pulled back to leave them alone. He knew he wasn't needed here. He might never have expected what he'd just seen – Doc Bryan was the very last person he had ever expected Ray to be close to, to be intimate with so much that he trusted him with his guard shattered to pieces – but every gesture, every touch, every action and reaction had told him loud and clear that he didn't need to worry.

Ray was in good hands.


	11. Arrangements - (Tim/Ray, Brad & Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brad and Doc Bryan come to an understanding.

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  
  


It was late afternoon when Ray returned. Brad watched him approach the group and join the men, his steps sure as usual, the tension gone from his body. It was as if he was an entirely different person from the man who'd attacked Rudy and then left the airfield with so much tension pent up that he was close to exploding. Brad couldn't help wondering what the Doc had said – or done – to achieve this change. It was close to a miracle, in his opinion. But Brad wasn't one to question a good thing, especially not now, so he just turned back to his tasks and casually kept an eye on Ray.

About an hour later, Brad was sitting on the passenger seat of the Humvee, one leg on the ground and the other propped up against the doorframe, a pen in his hand and filling out forms in triplicate. He couldn't help seeing the absurdity of completing forms right now – war or not, bureaucracy was an unpleasantly loyal companion. Pity that it couldn't be shot.

Out of the corner of his eye, over the edge of the chart, he saw a figure approach him and when he raised his eyes, Doc Bryan was only a few steps away from him. He stopped next to the passenger door and leaned against the Humvee, his posture seemingly relaxed and casual, but Brad could read the subtle signs of tension. It was unusual for the Doc to show any nerves, and Brad knew what this was about before even one word had been spoken.

“I need to know whether you're okay with this.” Doc Bryan said with a low but firm voice after a few minutes of silence, his gaze directed at Ray who was sitting on a box some thirty feet away, counting rounds for the inventory along with Trombley and Hasser.

Brad followed the corpsman's gaze over the debris littering the ground around them, taking in the way Ray was talking while counting, noticing the grin on Hasser's face. Ray wasn't back to his insane, Ripped Fuel drugged self from the invasion, but he was definitely better than he'd been a few hours ago. His relaxed behaviour told Brad that Ray wasn't aware that Brad had seen him and Doc in the old warehouse when Ray had been at his lowest point. And Brad just _knew_ Doc Bryan wasn't here because he was worried for himself. He didn't want Brad's blessing or his understanding, he wanted his silence. He wanted to protect Ray. One word from Brad could not only destroy both of their careers, but also endanger their lives.

“I'm okay with it.” Brad replied after a moment, his voice firm but equally quiet as the Doc's. They really didn't need anybody to hear what they were talking about.

Doc Bryan turned his head to look at him and Brad held his inquiring gaze effortlessly, allowing the corpsman to see that he was serious. Brad remembered the hard look Doc Bryan had given him over Ray's bent head in the warehouse, and he didn't doubt for a moment that the Doc would go to great lengths to protect Ray. It was a strange feeling – Ray wasn't the kind of person who inspired protectiveness in others – yet Brad was vaguely relieved to know that there was somebody who cared about Ray so much that they _wanted_ to protect him, never mind if he needed it. Most people never looked behind Ray's bullshit, never bothered to find out if there was more to him than his big mouth, but Doc Bryan obviously had.

“Thank you.” The corpsman said with a small nod. He was silent for a moment before he added, “Josh doesn't know you saw us.”

“And you think it's better to leave it that way.” Brad concluded.

“For the time being, yes.” Doc Bryan agreed and looked back at Ray who was just starting to sing painfully off-key. “Until we're out of this shithole.”

Brad nodded and followed the Doc's gaze, then he couldn't keep himself from asking with a smirk, “He really lets you call him 'Josh'?”

Brad saw a smirk tugging at Doc's lips. “Yes, he does.”

“He's got it real bad for you, then.” Brad replied with a chuckle and turned back to where Ray was now dancing to his awful but highly inspired singing. Hasser and Trombley were watching with huge grins and a few men gave catcalls from the sidelines. “Apart from his mom and his grandma, you're probably the only person he doesn't kill for using that name.”

When Brad threw a quick sidewards glance at the corpsman, he saw that the smirk had transformed into a little smile that he could only call gentle, and Doc Bryan's eyes followed every single one of Ray's movements.

“I know.”


	12. Marks - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim leaves a mark. Then he covers it with another one.

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  
  


The day had worn on and turned into the late afternoon. The football game had been abandoned after two more cases of sudden aggression and the men had returned to their tasks. Tim was leaning against the Humvee of One Alpha and watched Ray sing and dance, some of the men singing along with him. He seemed relaxed and cheerful, but Tim could see through his mask as easily as if it wasn't there at all. He remembered the desperate grip of Ray's hands on his t-shirt, remembered the hitch in his breath, remembered the way Ray had pressed against him, seeking comfort, strength, closeness.

Ray had totally lost it on the airfield when he'd attacked Rudy, had hit his breaking point hard. It happened far later than Tim had expected and he was surprised that Ray had held up this long considering the additional strain of going cold turkey off Ripped Fuel. He knew the issue wasn't solved, he'd only given Ray enough strength to keep going for now.

Tim was incredibly grateful that Ray hadn't seen Brad standing in the doorway, hadn't realised they'd been caught. At this point, it wouldn't do Ray any good to know that somebody had seen him at his weakest, had seen them together in a pretty much unmistakable situation, and Tim was relieved that he didn't have to expect any trouble from Brad. It could have turned ugly if Brad had decided to report them. Tim had no illusions about what would have happened. At the same time he had an inkling that Brad wouldn't cause them any trouble. Brad might not show it openly, but he cared about Ray, and Tim didn't think he would put him through so much pain on purpose. Still, Tim had had to hear that from Brad himself, had to know for sure that he was no danger to Ray. It was the only reason why Tim had approached Brad, had dared to address this dangerous matter with a person who was in the forces and therefore bound to the same rules he was.

Tim watched Ray move around, watched him talk with the other guys, seemingly back to his old self, but Tim couldn't help noticing the edge that was hidden right underneath the surface. He remembered how Ray had let go when they'd kissed in the office at the soccer stadium in Baghdad, and it gave him an idea what to do to ease the tension within Ray. He could offer reassurance, closeness, pleasure. While that was something they both craved, Tim knew that for Ray, it was _essential_ to take the edge off the strain.

Tim caught Ray's gaze, only for a mere second, and it was right then that he decided to find a private place for them, even if only for a few minutes – a place where he could make Ray forget all his worries, could make him abandon every conscious thought. More than anything Ray needed a moment to let down his guard, to allow himself to recharge. Tim knew Ray wouldn't accept it from anybody in the Corps, would see it as a sign of weakness that he couldn't allow to show, and he wasn't entirely sure he'd accept it coming from Tim, either. It was a daring offer to make and it could end badly, but Tim considered that a necessary risk. One he would gladly take if it helped Ray regain a measure of balance. Screw the other Marines. Screw the lack of privacy. Screw DADT.

Tim remained leaning against One Alpha's Humvee until Chaffin came by and asked for another treatment of his still-sore feet. Tim only nodded and led him over to his own Humvee, where his pack with the medical supplies sat on the back seat. Once he was done, he took the opportunity to check out the nearby buildings in order to find a place that was secluded enough to allow him to take care of Ray appropriately. It took him the better part of an hour to find what he was looking for, but once he'd discovered the storage space high up in one of the abandoned buildings on the outskirts of the airfield, he returned to the camp with a well hidden smirk. Now he just had to find a way to get Ray over there without raising any suspicions. Nobody could notice that they were gone, or this would become way more dangerous that it already was.

Tim almost couldn't believe his luck when he came across Ray taking inventory of a rather large rag-bag of ammunition right outside a halfway destroyed hangar. Tim only stopped to give him the position of the abandoned building and tell him to be there in an hour. Ray didn't ask any questions, he just nodded and Tim continued his way back to his own team.

The one hour of waiting dragged on as if time didn't want to pass. Tim knew he and Ray couldn't be seen leaving together, so he made sure to arrive at the abandoned building a bit later than Ray. It came as no surprise to find that Ray had correctly located the building and even the room Tim had had in mind. There must have been something common to their training that made them think along the same lines, and Tim had never been more grateful for it.

“Tim, what...” Ray never managed to finish his question. Tim reached him with three long strides and his hands settled on Ray's face, cupped his jaw and pulled him in. It was the first time Tim initiated the contact, and he was well aware of it. He was sure Ray knew it too, and understood what it meant.

Ray caught up with the program immediately. He didn't hesitate to return the kiss, a hoarse groan somewhere deep in his throat, and his hands took hold of Tim's waist, pulling him closer so that their bodies were touching from head to toe. Tim felt something deep inside him burst at the contact, at Ray's willingness to give in to Tim's wordless offer and return it at the same time. It made him forget all caution, the craving to just _feel_ Ray suddenly so strong that it almost overwhelmed him. His hands worked on the multiple layers of Ray's clothes, pulled off his flak jacket, removed his gear and his uniform jacket with single-minded efficiency.

Ray wasn't far behind, his deft fingers already underneath Tim's t-shirt, passing over bare skin and leaving goosebumps in their wake. Tim's flak jacket had fallen somewhere behind him, his belt and his jacket lay in a pile on top of it. Never once did they separate longer than it took to get rid of their clothes, and Tim pulled back only long enough to tear Ray's t-shirt over his head and throw it aside. He didn't care about the rules he'd been taught, didn't care for caution or discipline. He wanted to feel skin on skin, wanted the kind of contact that could never be achieved with any layers of clothes separating them. There was an intimacy, a _closeness_ , to the touch of warm, naked skin on skin that reached deeper than words, deeper than pleasure or desire. It was something fundamental to humanity, something that Tim would never be able to put in words, and he wanted – he _needed_ – to share it with Ray. He had to make him understand, make him _feel_ it.

For a moment Ray seemed surprised that Tim had removed his t-shirt, had stepped over the boundaries they were so used to follow. Tim took the opportunity to take off his own t-shirt, then he settled his hands on Ray's bare waist and pulled him close until their chests touched, until there was no space left between them. He let his hands caress Ray's back, his fingers stroking over the skin in a touch as light as a feather, and with a low, heartfelt moan, Ray melted against him, into his embrace, into his touch. It was as if all the pent up rage, the profound tension, washed out of him, and Tim smiled against his lips. That was exactly what he'd hoped for.

Ray's mouth left Tim's to trail over his neck to his shoulder, his hands busy with Tim's pants. Within seconds, he had a firm grip on Tim's erection, moving in a rhythm that was meant to bring Tim off. No teasing, no games. It was pure need, and Tim understood it only too well. He couldn't help the low growl that escaped him at Ray's touch, couldn't keep his hips from bucking or his body from reacting. He quickly opened Ray's belt and fly to return the favour. There was so much more he wanted to do with Ray, _to_ Ray, but he knew this wasn't the time. Or the place, for that matter.

Tim tightened his grip on Ray's erection and got a deep groan in response, along with the reflexive clenching of Ray's hand on him. It made him screw his eyes shut and gave him ideas of what he wanted to do, what he _would_ do once they had some real privacy away from the whole clusterfuck that was OIF.

“Next time, I'll blow you.” Tim murmured against Ray's ear and felt a shiver run through his entire body.

“That... a... promise?” Ray's voice was hoarse and the words were a little slurred, as if it cost him a great effort to talk at all.

Tim smirked against the skin of Ray's neck. “Yes.”

“Oh god...” Ray thrust in his hand in mindless passion, the fingers of his free hand digging in Tim's biceps. He pressed against Tim, his movements irregular and frantic, his breath coming in pants. “Tim... close...”

Tim couldn't help chuckling. It was almost comical how Ray – of all people – seemed to lose his grip on words once they started getting it on. Tim had expected him to be loud and to talk dirty in bed – not that they'd ever actually been in a _bed_ together. But while Ray was indeed loud – Tim could tell by the effort it took him to be silent and the hand he had to press over his mouth ever so often – he didn't seem to retain the capability to speak. It was almost endearing, and it was most certainly hot. Especially since Tim slowly began to understand the variety of sounds Ray made.

It was fascinating how Ray managed to express _everything_ without actually saying a word.

Tim loved how incredibly responsive Ray was, how he let all his walls come down in moments of passion. One day, Tim wanted to take Ray to his apartment where Ray didn't have to hold back, where he could be as loud as he wanted, where Tim could absorb every noise he made without having to worry about some Marine hearing them. He wanted to hear Ray scream out what he had to keep inside now.

"Josh..." Tim let his tongue trail along Ray's collarbone before he blew lightly against the wet skin of his neck. It made a shiver pass through Ray's whole body, made him gasp and his thrusts stutter.

"Let go." Tim murmured, then he moved his hand faster and tightened his fist a tiny fraction, just enough to make Ray feel it, and licked along Ray's earlobe. "Come for me, Josh."

Ray growled, low and hoarse, a mixture of needy, possessive and desperate. The hand on Tim's erection followed the quick rhythm Tim set up while Ray's other hand turned frantic, wandered over the skin of his back, his shoulders, his neck, up to the knot of his bandana. With one quick movement of his hand, Ray had pulled it off, his fingers burying in Tim's hair, clenching into fists and tugging on the short strands.

Tim groaned in reaction to it. He couldn't have held back the noise even if he had wanted to. He'd always loved it when his partners were a bit rough, and even more when they pulled his hair. Ray had discovered this weak spot of his without having to search for it, it was as if he just _knew_ , and Tim leaned into the touch without holding anything back. It just felt too good, sent spikes of arousal through his entire body and made his brain shut down for good. He could only feel, take in the scratch of Ray's fingernails on his scalp, the hot, demanding tongue that was back in his mouth, the press of Ray's strong, wiry body against his own.

Tim felt himself come close and let go of Ray's mouth. He buried his nose against Ray's neck, lips pressed against his skin in an attempt to keep quiet. Ray's hand carded through his hair, tugging and holding on, and it was just what he'd needed. Tim groaned and his mouth opened against Ray's neck, tasting him where his tongue touched his skin. His mind was filled with sensations, smell, feel, taste, sound. Only a second later he felt red-hot pleasure shoot through his body as he came in Ray's hand. He bit down on the flesh under his lips, trying and failing to hold back his growl. Ray shuddered in his arms, his hand clenching into a fist in Tim's short hair, accompanied by a hoarse groan and the hot wetness of his come covering Tim's hand.

For a long time, Tim could only lean against Ray, his hands resting on the bare skin, his forehead touching Ray's shoulder. He could feel Ray's harsh breath in the movement of his chest where it was pressed against Tim's. Ray's fingers were passing through Tim's hair in an almost lazy caress, his breath was warm where it met the skin of Tim's neck.

“I left quite a mark.” Tim murmured when he had regained his breath enough to speak. He let his fingertips trail over the bruised spot on the side of Ray's neck. “Sorry.”

“I'll wear it with pride.” Ray replied with a lazy grin.

Tim chuckled, his lips resting against Ray's shoulder. “Josh, really, you're absolutely insane.”

“Most would say that _you_ are for being here with me in the first place.” Ray replied quietly, and Tim could hear the grin as much as he felt it against the skin of his collarbone.

“Maybe they're right.” Tim agreed equally quiet. “I've known all along that I'm not entirely sane, or I would never have joined the forces.”

Ray snorted. “True enough.”

Tim ran his fingers over the bruised skin again, feeling inexplicably proud to see his mark on Ray's neck. “And while I'm flattered you want to show it off with pride, I think it's a bad idea. You'll have to cover that.”

“I know.” Ray chuckled. “Nobody would believe me if I told them I had a hot encounter with an hot Iraqi girl here in the middle of the camp.”

“True. Especially since there are no women in a five-mile radius.” Tim hesitated for a moment, then he reached for his bandana that Ray had pulled off his head earlier. “Here, take that.”

Ray looked at him with surprise. “You sure?”

Tim nodded and suddenly a smile spread over Ray's face that was beautiful in its sincerity. Ray took the bandana from Tim's hand and wrapped it around his neck before he tied the ends together. He tugged on the fabric until he was satisfied that the spot on his neck was covered.

“Everybody knows this bandana is yours.” Ray remarked with a smirk and rolled the seam between his fingertips. “It's nearly as obvious as showing the mark, you know that, don't you?”

“It's a standard military issued bandana, Josh.” Tim replied with a shrug. “It's not like I'm the only one in the whole battalion who has one.”

“Maybe. But you're the only who has made it a trademark.”

“You can just pull up your collar for the next few days if you prefer.” Tim replied with a raised eyebrow.

“Nah.” Ray grinned broadly and played with a corner of the bandana. “I'll wear it with pride.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, who *didn't* notice that Doc Bryan wasn't wearing his bandana anymore after the football game? Ever wondered what might have happened to it? Here's one possible answer XD


	13. Friends - (Ray & Walt, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walt asks. Ray tells - even if only reluctantly.

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  
  


“You okay?”

Ray turned to look at Walt who'd joined him at the edge of the airfield. The sun was setting, and all Ray could think about was that tomorrow, they would leave this shithole. Finally.

“Sure.” Ray watched how Walt sat down next to him, stretching his legs out in front of him.

“Didn't look like it back when we were playing football this afternoon.” Walt remarked after a moment and threw him a look that was somewhere between sceptic and concerned.

“I'm better now, homes.” Ray replied and made an effort to sound casual and relaxed. Walt only nodded and turned to stare into the sun. Silence fell, and it was comfortable and companionable. Ray was grateful that Walt didn't probe any more. He really didn't want to talk about all the stuff that he felt weighing him down. It was enough that he knew that Tim was there to keep him upright when he couldn't stand on his own accord anymore. Like this afternoon when Ray had lost it and had attacked Rudy. It was good that the boys had pulled them away from each other. Ray wasn't sure he would have stopped on his own.

He tugged on the bandana around his neck and buried his nose in the fabric. It smelled like Tim, and as cheesy as it sounded, the scent calmed him down. Not that he'd _ever_ admit that out loud.

“It's the Doc's, isn't it?” He heard Walt say quietly next to him and Ray frowned and looked up.

“What is the Doc's?” Ray asked after a moment. He hadn't been paying attention, but now that the words registered, he felt his stomach clench unpleasantly.

Walt raised his hand and tugged on the seam of the camo bandana around Ray's neck. “He's not wearing his – for the first time since we left Mathilda, I may remark –, you never had a bandana in the whole time we've been here, and now you're wearing one that looks suspiciously like his.”

“It's a standard military issued bandana, Walt. He's not the only one in the whole battalion who has one.” Ray repeated Tim's words, giving them an sarcastic tone, hoping they sounded more convincing now than they had when Tim had said them to him a few hours ago.

Obviously they didn't, because Walt only raised an eyebrow. “Sure, Ray. So, is it?”

Ray frowned and tried to stare Walt down. “I faintly remember there is this rule about not asking and not telling, homes.”

“You said his name in your sleep. Back at the POG camp.” Walt smirked. “More than once, actually, and with an unmistakable intonation. So technically, you already told me.”

Ray felt icy fingers wander down his spine. Oh shit, this was bad. “Quit it, Walt.”

“Come on, Ray.” Walt snorted and gave him a chiding look. “If I wanted to harm you, I would have done it by now, don't you think?”

Ray was silent and stared at Walt for a long time. Yeah, he was probably right. The POG camp had been over two weeks ago. It had been long before Ray had asked Walt to take over driving to Baghdad. There had been ample opportunity to rat him out, yet Walt hadn't done anything like that. Instead, he'd had Ray's back. Ray bit his lip, then he turned back to the sunset and closed his eyes against the light. “Yeah, it's his.”

“How long?”

“This is getting way too personal, homes.” Ray huffed out and didn't bother to look at Walt. He could imagine the curiosity on his face without having to see it for real.

“Come on, Ray, how long?” Walt repeated, obviously not willing to let it go.

Ray just frowned, eyes still closed. “Why do you want to know, anyway?”

“I want to find out if my suspicions were correct.” Ray could hear the grin in Walt's voice.

“You're a total chick, Walt.”

“Who's all lovey-dovey? It's not _me_.”

“I'm not all lovey-dovey!” Ray couldn't help turning to glare at Walt. “I'm not running around with hearts in my eyes or anything!”

“Well, maybe not as obvious as that, but yes, you are lovey-dovey. To anybody who knows what to look for, anyway.”

“Really?” The first thing that came Ray's mind was that this could be the end of his and – even worse – Tim's career. Ray hadn't planned on staying much longer anyway, but for Tim, it was another thing entirely. “Shit, that's _really_ bad.”

“Nah, don't worry. I don't think anybody else has picked up on it.” Walt reassured him and shrugged. “I only did after I heard you at the POG camp. I was kind of curious if it was just your imagination running wild or if there was something to it.”

Ray snorted.“Really, Walt, you _are_ a chick.”

“Nope, I'm a Recon Marine. Gathering intel is what I was trained for. You can't expect me to overlook something right under my nose just because it concerns one of my team-mates.” Walt grinned widely. “I'm curious by nature, and on top of that, it's fun. So, how long?”

Ray sighed. He'd hoped to distract Walt from his original question. Obviously it hadn't worked. “Since the power plant in Baghdad.”

“Ha, I knew it!” Walt made a triumphant sound, then he was quiet for a moment. When he looked at Ray, he had one eyebrow raised quizzically. “But seriously, Ray, _Doc Bryan_?”

Ray frowned and couldn't help feeling protective of Tim all of the sudden. “Why? What's wrong with him?”

“Nothing's _wrong_ with him. It's just that he's... he's so serious. The total opposite of you.” Walt chuckled. “But opposites attract, don't they?”

“Maybe.” Ray didn't have any better explanation as to why he and Tim were drawn to each other, if he was honest. He still didn't know where it had come from.

“So, have you two already...” Walt made a gesture with his hand that was impossible to misunderstand.

“Walt, Walt, Walt.” Ray shook his head, his voice chiding, then he turned to give Walt a challenging look. “I could probably ask Tim if he's okay to let you watch, but he's kind of territorial, so I don't think he'd agree. If you're so curious, homes, just go find yourself a nice guy and try it yourself. Just keep clear of Trombley, he's too crazy for you. Oh, and don't try Brad, he's already taken by the LT.”

“I didn't say I wanted...” Walt replied quickly and had the good grace to look embarrassed.

Ray just grinned a little wider. “Then stop asking.”


	14. Sleep - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bravo men return from deployment.

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  
  


When the plane touched the ground stateside, Tim felt bone-deep relief wash over him. He knew it wasn't over – it never was – but at least he could relax, allow his guard to come down for the first time in ages. Here, nobody was shooting at them, nobody was setting up car bombs, nobody was going to try to kill them in their sleep. It felt like a long-forgotten luxury.

Tim let his head rest against the metal hull of the plane, feeling the vibrations of the engines and of the tarmac under the wheels while the plane taxied to its parking position. He closed his eyes for a moment and imagined what he'd do now that he had time off without the permanent threat of a whole country wanting to kill him. He would take a long shower, would let the water rain down on his body until all the crusted dirt, the countless layers of sand and sweat washed away and the water ran clean. It would take some time and a lot of water, but the prospect of being clean again, _really_ clean, was enough to make a smile tug on his lips.

Tim listened to the easy, relaxed chatter around him with only half an ear. He heard the smile in Poke's voice when he said that Gina and the girls were coming and waiting for him at the base. Tim knew nobody would wait for _him_. He hadn't told any of his family or friends when he was coming back. He'd call them in a few days, when he'd had time to adjust, to get used to life outside of the war zone he'd become so used to. He needed some time alone to come down before he could face any civilians without scaring them with the reflexes and habits he'd taken on while in a war zone.

He opened his eyes halfway and let his gaze wander over to Ray who was sitting with Brad, Hasser and Garza on the other side of the plane. He wondered if anybody was waiting for Ray. Tim realised that he didn't even know who could be waiting for him - parents, brothers or sisters, friends? Tim knew for sure that there was no girlfriend, but that was it. There was so much he didn't know about Ray. Then he took in how the top of his bandana was visible under the collar of Ray's uniform and he hid a smirk. There were some important things he _did_ know about Ray, though, and the rest would come with time. 

Once their plane had come to a stop, they were loaded into several buses that were waiting next to the planes. The atmosphere was loaded with pleasant anticipation, nobody wanted to wait any longer to wrap their arms around their families. The buses stopped and Tim watched the men disperse, caught in the warm, happy embraces of wives or girlfriends, children, parents, siblings. He got off the bus last and nodded goodbye to some of the men who casually saluted before they left to reunite with their families. All the while Tim kept an eye on Ray who didn't appear hurried, didn't move like a man anticipating to meet his loved ones. He had his duffel thrown in front of his feet where he stood with Hasser who'd been welcomed by his whole family and a girl who was obviously his girlfriend. When they got ready to leave, Ray waved and stayed behind. 

Tim made his way over and stopped next to him. "Nobody here for you?"

"Nah, it's only my mom and my grandma, and it's way too far for them to come here." Ray replied casually and shrugged. "They're coming to the airport to get me when I fly over in a few days."

"What do you do until then?" Most of the men were gone and the base was strangely empty. After so much time spent in the constant presence of a whole platoon of other men, it felt weird to be alone.

Ray shrugged again. "I was planning to annoy Brad and take possession of his very comfortable couch."

"Stay at my place." Tim heard himself offer before he'd even thought about it. 

Ray didn't say anything, he just turned to look at Tim. After a moment, a grin spread over his face and he nodded. "How could I say 'no' to an offer like that?"

It was only when they'd picked up their duffel bags and had begun walking towards the parking lot that Tim realised that this was exactly what he wanted, what he _needed_. Ray, naked, under his hands, under his mouth, against his skin, warm and passionate and writhing with pleasure. Making all those sounds he'd always had to hold back in Iraq, letting them out without caring if anybody heard them.

Things didn't quite happen the way Tim had imagined, though. Before they had even left the base, Ray was leaning against the window of Tim's car, eyes closed and mouth hanging open in sleep. The exhaustion had won over his body at last, demanding the rest neither of them had got in Iraq. Ray didn't move at all, not even when Tim turned off the engine and its vibrations died down. 

Tim turned and took the opportunity to just look at him. Ray's face was relaxed in sleep and as if to confirm the cliché, he did look so much younger than when he was awake. There were deep shadows under his eyes, dark even against the tan of his skin; outward signs of exhaustion. Tim knew there was not a single one of the men who didn't show those signs, and it pained him that he had to wake Ray in order to get him up to his apartment. He knew how much Ray needed to sleep, how much good it would do his body and mind to have a full night of undisturbed rest.

Tim settled his hand on Ray's shoulder and gave it a light shake. "Josh, wake up. We're there."

Ray snapped awake immediately, a deeply ingrained reaction trained by not only his years with the Marines but especially by months spent in a war zone. He sat up straight and turned to look at Tim with a frown of momentary confusion. Tim understood it in a way nobody ever could who hadn't spent weeks inside a Humvee: Ray felt like he was sitting on the wrong side, like the dimensions and the layout of the car weren't correct, even the smell and feel of his surroundings weren't what he'd expected, and it took him a moment to realise his error - he wasn't in One Alpha's Humvee. 

They weren't in Iraq anymore.

Tim gave him a little reassuring smile and let his fingertips pass over the bare skin of Ray's neck in a subtle caress before he pulled back and removed his seatbelt. "Let's get upstairs."

Ray nodded and followed him out of the car and to the trunk to get their duffel bags. Tim led the way into the four-storey building where he owned an apartment on the top floor. He'd bought it to have a place close by when he came off deployments. It was his refuge, his sanctuary. He didn't want to live on base when he was stateside, and he needed his own space away from the other men when he was off duty in order to stay sane. So when he'd turned twenty-five, he'd bought this place after saving his pay for years. He'd had no plans to leave service anytime soon, it was his life after all, and no matter how often he wondered why he was still doing this, he knew he wouldn't quit. 

Ray entered the apartment behind him, letting his duffel fall to the floor in the hallway right next to Tim's. His gaze swept around while he walked through the rooms, checking out the spacious kitchen and the huge living room, throwing a glance into the bedroom and the bathroom. "Nice place you have here. Really big."

Tim was already shrugging out of his uniform jacket, eager to get out of the dirty clothes. Now that the deployment was over, he suddenly couldn't stand the smell and the dirt anymore. "It was an office building once, transformed in apartments about ten years ago."

"I hope you don't mind if I wait until tomorrow to have a closer look. Now I just want to sleep." Ray blinked and tried to rather unsuccessfully suppress a yawn. 

"Shower first."

"Why?" Ray looked at him as if he'd asked the impossible. "Can't that wait til after sleep?"

"We stink, Josh. And I don't want to have to change the sheets tomorrow because they stink like we do now."

Ray stood in the hallway as if he was overwhelmed by the demand to stay awake long enough to shower, looking lost. Tim went into the bathroom and started the shower to give the water time to heat up, then he just opened Ray's jacket and threw it on the pile of his own dirty clothes. Tim made sure the water was warm before he pushed a clean towel in Ray's hands and made him step into the bathroom. 

Tim closed the door behind Ray and stared with a frown at his hand where it rested against the wood. The first shower after deployment was something special, a precious moment of winding down and a first step on the way back into a life that didn't include constant mortal peril. In all the time he'd served, Tim had never once shared this important moment with anybody, and he didn't want to ask something from Ray that he himself wasn't sure he was ready for yet. 

After a moment he could hear Ray step under the water and a few seconds later there was a deep, heartfelt sigh. Tim just smiled and turned to gather their clothes and deposit them in the laundry room next to the kitchen. He'd known a shower would make Ray feel human again in a way nothing else could. Not to mention that it was really nice to get rid of the smell that seemed to linger not only in their clothes but also in their hair, their very skin. 

When Ray came out of the bathroom about ten minutes later, he wore nothing but the towel around his hips. His hair was still wet and tiny droplets ran over his bare skin. Tim watched mesmerized how a drop passed over Ray's neck and down to his collarbone before it crossed the the bite mark Tim had given him, now slowly fading. It continued over his chest, over the curved 'No Dice' tattoo that Tim had never seen in broad daylight, to the plain of his stomach until it disappeared in the soft fabric of the towel. It left Tim's imagination with glimpses of what its further journey would have been, and Tim licked his lips in an unconscious reaction. 

"Your turn." Ray just said, not bothering to hide his smirk, and Tim knew he'd seen his gaze and had read his thoughts as if Tim had said them aloud. 

Tim didn't entirely trust his voice, so he just nodded and leaned in to press a soft, chaste kiss to Ray's lips before he entered the bathroom and closed the door. He removed his t-shirt and underwear and stepped into the shower stall, turning the water on. He closed his eyes and held his face under the spray, taking profound pleasure in the way the warm water ran over his skin, through his hair, taking away the grime and sweat of the past few weeks. He washed three times before the water came away clear. When he finally left the shower, he felt better than he had in months.

He rubbed the towel over his short hair before he dried his skin and pulled on a fresh pair of shorts. When he came out of the bathroom, Ray was nowhere to be found, neither in the kitchen nor on the couch in the living room in front of the TV where Tim had expected him to be. Instead, Tim found him sound asleep on his bed, curled halfway under the comforter in a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt that Tim recognised as his. It didn't particularly surprise him that Ray had looted his wardrobe, because he knew for a fact that there wasn't a single piece of clean clothing left in either of their duffels. It looked like Ray had fallen asleep while waiting for Tim to come out of the shower, finally overwhelmed by his bone-deep exhaustion.

Tim couldn't help smiling. There was something about this situation that left him feeling warm all over. He couldn't put his finger on what exactly it was, maybe the way Ray looked comfortable and at home in Tim's apartment, in his bed, even in his clothes. Maybe it was the trust he showed by falling asleep in Tim's bed, never doubting that he was welcome. Maybe it was the bandana he'd wrapped loosely around his left wrist as if he didn't want to let go of it, never mind that it was still as dirty as their clothes in the laundry room.

Tim went to his wardrobe and pulled out a t-shirt for himself before he sat down on the bed and tugged on the comforter until it was draped over both of them. He lay down and wrapped his arm around Ray's waist, pulling him close without giving it a second thought. Ray cuddled against him immediately, seemingly not bothered at all to be the little spoon.

"Sleep?" Ray mumbled under his breath, obviously not really awake, and Tim couldn't help a chuckle.

"Yeah." Tim pressed a kiss on the skin of Ray's neck before he buried his nose in Ray's hair and closed his eyes. "Sleep, Josh."


	15. Restraints - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim, Ray and the kitchen.

  


[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


  


The first thing Tim became aware of before he was even entirely awake was a familiar smell, strong and tempting, and it took him a whole minute to identify it as coffee. Real coffee, not the disgusting stuff the Corps served them. He sniffed, trying to make out the source, and his nose connected with something hard and hot and the delicious scent intensified tenfold. 

"Good Morning, sleepyhead." A cheerful voice said close to his ear right before warm lips pressed to his temple. "Time to wake up, Tim. I've even made you coffee."

Tim opened his eyes to the sight of a mug right in front of his face, too close for his eyes to focus on it. When he turned on his back, he found Ray perched over him, sitting on the bed, a cup of coffee of his own in the hand that wasn't holding the mug for Tim. He was smiling, his eyes were awake and he looked well rested.

Tim's gaze flickered over to the clock he kept on the bedside table. It was just past nine am. He groaned and closed his eyes before he blindly reached for the coffee. He would need it.

That was how Tim – to his great dismay – found out that Ray was a real morning person. He got up early while Tim loved to sleep in. If he wasn't either in training or on deployment, nothing got Tim out of bed before ten am. He knew it didn't fit the image most people had of him, and Ray was eager to point that out. On the other hand, nobody who'd seen Ray during OIF would believe that out of the two of them, he was the early riser.

Tim was leaning with his back against the headboard, almost through his first cup of coffee, before he was able – and willing – to form proper sentences. Ray sat Indian style between Tim's spread out legs, watching him with an amused smirk on his lips.

"Are you finally awake?"

Tim made an indistinct sound into his mug.

Ray just grinned. "You're really not a morning person, are you?"

Tim shrugged and drank the last bit of his coffee.

Ray chuckled and his eyes gleamed mischievously. "You're very cute when you're like this, you know that?"

Tim snorted indignantly. Ray only laughed and patted Tim's head before he got up and off the bed. “Come on, Tim, breakfast. I'm starving, and I'm sure you are, too - even if you're not awake enough to notice it yet.”

Tim stared after his retreating form before he forced himself off the mattress. With a heartfelt sigh, Tim followed him to the kitchen, knowing Ray wouldn't let him go back to sleep anyway. Ray was already standing at the counter, setting fresh, good-looking bagels on two plates when Tim came in. Tim frowned at the bagels in confusion, he was sure that there hadn't been anything edible in his kitchen that wasn't deep frozen.

"Where did that come from?" He asked when he stepped next to Ray to refill his coffee, jerking his chin at the bagels.

"I went to the deli around the corner and bought some stuff when you were still in dreamland." Ray replied and grinned. "Once I realised you didn't want to wake up, I decided to get us some breakfast and let you sleep a bit longer."

"You're a disgustingly energetic morning person, Josh." Tim remarked and nursed his second cup of coffee. He watched Ray move around the kitchen as if he'd been living there for years, entirely comfortable in his surroundings. When he'd set to his satisfaction the plates with the bagels, two glasses of orange juice and even two muffins, Ray came back to the counter to pour himself another cup of coffee. Then he took a handful of M&Ms out of the bag - he must have bought it this morning, too - and dropped them in the coffee. 

"What the heck are you doing?" Tim asked, somewhere between shocked and disgusted, and eyed the mug suspiciously. "Did you really just put _M &Ms_ in your _coffee_?"

"Yip. Just like Ray Kowalski." Ray said, sounding almost proud, before he took a sip of his coffee.

"Who?" Tim asked in confusion.

"Ray Kowalski? Due South?" Ray threw him a disbelieving look when Tim just shook his head, still not understanding a word. It was just too much for him to process this early in the morning on a day off.

Ray sighed exaggeratedly before he began to explain in a patient voice. "When I was younger, I always watched this TV show about a Mountie who comes to Chicago to find the murderer of his father. Long story short, he has a partner, Ray Vecchio, who goes undercover later on and gets replaced by another cop who goes undercover as Ray Vecchio, but his real name is Ray Kowalski, and he always has M&Ms in his coffee. So I tried that when I was a teenager, and ever since I stuck to it. Tastes way better than sugar."

Tim got lost sometime around the second cop going undercover, but he got that Ray had really and truly started drinking coffee with M&Ms because of a TV character. Tim shook his head in disbelief, a smirk on his lips. "You're crazy, Josh."

"No, really, it's good! You should try it." Ray held out his cup in a pointed offer and Tim just curled his lips in disgust.

"I don't think I want to try such an abomination of perfectly good coffee." 

"Oh come on, just one sip. You can't know whether you like it or not if you've never tried it." Ray didn't give up that easily and steered his mug right under Tim's nose, as if the smell made a difference.

Tim just shook his head. "There's _candy_ in your coffee, Ray. That's disgusting. Rudy would have tortured you had you done that to _his_ coffee."

"The only reason I didn't do it over there was that I didn't have any M&Ms." Ray insisted, a stubborn set to his jaw. "Now be a good boy and try it before you condemn it."

Tim shook his head again. "Never."

Suddenly the cup was gone, instead Ray's hand settled on his neck and pulled him in, his lips finding Tim's in a thorough kiss. Tim couldn't hold back a surprised noise right before he let himself be overwhelmed by the mesmerizing touch of tongue on tongue. Under the taste he associated with Ray he could taste the candy-coffee, strong and sweet and irresistible in the combination with Ray's skilled tongue. After a moment, Ray pulled back just enough to look at Tim. He had invaded his personal space, forcing Tim with his back against the counter, his hands now resting on both sides of Tim on the counter in a gesture that was unmistakably possessive. Tim couldn't help feeling aroused by Ray's display of strength.

"I know you like it." Ray said with a smirk, his voice low and teasing.

"Hell yeah, I do." Tim replied a little out of breath, and he wasn't talking about the coffee. His hands settled on Ray's waist, sliding under the worn fabric of the old t-shirt to caress the soft skin underneath. "Let me taste it again."

"My pleasure." Ray smirked before he leaned in again. He crowded Tim against the counter and pressed against him from head to toe, his thigh sliding between Tim's legs while his mouth found Tim's throat. He trailed little bites up to his jaw before he claimed the lips in another kiss, this one slow and deep and leaving Tim wanting more. 

So much more.

Tim took hold of Ray's t-shirt and pulled it over his head, wanting unrestricted access to his bare skin. He let his hands roam over Ray's body, fingers trailing along the 'No Dice' tattoo before finding his nipples and teasing them. Within seconds, he had Ray gasping and writhing under his hands and Ray's thigh pressed against Tim's growing erection, the friction almost maddeningly intense through the thin fabric of Tim's boxer shorts. Ray's hands were working to get rid of Tim's t-shirt, his mouth alternately biting Tim's neck or engaging him in deep kisses. Tim returned every touch, every bite, every lick, slowly getting lost in the sensation, the taste, the scent. 

Only then did he realise that they were really and truly alone in the secure privacy of his apartment, that they didn't have to be careful to be quiet, that there was nothing they _couldn't_ do because of a whole platoon of Marines surrounding them. It made his brain almost short-circuit with the range of possibilities that suddenly opened up. Yet there was one thing he really wanted to do, had wanted to do for weeks, and now was the time to finally go for it. 

Tim turned them around so that it was Ray who had his back pressed against the counter. He deepened the kiss for only a moment, then he let go of Ray's mouth. His gaze held Ray's, firm and almost challenging, while Tim sank down to his knees right in front of him in one long, controlled motion, never breaking the gaze. 

"Remember what I promised last time?" He asked, voice low and rough, teasing and yet promising. 

Ray's breath hitched. His knuckles turned white where he was gripping the edge of the counter, his eyes were hooded and burning, his mouth stood agape and he passed his tongue over his bottom lip in an almost lascivious movement. "Tim..."

Tim only grinned and undid Ray's sweat pants and they slid down, pooling around his bare feet. Without ever breaking the gaze, Tim let his hands trail down Ray's sides, along his flanks and to his calves before his fingers wandered up again, this time on the inside. Ray spread his legs instinctively, widening his stance to grant Tim better access without hesitation. Tim smirked. He hadn't even touched Ray yet, but already Ray's breath was coming fast and irregularly, just short of panting, in anticipation of what was going to come. Out of the corner of his eye, Tim saw Ray's erection, hard and begging for his touch. He was tempted to take a proper look, but he didn't want to break the gaze or the heavy tension that hung in the air between them, so Tim kept looking in Ray's eyes and licked his lips in pleasant anticipation. Ray groaned in reaction to the sight. 

"You're... killing me... here, Tim." He complained, his voice low and strained, his words coming in stutters. He was losing his grip on speech again, and that told Tim more than a thousand words could have.

"Not my intention." Tim replied with another smirk before he allowed himself to give in to the overwhelming urge to taste Ray. His hand wrapped around the tempting hardness right in front of him, his grip firm and sure, and he licked along the underside of the shaft in one long, slow motion without ever breaking the gaze. Ray's eyes closed almost entirely, his mouth opened in a barely suppressed groan and Tim felt how Ray's legs quivered, knees almost buckling under the onslaught of pleasure. 

Tim understood his reaction only too well. It had been long, _so long_ , for all of them since they'd been touched, caressed, teased by anything but their own hand in the hurried urgency that was a constant companion on deployment. It had been even longer since there had been the hot wetness of a mouth on hard flesh, and the pleasure almost proved too much for both of them. Tim's eyes closed against his will, it was an instinct he couldn't fight at that moment, and he concentrated on Ray's taste when he took him deep into his mouth. He'd always liked the bitterness of male flesh that was so different from a woman's taste, yet Ray was something special, a blend of tastes Tim would never forget. 

He let his tongue pass along the hot skin, moved his hand in sync with his head and took Ray deeper with every move. His left hand had a firm grip on Ray's hip to keep him from thrusting. Ray's fingers slid into his hair, not trying to guide him or urging him to speed up, no, they just touched, caressed, tugged, always following his movements. It did things to Tim he would never be able to explain and he groaned around Ray's erection, the sound sending vibrations through Ray's sensitive flesh that made him shiver again. 

But Tim wanted more, wanted Ray to lose his grip on sanity, wanted him to let go of every last bit of control, wanted him to lose himself in pleasure. Tim raised his head and relaxed his muscles like he remembered, and then he felt Ray slip into his throat, felt the coarse pubic hair against his nose. He hadn't done this in quite some time, but he hadn't forgotten how to do it, how it felt to melt somebody's brain in such intense pleasure that they let all shields come down. He took a deep breath to take in the strong, musky smell and felt Ray fall apart under his touch. 

Tim pulled back, his tongue drawing random patterns on the sensitive skin of Ray's hardness, then he took him in again. He set a slow, teasing rhythm that made Ray writhe and arch under his touch, and Tim let go only long enough to say, “Let go, Josh. Don't hold back.” 

Tim could hear that his own voice was a lot deeper than usual and that there was a hoarse, used quality to it as if he'd been screaming for hours. Ray reacted to it like to a caress, he shivered under Tim's hands, arched his back, his fingers tightening in Tim's hair. Tim licked the head of his erection before he pulled back again, his warm breath touching the sensitive flesh. “I want to hear you, Josh.”

That was all it took. Tim could almost _see_ Ray's restraints snap, the restraints he'd learned to uphold at any cost over the past months in Iraq. Ray let out a hoarse groan, loud and uncontrolled, and Tim shivered in response to the raw sound. He swallowed Ray down again, moving in long, fast motions that were meant to push Ray higher than anything he'd ever experienced. Ray turned liquid under him, mindless noises leaving his lips with every thrust, his back arching against the counter. 

“Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim...” It seemed to be the only word Ray was able to form, and Tim felt it push him higher every time he heard his name in that voice, dark and rough and _mindless_. Tim's left hand upheld the steady pressure on Ray's hip to control his thrusts while his right hand found its way in his own shorts, wrapping around his own erection. He was so hard it was almost painful and he was leaking, the fluid serving as a lubricant under his fingers. Tim knew it wouldn't take much for him to come. Ray's taste on his tongue, Ray's scent in his nose, Ray's hands in his hair and Ray's voice in his ears had brought him close to the edge, a few thrust in the firm circle of his own fist would be more than enough to send him over it. But he wanted Ray to come first, he needed to know that he'd made Ray lose it. 

He swallowed around Ray's erection, throat muscles clenching down in what he knew felt like heaven on earth, and Ray shuddered above him, the movements of his hips jerky and irregular, his voice rough and strangled when he groaned in climax. Tim swallowed, not minding the bitter taste, and he felt Ray's hands clench to fists in his hair, pulling almost painfully, yet Tim wouldn't have wanted it any different. A spike of pleasure shot through him at the sensation and he tightened his grip, thrusting in his fist once, twice, and came. Warm wetness covered his hand inside his shorts and Tim thrust a few more times, jerking himself through orgasm until his skin became too sensitive to touch. 

He was panting, his forehead leaning against Ray's stomach that rose and fell in heavy breaths. Ray's hands were resting on the back of his neck, fingers moving in a slow caress in his hair, and Tim was still holding on to Ray's hip with his left hand. He couldn't be bothered to move, comfortable in his position, never mind that his knees had begun complaining about the hard tiles he was kneeling on.

"Wow." Tim heard Ray's voice above him, sounding amazed and deliciously breathless, and Tim raised his head to be able to see his face. Ray was looking at him with hooded eyes, mouth slightly open, a stunned expression on his face. He didn't say anything else, just stared at Tim, his fingers never ceasing their lazy caress in Tim's hair.

It took several minutes until Ray seemed capable of forming a proper sentence, and it wasn't at all what Tim had expected. "I want to try that."

Tim swallowed hard and licked his lips, gaze caught in Ray's. If he hadn't just experienced a rather exhausting orgasm, the image of Ray going down on him would have been enough to make him hard again. "You know you don't have to."

Ray just gave him a chiding look. "It has nothing to do with 'have to' but everything with 'want to'." He was silent for a moment as if he was lost in thoughts, but his eyes never left Tim's face. The intensity of his gaze made Tim shiver where he was still kneeling in font of him. "It must feel amazing to know that you can reduce a person to a quivering mess of pleasure just by using your mouth on them."

Tim swallowed hard, never breaking the gaze. "It does feel amazing."

Ray just stared at him with this intense expression in his eyes before he suddenly smirked and the tension was broken. “Do you think we're ever going to make it to a bed?”

Tim chuckled and let his forehead sink against Ray's stomach again. “I don't know. Might take a while.”

"Yeah." Ray replied, and Tim could hear the grin in his voice. "We still have the couch, the floor, the shower and the living room table."


	16. Honesty - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An evening with beer, pizza and action movies leads to some truths being revealed.

“That was good.” Ray sighed, deeply satisfied, and rubbed his stomach while he pushed the empty pizza box aside. “Beer, pizza and movies – that's what I call a good evening.”

Next to him on the couch Tim chuckled. “You're easy to satisfy, then.”

Ray shrugged and smirked while he reached for his beer. “I'm a simple man.”

Tim snorted and gave him a sceptical look over his last bite of pizza. “You're far from simple, Josh.”

Ray just grinned before he took a sip of his beer, enjoying the easy banter. It wasn't that late, yet he felt as comfortably tired and relaxed as he usually only did when it was _really_ late and he'd drunk quite a lot. It was only his second beer, though, so he was far from drunk – he wasn't even anywhere close to tipsy – and he had no other explanation for his current state but that it was just remarkably easy to let down his guard around Tim. He just had a way of putting Ray at ease that Ray had never experienced with anybody else, and he found that he rather liked it. 

Like this morning in the kitchen, when Tim had nonchalantly offered Ray a glass of orange juice for breakfast only minutes after he'd given Ray the most fantastic, overwhelming blow job Ray had ever received. It was the very first time Ray had been _that_ intimate with another guy and Tim must have known it, yet he hadn't paid it any special attention, which would have made Ray feel awkward. No fuss, no big deal. He'd just kissed Ray, long and slow and almost lazy, and Ray had tasted himself on Tim's tongue. Then they'd taken a shower together, washing quickly before they'd devoured the bagels and the muffins Ray had bought for breakfast.

The day had been rather lazy. They'd left to buy some groceries to stock up the kitchen, then they'd spent the rest of the day at the beach, swimming and soaking up the early summer sun and drinking iced tea and eating ice cream. Doing what had only been a faraway dream at Mathilda or in Iraq. On the way back to Tim's apartment, they'd grabbed a sixpack and two pizzas and a few movies. Ray couldn't think of a better way to spend his first day of leave.

And while the day had been easy and relaxed, they had kept a reasonable distance. They were in Oceanside, after all, a town that was rife with military personnel, and that didn't allow any slip-ups. Tim had been his usual silent, frowning self, but Ray was surprised how easy it was for him to read Tim's every thought, notice his well-hidden amusement and his little smirks. When he'd been lying on the beach in the shadow of a palm tree, watching Tim walk over to him with two paper cups of iced tea in his hands, Ray had wondered what the heck they were doing. He _knew_ that what they had wasn't a fling, but he was also very well aware of the risks they were taking, especially considering that they were in the town with probably the highest percentage of military personnel in the whole of the US. They had to be careful, very very careful. Ray had never been good at careful, but he was determined to give his best in this case. If it meant that he could keep Tim, it was well worth the effort. 

Now that Ray was sitting on Tim's old but extremely comfortable couch with his stomach pleasantly full and a cold beer in his hand, exchanging playful banter with Tim, he knew it was _definitely_ worth it. Tim was sprawled on the couch only inches away, his calf touching Ray's where they'd both propped their feet up on the low table. He looked relaxed and at ease, the frown on his face replaced by a teasing smirk, and Ray couldn't help noticing how _sexy_ he was. Damn, but he could really pull off wearing that moustache. Not to mention that Ray liked it a lot how it felt when it scratched over his skin when Tim kissed him.

Ray didn't really care how gay it was to notice stuff like that. He'd long since stopped caring. He just knew that Tim looking this relaxed and content made Ray's insides clench with something he tried not to think about. It made him want to touch him, kiss him, maybe even do other stuff. Well, not maybe, _definitely_. And although Ray was new to this whole gay thing, he was sure Tim had done it before. What he'd done this morning, how incredibly well he'd done it, spoke of a certain level of experience. You didn't deep throat without gagging if you didn't know what you were doing. You didn't swallow if you didn't know what to expect, and although Ray had _seen_ it, he still couldn't quite believe that Tim had actually done it. 

He didn't doubt for a moment that Tim would never do something like that if he didn't want to, and the thought made a shiver run down his spine. A pleasant shiver that made other regions of his body pay attention. He remembered his dreams, the really intense ones from the POG camp, and he couldn't help wondering if maybe he could try out some of them with Tim. It was worth testing the waters, he decided.

“Soooo.” Ray drew out the word, leaning his head on the back of the couch, face turned towards Tim. “You're not new to this, are you?”

Tim held his gaze effortlessly and raised an eyebrow at the unexpected question. For a moment, Ray wasn't sure if he was actually going to get answer. “If by 'this' you mean sexual encounters with men, then no, I'm not new to 'this'.”

"So you're gay?"

"No, I like women just as well as men.” Tim shrugged. “It's called 'bisexual', Josh. The grey zone in a world that likes to see things in black and white."

“I still don't share.” The words had left Ray's mouth before he'd given them any thought, but once he'd said them, he found them to be nothing but the truth. “Not with other guys and not with chicks, either.” 

Tim had the nerve to chuckle and Ray thought he looked pleased. “Don't worry, Josh, there's no risk of that happening.”

"Good. Otherwise I'd have to mark my territory and that would be kind of... well, _obvious_." Ray grinned at Tim and looked pointedly at the spot where he'd bitten Tim. 

"Yeah, I've noticed that." Tim gave him a stern look, but his lips were twitching in a halfway suppressed smirk that ruined the effect he was going for. 

"You've ever been... you know, on the receiving end?" Ray turned his whole body towards Tim, curious about his answer.

Tim hesitated, barely, but Ray still noticed it. "Yes. I have."

“How is it?” Ray leaned forwards, arms resting on his knees.

“It can be awesome when done right. Leave you speechless.” Now Tim had a teasing smirk on his lips, and all hesitancy was gone. “What, you want to try it?”

“Actually, I've thought about it.” Ray shrugged, trying to appear relaxed. He had done so many gay things during the time he'd been with Tim, so why not go all the way? If his dreams were anywhere near the real thing, he wouldn't regret it. He grinned and focussed Tim with a teasing gleam in his eyes. “Thought about it ever since I had you under my hands during that massage at the airfield.”

Tim's eyes darkened and he swallowed visibly. “You're kidding me.”

“Nope.” Ray shook his head. “Even dreamt about it.”

Tim licked his bottom lip but didn't say a thing. Ray leaned forwards a little further and stretched until he was close enough to kiss Tim. He stopped with his lips almost touching Tim's, when he felt the warmth of Tim's breath on his skin. "I was wondering if you were willing to help me realise some of those dreams."

Tim looked at him, eyes dark with desire, but he didn't move to touch Ray. When he answered, his voice had dropped an octave and held that rough note Ray loved to hear. "What did you have in mind?"

Ray thought about it for a seconds, then he decided to push things a little. He rose just enough to stretch his right leg over Tim's, then he shifted until he was straddling Tim's thighs. 

“Let's give it a try.” Ray said with a challenging smirk and pressed his butt against Tim's groin to make his point unmistakably clear.

Tim swallowed hard and his eyes closed for a second before he looked up again and his heated gaze found Ray's. “You sure?”

Ray just raised an eyebrow and gave him a chiding look. “Have I ever suggested something I wasn't ready to do?”

Tim shook his head after a moment. His hands had settled on Ray's thighs in a firm grip he didn't seem to be aware of. Ray moved his hips, rubbing against the hard proof of Tim's arousal that he could feel through the fabric of their jeans. Tim gave a low gasp and his hands tightened on Ray's thighs. "Josh..."

Ray smirked and ground down, making Tim groan. "Don't tell me you don't want to."

Tim gave a chocked laugh. "Of course I want to."

"Good." Ray settled his hands on Tim's neck, then he leaned down and licked over Tim's bottom lip in a teasingly light touch before he plunged in, sliding his tongue deep inside Tim's mouth. Tim reacted immediately, his hands sliding along Ray's thighs and his sides to his back, pulling him in until their chests were touching. He returned the kiss with equal passion, and when Ray buried his fingers in his hair, Tim let out a low groan that was mostly lost in Ray's mouth. 

Ray clenched his hands into fists, pulled lightly, and Tim shivered underneath him in reaction to it, another dark sound of pleasure coming from deep within his throat. Ray had long since noticed how much Tim seemed to like Ray's fingers in his hair, holding on, pulling, carding through the short strands, and Ray found he couldn't keep his hands away. He loved it when Tim leaned into his touch, melted into it with little noises he'd normally never make. It was just incredibly _hot_ to see Tim like that, to feel him let go of his impassive mask and his tight control.

Tim's hands tugged on Ray's tank top, pushed it up and pulled it over his head as soon as Ray had let go of Tim's lips. Tim got rid of his own t-shirt right afterwards, throwing it in the general direction of the floor. His hands were on Ray's skin immediately, touching, caressing, teasing, and Ray couldn't help groaning in pleasure when Tim's mouth closed over his left nipple, alternately licking, sucking and biting the sensitive nub, the coarse hair of his moustache teasing the skin. 

Ray's eyes were closed, his head was bowed and his mouth was open with his breath coming in pants. It felt so good to be at the centre of Tim's attention, to be under his very skilled hands and his incredible mouth, and Ray wondered what it was going to be like to have Tim _inside_ him. He was a little nervous – of course he was, it wasn't like he had ever let a guy do that before – but he didn't doubt for a moment that Tim would make it good, no, would make it _fantastic_. Ray was more curious than nervous, and maybe he was _a little_ impatient, so he let his hands work on Tim's belt and fly to get things to the next base.

Tim chuckled against the skin of Ray's chest when Ray pulled the belt free. "Impatient, are we?"

"Hell yeah." Ray growled and tried to concentrate on the zipper. Tim just chuckled again and helped Ray along by opening Ray's pants as far as possible given their position. Ray quickly got frustrated, he wanted less clothes between them, wanted more bare skin and more contact. So he got up from where he'd been straddling Tim's lap and unceremoniously got rid of his pants and his boxers, leaving them where they landed halfway on the table and halfway on the floor. Tim seemed to follow his train of thoughts and raised his hips off the couch to shove down his own pants and shorts, never hesitating a second. 

Ray was back to straddling Tim as soon as he'd removed the offending clothes, kissing him thoroughly, indulging in the sudden contact of warm skin on warm skin, the touch of Tim's hands on his bare hips and the unfamiliar feeling of Tim's erection against the inside of his thighs. Ray wriggled a bit, experimentally, and when Tim's hardness nudged behind his balls an unexpected jolt of pleasure shot up Ray's spine. It made him gasp in surprise, his eyes wide and staring at Tim.

There was an amused smirk on Tim's face, but his eyes were dark and burning. "That would be your prostate." 

Ray wanted to say something witty, but all he managed was a very inarticulate 'ugh' when Tim shifted his hips and pressed the head of his erection behind Ray's balls again. 

Tim leaned forwards until Ray could feel his breath hot and wet against his ear. "It gets even better."

Ray moved his hips again so that Tim's erection rubbed against him with maddening friction. Tim met his movements with little thrusts, intensifying the feeling, and Ray bit down on Tim's shoulder with a growl. "More..."

“Bed.” Tim managed to groan against Ray's skin.

“Too far.” Ray felt the ability to form sentences leave him, but he couldn't have cared less.

Tim shook his head against Ray's neck. “We're going to do this properly, and that means in bed. Aside from that, my supplies are in the bedside drawer.”

"Then carry me." Ray demanded, hoping it would make Tim change his mind. The couch would work just as well as the bed, and it meant that they didn't have to move.

"All right." Tim replied and settled his hands on Ray's butt. "Hold on."

Before Ray had the time to admit that he hadn't meant it, he felt Tim lean backwards to gain some momentum, then he heaved himself to his feet with Ray in his arms, the hands on his butt supporting his weight. Ray grabbed Tim's shoulders in surprise in order to hold on and wrapped his legs around Tim's waist. Tim didn't wait, he just tightened his arms around Ray and began walking towards the bedroom. 

Ray chuckled and kissed Tim's ear. "You're unbelievable."

Tim grinned and looked up. "I know."

Ray couldn't help it, he just had to bent down and kiss him. Tim stopped walking and closed his eyes, his hands slowly caressing Ray's butt while he returned the kiss eagerly. He took one step backwards, two, three, and his arm collided with the doorframe of the bedroom, but Tim didn't seem to notice. He continued, blindly as Ray suspected, until the back of his knees connected with the bed. He sank down slowly, sitting on the edge of the bed with Ray straddling him again, and his hands began to wander all over Ray's body. Ray began to shift his hips until he felt the pressure of Tim's erection rub behind his balls again. It was a new feeling for him, not something he'd ever experienced with any of his multiple female sex-partners, but it was a great feeling that he could easily get addicted to. Even more so when Tim's hand was wrapped around Ray's almost painfully hard erection, jerking him in sync with the thrusts of Tim's hips. 

"You should lie down on your stomach." Tim pressed out when he broke the kiss, his breath warm against Ray's lips. "That'll be easiest for you."

"No." Ray shook his head. He already knew how he wanted to do this, and since it was _his_ first time, he figured he had the right to decide. He pressed his hips down before he thrust up in Tim's hand, then he licked over Tim's bottom lip. "I want to ride you."

"Oh my... _Josh_!" Tim gasped, as if he was unable to hold back the sound. He shivered, his left hand tightening its grip on Ray's hip, and his next words sounded forced. "That's... not the best position for the first time, Josh."

"Don't care." Ray was more focussed on the firm circle of Tim's hand and the teasing pressure of the hardness nudging his balls than on Tim's words. He knew what he wanted, and he didn't doubt Tim would make it good. "I trust you."

Tim inhaled sharply, then he pressed his nose against Ray's collarbone, in the little hollow where neck meets shoulder. "All right."

His left hand let go of Ray's hip and he stretched, pulling open the middle drawer of the bedside table. Ray didn't pay it too much attention, the friction on his erection was just too distracting. He heard the sound of a cap popping open, and a few moments later there was a finger stroking down his cleft and over his opening. It was accompanied by a lukewarm wet feeling that Ray knew was lube, and for a moment, just a _tiny_ moment, he felt a surge of panic, wondering if he really wanted what he had initiated. But before he could get lost in doubts, Tim was kissing him again, his right hand working on Ray's erection with a teasing rhythm that made Ray momentarily forget the finger trailing his hole.

Tim took his time and Ray got distracted by his other ministrations so that he was almost surprised by the feeling of a finger slipping inside him, not far, just to the first knuckle. 

"Feels strange." Ray murmured, not sure if he liked the sensation or not. 

"It always does at first." Tim replied, voice low and soothing, and he pressed a kiss to Ray's shoulder. "This is necessary to make it good."

Ray just nodded, focussed on the unfamiliar feeling of something penetrating him. It wasn't painful, just... _strange_. Tim pulled his finger back just to push in again, spreading more lube. He moved slowly, carefully, but Ray felt it immediately when he added a second finger. He felt stretched, almost too much, and Ray screwed his eyes shut and and bit his bottom lip at the slight burn. If two fingers already felt this huge, how the heck was _Tim_ going to fit?

"Breathe, Josh." Tim's low voice murmured right next to his ear before he pressed a soft kiss on Ray's temple. "Try to relax. It gets better."

Ray nodded and forced himself to relax his muscles and let go of the pain just like he'd been trained to do as a Marine. It worked, but it still felt uncomfortable to have two of Tim's fingers inside him, probing as if they were looking for something. Suddenly Ray gasped and his eyes widened in surprise, his mouth opening in a pleasure so intense that it took him completely by surprise. "Holy shit!"

Tim chuckled right next to his ear before he bit the lobe. “I take it you like that?”

“Again!” Ray wanted to say more, wanted to tell Tim how amazing that had felt, how it was more intense than anything he'd ever experienced and that he'd personally kill Tim if he stopped now. But words had left him entirely now, flying around mingled and useless in his pleasure shaken brain. He didn't bother trying to speak again once Tim hit that spot a second time and made the overwhelming pleasure come back. Tim had understood, had probably known all along, and Ray allowed the words to become mindless groans and noises he would never admit to making.

Ray sank down on Tim's fingers every time they pulled back, and although he felt a vague burning at the third finger, it didn't really register once Tim hit his prostate. Ray was reduced to greedily pursuing his own pleasure, seeking friction by thrusting in Tim's hand and then pushing down on his fingers. He couldn't have said how much time had passed when Tim's fingers slid out of him, leaving him unpleasantly _empty_. He felt Tim's other hand leave his erection, heard the wrapper of a condom being ripped open followed by the pop of the lube's cap, and then he felt the blunt head of Tim's erection nudging his hole.

"Ready?" Tim asked, his voice thick with arousal. Ray couldn't speak, so he just nodded resolutely. Tim watched him with an intense gaze when his hands settled on Ray's hips and gently motioned for him to sink down. "Go slow, Josh."

Ray nodded again, noting the difference in size, and he suddenly understood why Tim had insisted on the thorough preparation. He never looked away, taking in every emotion on Tim's face, every twitch of pleasure, every change in breath. Tim's hips never moved, leaving it entirely up to Ray to decide how fast he wanted to go. Ray could imagine the effort it took Tim not to thrust, and he appreciated it, taking the time he needed to adjust. He felt all tension leave his body when Tim was completely buried inside him. Ray sagged down, his head coming to rest on Tim's shoulder, his breath coming in pants. Tim's arms wrapped around him, holding him, supporting him, and Ray allowed himself to take a minute to enjoy the feeling of Tim pulsing inside him. It was like nothing he had ever experienced and it left him breathless. 

Tim's nose touched Ray's neck, stroked along his jaw and his cheek until his lips found Ray's in a probing kiss, light and easy, a wordless question. Ray returned it, deepened it while rising up until Tim almost slipped out of him. Then he sank back down, slowly at first, but faster already the second time. He changed the angle, felt Tim thrust up to meet him halfway, and that did it for him. Ray made fists in Tim's hair, gripping tight and holding on, and Tim groaned under him, a shudder going through his entire body. Ray rose and slammed down again, his entire world narrowing down to the incredible pleasure it brought to feel Tim hit his prostate. There was nothing outside the maddening rhythm and Ray moved faster and faster, sank down harder and harder, gripped Tim's hair stronger and stronger. Tim's hoarse groans were the only thing he could hear apart from his own loud breath, and his whole mind was filled with the need to come.

It happened suddenly, Tim thrusting up when Ray pushed down, and his mind blanked out, his whole body shuddering violently when his orgasm ripped through him. He felt Tim thrust once more, twice, then he groaned loudly and passed over the edge as well. Ray could feel it, the heat that filled him, and for a split second he wondered what it would be like to feel Tim without the barrier of the condom. The thought left his mind as quickly as it had come, succumbing to the pleasant numbness of aftermath. 

Tim's arms were wrapped around him, their grip loose, and Ray leaned heavily against Tim to keep from falling over. All energy had left his body and he felt boneless and spent in the best way possible. It would have been fine with him if he never had to get up again, just stay like this forever, wrapped in Tim's arms while indulging in the pleasure of aftermath. Ray didn't bother to move for a long time and neither did Tim, too comfortable and too exhausted to even try. Ray had closed his eyes, his cheek resting on Tim's shoulder and he was close to sleep when a thought crossed his mind.

"Tim?" Ray murmured without opening his eyes.

"Hmm?"

“Would you do this the other way round?”

Tim was quiet for so long that Ray wondered if he'd asked something he shouldn't have. When Tim replied after a minute or two, his voice was low but firm. “With you, yes, I would.”

The words made a shiver run through Ray's entire body, leaving goosebumps in its wake. His arms tightened around Tim and he pressed a kiss to Tim's shoulder, feeling that no words could ever express the intense mixture of surprise, affection and amazement that washed over him. "Thank you."

Tim's hand came up to card through Ray's hair at the nape of his neck, followed by the soft press of lips on Ray's forehead. "Always, Josh."


	17. Realisations - (Brad & Ray, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brad and Ray have an interesting conversation.

The doorbell rang at about nine pm. For a moment Brad was tempted to ignore the uninvited guest, especially since he had an inkling who it was. It rang again, followed by a fist hitting the door twice in a rather forceful knock and a familiar voice shouting, “Don't try to pretend you're not home, Brad! I've seen the lights and your bike's in the driveway!”

Brad sighed and got up from the couch to open the door. He knew it was useless to ignore Ray. He'd tried before. It had only resulted in Ray picking the lock and letting himself in without Brad's invitation.

Brad opened the front door to find Ray standing on the porch with a sixpack and two bags of chips in his hands, a huge grin plastered on his face. "Did you miss your best pal Ray-Ray?"

"What do you want, Ray?" Brad leaned with his shoulder against the doorframe and made no move to invite Ray inside. "Do you need my couch after all? Did the Doc kick you out?"

Brad knew Ray very well, which was the only reason why he caught the flicker of surprised shock in Ray's eyes. It would have been invisible to almost anybody else, hidden beneath the huge grin that didn't waver.

"Nobody has ever managed to kick me out, Brad, not even you." Ray grinned, fully aware that Brad had indeed never managed to get him to leave if Ray hadn't wanted to. 

"So he hasn't kicked you out and you're not here to camp out on my couch." Brad summarised, giving Ray a suspicious look. "Then _why_ are you here?" 

Ray touched his hand to his chest, almost crushing the two bags of chips. "You wound me, Bradley. Can't I just come by for a relaxed night of beer and chips?"

Brad just raised an eyebrow. "No."

"All right, I'm leaving for Nevada the day after tomorrow. I really just came by to annoy you, but hey, at least I brought beer and food!" Ray held up the sixpack and the chips as if Brad hadn't seen them already. "That should at least get me the permission to enter your house." 

Brad considered the argument for a long moment and Ray waved the beer teasingly. Brad pushed away from the doorframe and stepped aside. "All right, come in."

"Thank you so much, Sergeant Colbert." Ray gave a little bow before he slipped inside, ducking just in time to avoid the slap on the back of his head.

Ray immediately headed for the living room and placed the six-pack and the chips on the table before he flung down on the couch. "Anyway, what makes you think I'm staying with the Doc?"

Brad followed him slowly, taking a beer out of the pack before he slouched in the huge armchair next to the window. "Poke would never let you stay in the same building as his girls, Walt has left with his family, Rudy would have driven you insane after one day and nobody else lives in Oceanside."

"That's it?" Ray asked with sceptically raised eyebrows and leaned forwards to grab one of the beer bottles. "Not the best recon skills."

Brad took a long pull on the bottle before he fixed Ray with an intense gaze. "I saw you leave the base with Doc Bryan, and you didn't show up on my doorstep the night we came back like you usually do." 

Brad let that stand for a moment, sure that Ray would understand the faint warning in his words. If Brad had seen them leave together, others might have, too, and this was Oceanside, after all. Brad didn't doubt for a moment that Doc Bryan was going to be extremely cautious, but he wasn't quite so sure about Ray. It wouldn't harm to give him a warning.

“You're wearing his bandana.” Brad remarked finally and jerked his chin at Ray's left hand where the camouflage-coloured piece of fabric was wrapped loosely around Ray's wrist. “You've already been wearing it in Iraq.”

Ray was quiet for a moment, a frown on his face that reminded Brad of the time after Baghdad. "You know, don't you."

It wasn't a question, and Brad didn't pretend that he didn't understand what Ray was talking about. "Let's just say that I've known for a while. But I'm not _asking_ , so you don't _tell_ , please. I don't want to hear about your love life, no matter who you're having fun with."

Ray was quiet for a long time, his eyes unreadable and his gaze never leaving Brad's face. “It's not just 'having fun'.”

“I know that, Ray. Doc Bryan would have never gone down that road _with a Marine_ if he didn't mean it.” Brad was quiet for a moment, then he smirked. "And you wouldn't let him call you 'Josh' if _you_ didn't mean it."

Ray doubled over and spit the beer he'd just been drinking all over the table before he started coughing. It took him a while before he had regained his breath and when he looked at Brad, he seemed truly shocked. Brad had never expected to see that expression on his face.

"What... How do you know that?" His voice was rough from coughing and he sounded about as shocked as he looked.

Brad shrugged casually. "The Doc and I had a word."

"What about? Did you give your blessing or something like that?" Ray asked, still stunned, when he got up to get paper towels. 

Brad smirked. "Something like that."

"Care to elaborate?" Ray asked when he came back from the kitchen and began cleaning up the mess he'd made.

Brad leaned back in the armchair and nursed his beer. "No." 

"What, 'no'?" Ray gave him a dirty glare. 

Brad just shrugged. He wouldn't mingle in Ray's and Doc's... _thing_. "Ask the Doc if you want to know. It's not my place to tell."

Ray balled up the used paper towels and straightened up with a frown. "You make it sound like it's a big bad secret."

"It's not _that_ bad." Brad reassured him and reached for the chips. "So, Ray, why didn't you bring a movie?"

Ray came back from the kitchen and held out the DVD box of the Die Hard series with his usual, easy grin and wriggled his eyebrows. "But I did, homes."

Brad smirked and handed Ray the TV remote.


	18. Acceptance - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim flies to Nevada, Missouri.

Tim couldn't help wondering _what the hell_ he was doing. He'd been wondering ever since he'd set foot on the plane, maybe even since he'd purchased the ticket. This was insane, it was _madness_ , and it was very risky. He'd known that when he'd booked the flight, but it hadn't held him back.

Technically, you could say that he was just visiting a comrade, a brother in arms, a friend, in said friend's hometown. In reality, though, he was surprising his _Marine boyfriend_ at said boyfriend's mother's place because – as ridiculous as it was – he had missed him so much after two weeks alone at the apartment that the unannounced visit had seemed a good idea. Now that he was approaching his destination, though, Tim seemed to have regained his ability to think straight and the whole thing didn't look like such a bright idea anymore. It was too late to turn back, though, and anyway, Tim had never been one to chicken out of a challenge. Not to mention that the prospect of seeing Ray was enough to keep him going.

He passed the outskirts of Nevada, Missouri, following the directions of the rental's GPS through small streets and past suburban areas with single houses. After a few minutes he left the tidy all-American neighbourhoods behind and came to the more rundown parts of the town with apartment houses and the occasional deli inbetween. The GPS led him even further, out on a street that was hardly more than a gravel road. He followed it until he saw what looked like a trailer park, only that the trailers were stationary, many without tyres and set up on concrete blocks instead. There were porches built in front of some of them and shed-like constructions added to the sides, and Tim was sure that not a single one of the trailers had moved in years. 

Tim parked the rental at the entrance of the area and switched off the engine. He checked the address again that he had copied from Ray's medical records because Tim had never asked Ray where his family lived. It was the first time Tim had used his access to restricted data for his personal benefit, but he was quite sure Ray wouldn't mind in this specific case. 

At least Tim hoped that. He wasn't so sure anymore. He hated the uncertainty.

The address was correct, so Tim got out of the car and made his way over to the patch that was supposed to house the trailer of Ray's family. It wasn't recognisable as a trailer anymore because of multiple additions made to all sides of the original structure. There was a small porch with an actual balustrade in front of the main entrance, a sturdy looking shed to the right and a tent-like extension next to it. Tim looked around for any sign of a name tag that told him if he was at the right trailer before he knocked, but he couldn't find anything. He stopped in front of the door and straightened before he raised his arm and rapped his knuckles against the thin plastic construction.

It was silent for a few seconds, then Tim heard footsteps approaching the door. It was pushed open a moment later and Tim immediately recognised Ray, wearing faded blue jeans and a black tank top, Tim's bandana tied around his left wrist. Tim looked at him, taking in his relaxed appearance and his tan skin. Ray looked good, better than he had when he'd left Oceanside. He'd even regained a bit of the weight he'd lost during their last tour.

"Hey, Josh." Tim said when Ray just stared at him, his mouth hanging open in shocked surprise. It lasted about two seconds, then Ray grabbed him and pulled him inside, managing to throw the door shut before he pressed Tim against it, arms wrapped around his neck, lips sealed on lips and his tongue deep inside Tim's mouth. Tim pulled Ray as close as physically possible, indulging in the feeling of Ray's strong, lean body pressing against him and returning his touches with equal passion. The kiss was messy, spontaneous and heartfelt, and to Tim, it was nothing but perfect. 

"Not that I'm complaining," Ray whispered against Tim's lips when he'd pulled back just enough to speak, "but what are you doing here?"

For a moment, Tim wasn't sure what to say, how much honesty he was ready for. Then he felt Ray's finger card lazily through his hair and he closed his eyes, buried his nose against Ray's neck and took a deep breath. "God, I missed you so much."

"I know exactly what you're talking about." Ray chuckled against the skin of Tim's neck. "It was driving me crazy."

Tim couldn't help grinning when he recognised the words as the same he'd said to Ray back in the football stadium in Baghdad. He was sure Ray was aware of that, had chosen them for exactly that reason because he knew Tim understood the feeling. Suddenly Ray straightened and stepped back, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

“Come on.” Ray opened the door and pushed Tim into the tent next to the trailer. There was a simple but well-cared dirt bike next to two trash cans and Ray approached it purposefully. “Can you drive?” 

Tim was a bit confused what this was about, but he decided to wait and trust Ray in whatever it was he had in mind. “I know how, but I don't have a licence.”

Ray smirked and took the bike by the handles to push it out of the tent. "Then you're behind me."

Tim watched Ray climb onto the bike and start the engine, then he patted the seat behind him with a huge grin. "Hop on, baby."

Tim shook his head with a smirk before he followed Ray's prompt, his hands coming to rest on Ray's shoulders. Ray accelerated suddenly, forcing Tim to rethink his grip and wrap his arms around Ray's waist if he didn't want to fall off, and Tim could clearly hear Ray chuckle. They were out of the trailer park's area within seconds, leaving it behind until it was out of sight. Ray drove along the gravel road, then he followed the main road for a few miles before he turned right into what was hardly more than a path in the dirt. 

"Hold on tight and move with me!" Ray shouted over his shoulder when they left the street. A minute later, Tim understood what Ray meant as the path entered rough terrain, became narrow and steep. Ray manoeuvred it with the skill of somebody who'd driven it too many times to count. He stood up to take the bumps, leaned into the curves and expertly handled throttle and break. Tim pressed tight to Ray's back, always following Ray's movements, letting his body adjust to Ray's until they moved as one. It was an amazing feeling, overwhelming and addictive, and it made Tim grin widely with joy. It had been a long time since he'd felt this wild, this _free_.

Ray seemed to feel his pleasure, laughing under his breath when he took the next bump with more speed than necessary, making the bike jump over it. Tim's grin widened and he felt an answering laugh rumble in his chest. Ray took them further and further in the hills, the landscape becoming rougher, the path in the dirt the only sign of civilisation. Tim couldn't say how much time had passed before Ray slowed the bike and stopped by an old, ragged tree. 

"That was great." Tim admitted when he climbed off the seat and stretched, the grin still on his face.

Ray watched him with a smirk while he got off the bike. "I know. I've been doing this ever since I bought the bike when I was sixteen. The area is perfect for cross-country driving." 

"Let me guess: This is how you got that clavicle fracture at nineteen." Tim asked with a raised eyebrow, remembering the injury listed in Ray's medical record.

"Yip. I took a somersault a little too far. Let's just say that I didn't land on the bike. It was more the bike landing on me." Ray chuckled and came over to where Tim was standing. "It was fine, I wasn't."

Ray invaded Tim's personal space and settled his hands on Tim's hips to pull him close. He leaned in and nuzzled Tim's neck, leaving a wet trail up to his ear. Tim rested his arms on Ray's shoulders and titled his head to grant him better access. He closed his eyes and smiled. Oh yeah, he had missed this so much.

"There's no privacy in a trailer park, so I had to get away with you." Ray explained and bit Tim's earlobe. "We really don't want the whole crappy neighbourhood talking about the skinny whiskey tango Marine and his grumpy badass Navy boyfriend making out in plain daylight."

Tim had to grin despite himself at the description. "Grumpy badass Navy boyfriend?"

"Yip. Ask anyone in the whole battalion. You're grumpy. And you're a badass, even if you don't seem to know it." Ray grinned and nibbled on Tim's neck. "That's why they listen to you, even though you're a sailor boy and not a Marine."

"And here I was thinking it was because of my overwhelming charms." Tim replied and Ray laughed.

"I hate to tell you that, but the job of Prince Charming is already taken. Walt got the majority of the votes." Ray let go of Tim's hips and took his hand to pull him over to the old tree. "Come on, we can just as well sit down. I'm too old to stand around all the time."

Tim just snorted and settled on the ground with his back leaning against the trunk. Ray flopped down next to him, turning so that he could lie with his head resting on Tim's thighs. The tranquillity of the place was beautiful, Tim thought and let his fingers stroke over Ray's short hair. He had the impression to be out of the world, away from the prying eyes and the judging minds of the people around them. It was a piece of heaven and Tim could understand why Ray came here. 

When Tim looked down, Ray's eyes were closed and there was a beautiful little smile on his lips. His breathing was deep and even and he was dozing, his hands folded over his stomach. Tim's gaze got caught on his bandana that was wrapped around Ray's left wrist. He had noticed Ray always seemed to wear it ever since Tim had given it to him to hide the bite mark on his neck. At first there had been a reason to keep it on, but ever since their first night stateside it had become unnecessary. Yet Ray hadn't removed it, was keeping it close even now. It made a comfortable warmth spread deep in Tim's stomach, and he smiled and caressed Ray's cheek with his fingertips.

Ray stirred and opened his eyes, taking a deep breath and suppressing a yawn. He didn't move, just remained where he was and looked up at Tim, his dark brown eyes unusually serious. 

“I've been thinking. I need to get my brains back.” He paused and licked his lips. “I'm not going to re-up.”

“What do you want to do instead?” Tim asked and let his fingers card through Ray's hair in a slow caress.

“I was thinking about college. I'd like to do engineering.” Ray replied after a moment, looking uncertain as well as relieved, as if he had expect a different reaction from Tim.

“Where do you want to go? Any specific colleges you've been thinking about?”

“Yes, actually.” Ray was quiet for a moment, and Tim could feel the tension that had entered his body. “MiraCosta College has a Pre-Engineering programme to enable me to get into uni.” Tim saw Ray lick his lips again in a gesture that was unmistakably nervous. “It's in Oceanside.”

Tim understood immediately what Ray was trying to tell him. It was a huge step, and it came kind of suddenly, but Tim found that he wasn't really shocked. “You want to move to Oceanside?”

Ray didn't reply for a long moment, staring into the distance with a frown and biting his bottom lip. “It's risky, I know that.”

“That's not what I asked.” Tim said quietly and took hold of Ray's chin to make him look at him. “Do _you_ want to move to Oceanside?”

Ray stared up at Tim, gaze firm. “Yes, I want to move to Oceanside.”

Tim gave him a little smile, allowing his pleasure at hearing those word to shine through. “Good. But you know we can't officially live together.”

“Of course I know that." Ray rolled his eyes. "But there's a difference between living together and living halfway across the US. I'll get an apartment. Problem solved.”

Tim chuckled and bent down to press a soft kiss to Ray's forehead. "Yeah, problem solved."

"Great." Ray looked pleased and maybe a bit stunned, as if he had expected a different outcome. "Now, what do you think about going to town and getting some food?"

"Good idea. I haven't eaten since breakfast." Tim replied, gratefully accepting the change of topic.

"Don't worry, my mom will feed you until you explode." Ray patted his own stomach. "She's been doing that with me, as you can see."

Tim frowned in confusion. "Why would your mom feed _me_?"

Ray's grin was positively gleeful. "Because she works in the diner where we're going to eat."

The ride took only a few minutes once they hit the main road. The diner was a few miles out of town and when they reached the simple red building, Ray parked the bike next to the entrance door and let Tim climb off before he led the way inside with the familiarity of somebody who'd known the place for years.

"Hey love." An elderly waitress was about to pass them with a fully laden tablet, but she stopped for a few seconds and jerked her chin towards the kitchen. "Your mom's on her break." 

"Thanks, Grace." Ray shouted after her retreating form and she waved a hand in acknowledgement. Ray walked to the bar counter and sat down on one of the high stools, motioning for Tim to take the seat next to him. A young waitress approached them immediately, a cheerful smile on her face.

"Hey gorgeous. Your mom knows you're here?" She asked and put a cup of coffee in front of Ray before she threw him a bag of M&Ms that she retrieved from under the counter. 

"Not yet." Ray replied and slowly dropped a handful of the candy in his cup before he handed the bag back to her.

"Then she doesn't know about that handsome friend of yours either?" She eyed Tim appreciatively while she poured him a cup of coffee. "If all your Marine friends look like him, you should bring more of them."

"He's Navy." Ray corrected automatically, then he frowned. "How do you know that, anyway?"

She just laughed. "Come on, Ray, don't you tell me you can't see if somebody has served. It's quite distinctive."

Ray seemed to think about it, eyes wandering up and down Tim's body as if he saw him for the first time, then he smirked and took a sip of his candy-coffee. "Guess you're right, Pammy."

Tim followed the easy banter while he drank his _proper_ coffee - no milk, no candy - and found it interesting to see Ray in a civilian environment for the first time. He shared a relaxed familiarity with the people around him that made Tim suspect that he'd known them for a very long time, maybe had even grown up with them. He seemed comfortable in his surroundings in the same way he'd been comfortable in Tim's apartment, Tim's bed, _Tim's clothes_ , and that made Tim smile on the inside. It meant that the feeling was genuine, that Ray's suggestion to move close to Tim was founded on him really _wanting_ it.

"So, what's your name, sailor?" The waitress asked and successfully interrupted Tim's thoughts. 

Tim focussed his gaze on her and set down the cup. "It's Tim." 

"Nice to meet you, Tim." She said with a grin. "So, are all Navy guys so hot or is it just you?"

"Oh, you're so easy, Pammy." Ray gave a huge, exaggerated sigh. "And just so you know, you can't have him, he's already taken."

Tim felt a shiver run down his spine at Ray's words. There was a slight edge of possessiveness carefully hidden under the easy tone, and it made a surge of arousal course through his body. He'd never thought that he would enjoy it so much that Ray so unequivocally claimed him.

"What a pity. The best ones are always taken." The young waitress pouted, then she winked at Tim. "If she doesn't treat you right, sailor, you know where to find me."

“There's no risk of that happening.” Tim replied calmly, careful not to look at Ray. He feared he'd give them away, that she'd be able to read his thoughts on his face. 

“Ahh, don't say that. Let me keep my hope, gorgeous.” She smirked.

"Stop hitting on my son's friend and get back to work, girl." A chiding voice interrupted and Tim turned towards the woman who'd just entered from the back door. She was wearing a grease stained apron and had her hands propped on her hips. She was small and had the same dark hair as Ray, the same wiry built and the same brown eyes. There was no denying their kinship. 

Ray's mother wasn't what Tim had expected. Actually, he wasn't even sure what he'd expected, but it wasn't an older, female version of Ray with the same big mouth and the same sharp intelligence hidden behind a quick tongue. He'd known after five minutes that Ray definitely came after his mother in more than just physical appearance.

"So you're a friend of Josh." She said after she had chased off the girl to clean the tables. "Iraq?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Tim replied politely and watched her carefully over the rim of his cup. If she was anything like her son, then she was very perceptive and he doubted they'd be able to keep their relationship a secret for long.

"It's Tim, right?" Ray's mother asked, entering the kitchen that was separated from the bar area by a high counter.

"Yeah." Tim nodded and watched her busying herself with preparing some food. Ray sat next to him nursing his coffee, not saying a word. Tim couldn't help the feeling that he was somehow being tested. 

“So, Tim, you're welcome to stay, but we don't have much room. You'll have to bunk with Josh.” She remarked while she fried two rather huge burgers.

“That won't be a problem.” Tim reassured her. He'd expected to have to take a motel room, so he was actually overjoyed to get the possibility to sleep close to Ray.

“Really, Mom, we've slept in far worse conditions.” Ray rolled his eyes before he took another sip of his coffee. "We'll make do."

"You always do, sunshine." She said with a smirk. "In this case, you'll just have to huddle together a bit. Two grown man in that tiny room of yours is going to be a tight fit."

Ray shrugged. "Everything's better than a ranger grave."

She looked at her son for a moment, then she turned back to the food, arranging two large hamburgers with fries and salad on two plates.

"You're too thin, both of you." Ray's mom remarked with a frown, her gaze scanning them critically when she came out of the kitchen and set the plates down in front of them. "Eat, boys. Really, how can it be that I always have to nurse you back to health when the Corps gives you back? One would assume they'd take better care of you."

She shook her head disapprovingly and returned to the kitchen. "What do you want for desert, boys?"

Ray grinned at Tim over a mouthful of his burger. "Told you so."

Tim chuckled and hungrily devoured his food. It was really good, and he told Ray's mother as much when his plate was entirely empty and she'd placed a new plate with syrup pancakes in front of him. 

She looked at him for a long moment, then she just smiled at him and held out her hand. "It's Angela, by the way."


	19. Insight - (Tim/Ray, Ray's Grandma & Ray's Mom & Ray & Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She might be old, but she isn't blind. Ray's grandmother observes.

One day, he just showed up. Out of the blue, so to say. He was just there when she came back from her weekly afternoon of bingo in town.

Josh introduced him as Timothy Bryan, short Tim, a friend from the Corps. Young Timothy was silent but intense in a fascinating way, with short dark hair and a moustache that suited him exceptionally well. He held himself with the same straight back and disciplined posture she'd observed on almost all military men – even her Josh had it – and he didn't have to wear a uniform to make it clear that he served in the forces. Josh explained that Timothy was their medic – no, _corpsman_ was the word he'd used – and that he'd served with Josh in Iraq. He'd allowed Josh to stay on his couch when they'd come back, Josh said, and as a thanks, he had invited Timothy to Nevada.

Mary-Ann Person didn't believe it for a second. She may have been old, but she wasn't blind. Josh had never been good at lying to her – not when he was a little boy, not now. She could tell immediately that there was more to it, and it spiked her curiosity. She was sure her daughter had noticed it, too, but Angela didn't give any outward sign of disapproval. In fact, she seemed to have taken to young Timothy pretty quickly, treating him as if he'd been part of their little family for years. It was enough for Mary-Ann to keep quiet and observe before she'd say anything. Her daughter was a good judge of character – Josh's father might have been a mistake, but at least he'd given them Josh – and Mary-Ann was too curious to say anything that would make Timothy retreat before she'd had a chance to analyse him. She had the feeling that he was a very private man and for a moment she wondered how he'd become friends with her rather loud-mouthed grandson.

The first evening was spent on the porch with dinner and beer and a red wine for Mary-Ann. At the beginning it was unusually quiet when they sat around the old table, but the later it got, the more vivid the conversation became. Mary-Ann was surprised how lively young Timothy became in the discussion and how well he handled Josh's arguments. It was late when Angela broke up the round, announcing that she had to get up early to be in the diner for the morning shift, and Josh and Tim followed her lead. Mary-Ann was almost sorry that the evening was over, she found that she had really enjoyed the lively discussion. Timothy had strong opinions and didn't hesitate to defend then with solid arguments, but he wasn't afraid to listen to others and take up their points. She would have loved to have more time to observe him. Well, there would be time for that over the next few days. She was sure he wouldn't leave anytime soon. 

Mary-Ann was proven right. The boys spent the entire next day together somewhere out in the wilderness, as she called it. They left early in the morning with Timothy carrying a backpack full of food and water when he took the rear seat on Josh's old bike. Mary-Ann watched them drive off, Josh going way too fast, just like he always did, no matter how many times she'd told him to go slower. She didn't see them again until late that evening when the noise of the engine announced the return of Josh's bike. She knew that sound so well that she swore she would have been able to pick it out among a hundred bikes. 

Josh and Timothy brought Chinese take out with them and Mary-Ann was extraordinarily pleased that her grandson had brought her fried pineapple for desert along with her favourite dish. He was a good boy, always trying to do something nice for her and his mother. Angela was indeed happy that she didn't have to cook after a whole day spent in the diner's kitchen, and she gave the boys a huge smile before she got cold beer out of the fridge and brought it to the table. 

Dinner was a vivid affair, the hesitancy of the first evening gone. Mary-Ann noticed with a satisfied smile how relaxed and happy her Josh looked and how he beamed when young Timothy offered him one of his fried bananas. They seemed to get along really well and it reassured her to know that Josh had found such a good friend in the Corps. She'd always been worried that the bigger guys would make life difficult for her Josh, just like they'd done when he was a kid, but she didn't doubt that Timothy wouldn't let anybody hurt him. There was a no-nonsense aura about him, a silent warning that would keep anybody from coming too close to her grandson. Young Timothy seemed to be quite protective of him, and she had to admit that it surprised her that Josh didn't seem to mind. That was definitely a first. 

This time they went to bed later. Angela had the late shift the next day and enjoyed the fact that she could sleep in. Sometime around midnight, she got herself a third beer and brought two more for the boys and a new glass of red wine for Mary-Ann. Somehow they'd ended up talking about journalism and media and the discussion had become quite heated, so when they finally decided to call it a night, it was well past two o'clock. Mary-Ann was exhausted and decided that she was too old for such late nights when she lay down in her bed in the back of the trailer. She wasn't used to so much young blood anymore. Josh had been gone for so long, and he rarely brought any friends. Now she could hear Josh and Timothy talking in the tiny bathroom while they were brushing their teeth. She fell asleep before she heard them go to bed.

The next days passed in a rush with Timothy easily fitting into the routine at the trailer. He helped out when asked, went for groceries with Angela and worked with Josh on repairing the roof where the last storm had blown off some of the covers. Mary-Ann watched him and her grandson, curious about what kind of relationship they actually had, and it didn't take her long to notice how they stuck together. Wherever one was, you'd find the other somewhere close by. They would spend hours out in the hills on Josh's old bike or working on stuff in the garage-tent that Josh had built a few years back. They sat next to each other at dinner or when they watched a movie. They communicated by looks as much as by words, sometimes even more than by words, Mary-Ann thought. She saw Timothy look at Josh with a secret little smile when he thought nobody was watching. She saw him touch his hand to Josh's back when he passed him in close quarters, leaving it a bit longer than necessary. She saw Josh smirk at Timothy over dinner. She saw Josh pass his hand through the hair at the nape of young Timothy's neck when he came back to the couch with more beer, a small caress that was almost imperceptible. It wasn't too hard for Mary-Ann to connect the dots.

After a particularly late night, Mary-Ann was woken up in the middle of the night by the need to relief her bladder. Too much wine, she knew. Darkness filled the trailer, only the faint light from the lantern outside filtering inside through the broken blinds. She got up and walked to the tiny loo without making a sound, just as she'd learned to do in half a lifetime spent in a trailer. She passed Angela, who was sleeping soundly on the couch, and stopped at Josh's room that was right in front of the bathroom. As was her habit, she opened the door a sliver and threw a quick glance inside to make sure her grandson was all right. It was a routine she'd taken on when he was a child and Angela had to work late, leaving Mary-Ann to take care of him, and she'd never really been able to break it. Usually she would look for a second and go her way when she was sure that things were all right. Tonight, though, she paused in the door in confusion. 

There were two bodies in the small bed, partly covered by a blanket. It took her a moment to remember that young Timothy was there and that he was bunking with Josh and that that explained why there were two bodies instead of one. It didn't explain why they shared one blanket, though. Mary-Ann knew there were enough blankets in Josh's room, she'd knitted almost all of them.

Mary-Ann opened the door a bit further to have a better look. In the faint light coming from outside, she recognised Josh's smaller frame cuddled against the bulkier form of Timothy who'd spooned up behind him. Timothy's arm was wrapped around Josh's waist, Josh's arm covering his and their fingers entwined. The blanket only covered their bellies and where it had slipped to the side, she could see that their legs were entangled, bare where their shorts ended. They were both fast asleep, Timothy's nose buried against Josh's neck right above the collar of his t-shirt, their breath regular and deep. They looked comfortable, relaxed, _peaceful_.

Mary-Ann retreated, careful to be quiet to not disturb them. It was the first time since Josh had come back that he slept, really _slept_ , no trashing, no nightmares, no insomnia. She wanted him to rest as long as possible. He needed it, and she guessed that it was no different for young Timothy. Whatever they'd lived through over there in Iraq, it had left them restless, unable to sleep through the night. It had been the same thing when Josh had come back from his tour in Afghanistan. Mary-Ann still remembered when she'd seen him at the airport, hollow-eyed and haggard and exhausted, how she'd felt an icy shiver run down her spine. Josh had smiled and joked and talked, but he hadn't actually said a thing. He'd been a different man, and while he had almost returned to normal with time, she'd always felt like a piece of him hadn't come back from Afghanistan. 

When he'd deployed for the first time, Mary-Ann had put his picture up on the Wallmart Wall of Heroes, the nice picture where he looked all proud and strong in his dress blues. It was a good picture, one where he smiled his real smile, and she wanted people to see who was fighting for them. She wanted them to see the face of her Josh and know that he was over there. Maybe she also just wanted to see his smile when she walked past the wall after going for groceries with her daughter. It made her feel better, and although it was just a picture, she'd always smiled back. 

The man who'd returned from Afghanistan had forgotten how to smile a real smile. It had taken weeks for him to sleep longer than a few hours without waking up shouting, soaked in sweat and eyes wild. She'd seen it too many times, had come to his room to wake him when the dreams didn't let go of him and his shouting was loud enough to be heard in the whole trailer park. Nobody had ever commented or complained, though, as if they'd known it would be a very bad idea, and Mary-Ann had been infinitely grateful that for once the chatterboxes had kept away. And while Josh hadn't sleep through the night either when he'd come back this time, it wasn't just as bad. Mary-Ann was quite sure now that young Timothy was the reason for that, or at least part of it. Maybe it was time to have a little private chat with him.

The chance came the next evening when Josh was helping his mother with the dishes and Angela sent young Timothy out of the kitchen that was way too small for three people. Mary-Ann decided to make use of the opportunity and waved him over to where she was sitting on the porch.

“Sit down, boy.” Mary-Ann pointed at the chair on the other side of the table. Timothy set the wine glass he'd brought in front of her before he settled down into the lawn chair with a beer bottle in his hand. Mary-Ann sipped on her wine and let some minutes pass in comfortable silence before she looked up and caught his gaze.

"You care about my Josh, don't you?" It wasn't a question, and he knew it. He just looked at her, but didn't reply.

"I can see it, you know. The way you look at him." Mary-Ann said and gestured at Timothy, an amused little smile on her lips. It was kind of fun to let the bomb explode and see how he'd react. "You're in love with him."

Timothy stiffened in the chair, his back suddenly straight and his whole body radiating suppressed tension. Mary-Ann took another sip of her wine and only continued talking when she was sure that he wasn't going to say anything if she didn't probe some more.

"I may not know _you_ very well, but I know my grandson. " She went on. "He's got it bad for you. I've never seen him so serious about anyone." She turned to fix him with a hard gaze. "So you listen well, Timothy: I don't care about the rules of the Corps, I don't care about the risks you take. You knew what you were getting into with both of you being in the forces, and if you break his heart, I will make you suffer. So you better mean it."

Timothy looked at her, not flinching, not cowering. He returned her gaze evenly, not trying to deny that he cared for Josh, not trying to lie to her. It made him rise even more in Mary-Ann's esteem. 

"I mean it." He finally said, his voice gravelly and firm, leaving no doubt about the truth of his words.

"Good." Suddenly she smirked. "I didn't expect anything else."

He raised an eyebrow in question, but before he could actually say anything, Josh came out of the trailer and joined them on the porch with a beer of his own. Angela followed shortly afterwards and they sat together until Josh dragged Timothy off to watch a movie. Angela's gaze followed them, a smirk tugging on her lips.

“They're kind of cute, aren't they?” She remarked, her eyebrow cocked in amusement.

“Thinking they could fool us.” Mary-Ann snorted and shook her head.

“Yeah, Josh should know better.” Angela agreed and laughed before she brought her beer bottle to her lips.

“Men.” Mary-Ann chuckled and took a sip of her wine. 

“Exactly.” Angela leaned back in the lawn chair. “Although I have the feeling Tim knows we know.”

“He certainly does now.” Mary-Ann couldn't help smirking.

“Why's that?” Her daughter asked with a quizzical expression on her face.

“I told him not to screw with Josh's heart.” Mary-Ann admitted and shrugged casually.

“Did you, now?” Angela sipped her beer, quiet for a moment before she turned to look at her mother. “Well, I don't think we need to worry, Mom.”

Mary-Ann nodded in agreement. “Nah. I think Timothy would rather shoot himself than hurt Josh.”

“Then our boy's safe with him.”

“As safe as he can be.” Mary-Ann agreed. Then she sighed, and she couldn't say if it was wistful or relieved. Maybe a bit of both. “I never thought that would happen.”

“What? That he'd fall for a man, one who happens to be in the Corps with him on top of that, or the part where we agree that he found someone who's worthy of his trust?”

“I admit that I had never expected that he would fall for a man, but now that I've met Timothy, I can't say that I'm surprised.”

“Somehow they match, don't they?” Angela smiled knowingly.

“They do, strangely enough. They're quite different.” Mary-Ann couldn't help the sad smile that tugged on her lips. “I feel like Josh finally outgrew this trailer park. He's going to leave for real now.”

“I know.” Angela fell silent, then she laughed quietly, wistfully. “It's about time.”

True to her assumption, Josh told them a few days later that he would return to Oceanside earlier than he'd originally planned. Mary-Ann wasn't surprised, but she couldn't help being sad to see him leave. He was her only grandson, after all, and he had brought so much light in her life with his laughter and his big mouth. 

She knew he wouldn't come back to live with them when he wrapped his bike in a protective cover and stored it safely in the back of the shed instead of the tent. He'd never done that since he'd bought the bike, and it felt like the end of an era. Two days later, the boys had packed up their things and Timothy's rental stood in front of the trailer, ready to bring them to the airport. Ray hugged his mother, then he kissed Mary-Ann on the cheek and gave her a gentle embrace. Timothy held out his hand to Angela who just pushed it aside and stood on her tiptoes to give him a decent hug. 

When he stood in front of Mary-Ann, she fixed him with a firm gaze. "You take good care of my boy, Timothy Bryan."

"Grandma! I don't need anybody to take care of me. I'm a grown man!" Josh complained next to her, but she ignored him entirely. 

Tim threw him an amused look before he returned her gaze and nodded. "I will. I promise."

"Tim! Don't you side with her!" Josh sounded scandalised and glared at him. Tim didn't seem bothered at all.

“I know you will.” Mary-Ann smirked, then she stepped closer and pulled him down in a firm embrace. He seemed stunned for a moment, his whole body stiff and straight, before he bent down and returned the embrace. Mary-Ann smiled to herself when she pulled back. She'd known he was all gooey inside his hard outer shell. He was just what her Josh needed, never mind that he was a man. 

Mary-Ann waited until Josh and Tim had shouldered their duffels and were ready to leave before she said, “I want to see you back here soon, Timothy. Tag along next time Josh comes by.” 

She would never forget the smile on her Josh's face. It was the real one.


	20. Departure - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim has bad news.

With a deep frown, Tim stared at the piece of paper in his hand. It carried the insignia of the Navy above a few formal lines telling him that he was going to be deployed to Iraq in a week.

It wasn't really a surprise. When he'd re-upped, he'd known this could – and would – happen sooner or later. It had only ever been a question of 'when'. But before, Tim hadn't really left anybody behind. Sure, there was his family, but they'd been living with this for many years. He'd never been in any serious relationships when he'd been deployed before, there had never been somebody waiting for his safe return. 

Now, there was Ray.

Ray who hadn't re-upped, who'd said that he needed to get his brains back, who'd actually signed into college for an engineering degree and was working part-time in an electronics shop. Ray who had more or less moved in with Tim, although he had rented an apartment of his own when he'd come to Oceanside. He still had it, on paper, at least, and only as a front, for protection. _Tim's_ protection, because DADT didn't threaten Ray's existence anymore since he'd left the Marines. But it could destroy Tim's career and cost him his job, so they always had to be careful. 

So far, it hadn't been much of a problem. But now Tim was going to leave for Iraq, and Ray would stay here.

"What's that frown, Tim?" Ray's voice interrupted Tim's thoughts and he looked up from the letter in his hand. Ray was just entering the kitchen, imitating Tim's expression and exaggerating it as much as he possibly could. He came from a lecture, a thick book in one hand and his bag in the other. He'd begun to grow out his hair since he didn't have to follow the grooming standard anymore, and now it was tousled form the wind, his cheeks reddened. He had Tim's bandana tied around his neck and tugged in his collar against the cold, and his eyes were bright with energy. It always caught Tim by surprise how different he was compared to when he'd been with the Marines, how he actually looked his age, and for a moment Tim felt incredibly old. 

"I'm going to be deployed." The words had left Tim's mouth before his brain had even formed them. 

Ray had put the book on the table and was about to remove his jacket when he halted mid movement, his whole body tensing. He didn't say anything for a long moment, but his eyes mirrored everything that went through his mind at the speed of light. His voice was carefully neutral when he regained his speech and asked, "When?"

"In one week. Thursday." Tim replied and held out the letter. Ray took the paper and slowly sat down on the chair opposite of Tim. He read the letter, a frown on his face and still wearing his jacket that he seemed to have completely forgotten. 

"At least you're with Bravo." Ray remarked quietly as if he'd said it more to himself than Tim. "Brad, Poke and Rudy are there to have your back. That's going to have to be enough."

Tim was silent. He didn't know what to say, how to deal with this situation. He'd never experienced it before. Ray made the decision for him when he stood up and put the letter face down on the table. "Want to have pizza for dinner?"

After that, it was as if nothing had changed. Ray didn't behave any different, and Tim was grateful for it. They went about their daily life as they had before, Tim spending his days at Pendleton and Ray dividing his time between work and college. They spent the evenings together like they always did, sometimes cooking dinner together, sometimes going out, sometimes just watching a movie. Ray didn't seem to think about Thursday at all.

On Wednesday evening they met in a local bar with the other men of Bravo, some of who had left the Marines like Ray had, others were still active and were going to deploy together. The evening was surprisingly relaxed and they joked and drank together until the bar closed. It was well past midnight when Tim and Ray got back to the apartment, both pleasantly drunk. Undressing was a rather complicated endeavour that was accompanied by grins and laughs. 

They managed to fall into bed in a tangle of limbs before Ray cuddled up against Tim's back and wrapped his arm around him. It was quiet for a long time, and Tim was sure Ray was asleep when Ray's arm suddenly tightened around his waist and Ray said quietly, "I won't come to get you at the base when you return."

His voice was rough, but he sounded stone-cold sober. His breath touched the back of Tim's neck, warm and wet. Tim didn't know how to reply, but Ray spoke before the pause could stretch and become uncomfortable. "I won't be able to hold back. It's too dangerous for you."

Where before he had felt something like disappointment, Tim was now warmed by the meaning hidden in Ray's words, by the feelings Ray admitted without actually saying them aloud. Tim closed his hand over Ray's where it lay against his stomach, entwining their fingers. "I'll see you back here, then."

Tim felt Ray's lips touch his neck in a lingering kiss. "I'll be waiting."


	21. War - (Brad & Tim, Rudy & Tim, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Iraq without Ray just isn't the same.

It was the same as last time. The heat, the sand, the lack of sleep, too many MREs for anybody's taste. The smell of rotting flesh, of sweat and blood. The eyes of children that had seen things they never should have known, of women who'd suffered more than they could bear, of men who'd seen too much death to care anymore. Yet it was so very different from last time. They didn't spend all their time in those goddamn Humvees that everybody from First Recon had begun to associate with Iraq. There were more new faces, there was less laughter, less connection between the men. Those with experience stuck together, those who'd been deployed together before, who'd been there in 2003.

But what hit Tim most was that there wasn't Ray's voice that carried over the noises of the camp, ranting about God and the world. Never once during OIF had Tim realised how much Ray's presence had influenced the platoon, how he'd somehow managed to keep spirits up with his big mouth and his well placed remarks. Now Tim felt his absence strongly, not only because he personally missed him, but also because the atmosphere in the camp was just _different_. 

Tim couldn't help noticing all those things, and he was sure he wasn't the only one. Brad must have felt it even more, he'd been deployed with Ray before Tim even got to First Recon. Once Tim even caught himself thinking that Reporter was missing, that it was strange that there wasn't a rookie who Tim had to take care of so he didn't get himself shot by sheer naïvety. At least there was still Rudy's coffee, and more than once it was the highlight of Tim's day. 

For the first two months, they were stationed in a camp just south of Baghdad, going on patrols in various neighbourhoods of the city. Tim spent most of his time working on sick and injured civilians in makeshift medical tents. No matter how much he wanted _not_ to see their faces, their eyes, he didn't turn away, didn't try to forget. He looked at all of them, at every single face, smiled at the children that looked at him with empty eyes, gave a friendly word where he could. It was about more than healing physical injuries, but Tim knew he was fighting a lost battle. This war had left wounds that were too deep for him to heal. _Nobody_ could heal them. Maybe time would change things, but that wasn't something he had any influence on. He still forced himself to give his best for every person who came to him for help. It was his job, after all.

The third month saw them move to Fallujah, a city about 70 kilometres west of Baghdad. Tim hated being back in the Humvees, although they still felt familiar in a way that was almost comforting. There were no more civilians for him to treat once they were on the move. Fighting began soon enough and he had to take care of his own. Between fighting and treating his men, there wasn't much time left to think. 

Tim didn't see faces when he pulled the trigger. Not like he had in the medical tent. He didn't care.

The fourth month had them move back to Baghdad. Fallujah was still held by the rebels who'd defended the city with astonishing success and Tim couldn't help thinking that all the pain of his men, all the deaths of those fighting in the attack, had been for nothing. He was just glad that none of his Marines had been killed. He hated signing death notes and he couldn't help being relieved that he hadn't had to do it since this mission started. 

Yet.

It was on a patrol in a suburb of Baghdad that one of the new guys, Larson if Tim remembered his name correctly, fired a round at somebody he claimed had been aiming a RPG at his vehicle. They stopped the Humvees and got into position, approaching the house where they suspected more men to hide. Tim was right between Rudy and Brad, his M4 at the ready, gaze sweeping the area while keeping an eye on the dark shadow that Larson had shot and that lay halfway behind the corner of the house. Just in case the man wasn't dead. It was then that he noticed that the feet were way too small to belong to a grown man. With a deep frown and a feeling of dread curling deep in his stomach, he approached the shadow.

The little feet were attached to an equally small body that seemed skinny even under the wide dark green gown. There was long brown hair fanned out on the dusty ground, moving in the light breeze around the otherwise still body. Where once an eye had been was now a pool of blood around a reddish hole where Larson's bullet had struck. 

Tim clenched his teeth, trying to rein in the fury that washed over him. The girl was - _had been_ \- maybe seven or eight years old, and next to her shoulder lay a longish bundle of black cloth, rolled up and bound together by several ties. Tim had walked over to Larson and had grabbed him by the shoulder before he'd even thought about it. He dragged the stunned Marine over to the girl and bodily shoved him to his knees right next to the body. 

“That your RPG, Larson?” Tim snarled and into the man's ear. His voice was quiet, the suppressed anger so strong that even Tim could hear it. Larson just stared at the girl and didn't move, maybe in shock, maybe because he didn't dare with Tim grabbing his neck hard enough to bruise. For a moment Tim was tempted to hurt him, to take revenge for the death of a little girl who still had had all her life before her. The urge was almost overwhelming and Tim felt his body quiver with the strength it took him to hold back.

Suddenly there were strong hands on Tim's shoulders, pulling him back with gentle force. 

“Calm, brother.” Tim heard Rudy's voice behind him, soothing but nevertheless firm. “Let go of him, Tim.”

Tim focussed on the calm sound of Rudy's voice in order to fight back the urge to just snap Larson's neck. He took a deep breath and loosened his grip, stepping back from where the Marine was still kneeling in the dirt next to the body of the child he'd shot. Tim looked at the girl and suddenly just _knew_ he couldn't do this anymore. He didn't want to screw up people's lives, didn't want to clean up after the mess his own men left behind. It was the shepherd boys all over again, just that it hadn't been Trombley but some other trigger-happy kid who wanted to tell back home that he'd shot somebody. A kid who didn't get that this wasn't a game, that these were _people_ with families and not faceless, nameless targets in a video game. 

Tim took another deep breath, his vision clearing again, and with a jerk of his shoulder he shook off Rudy's hands and stalked back to his Humvee. He had to get out of this as long as there was still _something_ of him left, before all his spirit was lost in the senseless stupidity of the men, the war, the destruction and the constant death. He would leave the service when he came back. Although the decision had just come up a few seconds ago, Tim knew it was final. 

It was that evening that Tim dug out the bag of M&Ms he'd discovered hidden inside a pair of socks in his first week in Iraq. He knew Ray must have sneaked it in his duffel before he'd left, a message nobody would understand but that was crystal clear to Tim. It had made him laugh - actually _laugh_ \- with barely suppressed surprise, and for a moment he'd felt as if the wave of affection that had been washing over him overwhelmed him. It had been a little thing to do, hiding those sweets in his duffel, yet it meant so much, told Tim more than any words could have. He'd been careful to keep the M&Ms out of sight of the other men and hadn't opened the pack, saving it for a time when he would need it.

Now that time had come. 

Tim took the cup of coffee that Rudy had brought him just a few minutes ago when he'd come to where Tim was sitting as far away from the men as he could without actually leaving the camp. Rudy hadn't said a word, he'd just given Tim a concerned look before he'd handed over the rather huge mug filled to the brim with steaming hot coffee. Then he'd retreated with a little smile that was supposed to be encouraging. 

Tim looked at the dark liquid for a moment before he dropped some of the candy into it. The first sip sent his mind back to early mornings and Ray kissing him awake, the taste of his favoured candy-coffee strong and irresistible on his tongue that was caressing Tim's in a slow, teasing dance. Tim closed his eyes when he took another sip of his Ray-coffee, letting memories wash over him, warm and bright and intense, bringing with them new energy, new strength, new hope. He concentrated on the image of Ray's smile, the warm, teasing sound of his voice when he woke Tim too early for his liking. The next sip made him think of Ray's strong grip on his shoulders, the skilled fingers working over his neck, his arms, his back in a gentle but firm massage, leaving him in a state of boneless relaxation. 

Tim smiled, his eyes still closed, and with every sip he took he allowed his mind to wander to places he had avoided for the past four months. He had tried not to think of what he couldn't have while on deployment. He knew it would only make the craving worse, but right now, he needed the memories, needed the energy they gave him. He took his time and drank the coffee slowly, savouring every sip. When he was nearly done, he heard almost silent footsteps approach him, long steps that could only belong to Brad, and Tim waited until he stopped next to where Tim was sitting on the berm. For a moment there was silence again, undisturbed by any sound, then Brad crouched down in the sand next to Tim, his M4 cradled in his arms. He didn't say anything, didn't look at Tim either, just stared off in the distance as if he was watching something.

“Rudy took good care of you, Doc?” Brad asked quietly without turning around. He didn't ask if Tim was all right because they both had learned long ago that it was a question you never asked on deployment. 

“Yeah, he did.” Tim took the last sip of his coffee and let the candy-taste play over his tongue. Rudy didn't even know how much good he'd done Tim with just that one cup of coffee. 

They remained next to each other in companionable silence, staring off in the darkness and lost in their own thoughts. A long time passed before Brad said quietly, “It's different, isn't it?” 

“Very.” Tim didn't pretend that he didn't understand what Brad was referring to. They'd never talked about _it_ apart from that one time after Brad had seen them, not only because it was too dangerous for Tim, but also because neither of them was particularly good at this kind of stuff. Talking. Feelings. It wasn't their strong suit, so without actually saying a word, they'd mutually agreed on _not talking_. 

“How's he holding up?” Brad turned, his face barely visible in the dark.

Tim shrugged, not bothering to hide his frown. “He pretends to be fine.”

“Yeah.” Brad smirked. It was small, but it was there. “He's good at that.”

“Don't I know it.” Tim didn't say more, didn't feel like he could put in words what went through his mind.

“You're going to quit, aren't you?” It wasn't really a question, as if Brad just _knew_.

Tim was quiet for a long time and stared at his empty cup with a frown. “Yeah.”

“The little girl?” Brad stared off into the distance again, as if he saw the small body in front of his mind's eye just as clearly as Tim did.

“No.” Tim shook his head slowly. “It was just the final straw.”

Brad nodded but didn't say a word. They fell silent again, only the occasional sound of faraway gunfire disturbed the quiet. When Brad turned to look at Tim, his gaze was open. “He'll be there when you come back, won't he?”

Tim nodded slowly. He hadn't known it, hadn't been aware this that was exactly what he'd needed. Reassurance, a friendly word to remind him that he wasn't coming back to an empty apartment, that Ray was going to be there. _'I'll be waiting.'_ He could hear Ray's voice, low and rough and sincere, breathing those words against Tim's skin. He could feel the lingering press of Ray's lips on his neck, his arm tight and secure around Tim's waist.

“Yeah, he'll be home.”


	22. Homecoming - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray waits for Tim to come back home.

Tim did another tour. 

Never before had Ray understood, really _understood_ , what it meant to stay behind. He found a whole new respect for military wives all of the sudden. Not that he was a woman. Or married to Tim, for that matter. That was still kind of illegal in the good ol' US of A and would get Tim kicked out of the Navy.

For a moment Ray had regretted his decision to leave the Corps, had regretted it so much that he'd been tempted to re-enlist. But he knew it would be useless, he would never end up in the same platoon as Tim, and even if he did, he just _knew_ that neither of them could deal with being that close yet unable to touch or even _talk_ how they wanted. It would be torture, it would be risky, it would be incredibly dangerous for both of them.

Knowing all that didn't change that Ray _wanted_ to be there with Tim, wanted to have his six and keep him safe. He knew what it was like over there, knew the risks and the dangers, knew the chances of getting injured were high. He pointedly refused to even _think_ about the possibility that Tim could get killed. 

The first days were the worst. Ray tried to keep himself busy with college and work, but he could never make this queasy feeling in his stomach disappear entirely. The tour was supposed to take five months, and after the first week Ray wondered how _he_ should survive that. Maybe that constant queasy feeling was going to recede with time or he'd get used to it. Anyway, he'd have to find a way to regain his appetite, or he'd be nothing but a skeleton when Tim came back. 

_When_ , not _if_.

After the first month it became a bit easier. Ray was approaching the exam period and combined with the assignments that were due the week before, it gave him enough to do that his mind was at least distracted enough not to think about Tim every other second. And there was the occasional email, a short call, once even a skype video session of about three minutes while Tim was still in the camp south of Baghdad. It wasn't enough, it _couldn't_ be, but it did the job to let Ray know that Tim was all right. Mostly, at least. 

Yet they had to be so very careful what they said, what they wrote, and never before had Ray hated DADT so much. He'd never given the rule much thought before – it hadn't really concerned him – but now that Tim was over there in that shithole of a country, Ray wanted to let him know that he was thinking of him, that in the morning he still put out the coffee cup for Tim half of the time, that watching TV alone just wasn't as much fun and that the bed felt too big when Tim wasn't in it with him. Okay, so maybe Ray wasn't going to admit such a girly things _ever_ , but he still wanted Tim to know that he _needed_ him to come back healthy and whole. 

Sometimes Ray even wanted to have some dirty talk, maybe a short session of hot and naughty phone sex, but he could see that the Corps might have had a problem with that even if they'd been a straight couple. 

After the second month a monotone kind of routine had set in and Ray managed to pretend that he was fine. People at work and in college had finally stopped asking what was wrong, although Ray couldn't tell if it was because they'd got used to it or because he had become better at hiding it. But then there were moments when the fact that Tim wasn't there hit him like a bucket of ice water in the face. It mostly happened when he was alone and at home – Tim's apartment had long since become _home_ – and Ray was glad that nobody was around to witness those moments of epiphany. They left him feeling miserable in a way he never wanted anybody to see.

The first time it happened had been early one morning, a few days after Tim's departure, when Ray had slowly woken up, still caught in the hot dream that had made him get all excited. He'd tried to press back against Tim only to find that the space next to him was empty. He'd been confused, wondering what on earth had managed to get Tim out of bed this early, and it had taken a look at the untouched pillow next to him to remind him that Tim wasn't there. Wouldn't be for months. Ray had hugged his pillow and pressed his nose against the bandana around his wrist, pretending that it still smelled of Tim, knowing that it didn't. Needless to say that the day had gone down the drain after that. 

There'd been more of those moments, smaller and bigger ones. Like the coffee cup in the morning and the M&Ms. Every time he saw the candy, Ray wondered if Tim had already found the bag he'd hidden where nobody but Tim would find it. Or that one time when he'd come back from the deli with Tim's favourite strawberry jam, just to bury the jar in the back of the cupboard afterwards. Ray hated strawberry jam. 

Sometimes Ray wondered when he'd become so dependent on another person. It kind of scared him. Independence and the strength to make it on his own had always been so important to him. Ever since he'd been a too small kid growing up in the rough neighbourhood of a trailer park, he had focussed on being strong enough to defend himself against the bigger kids, and although he'd had friends, he'd always been careful not to depend on them so much that they could break him should they ever betray him. 

Tim could break him. 

Ray knew that, had known it for a long time. But somehow he also knew that Tim would never do that, and although he couldn't say what he founded that trust on, there was no doubt in his mind that Tim was worthy of his trust. He tried not to think about stuff like that too much, it only made his head hurt and increased his need to see Tim until it was almost unbearable. 

Ray counted the days, although he would never admit that to anybody. Okay, so his grandma knew, but only because he'd involuntarily spilled it when she'd asked him in the middle of the second month how long Tim had been gone. He'd answered with the _exact_ time, down to the hour. She hadn't teased him, though, she'd only told him that 'young Timothy' was 'a very capable man' and that Ray should remember to bring him the next time he came to visit. Ray would never be able to tell her how much her words meant to him, but he had the feeling that she already knew.

The last week before Tim was scheduled to come back was even worse than the first week after he'd left. The queasy feeling in Ray's stomach was back full force and he couldn't stop thinking about the moment when Tim would _finally_ come through the door. People at work and in college started to ask again if something was wrong.

On the day of Bravo's return, it took all of Ray's deeply ingrained discipline not to drive out to the base where he knew the men were could arrive any minute. He couldn't concentrate the whole day and when he got back home that evening to find the lights still switched off and no duffel in the hallway, he knew that the plane hadn't arrived yet. The following hours of waiting – he looked at the clock on the wall in the kitchen every few seconds – were the most miserable hours of his life, he decided when he stared at the clock yet again only to find that the hands hadn't moved.

When he heard footsteps outside the apartment, Ray jumped to his feet immediately and hurried to the door. He pulled it open and there Tim was, _finally_ , after five months, three days and fourteen hours of waiting. Real, alive, in flesh and blood.

Ray felt all words die in his throat. He'd thought about this moment, had imagined it so many times, had made plans what to do. But now that the time had come, he couldn't remember any of his ingenious plans or his intelligent words. All he could do was feel. There was a wave of emotions – relief, happiness, desire and the overwhelmingly strong urge to touch, to reassure himself that Tim was really there, that he was alive, that he was fine.

So Ray took a step forwards and pulled Tim close, wrapped his arms around his waist and pressed their bodies together from head to toe, not hesitating, never giving the dirt any thought. He just held on, his nose buried against Tim's neck, breathing in the familiar scent hidden beneath the smell of sweat, gun powder and unwashed clothes. It was exactly what he'd needed to reassure himself of Tim's presence, and the way Tim's arms had closed around him with the strength of a steel band told him that it was exactly what Tim needed, too.

Ray pressed his lips against Tim's neck in a lingering kiss before he let his tongue trail over the skin, needing, _craving_ to relearn Tim's taste, the feel of his body under Ray's tongue. Tim shuddered in Ray's arms, his breath hitched and his arms tightened even further around Ray, hands splayed out on his back. Ray pressed against Tim, and although he knew they couldn't physically get any closer, he felt the urge to try.

Ray trailed his lips up Tim's neck to his jaw, a path of licks and kisses and nips, until his mouth found Tim's in an almost chaste touch. For a moment it was enough to just take in the taste of his lips, but only for a moment, then Ray needed more – _Tim_ needed more, because when Ray titled his head to find a better angle to invade the mouth under his, his tongue was met by Tim's, accompanied by a hoarse groan. He kissed Tim with everything he was, putting all his emotions, all his longing, all his relief into that kiss. His hands carded through Tim's hair, held on, tugged, clenched to fists, let go again just to return right away. 

Tim was all over him, his hands found their way under Ray's tank top immediately, touching his chest, his sides, his back in almost frantic caresses. He didn't even let go of Ray to push him inside the apartment and kick the door shut. It hit the lock with a loud bang, but neither Tim nor Ray cared. What was important was to get rid of their clothes so that they could touch without any fabric between them. It took only a few minutes and they stood naked in the hallway in a pile of clothes, the dirty uniform strewn all over the floor along with Ray's clean jeans and tank top. Tim didn't say a word, he just pulled Ray with him into the bathroom, holding his gaze firmly. His eyes told Ray everything Tim didn't put in words, and it made a shiver run down his spine. 

Tim switched on the water and let it run for a moment before he pushed Ray under the spray, never breaking their kiss for longer than a second. He followed Ray, pressed against him and only let go to hold his face under the hot water, letting it run down his entire body. A deep, heartfelt sigh left Tim's lips, a sound of profound pleasure and bone-deep relief, and Ray noticed how the tension eased out of Tim's body more and more with every second. 

Ray reached for the shower gel and let his hands travel over Tim's skin, thoroughly cleaning away the dirt, the sweat and the wariness that lay underneath it all. Ray felt the tense, cramped muscles of Tim's neck and shoulders under his fingers and began a firm but gentle massage, working all of Tim's sore spots that he knew so well that he would have found them blindfolded. Tim melted into his hands, his eyes closed and his head hanging in ultimate relaxation, a sign of unconditional trust that made Ray feel warm all over.

When his hands carded through Tim's hair to rinse out the shampoo, Tim turned around and let his head fall back to grant Ray better access. His eyes were still closed, his mouth slightly agape and he made little noises of pleasure that sounded like purrs coming from deep within his throat.

"Josh..." Tim leaned back against him until his back was flush against Ray's chest and his butt pressed against Ray's growing erection. He rubbed against Ray's hardness with delicious friction, moving his hips in slow movements that Ray was tempted to call needy, desperate even. 

"Josh, I need you to..." Tim stopped as if he was unable to continue, and suddenly Ray understood. He wrapped his arms firmly around Tim and pulled him close, hands spread out possessively on Tim's chest, his erection nudged between Tim's legs. Ray leaned in to bite Tim's earlobe and Tim shuddered against him. 

"Re-stake my claim?" Ray murmured in Tim's ear, voice rough and almost silent.

Tim pressed back into Ray, his eyes closed, and turned his head until his lips touched Ray's cheek. "Yes, God, _yes_."

Ray couldn't help the shudder that passed through his body at those words, said in a low, raw tone that spoke of need, desire, _trust_. He didn't hesitate to follow Tim's wish, didn't make him ask twice. He just reached for the spare lube bottle they kept in the bathroom cabinet and poured a generous amount in his hand before he let his fingers find Tim's opening. It had been long for both of them, so Ray was careful to go slow, use lots of lube and make sure Tim had adjusted before he added another finger. Tim writhed under his touch, pressed against Ray and groaned in protest when Ray pulled back to apply more slick. 

"Don't be gentle, Josh." Tim panted and pushed back onto his fingers. "I want to feel it. I _need_ to feel it." 

It was enough to make Ray's brain short-circuit. He knew Tim, knew he'd never say something like that if he didn't mean it. Ray was almost painfully hard, the blood pounding in his ears and his arousal so strong that he felt close to exploding. Tim's words made his barely upheld restraints snap and his left hand settled on Tim's hip while his right coated his erection with more lube before positioning it at Tim's opening. He craved being inside Tim in a way he hadn't even been aware of an hour ago. It was a necessity, an overwhelming urge to claim and to possess. Tim was his, had been for over a year, and Ray suddenly felt the need to prove it. He slid into Tim in one controlled, long thrust, the passage eased by lube and the muscles relaxed. Tim arched his back with a hoarse groan, pressing back onto Ray's erection with determined strength, never faltering or hesitating, never stopping until Ray was completely buried inside him. 

"Josh... God, Josh... missed you so goddamn much... missed this..." Ray had never seen Tim like this, completely lost in pleasure, voluntarily handing over control, needing to be touched, craving to be claimed. He had never heard him ramble mindlessly, telling truths he'd usually hold back, allowing himself to be needy and desperate and _vulnerable_. It did things to Ray's insides, intense things, and he suddenly understood that this was one of these rare life-altering moments people always talked about. It was the moment Tim had decided to give him something special.

He gave Ray _everything_. 

Ray was overwhelmed by so many feelings that words left him, so he pressed a lingering, open-mouthed kiss to Tim's shoulder before he began to move slowly, almost lazily. Tim fell into his rhythm immediately, meeting every thrust. His head was thrown back, his eyes closed in pleasure and his mouth open in mindless noises of ecstasy every time Ray hit his prostate. His fingers were entangled with Ray's where they rested on Tim's hips in a firm grip, moving with the slow thrusts.

Ray's world narrowed down to the contact of his body with Tim's, from the touch of their hands and the hot press of Tim's back on Ray's chest to the friction of his erection sliding in and out of Tim. He could smell Tim's skin where his nose was pressed against his neck, he heard the sounds of mindless pleasure that left Tim's mouth at every thrust, he felt the way Tim gave in to him, let go of all control, _trusted_ him. It was mesmerising. 

It was _beautiful_.

"Josh... Mark me." Tim let his head fall to the side, exposing his throat to Ray, giving him unhindered access. Ray shuddered, the tremor passing through his entire body.

"Please, Josh." Tim's voice was so low it was barely audible, and it sent shivers down Ray's spine. Ray quickened his pace and wrapped his right hand in a tight grip around Tim's leaking erection before he pressed his lips to Tim's exposed neck, right above his collarbone, and began sucking a mark to the soft skin. Tim arched under him and made noises Ray had never heard him make before, then his whole body shuddered and he came in Ray's hand. His interior muscles clenched down around Ray, the sudden stimulation so strong that it pushed Ray over the edge. He bit down on the skin under his teeth when he was overwhelmed by waves of pleasure, his orgasm drawn out by the contractions of Tim's muscles around him. It stole his breath, made him pant and shudder in aftershocks. It was heaven.

Ray felt Tim begin to sink down only moments after they'd come, as if his legs had given out, and Ray wrapped his arm firmly around Tim's waist to hold him upright. Tim leaned heavily against Ray, trusting him to hold him, his breath coming in pants. The water ran down their bodies, warm and soothing, washing away the remnants of their activities. It took a few minutes for their breathing to normalise, and Ray allowed himself to indulge in the lazy contentment of aftermath.

"Thank you." Tim whispered once his breath had slowed down again, his voice raw with emotion.

Ray kissed the spot behind Tim's right ear, the one that always made him shiver. "At the risk of sounding like a teenage girl, but you know I love you, right?"

Tim tensed for a moment before he relaxed back against Ray, pliant and boneless, and the warm smile was clear in his voice. "I do, but it means a lot to hear you say it."

Ray smiled and pressed another kiss behind Tim's ear. "I'll make sure to say it again, then."

Tim shuddered and cuddled further into Ray's arms that were still wrapped tightly around his waist. "God, I missed you so much, Josh. I missed you so goddamn much."

Ray closed his eyes, breathed in Tim's clean scent and smiled against the skin under his lips. "I know."


	23. Changes - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An early morning conversation about past and future.

It was early, the sun had just begun to rise above the horizon and the light in the bedroom held the faintness typical for the early morning. Ray was propped up on his elbow, a little frown on his face while his fingers trailed over Tim's face, just a hair's breadth from touching.

Ray looked down at Tim whose eye were closed, his face relaxed in sleep. There were lines around his eyes, his mouth and on his forehead that hadn't been there when he'd left for his second tour in Iraq. The shadows under his eyes were so dark they were almost black and he looked downright exhausted. Ray knew it was the look they all had when they came back from deployment, but he'd never really _seen_ it because it had developed when he'd been there and he hadn't noticed. He'd never been faced with the difference it made when you weren't around when the exhaustion and the bad food slowly drained the body, when all you remembered was what somebody looked like healthy and well before they left, and exhausted and drained when they came back. 

Ray gnawed on his bottom lip while his finger gently, almost without touching, passed over the lines that had etched into the skin of Tim's forehead. Frown lines, lines of worry, of concern, of anger. He didn't like what this tour had done to Tim, didn't like it at all. Something had changed, Ray could feel it although Tim hadn't said a word yet. They'd just gone to bed after their shower activities and Tim had wrapped around Ray as tightly as he could, arms and legs and all, and had buried his nose against Ray's neck. There had been a comfort in the familiarity of his touch that Ray had almost forgotten, and he slept better than he had in months. 

Ray sighed and bent down to press a lingering kiss to Tim's temple. "I don't think I can go through another deployment." He whispered against the soft skin and closed his eyes.

"You won't have to." Tim replied quietly, his voice sleepy and rough, and he startled Ray so badly that he actually flinched. He hadn't expected Tim to be awake, hadn't expected him to feel his touch or hear his words.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up." Ray pressed another kiss to Tim's temple. He knew how important sleep was right after a deployment.

"Don't mind." Tim's hand came to rest on Ray's waist and he turned so that he could snuggle closer, touching his nose against Ray's neck, never opening his eyes. His lips found the soft skin of Ray's throat in a lazy kiss. "I'm happy where I am."

Ray chuckled and let his hands card through Tim's short hair. "Same here."

They fell silent again, Ray never ceasing his slow caress, and Tim's hands passed over the skin of Ray's waist almost lazily. It was peaceful and relaxed in the way only a very early morning can be, and Ray wondered how he'd managed to live through those 156 mornings without Tim. That brought him back to what Tim had said when he'd woken up.

"What did you mean when you said that we wouldn't have to go through another deployment?" Ray asked quietly. He'd almost forgotten the words in his surprise that Tim was awake.

"I came to the decision to quit. I want to help people, I don't want to fuck up their lives." Tim murmured against Ray's neck. "I'm thinking about signing up with a humanitarian organisation. Red Cross, Médecins Sans Frontières, something like that."

Ray just nodded while he tried to process what Tim had just said. What it would mean for them if they were both out of the military, no longer bound by the rules that had forced them to hide and keep up a front to protect their life, their careers, their relationship. It was huge, and for a moment Ray was absolutely overwhelmed. 

He'd never expected Tim to voluntarily leave the forces, but he had no doubt that something must have happened, something really bad, that had made Tim come to this decision. So Ray just asked quietly, wondering if he was going to get an answer. "What happened?"

Tim was silent for a long time, and only his uneven breath against the skin of Ray's throat told him that Tim hadn't gone back to sleep. "Same as usual. We fucked up."

Ray kept quiet. He knew Tim well enough to know that there was more to come and that he would talk eventually, on his own time. Silence fell again and Ray concentrated on the sensation of Tim's hair under his fingertips.

"One of the men shot a little girl." Tim murmured against his neck after a long time. "I almost snapped his neck. Rudy had to pull me back."

There was another long stretch of silence before Tim went on. "I had your disgusting candy-coffee that night." He gave a chuckle, but it sounded rough and raw rather than amused. "I think I might actually like it."

Tim took a deep breath and Ray felt him cuddle closer. "Thank you for hiding those M&Ms in my socks."

"You're welcome." Ray murmured against the skin of Tim temple. "I thought you might need them."

"You were right." Tim admitted quietly. "I did."

When they fell silent this time, it was comfortable. Ray's hands played lazily with the thick strands of Tim's hair, knowing it relaxed him like nothing else could. He felt the precise moment when Tim fell asleep again, and with a little smile Ray closed his eyes to doze for a while. 

When Tim woke up again about an hour later, Ray gently bit his earlobe. "Soooo, once you're out of the Navy, can I give up my apartment and officially move in with you?"

Tim chuckled sleepily against Ray's collarbone. "Yeah, Josh, you can."


	24. Responsibility - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When the Indian Ocean tsunami hits in December 2004, Tim is sent to the disaster area.

Tim had been working with the _Médécins Sans Frontières_ , also called _Doctors Without Borders_ , for a bit more than half a year when things became serious all of the sudden. The call came early in the morning on December 26th, and it was Ray who grabbed the phone, just to shove it over to Tim.

"For you." He murmured, not really awake. "Marshall."

It took Tim a second to get his bearings, then he put the phone to his ear, eyes closed against the light of the bedside lamp which Ray had switched on. "Hello?"

"Morning, Tim. It's Marshall. There's no time for long talk, so let's make it short. A few hours ago there's been an earthquake off the coast of Sumatra with a magnitude of about 8.8. It caused a massive tsunami that has already hit Sumatra, Sri Lanka, Thailand and India. More countries are expected to be effected within the hour." The voice was even and professional, but urgent. Marshall Hill was the director of the San Diego County branch of the Doctors Without Borders. This was not the first emergency he'd dealt with, and it showed. "I need you to come in immediately. We fly out tonight, so bring your passport."

Tim sat up in bed with a sudden movement, and that seemed to be enough to wake Ray fully and make him glance at Tim with a worried frown. "I'll be there in an hour."

"Good. I called in the others, too. Briefing is in one and a half hours." Marshall informed him before he hung up without so much as a good-bye.

"What was that all about?" Ray asked from the other side of the bed, lying on his stomach, propped up on his elbows.

"There was an earthquake close to Sumatra and it caused a tsunami. It already hit several countries and more are expected. Marshall said we'll fly out tonight. I have to be at the office in an hour for the briefing." Tim explained while pulling on a pair of jeans and a sweater. Out of the corner of the eye, he saw Ray hop out of bed, grab his own pants and a t-shirt, then he slipped into his tattered chucks. Tim frowned. "What are you doing?"

Ray didn't even look up from where he was tying his laces. "Coming with you, of course."

Tim's frown deepened. "Marshall didn't say anything about you coming."

Ray shrugged. "He didn't have to."

At Tim's confused expression, Ray gave a disbelieving snort. "What, do you seriously think I'd let you go on your own?" 

Tim just went back to frowning. "It's my _job_ , Josh. You're only support staff helping us out here or there. You're not required to go into disaster areas."

"Come one, Tim, you know me better than that." Ray huffed, then he smirked. "Anyway, who'll take care of you if I'm not there? _You_ certainly won't do it."

"There's no the time to discuss this, I have to get going." Tim said, irritated by Ray's stubborn stance.

"Good, then stop arguing and let's go." Ray retrieved his passport from the bedside table drawer, turned on his heel and left the bedroom. Tim heard him grab the car keys from the counter by the door. "Come on, sailor boy, move it!" 

Tim just sighed in annoyance, but he knew it would be a waste of time to argue with Ray, so he just followed him out of the apartment, grabbing his jacket and his passport on the way out. 

Ray got them to the MSF offices in San Diego in record time. He'd been the designated driver in Iraq for a reason, Tim thought while he jumped out of the car and walked over to the entrance, Ray on his heels. The office was a beehive of activity. All personnel had been called in in the face of the catastrophe and the preparations for tonight's departure were running at full speed. When they entered, Marshall Hill was just crossing the hallway right in front of them and he spotted the new arrivals immediately.

"Ah, Tim, perfect. I need to have a word with you." Marshall said by way of greeting and opened the door to his office, motioning for Tim to get inside.

Tim followed him and was relieved when the door was closed and shut out the hustle and bustle of the hallway. Marshall leaned against his desk and looked at Tim with a serious expression. "In regard of the circumstances I'll make it short. Our objective is Sri Lanka and we're going in with three teams, each between eight and twelve people. I want _you_ to lead Team Two."

Tim frowned. "Only fully trained doctors are supposed to lead teams."

"I have enough fully trained doctors, but apart from John and Karen, they have absolutely no field experience. I can't trust them to keep it up under the duress that's going to come. Things in Sri Lanka are ugly, Tim, and I need somebody in the lead who can deal with that. You're the only one apart from John and Karen who I trust with the strain." Marshall fell silent and gave Tim an inquiring gaze. "The question is, do _you_ think you can you deal with it?"

Tim nodded. "I can."

Marshall inclined his head in agreement. "I know. That's why you're going to lead Team Two. Karen takes Team One, John is responsible for Team Three."

Tim gave a short nod in acknowledgement. "Okay. Just one thing: I want Josh on my team."

Marshall smirked. "I already assigned him to you."

Tim frowned. "How did you even know he was coming? You can't have talked to him yet. He just arrived with me."

Marshall just shrugged. "I knew he wasn't going to let you go alone. Ray might only be a volunteer, but he has spent quite some time with us, Tim. I was sure he'd join in case of an emergency, especially if he knew you were going."

"You don't mind." It wasn't really a question, but Tim needed to know that his relationship with Ray wouldn't cause any problems on the home front on top of the things they'd be confronted with once they got to Sri Lanka.

"Honestly? I'm glad we have him. He's the best technician we've had in ages, he knows how to make do with whatever he has. And even if I think he sometimes goes too far with his rants, it keeps spirits up. We need somebody like him on the team. I don't care what kind relationship the two of you have. I know it makes you a great team and that's the only thing that counts over there." 

Tim nodded in acknowledgement. He wasn't really surprised about Marshall's spot on characterisation of Ray or that he was aware of their relationship. He knew the man was a fantastic observer and good judge of character, it was part of what made him so good at his job.

"Now get out there and get your team ready." Marshall reached behind him, grabbed a few sheets of paper and sorted through them before he handed two of them over to Tim. "That's the list of your team members. The other is what supplies we'll have with us. Get things organised. Our planes leave at eleven o'clock tonight from San Diego International Airport."

Tim nodded while he skimmed the pages, then he left the office to throw himself into the huge amount of work that had to be done before they'd depart. He got his team together and talked to them shortly before they all attended the general briefing. The rest of the day was a blur of organising supplies, gear and manpower, planning and arranging with the other team leaders to make things work as smoothly as possible given the circumstances and the short amount of time they had. 

Thirteen hours after he'd arrived in the MSF office, Tim led his team to the third of the five freight planes that the Air Force had placed at the disposal of the Doctors Without Borders for their rescue and relief mission to Sri Lanka. Right behind him he heard Ray's steady footsteps, almost silent despite his heavy boots. Even if he hadn't told Ray, Tim was profoundly grateful to have him by his side on this mission. 

He had an inkling he would need him.


	25. Disaster - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the immediate aftermath of the 2004 tsunami, Ray and Tim arrive in Sri Lanka as part of a rescue and relief group. It's worse than anything they'd expected.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this is not a nice story. If I say 'disturbing imagery', I mean it. Heck, I'm sending the boys into the post-tsunami disaster area, it's bound to be gruesome. Nothing worse than what we've seen on the show, though, so I hope you'll be fine. 
> 
> Furthermore, I've never been to Sri Lanka and I don't know Mutur for real, so everything I write about it and how I describe it is my imagination. It's hard to get some decent information about it, so don't kill me it the reality is entirely different from what I portray. Call it artistic licence ^^

It was a different kind of heat than Afghanistan or Iraq. It was just as hot, but it wasn't the dry heat that came with those tiny grains of sand that managed to get absolutely _everywhere_. No, this was the humid heat of the subtropics that made you sweat the moment you set foot outside the air conditioned areas. The best way to deal with it was to just stay inside.

Only there was no air condition because there were no houses anymore. 

The thing that hit Ray again and again, right after the temperature and the sweat that was constantly running – _pouring_ , really – down his back, was the smell. Warm and strong, foul and sharp, a stench he knew he'd never forget. The stink of rotting flesh, humans and animals alike, of brackish water moulding in the humid heat mixed with all kinds of fluids Ray didn't even want to think about. 

Their target, Mutur, a small fishing town on the southern side of the Koddiyar Bay, wasn't any better or worse than Trincomalee. It was ghostly quiet, a haunted silence that wasn't even filled with the noise of the jungle surrounding it. There were almost no people on the streets – no _living_ people, at least. Ray had stopped counting the dead about ten klicks back. He wondered how their little team was supposed to gain control of the situation, how they should manage to keep infections from spreading, how they could actually _help_ the survivors. It seemed all too much: Too much chaos, too much damage, too many injured, too many dead. Too little water, too few people still upright, too few rescuers. They were only _nine_ members in this team, for fuck's sake, what could they even hope to achieve?

"Stop it, Josh." He heard Tim's quiet voice next to him, accompanied by a gentle nudge of an elbow to his side, more encouraging than chiding. "Any help we can provide makes a difference."

Ray gritted his teeth and nodded, forcing himself to push aside the overwhelming feeling of helplessness. He'd managed to get through the clusterfuck of OIF, and he knew he would manage to get through this, but sometimes he couldn't help wondering where Tim got his strength from, what made him still _believe_ when he was constantly surrounded by despair and death. What they'd seen in Trincomalee was enough to stifle anybody's belief, yet Tim still sat upright, ready to jump into action and help wherever he could. 

Ray nudged Tim back, careful not to take his eyes off the road that wasn't really a road anymore, and nodded. "Solid copy."

The four Jeeps of Team Two they'd flown over from the States had crawled in a steady caravan all the way to Mutur. They'd thought about taking boats across the bay when the decision had been made that Mutur needed help as soon as possible, and that Team Two was to go there while Team One stayed in Trincomalee and Team Three went north. Passing over the bay was a much faster way to get to Mutur from Trincomalee, but the sad reality was that there were hardly any boats left, and none of those could be trusted with the weight of the supplies and the equipment. On top of that the local military had warned them that the waters weren't safe, especially close to the shore. Nobody knew what lay underneath the surface, how much debris had been sucked out into the bay. Whole houses were missing, and it was a good guess that they were somewhere out in the water. 

So they'd stuck to the original plan to cross overland, roughly following the former road along the coast. It was anything but a fun ride. Sometimes they had to drive through water high enough to swallow the hoods of the Jeeps, sometimes they crossed stretches of muddy farmland along the side of the former road that was now destroyed. Twice they'd even had to lay out the long wooden planks they'd brought in order to get the Jeeps across the mud without getting stuck, and Ray could still feel the warm filth cling to his legs up to his thighs from where he'd sunk in deep into the mud when he'd moved the planks. Sometimes they passed through the ruins of houses, whole villages. It felt unreal, like the movie set of one of those epic catastrophe flicks where the world was always ending. Even the corpses fit the picture. 

Yeah, it could have been a movie, if it wasn't for the smell.

Ray concentrated on driving and was vaguely reminded of OIF where he'd also led the way on roads that didn't really exist, only that now they were in Jeeps instead of Humvees and nobody was shooting at them. And their victors were loaded with medical supplies and technical equipment, everything from bandages and stretchers to tents and generators and even a water purifier. This time they'd come to help, not to kill. Not a single weapon in the whole convoy – well, apart from the knife Ray was carrying. He knew everybody on the team had one, but they weren't meant for fighting. The blades were too short to make good weapons, anyway.

When the amount of destroyed building grew, Ray slowed down to have a closer look. They had reached what must have been the town square, but it wasn't really recognisable as such anymore. But at least there were people – _living_ , walking people – who eyed their approach with tired and resigned faces that slowly sparked with hope. In Trincomalee the MSF teams had learned that the military had been hit equally hard as the general population and that the efforts to reach the areas that were damaged the worst were made harder by the impassable roads and the sheer dimension of the catastrophe. There wasn't enough personnel to help everywhere and when the Médécins Sans Frontières teams from San Diego had arrived, the local military had actually been very welcoming, glad about the additional manpower, the supplies and the reinforcement. 

No help had come to Mutur yet. The men and women of San Diego's Team Two were the first, and it showed.

"Let's stop here." Tim said calmly into the radio to notify the other victors of their convoy, his eyes searching the area. "There's enough space to set up the tents. It's the best we're going to find."

Ray stopped, the Jeeps behind him followed his example. All team members got out and gathered in a circle next to the first Jeep that carried Tim, Ray and a good deal of the sensible technical equipment. Ray watched Tim. He looked serious but determined and there was the same calm efficiency to his movements that Ray was familiar with from Iraq. Somehow it made him hope that they were really able to make a difference here. 

"Josh, Pete, Mel, get the medical tents up. We need them as soon as humanly possible." Tim looked at each of the men who were the team's technical support, and they nodded in acknowledgement. "Set up the water purifier. We need clean water more than anything else. And get our communications running."

Next he turned to the man and the woman who'd driven the second Jeep. "Lynn, Jerry, prepare supplies for treatment and see that you're ready as soon as the tents are up. I fear there are a lot of people who are in need of treatment."

Lynn Middleton, a sturdy brunette in her forties, and Jerry Kingsley, a tall, lean man of about thirty-something, nodded with determination in their eyes. They were on their first relief and rescue mission, but they'd been practising doctors for years and Ray deemed them efficient and motivated. He especially liked Lynn, who had a sharp and dirty sense of humour and who gave to him as good as she got. Being new to this kind of situation, both doctors had wordlessly accepted that Tim had been put in charge of the team, never mind that he wasn't a fully trained doctor, and that made them rise even higher in Ray's esteem.

"The rest of you, scout the area and get in contact with the locals. They will know where people need help." Tim concluded and as soon as the orders were given, everybody moved, knowing that time was of the essence. With every hour it took them to get things going, they lost more people to the effects of the tsunami. The stench was the best reminder of that.

By the time two of the four tents were set up, Ray had forgotten what it felt like to be dry. He was soaked in sweat and his clothes stuck to his skin, but he didn't really care. He hadn't even bothered to remove his shirt for relief. The sight of the people moving in on them, carrying the wounded, reminded him that it was absolutely essential to get things going, to make it possible for the docs to start treating the people. 

They needed to create a place where they could safely set up the water purifier and their sensible equipment along with a generator to create at least enough electricity to keep the most basic systems in the medical tents running. Pete, a middle-aged engineer, and Mel, a technician of about Ray's age, worked with the same quiet determination that had taken possession of Ray's mind, and despite the less than ideal conditions they managed to set up the tents in record time. Once they were done, they split up, with Pete working on the water purifier and Ray and Mel heading over to the tents to set up the equipment. Time seemed to run and there were more and more people gathering around the tents in an awfully quiet assembly. 

And always, there was that horrible smell. Ray wondered if he would ever be able to get it out of his nose and his mind. He doubted it.

It was a few hours after the tents had been set up that Lyle Peters, a young man who'd worked as a medic in San Diego, came back from scouting the area with a middle-aged woman in tow. By now the docs were working non-stop on the people who'd been injured the worst, the elderly, the women and the children. There always seemed to be more people than the minute before. Ray had given up trying to keep track. It was worse than Baghdad.

Lyle and the woman arrived at the first medical tent where Tim was treating a young boy who looked pretty beaten. The woman's clothes were as dirty and rugged as everybody else's, her long hair was matted to her head and little cuts and bruises were visible all over her arms and face. She showed the same signs of exhaustion as everybody else, yet she stood straight and moved with purpose and a sense of authority that Ray hadn't seen in anybody since their arrival in Mutur. It sparked his curiosity enough to look up from where he was trying to make their communications work. Jerry, who'd just finished bandaging up an old man on the adjacent makeshift examination table, came over and immediately reached for her arm to have a look at a rather nasty cut, but she pulled back and shook her head.

"No, it's not me who needs your help." She said resolutely in accented but fluent English and pointed at the remains of a stone building across the former town square. "The orphanage... We've been searching, but we haven't found all the children yet."

"You speak English." Jerry remarked with surprise and Ray suppressed a snort at the useless observation.

"Yes, I'm... I _was_ an English teacher at the local school." She sounded rather annoyed, as if she thought that the time could be used way better than spending it talking about herself.

"Very good." Tim said with a tiny nod, never stopping in his treatment of the boy, and gave her a serious look. "Ma'am, would you help us communicating with the people? There was no time to organise a translator and we need to know where we're needed most."

She looked at Tim with a hard gaze as if assessing him, then, after a good ten seconds of watching him with the child, she nodded. "My name is Padma Perera. I'll help where I can." 

"Thank you, Ma'am." Tim gave a little but earnest bow of his head before he let go of the boy to turn to Ray. "Josh, take three men with you and check out the orphanage. Mel can continue working on the communications. I need somebody with field experience in the lead for the search." 

"Will do." Ray replied with a nod and picked two men and a woman who he knew could deal with the gruesome sights he expected to come across in the orphanage – infant victims were always the worst. They followed the woman – Padma – to the building that was still partly standing, one of the few stone structures in the area. She guided them through a gate that had no doors anymore into a courtyard that was covered in mud and debris. All the while she explained which areas had already been searched and where the structure had collapsed and probably buried some of the missing children and teachers. In the courtyard were several other people, obviously assisting in the search. In one corner of the courtyard lay the body of a man, disfigured and bent in an unnatural way, halfway stuck under a tree trunk and a piece of wall that had come down. There were flies all over the body and Ray knew there was nothing they could do for him. The other people milling around the courtyard didn't seem to notice the corpse anymore.

"Spread out, search the buildings.” Ray looked around his team and saw only determination. “Be careful, especially ceilings and floors might not be stable. Some parts have already collapsed, I expect the rest to come down at some point, so don't take any unnecessary risks. Bring every survivor you find to the Docs." 

There were nods. Ray didn't say what he knew they were all thinking. _'If there are any survivors.'_ It had been five days since the tsunami, the chances of finding any survivors in the ruins were close to zero. There would most likely only be bodies.

Maintaining their determined faces, Ray's little team dispersed in different directions to begin their search. Ray walked over to the area where Padma had indicated that they suspected bodies – no, not bodies, _people_ – to be buried under the collapsed structure. Ray took the door closest to the caved in part and carefully checked out the stability of the ceiling before he slowly went through the room, moving overturned furniture out of the way as he went. His boots left messy footprints in the mud where the roof kept the sun from drying out the water that had swept through the building. He didn't find anything, so he progressed to the adjacent room and repeated the process. 

When he swept the second room with his gaze, Ray suddenly spotted an arm, a tiny arm with a hand clenched into a fist. It came out from under a part of caved-in ceiling, almost hidden under the debris, and Ray hurried over, gripping the soaked wood and pushing it up. "Hey there, I got you! Don't worry, I'll get you out." 

The ceiling was stuck and he gritted his teeth in the effort to make it move. For a moment he considered calling for the others, but he didn't want to wait until they arrived. "Come on, move. Move, move, move!"

Then the wood suddenly gave and he managed to turn it over with a triumphant shout. "Ha, gotcha!"

The grin froze on his face when he looked down. The hand had fallen to the side, the angle of the arm completely wrong. It was only partly attached to the small body of a little boy, his breast caved in where the ceiling had crushed him. Flies moved off the body and Ray understood that the child must have been dead for days. Suddenly, the stench seemed overwhelming.

Ray felt bile rise in his throat and tried to swallow against it. This wasn't even the first time he saw a dead child, he'd seen his share both in Afghanistan and Iraq. Yet somehow this was too much, the lifeless eyes staring at him out of a tiny face that was swollen and purple on one side where something must have hit the kid before it had been crushed. Ray felt sick and had to turn away, then he bent over and retched, his meagre lunch coming back up. He leaned heavily with one arm against the wall and tried to regain his breath while keeping back the stupid, useless tears that threatened to spill. He was incredibly glad that he was alone. 

It took him a moment until he could breathe again, then he slowly reached for his water bottle and rinsed his mouth against the foul taste. He left the room without looking back.

He knew they'd have to come back later to bury the dead to reduce the risk of an epidemic spreading among the survivors, but right now, he couldn't deal with the sight.

Ray made sure to be careful and extra attentive wherever he checked the rubble. If there was any chance of finding any of the kids alive, he would never forgive himself if he missed it. With every part of the building that he came out empty, he couldn't decide whether he was relieved or frustrated. He climbed the collapsed part that Padma had shown them and began to aimlessly move some of the debris, throwing it behind him. He couldn't say how long he diminished the pile, but the mindless work helped him banning the pictures of the crushed boy a few rooms away. When a few bricks next to him moved without his doing and rolled down the pile, he almost failed to notice it.

Then there was suddenly a hand visible under a piece of wood that was most likely a broken table, a hand so small that it had to belong to a child. For a terrible moment Ray feared what he would find if he dug it out. He didn't want to find another dead kid. 

Then the hand moved, left, right, and retreated back to where it came from.

“Oh my...” For a second, Ray was stunned into immobility, then he felt a surge of adrenaline course through his system. “Hey! Hey, are you all right? Hold on, I'll get you!”

He grabbed stones, wood, dirt, everything that was between him and the buried child. He moved with the frantic urgency born of despair and hope, yet it took longer than he liked to get enough rubble off the table for him to able to lift it. As soon as he deemed it possible, he crouched down, gripped the edge of the table and raised it up, debris and all, to look underneath it. He was met by huge brown eyes that stared at him with the kind of resigned, dull fear that no child should know. Ray felt his heart stop, then it started beating at double speed and he smiled in sudden, bone-deep relief.

"Hey Bambi-eyes." He said quietly and smiled reassuringly at the little girl. She watched him cautiously, but didn't move. She was maybe three years old, her clothes were torn and dirty and she looked like she'd been soaking wet at some point. Her face and her tousled hair were covered in mud. She was just small enough that the table had managed to cover her and save her from the falling ceiling. It must have been luck, nothing but dumb luck, that she'd been under the table when the structure had come down, and that the legs of the table hadn't all broken under the impact. Two had remained strong, and that had saved her life. 

Ray didn't even want to think about how she'd managed to survive in that hole for five days without food or water. He couldn't help noticing the pools of dirty water on the ground and it made him shiver to think of what she must have done in order to survive. He wanted nothing more than to get her out of there, hug her close and make her forget everything she'd experienced in the past five days.

"I'm here to help you, Bambi." Ray said calmly, although he knew she didn't understand him. With his free hand, he dug out his water bottle, opened it and held it out to her with a slow movement, using the word he'd made the Padma teach him in Sinhala. “ _Water_.“ 

The girl hesitated for a moment as if she didn't believe he was real, then she slowly reached out and took the bottle to cradle it in her arms for a moment as if it was a stuffed toy before she raised it up and drank. After the first drops, she began to greedily suck on the bottle and had downed half of it before she let go and looked at him again.

“ _Name._ “ Ray said slowly and pointed at himself. “Ray.” 

He knew he had to get her to move out of there, he couldn't hold up the table forever, and he was in no position to climb into the tiny space to get her. She had to come to him.

He was incredibly glad he'd asked Padma for a few words on the way to the orphanage. He'd just been curious, but now it might come in handy. He repeated the gesture twice before he said _'name'_ again and pointed at the little girl. She looked at him with those huge brown Bambi eyes until Ray was about to repeat his words again when he heard her very quiet voice. “ _Lakmini._ “

Ray smiled at her. "' _Lakmini_ , hmm? Nice name, makes me think of Minnie Mouse. Do you know Minnie Mouse? I'm sure you'd like her."

The girl watched him and tilted her head slightly as if she was trying to figure out what he was saying. Ray laughed, most of it relief at finding her alive, and she gave a spontaneous smile in return. Ray reached out with the hand that wasn't holding up the table and after a moment, she grabbed it and let him pull her out from underneath the broken table.

"Come here, my little Bambi, I will bring you to the Docs." Ray gathered her in his arms, surprised at the strength with which she held on to him, her tiny arms closing around his neck as if she was afraid he would let go and leave her. She didn't make a sound, didn't cry, just buried her face against his neck. Ray reassuringly patted her back and made sure to keep up a constant, easy stream of words. It seemed to calm her, although the grip of her little arms around his neck never loosened. "I know a very special Doc, the best Doc in the world. All kids love him, I'm sure you will, too. He pretends to be all grumpy and badass, you know, but he's all gooey inside. One look of your huge brown eyes and he'll melt right in front of you. Works for me every time, so you better listen to old Ray-Ray's advice, Bambi."

Only a few minutes later, Ray entered the provisional hospital tent and walked over to Tim who was just releasing an old man from his care. Tim looked up, took in the situation with one glance, and smiled. Actually _smiled_. He knew Ray had found a survivor and it seemed to give him a boost of energy like nothing else could have. For a second he just watched Ray with the little girl in his arms before he walked over to them.

When he reached them, Tim nodded at the little girl. "See, that's why we're here, Josh. To make a difference."

“Yeah.” Ray hugged the little girl closer and smiled down at her before he looked at Tim. “Now I get it.”


	26. Limits - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim loses focus and forgets his limits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another darkish story, but there's a bit of fluff too, just to make you survive all the darkness I'm throwing at you at the moment ^^

Eyes. 

The world consisted only of eyes. Terrified eyes, sad eyes, scared eyes, dull eyes, resigned eyes, empty eyes.

Dead eyes.

The only thing Tim remembered about every single one of the people he had treated since they'd come to the disaster area were their eyes. He forgot the faces, the bodies, the names – if he ever knew them. But he always remembered the expression in their eyes, and it was always something he'd seen way too many times before. The eyes ate at him, their pain burned into his memory, into his very soul, and he didn't know if he could ever be free of them. 

He had to do everything he possibly could to help them, to make a difference. Even if it was just a tiny difference. Because it was all about making a difference. He had to remind himself of that every single time a new patient stepped into the tent. Sometimes he didn't quite manage to convince himself, and then he wondered how many more there were, how many more scarred souls were going to look at him through old eyes in young bodies. 

The days had long since turned into a blur of activity that was roughly the same every day again. Tim couldn't tell anymore when he'd done what, who he'd treated at what time or how many bodies they'd piled up in the courtyard of the remains of Mutur Hospital. The smell had got worse with every day that passed, and even if it went against Tim's ethics, he'd agreed with the hospital's doctors who'd ordered the bodies to be buried in mass graves they'd dug out with the help of the remaining inhabitants. They tried to take pictures of every corpse to make identification at a later date possible, but no matter his ethical feelings, Tim knew they had to get rid of the bodies. It was becoming dangerous, they were too close to the outbreak of diseases that could turn into epidemics, and it was his job to keep that from happening.

Tim was infinitely glad about the support of the locals, especially Padma proved a fantastic leader. She organised search parties, got people to dig the deep holes they needed to bury the bodies, managed the transport of the ever increasing number of corpses to their final resting place and established a close collaboration between the Rescue and Relief group and the remaining staff of Mutur Hospital. Everybody worked to the point of exhaustion, from the young mother to the old man next door. 

Tim lost himself in the steady flow of work, in the repetitive motions of caring for the injured that were still a steady stream to their tents even after days of their presence. He grabbed an hour of sleep here and there, mostly when Ray or Padma made him leave the medical tent with bodily force when his hands became too shaky to be reliable. He ate whatever they pressed into his hands, never stopping in his work. Time was of the essence, everybody knew that. They'd already lost so many people because they'd been too late to help, and Tim wouldn't have that happen again if there was even the slightest chance of preventing it. He didn't know how many more dead eyes he could take, so he did everything in his power to keep them from dying.

On the second day they'd begun to transform the orphanage into a makeshift aid station. Since it was one of the few structures still standing, it provided dearly needed shade during the day. They'd cleared out most of the rubble that had blocked the rooms which were still intact, checked and secured walls and ceilings as good as they could and then set up rows of wooden planks they'd gathered in the debris to serve as beds – or at least as protection against the rough, uneven ground. All planks were occupied since day three and they'd had to resign to just laying people next to each other on the ground. The situation hadn't improved much since.

And then there were the children. If his count was correct, there were fifty-three children within the walls of the orphanage by day eight. Some had lived here even before the tsunami had hit, others were newly arrived kids from Mutur and the surrounding villages, kids that had lost contact with their families – or had seen them die in the water. Somehow the people of Mutur had brought every lost child to the orphanage, knowing it was the place where families would come to look for them. And somehow the responsibility of the orphanage had fallen to Tim and his team because they occupied the building with their aid station. It was where people went when they were hurt, when they were looking for a lost member of the family, when they needed any kind of help. 

Padma had recruited a few local women to help with the care of the injured and the children. She'd also obligated Ray to take care of the kids whenever his skills weren't needed elsewhere. Tim wondered if she'd decided on it when she'd seen Ray with the little girl, Lakmini, who clung to him like a leech and wouldn't let him out of her sight, or if Padma had known that first evening, when Ray had gathered the kids in the courtyard and had told them a story, more with gestures and noises than with words. They were caught up in the world Ray created with the help of Padma who had to translate words for him that he repeated and wove into a story that relied on the fantastic imagination of a child's mind. For those thirty minutes, there was no hunger, no pain, no fear, no sadness, no death. 

Tim had found himself standing in the back of the courtyard, unable to hide his smile at the sight. When he'd turned his head, he'd seen adults joining the children, some he knew where housed in the aid station, some came through the gate that had no doors, all attracted by the now rare sound of children laughing. The men and women had all smiled, the same smile Tim had felt on his own features. It had been a magical moment, the laughter of the ragtag group of some twenty dirty children echoing across the courtyard, the unimpaired joy right there in the middle of this wasteland of despair and pain. It had taught Tim a valuable lesson about the resilience of children.

It was on day eight – or maybe day nine, he wasn't entirely sure – when Ray caught him outside the orphanage. Tim had just finished his round and was about to return to the medical tents where Lynn, Jerry and Lyle were working on the injured that still arrived en masse. 

“Hey.” Ray gave him a smile and held out a MRE. “It's well past lunchtime. When have you last eaten?”

Tim shrugged, accepting the pack. “I don't remember. A while ago.”

Ray snorted. “More like 'ages ago', hmm?”

“Possibly.” Tim smirked and ripped open the pack, going for the energy bar first. He felt dizzy, knowing it was a combination of lack of sleep and lack of food, and at least he could cure the latter now. 

“At the risk of sounding like a mother hen, but when was the last time you slept?” Ray asked and when Tim made to answer, Ray raised his hand to keep him quiet. “And no, I don't mean those half-hour naps you've been living on for the past week.”

Tim closed his mouth again, taking a bite of the energy bar and chewing thoroughly instead of answering. He didn't know what to say anyway, Ray would see through a lie immediately.

Ray huffed out a breath in frustration, a deep frown on his face. “Really, Tim, you know better than to drain your body like that. We're not in combat.”

Tim swallowed before he looked up. “No, this is worse.”

“I agree.” Ray nodded slowly, his face dark. “But we also have over fifty children in our care, Tim. We have to keep focussed. We're their difference. You yourself taught me that that's what matters. Don't forget your own lesson.”

“Don't lecture me, Josh.” Tim's frown deepened. He really didn't need Ray telling him what to do.

“This will go on for quite some time, Tim, before the situation gets any better, and that means you have to ration your strength.” Ray continued as if Tim hadn't spoken. Then he snorted, but it wasn't amused. “Hell, you're the doc, I shouldn't have to tell you that. In fact, I remember _you_ telling _me_ the exact same thing a few years back. I think it was in a place called Iraq.”

“Leave it, Josh. I know what I'm doing.” Tim growled and moved to take another bite of the energy bar. Before he managed, though, Tim felt his back connect with the unforgiving hardness of the wall. He looked up in surprise and stared right into the seriously angry face of one Joshua Ray Person. His eyes were narrowed and there was a dangerous glimmer to them, his teeth were bared in a snarl and his hands were fisted in Tim's collar, pressing him hard into the wall.

"You listen to me, Robert Timothy Bryan! You get over to that fucking tent and you grab some hours of sleep, do you understand me?"

"Josh-"

"No!" Ray interrupted before Tim could say more than one word. "I know this gets to you, okay? I get it, because it gets to me too. For fuck's sake, Tim, it gets to all of us! But of course you have to push yourself so far that even the strains of a deployment pale against this. You don't do anybody a favour if you work yourself into the ground and die of exhaustion!"

Tim swallowed the anger that was rising inside him, trying not to explode into Ray's face. "I'm not 'dying of exhaustion', Josh. I'm perfectly fine, maybe a bit tired, but we all are. Don't you tell me how I feel!"

"You're swaying on your feet! Hell, I managed to smack you into a wall and you didn't even react, never mind fight back! That tells me more about your physical condition than any of your words! I didn't lose you to Iraq, and I will _not_ lose you to your own stupid stubbornness now!" Ray yelled and shook him once so that Tim's back hit the wall again. "You think you owe it to everybody here to work until you succeed to save them or to die trying. But you know what? You first and foremost owe it to _me_ to stay well and _alive_! You get that, you pig-headed idiot?!" 

Tim just stared at Ray, completely speechless. Never before had Ray exploded like that, never had he yelled like this, never had he been that mad. It was as overwhelming as his actual words, and Tim sagged against the wall at his back, suddenly drained off his own anger.

Ray let go of his collar and his hands drifted along Tim's neck until they curled into fists in his hair, his intense gaze focussed on Tim. "You're mine, Timothy Bryan, and I won't stand aside and watch you run yourself into the ground."

Tim swallowed hard, a shudder running through his entire body and goosebumps spreading over his skin. It was a strange mixture of despair, arousal, desire and exhaustion that made him feel light-headed. He nodded, slowly but firmly. "Solid copy."

Ray licked his lips in a gesture that seemed oddly vulnerable. "Good."

Tim hesitated for a moment, then he leaned forwards and wrapped his arms around Ray, pulling him into an almost desperate embrace. He felt something inside him uncurl at the contact, and he let out a long breath. Only now did he realise that he hadn't really touched Ray since they'd left for Sri Lanka.

"Told you I had to come along to take care of you." Ray mumbled against his neck and chuckled. "Told you _you_ wouldn't do it."

Tim buried his nose in Ray's hair, never noticing the smell of sweat. For him, it only meant comfort, family, home. "I'm sorry, Josh."

"Okay. Just promise me to take better care of yourself from now on, yeah? I want to keep you around for at least another fifty years."

“I promise.” Tim chuckled tiredly and hugged Ray even closer, drawing strength from the physical contact. “But I don't know about the fifty years. That would make me eighty-one, and I don't know if I make it that long.”

“You have to. You're not allowed to leave me alone.” His tone was easy, casual, but Tim knew Ray meant it.

Tim smiled against Ray's neck, knowing he'd feel it. “Okay then. Fifty years it is.”

“Good.” Ray pulled back slowly. “I don't want to ruin the mood or anything, but it's your bedtime now.”

Tim let go reluctantly, and Ray stepped back. Before he could tell Tim again to go and get some sleep, the little girl Ray had found in the ruins of the orphanage ran through the gates and attached herself securely to Ray's right leg. She wrapped her arms around his thigh and talked to him, and never mind that Ray didn't really understand her words, he seemed to get the gist of what she was telling him. Tim didn't, but he smiled at the sight of Ray interacting with her.

“Hey Lakmini.” Tim greeted her and knelt down next to her. She turned to look at him with her big brown eyes and gave him a spontaneous, huge smile. At that precise moment, Tim knew that they'd made a difference. Maybe there were more expressions than just pain and fear in the eyes that looked at him, Tim thought. Maybe there was hope. And maybe _giving_ hope was the difference he made.

Maybe it was enough.


	27. Family - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The time for Tim and Ray has come to decide – Sri Lanka or the US?

The notification had come early that morning. The ministry had called the Mutur Hospital as one of the few institutions to have a working telephone and one of the nurses had been sent to the orphanage to bear the news of the new potential headmistress that had been found for the orphanage. Tim, as the former leader of Team Two of the _Médecins Sans Frontières_ Rescue and Relief Group San Diego before they'd retreated, was registered as the person temporarily responsible for all matters concerning the Mutur Orphanage and was therefore the first to be notified. He listened to the nurse, asked her a few questions and then agreed to come to the hospital the next day to talk to the ministry in order to get things settled. He was quiet and professional and thanked the nurse with a slight bow when she left.

For full five minutes Tim sat on the bench in the courtyard where he'd spoken to the nurse, unable to move. He stared into the distance, not really seeing anything, a deep frown on his face. He'd known this day would come, but somehow he'd managed to push that reality aside. He'd never expected it to happen that quickly.

A headmistress had been found to relieve him and Ray of their responsibility of the orphanage. He should be happy that the ministry had taken care of the matter so quickly, that there was finally somebody to fill the vacant position, but all Tim could think was that somebody wanted to take away their kids. 

As soon as he'd thought those words, Tim chided himself. They weren't _their_ kids, and it wasn't _their_ orphanage. No matter what had happened in the past six months, they'd never come here to take charge of an orphanage. They were just temporary substitutes. They'd come as part of an emergency rescue and relief group which had left the country four months ago when their assignment was over. Only Tim and Ray had stayed, unwilling to leave things the way they were. Unwilling to leave the kids with nobody officially responsible for them. Marshall had agreed reluctantly after realising that Tim and Ray would stay even without his consent, and they were now in more or less regular contact with the MSF who still had them registered as official personnel in the field. It had helped to strengthen their standing in the community, especially with the government.

“Hey, what's wrong?” 

A hand touched Tim's neck, interrupting his musings. He effortlessly recognised Ray's voice and the worried tone in it. Tim looked up, caught Ray's eyes, and spoke before he could think about it. “They've found a new headmistress for the orphanage.”

“What?” Ray more gasped than asked, a shocked expression on his face. It took barely a second before he'd crossed his arms and had taken a defensive stance. “I'm not going to leave our kids to a total stranger! Somebody who doesn't know them and has no idea what they've been through! We've been with them every step of the way, we know what happened, we _care_!”

Ray fell quiet for a moment, silently fuming, before he turned on his heel and stalked off. Tim's gaze followed him, but he didn't call him back. He knew Ray had to deal with this first, needed time to think it through and come to terms with it. Once he'd done that, he'd come back and they would talk things through.

Ray didn't say a word about the whole headmistress development for the rest of the day. He wasn't as enthusiastic and energetic as he usually was when he spent time with the kids, but it was obvious he tried not to let anything show. Tim saw him press a kiss to Lakmini's hair when he was carrying her to the dorm that evening, and it made his heart clench painfully. He didn't know how he should ever be able to ask Ray to leave her behind, leave all of their kids behind, and return to their comparatively hollow, empty life in the States. It seemed ages away, something unreal, the memory of a fading dream that he didn't really care about.

All that was important to him was here, right in this still halfway destroyed building. 

Tim had been lying on the plank that served as his and Ray's bed for quite some time, staring through the holes in the ceiling at the shiny dots that were the stars. He couldn't sleep, always thinking about Ray who wasn't here with him, about the call he had to make to the Ministry tomorrow, about the impending future that wasn't what he wanted. 

It was the sound of Ray coming into the room that interrupted the never-ending train of thoughts. He was almost quiet while he stripped off his shirt and his shoes, then he came over to the plank and sat down. Without a word Ray lay down with his back to Tim, never hesitating to skid towards him until he was pressed against Tim's bare chest. He was seeking contact, closeness, and was at the same time wordlessly apologising to Tim for exploding in his face earlier that afternoon. Tim gently kissed the back of Ray's neck and wrapped his arm around his waist, letting him know that he understood and that no apology was necessary. Some of the tension eased out of Ray's body and he pressed back a little more.

It was quiet for a very long time, but Tim knew Ray hadn't fallen asleep. He couldn't see Ray's face, but he was sure he was staring into the distance, lost in his own thoughts. When Ray spoke, his voice was a whisper, yet it seemed incredibly loud in the tense silence of the room.

"Sometimes I don't know how to deal with all this, how to keep going and make us all get through the next day." Although the words were almost silent, they were as clear as the night's sky. "But then I look at them, see Madona smile or hear Lakmini laugh, and I know that I could never just leave them and return to the easy, comfortable life in the States."

Tim tightened his arm around Ray's waist. "I know. The same thoughts have crossed my mind over and over again."

"I feel responsible for them, Tim, and not only because we happened to be there when nobody else could have taken over. I care for every single one of our kids, and no matter how much work it is and how often I feel totally overwhelmed by it all, I can't just trust a total stranger to take over and care for them as much as we do."

Tim nudged his nose against the back of Ray's neck, wordlessly encouraging to go on. Ray sighed, then he continued, “I want them to grow up happy and become decent adults with no fear to live their lives.”

“Of course you do.” Tim smiled against the skin under his lips, well aware that Ray could feel it. "You already said it, Josh, they're _our kids_."

Although he couldn't see it, Tim knew Ray was frowning in momentary confusion. "Did I really say that?"

Tim's smile widened. “Yeah, you did. More than once, actually.”

Ray just snorted in disbelief tinged with amusement. "When exactly did I develop from an ex-Marine turned college boy into the father of a bunch of Sri Lankan kids?"

"The moment you took your little Bambi on you arms and offered her safety."

Ray smirked at the memory. "Yeah, she had wrapped me around her little finger as soon as she looked at me with those huge brown eyes."

Silence fell again, but it wasn't uncomfortable this time. They were both lost in their own thoughts, and it was Ray who spoke first. “It's not going to be easy, you know, to convince the Ministry to leave us in charge of the orphanage. There's no reason for them to do that anymore.”

“No, it's not going to be easy.” Tim let his hand caress Ray's stomach in a soothing, gentle touch. “We'll have to rely on the people here, on Padma and all the others who've been with us every step of the way for the past six months. They're our reference, the only one the government might accept.”

“Do you really think we can convince the Ministry?” The doubt as well as the hope were palpable in Ray's voice, and Tim knew they were reflected in his answer. 

“I don't know, Josh, I really don't.” Tim allowed himself to sigh deeply before he continued. “We're still two American civilians, that will never change, and it might play against us. We're not from here, that's our biggest disadvantage. But our friends here might be able to even the odds.”

“Hmm.” Ray didn't sound reassured.

“We can only try and hope for the best. The decision is not in our hands, Josh.” Tim stared at Ray's neck, then he closed his eyes and pressed his forehead against the warm skin. “I would never forgive myself if I didn't try, though.”

He felt Ray nod. “Yeah, me neither.”

They fell silent again, and Tim breathed in Ray's scent, letting it calm him down. Although they'd never talked about it, he'd known that Ray didn't want to leave either, but it was good to hear Ray say it aloud. This decision wasn't something casual, it had consequences. Long-term consequences, like which path their lives would take. Where they would spend it. How they would spend it. That they wanted to keep the makeshift family they'd found here in Mutur.

“So, we'll stay.” It wasn't really a question, but it wasn't a statement either.

“Yeah, we'll stay.” Tim confirmed, pressing a kiss to the back of Ray's neck. “With our kids.”

“Good.” He could hear Ray's smirk in his voice. “I still have to teach Mini how to kick ass.”

Tim couldn't help snorting.


	28. Visitor - (Tim/Ray, Brad & Ray, Brad & Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brad comes to see Ray – in Sri Lanka.

The air was humid and unpleasantly hot. Brad passed his hand over his forehead to wipe away a drop of sweat that was about to get into his eye before he returned his hand to the handle. 

He'd rented a simple motorbike from a local agency at Trincomalee airport and was now following the map he'd printed out, the one where he'd marked Ray's address in red. He didn't really need the map, he'd memorised every detail before he'd even got on the first of his four planes. 

Even the head wind didn't ease the heat, and Brad wiped his hand over his brow yet again. The drive was supposed to take about forty minutes, the man from the rental agency had said with a friendly smile. Brad took in the landscape he was driving through, the mountains, the thick rainforest vegetation with flowers in various colours, the muddy street crowded with small trucks, cars, buses, motorbikes and bicycles. 

He'd never been to Sri Lanka before. In fact, he doubted he ever would have come here if it hadn't been for Ray's postcard with nothing but an address and the suggestion to come by for a visit if he felt up to meet Ray's kids. That had been it, nothing else written on the card. But it had done the trick, just like Ray must have known it would, and Brad had organised a journey halfway around the world to get to the small town of Mutur on the island of Sri Lanka. Yeah, that hadn't been part of his holiday plans if anybody had asked him just two weeks ago what he'd intended to do with his leave. But what could he say, his curiosity had won over his reason. 

Ray's _kids_. That didn't bode well. Brad had pointedly avoided to think about the ideas those words gave him. He couldn't really imagine how Ray had ended up having _children_ \- it had been plural on his postcard, and that had Brad slightly worried. 

It had been quite a while since they'd last talked on the phone. Two weeks before Christmas, to be exact, when Ray had tried to get him to join the reunion he'd organised. Well, it was more of a get-together of Bravo in their favourite bar in Oceanside than a real reunion, and Brad had only agreed after Ray had threatened to transfer the whole celebration to Brad's house. That had been seven months ago and in the few emails Brad had received since, Ray hadn't said a word about kids. Seven months wasn't enough time to get _kids_ \- plural again, mind you - the natural way. 

But then, it was _Ray_ they were talking about. Nothing Ray did ever followed the natural way. He had a talent like that.

Brad slowed when he reached the outskirts of Mutur and kept an eye out for the building that matched the address Ray had left on the postcard. It was one of the few structures still standing, so it didn't take long to find it within the many houses in ruins and the temporary shelters that could be found everywhere. The building was a bit ramshackle, like all the buildings still standing around here seemed to be, probably due to the aftermath of the tsunami. There was paint peeling from the walls, but the brightly coloured sign above the main gate looked new. 

_'Bravo Company Orphanage'_ it said in letters of various colours. There were flowers and animals surrounding them, obviously painted by children. Brad frowned, but he couldn't say if it was more due to the name or the fact that Ray had given him he address of an _orphanage_. He had an inkling what this was all about, especially since Ray never did anything without reason - even if his reasons might not always be obvious. 

Brad got off the bike and parked it right next to the gate. He slowly, almost carefully walked through the open wooden doors into the wide courtyard that was surrounded by one storey buildings on three sides. There were several small groups of children of various ages strewn all over the courtyard, obviously playing or talking with each other, some of the older ones were reading or learning together.

It wasn't Ray who greeted him, though. Before Brad had any chance to look for an adult, a little boy ran past him, screaming, chased by a slightly older girl. Brad's gaze followed them just to see a familiar looking man step out of the door next to the gate, wrapping one arm around the girl and lifting her off the ground while the boy hid behind his legs. The man said something to the girl and although Brad couldn't actually understand the language, he got that the man was chiding her. He then turned to Brad and nodded.

"Hey Brad, you finally got here." Doc Bryan said matter of fact, obviously not at all surprised by his presence. "Make yourself useful and grab the little rugrat hiding behind me."

The Doc turned and said something to the boy who then cheered and ran towards Brad, his arms stretched out in the universal gesture for 'pick me up'. 

"I told him he could ride piggyback, so be so nice and let him, okay?" Tim said and turned to cross the courtyard, trusting Brad would do what he was asked. One gaze at the huge hopeful brown eyes of the little boy and Brad knelt down with a resigned sigh to let the child climb onto his back, the little arms closing firmly around his neck. There were cheerful noises close to his ear, a bit too loud to be comfortable, while Brad followed Tim across the courtyard towards one of the buildings surrounding it. 

"Josh! Your TL is here!" Doc shouted into the doorway before he sat the girl down on the table next to the door. He turned to her with a serious gaze and talked to her for a moment. She nodded earnestly to show she'd understood, then the Doc gave her a little smile and jerked his head to the other children. She bounced off the table and joined a group of girls a few metres away, already talking loudly before she'd even reached them. Brad watched the scene, the boy on his back bouncing up and down excitedly and his little arms doing their best to choke Brad. 

"U.S. Marine strangled by four-year-old. What a glorious death." A familiar voice commented dryly from behind him and Brad turned to see Ray standing in the doorway with a huge grin on his face. He wore shorts and a faded t-shirt and his hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail. A camo bandana was wrapped around his left wrist. Brad recognised it immediately. 

Tim just snorted at Ray's words and gave Ray a pointed look before he glanced at the boy on Brad's back. "Don't pretend Roshan has never strangled _you_. I distinctly remember him doing it - more than once, in fact."

"Traitor." Ray grumbled in Tim's direction and shot him a dirty look.

The Doc seemed entirely unaffected. He just pointed at Brad with a raised eyebrow. "Now be so good and get Roshan off Brad's back before he kills our guest."

Ray grumbled some more under his breath, but Brad could see the smirk that tugged on his lips while Ray peeled the excited little boy off his neck. He put him on his feet on the ground and said something to him, switching languages same as the Doc had done with the girl. The words were followed by a wink and a grin that the boy returned before he hurried off to his friends, shrieking excitedly. 

Brad followed the retreating figure with his gaze. "Do I want to know what you just told him?" 

"No." Doc said at the same time that Ray replied with a mischievous grin, "I just said that he should be proud that he'd ridden a giant."

"You're a bad influence for these kids, Ray." Brad said with a shake of his head.

"I'm doing my best." Ray retorted and grinned even wider.

Before Brad could give an appropriate reply, an middle-aged woman in a colourful tunic appeared at the gate to the courtyard, gave a shout and waved at them. Doc waved back before he turned to Brad and Ray. "I have to go to the market now. I see you guys later."

He turned around and met up with the woman whom he greeted with a friendly nod before they disappeared through the gate. Ray followed Brad's gaze and answered the impending question before Brad had even asked it. 

"That was Padma. Tim and I call her our 'guide'. We wouldn't have managed without her help." Ray explained in an uncharacteristically serious voice. "She's one of our neighbours. She's a teacher at the local school and she speaks English. She has helped us out in the orphanage since we got here and taught us the basics of Sinhala - that's the most widely spoken language in Sri Lanka - so that we were able to understand the kids and speak to them." 

"You fluent?"

"Nah, I'm still learning." Ray replied and turned back to enter the low building he'd come out of to greet Brad. "It's enough to get through daily life and to manage my monsters."

Brad followed him inside and couldn't help smirking. "Your monsters."

"Oh, don't be fooled, they might look all cute and nice right now, but wait until there's a quarrel." Ray gave an exaggerated shudder. "You wouldn't believe how scary kids can be."

Brad snorted. "I have two nieces and three nephews. Believe me, I know."

"Good." Ray clapped his hands in a triumphant way and grinned like the cat who just ate the canary. "Then do me a favour and keep an eye on them while I make lunch for the pack."

"You're throwing me to the wolves?" Brad grabbed his chest in a show of pain. "You are a cruel man, Ray Person."

"Oh, don't worry, ice princess." Ray chuckled while he grabbed a huge pot. "There's a woman somewhere in the courtyard, about half your size. Her name's Manisha and she takes the afternoon watch. Pretty feisty person. Has the monsters all under control. She'll protect you."

Brad managed to keep a straight face. "I'm glad to hear that."

"Now go and make yourself useful, Sergeant, or there will be no lunch for you." Ray ordered and swung the wooden spoon to emphasize his point. 

Brad just chuckled and went outside to do his duty. The courtyard was as crowded as before, but there seemed to be a little more order to the general chaos. It took Brad only a fraction of a second to find the woman Ray had mentioned - Manisha - who was indeed only half his size, if even. She had an air of quiet authority around her and when she calmly said something to two fighting boys, they listened immediately. Brad smirked. Yeah, she had the 'monsters' under control all right. 

By the end of the afternoon Brad wished she'd been in command of OIF.

About two hours after lunch - a loud and lively affair where Brad had somehow ended up with the little Roshan on his knees - Tim and Padma returned form the market and brought a handcart full of food with them, everything from rice to fruit, vegetables and meat in various forms. Brad thought he'd spotted the legs of a chicken stick out of the cart. Ray, Tim and Padma - a matronly woman with a no-nonsense air about her - made everyone help store the food, pointing out the names of the single items and the kids repeated them eagerly. Padma made Brad carry the huge bags of rice, much to Ray's glee. She noticed and made him heave half a goat into the cool room. Brad was careful to not let her see his satisfied grin.

By the time they had dinner, Brad had grown used to the constant chatter around him that he didn't understand. Roshan had attached himself to Brad's side like a barnacle to a ship's bottom. Tim had translated some of what he was saying and the gist of it was that he thought Brad was a magic golden giant who'd been sent to be his protector so that nobody could take him away from the orphanage. Brad wanted to strangle Ray for putting that idea in the boy's head, but he couldn't bring himself to disappoint the little kid with the cheerful nature. Damn Ray.

"He'll probably stick to you until you leave." Doc said, a warm little smile on his face while he watched Roshan sitting on Brad's left knee, talking to the boy seated next to Brad. Brad was sure he'd never seen the Doc smile so much before. "You're the first stranger he's grown so fond of. Usually he's fine with other children, but he's very shy with adults."

Brad just raised an eyebrow. "I can't say I've noticed."

"Well, that's probably because you're a magic golden giant, not an adult." Tim replied with a smirk. Suddenly, in a whirr of movement, a little girl of maybe three years appeared and climbed on the bench next to Tim, her fingers gripping his shorts to help her climb. Doc smiled at her and gripped her arms to lift her up on the bench and she immediately huddled close to his side. She wore a colourful tunic over dark trousers, her black hair was held back in a simple braid and she looked at Brad with curious, huge brown eyes. 

"Brad, meet Lakmini, our youngest one." Tim said and let his hand rub soothingly over her back. "Josh calls her 'Bambi' for obvious reasons. He found her in the ruins when we came here, and ever since she's grown very attached to him."

"And to you, it seems." Brad remarked and pointedly looked at the way she'd cuddled up against Doc's side.

"Yeah. Padma always says that Mini adopted us as her new parents." Doc smiled warmly at the little girl and gently petted her hair, then his smile turned sad. "She lost her whole family in the tsunami. Padma knew them, they lived across the street. We have no idea why Mini wasn't with them when the waves hit, but it saved her life." 

"How old is she?"

"Three, according to Padma." Tim fell silent for a moment, then he said in a very quiet voice, "Sometimes I hope she's too young to remember that day."

Brad nodded but kept silent, his gaze wandering over the two tables filled with children of all ages, eating and talking and laughing. They seemed to be all right, but Brad couldn't help wondering what they must have seen and lived through. 

"How many kids do you have?"

"Right now? Thirty-four." Tim looked over the boys and girls with a sigh. "We had sixty-three at the beginning, but we managed to find family, relatives, guardians, friends. We hope to find more. No child should grow up in an orphanage if there's family left."

"They seem happy here." Brad couldn't help remarking.

Tim nodded and petted Lakmini's hair again, giving her a warm smile. "We do our best to give them a place they can call home, no matter if it's for a few days or forever."

After dinner, the older kids helped Doc and Padma clean up in the kitchen while the younger ones, who were more likely to destroy the dishes than wash them, followed Ray and Manisha out into the courtyard. Brad stayed in the kitchen to help - Padma's orders, and he knew better than to defy her. So he joined the ragtag group of kids armed with a dish cloth and dried whatever was pressed into his hands. The kids had their fun misdirecting him when he tried to put away the dishes, and Brad found it oddly satisfying to be included in their games. 

As soon as their duty was done, the children were out of the door to join the younger ones in the courtyard. Brad watched how Padma said her goodbyes, then he felt the Doc nudge his arm. 

"Come on outside." Tim said and handed him a coconut with a straw. "It's story time."

Brad refrained from asking what that meant, assuming that he'd find out soon enough. He followed Tim to the back of courtyard, right outside of the kids' dorms, where Ray was sitting on the ground with his back leaning against the wall, surrounded by the all of the kids, young and old alike. They had sat down, huddled together, the small children close to the older ones. There was an atmosphere of thrilled anticipation in the air, and as soon as he was sitting, Brad felt Roshan settle against his side. After a moment of hesitation, Brad let his hand rest on the little boy's shoulder.

Once everybody was seated, Ray began talking. Within minutes, all children were listening with engrossed attention to his words, joining him in the world of fantasy, adventure and heroes that he created with every sentence. Brad just smirked, wishing he could understand Ray's words, but admitting that he didn't need to to get that the story was really good. Doc sat in the background with Lakmini curled up in his lap, her gaze focussed on Ray while she was sucking absent-mindedly on her thumb.

Ray wove his tale with the help of suggestions he enquired from the children, using his whole body to act out the story. He gestured, imitated voices of different characters - one of them obviously a little girl, and his squeaking impersonation of her made all kids giggle with glee - and he even involved one of the boys in imaginary sword fighting. When he was done, he gave the kids some time to talk about the story, knowing they needed a moment to calm down. Some boys played out the sword fight again and Brad watched them with a smirk.

"He's done this from the first night on." Tim appeared next to Brad, the sleeping form of Lakmini slumped in his arms. His gaze was focussed on Ray, who was helping the boys with their sword fighting. "He couldn't say more than three words in Sinhala at that point, but somehow he managed - with hands and feet and a lot of acting - to tell them a story and make them laugh." 

Brad just nodded. That sounded like a thing Ray would do.

"It was five days after the tsunami had passed through. Most of the kids had lost their families, their homes and their sense of security. All of them had seen people die and had lived through unimaginable horrors, yet Josh made them smile." Tim stopped and Brad turned towards him. There was a raw expression on his face, something so deep that Brad had to look away. It felt too intimate to watch. "He gave them a bit of their childhood back, at least for that half hour of storytelling. There hasn't been one evening since that he didn't tell them a story."

Ray shouted something over the general turmoil of the children talking all at the same time and they quieted down. Tim left Brad standing at the back of the courtyard and joined Ray in herding the kids into their dorms. It didn't take long to get them all settled in their beds. Many of the younger ones shared a bed in two or three - not enough beds left after the tsunami, the Doc explained quietly, but he and Ray were working on building new ones - and Brad was surprised at the easy discipline that seemed to prevail.

Once everybody was settled - Brad noticed that both Ray and Tim said good night to every single one of the children, and he himself had to carry little Roshan to his bunk - and the lights were turned off, Ray, Tim and Brad retreated to the tiny house that was separated from the dorms by the kitchen. It had only two rooms, a bedroom and a common room with two large, simple tables. Part of the room was now taken up by the sleeping pallet that Ray had organised for Brad.

Ray grabbed three beers from the kitchen and brought them outside where Tim and Brad were sitting on the ground. A breeze was coming in and brought a bit of relief of the humid heat of the day.

"Sorry you had to wait so long for a cold beer, homes, but we have a 'no alcohol' policy as long as the kids are awake." Ray explained when he handed the bottle over.

"I would never have expected you to be the voice of reason." Brad smirked. "Ray, I fear you may turn into an responsible adult."

Ray gave a heavy sigh while he slid down the wall next to the Doc. "Yeah, yeah, the first signs of age."

Tim snorted, but accepted the beer he was offered. "Stop whining, kid. You're seven years younger than me."

"To the _Bravo Company Orphanage_." Brad said with a smirk and held out his bottle. "And to Ray growing up."

Ray huffed in protest, but still clinked his bottle with Brad's and Tim's and drank. "Ahhhh, this feels so good."

"You mean the beer or the quiet?" Tim asked with a smirk.

Ray grinned. "Both."

"Your 'monsters'." Brad chuckled and took a sip of his beer. "I certainly didn't expect this when I got your postcard."

"Neither did we when we first came here." Tim remarked and leaned back against the wall, his shoulder touching Ray's. "This was just supposed to be a relief and rescue mission of a few weeks. Now we've been here for over half a year."

They fell silent for a moment and Brad wondered what was about to come. He could feel there was more, something Ray and the Doc hadn't told him yet.

"We've just made it final with the Ministry that the orphanage can stay under our care for now. It's still temporary, but at least it's officially approved now." Ray said suddenly, and it took Brad a moment to understand.

He was quiet for a few more seconds, then he looked up and found first Tim's and then Ray's gaze. "You're staying."

It wasn't a question, and Ray didn't take it as one. "Yeah. They're _our_ kids, Brad."

Brad thought about it for a moment, then he allowed his smile to show. "Yeah, I could see that today." He raised his bottle again and grinned. "To your little monsters."

Ray laughed, Tim chuckled and then their bottles connected in cheers. 

It wasn't long after that they called it a night. Brad felt the exhaustion of the travel and the long day catch up with him - not that he'd ever admit that to Ray - and he was looking forward to lying down and grabbing a few hours of sleep. They went inside and brushed their teeth over the kitchen sink and Ray handed Brad a bottle of water for the night before he turned to the bedroom.

"Night, Brad." Tim said with a nod of his head before he touched his hand to Ray's lower back and followed him to the room that served as their bedroom.

"Yeah, funny dreams and all that." Ray mumbled over a yawn and Brad just nodded. He was asleep as soon as his head touched the pillow, and that hadn't happened to him in a long time. 

When Brad woke at dawn, he made his way over to the kitchen after taking a leak. Never mind the heat that hadn't considerably lessened during the night, Ray sat with a earthen mug of steaming hot coffee at the little table that was originally meant for food preparation when Brad came in.

"Morning, ice princess." Ray greeted him with a grin and pushed another mug over the table. 

"Morning." Brad was a bit surprised to be greeted with coffee, but he wasn't going to complain. He sat down opposite of Ray and sipped on the coffee, just to make a face. "What the hell is that, Ray? What have you done to the coffee?"

Ray grinned almost triumphantly. "That's M&Ms. Good, heh?"

"Only if you burned your taste-buds." Brad glared at the offending coffee, then at Ray, then pushed the mug away. "Where's Doc?"

"Oh, he's not an early riser." Ray replied with a grin and handed Brad another mug. "Here, that'll be more to your taste." 

Brad accepted the new coffee with a suspicious look at Ray and tasted it carefully, not sure what to expect. It proved to be decent black coffee without any fancy or weird additions, and Brad sipped it in silence while Ray drank his own mug and then the one Brad had rejected. It was about half an hour later that the door to the common room opened and Tim entered.

"Morning." He grumbled barely audible under his breath, the words obviously directed at nobody in particular. His hair stood up in various angles in a really impressive bedhead and his movements were slow and sleepy. With an eyebrow raised halfway in amusement and halfway in surprise at seeing the famous grumpy Doc Bryan like this, Brad watched him shuffle across the kitchen. Tim stopped next to Ray and leaned in to peck a little kiss on Ray's lips before he stole Ray's mug without the slightest sign of remorse. He didn't even flinch at the taste. It was the ease and the simple familiarity of the gesture that got Brad, the way they both didn't seem to be aware of the gesture. 

"Morning, sleepyhead." Ray said with a smirk and poured himself a new coffee, carefully adding a handful of M&Ms, before he sat down again. Tim moved around the kitchen in what seemed to be a slow morning routine, preparing some breakfast and setting it on the little table. Before they had even started eating, Lakmini came running in the kitchen and climbed on Ray's lap, babbling excitedly about something that Brad wasn't sure he would have been able to understand even if he'd spoken her language. Ray didn't seem to have any such problems. He replied to her, petting her back and handing her a piece of his breakfast meat. She gnawed on it and attentively listened to his words while Tim sat on the other side of the table and reached out to steal Ray's mug yet again.

Brad smirked. Poke would never believe this. 

Actually, nobody from Bravo would.


	29. Revelations - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray has a revelation. It proves to be rather earth-shattering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really doing it - **the story of Tim and Ray continues!** So far I have 22 new chapters planned and all of them are written in bits and pieces, some even finished (so far about 36.000 words), and more is coming ^^ I've never returned to continue a fic so long after I thought it finished, and I'm sorry if my style of writing has somehow changed, but it's been eight years since I wrote the last fic for Tim/Ray, and I might have evolved a bit XD I hope you still enjoy the ride and I'd love to hear what you think! :D
> 
>  **Note:** It's important to know that I will insert a few additional chapters after no. 27 "Visitor", because that's where I continue with the story. This new chapter therefore takes place in October 2005, about 10 months before "Home". That means that the afore final chapter "Surprise" will change a little and I will post its updated version when we get there. It's not the final chapter any longer - far from it, actually, my current chapter count is 50 and it's bound to go even higher.
> 
> This fic and all the following ones are for my dear **Veronibell**. You're such an inspiration and we have the best conversations ever! Expect to be spammed with comment replies, my dear ^^ I have so many thoughts on what you've written!

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


  


"Āppa! Āppa!"

Lakmini's voice makes Ray look up from where he and Padma are manoeuvring the orphanage's handcart out of its parking spot in one of the damaged rooms and into the courtyard. Tim proposed to put some planks where the collapsed ceiling used to be and widen the former doorway so they'd have a makeshift garage. So far it's worked very well.

It's Ray's turn to do the weekly groceries run to the market with Padma. He's glad that she's always coming along for market visits, because while he doesn't think of the market anymore as a stressful place full of people he doesn't understand but needs to communicate with, he's still not good enough in Sinhala to do the kind of haggling needed to get the best prices. And since money is always short at the orphanage, they can't afford to buy at overpriced rates just because neither Ray nor Tim are not good enough in the local language to get the appropriate price.

Mini is coming towards them in her usual speedy pace - Ray has noticed she seems to be running everywhere, as if she's unable to just _walk_ \- and Ray and Padma set the handcart down and wait for her to get to them. Mini makes no real effort to reduce her speed before she intentionally crashes into Ray's legs and trust him to catch her. It's something she loves doing and Ray wonders how much longer he can let her do that before she'll become too big and her momentum will bring them both to the ground if he doesn't see her coming and can prepare for impact. She's sneaky, she has managed several times to surprise him - something Tim teases him about with great pleasure because he finds it utterly hilarious that a four-year-old can sneak up on a trained Marine. Ray is silently miffed that no kid has managed to sneak up on Tim yet.

"Can I come with you?" Mini asks from where she's hugging his leg. She has obviously decided that she feels like talking English today. Or may just for this sentence, Ray thinks. It's something that sometimes even changes _within_ a sentence. 

He's still amazed how quickly Mini and the other kids, especially the younger ones, took to English. Since about two weeks after the tsunami Padma has been giving two - at the beginning very much improvised - courses of different levels for the beginners and the more advanced kids. At first it was just a convenient way to keep the kids busy and intellectually challenged, but then it became really useful concerning Ray's and Tim's only slowly improving Sinhala. It was quite obvious early on that the kids learned English a lot faster than the adults were able to pick up Sinhala. 

It's October now, he and Tim have been in the country for close to ten months, and yet most of the kids are good enough to convey more than just the basics in English when they want something from Tim and Ray and they don't quite manage in Sinhala and Padma isn't nearby to translate. Mini and the other young kids are the best, in fact. They absorbed the new language like a sponge and seem to have fun trying their skills on Tim, Ray and Padma. Mini now tends to speak a mixture of English here and Sinhala there, however it comes to her. It never fails to make Ray smile, and he's honestly impressed and maybe a little bit jealous. 

Sure, he's way better in Sinhala than he was when he arrived, but he's still far from fluent. He wishes he could pick it up as easily as the kids. Instead he has to sit down and actually learn grammar and vocabulary. Manisha's husband Chatura, a colleague of Padma's at the local school, is so kind to give Ray and Tim lessons two or three times a week for an hour in the evenings when the kids are in bed. He's a strict man in his late fifties and expects his students to repeat and internalise the lessons on their own afterwards. Ray has not felt this much like a schoolboy since he left primary school - afterwards he didn't much care for his teachers' opinions anymore. But it's embarrassing to be chided by that man, and so Ray has had Padma help him repeat and learn vocabulary when they're in the kitchen preparing meals. It's one of the few times when he doesn't have to keep an eye on the kids and can concentrate on something else. He knows that Tim is doing the same thing, and sometimes they sit at the table together when the children are in bed and work on the homework Chatura insists they do if they want his help. 

Ray returns to the present when Mini tugs on his pant leg. She's looking up at him with her huge brown eyes that Ray thinks should be recognised as a weapon. He knows he often folds when faced with her puppy dog eyes, even when he shouldn't. Today is not one of those days, though, because going to the market is enough of a hassle without a very energetic kid in tow that takes up most of his attention.

"We're just going to the market, Mini." Ray bends down and picks her up when she raises her arms in the universal prompt. "We'll be back before lunch."

"Pleaaaaaase, Āppa!" Mini begs and doesn't look happy about not being allowed to tag along. "I want to come with you!"

"I know you want to, Bambi, but Padma and I have some important things to do or we won't have any food to eat." Ray says patiently and hopes that this won't end in either a temper tantrum or take forever to resolve peacefully.

Mini doesn't reply, but she's pouting rather impressively. Ray sighs on the inside and forces himself not to give in. He has no doubt that his girl will be _great_ at haggling once she's older. It's not something he wants to encourage - at least not when she's using it on _him_ \- but maybe a little concession will speed things up and facilitate their departure. They really need to get going if they want to get to the market at a time when there's still a good selection at the stalls. Ray throws a quick glance at Padma and catches her watching them with a barely hidden smirk. She's clearly amused by his struggles. That's not nice.

"How about you let me go to the market now and when I get back, you and I got over to Mrs Abayakoon's shop and we buy some fruit together. We can eat them this afternoon. I'm sure the other kids would like fresh fruit for an afternoon snack."

Mini seems to consider her options for a moment, then she nods slowly. "Okay."

"That's very nice of you, Bambi." Ray replies and then tickles her one-handed to make her smile. She squeaks happily and laughs, squirming under his tickling fingers without actually trying to break free. Ray laughs with her and then sets her back on the ground. "Why don't you go back to Usha and play with her. I'm sure she misses you."

"Okay, Āppa!" Mini nods, still smiling broadly. She has obviously completely forgotten about her earlier misgivings and Ray is glad that she's so easily distracted. A second later she has turned around and runs back to where she came from.

"What's she calling me all the time, anyway?" Ray suddenly wonders out loud while he's watching Mini cross the courtyard towards the group of other children, among them her best friend Usha from next door. "Is 'Āppa' an actual word or it is some kind of kid-speech name she made up for me?"

When his question is met with silence, Ray turns around to where Padma is standing next to the cart. She's now giving him along look and Ray begins to feel as if he asked something he shouldn't have, although he really doesn't know how that's possible. Padma waits another moment or two, almost as if she's hesitating, before she finally answers. "'Āppa' means 'father' or 'dad' in our regional dialect."

Ray can't help feeling like he was just sucker-punched, and the air escapes him in audible gasp. He stares at Padma, sure that every emotion running through him is showing clearly on his face, but he can't find it in him to care. He's too blind-sided by the revelation - because Lakmini has been calling him that for a while now. Months, really. He always thought it was just some nonsense-name, especially because she's the only kid calling him that.

To Padma this quite obviously isn't a revelation, considering that she has always understood what Mini is calling him and yet she never said a word about it until Ray brought it up. He's quite sure she wouldn't have said anything - ever - if he hadn't actually flat out asked her. He's not sure how to feel about that any more than about the realisation that Mini obviously thinks of him as her dad. Or that Padma never corrected her, either. 

It's then that the thought comes to him for the first time, and it's scary and striking it its clarity. _He loves Mini like his own. She_ is _his own. His and Tim's. He's never going to leave her behind. Neither will Tim._

When Ray returns to the world of the living, he's still staring at Padma who is watching him carefully. Whatever she may have observed in the past minutes, it seems that she's satisfied with what she saw, because there's a little smile on her lips and her gaze is kind. 

"Well, Ray, let's get going or the stalls will be empty when we get to the market." She says in a voice that is gentle despite the clear order behind her words, and to Ray it feels like she's amused by him. For once he has nothing witty to reply to her, no defiant comeback to her ordering him around, no outright refusal to be told what to do. Instead he just nods and takes hold of one of the handcart's handles and starts pulling. It's not the most pleasant task, but right now Ray is glad for it because it gives him something to do. 

Ray is glad that the market keeps him plenty busy until they return to Bravo about an hour before lunch. Padma orders the older kids to help them store the food where it belongs and then Ray goes to find Mini to honour his promise. It's only a short walk to Mrs Abayakoon's tiny mom-and-pop shop down the corner, but Mini doesn't seem to mind that the trip is much shorter than the one to the market would have been. She's holding onto Ray's hand and chats about what she and Usha did during the morning, and Ray's thoughts return to the recent revelation that she considers him her dad. Now that he thinks about it, it's actually quite obvious in the way she treats him. He just never really noticed because that how she has _always_ treated him. Ever since he found her in the ruins of the orphanage, Mini has grown attached to him like none of the other kids have. 

Ray is distracted from his musings when they get to the shop and Mini recruits Mrs Abayakoon's help in choosing the perfect array of fruits for today's afternoon snack. The old shopkeeper lady clearly enjoys her task and chats with Ray while they select the fruit. She keeps her Sinhala simple and basic so that Ray can follow the conversation easily and Ray appreciates her consideration. He knows old Mrs Abayakoon quite well because she helped out in the makeshift aid station after the MSF rescue and relief team arrived in Mutur. She lost her husband in the tsunami, but Ray never saw her cry or complain, instead she worked tirelessly to care for the patients and then to get her little shop up and running again. She was the first in the area to open up again, and she once told Ray that she thinks it's her duty to make sure that there's a place in the neighbourhood where the community can get food.

Ray and Mini return to Bravo shortly before lunch, and then there's no time for Ray to do anything but try to handle his monsters at the table. They're down to twenty-six kids now, since they managed to find more relatives and family friends for several more of their children. Little Roshan was taken in by his uncle and aunt who came over from India just last week, and while Ray was sad to see the energetic, good-natured little boy go, he's happy that he has family left to raise him. 

Ray is thoroughly distracted from his thoughts when two older boys try to have a go at the dessert before finishing their main course, and he has to step in and play the dreaded role of the responsible adult. He's still wondering how he ended up in that position. It doesn't come naturally to him, to be frank. Especially when the dessert is as good as Manisha's Undu Walalu, those delicious honey rings that he really loves. He'd eat them instead of the main course any time. All the time. Sometimes he hates having to be a role model.

Of course Mini, who saw what the boys opposite of her at the table were doing, jumps onto the train immediately. She leans over the table and tries to get at the plate and sneak one of the honey-dripping pastries. Ray intervenes by pushing the plate out of her reach.

"No, Mini. Not yet." 

"But Tāttā said I could!" Mini retorts with a face that is the perfect illustration of defiance. As always when she's angry and doesn't get what she wants, she switches to Sinhala.

"No, Mini." Ray corrects her with a raised eyebrow, making it a point to reply to her in the same language. It's a discussion they're not having for the first time. "He said you could have one _if_ you finished your vegetables. And I definitely see some greenery left on your plate."

"But I don't like it! I want Undu Walalu!" Mini demonstratively points at the plate that's now in the middle of the table, too far away for her short arms. 

"I'm sure you do, but you know the deal, Mini."

"Tāttā! Āppa won't let me have the Undu Walalu you promised me!" Mini cries out when she spots Tim passing on the other side of the long table. He looks up and obviously grasps the situation in a single glance. He catches Ray's gaze for the fraction of a second, but it's enough for Ray to know that he has an ally in his current quest. 

No divide and conquer here, little Missy. But nice try.

In the end Mini conceits defeat, even if only after a lot of arguing and with a huge frown. She ends up munching her vegetables in such a sulky manner that Ray is impressed by her display. Still, she obviously wants the incredibly sweet honey rings more than she dislikes eating her veggies, and Ray counts it as a win. But for the first time Ray involuntarily paid attention to what Mini calls Tim, and he suddenly can't stop wondering what 'Tāttā' means. He has an inkling, but he's obviously not sure if he's right. It's something that doesn't let go of him all throughout lunch, and he realises that Mini has been calling Tim 'Tāttā' for about as long as she's been calling Ray 'Āppa'.

So when lunch is over Ray makes sure to catch Padma alone in the kitchen while they're finishing up the clean-up and the kids are already out in the courtyard under Manisha's and Tim's watchful eye. She's the only person he can think of who he's reasonably comfortable with asking this specific question. Padma may be strict and no-nonsense, but she's not judgemental or cruel. She also obviously likes Ray and he trusts her not to stick a knife in him. Literally and metaphorically speaking.

"Padma?" Ray tries to sound casual while he's drying the last plate and puts it away.

"Yes, Ray?" 

Ray steels himself and then pushes out the all-important question that just won't leave him alone. "Does 'Tāttā' mean what I think it means?"

"That depends entirely on what you think it means." Padma replies evenly.

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious." Ray growls back at her to hide his nervousness. He's sure she still knows. "You're going to make me say it, aren't you?"

"Yes." She turns her head towards him and gives him a challenging look. Nothing ever comes easy with Padma, Ray learned that a long time ago. She makes you work for gaining knowledge. Must be her innate teacher that she just can't shake.

Ray sighs in resignation to the fact that he'll have to bite the bullet if he wants an answer. "So, does it mean something similar to 'Āppa'?" 

"Pretty much the same, actually. It's just another word in Sinhala for the same thing." Padma offers and gives him a knowing little smile.

Ray is silent for a moment, stunned despite the fact that he's expected something like that. It takes him a moment to regain his voice, but the only thing that comes out is "Okay..."

His thoughts are racing. Because fact is that Mini is the only kid using those words for Ray and Tim. All the other kids use their names, now that he comes to think of it. Of course, Mini is the youngest one of their bunch, and Ray was kind of her saviour when he dug her out of the ruins of the orphanage after the tsunami, but that alone doesn't explain why she so clearly fixated on Ray _and_ Tim, why she never showed any signs of attaching in the same way to any of the women present in her life. Ray never quite believed it when people said that kids just feel things, that they don't need them spelled out in order to accept them as truth. He's starting to believe it now, though. It's like Mini knows that Ray and Tim belong together and sees herself as part of that unit. Not only that, she considers them _hers_. 

Ray's pretty sure that Padma knows that he and Tim are together. She already said more than once that Lakmini adopted them as her new parents, and although it was always presented in a humorous way, she seemed to mean it. It's not like Ray and Tim flaunt their relationship, though, not any more that they did when they were in Iraq - which means not at all. They're both aware of the local laws and the fact that homosexual relations are still officially illegal in Sri Lanka. They also know that beatings or attacks can happen and that corruption within the law enforcement makes such things easier - although that applies to straight people as well. But considering that they're two foreigners in charge of an orphanage, their reputation has to be above reproach at all times. They make sure it is. 

Still, Padma is very observant and certainly not stupid and she spends a lot of time with them, she will have put the pieces together. She obviously doesn't have an issue with their relationship, otherwise she wouldn't still be here, supporting them, months after the original reason for their stay expired and the rescue and relief team retreated. After they rejected a new potential headmistress for the orphanage. Padma is working full-time at the orphanage now and has been doing so for a long time - as a properly hired employee - instead of returning to teaching at the local school. There's no reason for her to do that if she disapproved of Ray and Tim, and he never felt any ill will coming from her. No, she's been their rock ever since that first day when they arrived in Mutur. 

When Ray finally regains his voice, he's not sure how much time has passed. He clears his throat and then gives Padma a smile that he's well aware is a bit shaky. "Thanks for the translation, Padma."

"You're welcome, Ray." Padma returns the smile, and it's still knowing. Sometimes it freaks Ray out how much it resembled his mom's smile when she knew something about him but didn't tell him what it was. Well, Padma is a bit like his mom in a lot of ways, and she makes him feel like a little boy often enough. Well, she's old enough to be his mother, after all. 

Ray leaves the kitchen maybe a bit hastily, but he refuses to call it an escape. Strategic retreat, maybe. He feels like he should tell Tim about his newfound knowledge. He has a right to know, after all this concerns him just as much as Ray. It's not something Ray wants to discuss in front of the kids, though, and there's no way to get even a moment of privacy as long as they're awake. Not even the can is safe, Ray learned that the hard way and has been careful to engage the lock ever since.

Ray's afternoon is filled with playing games with the younger kids and then making sure the older ones do their homework when they get back from school. Afterwards he's on watch detail while Tim helps Manisha in the kitchen preparing dinner, which is as chaotic an affair as always, followed by story time. Ray loves telling stories to the kids, it feels fantastic to get them so involved that they forget the world around them. It's one of the reasons why he's putting so much effort into learning Sinhala, why he's trying to remember as many new words as possible to tell them the best and most captivating stories. He always makes them up on the spot, sometimes based on fairy tales or movies, other times on versions of his own adventures rendered more kid friendly and age appropriate.

Ray looks around when he's sitting down in his usual spot in the courtyard and waiting for the kids to gather around him. He lets his gaze wander, sees Tim sitting in the back and he watches how Mini comes up to him and then settles on his lap like the spot belongs to her. Tim immediately opens his arms and lets her arrange herself until she's comfortable with her head resting against his shoulder, one little arm wrapped around Tim's strong biceps to hold on like it's a cuddly toy. Ray notices that she made sure to choose a position that allows her a perfect line of sight at Ray so that she doesn't miss anything of the evening's story. Once she has settled down, Tim wraps the arm she's holding on to around her to stabilise her position while the other comes down to slowly stroke her back. She's obviously completely relaxed in his arms, and Ray feels something inside his chest ache in a strange way. Strange, but definitely good.

For a moment he wonders if Tim already knows. He's usually a bit more perceptive concerning feelings, and his natural understanding of kids is legendary. And the way he treats Mini, the ease of their gestures and the familiarity and comfort Ray just observed in their interaction certainly speaks for itself. 

That's what Ray imagines a dad should be like.


	30. History - (Tim/Ray, Tim & Tim's Sister, Tim & Tim's Father)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim gets a call from his older sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few parts are going to be Tim-centric and I really hope you like what I came up with ^^ Most of the background info for Tim and his family is made up (except stuff like his education, that's real - but the rest not so much :D). We're going to see a lot more of Tim's family, and I hope you enjoy the trip!
> 
> This chapter is again for my inspiration **veronibell**! You're the best, hon ^_^

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


  
"Bravo Company Orphanage in Mutur, Bryan speaking." Tim says into the receiver in Sinhala when he picks up. It's how he always answers the phone here. He's currently doing paperwork in the headmaster's office - a grand word for a bare room with just a makeshift desk and lots of filing cabinets - and since he's closest to the phone, he's expected to man it.

"Timmy? Is that you?"

Tim straightens involuntarily and stops writing the report he was working on. "Marley?"

Of course it's her. His older sister is the only person on the planet who still calls him 'Timmy' since he could never get her to stop. It always makes him feel like the little boy that he hasn't been in a long time, an innocent version of himself that he lost somewhere along the way and that he knows he will never reclaim. 

"Timmy! It's so good that I got you on the line so quickly." Marley laughs in a way that Tim easily recognises as relief. "I expected it to be a lot more difficult to get through to you."

"I'm not living at the end of the world, Marley." Tim replies drily. "We do have phones here. Even internet, although it's spotty."

"Yeah, sure, I'm aware of that. I've been to Sri Lanka before, as you know. Long before you ever set foot there." Marley is rambling, which is very unusual for her. She's nervous, something must be wrong. 

"Marls, what's going on?" Tim can't quite keep the worry out of his voice. "Has something happened? Is Brianna okay? Mom and Dad?"

"What? Oh no! I mean yes, they're okay, everybody is okay. It's nothing like that."

Tim feels himself relax at her words. For a moment he had expected the worst. It's not often that his family calls him here in Mutur, mostly it's him giving them short updates, so this unusual communication has him worried.

"So, why are you calling?"

There's a long silence before she blurts out, "I'm going to get married."

Tim is stunned, to say the least. That is certainly not what he was expecting her to say. The longest romantic relationship Marley has ever had lasted three months, and that was her first boyfriend when she was fifteen. So her announcing that she'll get married surprises Tim more than a little.

Marley, whose full name is Marlene Helen Bryan, is two years older than him and four years older than their younger sister Martha. It's funny how everything his sisters do seems to be upside down. Mom always mused that Martha was more like an older sister and Marley like the younger one, and Tim can't help but agree with that.

Martha is the epitome of the good, boring girl next door: As a kid and teenager she was modest and quiet and excelled at school, never upset her parents with backchat or boys or drugs or too-short skirts. After high school she became a clerk at the municipal administration and has worked there ever since. At twenty-three she married an accountant who Tim thinks is terribly dull, and they have two kids who sadly are much like their parents. Tim has tried to elicit a spark of interest and maybe even a little rebellion in Sue and John, but so far he hasn't been successful. He's never been close with Martha either, they're just too different. He can't stand that she is so conformist with no edges at all and no ideas of her own. He always wondered how it's possible that her biggest goal in life is to be just like everybody else.

Marley was Martha's complete opposite in younger years and still is today. She's the family's wild child, although she always insists she and Tim share that title. She went crazy in high school and slept with whoever she wanted, something their parents always had great issues with. She has had more jobs than Tim can count and then decided to travel the world on her own at twenty-one. Marley is still unmarried at thirty-four - which is obviously about to change - but that didn't keep her from having a kid at twenty-three, a brilliant now ten-year-old girl with as much spirit as her mother. The father was never in the picture - Tim knows that Marley isn't even sure who the father is - but that hasn't had much of a negative impact on Brianna, as far as Tim can tell. He loves his niece and has many fond memories of her when he spent time during semester break or later during his leave stateside at Marley's place. Brianna even made him give her one of his Navy t-shirts with 'BRYAN' stencilled on it when she was seven, and he knows she still has it. She loves wearing it when he's around, although she still tends to disappear in it. 

Tim was always a bit more level-headed than Marley and he has a better grip on his emotions, but they're similar enough in many ways that they stuck together like glue right from the cradle, despite the horrific quarrels they would constantly have all the way into their late teenage years. Marley was his partner in crime in many things, and despite their sometimes volatile differences he knew he could trust her to have his back when it mattered. She was the only person he told about his first crush on another boy when he was thirteen. She was there when Marc, the first guy Tim ever allowed to take him, broke his heart at seventeen. She was there that night when he found out that Emmy, who he'd been about to propose to, had cheated on him for months while he was deployed, and it was Marley who held him when he had cried so hard that he fell asleep from exhaustion.

She's still the only person in his family who is perfectly fine with him being bisexual. He came out to them in college, but his mom never really understood and his dad still lives in denial. He convinced himself that that 'phase' was over when Tim joined the Navy and therefore a 'real man's job'. Tim hasn't bothered to constantly correct him because it's not worth the hassle, especially when he was still in the Navy and DADT was always looming over him. And Martha is so much like Dad that her reaction was pretty much a mirror of his. Tim has never valued her opinion much anyway, so he couldn't have cared less.

Marley was also the first person Tim told about his plans to go to college to study psychology, and she supported him all throughout the gruelling arguments he had with their father about it, who thought that Tim should use his football skills to go professional and make a career in sports instead of accumulating debts for something as useless as a psychology degree. She was the first one he told about the football scholarship he managed to secure and that would allow him to pay for college and avoid student loans. She was also the first one who learned that he'd signed up to the Navy, and she was the only person he made sure to call regularly during deployments to let her know that he was okay. 

And Tim was the first person Marley called when she found out that she was pregnant at just twenty-three, without a stable job and no idea who the father was. He was the one she had long and painful discussions with about whether or not she wanted to keep the baby, and Tim ended every single one of them with the assurance that he'd support her no matter what she decided on. In the end he was there in the labour room when she gave birth, he had his hand crushed by her throughout the delivery and he cut the umbilical cord and held little Brianna while Marley went through the expulsion of the afterbirth. He was there when Marley and Brianna left the hospital and he brought them to their parents' place where their mom welcomed her daughter and grandchild with open arms. He made sure to send Marley a cut of his pay for as long as he knew she needed the support with the extra costs of raising Brianna. 

"You're getting married." Tim repeats after a long moment of silence, just to make sure he heard that right. 

"Yeah." Marley confirms and Tim can hear the warm smile in her voice. "We got engaged last week."

"Who is 'we', Marley? I never heard you mention anyone special." Tim doesn't feel like he can congratulate her when he doesn't even know the name of the person she's marrying.

"His name is Alex." Marley pauses after that one sentence as if she wants to see if he makes the connection. Of course Tim does, it's not that difficult. He's heard the name here and there for quite a while now. Just not in the terms of a boyfriend.

"Wait, Alex the paramedic who brought Bri to the hospital when she broke her arm two years ago when she went ice skating? Who you've been friends with ever since?"

"The same." Marley confirms and Tim can tell that she's pleased that he knows immediately who she's talking about.

"So, when did the friendship turn into a relationship?" Tim is well aware that they haven't talked much lately, especially since he left for Sri Lanka, but he would have expected that they'd talk about something as important as the fact that Marley's found somebody she wants to marry. But to be fair to her, he hasn't told her about Ray yet, either, so he can't really hold it against her. Stones and glass houses and all that.

"In spring. And before you tell me that's not long enough to marry somebody, you should remember that we've known each other for almost two years and we were good friends long before we fell in love. I know who he is and he knows me, with all my ugly sides." Marley falls silent and Tim waits patiently for her to finish. "And he still loves me and wants to be with me, Timmy. I never expected I'd find that."

 _I know what you mean_ , Tim thinks to himself, _I've found that, too._ He doesn't say it, though. Now is not the right time. This is about Marley, not him, and he wants her to be at the centre of this conversation. 

"You deserve it, Marls." Tim tells her seriously. "He sounds like a good guy."

"Alex wants to take my last name, Timmy." Marley sounds like she's still amazed by that. "He told me that he wants to be a part of my family with Bri, and that means sharing a name."

"And what is Bri saying to all of this?" Tim enquires carefully, because this is a hot topic and he knows it.

"She loves him. They hit it off right away, I've never seen that happen. She's the reason Alex and I got to know each other in the first place." Tim can hear the happiness in Marley's voice, the relief that Bri and her fiancé not only get along but actually really like each other. Tim knows that it would be a dealbreaker for Marley if Bri didn't like her partner, so he knows how important this point is. "She wants so be my junior bridesmaid at the wedding."

Tim lets it all sink in for a moment, then he asks the question that he thinks it the most important of all. "Are you happy, Marls?"

"Yeah, Timmy." Marley's voice is soft and warm and Tim can tell that she's smiling. "Very much."

"Congratulations, Marley." Tim says with a smile of his own. He's always wanted his sister to find happiness - maybe this is it for her. He certainly hopes so. "And when is the wedding?"

"On December 28th. It's just a small ceremony with close family. We're both not fond of the idea of a huge celebration."

"That's quick." Tim can't help remarking. It's end of October now, so that means it's not even two months away. But Marley has always been rather impulsive, so Tim is not really surprised that she doesn't stick to the usual waiting period between engagement and wedding. 

"Well, it was Bri's idea. She said it would be convenient because all of our families fly in for Christmas, so why not make use of the opportunity." Marley chuckles. "And since neither Alex nor I wanted to wait until summer, we decided that it's hard to argue with her logic. So December 28th it is. And now I want to invite you."

"Thanks, Marls." Tim writes the date on the notepad that is always lying in the top right corner of the desk. There are some scribbled notes in Ray's handwriting already on it. "I'll be there."

"Actually..." Marley hesitates, then she seems to have come to a decision and continues. "Since you're coming for the wedding, can't you arrive a few days earlier for Christmas?"

Tim wonders why he didn't see that coming. "I have responsibilities here, Marley. I can't just hand in my leave and disappear. I have twenty-six children that I'm responsible for, getting away for a few days is difficult enough already."

"I know that, Timmy, but it would mean a lot to us. Just this once." Marley pleads earnestly. "Please, Timmy. I haven't seen you in ages and it's been years since you spent the holidays with us."

"Most years I wasn't even stateside for Christmas." Tim points out to remind her that it wasn't because he'd rather spent Christmas with somebody else. Now, though, he would have preferred to spend the holidays with Ray and the kids right here in Mutur. He can't say that, though, he doesn't want to hurt her.

"You can stay with us." Marley offers and then gets out the big guns. "Bri would really love to get to spend time with her favourite uncle again. She misses you. You won't believe how often I get to see that worn Navy t-shirt of yours."

Tim sighs deeply, acknowledging his defeat. "All right. I'll see if I can take the time and when I can get cheap flights."

"Awesome!" He can hear the huge smile in Marley's voice. "Let me know when you arrive and Bri and I will get you from the airport like always. She's going to be over the moon when I tell her that you'll be coming. All the neighbours will know immediately."

Tim smiles, easily imagining the way Brianna is going to cheer and dance around the house the way she does when she's really happy about something. It means a lot to him that his visits are one of the things that always make her do that. "Tell her I miss her too, okay?"

"I will." Marley promises, then she's quiet for a moment. Her voice is soft when she continues. "Thank you, Timmy. For coming. And for caring."

Tim chuckles gently. "Always, Marls."

"Love you!" Marley pipes happily before they hang up, and it makes Tim feel warm and wistful at the same time. It's the same way she used to end their calls when he was deployed, as if she wanted to be sure he heard her say it in case she wouldn't get the chance to tell him again in person.

Tim stares at the phone for a long time after they've ended their call. He's not sure how he feels about going to the States without Ray. It sits uneasily in his stomach, even more so than the prospect of facing his extended family for the holidays. He decides that the first thing he needs to do is to talk to Ray and let him know what happened before he even thinks about making arrangements. 

Tim checks his watch, it's almost eleven am, meaning it's past midnight for Marley, which explains why Brianna wasn't around for her call. Eleven am also means that the older kids are in school and Manisha is in the courtyard with the younger ones, while Ray is helping Padma prepare lunch. It's as convenient a time as he'll get until after the kids' bedtime to talk to Ray. Tim leaves the report lying unfinished on the desk and makes his way to the kitchen. He can hear Padma and Ray chatting in Sinhala, interspersed with Padma giving Ray the translation of a word in English here and there. Tim remains standing in the doorway for a moment, watching them talk while they're cutting vegetables. He likes to see the easy contentment in Ray, how his shoulders are relaxed and loose and how he's smiling with his eyes and not just with his mouth. Their time in Sri Lanka has been anything but easy, especially at the beginning, but overall he feels like it's been good for both of them.

"Are you going to come in or keep staring at us from the door, Tim?" Padma asks still in Sinhala over her shoulder without ever turning to look in his direction. Tim chuckles at being caught, but then, he hadn't really tried to hide in the first place.

"Neither. Can I borrow Ray for a moment or do you need him?" Tim makes sure to answer in the same language. He cherishes every opportunity he gets to practise, he's well aware of how much he still has to learn.

"Nah, I'm good, you can have him for a while. Just bring him back before I start serving. I need the extra pair of hands then." Padma replies with a smile and waves her hand dismissively at Ray.

"Hey, I'm right here, you two!" Ray complains promptly and gestures with the piece of coconut he's holding in his hand and that he was about to cut.

"Yes, Ray, we know that." Padma smirks at him and then waves her hand again. "Now go and get done whatever you need to get done before the kids come in for lunch. You know it's going to remain unfinished until tonight otherwise."

"Thanks, Padma." Tim says before he turns to walk back to the office. He can hear Ray quickly wash his hand before he follows him. He keeps silent until they're in the office with the door closed.

"Tim, what's happened?" Ray asks immediately when they're alone, and Tim is for the hundredth time amazed at how well and how easily Ray can read him. It's a skill very few people ever achieved. Marley certainly can do it too, and Mom to a degree. Ray is the first non-family member who honed it to such perfection, though.

"My sister called."

"Marley?" Ray's expression turns concerned. "Are she and Brianna okay?"

Ray knows about Marley and Brianna, although they've never met. In fact, they'd planned to visit them for New Year back when Tim had left the Navy, but then the tsunami hit and Tim and Ray left the country a few days before they were supposed to fly to Philadelphia, and they both haven't been back to the States since. These coincidences are especially unfortunate because Tim had planned to tell Marley about Ray during that visit, instead he never got around to it and she still doesn't know about their relationship. Nobody except for Brad, Ray's mother and grandmother and possibly Padma knows, as far as Tim's aware. Of course Marley has heard Tim talk about Ray in connection with his life here, that would have been impossible to avoid given that they're in Sri Lanka together. But he's never given a hint that Ray is more than a friend. It's not something he wants to do over the phone.

Tim also hasn't told Ray everything about his dysfunctional family, because he's just so used to _not_ talking about them, to just ignore it because he's not around most of the time anyway. But Ray knows about the distance between Tim and his father and his almost non-existent connection to Martha, as well as his close relationship with Marley. They've drifted apart a little over the past few years with Tim's visits becoming more sporadic first due to deployments and then his unexpected relocation to Sri Lanka. Too little contact, too much going on in their own lives. They never _lost_ contact, but they're not as close as they used to be during Tim's time in college, when they lived so close that they saw each other several times a week.

"Nothing's wrong, Josh. Marley and Brianna are fine. She called me with good news, actually." Tim pauses not for the effect, but because he still can't quite believe it's true. "She's getting married."

" _Marley_ is getting _married_?" Ray looks at him with a disbelieving expression on his face.

Tim chuckles. "That's close to what my reaction was."

"I believe that immediately." Ray admits, then his gaze turns serious. "But that's not all, is it?"

"No, it isn't. She invited me to the wedding. It's on December 28th, and she begged me to come and stay with her and Bri over the holidays." Tim passes a hand through his hair and frowns. "I'm sorry. I hate to leave, especially at that time of the year."

"It's _Marley's wedding_ , Tim, you can't _not_ go." Ray points out as if it's a moot point that needs no discussion. "And of course she wants you there over the holidays. That's not a surprise."

Tim sighs deeply in frustration as well as resignation. "I know. I still hate the idea of leaving without you."

"Hey, we'll be fine." Ray steps up to him and settles his hands on Tim's hips. "Take a week or two and go visit them and have a blast at Marley's wedding. I'm sure she's not going to have a dull wedding."

"That's reasonable to expect." Tim agrees with a chuckle and the knot in his stomach eases a little at Ray's encouragement.

Ray raises one hand and cups Tim's cheek, and he waits patiently for Tim to look at him before he continues speaking. "And when you get back, we'll be right here waiting for you."

The knot uncurls entirely, and Tim leans in to rest his forehead against Rays. "You always know what to say."

Ray chuckles. "It's a special skill of mine."

Tim smirks when he thinks back to Iraq and some of the insane rants Ray came up with. "I know."

Tim indulges in the rare moment of comfortable silence in private where he can soak up Ray's closeness. He knows it's limited, lunch is almost upon them and with it some twenty-six children, but for now he just enjoys the rare luxury. He lets his hands come to rest on Ray's hips and slips his thumbs under the hem of Ray's t-shirt to caress the warm skin underneath. Tim leans in a little further so that he can touch his nose to Ray's in a slow caress, then he captures his lips in a slow, lazy kiss. Ray's hand on his cheek slides back to card through Tim's hair, holding on and pulling in a way that makes Tim moan into Ray's mouth. Meanwhile Ray's other hand on his hip pulls him closer and Tim follows willingly until he's pressed to Ray from head to toe. He loves the feeling of Ray's wiry strength against his body and allows himself to melt against him. Ray's hand wanders up his side and slips under Tim's t-shirt to settle on the bare skin of his lower back, trailing his spine with his fingertips in a way that makes goosebumps spread all over Tim's body. 

They've been together for over two and a half years, yet Ray can still make Tim lose it with just his touch. If not for the fact that they're in the office at the orphanage with most of their kids milling around in the courtyard, Tim would lift Ray up on the makeshift desk and make love to him with long, slow, lazy thrusts until Ray loses his grip on words and is only able to groan Tim's name in that deliciously breathless voice he gets when he's lost in pleasure. 

Tim ends their kiss reluctantly, but he's well aware that they can't go any further right now, and if they keep doing this, he won't be able to hold back. Tim concentrates on his breathing in order to calm down, and he feels Ray doing the same. Their foreheads are still touching, and Tim can feel Ray's warm breath on his own lips. 

"God, I wish we could..." Ray breathes against Tim's mouth and makes an unmistakable motion with his hips.

Tim gasps when Ray's groin comes in contact with his. "Yeah, so do I."

"Tonight?" Ray keeps rubbing against Tim until Tim stills his movements with a firm grip on Ray's hips. If he keeps that up, Tim will have to deal with an even worse case of blue balls than he already does.

"Tonight." Tim agrees and bites Ray's neck, just short of leaving a mark. Ray shivers against him, and Tim can't say whether it's due to the bite or the promise of the night's activities.

They remain standing pressed together, not ready to give up the physical contact just yet, and Tim slowly comes down from his surge of arousal. Ray is relaxed in his arms, a warm presence against Tim's body, and he seems just as comfortable to stay where he is.

"There's also something I wanted to ask you." Ray says into the silence after a long time and when Tim opens his eyes, he notices Ray fiddling with the corner of Tim's bandana that is currently tied around his left wrist. It's nervous tick he's developed ever since he took to wearing it. "Well, more something I need to talk to you about."

Tim takes hold of his hand and stops the fiddling. "You sound serious."

"It's nothing bad. At least I don't think it is." Ray takes a deep breath, as if he's fortifying himself for what he has to say next, and that alone makes Tim a little uneasy. "Do you know that Mini calls you 'Dad'? And me, too? I asked Padma for a translation of the words Mini uses for us, you know, 'Āppa' and 'Tāttā'. I always though they were some kind of made up nonsense word of hers, but then I asked Padma by complete chance last week."

The words rush out of Ray as if they're a raging river he can't hold back. It feels as if this is something he has thought about a lot and that breaks free now that he puts it in words. Tim feels the currents of Ray's almost jittery nervousness swirl around him and forces himself to just observe and analyse before he reacts. He passes his hands down Ray's arms where they're fidgeting by his sides, a touch meant to calm and give him a moment to think. 

Mini calls him 'Dad'. That's the most important piece of information in all of Ray's rambled account, followed by the fact that the same is true for Ray. It's no secret how attached Mini is to both of them, and Tim remembers Padma joking more than once that it's _Mini_ who adopted _them_ as her new parents. With the knowledge he has now, Tim re-evaluates those remarks of Padma's and they take on a different meaning. Because Padma must have known what Mini calls them, and yet she never told them, and she never corrected Mini. It confirms Tim's hunch that Padma probably knows that he and Ray are a couple and doesn't disapprove of it.

"I did have an inkling." Tim admits after a moment. "But I didn't know, no."

"It's not a problem for you?" Ray asks almost carefully.

"Of course not. I love her." Tim admit easily, and maybe he's a bit surprised himself at how natural that sentence feels. "And I know you do, too." 

"Yeah, I do." Ray agrees without hesitation. He doesn't bother denying it, everybody knows how much he cares for his little Bambi. Tim thinks it's obvious in his every interaction with her, and it's been growing steadily ever since he found her in the rubble and carried her to the makeshift medical tent of the MSF. Tim can see the thoughts passing back and forth through Ray's mind at lightning speed, too fast for anybody to follow, maybe even Ray.

"What's on your mind, Josh?" Tim asks quietly when Ray hasn't said anything in a while.

"A lot right now." Ray sighs deeply and cards a hand through his hair. "It's all still quite chaotic. Can I talk to you about it when I got the mess a bit more sorted?"

"Of course, Josh." Tim leans in to press a kiss to his temple. "I'm here whenever you're ready."

There's a loud bang that sounds suspiciously like a door being slammed shut, followed only moments later by a piercing wail.

"Our conversation time's up anyway." Ray points out while he's already moving towards the origin of the crying.

"Seems so." Tim agrees with a sigh that is resigned as well as faintly amused. "Let's go take care of our monsters, then."


	31. Truth - (Tim/Ray, Tim & Tim's Sisiter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim is different, Marley thinks while she's watching her brother carry her daughter through the arrivals hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here comes _a lot_ more background for Tim. Hope you enjoy the ride ^_^
> 
> For by beloved **Veronibell**. You served as the inspiration for a few things in this fic, and I'm sure you'll spot them (wanna play that game we talked about? :D) Thank you so much for the great ideas you gave me, they made this fic so much better! *hugs*

Tim is different.

She can tell, even at a distance, as she spots him come out of the security zone into the arrivals hall at Philadelphia International Airport. Marley tries to put her finger on what it is, but it eludes her. 

"Mommy, there's Uncle Tim!" Brianna says excitedly when she recognises him in the crowd. "Can I go?"

"Sure, cricket." Marley agrees immediately, because this is tradition. Whenever they get Tim from the airport, Brianna gets to greet him first. She takes off immediately and runs towards him, taking up speed along the way and skilfully avoiding the people in her path. She's wearing Tim's still much too large Navy t-shirt over her hoodie like a distinction of honour, and it's flapping around her skinny frame, its olive drab colour a sharp contrast to her ginger hair. Marley watches Tim put down his duffel bag so that he has his hands free when Brianna reaches him. She jumps up to close the last remaining distance between them and easily hops into Tim's waiting arms, and just like always, Tim spins in a circle that makes her legs fly. Marley can hear the joyful laughter of her daughter all the way to where she's standing.

Marley watches the genuine smile on Tim's face and feels something ease in her. She hasn't seen him in almost a year and a half, and she admits that she was worried about him, especially given that he left to serve in a disaster area. Overall she thinks he looks good, though. She takes a moment to inspect him while he's busy with Brianna, and she approves of what she sees. He's standing straight in the way that's typical for him, but there's a relaxed ease to his posture that speaks of contentedness. He's more tanned than she's seen in a long time and he looks strong and healthy. 

She finds her assessment of his physical strength confirmed when he comes over to her with Brianna still in his arms. With her ten years, Brianna is basically to big and heavy to be carried, but since she obviously refuses to let go, Tim indulges her and allows her to stay where she is on the way over to greet Marley. Tim carries the single bag he came with over his shoulder, and Marley is reminded that he always travels light. She knows he plans to borrow a suit for her wedding from Dad, who's pretty much the same height as him, if a little narrower around the shoulders now that he's getting older. It's not like Tim has any formal wear in Sri Lanka that he could have brought over, anyway. He doesn't have much in the way of warm clothes appropriate for winter in Philadelphia either, but Marley still has some of his stuff from when he used to spend semester breaks and leave at her place. 

Brianna only lets go of Tim when they reach Marley so that he can give her a proper hug in greeting. Marley allows herself to enjoy his strong embrace, how solid and sure he feels against her. She remembers how he felt those times he visited her after he came back from deployment, skinny and fragile in a way that wasn't really physical. It always took a long time to ease. He doesn't feel anything like that now, and that reassures her that he's doing okay. 

"Congratulation again, Marls." Tim says into her hair and gives her a squeeze. 

"Thanks a lot, Timmy." Marley replies with a touched smile, because it means a lot to her that he's happy for her. "You'll get to meet Alex on Christmas Eve, he'll be at Mom's and Dad's, too."

"I'm looking forward to it." There's an edge to Tim's smile that tells her that he will take a very close look at Alex in order to make up his mind about him, but she's not worried. She knows deep down in her gut that Alex and Tim will get along. 

"Let's go home." Marley says to both Brianna and Tim, and it's readily understood that she's talking about their house and not Mom's and Dad's. Tim never stays at their parents' place when he visits. That comes as no surprise to Marley, it's been like that ever since he first moved out when he left for college. She knows there are even more issues between Dad and Tim than between Dad and her. He never accepted Tim for who he is, and she doubts he ever will. Sometimes Marley wonders if he feels threatened because Tim went to college while Dad didn't, nobody in their family did. And not only did Tim manage to get accepted, he also went on a full football scholarship because their family could never have afforded the tuition fees, even if Dad had been inclined to support Tim. And as if to spite him, Tim passed with honours despite all hardships. She assumes that to Dad it feels like a betrayal, like Tim purposefully left his roots behind to rise above them. Like he's looking down on them - down on Dad. Marley knows that's total bullshit, but Dad will never be able to see that.

To make matter worse, Tim's usually impressive self-control is not very reliable around Dad. Their old man gets under his skin like few people do, and not in a good way. He's the only person she's ever seen who manages to make Tim so angry that he resorts to shouting. Well, apart from herself, but they've left that behind with their teenage years. Dad, though... He still can drive Tim up the walls with his ignorant and sometimes plain out hurtful remarks. And while Martha is the same as Dad, she doesn't get to Tim at all. It seems like he just ignores her in a way he doesn't manage with Dad. Marley is sure it's one of the reasons why Tim comes home so rarely, and even if he does, it's to spend time with her and Brianna rather than with Mom and Dad. 

When they get to her small house in a quiet part of Warminster Township, Tim manages to just drop his duffel in the hallway before Bri has dragged him off to her room to show him god knows what. Marley sighs in resignation and decides to get dinner started. There's no use in trying to get between Bri and Tim when he's just arrived, she's bound to stick to him like a barnacle to a ship's bottom for the rest of the day. She always does. It also means that the excitement of it all will take its toll and she'll fall asleep much sooner than she probably wants to, which leaves Marley with an entire evening to grill Tim on all the things he hasn't told her. And she's sure there's a lot. She can feel it.

Dinner is a loud affair with Brianna so excited to have her Uncle Tim back with her. Marley knows how much she adores Tim, and she wasn't lying on the phone when she told him that Bri missed him. It wasn't just a way to get him to come, she really wanted Brianna to see him again. She's going to turn into a moody teenager soon enough, and then those days of open joy at his presence will be over, at least until she's old enough to appreciate him again. Marley wants both Tim and Bri to enjoy those last moments of her innocent childlike delight about spending time with her uncle.

Shortly after they're done with dinner, Marley can see Brianna fighting to stay awake. Marley tells Tim with nothing more than a tiny jerk of her head to get her upstairs and ready for bed, which he does with such natural ease that Marley for the first time can see a clear sign of how life at the orphanage changed him. Marley clears the table while listening with half an ear to Tim and Bri talking while she's getting ready for bed, and then Marley joins them in Brianna's room to tuck her in. Tim kisses her on the forehead and wishes her a good night, and Marley smiles at the warmth the sight makes her feel in her belly. Tim is such a natural with kids, always has been. An orphanage is quite an appropriate place for him to be, she thinks while she, too, kisses Bri goodnight.

Once they're back downstairs, Marley gets them both a bottle of chilled water each and puts a bowl of peanuts and one filled with pretzels on a tablet on the couch between their usual spots. She and Tim were always more fond of salty than sweet treats, even as kids, and that never changed. Brianna on the other hand is a total chocolate girl, so she and Marley can never agree on the same snacks for movie night and they always end up buying something sweet _and_ something salty. Marley likes to blame her love handles on the fact that she always has to eat the entire pack because she doesn't have anybody who claims half of it. That won't even change after her wedding because Alex is a chocolate lover as well. With Tim it's easier, he goes for the same stuff Marley likes.

"You want beer or coffee?" Marley asks when she gets back to the kitchen.

"Coffee." Tim decides easily. "I've been on my feet for way too long to drink alcohol now."

"Coffee it is, then." Marley agrees and begins to prepare a pot. They take it with them to the couch once it's done. Marley cuddles up in her usual spot in the right corner and Tim sprawls in the left corner, just as they've always done, even when this couch was still squished into a tiny apartment instead of the living room of a house. There's comfort in the familiarity, and for a while they just sit together in silence, drinking their coffee and nibbling on pretzels and peanuts. 

"There's something you're not telling me, Timmy." Marley says after having decided to go for the full frontal assault. It doesn't always work best with Tim, but most of the time it does.

He looks up from his coffee and she can tell that he's contemplating playing dumb.

"Don't even try." Marley warns him with a cocked eyebrow.

Tim smirks, then he obviously decides to reply honestly. "I'm seeing someone."

Marley just nods and pops another peanut into her mouth. "I figured as much. It's been going on for a while, hasn't it?"

Tim smiles his fond half smile. "You could say that."

"He or she?" Marley enquires curiously. She knows that she'll have to drag everything out of Tim anyway, so she might just as well start with the basics. Getting information from him concerning his partners is usually like pulling teeth, but she's had lots of training. Once he gets into a talkative mood, she'll get the rest without much effort. But for now they're still at the beginning of the game, so she'll have to work for it.

"He." 

"Do I know him?"

"Not personally, no." Tim replies, and okay, that narrows the field at least a little bit.

Marley thinks a moment about what should be her next question. "How long have you been together?"

Tim picks a few pretzels out of the bowl and eats one before he answers. "Since early 2003."

That makes Marley look up sharply. "Seriously, now? You've been with him for what, close to _three years_ , and you never said anything?"

Tim only cocks an eyebrow and suddenly Marley catches on to a small but important detail. "You were still in the Navy for the first year of your relationship."

Tim just nods and sips his coffee, but still doesn't say anything.

Marley gets a feeling deep in the pit of her stomach, a hunch. Early 2003. Tim was deployed to Iraq in early 2003. "Is he a civilian?"

"He is now." Tim says before he pops another pretzel in his mouth.

She takes a deep breath and lets that sink in. "Iraq?"

Tim nods.

Her hunch grows stronger by the factor ten. "So he's a Marine."

Tim is silent for a moment and holds her gaze. "Was."

"That leaves only one person that you've ever mentioned to me." Marley concludes slowly, almost carefully. "Is he by any chance in Sri Lanka right now?"

Tim takes a deep breath and then sighs. "Yes."

"Ray. The 'friend' who's in charge of the orphanage with you." Marley chuckles. "Seriously, I should have known."

"Why?"

Now it's Marley's turn to cock an eyebrow. "Are you kidding? He followed you to Sri Lanka. In the immediate aftermath of a natural disaster. You're taking care of a bunch of kids together. And you mention him quite often, now that I'm thinking about it."

Tim decides not to say anything about her observations, but Marley isn't deterred that easily. She drains her mug before she leans back in the pillows she keeps on the couch and smiles teasingly. "So, Timmy, let's get down to the nitty-gritty: Do you love him?"

Tim throws her a pointed look over the rim of his mug.

Marley just laughs. "All right, I'll spare you the answer, I can tell that you do."

Tim chuckles gently, but doesn't make any attempt to deny it. That's telling enough.

Marley reaches for the pot to get a refill and feels straight away that it's empty. She looks at Tim and lifts the pot. "You want more coffee?"

"Yeah." He replies and she can tell that he's glad for the change of topic.

He joins her in the kitchen again and leans against the counter while she prepares their coffee. It's the same comfortable silence they often share, both perfectly fine to just _not_ talk. Marley pours a little milk in her cup and passes Tim his coffee black, like he usually takes it. He thanks her and set it down, then he disappears in the hallway and she hears him rummage around in his bag before he returns to the kitchen with a small package in his hand. Marley follows his strange behaviour with a bewildered look. When he opens the package and shakes a few pieces in his palm, she recognises them as M&Ms.

She's even more bewildered than before, because she's never seen Tim eat those in her life. He dislikes sugary, chocolaty candy, but now he's carrying a bag of them around. Marley's mouth gapes open when she watches Tim drop the handful of candy into his mug instead of eating them, then he stirs purposefully with the spoon, completely unaware of her bafflement.

Marley just stares, unable to believe her eyes. She must be imagining things. She did not just see _Tim_ drop _candy_ into his coffee. " _What_ are you doing?"

"Hm?" Tim looks up from his mug and stops stirring.

"Did I just see _you_ drop _M &Ms_ into your _coffee_?" Marley gives into the urge to emphasize the parts that baffle her the most.

"Oh. Ahm..." Tim looks down at his mug as if he just realised what he's doing. "Yes, you did."

Seems she wasn't imagining things after all. "What's up with that?"

Tim contemplates his coffee with more focus than Marley has ever seen a person direct at a mug, then he sighs. "Long story."

Marley can tell he's not willing to recount that long story right now, but she's too curious to not at least find out the gist of it. "What's the short version?"

"It reminds me of home." Tim replies without having to contemplate his answer. He's definitely not talking about Mom's and Dad's, nor her place or his apartment in Oceanside. That leaves only one option, and she's sure he phrased it the way he did on purpose. _Home_. He doesn't mean a place, he means a person.

"Ray." Marley makes it a statement, not a question. Wow, Tim is really in over his head with Ray. What she's seeing here carries all the marks of Tim being even more deeply in love than she's ever seen him be. Not even Marc or Emmy can compare to that, and they're among the two people who managed to hurt Tim the worst because he cared so much about them. Suddenly their importance pales in comparison to the level of commitment, of _love_ , that she begins to understand Tim feels for his Ray. How the heck is it possible that she didn't know about someone that important to Tim for almost three years? 

"Josh... Ray, he has this habit of putting M&Ms in his coffee. For a long time I thought it was really disgusting." Tim says before he raises the mug to his lips and takes a sip. Marley watches him close his eyes, observes the little smile of pleasure tugging on the corners of his mouth. She can tell that this is just the tip of the story behind Tim putting M&Ms in his coffee, but she knows better than to ask. Not now. It's a topic for a different conversation.

She also noticed how Tim called Ray 'Josh', only to correct himself afterwards. There's a story behind that too, she's sure of it. She's very curious about that, but her gut feeling tells her to leave it alone for now as well. He'll tell her when he's ready, and that might still take a while. He just told her about Ray, after all. Until an hour ago, she didn't even know who he was to Tim. Maybe he'll tell her when she's met Ray, when she has had the chance to get her own impression of him. 

She suddenly deeply regrets that their meeting for New Year last year didn't work out, although she still thought that Ray was just a good friend of Tim's at the time. She's sure Tim had wanted to tell her about him in person and would have done it during that visit. He knows better than to think that she wouldn't see through him immediately when seeing him with his partner. She was there for his most important relationships and their painful endings, after all. For the fiasco with Marc that burnt Tim in a way she can still see on him and that she hates, and later the split from Emmy, who she still wants to strangle for betraying Tim's already hesitant trust. 

Fact is, Marley knows what Tim looks like when he's in love, when he truly and profoundly cares about somebody. With Tim it's not big gestures, it's all about the little things. How he touches somebody despite the fact that he's usually very reserved about physical contact that isn't part of his job. Little caresses to the hand or the back or the shoulder, easy to miss if you don't specifically look for it. Or how he allows somebody close, not just physically but emotionally, too, and dares to be vulnerable around that person, welcomes their touch, lets down his guard. Or how his eyes turn soft when he looks at his significant other, how his smile is this special, quiet little half smile that she thinks is one of the most precious gifts he can give you.

Yeah, she would have known straight away had she seen them together, and he's very well aware of that. She is sure that he's telling her only now because it's the first time they've seen each other in one and a half years, and after his relocation to Sri Lanka he was in over his head in more important things than telling her about his relationship status. Marley has seen the pictures and footage from the areas hit by the tsunami, and she still shivers in horror at the memory. And she's sure the stuff that came over the media was already tuned down and didn't measure up to the real horrors Tim witnessed when serving smack in the middle of the worst of it.

Not to mention the children. Tim has such a big heart, and he only really allows it to show when he's around children. He's so fiercely protective of them that she's sure it took over his entire being when that orphanage became his responsibility, and he wouldn't have diverted his focus for less urgent things like explaining his relationship. Now that she knows he wasn't alone over there, that the one person he obviously trusts with more than just his life was with him, Marley feels a small sense of relief. 

Ray must be a very special person, not just because Tim fell for him and trusts him, but because he stuck by Tim through the proverbial good and bad. He stayed throughout the time when Tim was still in the Navy and therefore bound to keep their relationship under wraps, and she now realises that there was Tim's second deployment to Iraq in that timeframe, too. Ray also voluntarily went into a natural disaster area just to remain by Tim's side and then stayed there with him because now it's _their_ cause, _their_ responsibility. Yeah, she really wants to meet Ray. 

"Want to move this back to the couch?" Tim asks and thereby interrupts her musings. Marley takes her mug and the pot over to the living room and sits back down in her customary spot on the couch. She takes a moment to get comfortable and watches Tim again, how he slowly savours his strange coffee. She wants to know more about what his life has been like those past years, what it's like now. He seems content with it, so she thinks a good place to start is enquiring after the orphanage and his kids. 

Tim's slowly entering the talkative phase of the evening, and Marley can't help wondering how much of that is induced by his memory-laden coffee. He talks about the daily life at the orphanage, about the local ladies who work with them to take care of the kids. He tells her stories of the crazy things his kids get up to, how relieved he is that they've settled in well and seem to overcome the horrors of their experiences during the tsunami and its aftermath. He makes no secret about how much it pleases him that they're still able to find relatives for some of their kids and that only very few are confirmed orphans with no living relatives at all. He tells her about his and Ray's efforts to learn the local language and how they're steadily getting better despite the little time they have to properly study, and how the kids are becoming really good in English that one of the ladies they work with is teaching them. 

Then he talks about Ray and how good he is with the kids, how he's been telling them a story every night before bed ever since the first evening. Tim is smiling when he mentions the rapt attention the kids pay to him when he's spinning one of his crazy adventure tales, how they love to engage in his prompting for them to participate in the development of the plot. Marley can't help smiling at the picture he's drawing of his partner, and she begins to like Ray without ever having met him. 

The quality of Tim's voice changes when he begins to talk about this one little girl she's heard him talk about before during his calls to check in. Lakmini, the first kid they rescued from the collapsed orphanage when they arrived in Mutur. 

Tim smiles fondly. "She's four now and she's so energetic. It's like she's always running, never able to stop moving. Even walking seem to be too slow for her taste. She reminds me a lot of what Bri was like at that age."

Marley smiles at the memory his words create. Brianna was incredibly active as a young kid, and very cute too with her fluffy ginger curls - as long as she didn't throw a temper tantrum, which she was prone to. Marley's glad she grew out of them eventually. "So Mini's coping well with the experience of the tsunami?"

"Yeah. I'm still amazed how well considering the trauma she must have experienced during those five days when she was all alone, trapped under that broken table. To survive there on her own, in those conditions..." Tim shudders visibly. "It horrifies me just to think about what she must have done. How desperate and afraid and helpless she must have felt. You should have seen her after Josh found her. She clung to him and didn't let him out of her sight for days afterwards. I'm pretty sure she has profound abandonment issues, but so far we haven't had much trouble with it. I haven't talked to Josh yet since I left, though."

Marley has noticed that Tim stopped correcting himself after saying 'Josh', and to her it feels like a good thing. She waits for him to continue, she can tell there's more on his mind.

"I'm sure Mini will have reacted in some way to the absence of one of her... major care givers." Tim goes on, and Marley catches the slight hesitation in choosing the right word to define what he is to Mini. It makes her very very curious. She can already tell in no uncertain terms that little Mini is very special to her brother, and she's sure he's self-aware enough to have realised that, too. "Well, it's blatantly obvious that she's way more attached to Josh and me than to anybody else, including the women in her life. And you should see Josh and Mini together. He's so good with her, and she clearly loves him so much."

His smile is so soft that it makes Marley feel warm. It's the same smile she saw on his face when he accompanied her to her first sonogram and watched the little, strong heartbeat on the screen. It's the same smile Tim gave Brianna when he first held her when she was born, that he still gives her today. It's one of the reasons why Marley decided to go through with the adventure of having Brianna and raising her on her own. She was always absolutely certain that Tim would be there to take care of her girl should something ever happen to Marley - because he loves her like his own. He's in fact more of a father figure for her than any other man has ever been, and Marley thinks he did a great job. Brianna has turned out great so far, after all, and she loves Tim deeply. 

And just by listening to him now, Marley can tell how much Tim loves Ray and Mini. It's the kind of love that makes a family, and Marley wonders if she can tell him that or if she'll somehow upset the balance with that assessment. 

Tim has fallen silent and to Marley it seems like he's unsure if he should continue, if he _dares_ to continue and put in words what he's clearly been thinking about a lot. That kind of hesitation, of insecurity is very unusual for him, and it immediately lets Marley know that whatever it is that he's been thinking about, it means the world to him, could make or break him. It makes her sit up a little straighter in anticipation, maybe a twinge of fear - because the last time she saw him like that was five and a half years ago, when he told her he wanted to propose to Emmy. And two nights later he was curled up in agony in her arms on this very couch, shaking with barely suppressed sobs that spoke of such pain and shattered trust that Marley will never be able to forget the sounds he made. She never wants to see him like that again.

Tim takes a deep breath and Marley knows he has come to a decision. "Mini, she... She calls me and Josh 'Dad' in Sinhala. She has been doing that for months, and neither of us knew. Josh only found out by chance in October."

Marley smiles at his words, suddenly she's not so worried anymore. Mini will never break Tim's heart on purpose and being loved so much by a kid is one of the most precious gifts Marley can think of. She's well aware that the situation Tim is in with his girl isn't easy by far, but she's relieved to know that what he's facing is not potential betrayal or heartbreak at the hands of a person who was supposed to love him more than anything and instead hurt him deeper than anybody else could have. No, little Mini will never fall into that category, and Marley has the feeling that neither will Ray. 

"Did I ever tell you when I knew that I had to leave the Navy?" Tim asks quietly out of the blue, and Marley feels a sudden chill on her arms at the raw tone in his voice. She just shakes her head no because with her brother, she knows when it's important not to speak.

He doesn't begin talking right away. Marley can't quite tell whether he's fortifying himself for the memories or trying to decide where to begin. She watches him turn the now empty mug around in his hands in sync to the breaths he's taking. He's frowning, a mixture of pained and frustrated and angry.

"We were out on patrol in a suburb of Baghdad. Nothing unusual, just the same routine as every day." He begins and to Marley is seems as if he's seeing the events before his inner eye, as if he's not in the room with her anymore. "One of the men, just a rookie on his first tour, he shot a little girl. She was maybe seven or eight, no older than that. He thought the bundle she'd been carrying was a RPG." 

There's a moment of silence, and Marley suddenly feels cold.

"Shot her right through the eye. Brilliant shot, especially considering the fact that it was from a moving vehicle over a considerable distance. There are few other guys who could pull that off, but I've seen it before." Tim stares off into nothingness, the mug now forgotten in his hands, and his voice is almost clinical. Marley feels goosebumps on her arms. She knows - in theory - that her brother is trained as a soldier who kills people, but she's never seen that side of him and she's never been able to associate that knowledge with the man in front of her. Now she feels like she gets a glimpse of it, and it's terrifying. Not because she's afraid of him - she's not, and she never will be - but because of what she instinctively knows it cost him.

"I kind of lost it. Almost snapped that Marine's neck. I was so... angry, frustrated and..." Suddenly the emotions are back in his voice, and Tim raises his arms and lets them fall back down in a gesture that captures all the things he's unable to put into words. "That girl. I still see her so clearly, as if the image is seared into my brain so that I can never forget. And sometimes..." 

Tim falls silent, but what hits Marley like a punch to the gut is the shaky breath he takes. She's seen him at his weakest more than once, although it's a very rare occurrence. And how he takes that single breath, it tells her more than a thousand words could have. "Sometimes she turns into Mini."

His voice is almost too silent for her to hear, but the impact is intense. Marley feels her throat close up and she couldn't have spoken even if she had tried. Tim is silent for a long time, lost in a world Marley doesn't know, then he lets his head sink back until it's resting against the back of the couch and he's staring straight up at the ceiling. "I want Mini to be safe, Marley. I _need_ her to be safe. She's been through so much already in her very young life, I don't want her to suffer through any more. And let's face it, being an orphan in a third world country leaves her vulnerable in the worst ways possible. What will happen to her when Josh and I are forced to leave? I'm well aware that the situation we're in is temporary. We're not going to be in charge of the orphanage forever, certainly not long enough for Mini to reach maturity."

Tim frowns at the ceiling, and Marley recognises it as his worried frown. She remains silent, she can feel he's not done yet. It takes a minute, than he continues talking. "I care for all our kids, but with Mini, it's different, Marls. Always has been."

He sighs and keeps staring at the ceiling. "I wish we could adopt her. Make sure that she grows up safe, knowing that she's loved, that there's somebody who will always be there for her and protect her no matter what."

Marley lets the quiet settle while she takes in what he said. It doesn't surprise her, but it makes her heart ache that he seems to feel so helpless and lost in this desire to give this little girl a real life and a real family. "Have you told Ray that you want to adopt Mini with him?"

Tim hesitates for a moment, then he admits, "No."

"Why not?"

"It's just wishful thinking, Marls." Tim raises his arms and passes his hands over his eyes and face in a gesture that is so full of frustrated, helpless wariness that it pains Marley to witness it. "It's a fantasy, an unrealisable idea. I've looked into it, and with the legal situation we're facing it's pretty much impossible. We'd never even get recognised as eligible to adopt in Sri Lanka, not to mention actually be successful in the process."

Marley keeps watching him and can't help thinking that that's the rational part of him speaking, the one that usually wins over his feelings and his temper. But it's his heart that is breaking while the rational part is speaking. 

"I can't ever leave her behind, Marley." Tim's voice is very quiet, and when he turns his head to look at her, his eyes are desperate. "I _can't_."

Marley just looks at him with a gentle smile. "You love her."

"Yeah." Tim's reply is more a sigh than a word, and he holds her gaze for a long moment before he adds, "Like I love Bri."

Marley gets the message loud and clear. She knows that Tim loves Brianna as if she were his own kid, he always has. And now he met this little girl, his Mini, and he recognises the love he has for her in the one he always felt for Brianna.

"I always knew you were going to be a fantastic dad." Marley makes sure to hold his gaze in return, to make him see that she means it. Tim gives her a quick little smile, maybe a bit insecure, and the fact that he worries about this makes her even more certain that she's right. Suddenly Marley wonders what his little girl looks like. "Do you have a picture of her?"

"Yeah, sure." Tim replies without hesitation and digs out his wallet. He folds it open and hands it to Marley. She takes it and looks at the clear ID pocket that holds a picture instead of an ID. It shows a man in his twenties, obviously Ray, carrying a little girl in his arms, clearly Mini. One of her little hands is resting on his cheek and her small forehead is touching his, and they're both smiling widely. Her brown skin is a beautiful contrast to his white one, but instead of that marking them as unrelated, Marley immediately gets an intense vibe of belonging from them. You can tell there's a strong connection here. They look like family, no matter their different origins.

"So, is this your family." Marley remarks while she's still taking in the happiness coming from the two protagonists in the photo. "You did good, Timmy. My niece is so cute."

When she looks up, she catches the hesitant look Tim is giving her.

"Come on, Timmy. You carry a picture of your partner and your kid in your wallet." Marley points out. Then she gives him a gentle smile. "Of course they're your family, which means they're mine, too. Bri is going to love that she has another cousin now, especially since Sue and John are so dull."

Tim is silent for a long time, then that soft little half smile comes to his lips. "Thank you, Marls."


	32. Differences - (Tim/Ray, Tim & Tim's Mother, Tim & Tim's Father)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruth Bryan learns a few things about her son when Tim comes by for dinner on Christmas Eve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And even more Tim-centric fic. I promise we'll get back to Ray with the next fic ^^
> 
> This fic is also for my dear **Veronibell**. You wanted more outside POV, well, I had already written what you wanted, so here it is ^_^ Oh and you wanted to know how Mini copes with Tim's absence - here's the first part of that answer. More in the next chapter *is again a mean tease*

Ruth Bryan looks out of the kitchen window facing the gravel driveway when she hears the sound of a car driving up and stopping. She easily recognises Marley's old Toyota, and her heart speeds up when she spots the tall frame of her son getting out of the passenger side. He opens the rear door to let Brianna get out before she, he and Marley make their way to the front door. Ruth watches them approach and decides that Tim looks good. He still holds himself with that reassured strength he has carried since his late teenage years and that she feels his time in the Navy amplified. He's currently carrying Brianna piggyback and she's laughing and there's a smirk on his lips. Ruth smiles to herself, it feels good to see him like that. It feels good to see him at all.

It's Christmas Eve and Ruth still can't quite believe that she'll have her family together again for the holidays for the first time in ages. It's only for tonight, though, because Tim will spent Christmas Day together with Marley, Brianna and Alex. Usually Martha and Marley come by with their families on one or two days during the Christmas holidays, but Tim hasn't done that in years. She knows from Marley that he often wasn't even in the States for the holidays because of his work in the Navy, but when he was, he spent the time with Marley and Brianna. She remembers the few occasions when he came by the house during those spells of time when he knew his father wasn't there, always bringing a thoughtful gift for Ruth and leaving her with a gentle hug well before Alan returned.

By now it has been one and a half years since Tim was home. Ruth understands that it's difficult and very expensive for him to get to the States from Sri Lanka, but she misses him a lot. She has talked to him on the phone when he calls from time to time, but it's not the same as seeing him in person. The last time he came by was shortly after his second deployment to Iraq, when he had just left the Navy. He told her that he planned to sign on with a humanitarian organisation, and only half a year later he was gone again to serve halfway around the world. 

Ruth hopes that Alan and Tim will manage to get through the evening without ending up at each other's throat. She told her husband several times that she wants this first Christmas with Tim being home to go well, she wants it peaceful and relaxed. Alan didn't outright promise her to be civil, but he knows how much it means to her and that Marley will not hesitate to get into a shouting match with him should he push Tim into leaving. It wouldn't be the first time that happened. Tim tends to just get up and leave when Alan overdoes it, and Ruth has always been certain that her son does this in order to keep from saying or doing something that they all might regret. Tim is certainly not the kind of person to back down from a confrontation if he deems it necessary to stand up for himself or others, and he has the mental and physical strength to take Alan on, so there's a reason why he chooses not to do so. Ruth has an inkling that it's not for his own sake.

Ruth sighs heavily. When he was a little boy, Tim and Alan were very close. Alan was so happy to have a boy after Marley, he'd always wanted to have a son. And Tim loved his dad so much, he could never get enough of riding his shoulders, and playing football with his dad in the park was little Tim's favourite thing to do. Ruth loved watching them run around laughing. She's not even certain when things began to change, but by the time Tim was sixteen, it was almost impossible to get through dinner without them having a go at each other. Their relationship steadily became more difficult and strained the older Tim got, the more he did what he wanted instead of what Alan wanted him to do.

Playing football suddenly proved to be a major point of conflict between them instead of the common passion it used to be. Tim was always very good at football and played in the school team ever since he entered high school. Alan wanted Tim to pursue a professional football career, but Tim had set his mind on going to college to study psychology and he intended to use football as a way to get it financed. Going professional was never his plan, and Alan complained about the waste of talent for years after Tim left high school. 

The day Tim came home from college for the weekend and told them over dinner that he liked girls _and_ boys and that he had a boyfriend at the moment was the point their relationship hit rock bottom, and it hasn't recovered since. Tim and Alan shouted at each other in the kitchen, both hurling things at each other that Ruth doesn't dare to repeat, and then Tim packed his bags and left. He's never spent a night at their house since, he always stays at Marley's place. Ever since that night, Ruth has learned to count it as a success if they manage to get through a dinner with Tim and Alan ignoring each other. She doesn't expect anymore that they'll ever mend their relationship, they're both too stubborn and too set in their opinion of each other. 

"Mom! Tim and Marley are here!" Martha shouts from where she opened the front door to let her siblings in, and her voice pulls Ruth out of her musings. She shakes off the strange feeling of dread that always comes over her when she thinks about Tim's and Alan's issues, and she puts down the dish towel and the bowl she's been drying. 

"Hi Grandma!" Brianna pipes enthusiastically when she spots Ruth and gives her a quick hug before she disappears down the hall in the kitchen. Marley comes in after her daughter and pecks Ruth on the cheek when she passes her. She's followed by Tim, and Ruth feels warm with joy and relief that he's here, safe and sound.

"Tim. It's so good to see you." Ruth says with a genuine smile, touching her hand to his cheek before embracing him.

"Hi Mom." Tim says with a gentle smile and leans down to return her embrace. She's reminded again how much taller he is.

"You look good." Ruth remarks when they pull back and step apart. "Tanned like you're fresh from the beach."

Tim chuckles. "Not quite the beach, but yeah, I get a lot more sun exposure than I used to. Taking care of twenty-six kids will do that to you."

"Twenty-six? That's a lot." Martha remarks from where she's been watching from the living room doorway. 

"Actually, it's not. We had sixty-three at our busiest times." Tim replies to her in a calm voice, and Ruth can see the neutral mask slip over his face. It's not that Tim and Martha don't get along, they simply have nothing to connect them beyond being born into the same family. The distance between them grew bigger the older they got, and now they don't seem to have anything to talk about. Ruth always has the impression that they don't understand each other at all, it's as if they're living in different worlds.

"Alex will join us in an hour, when his shift at the fire house is over." Marley says into the silence that had started to grow uncomfortable.

"Yes, honey, he called to let me know." Ruth tells Marley, glad to have something to say to keep the silence from growing longer. Her relief is short-lived, though, because she can see the tension entering Tim's frame that tells her immediately that Alan has entered, and it feels like the temperature in the room drops seventy degrees in just a few seconds. Some things never change, Ruth thinks in resignation. She's familiar with this effect after years of experiencing it. 

Tim looks at Alan, but his eyes are shuttered and betray nothing of his feelings. "Dad."

Alan manages a nod in an obvious effort to be civil. "Tim."

They're almost facing off in the way they always do when they're in the same room, and Ruth never manages to get over how much they look alike. They're both of equal height and similar build, just that Tim is more muscular in the way young men are. They have the same hair colour and especially their eyes and mouth are eerily similar, there's no denying their kinship. Yet despite their physical similarities they are so very different in many of their fundamental beliefs and values. They're both unbelievably stubborn, though, and have strong opinions, just not the same opinions. Maybe it's one of the reasons why they butt heads so much - they're so alike and yet so different at the same time.

"Why don't we go into the living room? We can have a drink and wait until Alex arrives, then we'll have dinner." Ruth interrupts the slowly increasing tension between Tim and Alan on purpose, she wants them both to remember to be civil to each other. It's Christmas, after all, and it's the first time in years that they're all together. 

Martha turns around first to return to the living room where Mike, her husband, is till sitting in one if the armchairs with a beer in his hand. Their kids Sue and John are currently bickering at the living room table over who gets to play with the Nintendo, and Brianna is curled up in the corner of the couch, reading a comic book. Martha and Alan take the other two armchairs while Marley pulls her legs under her in the other corner of the couch and Tim ends up inbetween his older sister and his niece. Brianna makes use of his broad shoulders to lean against him without ever looking up from her comic book.

Ruth gets a beer for Alan, Tim and Marley and a soda for herself before she sits down on the chair that she pulls over from the living room table. Brianna already got herself a juice from the kitchen like she always does when she's at her grandparents' house. The conversation isn't exactly relaxed, but at least Alan and Tim are keeping any verbal barbs in check. Ruth leaves at some point to get the final preparations for dinner done so that it's ready when Alex gets there and they're finally all gathered. Marley joins to help her and they work together in the same comfortable silence they've been able to share since Marley was in her late twenties.

It's half past seven when there's a strong knock on the door and Ruth hears Brianna shout, "I'll go!", followed by her feet stomping through the hallway.

Ruth smiles and leaves the kitchen to follow her granddaughter to the door. She knows it's Alex who is finally done with work for the day. She can hear Brianna greeting Alex enthusiastically even before Ruth has come around the corner to watch them. Alex is just in the middle of giving her the complicated handshake that has become their customary greeting even long before Marley and him became a couple. 

Ruth watches them with a smile. She likes Alex a lot, he's caring and kind and responsible, and he obviously loves Marley and Brianna very much. The fact alone that he has gained Brianna's affection tells Ruth that he is a good man, because her granddaughter is picky with who she lets close to her, and there's no doubt that Alex is among those people and has been pretty much from their first meeting on. He also manages to not only get along with Alan, no, her husband actively likes Alex and they've already been to several football games together with Brianna and Marley. 

Alex is a tall, calm man with an aura of serenity around him that makes it easy to get along with him. He's quick to give a genuine smile and Ruth can imagine that he is very good at dealing with injured people in his job as a paramedic. She has known Alex for two years now, she met him in the hospital when she came to get Brianna together with Marley. Brianna had broken her arm and bumped her head while ice skating and Alex and his team had been called to take her to the hospital. It was his final call before his shift ended and he had arranged to stay with Brianna at the hospital until Ruth and Marley arrived because Brianna was crying and afraid and his presence calmed her down. 

Ruth still remembers how he also managed to calm a frantic Marley with just one touch of his hand to her arm and a few reassuring words. It's something Ruth has seen him do to many other people, adults as well as children, over the past two years when he became a good friend to Marley and a kind of big brother or fun uncle figure to Brianna. Ruth was not surprised when Marley told her about the shift in her relationship with Alex, she had seen it coming for a long time. And while Ruth is still not entirely sure what to make of the fact that Alex will take Marley's last name at the wedding instead of her taking his, she is sure that he is good for her daughter and granddaughter. 

Alex greets Ruth with smile and leans down to give her a hug, then he continues on down the hallway to give Marley a short but gentle kiss when she comes out of the living room to welcome him. Ruth can see the love between them in every single gesture, and it never fails to make her smile. She's so happy that Marley finally found somebody to settle down with after her so far unsteady and chaotic life. Admittedly, Marley's life has been more settled and ordered ever since she got that job in the advertising agency three years ago, but in Ruth's opinion she was still missing a man that she could build a life with. Considering that Marley is going to get married in four days, Ruth deems it safe to say that her daugther has finally found that man.

Ruth turns around when Tim comes into the hall. He stops in the doorway and looks at Alex, and to Ruth it feels like he checks and analyses and then categorises Alex in just that one gaze - quick, clinical and methodical, like it's second nature for him to do that. It reminds her that Tim is not just a medical professional, but a highly trained soldier, too. He may have left the Navy, but the instincts and the skills are still there and will most likely never leave. Whenever she catches a glimpse of that side of Tim, Ruth wonders how much she doesn't know about him, how much he never told her and never will tell her. She knows he has killed people, but he never said so to her, just like he never talks about the dark, gritty sides of his deployments. 

Tim seems to come to a positive conclusion of his assessment of Alex, because he steps forward with a quick nod and an extended hand. "Nice to meet you, Alex. I'm Tim, Marley's brother."

Alex returns Tim's handshake with a genuine smile. "I'm really glad you could make it, Tim. I know it means the world to Marley that you're here for our wedding."

Tim smiles, just a little bit, but Ruth can tell that Alex just said the right thing. "I wouldn't have missed it."

Marley herds everybody to the table soon afterwards while Ruth and Martha bring out the food and put it on the table. Dinner is a lively affair and Ruth sees Marley's satisfaction at the fact that Tim and Alex seem to get along well. Ruth made sure to place them next to each other at dinner to give them a chance to get to know each other, and it seems to work.

What is even more amazing in Ruth's opinion, though, is that Alex seems to work like a buffer between Tim and Alan. She watches the three men talking at the head of the table and can't believe her eyes, but neither Tim nor Alan are glaring at each other and they're actually both participating in the conversation. Alex is sitting between them and seems to enjoy their exchange. Ruth looks over at Marley who is also following the events, and Marley catches her gaze and raises an eyebrow at her, obviously also positively surprised.

The unexpected armistice is interrupted when Tim's phone begins ringing and he gets it out of his pocket to glance at the screen. He tenses when he obviously recognises the number and then looks up. "Sorry, I have to take this."

He gets up and answers while he's leaving the room. "Is everything okay?"

Ruth's gaze follows him, but she can't hear him say anything else before he opens the front door and disappears outside, most likely to talk in the privacy of the porch. It's something he also did as a teenager, and it's oddly satisfying to see that those old habits haven't changed.

When Ruth begins clearing the table and Tim has still not come back inside, she decides to have a look at what he's doing. She brings the last load of dishes into the kitchen, then she goes to the front door and opens it quietly as to not startle him. As soon as she has begun to open the wooden door, she can hear the low rumble of Tim's voice. He's talking quietly in a language she has never heard. His voice is warm and gentle in a way that she has witnessed before, especially when Brianna was still very young. She's sure that he is talking to a child, everything from the tone of his voice to his body language speaks of the desire to comfort and protect, and it's a kind of caring, a kind of vulnerability she's only ever witnessed him show around children, especially young ones.

Ruth remains standing behind the half-open door, transfixed by the sight of her son. She can only really see his back because he's facing the street, but he seems open and unguarded in a way she rarely gets to witness. He's obviously not aware of anybody watching him, she knows he wouldn't be so relaxed if he was. She feels almost bad for remaining where she is, for watching him without his knowledge, but it's such a beautiful sight that she can't step away.

"She asleep?" Tim switches to English again after a long time, but his voices keeps its low tone and its soft warmth. He turns around to lean with his hip against the railing, and Ruth can see the gentle smile on his face while he's listening to what the person on the other end is saying.

"Call me when she needs to hear my voice again. Or when you do." Tim listens again, then he says in a gentle but certain tone, "I'll leave my phone on. Call me at any time, Josh. Day or night, I don't care."

Ruth watches her son close his eyes while he's listening again, and he doesn't say anything for a long time. His eyes are still closed when he sighs deeply and then breathes, "I miss you."

To Ruth it sounds like what he's really saying is 'I love you', although he doesn't use those exact words.

Ruth moves from one foot to the other and the shift of her weight makes the floorboards squeak. It's an almost inaudible sound, but she sees Tim straighten immediately, looking in her direction. The relaxed gentleness that surrounded him a second ago has disappeared entirely to be replaced by a sharp alertness that doesn't ease even when he recognises her. It makes her feel a profound unease that her presence is obviously not a reason for him to relax again.

Ruth comes out on the porch through the door and gives him a smile while he ends the call without many more words. She's not sure whether that is because he has said everything that needed saying or because he's not comfortable talking with her around. The second option makes her feel a profound sadness because she's coming to realise that it has been that way for a long time. She only noticed that the alertness is his default behaviour around her now that she has seen it stripped away. Her heart aches at the realisation that he keeps himself so guarded around her, that he obviously deems it necessary to be careful in her presence.

"Who was that?" Ruth asks with another smile when Tim has hung up and is slipping his phone in his pocket. "Is everything all right?"

Tim watches her attentively - she is almost tempted to say carefully - for a few seconds before he decides to answer. "That was my partner. One of our kids is sick at the moment and she kept asking for me. He called so she could talk to me. She just fell asleep."

Ruth immediately notices his choice of words. _My partner. He called._ So Tim is in a relationship at the moment - with a man. He never says much about his relationships, but he's particularly quiet about it when he has a male partner. He doesn't hide the fact that he has male as well as female lovers, he just doesn't talk a lot about them, at least not around her. It would explain why she hasn't heard about Tim being in a relationship before. He didn't tell her, and Ruth knows that while Marley most likely knew, she never tells things Tim confides to her.

Ruth just doesn't understand why he insists on having a boyfriend when he likes girls. He could have settled down with a nice woman and have a family of his own by now. She knows how much Tim loves kids and how good he is with them, she's seen him with Brianna countless times and it always is a pleasure to watch. He should have kids of his own, he would be a wonderful father. Instead he is involved with a man, heads an orphanage and lives in a third world country on the other side of the planet.

Tim seems about to leave, and Ruth really wants to spend some more time with him, even if it's just a few minutes out here on the porch. He so rarely comes home, and she knows a huge part of that is founded in his issues with Alan rather than anything of her doing.

"Is the girl very sick?" Ruth enquires before Tim can move away, deciding not to address the boyfriend part of his answer. She doesn't really want to talk about that, and she's sure he wouldn't say much anyway. "How old is she?"

Tim hesitates with his hand on the handle of the door as if he's thinking about not answering her question, then he lets his hand drop away and turns to face her again. "Her name is Mini. She's four. Our youngest kid." 

"What's wrong with her?" Ruth asks, glad that Tim hasn't left and is actually talking to her about something that is important to him.

"Ray says she's running a fever and she has been vomiting, mostly during the night." Tim replies and Ruth understands immediately that this Ray must be his boyfriend, the one he said 'I miss you' to. She thinks that she remembers him using the name 'Josh' during the call, though.

"Do you know what's causing it? Is it a bug?"

Tim shakes his head. "No, no bug. She's the only one of both the kids and the adults who is sick."

He falls silent, and Ruth has the impression that he's deliberating on whether he'll tell her any more. She waits him out, she knows pressing him for information never works. He must decide to volunteer it, or she will get nothing. She has learned that a long time ago.

The silence lasts a minute or two, then he continues. "We agree there's probably a huge emotional component to it. She cried through the first night I was gone and became sick the next day." He pauses and looks her in the eye. "She's been through intense trauma due to the tsunami. She lost her entire family."

Tim doesn't say any more, but he doesn't have to. Ruth can put the pieces together, considering that they concern an orphan in a country that was hit by a tsunami. She shivers a little, but she's not sure that the chill is caused by a draft of the cold night air.

"Is she going to be okay?" Ruth asks quietly. She can tell by his frown that he's worried, even if he doesn't say so.

"I think so. She's been eating a little during the day and Ray is making sure she drinks plenty of water." He shrugs, but Ruth knows it's nowhere near as casual as such a gesture usually is. "There's not much more we can do until I get home."

 _Until I get home._ It strikes Ruth how easily he says those words. She can tell from the way he says them that it's not something he did consciously to make a point, no, they just slipped out unthinkingly. That makes it hurt all the more, she can't help noticing, because that means it's what he's really thinking. Home is not here with his family anymore, not in his mind. No, it's in that backwards country, with his male lover and a bunch of orphans. She knows he has a big heart, maybe too big because it makes him care so much that it sometimes endangers him, and she doesn't want to look with ill will at what he's doing for those children in his care, but she can't help the unhappy feeling in a corner of her stomach that he's choosing to be so far away from his family. He could do good for kids over here in the States, too, even here in Warminster or maybe Philadelphia. He could choose to be closer to home.

 _Your home, not his._ She hates the unbidden correction her mind provides, but she knows it's true. Same as pressing him to talk results in the opposite, she's aware that urging him to come home will only make him pull away even further. He has to voluntarily come to her, or she won't have him close at all. 

"When do you fly back?" Ruth asks when she realises that she doesn't even know. 

"On the first." Tim shrugs. "It was the cheapest flight I could find for days."

Before Ruth can even think about a reply, the front door slams open and Brianna comes running out, just to throw herself at Tim. She wraps her skinny arms around his waist and looks up at him with huge, pleading eyes. "Uncle Tim! Uncle Tim! Sue, John and me want to watch 'Nightmare Before Christmas', but Mommy said that we're only allowed if we have a grown-up watching with us. Can you? Will you? Please please please?"

"I don't know..." Tim crosses his arms over his chest and glances down at Brianna with a sceptic look. Ruth catches the well hidden smirk tugging on his lips while he's playing hard to get.

Brianna's not deterred that easily. "Pleaaaaaaase, Uncle Tim!"

"Okay, squirt." Tim replies with a chuckle and ruffles her hair, which makes her squeak indignantly. "Because you asked so nicely."

Brianna lets go of Tim's waist so that she can do a little victory dance around him. "You're the best, Uncle Tim!"

Tim smirks openly now and allows himself to be dragged inside. "Yeah, yeah, I know."

Ruth watches them disappear through the door, a fond smile on her lips. For the umpteenth time she thinks that Tim would make such a wonderful dad, and that it's a waste that he doesn't have kids of his own. Given that he seems to have a male lover at the moment, Ruth wonders how likely it is that he'll ever give her a grandchild. 

She sighs before she makes to follow Tim and Brianna inside and thinks with a heavy heart, _not very likely_.


	33. Decisions - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray has a very important thing to tell Tim. The life-changing kind of thing. Well, kind of. Maybe. Hopefully.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another part that I just have to dedicate to my dear **Veronibell** , because girl, you gave me ideas for this one. You'll know what I mean :D Let the game of do-you-spot-it begin XD

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


  


Tim is currently in the States, and Ray feels his absence in the orphanage strongly. He left on the 22nd to get to Philadelphia in time for dinner on the 23rd. Before he left, they explained to the kids where Tim went and why and how long he'd be gone, so that they'd understand that he'll be back soon. 

Ray realised pretty early on that it was good that only one of them left and the other stayed. On the first day of Tim's absence many of the kids seemed bit off, as if they didn't quite know how to take it that one of the four people they relate to most wasn't around. They kept glancing at Ray, Padma and Manisha as if to make sure that they were still there. It eased over the next days when things progressed as usual at the orphanage, just with a Tim-shaped hole in their middle. Ray is sure Tim will get a very emotional welcome with many hugs when he gets back.

Mini though, she took it hard - still does, in fact. At first she didn't quite seem to get it, that Tim wasn't just leaving for a trip to the market. When he wasn't back by story time, she started crying. Between Ray's story and Padma's hugs they managed to get her to calm down long enough to finish story time. But when it was time for bed, she began crying again and wouldn't stop, constantly asking where her Tāttā was. She was beginning to make the other kids antsy, so Ray finally decided to take her out of the dorm to allow the others to get some sleep. 

He took her to his and Tim's room to calm her down, but it didn't quite work. He still remembers how her loud sobs turned into sniffling, and she kept quietly crying in his arms until she fell asleep from exhaustion. Ray will admit that it's one of his most painful experiences. He has never felt quite that helpless, because he wanted to ease her pain so much, but the one thing that would have made her feel better was completely out of his power to give her. He contemplated trying to call Tim, but a quick estimate of the time made him realise that Tim was in the middle of his flight to London. There was no way to reach him at the moment. So the only thing Ray could do was to keep Mini close to him, stroke her hair and back and whisper soothing words into her ear until she fell asleep.

It's Boxing Day and Tim's been gone for four days now and Ray feels every single one of them in his bones. It's not just because he misses him, but that does play a part. It's also because Mini is sick right now, she has a fever and has spent the last two nights puking. Ray is not sure how much of it is a reaction to her emotional distress at Tim's absence, because she already woke up sticky and gritty after crying through the night, and she started running a temperature in the course of the day and was puking by the evening. Even without Tim's psychology degree Ray can see that she has strong abandonment issues, but he figures that's not surprising given her history. He managed to call Tim on the 24th and put him on with Mini, but she wasn't very talkative. She did refuse to relinquish the phone, though, and insisted that Tim kept talking to her until she fell asleep. Ray is not looking forward to the phone bill this month.

At least none of the other kids or adults are sick, which reinforces Ray's assumption that Mini's sickness is more related to her emotional distress than a virus or a bug. Padma, Manisha and Ray have shared the task of looking after Mini during the day, but at night Ray is the only one taking care of her. So by now Ray has been puked on more times than he can count and he hasn't really slept in three days and feels oddly reminded of his deployments. For the first time in his life he's glad that he's familiar with extreme sleep deprivation and knows how to deal with it and where his limits are. He never in a million years expected that the Marines would teach him skills that he'd need to raise a kid. Or, you know, survive raising one.

It's in the wee hours of the morning of the third night that he's been awake, when Mini has just fallen asleep and Ray is washing puke out of his t-shirt _again_ , that he thinks that he wants Mini to be their kid - legally. He wants to make sure they're there when she feels like shit and that she'll never have to go through something like this alone. _He wants to adopt her_. It's a bit out of the blue given the situation, but the thought is there all of the sudden, loud and clear. Ray glances down at the disgustingly yellow-greenish stains in his t-shirt, but the thought stays. He figures that if puke and lack of sleep can't deter his wish to make Mini his and Tim's kid, then there has to be something real, something genuine to it. 

The thought stays with him, somewhere in the back of his mind, during the busy days afterwards. Mini slowly gets better on day five of Tim's absence, but she's still subdued and much too quiet for Ray's liking. He asks her after story time if she wants to talk to Tim again, and she looks at him with her huge brown eyes and nods with hope in her gaze. It makes Ray feel that strange-but-good feeling again, and every second he watches her listen to Tim's voice on the phone makes Ray more certain that he has to find a way to make her their kid. She already is in every other way than before the law. 

After another two days of pondering about it without getting anywhere, Ray decides that he needs to do some recon to find out if there's actually any sense in him even thinking about all of.... well, _this_. If it's even _possible_ or if he has to get used to the idea that Mini is never going to be their kid because the law doesn't allow it. He feels jittery after that thought comes to him and settles like a thorn in his brain, almost painfully pricking him all the time.

In the evening of the 28th, when the kids are in bed - Mini is sleeping in the dorm again now that she's not sick anymore, and she didn't even put up a fuss about it - Ray goes to the headmaster's office and gets out his laptop that he brought along when they left for the rescue and relief mission a year ago. He leaves the door open so that he can hear it if one or more of his kids sneak out of the dorm, then he switches the device on. It's old and worn by now because it has become the orphanage's only computer and therefore sees a lot of usage, but it still works and more importantly, it allows him to access the internet to do some research. His recon mission for tonight is to find out the lay of the land, adoptionwise.

He begins by accessing Sri Lankan government websites about adoption and then widens his AO to other sources. When he glances at his watch the next time, it's already half past one and he has learned a great deal about a topic he knew next to nothing about before tonight. Because while he's co-heading an orphanage, they haven't had much to do with adoptions so far.

First of all, he knows now that it _is_ indeed possible for foreigners to adopt a Sri Lankan kid. But it's not easy, not at all. It looks extremely complicated, a jungle of bureaucracy that doesn't want to be tamed. Still, it's allowed, so he counts that as 1:0 for Ray and Tim. 

Sadly, trying to adopt as a couple is completely out of the question for them. Not only is there the pesky issue of their relationship being illegal in Sri Lanka, but it's also a fact that same-sex couples will not be found eligible for adopting a Sri Lankan kid in any and all cases. Also, couples have to be married in order to qualify, and that's kind of difficult for Ray and Tim considering that it's still not possible in the US to marry your same-sex partner. Seriously, what the fuck. Ray has to make an effort not to swear at the laptop when he's reading about it. It won't pay for him to wake the kids. Well, now the score is 1:1 for the system.

After reluctantly having to let go of the idea of adopting Mini together with Tim, Ray goes looking for what the situation is like for individuals. If they can't do it together, one of them will try for it and even if on paper they won't both be her parents, at least one of them will legally have parental rights over her, and they're going to raise her together anyway. Right now it's only about making sure that Mini will be safe and grow up with who she considers her family, with people who love her and will make sure she has a good life. Ray is displeased to find out that while adoptions by unmarried individuals are not outright forbidden, they basically don't happen either. That much becomes obvious from the many reports and testimonials he reads. That elevates the score to 2:1 for the system. Shit. 

Well, but on the other hand Ray's and Tim's situation is unusual, to put it mildly. The premise of all the information he read was that a foreign couple living in their own country is trying to adopt a random kid they've never met before, a kid they'll be matched with by the Sri Lankan Department of Probation and Child Care Services. Now that is _not_ the case for Ray and Tim. They already have their kid, and they've been taking care of her for a year already. On top of that they're actually living in Sri Lanka, they're serving in a respectable position in the community and they're speaking the language. Well, learning, but still. Ray thinks that might even out the score to 2:2 for Tim and him. 

Not to mention that contrary to a random foreigner trying to adopt from abroad, Ray and Tim might get quite a few locals to speak for them and act as their reference in court. It's end of December 2005 right now, so by the point they could start an adoption process, Ray and Tim will have been in Mutur for over a year and pretty much everybody knows them from their early days here as part of the MSF Rescue and Relief group. From those early times Tim and Ray know several doctors and a lot of nurses from Mutur hospital because of their close collaboration in those dreadful weeks immediately after the tsunami. By now both Tim and Ray have managed to establish themselves as a part of the community as much as is possible for foreigners, and they have very good relations with the people in their neighbourhood. Ray decides that this will bring the score to 3:2 for him and Tim. 

He gives them another point for the fact that the age requirement for adoption in Sri Lanka is not going to be an issue. He finds out that any person wanting to adopt in Sri Lanka has to be older than twenty-five years. Since Ray turned twenty-five last September and Tim is thirty-two, either of them would be eligible to adopt, so that's 4:2 for them.

And as sad as it is, but the rule that the child's birth parents have to show up in court to relinquish custody in front of a judge is off the table with Mini. Her parents are dead, and Ray and Tim have searched for any relatives, but couldn't find any still alive. For a while they'd thought they'd found her mother's sister, but she and her family had also perished in the tsunami, just like Mini's grandparents, who'd been living in her household. And all their corpses have been accounted for, so Mini is officially an orphan, contrary to most other kids in their care. Ray hates himself a little bit for it, but he's glad that he won't have to expect some random relative who never bothered to find Mini showing up in court to suddenly claim his and Tim's girl. It's with reluctance that he gives them a point for that, ending up 5:2 in their favour.

When he's lying in bed after finishing his research, Ray keeps staring at the ceiling instead of sleeping. 5:2 for them, that means they have to try, they actually have a fleeting chance of succeeding. He can't wait for Tim to finally come back, which is still five long days away. He'll get to Colombo around lunchtime on January 2nd, and from there he'll take the train to Trincomalee for another three and a half hours. Ray managed to arrange to borrow the car from Padma's husband for the late afternoon to go get Tim from the train station and bring him back to Mutur. He's looking forward to seeing Tim again so much that he has to remind himself time and again to not go and kiss him at the train station. It would cause a lot of trouble, especially concerning his new plans.

Ray raises his left hand where he has taken to wearing Tim's bandana and passes his fingers over the fabric. It's been his for almost three years now, but he still thinks of it as Tim's. He even made Tim wear it on his person during the night before he left for the States because Ray wanted it to smell of him. Now he presses his wrist with the bandana to his nose and he's sure there's still a tinge of his scent in the fabric. It soothes him the way it always has, and he feels his mind calm down enough for him to fall asleep.

Over the next days Ray can't get the insights he gained through his research out of his mind. It's constantly there, like a stone in his shoe, urging him to do something about it. He really wants to have a closer look at what his local sources - aka Padma - can tell him about his plans to adopt Mini, about how likely she thinks it's going to be that either he or Tim might succeed. But Ray doesn't want to tell her about it before he has talked to Tim, because this is not just about Ray, this is about both of them. Tim has the right to hear about Ray's ideas as the very first person, he has the right to say what he thinks bout them. It's _their_ life, and Mini is _their_ girl. 

Maybe Tim wants to be the one to do the adopting out of the two of them. Ray knows that for both him and Tim it's just a way of getting around the system that prevents them from doing this together, but the distinction is still there, and it's a legal distinction with wide-reaching consequences. They need to be on the same page about this. 

Not for one second does the thought cross Ray's mind that Tim might not want to adopt Mini.

When it's finally January 2nd and Ray is waiting at the station in Trincomalee for the train that will bring Tim back to him, his hands are sweating in anticipation as much as in the sultry heat of the day. While January is a little cooler, it's still hot and the high humidity makes it worse than summer. Ray keeps looking for the train and when it finally pulls into the station, he stretches his neck to look over the crowd on the platform in hopes of spotting Tim. He's easy enough to find, on the one hand because he's white and therefore sticks out like a sore thumb even with his tan, and on the other hand because he's about five inches taller than everybody else. He's wearing a bandana on his head again, a simple grey one. It's something Ray hasn't seen him do in a while, and damn, he looks _smoking hot_. Ray can't help licking his lips, it's a reflex. He had almost forgotten how good Tim looks with a bandana. 

Tim smiles when he sees Ray and comes towards him through the crowd of people disembarking the train and those waiting for them. It's the terminal station, so it's pretty busy, but Tim manages to get through the crowd and then he's pulling Ray to him. Ray allows himself to indulge in the quick embrace that they can get away with while looking like nothing more than friends, and he takes a deep breath when his nose is touching Tim's neck. Ray has never been able to explain why Tim smells so good to him, but it's something he already noticed in Iraq and that has never changed. 

Tim pulls back within only a few seconds and they make their way to the front of the rather small station building where Ray parked the car. Tim throws his duffel bag in the back and then Ray drives them out of the town and around the bay along the Trincomalee Highway towards Mutur. He asks Tim about his trip during the drive and learns that Marley's wedding was a beautiful small affair that went off without a hitch, and that Tim thinks Alex is a good guy who truly cares about Marley and Brianna. Ray gets the impression that Tim likes that Alex guy, especially after Tim tells him about how much Brianna seems to love him and how good he is with her. Ray knows very well how protective Tim is of his niece, so he understands his approval of Alex as the sign of respect that it is.

Ray always keeps an eye on the road, and when they come to an empty stretch in the middle of nowhere, he pulls over and turns in his seat with the intention of pulling Tim into a kiss. But before he can even reach out, Tim is already on him, leaning across the middle console, his hands in Ray's hair and his tongue deep in Ray's mouth. 

Ray opens to him immediately and returns the kiss eagerly. He missed this so much, to feel Tim's hands on him, Tim's strong body against his, Tim's tongue in his mouth, Tim's moustache scratching gently over his lips. It feels like coming home to experience it again, even if it has only been twelve days since Tim left. 

The kiss doesn't last long, they both know it's too risky out here in the open. When Tim pulls back, he retreats only far enough to rest his forehead against Ray's, then he inclines his head to brush his nose over Ray's in a gentle caress.

"I missed you." Tim breathes against his lips, and his hoarse, rough voice makes a shiver run down Ray's back. He has long since understood that those words are Tim's equivalent to 'I love you', and it floors him every single time he hears Tim say them to him. He knows Tim well enough to be aware that he doesn't say such a thing easily, and never without meaning it. It's something Ray will never take for granted and that means more to him than he can ever put into words.

Ray smiles and leans in to peck one last short kiss to Tim's lips before he starts the car again and they continue the drive to Mutur. When they arrive and Tim makes to grab his duffel bag from the back seat Ray waves him off. "Leave it. I'll get it." 

Tim raises an eyebrow in question. "I can carry my own bag, Josh."

"Yeah, but not further than the gate, then you'll be swamped in excited kids." Ray points out with a grin. "So you go ahead, and I'll take care of the bag. I think they're waiting for you. They're probably lying in ambush somewhere with a good line of sight of the gate."

There's a little smirk on Tim's lips when he nods in agreement.

Just as Ray expected, the welcome waiting for Tim is characterised by overwhelming enthusiasm. As soon as he walks through the gate, he's swarmed by all twenty-six kids at once. He has to hand out hugs like candy, and Ray just stands back, puts Tim's bag on the ground and watches the improvised welcome-home party with a pleased smile. He loves to see Tim laugh and smile with genuine happiness, and the kids are as overjoyed as he thought they would be.

On the first night of Tim's return it proves simply impossible to get him alone for the talk Ray needs to have with him about his plans for them to adopt Mini. At first the kids are so excited that it's an uphill battle trying to get them to got to bed, and even more so to get them to sleep. And then there's Mini, who is attached to Tim like a leech, she doesn't even want to let go of him to allow him to hit the can. Ray insistently peels her off him for those few minutes, but she doesn't give in without a fight. During story time she immediately claims her customary spot on Tim's lap, and Padma makes an offhand comment about how her legs must be far more uncomfortable to curl up on, considering how instantly Mini exchanged her for Tim. Tim, Padma and Ray share a smirk about that, especially when Mini declares that Tim just smells better and his arms are stronger.

When it's bed time Mini doesn't make the big fuss Ray expected, instead she just escapes the group when Tim and Ray bring the kids to bed. They find her in Ray's and Tim's room when they start looking for her, curled up _inside_ Tim's unzipped, unpacked duffel bag and fast asleep with her head resting on one of his t-shirts. 

Ray feels something tug at his heart at the sight and he's almost overwhelmed by that strange-but-good feeling he's getting more frequently these days. When he glances over at Tim to see how he's faring, he's sure there's a wet glistering in his eyes accompanying the incredibly tender smile on his face. Tim bends down and gently peels Mini out of his bag, then he picks her up and carries her over to their bed. He tucks her in and then curls around her on top of the sheets, gently stroking her back while she's sleeping. He looks up to where Ray is standing next to the bed and watching them with a smile.

"Just for tonight. Tomorrow she'll sleep in the dorm again." Tim's voice is quiet and rough in a way that makes Ray feel that strange-but-good feeling yet again.

Ray just nods in reply, he doesn't have the heart to separate those two. Not tonight. His talk can wait another day.

It's only late the next evening that Ray gets the opportunity to talk to Tim alone. The day was as busy as always, and dinner and story time took up most of the early evening. It's about an hour past the kids' bedtime, and true to his word, Tim made sure that Mini is not occupying their room tonight. He had a talk with her after story time, and Ray doesn't know what Tim said to her, but she's in her bed in the dorm with the other kids, and she didn't seem upset about it.

Ray comes into his and Tim's room after they've cleaned up and closed up shop for the day, and he finds Tim in the process of changing into his nightwear of boxers and a t-shirt. Ray feels his stomach flutter at the sight of Tim's bare chest and his strong arms right before he pulls the t-shirt over his head. He'd love to do _things_ to Tim, but he forces himself not to get distracted. He has an important matter to address, after all.

"You want to tell me what's up, Josh?" Tim asks him out of the blue when he's dressed. "I can tell there's something on your mind, I've already known yesterday at the train station."

Ray bites his lips and wonders how he's supposed to explain what's on his mind. How do you tell your boyfriend of almost three years that you had the revelation that you suddenly want to adopt a kid with him, and that that spontaneous insight came to you while said kid was puking all over you for the third night in a row? But at the same time it's also not quite adopting her _with_ him because only one of you can actually do the adopting part of the whole thing, but still, you'd be a real if only partly legally related family and won't that kind of change your life and your relationship? Suddenly he wonders if he's overstepping, after all they've never talked about having kids - _their own_ kids, not their lovely little monsters here at Bravo. It's never been a topic and if Ray is honest, he never gave it much thought before he realised that he wants Mini to be theirs, that she feels like his kid even if he's not her biological father. He doesn't even know how Tim thinks about having kids of his own, if he wants that or if it's something he's not quite comfortable with because yeah, everybody can see that Tim's a natural with kids, but they're never _his_ kids, and while Ray simply _knows_ that Tim will be a fantastic dad, he doesn't know it he actually wants to be one. There's so much they never really talked about, so what if-

"Josh, stop." Tim's voice is gentle but firm, the kind of tone that manages to cut through Ray's wildly spinning thoughts and anchor him to reality. Ray looks up from where he'd been staring into nothingness while losing himself in his thoughts, and he finds Tim right in front of him, a little crease between his eyebrows that Ray knows means that he's worried. Tim's hands come up to cup his jaw and make him raise his head so that they're facing each other, and he makes a point to hold Ray's gaze. "Just tell me, Josh. I'm with you no matter what."

"I want us to adopt Mini." Ray ends up blurting out without any elegance or finesse, without any kind of introduction to the topic, without any warning whatsoever. He bites his bottom lip once the words are out because this wasn't the best way to tell Tim, who is just quietly looking at him now, and the moment stretches long enough for Ray to break out in a nervous sweat and his thoughts begin to spin again.

Before they can gather speed, Tim nods and Ray feels his thumbs slowly passing over his cheeks in a slow caress that is oddly soothing. "I can't say that I'm surprised."

"You're not?" Ray's not quite sure what to make of that. "I'm still a mid-twenty whiskey tango college drop-out ex-Marine with no sense of responsibility and I'm certainly not the type of person anybody would trust to adopt a kid."

The frown on Tim's face deepens with every word Ray says. "Let me take that sentence apart piece by piece. One - Your age has no influence on how responsible or qualified you are, it's your experiences and your handling of difficult situations that matters. You've proven yourself time and again in various kinds of difficult situations from war zones to disaster areas, and some average American mid-twenty suburban kid can't compare to you on any level because they never went through such character-shaping experiences."

"Two - Growing up in a trailer park doesn't make you whiskey tango, a kid has no influence on the circumstances it is born into. What matters is who you become, and I've met your Mom and Grandma, and they're good, intelligent, hard-working people who put in a great effort to raise a strong, compassionate, kick-ass smart kid under difficult circumstances. I've seen where you grew up, and I can tell that your Mom and Grandma made sure that it's a _home_ and not just a place, and believe me, a nice house does _not_ mean in any way that it's actually a home. If anything you should be proud of your roots because it takes a lot more to become a decent person when the circumstances are against you, and the fact that you did is a sign of strength on your and your family's part."

"Three - You didn't _drop out_ of college, you postponed finishing your degree because you went to a disaster area to help people in an official rescue and relief mission. Which is exactly why the college agreed immediately to pause your studies, and you can take them up again whenever you come back. You excelled at your courses and could have graduated with honours, but instead you chose to sacrifice your chance at a degree to help others at the risk of you own life. That is _not_ the definition of a college drop-out. But it says a lot about what kind of person you are, and the college honoured that with their decision to pause your degree without any complaint."

"Four - Your time with the Marines taught you things that you wouldn't have learned otherwise, it had a hand in shaping you and making you into who you are now and that's not something I can ever see as a bad thing. I know that it was anything but easy, I've been there, but if anything it makes you _more_ qualified to take care of a kid because you've seen the cruelties of war, you've thought about some realities of life that many adult have never contemplated, and you know exactly what you never want to happen to your kid. It also means that you're equipped to protect your kid in ways most people aren't, and that you're more than willing to take things as far as necessary to keep her safe."

"Five - Your sense of responsibility is highly developed, you only tend to hide it very well. I think it's because you are afraid that it might be considered a weakness that you care so much. I first became aware of it when I treated your feet in Iraq and told you off for your excessive consumption of Ripped Fuel, and it's one of the things that attracted me to you, even if I didn't know it at the time. Anybody who watches you with our kids for only a few minutes can tell that you feel responsible for them and that you're not shying away from that responsibility. You never have."

"Six - You've been taking care of bunch of kids for over a year and that's not because somebody _gave_ you the authority over them, but because _you took the responsibility_ for them without hesitation when you were needed. And you didn't just take care of their physical needs, no, your first instinct was to make them feel safe and give them a piece of their childhood back by telling them stories, to make them forget the world and _be kids_ again even in the horrible situation we were in when we arrived here. The fact alone that our kids love you so much and trust you speaks for itself. "

"And last - You've been Mini's dad for over a year, Josh. You've taken care of her through good and bad, you have laughed and played with her, but you have also been puked on and suffered through temper tantrums and worried about her to the point that you couldn't sleep. You have already been her parent for a long time, don't ever doubt that. Mini calls you 'Dad', Josh, because to her, that's what you are, that's _who_ you are. She has made up her mind about that a long time ago." 

"So don't tell me that any of those things make you unfit to be somebody's father. I've seen many people who were supposedly more qualified but failed in the worst ways because they didn't have what it really takes to be a good parent. You do, and I want you to know that worrying about not being fit to take care of a kid is actually one of the best signs that you are. It means that you put their well-being first without even being aware of it, and that alone shows that you're already a parent." 

For a moment Ray can't speak when Tim stops with his flood of words. He's too overwhelmed by the assessment of his person that he was just given in such a clear, logical and yet passionate way. It's as if he suddenly saw himself through Tim's eyes, and it leaves him feeling shaken and yet so so warm deep inside him. Tim just keeps stroking his thumbs over Ray's cheeks where he's still cupping his jaw, giving him the time to think about what he just said. 

Ray's thoughts are still running wild, but this time in an entirely different direction. He's surprised himself when the first thing he says is, "You're Mini's dad, too. She says so herself, after all." 

He must have said something right, because his words make Tim smile this subtle little half smile that always makes Ray feel warm and fuzzy with its genuine affection. 

"I know." Tim replies quietly, then the smile leaves his face and he sighs deeply. "But if you've done any research on this - which I'm sure you have - then you're aware that a gay couple has no chances of being granted the right to adopt a Sri Lankan child. We'd never get considered eligible, and even if we did, no local judge would ever assign a same-sex couple a kid. We're not even open about our relationship because it could get us sent to jail here, so it certainly wouldn't aid our chances of adopting a kid."

"You've looked into adoptions, too." Ray realises when he becomes aware of the fact that Tim would only know all of this if he had done some research as well. Which means that Ray isn't the only one who has thought about this, who _wants_ this. Who wants Mini to be _their kid_ before the law.

"Yeah. A while ago." Tim admits with a shrug, but the gesture is anything but casual. "I love her. I want her safe. And I want her with us, no matter what the future brings and where we might end up in the course of time."

The relief that floods Ray is almost palpable. All of his doubts from earlier suddenly seem so irrelevant, he should have trusted his instincts that told him that Tim was on the same page about this all along. He's seen Tim with Mini many times, after all, and he certainly can read his man well enough to be able to tell that he loves her as much as Ray himself does. It gives him the courage to tell Tim about the alternative route to adopting Mini that he's come up with.

"When I realised that we wouldn't stand a chance to adopt her as a couple, I checked if there was the option of a single parent adoption." Ray begins. He settles his hands on Tim's hips, and he's not sure if it's because he needs to hold on to him or because he wants to anchor Tim. "In practise that would mean that either you or I apply to adopt her as an individual, and we keep our relationship well off the books throughout the process to augment our chances."

Tim nods slowly in acknowledgement and keeps silent, thinking about it. Then he looks Ray in the eyes and says, "It should be you."

"But your chances might be better." Ray points out because while he really, _really_ wants to be the one to adopt Mini, he won't sacrifice their chances of success because of this wish. "You're older, your education level is higher, you have a more established career and you own the apartment." 

"That might be all true, Josh, but you found her. You saved her. She was your Bambi first." Tim looks at him with such gentle but unwavering certainty that it makes Ray light-headed. "It should be you."

Ray swallows hard against the lump forming in his throat. He knows Tim, and that means he understands the level of trust he's shown by Tim's willingness to step back to have Ray be the one to adopt Mini. Ray feels tears spring to his eyes and he doesn't bother to hold them back when he looks Tim in the eye and says, "I love you, Timothy Bryan, and I want to have a family with you and Mini. She'll always be _ours_ , even if there's my last name on her birth certificate when we're through with this."

"I trust you, Josh." Tim leans in and presses a lingering kiss to Ray's forehead. "I'll be right there with you every step of the way. We'll do everything humanly possible to make sure our girl gets the right to stay with us no matter what."

Ray closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. It feels like there's a huge weight lifting off his shoulders and he allows himself to melt against Tim's solid frame. "Thank you, Tim."

There's another tender kiss to his forehead. "Always, Josh."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a lot of research on adoptions and specifically adopting a child from Sri Lanka as a foreigner/US citizen, and while I stuck to most points that are actually true, I have changed a thing here or there in order to make Ray fit for adoption (so to speak XD). Let's just call it artistic licence :D


	34. Reassurance - (Tim/Ray, Ray & Ray's Mom)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Angela Person gets a very interesting call from her son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I love Ray's mother and grandma, here's a wee bit more of them. I hope you like it ^_^
> 
> As always, this is for my dear **Veronibell** \- something nice and sweet and fluffy for a change XD. You wanted more of the Person women - I've got you covered. There's even going to be more of them later on :D

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


  
Angela has just finished three burgers with fries and a side of salad when she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. She sets the plates on the counter for Grace to bring to the tables before she wipes her hands on her apron and fishes her cell out of her pocket to have a look at who's calling. She usually doesn't reply to calls when she's working, but the long number on the screen starts with 0094. Angela looks at her cell with a worried frown because she recognises the country code for Sri Lanka instantly. There's only one person - well, two, really - who could be calling from there. 

"Sunshine? Are you okay?" Angela asks when she picks up. Grace looks up in a wordless question from where she's about to retrieve the newest orders from the counter, and Angela mouths 'Josh' at her. She nods immediately and tells Angela with a wave of her hand that she'll cover for her. 

Everybody knows that Josh is in Sri Lanka and wouldn't call Angela at work if it wasn't important, and Angela is glad for the firm sense of community between the staff of the diner that means they'll cover for her so that she can take this call. Most of them have worked together for years, and Grace and Angela even started together when the diner was opened in the late seventies, before Josh was even born. They're more like sisters than co-workers, and Angela knows she can take the time to talk to Josh without having to worry about things in the diner.

"Mom?" It's just one word, but Angela know instantly that something is up.

"Yeah, sunshine?" She makes her way out of the back door to the spot where the staff usually take their smoking breaks. It's the most privacy she'll get around here.

"Do you have a minute? I know you're at work..." He trails off, and the insecurity in his voice has Angela on high alert. 

"Grace is covering for me." Angela says in the same tone of voice she always used to calm Josh after a nightmare when he was a little kid. And after his return from Afghanistan. "What's up, Josh?"

She hears him take a deep breath and to her it seems as if he's gathering his courage. For what is a mystery to her. 

"We want to adopt Mini." Josh blurts out without warning, and he never gives Angela the chance to say anything to that. He's already continuing, his mouth running a mile a minute. "She was sick when Tim was gone over the holidays and she kept puking on me for three nights and then on the third night I suddenly just _knew_ that I wanted her to be _our_ kid, you know, legally, on paper. I want her to be safe and to grow up without ever doubting that she has a family that loves her. I talked to Tim when he came back and he'd already had the same thought. We can't adopt together because the system won't let us, so we agreed that I should be the one to try. But, I mean, it's crazy, right? I'm still almost a kid myself, Mom, I've been told that often enough!" 

"Do you love her?" Angela asks directly instead of reacting to his bout of self-doubt when he finally stops talking long enough for her to get a word in edgewise.

"Yes." The answer is immediate and obviously requires no thinking on his part. Angela smiles to herself, because it's one of the most important things and Josh is obviously certain of his feeling for Mini. Angela knew that even before he replied to her question. 

"Would you die for her?" Angela wants to know next, because she has a point to make, and she can tell that she'll have to take the long way round to make Josh not just see it, but _understand_ it.

"Yes." Josh replies immediately. "That's a no-brainer. Of course I would. Without hesitation."

Angela allows for a small pause before she asks her next question, one that she is sure her son never thought about. "And would you live for her?" 

There's a moment of silence from the other end of the line, and Angela can tell that she surprised him with that question, that she made him look at things from a different angle. Good. 

"Yes." Josh finally says after a moment, and while his voice is quiet, it's as firm as for his previous answers. 

"Well, then you're good, sunshine." Angela smiles. She never expected him to say anything else. She's known for a long time that he considers Mini his kid, even if _he_ wasn't aware of it. She listens to him, after all, and Mini has been a fixture in their conversations from the very beginning when he'd just arrived in Sri Lanka. Angela also printed out some of the pictures he sent them over the past year, and both Angela and her mom agreed that the one with Mini riding Josh's shoulders had to be taped to the fridge. By now there's another one next to it of Tim sitting at the table during mealtime with Mini perched on his legs, and she's telling him something that he is smiling at.

"What do you mean, Mom?" Josh sounds like he's not quite sure what to make of her answer, so Angela decides to elaborate.

"It means that you've got the most important traits of a parent. Everything else you learn on the go, just like every other parent does." She chuckles. "And you even have a headstart, because you've already been doing that for over a year now." 

"Is it really that easy, Mom?" Josh snorts in disbelief. "Seriously, it _can't_ be that easy."

"Oh no, sunshine, I never said that it was going to be easy. It certainly won't be." Angela laughs in a mixture of good-natured teasing and a pinch of mischievousness, because she's sure her son will understand _her_ a lot better after going through some of her experiences as a parent. "Welcome to parenthood, Josh." 

"You're enjoying this." Josh sounds reproachful, but Angela can tell he's smiling. 

"Of course I am, sunshine." Angely chuckles again. "I'm so much looking forward to you admitting that I did the right thing on many occasions even when you never shared that opinion before, because now you really _get_ it after walking a mile in my shoes."

Josh snorts. "Did Grandma do the same thing to you when you had me?" 

"You know her. Of course she did. With a huge satisfied smile." Angela laughs at the memory. "So, when are we going to meet Mini? I want to get to know my granddaughter."

She enjoys Josh's stunned silence at her easy recognition of Mini as a family member. She likes throwing him for a loop from time to time, especially when it's in a good way. 

"I wish I could tell you, but I really don't know, Mom." He sighs deeply and to Angela is sounds wary and maybe even a little scared. She's not used to hearing him like that. "I can't even guarantee that it'll work out. It's nothing but an idea at the moment. And even if I get to the point that they consider me eligible to adopt her, it's still common for the process to take a year or longer." 

Josh falls silent and Angela waits him out. She knows he's not done yet. When he continues, his voice is heavy with something that sounds suspiciously like dread, maybe even fear. "They might still reject me. I might never be able to bring her to the States, Mom."

"And that means you'll stay in Sri Lanka." Angela says effortlessly, because there's no doubt in her mind about what he would do in that case. 

"Yeah." He confirms what she already knew.

"And where you and Mini are, Tim will be, too." She continues, making sure that her voice reflects her certainty of those words. 

"That's a reasonably safe bet, yeah." Josh replies frankly. "She's not only my kid. She's his just as much."

"I know. I've seen pictures of those two together." Angela admits and then she smiles. "That's one hell of a lucky girl."

Josh doesn't reply immediately, and before he speaks she hears him swallow heavily, as if to clear a lump from his throat. His voice is still a little rough when he says, "Thanks, Mom."

"It's nothing but the truth, sunshine. Every kid should be so lucky to have parents like you and Tim." Angela tells him and she means it. Then she remembers what her mom said to her a while ago and she smirks when she continues. "Oh, and I'm supposed to tell you that your Grandma wants you to send a family picture of you, Tim and Mini to put in her wallet."

Josh chuckles in what Angela recognises as surprise, but the kind that leaves you feeling warm and fuzzy. Yeah, Angela isn't the only one who likes to throw Josh for a loop. 

Angela can hear the smile in Josh's voice when he finally replies, "I can do that."


	35. Developments - (Tim/Ray, Brad & Ray, implied Brad/Nate)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray knew the adoption process would be long, but it's only while it's running its course that he realises how nerve-wrecking it's going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again a wee note on the adoption process: I did a shitload of research on this, but what makes it more difficult is that Sri Lanka became part of the Hague Adoption Convention in 2008, which significantly changed the process of intercountry adoption to the US. Since this story takes place in 2006, an adoption would have to follow the old rules that I couldn't find spelled out anywhere. So this is a bit of a mix of both, I hope you can forgive me for that. I did it to the best of my abilities (and everybody who checks my browser history must think I'm planning to adopt a child from Sri Lanka... XD)
> 
> My dear **Veronibell** , I hope you like where I'm going with this ^_^ *is a mean tease yet again* And you'll like to hear that I now have the next 13 consecutive chapters finished, and another 4 later on in the timeline :D By now I have written 86.000 words within the past 20 days (while being gone for five of them, so technically maybe more like 15-16 days) - please forgive me for not having replied to your comments yet, I really couldn't write any more in one day, and I though you'd rather like to know how the story continues. Replies will come, though - I think my writing attack might be nearing its end (we'll see, I'll only know when it happened XD). Now, enjoy and the next chapter will come tomorrow ^^

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


  
It's in March 2006 that Ray enters the process of applying for the adoption of Lakmini Cooray, born on July 18th 2001 in Mutur, Sri Lanka. 

First he makes an appointment with the American Embassy in Colombo. His research, limited as it was, gave him a rough idea of what his endeavour entails, and one of the crucial points seems to be to get the order of things right. And while he has no intention of leaving Sri Lanka anytime soon, he has to make sure that he'll be allowed to take Mini into the US with him should the occasion ever arise. He wants this thing watertight, so he'll make sure to follow the postulated process to the letter and to cross all his t's and dot all his i's. 

His case is a special case, he learns that early on. The situation with him and Mini is pretty much exceptional in all instances where rules and proceedings for the adoption process are defined. The lady at the embassy is kind but obviously doesn't believe in giving false hope and makes it clear to Ray that his chances of success are very slim. She doesn't discourage him to try, but she tells him that he should prepare for the case that he's declared not eligible to adopt for the reason alone that he's unmarried, something that is pretty much regarded as a dealbreaker for adoptions in Sri Lanka. And that is without considering his young age or his status as a foreigner. _Please, Mr Person, don't get your hopes up._ That's the bottom line.

Still, she patiently helps him to find a US-accredited adoption service provider that he must contact in order to conduct an adoption in Sri Lanka that will result in Mini being allowed to enter the US. She also gives him the contact data for the Sri Lankan adoption agencies who're usually the only ones authorised to find Sri Lankan kids for intercountry adoptions. She advises him to get in contact with the US adoption agency first and explain his highly unusual case, and then listen to their advice on how to proceed and when to contact the Sri Lankan adoption agencies. 

When he's back in Mutur, Ray takes her advice and gets in contact with the US adoption agency with Tim sitting next to him in the headmaster's office and the phone put on speaker. When he calls, he's transferred from one case worker to the next several times until they find somebody who's experienced with Sri Lankan adoptions as well as unusual cases. He ends up with a very competent case worker called Doris, who listens patiently when he explains his case. She also asks very specific questions here and there to complete the picture she has of the situation. She's very straightforward in her assessment that this is the most unusual case she's ever had, but she thinks there's enough to work with to succeed. In the end, though, she points out in her no-nonsense voice, it all comes down to the Sri Lankan Department of Probation and Child Care Services and the District Court of Colombo. They have the final say, and if they reject him, there's nothing he can do. Ray's gaze catches Tim's at those words, and then Tim's hand comes up to settle over his. He doesn't say anything, though, because officially he's not here and Doris doesn't know about the extra set of concerned ears.

When she's sure that Ray has understood and is still wanting to go through with the adoption, she gives him the lay of the land. His next step has to be an application to the US Citizenship and Immigration Services, who're part of the Department of Homeland Security, to demonstrate that he's eligible to adopt and that he can provide proper care to a child. They will determine whether he's suitable, which includes criminal background checks, fingerprinting, and a home study. Here Ray finds out that the whole thing is not going to be cheap. There's filing fee of over 700 dollars just for the USCIS, and then he has to pay to get fingerprinted, too. It's meant to identify him so that they can conduct a FBI criminal background check on him, which amuses him to no end. His fingerprints are on record anyway, he was a Marine, after all. There's also his service record for them to access, and he's sure it'll be fun to read. 

The home study will also be quite an interesting exercise, Doris remarks, because his home is the same as the orphanage the child he wants to adopt lives in. USCIS might also want to check out his parents and their home, she continues. Ray explains that there's only his mom and grandma, and Doris mentions that they'll probably be subject to a home visit and an interview. Ray seriously hopes that the fact that his family lives in a trailer park doesn't disqualify him right away. 

Doris points out that this is the moment where his local connections might come in handy, as well as any people of authority who might provide character references for him. Especially in the case of single parent adoptions the USCIS as well as the Sri Lankan authorities like to include character references, so if he can think of anybody, he should contact them and ask them if they're willing to help. Ray immediately thinks of Brad and Padma and one of the doctors at Mutur hospital, and when he mentions them to Doris, she agrees that they might be helpful and she tells him to contact them right away.

But that's not all, Doris continues. Once he has submitted his application along with all the supporting documentation and the home study to the USCIS and they have approved it, the US adoption agency - meaning Doris - will provide the Sri Lankan Department of Probation and Child Care Services with the same information as well as the USCIS approval notice, and the Commissioner of Probation will review it and decide if they consider him eligible and suitable to adopt under Sri Lanka's laws as well. Only if both the USCIS and the Department of Probation and Child Care Services decide affirmatively will the case proceed. This is one of the major hurdles to clear in all adoption cases, she explains, and he must be aware that it can happen that either one or both agencies reject his application, which would be the end of it. Tim squeezes his hand, and Ray returns it.

But if he manages to get the approval of both agencies, Doris explains, this is usually the point where the Sri Lankan adoption agencies would determine whether there's a suitable child to match him with. Usually they would propose a child to the Commissioner who'd review and approve a proposed match with the parents, and then a social worker would meet the parents for an interview and then report back to the Commissioner, who's be the one to authorise the parents to conduct a visit at the child's home. 

This process is obviously void in Ray's case, because not only has he already found the child he wants to adopt, he has also been living with her for over a year here in Sri Lanka. They'll have to improvise here and hope for the Sri Lankans' willingness to cooperate. Doris assumes that they'll want to review this case in some detail to make sure there's no foul play, and she tells him to expect a social worker or even a court-appointed psychiatrist, somebody who will take a close look at the prospective adoptive child and her relationship with Ray. It's also likely that they'll do their own home study of the orphanage to clear up the muddled waters of this case. 

If they decide that it's in the best interest of the prospective adoptive child to be adopted by him, they might serve him a referral, Doris goes on. That is usually a file with information about a prospective child for the adoptive parents, but in his case it would be a formality in order to stick to the process. He'd have to accept the referral and then he'd have to apply to the USCIS again, this time in order to obtain provisional approval for the child to immigrate to the US. He should do that even if he has no plans of returning to the US at the moment, because it's a formality within the adoption process that he needs to adhere to to guarantee that his adoptive child has the right to enter the US and to be recognised as a US citizen upon entry. 

Oh no, we're still not anywhere near the end of the process, Doris lets him know when Ray asks if that means they're approaching the completion of the adoption. Now the District Court of Colombo gets involved, she explains, because it's the only court with the authority to issue orders of adoption of Sri Lankan children by foreigners, which is the case with him and his prospective adoptive child, never mind that they're both living in Sri Lanka. This might take a month or two. He'll need to get a Sri Lankan lawyer to represent him, and then they'll file an adoption petition to the court who in turn will request a report from the Commissioner to decide whether it's in the child's best interest to be adopted by Ray. Once the court has reviewed the report and found that everything is in order, it'll issue an adoption order, which he'll have to register with the Registrar General’s Office in Colombo. That might take another two or three days, but when it's completed and he has obtained a copy of the Certificate of Adoption, the adoption is legally complete. 

Ray is just about to take a deep breath and relax at those words when Doris stops him cold by taking up her monologue again. He will now need to apply for a new birth certificate of his child, because he needs it to later apply for a passport for her to travel to the US. The new birth certificate will include his surname as his child's new surname, but he can choose to keep her original surname as a middle name. It might take a few months until he receives the document, and meanwhile he needs to also apply for a Sri Lankan passport for his child, because she's not a US citizen yet. That means she'll also need a US immigrant visa, but upon entry into the US she'll become a US citizen. 

Any more questions? No? She'll send him the necessary forms to start the adoption process right away with instructions on how to fill them out, which additional documentation to attach and in which order to post them. She wishes him the best of luck along with a healthy dose of determination and grit, and he should call her whenever there's a question or he's unclear about something, because it's better to ask twice than to make a mistake in all of this. She's his and his kid's case worker, after all, and it's her goal to make sure they get to call each other family.

After they end of the call Ray is exhausted and feels like he's facing an insurmountable mountain, but he's not willing to let that discourage him. He has the feeling that they've found a gem of a case worker in Doris, she's certainly very competent and seems hellbent on helping him win against the bureaucratic jungle. He glances at Tim who seems a bit overwhelmed as well, but then a look of determination comes over his face and he smiles at Ray. They're in the game now, and Marines make do. Sailor boys too.

The first batch of papers arrives a week later. Ray spends several days completing them, and he has to call Doris a few times in order to get it right, especially USCIS Form I-600A, a twelve-page monster of the utmost importance. He makes Tim look everything over more than once to be sure there's no mistake anywhere. Then, on March 24th, he files the first paperwork to set the ball rolling. It feels like the beginning of something big. He's never in his life been so nervous to post a letter.

But instead there's more paperwork - _a lot_ more. There's the certified copy of his birth certificate that he needs, and that's not easy considering that he didn't exactly take it with him to Sri Lanka. He has to get in contact with his mom to sort that issue, as well as to get her to obtain a police report on him showing that he's clean. He has to go to Mutur hospital to be issued a certified copy of a health certificate, and then he wonders how he's supposed to get a letter from his current employer that'll give information about his employment as well as his salary. He decides to write to the Ministry and wonders how long it will be until he gets a reply, or if he'll get one at all. The only thing that's easy to get is a copy of his passport because that's the one document he actually has with him. By the end of April Ray has filled out more forms than in his entire time as a Marine, and that includes inventories and forms in triplicate. 

The home study that is an integral part of every adoption process ends up being a twofold thing. On one hand his mom and grandma get a visit by Doris herself in late May, and she's obviously positive in her assessment despite the fact that they live in a trailer park. On the other hand there's an inspection of the orphanage a little later because that's where Ray is living. Contrary to the normal proceedings it's also the place where Mini as the prospective adoptee is living, which at first causes a bit of confusion at the Sri Lankan adoption agency. They break protocol at that point and let Ray know that they'll have a social worker come by to inspect his living arrangements at the orphanage already before they've been provided with the paperwork by the USCIS. At the same time they also want to get a certified psychiatrist involved already at this early stage to assess his relationship with Mini and issue a recommendation to the agency on how to proceed - _if_ they're to proceed. 

The visit by the social worker goes well according to Ray's impression, but he has to admit that the psychiatrist makes him nervous. Tim prepares him to the best of his knowledge for what to expect, and he reassures Ray that he'll be there during the psychiatrist's visit for the simple reason that he's the headmaster of the orphanage along with Ray. A few days later Ray gets a call from a Dr Jayakody who wants to make an appointment for the first meeting with Mini. She sounds young and nice on the phone and Ray is relieved when she understands and agrees with his aim to keep Mini out of the loop of the entire process in case it doesn't work out. Dr Jayakody agrees to come by the orphanage to conduct her interviews with Mini instead of having her come to her office and Ray sincerely thanks her for it.

It's June now, and so far neither Mini nor the other kids are aware of what is going on, and Ray and Tim intend to keep it that way. Upon her arrival, Ray explains to Dr Jayakody that there is no plan for him to leave the orphanage, and he doesn't want to upset the dynamic of the kids by creating any jealousy or feelings of favouritism among them. The situation for them should remain unchanged by his adoption efforts, whether it works out or not. She listens attentively and then agrees to honour his wishes as longs as she deems them in the child's best interest. It's more than Ray expected, so he takes it.

Dr Jayakody does her first examination in a way that's very inconspicuous and doesn't upset the kids, and Ray gives her credit for that alone. She seems to be soft spoken and kind, but Ray is sure that there's steel in her back. The kids like her, though, and Dr Jayakody talks to Mini alone and observes her interact with the other kids as well as with Ray and the other adults in the orphanage. Before she leaves, Dr Jayakody lets Ray know that she will conduct a total of four meetings over the next month, and she asks him and Tim if it's all right for her to do it the same way as today. They immediately agree to her proposition, and when she leaves Ray doesn't feel quite as nervous anymore.

Just before Dr Jayakody's assessment period is over and right before Mini's fifth birthday Ray gets a letter from the USCIS declaring him eligible and suitable to adopt a child, and Ray feels like he can fly. This was one of the largest hurdles, and he cleared it. Now the next step will be to convince the Sri Lankan Department of Probation and Child Care Services, although they're already kind of in that phase with Dr Jayakody still coming by the orphanage. He calls Doris that night and she congratulates him and then informs him that she'll pass on his adoption dossier to the Sri Lankan authorities the next day. 

Ray is aware that he won't be informed of the outcome of Dr Jayakody's examination, and it makes him decidedly uneasy because that means that neither Ray nor Tim know what recommendation she submits with the Department of Probation and Child Care Services. Ray knows that it will have a major impact on his chances to be recognised as eligible and suitable to adopt, and he hopes with all his heart that Dr Jayakody sees how much he loves Mini and how much she loves him in return. Tim reassures him that he's sure that Dr Jayakody noticed what Tim sees every time he looks at Ray with Mini: There's no doubt to him that they're father and daughter in every way that really matters. Ray hopes he's right.

In Ray's opinion, the worst part about the whole adoption process apart from the uncertainty is that there are huge spells of time, sometimes even months, when he can't do anything but wait for the Sri Lankan authorities to put the ball in his court again. After they received Ray's adoption dossier in mid July he doesn't hear anything from them for weeks. Ray gets worried and he can tell that Tim does, too. 

It's only by total chance, almost five month into his quest, that Ray learns why his application wasn't rejected straight away by the Sri Lankan authorities, despite the many issues with it. He hears about it from old Mrs Abayakoon who heard it from a visiting cousin who knows it from a friend who learned about it through her kid who's in school with the boy who's at the centre of the story. Ray's not entirely sure he can trust information passed on in such an elaborate game of telephone, but it does make a certain sense. 

The gist of it is that it seems that the Commissioner of Probation and Child Care Services knows about Bravo Company Orphanage because his grandson ended up there in the aftermath of the tsunami. The boy was in Trincomalee visiting his uncle and they were out on the bay when the waves hit. Nobody knows how, but the boy ended up washed ashore in Mutur, where locals found him and brought him to the orphanage where the MSF aid station was set up. Ray remembers him, just like he remembers all of his kids: A shy boy of maybe twelve years who they were pretty worried about at the beginning, but who bonded well with the other children. They managed to find his parents two weeks after the tsunami and returned the boy to them - and obviously either his mother or father is the Commissioner's kid. 

Ray's never been more glad for the support of the community they're currently living in. He's not sure the story is true, but it would explain why he, the unmarried foreigner, was given a chance at all in this usually so strict and harsh system that handles Sri Lankan adoptions. 

The first peep on the part of the Department of Probation and Child Care Services comes again in late August, and it's their request to hear character references from Brad and Padma in order to decide whether they'll consider Ray eligible and suitable to adopt a Sri Lankan child. Padma is called in first and Ray wishes desperately that he could listen in on that interview to find out what she'll tell them. He knows she supports their plan to adopt Mini, he talked to her about it when he asked her for her opinion before he even started the adoption process. She let him know in no uncertain terms that she's well aware of his and Tim's relationship and that she also knows that for Mini, they're her parents, and she won't stand in the way of Mini's happiness. She also readily agreed when Ray asked if she was willing to give a character reference for him should it be requested.

Two weeks after the Department's request, Brad actually flies in and shows up for the interview in full dress blues, looking very serious and commanding, a picture of trustworthiness. Ray's military service actually plays into his hands because it's considered a sign of honour and reliability, and Brad's position as Ray's former superior and a highly respected member of the US military makes him a key witness. Never mind the outcome, Ray will forever be grateful to him that he travelled all the way to Sri Lanka for the interview. He's sure that whatever it is that Brad says, it'll definitely improve Ray's chances by a great deal.

It also happens that Brad's stay coincides with Ray's 26th birthday, and he brings Ray three cans of Beeferoni as a gift, which makes Tim smirk and Ray laugh out loud. They celebrate the day with the kids at the orphanage, but as expected, Brad is way more interesting to them than Ray or Tim. Ray decides to start calling him Uncle Brad the Golden Giant which the kids take up immediately, much to Brad's exasperation and Tim's amusement. He ends up carrying enough kids piggyback that Tim calls it a full body workout by the end of the day when he offers Brad a beer after the kids are in bed. 

Brad stays for five days, then he flies on to Washington D.C. to 'meet someone' before he'll return to Oceanside. Ray has a _very_ precise idea who that someone is, but he can read Brad well enough to know when not to keep pestering him. This is serious to him, and Ray knows only too well in what position Brad is with DADT still going strong, so instead of digging for more information, Ray winks at him and tells him to enjoy his meeting with Mr Someone. Brad gives him a rather dirty smirk in return and assures him that he will.

When a letter from the Department of Probation and Child Care Services arrives in mid October, Ray feels like he's about to faint from anxiety. Tim is standing behind him in the headmaster's office looking over his shoulder when Ray tears open the envelope, and Ray can feel the tension in Tim's body even across the small gap between them. They both know how important this is - if Ray was not found eligible, then the adoption process is over before it even properly began and Mini will never be their kid.

Ray pulls out the sheets of paper and unfolds them, and he only notices that he's shaking when Tim's hands come up to cup his and still the movement. Ray's eyes skim over the lines printed on the paper and he sags against Tim's solid frame when he reads the all-important words that he's been found eligible and suitable to adopt a Sri Lankan child. Tim's hands let go of the letter to wrap around Ray's waist and Tim's head comes to rest on Ray's shoulder and Ray can hear how he breathes deeply. Ray can feel the bone-deep relief in Tim's every breath as well as in the tight hold of his arms around Ray's middle. It mirrors his own feelings perfectly, and he allows himself to bask in the glow of their small victory.

He knows nothing is won yet, but it's a huge step in the right direction in the process of making Mini their daughter.


	36. Home - (Tim & Mini & Ray, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little girl thinks about the place she calls home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A wee something you need to know for this chapter: 'āppa' = father (regional/colloquial) and 'tāttā' = father in Sinhala (I hope I got that right, I did a lot of research... ^^). Lakmini calls Ray Āppa and Tim Tāttā, just so you know and there's no confusion ^^

As long as I can remember, Āppa and Tāttā have been there. I know there was a time when they weren't, Padma told me that, but I can't remember it. She says I was very young, that it happened before the Waves, before I was living at Bravo.

I don't remember that time, but I remember the Waves. At least I think I do. Sometimes they come to me in my dreams, and I don't like that. It scares me, scares me so much that I scream. Usually, Tāttā or Āppa are there when I wake up, and then I can cuddle up in their arms until I forget about the Waves. 

One of my first memories is of Āppa. I can't really place the memory, but I know that I was scared and alone and helpless and it was dark and then he was there and his arms were around me and he carried me. I don't remember any images, but I still know what his voice sounded like and how he didn't stop talking to me. I don't know what he said, but his voice made me feel safe, just like his arms around me. I still know what he smelled like, how rough the fabric of his clothes was, how I knew that he would protect me against all evil things, things like the Waves. There's also Tāttā in these memories, but he comes in later. The first thing I remember about him is his voice, it was so calm and sure and warm, and I knew he would protect me, just like Āppa. I remember his smile, soft and reassuring, and his eyes, intense and sincere and warm, and the strong, clean smell of medicine. He doesn't smell like that anymore, but it's still something I associate with Tāttā. 

Three weeks ago was my birthday. I turned five, and that means that when the holidays end I will be allowed to go to school with Usha, my best friend who lives next door. I will be a schoolgirl, with a beautiful uniform and my own bag for my books. Just like Madona. She's already in middle school, and they have a different uniform. It has a nice white skirt and a fancy blue tie. I was already allowed to try on the uniform I will wear, and Madona said I looked beautiful. I like Madona a lot. She's always so nice to me, tells me and Usha stories and plays games with us. She doesn't seem to mind that she's older than us. Kusum and Babi don't play with us anymore since they got into school last year, they say that we're children and that they're too old to play with little kids. I think that's not fair. They're just a year or two older than us.

On the morning of my first day of school, I'm nervous and I can't stop fidgeting. I'm playing with the seam of my white skirt and I shift from one foot to the other. 

“Stand still, Mini, or we'll never be done and then you'll be late.” Tāttā says calmly and gives me a chiding glance over the braid he's just tying off. The second one's still missing and I'm worried. I don't want to be late.

Tāttā looks at me and smirks. “I'll be done faster if you stop moving around.”

I nod and bite my lip, forcing myself to remain still. Tāttā's fingers comb through my hair, then he starts braiding it back with quick and skilled movements. He's good at it now, but I still remember the first time when Padma showed him and Āppa how to do a braid that is appropriate for a schoolgirl. I watched how they tried on Kusum and Babi who Padma had told to sit down and be still. Āppa created a total mess and Padma declared that he wasn't allowed near the girls' hair ever again, and so from then on it was up to Tāttā to do our braids. Shortly afterwards Madona was recruited to help, being the oldest girl at Bravo. She's really good at braiding and knows some beautiful styles. She told me once that her mother had taught her when she was younger. Madona always smiles when she mentions her mother and it makes her look beautiful.

“Done.” Tāttā says and gets up from where he's been kneeling next to me. He hands me my bag and a box that contains my lunch. “Here you go. Enjoy your first day, Mini.”

I take my things and nod seriously, still biting my lip. Tāttā leans down and puts his hand on my shoulder, giving me one of his warm smiles. I love those smiles. They're rare, but they make him glow somehow. “Don't worry, Mini, it'll be fine. Usha is with you, and Madona will bring you two to school and get you afterwards to show you the way during the first week. You're a big girl now, you'll make do.”

“I know, Tāttā.” I reply and straighten my shoulders. I'm a big girl, after all.

“I'll see you this afternoon." He kisses me on the top of the head before he straightens again and smiles at me. "Then you can tell me how your first day went.”

I nod and head for the door where Madona is waiting for me so that we can get Usha and then walk to school. The day passes in a blur, and Tāttā was right, everything is fine. I like school, and I like my books and pens. I'm always very careful when I'm drawing letters so that I do them the right way. Every afternoon, Padma sits down with a group of children around my age and practises with us. 

I'm good in school, maybe because I like what we're doing. The teachers are strict but nice and I don't mind the homework. Madona learns with Usha and me when we don't know how to do something, and she's patient and explains things really well. The only thing that I don't like about school is Suresh, the biggest boy in my class. He's always so mean to me and the other girls. I've lost count of the times he pulled my braids, stole my pens or said mean things to me and Usha. I try to avoid him, and mostly I succeed. Until he makes Usha cry one day by snatching her writing pad from her hands and threatening to throw it in the mud.

“Hey!” I shout at him and step between him and Usha. “Give it back!”

“And if I don't? What do you want to do? You're just a whiny little girl!” He mocks me and lifts the writing pad so high that I can't reach it even if I jump.

“Give it back, you mean big idiot!” I know curse words. It wasn't Madona who taught me, though.

“I'm not an idiot!” Suresh shouts and his arms come down and push my shoulders with surprising strength. I lose balance and the ground connects hard with my right knee. When I get back to my feet my skirt is dirty and my knee hurts. I want to cry, but I won't because I will show Suresh that I'm not a whiny girl. Instead I jump forwards with all the momentum I can gather on the short distance and ram my shoulder against his chest. I think I took him by surprise, because he yelps and falls backwards until he's flat on the ground. I bend down to retrieve the writing pad he let go of and glare at him before I go get Usha and we head home.

“What happened, Bambi?” Āppa says with a concerned frown when I enter the kitchen. He kneels down in front of me and touches my leg next to the bloody spot. He lifts me up to sit on the table before he pulls out a clean tissue and gently dabs my knee. It hurts, but I try not to cry. I'm a big girl now.

“Suresh was mean to Usha. He stole her writing pad and wanted to throw it in the mud. I told him to give it back and then he shoved me.” I say and bite my lip to keep from flinching when the tissue touches the scrape on my knee.

Āppa looks up and holds my gaze for a moment, then he raises an eyebrow. “I hope you pushed back.”

I suddenly grin because I _did_ push back, and I know Āppa will be proud of me. “I did! I used all my strength, and I managed to make him fall.”

“Well, you see, now he's going to think twice before he pushes you again. Or any of the other girls, for that matter.” Āppa says with a satisfied smirk, then he holds up his hand. “High five, Bambi. You did great.”

I grin widely and hit my hand to his. My knee doesn't hurt that much any more.

That evening one of the older boys leaves Bravo. His name is Jegan, and I watch as an old woman closes her arms around him, tears in her eyes and a huge smile on her face. She's his grandmother, Madona explains when she comes over to me and climbs the tree to sit down next to me on the lowest branch. The old woman had been sure he'd died in the Waves like the rest of his family and had only now been found by Āppa and Tāttā.

“Would you want to leave too, like Jegan, and live with your family?” Madona asks after a while, her gaze following Jegan and his grandmother when they walk through the main gate. Āppa and Tāttā are standing in the courtyard, watching them leave. They're smiling.

“But I'm living with my family.” I say and shake my head in confusion. I don't understand what she's asking. “Why would I want to leave Āppa and Tāttā?”

Madona looks at me with a sad smile. “You know they're not really your Tāttā and Āppa, right, Lakmini?”

“Of course they are.” I frown. “Why do you say that they're not?”

“No child has two fathers, Mini.” She explains patiently, her tone gentle. “You have a father and a mother.”

“I don't.” I say resolutely. “I have Āppa and Tāttā.”

Madona looks at me for a long time, then she smiles gently and pats my head. “Yeah, you do, Mini.”

I think about what Madona has said to me, and I can't sleep because of it. I don't understand why she said it, and the next day I ask Padma when I help her clean up in the kitchen after dinner. She's putting away the last dishes and has just allowed the others to leave to sit outside for tonight's story. She stops working when I ask her, looks at me for a moment, then she lifts me up to sit on the table and stands in front of me. 

“Madona is right, Mini. Every child has a father and a mother, and so do you.” She stops and fixes me with her gaze. It's gentle but firm. 

“Where are they, then?” I ask with a frown of confusion. I can't remember a mother or any father other than Āppa and Tāttā.

“The Waves took them, Mini, when you were very young.” Padma replies sincerely. I nod. I knew the Waves were evil. “You know that some of the children left us over the years. We found somebody of their family, and every child should live with their family. But most of the children here at Bravo have lost their family, just like you. But that doesn't mean that you're alone.”

“We have Āppa and Tāttā and you and Manisha.” I say and nod again.

“That's right, Mini. We are your family now.” Padma says and pets my hair. 

“Āppa and Tāttā won't leave me, will they?” I ask and bite my lip as the thought crosses my mind. “Since they're not _really_ my Āppa and my Tāttā?”

“Oh but they are your Āppa and your Tāttā, Mini. Maybe not by birth, but in every other way. And they won't ever leave you because they love you as much as you love them.” Padma replies with a smile. I like her smiles, they're so warm and honest, and I believe her.

“Okay.” I say quietly.

“Come now, Mini, it's story time.” Padma reminds me with another smile and offers me a hand when I jump off the table. “You don't want to miss one of your Āppa's stories, do you?”

“Never.” I say with a shake of my head, then I hurry out of the kitchen into the courtyard. The others are already sitting in a circle around Āppa. I walk up to Tāttā who's sitting in his usual spot in the back, and he lets me climb on his lap. I curl up into a tiny ball, just like I do every evening, and I cuddle up in his arms that are closing around me, warm and familiar and safe. Once I'm comfortable, I look over to Āppa and listen to his voice. It's rich and energetic and mesmerising, drawing pictures in my mind of places I have never seen, scents I have never smelled, tastes I have never experienced, and I love every second of it. On my back, Tāttā's hand draws lazy circles while he, too, listens to Āppa's story. I smile. 

For me, this is home.


	37. Hope - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim thinks about the progress of the adoption process.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I thought you all might like to know that I have the next 10 consecutive chapters finished, and then another four further down the line, the current total word count of this fic (including the old chapters) is 153.000. Seriously, I never expected it to grow _that_ long - and I'm not even quite done yet o_O Anyway, I hope you enjoy where the story is going! :D If you feel like leaving me a wee word, you'd make me a very happy wee cookie ^^
> 
> My dear **Veronibell** , I just read your last comment and had to laugh so much when you wrote things that I have _exactly_ like that in this chapter - which I finished about five days ago. Great minds think alike I guess XD Oh, and tell me, love, since you have time now, want me to post more chapters sooner? I have them ready to go, so just say the word and I'll drown you in more parts of this story :D I'm more than happy to do that XD

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


  
"Can you do my braids, Tāttā?" Mini asks from the doorway of the headmaster's office.

Tim looks up from the report he was working on and gives her a gentle smile. He knows what she calls him, has known for it for almost one and a half years now, and it _still_ gives him an undefinable feeling somewhere deep down in his gut every single time he hears her say that word and mean _him_. 

Tim loves kids and feels a very strong sense of protectiveness for them, but he was never sure if he actually wanted to have kids of his own. Over the years Marley has told him many times that he'd be a wonderful dad one day, that she can see it in his every interaction with Brianna. Tim always wanted to believe her, but there was that little part of him that didn't, _couldn't_. Especially due to his history with his own father, he was always worried that he might turn out like him if he had kids of his own, and that's pretty much the opposite of what Tim considers a good dad. 

Now, though... Things have changed. _He_ has changed. He's fond of all of the kids in his care, but somehow Mini claimed a special place in his heart and took residency there, never to leave again. Considering Mini his kid wasn't a decision, it was a development that snuck up on him, quietly and stealthily and steadily, and he only realised it when the connection was already firmly established, when he already loves her so much that he can't imagine ever leaving her behind. When he realises that he will never understand how his own dad ever managed to push his kids away the way he did with Marley and Tim, he slowly begins to believe that he's not like his father and never will be. Tim can't imagine doing to Mini what his own dad did to him - despising him for who he is, setting conditions for his love as a father, making his kid feel unwelcome in his own home, saying those cruel things to him. No, Tim would never do that to Mini. He couldn't, and it reassures him immensely. 

It's February now and they're in the final throes of the adoption process, and while Tim thinks that it looks good so far, he doesn't dare to hope just yet. One prejudiced judge, or simply one who thinks that a single, foreign man shouldn't be given legal parental rights over a Sri Lankan kid, and all their efforts will be for naught, all their hopes will be destroyed. Once they lose the process, it's over. They will never be able to call Mini theirs, not legally anyway. Tim knows it's not likely that he and Ray will be able to stay in Sri Lanka forever, he expects there to come a point when they'll have to leave and he can't bear the thought of having to leave Mini behind, which they would have to do if they can't adopt her. Tim makes an effort not to think about that possibility too much, because it makes him feel hollow and helpless in a way he has rarely experienced. He tries to stick by Marley's life motto to not cross your bridges before you get to them. Especially since he doesn't have any influence on the outcome anyway. 

Just like Doris had predicted after Ray had informed her of the letter of approval from the Department of Probation and Child Care Services in mid October, a referral for Mini arrived in the post in November. Ray accepted it straight away and by now he has also applied to the USCIS to get provisional approval for Mini to immigrate to the US, although neither he nor Tim see that happening in the foreseeable future. 

The only explanation Tim can come up with for the incredible progress in the adoption process is that the recommendation by Dr Jayakody was strongly in Ray's favour. Tim certainly would love to read her report and thinks it's a pity that he never will get to see it. He's sure it's a very interesting read. In his opinion Dr Jayakody is an extremely clever, subtle and observant person, and for a while he was worried that she might have picked up on his and Ray's relationship. Given that Mini called Tim Tāttā in front of her just as much as she called Ray Āppa - of course she did, she's just a little kid - it was a reasonable assumption that the good doctor would pay special attention to the interaction between Tim and Ray. They made sure not so show any signs of their real relationship, and for the first time in his life Tim was glad for the practise both he and Ray have in that regard. Either it worked, or Dr Jayakody did pick up on their relationship but didn't include it in her report - in any case, her recommendation must have been positive, or the adoption process would have been cut short a while ago.

The court proceedings in the District Court of Colombo also began just this month. Ray hired a Sri Lankan lawyer and they filed an adoption petition to the court just last week. Now they're waiting for the Commissioner's report. He has up to twenty-eight days to submit it, so the only thing they can at the moment do is wait. By now Ray has travelled to Colombo so many times that Tim is sure he knows the entire train track by heart. Fortunately the orphanage has a car now, an almost historic jeep donated by old Mrs Abayakoon's sister because she decided she's too old to drive it anymore, and Tim, Padma or Manisha use it to bring Ray to the train station in Trincomalee or to get him from there when he returns from his trips to Colombo. 

Tim thinks about the last time he brought Ray to the station. He would arrive in Colombo just in time to meet the lawyer and head to court, so he was already dressed to the nines. Ray bought a suit for his court meetings and he cut his shoulder-length hair short again because he wanted to make a good impression. He'd also begun to grow a circle beard in order to look older and more serious back in October after the letter of approval arrived. He told Tim that he'd had one after high school and that it made it possible for him to get into any bar and club without ever getting asked for his ID, so it was worth a try now. Shaving it off would only be a matter of minutes in case it didn't work. 

Tim has to admit that he very much likes how Ray looks with a beard. He keeps it short and neatly trimmed, and it does indeed make him look older and more serious. In combination with his suit he cuts a very respectable figure that Tim hopes impresses the court. Tim is also more than willing to admit that he enjoys how it feels on his skin when Ray kisses him - no matter where on his body that might be. Tim has always liked his men with facial hair, but he never even imagined how _hot_ it would make Ray look because he only knew him more or less clean shaven. He secretly hopes Ray decides to keep it after the end of the court proceedings.

"Tāttā?" Mini asks and pulls Tim out of his musings. He looks at her and gets up from behind the desk. It's still the makeshift thing they've been using since their aid-station days, because Tim and Ray agree that what little money the orphanage has can be spent better than on a new desk. It's still holding up, so no need to exchange it yet. Although it is true that over the past year duct tape has become its most loyal and supportive friend. Literally.

"Of course I can do your braids, Mini." Tim says with a smile and walks over to her. They go into the hallway that's open to the courtyard and stop right in front of the girls' dorm where he usually braids the girls' hair. Ever since Tim proved to be skilled at braiding almost two years ago, Padma has had him on braiding duty for those girls who are already in school. She always says that it's important that the girls look respectable because it reflects back on the orphanage, so she expects that every schoolgirl with long hair has it properly braided. 

Today is Sunday, though, no school. Mini just wants a braid because she likes having one. She has entered school just last fall, but she really loves to have her hair braided - the more complicated, the better. Most of the girls stick to simple pigtail braids, sometimes falling down, sometimes bound up, but Mini firmly declared that to be too boring for her. So Tim spent time with Madona to learn various different patterns and techniques. Madona may only be thirteen, but she's very good at braiding, it's something of her hobby. And while she was at first a little unsure about teaching a man what she considers to be a women's traditional skill, she took to it with vigour after their first lesson. She's a very good teacher, too, patient and precise, and Tim attributes most of his progress on her fantastic tutelage. She always smiles proudly when he says that.

Tim is not completely unfamiliar with braiding hair because he has done it for Brianna when he took care of her when Marley wasn't home, but he certainly couldn't do anything more complicated that a simple plait. Now, though, he's slowly becoming an expert. They moved on from the simple pigtail braids pretty soon, and now Mini likes to have different braids every day. Dutch, French, herringbone, twisted, crowns, combination braids, lace braids, pinned, he can do it all in various combinations and variations. It's not a a skill he ever expected to have. 

When they get to the spot in front of the dorm's door, Mini pulls out the small stool they keep in the corner for exactly that purpose and then she sits down. Tim asks her what kind of braid she wants while he waits for her to settle down enough that he can begin his work. Mini is a very active kid and sitting still does _not_ come naturally to her, not even for this. 

Tim cherishes their braiding sessions. It's a little bit like they're in their own little private bubble whenever Mini comes to him so that he can do her hair in the mornings. Of course Tim usually has quite a few braids to do on school days, but he always makes sure to have enough time left to do Mini's special wish braids. He loves to see her smile with joy when she inspects them in the mirror afterwards and how she wears them proudly like a crown when she leaves for school. It's such a little thing for him to do, but it makes her so happy. 

When Tim is done with her braids, Mini hops off the stool and runs over to the small, chipped mirror in the dorm, squealing in delight at her Dutch crown. She insists that Tim puts a few sparkly hair pins in, then she seems happy with her hairstyle for the day. 

"I love you, Tāttā!" She pipes happily and hugs him in her usual enthusiastic way before she runs out of the dorm to show her hair to Ray and Padma.

Tim feels his throat almost close up at her words, how easily she says them and how obviously she means them. It's not something she gives any special thought to because it's a simple fact of life to her that she loves her Tāttā, and that makes it all the more special to Tim. It makes him feel a soft kind of warmth somewhere deep inside his chest, and he knows this is what it feels like to love your own kid. He wonders how he could ever have doubted that he wants this.

Tim wishes for the umpteenth time that it was possible for him and Ray to adopt Mini together, but he's too much of a realist to think that the Sri Lankan system would ever allow one of its children to be adopted by a same-sex couple, especially two men. He's familiar with the strength of prejudice against male couples in particular, in no small part because of his time in the Navy and his own family. So the only thing he can do is hope with all his heart that Ray will be successful, that the courts will agree and that Mini will be officially Ray's kid so that nobody has the power to separate them again.

When the day of the final court date arrives, Tim is distracted and unfocussed. This is it, the moment of truth. Today the court will decide if they find that Ray adopting Mini is in her best interest. They will decide not only Mini's future, though, but Ray's and Tim's, too. Tim wonders if they have any real comprehension about the power they wield, about how much joy or grief they can cause with just one decision.

Ray is in Colombo, he already has been since yesterday because of the remaining court meetings. If they succeed - if the court issues an adoption order - he will remain there for another three days after the final court date so that he can register it with the Registrar General’s Office and then get the Certificate of Adoption before returning to Mutur. It's the most important thing, only when they have that paper is the adoption legally completed. 

Mini still doesn't deal well with prolonged absences from either Tim or Ray. The past year has gotten her more used to Ray being gone for a few days at a time, but she still tends to cry the first night of his absence and remains subdued until he's back. The first time Ray was gone her reaction was similarly extreme as that time Tim was in the States over Christmas, and now Tim understands a lot better what Ray meant when he said that he'd felt so incredibly helpless back then. At least Tim has the option to call Ray and put Mini on the phone with him. It helps at least a little, but it also established the routine that Ray has to talk to her on the phone whenever he's gone over night. 

Today it's Tim who really needs to hear his voice, though. The court session is set for two o'clock, and Tim has been counting the minutes since the hand passed two. He feels like a caged animal and has to force himself not to pace. Padma keeps shooting him worried glances, but doesn't chide him for being distracted and tense. She knows what day it is, after all, she knows how much is riding on today's decision. Tim thinks she's a little excited too, and he gives her a grateful smile when she pats his arm encouragingly a few times throughout the day. 

When the phone in the headmaster's office rings at 3.47 pm in the middle of the homework session, Padma waves at him to let him know she'll take care of the kids. Tim runs out of the room in a way he usually would never do, but he can't miss that call. He rips the receiver off the handle and doesn't even remember to answer the phone like he normally does since he can't actually know who the caller is. 

Instead he just gasps, "Josh?"

"Tim..." Ray's voice is breathless, no more than a whisper. "She's ours."

It hits Tim like an armour piercing round square in the chest fired at point blank range. He feels the air being punched out of his lungs, hears it escape him in a gasp. He wants to say something but he can't speak, can't make the muscles in throat move.

 _Mini is their daughter._ They won't be forced to leave her behind - ever. She'll be safe. 

"I'm holding the adoption order in my hand right now, Tim. I've just registered it with the Registrar General’s Office." Ray sounds as choked and stunned as Tim feels. "Two more days and she's legally ours."

Tim will never be able to express how much it means to him that Ray says _'She's ours'_ and not _'She's mine'_ , which would be legally correct. It shows him without any remaining doubt that Ray truly considers this whole adoption process something they do together, no matter whose name will be on Mini's birth certificate. Of course Tim knew that in his mind, but now the feeling in his gut falls in sync with his head. 

"She's ours." Tim repeats in wonder when he can finally speak again. His voice is rough and breaks at the end. "Mini is _our daughter_."

It's the first time in years that he's crying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For everybody who's wondering where the idea of the beard comes from - I stumbled across this picture of PJ Ransone and was so surprised how different he looks and I thought that might be a cool thing for Ray to do in order to appear more mature and respectable :D
> 
> [](https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/16335757/136309/136309_original.jpg)  
> 


	38. News - (Tim/Ray, Ray & Ray's Mom, Tim & Ray's Mom)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray has some important news to share.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, we just cracked the 100.000-word mark! Now _that's_ cool XD
> 
> As always for my inspirational conversation partner **Veronibell**. Here's more Momma Person and Grandma Person for you :D

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


  
Ray decides to only call his mom and grandma with the news about Mini's successful adoption when he has obtained the Certificate of Adoption and is back in Mutur. He wants to share a moment with Tim first - in person, not over the phone. He needs to feel him close, he needs to hear his voice and feel his breath on his skin, he needs to bury his nose against his neck and breathe in deeply, he needs to hold him close and feel his solid frame against his own body. 

Ray has never heard or seen Tim cry before. It was a very humbling experience that drove the point home how important Mini is to him and how much he trusted Ray when he suggested that Ray should be the one to apply for her adoption. Ray stayed on the line for a long time after he told Tim about the successful conclusion of the adoption process, and he heard the ragged breath on the other end of the line, heard how Tim's voice broke and how he gave into the intense relief of knowing that they've done it, that Mini is their kid, that she will be safe in their care no matter what happens. 

Mini on the other hand is still blissfully ignorant of everything that has been going on over the past year. Ray thinks about what Padma said to him when he asked her for her opinion back before he applied for the adoption. _'To Mini it doesn't matter what a piece of paper says. She's a child, all that matters to her is what she feels. And to her, you are her Āppa, same as Tim is her Tāttā. No court ruling will ever change that.'_

He agrees with her assessment, and so does Tim. It's why they don't plan on even mentioning the adoption to Mini now that it's legally complete. It doesn't change a thing for her because she never even knew that being her parents it's something Ray and Tim had to fight for. She doesn't understand how it's possible that she _wasn't_ their kid at some point in her life, and legal entanglements mean nothing to her. She's only five years old, they _should_ mean nothing to her. Ray and Tim want to keep it that way, leave her in the certainty and the security of believing that this is how it always has been and always will be. They will address it when she's older, when she understands what adoption truly means. But for now it's enough that she knows they're her parents and will always be there for her. Simple as that. 

When Ray gets off the train in Trincomalee with the Certificate of Adoption securely tucked away in protective folder his backpack that he never let go of during the entire trip, he finds Tim waiting for him on the platform. He looks different in a way that Ray can't quite put his finger on.

When he spots Ray, a smile comes to his face - not a smirk, no, a real, genuine, wide smile. It's then that Ray notices what is different about Tim: It's the relaxed ease to his posture and his smile, something that wasn't there before. It's as if a weight was lifted off his shoulders, as if the strain and the worry of the past year is gone and it leaves behind a man who is happy with his life. Only now does Ray realise how much the uncertainty of the adoption process weighed on Tim, how much he feared that it wouldn't work, that they would lose Mini at some point in the future. Ray wonders if he, too, looks different now, if he changed as much under the pressure of the past year as Tim did, and if he now discarded all those negative effects as well. He certainly feels lighter, as if his steps are easier and his back is straighter. It's hard to put into words, but yes, he definitely feels different than he did when he left for Colombo five days ago.

As soon as Ray reaches him, Tim pulls him into an embrace that is so tight that Ray can hardly breathe, but he doesn't care, it's just what he needs. He returns it with equal passion and allows himself to bury his nose against Tim's neck and breathe in deeply, even if just for a second or two. The embrace lasts maybe a bit longer than what they usually allow themselves, but Ray can't find it in him to care. It's still too short in his opinion, and certainly not long enough to really arouse suspicions, so they're good.

When they pull back, Tim grins widely and openly in a way that Ray has never seen before. "Let's go home to our girl."

Ray laughs and then returns the grin. "Let's do that."

Tim stops on the deserted stretch of the Trincomalee Highway, just as they always do when one gets the other from the train station, and when he kisses Ray it's deep and passionate and possessive in a way that leaves Ray entirely breathless and incredibly horny. If it wasn't for the fact that they're out in the open, he would make Tim bend him over the hood and claim him in any and every way possible. He decides that it's a good plan for later tonight, even if that means that no bending over the hood will be involved and that they will have to be quiet. 

When they get to the orphanage, the kids greet Ray enthusiastically just as they always do when he gets back from longer trips. They're down to nineteen kids by now because they haven't had any new arrivals in a year and managed to find relatives for another seven of their kids. He hopes they manage to find more. 

Mini clings to Ray for the rest of the day in the way she always does when he's been gone over night, and Ray allows himself to feel the deep satisfaction of knowing that she won't have to deal with him having to leave her behind for real. It's not something he ever wants to do to her. Her abandonment issues have improved a little with age, but they're still firmly there and both Ray and Tim are aware that it's a problem they have to deal with. They don't have the means to get her therapy, though, not only because it's too expensive but also because there aren't exactly many kid shrinks around where they live. 

Story time is a loud affair that evening because the kids make no secret of the fact that they missed it when Ray was gone. Padma usually reads them from a book of their choice whenever Ray isn't there to tell his stories. It pleases him to no end that the kids don't hide that they think that Padma's reading isn't even half as good as Ray's improvisation. So when they go crazy with their prompts to Ray's story that evening, Ray has great fun including their ideas.

When the kids are in bed, Ray and Tim go to the headmaster's office to call Ray's family. His mom and grandma were supportive of his wish to adopt Mini from the first moment on, and he knows they've been waiting to get news on how the final court session went. He's still a little nervous, though, because they still don't really _know_ Mini, they've never really met her, face to face, and now she's officially their granddaughter and great-granddaughter. Sure, they've seen Mini in photos and heard him talk about her long before he ever mentioned his plans to adopt her. And there's been that time when Mini bombed Ray's weekly phone call to his Mom and Grandma and piped in the conversation in a mixture of Sinhala and English. She's done it a few times since and she learned quickly that she has to speak English if she wants a reply to what she's saying. She seems to particularly like Grandma's hoarse laugh, Ray has noticed. It always makes her giggle.

Tim leans with his hip against the makeshift desk while Ray sits down in the chair and dials. He waits almost anxiously for his mom to pick up. It's about ten in the morning in Nevada and it's Saturday, so she's supposed to be at home. She usually has the late shift on Saturdays.

"Hello, sunshine." Mom says in greeting when she picks up, obviously recognising the foreign country code on her phone's display. It's not surprising that she knows it's Ray calling, given that she doesn't know anybody else living abroad, never mind in Sri Lanka.

"Mom. We got her. The papers are all signed, we have the Certificate of Adoption." Ray feels the words leave him like an explosion that he can't hold back. He realises he sounds correspondingly breathless. There's silence coming over the line, followed by loud whooping that makes Ray hold the phone away from his ear to avoid the immediate threat of going deaf.

"I have a granddaughter!" Mom shouts so loudly that Ray is sure the entire trailer park can hear her words. Tim _definitely_ hears her where he's leaning against the desk, despite the fact that Ray is not on speaker. He smiles at Ray in that easy way Ray noticed at the train station.

Before Ray can reply to his mom's enthusiastic reaction, there's the unmistakable voice of Grandma in the background. "What? Angie, did it work? Is little Mini ours?"

Her words make Ray's throat close up in a way he can't hide. He doubts he will ever be able to explain how much his Grandma's words mean to him. _'Is little Mini ours?'_ It's a degree of acceptance and joy rolled up in one teeny-tiny sentence that leaves him speechless. Somehow it shows him more about how his family sees Mini than any long speech could have.

"Yeah, Mom, she's ours!" Ray hears his mother reply to Grandma, and her voice is still booming. "You've just officially become a great-grandmother!"

"Ha, and I don't even feel that old!" Grandma chuckles in the background, obviously very much pleased at the developments.

"So, have you decided what the name on her new birth certificate will be?" Mom asks when she has calmed down enough to speak at a normal volume again.

"Yeah, we have. It's going to be Lakmini Cooray Person." Ray replies and feels a profound sense of satisfaction at hearing his surname in combination with Mini's first name. "We think that Mini should keep her original surname as a middle name. We want her to keep the link to her roots, and a name is important for that. Maybe she's too young to understand that now, but later in her life she might appreciate it."

"That's a wise choice." His mom remarks and then slowly says, as if she's savouring the words, " _Mini Person_. I like the sound of that."

Ray feels a grin come to his face at hearing his mother say that. "Yeah, me to."

"You know, Josh, this is the best gift you could ever have given us." Mom says, her voice warm and pleased. "Back when you first brought Tim home I feared for a moment that maybe I wouldn't get to be a grandma. Thanks for proving me wrong."

"My pleasure." Ray retorts and means it.

Mom chuckles, then she turns serious again. "Put Tim on the line, would you, sunshine?"

"Sure, Mom." Ray agrees, a little wary of what she's up to. He hands the receiver to Tim, who looks a little surprised when he accepts it. "Hi Angela."

Then he listens, and whatever she's saying, it makes Tim smile in a very tender way. When he speaks, his voice has that rough tone again that Ray has heard before, the one that means that something affects him deeply. "Thank you, Angela."

He listens a little longer, then he says bye to her, but not without sending his greeting to Grandma, and hands the phone back to Ray. Ray keeps talking to her and Grandma for a few more minutes before they end the call.

"What did she say?" Ray can't fight the urge to dig as soon as he has hung up. 

Tim is still smiling. "She congratulated me."

"On what?"

"On becoming a dad." Tim sounds as if he's still a little stunned by her words, but very much pleased.

"Well, it's true." Ray points out. He doesn't think it needs saying, but he'll still put it in words for Tim to hear. "It may be my name on her birth certificate, but that's only out of legal necessity and we both know that yours belongs there right along with mine. Just because some piece of paper says so, doesn't mean that Mini is only my kid now. She's yours just as much."

Tim looks like Ray's words mean the world to him, and he chuckles. "Yeah, your mom said pretty much the same thing to me."

Ray grins. "Well, she's a wise woman."


	39. Surprise - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poke reads something rather interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was slightly adapted to fit the continuation of the story, so there's been a major shift in the timeline - it now takes place in 2007 instead of 2009. I hope you can forgive that ^^. I have also changed the content a wee bit, so a reread is probably a good idea if you've read it before and plan to keep on reading about the things that happen after this chapter.

Poke doesn't usually read magazines. He thinks they're superficial and a waste of time. Gina doesn't share that opinion, though, and sometimes she puts an article on his side of the bed when she comes across something she thinks might interest him. Of course he reads it then. At first it was only to make her feel appreciated, but over time he had to admit that she's excellent at finding articles that actually really interest him. It's probably because Gina doesn't read women's magazines about fashion and make-up. No, she's into the heavy stuff, everything from science and history to anthropology. Magazines full of knowledge and big words.

This time, however, Poke's certain it's the photo that attracted her attention. It's in the middle of the National Geographic issue from August 2007 and spreads over two pages below the article's title _Welcome to Bravo Company_. It shows a courtyard and beyond it a jungle of trees. The architecture as well as the plants tell Poke that the place is somewhere in a subtropical climate. A group of some fifteen or so children is gathered at the back of the courtyard for the picture, smiling and waving into the camera. And right there, in the middle of the children, stand Doc Bryan and Ray, carrying the obviously youngest two children in their arms.

Poke stares at the photo for a whole minute with his mouth hanging open before he manages to scan the introduction at the bottom of the page. It's followed by a smaller picture showing the front of the building, the wooden doors wide open and leading into the courtyard.

_On a sign above the entrance, the words 'Bravo Company Orphanage' are written in all colours of the rainbow, surrounded by flowers, stars and animals that were obviously painted by children. The orphanage in Mutur in Sri Lanka currently is the home of seventeen children between the age of six and sixteen years, who are placed under the care of former US Navy Corpsman Timothy Bryan and former US Marine Ray Person._

Just to be sure he hasn't misread anything, Poke skims the introduction again. But the names are still there, in black and white, no mistake possible. Poke has serious problems wrapping his mind around the idea, he can't quite believe what the introduction hints at. Doc Bryan and _Ray Person_ running an _orphanage_ in _Sri Lanka_? That seems like a bad joke. Okay, so he can imagine the Doc doing that kind of stuff, but _Ray_? He's npt the kind of person you'd trust with a child. He's too much of a child himself.

Poke shakes his head in stunned amazement. He hasn't managed to maintain contact with all of the Bravo boys over the past four years, but he still writes with some of them. Brad, mostly, and Rudy and Pappy. He's lost touch with Ray at some point and he's never written much with Doc Bryan. Still, he would have expected to hear from Brad about something like _that_. Two white guys running an orphanage in South Asia? Poke snorts in disbelief and thumbs through the article. It's sixteen pages long with a lot of pictures to go with the text, mostly of the kids of the orphanage and some shots of the buildings. Poke goes back to the beginning and starts reading, the frown on his face a mixture of sceptic and curious. There's a description of the orphanage with a map, some pictures and some information about its history and its current situation. Afterwards the author presents Doc Bryan and Ray, giving a short summary of their professional background, including OIF and what they've done after they've left the service.

_Bryan and Person took over the orphanage in Mutur, a little town 25 kilometres south of Trincomalee, in 2005, shortly after the catastrophe of the Indian Ocean tsunami. 'We were part of the emergency rescue and relief groups that arrived in Trincomalee just days after the tsunami. I was with the Médecins Sans Frontières at the time and Ray had volunteered as technical support.' Bryan explains. 'We were stationed in Trincomalee at first, but then the team under my command split from the main group and moved south to Mutur. The town lay in ruins when we came, there was no drinking water, no medical care at all and most of the houses were destroyed. There were bodies everywhere in the streets, rotting in the heat and the humidity.'_

Poke's frown deepens. He never knew that Doc and Ray continued working together after they left the service. He didn't even know they got along. He didn't know they went to the disaster area in the aftermath of the tsunami, either. Seems that there's a lot he missed after they lost contact. He wonders if Brad knows all of this, then he pushes the thought aside and continues reading.

_'We set up medical tents, got people out of the debris, buried the dead, tried to keep diseases from spreading due to the bad hygiene. It stank like hell.' Person tells. 'Somehow we got sucked into the course of the events because our aid station was set up in the ruins of the orphanage. The headmaster had been killed along with some of the kids and the teachers. The children were on their own when we arrived, and there was nobody who could take over. We found ourselves in charge of the orphanage before we had time to realise it. Things had to be done and at that point, it didn't matter who got them done.'_

Poke smirks grimly. Yeah, Marines make do. Once a Marine, always a Marine. No matter how bad the situation, he doesn't doubt that Ray and the Doc made do with whatever they found. He reads over the next part where the author of the article gives some basic information about the events of late 2004 and early 2005 and the effects the tsunami had on Sri Lanka. It focusses on the impact on the population, especially the children, and Poke feels a shiver run down his spine. He never even wants to _imagine_ his girls going through something like that.

 _'You can't imagine what it was like if you haven't experienced it. I've been to several war zones, I've seen things I won't ever forget, but this was worse than anything I have ever seen. You don't just turn and leave that behind. Not if you can do something to help, especially when it concerns children.'_ The Doc's words ring true to Poke. In his mind he can hear the corpsman say them in this raw voice he always gets when he talks about really fucked-up things. _'We had a lot more kids in the orphanage in the first few months, up to sixty-three girls and boys that were without any kind of family or guardian. Fortunately we managed to find relatives for most of them – parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts or whoever else was still alive.'_

_When asked why he and Bryan are still there, almost three years after the tsunami, Person shrugs. 'When the other members of the emergency relief groups retreated a few weeks after the tsunami, we could hardly leave the kids just because the official mission was over. There was still nobody responsible for them. And when about half a year later there was a potential new headmistress for the orphanage, we didn't want to leave anymore. By then, they already were our kids, and you don't leave family behind.'_

Poke stops reading and skims over the last few lines again. That doesn't sound like the Ray he knew in the Marines. There's a maturity to him that's new, but then Poke admits that he hasn't seen Ray in years. It's just that Poke always suspected that Ray's one of those people who never grow up and who manage to still be a child when they're in their fifties. But events like a disaster area and taking care of a bunch of traumatised kids can change a person, he's willing to admit that.

_When asked why the orphanage is called 'Bravo Company', Person grins. 'Not all families are based on blood relationship.' He says. 'My time as a Marine with Bravo Company taught me that. Our kids should learn the same thing. They may not have any blood relatives left, but that doesn't mean that they're alone or that they don't have a family.'_

Poke smiles when he reads that paragraph. He knows what Ray's talking about. Although there was much bullshit coming from command, the team spirit among the Marines was very strong. It's just like family – sometimes you hate them with a passion and want to skin them alive, but you always have their backs when it matters. Ray's statement is followed by a long part with descriptions of each of the seventeen children, their story and how they came to Bravo Company. The older ones are interviewed on their life in the orphanage and what they want to do in the future, and Poke is stunned by how positive and confident they are. It speaks of the strong support they found in their makeshift family at Bravo Company.

_Madona is one of the oldest children in the orphanage with her fourteen years. She lost her entire family in the Indian Ocean tsunami when she was eleven years old and has been living at the Bravo Company Orphanage ever since. She is a silent girl who takes care of the other children. When asked what she wants to do after school, she doesn't hesitate a moment. 'I want to become a doctor.' She says. 'And then I want to help others, just like Tim and Ray did when they came here. We've talked about it a lot and they encourage me to go to the Eastern University of Sri Lanka once I finish school. The Faculty of Health-Care Science is situated in Trincomalee, so I could stay at Bravo and avoid high living coasts.'_

Poke can't help smiling when he reads the paragraph. He remembers how Doc Bryan once told him that it's all about making a difference, and right there, in the words of that young girl, Poke can see that the Doc is right. They made a difference for her, probably for all the children in the orphanage. There's another paragraph about the oldest boy at Bravo who wants to join the Sri Lanka Navy and travel the world. Poke grins. Another piece of evidence for Doc's and Ray's influence.

What hits Poke most, though, is the picture on the last page of the article. It was obviously taken while nobody paid attention to the photographer. It shows Ray with a little girl of maybe five or six years in his arms, both of them laughing at something. Ray is sporting a circle beard, and it makes him looks more mature in a way that Poke never thought possible. He's holding himself with easy confidence and he's carrying the girl with natural ease as if he's done it his entire life. Doc Bryan is standing right next to them, one of his hands resting on the girl's back, the other on the small of Ray's back in a subtle but unmistakably possessive gesture. His eyes are focussed them and on his face is a rare smile, soft and caring in a way Poke has never seen on him before.

They look _happy_.

Suddenly something catches Poke's attention and he frowns. He thumbs back to the beginning of the article, then he scans every single picture. Ray's wearing a desert camo bandana in every single shot, sometimes on his head like Doc always did, sometimes wrapped around his left wrist. The clothes change in the pictures, which tells Poke that they were taken on different days, yet Ray's never without the bandana, which looks suspiciously like the Doc's to Poke. What finally drives the point home is the slightly too tight t-shirt Doc is wearing in that last picture. Poke recognises it easily, it was part of their uniform in Iraq, and now it's old and worn and faded. The letters next to the Marines logo are still legible, though, and they say _'PERSON'_.

Poke stares at it for a long moment. Ray and Doc Bryan. A _couple_.

He reads over the article again, his focus different now, and he wonders how he could have _not_ seen it when he read the article the first time. Poke stares at the last photo again, at the hand on the small of Ray's back, at the bandana on his wrist, at the expression on Doc Bryan's face, at the laughing girl in Ray's arms. It's a _moment_ caught in a photo. A family picture. The same kind he has with Gina and the girls. 

Poke swallows at the sudden realisation that Doc Bryan and Ray must have been together for years. It's subtle, nothing obvious, but it's there nonetheless. The familiarity, the trust, the closeness. He wonders if they were already a couple during OIF and Poke just never noticed it. 

Poke stares at the picture a little longer, then he catches sight of a bright yellow post-it note at the end of the article. It's stuck next to an address where to make donations to the orphanage, and Gina has scribbled _'How much should we give?'_ on the note. Poke looks at it for a moment, then he smirks and gets a red marker to circle the address. A few minutes later he's sitting at his computer and scans the entire article. He has a look at the address book of his mailbox and then sends an email with the article to everybody from Bravo Company that he finds contact data for. He writes a few lines in the email, pointing out the address at the end of the article and making a not so subtle hint that Bravo Company seems to have grown by seventeen members.

Poke's sure there's going to be a surprising increase in donations for the Bravo Company Orphanage within the next few days.


	40. Shift - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray and Tim begin the process of transferring the administration of Bravo Company Orphanage to Padma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now we finally progress beyond the timeline I had set up in 2012 - which means that I also changed the previous chapter "Surprise" a little and now the new version is up. Maybe reread it if you've read the old version so that things make sense. It's not big changes, but there are a few.
> 
> My dear **Veronibell** , your timing is exceptionally good - I'm just on my break from work and was about to post this new chapter when I saw that you left me a new comment :D Well, I'll post this first and then go read it afterwards, so that this reaches you before bedtime ^^

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


  


The letter from the Ministry comes early in September 2007. It's on officially stationary and phrased in a very respectful but nonetheless clear manner. They write that they're very satisfied with the job Tim and Ray have been doing as headmasters of the orphanage, but they want it back under Sri Lankan leadership since the country has recovered to a point that they have the capacities to do so again. They thank them for their service and hope for their cooperation in the transferral of the administration to their successor. There's no doubt that it's not a request.

Ray can't say that he's too surprised. Well, not at the fact that this is happening, at least, he's been waiting for it for quite some time. He is surprised, however, that it happens only now, almost two and a half years after they came to be in charge of the orphanage. If he's entirely honest, he's surprised that they didn't insist on the headmistress they had lined up for the job back in June 2005. He assumes it's because they had more jobs to fill than people to fill them with at the time, and therefore Tim and Ray were a convenient substitute to free one of their employees to send somewhere else. Seems that has changed now.

Ray frowns at the letter that he's reading over Tim's shoulder in the headmaster's office, and he feels almost relieved when he reads on and finds that they're encouraged to hand in recommendations for a successor. Tim turns to look at him over his shoulder, and Ray just gives a quick nod. Neither of them has to think about who they're going to recommend if she agrees to take the position.

So it comes that Padma officially applies to the Ministry for the position of the headmistress of Bravo Company Orphanage just a week after the letter arrived. Her application is bolstered by Tim's and Ray's recommendation, but they both think that they don't really need to worry. Padma is more than qualified given her background as a teacher, her long experience in the education sector and her years of working at the orphanage. Still, when the confirmation of her employment comes a month later, Ray feels a weight lifting off his shoulders. He doesn't know what he would have done if he'd been forced to hand his kids over to a stranger. 

In the course of October the administration of Bravo Company Orphanage officially changes hands from Tim and Ray to Padma. Her first official act as headmistress is to keep Ray and Tim on as employees with a contract for another six months. Next Padma, Manisha, Tim and Ray gather in the office after the kids are in bed and hold a kind of war council on how to proceed. They all agree that the transition needs to be conducted gradually so that the kids won't be totally thrown when the time comes for Tim and Ray to leave. In order to achieve that, they decide that they need at least two, better three more people to work at the orphanage, who will at some point replace Tim and Ray.

Luckily they have the right to select their own personnel, and they all decided to make use of that right to choose the optimal candidates - somebody who cares about the kids as much as they do. They have to get their choice approved by the Ministry in a final step, but that is only a formality. If Ray and Tim managed to get approved as headmasters, then any Sri Lankan staff member is going to get approved, too.

One advantage they have is that there's been a marked increase in donation to the orphanage lately, which means that they'll be able to offer a decent wage, which in turn will make it easier to get good employees. Ray thinks the influx of donations has something to do with the article in National Geographic that was published in August. He's still surprised that the magazine asked if they could do a long piece on Bravo Company as the centre piece of one of their issues, but both he and Tim were aware of the positive results the unexpected publicity could have. And since money is always an issue at the orphanage, it was too good an offer to refuse. 

True to their expectations there were more donations in August and even now in October they're still benefiting from the press coverage. So far they could pay to have the dorms and the kitchen re-roofed, something that was long overdue. They also currently have the former headmaster living quarters being restored, which was never a priority after the tsunami because Ray and Tim had gotten used to sleeping in the tiny old attendant's hut. They also bought some desperately needed furniture, which means that finally every child has its own bed and they could replace the makeshift desk in the office after one of its legs broke and was only held together by an excessive amount of duct tape.

Not all of the donations were anonymous, and Ray certainly recognised a lot of the names - they're his fellow Marines from Bravo. Ray has no idea how they learned about the orphanage or the article, because he seriously doubts that several of their donors would _ever_ buy National Geographic. Somebody must have spread the word, and Ray knows it wasn't Brad, because he asked him. He has the feeling that Brad knows who it was, but so far he's not telling. Anyway, the money was - and is - more than welcome and Ray is not going to look a gift horse in the mouth, especially not if it's doing so many good things for the kids. 

As for the new staff members they need, Manisha suggests that her nephew Mewan might be a good addition. He's a primary school teacher in his early thirties and might be convinced to join the orphanage. He's currently working in Trincomalee and has been looking for a job in Mutur for a while to avoid the commute and have more time with his own kids. He's a calm and friendly man, she says, who is a natural with children, and Tim has always reminded her of him. They agree to make him the offer to do a few days of work trial to find out if he fits in. Padma is thinking of Keshini de Silva, a young woman who helped them out a lot in the aid station and the orphanage in the early post-tsunami weeks. She knows she's working as a nurse at Mutur hospital, and she remembers how good she was with the kids back after the disaster. They agree it's worth a try.

So nothing much changes at first after the official transferral of the administration, apart from Padma and her husband moving into the restored living quarters at the back of the courtyard at the end of October. To Ray's surprise, Padma and Manisha are firm on the point that they want to keep the name 'Bravo Company Orphanage'. They point out that the kids associate only good things with that name, that it means home and a safe place to them, and they identify with it. Neither Padma nor Manisha think that it's a good idea to take that from them, especially with Tim and Ray leaving in a few months. While some changes can't be avoided, they don't want to upend everything the kids are used to. 

Both Manisha's nephew and the young nurse agree to come by to do trial work and find out if they want to work in the orphanage. Mewan comes by first and helps out over a Saturday in November when he's not working at the school. Ray thinks that Manisha is right, he and Tim are indeed quite similar. They get on well, too, and at the end of the day Padma, Tim and Ray agree that he would be a great addition to their team. Padma makes him an official offer a few days later and they are all glad when he agrees to it.

Another major point that Ray, Tim, Padma and Manisha agreed on during their war council in October is that the established traditions around the orphanage should be upheld to give the kids a sense of continuity and stability despite the departure of two of their major care givers. That means that somebody has to take over story time when Ray is gone. And they're all aware it can't under any circumstances be a sudden change, it needs to be a fluent, stealthy transition. Neither Padma nor Manisha are particularly inclined to measure up to Ray's standard of performance, though, both insistent that they just don't have his level of imagination and acting skills. For a moment they eye Mewan, but they all agree he's too calm to even come close to Ray's performance.

The problem kind of resolves itself when Keshini, the young nurse, comes by for an interview. She's quite a talkative person, so Ray decides to put her to the test during her trial work day and throws her to the wolves, so to speak. He sets her up in the courtyard in the morning when only the young kids are around while the others are in school, and encourages her to read to them from one of their favourite books. She deviates from the story within minutes, makes all the voices and gestures while she's practically glowing with enthusiasm and energy. Ray watches from the back with a satisfied smile and throws Padma, who's standing next to him, a pointed look. They _have_ to have her. She's perfect for the job.

When Keshini accepts Padma's job offer on the same day she gets it, Ray knows he was right. That woman is a natural storyteller, totally wasted as a nurse. She needs to be put in front of a bunch of kids, so he declares her his story time successor. As a result Keshini begins to join Ray's story time routine when she starts working at the orphanage in December. They do it like a covert op: The first time it happens, about two weeks after she started working with them, Ray just recruits her in the middle of the story to play a role in it. He keeps doing that here and there for about two weeks, then they start to both sit in front of the circle of eager kids and tell their stories together, improvising the entire plot along the way. With the passing of time Ray begins to lower his level of participation more and more, but not so suddenly that the kids would notice. By the end of February he sits in the back of the courtyard with Tim and Mini for the first time ever, and while he's oddly wistful, he's also glad that it doesn't seem to unsettle the kids at all. It's how it's supposed to be.

They book a flight for two adults and one child to the States at the beginning of January, and the act of booking it feels like the end of an era to Ray. He looks at the paper with their flight information and can't help being wistful. They will leave from Colombo on March 25th to fly to San Diego International, and then their life in Sri Lanka is over, once and for all. He doesn't really want to leave, he likes his life here. The only reason why he can even contemplate the thought of going back to the States is because he knows that they will be able to take Mini with them. Without her, he would not leave, ever.

In agreement with Padma and Manisha, Ray and Tim begin to hand over more and more of their tasks to Mewan and Keshini to get the kids used to the new adults in their midst. Interestingly enough, Mewan proves to be better suited to take over braiding duty from Tim, because Keshini doesn't have the necessary fine motor skills for it, nor the patience. When March rolls by, Ray and Tim spend much less time actively helping with the kids, instead they're mostly doing back office work like cooking and cleaning to get the kids used to their impending absence. So far the transition has been smooth, and they don't want to upset months of hard work. The kids have taken to Keshini and Mewan and accept them in their roles as major care givers, just the way it's supposed to be.

A week before they're scheduled to fly out, Tim is leaning against the doorframe of the kitchen, watching the busy lunch table out in the courtyard. Ray comes up next to him, drying a bowl with a dish towel. They keep looking at the scene for a few minutes in companionable silence.

"You feel it too, don't you?" Ray says quietly after a moment.

"We're not needed here anymore." Tim agrees with a slow nod. "Yes, I can feel that."

They're silent for a moment, watching Mewan and Padma serving lunch to one kid after the other.

"It's a good thing, though. You know that this is what we were aiming for all along." Tim adds gently.

"Yeah, I know." Ray sighs deeply. "Doesn't make it any easier, though."

Tim just nods in agreement. "The best service we can do them now is to leave. They're in good hands."

"Yeah." Ray doesn't enjoy saying it, but he knows it's true. "Padma is a doing a fantastic job as headmistress. And she's been here from day one - even before that. She genuinely cares about our kids. What more could we want."

Tim nods again. "And I think Keshini and Mewan fit in very well. They're good with the kids and they obviously care about them."

"And Mini will come with us." Ray says, his voice an odd mixture of relief and resoluteness.

"I wouldn't leave without her." Tim's voice may be quiet, but there's steel in there. It makes Ray feel warm deep inside his chest.

"Neither would I." He agrees. "But she's coming with us, and then we'll build a new life for the three of us in Oceanside."

When Ray turns to look at him, there's a little smile on Tim's lips and he's watching Ray now instead of the lunch scene. " _'A life for the three of us.'_ I like the sound of that."


	41. Return - (Tim/Ray, Brad & Ray, Brad & Tim, implied Brad/Nate)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim, Ray and Mini arrive in in the States and Brad gives them a hand with getting home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, this is quite a long chapter. Our boys and their little girl are back in the US and now an entirely new life begins. I have lots of drama for you, my dear readers ^____^ I hope you enjoy it! 
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : Girl, you will recognise so many things in here... some inspired by you, some are things I just read in your last comment and I had to smirk at how alike we think XD So yes, you may feel flattered, my dear, you earned it ^^ And guess what, you'll finally get some Uncle-Brad-and-Mini time (a hint of it - there'll be an entire chapter of it soon from Brad's POV) ^_^

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


It's almost 6 pm on March 26th 2008 when they have finally passed customs and immigration and reclaimed their bags. Tim is holding Mini's hand when they leave the security zone of San Diego International, while Ray is pushing the cart with their bags. They don't have _that_ much considering that they're bringing their life of three years with them, including all of Mini's possessions. That is probably quite telling in and of itself. None of them own much stuff.

Brad is waiting for them when they get out of the security zone. He's in civvies, but his tall frame is easily visible over the general population in the arrivals hall. He grins when he spots them and greets Ray with a heartfelt embrace, complete with the firm slap on his back. 

Mini recognises Brad immediately and squeals an excited "Uncle Brad!" before running up to him to hug him around the waist. Or rather around the hips, considering how tall he is, because she doesn't come up much higher than his navel. It's such a cute picture that Tim has to smile to himself while watching them.

Brad has been to Sri Lanka on several occasions by now. In the year that has passed since he served as a character witness for Ray during the adoption process, he's been there twice - although once was only by convenience because he was meeting with 'someone' for a short holiday trip to Thailand and Sri Lanka happened to be on the way. Mini has grown attached to him in the same way the other kids have, they all seemed to think that Brad was the only fun adult around the orphanage - but then, he wasn't an adult, but a golden giant.

That Brad is here to get them today has two reasons. On one hand Tim, Ray and Mini need a ride home, and Brad lives in Oceanside too, he's currently not away on deployment and he's kind enough to actually drive over to San Diego to get them. On the other hand - and that's the more important reason - Mini knows and adores Brad, and considering the stress of leaving her home, her friends and her life behind, Tim and Ray thought it would be a good thing if somebody familiar was waiting for her in her new home. Somebody she loves and who's bound to soften the first shock of arrival and make her see it in a positive light. When Ray mentioned it to Brad over the phone, he just gave a little huff of approval before drily pointing out to Ray that they're lucky to have such an adorable weapon to use against him, so he'll come and get their sorry asses, too. Mini he would have chauffeured anyway.

Now Brad is leaning down at an awkward angle, almost folding in half, to return Mini's enthusiastic embrace. She's talking to him a mile a minute, but at least she's remembering to stay in English if she wants him to understand her. Brad laughs about something she's telling him, then he nods and turns around. Mini immediately climbs on his back and he gets up to carry her piggyback, something he became famous and very popular for at the orphanage. He never lost his nickname of Golden Giant either, much to Ray's pleasure. 

Brad turns to greet Tim with Mini on his back, and Tim gives Brad a genuine smile when he accepts Bard's welcoming handshake. It seems that their plan to distract Mini is working perfectly. It's impressive how Brad manages to keep holding her safely on his back with just one arm, especially considering that she's flipping her feet up and down as if she was riding a horse. Tim can only assume that it's a skill Brad acquired through _a lot_ of training. He certainly had enough opportunity to get used to it throughout his visits at the orphanage. He was always in high demand with the kids whenever he came by.

Brad leads the way to the parking lot where he left his truck with Mini edging him on to hop like a horse. He's followed by Tim carrying his, Ray's and Mini's carry-on backpacks and Ray pushing the cart of colourful, mismatched pieces of baggage. Tim imagines they must look like a hilarious troupe of circus clowns. 

The drive from San Diego to Oceanside is mostly filled with Mini's excited recounts of the journey to Brad, who is quite good at keeping a conversation running with a six-year-old. Tim is quietly impressed and allows himself to relax while Brad is driving them and at the same time entertaining Mini. Tim is sitting in the back with her while Ray is riding shotgun, joining the conversation from time to time. Tim can tell that he's tired, but he's doing his best to hide it. Tim assumes that's mostly for Mini's benefit, because Brad has seen him in worse conditions. No need to hide that from him.

When they finally park in front of Tim's building and have unloaded the bags, Brad wordlessly gets a cooler out of the trunk and begins to carry it towards the building in one hand while dragging one of the bags in the other.

"What's that, homes?" Ray asks and eyes the box curiously. 

"Some groceries I got on the way to the airport. Just the basics, but it'll get you through dinner and breakfast." Brad shrugs casually and gives an almost imperceptible nod in Mini's direction. "Figured you wouldn't want to have to go out again tonight to buy food."

Ray stares at him like he's the best thing since the invention of Chef Boyardee's Beefaroni. "Brad, I love you so much right now. No offence, Tim, but that guy is awesome!"

There's a reason, Tim thinks with a smirk, why Brad is such a good Team Leader. "I couldn't agree more, Josh."

Tim gets his keys out of his pocket and unlocks the main entrance. They have to take turns to get all the stuff and themselves up to the fourth floor in the small elevator, and Tim and Mini take the first trip.

"Is this home, Tāttā?" Mini asks curiously when they get out of the elevator and stop outside the apartment door. Tim notices how she stays in English, and he thinks it's because she's in the flow due to talking to Brad for the past hour. She often reverts to Sinhala when she's alone with Tim or Ray.

"It is, Mini. We lived here before we came to live with you." Tim replies while unlocking the door. He knows this is a crucial moment in her discovery of her new life and will influence greatly how she perceives it. Mini is too young to remember her parents and her life with them, so the only home she has ever known is the orphanage. And now she gets to experience this new place and has to decide whether it can be home for her, whether she feels welcome and safe here in this tiny part of the new country and the new life she has just begun to get to know.

"You have your very own room here." Tim tells her while he's still turning the key in the lock.

"I do?" She looks at him with huge eyes. "My very own room?"

"Yes, you do." Tim lets the door swing open and pushes through with the multitude of bags he's carrying. "Let's put the bags down, then we can have a look around."

"Okay!" Mini takes off her small backpack and sets it down next to the huge pile Tim created. Then she takes off, curiously walking through the rooms, starting with the living room that's closest.

Tim switches on the lights as soon as his hands are free and looks around. It feels strange. He hasn't been to his apartment in over three years. It's still pretty much in the same state they left it in that fateful morning in December 2004. Even Ray's overturned shoes are still in the hallway next to the entrance door. Tim remembers stumbling across them on his way out that morning.

Because Tim owns the apartment and doesn't have rent or a mortgage to pay, he decided to just leave it sitting empty while they were gone, especially because he had no idea how the situation would evolve and when they'd be back. On top of that it was too much of a hassle to get stuff like subletting organised from halfway around the world when his focus was firmly on the disastrous aftermath of the tsunami. He could afford the luxury to not bother with such things, so he did.

Now he's glad for it. It means that some cleaning and dusting and airing out is in order, but otherwise they have a home ready to live in. Since Brad has a spare key ever since Ray moved in, he's been so kind to look after the apartment from time to time when he was in Oceanside between deployments, and Tim is glad to find that he emptied the fridge and the freezer, switched them off and left their doors wide open. They don't even smell. Well, Brad is nothing if not competent.

Tim hears the ping of the elevator through the door he left standing wide open, announcing Brad's and Ray's imminent arrival, but instead of waiting for them, he follows Mini in her exploration of her new home. He tries to see it through her eyes and get an idea of how she experiences it. It's bright and lofty, two of the major points that made him buy it, along with the quiet neighbourhood and the good location in regard to the city centre. His furniture isn't all fancy designer stuff, instead it's functional, comfortable and well lived it. The rooms aren't cluttered, Tim has never accumulated much stuff, but they're not bare either. Everything is tidy, though, one of the things where he and Ray are actually completely on the same page, so that was never an issue when they lived here together. 

It's also very very different from the orphanage, almost sterile in comparison. It must feel very strange to Mini, who has just found the door to the guest room that Tim and Ray agree will be transformed into her room. They'll get her involved in redecorating - it's way too spartan to be a kid's room at the moment - and let her go crazy on it. Tim is sure that it'll help making her feel more at home in this strange new country if she has a sense of control over her own space. The fact alone that she _has_ her own space might already be a factor, since in the orphanage not even her bed was hers alone for most of her life. Now she'll have an entire room _and_ its contents. That certainly is going to be an adjustment.

"Do you want to see your room?" Tim asks in Sinhala and Mini beams at him and nods enthusiastically. "It's not ready yet, though. You will have to help us turn it into your room."

"I can do that!" Mini assures him confidently. 

"Well, it's your room. You open the door." Tim encourages her to take charge of discovering her own space, and she doesn't hesitate to go for it. She takes the handle and pushes the door open, then she slips in and looks around. There's not much inside, Tim barely used the room but for Marley and Brianna when they came to visit him. So there's a simple queen-size bed, a wardrobe and a few shelves with books, but that's pretty much it. Ray never even thought about occupying it either when he moved in, he settled immediately into the master bedroom with Tim.

"It needs more colour." Mini states after her first inspection. "I want green. And orange."

Tim chuckles. He's sure it's going to be a very interesting mixture of colours when she's done choosing. "Well, it's your room, Mini, you can pick the colours you like."

Tim hears several heavy thumps of bags hitting the floor in the hallway, then the front door is closed, a sure sign that Ray and Brad have arrived with the rest of their stuff. He turns to go and help them, leaving Mini to contemplate what she wants to do with her room.

"You want one of the beers that I'm sure are in that cooler?" Tim hears Ray's voice from down the hall, probably in the kitchen.

"That's very magnanimous of you, Ray, to offer me one of the beers I bought." Brad replies in a dry tone. "But I'll have to decline, I need to get going."

"What, you've got plans or what?"

"As it happens, I do." Brad says drily and Tim stops in the hallway before entering the kitchen.

"Seriously, your best pal Ray-Ray returns home after three years and you _have plans_?" There's no mistaking the teasing in Ray's voice. It's obvious he's not really hurt, he's just enjoying needling Brad for more information.

"I'm meeting someone." Brad grits out as if it cost him half a leg so admit that.

"Ohhh. _Someone_. That's not mysterious at all." Ray crows from the kitchen. "Well, and very telling at the same time."

"Shut up, Ray." Brad retorts easily.

Ray decides on the opposite of shutting up and continues digging. "Let me guess, he's flying back tomorrow." 

Tim waits curiously what Brad's going to reply to _that_. He's almost expecting another 'Shut up, Ray', but instead Brad's voice drops and he says, "Yeah. Seven am flight."

"Well, go and meet your _someone_ , then." Tim can hear the grin in Ray's voice when he continues. "Tell him 'Hi' from me."

"Since he predicted you would say that, I'm supposed to tell you 'Hi' back when you do." Brad's reply is rather deadpan and makes Ray snort in obvious amusement. 

"Duty done, Sergeant." Ray chuckles. "Go get your man before he disappears again into the jungle of politics."

"That's too kind of you, Ray." Brad says and Tim can tell that he's moving towards the hallway. Tim makes sure his footfall is entirely silent when he takes the few steps back to Mini's room. She's sitting on the bed with one of the books from the shelves, a large-format coffee table book by the title of "The Sea". She's studying the photo of a giant jellyfish when Brad peeks into the room.

"Bye, you two. I'm off now."

Mini looks up from her book and gives him one of her brilliant, huge smiles. "Bye, Uncle Brad!" 

"See you, Brad. And thanks." Tim replies with a grateful nod, pretending that he hasn't heard a word of his and Ray's conversation. It's not too difficult to know who they were talking about, not when you know which dots to connect. And Tim most certainly knows that. He has known for a long time. Quite frankly, he still wonders how it's possible that Brad's and the LT's constant eye-fucking and intense connection during OIF didn't get them questioned on the matter by the higher-ups. In his humble opinion they were obvious as fuck back then, but maybe it takes one to know one.

After Brad has left, Tim and Ray spend half an hour unpacking the most important things they'll need right away, the rest they leave in the bags to finish tomorrow. It's already reasonably late, so they decide to throw together a quick dinner from Brad's supply run. Tim follows Ray into the kitchen and begins to set the table while Ray grabs the cooler to check the contents and see what's on the dinner menu tonight.

"No way." Ray says with enough disbelief in his voice to make Tim curious. He walks over to him and looks over his shoulder into the box and raises his eyebrows in surprise.

Brad definitely downplayed his supposedly quick trip to the supermarket to get 'the basics'. Tim expected stuff like bread, spread, some fruit, milk, cereal. Something like that - but no, what he can see in the cooler is definitely _not_ that. Instead he can make out all the necessary ingredients to throw together a meal that at least strongly resembles what they usually have for dinner and breakfast in the orphanage. Among other things - of course there's the beer Ray assumed was in here - Tim spots rice, onions, tomatoes, lentil dhal, chicken, various spices and there's even coconut milk. It's not exactly staple food in your average American grocery shop. Brad went to an Asian supermarket for this. No doubt about that.

Tim finds himself staring into the box, then he says, "You're right, Josh, that guy is awesome."

Tim knows very well that Brad didn't do that for Tim's and Ray's sake. He knows they'll eat whatever there is, they're used to living off MREs, after all. No, this is for Mini. To make the impact of the culture shock a little less extreme on the first day, to give her some familiarity and continuity in this strange new place. Both Tim and Ray know that there will be some kind of culture shock and the corresponding reaction at some point, but they both agree that it doesn't have to happen on the first day. Let Mini recover from the long journey first, let her come down from the excitement and the sadness over leaving her friends and her home. Tim never appreciated how much a simple familiar meal might help to achieve that. He will have to find a way to thank Brad for this. For going above and beyond to make Mini feel at home upon her arrival in the States. For caring so much about her. 

Right now Tim is just incredibly glad that he and Ray learned how to cook Sri Lankan food at the orphanage. Three years of preparing meals will do that to a person, and Padma and Manisha are both excellent cooks who didn't mind imparting their knowledge to their co-workers. Ray is the better cook out of the two of them, Tim will admit that, so it's Ray who now takes over the kitchen and begins preparing a simple curry dish that the ingredients in the cooler are perfect for. Tim gets the feeling that Brad might have done some recipe recon before he went grocery shopping. 

When they call Mini to the table, she's still surprisingly awake considering the day they had. It's probably a mixture of excitement and the fact that she slept on every single flight, usually draped over either Ray or Tim. Tim doesn't feel anywhere near as awake and energetic as she does, but then that's the disadvantage of being a tall guy in economy class on a long-haul fight. He didn't have nearly as much space as she and Ray did, and he didn't exactly sleep well - or much at all.

As soon as they've finished eating, Mini looks at Ray with huge eyes.

"Dinner is over." Mini smiles in obvious anticipation and claps her hands together. "Story time!"

"Of course, Bambi. It's always story time after dinner." Ray agrees with a chuckle and throws Tim a glance that wordlessly asks him to leave the dinner clean-up for later. Tim nods and follows Ray and Mini to the couch. As soon as Tim sits down, Mini climbs on his lap and cuddles up to him like she always does during story time. Her side and shoulder press against his chest and her gaze is expectantly focussed on Ray who's sitting sideways on the cushion beside them. 

Something in Tim uncurls, something he hadn't even been aware of. He doesn't know why he expected things to be different now that they're not in the courtyard of the orphanage surrounded by the other kids, now that they're on the couch in their apartment in Oceanside and it's just the three of them, for the first time ever. The relief that almost washes over him at the realisation that some things haven't changed at all is almost overwhelming. 

Mini has known for a while now that she was going to go to the States with Tim and Ray. When the decision was final that they would leave Sri Lanka and would therefore need to slowly ease out of the life in the orphanage, it was clear that Tim and Ray had to address the subject with Mini. They would never retreat from her the same way they did with the other kids, and not just for the simple reason that she would come with them, but also because it would have been cruel and impossible for them to do, anyway. So they sat her down at the beginning of January after booking their flights but before Keshini took over story time, a kind of grey zone in the development that allowed them to be sure that they would leave, but at the same time they hadn't pulled back enough yet for Mini to notice any difference. They told her about how all three of them were to leave on a exciting journey to where Tim and Ray were born, far far away across the Pacific Ocean. They told her that that's where Nana and Granny live, and that they're looking forward to meeting Mini so so much. 

Mostly Mini was just curious and asked a lot of questions over the next weeks, especially about Ray's family, about how Tim and Ray grew up and were they were going now and what they were doing there. Tim is sure she didn't quite understand that she would leave her friends and her home behind, and not just for a short trip but for a long long time. The day before their flight left she began to understand when she had to say good-bye to Usha, Padma, Manisha and her friends at the orphanage. She was crying into Ray's neck when they were on the train to Colombo, and asked when she'd get to see Usha again. Ray assured here that she would see her again, but it might take a while. 

Tim wraps one arm around Mini and listens to Ray's newest tale, spun in Sinhala just like every story he ever told during story time. It's one of the many things they talked about in preparation of returning to the States with her. What language to use, when to use what. They've decided to keep speaking to her in the way they did at Bravo, a little bit of a mixture of both languages, but to mostly keep it in English when they're not at home. It's not only meant to make her get used to the language as the one spoken in her new home, but also to make it easier for her to learn where she'll be understood when she speaks Sinhala and where she won't be. In Sri Lanka it wasn't much of an issue because she was pretty much always surrounded by people who understood both languages, but that's not the case in the US.

They don't want her to lose her native tongue, though, and since they both speak it almost fluently after more than three years of practise, they agreed to keep using it with her just as they did in Mutur. They also want to keep traditions alive, and a very important one is story time in Sinhala. Story time was never in English, and Ray pointed out that he would not change that just because they moved to the States. Tim wholeheartedly agrees. He also suggested that they find out if there's some kind of Sri Lankan community around to get Mini in contact not only with native speakers, but to keep her connection to her roots alive. She's only six - almost seven - and she's bound to forget a lot if she doesn't have the opportunity to keep in touch with her culture. It's one of the things on their to-do list for the next weeks.

Mini is fluent as a native speaker in English due to the fact that she grew up with it since she was just three years old. She speaks with an adorable mixture of Ray's and Tim's dialects combined with an overlying intonation based on her native Sinhala. Tim is very fond of the way she speaks, but most of all he's glad that there won't be any language issues for her in her new home. She'll understand the other kids without a problem, and she's never been shy to talk, so she won't have any trouble in school. 

At least not due to the language. 

Tim is well aware that there are enough other things that might make life difficult for her. He hates to think that things like her darker skin colour are bound to make her the target of some people. Another thing that Tim knows will come up at some point is actually directly connected to him and Ray. It's two things, to be exact. Once the circumstance that Mini has no mom but two dads. And then the obvious fact that she, Tim and Ray don't share the same race. They're in California, but even here there are enough stereotypes and racism going around that he knows Mini will be confronted with it at some point. He and Ray talked about that a lot, about the fact that they have to prepare her for it in some way. They're not quite sure how, yet.

Tim watches Mini absent-mindedly bite her thumb nail while she's lost in Ray's tale of a dragon and his pet human and their adventures on their quest to find the magical words that will allow all humans to spit fire like their dragon masters and thus become their equals. Tim cards his hand through Mini's long hair and remembers standing in line behind Ray at the immigration control at the airport, watching with growing worry how long the immigration officer grilled Ray - and that can only have been about Mini, who was asleep in Ray's arms. Tim is well aware that they must have looked suspicious to the officer, and he's been expecting trouble at their re-entry into the US. He knows Mini's adoption papers, her Sri Lankan passport and her immigration visa are good, but that doesn't mean that there wouldn't be trouble at immigration. 

Tim remembers almost sagging with relief when the officer finally waved Ray and Mini through and onto US soil. He barely recalls his own short conversation with the same officer, he was still high on the knowledge that they had just cleared a very large hurdle. Their daughter was now officially in the United States and by entering the country as an adoptive child to Ray, she now has US citizenship.

Mini becomes a boneless weight against Tim's chest and she falls asleep midway through the story, but Ray keeps talking long enough to make sure that she's completely out. Only then does he stop his tale and smiles at Tim. "I think our girl's out for the count."

"She sure is. It was a long and exciting day, after all." Tim agrees without ever stopping stroking her hair.

"You mean _days_." Ray corrects. "It's been almost forty hours since we left ground in Colombo."

Tim remains silent for a moment. "It feels like so much longer."

"Yeah." Ray sighs gently. "Like it was in a different life."

"It was." Tim points out quietly. It's true, after all. Their lives here will be very different from what they were used to over the past years. Tim is very well aware that the culture shock will not only hit Mini. He and Ray will most certainly experience some kind of reverse culture shock after living in Sri Lanka for so long and feeling quite at home there. After tonight's dinner, he and Ray have already agreed to keep on the Sri Lankan cuisine, and not just for Mini's sake, but because they themselves like it very much. Tim can't quite imagine going back entirely to how he ate before they lived in Sri Lanka.

"Let's bring her to bed." Tim says quietly to not disturb Mini's sleep.

Ray nods and watches Tim get up off the couch with Mini in his arms, trying not to shake her awake. She's completely out, though, and doesn't move at all. Ray enters her room first and pulls back the covers on the bed so that Tim can set her down. They had expected her to fall asleep rather quickly once the exhaustion of the past days caught up with her, which is why Ray made Mini put on her pyjamas before dinner. It now proves a very wise decision. 

Ray tucks the covers around Mini once she's settled in and then leans forward to kiss her on the forehead in the way he's done every single night since he met her. "Goodnight, Bambi." 

"Have a good first night in your new home, Mini." Tim whispers into her hair before he too kisses her goodnight. Tim follows Ray out of the room and leaves the door ajar. They know Mini will come and find them if something is wrong, but they expect her to sleep till morning considering how exhausting the day was. Still, she's not used to sleeping alone in a room, and leaving the door open gives her a connection to the people around her.

Tim joins Ray in the kitchen, where they clean up the mess left over from dinner in companionable silence. Now that the day is almost over and Mini is safe and asleep in the way too big bed in the former guest room, Tim feels the tension and the strain - physical as well as emotional - come down on him like a ton of bricks, as it tends to happen when the immediate need to function and stay alert gives way to relief and relaxation. Tim feels the familiar ache in his neck and shoulders from the tension that filled him as well as from carrying heavy bags for way too long. He rolls his shoulders in an attempt to ease the pain while he keeps drying the dishes. He's so looking forward to sleeping in a comfortable bed, because suddenly his limbs feel heavy and his head sluggish. It's a kind of bone-deep exhaustion he hasn't felt in a while.

Once the kitchen is returned into its usual neat condition, Tim heads to the master bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. He's in the course of changing into an pair of boxer shorts and a worn Navy t-shirt when Ray's suggestive voice floats over to Tim from the doorway to the en-suite. "Look what I found in the bathroom cabinet." 

Tim has a fairly good idea what he's talking about, and he can't help wondering where the heck Ray takes the energy from to have sex after the day - _days, weeks_ \- they've had. But when he turns around to ask Ray that exact question, he stops with his mouth halfway open, ready to speak. 

Ray is wearing a pair of Tim's boxers, and he's holding a large towel in one hand and in the other the bottle of very expensive massage oil that he got Tim for Christmas right before they left for Sri Lanka. They never even got to open the bottle and it's still sealed. Ray puts it on the bedside table and expertly shakes out the towel until it is spread out on the bed. 

Tim can't do anything but stare at him, too stunned and exhausted to react in any other way. When Ray catches his gaze, he jerks his chin towards the towel and his grin morphs into a soft, warm smile. "Lie on your stomach. My magical hands are going to make you forget your name."

That breaks the spell Tim is under and he snorts out a little laugh. Ray's 'magical hands that will make Tim forget his name' have turned into an inside joke with them when Ray admitted months later how he said that to flirt with Tim back at that airfield in Iraq when he'd given Tim his very first massage. 

Tim glances longingly at the towel and the bliss it promises, but he can't help his gaze running over Ray's face and body that betray the same exhaustion he himself feels. "Aren't you too tired for this? We can just go to sleep."

Ray shakes his head. "I'm never too tired to touch you."

Tim smiles and gives in because he's too weak to resist the utter temptation that is one of Ray's perfect massages. He's sure Ray's counting on that, he knows how much Tim loves relaxing under his strong hands. He pulls his t-shirt over his head and follows Ray's prompt to lie down on his stomach on the towel. He hears Ray open the bottle and warm the oil in his hands, then his weight settles on Tim's thighs and his hands come to rest on Tim's shoulders. The pleasant scent of the oil fills Tim's nose, a light note of apricot with something sweet and nutty underneath it.

"Just relax and let me take care of you." Ray's low voice says close to his ear before there's a soft kiss pressed to the nape of his neck. A second later Ray's fingers dig into his sore muscles with measured strength and great skill. Tim groans automatically at the sensations shooting through his nerves. It's as good as he remembers, a strange kind of painful pleasure that he experiences every time Ray gives him a massage. Ray's hands take their time working his neck before they wander over his shoulder and down the right arm, then the left, all the way to his fingertips. They trail down his back and along his sides, then over his hips towards the small of his back before Ray's thumbs wander up his spine with delicious pressure, finding every kink and kneading it away.

Tim melts into the bed beneath him and the hands above him in a boneless sprawl of complete relaxation. He makes sure to keep his groans of relieved pleasure low enough that they won't wake Mini, but he doesn't hold them back entirely. He knows Ray loves it when he gives into Ray's care and touch to the degree that those sounds escape him, and he feels himself relax even more when he doesn't have to censor his reactions. 

It's a kind of luxury he had almost forgotten. Their physical contact with each other during their time in Sri Lanka was heavily influenced by the necessity to be covert due to the local laws as well as the fact that they were living under the same roof with a huge bunch of kids. It's not something that'll contribute to an active sex life, that's for sure. Meaning that long, outdrawn indulgences of just touching each other were not on the menu for a long time, and now that he's granted that delicious sensation again, Tim allows himself to get lost in it and enjoy it to the fullest.

When Ray's hands reach the small of his back again and then wander lower, Tim doesn't hesitate to raise his hips to allow Ray to pull off his boxers. The strong fingers pass over his butt and then down his right thigh, always keeping their steady pressure until they have wandered along his lower leg to his foot. When Ray starts at the top of his left leg to repeat the ministrations, Tim has forgotten the world around him, the only thing that exists for him is Ray's touch, his skilled hands, his warm skin on Tim's.

Suddenly the thought of sex is quite appealing - slow, lazy, comfortable sex. Tim feels his growing erection rub deliciously into the towel beneath him and he can't help thinking about how great it would feel to have Ray plastered against his back, a hot, heavy weight to press him down, Ray's dick buried deep inside him and slowly sliding in and out of him, hitting his prostate just right with every lazy thrust...

Tim feels a wave of hot arousal course through his body. _Oh yes._

When Ray's hands approach Tim's butt the next time, Tim allows his low groan of arousal to be heard and spreads his legs in a way that's impossible to misunderstand. He raises his hips off the towel and when Ray's right hand, still slippery with the massage oil, closes in a firm grip around his erection, he knows that Ray understands what he wants. He feels the mattress dip when Ray kneels between his spread legs, then Ray's body is coming down to cover his, the warm skin of his chest touching Tim's back, his hard dick settling behind Tim's balls. 

"Josh..." Tim bucks his hips so that he first pushes into Ray's fist and then makes Ray's erection press behind his balls. He feels Ray shudder against him, his hips following Tim's movements and falling in sync, which results in a steady pressure behind Tim's balls. He groans into the towel and pushes back against Ray again.

"Oh god... Tim..." Ray's voice manifests as wet heat against the back of Tim's neck, followed by his hand tightening on Tim's dick. 

"Please, Josh." Tim hears his own voice groan out low and rough, and then Ray's hand disappears from his dick only to reappear seconds later at Tim's hole, slippery and purposeful. Tim pushes back against the fingertip entering him because _yes_ , that's what he wants. It returns with more slick and Tim can't hold back the moan of profound pleasure when it hits his prostate with the skill of experience. Then there's a second finger joining the first, scissoring to loosen him up and time and again brushing against his prostate until Tim is writhing under Ray's skilful touch. He's sure there's a third finger at some point, but he's too lost in sensation to really notice. And then he _finally finally_ feels the slow breach by the head of Ray's dick and then the long, measured slide of his erection into him, the sensation almost overwhelming in its clarity. 

Tim presses his face into the towel to keep his moans down, while at the same time raising his hips to take Ray deeper. He loves the feeling of Ray inside him without the barrier of a condom. He never thought he'd do something as reckless as barebacking, but with Ray he has overthrown many of his rules. It was Ray who asked him if it felt different without a condom, and Tim had to admit that he didn't know because he'd never done it without. They both agreed they wanted to try, so on Tim's insistence they planned the whole thing. They both got tested beforehand and only upon receiving a clean bill of health did they go for it. After the first time Tim knew there'd be no going back for him, and Ray more than enthusiastically agreed. That was even before Tim's second tour in Iraq, and they've never used a rubber since. 

Tim feels the burn of ever increasing arousal thrumming through his entire body, the sensation building slowly but steadily, and to Tim it feels like this is more about contact and intimacy then getting off. He allows himself to lose himself in the heat of Ray's skin plastered all along his back and butt, the sensations of his wet, hot breath against Tim's neck, the pressure of Ray's firm grip on Tim's leaking dick, the deep, slow slide of Ray's erection inside him followed by the bouts of intense pleasure every time Ray's dick connects with his prostate. They're moving in sync in slow, almost lazy thrusts, and Ray is touching him from head to toe, all warm skin against warm skin. Tim arches back into him, into the overwhelming feeling of being connected in more than just the physical sense. 

His orgasm builds for a long time and then comes over him like a relief in long, powerful waves. He shudders under the strength of the pleasure that almost blanks out his mind, yet he feels the moment when Ray comes. Tim indulges in the mesmerising feeling of Ray pulsing deep inside him, the sensation so clear without a condom, the heat of his come inside Tim almost like physical caress. Ray is resting on Tim's back with his full weight now, a delicious sensation that Tim will never tire of, and his heavy breaths are transmitted through their full body contact in a way that makes Tim feel like they're one entity. He closes his eyes and takes it all in, a smile on his lips.

It feels like coming home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how did you enjoy the plot and the juicy time? XD Want to make me happy? Feed me with a wee word :D


	42. Routines - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim, Ray and Mini settle into their new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our boys begin their new life! Hope you enjoy it! The next chapter will be Uncle-Brad-awesomeness XD
> 
> Oh my poor **Veronibell**! I hope you get better soon and don't worry about being late for a comment, there's no such thing as being late, I'll take whatever you have to offer whenever you get down to it, and I'm very touched that you wrote despite not feeling good! *hugs* You're the best!
> 
> My dear **Corinneftw** , thank you so so much for your awesome comments! I did an elaborate happy dance this morning when I discovered them ^^ I have written about 7.000 more words since, which is why I'm only going to get to replying tomorrow. I hope you can forgive me and know that your words are highly appreciated! :D

  
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Tim wakes to the bed shaking heavily, followed by happy and terribly energetic squeals of "Tāttā! Wake up! Āppa says it's time to get up!"

He just groans and tries to hide his face in the pillow, but he knows it won't help. Tim has long since realised that living with children - _having children_ \- means that he never gets to sleep in the way he likes to. He has resigned to it years ago, in the same way that he always remembers to put on at least some shorts to sleep or to lock the bathroom door.

Tim figures that since he's going to be awake anyway, he can make use of that fact to start getting back in shape. He knows that while he hasn't exactly become soft during the past years, he most certainly neglected his training and he's nowhere near the level of fitness he used to have when he was on active duty. It wasn't an issue so far, but he has a job interview at the Oceanside Fire Department lined up in two weeks, which means he wants to start regaining his former level of fitness and strength. 

When he and Ray decided in November last year that they would leave Sri Lanka to live in Oceanside again, they'd begun planning their return well ahead of time. Ray contacted his supervisor at college and arranged to resume his studies to the fall semester 2008. He also called the electronics shop where he worked part-time before he left for Sri Lanka, and they were happy to take him back, so Ray will resume working there again in April. Since his courses start only in September, he will work full time until then and afterwards he'll reduce to part-time in order to get school, work and family into a reasonable balance. 

Tim on the other hand has decided not to return to the MSF. He's thought about it a lot, about what he wants to do once they return to the States, and the answer became clearer the longer he pondered on the issue. Tim wants to become a doctor, he wants to continue helping people. But his time as the headmaster of an orphanage has definitely shaped his perspective, and he came to the decision that he wants to specialise in paediatrics. He's well aware that it's going to be a long and rocky path to get there, but knowing that Ray fully supports Tim's plan to go to med school tipped the scale for him in favour of doing it. Ray thinks that working as a paediatrician is the perfect job for Tim and no matter how many years of training it will take for him to get there, it'll be worth it.

There are quite a few steps to complete before Tim can even begin med school, though. He'll have to do a one-year post-bac premedical program to take his MCAT, it's a requirement to get into med school. He'll be able to do the pre-med program here in Oceanside, but then he'll have to commute to San Diego to go to the UC San Diego Medical School. It's all possible, but neither cheap nor easy, especially because he wants to make sure that he has enough time at home to spend with Mini and Ray. He doesn't want to miss her childhood, he wants to be there for her and create memories for when she's old enough to stand on her own two feet and leave home. 

Tim has already applied to the pre-med program, which means that if he gets in, he'll also have until September before the courses start. That gives him the opportunity to work full-time just like Ray, and then revert to part-time. What to do for work was a pretty straightforward decision - paramedic. Before and while he was working with the MSF in 2004 he already passed the necessary tests and licences to get his military medical qualifications recognised by the civilian authorities. That is a major advantage now, because it means that he has the credentials to work as a paramedic. His frustration about the fact that the skills and experience that Army medics and Navy corpsmen earn in the military don't get recognised by the civilian authorities knows no bounds. Ray has listened to more than one rant on this topic when Tim first left the Navy. It's an issue Tim was well aware of even before he joined, so he had prepared for it the best possible and one of his first actions after leaving the service was to pass the equivalency exam and acquire the necessary licenses.

Since Tim knew that the biggest hurdle would be to find a job somewhere close to Oceanside, he called Marshall Hill already from Sri Lanka and explained his situation and asked if he was willing to help Tim out with a reference. His former boss at the MSF agreed immediately and a week later he called back with a list of three different potential job openings in the greater Oceanside area - on top of the reference Tim had asked for.

Tim's preferred option would be Station 2 of the Oceanside Fire Department - if he manages to get the job. It's conveniently located in walking distance from their apartment, which is at the very edge of South Oceanside. Since Ray definitely needs a car to get to college, it would mean that they'd be fine with just one car for now, thereby reducing their monthly expenses considerably. But even if it's Station 1, the far bigger one in the city centre and therefore more likely option, Tim could still get there by bicycle. Tim and Ray are both aware that money is not going to be plentiful with both of them in college and working only part-time, so they're already planning how to keep the costs manageable and how to make the most of the short time they can both work full time. Tim still has some reserves from his grandmother's inheritance and he plans to apply to scholarships for med school, and the fact that they don't have rent to pay is definitely a big plus, but they still have to be careful. 

They also have already picked a school for Mini. Due to the location of the apartment South Oceanside Elementary School is the obvious choice. It's also quite a good school, not to mention just about a klick from the apartment. It certainly makes organising their days easier if they don't have to drive to school with only one car at their disposal. They have set up a meeting for Monday next week to register Mini as a student and they have already talked to the principal on the phone to discuss the situation with Mini arriving so late in the school year and coming from an education system outside the US. April is almost at the end of the school year and Mini will turn seven on July 18th, so she'll be joining the first grade for the remainder of the school year, which is not long with just about two months left. The principal suggested that it might be a good settling-in period for her to get to know the other kids and to learn how things work. Since school starts one year earlier in Sri Lanka, she technically already has completed the first grade, but this means that she won't be older than the other kids. Tim really hopes she'll settle in as well as she did in her school in Mutur. 

"Tāttā! Get up!" Mini demands more firmly when he doesn't react fast enough, and she hops up and down while sitting on the bed as if to reinforce her point. Instead of getting up, Tim rolls around and catches her, just to begin tickling her until she's squealing with laughter.

So, yeah, there are a lot of things Tim and Ray have to take care of, but they've decided that the first few days after their return are just for the three of them. To settle in, to get comfortable in their new old life, to give Mini a chance to get used to her new home and discover the neighbourhood. They plan to get started on redecorating her room today and show her around town, maybe go to the beach for some ice cream and a stroll. And at the end of next week, they'll be flying out to Missouri for a few days to visit Ray's mom and grandma so that they can finally meet Mini.

But since he's already awake at seven am, Tim decides to straight away get back into the healthy habits that fell a bit by the wayside during their time in Sri Lanka. When he finds Ray in the kitchen, he declares that he'll go for a run. Mini wants to come with him, and Tim figures that he'll have to ease into his training habits slowly anyway, so he might just as well have her come along today. Ray - who is as disgustingly awake and active this early in the morning as he always is - tells them to go without him because he wants M&Ms for his coffee, along with fresh bagels and blueberry muffins for breakfast and he'll go to that awesome deli around the corner.

Tim only halfway listens to his vivid description of said bagels while he ties his and Mini's shoes. Hers aren't exactly ideal for running, he thinks while he's tying the laces, but for a first little round it'll do. It's not like they're going to exert themselves.

He's wrong. Mini takes to running like a fish to water and insists on going further than Tim had planned - further than he thought she'd be able to go. He's impressed with her stamina and charmed by her obvious enjoyment of the simple activity of running. He thinks he probably shouldn't be surprised, considering that she's been running everywhere for as long as he's known her.

Upon their return to the apartment Ray is already setting the breakfast table. When he sees them all sweaty from their run, he shoos them into the bathroom to get showered and cleaned up so that they can have breakfast. Twenty minutes later they're sitting down at the table and Ray is putting a mug in front of Tim that he knows contains candy-coffee. Tim takes it with a grateful nod and sips it. He never expected that he would come to enjoy it so much, but he has to admit that it has grown on him over the years.

There's one of the bagels Ray had raved about on Tim's plate and one on Ray's, and Mini has two slices of toast, one with jam and the other one still plain. She's not the fussiest eater Tim has ever encountered, but the bagels would not be welcomed, that he's sure of. Before he can ask Ray what he had planned for her plain slice, Ray begins pointedly rummaging around in the paper grocery bag from the deli. "Do you know what I got for us, Bambi?"

"No?" Mini is watching him curiously. Ray certainly knows how to get her attention and keep her engaged.

"Something that is very _very_ tasty." Ray makes a big show of producing a jar from his paper bag. "Peanut butter!"

Tim just groans. "Seriously, Josh? You're introducing her to _peanut butter_? I thought you've become a _responsible_ adult."

"Peanut butter is good for you!" Ray defends his efforts, but the smirk is a clear sign that he knows exactly what he's doing here.

"Not when you introduce it to a kid with a major sweet tooth." Tim comments drily. He can already see the catastrophe looming on the horizon. They'll have to hide that jar _very_ well.

Ray pointedly ignores him and opens the jar before he offers it to Mini along with a spoon. "You want to try it, Bambi? You can dip the tip of the spoon in and taste it to decide whether you like it or not."

Mini eyes the jar for a second, then she nods with a glance at Tim and takes the spoon. Somehow he's sure his disapproval of the peanut butter actually convinced her to give it a try. He stifles another groan.

Mini very carefully dips the tip of the spoon in and then sniffs the brown spread before she cautiously touches her tongue to it. Only the fraction of a second later the entire spoon is in her mouth and she's devoutly licking off the peanut butter. 

"Like it?" Ray asks with a smirk that can only be called smug.

"I _love_ it!" Mini replies euphorically, clearly very fond of the taste. 

"You can spread it on your other toast, if you want." Ray suggests and Mini enthusiastically takes him up on his offer. She lathers her toast in obscene amounts of peanut butter, paying great attention to what she's doing to avoid spilling any. Tim watches her with a sort of fascinated horror. His teeth hurt just imagining biting into that monstrosity of a toast. Mini doesn't seem to have such issues, and when she's satisfied with the arrangement on her plate, she nibbles on the peanut butter laden toast in obvious delight. To think that she didn't even know peanut butter until ten minutes ago...

"You'll turn into a peanut if you keep eating that much of it." Tim says with a raised eyebrow.

Mini laughs, and there's already peanut butter on her cheeks. "That's not possible, Tāttā!"

Tim grins at her teasingly. "Of course it is, my dear little peanut." 

"I'm not a peanut!" Mini replies immediately, but she's still laughing.

"Not yet." Tim agrees, then he touches his finger to the side of her nose that is now also covered in the spread. "But you're definitely working on it."

He wipes the peanut butter off her nose and demonstratively shows her his finger to make his point. "See what I mean? There's already peanut butter coming out of your nose."

Mini scrunches her nose. "That didn't come out of my nose, Tāttā, that came from my toast."

"Yeah, well, that's because you basically built a tower of PB on in."

"But I love it!" Mini pouts, but forgets about it a second later in order to bite into her abomination of a toast.

Tim smirks. "I never would have guessed, _peanut_."

"Tāttāāāāāā!" Mini complains, drawing the word out in an impressively exasperated fashion. 

Ray is simply watching them while eating his bagel, and Tim can easily see the grin he's only halfway bothering to hide. He knows what damage he just did and he's clearly enjoying it. Probably because he knows that Tim is going to be the one who has to deal with the fallout. Ray has a major sweet tooth himself, so he and Mini are two peas in a pot. Tim on the other hand... he's not ever going to touch the peanut butter jar in order to eat some, but only to take it away from Mini. And Ray. 

Tim throws him a glare that only makes Ray's grin widen. Then he decides to not bother with being the heath obsessed parent for the day, and he bites in the bagel Ray bought for them. After breakfast they get down to redecorating Mini's room. At first they have to clear it out because she wants it painted in orange and green instead of the plain old white it is at the moment. Tim is glad that they manage to convince her to stick to one colour per wall. 

An hour or two later they head out to home depot and get everything they need to paint. Mini finds the store very exciting and wants to run everywhere, until Ray picks her up to keep her close by and to get her focussed on choosing the colours for her room. When lunch rolls around, they have finished two walls and are famished, so Tim throws together a decent lunch from Brad's supplies. He downplayed a little when he told them it would only get them through dinner and breakfast, there's enough for at least another full meal. Tim is very grateful to him for that, because that means that they can do the grocery shopping later today instead of having to go first thing in the morning.

After lunch Tim takes Mini to town to get her a decent pair of kid running shoes while Ray continues painting her room. She insists that she wants to run with him tomorrow again, and by the way she enjoyed it this morning, he can see it becoming a thing. Since Mini never went running specifically for exercise before, she has no clothes for it either, so they go to the kids sport section afterwards and get her a basic set of long and one of short running gear so that she's set for any weather. Tim is wondering if he's overdoing it, but he wants to make sure that she doesn't overheat or catch a cold during their runs, and her huge happy smile at all her new clothes makes him push his concerns of overdoing it aside. He also ignores that he's going to be running with a frog, because all of her clothes of choice are in some shade of green. 

When they get back, the room is completely painted and Ray has opened all the windows to let it air out and the paint dry. They'll put on the second coat tonight, and Mini will sleep in their room while it dries out over night. They go out to the beach late in the afternoon since they can't do anything on Mini's room for the next few hours anyway, and Mini discovers the joys of licking soft ice cream while walking barefoot through the warm sand. Afterwards they go grocery shopping, only for Tim to discover that it's no easy feat with a kid in tow. It's only then that he realises that they never went grocery shopping with her before, the kids always stayed at the orphanage when the adults went to the market. 

That evening Mini falls asleep in Tim's arms only minutes into story time, and both he and Ray share a smile over her sleeping form. They expected that to happen, it was a very busy day full of new experiences, after all. So far Mini is taking it all very well. She's enthusiastic and curious and seems to enjoy her time in the States. Tim thinks it's because she's still experiencing everything like a holiday, it hasn't quite sunk in yet that this is her new normal, her life. Everything is still exciting and fun, but that will change at some point. Tim is waiting for it to happen, and he knows that Ray is, too. But for now she's still good, and so they tuck her into their bed and leave her to sleep while they clean up the kitchen and spend the rest of the evening unpacking the bags that are still cluttering the hallway.

The next morning, after Tim's and Mini's run and a hearty breakfast, they continue transforming the former guest room into Mini's room. She needs furniture, that much is obvious. So they go out to get her the basics like a desk and a chair, a few shelves of different height, a dresser and a bedside table, along with basic necessities like lamps, sheets and pillows. Mini decides that she wants to keep the queen-size bed, but she wants it in the corner by the window and covered in pillows that - of course - have to be green and orange. When they're done, Tim thinks she has built a nest instead of having a bed, but it's admittedly a large bed for a kid her size, so she has more than enough space to sleep without ending up in her mini pillow fort. The former guest room is now a cosy little cave in shades of orange and green that Tim still thinks are a combination that takes some getting used to, but Mini seems to love it. And to him, that's what matters. He wants her to feel at home here.

On the second evening they call Padma and ask how things are going at the orphanage. She says that it went well, even if the kids were a little off for the first day or two of their absence and they're still asking where they are, especially the younger ones. But Keshini and Mewan are doing great, and they're on the way to building a strong relationship with the kids, which Padma thinks helps a lot to keep the kids from being too shaken by Tim's and Ray's absence. And Usha has come by to enquire after Mini, and she sends her hugs and love and she says that she misses Mini. 

Tim is not sure if it's hearing Padma's voice, the mention of Usha or the fact that this is their first contact with her former life, but it's the breaking point for Mini that they have been waiting for. She begins crying that she wants to go home and see Usha and have Manisha's Undu Walalu and get to play with her friends. It's not a temper tantrum at all, it's more a flood of tears and a clear sign that she suddenly understands what is going on.

Ray holds her close while she's curled up on his lap and cries into his shoulder, and Tim sits on her other side and keeps stroking her back. They know she needs to grieve for what she left behind, it's a healthy reaction that she does. It's not going to be the last time, either, and she just needs to let it out when it comes. She's going through massive changes in her life right now, after all. She left everything familiar behind, the only thing she still knows is Ray's and Tim's presence. Everything else is different, from the landscape to the buildings and the food and the people and the clothes they're wearing. Even the air feels different around here, dryer and colder and somehow just _off_ , like something they still have to get used to. Even Tim feels it, and he's a grow-up with lots of travelling experience under his belt, so he wonders how it must feel for a little child like Mini. Tremendously more intense, he assumes.

When Mini has calmed down enough that she's just quietly sniffling against Ray's neck instead of actively crying, Ray suggests that they'll take pictures of Mini's new room and send them to Usha with a letter from Mini. They could take those pictures tomorrow morning, when the sun shines into her room and lights up all her bright green and orange pillows. And then they could go to the beach and take some more pictures for Usha and Padma, with Mini on the swings at playground. How would she like that? Mini listens without ever shifting away from Ray and then nods slowly. She'd like pictures of her new big house, too. And she wants to make a drawing for Padma. Ray chuckles and agrees before he pecks her on the cheek, which makes her smile, even if just a little. 

Just a few days after they've returned to Oceanside, there's already a morning routine in place in their new family life of three. They get up fairly early - too early for Tim's taste - and then all three of them leave together for their morning run, but Ray goes off on different route on his own once they hit the first street corner. He tried to come along with Tim and Mini once, but it proves that he's not good at all at keeping his pace down. Tim figures it's because he uses running to relieve his surplus energy, it's not an exercise in relaxation for him like it is for Tim. They're very different types of runners, and so they decide to start running together as a new family tradition, but to split up during their runs. And although it means that Tim has to keep his pace very moderate in order for Mini's short legs to keep up, he finds that he enjoys her company during his runs. In order to get a proper training effect, Tim often goes for a faster run in the evenings when she's in bed.

Ray is usually the first one to get back from the morning run because his speed is a lot higher than what Tim and Mini set up, so when they get home, he's often already showered and dressed for the day and preparing breakfast in the kitchen. Tim very much enjoys how it means that he comes out of his shower to find breakfast ready. 

On Saturday afternoon - day four after their return to the States - Brad shows up unannounced and drags them out to the beach with Mini's enthusiastic support. Walt is already there, waiting with a cooler full of food and drinks, and Brad declares this their official welcome back party. Tim thoroughly enjoys Ray's huge grin at the surprise his friends planned for him. 

A few hours later, when they've all eaten, Tim is sipping on a cold beer and watches Walt and Ray play Frisbee against Mini and Brad. Due to the wind the disc gets carried away every so often, resulting in all four of them trying to get to it first, accompanied by much laughter and cheering. 

Tim smiles, leans back in the sand and thinks that this is a life he could get used to.


	43. Impact - (Brad & Ray, Brad & Mini, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brad just about keeps Ray from killing a racist whiskey tango granny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahahaha, here we go - Uncle Brad being a scary mofo! XD Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : Here we go, girl, the next chapter, as you wished :D And I hope you're going to enjoy it, you've been waiting for full on Uncle!Brad for a while now, I think. Well, enjoy it ^_^

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


A supermarket is never a pleasant place to be, not even on a Tuesday afternoon, Brad thinks for the umpteenth time when he looks around the busy aisles. It's one of those times when he's incredibly glad that he towers over pretty much everybody instead of being stuck with his head in the crowd. 

It must be quite the different experience for Mini, he thinks when he looks down to where she's standing next to him, holding onto his hand, her head not even as high as his navel. Ray left them to get the meat for the barbecue that they're planning to have at Brad's house this evening before Ray, Tim and Mini fly out to Missouri the day after tomorrow. For the time being Ray put Brad in charge of his daughter and Brad knows that probably means he's supposed to keep her away from the candy aisle.

Mini looks around as if she's contemplating what to do now that her father is not keeping an eye on her. Brad thinks she looks like an adorable little frog because she's wearing an almost bilious green t-shirt, dark green shorts and even green chucks. He can also spot two bright green hair clips in her black curls. She definitely likes the colour green at the moment. The more neon, the better, it seems. Brad muses that it's certainly better than pink. 

"Uncle Brad?" Mini asks in a tone of voice that tells Brad that she's probably going to try to get him to buy her something she knows she won't get out of Ray or Tim. Probably something edible and excessively sugary.

Well, he can do that. He's the fun uncle, not her dad, after all. And he enjoys spoiling her, not to mention that it's fun to spite Ray and his attempts to be a responsible adult.

"Yeah, Mini Mouse?" 

She turns her huge brown eyes on him and Brad wonders if she knows how cute she looks. "Can we get a bar of chocolate?"

Maybe she does. "Which one?"

She doesn't even have to think about that. "With the cookie pieces in it?" 

"Good choice." Brad nods slowly in appreciation. "You want to lead the way?"

She beams at him, knowing that she's won, and begins dragging him towards the candy aisle with the accuracy of a homing device. Brad is sure Ray is going to chew him out later for falling for her doe-eyes. Well, there's a reason why Ray calls her Bambi, after all, and Brad knows that Ray is no more immune to her puppy dog eyes than Brad is. The only difference is that Ray actually has to be a role model. The situation never ceases to amuse Brad.

Mini takes the last corner to enter her destination aisle far too fast, and that's when she collides with a middle-aged lady who just so manages to keep from falling over from the momentum of the impact. Brad reaches out one hand to steady her and immediately apologises. "Excuse me, Ma'am. Are you all right?" 

The woman looks at him with a slightly shaky smile. "Yes, yes, I'm fine."

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hit you!" Mini says earnestly, looking contrite. Brad thinks she's probably remembering the times Ray and Tim told her not to run in the supermarket. 

"It's okay, sweetie." The lady says when she turns towards Mini. 

"I know I'm not supposed to run." Mini admits while biting her bottom lip. Brad refuses to acknowledge how adorable it makes her look. He's pretty sure he's not supposed to encourage bad behaviour just because she looks cute when she's feeling guilty. Ray would have his head. And worse even, Doc would be pissed if Brad screwed up their efforts of raising a good, decent kid, and even Brad knows you don't mess with the Doc, especially when there are children involved.

"Oh my, look at you. Your hair is gorgeous!" The lady's afore shaky smile turns genuine when she catches sight of Mini. She's a pretty African-American woman wearing her hair in a complicated arrangement of braids, so she obviously knows what she's talking about. "Did you Momma do your braids?"

Brad watches Mini beam at the nice lady who praised her hair. It's braided in a lovely crown around her head and she is still proud that Brad called her a warrior queen when he saw her. "No, my Dad did it. He always does my braids."

Brad has noticed how she sticks to calling Tim 'Dad' when they're out and about, but calls him 'Tāttā' when they're at home. Same as Ray is 'Daddy' in public and otherwise only gets called 'Āppa'. Brad has never heard her use the terms 'Dad' and 'Daddy' before they moved here and he wonders if she does it now so that others understand who she's talking about.

"Wow, he is really good at that." The lady replies with a mixture of surprise and obvious appreciation for the braiding dad. Brad decides he will make sure to tell Tim that his hairdresser skills have found professional approval. Then he sees the lady's eyes travel to where Mini is holding his hand and she looks at him with a questioning gaze. "Did you...?"

Brad snorts. "Oh no, Ma'am, I'm just her daddy's best friend. If I tried braiding, it would look nothing like this."

Mini laughs. "That's true! Uncle Brad is almost as bad at braiding as my Daddy!"

Brad can see clearly how Mini's reply confuses the nice lady, and it takes her a second to realise what Mini is saying. It clicks into place when Ray rounds the corner of the aisle and looks at Brad with exasperation. "Brad, was my daughter by any chance trying to get you to the candy aisle?"

Brad shrugs. "Maybe."

"Bambi, what have I told you about using him" - Ray points at Brad with a thumb - "for getting chocolate?"

Mini bites her lip again in a show of guilt. "I'm not supposed to make Uncle Brad buy me chocolate?"

"I see you actually listened once in the hundreds of times I said that." Ray sighs like the weight of the world rests on his shoulders. "It would be really nice if you not only listened, but actually did it, too."

"Okay, Daddy." Mini replies, still looking guilty. Brad knows she'll try again at the next opportunity anyhow.

Out of the corner of his eye, Brad sees the nice lady hiding a smirk. She's obviously very amused by the whole situation. 

"Now to you." Ray turns towards Brad and glares at him. "You're a badass Marine, Brad, don't let my six-year-old con you into buying her chocolate! I seriously expect more strength from the Iceman. If you can stare down an enemy ambush in cold blood, I expect you not to fold in the face of my admittedly cute kid!"

Brad chuckles. "Yes, Ray."

"I can tell that you're not taking me seriously here, Bradley." Ray complains with an exaggerated frown. "That means no chocolate pudding for you tonight. I will tell Tim that you're corrupting our kid and then you won't even get the dinner we're shopping for right now."

Brad smirks. "You're too cruel, Ray."

Before Ray can reply, another shopping cart tries to round the corner where Mini is standing in the middle of the aisle. Brad is just about to tell her to make room for the other shopper, but he doesn't even get the chance to say a word when he hears the old woman pushing the cart snarl, "Get out of my way, you dirty monkey!" 

"What the fuck?!" Ray shouts and at the same time the nice lady gasps as if she can't believe what she just heard, then she puts her hands on her hips and faces the woman. "How dare you!"

Brad is assessing the threat before he consciously thought about it. The woman is in her late sixties, maybe early seventies, her clothes distinguish her as what Brad would call whiskey tango, her face is lined with frown lines, her hair hasn't been washed in a while and she is - _obviously_ \- white. 

"That brownie is blocking my way." The old hag keeps ranting, getting louder by the second. "Get that thing to move!"

"What did you just call my daughter?!" Ray barks and the anger comes off him in waves.

The nasty crone looks first at Mini and then at Ray and sneers derisively. "How can that brownie be your-"

"Ma'am, you better stop talking right now." Brad says in his quiet-but-unmistakably-dangerous voice. It flies right over the old cow's head.

"Daddy?" Mini's voice is shaking and she looks scared. It makes Brad's blood boil and he forces himself to keep calm.

"You can't tell me to stop talking! I can say whatever I want! It's my right!" The dried-up old prune declares in self-righteous indignation before she turns on Mini again. "And it's the truth that everybody can see that that monkey is not from here and should go back to where she-"

"Don't talk like that to my daughter!" Ray shouts and Brad can see him losing control by the second. He has even begun advancing on the woman. "Who the fuck do you think you are, you-"

"Ray!" Brad makes sure to give his voice the hardest TL-inflection he's capable of because he really needs to get through that thick skull of Ray's. If he doesn't, things will turn very ugly very quickly. And he doubts that Ray will be let off easy if the cops get involved - he'll be considered an ex-Marine who attacked a fragile old lady. 

Even if that old lady is racist scum and _most certainly_ no lady.

The commanding tone has the effect Brad hoped for and Ray actually hesitates long enough to glare at him. "Brad-"

"I've got this." Brad interrupts, leaving no doubt that he will take care of the situation. And do it properly. _Without_ one of them ending up in jail. He's well aware of the group of onlookers that has begun to gather around them.

"Take care of your daughter, Ray." Brad continues and jerks his chin at the little girl standing in the aisle with tears in her eyes. The nice lady has positioned herself and her shopping cart in front of Mini as if trying to shield her from the nastiness happening right in front of them. It's clear Mini doesn't really understand what's going on and Brad is infinitely grateful for that. She's just scared by the angry grown-ups, the mean strange woman and the ensuing shouting. 

Ray nods in quick acknowledgement and then turns to Mini and kneels down in front of her. He touches his hands to her cheeks to gently wipe away her tears. "I'm sorry about this mean woman, Bambi. Come on, let's go home, okay? I'm sure your Tāttā will agree to make you his famous hot chocolate with cinnamon when he gets home and then we can cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie. What do you think?"

It still amazes Brad every time again how Ray changes when he's taking care of his little girl. It's like a switch is flipped: He's openly hostile to the outside world, to the threat, and caring and protective of his charge. In a way it reminds Brad of the attitude he's always seen Doc display when dealing with children in war zones.

Mini looks at Ray with wide eyes, still sniffling, and then nods. She's obviously trying to be brave, but Ray decides that she doesn't have to be right now and pulls her into an embrace. She clings to him immediately and hides her tear-stained face against his neck, obviously not planning to let go anytime soon. Ray simply picks her up and she wraps her legs around him like a baby monkey holding onto its mom. Ray holds her easily while he's carrying her away, always mumbling soothing little words into her hair that Brad is pretty sure aren't English. 

The nice lady resolutely turns her cart around and follows Ray and Mini as if she's their bodyguard. Or maybe a mother dragon on a protective mission, Brad is not quite sure which one. It certainly makes him like that lady even more. 

"You have a beautiful daughter, sir." The lady says to Ray, and Brad is sure she's on purpose making her voice loud enough to carry to the nasty old witch.

"Thanks, Ma'am." Ray replies with a grateful smile before he turns the corner of the aisle and disappears out of Brad's line of sight. Brad gives it another five seconds to make sure they're out of earshot before he turns towards his target.

"Now to you, _lady_." Brad smiles at her in his best Iceman manner, and she seems to get that it's not a friendly smile _at all_. "Just so you know, the little girl you just so outrageously insulted for having a different skin colour than you is the adoptive daughter of a Navy Corpsman and a US Marine. The very people who fight to defend _your_ right to say and think what you want, even the shit you just sprouted. And what makes this even worse is that that little girl survived a tsunami that killed her entire family. My friend here actually pulled her out of the ruins and he and his partner have been raising her since she was three years old, through good and bad. So don't you _dare_ to judge who is a family based on their skin colour, because that doesn't have the faintest fucking thing to do with being somebody's parent or somebody's kid. You revealed yourself as a despicable person not worthy of the term 'human being' when you in blind hate aimed for an innocent little child whose bad luck it was to be in this shop at the same time as you. That says a lot about you."

When Brad stops talking, the craggy old bat is staring at him with her mouth hanging open, obviously quite steamrolled by Brad's verbal onslaught. The onlookers gathered around them have obviously very attentively followed Brad's little speech, and now they're almost collectively glaring at the old bag. 

Brad smiles on the inside, knowing that they will shame her into the ground when he's gone, and says, "Have a good day, Ma'am, and next time you decide to attack a little child, good luck with picking one that experienced less trauma."

Even before he has left the aisle Brad can hear his fellow shoppers coming down hard on the nasty old witch. There are disgusted and outraged outcries like "You should be ashamed of yourself!" and "What a nasty person you are!" followed by "How dare you attack a child!" and "You should be prosecuted for harassment of a minor!". His personal favourite is when a man's voice declares, "I will report this incident to management and make sure you get banned from the premises!"

Brad's smile widens into a grin when he gets to the entrance and he can still hear the polyphonic symphony of outrage going strong. Oh yes, they're going to make that revolting old crone's life very unpleasant. 

Good. _Very_ good. Serves her right for going after his favourite kid.


	44. Connection - (Tim/Ray, Tim & Ray & Mini & Ray's Family)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray and Tim return to Nevada, Missouri, with their daughter in tow so that she can meet her new Granny and Nana.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how do you, my dear readers, like my take on Ray's Mom and Grandma? Just curious, since they're pretty much my invention, we don't know much about them, after all, apart from a few cornerstones.
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : *puts the chapter in your grabby hands* Enjoy, my dear, it's what you've been looking forward to. More of our beloved Person matriarchs being awesome ^___^ I hope it meets your expectations!  
> PS: There's an entire Walt-with-Mini chapter coming soon. Hope that makes you happy :D  
> PPS: Do you recognise a few things here that you mentioned? I'm sure you do. Brain-birthday-twins, I tell you! XD
> 
> @ **Corinneftw** : Thank you for your new comments, my dear! I did another happy dance and then decided that I can grace you with the next chapter that you've been hoping for - Mini and the Person women get to finally meet :D PS: Running _is_ fun! XD

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Ray watches the familiar landscape of Nevada, Missouri rush by the window. He hasn't been here in over three years, but nothing much has changed, as far as he can tell. Everything still looks the way it did as long as he can remember. The sprawling fields, the single family houses, the mostly two storey buildings along the main street, not even the shops have changed. It's familiar in a reassuring kind of way.

Ray, Tim and Mini just flew in from San Diego to visit Mom and Grandma and finally give them the opportunity to meet Mini. They only have Thursday through to Sunday, though, because Ray will start working on Monday and Mini will go to her new school for the first time. And Tim has a job interview at the Oceanside Fire Department on Tuesday, so life will have them back in its claws come next week. 

It still feels strange to Ray, life in the US. He never realised how much he got used to Sri Lanka and the life at the orphanage that you can't compare to life here at all. He finds himself missing it here and there, but he also really likes this little family unit of theirs too much to ever want to give it up again. He feels like they grew even closer in the past ten days since it's just the three of them, and Ray loves the way they're building little traditions of their own, like their morning runs or story time on the couch or Mini coming to them in the morning to wake them with her bright smile.

What he misses most about Sri Lanka are his kids, though. He spent a lot less time with them over the last two or three months in Mutur because he and Tim made an effort to fade out of their lives in a way that wouldn't leave them unsettled. He knows Mini misses her old life too, and following her breakdown on the second evening after their arrival in the States Ray and Tim made sure to devote a lot of time to their little photo shoot of her room, the apartment, the beach and of course Mini and her favourite swings at the beach playground. They printed the pictures out and they're already on their way to Padma to give to Usha, along with drawings Mini made for them. It definitely helped Mini, she was very enthusiastic when they took the pictures and she insisted on accompanying Ray to the post office to mail her letter.

Mini is also well adapting to the very different life in the States so far. Getting her to eat foods she doesn't know is still a challenge and probably will remain one for the foreseeable future, but since they're cooking mostly Sri Lankan at home anyway, it's not too much of a problem so far. Oh, and sweet things go down well. After her very pleasant experience with the peanut butter and later the soft ice cream, she has now discovered various chocolates and cookies because Walt brought them to their little welcome party at the beach. Ray is sure she will forever remember Walt in the hazy golden light of a sugar induced high, and true to form she has grown attached to him immediately. Those two together are like The Attack of The Adorable Beauties, Ray has decided. He just hopes they never get the idea of ganging up on him and use the combined forces of their puppy dog eyes on him.

Mini has also developed a love for the American way of dressing ever since Tim went with her to town to buy running gear. She needed new clothes anyway, so when Ray and Tim took her to get some basics, she turned into a fashion slash shopping queen in a way neither Tim nor Ray had expected. As a result they're now living with a frog coming in different shades of green with the occasional splash of orange thrown in. Ray wonders if she wants to camouflage in her pillow fort in her clothes so that they won't find her when it's time for bed. Her most beloved possession is a pair of neon green chucks that Ray thinks she chose just for the colour. Not that he'll disagree with chucks, they're his go-to shoes as well, after all. Although less neon coloured and with the appropriately tattered look that only age and a lot of devout usage can achieve. He worked hard on that.

Ray's thoughts turn to the upcoming meeting of Mom, Grandma and Mini, and he's feels a bit nervous. Of course he's more than looking forward to seeing his mom and grandma again after only hearing them on the phone for years, but it's not just him coming home this time, is it? He knows they both like Tim and there's no doubt in his mind that they've accepted him as the person at Ray's side. But now there's also Mini who he loves so much that he really needs Mom and Grandma to like her and he needs Mini to feel welcome in her new family. Because Mom and Grandma are her family too, she knows them from calls and his stories. And when she learned that they'd visit them, she made a drawing for them that she insisted Ray had to mail them because it was her way of saying how much she loves them. She said that, even before having met them face to face, just after phone calls and seeing pictures when Ray told her funny moments of his childhood. 

He can't have her be disappointed now when they finally meet. It would break something so fundamental to her feeling at home in the States, and she's already made her first bad experience with the American pride of creation in the supermarket when that old shrew shouted insults at Mini that she luckily didn't quite comprehend. She's not used to racism, she grew up without experiencing it until now - until she came to the States. It leaves a bad taste in Ray's mouth.

He never truly _realised_ what it means that she looks different enough from him and Tim that it's clear that neither of them is her biological father. What it means that she's not white. The thought alone makes him cringe, because fuck, it shouldn't matter. To him it doesn't, never has and never will, but he's well aware that to others it does matter a great deal. And while Mini does have Ray's brown doe-eyes - Brad's words - she looks nothing like him otherwise. Her skin is a soft warm brown while he's usually pale as corpse - he's still tanned from their life in Sri Lanka, but he knows it's going to fade at some point - and her South Asian heritage is clear in her features while Ray is unmistakably a white boy. Ray never gave it much thought before, because when he met Mini, she was just like everybody else and _he_ was the exotic flower. Now that situation has reversed and the encounter with the old hag in the supermarket made him aware of that in a very unpleasant way. And now he can't help being worried that seeing pictures and talking on the phone and hearing about her from Ray might not be the same as meeting her face to face for his mom and grandma, what if-

He's pulled out of his musings by a hand on his thigh giving a little reassuring squeeze. "It'll be all right, Josh." 

Ray turns to look at Tim who's the one driving today. He never offered Ray the keys to the rental, and Ray is sure he's aware of the fact that Ray's a bit too distracted at the moment to be behind the wheel. 

Tim throws him a quick glance and gives him a gentle smile. "They'll love her. They already do."

"But what if-"

"No what ifs, Josh." Tim is looking at the road again, but his voice is firm in his no-nonsense kind of way. "You're driving yourself crazy over nothing. Your Mom and Grandma are looking forward to meeting her, they have done so for over a year, even before the adoption was complete. You know that."

Ray throws a glance at Mini via the rear view mirror. She's asleep in the car seat in the back, relaxed and carefree. "Yeah, I know."

"They've shown nothing but acceptance and joy so far, Josh. That's not going to change when they meet her in person." Tim chuckles. "You know she'll have them wrapped around her little finger before the day is over. Probably within the first ten minutes."

"Most likely." Ray has to admit because in his mind he knows Tim's right, but he can't help the nervousness simmering in his belly.

Ray watches the street change into the gravel road that leads up to the trailer park he grew up in. It hasn't changed much, either. Still the same old stationary trailers on their concrete blocks, the paint fading and peeling on most of them while others are well maintained. Old Mrs Kiefer still keeps a neatly trimmed shrubbery around her camper van that doesn't even have a motor anymore, never mind wheels. And then Ray spots his family's dwelling, the accumulation of the shed and tent and porch that surround the original trailer. There are still the old chairs and table on the porch, and it looks like Mom repainted the deck and the banister not too long ago in a soft shade of blue. 

Tim stops the car, and even before Ray can get out the door of the trailer opens and Grandma comes out with a huge smile on her face, the anticipation clear in her every gesture.

"Where is my great-granddaughter, Josh?" Grandma asks eagerly without even greeting him first, and the knot in Rays stomach dissipates almost instantly. Suddenly he wonders how he could ever have believed that Mini would meet anything other than open arms here. 

Tim is just helping Mini out of the car seat and as soon as she's with her feet on the ground, she's running over to Ray. She crashes into his side in the way she still loves to do and then holds onto his waist. "Daddy, is that Nana?"

"Hello cookie! It's so great to finally meet you." Grandma replies before Ray has any chance to say something. Mini lets go of him when she hears the familiar voice and runs over to her, stopping just a step away from her.

"Hi Nana! You sound just like on the phone!" Mini pipes happily in greeting, then she tilts her head like a little bird. "Why do you call me cookie?"

"Because I love cookies." Grandma says with a grin and Mini breaks out in a huge smile. Ray's sure he's turning into an emotional chick because he feels like he's about to melt into a big puddle of goo at her words.

"Me too!" Mini agrees eagerly.

Grandma leans down in an almost conspiratorial way and stage whispers, "Which ones do you like best?"

"Peanut butter cookies!" Mini replies immediately and mimics Grandma's low voice, but Ray can still hear her easily.

"Oh, you're a girl after my heart, cookie." Grandma remarks and pets Mini's cheek, which makes her giggle. 

That's when Mom comes out of the trailer and heads straight for Grandma and Mini. She kneels down in front of Mini and looks at her with a big, genuine smile on her face. "We've been waiting to meet you for a very long time, sweetie."

"Granny!" Mini beams when she obviously recognises her voice from the phone calls. 

"We got your beautiful drawing, sweetie." Mom continues. "Thank you very much. We put it up on the fridge, right next to the pictures of you with your Daddy and you with your Dad."

"You have my drawing on your fridge?" Mini seems in awe about that. "And pictures of me?"

"Of course, sweetie." Mom smiles and gently pokes her in the side so that she laughs. "That way we can see you every day."

Ray wipes his palm over his eyes because he knows there might be a tear or two trying to get out, and he doesn't want to be seen crying in the middle of the trailer park. He feels Tim step up to him where's still standing next to the car, followed by a gentle nudge of his elbow to Ray's side. "Told you so."

"Nah, you were wrong." Ray retorts with a chuckle that might be a little hoarse. "You said it would take ten minutes for Mini to have them wrapped around her little finger, but it didn't even take two."

Tim laughs gently. "I think I don't mind being wrong in this specific case."

"Come on, boys, don't keep standing in the road and get inside!" Grandma shouts and waves her hand insistently.

"Daddy! Dad! Granny and Nana have our pictures on the fridge! Come look!" Mini calls over before she disappears inside the trailer, followed by Grandma. 

Mom gets up from where she was kneeling on the ground and comes over to Ray to pull him in a heartfelt embrace. "Hey sunshine. It's so good you're here." 

"Hi Mom." Ray allows himself to sink into her embrace because he hasn't felt it in years and it's still as strong and comfortable as he remembers it. When they pull pack, Mom turns to Tim, who is patiently waiting next to them, watching them with a little smile of his own.

"Hey Tim." She says with a smile and then pulls him into a hug too. Ray notices that she has to stand on her tiptoes to be able to wrap her arms around Tim's neck and he can't help finding that adorable. Tim returns her embrace after a second of surprise or maybe insecurity, Ray's not entirely sure. But he can tell that Tim relaxes into her in a way he does with few people and that means that he's comfortable with her touch.

"Thanks for having us, Angela." Tim replies in a low voice that Ray can identify easily as Tim being touched by her gesture of affection and acceptance. 

"Of course, son. I love having my family together." Mom says easily when they step apart, but Ray knows her well enough to understand that she's telling Tim that not only Mini is part of her family now, but Tim is, too, so he's always welcome here. If Ray had ever any doubts about how she sees Tim, this would have erased them all. His mom is not one to allow people into her family easily, but when she does it, it's a complete and total acceptance. Ray wonders if Tim knows that he just gained a second mom. Judging by the little genuine smile on his lips, he has at least an inkling.

"And I have to thank you two for giving me a grandchild." Mom points out with a wide smile and gestures with her hand at the trailer, where Grandma and Mini can be heard chatting. "And such a cute one at that. She has your eyes, Josh. Like a doe. Did anybody ever tell you that?"

Tim actually laughs at that. "Brad did. Repeatedly. I think he noticed because she's as good at getting him to do what she wants as Josh is."

Ray grins, and yes, that might be a little smug. "We're just very convincing."

"You cheat." Tim cocks an eyebrow. "Both of you."

"You mean that thing where he looks at you with wide eyes, all innocent and cute while he's up to his ears in mischief?" Mom enquires with a grin while they're making their way over to the trailer.

"Mom!" Ray protests, but her grin just deepens.

"Yeah, that." Tim confirms and completely ignores Ray. "I think Mini learned it from him. She's already honing that skill, and I find that slightly scary."

"It is." Mom agrees with an exaggerated shudder. "Just imagine what she can do with it. She's even cuter than Josh, with her adorable button nose, her huge smile and her lovely hair. Very dangerous in combination with doe-eyes."

Tim nods gravely, but Ray can see the smirk in his eyes. "Very dangerous." 

"Hey, stop it, both of you!" Ray complains while he follows them inside, but he has little hopes of achieving anything. In the kitchen he finds Mini looking at the photos and her drawing taped to the small fridge and she makes Tim and Ray come look, obviously very excited about the fact that Mom and Grandma like her drawing so much. Mom has coffee waiting in the sitting area, along with cookies and a hot chocolate for Mini, and when they're sitting together, she tells them that she has booked a booth at the diner for the five of them tonight so that they can have dinner. 

By the evening Ray feels more relaxed than he has in a long time, coddled by the warm welcome of his mom and his grandma and the easy affection they show not only to Mini, but to Tim as well. He's currently leaning back in the couch and chatting with Grandma, while Mini is perched on the seat between Ray and his mom, telling her about her new room, the swings by the ocean and how much she's looking forward to school on Monday. Ray listens to her with a smile and simply enjoys the moment.

When it's time to get ready for dinner, Ray sighs longingly and glances in the direction of he shed. "I'd love to take my bike instead of the car. Haven't ridden that bad boy in years."

"Why don't you go ahead on your bike, sunshine, we'll take the car and we meet up at the diner." Mom suggests and Ray glances at Tim.

"Go ahead, Josh." He smirks. "It's not like you get to use it all that often, so enjoy it while it lasts."

Ray breaks out in a wide grin and then hurries off to free his old dirt bike from its protective cover and push it out of the shed. Mini watches him curiously and he explains to her that he's had this bike since he was a teenager and what adventures they have been on together. When she wants to ride with him, he comes up with a story about how you have to complete a quest first to be allowed to tame the Bike Beast, and she hasn't done that yet, but they will work on it. That seems to satisfy her enough that she doesn't try to argue, and Tim keeps an arm around her shoulders when they watch Ray put on his helmet and drive off with maybe a little more show to it than necessary. 

Ray leaves the trailer park and presses down the throttle when he gets to the gravel road, leaving a satisfying spray of it behind him. He gets to the main road in a minute or two and then leaves it shortly afterwards to chase through the landscape on tiny paths that he still knows like the back of his hand. It's a thrill, same as it always was, and Ray plays with throttle and break as instinctively as if it hadn't been years since he last rode his bike. It feels like an old friend.

When he gets to the diner - admittedly with a little detour - he's grinning widely and he feels fantastic, the adrenaline still pumping through his veins. He takes off his helmet and cards his hand through his hair, then he enters the diner. Mom's car is not here yet, so they're still on the way. They probably gave him a few minutes longer to enjoy his trip.

Once inside, he immediately spots Pammy behind the counter. They were friends since childhood, when Pammy's mom still lived in the trailer park with her, just three plots down from Ray. They moved into a tiny apartment when Ray was twelve, but he and Pammy were in the same class, so that didn't really stop them from seeing each other. They had a thing once, for about three weeks when Ray was sixteen, but that never impacted negatively on their relationship. It was more an opportunity to experiment with somebody they were both comfortable with, it never really involved deep feelings. 

"Hey Pammy!" Ray greets her when he gets to the counter. She looks up in surprise and then breaks out into a huge grin when she recognises him.

"Hey gorgeous!" She laughs and comes out from behind the counter to give him a hug. "My, you look so different! The beard suits you, I have to say. Nice bad boy look."

Ray chuckles. "Well thanks, Pammy. You're not so bad yourself."

He glances pointedly at the gentle but noticeable bump under her apron. She touches her hand to it and smiles. "Yeah, I got married two years ago, and now we're expecting a little girl."

Ray chuckles. "Yeah, I have one of those at home, too."

Pammy grins. "I know, your Mom didn't stop talking about her ever since the adoption came through."

Ray smirks, and he can admit that there's a warm feeling in his stomach at learning that his Mom is not only genuinely happy about having Mini in their family, but that she told everybody about it.

"So, when am I going to meet your little girl?" Pammy asks curiously.

"Oh, she'll be here in a moment, she's riding with my family. I just really wanted to take out my old bike again." Ray replies and points behind him where his dirt bike is visible through the window. "My mom arranged for us to have dinner here tonight."

"That's true, I totally forgot!" Pammy says and then stares at the door behind Ray. "Wait, isn't that your hot Navy friend?"

Ray turns to look at the door where his Mom and Grandma are just coming in, followed by Tim with Mini in his arms. "Hot Navy _partner_ , actually. And my daughter's other dad."

Pammy stares at the group for another second or two, and Ray gets a little nervous. He can't help wondering if maybe it wasn't a good idea to admit that to her. Just when he wants to say something, she remarks, "Damn, he's still _so hot_."

"Oh yes." Ray agrees immediately and unconsciously licks his lips. Tim looks indeed very very hot in his rather snug black t-shirt and his dark blue jeans, and somehow it makes him even more attractive to Ray that he's so easily and naturally carrying their kid. 

"You know, you could have told me back then that sexy sailor boy was _yours_." Pammy says with a chidingly cocked eyebrow. "Don't you know that I don't mind?"

"It wasn't that I doubted you, Pammy." Ray explains, even if maybe he did, a bit at least. "But I couldn't tell anybody at the time - he was still on active duty back then, and I guess you've heard about DADT."

She purses her lips. "All right, that I'll accept as an explanation."

"Josh! Come over here!" Grandma shouts across the room and Ray gives Pammy an apologetic smile before he heads over to where his family is occupying a booth. He slides in next to Tim and presses his leg against his under the table. Tim gives him a little smile and returns the pressure. 

They order a rich dinner and Mini tries all kinds of different foods because Grandma is a pro when it comes to getting her curious enough to give something a try that Ray is pretty sure he would never have managed to get her to eat. By the time they're enjoying their desserts, Mini is sitting on Mom's legs and steals bits of her waffle while Mom is pretending that she's not noticing it. Grandma is telling them about how she travelled all across the country with a biker gang when she was in her early twenties - Ray has heard that story many times, and to this day he's still not sure how much of it is true - and Tim is listening with an amused smirk, his arm resting on the booth behind Ray and his fingers lazily carding through the hair at the nape of Ray's neck.

Yeah, Ray thinks with a feeling of deep contentment in his belly, there truly never was any reason for him to worry about bringing Tim and Mini here.


	45. Lessons - (Tim/Ray, Tim & his co-workers)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A fire fighter observes the new paramedic around the station.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a wee bit different. I hope you like the outsider POV, it was certainly fun to write :D
> 
> So, my dear **Veronibell** , this is for you because I like to keep you on your toes XD

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


"Doc!" Elliot shouts loud enough to be heard in the upstairs gallery of the fire house. His booming voice is one of his most obvious characteristics. "There's someone here to see you!"

I turn to gaze at Bryan, who Elliot was addressing and who's now looking up from the massive medical textbook he was reading, a marker in hand and a pencil at the ready tucked behind his ear. It's Sunday afternoon and we're somewhere around the one-third mark of our twenty-four hour shift. It's slow at the moment, so everybody is doing what they want to do. The rigs are cleaned, the ambulances are stacked and ready to go. There's not much else to do right now, and we all appreciate a moment of rest. We had some pretty demanding calls early in our shift, so we certainly don't mind the break.

I watch Bryan put his book, marker and pen on the coffee table, then he gets up off the couch. He's the only one of the paramedics who actually gets called 'Doc' around the station. When Kimmy found out that he not only used to be a Navy corpsman, but is also studying to become a doctor, she decided to call him 'Doc' and it kind of stuck. It just really suits him. Kimmy's an army brat, so she's familiar with the term 'Doc' for Army medics - especially because her father is one. Or rather used to be, he's retired now, I think.

I trail Doc with my gaze when he makes his way over to the railing in that efficient way of moving that he has. He's not exactly small, yet he's shorter than me - but then I'm a very tall guy and only very few people can actually look me in the eye without having to raise their heads. Around the station that's only Jim. Our dark blue uniform shows that Doc's in good shape. He's not a show-off in any way and obviously chose his uniform a size larger than strictly necessary, but it still shows. He's not buff like some of us guys here, but has a naturally strong build and obviously works out enough that his arms are toned and well defined. He's usually wearing a bandana on the job, a dark blue one to fit the uniform, and it has quickly become something of a trademark. I asked him about it once, and he said it was a twofold thing: On one hand it works like a surgical cap and therefore protects his patients, and on the other hand it's a way to keep sweat out of his eyes, especially when he can't afford to move a hand to wipe it away. There he shrugged and said it was habit from serving in hot countries. I didn't ask what kind of situations he was referring to when he said that he couldn't even afford to raise a hand to wipe away sweat on his forehead. I could imagine it well enough.

Doc's been with us here at Station 1 of the Oceanside Fire Department for only for about three weeks, but somehow he never got called 'the new guy'. Maybe it's because he's definitely not new to the job, he's just new to the station - and everybody can tell the difference between a new colleague and a rookie. Maybe it's because of how he handles himself on calls, with such a calm, unwavering authority that even the more experienced guys listen to him instinctively. Only Jim has some issues with him for whatever reason. So far they mostly just avoid having much to do with each other, which is easy enough with Doc being a paramedic and Jim serving as a fire fighter. They don't have to work _that_ closely.

In my humble opinion Jim feels threatened by Doc. Jim's our bad boy ladies' man - Kimmy's words - and we like to tease him about that because we know that he's really a good guy underneath the posturing. But Doc just seems to rub him the wrong way and I have the impression that Doc doesn't much care what Jim's issues are. When Jim called him cool as a cucumber after one of our more gruesome calls - and he didn't mean it as a compliment - Doc just drily pointed out that it's a lot easier to do this job when he's not at risk of getting shot or blown up. That had certainly shut Jim up, because it was obvious that Doc wasn't joking. I have no trouble imagining Doc running out into danger to get to an injured Marine, he's that kind of guy. I think Jim agrees, which is part of why he dislikes Doc so much. It was Jim's trademark before.

I get off the couch to follow Doc simply because I'm curious to find out who the visitor is. We don't know much about Doc so far, he's a pretty private guy, so I can't pass up on the opportunity to get to see who knows him well enough to come to the station during shift to visit him. It's not like he's hostile or doesn't talk to us, but he rarely talks about personal stuff. I know he has a daughter with his partner and that they just moved here from Sri Lanka, but that's about as much as I've heard about his private life. Given that we're all pretty much living in each other's pockets during those long shifts, that's a testament to how good he is at keeping his private life actually private. 

When Doc looks over the railing down towards the gate to see who his visitor is, I see him break out into a smile, and wow, that is a first. Not that I haven't seem him smile before, but not _like that_. It's as if his whole face transforms in an expression of pure joy.

"Dad!" I hear a child's voice shout enthusiastically a second later, and then Doc is already on his way downstairs. Oh, so his kid came by. That explains the smile then. Damn, that guy certainly loves his kid a lot.

I get downstairs just in time to see a whirlwind of black hair and green clothes running toward Doc and then a little girl jumps up into his arms. He catches her easily - this is definitely not the first time this is happening - and pecks her on the cheek, which makes her laugh. "Peanut, what are you doing here?" 

I stop next to Elliot and look at the scene. I notice immediately that she can't be Doc's biological daughter. Her skin is of a soft warm brown similar to Elliot's, and her long hair is raven-black. She's South Asian I'd say, and Doc is Caucasian. She's maybe six or seven years old, and clearly very fond of the colour green. I can't see a single piece of clothing that isn't in some shade of the colour. Including her shoes.

"Daddy and I came to bring you a gift!" She replies with a huge smile and points at the open gate of the garage. I follow her gesture and see a lean man standing there with a cling-film covered plate in his hands. He's smaller than Doc and of a decidedly leaner build, with a beard and chin-length dark hair. He's wearing black jeans, a t-shirt with Ironman's arc reactor printed on the front, and tattered old chucks. When he walks over to where Doc is standing with the little girl in his arms, he moves in a way that I find quite similar to Doc, and I suddenly wonder if he's military, too. Or was.

When the guy stops next to them, Doc immediately leans in to peck a kiss on his mouth. 

In that moment it hits me like a ton of bricks. The little girl said _'Daddy and I came to bring you a gift'_ , and she's clearly referring to the man who came with her, while she called Doc 'Dad'. _Oh_. So Doc's partner is a _guy_. Now that I think about it, Doc never said that his partner was a woman, and he mentioned a guy called Ray a few times. I glance over at Elliot to see if he's having the same revelation, but he's completely unfazed, as if he already knew.

"Little Miss Peanut here wanted to make cookies." The guy says with a smirk. "And then she decided that we had to bring them to you 'to make you and your friends smile because it's sad that you have to work on Sunday instead of going to the beach' - and I'm quoting that."

"Daaaaddy! I'm not a peanut!" The little girl complains with an exaggerated pout, her arms still around Doc's neck.

"Bambi, you insisted on making _peanut butter cookies_." The guy points out with a raised eyebrow. "You _are_ a peanut."

"A very nice and thoughtful peanut." Doc adds with a smile and kisses her on the cheek again. "Thank you for thinking about me and my colleagues and for making cookies for us."

Wow, Doc's like a different guy. I watch the scene and try to bring the man that I'm seeing in front of me right now in line with the guy I know from work. Seems like two different people. I certainly have never seen him smile that genuinely and that much in the entire three weeks before. That's when Doc catches sight of me and Elliot standing at the bottom of the stairs just a few feet away from them. Although I can't fight the feeling that he knew all along that we were there.

"Elliot, Kyle, this is Ray, my partner." Doc says to us and nods his head at the man beside him. 

I force myself out of my musing and hold out my hand to him. "Nice to meet you, Ray."

"Same here." The guy replies with a nod. I notice that his handshake is firm and steady, and up close I can see that he's younger than Doc, probably closer to my age. Elliot also shakes his hand and gives him a smile in welcome.

"And this little frog here is Mini, our daughter." Doc continues introducing us. 

"Dad, I'm not a frog." She replies seriously and I can't help smiling at her. She's cute with her button nose, her huge eyes and her pointed pout.

"You're green like a frog." Doc points out and jerks his chin at her violently green t-shirt.

"No, I'm a crocodile." She says firmly. "Crocodiles are green too. Mrs Lilly showed us pictures of them last week and Uncle Brad says they're like stealthy water warriors."

"Okay, little crocodile, come here and give your Dad's co-workers your cookies." Doc's partner - Ray - prompts her and Doc sets her back down on the floor. She takes the plate from Ray's hands and carefully carries it over to me and Elliot. She hands it to him and then she looks up at me. She has to tilt her head back in order to do it because she's so small compared to me.

"You're tall like Uncle Brad." She remarks with her mouth hanging open, so I lower myself to one knee to make us a bit closer in height. "But you're bigger, and Uncle Brad is blond, so he's more like a giraffe and you're more like an elephant." 

I can hear Doc's partner and Elliot snorting, and when I glance up, even Doc has a grin on his face. I look back at the little girl and smile at her. "You know that elephants are not only very strong, they also have a very good memory. And I'll certainly remember that you brought us cookies on a Sunday afternoon to make us feel better."

"I hope you like them!" She gives me a huge smile and I find myself melting a little. I really like kids, and this one is particularly cute. 

"I'm sure we'll all love them." Elliot assures her with a smile of his own. "I know for a fact that Molly, one of our co-workers, loves peanut butter very much. I'm sure she'll enjoy having one of your cookies while we have to work."

"Do you heal people like my Dad?" The little girl asks us curiously.

"Kyle, Elliot and Molly are fire fighters, peanut. They save lives by getting people out of dangerous situations and bring them to me so that I can treat them." Doc says easily, and somehow I feel like I just received a compliment.

The little girl eyes me and Elliot with a pensive expression on her face, then she nods as if she just came to a decision. "You need more cookies, then. To keep you strong to save lives." She turns to look at Doc's partner. "Daddy, can we bring cookies again next week?"

"Sure, Bambi. But we should maybe provide a bigger variation." The guy smirks at Doc in a conspiratorial way. "Don't worry, there are also cookies without peanut butter in there. We made a batch with macadamia nuts specifically for you."

Seems Doc doesn't much like peanut butter. I watch him give the guy a fond little smile and think again that it's amazing how different he is from the man I've gotten to know so far. That's the moment when I see Jim coming down the stairs and spotting the five of us. I can tell that he's hesitating, but since we're right in his path, he can hardly ignore us. 

I just hope this doesn't turn ugly. I can't imagine that Doc being... well, _gay_ , isn't going to push Jim even further in his dislike of the man. A quick glance at Elliot confirms that he's thinking the same thing, and we both don't want a scene in front of the little girl. 

"Jim, meet Doc's partner Ray and their daughter Mini." Elliot has decided to take over the wheel, it seems. He demonstratively raises the plate in his hand. "They brought us cookies to help us through the Sunday shift."

I can see Jim's gaze assessing Doc and the man besides him. I notice that Doc has taken a step closer to his partner and now his hand is resting almost demonstratively on Ray's lower back. There's a challenge in Doc's eyes, maybe more of a warning to Jim, to dare say anything offensive now.

"That's very nice of them." Jim says, but to me it sounds like he's forcing it out.

I can tell that Doc's partner picks up immediately on the tension between Doc and Jim. He touches his hand to Doc's side as if to calm him, then he looks at the little girl. "Come on, Bambi, we'll let your Dad get back to work. We just wanted to bring by your cookies and quickly say hello, anyway."

She looks between him and us for a moment and seems a bit confused, but she obeys and walks over to them. She immediately throws her arms around Doc's waist and looks up at him. "Bye, Dad!" 

Doc returns her hug and bends down to press a kiss to the top of her head. "Bye, peanut. I'll be home when you wake up tomorrow."

She lets go of him and then takes the hand that Doc's partner is holding out. He gives Doc a look that seems like an entire conversation to me, then he touches his hand to Doc's waist again. "Stay frosty."

Doc nods, but doesn't say anything. His partner turns to us and gives me and Elliot a quick smile while almost ignoring Jim. "Bye guys. It was nice meeting you. Enjoy the cookies."

"We will. Thanks again." Elliot replies before Doc's partner and the little girl walk out of the station and disappear around the corner.

After that things between Jim and Doc get decidedly worse. I never once suspected that Doc is gay, either, and I'm not sure how I feel about that. I have to admit that I'm also a bit... well, 'put off' is too harsh, but 'surprised' doesn't quite cover it either. Uneasy maybe. But then he's the same guy now that he was before I knew about it, so technically nothing has changed but my perception of him. He never hit on me or any of the guy at the station, and he doesn't behave any differently now, so I don't either.

Elliot is firmly in Doc's corner, though, and so is the Cap. Kimmy and Travis just don't seem to care either way, and Molly barely manages to hide a smirk when she whines pointedly to all of us how the best guys are always either taken or gay or both. Doc corrects her calmly that he and Ray are both bi and not gay, but they're still taken, so she does have a point. I can see a smirk tugging on his lips, though, he's clearly not offended. 

Jim is a different story. That same shift that Doc's partner and their daughter come by, he already starts with a jibe here and a stinger there. He's not that openly homophobic that Doc could file a complaint, not that I'm sure Doc would actually do that. I get the feeling that he'd rather resolve the issue himself. It continues for a week, Jim never stopping with his little verbal cuts. Even I start to find it annoying. Doc is still totally unfazed by it, and I have to say that I'm torn between admiring his cool and wondering why he's not defending himself. I'm pretty sure he can and that he's choosing not to, which is very weird. 

We're out on a call to a bar at one in the morning on Thursday when Jim does it again. We're here in addition to the police because of a drunk who's going crazy and is setting fire to the bar and attacking other patrons, one of whom is apparently unconscious now. When we get there, it's not a pretty picture. Most of the patrons have fled outside, and the interior of the bar is a mess. It's easy to spot the reason for all this mayhem because the guy is even taller than me and buff like an ox - and cleary very very drunk. He's an aggressive drunk, which makes him particularly dangerous as the poor guy with the obviously broken arm cowering by the counter can attest to. Next to him lies another man who must be our unconscious victim.

"Bet that's too much of a man for you to take." Jim twits Doc with a jerk of his chin to the drunk guy. "Or maybe he's just what you like."

Doc doesn't react to Jim's words, just like he usually doesn't. He and Kimmy just move towards the two injured men and he kneels down next to them, assessing them in the quick and efficient manner I've become accustomed from him. I remain standing with Jim by the door a few steps away from where Doc and Kimmy are working on the patients. Jim and I have fire extinguishers in our hands because there are several small fires burning by the bar that we can't reach due to the ravaging drunk idiot. It's not too serious, it's not like the bar is at risk of burning down, but still, we really should get down to putting them out. There are two uniforms trying to calm the drunk down enough to take him in without force, but it's obviously a lost battle. I can spot Molly and Elliot creeping in through the back entrance of the bar, but they're in no better position to get to the fires than we are.

Suddenly the guy notices us and turns on us with such unexpected speed that I have no time to react. Before I know what's happening, Doc has the guy on the floor on his stomach, one knee firmly pressed into the guy's neck and one of his arms twisted behind his back. The drunk is too stunned to react and that's when Doc barks "Cuffs!" at the uniform next to him. The cop, who's obviously as perplexed by Doc's actions as the rest of us, jumps into action and cuffs the drunk. Doc lets go of him once he's secured and gets up, then he takes the few steps over to where Jim and I are still staring at the scene playing out in front of us. He stops smack in Jim's personal space and looks up at him through narrowed eyes.

"That, Jim," Doc remarks with a scary intensity to his quiet voice, "could have happened to you at any moment this past week."

I see Jim swallow next to me when Doc turns around and gets back to his patients as if nothing happened. I think Jim just realised that Doc's more than just a medic. I have to say that I'm pretty stunned myself, but I guess it feels very different when you're the target of those freaky ninja skills. I just now become aware of the fact that despite my superior height and strength, Doc could take me out within seconds if he wanted to. That's actually quite scary.

When the call is done and we're all back at the fire station, it's almost 2.30 am and we have another four and a half hours on our shift. We end up in the relaxation area, as we call it, where we keep the TV, the couches, the armchairs and the coffee table. Jim and I take the armchairs while Kimmy and Doc drop into one couch and Molly, Elliot and Travis take the other. They're our three youngest members and have a habit of flocking together. We jokingly call them The Threesome.

"How did you do that, Doc? I mean, that guy was like a hundred pounds heavier than you and had at least six inches on you!" Molly is looking at him in something that is confused curiosity mixed with awe. "That was so cool!"

Doc just raises an eyebrow but doesn't move otherwise from his relaxed sprawl on the couch. "I wasn't just trained to _save_ lives, Molly." 

He doesn't say any more, but after what we've witnessed tonight, he doesn't need to. I wonder if Doc has ever killed somebody, and I find that thought not completely unreasonable. The way he reacted tonight to that drunk, I'm sure he could have done a lot more damage than he did.

"Did you ever kill somebody?" Travis voices my exact thought, down to the last word. He's the rookie and sometimes seriously lacking empathy, so I'm not surprised that he actually asked what I have only been thinking about.

Doc looks at Travis for a long time as if he's contemplating whether to answer or not. His gaze flickers over to Jim for the fraction of a second and then he replies, "I've been on a total of five tours in Afghanistan and Iraq. That should answer your questions."

I can tell that Jim understands the warning for what it is, but of course he's only more fuelled by it. He sneers at Doc. "So what, you wanna tell us that you're perfectly capable of protecting your skinny ass boyfriend?"

Doc just laughs, but it's plain out mocking. "My partner is an ex-Marine, Jim, he doesn't need me to protect him."

"That weed?" Jim retorts with malice, and I wonder how much further he can push it until Doc puts him on the floor face first.

"Make no mistake, Jim. He can take you out just as easily as I can." Doc challengingly cocks an eyebrow. "Just go for it, it'll teach you a valuable lesson."

"Stop it, guys! Both of you!" Kimmy shouts, and from the way she's holding herself I can tell that she's fed up with what's been going on between Jim and Doc. A pissed Kimmy is never a good thing, I learned that early on in my stationing here. I've been at the centre of her anger once, and I really don't want to repeat that experience. She might not be very imposing physically, but she's a force of nature when she gets angry. She told me once that growing up as the only girl among five siblings in an army household made her strong enough for having four kids of her own, so nothing is ever going to put her down. Especially not some guys who think they own the world just because they're guys. So far she's been right.

Now she's throwing angry looks at Doc and Jim. "All this macho posturing is nothing but annoying to the rest of us, it's childish and it's seriously getting ridiculous. Jim, stop your offensive homophobic crusade, and Doc, stop threatening to maim him. Not that he doesn't deserve it, but he's still your colleague and we have to work together." 

At that Jim huffs in outraged protest and is just about to defend himself, but Kimmy cuts him short with a warning hand gesture. "Oh no, don't you _dare_ saying anything in your defence, Jim. I've been here all week and I've heard the things you said, including what you said tonight. Frankly, I'm amazed that Doc put up with it for so long before he finally shot you down. You've been asking for it the entire week. So what, he's gay-"

"Bi." Doc corrects drily.

Kimmy throws him a glare for interrupting her and I seriously admire his guts for doing that when she's on a roll. "So he's _bi_ \- get over it, Jim. It's not like that has any influence on you or your life. We're living in the 21st century, for crying out loud, and guess what, sexual orientation is _not_ contagious. It also doesn't have any negative impact on how Doc does his work or how he behaves around us, to stop making such a big deal out of it. You're embarrassing yourself and you're showing yourself as mean-spirited and prejudiced in a way I seriously hope you aren't." 

Jim looks appropriately chided when Kimmy stops to take a breath. I know he's never been in her sights before, but that's over now. Kimmy gestures at both of them when she continues. "Nobody says you have to be best buddies, but we're all professionals here, and I expect that you can behave like it. Go back to ignoring each other as you did at the beginning, that works just fine for all of us. Just stop this stupid pissing contest or I will get the Cap involved. This is no way for us to work. We need to be able to count on each other in this job, and you're counteracting that very basic principle of our work relationship."

Kimmy lets her words sink in for a moment, but I'm sure she's just gathering momentum for the killing blow. I've been there.

"Get your shit together or there will be consequences." Kimmy finishes in a resolute voice and takes turns scrutinising first Doc, then Jim.

Doc gives her a short nod. "Solid copy."

Jim grits his teeth, then he nods too. "Yeah, understood."

"Good." Kimmy says after a moment and pushes off the couch. "Now, who wants coffee? I definitely need one after this."

"Yeah, me too." Molly agrees with a deep sigh. "I'm exhausted just from watching."

Elliot snorts and gets up to follow Kimmy and Molly to the kitchen. Travis and I exchange a look before we too get up. Doc and Jim are still in their spots, and I figure it's a good idea to give them a moment to clear the air. Or just agree on a truce, maybe clearing the air is not quite on the menu yet.

Before I walk over to the kitchen, I see out of the corner of the eye how Jim holds his hand out to Doc, who shakes it after a second of consideration. I know that's an armistice at the most, but it'll definitely be better than what's been going on this past week. 

When the coffee is ready, Jim and Doc come over to the kitchen together and Kimmy gives them a nod of approval and a quick smile. I think we all learned our lessons tonight. Hopefully some of it will stick.


	46. Despair - (Tim/Ray, Tim & Mini)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim learns the hard way what it means that he's not legally Mini's parent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is painful. I'm sorry. Really. I feel like I should apologise in advance... -_-V
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : There's a lot in here that you already reflected on in earlier comments, I'm sure you'll know what I mean (wanna play that game again? :D ). And next up is your dearly awaited Walt-Mini chapter (we need some fluff after this one here -_-V), and then we get deep into Tim's painful family issues. It took us a while to get there, but I really hope you'll have fun analysing that. I'm so so curious on what you have to say!
> 
> My dear **Corinneftw** , please don't hate me for hurting Mini *hides under the table* I promise, I will make up for it in the next chapter by serving you a healthy dose of Uncle Walt!

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


It's Tim's day off and Ray is still working until six o'clock, so Tim gave into Mini's pleas to go to the playground at the beach by the pier. She likes the swings there so much because she can look out at the ocean while swinging, which she explained to him is like flying over the water. 

Since it's too far to walk, they took the car and then had to look for a free spot to park for a while, but now that Mini is running towards the swings with a loud whoop of joy, Tim deems it worth the hassle. It's late afternoon on a Friday, so it's reasonably busy with people who finished early to enjoy the nice weather at the beach and the pier. The playground is also brimming with activity, but not so much that Tim's at risk of losing sight of Mini in the crowd. She heads straight for the swings anyway, and is lucky enough to find one unoccupied. Tim follows her at a more moderate pace and then takes up position next the swing while Mini pushes off enthusiastically. Tim gives the two moms and one dad standing watch by the other swings a short nod in greeting and then lets his gaze follow Mini's quite skilful motions to get faster and higher.

Saturday next week Tim will turn thirty-five. He feels quite content with where he is in life at the moment and with the perspectives he has for the future. He was accepted into the post-bac premedical program last week and things at work with Jim have eased after the incident with the big drunk guy and Kimmy's consequent outburst of anger. It's not because Jim suddenly dislikes Tim any less, he's well aware of that. It's because Jim has now understood that his actions will have consequences, in more sense than one. Not only will Tim put him firmly in his place next time, but Kimmy also made it clear that she will not tolerate their behaviour to continue, and neither Jim nor Tim want the Captain to get involved. Tim is too new at this job to risk it, and Jim is probably well aware that he has no good standing due to his behaviour towards Tim, especially with Kimmy so openly criticising him for it and Molly and Elliot so firmly in Tim's corner. Tim can't quite get a read on Travis and Kyle, they're either undecided or don't really care enough to get involved.

Tim also likes working with Kimmy, who is his partner on most shifts. She's decisive and no-nonsense but still obviously cares about the people in her care. She's also a mom of four and Tim has made use of her knowledge and experience a few times already, especially concerning issues at Mini's school. Tim also likes Elliot and his easy-going nature. They've had quite a few interesting conversations about travelling the world, something Elliot has also done extensively despite being only twenty-seven. Elliot's mom is from India and his father is half African-American and half white, which means that Elliot is more than well aware of the underlying racism in the US - especially if you don't belong one-hundred percent to either side. Tim told him about a few of the issues they've had since returning to the States, with Tim, Ray and Mini not being of the same race. He didn't seem surprised at all, which Tim thinks is actually really sad. He's not surprised either, though. Anyway, the tension has eased at work, Jim's verbal attacks have stopped, and Tim's getting along well with most of his co-workers. He's content with that.

Not to mention that Tim absolutely _loves_ rediscovering a proper sex life with Ray. Ever since their first night back there's barely been a night where they didn't get busy in one way or another, and Tim enjoys it profoundly. He has always loved sleeping with Ray because he's so responsive and unfiltered when the pleasure begins to take over his brain, and he never hides how much he enjoys touching Tim or being touched by him. Tim feels like they're in a second honeymoon or something like that, because they've had more sex in the past seven weeks than in the entire three years before. Or at least it feels that way. He assumes it's mainly due to three things: The privacy of their own apartment, only one child wanting their attention and - most importantly - doors that lock. Luckily Mini tends to be a heavy sleeper and rarely wakes during the night, which means that she has come to them only about three times so far. They still remember to lock the door for the time they're active, though. Just in case. It's Tim's horror scenario that Mini stumbles in on them while they're having sex. Really, _no_. Better to lock the door and have her knock than _that_. 

Mini has been in school for six weeks now, and so far she's integrating well. She has made friends with three of the girls in her class, Kareesha, Amber and Maggie, and the teachers think that she's smart, works well with her class mates and learns fast. But Mini has also had a few meltdowns since, one of the most violent ones when she found out that there are no school uniforms in her new school and she wanted to wear her Sri Lankan uniform, only to find out that they hadn't taken it with them because now another girl from the orphanage wears it to school. She has also discovered the satisfaction of slamming her door, something she was entirely unfamiliar with before due living in a building with very few doors, and none of them to her own room, just the dorm. Tim wishes she hadn't discovered that, because it's something she does with relish when she's angry or frustrated that she doesn't get what she wants. 

Fortunately her outbreaks are few, though often intense, and they rarely last long. She also had a hard time at first with Tim being gone over night due to his shifts at the Fire Department. Ray and Tim found a good psychiatrist specialising in child trauma and Mini has been there once a week, with good results so far. She's less reluctant to let Tim leave for an overnight shift, and Ray said she doesn't get as subdued anymore when he's gone. It's slow progress, but it's there.

The only thing Tim is not quite content with in his life is actually connected to Mini - he's encountering the consequences of not being her legal parent on so many occasions that it's hard to forget that he has _not_ the same standing as Ray where she's concerned. Of course they were aware that they'd have to deal with that, but Tim readily admits that he wasn't prepared for what that actually means for him in daily life. 

One way to mitigate the effects and ascertain they're both responsible for Mini where it matters is that Ray makes sure that Tim is always along for all meetings that involve officials - the school, the paediatrician, even the dentist. Ray always introduces Tim as his partner and Mini's second parent to leave no doubt that Tim is an equal caregiver to Mini. At the school Tim is not only registered as an adult allowed to fetch her, but he's also on record as Mini's second emergency contact and her second next of kin and Ray set up a written authority for Tim to act in his stead in all aspects concerning Mini at the school. Tim has met the principal and all the teachers, and they're well aware that when Mini says 'Dad', it means him. Tim's just glad that they haven't encountered any resistance or problems so far, everybody at the school was very relaxed and welcoming. It probably also helps that Tim and Ray aren't the only same-sex parents, there's at least one lesbian couple and another gay couple, as far as they're aware. 

Tim knows it's the only way to get things sorted, but he hates it. He hates that he doesn't have any parental right over his own daughter just because the system is so screwed up that he wasn't allowed to adopt her together with Ray. He doesn't hold it against Ray in any way and his frustration is not directed at him at all, it's securely focussed on the prejudiced world and its discriminatory systems. He's glad for what he has, that they have Mini with them at all, but he still wishes things were different every single time he has to say that he's not Mini's father because he legally isn't and in certain situations any other claim could result in serious problems. 

"Peanut, you're high enough." Tim remarks when he thinks she's starting to overdo it. "Don't swing any higher."

She doesn't react, at least not verbally. Tim is sure she heard him, she's just not willing to do what he said. She's quite obviously in some kind of competition with the boy on the swing next to her, and the goal seems to be to get as high as possible.

"Mini, _don't_ go any higher." Tim repeats, giving his voice a firmer tone than the first time he said it. 

It gets her attention at least in so far that she replies, "Yeeees, Dad."

"Lakmini." Tim says pointedly and louder than before. She knows it's rarely a good sign when he or Ray start using her full name.

"Okay, Dad!" She singsongs back, a sure sign that she has no intention of actually doing what she was told. As if to prove his point, she jerks her legs with even more force on the next forward swing.

" _Lakmini Cooray Person_ , I said stop going any-" before Tim can even finish his admonishment, he can see her lose her grip on the chain of the swing. It's like it's in slow motion, and he knows he won't be fast enough to catch her, he can't do a thing, she'll hit the ground at full speed and he's not fast enough and he feels his heart stop in horror.

It happens so fast that she doesn't even scream, she just lands with a dull thud and doesn't move again. Tim is by her side the fraction of a second later - _too late, he's too late_ \- and slides to his knees next to her. He doesn't touch her right away because he knows that could be a mistake with grave consequences, and suddenly it's like a veil comes over him, pushing back his emotions until he can barely feel them any more. Instead there's the sharp clarity and the profound calm he's familiar with from emergency situations in the field, when there are bullets zipping past him and he has to get to one of his men, has to get him out. He accepts the shift in his perception almost gratefully, because he knows Mini needs him to be a medical professional right now, not a father who is freaking out.

"Call 911!" He shouts at the shocked mother standing next to him, and she reacts immediately and gets her cell out. He doesn't pay her more attention, he's in his corpsman mode, and it feels oddly comforting to just let it control him because he knows he can trust it to do what needs to be done. He checks Mini quickly and efficiently and with great caution, he's careful not to move her head, just feels with his fingertips without shifting her, finds an impact wound and blood on her left temple, no broken bones, no internal injuries that he can feel, breathing normal and steady, he takes her pulse and then he hears the sirens getting louder, followed by two sets of footsteps running up to his position. Tim glances up when they reach him and shifts back enough to give them room to work.

"Lakmini Person, female, six years old. Laceration on the left temple, minor blood loss, possible concussion. She fell off the swing from about eight feet and landed without catching her fall. Blunt force impact to the left temple. She has been unresponsive since, which makes four and a half minutes now. No internal injuries palpable, breathing normal, pulse steady and heart rate 70 bpm." Tim reports as soon as the paramedics kneel down next to Mini. 

"You a paramedic?" The older of the two men asks immediately while he's checking Mini over. He's obviously not used to such concise, on point reports upon his arrival at an emergency scene, especially when kids are involved.

"Yeah. Just started at Station 1." Tim replies and attentively watches him work. The veil is beginning to lift now that he can't do anything to help, and he tries to keep it in place so that he can keep functioning. 

They get a collar on Mini and then carefully shift her onto a stretcher after checking her over same as Tim did. When they lift it to carry her off the beach and towards the waiting ambulance, Tim follows them closely. 

His heart jumps in relief when he sees her slowly opening her eyes, and he's immediately by her side and holds her hand. "Mini? Can you hear me?"

She blinks, but doesn't speak. Tim has to let go of her hand when the two paramedics load her into the ambulance, and he watches them with a worried frown. When she's secured, the younger paramedic slips into the driver's seat, and Tim makes to get into the back of the vehicle to ride along.

The older paramedic puts a hand up to stop him before he's inside. "Are you a family member?" 

Tim hesitates, grits his teeth and then he says, "Not on paper. I'm her father's partner."

"I'm really sorry, sir, but I'm only allowed to let family members or legal guardians ride with a minor." The paramedics replies and Tim feels all blood drain from his face. The man must have seen his expression, because he continues after a moment of consideration. "Follow us in your car. We'll bring her to the Tri-City Medical Center."

Tim wants to argue, but he doesn't want to make Mini suffer any longer because of it, so he just nods, even if he grits his teeth hard enough that his jaw hurts. He knows that the guy is just sticking to the rules, he's doing his job. He can't fault him for that, and the most important thing right now is to get Mini the care she needs. 

"I'm right behind you, peanut." Tim says loud enough that Mini can hear him. "I'm following in the car. You may not be able to see me, but I'm with you the entire time, okay?"

The fact alone that she's not responding unsettles Tim deeply. He seriously hopes that she's too out of it to be triggered into an abandonment issue episode by being alone in the ambulance, scared and in pain. For now it seems so, because she's not struggling and seems barely awake. 

The second the doors of the ambulance close, Tim is sprinting down the street to the parking lot, and he forces himself not to break every traffic law there is on his way to the Tri-City Medical Center. He calls Ray but only gets his voice mail, so he leaves a short message that sounds clinical even to him because he involuntarily falls back on radio protocols. 

Tim's stomach is churning. The fact that he wasn't allowed to ride in the ambulance with Mini really drives home the point that officially, he has no connection to Mini whatsoever. He's nothing, he has no more rights than a total stranger. On top of his worry for her, he's now dreading the situation he'll find himself in at the hospital. They have every legal right on their side to refuse him access to her or to give him any information as long as Ray isn't there to give his permission. 

Before he can drive himself completely crazy, he's at the hospital, looking for a spot to park, and then he's running across the lot towards the entrance to the ER. He takes it in at one glance like he's trained to do and then heads to the reception. There's a middle-aged nurse manning the counter, and she looks up when he stands in front of her.

"I'm here for Lakmini Person, six years old, just brought in with a possible concussion after falling off a swing."

"Are you a family member, sir?" The lady at the reception asks and Tim begins to hate that question with a passion. He even more hates that he can't simply say 'yes'. He's tempted, but he knows it will be checked because Mini is a minor, and it would have serious consequences if he lied.

"Not on paper." He says again and feels the words like pricks to his heart - and his composure.

The nurse furrows her brow in confusion. "I don't understand."

"Only my partner is her legal parent." Tim explains and tries to be calm and rational. It never pays to be on the bad side of the nurses. 

"Are you married so that you qualify as a next of kin?" The nurse asks kindly, obviously trying to help.

"No." Tim grits out, his fists clenched by his sides to relieve his anger at the situation, at his utter and complete helplessness at his lack of rights. He knows it's not her fault. "But I'm her father, too. I've raised her since she was three years old." 

"That may very well be, sir, but if you're not a family member, I'm not allowed to tell you anything until a legal guardian gives us permission. I'm really sorry." She replies with a sympathetic expression on her face.

That's the moment when the curtain around a bed across the room is pulled back by an old doctor and reveals Mini, now without the collar, stretched out on the white sheets. There's still blood on her temple and in her hair, and there's fear in her eyes. She's silently crying, Tim can see the tear tracks on her cheeks. He straightens instinctively, turns towards her and begins walking. He's stopped by the middle-aged nurse who hurries out from behind the counter and stands in his way.

"Sir, I'm really sorry, but I can't let you through." She repeats. "Not until a parent or-"

That's when Mini spots him and immediately starts screaming, trying to get to him. It takes two nurses to keep her on the bed. "Dad! DAD! DAAAD!"

"I _am_ her parent!" Tim snarls, ready to just shoulder past her. "Now let me through to my daughter!"

"I can't do tha-"

"DAAAD!" Mini is crying so loudly that she cuts off the nurse mid sentence, and Tim feels so desperate and so helpless and at the same time so furious at his helplessness that it makes him consider using physical force to get to her.

"For fuck's sake, let me through to my daughter!" He growls at the nurse, who looks like she really wants to let him through but knows that she's not permitted and could lose her job over this. Tim knows it's not her fault, he does, but his head is not in the lead right now. There's something so primal guiding him that it overrides almost all his higher brain functions.

"I'm really sorry, sir, but she's a minor and you are not officially a family member, so I'm not allowed to-"

"DAAAAD!" Mini's screams are taking on a pitch that he's only too familiar with. It's how she sounds right before she goes into a fully fledged attack when her abandonment issues are triggered. It makes Tim forget all caution and he simply shoves the nurse aside and then he's by the bed and wraps his arms around his girl. Mini immediately clings to him, her arms holding on with such force that she's almost strangling him, but he just keeps stroking her hair and back and whispers to her.

"I'm here, peanut, you're safe. I'm not leaving you." Tim kisses her hair, careful to avoid upsetting the laceration on her temple, and passes his hands over her back in the long, soothing strokes that the psychiatrist taught them. Mini is shaking violently in his arms and he wishes he could do something to make it better, but he's familiar enough with this situation to know that he can only hold on and help her ride it out. He switches to Sinhala and keeps telling her that he won't leave her and that she's safe, and he hopes that the words get through to her.

Out of the corner of his eye Tim sees two security guards approach, probably alerted by the commotion and the screams, and he has to force himself not to react to them in the way his lizard brain urges him to. He hopes that they have enough common sense not to try and separate him from his daughter. He knows he can and most definitely _will_ take them out swiftly if they do. 

The old doctor who was treating Mini holds out his hand and stops the security guys before they even reach the curtain around the bed. "Don't get any closer!" 

Tim looks at them through narrowed eyes over Mini's head while he keeps soothing her, and he can see that they're considering to get him anyway. He's already assessing which of their weaknesses he'll go for. There are so many to choose from that it's almost sad. 

"Trust me, _do not get any closer_." The doctor repeats firmly to the guards and leaves no doubt that he is deadly serious. "Leave them be. You'll only make it worse. I've got it."

The two guys look from the old doctor to Tim and back, then they give in, but it's obviously reluctantly. Tim wonders if they are aware that the doc just saved them from a whole lot of pain and possibly a broken bone or two. 

"Take your time." The old doc says to Tim in a quiet voice when the security guys retreat. Tim looks at him and can't help noticing how he makes it a point to stay well out of reach of Tim, his posture and gestures open and non-threatening. "Calm her down, then we'll sort the injury on her temple." 

Tim nods slowly and watches how the doc pulls the curtains around the bed again to shield them from the curious gazes of the other people in the ER. He keeps comforting Mini until she stops shaking and her crying reduces to sniffles against Tim's neck. His t-shirt is wet where her face is pressed against him, but the only thing that matters to him is that she's slowly relaxing in his arms and her grip is loosening as the tension leaves her small but surprisingly strong body. 

"Hey peanut, you think the nice doc can have a look at your head now?" Tim asks her quietly when he feels that she might be ready to let go of him.

Mini nods hesitantly against his shoulder, then she pulls back a little bit. Her face is still puffy and red and the tear tracks on her cheeks are still wet. The blood on her temple makes Tim almost physically sick, something he's never experienced when he's seen blood, and he forces himself to concentrate on the task at hand instead. He cups her cheeks and wipes the tear tracks away with his thumbs, smiling at her and making sure to look her in the eye when he says, "I'm right here, okay? I'm not leaving you, I'm just going to get the doc and give him enough space to have a look at you, okay?"

Mini hesitates visibly, then she nods again. She remains sitting on the bed while Tim gets up to peek out of the curtain to look for the old doc. He spots him two beds down, catches his gaze and gives a quick nod that the doc returns. A few minutes later he comes into the small space separated off by the blue curtain.

"How are you feeling, Lakmini?" The old doc says gently while he steps up to the bed that Mini is sitting on.

"My head hurts." Mini replies quietly, her voice still rough from crying.

The old doc looks her in the eyes and then asks, "Is it okay with you if I have a look at your head?"

She bites her lips and then nods before she looks at Tim, who is standing right next to the bed. "Dad, can you hold my hand?"

Tim smiles at her reassuringly and takes her hand in his. "Of course, peanut."

The doc checks her over quickly and efficiently while distracting her with a story about how he had to get twelve stitches on his right arm when he was her age. He even shows her the long scar that she's staring at in fascination and she completely forgets that she was so distressed just ten minutes ago. Tim watches how the doc cleans and patches up the laceration on her temple that fortunately doesn't need stitches and then suggests that she might lie down for a moment and rest. Mini falls asleep almost immediately, and Tim keeps stroking her hand while she relaxes more and more with every breath she takes. It eases something in his chest to know that she's safe now and he dares to let go of some of the tension in his own body.

When he looks up, the old doc is sitting on the stool with Mini's chart in his hands and is watching him with an appraising look. "Army?"

Tim assesses him carefully before he answers quietly. "Navy. Corpsman."

"Close enough." The doc gives him a smile that is a little weary, and Tim understands that he's not referring to the position itself, but to the experiences attached to it.

"How did you know?" Tim can't help being curious, because the doc doesn't look like he served. Neither his composure nor his posture or his attitude give any hint of it.

"I recognised the look on your face." The doc explains while holding Tim's gaze. "My son's a veteran. Special forces. Lost his leg in Afghanistan."

Tim swallows hard and gives a quick nod of acknowledgement and respect. That certainly explains a lot. 

"Thank you." Tim says quietly. "For holding them back."

The doc nods slowly, his lips pressed into a thin line. "I could tell it would have ended badly."

Tim breathes in deeply before he admits. "Yeah. Thanks again."

He looks down at Mini, who is curled up on her right side and sleeping deeply, her small hand still in Tim's big one. She looks exhausted but also relaxed, which eases his worry a little bit.

"So, you want to tell me how it comes that you're quite obviously little Lakmini's father, but aren't a family member on paper?" The old doctor - Doc Peters according to his name tag - asks Tim in a low voice. He's clearly trying to not disturb Mini or be overheard by those outside of the curtain. "You know that I have to ask because officially I'm not even allowed to tell you anything about her condition - a moot point by now, but I will have to explain the situation. I'd like to prevent it from having any legal consequences."

The way the doc phrases his question shows Tim how he assessed the situation and somehow that puts Tim at ease. He feels that he's not threatened here, there's no judgement and no prejudice, and he's well aware what kind of legal consequences the doc is referring to. The episode was public enough that there will definitely be questions, maybe even an investigation. Tim is just as interested as the doc to avoid that.

"I've raised her since she was three. My partner is her official adoptive parent, I wasn't allowed by the adoption rules of the country because we're a same-sex couple." Tim begins to explain. "Mini's from Sri Lanka. Tsunami survivor. Lost her entire family. We were there as part of a MSF rescue and relief mission, found her in the ruins. Long story short, we served as the headmasters of a local orphanage for three years, Mini was one of our kids. My partner managed to adopt her in early 2007, and we've been back in the US since late March of this year."

Doc Peters listens attentively and then nods. "That does explain a great deal. She did directly experience the tsunami, didn't she?"

Tim nods gravely and keeps his voice extra quiet when he answers. "She was buried alive in the debris for five days, as far as we can tell. She was three at the time. It was my partner who found her. She became very attached to him and me after that."

The doc nods pensively. "Abandonment issues?"

"Yeah. Quite serious ones when triggered, as you have seen." Tim confirms. "She's in therapy for it since we came to the US. It's a work in progress."

"It would be." The old doc acknowledges quietly. "That is not something you can leave behind in three sessions."

"No, it isn't." Tim agrees. "But we haven't had an episode this bad in a long time."

"There were special aggravating circumstances today, from what I've heard." Doc Peters remarks. "Getting hurt and then being separated from her father when she needed the close contact and comfort most was not a good combination. Where is your partner at the moment?"

"He's at work. I left him a message on my way to the hospital when I couldn't reach him." Tim passes his thumb over the back of Mini's hand in a soothing caress. "He'll be on his way here as soon as he gets it."

"It would make the situation easier if he was here as the legal parent. I know it's painful to hear that, but we will need his permission for you to be here." The doc gives him a reassuring smile. "I think a retroactive permission will do. I will explain the situation to management, best with both of you present."

"Thanks, Doc." Tim says in genuine gratitude. He's well aware that this day could have taken an entirely different turn. If the doc hadn't stopped the security guards and Tim had attacked them, had injured them, he would be in custody right now, facing criminal charges, and Mini would be all alone, still caught in her panic. He owes the doc, and he knows it. 

Doc Peters gives him a friendly nod. "You're welcome, Mr...?"

Tim offers his free hand. "Bryan. Tim Bryan."

The doc accepts it and they shake hands. "My name is Steven Peters, but I assume you have noticed my name tag already."

Tim smirks, acknowledging the attempt at easing the serious atmosphere. "I have, yes."

"What is your partner's name, Mr Bryan? I'd like to inform reception so that they bring him here when he arrives. I'll join you then as soon as I can so that we can discuss the situation at hand."

"His name is Ray Person." Tim replies and watches the doc make a note on the chart. 

"Well then, Mr Bryan, the only thing you can do right now is be by your daughter's side and wait for your partner to get here. And we'll see each other again later." The doc gets up from the stool by the bed and gives Tim another nod before he disappears through the small gap in the curtains. 

Tim turns to look at Mini again, who is still sleeping, a white adhesive bandage on her temple and her hand still holding onto Tim's as if she's afraid he'll leave her. He reaches out with his other hand and slowly strokes back a loose strand of her hair, then his fingertips slide to the pulse point at her neck and he unconsciously checks it, finding it strong and steady and regular. He takes a deep breath and lets his hand fall away.

He's a medical professional, he _knows_ she's fine, but the queasy sensation in his stomach is still there. He never experienced it with any of his patients, no matter how gravely injured they were, so he attributes it to the fact that it's his own kid that is hurt, not the severity of the wound. He reminds himself that there was no serious damage, nothing worse than what most kids experience at least once in their life. He himself certainly collected injuries like trophies as a kid, and only now does he begin to understand what his mom must have felt like when he'd ended up in the school infirmary or even the ER for the umpteenth time. He wonders if it gets easier with time or if it's one of those things you never get used to. 

Tim rests his head in his free hand and takes a deep breath, then he massages the bridge of his nose and tries to ease the tension that still resides in his body. He can't remember ever feeling that powerless in his entire life as he did today when he wasn't allowed to accompany Mini in the ambulance or to see her in the ER. He knows that everybody just did their jobs, nobody was trying to be cruel, but that doesn't change how it made him feel. He doesn't see a solution to this situation, though, so he'll just have to learn to deal with it. 

He's not looking forward to that. Because Mini is a kid, and a very active kid at that, this will not be the last time she gets hurt. And as long as Ray is not along to give his permission, Tim will always be forbidden to be there for her in the way a father is supposed to be. And he has no words to ever make her understand, he _doesn't want_ her to understand because she _shouldn't_. She is a child, she should be able to trust in him completely and unthinkingly. She shouldn't know that there are things in this world that have the power to keep him from being there for her.

Suddenly the curtain is pulled back and Tim looks up to see Ray's face, the panic plain in his eyes. His gaze is immediately drawn to Mini, taking her in - the bandage on her temple, the dried tear track on her cheeks, the hand holding onto Tim's, the fact that she's asleep. Next his eyes flicker to Tim and check him over the same way, and Tim wonders what he's seeing. The visual inspection of them both only takes a second or two, then he steps into the curtained-off area and comes over to where Tim is standing, touching his hand to Tim's cheek before he turns towards Mini and bends down over her.

"How is she?" He asks quietly while very gently caressing her cheek and hair. He touches his lips to her forehead in a feather-light kiss before he straightens again and turns back to Tim.

"She's okay. Mild concussion and a small laceration on her temple, otherwise she's fine." Tim explains equally quietly and tries to keep his voice even, tries to rein in the rising feeling of helplessness when he remembers what happened. "But she had a major attack when I wasn't allowed to accompany her in the ambulance and then they wouldn't let me get to her in the ER despite the fact that she could see me and was screaming for me."

"Why the heck weren't you allowed-" Ray begins with a frown and then suddenly stops dead as if he just understood. There's horror on his face, followed by anger and then the same helplessness that Tim feels. "Oh god... Tim, I... I'm so sorry..."

Tim looks at him for a second, and knowing that Ray _gets it_ breaks something in Tim, tears down that last wall that kept him separated from the day's events, that allowed him to keep functioning. He feels like he's suddenly overwhelmed by the fear for Mini, by the helplessness, by the despair. The veil is entirely gone.

"Just... Can you..." Tim swallows hard. "Can you hold me for a moment?" Tim feels the words like shards in his throat, but he really needs Ray's arms around him right now, he needs his strength to hold him together. Without a second of hesitation Ray is there, pressing against him from head to toe and wrapping his arms around Tim's back, solid and strong and reliable and just _there_. Tim closes his arms around Ray's waist and pulls him in tight before he lets his forehead come to rest on Ray's shoulder. He swallows hard and squeezes his eyes shut, then he buries his face in the crook of Ray's neck. His scent fills Tim's nostrils, warm and familiar and safe, and Tim dares to relax his tense muscles a bit.

"I'm so sorry, Tim." Ray whispers in his ear, his voice raw and genuinely horrified. He has probably imagined what he would have felt like had it been him in Tim's stead, knowing his girl hurt and not being allowed to get to her, to comfort her, to make her feel safe. Watching her have an attack from a distance, hearing her scream in that panicked tone of voice and being _forbidden_ to do anything to make it better. Yeah, Tim can tell that he gets it. 

"Not your fault." Tim mumbles back, hiding his face a little more against Ray's neck and allowing himself a moment of weakness in his arms. 

He knows Ray will keep him safe as long as it takes for Tim to get back on his feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think, my dear readers? This was really painful and emotionally draining to write, so I'd really love to hear what you think about it. Leave me a wee word? *puppy dog eyes*


	47. Mentor - (Walt & Ray, Walt & Mini, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Walt helps Tim and Ray out and gets Mini from school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the fluff you deserve after that last chapter of pain. Finally Walt appears on the scene and gets his well-deserved Mini-time :D
> 
> My dear **Veronibell** and **Corinneftw** , I hope this Walt chapter makes you happy :D

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)

Walt is standing right outside the gate of South Oceanside Elementary School at thirteen hundred sharp on Wednesday, June 4th, smack in the middle of a whole throng of moms, nannies and the occasional dad. They're all waiting for thirteen oh five when the kids will be released for the day to flood out of the gates, only to be plucked up by their respective responsible adult. 

Walt is here to pick up Mini, and it's not the first time he does it. He's officially registered at the school as an adult permitted to fetch Mini, same as Brad. Doc is scheduled in for a twenty-four hour shift that he couldn't switch with anybody, and Ray has to work til seventeen hundred, so they asked if Walt would mind picking Mini up this Wednesday. The problem is that on Wednesdays school finishes at thirteen oh five instead of the usual fifteen thirty-five, so there are a few hours they need to get covered. 

Of course Walt agreed to it immediately. While he's generally pretty busy, he has some control over his schedule, and spending the odd Wednesday afternoon with Mini has become one of his favourite activities. He's currently freelancing as a civilian instructor for the 1st Marine Expeditionary Force, meaning that he trains special ops teams in subjects such as urban recon and surveillance, and then he's teaching an urban sniper course. He's also serving as an instructor and a consultant for the DoD, so overall it's going well for him since he left the Corps in 2006. 

Walt looks at his watch; two more minutes. He's glad it's not much longer than that, because he feels like he's in the middle of a pit full of ravenous wolves. Just that in this case they're all female, of various ages, more or less groomed and all very much eyeing him like a piece of very tasty meat. Seriously, he does _not_ know how to deal with this. Give him a group of Iraqi Republican guards any time, or maybe a hoard of vengeful Taliban armed to the teeth, he can deal with that. But this? It's scary, if for the simple reason that killing those women - or even just injuring them - will not be recognised as an act of self-defence. And he can _feel_ that they're circling him with less than pure motives. Why don't they do that to the other few guys standing here? 

There's a blonde woman who'd be cute under different circumstances, but who he can tell is about to launch an attack on him, probably something seemingly innocent like asking who he's waiting for to then try bonding over being a single parent and inviting him to coffee and a play date for their young ones. It also wouldn't be the first time that happened, and Walt finds it painfully awkward, he just wants Mini to come and save him already. 

Just when the woman gets ready to pounce, the bell rings and only half a minute later the first kids come out of the building towards the gates. Walt makes use of the distraction to bring some distance between him and the woman, just in case that the kids are not enough to deter her. She looks disappointed, but then she's claimed by a young boy and Walt breathes a little easier. There are still several other potential threats, but he knows it won't be long now before Mini gets to him and then they can leave this snake pit behind them.

Walt looks over the ever-growing hoard of children, trying to spot Mini's familiar black hair, most likely in some fancy braid with something green or orange sticking in it. He sorts the kids by shirt colour first, because he'll eat his hat if Mini isn't wearing something green. He has no idea what it is about the colour that makes Mini love it so much, but it's certainly her go-to at the moment. He's sure there'll be other colours afterwards, he just hopes pink never makes the selection. It's just such an eye cancer inducing colour in Walt's opinion. And if she falls for it at some point, he can still hope she'll outgrow it again.

Ah, there she is, and of course she's wearing a light green t-shirt and her neon green chucks that she's so proud of. She's coming out of the building together with an African-American girl, an Asian girl and a white girl. Walt has seen them before, they're her new friends Kareesha, Amber and Maggie. Mini has told him a lot about them and to him she seems happy in her new group of friends. When Mini spots him, she waves her entire arm, as if he'd overlook her otherwise. He waves back with a huge smile and then watches her say goodbye to her friends.

"Uncle Walt!" Mini shouts over the general chaos when she runs towards him. She crashes into him the way she always does and that he has seen her do with Ray, Doc and Brad as well. It seems to be a thing with her, crashing at full speed into their legs and trusting them to catch her before she's thrown back by her own momentum. Seems that never went wrong so far, and Walt has learned early on to be ready for it. He never ever wants to be the one who lets her fall.

"Hi Mini Mouse." Walt greets her with a huge smile and bends down to return her hug. He has heard Brad call her that and he thinks it suits her so well that he has taken to using the nickname as well. "How was school?"

"We learned about whales today!" Mini makes the ubiquitous gesture for 'pick me up' by raising her arms to him and he indulges her and lifts her in his arms. She's still remarkable light, but she's also a pretty small kid. Walt can easily hold her with one arm so that he has the other free to carry her small and - naturally - neon green backpack. When she's at eye level with him, he can see the little scar on her left temple, nicely healed but still noticeable. He remembers Ray telling him that she fell off the swing about almost three weeks ago. Mini keeps on telling him about all the things she learned about whales in class, and out of the corner of his eye Walt sees how the blonde woman eyes him with regret when he walks off. He's just glad to be out of her reach.

"So, what do you want to do today?" Walt asks Mini when he's walking along the sidewalk. He has a key to Ray's and Doc's apartment to spend the day there whenever he has Mini. But that's not the general direction he's walking in - he knows what to expect, after all. 

"The beach!" Mini replies immediately, just like Walt expected she would. Mini loves the beach and the ocean, which never ceases to surprise Walt given that she has survived a tsunami. Maybe she really was too young to keep active memories that would scare her off water. He's glad about it, because her love for the ocean is a beautiful thing. 

"All right, Mini Mouse, the beach it is." Walt grins at her and lets his feet take them towards the shore. It's a little less than a klick from the school, and he considers it good training to carry her there. She weighs less than a full pack, after all, and he loves spoiling her. Mini tells him about her day at school and how Kareesha drew a beautiful butterfly in art class and that Maggie really liked Mini's braids today and that Amber had four small smoothies with her that her mom made for the four of them and that tasted awesome. Walt smiles and keeps her engaged, which isn't difficult at all because Mini has many thoughts on many things and loves talking to somebody who takes her seriously. 

When they get to the beach, they buy a soft ice cream for each of them like they always do at the beach, and then Mini and Walt take their shoes off and walk barefoot through the warm sand while licking their ice cream. Mini introduced Walt to that tradition, and she said it's something she learned from her Daddy and her Dad. Walt still finds it cute when she calls Ray and Doc that. 

When Walt had seen Ray again for the first time in over three years, he'd barely believed that he was the same person. Not just physically, mind you - not that the beard and the long hair wasn't a bit of a surprise - but especially mentally. He's still Ray, that's for sure, the big mouth and the lightning fast brain haven't changed, but he's somehow... more at peace. He radiates such contentment paired with a relaxed confidence in who he is that it made Walt rethink a few of his earlier assessments of Ray. Like his slight unease when he'd first heard that Ray had adopted a kid. That Doc would be great as a father Walt never doubted, he's a natural with kids, after all. But Ray as Walt knew him most of the time was quite a long way from what Walt would have considered father-material. He just wasn't ready, Walt would have said back then. He'd always known Ray is caring and competent, but seeing it both so openly in combination when he's around Mini is a thing of stunning beauty. He is such a great dad, so natural with his little girl, and so obviously smitten with her. Walt is happy to admit that he was wrong - Ray was ready, he just needed the right kid. 

When their ice cream is gone, Mini wants to sit in the sand and watch the surfers. She likes them a lot, and she tells Walt how it feels to fly over the water as if she actually knows what it's like. She sure has plenty of imagination, and Walt finds himself chipping in with an idea here or there that she picks up on to integrate into her story. Walt has heard that Ray used to tell the kids at the orphanage a story every night, and he thinks he might have rubbed off on Mini with that talent.

"That looks like so much fun." Mini says with awe in her voice when one of the surfers catches a wave right in front of them and smoothly glides along.

"Do you know that Brad goes surfing, too?" Walt asks her with a raised eyebrow.

"Uncle Brad can do _that_?" Mini stares at him in surprise and points at one of the surfers who is just very skilfully taking a wave.

Walt nods in confirmation. "He sure can. He's pretty good at it. I've seen him do it myself."

"Wow." Mini's mouth stays open in admiration, and Walt has to fight to keep from laughing at her cute face.

"Why don't you ask him, he might teach you." He suggests with a gentle bump of his shoulder against hers.

"Do you think?" Mini's eyes are round as saucers, and Walt can see the hope in there.

"Sure." Walt agrees easily because he knows that Brad can't refuse her anything. She has him totally wrapped around her little finger. So much for the Iceman being unmovable. "He might even let you ride with him on his board until you're good enough to do it yourself."

"That would be _so cool_." Mini breathes.

Walt eyes her appraisingly. "How good a swimmer are you?"

"Okay, I guess." She shrugs. "I didn't go swimming all that often, but I don't sink." 

"Weeeeell." Walt begins, then he purses his lips and eyes her speculatively. "Brad will want you to be a very good swimmer before he takes you out on the ocean with him. Do you want to learn it?"

"Yes!" Mini beams.

"I can teach you in the local pool, if you want to."

Mini turns her doe-eyes on him like a weapon. "Yes, yes, yes! Please Uncle Walt!"

"But you have to listen to everything I say." Walt says very seriously and Mini nods eagerly. "I mean it, Mini. No swimming on your own without me there. No jumping off the side where it's forbidden. And if you want to dive, then I'll teach you first, and I'm there when you do it."

"Okay!"

Walt holds out his hand, fingers curled in with just the pinky sticking up. "You have to pinky promise."

Mini looks at his hand in confusion. "What is a pinky promise?"

Walt makes sure to look very serious and grave. "It's an unbreakable promise that you confirm by locking your pinky with the person you give the promise to. _Un-brea-ka-ble_. So you don't give pinky promises easily."

Mini nods solemnly, her eyes wide and awed. Then she raises her hand, imitates Walt's gesture and links her pinky through Walt's. 

"Do you pinky promise?" Walt asks with great ceremony.

Mini nods again, no less serious than before. "I pinky promise."

Walt curls his pinky around hers and gently shakes their hands up and down before he lets go. "All right, the promise is sealed. Then let's get to the pool. We still have a few hours before your Daddy gets off work." 

"Yay!" Mini shout and jumps up from the sand.

Walt follows a little slower. "Do you have a bathing suit at home that we can get?"

Mini nods eagerly. "My Daddy bought me one. It's green!"

Walt smirks. "Of course it is."

They walk back to the apartment, and Walt has to tell Mini everything he will teach her at the pool. She wants a more precise plan than Walt even prepares for his courses with the spec ops, and Walt muses that if he ever runs out of contracts, he can still teach swimming lessons for kids after this. He'll definitely have a very detailed plan of progress ready.

At the apartment Walt packs a bag with the necessary gear to go swimming and then he raids the wardrobe to borrow a pair of swim trunks. He has no idea whether the black boardshorts are Ray's or Doc's, but since they're a bit on the tight side, he assumes they're Ray's. Half an hour later they're at the pool and Walt gives Mini her first official swimming lesson. She was right in so far as that she doesn't sink, but she looks like a drowning dog trying to stay afloat when she's swimming. Walt catches the pool attendant giving her a concerned look, but Walt waves at him with a smile and lets him know he's with her and teaching her.

Mini proves to be an eager student. She does indeed listen to everything Walt says and tries to apply it to her swimming. She's quite the natural in water and absolutely not afraid of it, which makes Walt's job a lot easier. He assures her that with regular training, Brad will let her go out on the ocean with him _for sure_. He might need to talk to Brad about that at some point, he assumes, before Mini springs that on him and Walt will seem like the evil instigator he actually is. Mini makes him promise that they'll go swimming again the next time, and of course Walt agrees. When he thinks they've done enough work for today they check out the water slides and the whirl pool and he plays with her in the kids pool until he notices that she's getting tired. 

When they're showered and dressed and ready to leave, it's already sixteen forty-five, and Walt gets an idea. He glances down at Mini and smirks. "So, what do you think, Mini Mouse, should we go get your Daddy from work?"

"Yeeeees!" Mini replies immediately, greatly excited at the very idea of seeing Ray. The exhaustion from the hours spent in the pool seems temporarily forgotten. Walt shoulders their bag and takes Mini's hand and then they walk from the pool to the electronics shop. It's not far, so they get there with a few minutes to spare before Ray's shift is over. Walt pushes the door open and lets Mini in before him. She spots Ray immediately, which is not difficult because he's serving a customer straight down the aisle from the entrance.

"Daddy!" Mini pipes happily and immediately starts running towards him. Ray looks at her instinctively and Walt notices how he automatically widens his stance to brace for her impact, which is a good thing because she crashes into him a second later, completely ignoring the old man Ray was just serving. Walt throws Ray an apologetic look, because this was maybe not his best idea. At least not while Ray's still on the clock.

"Bambi! What are you doing here?" Ray asks in surprise and glances from her to the customer with an apologetic expression on his face while he's wrapping one arm around Mini, who is currently hugging him around the waist. "I'm so sorry, sir. My daughter is obviously executing a sneak attack on me."

"No worries, son. Nothing more important than family." The old man smiles good-naturedly, and Walt can't help noticing that he's definitely Australian with that accent. 

"Daddy, Uncle Walt took me to the pool and taught me how to swim!" Mini informs him with a huge smile, still holding on to Ray's waist. Walt walks over to them, he can see that Ray was in the middle of either a sale or a reclamation, and he doesn't want to cause him any trouble.

"Mini Mouse, why don't you come to me for a few minutes and let your Daddy talk to the nice man?" Walt says when he reaches them, and Mini looks from him to Ray and then to the old man, who is smiling at her fondly.

"Oh no, mate, I don't mind the company of such a lovely young missy." The old man says with a chuckle. Mini beams up at him and Ray sighs in defeat and gets back to talking business with the customer. Walt steps away and leaves them to conclude their deal in as much privacy as possible with a little kid attached to one of them, but the old man seems to genuinely not mind and begins joking with Mini halfway through. When he leaves, he's taking a bag from Ray with what seems to be a quite expensive camera with a big smile on his face, and he says goodbye to Mini as well, who waves after him. 

Ray comes over to Walt with Mini in his arms after she made him pick her up. Walt is still getting used to how natural it looks to see Ray with her, how obviously they are family. He likes the look on Ray, it suits him. 

"All right, that was my last customer for today." Ray says with relief in his voice and pecks a kiss to Mini's cheek. "You can tell me all about what Uncle Walt and you did today when we get home, Bambi." Ray looks at Walt and raises an eyebrow. "I just have to change and sign out, then I'm ready. Can you take her so long?"

"Sure, Ray. We'll keep busy browsing the special offers." Walt replies with a grin and takes Mini from Ray's arms into his own. "So, Mini Mouse, what should we look at first until your Daddy's ready?"

"Cameras!" Mini points with her hand at the great selection of cameras down the aisle and Walt strolls over with her in his arms. She's beginning to get tired, which he's not surprised by given the many hours they spent at the pool. When Ray comes back in his street clothes, Mini's head is resting on Walt's shoulder and she's not talking much anymore, just quietly enjoying his closeness. Ray gives them a gentle smile when he sees them, and it's a kind of open and unguarded expression that makes Walt realise again that this is not the same man who he served with in Iraq. Well, he is and he isn't. It's hard to define, he thinks, but yeah, Ray has indeed changed a lot in those past few years. But it was a good change, he's better for it now. He's not hiding behind his mask of bullshit anymore, he's not high on Ripped Fuel and he's not taunt with tension. 

"Want to go home?" Ray asks and Mini nods when they leave the store. "I'm by bike, so if you've come by car, we can meet up at the apartment."

Walt just shakes his head and follows Ray to the bike racks a few metres down the street. "We're on foot."

"Wow, you really were very active today, weren't you?" Ray says with wonder in his voice. 

"We were. Beach and swimming lessons." Walt confirms and then looks down at Mini, who is still leaning against him in his arms. "And Mini Mouse here is on the way to becoming a pro swimmer."

That makes her peek up. "I did half of the pool on my own, Daddy!"

"Not bad, Bambi!" Ray says with appropriate admiration and then grins at Walt. "Did your old Uncle Walt even manage to keep up with you?"

Walt snorts and Mini laughs before she claims, "I was faster!"

"I'm sure you were." Ray grins at her. He has undone the lock and is looking from his bike to Walt, who is carrying Mini on one side and their bag with the swimming gear on the other. They can both tell that Mini is too tired to walk the entire four klicks back to the apartment. "You want to ride on my bike, Bambi?"

"Yeeees!" Mini pipes immediately, and Walt is surprised at the energy that suddenly seems to return to her. She's not a dead weight in his arms anymore, instead she's sitting up straight in anticipation. Walt goes to the other side of the bike and Ray holds it steady while Walt lifts Mini onto the saddle. 

"You know how it goes, Bambi." Ray smiles at her while he keeps one hand on the handle and the other behind her back until she's sitting steadily. Then he lets go of her, takes the handles and starts pushing. Walt carefully stays next to her on the other side of the bike, just in case. The bike is quite high for a kid her size, after all. But after just a few metres he can tell it's not the first time Ray and Mini have done this. She seems comfortable and holds herself in a way that speaks of practise and familiarity.

"You're really good at this." Walt remarks after a few minutes.

"Well, we had a bike at the orphanage a lot earlier than we had a car." Ray explains with a shrug, then he chuckles. "So this is how we chauffeured our kids around when necessary. Or on the rack or the crossbar, depending on the age and the number of kids we had to get from A to B."

That makes sense, Walt has to admit. He never really thought about what life in Sri Lanka must have been like, especially in the aftermath of the tsunami. Of course access to a car must have been difficult after the rescue and relief effort was over and they took their gear back to the States with them. Inspired by the mention of the orphanage, Mini begins to tell Walt about all the trips her Daddy and her Dad took her on on the bike, and then she in turn tells Ray all about that she and Walt did today, and how she'll go surfing with Uncle Brad because she'll become a very good swimmer and then he'll teach her how to ride waves. Ray throws Walt a pointed gaze at the mention of Brad and surfing and Walt knows exactly that he has well understood that Brad is so far totally ignorant of those plans. Walt shrugs with a little smile and mouths 'I'll talk to him' over Mini's head. The answering cocked eyebrow says 'You'd better' as clearly as if Ray had actually pronounced the words.

When they get to the apartment, Ray lifts Mini off the bike before he tells Walt to go up with Mini while he'll bring his bike in the basement. Mini takes off to her room as soon as the door is open to do who knows what, and Walt heads to the bathroom to unpack their swimming bag and hang up their bathing clothes and throw the towels in the laundry. He's just wringing out the trunks he borrowed when he hears Ray behind him by the door.

"Homes, are those _my_ boardshorts?"

"Yep." Walt grins and hangs them in the shower to dry. "Your daughter wanted to go swimming, and my apartment is on the other side of the city. So I raided your closet."

"Panty thief."

Walt just snorts and hangs Mini's violently green bathing suit in the shower as well. When he's done and turns around to leave the bathroom, Ray is leaning in the doorframe with a smirk on his face. "Want to stay for dinner, Mr Panty Thief?"

"Oh yes. I'm starving. Kids make you hungry, that's for sure." Walt replies with a grin. It's true, though, he's always famished after a day with Mini. 

"Come on then, you can help cut the veggies." Ray's grin is definitely evil.

Walt groans as if in pain and then follows Ray to the kitchen. He sets Walt up with a chopping board and a sharp knife and then orders him around, making him peel and cut all kinds of things while he's busy with other parts of dinner. It begins to smell delicious only minutes after Ray puts the ingredients in the wok, which he handles so expertly that Walt wonders when he became such a good cook. They're almost done when Walt hears a key in the door, followed by little feet stomping through the apartment and then Mini's happy squeal of "Tāttā!"

"Hello, peanut." Doc's low voice rumbles over from the hallway, followed by Mini's laughter. A minute later Doc comes into the room, Mini attached to his waist and standing on his feet while he's dragging them over the old but well polished parquet floor.

"Hey Walt." Doc greets him with a nod and a quick smile before his attention is back on keeping Mini steady. When she lets go of him, he comes over to them and peeks over Ray's shoulder into the wok, his hands resting easily on Ray's waist.

"Smells good here." Tim remarks before he kisses Ray on the temple. "Do I have enough time to hit the shower?"

Doc is still wearing his uniform and a dark blue bandana on his head, just like he always did in Iraq, but to Walt he looks _so_ different. Not so much physically, because he hasn't changed his appearance like Ray has, but in the way he seems relaxed and content and not filled with the constant anger and frustration that seemed to fuel him as long as Walt knew him. Walt still has trouble bringing the guarded, grumpy warrior corpsman from the war zone in line with the openly affectionate and content family man he has experienced when spending time with Ray, Doc and Mini. Of course he knows that they all are different on deployments, he has been on enough of them to understand that. But this seems like there's more to it. Whatever it is, it's just as good a change as the one he observed in Ray.

"We're ready in about ten minutes, so yeah." Ray says while he keeps stirring the food, but Walt can see how he's leaning into Doc's touch. He thinks it's mostly unconscious, though, which makes it all the more adorable in Walt's opinion. Ray's like a cat that loves to be petted.

"Great." Doc passes his hands up and down Ray's sides in a little caress before he heads off to the bathroom. He's back only a few minutes later, hair still wet, wearing old jeans and walking around barefoot while he's setting the table for the four of them. Walt can't help noticing that the faded t-shirt he's wearing bears the Marines logo and Ray's last name, and he hides a smile at the realisation that Ray is not the only cat around here that loves to be petted. He never expected to see them being so domestic and openly affectionate with each other considering their backgrounds, but he knows it's a sign of trust that both Ray and especially the Doc are so relaxed and unguarded in his presence. It feels a bit like a distinction to be granted that kind of trust.

Walt is sent to get Mini for dinner when Ray starts serving, and he finds her lying on her stomach in the masses of green and orange pillows on her bed with a book open in front of her, showing a picture of a whale with a calf. While Walt ushers her to the table, she tells him that blue whales can get very old and that they are huge and Walt chuckles when he points out to her that she told him that already after school. Mini corrects him that she was talking about fin whales then, they're smaller than blue whales, and Walt apologises for the misconception. 

When they enter the large living-dining room, Walt spots Ray just pulling back from kissing Doc, who has his arms around Ray's waist and a gentle little smile on his lips. They turn around when they hear Walt and Mini enter the room and Doc pecks a last little kiss to Ray's mouth before they let go of each other and come to the table, both smiling, their movements loose-limbed and relaxed.

Oh yes, Walt thinks with a smile when he sits down at the table, the changes in them are definitely good.


	48. Issues - (Tim/Ray, Tim & Ray & Mini & Tim's Family)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time for Ray and Mini to meet Tim's family. Things escalate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry, this kind of became a monster (in more sense than one XD). It might be triggering for some people, so please be aware that there's some mention of past verbal abuse and there's some homophobia and racism - nothing worse than in the show, though, so you should be good. 
> 
> This was really emotionally draining to write, you'll know why when you got to the end. I would love love _love_ to hear your thoughts on this.
> 
> Now, my dear **Veronibell** , this is the chapter I was hinting at for quite a while now, and I think you'll have a field day analysing it and I can't tell you how curious I am to get to read your thoughts on this monster. I've been looking (nervously) forward to it for almost two weeks now, because that's how long I've had this fic finished ^^

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Marley is waiting for them at the airport when Tim, Ray and Mini arrive in mid June for a one week visit. Brianna wanted to come too and made quite a scene when Marley told her that there's no way she's skipping the last day of school before summer break to come to the airport. She can pester her Uncle Tim tonight when he's at their place. Since the holidays start a week earlier in California than in Pennsylvania, Mini is already free to go travelling.

Marley first greets Tim with a heartfelt hug, same as she always does. Then she turns to Ray, who is standing slightly behind him with their bags next to him on the floor. Tim can tell that Marley is taking Ray in without being obvious about it. He wonders what she sees. 

To Tim, Ray is beautiful and hot and attractive in a way he can't explain. Ray cut his hair short again for the adoption process to make sure that he looks respectable, but ever since they've gained custody of Mini last April, he's begun to let his hair grow out again and he kept the beard. Tim likes him with longer hair because it's full and wavy and so perfect for burying his hands in. It's long enough to fall into Ray's forehead and over his ears by now, and Tim thinks it gives him a very sexy bad boy look, especially in combination with the beard. He's tanned same as Tim is from the many hours they spend outdoors with the kids, and he carries himself with a kind of casual graceful confidence that Tim has seen develop over the past three years. He thinks it's based in Ray feeling more secure in himself and his place in life, and it makes him even more attractive to Tim.

"Hi, Ray. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." Marley says with a genuine smile and pulls Ray into a hug straight away. Tim can tell he's a little surprised by it at first, but then Ray chuckles and returns the gesture. 

"I like you already, Marley." Ray says with a grin when she pulls back. "You really should have taught your brother to greet people the way you do instead of with a frown."

Marley laughs and then gives Ray a wink. "We two together might be able to teach him that."

"Deal." Ray offer his hand with his grin growing wider.

"Deal." Marley agrees easily and shakes his hand. Tim can already feel a sense of dread at those two ganging up on him in the future. He'd always suspected that they might get along really well, but he hadn't expected it to be quite that instantaneous. They share the same mischievous streak and the same sense of humour, so he should probably be prepared for the worst.

After greeting Ray, Marley turns to look at Mini, who is standing next to Tim and holding onto his hand. Marley gives Mini a huge smile when she kneels down in front of her. "Hello Mini. I'm Marley. I'm your Dad's older sister."

Mini eyes her for only few seconds, then she seems to have made up her mind about Marley and returns her smile with one of her own. Tim watches how she takes a step towards Marley and then reaches out to touch a strand of her hair with an expression of awe on her face. Marley has bright ginger hair that makes her stand out pretty much everywhere and that she was bullied for a lot as a kid. She began flaunting her curls as a teenager in a kind of passive-aggressive 'fuck you' and has let them grow ever since, so she now wears them down to her waist and it makes her stand out even more. 

"You're so pretty." Mini says in the serious awe only children have. She keeps playing with a long strand of Marley's hair for a few seconds, obviously fascinated by its colour, then she looks up and tilts her head like little bird. "Can I call you Auntie Marley?"

Marley laughs her warm, genuine laugh that Tim likes so much. "Of course you can, sweetie."

Tim watches them with a mixture of nervousness and tension in his gut. He never expected Marley to have any issues with Mini, but he wasn't sure how Mini would react. They're in the States for three months by now, but this is all still new to her, the strange looking people, the different houses, the different language, even the temperature and the landscape. And now there come more and more new people into her life and want her to like them, and Tim hopes that it doesn't get too much at some point. So far Mini has dealt well with it all. She's never been particularly shy and she has a curious personality, which has so far made things easier for all of them.

The tension in Tim's gut eases with every second that passes. It's obvious that Mini is taking to Marley quickly, especially when she holds Marley's hand when they make their way out of the arrivals hall and keeps telling her about her favourite braiding style that her Dad is so good at and that he could do on Marley, too, her hair is long enough, and it would look like she's wearing a crown of fire. Marley throws Tim a highly amused smirk over Mini's head that tells him in no uncertain terms that she'll actually make him braid her hair.

"I brought Bri's old car seat for Mini." Marley says when they walk towards her old Toyota. "I thought that it's safer if she doesn't go without one."

Tim gives her a grateful smile. He's touched and oddly reassured by how thoughtful she is, it shows that she really cares about Mini and accepts her into her family. "You're the best, Marls."

"I know, Timmy." Marley replies with a smug grin and Tim knows right away that Ray catches on to the nickname she used for him when he stops dead in his tracks and stares at them.

"Oh my gosh, you call him _'Timmy'_?" Ray blurts and then grins widely. "That is _so_ cute. I have to try that."

"Don't you dare." Tim growls at him, but he's fairly sure that he can't scare Ray into anything anymore. He lost that skill somewhere in Iraq.

"Oh, I will _so_ dare, _Timmy_." Ray retorts immediately and jumps out of the way with a chuckle when Tim tries to slap him upside the back of the head. Mini laughs at their antics and Marley is watching them with a smirk before she cuts in. "Kids, get in the car."

Tim throws her a glare but she just laughs and orders him to get into the back with Mini because she wants Ray to ride shotgun so that she can bug him with question. Ray seems to have no issues with that arrangement and spends the drive from Philadelphia to Warminster regaling her with fun and embarrassing stories about their life together and Tim in particular. Tim can tell that Marley truly enjoys learning all those little things about his life and that she genuine likes Ray. So far the visit is going well, he decides.

Marley brings them to the little hotel they've booked not too far from her house. Tim wanted to be in a walking distance so that they can easily see each other during their stay. Sadly Marley has just one spare room, which is too small for three people, but she offered her couch as an additional sleeping space. Tim refused because he didn't want to overwhelm Mini with all of it. He thinks it's good if they have their own space only for the three of them where she can let go and feel safe. Where she can fall back into Sinhala when she wants to without feeling like she's being rude. 

They agree to meet up at Marley's place in an hour so that Tim, Ray and Mini can settle in and Brianna has time to get home from school in time to meet them. It's Friday, and the last day of the school year on top of that, so she won't have to do any homework, which Marley points out is a good thing because she doubts Bri would have been able to get anything done with her Uncle Tim being there, not to mention a new uncle and a new cousin. 

When they get to their room Mini insists that Tim rebraids her hair because it's messy from the flight and the long journey, and she wants it to be pretty so that she can show Auntie Marley what her fire-hair could look like. Tim just smirks and gives in, much to Ray's amusement. They both know how much Mini loves her braids and how proud she is of them, so neither of them has the heart to tell her no. Mini wants a Dutch crown braid to show to Auntie Marley, and Tim patiently goes to work while Ray unpacks their bags. 

Forty-five minutes later they're outside again and Tim guides them through the quiet streets to Marley's house. It's only a ten minute walk, and Mini curiously eyes the houses and the people they come across, her hand securely in Ray's. He's playing a game with her to come up with funny and insane back-stories for the buildings they walk past, and she's full of the craziest ideas that leave Tim smirking while he's listening to her and Ray. He likes to see them so relaxed, but he himself is a little nervous about how Brianna is going to react to Mini. Of course she knows about the fact that her Uncle Tim has a daughter now, but it's not the same as realising that she won't have him all to herself anymore. Bri and Mini are about six years apart, which could either mean that they have nothing to talk about or that Brianna takes Mini under her wing instead of seeing her as a rival for Tim's attention. Right now he has no idea which one it's going to be.

When they get to Marley's house, Brianna comes running out to jump into Tim's arms the way she always does, and he spins her in the circle that's also part of their routine. Tim knew that was going to happen, which is why he proposed that Ray should be the one holding Mini's hand on the way to Marley's place. Tim is so glad that Brianna still insists on their age-old greeting routine, she's twelve now and he's expecting her to tell him any day now that she's too old for that and that it's not cool. So far she hasn't done that, and he won't jinx it by deviating from their tradition.

"Bri, that's Ray, my partner, and that here is Mini, my daughter." Tim says when he has set her back down on the ground.

"You have fire-hair, too! Like your mom!" Mini blurts before Brianna has any chance to say something. Then Mini just stares at her in awe. "You're soooo pretty!"

Brianna obviously doesn't quite know what to make of that comment and Tim has to fight to keep his smirk from showing at Mini so completely blindsiding Bri by showering her with genuine admiration. Brianna looks at Mini for a moment and then asks curiously, "Who did your hair?"

"My Dad." Mini replies proudly and points at Tim. 

"Wow, Uncle Tim, you've become really good! Can you do my hair, too?" Brianna asks enthusiastically and looks at Tim with huge blue eyes.

"Yes, Dad!" Mini chimes in immediately, obviously all for it. "Pleeeeease?" 

Tim knows he doesn't stand a chance when faced with the combined force of Brianna and Mini looking at him with huge pleading eyes. He sighs in defeat and turns towards Ray and Marley. "If you'll excuse me."

"Sure, Timmy." Marley is so obviously trying to keep from laughing out loud that Tim glares at her. She just chortles and then makes an inviting gesture towards the door. "Have fun, girls."

Tim hears Ray snort behind him before he's dragged up the stairs to Brianna's room. Bri gets all her hair accessories out and spreads them on the bed, then she has Tim list all the different styles he can do, helped by Mini's enthusiastic comments. In the end she has him do a Dutch braid on each side that she then wants pinned into a bun on the back of her head and decorated with various hair pins, which Mini loves to help with. The girls keep chatting the entire time, and at some point Tim gives up on trying to follow their conversation.

When Tim's finally allowed downstairs, the girls have bonded over things Tim has never heard about and he's in desperate need of a strong cup of coffee. He finds Ray and Marley huddled together on the couch with Marley showing him old pictures of Tim in a photo album. Tim just groans and heads to the kitchen for his coffee. He's not sure he's ready to face what's waiting for him in the living room. He's sure Marley makes it a point to show Ray all the embarrassing pictures of him.

Alex arrives shortly after six o'clock when his shift is over. Tim likes him and he's glad to see that his assessment of the man proved right. Alex moved into Marley's house two months after the wedding when Brianna insisted that it was really weird that Alex wasn't living with them. Tim knows that both Alex and Marley held back to not overwhelm Bri, but that proved completely unnecessary. And now, one and a half years after the wedding, Tim can see that they have grown into a strong family unit. 

Since Alex loves to cook, he claimed the honour of making dinner tonight when he heard that Tim and his family would come. He shoos everybody out of the kitchen and begins the preparations shortly after he arrives. Marley gives him a quick kiss before she grabs the coffee pot and three cups and brings them out to the table on the front porch that is bathed in the evening sun. Ray and Tim sit down with her and they talk for a while. Brianna and Mini are in the garden doing who knows what, and Marley decides to have a look at what they're up to when Tim gets up to lean on the banister and look over the quiet street. 

Ever since they arrived in Philadelphia, he can't stop thinking about whether he should arrange for a meeting with his parents and Ray and Mini or not. It's something that he's been thinking about sporadically for a long time now, but suddenly it's not a potential future event anymore that he can go through in his mind without having to actually do it.

Ray comes up to him with a cup of coffee in his hand and joins Tim at the banister. He stands close enough that they're pressed together from hip to shoulder, and Tim is grateful that Ray knows him so well that he can tell that Tim needs him close without him having to ask for it. 

"What's on your mind, Tim?" Ray asks quietly and offers Tim his coffee. 

Tim accepts it and takes a sip. There are M&Ms in there, he can taste that immediately and it makes him smile. Marley had a bag of them waiting for him and Ray in the kitchen. He takes another sip before he hands it back and answers Ray's question. "My parents. I'm not sure I want them to meet you and Mini, but I think they should."

"Don't you want them to meet your daughter?" Ray's question is not malicious, it's just genuinely surprised. Tim thinks of Ray's mother and grandmother and their unwavering love for Ray, their easy acceptance of Tim as the person Ray chose, their gentle but firm support of Ray, and their open, warm welcome of Mini. He remembers how Angela calls Tim 'son' with a gentle but firm ease because she means it. He wishes he could rely on his parents the way Ray can trust in his family, but he knows that Marley is the only one he can really count on.

"I'm not so sure it's a good idea, Josh." Tim sighs deeply. "My family isn't like yours. Especially my father and I... We don't exactly see eye to eye."

Ray nods slowly. "I gathered as much. What does that mean precisely? For this situation?"

"It means that I'm not sure he'll welcome you and Mini with open arms. In fact, I'm pretty sure he won't." Tim frowns. "And I don't want either of you to experience that."

"We can pretend to just be friends if that makes it easier." Ray offers with a shrug.

"No, I won't do that. Ever." Tim says immediately and resolutely. He never lied to his parents about being bisexual ever since he came out in college, even if he made it a point to never talk much about his relationships - male or female. And now that he's not obliged to lie about his relationship with Ray since they're both out of the service and not threatened by DADT anymore, he won't _ever_ pretend that Ray is anything other to him than what he is. Tim wouldn't be able to look himself in the eye if he did. And what kind of example would he set for his kid if he did something as spineless as that, not to mention doing it in front of her? No, he won't do that. "And even if I did ever entertain that notion - which I didn't - it's too late. My mother knows about us since that Christmas of Marley's wedding, so it would be pointless anyway."

"And your father?" Ray enquires and offers Tim his cup again. 

Tim takes it gratefully and strengthens himself with a sip of candy-coffee before he replies. "He's still in denial, I think. He knows I'm bisexual, but he wills it not to be true. He thinks his interpretation of it being just a weird phase was confirmed when I joined the Navy." Tim shakes his head slowly, a gesture of resignation as much as of disapproval. "Our relationship has been strained for a very long time, but it truly crashed and burned the night I came out to him."

Ray shuffles even closer and settles one arm around Tim's lower back. "What happened?"

"In short? We shouted things at each other that can't be forgiven, then I left and we haven't exchanged a friendly word since. I was 20 back then, so it's been a while." Tim leans into Ray's comfortingly solid frame. "I'm his only son. I was supposed to be his pride and joy, I was supposed to bring him recognition and honour by becoming a professional football player, but instead of following his notion of what I should do and what I should be like, I followed mine. He never quite forgave me for going to college instead of turning pro, I think. Not to mention being bisexual."

"He sounds like a total dick." Ray comments drily, and it makes Tim laugh despite himself. It's a pretty accurate assessment of his father, though.

"You're not wrong." Tim replies after a moment. "So, what I'm saying is that meeting my parents could become unpleasant, and I don't want you or Mini around for that. You don't need to see that."

"If you still decide to give it a try, I'm right there with you and I have your back." Ray says firmly. "If things become too unpleasant, I can always get Mini out of there and wait for you. Just say the word."

Tim breathes deeply and closes his eyes for a moment. "I'll think about it."

"No pressure, Tim. We don't have to go meet them. I trust your judgement." Ray leans in and kisses him on the cheek. "I'll go get the girls to help Alex and me with dinner. Why don't you stay here a little longer and just relax?"

"Thanks, Josh." Tim says with a weary smile.

"Always, Tim." Ray replies seriously and gives him another kiss. "Drink that coffee. It'll do you good." 

With those words he disappears around the house to where Brianna and Mini can be heard clearly while they're playing on the swing. As soon as he's out of view, the door opens behind Tim and Marley steps out.

"You heard that, didn't you?" Tim asks with a weary sigh when Marley joins him at the banister.

"Yeah, I did." Marley says gently. "You know Ray's right, don't you? You don't have to meet them."

Tim sighs deeply and stares into the coffee cup. "Yeah, I know."

"If you feel that you have to keep your partner and your kid from somebody who we both know can be quite toxic, than you have every right to do that, Timmy."

"I feel like I'm backing down, like I'm lying if I don't face them." Tim admits after a moment of silence. "Like I'm ashamed of Josh and Mini, and I'm not. I never will be. So I have to do this right."

"I can't imagine Dad reacting too well." Marley remarks quietly. She sounds annoyed and yet resigned. They have both learned a long time ago that there's no changing their father's attitude.

Tim snorts. "Yeah, me neither."

Marley bites her bottom lip in the way she does when she's worried. "And to be frank, I'm not sure how Mom will react."

Tim takes a sip of coffee and just shrugs because he can't tell either. Mom never understood why he had male and female partners, so why would she suddenly welcome Ray? Not to mention that she doesn't really know what Mini means to Tim, although he has a feeling that she picked up on some of it at Christmas '05 when he was visiting. He's sure she overheard him talking to Ray on the phone, at least parts of it. She has also heard him talk about Mini since, he never hid how much his girl means to him. Mom's not stupid, she will have made the right connections and come to a conclusion that's probably quite close to the truth. Still, it's one thing to theoretically know something, and an entirely different thing to actually _see_ it.

"You could go when Dad's not home. Catch Mom alone for starters." Marley ponders. "See how she takes it and then decide where you want to go from there."

Tim lets that sink in for a while. "Sounds like the best thing to do. I certainly don't want Dad to have a go at me while Mini is there to hear it."

"I would skin him alive." Marley growls and Tim doesn't doubt that she means it. "I know he's prejudiced and lacks empathy concerning many things, but even he can't think that it's in any way acceptable to do that in front of a kid."

Tim just snorts again. "He didn't have any problems throwing his verbal barbs at me when I was still a teenager, so I'm not too sure about that."

"True." Marley inclines her head in acknowledgement. "If the shit hits the fan, let me know, Timmy. I'll come to back you up. Or to just get you and whisk you away, whatever you need at the time."

Tim gives her a grateful smile. He knows she means it, she's backed him up many times before, especially against their father. "Thanks, Marls."

Marley gently bumps her shoulder against his. "That's what big sisters do, baby bro."

Tim chuckles at the nickname. She doesn't use it often, but whenever she does, it makes him smile. It's quite ironic by now since Marley is reasonably small and Tim towers over her by a good seven inches. 

"I think I'll give Mom a call. See if she wants to meet without Dad around." Tim decides after a few minutes of comfortable silence.

"Do that." Marley smiles and pushes off the banister. "I'll go in and help the others with dinner."

She disappears inside, and Tim remains on the porch and finishes his coffee before he gets his cell out of his pocket and dials. 

"Hi Mom." He says when she picks up.

"Tim! It's so nice to hear from you." Mom sounds surprised but happy about his call. "How are you?"

"Fine, Mom." Tim replies and then decides to just drop the bomb. "I'm in town. I'd like to meet you - without Dad around."

"Of course, honey." She agrees immediately. "Is there a special occasion?"

Tim wonders if that's the famous mother's instinct at work or if she just guessed. "There's somebody I'd like you to meet."

"May I ask who that is?" His mother enquires carefully, and he can tell that she suspects he's talking about Ray.

Tim takes a deep breath, then he says evenly. "My partner." He pauses and then adds, "And my daughter."

There's a stunned silence coming over the line before Mom gasps in shock. "You have _a daughter_?"

"Yeah." Tim confirms and he makes sure to sound firm. "You've heard about her. Her name is Mini."

"The little girl from your orphanage." Mom says with certainty in her voice. She has connected the dots immediately. "Who was sick when you visited two years ago over the holidays."

"Yeah. We adopted her in April last year." Tim explains and waits for her to say something in reply.

"Why don't you come by the house tomorrow evening for dinner." Mom offers after another moment of silence. "Your father is out meeting his friends in town for bowling and drinks, he won't be back until late that night."

"We'll be there." Tim agrees and feels the dread in his stomach ease a little. She wouldn't have invited them over for dinner if she wasn't willing to try to understand him. She knows that his partner is male, after all, and she knows that Mini is from Sri Lanka. 

"I'm looking forward to seeing the three of you tomorrow, then." Mom says before they hang up and Tim can hear a smile in her voice as if she really means it. Maybe it won't be such a catastrophe, after all, Tim dares to think. 

The next evening, when he stops the car in the driveway of the house that he grew up in, he feels the familiar clenching of his stomach that he always experiences when he's here. He's well aware that it's a trained reaction to the unpleasant memories he associates with this place as well the verbal attacks he's expecting from his father, even now that he's not around. Tim is always on high alert when he's here, it's become a reflex to guard himself when he's around the people who should be his family, to be careful about what he says, and to never show any weakness. He learned that already in his teenage years, and the lesson stuck well even into adulthood. 

While his father was never physically abusive to any of them, he certainly was verbally abusive to Tim and in a smaller measure to Marley. But Tim has a thick skin, he got it quickly, and he has never shied away from attacking his father in return. Already in his mid teenage years he and his father were pretty evenly matched, which he assumes only amplified their issues. By now their relationship is stuck in a deadlock that he's certain they won't ever get out of. If he's entirely honest, he's not sure he ever even wants to forgive his dad for all the things he did and said, for being such a shitty father.

Tim kills the motor of Alex's car that he was able to borrow for the evening because Alex is on a twenty-four hour shift and doesn't need it. Tim glances in the rearview mirror to look at Mini who's sitting in Brianna's old car seat and suddenly he has a bad feeling about this. Maybe he shouldn't bring Ray and Mini here. The only thing that keeps him from turning the car around is that he knows his father won't be there, which is a good thing because Tim can't imagine his reaction being positive to either of them - Ray because he's Tim's _male_ partner, and Mini because of the colour of her skin. He doesn't want them to experience any of the verbal barbs his father is so good at dishing out. He also admits to himself that he doesn't quite trust himself not to react excessively should his dad ever aim for either Ray or Mini. If there's one person on this planet that can make Tim turn violent, it's his dad, and he's well aware of this. Knowing it doesn't make it any easier not to rise to the bait, though.

Tim is pulled out of his musings when he feels a hand coming to rest on his thigh and giving a little reassuring squeeze. Tim glances at Ray and finds him looking at Tim with concerned eyes. _We can turn around right now._ Tim can read the words in his gaze as clearly as if Ray had said them, and he gives a short shake of his head and then gets out of the car. Ray follows his example and comes around the car while Tim gets Mini out of the back seat. When she's standing next to him, holding onto his hand, Tim straightens and presses the car keys in Ray's palm. 

"Just in case." Tim says quietly and Ray nods, understanding immediately. 

Tim looks down when Mini tugs on his hand. "Tāttā? Where are we?"

"This is where I grew up, peanut. My parents live here." Tim explains patiently, trying not to raise any expectations in her because he doesn't know how it'll play out and he doesn't want her disappointed.

"Are we here to visit them?" Mini asks when they walk towards the house, and she's looking around curiously, as if she's trying to imagine what it's like to grow up here. Tim is glad that she can only see the overgrown lawn, the unkempt trees, the old ramshackle shed and the weathered small house instead of his memories.

"Only my mom, peanut. My dad isn't home at the moment." Tim replies just as they reach the porch.

Mom opens the door before they have even reached it, and Tim suspects that she has been waiting by the kitchen window, looking at the driveway to not miss their arrival. He's not sure if that's a sign of dread and nervousness or one of anticipation. She waits for them with a smile that is slightly unsure and she's passing her hands over her jeans as if to wipe her palms, a nervous gesture Tim is familiar with. He stops when they're in front of the door, Mini between him and Ray, as if they're flanking her. Tim only notices what they're both instinctively doing when his mom looks between the three of them. 

"Mom, this is Ray, my partner." Tim says when she opens her mouth to greet them. He wants to set the tone for this conversation and not start it with an awkward stumble on her part because she doesn't know how to behave in this situation.

"It's nice to meet you." She says with a smile that seems a little forced to Tim, but she does offer Ray her hand in greeting.

"Same, Mrs Bryan." Ray shakes her hand and gives her a smile, but Tim can tell that he's guarded.

"And this is Mini, our daughter." Tim continues and looks down at Mini with a smile. She's curiously looking at his mom but she doesn't say anything, as if she can pick up on the tension in the atmosphere.

Tim is positively surprised when his mom kneels down to Mini and smiles at her. "Hello, Mini. I'm pleased to meet you."

"If you're my Dad's mom, are you my grandmother?" Mini asks with the frankness only children are capable of, and she graces his mother with one of her huge smiles.

For a moment Tim can't decide whether he wants to laugh or hit his head against the doorframe. Trust Mini to point out the elephant in the room without even being aware of it. He can see Ray hiding a smirk next to him, and he can tell that his mom is a bit taken by surprise as well. It obviously takes her a few seconds to formulate a reply.

"Yes, I am. The other kids call me 'Grandma'." She finally offers and Tim feels a tinge of hope that things might work out after all. His mom wouldn't offer Mini to call her 'Grandma' if she was uncomfortable with it. 

Tim wonders what she sees when she looks at Mini. He thinks she looks very adorable today in her dark green hoodie and black jeans, and as always her favourite neon green chucks. She had him braid her hair in a single long plait that she wanted pinned into a bun, and he suspects that it was inspired by Brianna's look from yesterday. Mini also insisted on three green butterfly hair pins in her bun, and Tim wonders how much longer her green phase is going to last. 

"It smells really good, Mrs Bryan." Ray remarks after sniffing the air, and Tim knows he's trying to ease the situation back into less hot waters. As always he's spot on with his timing as well as with the content of his comment. 

"I made broccoli chicken casserole, and apple pie for dessert." Mom replies and then smiles at Mini. "And for you, little lady, there are fish sticks and fries."

Mini beams at that. She has already discovered her love for fries, and she certainly likes fish sticks. Tim can't quite explain the feeling in his chest at his mom's words, but he thinks it's probably something like relief mixed with cautious hope and a tad of joy. The fact that his mom made special dinner for Mini means that she not only thought about her well before they arrived and considered her in her planning, but that she actually cares that Mini feels welcome. Tim sees it as a good sign, or at least a step in the right direction.

"Come in." Mom steps aside to let Tim, Ray and Mini inside, and Tim can't help noticing how the scent of food intensifies. It really smells delicious, and he can feel his mouth water. His mother is a good cook, and he's looking forward to dinner. 

Tim hangs his and Mini's jackets on the coat rack by the door before he ushers her into the living room to give Ray the space to hang his jacket, too. He finds the table set in what he know is his mom's good tableware, and he smiles at the sight. Yeah, maybe he was wrong about Mom. Maybe she's trying to understand him. She certainly made the effort to impress, and he thinks it might be a covert sign of respect to him, a way to show him that she's willing to accept his family. 

"Have a seat. Dinner will be ready in a few minutes." His mom gestures at the living room table before she disappears in the kitchen and there's the sound of the oven being opened. Ray makes Mini take a seats at the spot that is clearly set for a child and not an adult, then he joins Tim in sitting down. He's giving Tim a little encouraging smile that says _'It's going well so far'_ , and Tim nods in almost hopeful agreement. He didn't expect it to go so smoothly, and he's not sure if he trusts things. Right now he's willing to give his mom the benefit of the doubt, though. 

Dinner is comfortable in a way Tim didn't expect. While he can tell that Ray remains guarded, he's easily talking to Tim's mom and seems to win her over with his open appreciation of her cooking. Mini is also enthusiastically eating her fries and fish sticks and keeps chatting to Mom in her straightforward way that Tim always finds endearing. He likes the way he can see his mom's smile slowly becoming genuine and losing its unsure and forced edge. Despite himself, Tim find himself beginning to believe that maybe things with his mom might work out, even if they never will with his dad. It would be enough for him.

"So I gather you were in Sri Lanka, too?" Mom asks Ray when they've finished eating.

"Yeah." Ray cleans his plate in a way that shows that he really enjoyed his food before he sets his knife and fork aside. "I was studying for an engineering degree at the time, but when the tsunami hit and Tim was called in, I joined too."

Mom's quiet for a moment, as if she's surprised by something. "You went there because of Tim?"

"Yes, of course." Ray replies easily, as if the option of not doing so never even crossed his mind. "It's not like I would have let him go alone into a disaster area. Seriously, I lived through one of his deployments where I wasn't along for the ride, and I will never do that again. So I signed up full time to the MSF the morning we were called in, and off we went." 

She's watching them attentively, and Tim just waits for the other shoe to drop. He's surprised when instead of a misplaced comment, she enquires, "May I ask how long you have been together now?"

Ray throws Tim a quick glance as if to peg what he can say, then he replies, "A little over five years."

Tim sees her swallow as if she has just realised that he won't get married to a nice woman anytime soon and become 'normal'. He can't help feeling oddly satisfied that she might finally get it - that this is not a phase and not a fling and not about living out what she considers weird sexual urges. Not when he's had the same partner for over five years, not when they went into a disaster area together, not when they have adopted a kid. 

When Tim suddenly hears footsteps on the porch followed only a second later by the door opening, there's an instant feeling of intense dread in the pit of his stomach. There's only one person who this can be, and Tim can tell things are going to get ugly even before he has gotten up from the table to face his father who's just coming into the living room.

His dad stops dead in his tracks and stares at the people gathered in his living room. He clearly didn't expect to meet Tim here, and Tim can't help thinking that he wouldn't have if he had just stayed out like he was supposed to. 

"What the fuck is going on here?" His father frowns and gestures at them and the table with their dinner plates.

"Why are you home already, Alan?" Mom asks in a voice that Tim is very familiar with. It's the one she always uses when she's trying to keep Alan calm and prevent him and Tim from getting into a shouting match.

"There was a fire at the bar. Nothing big, but it's closed for the time being." Dad replies to her without ever looking away from Tim. "Now, why are _you_ here? And who's _that_?"

The way his father almost spits out the words and gestures at Mini and Ray with a dismissive movement of his hand gets Tim 's hackles up and he has to force himself not to rise to the bait. Instead he takes a deep breath and replies, "They're my partner and my daughter, not that it's any of your business."

"It's damn well my business if they're in _my_ house!" Dad shouts in outrage and crosses his arms over his chest.

"Well, _you_ weren't supposed to be here, so no, it's not your business." Tim snarls back. He can feel how he's already losing control, and he hates that his dad can do that to him. He's better than that, he _knows better_ that to stoop to his father's level.

"It _is_ my business because you brought _your fuckbuddy_ here! How dare you to bring your filthy perversion into my house! And as if that's not enough, you bring this brownie here and claim she's _your daughter_? That's the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard! Either you break it off with this fag and his brown brat right now or you're no longer my son!" His father yells and gestures at Ray and Mini.

Tim's first instinct is to plant his fist in his dad's solar plexus, followed by a knee to the nose. It's only the deeply ingrained discipline of years of military training that keeps him from following through with that urge. What he does instead is to move in front of Mini to make sure he's well between her and his father. He doesn't quite manage to contain his snarl, though, and for a second or two he bares his teeth at his father in an unmistakable threat. He's never done that before, but he's also never felt that intense surge of violence direct at a specific person. He can read in his father's eyes that he just realised that he crossed a dangerous line.

"Dad?" Mini's voice is quiet and scared, and Tim instinctively reaches back to touch his hand to her shoulder to keep her behind him as well as to reassure her.

"Come here, Mini." Ray says somewhere behind him, and Tim can hear the careful calm in his voice. It's for Mini's sake, Tim knows that if she wasn't here, Ray would be at Dad's throat right now. And Tim is not sure that he would hold him back. 

"Ray, take Mini back to the hotel, would you?" Tim makes an effort to keep his voice quiet and even to not unsettle Mini even more. His eyes flicker over to where Ray is standing with Mini now safely in his arms. He catches his quick nod, then Ray makes his way towards the front door.

"We'll be waiting for you, Tim." Ray says firmly before he leaves the house and closes the door behind him. For a moment the silence in the room is almost absolute, and Tim listens to the sound of Ray's fading footsteps on the porch. When he can't hear them anymore, he turns towards his father, gives him a hard look and presses out between gritted teeth, "Don't you _ever_ come after my partner or my daughter again, old man. They're more my family than you ever were. And you shouldn't have issued an ultimatum if you're not ready to deal with the outcome, because I will choose them over you every single time."

Tim hears his mother gasp behind him, but he's too far gone to stop now. He feels all those age-old, seething issues press against his chest, and he needs to get them out or he will suffocate. "Your love is conditional, _Dad_ , it always has been. That's why you love Martha, because she's submissive and malleable and has no own head. Marley and me, though, we were never what you wanted. You were never able to just love us as we are, to accept _for who_ we are."

Tim swallows hard, because saying those truths, hearing them out loud, feels worse than he expected. "You only approved of me when I did what you wanted me to, when I behaved as I was supposed to. If that's the only way you'll ever accept me, then I'd rather live without it because it's _toxic_."

There's another gasp behind him, this time followed by his mom's cautious voice. "Tim-"

"No, Mom." Tim interrupts her without turning around to her, instead he keeps staring down his father. "This needs to be said, and I should have done it a long time ago."

He pauses just long enough to take a deep fortifying breath. "Newsflash, Dad. I have my own head and my own life and I don't need your approval to live it. I didn't go to college to spite you or to betray you, but because I wanted to learn about the world, about things that interest me and that enable me to help people, to make a difference. And no matter how much you may deny it, yes, your son is bisexual, in a relationship with a man and has a daughter who happens to have a darker skin colour than you. But since you are a homophobic, bigoted, cruel, abusive racist, how could you ever understand any of that?"

Tim feels the familiar rage wash over him again when he remembers what his father said to Mini and Ray, and he narrows his eyes and takes a step closer to his father until he's practically in his face. His father doesn't flinch and doesn't back away, but for the first time in his life Tim can see a flicker of wariness in his eyes. 

Tim's voice is quiet but hard as nails when he continues. "And now listen really well, old man. She's _my kid_ , and you had better get used to that, because that won't change. Contrary to you I will always love her for who she is, no matter whether she does what I want or not. I'm raising her to have her own head and come up with her own ideas and go her own way. Every argument is a sign that she's becoming strong and independent, and yet she will always know that she can come to me when she feels weak or defeated, and I will be there, and I will listen, and I will have her back no matter what. She will know she's loved _unconditionally_."

Tim takes a deep breath, then he snarls, "I will make sure that I'm _nothing_ like you as her dad."

The silence that fills the room when he stops talking is oppressive and deafening. Tim keeps looking his father in the eye for a few seconds longer, then he straightens and turns around. On his way to the door he stops next to his mom. She looks stricken and lost, as if she's not sure what's happening here, what she's supposed to do.

"Sorry about dinner, Mom." Tim says curtly, then he's gone, out of the door, out of this life. He can't remember how he got out of the house and into the street, but suddenly he's walking through the night and he feels exhausted in a way that is not physical. Instead of empowered or victorious, he feels winded and drained.

Maybe it's because he never had an outright confrontation with his father about all of this. Tim always just let it be, he never bothered after his first coming out to talk about it again, not to mention make his stance absolutely and unmistakably clear. It was never worth it because it was only about him. Now, though, now it's about his family, it's about his responsibility towards Ray and Mini to do right by them. Today was the first time that his father's words might have been aimed at Tim, but they hurt somebody he loves instead. There's just no way he could stand by and let that happen.

Tim decides to walk to the hotel they're staying at instead of calling Marley for a ride. He needs the cool evening air on his face, he needs to feel the calming regularity of his legs moving to help him sort through his spinning thoughts. He walks through the familiar streets, never paying much attention to where he's going because he knows the town so well. His thoughts keep circling around what just happened, what he just did, but he's still aware of every single person in his perimeter, just as automatically as years of training and experience instilled in him. He takes note, categorises and dismisses them without a conscious effort, a system running in the background of his awareness while his mind is elsewhere.

He has no idea what time it is when he arrives at the hotel, but Ray opens the door on the first knock. He takes one look at Tim and then pulls him in a firm embrace. Tim feels the anger fall away and suddenly he's so tired, he only wants to let go. He lets his forehead sink down to rest on Ray's shoulder and wraps his arms around Ray's waist, then he melts into Ray's embrace, feels the support of his solid frame and his strong arms around him, holding him up, holding him together. He can't say how long they stand in the doorway like that, but it feels like ages have passed before Tim finds the strength to lift his head off Ray's shoulder and step into their room. 

Ray strips the jacket off Tim's shoulders and hangs it next to the door while Tim kicks off his shoes, then Ray manoeuvres him onto the couch and Tim relaxes back into the cushions. He feels so drained and hollow right now that his sprawl on the couch is almost completely boneless. He takes a deep breath and then closes his eyes. A few moments later he feels the cushions dip and when he peels open one eye, he sees Mini in her PJs climb on the couch next to him, her hair tousled as if she had been sleeping. She looks at him with wide brown eyes for a moment, then she crawls over to him and snuggles into his side, resting her head on his chest and holding on to his t-shirt with her hand.

"I love you, Tāttā." Tim hears her quiet voice say and for a horrible second he feels like crying. He only now really and truly becomes aware of the fact that he burnt his bridges tonight, cut his ties with his family. There's no coming back from what he said today, he's not welcome in the house of his childhood anymore - if he ever was. His father made that unmistakably clear when he _on purpose_ insulted Tim's partner and daughter and gave him that despicable ultimatum. And Mom never stepped in, never took Tim's side. She made her choice, too, and that hurts even worse than his father's words, especially after he'd just started to believe that she would understand him. Really, he should have known better.

"I love you too, peanut. So much." Tim curls an arm around her and presses a kiss to the top of her head. She smells of apricot shampoo and her strawberry toothpaste and beneath it is her clean children's scent, a combination that means home to Tim. He may have burnt his bridges tonight, but he did it for a very good reason, he decides. It doesn't make him feel good, but at least a little bit better. He doesn't regret the choice he made tonight and he never will.

Ray comes to the couch and sits down next to Tim, then he pulls his legs under him and cuddles up to him until Mini is left in a cocoon of warmth and comfort between them. Tim feels Ray's warm, dry lips touch his forehead in a lingering kiss. "I'm here for you, Tim. I'm not going anywhere."

Ray bends his head to catch Tim's gaze, then he motions with his hand between the three of them. " _We're_ not going anywhere. We're your family."

Mini nods earnestly, as if to confirm what Ray just said. Tim smiles gently and doesn't bother to fight the prickling he feels in his eyes. "Thank you, Josh." 

Ray slowly reaches out until his thumb is caressing Tim's cheek, wiping away the single tear that broke free. "Always, Tim."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Totally random aside - it feels so weird to call fish fingers 'fish sticks'... O_o I really don't know why that thing stuck in my mind so much. I try to pick American words/expressions (it's a cell, damn it, not a mobile! XD) since I'm writing in a universe that is populated by American characters and that (now) plays in the US, but somehow the fish stick thing really threw me. Must be because it's such a childhood-heavy word... XD 
> 
> Okay, way to ruin the serious mood of the end of this chapter... -_-V


	49. Amends - (Tim/Ray, Tim & Tim's Mother)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim's mother tries to make amends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you know, my dear **Veronibell** : Yes, I had the last chapter _and_ this chapter finished even before I had written the entire Marley's wedding chapter, I basically wrote it based on the outcome I had written here... Once you read this chapter, you'll notice exactly _how creepy_ the birthday brain twin thing has already become (just saying that your thoughts about Ruth were so freakishly accurate, and more coming later on that!) and why I've said so a few times already - because so so many of the things you comment I have already written ages ago (like the Mini Mouse thing kind of creeped me out... XD), and it's freaky how you could know that... O_o

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Tim wakes the next morning to Ray curled around him and still asleep. That is very unusual in itself, but Tim doesn't question it, he simply takes advantage and snuggles further back in Ray's warmth and the comfort his closeness offers. Tim's still feeling unsettled, but not nearly as raw as he did last night when he came back from the confrontation with his parents. 

He now realises that this has been a long time in coming. He was right when he told his mom last night that he should have said all those things ages ago instead of leaving them to fester. Well, it's out now. No use in pondering on what-ifs.

There's a lingering kiss pressed to his shoulder blade, followed by Ray's voice still rough from sleep. "How're you feeling?"

Tim thinks about it for a moment before he answers. "Better. Still a little off, but better."

The arm around his waist tightens. "I'm sorry that it went like that."

Tim settles his arm over Ray's and lets his fingers trail over the sleep warm skin. "Not your fault. It was always going to happen. Just a question of when, really."

"I know, but I still wish you didn't have to go through that." Ray replies quietly and then presses his lips to Tim's shoulder blade again.

Tim sighs deeply. "I'm just sorry that I took Mini there. I don't like that she heard all that."

"She's a strong kid, Tim, probably a lot tougher than we think." Ray remarks with a serious voice. Tim knows he's thinking about what she went through during and after the tsunami, and he silently has to agree that Ray's right. Mini is one tough little cookie. "We'll make sure she knows that what happened last night has nothing to do with her and that we love her."

Tim nods in agreement and then forces himself to look at the alarm clock on the bedside table. It's eight o'clock, meaning that they have an hour left before Marley will knock on the door. "We should get up. Marley will come to get us for breakfast in an hour."

Ray lets go of Tim just enough to prop himself up on one elbow, then he makes Tim turn on his back so that he can see his face. Ray's hand finds Tim's cheek and his fingers slowly caress his stubble-rough cheek while he keeps looking at Tim for a long moment, as if he's trying to see into his soul. Tim remains relaxed and hold his gaze easily, lets him see it all. Ray gives him a gentle little smile before he leans down and kisses the corner of Tim's mouth. "Go take a long hot shower, Tim. It'll do you good. I will go look what our girl is up to."

Ray only lets go of him when Tim nods, not without kissing him on the lips first, then he gets up and walks over to the door to the small room that is Mini's.

Tim follows Ray's advice and heads to the bathroom. He turns the shower on hot and lets the water run over his face and body for longer than he usually would have. It does make him feel more human, and he feels even better after shaving. He gets dressed and then leaves the bathroom, only to find Mini waiting for him with her brush, her comb and her little bag of hair accessories in hand. "Tāttā, can you do my hair?"

"What kind of braid do you want today, peanut?" Tim smiles at her and guides her to the chairs by the table with a hand on her back. He throws a quick glance at Ray who looks at them with a silently pleased smile on his face before he disappears in the bathroom to take his turn in the shower.

"I think I want two braids that turn into one on the back of my head."

"Good choice." Tim acknowledges and motions at the chair. "Sit down, I'll get right on it."

She sets her things on the table and then pulls the chair out so that Tim can stand behind it and walk around it as needed. This has long since become a routine. Tim takes the brush and first combs the many little snarls out of her hair. It takes a while because Mini's hair has become quite long, it's down to her hips by now because she refused to let anybody cut it for years. Tim parts her hair and then begins with the left braid first, then the right one, then he brings them together at the back of Mini's head and braids her hair all the way down before tying it off with one of her beloved neon green hair ties. Mini keeps talking to him the entire time, telling him about all the things he could do with Marley's fiery hair. She's still very much fascinated by the colour of Marley's hair as well as by its curls, that much is obvious.

"Do you want a butterfly in your braid, peanut?" Tim asks when he's done.

"Yes! The green one."

"Done." Tim declares after he puts the little green butterfly hair pin in her hair where the two braids meet. "Do you want to check it in the big mirror?"

"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Mini shouts in enthusiastic approval. She's already off the chair and in front of the large mirror attached to the wardrobe before Tim has rounded the chair. He finds her standing on her tiptoes with her back to the mirror, glancing over her shoulder in an effort to see her braids. Tim chuckles and gets the hand mirror to help her see his newest masterpiece. It finds her full approval and he leaves her with the mirror to keep looking at it when there's a knock at the door of their room. He knows it's Marley to get them for breakfast.

Tim freezes as soon as he has opened the door. It's not Marley who's standing in front of him.

"Mom?"

"Good morning, Tim." She says with weary half-smile. The first thing Tim notices is that she looks terrible. Her eyes are red as if she hasn't slept and she looks somehow older. Like she aged years since last night. 

"Marley told me where you are staying." Mom continues when he doesn't say anything.

"Yes, obviously." Tim retorts drily. Marley is the only person who knows where they're staying, so it can't have been anybody else. He's going to have to have a word with her about disclosing his location to their mother, though. Tim crosses his arms over his chest and gives her a guarded look. "What are you doing here?"

Mom opens and closes her mouth a few times without any sound coming out, and Tim can't remember ever having seen her so lost and insecure. She raises her arm only to let it sink down again in a gesture that speaks of resignation and maybe even fear. When she finally finds her voice, he's surprised to hear her say, "I don't want to lose you, Tim."

It's not what he expected. It sounds afraid, like she thinks she's already too late. He wants to tell her that she's not, but he can't say those words until he's sure that they're true. Right now, he isn't.

"I came to say I'm so sorry for how your father acted yesterday. How _I_ acted. " She wrings her hands and there's an expression of regret on her face. "I'm sorry I didn't stand up for you yesterday, Tim. That I didn't in all those years. I..." 

She leaves the sentence to run out as if she doesn't know how to finish it. She shakes her head gently and catches his gaze. "I didn't understand. Not until I saw the three of you together last night." 

Tim presses his lips in a tight line and doesn't say a word. There's more he needs to hear, more that she needs to have understood before he's willing to open the door any further. Figuratively and literally speaking.

"Your partner... The way he has your back. Not just yesterday, but all this time... That's how it should be in a relationship." Mom looks him in the eye and for the first time he sees the sad resignation in them that has probably been there for a long time. She doesn't have the kind of relationship with his father that Tim has with Ray. He knows that, and he can see that she knows it, too. 

Mom licks her lips and swallows hard. To Tim it feels as if she's steeling herself for her next words, as if they cost her great courage to say. "I wasn't as lucky as you are, Tim. I never found that kind of unconditional love."

For the first time since he came out, Tim feels like she understands that it's not important if your partner is male or female, the only thing that really matters is how they treat you and how much they care for you. He tried to explain that to her once when she asked him if he was sure about being bisexual, but he could tell she didn't get it then. There was always this feeling that she wondered why he would choose to be 'like that', that she hoped he would just find a girl and settle down, be normal like Martha. Tim intensely dislikes the word 'normal'.

Now though, something is different. _She_ feels different. In a good way. Tim uncrosses his arms, opens the door a little further and relaxes his stance a bit.

"And your daughter, Tim, she's lovely." Mom smiles when she says it, and Tim can tell that it's genuine. "The fact alone that you love her so much tells me that she's special. And after meeting her myself, I understand why you love her so much."

Suddenly Tim hears little feet behind him and then Mini comes up next to him as if she knows they are talking about her. She wraps her arms around his waist and presses to his side, halfway hiding behind him while still curiously peeking at his mom. Then she looks up at him with her brown eyes wide in a wordless question. "Dad?"

Tim feels the familiar warmth flow through him at hearing her call him that, and it calms him like only very few other things can. He automatically puts his hand on her back, strokes reassuringly and smiles at her. "It's okay, peanut."

He throws his mom a quick glance before he gives Mini's back an encouraging little pat. "You want to say hi to your grandmother?"

Mini nods and then turns to look at his mom with a careful smile. "Hi Grandma."

"Hello, Mini." Mom replies with a gentle smile, and Tim's feels the knot in his chest ease a little further when he sees the glistering of unshed tears in her eyes. "It's very nice to see you again."

Mini lets go of Tim's waist and comes out from behind him, but remains close to him. She's unusually shy, and Tim attributes that to the scene she experienced at his parents' place last night. He doesn't like what it did to her, not at all, and he regrets ever bringing her there in the first place.

"You're nice." Mini establishes earnestly. "But why did you make Dad cry yesterday?" 

Tim can hear his mother gasp and sees her head jerk up to look at him with a stricken expression on her face. He never wanted her to know about that, but Mini is only speaking the truth, so he lets it stand. He has to swallow against the lump in his throat and forces himself to hold Mom's shocked gaze. He wants to hear how she will reply to Mini's question. It feels very important not to miss even the tiniest detail of her reaction. He suddenly knows it will play a major role in his decision on how to proceed with their relationship from now on.

"I never meant to do that, Mini. I wasn't as strong as I should have been." She's smiling through barely contained tears, looking from Mini to Tim. "But I love your Dad very much, just like he loves you. And I will learn from my mistakes and not repeat them."

Tim takes a deep breath and gives his mother a slow nod to acknowledge what she's telling him. He understands that she's referring to the things he said to his father last night, about how he will always love Mini for who she is, that he will always be there for her and that he will have her back. Mom is telling that she will learn to be like that for Tim too, that she will not fall back into line behind Dad like she has done most of her life. It will take time until Tim's comfortable with her again, but he's willing to give it a try. She's his mom, after all, and if she's willing to break free from Dad's hold on her, he's willing to give her a second chance. He wonders what Marley will make of all this when she learns about it. He's sure she knows at least the gist of what happened, or she would never have passed on his location to their mother.

Tim's focus returns to the present when he notices his mom straighten and glance behind him. At the same time he feels Ray's presence behind him and his hand is coming to rest reassuringly on the small of Tim's back.

"Good morning, Ray." Mom greets him politely, but obviously also a bit uneasily. She's well aware she didn't leave the best first impression on Ray.

Ray warily inclines his head. "Mrs Bryan."

Mom smiles at them, but Tim can see that it's nervous and a little insecure. "Can I take you three out for breakfast? I would love to get to know my grandchild and my son-in-law."

Tim feels a shiver course over his skin at her choice of words. He knows they're not random, Mom chose them on purpose, despite knowing very well that Ray is not legally her son-in-law. She chose them because she knows Tim never in his life expected to hear her say them. She wants to tell Tim that it's okay with her, that she doesn't share his father's opinions, that she finally makes her own decisions. 

"You absolutely can take us out for breakfast, Mrs Bryan." Ray replies in Tim's stead, and Tim has rarely been more grateful for how good Ray is at reading him. He's not able so say a word right now, and Ray knows it, just as he knows that Tim wants to give his mom that second chance she's pleading for.

"Ruth, please." Mom offers Ray with a smile that is still a little insecure.

"All right, Ruth." Ray accepts her offer with a little smile, but Tim can tell that he's still guarded. "Just let us get our shoes on and we're good to go."

Tim feels Ray's elbow nudge him in the side when he doesn't move while Mini's already sitting on the floor and putting on her favourite neon green chucks. "That goes for you, too, Tim. You're not going to breakfast in your socks. That would set a bad example for our kid, and you know she'd jump on it."

That breaks the spell Tim was under and he smirks. "Aye Aye, Corporal."

"Now, that's better." Ray chuckles and slips on his old black chucks. "Hurry up, sailor boy, breakfast is waiting!"

"Yeah, Dad, I'm hungry!" Mini chimes in, already in her shoes by now and ready to go. "I want pancakes."

"That's a very good choice, Bambi." Ray agrees enthusiastically. "With maple syrup, blueberries or chocolate chips?"

"All of them!" Mini replies with a huge grin and Ray laughs while he ushers her out of the door. Tim is smiling while he's following them. When his gaze flickers over to where his mom is waiting for then, he finds her watching them interact, and there's a gentle little smile on her face that makes Tim feel hopeful. 

Maybe he didn't burn all his bridges, after all.


	50. Plans - (Tim/Ray, Ray & Ray's Grandma, Ray's Grandma & Mini)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mary-Ann decides it's time to ask Ray a very important question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, enough of torturing poor Tim. Let's return to the Person matriarchs ^_^
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : Hmm, lets see if I manage to surprise you with this... :D If you saw this coming, our birthday brain twin thing will seriously creep me out (more than it already does XD). Okay, a few things in here you actually already mentioned in comments (especially the one for 'Connections'), which is again creepy because I've had it all written at that point, but I mean the central topic. If you saw that coming... *shudders* XD

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)

"Hand me that plate, munchkin." Mary-Ann gestures at the last plate left on the counter, and Josh reaches over to get it and hand it to her. Mary-Ann dips it in the dishwater in the sink and begins cleaning it while Josh continues drying the dishes she's already done with. There's an easy familiarity to the task that Mary-Ann likes very much. She can't even remember how many times she stood like this with Josh in the tiny kitchen aisle of the trailer, cleaning up after a meal. He might be a grown man now, but essentially nothing about this situation has changed - apart from the fact that he's not complaining anymore about having to do the dishes.

It's early July, and Josh and his family are visiting Mary-Ann and Angie for a few days while Mini is still on summer break. Mary-Ann likes it very much that she gets to see them again so soon after their last visit when she first met Mini - _her great-granddaughter_. Yeah, she'll never tire of saying that. And she's not ashamed to admit that her little girl has her completely wrapped around her little finger. Angie, too. They're smitten with her, and Mary-Ann thinks Josh and young Timothy might know that and that's why they came by again so soon. After not seeing Josh for years, Mary-Ann will certainly not complain about it.

When they're done with the dishes and everything is back where it belongs, Mary-Ann asks Josh to come sit outside with her. It's a nice warm day, perfect to sit on the porch and enjoy an iced tea. Young Timothy went out after lunch to get groceries with Angie and Mini is watching TV in the trailer, so Mary-Ann decides that now is the perfect moment to ask her grandson something she's been wondering about since they came here. 

She sits down in her chair on the porch and waits until Josh has settled down besides her. "So, Josh, when are you going to put a ring on young Timothy's finger and make him an honourable man?"

Josh was in the process of drinking his iced tea which he is now spitting over the table in a pretty impressive spray. Mary-Ann is just glad that he managed to avert his face and not spit all over her. She didn't expect his reaction to be that extreme considering that it's a pretty predictable and reasonable question.

"Grandma!" Josh shouts in desperate indignation when he stops coughing. He's wiping his chin with one hand while the other puts down his glass and then blindly reaches for one of the napkins left over from lunch. He doesn't look at her, pretending that he's busy cleaning up. Mary-Ann still sees the poignant red colour that rose to his cheeks. It's adorable, really.

"What? You've been a couple for five years, you've been living together for almost as long, and you're raising a kid together. Are you really telling me that the thought never crossed your mind?"

Josh looks up but doesn't say anything. He continues cleaning the mess he made as if that is going to stop her talking about the topic.

"You love him, don't you?" Mary-Ann asks directly, because beating around the bush never works with Josh and she's not good at it anyway.

Josh is still flushed, but he doesn't look away when he nods. "Yeah, I do."

"So why haven't you asked him yet? That man's a keeper, Josh." Mary-Ann makes a point to express her disbelief. "You _do_ know that it's legal for guys to get married to each other in California since June, don't you?" 

"Yeah, I know." Josh replies. He's looking at the napkin he's balling up, then he glances up at her. "Since when do you follow gay rights developments?"

"Since I have a grandson who will be affected by it." Mary-Ann points out drily. She can tell he's trying to distract her from her original line of questioning, and she won't have that. "So what's keeping you from asking him?"

Again Josh doesn't reply, instead he bites his bottom lips.

"Oh, is it the ring?" Mary-Ann suddenly realises that maybe it's that simple. "Is it too expensive?"

"The ring...? No, Grandma, it's not the ring! It's not too expensive!" Josh seems unusually flustered and his hands are gesticulating rather wildly. His cheeks are also still flushed. 

"Oh, so you have already been looking for a ring." Mary-Ann remarks with a smirk. Interesting.

"Maybe." He admits with a shrug. Mary-Ann wonders if he'll keep blushing like a tomato for the rest of the conversation. It's very unusual for him and shows her how much this topic affects him, how much it means to him. It truly _is_ adorable. 

"You want to tell me what's up, munchkin?" Mary-Ann asks him gently when she realises that he's really troubled by something. At least it answers her question whether the thought of asking young Timothy to marry him has ever crossed his mind. It clearly has. More than just in passing.

"It's just..." Josh stops and sighs, then he frowns and throws up his arms in a gesture of helpless frustration. "I don't know, Grandma. It's such a big step, and what if I'm too fast and he's not ready and-"

"Are you scared he won't say yes? Because if you believe that, then we must be talking about a different Timothy Bryan." Mary-Ann interrupts him before his thoughts can begin to spiral. It's never good when they do that, especially not when it's such an unnecessary worry. "That man loves you so much that even a blind idiot can see it."

In that moment the door of the trailer opens and Mary-Ann watches Mini climb out and come towards them on quick feet. She doesn't hesitate to climb on Mary-Ann's lap and it makes something warm fill Mary-Ann's belly. 

"What do you think, cookie?" Mary-Ann asks Mini when she has settled on her legs. "Do you think that your Daddy here should ask your Dad to marry him?"

Mini looks at her with her beautiful huge brown eyes that remind Mary-Ann of her grandson, despite the fact that she knows they're not biologically related. "Nana, what is that, married?"

Mary-Ann smiles at the cute way Mini pronounces English words and begins to explain. "It's when two people love each other and they make a pact to stay together forever."

Mini frowns in confusion. "But if that's what married is, then they _are_ married."

Mary-Ann chuckles in amusement and throws Josh a pointed look over her great-granddaughter's head. That should be his answer, really. "I think so too, cookie. They just need to make it official now."

Josh is looking at his daughter with a fondness Mary-Ann has never seen him show that openly before. It's so obvious how much he loves his little girl, and Mary-Ann doesn't think she'll ever tire of seeing that expression on his face. She thinks it makes him look a lot like Angie when she had Josh, the same kind of unconditional love for their kid. 

Josh has changed a lot in those years since he left for Sri Lanka - in a good way. Mary-Ann is sure a lot of it came with the responsibility for the kids at the orphanage and especially his love for Mini. She likes the easy confidence he carries himself with these days, how he feels more centred, as if he's resting in himself in a way he didn't before. He's happy with his life, Mary-Ann thinks, and it's a good look on him. Just like that beard and the long hair, she admits with an internal smirk. It makes him look less like a boy and more like a man - well, the bad boy kind of man. She likes it, it suits him. 

Mary-Ann especially enjoys the bad boy look in combination with his blatant love for Mini and the easy, natural tenderness in their interaction. It's as if he's actively aiming to upend the stereotypes in people's heads, the idea that bad boys can't be loving dads. Or maybe it's just a covert 'Fuck-you'. She's not sure which, but either way, she thinks it works and she enjoys it. 

Her Josh is such a fantastic dad, and everybody who sees him with Mini can see it. She knows that he doubted himself in that regard. Angie told her about his call before he even started the adoption process, and it doesn't surprise Mary-Ann that he was so insecure. It's easy to forget how young her grandson was when he decided to adopt a child. He was just twenty-five years old at the time and he was making a decision that would not only impact on his life, but on his partner's _and_ on a little child's life as well. He would take on a kind of responsibility that he desperately wanted to fulfil to the highest degree possible without knowing if he was even capable of it. And knowing that failing this responsibility would harm another human being that was dependent on him and that he loves so much is a kind of pressure most twenty-five-years-olds would feel overwhelmed by. But he's a wonderful dad in Mary-Ann's opinion, especially considering that he himself never had a dad, that he has no role-model to go on. Well, that must mean that she and Angie raised him right, Mary-Ann thinks with a smug smirk.

She can also see that young Timothy is a great dad as well. His interaction with Mini holds the same deep love and easy tenderness as Josh's, and he has a natural way with children that she assumes is innate, something he always carried. Angie said a while ago that she thinks every child should be as lucky as Mini to have parents like Josh and Tim, and Mary-Ann can only agree with that. 

Mary-Ann likes young Timothy very much, has done so from the very beginning. She thinks he's very good for her grandson and she didn't lie when she said that she can see how much he loves Josh. It's there all the time, in the way he touches Josh, in the way he looks at him, in his smile. It's not about the big gestures with him - or with Josh, for that matter. It's about the little things - pretty much the same things she observed the very first time Josh brought young Timothy home. They still communicate a lot by looks at least as much as by words, and young Timnothy still gets that secret little smile when he's watching Josh. There are the little touches here and there, a lingering hand to the back, the shoulder, the waist, fingers carding through the hair at the nape of the neck. 

The biggest difference she can see now is that they're not bothering to hide those things anymore. They're both not prone to big PDAs, but that doesn't mean that they don't show each other their affection through physical contact. They always sit so close that their legs are touching, and when they're on the couch together, they're always in each other's space, one leaning against the other, often with Mini draped across them or cuddled up to them. And around the trailer Mary-Ann has witnessed a lot of gentle pecks on lips, cheeks, foreheads, temples, shoulders and even the occasional real kiss - although in those cases they didn't know she was there. 

Which brings her back to the matter at hand. Mary-Ann looks at Josh, who is still sitting next to her on the porch, fiddling with his half-empty glass of iced tea.

"So you want to ask Tim to marry you." Mary-Ann makes it a statement more than a question, because she already knows the answer.

Josh nods anyway. It's slow, but not hesitant. More like he's certain _that_ he wants to, but entirely unsure of _how_ to.

"Well then, munchkin." Mary-Ann says with a grin. "I think we need to come up with a plan."


	51. Pact - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something is up with Ray, Tim can tell. He just doesn't know what it is and Ray isn't forthcoming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a _big_ thing that I was looking forward to posting for a long time now, I hope you enjoy it! I would love to know if you like how _it_ is happening. Let me know? *puppy dog eyes*
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : As requested, here's the next chapter, my dear ^^ I guess you have an idea what it's about, even without our birthday brain twin thing :D And this will answer one question you posed in you comment to 'Issues' and one thing you remarked for the last chapter - do you know what I mean? ^___^ They were both one of those cackle-moments for me when I read them XD

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)

Something is up with Ray, Tim is certain of that. He can not only feel it, no, there are also all those little things that are just _wrong_. Tim's trained in recon and he's already a very good observer by nature, and he _knows_ Ray. 

The first time it happens - or that he notices - is a day after they come back from Nevada, when he comes into the living room when Ray is on the phone - with his mom, it seems - and suddenly Ray stops talking for the fraction of a second and when he takes up the conversation again, it seems as if he just changed the topic. His voice is the same, his posture hasn't changed and he's not looking guilty, but Tim picks up on it immediately. He shakes the feeling off and tells himself it's nothing.

But then it happens again. This time he's talking to his Grandma, and it's pretty much a repeat of the first event. Tim watches it happen and again feels this unease deep inside him. It's more difficult to ignore this time, especially because his gut is telling him that something is going on.

It happens again. And again. And again. Tim observes the situation over ten days and collects data. It's not just when Ray is talking to his mother or grandmother, but also happens with Brad. And even Walt is no different. At some point Tim feels like it also happens when Ray is talking to Mini, and now that's just crazy. She's six - well, almost seven -, she wouldn't be a part of whatever it is that is going on with Ray. It's almost as if Ray's avoiding Tim, but that's not quite it, either. Tim still can't put his finger on what it is. It's also not always there, it only happens here or there. It's never there when Tim is alone with Ray, he doesn't feel any different when they cuddle up to go to sleep or when he kisses him or when they sit together with Mini for story time. It leaves Tim unsettled that he can't define it more closely even after ten days of recon.

When they celebrate Mini's seventh birthday with a small picnic party in the park, everything feels normal again. Mini has made quite a few friends and Tim and Ray get to meet many parents during her party. It's a relaxed afternoon and Tim enjoys Mini's huge smile and her laughter when she's playing with her friends from school. Tim and Ray spend most of the day playing host and when they finally go home, all three of them are exhausted but content. For the entire day Tim manages to forget about the weird things going on with Ray, he just enjoys the feeling of profound contentment and blissfully spoons up to Ray to fall asleep when the day is over.

For a few days things seem to revert back to normal, there are no more strange shifts in conversation when Ray talks to somebody. Tim begins to think that maybe there wasn't something bad going on after all. On Saturday morning Brad takes Mini surfing with him, something she has been looking forward to for a week because it's her birthday gift from Brad. Afterwards the two of them plan to have lunch together and then go to the movies afterwards to watch Kung Fu Panda. Mini is talking about nothing else but her day with Uncle Brad for days beforehand, and Tim finds it endearing how much she's looking forward to it. He hopes Brad will remember not to let her have all those sugary treats she likes so much, or he will suffer the consequences when she comes off her sugar high. Well, maybe it's a lesson Brad needs to learn on his own - the hard way.

By chance Mini's Uncle-Brad-day, as she calls it, happens to coincide with a day when Tim has no shift and Ray is also off. For the first time in ages they have the entire timespan from eight in the morning till the late afternoon for themselves, a situation that is so unusual that Tim doesn't quite know what to do with it at first. Ray suggests that they go for a hike, namely the Three Sisters Falls Trail that they always wanted to do before they left for Sri Lanka but never actually did. It's too dangerous and too strenuous for Mini, which is why they haven't done it yet since their return. Tim is all for it, he's looking forward to the exercise and the time spent outdoors.

They bring Mini to Brad at eight o'clock in the morning and then immediately continue on to the trailhead to get an early start. It's known to be popular and can become quite crowded later in the day, and both Tim and Ray want as little company as possible. It's not a particularly long trail, but it has steep section and rope climbs and demands some concentration, even if it's not quite that much of a challenge considering their level of military training. But it's a fun way to exert themselves while being out in nature, it gives them the opportunity to use their skills, to race each other and just generally enjoy themselves in a way they can't do with Mini around. It's a few hours of no responsibility, a moment to be carefree like children, and Tim is looking forward to it. It's a side of him he doesn't show often.

Ray and Tim each shoulder a daypack with enough food and water to keep them well supplied for the day and then they head off at a fast pace. The views are gorgeous, and Tim loves to feel the burn in his muscles from the physical exercise. Sometimes he misses the bone-deep exhaustion that comes from a day in training or in the field when he was still on active duty. There's a beautiful waterfall at the end of the trail, and Tim and Ray take a dip in the basin to cool off and refresh themselves before they eat lunch and then start back. Tim feels more relaxed than he has in a long time, helped by the combination of the fresh air, the sun, the exercise and Ray by his side.

They're at a small viewpoint on a ridge that is blissfully empty of people at the moment, just before a steep descent to the valley begins, when Tim sees out of the corner of his eye how Ray is suddenly going down. For the fraction of a second Tim thinks that he slipped or that he's suffering a circulatory collapse, but then he becomes aware of the purposefulness of Ray's movements and of the fact that he's down _on one knee_. He notices the way Ray's eyes are almost comically wide and how his face is more flushed than it was a minute ago, and finally Tim spots the little black box Ray is holding out to him. There's a ring inside. 

It makes Tim freeze on the spot. Ray is not seriously going to propo-

"Tim, you probably thought I was a loud, obnoxious whiskey tango hick when we first met, and I definitely was, because you were right back then, I don't shut up when I'm on Ripped Fuel, so I still don't know what it was that made you pay attention to me, but I'm very glad that something did and that we got to know each other beyond just being two guys in the same platoon, because I can't imagine what my life would be like without you, I _don't want_ to imagine that, _ever_ , because I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and you know, we're raising this awesome kid together, and I've been thinking for a while now that we should make it official, and now it's finally legal in California which means I _can_ actually ask you." Ray's voice is breathless and the words leave his mouth like an explosion of emotions. He seems to notice and stops for the fraction of a second, clears his throat and then continues. "So, ahm, yeah, what I really meant to say with all of this is: Timothy Bryan, will you marry me?"

'Stunned' is not nearly a strong enough term for what Tim is feeling at the moment. Perplexed, maybe. Or blind-sided. Dumbfounded. Yeah, that fits pretty well. Because he really, absolutely and completely didn't see this coming. Suddenly he understands Ray's strange behaviour of the past weeks. In the light of what he knows now - now that Ray is _down on one knee_ in front of him and asking Tim to _marry him_ \- it all makes perfect sense. The secretive behaviour, the interrupted conversations as soon as Tim showed up, the fact that it involved Ray's mom and grandma as well as Walt and Brad - who is spending the day with Mini when both Ray and Tim are off, something that doesn't seem to be that much of a coincidence all of the sudden. 

Ray was making plans to _propose to him_. Of course he couldn't exactly include Tim into those plans until the very last moment when all his efforts come to fruition.

"Ahm, Tim... It would be really nice of you to say something." Ray's voice sounds decidedly worried and incredibly nervous, and only when he hears it does Tim realise that he's been standing here staring down at Ray without reacting at all. Ray's right eye twitches in that little tick he only shows when he's really insecure or close to the end of his rope. Tim is familiar with it from Iraq.

"Right now I'd be grateful for anything at all." Ray swallows hard and Tim can see how his thoughts start spiralling. "Any reaction, really, just not silence. If you have to say 'no' then please just do that, but don't leave me on my knees here wondering if I've so fundamentally misrea-"

Tim bends down and cups Ray's jaw and slides his tongue into his mouth in a way that can't be understood as anything other than the solid 'Yes' it is. Tim knows that the only effective way to shut Ray up when he's spiralling is to kiss him, so that's what he does. Ray is stiff with nerves and surprise for a second, then he groans and returns the kiss eagerly. Tim pulls Ray to his feet so that he can draw his lean, strong body flush against Tim's, can explore his mouth even deeper, and Ray turns liquid against him in a way that will never cease to turn Tim on _so much_. He feels Ray's arms closing around his back, pulling him in until there is no space left between them at all, and he becomes aware of the hard edge of the little box in Ray's hand digging into his shoulder blade.

Tim slowly pulls back just enough so that he can speak, knowing his words will be hoarse puffs of hot breath against Ray's lips. "Yes, Josh."

"What?" Ray sounds as confused as he looks, obviously still caught up in their kiss. His eyes are dazed and his lips are red and a little swollen, and he looks so deliciously debauched that Tim has to force himself not to lean in again before he has made Ray understand.

"Yes, I will marry you, Josh." Tim clarifies with a chuckle. He loves that he can still render Ray speechless with a kiss, even after all those years they've been together.

It seems to take a second before his words register, but then a huge smile breaks out on Ray's face. It's so wide that it looks almost painful. "Yes?"

"Yes." Tim confirms, then he pulls back and holds out his left hand with a grin. "Want to put that ring on my finger now?"

"Hell yes!" Ray laughs in a mixture of disbelief, relief and joy while he takes the ring out of its box and slips it on Tim's finger. Tim is surprised at how familiar it feels almost instantly although he's never worn a ring before. Too dangerous in the field. He's glad that's not something he needs to worry about in the foreseeable future, because he's already highly reluctant to take it off again. 

He looks down at his hand and inspects the ring. It's a simple, relatively broad silver band with no frills. Just a single straight engraving at each edge to set it off, nothing more. Tim likes the clear lines and the no-nonsense design. 

Ray clears his throat and bites his lip, then he gives a tentative little smile. "Look on the inside."

Tim gently pulls the ring off his finger and angles it so that he can see the inside. There's something engraved there, and he tilts the ring a little so that the light reflects off the letters.

_'Always.'_

Tim swallows hard and feels a little breathless. It's a promise they have exchanged so many times, sometimes without words, sometimes with exactly this word. He glances up and catches Ray's eyes, can read the truth in them, can read that Ray means it just like he has every single time he said it to Tim. For a moment Tim feels a little overwhelmed, but not in a bad way. It's just that they usually don't put things into words like that. Tim makes it a point to hold Ray's gaze when he slips the ring back on his finger, back where it belongs. 

"Always." He says, his voice low and rough, but leaving no doubt that he gives the same promise. Ray laughs gently and nods, and Tim has to glance down at his own left hand again, like his gaze is drawn to the silver band by some kind of spell.

"You've been planning this for weeks, haven't you?" Tim enquires when he finally looks up from the inspection of his new ring. His _wedding ring_.

"Well, yeah." Ray admits with a sheepish little shrug. "It's not something I'd do on a whim."

"And your Mom, your Grandma, Brad and Walt are in on it, aren't they?" Tim asks, but it's more a statement than a question. He wonders how he could have missed it all this time.

"Yep." Ray confirms with a grin. "And Mini. Don't forget Mini."

" _She_ is in on this, too?" Now that actually really surprises Tim, especially because it means that his impression back then hadn't been wrong. How on earth did Ray get her to keep this a secret for so long? She's not exactly known to be good at _not_ spilling the beans. "My seven-year old ganged up on me with you?"

"She sure did. She insisted on helping me choose the rings. She dragged me to a dozen jewellers before we decided on _that_ one." Ray explains with a smirk and lets his fingers play with the new ring on Tim's finger. "I think Grandma convinced her that I have no taste and that as your daughter, it was Mini's duty to make sure that you didn't have to walk around with a horrible wedding ring for the rest of your life."

Tim chuckles at the image Ray's words draw in his mind. He can definitely see Mary-Ann pulling Mini aside and scheming with her supposedly for Tim's benefit, and it's very easy to imagine Mini carefully inspecting ring after ring and declaring them unfit until they found the perfect one hundreds of attempts later. She would take the responsibility Mary-Ann convinced her she had very seriously, Tim doesn't doubt that.

"The only thing I insisted on was that it's platinum, because it's more durable and doesn't tarnish, and I know you like gold about as little as I do." Ray's fingers are still playing with the ring on Tim's finger, and Tim wonders if that is going to become a new habit of Ray's. He can't say that he would mind. He looks down at it again and suddenly becomes aware of how much shinier it is than a silver ring would have been. Tim is well aware how expensive platinum is and suddenly he understands what Ray meant when he said he wouldn't propose on a whim. He must have saved up in order to buy that ring. It leaves Tim floored and deeply touched.

"I love it already." Tim says with a genuinely moved smile. "You and our daughter have great taste."

Instead of smiling, Ray bites his lips. "So... I have another bomb to drop on you."

Tim cocks an eyebrow. "Shoot."

"When we're married, you're officially becoming Mini's stepfather which in turn means that it would be easy for you to legally-"

"-adopt her." Tim finishes Ray's sentence with a sense of wonder filling him. It feels like his life is coming together all of the sudden, as if all this time he's been missing one puzzle piece that now slid in place and makes all the other pieces fit together seamlessly.

"Yeah." Ray is looking at him with that incredibly tender smile Tim doesn't see on his face all that often. He holds it dear all the more for that reason. "It would make her legally your daughter. She's always been ours, but this would make it true on paper as well. Like it should have been from the very beginning, if bureaucracy weren't such a bitch." Ray stops for a moment and then continues with a low, firm voice. "Nobody will ever have the right again to refuse you access to her. Not the school, not the hospital."

Tim feels overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of feelings that hit him, because this... this is something that means so much to him that he can't ever put it into words. Instead he just pulls Ray close and buries his face against his neck, breathes in and inhales Ray's scent deep into his nostrils. Ray seems to get it even without words, though, and his arms wrap around Tim again as if shielding him from the world, a promise to always keep him safe, to always be there, to never leave him. Tim takes it all in, absorbs it into his very being and then allows himself to let go of his shields in the security of Ray's embrace.

"I love you, Josh." Tim whispers into Ray's skin. He feels a shiver go through Ray's body, hears the hitch in his breath. "I love you so much."

Tim is well aware that this is the first time he says it to Ray, at least in those exact words. He hasn't said them to a romantic partner in eighteen years, not since he had them cruelly thrown back in his face by a scared boy who was not ready to face the world and who was the first person to ever break Tim's heart.

Ray's arms tighten even more around Tim's waist in response to his confession and Tim feels how his hands clench into fists in Tim's t-shirt. He doesn't need any words to understand how much it means to Ray to hear him say it.

For a long time Tim allows himself to just remain where he is, warm and comfortable in Josh's arms right here in the middle of a hiking trail in the mountains. He feels at peace and knows that a huge part of that is due to the man who's holding him.

"Thank you, Josh." Tim mutters against Ray's collarbone.

Ray's fingers come up to card through Tim's hair. "Nothing to thank me for, Tim."

"You gave me your strength, your loyalty and your heart, and now you've found a way to make me our daughter's legal father, too." Tim takes a deep breath against his Ray's neck. "I never expected to get to have that."

Ray is silent for a moment as if he's at a loss for words. His hand never ceases its slow caress in Tim's hair, though, and there's the reassuring touch of a lingering kiss against Tim's temple. When Ray finally speaks, his voice is low and rough. 

"Always, Tim."


	52. Provocation - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim gets a very interesting letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Our boys getting up to some mischief and Uncle Brad being awesome XD Have fun!
> 
> My dear **Veronibell** , I totally loved your comment of happy yelling to the last chapter and decided to change this one a tiny wee bit to take up one of the things you said there. Do you spot it? :D *hurries off to reply to your comment*

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)

"Bambi, can you take my keys and open the door, please?"

"Okay, Āppa." Mini replies and takes the keys from where they're dangling from his pinky. Ray is heavily laden with paper bags full of groceries, and he's too lazy to set them down just to unlock the door. Mini knows which key to use and how to work the lock, and she pushes the door open shortly afterwards.

"Thank you, Bambi." Ray smiles at her when he passes her. "Can you close the door and put my keys on the counter?"

"Yes, Āppa!" Mini pipes behind him and he makes his way into the kitchen to put down the bags. It's his turn to make dinner tonight because Tim's shift only ends at seven o'clock, so dinner would be way too late for Mini if he was the one to cook. Ray hears Mini run to her room and he peeks around the corner to make sure that the door is really closed and his keys are on the counter and not dangling in the lock outside the apartment, like the last time when he asked Mini to open the door for him. But she did as she was told, so Ray returns to the kitchen and begins to put away the groceries, leaving out only what he needs for dinner.

There's the mail on top of the chicken for tonight's curry in one of the bags where Ray stuffed it when he was on the way up. There are two letters for Ray and three for Tim - Ray quickly assesses that his are bills - and he puts Tim's mail on his usual spot at the dining room table before he begins making dinner. He lets himself relax into the repetitive motion of cutting veggies and smiles when his gaze catches on the platinum band on his left ring finger. It's an exact match to Tim's, and despite the fact that Ray has only had it for four days, it feels as familiar as if he'd had it for years.

He proposed to Tim just six days ago. After their return home from their hike, they just dumped their gear in the hallway and then Tim manoeuvred Ray towards the bathroom without ever interrupting their kissing, and they left a trail of clothes along their way. Once they were in the shower Ray made Tim pick him up and press his back against the wall while he wrapped his legs around Tim's waist and thoroughly enjoyed getting boned until he was a brainless mess of ecstasy. They both ended up on the floor in the shower stall in the end because Tim's legs gave out when he came with a groan louder than anything Ray had ever heard him make before, which was a profound satisfaction in and of itself. They slid down in a tangled heap laughing loudly before they cleaned up and then went to tidy up the mess they'd left in the hallway before Mini would be back. 

By the time Brad brought Mini home at six o'clock, Ray had blown Tim on the couch before Tim had dragged him to their bedroom and insisted that Ray fuck him long and slow and _deep_. In the end they'd needed to take another shower, this time just to clean up, though, because they were too spent for anything else. Brad used his key to get in and found them both in comfy old sweats and t-shirts slumped on the couch with Ray draped across Tim and both talking quietly about how they want to proceed with their wedding. 

The fact that they actually could talk about planning at all after Mini was back is owed to Brad being a babysitter genius. When he came in, he opened the door with one hand while balancing Mini on the other arm because she was dead asleep in his arms. He told them that she fell asleep in the car on the way back from the movies, so thoroughly exhausted from the surfing and the excitement of the day that she nodded off mid-sentence. Ever since Walt talked to Brad about how he'd promised him to Mini for surfing lessons and Brad caved almost immediately despite glaring at Walt for the rest of the day, Ray had had an inkling that that would work out _really_ well in favour for Tim and Ray. Ray wonders if Brad knows that he'd just become their favourite person and that he'd be minding Mini _a lot_ in the future. He's just too good at it for them to pass up on the opportunity. 

So Brad carried Mini to her room and put her down on her bed and she didn't move once, completely out for the count. Ray watched him, noticed how gentle he was with her and couldn't help smiling. Yeah, the Iceman is a teddy bear. At least with Ray's little girl. It's a good thing the bad guys don't know that.

Tim got her ready for bed while Ray offered Brad a beer in the kitchen and had him tell him all about his day with Mini. Seems she's a surf natural and loves the ocean not just from afar but also when she's in it. Brad informed him that Mini is an adrenaline junkie because every time she sat on the tip of his board and they caught a wave, she edged him on to go faster and whooped in exhilaration at every sharp turn. Ray just snorted and drily pointed out that it must run in the family.

When Tim joined them, Brad glanced at his left hand and then smirked before offering him his sincere condolences for being hitched to Ray till the end of time. And probably beyond, because Ray's tenacious like chewing gum stuck to the soles of your shoes. Tim accepted the words of commiseration gracefully by remarking that he's no less tenacious, so it's probably a good fit. When Brad left half an hour later, Ray and Tim piled on top of each other on the couch again and continued talking plans and ideas while Ray idly played with the ring on Tim's finger.

In all his time planning the proposal Ray was sure that Tim wasn't one for a fancy engagement ring, and he was right. When the topic of rings came up, Tim told him that he wanted the ring Ray gave him at his proposal to be his wedding band because it would always be tied to that moment on the hiking trail for him, a moment he would cherish forever and that he wanted to carry with him in that ring. Ray is not ashamed to admit that those words almost made him cry. When Tim asked him what he wanted for _his_ wedding ring, Ray just smiled like the sappy idiot he knows he became and told him that he felt the same way about Tim's ring. So on Monday Tim took Ray to the jewellers where he bought Tim's ring, and then Tim got him the exact same one with the exact same engraving, telling him with a gentle smile that it was a promise that went both ways. There actually might have been a tear or two at that point, but that's just between Tim and him.

So since the proposal they've been planning quite a bit. They've decided to get married right away, neither of them wants to wait and they're both not fond of the idea of some big celebration, they rather want something small. Just the family members they really want there, which means Ray's mom and grandma, Marley, Brianna and Alex, and Tim decided to invite his mom along as well. As for their friends, they want to keep it to only a few, those they really want there. That obviously means Brad and Walt, and Ray wants to invite Pammy and Tim has been thinking bout asking Elliot. Ray knows Elliot a lot better by now as well, he has come along for a few trips to the beach at the weekend and he invited them to dinner at his and his girlfriend's place twice. Ray likes him and is pleased that Tim is making friends with one of his co-workers. Having a friend at work never hurts, especially if there's a prick like that Jim around.

Throughout the past week Tim and Ray have talked to all of their prospective guests to find a date when everybody is free, and they've settled on August 16th, which is two weeks from now. It's the Saturday before school starts again for Mini and college for Tim and Ray. They've also been thinking about where to have the ceremony, and neither of them is comfortable in some kind of fancy venue. They're a reasonably small group with just fourteen people, so it would be completely out of proportion. They want something cosy and small and private, and on top of that they need to keep the costs down because they splashed on the rings and consider that a better investment. The beach is out of the question because it's not private, and well, _sand_. Both Tim and Ray have had sand in places it absolutely never should be during their deployments, and they don't want that for their wedding. The park is also not private, and then there's the issue with food and drinks in a park. In the end Brad offered his garden, along with the house should the weather be bad, when Ray whined to him about the issue. So Brad's garden it is, and they'll get a caterer for the day, which is going to be the biggest expense.

Yesterday they went to the county clerk office together with their filled-out marriage license application and acquired their marriage licence, which means they now have ninety days to hold the ceremony. Mini is still convinced that they are already married and that they're just going to have a party. She completely internalised Grandma's definition of marriage and no explaining was able to make her understand the legal component of the term, because she regards that as superfluous if you love each other. 

Ray looks up when he hears Tim's keys in the door. He keeps stirring the curry he's currently blending with the necessary spices and waits for Tim to come say hello. It only takes a minute before Tim rounds the corner and walks over to where Ray is standing in the kitchen. He's in civvies and without his work bandana, which means that he showered and changed at the station. Mini obviously hasn't heard him come in, because usually she is upon him the moment he enters the door. 

"Hey Josh." Tim says with a smile on his lips right before he leans in and kisses him, but not the chaste kind of kiss he tends to give when Mini is around. No, this is deep and passionate and Ray lets go of the wooden spoon in favour of carding his hands through Tim's hair. Tim groans into his mouth as he always does when Ray gets his hands in his hair, and melts against Ray's body. Ray will never tire of Tim's reaction to him, it's still as addictive as the first time he experienced it. 

"Hmmm, I very much like your way of saying hello." Ray murmurs against Tim's lips when they part without really letting go of each other. 

Tim chuckles. "Gotta make use of the opportunity."

"Oh yes, you should." Ray agrees eagerly, but he's distracted by Tim's gaze flickering behind him.

"I think the curry is boiling over."

"Shit, dammit!" Ray curses and immediately lets go of Tim to save his precious curry. He turns down the heat and stirs again, then he looks over his shoulder. "Before I forget, I put your mail on the table." 

"Thanks." Tim hums in acknowledgement and pecks Ray on the shoulder before he heads over to the dining room table and Ray hears him rip open an envelope. A few moments later there's the same sound again, but then the silence is interrupted by Tim's dry comment of "They've got to be shitting me."

Ray looks up from where he's been checking on the rice and finds Tim frowning intensely at the unfolded letter in his hand. "What's that?"

Tim doesn't answer for a few more seconds, obviously still skimming the content of his correspondence. Ray's gaze is drawn to Tim's left hand, which is holding the letter and where the platinum band on his ring finger is gleaming in the kitchen lights. He loves how Tim is wearing it with such pride, how much he obviously loves it and what it stands for. He can admit that it also satisfies his possessive streak that Tim is wearing _his_ mark because he _wants_ to be _claimed by Ray_. Yeah, that possessiveness never eased, no matter how long they're together. He's pretty sure it's a mutual feeling. 

"It's an invitation to a dinner hosted by the Navy Memorial." Tim finally says when he's done skimming the content.

"Why'd they invite you? You've been out of the Navy for years."

Tim looks up and Ray is tempted to laugh at the undecided mixture of puzzled and pissed on his face. "Because I'm nominated as one of three recipients of the Lone Sailor Award 2008."

"The fuck?" Ray blurts out spontaneously and he's glad that Mini isn't around, because then he'd have to apologise for his use of bad language again. 

"My thoughts exactly." Tim agrees with a frown.

"No, I mean what the heck is that? A bit of an explanation, please, I'm not a sailor boy."

Tim rolls his eyes at the nickname, but he's smirking. Ray has always suspected that he secretly likes it when Ray calls him that. "It's basically a way to pay respect to active Navy servicemen or Navy veterans for living their lives following Navy's core values: Honour, courage and commitment."

"Well, makes sense for them to pick you, then." Ray remarks with shrug, because really, it fits. Tim does certainly live according to those values, although Ray doubts he's doing it in order to get a medal. Award. Whatever.

"No, it doesn't, Josh." Tim huffs. "I'm thirty-five, I'm not old enough yet to actually _have_ a life's work to honour."

Ray looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "Seriously? Come on, Tim, you've done more in those thirty-five years than many do in their entire lives. And I can name quite a few things you did from the top of my head that fit their medal requirements."

"Award." Tim corrects instead of reacting to the actual content of Ray's words. "It's not a medal."

Ray decides to let him get away with it. For now. "So, when and where is that gala?"

"Dinner." Tim points out drily.

Ray smirks. "Whatever."

"September 18th. In DC." Tim replies after quickly checking the letter.

Ray raises an eyebrow. "Are you going?"

Tim glances down at the invitation again and there's the beginning of a smirk on his lips. Instead of answering Ray's question, he remarks, "By that time we'll be married."

"Yeeees?" Ray draws out the word because he can feel there's more behind the statement of the well-known fact that the ceremony is about a month before the gala-dinner thing.

The smirk grows wider and Ray can see the wheels turning behind his eyes when Tim looks at him. "The invitation does specify that spouses are encouraged to come."

It hits Ray like a bolt of lightning. _Ohhhhh_. He begins to grin. "DADT is still in effect."

Tim cocks an eyebrow. "So it is."

"But we're not bound by it anymore." Ray continues Tim's train of thoughts.

"Like nobody ever should be in the first place." Tim remarks in that tone of voice that Ray knows from his rants of frustration.

Ray's grin widens. "If you ever had something to say that you wanted to be heard, well, this is your chance."

"Is it, now?" Tim grins, and there's definitely a mischievous edge to it. "Oh, this is going to be fun."


	53. Witness - (Tim/Ray, Ray & Tim & Tim's Mother)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruth Bryan watches her son get married.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You all must have known that the big romantic in me couldn't _not_ write a chapter about Tim's and Ray's wedding, so I hope you approve of how I did it ^^ Let me know? :D
> 
> I'm really sorry, **Veronibell** , but this chapter will give you the birthday brain twin creeps again. Some of it are things you pretty much wrote identical in your comments, although a few things are maybe a bit better than you expected them to be :D I hope you enjoy it, my dear ^^

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


On Saturday, August 16th 2008, Ruth Bryan watches her son get married. 

It's a small ceremony in the garden of a friend's house. It's beautifully decorated for the occasion, Ruth herself helped with the preparations and she's proud of the results. It's simple but tasteful, just like she knows Tim likes things. He's not fond of grand gestures or ostentatious decorations. 

There aren't many people gathered, it's an intimate affair with only the closest friends and family members. The first person Ruth met was the friend whose garden they're celebrating in, and she is very impressed by how tall he is. Even her Tim appears small next to him. His name is Brad, she remembers, and he's also Ray's best man. He served together with Tim and Ray, they explained. Ruth noticed that Mini calls him Uncle Brad, seems to know him very well and definitely loves him a lot. It seems to be a mutual feeling, as far as she can tell her granddaughter has Brad wrapped around her little finger.

The second person she met is the handsome young man who they introduced as Walt, another friend from their military days. Mini calls him Uncle Walt and seems to be as fond of him as he is of her. Ruth wonders if there's anybody who her granddaughter _hasn't_ wrapped around her little finger.

Walt will be the one to officiate the ceremony, Ruth learned. At first she wondered if he was a clergyman, but when she asked they collectively began laughing and explained to her that there's a thing called 'Deputy Marriage Commissioners for a Day' in California where a person can get deputised to perform a wedding ceremony for a specific couple, such as friends or family members. And Tim and Ray asked Walt if he was willing to do them the honour, which he was. Then there's a friend of Tim's from work, a young man by the name of Elliot and his girlfriend, and a childhood friend of Ray's, a young and very pregnant woman called Pammy, who came with her husband and who is bickering with Ray as if she's his sister.

Ruth also already met Ray's mother and his grandmother, and now she understands where his smile, his laid-back attitude and his looks come from. Ruth encountered Ray's grandmother first, and she seems to like Tim a lot and persistently calls him 'boy', 'sonny' or 'young Timothy'. She's a jovial woman, but she's also quite direct, which shocked Ruth at first. It's definitely a trait she passed on to her grandson.

Ray's mother is a petite woman with the same thick dark hair and the same brown eyes as her son. She's wearing a long blue summer dress that somehow manages to look elegant on her slender frame. Ruth couldn't help noticing Mini's very enthusiastic shout of _'Granny!'_ when she saw Ray's mother, or the way the little girl stormed over to her and squealed in delight when Ray's mother picked her up and kissed her cheek. Mini is definitely more comfortable and more physical with Ray's mother and grandmother than she is with Ruth. It hurts a little, but Ruth knows it's her own fault and that she'll have to work to make up for it. She's determined that she will manage.

Ruth has to admit that there is also a twinge of jealousy at the easy affection she witnessed between Tim and Ray's mother. Tim seem to be close to her, and Ruth didn't miss the way he hugged her when they arrived, completely comfortable with her touch in a way he hasn't been with Ruth's in a long time. If she was an outside observer who didn't know either Tim or Ray's mother, she'd assume he was _her_ son. And that hurts a lot, but it also shows Ruth what she is working for, why she made the right choice when she decided to change sides and stand by her son instead of her husband. She also has to say that she actually likes both Ray's mother and his grandmother, same as she has grown to like her son's partner.

It took her a while, she will admit that much. When Tim, Ray and Mini came to her house that fateful evening for dinner, Ruth was stunned and at the same time humbled by their genuine affection, by their silent communication, by their unwavering loyalty, by their profound trust and their intense protectiveness of each other. Seeing them together was like a revelation to her. She realised that she got to see a part of Tim that he had always carefully kept away from her. She had never seen him with any of his partners, male or female, and she had never seen him love somebody with all his heart except for Marley and Brianna. 

But that evening, watching him with Mini suddenly made her realise that he not only _would be_ a wonderful father, he _already was_. Had been for a long time, and she had never known it. Hearing Mini call Tim 'Dad' so easily, so naturally, made her heart clench and only then did she become aware of how much of him she'd never gotten to know. Not because he didn't have people in his life that he loved, not because he didn't have a family, but because he knew she wouldn't understand, would taint the things that were so important to him. It was one of the most painful insights Ruth has ever had.

And then Alan came back and before she could tell Tim what she had just understood, things escalated so incredibly quickly that damage control was not even an option. What Tim said back then, it rang so true, and Ruth felt like his words were not only addressed at Alan, but at her, too. It struck her deep, it still does. She never wants her child to think what Tim said that night. She never wants her child to tell her that the most important thing for them is to be nothing like her as a parent. She knows Tim, he would never say things like that if he didn't mean them. Maybe that is part of what makes his words hurt so much.

That night Ruth had the first real fight with Alan in decades. She was so shocked and appalled that he had spoken like that in front of Mini - _to_ Mini - who was just a little child and had nothing to do with his issues with Tim. When the door had closed behind Tim with a finality that scared her, she began screaming at Alan like she never had before. She thinks she might have shocked him with her reaction, with the force of it as well as the unexpectedness. It seems to her that he never expected her to take sides in this conflict because she never had done so before, and even if, he'd always been sure that she was on _his_ side. She's ashamed to admit that it might indeed have been so if it was just about Tim and a boyfriend, something she still was working on comprehending, but the introduction of Mini changed things for her in a fundamental way. Meeting her, seeing Tim with her and then witnessing the blatant cruelty aimed at the little girl on her husband's part shifted something in her. 

Ruth had lain awake the entire night after the fight. She felt so ashamed for Alan's behaviour, for his cruel words. She felt ashamed for _her_ actions, or rather for what she _hadn't_ done. She felt ashamed for never standing up to Alan before despite knowing better, despite knowing that what he was doing was wrong. She felt ashamed for being so weak, and she was also absolutely sure that she would never see Tim again if she didn't do something right then and there. 

So she got up early and went over to Marley's house. She knew she had to see her daughter face to face for this conversation, Marley had to see how serious she was, or Marley wouldn't give her anything. Ruth told her about what had happened the night before, told her everything she had come to realise, told her what Tim had said, told her about the fight with Alan and that they weren't talking right now. And after a long time of scrutinising her, Marley had given her the address of Tim's hotel and his room number. Ruth is not ashamed to admit that she had cried with relief at being given a chance to make things right.

Since the breakfast she had with Tim and his family that morning, she has spoken to Tim, Ray and Mini on the phone several times. It became easier with every call, and she was even sent a drawing that Mini made for her. Ruth put it up on the fridge next to the artwork of Bri, Sue and John in a very pointed way that almost dared Alan to take it down. The fact that he didn't tells her a lot. 

She remembers how they didn't talk to each other for almost two days after the fight. Marley still refuses to talk to him, and Alan has been more quiet ever since. Ruth wonders if that night made him realise that Ruth has limits, and that he came very close to breaking them. She wonders if he realised that she might not always be on _his_ side - something he'd taken for granted before. She wonders if he realised that she might not always be there at all, and if that happens, it'll be because he pushed her too far.

When Ruth found the invitation to Tim's and Ray's wedding in the mailbox, her first reaction was intense relief that her son wanted her there for his wedding. It was so strong that it made tears come to her eyes, because she was well aware she wasn't forgiven yet and that things were not all right between them. They still aren't, so to be invited to such an important event in Tim's life is a gesture of fragile but growing trust that Ruth will never take for granted.

She didn't miss that the invitation was addressed to her only. Neither Alan nor Martha are invited, and Ruth can't say that she is surprised at that. Ruth thinks it's telling that she and Marley are the only ones from Tim's immediate family here today. And of course there's Brianna, who will always be Tim's little girl no matter how old she gets, and Alex, who Tim has established an easy friendship with over the years. 

When the first bout of relief slowly eased, her feelings about the fact that Tim was going to marry a man were complicated. On one hand she finally accepted that there would never be a wife and a normal life for Tim. Because if Tim gives his heart to somebody to the point that he decides to marry them, then he is loyal till the end and will not be the one to walk away. And she may not know Ray very well, but from the little she has seen, she knows he won't walk away either. So she decided that she had better get used to the fact that her son will have a husband instead of a wife. 

Then she thought about little Mini and her huge smile and realised that on the other hand Tim had already given her a grandchild - even without a wife. Ruth will admit that she fell in love with the little girl already during their visit that fateful evening. In her opinion it's impossible not to love Mini with her open friendliness, her genuine laugh, her easy affection and her instant acceptance of Ruth in her life. What more could she ask for - her son is happy, he has a loyal, loving significant other, he's a wonderful father and he has given her the grandchild she always wanted from him. And now, she'd concluded back then when she'd looked at the invitation, she even gets to see him get married. So maybe things did work out after all.

The ceremony starts at eleven o'clock, and Ruth thinks it's beautiful. Both Tim and Ray are dressed in black tuxedos with bow ties, Ray wearing a black shirt and Tim a white one, and they look very handsome. Marley is Tim's best man, so to speak, and she's wearing a dark grey pantsuit that is definitely chosen to match Brad's suit. In accordance with their respective affiliation, Marley has selected a white blouse and Brad is dressed in a black shirt. They all look very classy, although Marley's bright ginger hair stands out noticeably in the otherwise muted colours. She pinned it up into a tight bun, probably to dampen it's eye-catching effect at least a little, and Ruth smiles at the thoughtfulness of the gesture. It's so typically Marley.

Mini and Brianna are the junior bridesmaids, even if there's no bride. At the first glance the girls are each other's complete opposite in their physical appearance. Brianna's skin is white like a lily and she has bright ginger hair and big blue eyes, while Mini has a soft warm brown skin and shiny raven-black hair and huge, captivating brown eyes. Yet there's no denying their similarities. They both look so proud and their huge smiles seem to rival each other. They're wearing the same flowing, full-length white dress despite the fact that they're six years apart, and both have their hair braided to beautiful crowns decorated with little white flowers. Ruth was surprised to learn that it was Tim who did their hair, and that the girls had planned together with Marley what they wanted to wear in order to make it a surprise for Tim and Ray.

Ruth has to admit that she is moved to tears by the short but so clearly sincere and heartfelt vows, and she has to dab a handkerchief to her eyes. Tim is looking at Ray with a kind of smile she has never seen on her son's face before - so genuine, so unguarded, so soft, so happy. It makes her certain that he has found everything she ever wanted for him: Somebody to love him, a family, a life that makes him happy.

She watches them slip their wedding rings on each other's finger before they both sign their marriage license with huge smiles on their faces, followed by Walt as the officiant and Brad as the witness. When Walt declares them husband and husband and tells them they may kiss each other now, Tim leans in at the same time that Ray stretches up and then they're kissing, real and deep and passionate. It's the first time she's seeing Tim kiss a man, Ruth realises, yet somehow it looks right. She can see the love they feel for each other in every gesture, in every look, in every smile. Then Mini comes running up to them and Tim picks her up easily, a big smile on his face. Ray leans in to peck a kiss to her cheek, and then Tim does, and Mini laughs in joy.

Ruth watches them, smiling. Yes, she thinks to herself, Tim has everything a mother wants for her child.


	54. Bonds - (Tim & Mini & Ray, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim and Ray have a gift for Mini.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We only have four more chapters to go, then the story will be done (for now, anyway - yes, I know I said the same thing eight years ago and look what happened... XD). So because it's so much fun, here's one more chapter from Mini's POV. And as a wee treat you'll get one from Nate's POV later on. Yep, Brad/Nate will officially become part of the tags then XD Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. Make me a happy wee cookie and let me know? ^_^ 
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : See, I even went a step further than just Tim adopting Mini :D Hope you like the fluff-attack XD

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)

I play with the silver band on Tāttā's finger, turn it round and round, and it moves smoothly. Tāttā turns his hand palm up so that I can reach it easier, but he keeps talking to Granny who's sitting next to us at the table. I shift a little because I feel that I'm beginning to slide off his legs, and Tāttā tightens his arm around my waist and pulls me back up until I'm comfortable again. I lean back against him, raise his hand in front of my face and keep playing with his ring.

I think we picked out the perfect ring, Āppa and me. I like how the broad silver line looks against Tāttā's skin. Nana was right when she said I'd have to make sure that Āppa picked a pretty ring. Some of those he pointed out to me were horrible. But this one is very nice, it looks strong like Āppa and Tāttā do. I know that there's a word on the inside of it. _'Always'_. Āppa chose it, and I think it's perfect.

Today is a special day for Āppa and Tāttā because they got married. I still don't quite understand why they did it only now, because according to Nana's definition of marriage, they have _always_ been married. But I like that everybody is laughing today, and that Grandma and Nana and Granny are here. And Bri and Auntie Marley came too, and Bri and I got to have a sleepover yesterday. We were allowed to watch two movies and Āppa even made popcorn for us and then today Tāttā did our hair and it looks so beautiful. 

I think Bri looks like a fire princess. Her hair glows in the sun and it looks so pretty against her white dress. I have the same dress, and I like it so much. Bri said if she's the fire princess, then I'm the raven princess. I think that is very cool. I like ravens a lot. They're shiny and strong and smart.

It's afternoon now and I'm tired from playing tag with Uncle Brad and Uncle Walt and Bri. I think it's not fair because Uncle Brad's arms are so long that he always catches us. But I like it when he lifts me off the ground when he catches me, because it feels like flying. But I'm still tired, so when I saw Tāttā sitting at the table with Granny, I decided that I wanted a hug and maybe to rest a little in Tāttā's arms. He's really good for cuddling up to, just like Āppa, but I couldn't see Āppa anywhere, so I decided to head over to Tāttā. That's why I'm now sitting on Tāttā's legs and play with his ring. It's pretty and I like how I can turn it on his finger like a tiny wheel.

When Āppa shows up beside us with a nicely wrapped gift in his hands, I feel Tāttā tense against me. When I turn my head to look at him, he's holding Āppa's gaze and then nods slowly, and his arm around my waist tightens for a second. I wonder what is going on, this is strange. 

Tāttā sets me on the ground and then Āppa kneels down and holds the gift out to me. "We've got something for you, Bambi."

"Do the kids always get gifts at their parents' wedding?" I ask curiously, because this is the first wedding I've been to, so maybe that's a tradition. If so, I really like it.

Āppa chuckles. "No, not usually, but this is a special case."

Tāttā gives me one of his gentle smiles. "You want to open it, peanut?" 

I nod, because I'm curious what their gift is. I carefully open the wrapping paper because it's so pretty that I don't want to damage it. When I have peeled back the last piece of tape, I fold back the wrapping paper and hand it to Granny next to me so that she can keep it safe for me.

"It's just a piece of paper." I say with a somewhat disappointed frown when I hold the content of the present in my hands. It doesn't look like a good gift.

"A piece of paper can hold great power, Bambi." Āppa points out the top of the paper. "Read the first line."

I still don't get what he's trying to tell me, but I decide to do what he told me and start reading out loud. "Cer... Certificate of adop... adoption." 

I know that word. Adoption. I've heard it before, but I'm not quite sure what it means. I look up at Āppa with a questioning gaze. 

"Keep reading, Bambi." Āppa encourages me, and I can see the smile he's trying to hold back. Whatever this is, it's good, then. Āppa looks like he's glowing, so it can't be bad.

I turn back to the paper in my hand and continue reading. "This is to cer... certify that Lakmini Cooray Person has been form... formally adopted by Robert Timothy Bryan."

I look up and glance from Āppa to Tāttā and back. I'm not sure I know what that's supposed to tell me, but I can feel that it's important. 

"That means that your Tāttā is now your legal dad, too." Āppa explains patiently, and his smile is very warm and happy.

"But you've always been my Dad, Tāttā." I say, and I'm confused when I see Tāttā's eyes get wet, like he's about to cry. I've seen him cry once before and that wasn't good, so that worries me. But he doesn't look like he's sad, he's smiling at me, and I decide that he needs a hug. Hugs always make me feel better when I'm crying.

So I step up to the chair he's sitting on and stand on my tiptoes so that I can wrap my arms around his neck. Tāttā's arms close around me like the safe, warm blanket they always remind me of, and I feel him press a kiss to the top of my head.

"I love you, Mini." I hear Tāttā say in Sinhala next to my ear, and his voice sounds oddly rough.

"I love you too, Tāttā." I reply because it's true. I think I'll say it more often, because it makes him chuckle gently and it sounds like he's happy despite his tears. 

When Tāttā lets go of me, I turn to look up at Āppa, who is watching us with a smile that looks like he's very pleased with what he's seeing.

Suddenly I get an idea, and I decide to ask about it. "Āppa?"

"Yeah, Bambi?"

"Does that mean that I can finally have Tāttā's name now, too?" I wonder, because I never quite understood why I only have Āppa's name. Behind me I hear Tāttā chuckle.

Āppa grins and nods. "Yeah, Bambi, you can." 

"In fact, peanut, we've decided that we all will share the same name." Tāttā adds.

"So, how do you like the sound of 'Mini Bryan-Person', Bambi?" Āppa asks and I listen to it carefully.

I repeat it and decide that it sounds very good and I grin. "I like that a lot! It sounds cool."

When I look at Tāttā, I think he looks like he's glowing with his happy smile.


	55. Reunion - (Tim/Ray, implied Brad/Nate, Tim & Ray & Bravo Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a Bravo reunion at Poke's house. Things get interesting when Tim and Ray show up together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you've all been waiting for that must-have Bravo reunion fic. I had so so so much fun writing this XD I hope you have as much fun reading it ^^
> 
> I also have a wee question: I'm currently working on a few manips with Mini, Ray and Tim. I have her aged 3, 4 and 6-7 in family picture manips that I'm still working on. Are you interested in seeing the little girl I had in my head the entire time I was writing Mini? 
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : If you still feel like writing that Trombley fic, this might serve as an orientation to set the situation? I mentioned it already back when you first came up with the idea, so I'm happy to finally present to you the actual fic I was talking about. Since I don't mention Trombley at all, feel free to write to your heart's content ^__^

  
[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Poke looks around his garden and wonders how many more people he's supposed to fit in here. Most of the Bravo guys who were there in 2003 have shown up to their reunion, and it's quite busy. It's interesting to see how those who left the service have changed the most, but are still kind of the same guys as they were back then in the sense that the bond is still there.

There are little groups here and there, guys standing together and talking or just plain old ribbing each other in the same way they used to do on deployments. Some are in twos or threes, some in bigger groups. It's overall a relaxed atmosphere and the weather is playing along nicely. It's a sunny afternoon at the end of August, warm but not too hot, perfect for getting together in the garden instead of having to cram everybody into the house. Gina and the girls have fled anyway, or at least that's what Poke calls it. She called it 'going shopping' and 'visiting her parents for a relaxed evening so that you guys can have fun'. It makes sense, he guesses, considering that it's just the guys getting together, no wives or girlfriends.

Poke turns to look towards the house when there's the rising commotion that's an indication of a new arrival. In this case it's two new arrivals, Poke spots first Doc Bryan and behind him Ray Person. They get welcomed with hoots and handshakes and one-armed embraces and backslapping by the men closest to the back porch, and for some reason Poke's not surprised they arrive together. He decides to be a good host like Gina would expect him to be and to greet the new arrivals personally before guiding them to the food and drinks.

On his way over to the back porch, Poke looks them over in the way he did with all the men to see how they've changed. At the first glance the Doc still looks like he did five years ago. He still wears his trademark moustache, he's still moving with the understated authority he always carried and he obviously keeps in shape despite the fact that he's not in the service anymore. He seems more relaxed to Poke, though, as if he lost some of that frustrated anger that always seemed to fuel him. He's actually grinning at the men who're welcoming him, and Poke is not sure that would have happened a few years ago.

Poke's gaze wanders on to Ray, and he concludes immediately that the fact that he looks quite different is undeniable. First of all, Poke has never seen him with a beard in person, only in those small photos in the magazine article. He's never even considered how much it would change Ray's face. It makes him look older, but in combination with his thick chin-length hair he looks like a poster bad boy. What Poke finds most noticeable, though, is how differently he carries himself. There's none of that hyperactive energy around him anymore, instead there's a kind of loose-limbed confidence that he didn't have the last time Poke saw him. Poke think spontaneously that it suits him really well.

When Poke reaches them, he greets both Doc and Ray before he shows them where the drinks are and where the buffet is set up. Then Brad and the LT arrive and Poke gets distracted by suddenly wondering about how many more couples there are among the men that he didn't know about. He glances over to Rudy and Pappy, who also arrived together. He doesn't say anything about his musings, though, he's well aware what position Brad and the LT are in considering that Brad's still active. Well, and he doesn't _know_ if they're really a couple, it's not like they've ever admitted to it. At least not in words, if you count the looks.

The afternoon progresses into the early evening and at some point Poke ends up on the back porch standing in a circle with Garza, Chaffin, Q-Tip and Ray. He's not sure how they got to quizzing Ray about his time in Sri Lanka, but Poke has to admit that it's a rather interesting story how Ray and the Doc became headmasters of an orphanage in a disaster area. The guys are asking tons of questions about the country and the orphanage and the tsunami, all of it mixed with the customary teasing and insulting. Ray's not shy to thank them for their donations and he lets them know what they did with the money, and that's when Poke's gaze involuntarily goes looking for the camo bandana he noticed in the pictures of the article, the one he's sure belongs to the Doc. He finds it rolled up and wrapped around Ray's left wrist, which is when Poke spots the ring.

"Is that a _wedding ring_ on your finger, dawg?" Poke blurts out spontaneously before he can even think about it. The ring attracts his attention especially because Ray was never one for embellishments of any kind if they weren't tattoos. Still isn't. It's the only piece of jewellery Poke can see on his person - not counting that bandana.

"Yeah, sure is." Person grins proudly. To Poke it seems like it holds the edge of a challenge.

"When did _that_ happen, bro?" Garza asks in obvious surprise. "I never pegged you for the marrying type."

"Two weeks ago." Person replies, pointedly ignoring the latter part of Garza's remark.

"Who the hell agreed to marry _you_ , Person?" Chaffin grins provocatively and bumps his fist against Garza's arm.

Poke is taken by surprise when Doc Bryan suddenly materialises behind Ray like a freaking ghost out of nowhere. He steps up close - _very_ close - to Ray and pointedly wraps his left arm around his waist until his hand is on full display to the men gathered in their round. It's resting comfortably on Ray's stomach in a familiarity that's impossible to interpret as anything other than what it is - _and_ there's an exact match to Ray's ring gracing _his_ ring finger. 

"I did." The Doc says firmly with a challengingly cocked eyebrow. He raises the beer bottle to his mouth and calmly takes a sip without letting go of Ray. To Poke it feels like he's giving them time to stare at his hand and make up their minds. It also seems like it's either a challenge or a provocation, Poke's not quite sure. 

"Screwby." Q-Tip says in spontaneous reaction and sounds somehow impressed, stunned and wary all at the same time. Nobody screws with the Doc, everybody knows that. He's one of the deadliest motherfuckers in the entire battalion, after all. And by extension, you don't screw with his... his _husband_. 

Wow, now that sounds weird, especially when said husband is _Ray Person_ of all people. And Poke already knew about their thing, after all. The others obviously didn't, and they look indeed a bit puzzled, like they're not quite sure whether the Doc and Ray are in on a very elaborate joke that they all are the butt of. 

Chaffin recovers first, only to blurt "Fuck, you're _gay_?" at the Doc.

Way to focus on the important part, Poke thinks and doesn't bother to hold back his eye roll.

"Bi, actually." Doc Bryan corrects him in the calmest of voices that Poke easily understands as a warning. He's not so sure Chaffin does, though. 

For a moment Chaffin gapes at the Doc like a fish. "Since when?"

"Since always." Doc shoots back and openly rolls his eyes. He still has his arm wrapped around Ray, who is clearly very comfortable in the embrace and doesn't make any attempt to step away. Poke is sure they're doing that on purpose, to drive the point home.

"Even back in Iraq?" Chaffin keeps digging as if he doesn't want to believe what he's hearing.

"That would be implied in the word 'always', fucknut." Doc Bryan points out and leaves no doubt about how stupid he considers that question to be.

"We slept in the same tent!" Chaffin is frowning in a way that implies that he's shocked and disgusted and maybe his understanding of the world has just turned on its axis. Because he obviously never suspected the Doc because he's such a _guy_ and does not at all fit into the stereotypes Chaffin clearly has in his head. Poke feels tempted to sigh in annoyance at so much pure dumb ignorance.

"It's nice to see that you're so enlightened, Chaffin." Doc Bryan retorts in a voice that is decidedly sharper than before without actually rising in volume. "Let me reassure you that your scrawny ass was never of any interest to me because I don't fancy ignorant, prejudiced whiskey tango fuckwads with the brain capacity of a domesticated turkey. It's not exactly attractive because nothing but complete and utter bullshit keeps coming out whenever you open your mouth." 

The silence that falls over their group is almost deafening. Poke has rarely seen Doc Bryan aim his verbal barbs at any of his men without the intent of teaching them something. This, though, this was purely to shoot Chaffin down - but then Poke agrees that Chaffin does deserve it in this case. 

"I'm bi too, in case you're interested." Ray chimes in, interrupting the uncomfortable silence. "Seriously, nobody wants to know if _I'm_ gay? Nobody's going to attack me over it? I do feel kinda left out." 

Garza snorts at that statement and even Poke can't help a grin. He's always amazed about Ray's unerring timing when he drops comments like that and how they always manage to break up a situation before it turns ugly. By now Poke is sure that there's nothing accidental about either the timing or the content, although he has to admit he didn't realise that during OIF. 

"You asked _him_ to marry you? Seriously? No shit?" Q-Tip stares at Doc with a perplexed expression on his face. He seems to still be coming to terms with what Doc and Ray are telling them.

"Actually, _he_ asked _me_." Doc Bryan points out in a way that to Poke seems lazily pleased. Almost smug.

"Did you go down on your knees, Person?" Chaffin's tone leaves no doubt that he's hinting at dirty things here.

"It's Bryan-Person now." Ray corrects with a smug grin. "And yes, I did. The whole shebang, including the speech, the knee fall, the little velvet box and the ring."

Q-Tip snorts. He seems to have decided that this must be a joke because it's just too crazy to be true. He's obviously having trouble imagining Ray down on one knee proposing to their famously dangerous and pissed Doc. "So what, now you're aiming for the house with the white picket fence and two and a half kids?" 

Person shakes his head, and Poke is wary of the mischievous smirk he can see tugging on his lips. "Nah, homes, we already have a daughter and a huge apartment. We don't need the house and the fence." 

The stunned silence is probably what Ray was going for all along. Poke remembers only too well how much he likes to shock his audience. He also immediately thinks back to that article in National Geographic and that last photo of Doc, Ray and the little girl, and he can't help wondering it it's her they're talking about.

"You have a kid." Q-Tip says with a frown, and while it's not framed as a question, it's a statement meant to express disbelief in the exact fact it's stating. He doesn't seem quite so sure anymore that this is indeed a joke.

Doc takes it in stride and ignores the underlying intent of the statement. "Yeah. Her name is Mini. She just turned seven." 

"You're fucking with us." Chaffin huffs at the same time that Garza exclaims, "How long the fuck have you been together if she's _seven_?!"

Ray grins, but before he can reply in an undoubtedly dirty and overly explicit fashion, Walt Hasser's voice cuts in. "Since Baghdad." 

Q-Tip eyes him warily when he comes to stand in the round with a beer in his hand. "Are you in on their joke, Walt? Seriously, I wouldn't have pegged you for a prankster."

Walt shakes his head. "No joke, Q-Tip."

"What, you _knew_ about this?" Poke can't quite hide his surprise. He thought he was the only one who had found them out. Well, and Brad probably knew, given his friendship with Ray.

"Yep. Since before they even got together." Hasser takes a long sip of his beer and seems to enjoy his moment of triumph. 

"So that supposed daughter of theirs is real?" Q-Tip looks doubtful, but he seems to realise that this _truly_ is no joke.

Walt laughs out loud. "Mini? Yeah, of course she's real!"

"Pictures." Garza commands and waves his hand demandingly at Doc Bryan and Ray, who still haven't stepped apart. "I want to see pictures! I need proof."

Ray gives a long-suffering sigh as if it's a real hardship to show them a picture. The Doc lets go of him so that Ray can get his wallet out of his back pocket and a moment later Person unfolds a photo and holds it out for all of them to see.

Poke leans forward instinctively because he wants to see if it's the little girl from the article. The picture shows a dark skinned little girl of maybe six or seven years with two long black braids, wearing cut-off jeans and a bright green t-shirt with a pixie printed on the front. She's sitting on Doc Bryan's shoulders with a huge grin on her face and there's a fond smile on the Doc's. The background shows the outline of a trailer with a built-on porch where an old woman is sitting in a chair, watching Doc, the girl and obviously the person behind the camera with a content smile. It doesn't take Poke any effort to understand that she must be Ray's Grandma.

And yeah, it's the same girl all right, Poke assesses easily. Means all his assumptions were correct. Interesting. 

" _That's_ your kid? She looks like a Haji-bit-"

"Careful now, Chaffin." Doc Bryan interrupts him in a quiet voice that somehow amplifies the very real threat it holds. " _Very_ careful."

It makes Chaffin fall silent immediately, and the sudden intense tension in the air is not lost on anybody. It makes Poke a little nervous, because he's pretty sure the Doc is way more dangerous than he lets on - he's a SARC, after all, he's bound to have even more training than the Marines he served with. And he's always been at his most dangerous when he's protecting kids. Poke doesn't even want to know what he'll be willing to do when it concerns his own kid. Because while he's obviously not the little girl's father by birth, he clearly considers her his daughter, and Poke knows better than to mess with that. He throws a glance at Chaffin and hopes he knows better, too.

For a second or two it looks like Chaffin is willing to take the Doc up on his threat. Poke eyes Ray, who he thinks might be the only person capable to keep the Doc in check, but Ray doesn't look like he's even considering to hold Doc back should he engage Chaffin. Instead he looks like he'll join in and gang up with the Doc on their fellow Marine. Poke is about to get involved to defuse the situation when Chaffin raises his hands in a de-escalating gesture. "Sorry, Doc. I meant no offence."

Doc Bryan keeps looking at Chaffin through narrowed eyes for a few moments longer, then he takes a deep breath and consciously seems to relax. He steps back from where he had advanced on Chaffin and gives a quick nod. Poke feels the tension in the air ease almost immediately. Somehow he's sure they just avoided a situation that could have turned very ugly. 

One look at Ray tells him that he's not that easily appeased, though. Ray is still tense and he's glaring at Chaffin as if he's still thinking about taking him down. Poke eyes him carefully, ready to jump in should it become necessary. He really doesn't want a fight to break out in his house or even anywhere near it. Not even in the street out front. He's well aware of how much damage two brawling Marines can cause.

Before Poke is forced to get involved, though, Walt throws his arm around Person's shoulders and begins to steer him towards the kitchen. "Let's go get another beer, Ray."

Ray allows himself to be dragged away and Poke relaxes again. A quick glance around shows that everything is going well right now. He spots no immediate threats of violence about to damage his property, so he decides to head inside and over to Brad, who has taken possession of Poke's very comfortable couch. Poke gets himself a fresh beer on the way over, then he plops down in the armchair next to the couch where Brad is lazing about. "So, Brad, did you know about all that stuff with Ray and the Doc and didn't tell me a thing?"

Brad shrugs and pops a few chips in his mouth, obviously very well aware what Poke is talking about. "Well, I was Ray's best man, so..."

"Dawg!" Poke complains pointedly. "That's cold, man, keeping that all to yourself. Real Iceman-like."

Brad grins, and it's definitely gleeful. "What can I say? I didn't want to spoil the fun for you."

Poke feels compelled to point out the consequences of Brad's silence. "Fun? The Doc was close to killing Chaffin out there!"

That makes Brad look up in interest. "He was?"

Poke nods in confirmation. "Sure was. Doc's a dangerous motherfucker, and you know that."

Brad returns his attention to the bag of chips on his lap. "What did Chaffin do to deserve the Doc's wrath?"

Poke finds it telling that Brad immediately knows to look for the fault in Chaffin's behaviour. Of course, he's not wrong in that assessment. "He was about to insult the Doc's kid."

"Yeah, well, he should have known better." Brad seems more interested in finding the perfectly formed chip in the bag than in Chaffin's almost-demise at the Doc's hands. "You don't go around poking the Doc with a stick without expecting to pay for it. And going after someone's kid is a _very_ big stick."

There's so much truth in Brad's words that Poke can only incline his head in acknowledgement. If Chaffin had said that about Poke's girls, he would have reacted in pretty much the same way, after all. No matter how far the Marines take their insults, they always stay clear of each other's kids. It's like an unspoken rule, and Chaffin just broke it big time. 

"So, what did Ray do?" Brad's question sounds casual, but Poke gets that it is anything but.

"Walt dragged him away before he could charge Chaffin."

"Good for Chaffin." Brad looks up and Poke feels a shiver run down his back at the icy hardness in his gaze. "I would have helped Ray."

Poke lets that sink in for a moment. "I take it you know his daughter, then."

"I've known her since she was three." Brad raises an eyebrow. "She calls me 'Uncle Brad'."

It's all Poke needs to hear to get the situation loud and clear. If you belong to Brad's very small circle of loves ones, he will do everything for you. Seems that this little girl is firmly in that circle. Makes Poke want to meet her.

Chaffin really fucked up tonight, Poke can't help thinking. Maybe he ought to warn him about that. Being on the Iceman's bad side is never a good place to be.


	56. Understanding - (Tim/Ray, Nate & Tim, Brad/Nate)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate and Tim exchange a few honest words at Bravo's reunion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always had the impression in the series that Tim and Nate understood each other really well and that Nate was pretty much the only officer Tim really respected, so of course I had to have those two chat a bit. Especially considering how much they have in common now... XD The next chapter is Nate's POV and we'll finally get some insight into his and Brad's relationship :D
> 
> There is now art to go along with this fic! If you're curious to see Mini aged 4 and 7, I have two wee pieces of fanart for that here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24594811/chapters/59408473 I'd love to hear what you think :D *gnaws on nails and waits anxiously*
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : You remember that Tim and Nate conversation I mentioned a while ago? Well, here it is ^^ I hope you enjoy it - next up is the Uncle Nate chapter you've been waiting for :D

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)

"Seems I'm not the only one hiding out here."

Tim turns towards the voice although he recognised it immediately. He's leaning with his elbows on the wooden banister of Poke's front porch, a beer dangling from his fingers while he's enjoying the quiet out here. Everybody else is either inside the house or in the garden behind the house. It has become late and Tim needs a moment to himself after too much time spent with the men. Of course that's when Nate Fick stumbles across him. Tim's not particularly surprised about that. He has always had the feeling that the LT understands his need for solitude.

"Seems so, sir." Tim replies with a small nod at his former LT and gestures with his hand at the spot next to him to let him know his presence is welcome. Fick comes to stand next to him and leans on the banister as well.

"No 'sir', Tim." Fick smiles at him in a way that still makes him look like a teenager. "I'm not your commanding officer anymore."

"Yeah, I know." Tim shrugs and smirks. "Habit."

"There's a lot of that going around." Fick chuckles and takes a sip of his beer. "Still. I've been out of the Corps for years now. They've been to my paddle party."

"Well, some habits are hard to break." Tim turns his head to look at Fick and makes sure to catch his gaze. "Others we keep on out of respect, _sir_."

Tim was at Fick's paddle party, too. Of course he was. Fick is one of the very few officers Tim ever truly respected and pretty much the only one he would have followed to hell and back on his own accord, even against orders. Because Fick is a genuinely good man in a way that Tim encountered only very few times in his life. Because the LT expected himself to take absolutely every risk that he ordered his men to take. Because the LT stood in front of his men during OIF trying to keep Command's incompetence from rolling downhill and killing his men. He saw something was wrong and stood up to it at his own risk to protect those under his command, knowing fully well how futile it was. That's something Tim will always give him great credit for.

Fick gives a genuine smile in response to Tim's words, quietly acknowledging the sign of respect for what it is and at the same time expressing his appreciation of the gesture. They drink in companionable silence for a few minutes, then Tim catches Fick pointedly glancing at the ring on Tim's finger. 

"I hear congratulations are in order." Fick smiles and offers his hand. 

"Thank you, sir." Tim accepts the handshake and the good wishes it stands for, slightly surprised that the LT is this forward on this specific topic. DADT is still going strong, after all, and Tim is well aware that it directly impacts on the LT's life. For a moment Tim hesitates, then he decides to see how far Fick is willing to take his honesty. "Did you learn about that today at the reunion or did Brad tell you when he became Ray's best man?"

Fick watches him carefully for a long while before he answers. "Brad showed me your invitation when it arrived."

"I thought he would." Tim inclines his head to show his respect and appreciation for the LT's decision to tell him the truth. They both know what Fick admits to by saying those exact words - not _'Brad told me'_ but ' _Brad_ showed _me'_ , which clearly implies a physical presence. Combined with _'when it arrived'_ , a not so subtle way of stating that he was there, at Brad's place, the day the card was delivered - when he could just as well have used a neutral way of phrasing it, like _'when Brad got it'_. As confessions go, it's as subtle yet unambiguous as possible and would still sound completely innocent to a random listener. Tim is impressed by Fick's verbal masquerading skills as well as his obviously omnipresent consideration of the dangers to Brad's career.

Tim holds his gaze and wills him to understand that the revelation of their relationship does not really come as a surprise to Tim. The LT gives an almost imperceptible nod, and Tim can tell that he just confirmed Fick's suspicion that Tim had known all along. Back then, during OIF, Tim considered it just one of the many quirks of the men that he as the corpsman had to know about to make the right decision should they ever be injured. Tim is sure there weren't many secrets he hadn't known about, but never once did he consider making use of that knowledge beyond including it in his assessment of any given situation when his services became necessary. Considering how relaxed Fick's posture still is, he's well aware of that.

"It was a rather _unusual_ wedding invitation, I have to say." Fick remarks with a smirk after a moment of silence.

Tim can't help the spontaneous snort of laughter at the memory and he catches the LT's smirk deepening. Of course Ray had insisted that he wouldn't send out boring, white cards with gold imprint and a fancy cursive font, especially not to Brad who'd mock him for it for the rest of his life. Instead he'd bought the most kitsch Oceanside postcard he could find, then he drew two interlocked wedding rings on the back and wrote Tim's and his name inside them in some strange kind of Lord of the Rings imitation, including the glow effect. Next to his ring, he drew an overly long stick figure and noted the words 'Brad' and 'best man' besides the figure. It was Tim who scrawled the date at the bottom of the card before he put it in the mail, because Ray had obviously not considered that relevant information.

"It was Josh's idea." Tim says with a fond half smile, and he knows Fick catches the name he uses for Ray and understands the meaning easily. 

"You're lucky, you know." Fick comments in a very quiet voice after a while of companionable silence that feels longer than it probably was. "I'm happy for you and Ray."

Tim nods slowly in acknowledgement. Of course he knows he's lucky. Fick might be free to openly love who he wants to, but Brad isn't. He's still bound by DADT and has to be extra careful. Tim knows that Brad's a lifer, for him the Marines are more than just a career. It's his vocation, and Tim gets that Fick is protecting Brad's way of life - his very spirit - by keeping silent. It pointedly reminds him of the time after OIF, when Ray had left the Marines while Tim was still on active duty. He remembers how they had to keep their letters and calls superficial and nondescript during Tim's deployment. He remembers that they couldn't officially live together. He remembers the many times he had to remind himself not to touch Ray when they were out in public, not to look at him in a way that would tell people what Ray means to him. Oh yes, he knows exactly what situation the LT is in right now.

"Some day, sir." Tim says in a voice that shows his confidence that DADT won't persist forever.

"Yeah." Fick takes a deep breath and lets it escape slowly, gaze lost in the night sky. He sounds like he wants to believe it, but doesn't quite dare to hope. "Maybe some day."


	57. Confessions - (Brad/Nate, Nate & Mini & Brad, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate meets Mini and she asks a few very interesting question that he was _so_ not prepared for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this wasn't planned at all. I only ever wanted to include Brad/Nate as an implied side pairing, but then Nate got horny and Brad obliged and somehow this turned into 7.000 words, over a third of which have _nothing_ to do with Mini or Ray/Tim... o_O So, yeah, here's my first Brad/Nate fic ever. It snuck up on me. Totally ninja. 
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : Now, I know I've only been hinting at Brad and Nate before and that you wanted more, so I hope this meets your expectations *dirty grin* There's also another birthday brain twin moment here, I'm just saying Brad and movies... It's not an exact match, but close enough that you'll understand why I snorted when I read that comment of yours for 'Pact' XD

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)

"Brad!"

The shout is accompanied by a heavy fist to the door. Nate glances up from the report he's reading, comfortably lying on his stomach in Brad's huge bed.

"Brad! Come on, homes, open up!" The banging gets a little more intense.

It's Saturday morning and Brad is out for an hour of surfing because the waves are so good, and Nate wonders why the fuck this has to happen in the short period of time Brad is not here. 

"Brad, this is kind of an emergency! Open up!"

Nate sighs, pushes off the bed, grabs a t-shirt from the chair and pulls it over his head while he's making his way towards the door. He usually wouldn't open Brad's door to anyone when he's here and Brad is out, but he knows that voice only too well. It's not like Ray would ever put Brad's career in danger, so Nate opening the door for him is a calculated risk. Not to mention that Nate admitted his relationship with Brad to Tim at the Bravo reunion a week ago, so even if Ray hadn't known before, he definitely does now. Well, he most likely already has for years, anyway. 

Nate makes sure to open the door mid punch and gives Ray his best LT look. "Yes, Corporal?"

For a moment Ray looks actually stunned into speechlessness with his hand still raised to knock, and Nate can't quite suppress the surge of pride at having managed that. Then Ray's gaze flickers down and a barely suppressed smirk comes to his lips that makes a sense of dread rise in Nate. It can't be just the fact that he's greeted by Nate in boxers and a t-shirt, that wouldn't make him smirk like _that_. 

"Good morning, LT Colbert." The smirk widens a little more.

Nate feels a wave of _something_ shoot through him at being called by Brad's name, something hot and feral and possessive, and can feel that his cheeks grow warm, but it's not embarrassment. He can't help looking down to his chest where Ray's gaze had flickered, and he suddenly realises that the t-shirt he grabbed is Brad's, the Marine Corps logo on the chest and next to it in slightly faded letters _'COLBERT'_. 

Nate knows he should admonish Ray for that, or at least correct him, but he finds that he can't. He _doesn't want_ to. So instead he just raises an eyebrow and says, "Brad is not here right now. He's out surfing."

"Since _you_ opened his door at seven thirty in the morning, I already figured as much." Ray replies with a smirk that he's not bothering to hide at all now. "But you'll do just as well, LT."

"What do-" Before Nate can complete his question, Ray turns around and strides back to the car parked in the driveway. He opens the back-seat door and a moment later a little girl jumps out and comes back with Ray towards Nate. Nate knows this is Mini, Ray's daughter. He has seen pictures of her and Brad. There's even one taped to Brad's fridge where somebody has drawn little horns, a tail and dragon wings on Brad and a huge sword and a shield in Mini's hands. Nate is not sure if it was Ray, his daughter or Brad himself. Maybe it was an collaborative art project.

"Tim was called in for an emergency shift because of that apartment building fire and I have to be at work in-" Ray checks his watch - "ten minutes, actually, so watch my daughter, will you, LT? I get off at one, I'll be back for her then."

"Ah-" That's as far as Nate gets before Ray turns to the little girl and kisses her on the forehead. "Bambi, that's your Uncle Nate, and he's going to spend the morning with you. Be nice to him until Brad gets back, he's still new to this." 

Nate is not sure what to make of the fact that Ray just declared him to be her Uncle Nate, but again he doesn't get a chance to say anything, because Ray just throws him a big grin and then turns around to leave. "Thanks a lot, LT!"

Nate is standing in the door and feels like an idiot, completely steamrolled by Ray's assault. He watches him jog back to the car and drive off with a final wave to his daughter. Nate gazes down at her, not quite sure what to do now, but she obviously has ideas. She looks at Nate for a moment as if studying him, then she smiles at him. "Can we have pancakes for breakfast?"

"Sure." Nate steps aside so that she can come in, because quite frankly, he doesn't know what else to do. It's not like he'd leave her out in the street. She takes off her shoes - they're neon green, Nate can't help noticing - and sets them neatly besides Brad's comparatively huge sneakers, then she takes off her little - also neon green - backpack and carries it over to the living room, where she puts it next to the couch. She's clearly very familiar with Brad's house and seems to consider it something like home, because there is no hesitation whatsoever in her behaviour. 

Nate closes the door and follows her, with a quick detour to Brad's bedroom to pull on a pair of jeans. When he returns to the kitchen, Mini is perched on one of the high bar stools and is quite obviously waiting for Nate. She looks at him with big brown eyes that remind Nate of Ray despite the fact that he knows they're not biologically related. Her hair is pulled back in a somewhat messy bun and she's wearing a t-shirt in pretty much the same colour as her shoes, while her shorts are actually normal cut-off jeans. She's kicking her legs on the high chair and watches him attentively while he's coming around to lean on the counter from the other side.

"What kind of pancakes do you want, Mini?" Nate asks just to have something to say. It's not like he knows her beyond what he has heard from Brad - but to be fair, he heard quite a lot about her from Brad - and he doesn't want to assume that she's comfortable with him. He's sure she hasn't heard anywhere near as much about him as he has heard about her.

"There are different kinds?" She asks with a curious tilt of her head.

"Oh yes, there sure are. Many many different kinds all over the world. Pancakes are one of the oldest foods made of cereal. They existed already thousands of years ago." Nate explains easily. "I know how to make three different kinds. First there are the American pancakes, the small thick ones that you're probably familiar with?" 

He makes it a question to get her engaged, and she nods eagerly. "They're very good with blueberries, or with maple syrup, or with chocolate chips!"

"Oh yes, they are." Nate smiles involuntarily. Seems somebody here has a sweet tooth. "I can also make European pancakes, which are larger and a little thinner than American pancakes. My grandma always made them with apple slices in the batter and then sprinkled sugar and cinnamon over them before she served them to us. And then there are crêpes, which are a thin version that comes from France, and that you can eat with pretty much everything you want, from cheese and ham to fruit salad or chocolate sauce."

Mini gives the selection more thought than Nate has seen Schwetje give to a life and death decision. "I want the ones with the apple slices and cinnamon." 

"European pancakes it is, then." Nate declares and gets a bowl, then he gathers everything he needs from Brad's fridge and shelves. They're pretty well stocked, which is very good in this particular case. Nate pours Mini an orange juice before he asks, "So, Mini, what would you be normally doing today if that fire hadn't forced your Dad to work?"

Mini jumps at the question immediately and tells him all about how she would have woken her Dad because he always sleeps longer than her when he doesn't have to work, and then she and her Daddy and her Dad would have gone out running, and then Daddy makes them breakfast and afterwards Dad would have braided her hair when Daddy has to go to work. And then her Dad wanted to take her on a whale watching tour because she loves whales so much, and then Daddy would have joined them afterwards at the beach so that they can have a soft ice cream and walk barefoot in the sand while they eat it. Nate tries to imagine all of that with Ray and Doc in the starring roles and finds himself smirking at some of the resulting images. It's nice to see that they have built a life like that, yet it's a little difficult to imagine a few things when you mostly know somebody just from deployments.

While Mini is talking, Nate prepares the pancake batter, cuts two apples in slices and sets a plate in front of her, another one opposite of her for himself and one between them in Brad's usual spot. He has just poured the first pancake and put in the apple slices when he hears the front door open and close, followed by Brad kicking off his shoes. Brad's footfalls are entirely silent when he enters the living-dining room and Nate drinks him in when he comes into view. He looks absolutely delicious in Nate's opinion. He thoroughly enjoys how Brad looks after surfing, he's relaxed and more loose-limbed than normal, his hair often still wet at the tips and his t-shirt clinging just a little bit to his damp skin, which shows off his muscles in all the right places. Nate wants to just grab him and drag him to the bedroom every single time he sees him like that, which often enough is exactly what he does, and it's one of the reasons why he never protests when Brad wants to go out for surfing. His return is usually _very_ pleasant.

Right now Brad has a frown on his face that tells Nate that he must have seen Mini's shoes in the hallway. Not that they're difficult to notice. "Nate, why are there-"

"Uncle Brad!" Mini squeals the fraction of a second before she crashes into Brad's legs. Nate sees him stagger just the tiniest bit under the force of her impact, which tells him that she actually managed to take him by surprise. He still catches her instantly in a way that seems like a habit, so Nate can only assume that this is a familiar greeting ritual. He finds it oddly adorable.

"Hello, Mini Mouse." Brad says to her and for once Nate can even _see_ that Brad is surprised, not that it really shows. Nate is just very good at reading him. Somehow that always came easy to him, even before he really knew Brad. "What are you doing here?"

"Uncle Nate and I made breakfast!" Mini beams up at him and points towards Nate and the kitchen with one arm while the other remains wrapped around Brad's hips. Nate finds the picture unbelievably cute, how she doesn't even come up to Brad's navel, how he keeps his hands on her back from where he caught her when she crashed into him, how he's bending down a little to actually reach that low.

"Ray dropped her off half an hour ago." Nate explains and skilfully flips the pancake. "Seems Tim's been called in for an emergency and Ray had to get to work."

"Yeah, the apartment building fire." Brad replies as if that's the most important bit of information in all of this.

"Dad didn't even have time to do my braids." Mini says with a pout and blows a strand of her long hair out of her face. "He was already gone when I woke up. Daddy says he had to leave in the middle of the night to save people."

"Pancake is ready." Nate announces, and that makes Mini let go of Brad so that she can return to the counter and claim the first pancake. She's still climbing up on the chair when Nate transfers the pancake to her plate and sprinkles a generous amount of sugar and cinnamon on it.

"Enjoy, sweetie." Nate says with a smile. 

"Thank you, Uncle Nate!" She graces him with a huge smile before she turns her full attention to the food on her plate. She declares it 'absolutely awesome' - her words - after just one bite and Nate smirks in satisfaction. At least he left a good first impression on her. 

Brad comes into the kitchen and smiles at Nate when he passes him on the way to the fridge to get a bottle of water. He touches his hand to the small of Nate's back before he sits down at his designated spot at the counter. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Yes, you can eat the next pancake." Nate replies with a grin. "If Mini allows it, of course."

"Of course! This is so good, Uncle Brad, you have to try it!" She holds out her fork with a piece of her pancake and Brad leans in so that she can feed it to him. Nate stares a the scene for a second, transfixed by the gentleness of it, the genuine affection. He never really thought about how Brad would be as a father, but seeing him with Mini, he _can't help_ thinking about it. It's like Brad's armour peels back around her, as if he feels no need to guard himself to the degree he usually does when he's around people. 

It's beautiful.

Now Brad's giving her a little smile when he thanks her for the bite and agrees with her assessment that it's 'absolutely amazing' and bows to her in a show of respect, which makes her giggle with joy. Nate just watches out of the corner of his eye and tries not to be too obvious about it, but it's just too heart-warming to miss. He even manages to flip the pancake without turning his gaze away from Mini and Brad for more than the absolutely necessary three seconds.

Brad catches his gaze and holds it for a moment, as if he noticed Nate watching him. Then a slow smile comes to his lips and Nate feels warmth pool in his belly. He returns the smile before he walks over to Brad with the pan in hand and puts the new pancake on his plate. When he's done with his own pancake, Nate sets the pan aside and sits down at the counter to eat before he'll make the next batch. 

Mini is telling them about whales and how she hopes she can see them at some point since she can't do that whale watching tour today. Brad distracts her from her disappointment about the cancelled tour by telling her about the waves he surfed today, and that gets her attention almost immediately. Nate knows that Brad took her surfing for the first time as her birthday present - well, and to allow Ray to propose to Tim - and Brad told him that she took to it like a true surf junkie. She's been out with him several times since, and he told Nate that he sees a lot of potential in her. Nate thinks he's secretly planning on making her his surf buddy, and so far it seem to work very well. She's definitely hanging on Brad's every word about his surf trip this morning.

Nate decides it's time to make more pancakes and leaves Brad and Mini to talk waves while he heats the pan. He serves first Mini, then Brad and then himself again, and Brad gets up inbetween to make fresh coffee for Nate and him. He sets the blue mug that at some point became Nate's down in front of him with a little smile and then sits back down.

"Uncle Nate?" Mini asks and looks at Nate with a questioning gaze. He's still getting used to her calling him that, but he likes how it feels.

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"Are you Mr Someone?" She asks seriously and keeps looking at him.

"Why do you ask?" Nate is not quite sure what to make of that, because who the hell is Mr Someone? His gaze flickers to Brad to see if he knows what she's talking about, and he's sitting on his bar stool with enough tension in his frame to fight off an imminent attack. Nate wonders what that is about. At least he's certain now that Brad definitely knows what she's talking about.

"Because you make Uncle Brad smile a lot, and Mr Someone makes Uncle Brad happy." Mini replies with the frankness of a child unaware of the secrets she's spilling.

There's that possessive warmth in his belly again, and Nate chances a glance at Brad before he asks, "Did he tell you that?"

Mini shakes her head and takes a sip her orange juice. "No, that's what my Daddy says."

Brad catches Nate's gaze and holds it for a long second before he gives Nate a tiny half smile and a nod, as if he's confirming the truth of Mini's words. Nate smiles at him before he turns to Mini and then nods. "Yeah, sweetie, I'm Mr Someone." 

She beams at him. "So you and Uncle Brad are married like my Daddy and my Dad!"

Nate chokes on the sip of coffee he was just taking and has to fight hard to not spit it across the counter. Mini is giving him a concerned look. "Uncle Nate? Are you okay? My Dad says that happens when you drink too fast."

"Yeah, sweetie, I'm okay." Nate presses out between two coughs. He's oddly relieved to see a similarly dumbstruck if halfway hidden expression on Brad's face, who was so fortunate not to be drinking when she said that. They never even put their feeling into word - real, concrete, unambiguous words - in the five years they have been together now, and even _thinking_ about marriage is a moot point with DADT defining their lives. But suddenly the subject is out in the open in a way it never was before because they both always skirted it.

And since Nate could never resist worrying a wound, he asks her, "Why do you think we're married?"

"My Nana says that marriage is a pact that two people make when they love each other and want to be together forever, like my Dad and my Daddy. And you're just like them, so that means you're married." Mini explains easily in the straightforward logic of a child, completely convinced of the truth of what she's saying.

Nate never expected to see the day when Brad would blush because of something somebody said, but there's definitely a faint red flush to his cheeks. He's looking at Nate with that direct gaze he has, and Nate is sure that he knows he's blushing and he's on purpose not trying to hide it. 

"I still don't know why they needed a party to be married, but it was fun and I liked it a lot." Mini continues, completely unaware of the hornets' nest she's stirring up. "Have you had such a party yet?"

Brad looks like he's unable to form words at the moment, so Nate replies for both of them and smiles at her. "No, sweetie, we haven't."

"When you do, can I be your bridesmaid like I was for my Dad and Daddy?" Mini asks with huge eyes and a hopeful smile.

Nate has absolutely no idea how to answer that question. It entails so many other things that he feels he can't say anything right now without leaning out of the window way too far. His gaze finds Brad's again, and he's surprised to see a strange sense of insecurity in his eyes, as if he needs Nate's answer to Mini's question far more than she does - Nate's answer to the things it entails, the very things Nate just shied away from addressing by replying to her. Nate is sure the actual hidden question is not whether Nate will marry him because that's off the table due to DADT. Maybe what Brad needs to know, what he is so insecure about, it whether Nate _wants_ to marry him, regardless of the actual feasibility. Considering that Brad never told Nate exactly what he means to him, it's a pretty big question that the answer to could have wide-reaching consequences, for both Nate and Brad. Still, it's hanging in the air, and Nate realises that he _wants_ to answer it.

Nate licks his lips and then he looks at Brad when he replies to Mini's question. "Yeah, sweetie, you can be our bridesmaid."

Nate sees Brad swallow heavily, his eyes wide in his face, and then he gives a quick nod and a little half smile before he averts his gaze and seemingly concentrates on stirring his coffee before he takes a long gulp of it.

Nate wonders if he just kind of proposed to Brad without really saying anything to him directly, or whether it was Brad who asked him without actually posing a question and Nate said yes without actually saying it. The only thing he _is_ sure about is that there is still a red tinge high on Brad's cheeks and that little half smile remains on his lips, and the warmth in Nate's belly has intensified exponentially. 

"Awesome!" Mini cheers in response to Nate's agreement, and she claps her hands eagerly as if she can't wait for it. Nate wonders how Brad wants to make sure she doesn't go around telling everybody about their relationship, because while she might just be a child, she could still endanger his career if her words reach the wrong people's ears. He's sure Brad is well aware of that, though, and that he will deal with it. It will be quite the task now that she's convinced they'll get married and she'll get to be the bridesmaid. Nate wonders how that'll go down with Ray and Tim, because he's sure she will tell them all about it. Probably still today.

Nate decides it's time to change the subject, so he asks Mini what she wants to do with the rest of the morning, and she looks at Brad with huge eyes full of hope when she asks him if they can watch _Finding Nemo_. Brad sighs in a way that admits defeat and resignation at the same time, and Nate muses that he's seen that movie a lot of times already. Still, Brad gives in and Mini runs over to the living room with a cheer of triumph. Brad and Nate clear the table and put the dishes in the sink, then they join Mini in the living room. Nate is surprised to learn that almost an entire level of Brad's living room shelf is dedicated to kids movies and a lot of the DVD cases still look quite new. They get the movie going and Mini claims the spot on the couch between Nate and Brad. Nate smiles fondly when she cuddles into Brad's side and he wraps an arm around her in a gesture that is obviously a reflex and not a conscious action. 

By the time there's a knock on the door announcing Ray's arrival, Nate has seen _Finding Nemo_ and _Lilo and Stitch_ and is thoroughly enjoying himself. Mini and Brad like to keep up a running commentary on the movies they're watching, everything from imitating voices to pointing out plot holes to remarking on implausible things to creating new ideas how things should have gone. Both Brad and Mini have an obvious fondness for Stitch and pointedly side with him throughout the movie, as Nate can gather from their comments. Nate leaves them to watch the last few minutes and goes to open the door, because it seems that they both will just leave poor Ray standing outside until the movie is finished. 

"Hey LT Colbert." Ray greets him with a smirk and a pointed gaze at Brad's t-shirt that Nate is still wearing. Only now does Nate realise that he never even thought about changing into something else.

"Come on in, Ray. They're still watching _Lilo and Stitch_." Nate says while he steps aside to let Ray in, deciding to ignore Ray's teasing. 

"Are they making the voices?" Ray asks with a chuckle when he enters.

"I see you're not new to this." Nate comments drily. 

"Certainly not, no." Ray smirks, and to Nate it seems fond. Ray seems in general more centred and content to him, and it's a good look on him. The beard and the long hair also work surprisingly well on him, Nate noticed that already during the reunion. He looks quite different from how Nate knew him in Iraq, but in a good way.

Nate follows Ray into the living room where Brad and Mini are still cuddled up together on the couch and the movie is just coming to an end according to the credits Nate can see running over the screen. When Mini spots Ray she jumps off the couch to crash into him the same way Nate saw her do with Brad earlier, and Ray laughs when he catches her with obvious experience. She tells him excitedly about how Uncle Nate makes the best pancakes, and Ray gives Nate a smile and a nod in thanks. He tells Mini to get her shoes on because they're going whale watching today after all, because her Dad has just come off his emergency shift and insisted that they still go. Mini's loud cheering can be heard all the way from the hallway where she runs immediately to put on her shoes. 

Ray thanks both Nate and Brad for helping him out - Nate is too polite to point out that he wasn't exactly given a choice this morning - and invites them over to his and Tim's place for dinner the next day. Since Nate is in town for another week now that he has graduated from Havard and actually has some time to spend like he wants to, they agree. Mini hugs both Brad and Nate in goodbye, and Nate feels a wave of affection for the little girl. He certainly understands why Brad loves her so much. Because there is no doubt that he does, Nate can see it in his every gesture, even if Brad may never admit to it out loud.

When Ray and Mini are gone, Nate decides to do the dishes so that they have the rest of the day to themselves. He has _plans_ for what he wants to do with Brad. He's not sure he's supposed to feel that way, but seeing Brad with Mini made him even more attractive to Nate. The affection and care Brad displayed, not blatantly obvious to others but so clear to Nate and obviously to Mini, too, are just beautiful and leave Nate wanting to touch him.

Brad comes to stand behind him when Nate has begun to wash the dishes in the sink, and Nate leans back a little so that his shoulder blades touch Brad's chest. Brad's hands settle on Nate's hips, just to slide a little higher and rest on the bare skin of Nate's waist just above the waistband of his low-riding jeans.

"I like the t-shirt you're wearing." Brad says in a quiet voice that has a rough, possessive edge to it that makes a pleasant shiver run down Nate's back. "Looks good on you."

Nate chuckles. "Ray called me 'LT Colbert' this morning and just now again."

"Did he now?" Nate can hear the pleased, almost smug smirk in Brad's voice.

Nate washes off a plate and sets it in the rack. "I might have grabbed your t-shirt this morning without realising it and I opened the door wearing it. He took notice."

"Yeah, he would." Brad's breath is warm against Nate's neck. "What I really like is that you're still wearing it now, _after_ noticing."

"Hmm, yeah, I never even considered changing out of it." Nate admits with a smirk. After the strange round of confessions without words that Mini started with her bridesmaid question, Nate feels like Brad is more openly possessive than he normally is, and he quite likes it. It's a bit as if he dares to show it now, as if he held it back before because he wasn't sure if it was welcome, if he had the right. Nate assumes that after he practically told Brad that he would marry him if it was possible, that caution has eased considerably. 

"So, how long has 'Mr Someone' been around?" Nate continues and makes no effort to hide his amusement.

"For quite a while. Definitely already in Sri Lanka." Brad chuckles. "Ray came up with it after I said one too many times that I was 'meeting someone'. He's been using it ever since."

"How long _exactly_ has Ray known about us?" Nate asks because he's been thinking about that since Ray greeted him with such clear approval and easy acceptance and immediately declared him 'Uncle Nate' to his daughter. This was not news to him, that's for sure, and not in the I've-known-for-a-few-months kind of way, but more like duh-I've-known-since-Iraq.

Brad snorts. "Knowing Ray, probably forever."

"Did you ever actually tell him?"

"Not as such, but it doesn't always require words for him to get something loud and clear." Brad replies while he's moving his hands along Nate's sides to his stomach. Nate nods in agreement because he always knew Ray is smart and very _very_ perceptive. He's just also very good at hiding it.

"Tim knows." Nate offers when he puts his mug on the dish rack next to Brad's. Brad's hands exert gentle pressure that Nate follows until his entire back is resting against Brad's front. He can feel the growing hardness pressing against him, and Nate involuntarily licks his lips in anticipation.

"You told him?" Brad's question is a hot puff of air behind Nate's ear, followed by Brad's right hand sliding down the front of Nate's jeans. _Inside_ his jeans, without even bothering to open the button or unzip them, they're loose enough for him to take hold of Nate's hardening erection. He can't quite hold back the little gasp and the plate in his hand slips back under water when his fingers instinctively let go to grab the side of the sink.

"More or less." Nate agrees, his voice decidedly lower and rougher than it usually is, and he pushes his ass back against Brad's groin. It earns him a hoarse little groan. "I stumbled across him out on the front porch during the reunion. Congratulated him on his wedding and then he gave a subtle hint that he knew about us - has known ever since Iraq - and I just confirmed it."

Brad hums in approval against Nate's neck, his free hand wandering up to teasingly scratch over Nate's nipple. "I think he knew pretty much every secret of every single one of us."

"Agreed." Nate groans the word more than he actually pronounces it and he decides that the dishes can wait. He lets his wet hands reach back to take hold of Brad's hips and then he pulls him close while at the same time pressing his butt backwards. Brad shivers behind him and Nate feels very smug at the way his breath hitches.

"Probably good Doc's not the most talkative guy." Brad's hand tightens on Nate's dick and speeds up its teasing rhythm the tiniest bit, just the way he knows he can drive Nate insane. 

The noise Nate makes is something between a snort and a groan. "Would have been a _very_ interesting deployment if he was." 

"Certainly would have been." Brad opens his mouth against Nate's neck, his tongue hot against Nate's skin, and Nate tilts his head to grant Brad better access. Brad leans in a little more until his tongue is tracing Nate's pulse point, and no doubt he can feel what his touch is doing to Nate.

"I could have done this" - Brad says just before he begins sucking on Nate's neck - "to you a lot earlier if he had spilled the beans."

Nate wants to protest because he'll be walking around with a hickey if Brad keeps this up, but he's putty in Brad's hands - figuratively speaking, because his dick is hard and leaking in Brad's skilful grip. Nate groans loudly and just gives in because this is too good for him to stop. He pushes into Brad's hand and then back into his erection behind him, and he just wants their clothes gone, he wants Brad to fuck him right here in the kitchen, pressed against the sink. 

"You could do even more to me _right now_." Nate can hear how rough his own voice sounds but he doesn't care, he just wants Brad naked against him, he wants to feel the heat of his skin all against his body. Brad gets with the programme right away and only lets go of Nate long enough to rip first his and then Nate's t-shirt over their heads, then he undoes Nate's jeans and pushes them down in one go with his boxers. When Brad's body presses against Nate's frame again, there is not a single piece of clothing left between them, which obviously means he shed his own pants too without Nate even noticing. Nate will never stop to be awed by Brad's ninja skills in undressing, whether he's doing it to Nate or himself. He certainly highly appreciates those skill. 

Nate spreads his legs so that Brad's erection slides between them, and then Brad's hot skin is touching him all over, his entire back, his ass, the back of his thighs. One of Brad's hands is wandering down Nate's stomach to take a firm hold of his dick again, the other is rests on Nate's hipbone and guides him in a slow movement of their hips that makes Brad's erection rub deliciously behind Nate's balls.

"More, Brad." Nate demands, certain that Brad knows what he wants. 

"Your wish is my command, Nate." Brad chuckles against Nate's ear before he bites his earlobe and Nate consequently bucks back into him because _damn_ , Brad knows that his ears are his weakness. Brad chuckles again, a decidedly smug sound, before his hands leave Nate's skin and Nate misses their touch instantly.

"Where did you manage to get lube here in the kitchen?" Nate can't help asking when he feels the first finger slick and slippery at his hole, pushing in with skill and experience.

"Grabbed it from the bedroom before I came here to help you with the dishes." Brad replies and finds Nate's prostate with the accuracy of a homing device. Before Nate can formulate an answer, he's already arching back into Brad's finger with a hoarse groan. _God_ , Brad is good at this.

"That's what you call 'helping me with the dishes?'" Nate mutters when the bout of pleasure eases, right before Brad does it again and Nate is arching his back and shivering with the intense sensation.

Brad fastens his mouth over Nate's pulse point and traces it with his tongue before he blows over the wet skin and makes Nate tremble yet again. "What, are you complaining, _sir_?"

Nate moans because it does _things_ to him when Brad calls him 'sir' while he has his hands on Nate and his fingers _inside_ Nate. "No, not complaining at all."

"So shall I proceed, _sir_?" Brad's voice is so low and rough that is feels like a caress to Nate, and he pants when Brad accompanies his question with a second finger and another nudge to Nate's prostate. 

"Hell yes, you shall proceed!" Nate growls back when he has regained his breath enough to actually form words. Brad is more than willing to follow the order, and there's more lube and then his fingers start scissoring and Nate pants while Brad opens him up with so much skill that he's ready to come just from that. Brad knows him too well to allow that to happen, though, he pushes Nate right up to the brink without ever letting him pass over the edge, a most delicious torture that Nate gives into entirely. He barely notices the third finger because he's too lost in the pleasure, and he almost sobs in relief when he finally feels the fingers retreat only to be replaced by Brad's erection.

When Brad begins to push in, he bends down to capture Nate's mouth in a thorough kiss, and Nate will never ever be able to explain what an incredible turn-on it is for him that Brad is taller than him, that Nate has to tilt his head back and stretch to claim his lips. Nate is a pretty tall guy himself, and Brad is the first partner he ever had who towers over him, who can match him in skill and strength, who can hold him down and will do it when Nate asks him to. It's a kink Nate never knew he had until he met Brad. 

Nate moans into the kiss when he feels Brad bottoming out, filling him just the way Nate loves and that he never even _knew_ he loved before he allowed Brad to do it the first time. Brad stills behind him, his hands a firm grip on Nate's hips, waiting for Nate to tell him it's okay to continue. Nate loves that Brad is still considerate whenever he takes Nate, that he still gives him time to adjust and waits for his approval before he starts moving, even years into their relationship and after countless times of sleeping with Nate. It's something Nate also does without even giving it any thought when it's him inside Brad, and he suddenly wonders if Brad appreciates it as much as he does for the profound care the action attests to.

Nate pushes back into Brad, a signal that he wants Brad to move, and his demand is met immediately. Brad pulls out of him almost entirely, just to push back in, and he hits Nate's prostate so perfectly that he gasps loudly and shudders against Brad. Nate settles his hands on the counter in front of him and uses the leverage to push back into every one of Brad's thrusts, making him hit his prostate harder and harder, setting up a fast rhythm of constant jolts of mind-blowing ecstasy. It's so fucking good, and Nate doesn't bother to hold back the noises that escape him, interspersed with Brad's name, knowing how much Brad loves it, how it pushes him higher and drives him wild. Nate feels Brad's thrusts becoming harder and more jagged, feels the grip of his left hand tightening on Nate's hips to the point that he knows there will be finger-shaped bruises later, and then Brad closes his right fist around Nate's erection and jerks him in sync to his thrusts. Nate hears his name in Brad's deep, rough voice and it makes him come so suddenly that it overwhelms him, his knees buckle and his mind blanks out, his arms are trembling where he's bracing himself against the counter and he's shivering hard with the shocks of orgasm. He feels Brad thrust one last time and then he pulses inside him, filling him with hot come when he's pushed over the edge, gasping Nate's name into this hair again.

Brad losing himself in pleasure, in ecstasy, _in Nate_ , is something that floors, stuns and humbles Nate every single time it happens. He can count the times Brad lets go of control on one hand without even needing every finger, and yet Brad does it _every time_ they sleep with each other. It's like Nate is his safe haven, like he trusts him so completely that he lets go with him, trusts him to be able to match Brad and to never let him fall when he allows himself to lose himself. Brad has never put it into words, but he doesn't have to for Nate to know, and suddenly Nate realises that Brad says 'I love you' every single time he shows Nate that trust. He wonders how it's possible that he didn't see it before. 

Brad's arms are holding on tight around Nate's waist and his chest is pressed firmly against Nate's back, slippery with sweat and heaving against him with his heavy breaths. Nate is panting just as hard, still resting with his hands on the counter and pretty much holding himself and Brad up. He feels no urge to move, though, he enjoys it too much how Brad trusts him to take his weight, how he feels plastered against Nate's back.

"Would you really say yes if it was possible?" Brad's voice against his shoulder is rough and breathless in a way that has nothing to do with what they just did, and Nate hears the mixture of wonder and insecurity in its hoarse tone. He doesn't have to ask what Brad is talking about.

"Yes, Brad." Nate replies firmly, leaving no doubt that he means it. "I would have said yes years ago."

Nate feels the full body shiver that passes through Brad at his words, his arms tighten around Nate's waist and he buries his nose against Nate's neck. He's quiet for a long time.

"All right." Brad murmurs before he presses a lingering kiss against Nate's skin. "All right."


	58. Statement - (Tim/Ray, Brad/Nate, Brad & Mini & Nate)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim takes his husband to the 2008 Lone Sailor Awards Dinner. The invitation clearly stated that spouses are encouraged to come, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right folks, this is a _monster_. It's almost 14.000 words, and it will be the final chapter for now, which makes a total of 122.000 words for this fic in just a month O_o I think that's my new record... I really hope you liked this continuation of the original story, and who knows, I'll probably return to this fic at some point. I just have too much fun in this universe and I still have ideas... :D 
> 
> I'd love to hear from you, any thoughts or just a happy squee, I'll be grateful for it because a lot of time, effort and love went into this fic and comments always make me happy ^_^
> 
> My dear **Veronibell** , I know you don't want this to be the last chapter, and I'm so sorry to cut you off your addiction to this fic! But at least this last chapter is really really long and probably will give you tons of things to analyse (which I would love to hear more about :D ), so I hope it may keep you happy until the day I produce more for this fic (*cough* I may already have started... *cough*). Thank you so incredibly much for sticking with me through this story, and I mean the original one as well as this continuation. Can you imagine it was just a month ago that I started writing it? It feels like a lifetime to me...

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)

Damn, Tim is looking _so good_. 

They're still in their hotel room in Washington D.C., about to leave for the Lone Sailor Awards gala-dinner-whatever thing, and Tim just came out of the bathroom in full attire. Ray can't help noticing how freaking _sexy_ he looks and doesn't bother to hide the way his eyes travel up and down Tim's tuxedo-clad body. He certainly fills out that penguin suit nicely. It accentuates his shoulders and hugs his very nice ass in the best way. Even the black bow tie looks good instead of ridiculous on Tim. That's quite a feat in itself, in Ray's humble opinion. He's sure he himself looks not nearly as much as a distinguished handsome badass as Tim manages to.

"God, you're _so hot_." Ray licks his lips in a clearly suggestive manner and pointedly lets his yes travel up and down Tim's body again. "Reminds me of our wedding night, when I got to peel you out of that tux..."

"I fear you'll have to wait a few more hours before you can do that again." Tim smirks in a way that promises a lot of fun once the gala-dinner thing is over and they're back in their hotel room. 

Ray steps up close to him until their bodies are touching. "I'm _very much_ looking forward to that."

Tim's hands find their way under Ray's tux jacket and settle on his waist, then he leans in until his mouth is right next to Ray's ear. "When we get back, I will first suck you off on this very large and comfy bed until you forget your name because I'll make you come so hard, and then I will take you to that very luxurious bathroom over there, get you settled in the hot tub and fuck you long and slow and deep while the bubbles caress your skin in the hot water."

Ray feels a shiver run through his entire body at the images Tim is creating in his mind. He's _so_ on board with Tim's after-dinner plans, and he can tell that Tim knows it because he chuckles low and rough before he continues. "And after we've recovered, maybe slept a few hours, I want you to manoeuvre me over into that large shower with its multiply massage heads and push me against the wall. I want you to take me hard, so that I can feel it throughout the entire day that we're playing tourists in Washington that you've been inside me that night."

At this point an involuntary groan escapes Ray because he'll never get over how aroused and possessive and proud it makes him feel that Tim wants him to mark him, in whatever way that may be. The idea of the proposed activities in the shower also adds to how hot he feels under the collar. Tim has a penchant for shower sex, Ray noticed that pretty early on. He has to admit that the additional stimulation of the hot water running over his body is something he also likes a lot, and the fact that the clean-up is practically included in the activities isn't exactly a bad thing, either. He's growing hard in his penguin suit, and that is just _not_ good timing. Ray has to swallow hard before he can reply. "I'm holding you to that, Tim."

"Oh, you can." Tim's low voice rumbles in Ray's ear before Tim nibs his earlobe. "You _definitely_ can, Josh."

It's a promise that Ray knows Tim will be able to actually keep because they have the entire night to themselves. Brad and Nate have Mini for the three days they're gone. Ray and Tim flew into Washington D.C. this morning to attend the dinner tonight and then they'll have Friday to 'play tourists' as Tim called it, and they'll return to Oceanside on Saturday. Ever since they've learned about the trip about six weeks ago, they have been working together with the psychiatrist on preparing Mini for two nights without Tim and Ray there. She hasn't experienced that since they found her, at least one of them was always there with her. They brought it up with Dr Jackson, and she told them to view it as a good opportunity to get Mini used to short absences of both parents. Together with Dr Jackson they came up with a strategy and planned its implication like a mission, then they got their prospective babysitter involved.

So it came that Brad has hosted Mini overnight several times during the past month and a half. Either Tim or Ray were always along and they disguised it as sleepovers, but they made sure to show up later and later in the evening each time. And then last weekend they did a test run of leaving Mini with Brad alone overnight when Nate came to visit him. Ray will admit that he didn't sleep well that night, always ready to grab the phone should it go off in the middle of the night. But it didn't, and when Brad and Nate brought Mini home around noon on Sunday, she was in great spirits and obviously not distraught in any way. 

Ray couldn't keep his curiosity at bay how Brad had managed to pull _that_ off, so when Mini insisted that Tim teach Nate how to do a decent braid, Ray pulled him aside in the kitchen. Brad told him with a smug smirk over the rim of his coffee cup that the power of a day of surfing in the ocean and the magic of falling asleep over movies with a stomach full of pancakes should never be underestimated. Ray concluded that he simply made sure Mini was too tired, too much in a food coma and too distracted by a movie to even realise that neither Tim nor Ray where there when she fell asleep. A pretty simple plan, but quite ingenious. And obviously successful.

So Brad and Nate are minding Mini over Tim's and Ray's trip to Washington, and they already called Mini tonight and talked to her on the phone for a while, but she seemed pretty distracted by something Brad was doing in the background. Ray has to hand it to him, he certainly knows how to keep her focussed on the things he _wants_ her focussed on instead of her fear of Ray's and Tim's absence. When Nate ended the call, Ray could hear Mini laughing in the background, and he felt surprisingly at ease when he hung up, knowing that his little girl is safe and well and obviously brilliantly entertained.

The fact alone that there's nobody Ray and Tim need to pay attention to tonight, nobody they have to be quiet for, is enough of a guarantee that they'll make use of the opportunity to the greatest extent possible. It's also why they decided to pay more and get this luxurious room in a very nice hotel - and a bathroom with a hot tub. It's a bit like a mini-honeymoon, and Ray plans on getting thoroughly nailed and get Tim into the same state. He wants both of them to barely be able to sit on the flight back, he decided when he first saw the very nice, large bed and the lavishly equipped bathroom. And he wants them to have sore muscles in places they don't know they have muscles. 

"We should get going, Josh." Tim remarks and thereby interrupts Ray's very pleasant musings. His hands are still caressing Ray's sides underneath the tux jacket, and he hasn't stopped nibbling on Ray's earlobe, both of which are not conductive to convincing Ray to get going. Well, at least not to that gala thing. To the bed, though, _yes_.

Tim chuckles in this lovely low rumbling voice he gets when he's amused and feels relaxed and comfortable. "I too would love ending up on the bed, but we have plans."

Oh, seems Ray said that out loud. He forces his eyes open - when did he close them, anyway? - and he steals a kiss that really tempts him to favour the bed over the dinner gala thing. 

Tim chuckles again and then resolutely steps back. "No, we're going. And then we make use of the bed afterwards. _Extensively_."

"All right, that I can agree to." Ray replies reluctantly before he straightens his own tuxedo and the ridiculous bow tie. He loves that Tim is looking like he actually has to force himself to not even glance at the bed. The wet lips and the gentle flush to his cheeks are also a very satisfying thing to see. Ray loves that Tim reacts to his touches and kisses the same way he did at the very beginning, that he still craves it and loves it and gets very hot and bothered by it. Tim pointedly clears his throat as if he picked up on Ray's thoughts - which he probably did - and then he opens the door and makes an unmistakable gesture that tells Ray to go out already before things get out of hand. Ray smirks when he passes him in the doorway and he allows his hand to caress Tim's nice firm ass on the way out. He can hear the sharp intake of breath behind him and grins.

They have a rental in the hotel's garage, and Ray assumes his role as the driver same as he did when they got it at the airport. He still feels the most comfortable in a car when he's in the driver's seat, and Tim doesn't seem to mind riding shotgun most of the time when they're driving together. Well, he wasn't the driver in Iraq, so he probably doesn't have the same profound need to be in control of the car that Ray has. Or he simply trusts Ray as the driver, which is what he told him once, when he said almost casually that the best driver was already behind the wheel, why should he challenge that?

They make their way through the evening rush hour traffic towards the National Building Museum, and for the first time in ages Ray finds himself actually craving a Humvee that can ride over ditches and guard rails and the odd jaywalking pedestrian. When they're waiting in line in front of the umpteenth traffic light, Ray thinks about the evening ahead of them and wonders how it's going to play out. He expects shock and surprise, maybe some well-concealed disdain and outrage, interspersed by the odd half-hidden smirk of satisfaction by those who approve, maybe even a smile in gratitude that somebody is making a statement when they can't. 

Ray is pretty sure that this has never happened before, and the fact that Tim and Ray can make that statement is also more coincidence and fortunate timing than anything. And Tim is not breaking any rules while he's giving them all the proverbial finger - after all, he is bringing his spouse just as the invitation encouraged him to do. That alone makes the whole thing even more satisfying. Not to mention that he's been invited as an award recipient, so Ray is pretty sure nobody will dare to be so impolite as to make a scene because of Tim's plus one. It would be far more embarrassing for the Navy Memorial than for Tim.

"I still can't believe that you're taking me to this fancy award gala thing." Ray remarks with a smirk and pointedly tugs on the sleeve of his tuxedo while keeping one hand on the wheel.

"Award _dinner_ , Josh. It's just a dinner." Tim replies drily. That correction is a pretty common occurrence by now.

"You know that's not true, Mr _Bryan-Person_." Ray grins mischievously, almost triumphantly. "This is your ultimate Fuck-You to the higher-ups."

Ray watches out of the corner of his eye how Tim rolls his eyes. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

Ray snorts, because yeah, _sure_. Tim knows _exactly_ what he's doing here. "Of course you don't. It's not like it's satisfying that they have to honour you for your achievements despite the fact that you're married _to a guy_ , something that the same people would dishonourably discharge you for if you were still on active duty. No, on top of that you're bringing your _husband_ " - at that Ray pointedly wriggles his left ring finger on the wheel, the one with his wedding band on - "along for the event to make your point unmistakably clear without actually saying a word."

There's definitely a little satisfied smirk playing around the corners of Tim's mouth now. "Well, the invitation _did_ say that spouses are invited."

"Yeah, too bad for them that they sent out that invitation before it was on record that you intended to marry _a guy_." Ray cackles. 

"Well, they could hardly retract my nomination for the award after _they_ had offered it to me _and_ made it public. It would have looked really really bad if they'd done that just because I happened to get married after their offer and they didn't approve of my choice of spouse."

"They probably wouldn't have nominated you if they had known because they're bigoted dickheads who are happy for you to die for them, but who can't take that you'd rather marry a person than a specific gender." Ray grins. "Tell me again, how is this _not_ a Fuck-You? It reminds me so much of that moustache you pointedly kept despite Sixta ordering _all_ the men to shave it off. And he couldn't even berate you for it."

"Shut up, Josh." Tim throws him a pointed glance, but the little smile on his lips ruins the effect he's going for. "I happen to know that you love my moustache." 

"Fuck yes, I do." Ray laughs, and if there's a rather dirty note to it, he doesn't bother to hide it. Tim's right, after all. "As much as you love my beard."

Tim is openly smirking now, clearly remembering the last time Josh went down on him and he got to feel that beard _everywhere_. "Yeah, I quite like it."

Ray snorts. "Understatement."

He's all too well aware of how Tim turns into putty under his mouth - well, except for _one_ part of him - especially when Ray makes good use of his beard when he's kissing Tim. Oh, he has _plans_ on using that effect extensively tonight. The way Tim tenses and groans and _writhes_ when Ray's beard scratches along the inside of his thighs is one of the sexiest things Ray has ever experienced. Right along with Tim melting against him with a deep moan when Ray pulls on his hair and-

Ray is pulled out of his most pleasant thoughts when the car in front of him starts moving again. Just a few minutes later he pulls into the parking lot behind the National Building Museum. It's already pretty packed, but they manage to find a spot at the very edge of the lot. There are quite a few people heading towards the main entrance of the museum, mostly couples, some about their age, but a lot of them quite a bit older than that. Ray walks next to Tim and looks at the people around them with interest, it's his first opportunity to find out what company they're going to be in tonight. He can tell right away that a good portion of the men - and some of the women - have served or are still active. It's not just because of the many uniforms on display, it's also evident in how they carry themselves even when they're not in uniform. It's the same kind of posture that Ray is familiar with from Tim and that he knows he himself also has to a certain degree.

There are also many colourfully dressed wives along, most of them wearing fancy evening attire, from elegant dresses to the odd pantsuit. Pretty much all of them have their hand on their husband's arm as if they're on a promenade, a spot of colour next to their black suits and tuxedos. And smack in the middle of it, Ray and Tim, the only two black penguins next to each other, no colourful blob anywhere in sight. Yeah, this is definitely a first for this event, Ray thinks with a smirk and makes it a point to settle his hand on Tim's arm same as the ladies. He looks at Ray and cocks an eyebrow, but makes no move to separate their connection.

Ray smirks. "Just doing like everybody else and letting my husband escort me to the entrance."

Tim chuckles and Ray loves the little crinkles of laughter forming around his eyes. "You're enjoying this just as much as I am, aren't you?"

"Hell yes. When do I ever get to flaunt my sexy badass husband like that." Ray replies with a grin. "And at the same time I'm getting wined and dined and it's all very noble _and_ I get to shock a few people just by being here. I'm not going to pretend this isn't fun."

Ray is well aware that neither he nor Tim look anything like the stereotype of a gay - or in their case bisexual - man that most people have in their minds, and he intends to make use of that. He loves shaking people up and upending the ready-made, hackneyed clichés they have in their heads. Just that today he will do it a little more tactfully than he usually would. He wants to leave a good impression for Tim, after all it'll reflect on his reputation. Not to mention that it's even more fun when they can't even find anything to criticise about him other than the simple fact that he's married to a guy.

When they approach the entrance to the huge red brick building that is the National Building Museum, there's already a line forming in front of the door. Ray knows he and Tim are already drawing attention if for no other reason than that they're the only two men who're obviously attending together, not to mention that the way Ray is holding on Tim's arm declares them as more than just friends. Ray tries to hide a smirk when he notices the shocked expression on the face of an older lady, who keeps staring at them before she turns towards her husband and begins talking to him almost agitatedly. Oh yes, this is going to be _fun_ , Tim is totally right about that.

Once they've passed the open doors, they inch along the line towards the two attendants manning the reception desk in the foyer to check the invites and welcome the guests. When the couple in front of them has moved on, Tim hands the young woman in the neat uniform their invitation, which she takes and checks against a list.

"Welcome, Mr and Mr Bryan-Person." She says when she looks up, and Ray has to hand it to her, she's good. She doesn't show any hesitation when she says it, she doesn't even blink and her smile doesn't waver. 

When Tim accepted the invitation to the award dinner sometime around the end of July, he informed the organisers that he would get married shortly before the event and that his name would change, and on his request they sent him a new invitation, which then read _'Robert Timothy Bryan-Person'_. Ray put it up on the fridge when Tim got it, just because he loves to see the physical proof that an organisation directly affiliated with the US Navy and therefore having to adhere to DADT issued an official document where Tim was addressed including _Ray's_ name. It felt a bit like a victory. Still does, in fact.

"You are seated at table four, right in front of the stage." The young attendant continues, still smiling. "Have a pleasant evening, and if you have any requests, please let us know."

Tim thanks her and they make their way through the foyer into the building's central sky-lit atrium where the event is hosted. The grandeur of the room - pshaw, _'room'_ , it's a huge, massive _hall_ with two rows of freakishly huge columns and a goddam _pool_ in the middle - is impressive, Ray has to admit that. There's a stage set up at one side, and the floor is filled with large round tables seating ten people each, all of them set in finest tableware with at least three glasses and eight pieces of silverware per seat. The organisers have put in a great effort, and they certainly know how to put on a show. 

"Fancy." Ray remarks with an appreciative nod and follows Tim through the tables and groups of other guests towards the stage. Only two seats of their table are occupied yet. The couple is pretty old, probably in their late seventies or early eighties, but they're both dressed to the nines and seem very happy to be here, curiously watching what's going on around them. The man is wearing his Dinner Dress Whites, which work fantastically with his equally white hair, cut short but still remarkably plentiful. Ray really wants to age like that and keep his hair. He'd certainly look awesome with long, full white hair. Like an old rock star. 

"Good evening, Ma'am, Sir. We'll be your table neighbours tonight." Tim greets them when he reaches the table ahead of Ray.

"Welcome, son." The old man gives Tim a smile, he obviously hasn't spotted Ray behind him yet. He gets up and offers his hand to Tim in greeting. "I'm Warner Kimble and this is my wife Ellie." 

"Tim Bryan-Person. Pleased to meet you." Tim says with a nondescript smile and shakes his hand, then his wife's.

The old lady's face shows recognition when he mentions his name. "Oh, you're one of the award recipients, aren't you?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Tim confirms with a polite tilt of his head.

"Congratulations, dear. And to manage such a distinction at such a young age!" She gives Tim a very grandmotherly but genuine smile. "Your wife must be very proud of you."

"My husband, Ma'am." Tim corrects her in a very casual tone of voice, and Ray has to hide a smirk at that. He can tell how much Tim is enjoying this moment, despite the fact that he shows no outward sign of it. 

Ray can see her brows rise in confusion. "Excuse me, dear?"

Ray uses that moment to step out from behind Tim and stand beside him. Tim immediately introduces him in the same easy tone of voice. "This is my husband, Ray."

"Pleased to meet you, Ma'am, Sir." Ray says with his best charming smile. "And yes, I'm very proud of him."

Both of them seem rather confused by the situation and a little lost, so Ray decides to charm the old lady and win her over before she can make up her mind and maybe turn against them. It never hurts to have some allies, and there will be six more people joining them at the table soon, meaning it's good to start early. So he smiles at her when he shakes her hand and remarks, "If I may say so, Ma'am, the colour of your dress works extremely well with your hair, and it brings out your eyes."

She sees a bit flustered at his compliment. She touches her hand to her hair and then smiles at Ray. "Well, thank you, dear."

Ray gives her another charming smile before he turns to her husband and decides to sway him, too. The pride in his uniform and service is blatant, so Ray decides to play that angle. Hopefully it'll work and won't backfire.

"It's an honour to meet you, Sir." Ray says to the old man and makes sure to stand at his best attention after shaking his hand.

Old Warner Kimble looks at him with an appraising look. "Were you in the military too, son?"

"Yes, sir. Marine Corps, First Reconnaissance Battalion." Ray makes sure to sound just a tad less formal than he would have if replying to a superior officer. It's bound to make Old Warner here feel very respected and flattered.

Just like Ray hoped, having something that the old man values so highly in common with him works like a charm. He looks Ray over, but with a different kind of gaze than before, like the fellow serviceman persona begins to overshadow the gay guy stigma of it all. "Where did you serve?"

"Afghanistan and Iraq, sir." Ray replies, still in the same tone of voice as before.

"And you, son?" Kimble asks and turns to Tim.

"Also Afghanistan and Iraq. Special Amphibious Reconnaissance Corpsman, sir, attached to First Recon." Tim smirks and makes a gesture that includes him and Ray. "Obviously that's how we know each other."

"And you are married?" Old lady Ellie asks, obviously still confused, but she doesn't sound appalled or judgemental. Just like she doesn't quite understand how that's possible. 

"Yes, we are, Ma'am." Ray replies when he takes the seat next to her. Then he decides to do what a woman would do to lure a female audience in: He holds out his hand with his wedding band to her, smiles his charming smile again and winks at her. "We tied the knot just a month ago. Look at what he got me."

"That is a very nice ring, dear." She coos while taking his hand to have a better look through her glasses. "What is it, dear? Silver? White gold?"

"Oh no, Ma'am." Ray pauses for effect and leans in conspiratorially before he stage whispers, "Platinum." 

Her gaze flickers to Tim's left hand that Ray is sure he is displaying on purpose before she looks back at Ray with a new sense of appreciation, and Ray knows he has won her over. "Now that is a very precious wedding band, my dear."

"Well, it'll keep for a lifetime, so it's well worth its price, don't you agree, Ma'am?" Ray pointedly looks at her wedding ring and smiles at her. She returns it, obviously genuinely flattered by the hidden compliment for her long marriage. Ray catches Tim's gaze, just for a second, but it's enough to know that Tim is very much aware of what he's doing here, and he's impressed by Ray's swift and comprehensive seizure of Warner and Ellie Kimble. 

Before they can get into a deeper conversation another couple comes to the table. They're a few years older than Ray and Tim, and neither is wearing a uniform, which tells Ray that none of them is on active duty. Only some five minutes later two African-American couples in their fifties arrive who seem to know each other already. The two men are in uniform, their wives in elegant dresses, and after a round of friendly introductions they all sit down. Ray is well aware that not everybody at the table is aware that Tim and Ray are also a couple, because during the easy round of introductions most of their group only said their first names, without giving specifics about their relationship, it's just readily understood that those who arrived together are married couples. Oh, the easy assumptions of the heteronormative world, Ray thinks and can't wait for the moment in the evening when Tim goes on stage and they will realise, because naturally not all of them recognise Tim as one of the three honourees of the evening just yet.

The ceremony begins about half an hour after Ray and Tim arrived, and it opens with a bosun pipe call to dinner, followed by a long performance of the Unites States Marine Drum and Bugle Corps with the Pledge of Allegiance somewhere in the middle of the rendition. Then the first speaker comes on the stage, talking about the significance of honouring the three recipients this year in place for many other servicemen. It is followed by a video explaining the history and the function of the United States Navy Memorial foundation and afterwards there's another speech, this time by the president of the Navy Memorial. It's also when the salad is served, and Ray is more than happy to finally get something to eat. It's a really good salad, too. 

The president of the foundation states the names of the three award recipients of this year, and Ray smirks at Tim when he is mentioned with his full name - including the double-barrelled surname. Let the games begin. Tim will be the last one to receive his award, because while the letter 'B' is pretty early in the alphabet, 'A' still comes before it, and the other two honourees happen to be called 'Abel' and 'Adams'. Pretty hard to beat, that.

The speech keeps going with mentions of the special guest tonight, then he begins to talk about the Navy Memorial and the Navy and sings to their pride, at which Ray presses his leg to Tim's under the table and mouths 'Marines are better' at him when he looks at Ray. Tim suppresses a smirk and bumps his leg against Ray's as if to chide him. 

When the speech is over it is followed by another video, this time dedicated to the award itself and naming all previous recipients. The presenter then announces the speaker who will introduce the first recipient, which is completed by a video about the recipient and his life and achievements. Ray watches how the old man Abel - he's probably in his early eighties - climbs the stage and receives his award, looking proud and smiling broadly. After a minute or two of holding his statue of the Lone Sailor with the speaker and the president of the Navy Memorial flanking him for pictures the old man holds a short speech and thanks the Navy for the opportunities it gave him and his family for supporting him even during his long absences. He's a modest and gentle old man who obviously lived a long life of service to others, and Ray quite likes him. 

The entire procedure repeats again for the second recipient, but Ray is more focussed on the main course of dinner. Just like the salad it's excellent, and he decides that the food alone was worth the trip. He also sips on his wine and wonders what it is that his Grandma likes so much about it. It's okay, but it will never be his choice of beverage. Well, he'll only drink that one glass anyway because he's the designated driver and Tim deserves to enjoy the spoils of his award, including the drinks. 

Ray only peeks up again when he can tell that the second honouree is coming to the end of his speech, which means that Tim will be up next. After the man leaves the stage with his statue in hand to another round of applause, the presenter announces the speaker who will introduce Tim. It's the current Vice Chief of Naval Operations, an Admiral who talked to Tim on the phone before writing his speech. Ray still can't get over the irony of the fact that Tim of all people - the only award recipient ever to openly disregard DADT - gets his introduction by the second highest ranking man in the US Navy. The Vice Chief begins his speech by mentioning a number of distinguished guests of the evening and then praises the Navy some more - obviously a common theme on a Navy event, Ray thinks with a suppressed eye roll. Well, he can admit that the Marines wouldn't be any better if it was their award.

Then the admiral comes around to the importance and significance of the service of the enlisted medical specialists of the US Navy all over the world, from their service aboard ships as well as in Navy hospitals or aid stations to those working as front line care givers to servicemen and civilians. He highlights the immense risks they take to save others, especially those battlefield corpsmen like Tim who are attached to Special Forces units and work extensively behind enemy lines. He notes the incredible responsibility they carry on their shoulders as they are often the only medical professionals available, and how deeply respected they are among the men they serve with for what they're willing to do for them. 

He points out that the Lone Sailor stands for the core values of the Navy, honour, courage and commitment, and how the three recipients of the award are examples of men living by those values, and how their selfless service has made a difference in the lives of others. Ray finds himself nodding in agreement at that point, because if there's one thing he can attest to, it's that Tim has always tried to make a difference, that it has been his drive for as long as Ray has known him, and it still is. Ray remembers the many children in Iraq that Tim treated not just with medicine but with gentle care and a genuine smile, he remembers the people of Mutur in the aftermath of the tsunami lining up in front of the MSF tents, he remembers Tim working himself into the ground in his efforts to help every person who came to them. He remembers their kids at the orphanage and how they laughed when they swarmed Tim whenever he returned after a trip, how they always came to him when they were hurt, how they instinctively knew he would protect them and keep them safe, and how he gave them a piece of their childhood back just by giving them that certainty. 

Ray thinks of Mini and of how much she loves Tim, how the biggest difference he made in her life is that he's in it, that he loves her so much, that he's her father who she trusts unconditionally and who makes her feel safe and loved and confident in herself and her future. He thinks of what Tim took upon himself when he stepped back from adopting her in order for Ray to do it, how he suffered every single time he wasn't recognised as her parent because he legally wasn't, but he never showed it because in his eyes it wasn't about him but about her, it was about making sure she never lost her trust and belief in who he is to her. It was about making sure she would remain a child, about keeping her innocence intact to allow her to retain her sense of security. Ray loves him even more for that than he already does.

The Vice Chief comes to the end of his speech and announces the video, for which he presents Tim as _'US Navy Hospital Corpsman 1st Class Robert Timothy 'Doc' Bryan-Person'_ , the rank Tim held before he left the Navy. He also points out that Tim is the third youngest person to receive the award.

Ray can't help sitting up straighter in anticipation. Oh, this is going to be good. He's looking forward to that video. Tim knows what it's showing because he had to approve it after providing the material for it, but he refused to let Ray watch it before the actual award dinner. That only amplifies Ray's curiosity and he watches in anticipation how the same introduction slide pops up as for the other recipients. There's the Lone Sailor statue with a current picture of Tim besides it and his name underneath. Ray smiles proudly when he reads _'Mr. Robert Timothy Bryan-Person, 2008 Honoree'_ , because he knows that Tim must have insisted on the use of his new double-barrelled name. It's a very unusual thing to do for a man, to change his name after getting married, so this alone is already a statement. One on the big screen, so to say.

Next there's a picture of baby Timmy in his mother's arms who is smiling broadly in a way Ray has never seen on her, and then the voice-over narration begins. _"Robert Timothy Bryan-Person was born on May 24th 1973 as Robert Timothy Bryan in Warminster Township, a small town outside Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to a working class family. His father is a steamfitter and his mother works as a bank teller. He is the middle child of three, with an older and a younger sister."_

The pictures of little Timmy that they're showing in the video make Ray want to coo, not only because he was a very cute chubby toddler, but also to annoy Tim a little. Ray knows the pictures because Marley showed them to him in an old photo album when they visited in June, and he very much enjoyed teasing Tim about them. He still does, in fact, and he asked Marley to send him copies of a few of the pics to show to Mini. Of course she agreed immediately, and Ray can't wait to use them in story time. 

_"Already at an early age Tim started working as a paper boy and used the money he earned to buy food and toys for the local animal shelter, where he volunteered all throughout his teenage years."_

Ray almost turns into a puddle of goo at the pictures of Tim caring for various animals, proudly wearing the shelter's t-shirt. Marley showed him a lot of those photos, too, and told him how Tim wanted to adopt one of the dogs, a small scraggly three-legged thing called Bundles that everybody declared ugly but that he loved with a passion. Their dad never allowed them any animals, though, so Tim went to the shelter every day until the dog died of old age when Tim was sixteen. Everybody called Bundles 'Timmy's dog' and the shelter took him off the adoption roster, not that anybody ever wanted him, anyway. Marley smiled when she remembered how Tim would patiently take Bundles for his hobbling three-legged walks, how he would go get him after school and put out a blanket on the bleachers and Bundles would sit there or sleep while Tim was in football training. Everybody knew the scraggly dog missing a leg was their football star's dog and he became something of a mascot until he died. He got spoilt rotten by all the cheerleaders who brought him treats and loved to pet him. His death hit Tim hard, Marley said with a sad smile, but he told her that the pain of losing Bundles was worth all the years he got to have him by his side. 

_"Tim attended William Tennent High School, where early on he excelled at football and was recruited into the school team. His father wanted him to pursue a professional football career, but Tim wanted to go to college instead to study psychology. He graduated top of his class and applied to Lock Haven University of Pennsylvania against his father's wishes and received a full football scholarship. He was the first in his family to attend college and graduated Summa Cum Laude in 1997 with a Bachlor's degree in psychology."_

Ray smiles at the pictures of Tim in his teenage years, many of them in his football gear and during games. In one of them there's Bundles visible in the background, sitting on the bleachers with his ears cocked up. Another one shows Tim in mid action, and Ray can see why his father would have wanted him to go pro. Tim certainly has what it takes, and Marley told Ray that he was the best in the entire school team and that there were already scouts from all over the country out on getting him signed to their teams. He picked one from Lock Haven because it would guarantee him a full scholarship to pay for his studies, Marley said, not because he ever wanted to actually play pro.

_"Tim joined the US Navy in 1998 to become a Navy Hospital Corpsman. After basic training at the Navy Hospital Corpsman "A" School in Fort Sam Houston, Texas, he decided that he wanted to serve as a battlefield corpsman and began training as a SARC, a Special Amphibious Reconnaissance Corpsman, to be deployed with the US Marine Corps. In the course of that training he first absolved the necessary courses to qualify as a Field Medical Service Technician and afterwards passed the Marine Basic Reconnaissance Course. He specialised further in Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape in Stone Bay, North Carolina, and absolved the USMC Combatant Diver Course. He also trained at the Army Airborne School in Fort Benning, Georgia, and successfully completed the 36-week long Army Special Operations Combatant Medic Course in Fort Bragg, North Carolina. Tim concluded his training by completing the Navy Special Operations Independent Duty Corpsman Course and specialised further in Mountaineering when he served attached to First Reconnaissance Battalion of the United States Marine Corps and earned the Fleet Marine Force badge."_

It's the first time Ray hears an actual list of all the courses Tim completed in his training, and he has to admit that he's more than impressed. Of course he'd always known that Tim was not only highly skilled but also better trained than most of the Marines during OIF, but this makes him realise just _how freaking good_ he really is. He is reminded of that time at the beginning of their deployment to Iraq when Poke said that 'Doc is one of the most dangerous motherfuckers in the whole battalion', and suddenly he understands that Poke wasn't joking, and he wasn't exaggerating either. 

His training explains why Tim was always part of Team Leader meetings despite not being a team leader. It also puts the things Tim could get away with in a new perspective. The way he could stand up to Marines of higher rank, including officers, either directly or with offhand comments always amazed the men, although everybody knew they were technically not his superior officers. And now Ray understands why Tim knew he could say and do things like that without it having grave consequences for him. Fact is, he was too good and too highly trained - and therefore too expensive - for command to do something about it, especially because Tim never crossed the line to outright insubordination too far, he just purposefully overstepped it a few times with people who really deserved it, like Encino Man and Casey Kasem. He certainly gained the men's respect even more for that.

_"Tim served three tours in Afghanistan, on the second of which he earned the Bronze Star Medal with Combat 'V' for heroism, and two tours in Iraq attached to First Recon. He was part of the Marines' Tip of the Spear invasion of Iraq, Operation Iraqi Freedom, in early 2003 where he was part of Bravo Company. He absolved a second tour in the country a year later."_

Ray presses his leg to Tim's under the table. He still dislikes thinking about Tim's second deployment to Iraq - without Ray by his side. Tim knows how he feels about it and gently returns the pressure to his leg, and it makes Ray feel better for whatever reason. Maybe it's just because Tim gets it, maybe because physical contact with Tim always makes Ray feel better.

_"Tim was honourably discharged in 2004 with the rank of Navy Hospital Corpsman 1st Class, and he subsequently joined the 'Médécins Sans Frontières' to continue being of service to those most in need. In the course of the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami Tim headed one of three Rescue and Relief teams of the San Diego branch of the MSF deployed to Sri Lanka in the immediate aftermath of the disaster. The team under Tim's command set up an aid station in the small town of Mutur, where they were the very first outside help to arrive."_

There are several pictures of what Mutur looked like immediately after the tsunami, and the sight still makes Ray shudder. He can smell that disgusting mixture of rotting flesh and moulding, brackish water again, that very specific sharp, warm foul note that he was never quite able to forget. He feels Tim's hand settling on his thigh and giving a short squeeze, and Ray swallows hard and forces the memories back down to the darkest corner of his mind where he keeps those things he wishes he could delete but is unable to.

_"Upon their arrival the rescue and relief team decided to occupy one of the few buildings that were still standing in order to make use of what little protection the structure would offer to their patients. This building happened to be the local orphanage before its destruction, which is how the MSF team came to be in charge of all lost children, who the locals brought to the ruins of the orphanage."_

The picture accompanying the narrator's words shows the courtyard of the orphanage, half of it serving as the aid station while the other half is occupied by the kids listening to Ray at story time, all of them sitting around him on the ground while Padma is next to Ray giving him translations. It makes Ray smile, because never mind the circumstances, it's a good memory. He never knew that somebody took pictures of it, and it's the first time he sees it from an outsider's perspective. He can see Tim sitting in the background with Mini curled up on his lap, so somebody else must have taken that picture. Maybe it was Manisha, because she's not in the shot.

_"When the MSF team returned to the United States after two months at the end of their mission, Tim decided to stay behind to continue running the orphanage that was without leadership at the time. Together with Ray Person, a former Recon Marine who he served with in Iraq and who was his co-worker at the MSF, he remained as the headmaster of the orphanage until October 2007, when the leadership was returned to local hands."_

Ray can't help wondering how many people in the room already pick up on the teeny-tiny coincidence of Tim's double-barrelled surname containing Ray's last name. It's probably still too subtle, but he's sure they'll get to it later in a way that can't be overlooked. Tim would have made sure of that, Ray doesn't doubt it.

_"Tim and Ray renamed the orphanage 'Bravo Company Orphanage' to honour the strong family spirit and sense of belonging they had experienced as part of Bravo Company. It was an effort to teach the children that family isn't limited to blood relationships and that the orphanage would be more than a place, it would be a home with people they belong to. Even after the return of the orphanage into local hands, the name was kept on because of the positive associations it holds for the children."_

There's a succession of photos showing first the gate to the courtyard with the 'Bravo Company Orphanage' sign followed by several more of how the kids have fun painting and decorating it. Ray remembers that day only too well, it's one of his favourite memories from his time in Sri Lanka. It was about a month before the potential new headmistress business, when he and Tim decided that it was important to create a bond between the kids and the orphanage. They had to find a way to make the kids claim it as their own, and then Ray came up with the idea for the new name and the sign painting art project. They talked to Padma who approved of the idea and two days later, after organising a wooden board to use as a sign and colours and brushes to paint it, they gathered the kids. Ray told them a story about Bravo Company, what it was - an age appropriate version with no deaths and violence - and what it stands for, and then he'd explained their art project. The kids loved it, and the sign went up later that same day.

" _At the busiest times directly after the tsunami there were sixty-three children at the orphanage. By mid 2007 they had managed to find relatives, guardians and family friends for so many of them that only seventeen children remained in their care. Around the same time National Geographic ran a story about the unusual orphanage."_ The narrator's voice-over is accompanied by several pictures of the article in National Geographic, also the one where they're all gathered in the courtyard and Ray has Mini in his arms and Tim is carrying Babi. 

_"Tim returned from Sri Lanka to the United States in March of this year and got married just last month. He is currently living in Oceanside, California, with his husband Ray and their daughter Lakmini. She was one of the children at Bravo Company Orphanage and Tim and Ray have been raising her since she was three years old, after they found her in the ruins of the orphanage in the immediate aftermath of the tsunami. She is now his and his husband's adoptive daughter."_

Ha, there it is, Ray thinks triumphantly and suppresses his smug smirk. The two pictures they're showing at the mention of Tim's family are actually really nice ones. The first one is of their wedding, a few minutes after their ceremonial kiss, when Tim is holding Mini in his arms and Ray is pecking her on the cheek. All three of them are smiling so genuinely that Ray wants to smile back, especially at Mini who is obviously squealing in joy and looking super adorable in her white dress and with her beautifully braided hair. It makes him miss her, and suddenly he wishes she was here, sitting on his legs and playing with his wedding ring in the way she loves to do with both him and Tim. 

The second picture is of Ray standing at the beach, Mini sitting securely on his hip where he's holding her with one arm while the other one is wrapped around Tim's waist. Tim is pressed into Ray's side and his arm is resting around Ray's shoulders and they're all grinning into the camera. There's no misunderstanding either photo for anything other than the family pictures they are. Everything - from the way how they're standing together and how they're touching each other to their gazes - clearly states that Tim and Ray are a couple and that Mini is their kid. Ray sneaks a glance at Tim and finds him almost but not quite hiding the satisfied little smirk tugging on the corners of his mouth. So much for this not being his personal little Fuck-You to those in power.

Ray notices a few surprised glances in their direction from the other occupants of their table, those who didn't know about him and Tim. Between the mention of Tim's and Ray's names and the pictures, there's no misunderstanding the situation anymore, though. Ray doesn't react to the glances and instead peeks at Old Warner and Ellie Kimble. She is smiling like she's about to melt at the adorable pictures while he catches Ray's gaze and gives him a short nod. Ray returns it, understanding very well that he's just been given a silent token of respect and acceptance, something not to be underestimated when coming from a man of Kimble's generation and background. 

_"Tim is currently working as a paramedic at the Oceanside Fire Department, and he's enrolled in the Post-Bac Premedical Program in Oceanside with the goal of going to UC San Diego Medical School to become a paediatrician."_

Yeah, they make it sound _so_ easy, Ray thinks with a halfway suppressed snort. If he's learned anything since end of August, when both he and Tim started their courses at college, it's that whoever came up with the idea that studying, working and having a family are compatible definitely didn't have kids. Both Ray and Tim are making use of the G.I. Bill to pay for their studies, which is the only reason why they manage to make ends meet with both of them only working part time. But fact is, they'd be totally screwed without Brad, Walt and the parents of Mini's friends Kareesha, Amber and Maggie. 

By now Walt is a fixture on Wednesdays, and so far he only ever had to cancel one time because he was teaching a course in North Carolina and wasn't in Oceanside for almost two weeks. Brad helps out here and there, and Ray is sure he'll never be able to repay Brad for all the help he's providing, not to mention that Mini absolutely adores her Uncle Brad and loves spending time with him whenever he's available. Even better when Nate's around, too. She likes him quite a lot, Brad's Mr Someone. Ray should have known that she'd listen to what Ray was saying and that she'd figure it out as soon as she saw Brad and Nate together, but he never expected her to tell him that Brad and Nate are married like he and Tim are, and once they have their party, she'll get to be the bridesmaid. Ray seriously thought she was kidding until he asked Brad about it and got a rather offhanded reply that yes, they promised her she could be the bridesmaid, and no, there's no date set and fuck off, Ray, DADT is still very much a thing. Ray would have loved to have been there when _that_ conversation happened. Whatever Mini said, he's sure it made Brad own up to some truths he otherwise never would have addressed. Yep, Mini is such a good girl, Ray thinks with a smirk. Takes after her Daddy.

When neither Tim nor Ray manage to be back in time to get Mini from school due to work or courses, the parents of Mini's three closest friends have helped them out many times by letting her stay the afternoon. Tim and Ray spent quite some time talking to them during Mini's birthday party, and Amber's mom offered her help right away, quickly followed by Kareesha's parents and Maggie's, which proved quite fortunate once college started. Ray tries to arrange his work schedule around uni and Mini, same as Tim, but fact of life is that it just doesn't always work out the way they want it to. Tim even works the graveyard shift most often, trying to have the evening with Mini, at least until they're done with story time, before he has to leave. 

The only day they always make sure they spend together is Sunday. It's family time, and both Ray and Tim fight tooth and nail to be there the entire day for Mini and do something together as a family. Ray loves Sundays, it's the only day of the week when he can finally relax for a few hours. Well, until Mini is in bed, anyway, because that's when he and Tim sit together at the kitchen table or on the couch and do their coursework that they've neglected the rest of the weekend. So yeah, it's nowhere near as easy as that voice-over makes it sound.

_"A selfless medical professional who has dedicated his life to serving the men in his charge at incredible risks to his own life and who strives to make a difference for children, the United States Navy Memorial presents the 2008 Lone Sailor Award to Mr Robert Timothy Bryan-Person."_

Ray grins widely and claps as loudly as he can when Tim walks up to the stage flanked by two sailors who accompany him like an honour guard. The president of the Navy Memorial shakes Tim's hand in congratulation before the Vice Chief of Naval Operations hands Tim the Lone Sailor statue and together the three of them pose for the camera for a moment. The smile on the Vice Chief's face looks not forced but a little uncomfortable, as expected given the awkward situation he's in right now, but he's at least making an effort. 

Ray can't help wondering how many heated discussions there must have been before the awards ceremony once the committee learned about the gender of Tim's spouse. They'd manoeuvred themselves into a very awkward position by offering a man in a same-sex marriage an award so tightly and inextricably linked with the Navy and the DADT policy. Honouring him would seem like an approval of homosexual relationships of servicemen and at the same time come across as a hidden criticism of DADT. Yet they couldn't retract their nomination either without losing face and risking seriously bad press that would then forever be attached to their prestigious award, the last thing they probably wanted. Oh, Ray would have _loved_ to be a fly on the wall for those conversations. 

Tim looks very dignified when he accepts the award, shakes hands and smiles for the camera. He's obviously making sure to keep the smug edge out of his smile, but Ray knows that he's certainly _feeling_ satisfied and smug. But Tim also knows how to play his cards for maximum impact, and the dignified, modest appearance is part of that. 

Ray is sure Tim is going to drop the bomb during his speech. He's _so_ looking forward to it, because just like with the video, Tim refused to let Ray hear it beforehand. Ray knows this is the moment when Tim can finally speak his mind and shake people awake, and Ray is sure that he is going to do it in the straightforward, brutally honest way that he has always applied to his criticism. Tactful and skilled, but very very honest. Ray has no doubts that it will be the most interesting speech of the evening.

Tim comes to stand behind the podium. As the only speaker of the evening he has no papers with him to remind him of what he wants to say, but Ray is sure he has it all memorised. At first he thanks the relevant parties just like the other recipients did, and Ray waits almost impatiently for the formalities to finish so that they get to the good stuff. It doesn't take as long as it did with the other speakers, which is a relief in Ray's opinion.

When the applause after Tim's round of thanks ebbs away, he continues talking and Ray pays attention for real. "As long as I can think back, I had two major goals in life: I wanted to serve my country and I wanted to help people by practising medicine. After finishing my psychology degree I decided it would be a good idea to combine both and therefore I joined the Navy to become a hospital corpsman." 

"Nowadays as a parent I have a third major goal in life. It's connected to my daughter. She is just seven years old at the moment, but she has already suffered more than most of us will ever have to go through in our entire lives. She lost her entire family to the Indian Ocean tsunami and was buried alive for five days in the rubble at just three years old. We still don't know how a child that young managed to survive that long in those dreadful conditions, but we can only assume that it was gruesome to a degree we will never fully comprehend." 

"Yet my daughter is a remarkably happy and loving child. She loves the ocean with all her heart despite the fact that it took her family. When my husband dug her out of the ruins of the orphanage she trusted him and quickly grew to love him, she adopted him long before he legally adopted her. And whenever I see her smile today, eyes alight with fire for whatever is her most recent passion, then my third major goal in life is clear as day: I want to make sure that my daughter grows up to become a strong, confident woman with principles and morals, somebody who will always stand up for what is right, who will defend those weaker than her and who will fight for what she believes in." 

Ray hides a smirk, but he can't help paying respect to the ingenious way Tim is hooking his audience. Every person in the room feels for Mini now, the little girl from the pictures suddenly has a history and a real character, and every parent in the room is bound the relate to what Tim is saying.

"I believe in honour. It's the very basis of decent human interaction, it's what our society is founded on. I believe in courage in all its forms, especially when you know something is wrong and you stand up to say so even when nobody else does. I believe in commitment, be it to a cause, to your friends and family, to your country, to your passion, to your beliefs or to the man serving next to you. These are values we have been teaching our daughter by living them, because those are the things that will allow her to become a responsible, decent human being who knows right from wrong." 

Oh, he's _good_ , Ray thinks with profound respect. Tim is building up their approval and makes them side with him, and Ray has no doubt that he does it in order to make the impact of his final argument even more powerful.

"Over the course of my service I have worked in the worst of conditions behind enemy lines many times on several deployments, and one thing those experiences taught me is that the bond between the members of a unit, of a platoon or even a battalion are very strong. They're your brothers, and even if you don't like them you'd die for them. Every personal feeling of either like or dislike for the men you serve with becomes irrelevant when you're in combat situations. Every single serviceman in this room who has ever been in a combat situation knows that. The only thing that really matters is that you can count on your fellow man. You need to know that he'll do his job no matter what."

Ray observes several members of the audience nod at those words, most of them in uniform. Ray himself agrees to every word Tim said because they're nothing but the truth. He's also impressed by how skilfully Tim manages to build a rapport with the audience on the very basic human level through a shared experience that every serviceman can relate to and can't ever deny.

"As their corpsman, my Marines had to be able to trust in me that I would go to them no matter the dangers of the situation, that I would risk everything to get them out. This is the commitment I made when I signed up, and just like any other corpsman I have gone to many men while under fire, whether I liked him or not, whether I agreed with his opinions or not - it doesn't matter. He's my responsibility, and I will fulfil it, that's a corpsman's mindset. We _chose_ this responsibility, we know we will always have the courage to live up to it, or we wouldn't have become corpsmen in the first place. We would never dishonour ourselves and our profession in such a way."

Tim falls silent for a second to let his words sink in and take effect, and Ray is sure that this is going to be when he drops the bomb. He can also feel the transfixed silence and the captivated attention the audience is paying to Tim. He has them hooked by his straightforward, relatable words and his rough, intense yet calm voice. 

"Whether I come home to a woman I love or to a man I love once the tour is over doesn't have any influence on that. It doesn't have any influence on who I am as a corpsman, it doesn't have any influence on my principles or my work ethics or my willingness to die in order to save another man's life. It doesn't have any influence on the men I serve with, because we all leave our private lives at home when we're deployed."

Tim pauses just long enough to increase the impact of his next words. "But to me - to all of us who serve - it makes _all_ the difference to know that we have somebody to come home to, somebody we love and who loves us no matter what. It's what keeps us going when things get really tough. I'm sure the majority of people in this room tonight know exactly what I'm talking about." 

Ray can see the odd nod by people with pensive expressions on their faces, some in uniform, some not. "The gender or race or religious affiliation of the person we love is irrelevant, the only thing that matters is _that_ we love them and _that_ we fight for them. In that aspiration we are all the same, the feeling is identical. We fight for our country, for our families, for our wives and husbands, for our girl- and boyfriends, for our children, for our friends. We are all the same in that motivation, in that sentiment." 

"So to me - and to many others like me, who sadly cannot speak out - receiving the Lone Sailor Award tonight is more than just an honour. It is a symbol of recognition of what we do and and an acknowledgement that who we love does not disqualify the significance of our service. It recognises that despite current regulations, we are a valuable and essential part of the military community and we do our jobs to the highest standards just like our brothers and sisters. We take the same risks and we fight for the same country and we live by the same values of honour, courage and commitment." 

"And yet we make the ultimate sacrifice to be of service to our country - we relinquish the very _right_ to have a family, somebody to come home to, somebody to help us through difficult times. Somebody to love and who loves us. We agree to that terrible deal because serving our country means that much to us. We do not get recognised for that sacrifice. It is not honoured. Instead it is shamed. We know that, and yet we still do it. It should be seen as a sign of our great sense of commitment, yet it is regarded as a weakness, a fault. Does a country have the right to turn values like love, support and family into something forbidden and shameful? Does a country have the right to ask that sacrifice of their servicemen? Isn't their life enough?" 

When Tim falls silent for a moment, Ray can clearly sense the almost breathless atmosphere of sharp tension, choked shame and stirring thoughts that has taken hold of the audience. There are several people swallowing heavily when he stops speaking. Damn, Tim is _really good_. 

When he continues, Tim leaves his earlier questions hanging in the air. "So I want to thank the Navy Memorial for honouring me with the Lone Sailor Award. It means the world, and not just to me. Thank you."

At first there's a moment of silence that feels stunned and grave to Ray, like Tim managed to touch something inside his audience, inside the people in this room. The applause only starts with a three second delay, and Ray smiles in satisfaction because that reaction tells him that Tim achieved his goal. He made people think, he taught them a lesson, same as he always did as the corpsman to a bunch of cocky Marines who listened to him because they respected him for who he is, for his natural authority, his brutal honesty, his unwavering stance to do the right thing, even if it's against the rules and against orders. 

Ray is incredibly impressed with how subtle yet unmistakably clear Tim was in his speech. It wasn't a fiery and emotional gay rights crusade, but rather a silent and therefore all the more powerful human rights argument. Not once did Tim mention the words 'gay', 'lesbian', 'homosexual' or 'bisexual', yet everybody understood that that's what he was talking about. By not using those terms he avoided creating an 'us' and 'them' mentality in his audience, instead he made it a point to show that in the fundamental aspects like actions and values there is no difference to be found. Most of Tim's statement is actually non-verbal, it comes from his actions, like bringing Ray here tonight, openly and naturally presenting him as his husband. It comes from his blatant love for his daughter, it comes from the honest, rough tone of his voice that transfixes everybody who's listening to it, binds them in a spell that makes them pay attention, makes them really _listen_ to what he's saying. 

The applause is still going when Tim shakes the hands of the Vice Chief and the president of the Navy Memorial again before he leaves the stage, his escort flanking him again. The people have actually risen to their feet while they are clapping, same as they did for the other recipients, and it's way more enthusiasm and respect than Ray had ever expected to see, and there are many eyes following Tim on his way back to his seat. Ray knows that he's very well aware of them, but that he pretends he isn't and carries himself with the same assured confidence and natural authority that he has always had. Tim knows he made a statement tonight and that every person present in this hall got it loud and clear, whether they agree with him or not. He knows there will be discussions, heated debates about a topic that usually gets either ignored or condemned. If nothing else he has achieved that.

When Tim comes back to his seat, every last one of the other guests at their table has understood that Ray and Tim are a married couple, and Ray finds it interesting to observer their reactions when they think neither Ray or Tim are watching. The two African-American ladies are giving Tim and Ray benevolent and approving smiles, and Ray is sure that it's also in huge part due to the fact that they adopted a child of colour and obviously love her very much - that was clearly visible in the photos and palpable in every word Tim said about Mini. Their husbands are more reserved, which is not surprising given that they're obviously still on active duty, but they show no outright signs of disapproval. Old Ellie Kimble is petting Ray's arm where he's sitting next to her and tells him that his daughter is lovely, and Warner is looking at Tim and giving him the same nod of respect that he earlier bestowed upon Ray. 

The only ones giving them somewhat disapproving glances are the couple who arrive at their table after Tim and Ray did, but neither of them says anything. Even if they had planned to do so, they're cut short by the president of the Navy Memorial coming back on stage. He spends several minutes elaborately thanking all the sponsors who supported the awards dinner, everything from private people to companies to institutes and universities. The end of his speech is followed by one more round of applause for the three honourees of this year before the president finishes the evening's on-stage programme by thanking the staff of the Navy Memorial as well as the National Building Museum and everybody involved with putting the dinner and the evening together. Ray applauds first dutifully and then more enthusiastically when the conversation turns towards the pointer that the cake and coffee table is now open for meeting up with family, friends, peers and comrades, and the music on the dance floor will begin to play in half an hour.

Ray gets up along with the two African-American couples, well aware that the unfriendly looking white couple is following him with their gaze. He pretends not to notice and and turns to Tim, who is still sitting. Ray trails his fingers through the hair at the nape of Tim's neck in a tiny but clearly affectionate gesture while he asks casually, "Want to grab a coffee?"

"Yeah, sure." Tim replies and gets up. 

Ray turns to the old Kimbles and gives them another one of his charming smiles. The unfriendly gazes are still following him. "Ellie, Warner, can we bring you something?"

"Oh, thank you, dear." Ellie smiles up at him in delight and pets his arm again. "A cup of coffee would be lovely, if it's not too much of a bother."

"And I wouldn't mind a piece of cake along with it, son." Warner chimes in from his seat next to his wife. The unfriendly gaze becomes even more unfriendly.

"We can do that. We'll be back soon." Ray says with a nod and another smile before he turns to go with Tim over to the cake and coffee table. Ray doesn't bother to hide his smirk when they've left the offended couple behind. "Hook, line and sinker. Now those two bigots know where the alliances lie."

Tim chuckles. "So that's what the neck caress was for."

"Just in parts." Ray cocks an eyebrow. "Mostly I did that because I love doing it, with or without an audience. It just happened to really play into my hands at this specific point in time."

"You enjoy showing me off, don't you?" Tim gently bumps his shoulder into Ray's.

"Yep." Ray pops the 'p', then he grins at Tim. "Seriously though, Tim, after that résumé of your ninja skills, nobody in this room will dare to fuck with you. And that is just _so hot_." Ray pauses and makes sure to drop his voice so low that only Tim can hear it. "Especially knowing that _I will_ fuck you later tonight."

Tim inhales sharply, followed by his tongue passing over his bottom lip. His voice is rough and as quiet as Ray's when he growl back, "Not the time, Josh. I _really_ don't want to walk around with a boner right now."

Ray can't keep the smug expression off his face and jerks his chin in the direction of the men's room they just passed. "I could help you out with that."

" _Josh!_ " Tim hisses and sounds mostly just tortured.

"All right, all right, later." Ray chuckles, but he's really tempted to just drag Tim into a stall and suck him off right there with all those Navy officials on the other side of the wall. And maybe one or two of them passing through the men's room while Ray's doing it and wondering what exactly is going on in that stall because Tim can't quite hold back his moan and- 

Tim's elbow pokes Ray in the side. " _Stop it_ , Josh."

"What? I didn't say anything!" Ray makes an effort to look innocent.

Tim raises an eyebrow, completely unimpressed. "You were thinking it. I _know_."

"Maybe." Ray admits with a lascivious smirk. "It was _very_ pleasant."

Before Tim can say anything in reply to that, they reach the crowd that has built up in front of the coffee and cake table. Of course the people recognise Tim as one of the evening's honourees - which is not surprising considering the controversial speech he just gave, not to mention that he's by far the youngest of the three recipients. And he best looking, but Ray might be biased in that regard. Quite a few of the men and women surrounding the cake and coffee table congratulate Tim on his award, but most refrain from saying anything about his speech. Well, it's certainly a dicey topic, but the effort they make _not_ to address it lets Ray know that they're definitely _thinking_ about it, which is a win in and of itself.

Ray takes note of those who also talk to _him_ and shake _his_ hand along with Tim's, especially those few who also congratulate them on their recent wedding. There's the odd uniformed person among them, which makes Ray feel quite triumphant. It's a clear sign that not everybody in the military supports DADT or thinks it's an appropriate policy, no matter whether it concerns them or not. Yet it's also noticeable who pointedly doesn't shake Tim's hand or even tries to pretend that they don't see him. Most of them are male and of the older generation, those who retired twenty years ago, and who definitely grew up in different times. It makes Ray appreciate old Warner Kimble's acceptance and respect even more. 

Nobody is outright rude or homophobic, though, but then it's difficult to be either to the recipient of their highly esteemed award. _Especially_ right after the Vice Chief of Naval Operations just shook said recipient's hand and held a speech in his honour. At least there's no way to show disapproval without losing face, without embarrassing the Vice Chief of Naval Operations _and_ the Navy Memorial, and consequently leaving a very bad impression. Ray quite enjoys that limbo the other guests are in, it gives him and Tim an extra layer on which to make people uncomfortable with their own bigotry. 

When it's finally their turn to get served at the coffee and cake table, they get two coffees for themselves and two more for Ellie and Warner, along with the desired piece of cake for the old man. They bring it all back to their table, which the unfriendly couple has fortunately left at some point. They chat with the Kimbles while sipping their coffee and Ray enjoys the relaxed atmosphere at the table that remains after the two African-American couples return with their own share of coffee and cake. 

At some point Ray finds himself sitting between the two ladies with the three of them talking about their kids, and both ladies intensely enjoy scaring him with puberty horror stories of their own daughters. Ray wonders if there's any way to keep Mini a kid forever, because what they're telling him sounds like nothing short of a nightmare. When they start regaling him with the disasters of their daughters' dates and horrible choices of boyfriends, Ray decides to have a word with Tim about starting to teach Mini hand-to-hand so that they can at least be sure that she's the superior fighter to her dates and can take out any boy in less than five seconds. When the ladies get to the first heartbreak drama, Ray takes covert operations lessons into consideration. Maybe a sniper course. Definitely knife fighting techniques, though. _And_ interrogation techniques.

When both ladies are asked for a dance by their husbands and then get escorted to the large part of the hall that serves as the dance floor, Ray has an idea. He gets up from his chair and walks over to where Tim is talking to the Kimbles. Ray smiles at them when he cuts in. "May I steal my husband away from you for a dance?"

"But of course, dear." Old Ellie agrees immediately and looks like she's about to coo at them because she finds them so adorable. Ray never expected his conquest efforts to be quite that successful.

Ray holds out his hand to Tim and smiles. "May I have this dance, dear sir?"

He can tell that Tim is trying not to laugh when he accepts his hand. "You may."

Ray leads Tim over to the dance floor, well aware that there are looks following them. "We're the stars of the dance floor, Tim. I'm sure they've never seen two men dance - at least not at a Navy event."

Tim chuckles and demonstratively keeps holding Ray's hand while they're walking. "Just imagine how much better this would be if we were both in full uniform."

"Ohhh, that would be _epic_." Ray can't help but agree. "Too bad we can't do that anymore."

"Well, it would have gotten us kicked out and dishonourably discharged, so the effect wouldn't have been nearly as good as what we achieve here tonight."

Ray smirks at him. "Yeah, I think your Fuck-You was received loud and clear."

Tim snorts. "It was difficult _not_ to receive it."

"Agreed. You made your point very clear without even raising your voice." Ray thinks back to the stunned, overwhelmed silence at the end of Tim's speech, how the audience needed a few seconds to catch themselves before they remembered their manners and started clapping. "That was an excellent speech."

"Thank you, Josh. It took me many hours to prepare." Tim admits and chuckles. "Nate was so kind to proof-read it for me. He had some valuable contributions, too."

"It was worth every minute of time and effort you invested." Ray points out because the effect of Tim's words was palpable throughout his speech, not just afterwards. That is certainly a testament to him doing it right. 

"I hope so." Tim replies when they reach the edge of the dance floor. "I know it won't change anything, the policy is still there and it won't leave because of one speech, never mind how illustrious the audience was. But if I managed to give even one person a voice tonight, give them the certainty that they're not alone, then I did what I came here for."

"I think you gave more than one person that feeling." Ray smiles at him when he takes up position in front of Tim, then he waits for the right cue in the music and begins to lead Tim in a slow dance out on the dance floor, where at least a dozen couples are swaying to the music. 

Last time they did this was at their wedding in Brad's garden, surrounded by their friends and family. Ray loves how Tim has no issues following his lead when they're dancing despite being the taller partner. He loves how Tim feels in his arms and how in sync they are when they're dancing. He allows himself to get lost in their movements and he forgets the people surrounding them, he forgets their stares and their judgement. He concentrated on nothing but Tim and their dance, and he finds himself genuinely smiling when he looks at him. Dancing with Tim comes to Ray as effortlessly and instinctively as loving him. 

It always has.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have no idea how long it took to write that video sequence. Not to mention Tim's speech - wow, that was a chunk of work. Speech writing is hard T_T There's a reason why I'm not a politician XD I imagined I had to hold a speech in that situation, and that's how I prepared it. And speeches always take me ages... So, what did you think of it? I'd really like your opinion, because yeah, tons of work... ^_^
> 
> And seriously, I did a lot of research for this chapter - I actually watched the entire 1 hour 38 minutes of the 2016 Lone Sailor Award Dinner that you can find on YouTube - more than once. But still tons of things about Doc Bryan are things I made up because I couldn't find an information about it (or because I'd already deviated from the actual Doc's life by making him go to Sri Lanka). So I have no idea if all the training I mention here was absolved by the real man, please just call it artistic licence. This is all fiction, anyway ^_^ The idea for this whole Lone Sailor Award business actually comes from his short CV, though, where it's noted. And I actually used an article about Doc Bryan as inspiration, it's from 2012 when he received the Mason W. Pressly Memorial Medal ( see on page 19 of the viewer here: https://dokumen.tips/documents/pcom-digest-2012-no-1.html ). So, yeah, seems the urge to research things doesn't leave even after uni... XD


	59. Self-Defence - (Tim/Ray, Ray & his friends)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray clashes with Tim's co-worker Jim during an evening out in town.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! *waves excitedly* Yep, the story is _again_ continuing XD Remember that I predicted that this would happen? Well, I'm here to deliver on that promise with 15 new chapters and about 95.000 more words, setting the new total word count at approx. 283.000. Something about this universe is just not letting go of me, and I hope you don't mind :D
> 
> Please please please let me know what you think of the newest adventures of our boys, their kid and their friends? You'd make my day! Just imagine the happiness you can spread with a little word or two ^_^ (more words are obviously always welcome if you feel like it :D)
> 
> As with the earlier parts of this story, the new chapters are again dedicated to my dear **Veronibell**. Girl, you've inspired and influenced so many of the things - big and small - happening here (*cough* just look at this chapter...*cough*) that I have to give you credit here! I've been working my way through my Veronibell-Inspirations-List (yep, capitalised) that's based on your comments and I included those ideas of yours all over the story, I'm sure you'll notice XD (remember that game we had...? :D) Thank you so much for being such an awesome conversation partner and such an inspiration and for being so patient with me and my slow replies! I really hope that I can make you happy with the new chapters!

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


The noise level in the bar is high, the atmosphere relaxed and cheerful. Ray takes a sip of his beer while he's listening to Jessie telling them about her most recent conquest and how the date was a total disaster, but way too funny not to relate to them in all its horrible detail. He has to admit that it really _is_ very funny, especially when she mentions how she took the guy home for some fun times and then he had to use the bathroom and obviously took a dump and consequently clogged the toilet and it got so bad that they had to call a plumber. There were no fun times that night because the guy was so embarrassed that he even voluntarily paid for the plumber and then fled Jessie's apartment never to be seen again, and Jessie spent the rest of the evening laughing her ass off with her roomie.

It's Friday evening and Ray's out for a night of bonding with his study group. He has a pretty firm circle of six people that he belongs to, and they do most of their coursework and studying together. Ray is glad that he managed to integrate into his new class reasonably easily and that his study group is a pretty relaxed bunch while still ambitious enough that he doesn't have to nag and come off as the old man kicking them into action. Contrary to his first stint in college five years ago he's really aware that he's older and at a different stage of life this time around, and it feels _so_ strange.

Ray turned twenty-eight almost two weeks ago, and the average age of the other students in his class is twenty. He's glad that his study group is pretty mixed, though. There's Kenny at twenty-four and Marisa at twenty-three, which keeps Ray from being the only one who's a good deal older. Jessie and Rico are both twenty-one, and Vivian is the only one who's twenty, so most of them are a bit older than average. 

Ray is the only one with a kid, though, and he never quite noticed how much of a difference that makes not only in how he plans - _has to_ plan - his daily life, but also in his general behaviour. Maybe Tim was right and Ray really became a responsible adult over the past few years - and isn't that a weird thought. At least he often feels like the voice of reason when there are decisions to be made in their group, and he's definitely not used to that. He's always been among the youngest and the smallest in any group, and suddenly he is the oldest and the most experienced - and not even the smallest guy, because while Rico is built like a brick shithouse, he's half an inch shorter than Ray. Now _that's_ pretty cool, in Ray's humble opinion.

Ray is also the only one who's married, although he fortunately isn't the only one who's not straight, which makes his life _a lot_ easier. When Jessie hit on him at the beginning, Ray demonstratively wriggled his left hand with his wedding band in front of her face and told her that he's married to a _very hot_ guy, which she not only accepted in good graces but actually told him that she's pan and Vivian is lesbian, so welcome to the club. Ray has never felt that easily accepted before - not even the guys were weird about it, which is something he has come to expect whenever a guy learns about the fact that Ray's married to a man. Seems that both Rico and Kenny are shaped by their friendship with Vivian and especially Jessie, who is anything but subtle and frequently and unabashedly hits on anybody she finds attractive, male, female and anything in between. The guys never even bat an eye at Ray's revelation and treat him just like they treat every other guy. Ray quite likes it that way.

The fact that their study group consists of three guys and three girls always makes them look like they're on a triple date when they go somewhere to eat or to have a drink. Add to that the freaky coincidence that Jessie and Kenny are African-American, Rico and Marisa Latino and Ray and Vivian white and you have a firm set of expectations in people's minds, which Jessie has great fun screwing with by either pretending to be with Vivian or Marisa, who both obviously have just as much fun while doing it. Rico usually just rolls his eyes at them and smirks, and Kenny looks a bit awkward at the public displays of affection that he knows very well are fake and purposefully exaggerated. But Ray's pretty sure he's not weirded out by the fact that it's girl-on-girl action, but that he's just generally uncomfortable with PDAs, because he reacts the same way when Jessie does it with Rico or Ray. She never does it with Kenny, though, probably because she knows how uncomfortable it would make him and while she's mischievous like hell, she's not mean.

Ray takes another sip of his beer and looks around the bar. It's not one of those student hang-outs that tend to be occupied by barely-twenty-one-year-olds on Friday and Saturday night who try to get as drunk as possible as fast as possible and as cheap as possible. Instead it has a pretty mixed crowed of many different ages and backgrounds, although Ray can see a few people who're definitely fellow students - and probably not quite twenty-one yet, but he's certainly not going to narc on them. But there's also a table of quite loud women who have passed forty a while ago, and several guy groups between the ages of thirty to late sixties who're erupting in boisterous laughter from time to time. Ray quite likes this bar and in his mind he thanks Rico for showing it to him. He's definitely going to take Tim here when they drop Mini off at Brad's the next time for a sleepover. 

That makes him think of the Lone Sailor Awards Dinner that was a week ago, and the atmosphere of tonight's gathering couldn't be more different. Ray is certainly glad that he's not wearing a tux right now, he much prefers his worn jeans and t-shirt. But he has to admit that he and Tim cut dashing figures last week at the gala-dinner thingy, which he knows because there was a picture of them in the news. Well, more an unofficial Navy news blog with a - usually - fairly limited outreach, which has seen a lot of attention recently. Seems that one of their freelance reporters was at the awards ceremony and deemed Tim's speech controversial enough that it warranted a post. It was accompanied by a picture of Tim and Ray dancing after the ceremony, a brilliant shot with a few other couples in uniform around them and the Navy Memorial banner in the background. For a moment Ray was really sad that they couldn't have worn their former dress uniforms, because that would have made the photo even better - Tim all in white, Ray all in blue. That would have been _epic_.

Still, Ray admits that it's a really nice picture even without the uniforms, and he printed it out and taped it to the fridge. It was shot mid dance, and they're looking at each other with genuinely happy smiles and they're clearly lost in each other while moving over the dance floor. The absolute and easy sync of their movements is visible in their relaxed posture, in Tim's hand on Ray's shoulder, in Ray's arm around Tim's waist, in their interlinked hands. Ray wonders if everybody can see the sense of belonging that they emit as clearly as he can. He never noticed it that prominently before, maybe it's just the setting that emphasises it. 

The caption reads _'Lone Sailor Award Recipient Robert Timothy Bryan-Person, formerly a US Navy Hospital Corpsman 1st Class, dancing with his husband Ray Bryan-Person, a former US Recon Marine, at the Lone Sailor Awards Dinner 2008'_. Then follows the article that quickly explains what the Lone Sailor Award is before it summarises the events of the evening and gives a bit of background on Tim and why he was honoured. The reporter, some guy by the name of Neil Marcus that Ray can't remember actually talking to at the dinner, even made the effort to transcribe Tim's entire speech. He obviously though it was brilliant just the way it was, and his comments and background information about DADT only add to the content. It's neither a terribly sensational nor innovative article, but a solid piece of reporting on an unusual event.

The most interesting part is the comment section, though. Ray is pretty sure neither the blog owners nor that Neil guy expected such a flurry of reactions to the post. Now, a week after its appearance, it has over four thousand comments and more are still coming each day. Ray has fun reading the newest ones every evening before going to sleep, when he's camping with his laptop in bed and Tim is sitting behind him, reading over his shoulder while resting his arms around Ray's waist. There's the odd spam comment inbetween and a few very hateful people have left their verbal diarrhoea behind, but otherwise it's more or less coherent discussions of varying quality going on. Well, if you ignore those comments pointing out that neither Tim nor Ray look gay, or that they both look gay, or that the Marines are gay, or the Navy is gay, or how gay it is that the small guy is leading in their dance, or that Ray's hair is gay or alternatively Tim's moustache. It never ceases to amaze Ray how incredibly intelligent and eloquent some people are.

In those comments that are actually worth reading, there are fiery positions for and against DADT, and for the past week the arguments have been going back and forth. From the way some of the comments are written Ray can tell that there are definitely servicemen involved in the discussion, some still active and some not. Interestingly enough most of them seem to agree that DADT is bullshit, a formality that doesn't work because it doesn't make anybody straight who isn't, and it doesn't keep gay guys from joining, it just means that they're hiding it. And anyway, they all know somebody who's not straight but serving anyway, it's sort of an open secret that nobody mentions, and it doesn't make any different in the unit cohesion and combat effectiveness. Several agree explicitly with what Tim said in his speech - it's the man's private life and as long as he doesn't hit on them and he does his job, who cares who he fucks at home. Others again say that they'd feel awkward and repulsed knowing the guy in their tent is gay and that it's best if they have to keep that to themselves like DADT ensures, or get kicked out. The two positions clash again and again throughout the many comments and Ray imagines that the Navy is not quite happy about the attention in this specific case. But at least Tim achieved what he came for: He shone a spotlight on the issue of DADT, he made people think and he made them discuss it.

Ray and Tim also left the awards gala thing with an invitation to come visit the Kimbles at their house in Washington should they ever be in the city again, and especially old Ellie insisted that they bring 'their absolutely lovely daughter', as she put it. Ray is still in awe of his own conquest skills because both Ellie and old Warner have definitely taken a shine to him and Tim, and he's sure they're the first same-sex couple they've ever met. Not that he's complaining, they're a cute old couple and he's sure that the apple pie Ellie said she'd make for them will be absolutely delicious. She looks like she knows how to make fantastic baked goods, and he'll never refuse a piece of homemade apple pie. 

Ray smiles to himself when he thinks about what else they did after leaving the gala-dinner thingy. Tim did indeed fulfil his promise to Ray and sucked him off on that huge, very comfy bed, with Tim on his knees in front of Ray, who he'd pushed down on the mattress. They were both still in their penguin suits at that point, and somehow that made it even hotter. After Ray had come, Tim left him to wallow in his most pleasant aftermath on the bed while he prepared the hot tub, then he undressed first himself and then Ray, who was still lying blissed out on that _really_ nice bed. He'd escorted Ray into the bathroom and settled him in the deliciously hot water before joining him, and then Tim spent an unholy amount of time caressing Ray's entire body, from head to toe, as if it was the first time he got to touch him. Ray just closed his eyes and lost himself in the pleasure of the hot water combined with Tim's deft hands and mouth that made arousal rise in him again. When Tim entered him, Ray was hard again, and they took their sweet time, indulging in leisurely, drawn out, lazy sex in a way that's impossible when you live with a kid. 

They slept through the night after that, both too tired to wake up in the middle of it for more sexy times, but that only meant that they took care of that during the morning shower. They ended their day of playing tourists in Washington after an early dinner to enjoy the luxuries of their room a little more, and when they were on the plane back to San Diego the next day, Ray noticed Tim shift in his seat several times. Ray couldn't quite hide his very smug grin that earned him a glare and a slap on the arm. It only made him grin even wider, because, well, it was _Tim_ who'd insisted on _harder, deeper, dammit Josh, make me feel it_ , so he had no right to complain now. Not that he ever did utter even a single word in complaint, and Ray's sure he secretly enjoyed the soreness. It's not the first time this has happened, after all, and it's always Tim who initiates it. He definitely likes it rough from time to time, and Ray enjoys too much how Tim lets go of all control when he's in that specific mood to even contemplate not to follow his wishes. Not to mention that the orgasm is guaranteed to be _spectacular_ , and he will never tire of the way Tim sags against him afterwards, completely boneless and sated, and so incredibly beautiful in his openly displayed trust.

When they went to Brad's house on Saturday afternoon to get Mini, she was completely relaxed and just in the process of helping Nate dismantle the pillow fort in the living room. Ray is pretty sure it'll forever be the most unexpected sight of his life: Iceman Brad Colbert's usually very neat living room occupied by a monstrous, very sophisticated pillow fort built of more sheets, blankets and pillows than Ray even thought Brad had in the house, and the LT kneeling in the middle of the mess with Mini throwing a sheet over him with loud laughter. He later learned from the excited tales of his daughter that Brad, Nate and she had 'indoor-camped' - a term Brad had coined, it seems - and they slept in the pillow fort that night, complete with sleeping bags, telling stories by flashlight, eating marshmallows and drinking hot chocolate from thermos flasks. 

Ray has to hand it to Brad, he knows how to entertain a kid. No wonder Mini loves him so much. Ray's also vaguely jealous, because he would have loved to participate in that indoor-camping event. It sounds like a lot of fun.

Ray finishes his beer, and that pulls him out of his musings and back into the bar. He quickly assesses the fill level of the other drinks around the table because it's his turn to get the next round, and he thinks it's probably time now that he fulfils his duty. He asks what his friends want before he recruits Jessie to help him carry the drinks. She gets up from her chair next to Rico and follows Ray to the bar, which is so busy that Ray barely manages to squeeze through to the front so that he can get the attention of the bartender. Jessie puts her hands on his waist when she's standing behind him on her tip-toes and looking over his shoulder while he's ordering. It took Ray a while to realise that she's just a touchy-feely person and that she's doing that with everybody - male or female, old or young, attractive or mousy. She's not actually flirting when she's touching him like she is now, he knows that now - because when she _is_ flirting, there's absolutely no way to miss it. She's not good at subtle at all. This is just Jessie being Jessie, and by now Ray likes her easy way of seeking and giving physical contact that comes so naturally and unthinkingly to her. 

When Ray turns his head to ask her what she wants, a guy a few seats down the bar suddenly attracts his attention. He's _very_ tall and it takes Ray only the fraction of a second to recognise him as that prick from Tim's station, what's his name again? Oh yes, Jim. 

Ray sighs and hopes that the jerk won't notice or recognise him, because he seriously just wants to enjoy his first night out in ages, and getting into a bar fight will most definitely screw up his night. Tim has told him all about the issues he had with Mr Prick at the station after Ray's and Mini's visit in May, and how things have become easier after a not so covert demonstration of Tim's ninja skills and an ensuing stern talking-to from Kimmy, who is kind of the Captain's XO and threatened both Jim and Tim with serious consequences if they didn't stop their feud. The tension is still there, though, and Tim is well aware that Jim doesn't like him and is just biting his tongue. Tim also informed Ray of the possibility that the jerk might at some point challenge Ray because he seriously underestimates him and thinks Ray needs Tim's protection against the big bad wolf - which is ridiculous, seriously, because the guy might be big, but he's not a trained Recon Marine.

After Ray relays Jessie's order to the bartender, he pays and waits for their drinks to arrive. In the meantime he keeps an unobtrusive eye out on the jerk and finds that he's already well on his way to getting drunk. He's out with three guys who Ray doesn't know, which means that they're not from the station. Ray has been there enough times by now to have seen everybody who works there at least once. It also means that he has no idea who those guys are, and that they won't know Tim, which is either an advantage or a disadvantage - impossible to tell at this point. Judging by how buff they look and how they're behaving, Ray would say they're some gym buddies of Mr Prick. There's definitely a good amount of posturing going on and Ray can see them unabashedly staring after a girl passing them, not to mention that their whistling and their comments about her various body parts are impossible to miss. Ray can tell by her body language that she's heard it too, but she makes it a point not to look at the guys and quickly makes her way back to the safety of her group of friends.

Ray frowns at the scene and suddenly sees Mini in that girl, an older version of her, maybe college-age, and it makes him suddenly so angry how obviously the girl felt threatened, intimidated and humiliated. He never wants Mini to feel like that, he never wants her to think that she's powerless to defend herself against jerks like that, he never wants her to scurry past them like a scared little mouse fleeing to the safety offered by other people. He wants her to stand up to retards like that, he wants her to kick them in the balls so hard that they're forever scared of women. He wants her to be able to hand them their asses on a plate and do so without breaking a sweat, a smug smile on her lips because she knows what she can do. He wants her to walk away from a situation like this as the winner with her head held high, and maybe the odd scared little mouse who saw it happen will be inspired to follow her example. 

Ray is still glaring at the group when the bartender brings the guys a new round of drinks, and of course that's the moment the jerk turns around, and Ray can tell that he not only spots Ray, but also immediately recognises him. His eyes narrow in confusion, he's obviously thrown for a moment by the fact that Jessie is leaning against Ray's back and has her hands settled on his waist. But Ray's face is turned towards him and it's in plain sight and they've seen each other enough times by now, not to mention that there's the same recognition and dislike in Ray's eyes. Mr Prick _definitely_ knows who he's looking at.

Ray watches how the asshole turns on his bar stool to fully face towards where Ray and Jessie are standing, still waiting for all of the drinks they ordered. There's a disgusted sneer on his face when he looks at Ray and the disdain is dripping from his voice when he speaks. "Well, if that isn't Doc's skinny-ass faggot boyfriend-"

"Husband." Ray points out casually and raises his hand as if to make sure that the jerk doesn't miss his interjection.

"What?" Mr Prick seems to be confused by Ray's interruption, especially because he only corrects him and otherwise makes no attempt to stop him talking. He's obviously not sure what to make of that.

"I'm not his boyfriend, homes, I'm his husband." Ray demonstratively wriggles the ring finger of his raised left hand, and the light catches on his wedding band and reflects in a way that the jerk can't possibly miss. Against his back Ray feels Jessie turn towards the conversation.

Mr Prick just scoffs in disdain. "What, and you think that makes it better?" 

Ray shrugs casually. "I just wanted you to get your facts right in your attempt to insult. Otherwise it's kind of ridiculous and you only make a fool of yourself. And we don't want that, now, do we?"

There's a moment of silence that Ray attributes to the confusion he caused in the jerk's alcohol-muddled brain by using too many words at once. When he finally speaks, he's not any more original than before. "You're still a fucking fag-"

"Who _the fuck_ is that dickhead?" Jessie interrupts rather forcefully with a pissed off frown on her face. Her hands are still on Ray's waist and he can feel the tension in her grip that speaks of genuine anger.

Ray waves a pointedly dismissive hand at Jim. "A colleague of Tim's at the fire station."

Jessie raises both eyebrows in surprise as well as disbelief. "Seriously? That jerk is a fire fighter?"

"Yep. Sadly." Ray replies with a profound sigh.

Jessie scoffs. "Couldn't they find somebody with more brains?"

"Hey, Missy, I can hear you!" The prick shouts in outrage at being ignored and belittled at the same time.

"I'm aware that you have the ability to hear, but I'm surprised that you have enough brain power to convert sound waves into words and then process them into sentences." Jessie shoots back, never one to back down. She can't stand it when someone's homophobic, and Ray has seen her lay into people because of it before.

The best part of it is that people tend to underestimate her because Jessie is very pretty. She has what he'd describe as an hourglass figure, and at the same time she's slim without being skinny. She's also reasonably tall for a woman, although she's still a good inch shorter than Ray. She is blessed with a warm brown skin tone a few shades darker than Mini's and she wears her hair in long box braids down to her waist. She's stunning and she knows it and rarely feels the need to dress to underline it, she usually goes for casual clothes that aren't skin tight and somehow that makes her even more attractive. If Ray was still in the market he'd consider hitting on her, but while he can see her beauty and really likes her personality, he's never felt more for her than what he'd feel for a sister. Seems that Tim made him completely immune to the charms of other people, and Ray doesn't mind at all. He already has the sexiest badass on the planet as his husband, after all.

Mr Prick has by now managed to process Jessie's words, although Ray is not sure how much he really understood. He's clearly far from sober, which makes this whole thing also more dangerous. Ray _really_ doesn't want to get into a bar fight, not just because it would ruin his night, but also because he has no intention of getting into trouble with the law because of an asshat like that. _So_ not worth it.

"Look, Missy-" The jerk has just begun talking when the guy next to him leans further on the counter to get a better look at what's going on.

"Hey Jim, who's the hottie you're talking to?" He asks when he sees Jessie. Well, _'leers'_ is more like it.

Great, Ray thinks with a mental eye-roll. Now the rest of the idiots will get involved. He can see their accumulated testosterone ignite like an IED if he's not careful, and having four guys gang up on him will _definitely_ end in a bar fight. 

Jessie lets go of Ray and positions herself next to him, her hands on her hips and a snarl on her face. "The 'hottie' is just kicking his ass because he's a total dickhead, so piss off, you fucking retard, before I kick you in the balls so hard that you'll spend the night in the ER and the only thing your dick will get close to in the next weeks is an ice pack."

"Go, girl!" Ray cheers from the sidelines with a pleased smirk on his lips. Now _that's_ how he wants Mini to handle jerks like that.

The guy obviously isn't used to such forceful negative reactions to his advances and doesn't know how to react to the blatant rejection. Yeah, there's really no way to interpret this 'No' as a 'Yes', Ray thinks. The threat of the ER combined with the ice pack makes it pretty unambiguous. The guy just glares at Jessie, while Mr Prick obviously has decided to get involved in the conversation again. Well, more an exchange of insults, really.

"I could crush you and the faggot wimp here like ants, Missy!" The jerk gets up off his stool as if to make his point unmistakably clear and plants himself in front of them, at least as far as he can given how crowded the bar is. They've also accumulated quite a few spectators by now, Ray has noticed. "One punch and you're history!"

Ray just snorts. "Sure, big boy."

"Be careful, weed, I might just do it." The dickhead growls menacingly and draws himself up to his admittedly impressive height. But Ray's used to Brad, and that half inch more is not _that_ impressive. Tough luck.

"I'm very scared. Pissing my pants, in fact." Ray replies drily and Jessie snorts next to him.

The irony flies so high over Mr Prick's head that it's _almost_ not funny anymore. "You should be, wimp."

That's when the bartender sets the last of Ray's and Jessie's order on the counter. He's also warily eyeing the jerk and Ray, as if he's already contemplating calling the cops. That's something Ray would really like to avoid.

"If you don't mind, our drinks are getting warm, so we'll make our way back over to our friends now." Ray says with a voice that is so pointedly polite that everybody with half a brain cell recognises it as mockery. "It was _so_ nice meeting you again. We should definitely do that again."

Ray grabs three of the drinks and Jessie takes the other three and they walk off before the jerk has time to come up with a response. Ray keeps him well in the corner of his eye while he makes his way over to their table to make sure that there won't be a sudden attack. 

"What a prick!" Jessie growls, still obviously very much pissed off by their encounter with Tim's most charming co-worker. "What the fuck is he thinking, threatening you like that?!"

Ray smirks at her. "Don't worry, Jessie darling, dear Ray-Ray here can very well defend his precious hide."

Jessie throws him _a look_ and rolls her eyes, but it makes her smirk. His study buddies know that he was in the Marine Corps, even that he's ex-Recon, but Ray is well aware that having heard about it doesn't mean that people can fit their idea of a soldier to the actual person in front of them - and Ray's physical appearance certainly doesn't make it easier. It's one of his main advantages, he always liked being underestimated. It's such a powerful weapon in itself. 

When they get to their table Ray makes sure to take Jessie's chair because it offers a better view of the bar, and he wants to keep an eye on the four jackasses over there. Mr Prick still seems agitated and pissed off about their confrontation, but the more time passes, the more the tension in the group disperses and they return to drinking and posturing, or whatever it is they think they're doing when they're puffing out their chest like goddam roosters. Ray relaxes a bit and returns more of his focus to the conversation going on at the table.

Shortly after midnight they leave the bar, all of them in good spirits and looking forward to the weekend. Ray has taken note of the four jackasses moving on already half an hour earlier, probably to go to another bar. Since Marisa, Vivian, Kenny and Rico live in the same part of town, they say their goodbyes before they get into Vivian's car. Vivian is very correct concerning some things, so she actually refuses to drink out in public until she's twenty-one, and nobody is complaining about that because it means they always have a designated driver who's definitely sober. Ray turns towards Jessie and offers her his arm when the others drive off, and they start walking back to South Oceanside from downtown. They live in different parts of the neighbourhood, but Jessie's apartment is mostly on Ray's way home, so he offered at the beginning of the evening to walk her there. She mocked him a bit about his unexpected chivalry, letting him know that she'd walked the same route hundreds of times on her own, but she'd still accepted his offer. 

They've just come up to the mouth of the alley behind the bar when a figure detaches from the wall and comes towards them. It doesn't take much deduction skills to know who it is, especially given the size of the figure. Ray quickly checks their surroundings and establishes that the prick is alone, his friends are nowhere nearby.

Jessie freezes next to him. "Shit, Ray, that's that jerk from the bar."

Ray turns towards the approaching man and growls, mostly in annoyance. "Seriously, homes?"

"Hey, faggot!" Mr Prick yells despite the fact that he's close enough that there's really no need to shout. "Now I'll show you that I can crush you!"

Ray doesn't bother to suppress his irritated eye-roll. He can tell this won't go away if he doesn't make a few things _very_ clear to that jackass. Ray cracks his neck, stretches his arms in front of him and rotates his shoulders in a little warm-up, all the while moving between Jessie and the jerk. Time to get down to business.

"Should I call the cops?" Jessie asks, her cell in her hand and flipped open, 911 already typed in.

"Not yet, Jessie." Ray says with a smirk. "I'll let you know when we get to that point. _If_ we get to it, that is. Which I doubt."

Jessie looks sceptical. "He's a _frigging mountain_ , Ray, and you... Well, you're not."

Ray just wiggles his eyebrows and gives her a suggestive smirk. "Don't you know it, Jessie? Size doesn't matter."

Because yes, the guy is really big, but that's clearly his only advantage. And that only as long as his opponent isn't a trained professional like Ray is. He didn't make it as far as he did as a Recon Marine without becoming _very_ good in hand-to-hand, especially in ground fighting. And Jim's size is not going to serve him well in a fight against Ray. As somebody who has _always_ been smaller than his opponents, Ray learned every trick there is to be better than other guys without the natural advantage of superior height or strength. And he's _very good_ at it. Brad can attest to that. And Rudy. Oh, and Manimal learned that lesson, too. The hard way.

"You afraid, cocksucker?" The jerk jeers at Ray, his voice way too loud in a way that's typical for drunks. "A little shit like you needs to learn his place. You won't walk away from this with a smile, I'll make sure of that."

By now Mr Prick has come close enough that the light of the street lamp reaches his face. He's clearly even more drunk than he was when they had their little altercation at the bar counter. Ray analyses him easily and wonders what weakness he should got for, because he's displaying so many that Ray has a wide range of options here. This guy's major fault is that he overestimates the power of his size and strength. He relies on it, it probably always got him out on top in any struggle, and he never learned that it's the very thing that can be used against him. Well, that's a lesson Ray can teach him. But he has to wait for the dickhead to throw the first punch. If this ever does end up with the cops, Ray wants to make sure that he's in the clear of any wrong-doing. He needs it to be a clear-cut case of self-defence and protecting the honourable Lady Jessie over there.

"You're drunk, homes." Ray points out rather condescendingly. "That makes your idea even more foolish than it already is. Leave it be until you're sober. Not that it will increase your chances of winning, but at least I wouldn't feel like I was taking advantage."

"You mocking me, you fucking pillow-biter?" The jackass roars, clearly about to lose any remaining restraint, and for some reason Ray is reminded of Sixta losing it over the grooming standard. He's also kind of disappointed that Mr Prick's insults aren't more creative. He really expected better than that.

"I've been mocking you all evening, homes." Ray replies with a provocative smirk. "But regarding your non-existent chances of winning against me? Nope, I'm not kidding you here."

"You fucking piece of shit!" The jerk yells before he charges Ray. That's about the dumbest move he could make, because Ray's quick, always has been. Speed and skill are his weapons, not strength and range, but Ray is not about to point that out just yet. Instead he avoids the bulk of the charging body, grabs the prick's wrist with one hand and his shoulder with the other so that he can just slightly alter his trajectory and uses the guy's own momentum to send him into the wall next to them. He crashes into it head first, and the impact sounds rather nasty to Ray's ears. He doesn't go down, though, which Ray is willing to give him credit for. That's a thick skull for sure. In every sense of the word.

When the jerk turns around to face Ray again, he's holding his hand to his nose, which is bleeding profusely but doesn't look broken. Pity. He's also moving like he's disoriented, which Ray knows comes from the impact of his head with the wall and will ease in a few hours to leave behind a very nasty headache. Ray patiently waits for the idiot's head to clear enough that they can continue their little charade of a fight, and the first thing the jerk does when he's seeing halfway clearly again is to yell at Ray. "You fucking fairy!" 

Wow, that's _really_ not creative. "Nah, I'm a pixie, homes. My daughter explained the difference to me." 

From behind him Ray hears Jessie snort in what is obviously an involuntary bout of laughter. He can tell that she's scared by the situation, but at the same time she trusts him enough that she hasn't called the cops yet. She still has her cell in her hand and the thumb over the dial button, though.

"You're so dead, you little shit!" Mr Prick threatens and advances on Ray, his fists up in preparation of a punch. Well, seems a headache and a bummed nose won't do the trick. Ray will have to up the ante.

Ray doesn't doubt that even in his current condition the jerk's hits will be very powerful, but then he won't ever manage to strike Ray. He's way too uncoordinated for that by now, and even if Ray wasn't so much faster than him he'd never stand a chance. He throws the first punch that Ray evades easily, then he follows up with a second and a third punch that go wide because Ray just dances out of the way. It's almost fun, like a little workout with a cumbersome punching back drunkenly swinging back and forth. Ray plays along for a while, mostly just evading Mr Prick's punches and placing one or two of his own just to make a point. 

The dickhead gets more furious the longer Ray plays with him, he can apparently still tell that he's being mocked. It clearly drives him mad, which in turn makes his punches even more inaccurate than before. He's swearing a blue streak at Ray by now, and it's beginning to get on Ray's nerves, especially because it's not getting any more innovative and the repetitions are frankly boring. 

"You fucking Marine faggot!" The jackass shouts at him for about the fourth time in two minutes and Ray decides that's it, he's had enough of this shit now, and with a move that he's successfully used on Rudy he brings him down. The prick ends up on his stomach with his face pressed to the ground, and Ray is sitting next to him with one leg over the jerk's shoulder and his arm in a deadlock between Ray's legs. It's bent back at a painful angle, right to the point where a little more pressure will dislocate his shoulder. 

"I'm a _Recon_ Marine, you fucknut." Ray growls in annoyance, because the dickhead didn't get that right once in his many insults. He sees the prick's eyes widen where his face is forced against the pavement, and he's tense under Ray's grip and suddenly seems pretty sober again. Ray smirks, but it's not a friendly expression at all. "Ah, I see _my husband_ didn't mention that little detail." 

Typical. Of course Tim left the big surprise for last. He knew that the jerk would completely underestimate Ray, even more so without that tiny but crucial piece of information. Ray's sure Tim would have enjoyed witnessing this little encounter and seeing Ray hand this guy his ass on a plate. He always loves it when Ray shows off his skills and demonstrates how capable he is.

"Now, dickhead, listen well. You'll leave my family alone. Believe me, we know how to resolve this situation if you don't." Ray threatens and adds just a hint of force to his hold on Mr Prick's arm to make it unmistakably clear what he's talking about. He holds the tension for a few seconds longer than strictly necessary, then loosens his grip and gets up off the ground. The guy rolls onto his back with a pained groan and holds his mistreated shoulder, eyeing Ray warily with his nose still bleeding all over his face.

Ray stands over him for a moment, then he nudges the jerk's injured shoulder with the tip of his shoe. It's just strong enough to cause him some pain without injuring him any further. "See, homes, I could have dislocated your shoulder just now. And I could have altered the angle that drove you into the wall just a little more and the impact would have broken your collarbone. Not to mention that I could have kicked out either of your knees many times over." 

Ray sees the jerk pale at the sudden realisation that this encounter could have ended _entirely_ different - that is to say with him being unable to work as a fire fighter anymore. Ray lets him stew in the scary thoughts for a moment before he drives the point home once and for all. "Instead you'll just have a noticeable gash on your nose, a nasty headache and you'll be _very_ sore for a few days. Be glad that I didn't cause you any serious injuries that would make it impossible for you to keep doing your job."

The jerk is gritting his teeth and looking at Ray with something that is best described as a wary glare, but he doesn't say anything. Ray gives him one last look before he turns around and walks over to where he left Jessie. He finds her staring at him with her mouth hanging open, and Ray will admit that it's not only a very funny expression, but that it also makes him feel vaguely smug. 

"Damn, Ray, you're like a freaking ninja!" Jessie suddenly breaks out in a huge grin and gives him a quick hug in obvious relief.

"Better." Ray says smugly when she has pulled back, and he wiggles his eyebrows. "Like a Recon Marine."

An expression of sudden revelation mixed with growing awe and a hint of annoyance comes to her face. "You were _toying_ with him." 

Ray grins and shrugs casually. "Maybe a bit."

"Fuck, you could have told me!" She grumbles and hits him in the shoulder with her fist. It's not a very hard punch, though. "I was worried!"

"I _did_ tell you. Remember how I said that I could defend my precious hide?" Ray points out with a cocked eyebrow. "You just didn't believe it."

Jessie bites her lip, clearly remembering that moment, and then she looks like she's suddenly ashamed that she didn't take him seriously. "Sorry that I didn't believe you."

Ray bumps his shoulder against hers and gives her a smile. "Don't worry about it, Jessie. I'm counting on people not believing it. I'd be in deep shit if everybody I said that to actually _did_ believe it."

Jessie returns his smile and seems relieved that he's not offended by her previous lack of faith in his skills. "From now on when I have to walk home at night, I'll take you along as my bodyguard."

Ray raises an eyebrow. "Or you could just take a cab."

"No, you're way more fun than a cab ride." Jessie replies before she glances behind Ray into the alley and frowns in something like indecision mixed with disgust and a grain of dutiful concern. It's quite the interesting expression. "Should we call an ambulance for him?"

Ray just shrugs and turns towards the jerk, who is just about to sit up. "Hey, homes, you want an ambulance?" 

The jerk looks askance at him while he's getting to his feet, and Ray can't resist the temptation to twist the knife in the wound. "We could request a unit from Station 1, who you then can explain to what happened here. I'm sure they'll be _very_ interested in it. Kimmy especially." 

It's very satisfying to see the genuine apprehension rising in Mr Prick's eyes. He's clearly remembering the ultimatum Kimmy gave him and Tim, and he knows that it will have serious consequences for him if she learns that he tried to beat Ray up. He'd most likely lose his job over it, and he'd have to deal with criminal charges, too. 

Ray looks him over in a very pointed way, from the shoulder the jerk is holding to his still bleeding nose. "But hey, if you really need some help, maybe it makes you feel a bit better to know that Tim's not working tonight. Because, man, it'd be _really_ awkward if he were the one to patch you up. So, you want us to call you an ambulance?"

"Nah, I'm good." Mr Prick shakes his head and apparently realises that was a bad idea, because he winces almost immediately. He's standing a little unsteadily at the mouth of the alley and makes no move to come closer to Ray and Jessie, who're on the sidewalk of the street. Ray is pretty sure the guy's at least a little concussed after that rather violent impact of his head with the wall, so when he spots a cab approaching the bar, he waves it over.

"Go home and take some advil, homes. Get an ice pack on your shoulder and keep it still for a day or two and you should be good." Ray says when the cab pulls over next to them. He steps aside and demonstratively gestures towards it, leaving no doubt that it's not an offer but an order. After a moment of hesitation the jerk approaches, his steps slow and unstable. "And get you head looked at. That was a nasty bump, you could have a concussion."

Ray opens the rear door for him in a clear mockery of a gentleman, and Mr Prick glares at him in silent anger when he slides into the cab, but he clearly bites his tongue. Before he closes the door, Ray leans down and makes it a point to catch the jerk's gaze. "If I see that you've learned your lesson, then maybe Kimmy doesn't have to know about what happened tonight."

Ray can see how Mr Prick grits his teeth before he gives a firm nod. Ray cocks an eyebrow in challenge as well as threat, then he straightens and shuts the door maybe a bit more forcefully than necessary. A second later the cab drives off, and Ray feels himself relax. He's not sure this is going to work out the way he wants to, but at least that asshat knows now that neither Tim nor Ray are pushovers, and that they will not hesitate to put him in his place if this shit continues. 

"Wow, what a show." Jessie comments drily from behind Ray, and when he turns towards her, she's watching him with a teasingly raised eyebrow. "You certainly don't get _that_ kind of quality entertainment every night."

"Thank you, thank you." Ray chuckles and bows in an excessively dramatic way. "I aim to please."

"It was certainly interesting." Jessie comments while Ray walks back to her from the curb of the street. 

He comes to stand next to her and makes a vague gesture at the cab he can spot a short distance away. "So, do you still want me to walk you home or would you rather take a cab after the evening's events?"

Jessie gives him a huge grin and then pointedly hooks her hand in the crook of his arm. "Walk me home, Marine. Maybe we'll meet another bad guy on the way and I get another show."

" _Recon_ Marine." Ray corrects with a smug smirk and begins walking.


	60. Precautions - (Tim/Ray, Ray & Brad & Walt)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray decides it's time to teach Mini some self-defence moves. It doesn't go like he expected. At all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my, look, we broke the 200.000 words-barrier! Seriously, I _never ever_ expected that to happen with this story O_o It kind of ran away from me... I hope you don't mind? ;D
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : You will recognise a few things in this chapter as things you said in your comments ^__^ (want to play our game? :D) I hope you enjoy what I did with those ideas!

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


It's after the incident with Jim that Ray decides it's time to teach Mini some serious skills in self defence. He's been thinking about it for a while and he and Tim talked about it here and there, but they've never made concrete plans what to teach her, when to do it and how to go about it. They both know they will make sure that she's firm in self defence, but since they've come back to the States so much has been going on that they just haven't managed to get down to it yet. Between settling back in, work, college, school, family time, getting married and just the general challenge that is daily life, their little project just kind of fell by the wayside.

But now, after that scene last night at the bar when Ray watched that girl scurry past the posturing guys like a terrified little mouse, he finds that he can't wait anymore. It'll take years to train Mini to the point that she's the confident fighter he wants her to be, so there's no point in waiting any longer. No more excuses, this is important, it concerns the safety of his little girl, so they _will_ make time for it. It's not because he's worried that Tim's most charming co-worker will ever come after Mini, he sure doesn't seem like the kind of guy who'd attack a kid, but better safe than sorry. In any case it doesn't hurt if Mini knows how to defend herself. It's a skill every kid should have, and even if Ray hates that he has to think that way, he still knows that it's especially important for a girl. Considering his own behaviour back when he was younger - and gosh, does he feel old saying that - and the things he has said over time about women, he's suddenly very aware of how much it changed him that he's the dad to a girl. He can't help wondering if he'd noticed the issue to the same degree if his kid was a boy instead of a girl.

When Ray returned to the apartment last night after walking Jessie to her place, he found Tim stretched out sideways on the couch with a textbook on his lap, an orange marker in his hand and a pencil tucked behind his ear, clearly making use of the time while he was waiting for Ray to come home. He put his study materials on the coffee table when Ray came into the living room, and Ray just dropped down in the space between his legs and relaxed back against him with a heavy sigh. Tim didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Ray, nuzzle his neck and ask him what happened. Ray's not surprised anymore how well and how easily Tim can read him, he probably already knew something was up the moment Ray stepped foot into the living room.

So Ray told him all about the evening, about the confrontation in the bar and the little brawl - if you want to call it that - out in the alley where Jim had waited for him. He mentioned the girl who was so afraid of those jackasses and how angry it made him and how he really wants Tim and him to teach Mini self-defence from now on. Tim agreed that it's a god idea and that Ray could show her some basics like how to stand and how to hold herself tomorrow when Tim's at work, and that evening when she's in bed, they'll discuss it in detail. They'll set up a training plan that they'll fit into their schedules to make sure that it's a fixed appointment just like going running in the mornings or story time in the evenings. Because Tim agrees, it's important that she learns how to defend herself, it'll give her confidence and it'll add a layer of safety to her life. Ray is relieved that they're both on the same page about this and that he has Tim's support in his plans. He found himself relax even more against Tim's solid body in his back after that, turning boneless in a mixture of relief and tiredness. 

Today is Saturday, and Tim has a shift at the fire station, but it's just a short one and he'll be back late in the afternoon, just in time to help Ray prepare the dinner they plan to have with Brad and Walt tonight. They do that sometimes, invite their two most cherished babysitters over on a Saturday evening for a nice home-cooked meal as a little thank you for all the help they're providing. Not to mention that Mini loves having her Uncle Brad and her Uncle Walt over, and they both greatly enjoy Sri Lankan cuisine, so it's a perfect match. 

On top of that they have some great news to share with Brad and Walt today, because Tim received his MCAT results just three days ago. At the end of August, on the Friday right before the Bravo Reunion at Poke's house, Tim had driven to San Diego to take the four and a half hour long test which is crucial for his application to medical school. Ray could tell how much more relaxed he was on that Saturday after taking it. It was as if a weight had lifted off his shoulders, and Ray loved seeing Tim smile and enjoy himself at the reunion to an extent he probably wouldn't have without the added relief of having dealt with that huge test. 

Since Wednesday they know that he passed the MCAT with flying colours. Not that Ray expected anything else, because, well, it's _Tim_ , and he studied for it for weeks and put in every moment he had between work, wedding planning and family time. He managed a whooping total score of 40 while the UC San Diego Medical School requires a minimum of 33, so that is already a tremendous advantage for his application. Ray insisted they celebrated by going out for dinner that night, his treat. Mini didn't quite get what all the ruckus was about with Ray dancing through the living room and dragging a fondly smiling Tim along with him, but she immediately joined in the joyful celebration, and then they went to their favourite seafood restaurant and had a wonderful evening. 

And now it's almost three o'clock and Ray has done the chores for the day. As is the rule in the Bryan-Person household, the one who is not working on Saturday has to do the chores, and today that was Ray. So he's done the laundry, more or less cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen, vacuumed the apartment and gone to get groceries, which Mini came along for, and she did her best to distract him with absolute nonsensical suggestions of what they should buy. It's a game they often play when they do the shopping together, and it's even more fun when Tim is along for it because he never quite gets what the heck they're doing because it makes absolutely no sense what they're suggesting, and Ray and Mini have been trying to make him understand that that's the point of it.

So Ray's done for the day, apart from cooking dinner, which he will start on shortly before Tim gets home. That means he has a little over an hour left, and just like Tim suggested last night, he'll use it to get Mini acquainted with the very basics of self-defence. When he comes into her room, he's surprised to find her sitting at her desk with a range of different types of padlocks in front of her, and she's fiddling with one of them in her hands. Ray can see a proper lock picking kit on the desk and next to it a number of bent simple hairpins. Currently Mini is obviously using the hairpins, because the tool set is complete. For a second Ray wonders how she managed to find his lock picking kit, but then he realises that this is a newer model - it's not _his_ kit. 

Ray just frowns in confusion. "What are you doing, Bambi?"

"Picking the lock." Mini replies and the 'duh' is not voiced but most certainly implied.

"Why do you even know how to pick a lock?" Ray asks with his frown deepening. He has a bad feeling about this. Call it a premonition. 

Mini looks at him with innocent eyes that he's sure are not quite genuine. "Uncle Walt taught me that. I can also do door locks and car doors, but they take me a little longer."

"Can you, now?" Ray asks rather deadpan. Walt is in for some serious talking-to for turning Ray's daughter into a cat burglar without telling him. Not that it's not a useful skill to have, Ray certainly benefited from it on many occasions, although Brad might disagree on that point. But Mini is seven, that's _a little_ young. "When did he teach you that, Bambi?"

"On Wednesdays." Mini says easily and keeps working the lock. She needs to angle the pin a little differently, Ray can see that but pointedly refrains from telling her that. He feels like he's undermining his own argument if he joins in teaching her. Sometimes it really sucks that he has to be a role model. 

"Uncle Walt does lessons for us on Wednesdays." Mini continues after another moment of fiddling with the pin.

"Who is 'us', Bambi?" Ray asks with the bad feeling in his stomach getting worse, and he wonders if he'll have to expect other parents suing him anytime soon.

"Reesh, Berry, Maggie and me. We're the Bravo Squad." Mini says proudly and looks at him with bright eyes. 

"The Bravo Squad." Ray is not sure what to make of that, but he's not surprised that Kareesha, Amber and Maggie are part of it, because those four girls are like an entity. A loud, energetic, constantly running entity. "And what exactly has Uncle Walt been teaching the Bravo Squad?"

"A lot of things! How to climb rope, how to build shelter, how to find water, how to make fire without matches, how to make various knots, how to get out of ties, how to pick locks of course, and right now we're learning Morse code!" Mini is positively beaming, but Ray is still stuck on wondering how the heck Walt can think it's a good idea to let a seven-year old play with fire, much less _a group_ of seven-year olds. "We're like the girl scouts, just better! "

Ray doesn't even know what to say to that. He has no doubt that Walt is a responsible teacher, but still, he kind of wants to chop his head off right now. Since Ray has not had any of the other parents shouting at him in anger yet, he can only assume that so far no grievous harm was done to either of the girls or any property. 

"And look, Āppa!" Mini sets down the padlock and the pin to shove her hand in the right pocket of her jeans, then Ray gapes when she pulls out the smallest size of a Swiss Army knife. It's a proper Victorinox and he knows the model, it doesn't have more than scissors, a small blade, a screw driver, forceps and a toothpick. He didn't know they make it in neon green, though. 

Mini holds it up proudly. "Uncle Walt got me this and told me to keep it in my pocket so that I can always get to it when I need it. And he showed me how to use it and that I have to be very careful because the blade is very sharp. I have cut myself only once so far, and that was only a little cut, but I know now what he means."

Ray can't quite suppress the groan at learning where that cut on her palm came from that he noticed two weeks ago and that she had claimed was nothing. Nothing my ass, Ray thinks and decides that he will make Walt regret getting her a knife. Especially because he knows what horrendous drama that will occur if he tries to take it from her now. Not that it'll make much sense to do that considering that she obviously has had it for a while now. The only thing Ray can do from here on is to make sure she learns how to handle it correctly. 

Okay, back to the reason why he came here in the first place. He can take care of Walt tonight, as convenience has it. "All right, Bambi, your Tāttā and I think it's time you learn some moves to defend yourself. Come into the living room with me, will you?"

She's giving him a look that he can't quite interpret, a little like she's confused about what he's doing, but she doesn't say anything and dutifully follows him into the living room. Ray decides that it's enough of an encouragement to keep going, and he motions for her to stand next to him before he takes up a basic defensive stance. "First we need to learn how to achieve a strong position to defend ourselves."

"But Āppa, I know that already." Now Mini is looking at him like she's wondering why he's telling her something so basic.

"Did Uncle Walt teach you that, too?" Ray asks and tries very hard not to sound peeved. It's not her fault, after all.

"No." Mini shakes her head earnestly. "Uncle Brad taught me that."

Brad. Of course. Ray takes a deep breath in an effort to keep calm. Seriously, why is he even surprised? "Uncle Brad taught you stuff, too?"

She nods and then grins. "Sometimes he takes me to the ring in his gym so that I can become a warrior queen! He showed me what to do when somebody is threatening me. Where to hit and kick. And how. We keep practising that a lot, and I'm getting really good at it, he says! And he showed me what I should do when somebody has a knife, how to evade and block it and how to safely take it away. But he said that I should only do that if there is absolutely no way for me to run away. I should always run away first. And then he taught me that an umbrella is a pretty good weapon!"

Ray can feel a headache beginning to build behind his temples. Maybe it's less a headache and more some serious anger. The thought alone that Brad let Mini anywhere near _knife fighting techniques_ is making his blood boil. She's _seven_ , for fuck's sake. She sees somebody with a knife, he wants her to run and bring as much distance between them and her as possible, _not_ to even consider disarming them, never mind do it. Not with an umbrella and _most certainly_ not without one!

Ray takes another deep breath before he feels like he can control his voice enough to not growl his next question. "How long has that been going on, Bambi?"

Mini doesn't even have to think about it. "Uncle Walt began when the new school year started, and Uncle Brad has been showing me things me ever since we've been living here."

Oh, he's going to have a _serious_ word with both of them. He will rip them a new one. Or two. He will kill them before dinner tonight. Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

"Jackasses." Ray grumbles under his breath.

"Āppa!" Mini says admonishingly and points at the breakfast counter. There are four mason jars in four different colours with names taped to them. The green one says 'Mini', the red one 'Josh', the orange one 'Tim' and the blue one 'Brad'. Their fill levels varies greatly, with Mini's being the lowest and Ray's undoubtedly the highest. Walt never swears in front of Mini, so he doesn't need his own swear jar.

Ray grumbles again, this time careful not to use an actual word, and walks over to stuff a dollar bill into the red jar. He needs a bigger jar. Or a second one. _Especially_ after tonight. He needs to make sure that Mini is well out of earshot or he'll be broke by the end of the evening.

"Bambi, did you tell your Tāttā about what Uncle Walt and Uncle Brad have been teaching you?" Ray asks when he comes back to where she's still standing in the living room.

Mini just shakes her head and looks confused. "He never asked. And today was the first time that you did."

Ray can tell that Mini thinks that they know about this, which is of course reasonable to assume. Now that he thinks about it, Mini has shown knowledge of little things that neither he nor Tim have taught her, and it's been happening for a long time now. But since they were always just that - little things - he never paid them much attention, they were nothing to worry about. Like how she always climbs up every rope she sees and is really skilled at it, or how she's become really good and daring on the more difficult playgrounds. Or how much better she is with handling the small kitchen knife when she's allowed to help them chop vegetables for dinner. Or how she can operate a lighter and matches now, as she demonstrated when she was allowed to light the candles on Ray's birthday cake. Yeah, the signs were there. Ray just never asked her about it, and obviously neither did Tim. 

Ray knows he'll be no good at teaching her anything right now, so he tells her that she can go back to her room and do what she wants, and he spends the next hour silently fuming. He knows it's not a good thing to do, because he has way too much time to work himself into a frenzy so that he'll probably explode into Brad's and Walt's faces as soon as they enter the apartment. What he's the most pissed off about is that neither Walt nor Brad told him what they were doing. They both aren't parents, they have no idea how fucking fast things can go wrong and even harmless fun can turn extremely dangerous. Swings, for example. And neither Ray nor Tim would even have known about it. 

When Ray hears the door at quarter past five, he's so angry that he's worried he'll snap at Tim, who has no idea what is going on. Ray began cooking early to take his mind off things, but it's not quite as successful as he hoped. Mini wanted to help him, and since he can see that she's not to blame for any of this - contrary to Brad and Walt - he forced himself to smile and include her in the preparations. She's currently standing on her step stool and stirring the dhal that's simmering on the stove, something that she loves to do because she likes how it smells when the spices have been added.

Ray looks up when Tim comes in. He's in civvies, so he has already showered and changed at the station, probably because he knows he's planned in to help with dinner preparations. A little frown comes to Tim's face as soon as he sets eyes on Ray, he can clearly tell that something is up. He still takes his time to greet Mini with a kiss to her hair before he comes to stand next to Ray, then he turns his head towards him so that he can keep his voice down. "Josh, what's going on?" 

Ray pointedly glances at Mini, who is back to concentrating on stirring the dhal. "Later."

Tim keeps looking at him with a worried frown for a few seconds before he nods. He knows Ray well enough to be aware that he's angry about something, but also to know that he won't get into it with Mini around. Ray also knows that Tim can tell that it has nothing to do with him, and that Mini didn't do anything wrong either, because Ray would behave very differently if that was the case.

Ray turns around and opens the fridge, deciding that it's the perfect time to vent a little of his anger on the chicken. It needs to be chopped to small pieces anyway, and that sounds like a rather satisfying task right now. He checks the bottom shelf right above the crisper drawer where they usually keep the meat, but it's not there. Ray huffs in annoyance and begins looking through the other compartments, but nothing looks even remotely like what he's looking for. Where's the goddam chicken? Ray looks again, but nope. He closes the fridge maybe a little harder than necessary and growls, more to himself than anybody in particular, "Shit, I forgot the fucking chicken." 

"Āppa!" Mini chides him from the stove and demonstratively points at his swear jar yet again. Yeah, he _really_ needs a second jar, Ray thinks while he stuffs yet another dollar bill in the overflowing jar. Or maybe they should just open a savings account for Mini's education and regularly deposit all the money he constantly has to put in the swear jar. She'll be set for life before she even moves out.

"We still have almost twenty minutes, Josh." Tim says in a very calm and reasonable voice that pisses Ray off a little more just because. "I'll just drop by the store and get it."

"Okay." Ray replies curtly and doesn't say anything else because he knows all of this is not Tim's fault - he has absolutely nothing to do with it, in fact - and therefore he doesn't deserve Ray snapping at him. 

"I want to come!" Mini says enthusiastically and looks at them with huge eyes full of anticipation. 

Tim exchanges a quick glance with Ray and then nods at her. "Sure, peanut. Put your shoes on, we need to get going right away or we'll make Brad and Walt wait."

"Okay, Tāttā!" Mini chirps and immediately jumps off her step stool to run over to the hallway, where their shoes are waiting in a neat line next to the front door. 

Tim throws Ray another concerned glance before he follows Mini. Just half a minute later Ray hears Mini's happy "Bye, Āppa!" and Tim's low rumble of "We'll be back in fifteen" before the door clicks shut and he's left alone in the apartment with a half finished curry missing one of its key ingredients. Somehow that makes him even more angry. Yeah, the day _sucks_.

Of course - _of course_ , because how could it be any different on a day like this? - Tim and Mini aren't back with the chicken by the time the doorbell rings in the three short bursts that both Brad and Walt use when they're announcing their presence but will still use their keys to get up. It's a kind of politeness thing they're usually doing when they know somebody is home, but consider it stupid for that somebody to open for them since they have a key anyway. They're strange like that. 

Today is the first time that it annoys Ray. He leaves the kitchen after making sure that nothing can burn and opens the front door for the targets of his seething anger. Walt and Brad have apparently arrived at the same time, because Ray can hear them talking on their way up the stairs. He forces himself to wait in the living room and just leave the door open, because he should probably let them get inside the apartment before he goes for their throats. And may let them take their shoes off, because he really can't be bothered to vacuum again.

He hears them enter and take their shoes off like good little guests, and then he spots first Walt and then Brad coming into the living room. 

"You okay?" Brad asks after just one glance at Ray.

"Nope." Ray growls back and pops the 'p' in the word just because it's satisfying. Walt gives him a quizzical look that is worried and so genuinely innocent at the same time that Ray wants to decapitate him right away. How can that guy not even _know_ he did something wrong?

"What happened?" Brad asks calmly, because that little shit has always been able to read Ray way too well and he knows that whatever this is about, Ray is pissed off, not worried, so at least Tim and Mini are bound to be all right. Right now Ray hates that Brad can read him so well, it kind of steals his thunder in this specific case.

"You two have been training my daughter like a mini-Marine! That's what happened!" Ray explodes, and he's a bit disappointed in himself that he didn't manage to keep a lid on it for longer.

"Ha, Mini Marine!" Walt quips with a grin, and Ray throws him a withering look.

"Not funny, Walt!" Ray growls and Walt looks appropriately chided.

"I didn't know what Walt was doing." Brad defends himself calmly, and it doesn't sound like he's sorry at all.

"Yeah, well, and I didn't know Brad was teaching her stuff, either." Walt shrugs, at least he seems a little more contrite. Not much, though. 

Ray glares at both of them. "That is _so not_ the point here!"

"I didn't do anything dangerous. Mostly just adventure and survival stuff." Walt dares to argue, but apparently he's at least a little aware that he did something wrong.

"You got her a _knife_!" Ray presses out between gritted teeth.

Walt grins in sudden pride. "The neon green is pretty cool, isn't it? Took me quite some time to find that specific colour."

"Walt, it's _not_ about the colour!" Ray waves his hands angrily. "It's about the _blade_ it contains! She _cut herself_ with it!"

Walt just shrugs. "Yeah, once. She didn't follow the rules and that's why it happened. She's learned that lesson. Hasn't happened again."

Ray has a very bad feeling in his stomach all of the sudden, on top of the anger simmering in there. " _Please_ don't tell me you gave _all_ of the girls a knife."

"Well..." 

" _Walt._ " Ray growls in warning.

"They all have their own Swiss Army knife in their chosen colour, but save for Mini's knife they're all in my possession and I only hand them out at the beginning of Wednesday meetings and they have to return them to me at the end." Walt explains as if that makes it _any_ better that he gave a bunch of seven-year-olds their own knives. "They're only allowed to use them when I'm there to supervise. Mini cut herself when she disregarded that rule, and she had to hand in her knife for the rest of the day and had to explain what she did wrong in front to the group in punishment. She hasn't done it again since. Neither has any of the girls."

"For _fuck's sake_ , Walt! They could seriously injure themselves!" Ray feels like he's close to exploding. "And to make matters worse, you let them _play with fire_!"

"No, I taught them how to _handle_ fire." Walt retorts surprisingly sharply. "Which obviously includes teaching them how dangerous it can be and what they must never do and _why_ they must never do it. My squad will _never_ start a house fire or a wildfire, because they _understand_ fire."

Brad turns to Walt with a curiously raised eyebrow. "Your squad?"

"The Bravo Squad." Walt grins proudly and makes a gesture with his hand towards Mini's room. "You know, Mini, Amber, Kareesha and Maggie."

Brad nods in acknowledgement. "Wednesday afternoons?"

"Yep." Walt confirms and then elaborates. "That first Wednesday in the new school year when I came to pick up Mini, the girls were talking about the book they'd started reading in class, some adventure tale of a girl looking for her parents in the jungle after they went missing on a research trip, and they kept asking me one survival question after the other. I ended up explaining and showing them things while their parents sat together for coffee, and somehow it became a thing." He shrugs. "It wasn't planned, it just happened."

"Yeah, I'm familiar with that feeling." Brad agrees solemnly. "That's pretty much how I ended up showing Mini that the best way to take down a guy is to kick him in the balls as hard as she can."

Ray just gapes, and for once it's not in anger but in bafflement. "You _what_?"

"It happened in passing, Ray, it wasn't like it was a planned lesson. I just took her with me to the gym because I had to run an errand, and then she saw the guys sparring in the ring and asked me if a warrior queen can do that too. I could hardly say 'no', so once I had confirmed that yes, warrior queens can do that too, but only with lots of training, she didn't stop asking me to show her how. It just took on a life of its own." Brad shrugs pretty much like Walt did before. "Well, and I deemed it one of the most important first lessons to teach her how to kick a guy in the nuts so that she can get away."

"I appreciate that, Brad, really, I do, but that's not all you taught her! Because she told me that you taught her how to disarm somebody who has a _knife_! A _fucking knife_!" Ray's back to being angry because fucking Brad didn't even mention the lessons in knife fighting. "I can't believe you let her even anywhere _near_ knife fighting techniques! She's seven! What _the fuck_ were you thinking?" 

"Come on, Ray, I only taught her basic self-defence, stuff every kid should know." Brad says firmly. "Especially a cute little girl like Mini. As for the knife fighting techniques, she knows that the first rule is to get herself away from the situation when a knife is involved. I made sure that's ingrained in her base knowledge."

"And weren't you about to teach her yourself about the very same things? I remember you mentioning it more than once. So it's not like you don't want her to know." Walt chimes in, obviously now not thinking anymore that he did something wrong.

"Still not the point!" Ray growls at them. "You didn't tell me or Tim about it! _That's_ the point!"

"It's not like our Wednesday meetings are a secret, Ray. The other parents knew, and Amber's mom was even along for a few of our meetings." Walt defends himself. "I thought you knew about it. It's not like Mini is good at keeping anything a secret, and this wasn't even a secret."

"I have to agree with Walt here, Ray. I never even considered the possibility that you didn't know, I was sure she'd told you about it and showed off her new skills."

"Well, she didn't, she thought you'd told us!" Ray growls back. He's not going to let them off the hook that easily. They're both grown men, they should have known better. How hard is it to just say the words, 'Hey, by the way, I'm teaching your daughter how to survive in the wilderness and handle knives and fire and break into places' or 'And I'm turning her into a Recon Marine'? Not _that_ hard now, is it? 

"Look at it like this, Ray: Somebody ever tries to rob her, they're in for a rude awakening." Brad remarks casually.

" _Rob her!?_ " Ray gasps in something between shock and outrage and overwhelming protectiveness. Brad is just continuing to dig his grave deeper and deeper.

"Or kidnap her." Walt throws in not very helpfully.

" _KIDNAP HER?!?_ " 

"Ray, you can stop shouting. They wouldn't succeed anyway." Brad points out with an air of smugness around him that makes Ray wonder what else he has taught Mini that Ray doesn't know about yet.

"Yep. She'd kick their asses." Walt agrees with obvious pride in his voice that makes Ray even more uneasy. "They wouldn't even know what hit them."

"My daughter is _seven years old_ , she's not supposed to fight off kidnappers or robbers!" Ray is still shouting because it's the only thing that's keeping him from kicking Brad and Walt in the nuts. _Hard._

Brad just looks at him with a straight face. "I promise I won't teach her killing techniques until she's twelve." 

" _BRAD!_ "

"Okay, thirteen, then." Brad offers with an entirely too casual shrug while Walt is snorting next to him.

"She's supposed to be a kid and not even know about stuff like that!" Ray yells and wonders if he's as red in the face as he feels.

"To leave her in such ignorance would be bordering hard on negligence." Brad says firmly and gives Ray a sharp look. "You know very well that we're not living in some happy sappy fantasy world where nothing bad ever happens, Ray. And I for my part want to be sure that my girl knows _exactly_ what to do if she ever comes across the wrong kind of guy."

Okay, yeah, so it's difficult to say anything against that. Still. 

" _Please_ tell me you at least didn't take her shooting." Ray growls, and he narrows his eyes when Walt shifts from one foot to the other in a way that is definitely guilty.

" _Walt?_ " Ray can't quite keep the threat out of his voice.

"No, not yet." Walt says quickly. Brad shakes his head no as well, which is really good to know because Brad has his own private improvised little target range in his garden, which would have made it really easy for him.

"Not _yet_?" Ray digs because he's a master in subtleties of language and he's well aware that Walt is playing at something here.

Walt hesitates and bites his lip before he admits, "I may have booked range time for us next weekend."

Ray takes a deep breath so that he doesn't kill Walt on the spot. "You were going to take her shooting and _not tell me about it_?"

"I _was_ going to tell you!" Walt replies firmly, and Ray knows he's telling the truth. "Why do you think I asked you if you were free on that Sunday? I was planning to go with you and Doc and just have Mini tag along. She could decide then if she wants to try it or not."

Okay, that makes it _a little_ bit better, because it's true, Walt has been pestering him and Tim about that Sunday for a while now. But the fact that he thinks a seven-year old should be given a gun is so beyond Ray that he doesn't even have the words for it. It's not like Ray has an issue with guns - that would be really hypocritical of him considering that he chose to become a Recon Marine - but he sure as hell doesn't think kids should have access to them, especially not his own daughter at just _seven_ years old. He's just about to shout something along those lines at Walt when the apartment door opens and Tim comes around the corner with a deep frown on his face. 

"What are you guys shouting about? I could hear you all the way down in the street." Tim looks from Ray to Brad and on to Walt with a pointed gaze. "You _are_ aware we have neighbours, aren't you?"

"Hey Tim." Brad says with a nod at the same time that Walt raises his hand in greeting with a sheepish "Sorry, Doc."

"Where's Mini?" Ray asks immediately when he becomes aware of the fact that she's not next to Tim.

"Waiting in the hallway, because I wasn't sure what kind of scene I'd find in here." Tim replies with a chidingly raised eyebrow. "What is going on?"

"I have been teaching Mini some things without knowing that Brad did so, too. Well, and that you guys didn't know about it." Walt says before Ray can explode again. Ray really wants to point out that there are quite a few _fundamental_ aspects missing in that explanation, but he doesn't get a chance before Tim jerks his head towards the door. 

"Take Mini for a little walk around the block, would you?" Tim says calmly to Brad and Walt, but it's clearly an order and not a request. "And put the bag with the chicken in the fridge, please. That's our dinner."

Both Brad and Walt nod after a moment, then they turn around to head to the front door. Ray is still glaring at them while they're putting on their shoes, and his angry gaze follows Walt when he slips into the kitchen with the bag that obviously contains the chicken Tim just bought. With a final look at Ray and Tim, Walt disappears out of the door and pulls it shut behind him. Ray can hear Brad's, Walt's and Mini's voices slowly getting fainter as they descend the stairs.

"Now, Josh, would you mind telling me what this is all about?" Tim looks at him with the same concerned expression in his eyes that he had before he left with Mini to get the chicken that Ray forgot to buy. That's all it takes for Ray to tell him about how he found Mini picking a padlock in her room which led to the revelation that Walt headed an improvised girl scouts troop and gave Mini a Swiss Army knife and that Brad has been teaching her in self-defence for months - and that neither Walt nor Brad ever said anything about that to either Ray or Tim. He repeats the key points of his confrontation with Brad and Walt that Tim just stumbled into and makes no attempt to hide how angry he is. Tim listens without interrupting him, leaning with his hip against the back of the couch, and his gaze follows Ray while he's pacing up and down the living room. 

"Why aren't you mad?" Ray asks when he's done with his report and Tim is still completely collected and calm. Ray can't help being angry at Tim _not_ being angry. "Am I the only one here who wants to smack them?"

Tim catches his gaze and holds it for a long moment before he replies. "Quite frankly, Josh, I trust Brad and I trust Walt. I know that both of them would kill _and_ die for Mini, so I trust them not to endanger her. And I think you do, too - that's not why you're angry." 

Ray grits his teeth at those words because yes, he agrees, but he really doesn't feel like saying that right now. And it doesn't change that he's still pissed off. 

Tim seems to know that and continues instead of waiting for a reply. "They definitely should have told us, I agree with you on that point. We have to know about things like that, especially in case something happens. But from what you've told me, this is more a collection of misconceptions than an actual attempt to keep us out of the loop. You know they wouldn't do that. And everything they have taught her so far is meant to keep her safe and give her the tools to protect herself should she ever have to do it. I can't disapprove of that, especially given that we wanted to teach her the same things."

"They want to take her shooting! At _seven years old_!" Ray growls back, because he's still not over the recklessness of that idea.

"Yes, but with both of us along, and you know that they will instil safety protocols in her until they're second nature. Walt is a certified firearms instructor, he certainly knows what he's doing." Tim raises an eyebrow and keeps looking at Ray when he comes to a stop in front of him. "Can you honestly tell me that we would _not_ have taken her shooting at some point? We would have done it later, but we would have done it. Even if just to make sure she can handle a weapon and knows what to do and what _not_ to do should she ever be in the situation that it becomes necessary."

Ray narrows his eyes. "You _want_ to take her to the range next week?"

"No." Tim firmly shakes his head. "Not yet. I absolutely agree with you that seven years is too young, she's not aware enough of the risks. But sometime later, when she's older? Yes, I want to take her shooting."

That doesn't really come as a surprise to Ray. After all, Tim is not only highly trained in firearms and an excellent shot, he also told Ray once that he simply enjoys shooting, he finds it relaxing and likes to immerse in the total concentration he feels when he's at the range. There's a gun safe installed in the closet in their bedroom, and it currently holds Tim's FN Five-seveN and Ray's Glock that they like to take to the shooting range from time to time when Mini is out for an afternoon or at a sleepover at Brad's. The gun safe was already there the first time Ray came to the apartment right after their return from Iraq, he saw it when he raided Tim's wardrobe for something clean to wear, so he assumes that Tim had it installed all the way back when he bought the place. Ray knows that Tim would _never_ leave a gun lying around, even without a kid in the house. He's too well aware of the damage firearms can cause, after all.

"Do you not want to take her to the range when she's old enough?" Tim asks carefully when Ray hasn't said anything for a while. 

"No, I do, that's not it." Ray replies with a shake of his head. He can see how Tim's posture relaxes a little bit, as if he was worried that they might have different opinions on that topic. They never really talked about it, Ray realises, not in such an unequivocal manner as they're doing right now, anyway. "And of course I want her to be able to fight, to defend herself. We both know that just the fact that she knows those things means that she carries herself differently, with a sense of confidence that'll make her less likely to be targeted. And even in case that she doesn't become passionate about it, I want her to be trained to the point that she can get out of a sticky situation."

Tim nods slowly in agreement. "Yeah, I'd rather she has the necessary skills and will never need them than that she doesn't have them if she _does_ need them. We both know the world isn't a safe place, and we both know that for Mini as a girl it's even less safe, no matter how screwed up that is." 

"Sad, but true." Ray sighs and suddenly feels more frustrated than angry.

Tim looks at him attentively. "So the best thing we can do is teach her, and Brad and Walt have already begun doing that."

Ray tenses at those words, but doesn't say anything. Tim keeps watching him for a few more seconds before he continues speaking.

"I think what you're really so angry about is that they did something _you_ wanted to do. They taught her things you wanted _us_ to teach her. And fact is, they only had the chance to do that because we never got down to it." Tim looks him in the eye, his gaze open and frank. "You feel like you failed her because we didn't do what you think we should have done - we didn't do everything in our power to keep her safe. And our only excuse is that we were busy."

Ray grits his teeth and swallows hard at those words because they ring very true. He's not and never really was opposed to Brad and Walt teaching Mini things, he knows they're going to do an excellent job and will make sure she does things the right way. But when he'd heard Mini talk about all of the stuff going on for months, it just made him so angry...

"I look at it like this, Josh." Tim continues with a quiet but firm voice, successfully pulling Ray out of his thoughts and consequently interrupting the return of his anger. "I understand why you're feeling that way, but to me the most important thing is that she learns those things, not whether we or Brad or Walt teach her. As long as she learns them from somebody I regard as a qualified and prudent teacher, I have no issues with it not being us. That goes for fighting techniques as well as learning how to handle fire or pick locks or use knives. But now we'll join their efforts in teaching her." Tim gives a little smirk when he adds, "Well, and we'll make sure it stays age appropriate." 

Ray finds himself chuckling at Tim's gentle humour despite himself, and somehow it makes him feel better. The anger is mostly gone, even if he's still a little peeved at Brad's and Walt's lack of consideration for sharing information that relates to Mini and her well-being. That point is not yet off the table for him.

Ray looks at Tim with a raised eyebrow, and it's mostly in question and maybe a little bit in a request for confirmation. "So 'age appropriate' means no shooting for her on Sunday next week."

"No, no shooting for her next week." Tim agrees firmly, then he smirks. "For _us_ , on the other hand... Since Walt has booked the range time already anyway, Brad and he can make up to us for their silence by spending a few hours with Mini while we get to enjoy that range time."

Ray returns the smirk and wiggles his eyebrows. "That sounds only fair."

Tim reaches out and takes hold of Ray's hands where he's standing in front of Tim, who is still halfway sitting on the back of the couch. For a few seconds Tim simply strokes his fingertips over the underside of Ray's wrists, a slow caress over his pulse point that makes goosebumps spread up Ray's arms. Then he looks up with a little smile. "Why don't we finish dinner while they're still on their little walk? You can even chop the chicken to little pieces." 

Ray snorts at that comment, because yes, that actually sounds like an activity he'd enjoy right now. He wraps his hands around Tim's and pulls him off the couch and only lets go of him when they're in the kitchen and need their hands to continue cooking dinner. Ray is glad that he made sure nothing was going to burn before he left to 'greet' Brad and Walt, because it has been a while now since anybody looked after the food. He and Tim work in silence, but it's a comfortable and relaxed silence that has nothing in common with the one they shared before Tim left with Mini for the supermarket. When Ray is done with the chicken and it's added to the curry, he leans sideways until he's touching Tim from shoulder to hip while he keeps stirring the pot. He lets his head fall to the side and rests it on Tim's shoulder. "Thanks."

Tim turns his face towards Ray and presses a kiss to his forehead. "Always, Josh." 

Ray smiles when Tim's hand trails up his back and ends up in his hair. He begins carding through the loose strands, almost lazily letting them slide through his fingers. Ray has noticed a while ago that Tim has developed a growing affinity to his hair ever since it's become long enough to bury his hands in it, it's as if he can't keep his fingers out of it. Ray loves how that means that he's getting petted all the time, and he certainly won't complain about the sensation of Tim's fingertips gently stroking over his scalp. It's utterly relaxing, and right now Ray feels any remaining tension leave him the longer Tim's fingers play through his hair.

The doorbell chimes three times when the curry is almost done, and this time neither Ray nor Tim go to open. A few minutes later they hear the key in the door and Mini's excited chatter along with Walt's chuckle and Brad's lower voice making a comment. They're obviously taking their shoes off, and when Ray turns his head he sees Brad come into the living room carrying Mini piggyback, and she's beaming in excitement while she's pretending to be sword fighting with Walt from the perch on top of her Golden Giant. Ray keeps watching for a moment and then smiles to himself. Yeah, he knows they both love his little girl and would never endanger her. Brad is always like a fluffy teddy bear around her in a way he never allows himself to be with anybody else, and that more than anything tells Ray how Brad feels about her. Tim is right, Ray always knew that, even in his anger. 

Tim leaves the kitchen after one last caress of his fingers in Ray's hair, then he makes Brad, Walt and Mini help him set the table. When Ray has begun to fill the food in large bowls to put on the table, Brad enters the kitchen and comes to stand besides Ray by the stove. For a moment he's silent, then he says quietly, "I would never put her at risk. _Never_."

Ray keeps transferring the curry into the bowl for another second or two and only looks up when the task is done. "Yeah, I know."

Brad holds his gaze in that direct way of his. "I'm really sorry, Ray. I should have made it a point to tell you and Tim about what I was doing."

Ray appreciates that he's not trying to justify that he didn't say anything by adding that he thought Mini had told them, like he'd done earlier. Instead Brad owns up to his mistake, even if it wasn't a big one if Ray's entirely honest with himself. Because Brad does have a point, it was only reasonable for him to assume that Mini would blabber about everything they're doing. She sucks at keeping something to herself, and Ray is still amazed that she managed to not spill the beans on his proposal plans in July.

"It's not that I'm against you teaching her. I'm not. I trust you with her. It's just..." Ray trails of and makes a vague gesture with his hand. "I need to know about stuff like that. I need to make sure she's safe."

Ray catches Brad glancing over at the table, where Mini and Walt are distributing the cutlery while Tim is putting down plates and glasses, and for a second he's stunned by the flicker of unguarded affection and profound protectiveness passing over Brad's face when he's looking at Mini. "Yeah, I understand that."

"I know you do, that's why I trust you with her." Ray remarks after a moment of silence when Brad has turned back to look at him.

Brad gives him a lopsided half smile and bumps his shoulder against Ray's. "Thanks, Ray."

Ray returns the bump, then he grins at Brad and shoves two bowls in his hands. "Now make yourself useful and carry the curry and the rice out. The food's not getting any warmer."

"Yessir." Brad replies mockingly and walks over to the table with his precious charges. As if he's just been waiting for Brad to leave the kitchen, Walt comes over to Ray and then stands a little lost in the middle of the room while Ray is getting the naan bread out of the oven. 

"Hey Ray." Walt says awkwardly and Ray watches out of the corner of his eye how he shifts repeatedly from one foot to the other. 

"Yes, Walter?" Ray asks with a raised eyebrow when the oven door is shut again and the bread is safely transferred into its basket. Yep, they have a proper bread basket now because Ray insisted that they're eating naan often enough that it warrants the purchase. Tim teased him about becoming a chef for the rest of the day, and he's still smirking every time the basket comes out, but he never complained.

Walt is biting his lip and looks like a puppy with a very bad conscience. Ray finds it disgustingly adorable and wonders if Walt has any idea how effective his kicked-puppy face is. "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about Bravo Squad Wednesdays. Well, and the knife. I didn't mean for it to come across as if I was going behind your back. I would never do that, especially not with anything that concerns Mini."

"I know you didn't mean to, Walt." Ray makes it a point to hold Walt's gaze to let him see that he means it. "Next time just tell us up front, it's not like we would have been against it. From what I can tell, Mini loves her Bravo Squad Wednesdays and she has learned a lot." 

Walt relaxes a little and nods, then he looks at Ray with a sincere expression in his eyes. "I would never endanger her, Ray. The whole point of the Bravo Squad is to get the girls to learn how to do things the right way and to do it in a safe environment. Still, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the Swiss Army knife."

Ray nods to let him know he accepts the apology, then he smirks at Walt. "I have to admit that the neon green really _is_ pretty cool, though."

Walt breaks out in a broad grin. "I got it off a collector on eBay, it was a rare special edition Victorinox made years ago. They usually don't make them in that colour, just some dark green, and I knew Mini would love the neon version so much more."

"You went all out, I see." Ray chuckles, and he can admit that he's impressed by the lengths Walt went to.

"Nothing but the best for my Mini Mouse." Walt replies with a broad smile, and Ray knows he means it. Somehow that makes the last of the peeved feelings in Ray's stomach settle, not to mention that he always melts a little when Brad and Walt call her Mini Mouse. Not that he would ever admit that out loud.

Ray turns to grab the basket with the naan bread and hands it to Walt, then he takes the plate with the many dips and smirks at Walt while he jerks his head at the dining room table, where Tim, Mini and Brad have already sat down. "Come on, let's go eat."

Walt gives him a genuine smile and heads over to the table. Ray follows him, feeling truly relaxed for the first time in hours.


	61. Green - (Tim & Mini & Ray, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mini's class has 'Show and Tell Friday' in school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right, folks, after three consecutive chapters from Ray's POV it's time for another person to tell us things from their perspective. I hope you like it!
> 
> The idea for the reason why Mini loves the colour green so much comes from **Veronibell**. Thank you so much for the inspiration, I think it's the absolutely perfect explanation!

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Sophie Lilly looks around at her second graders sitting on their little chairs in a circle, all of them with their items for 'Show and Tell Friday'. Today's topic is 'Special Memory', and the kids are supposed to bring an item that holds a special significance for them, or to tell their favourite memory of something they experienced. 

So far they've had a few very nice stories, from Johnny showing a picture with him and his dog when it was a puppy on its first day with Johnny's family, to Melinda bringing her ballet shoes and telling them about her first lesson and how much it made her love ballet. Sophie is making an effort to keep their 'Show and Tell Friday' free of one-upmanship, which means that toys are not allowed and she gives the kids a specific topic each week, something they have to think about and that they then tell the class about. 

It's mid October now, about two months into the new school year, and so far it has worked very well. She likes that the kids seem to get the idea of today's 'Special Memory' theme and have all brought something that is personally important to them. Like Mai, who brought a simple rock, because she found it with her Navajo grandmother while hiking in the reservation last summer before her grandmother passed away a few months ago. It almost made Sophie cry, because she can tell how much Mai loved her grandmother and misses her.

Sophie looks around the circle and wonders who to pick next. She decides on her newest student, little Mini Bryan-Person, who only joined them near the end of the last school year. She is extremely partial to the colour green, which is why she only gets called 'Kiwi' by her friends ever since Maggie compared her to a kiwi fruit in her first week in school. 

"Mini, why don't you tell us what you brought and why you brought it?" Sophie gives her an encouraging smile and makes an inviting gesture with her hand. She looks at Mini when she stands up from her chair, and she can't help smiling at the adorable sight. 

Mini is shifting nervously from one foot to the other and she's wearing a drab green t-shirt that is so big on her that it reaches down well beyond her knees. Sophie easily recognises it as a part of a military uniform, she can see the words 'US Navy' under the corresponding logo, and next to it there are faded letters reading 'BRYAN', which Sophie knows is the name of one of her fathers before they got married and double-barrelled their surnames. The t-shirt is well worn and faded, obviously it's a reasonably old piece of clothing that has seen many years of usage.

"For my 'Special Memory', I picked my favourite t-shirt." Mini begins and plays with the fabric. "It's my Dad's, it has his name on it." Mini points with her finger at the faded letters that spread across her belly because the t-shirt is so big on her. Sophie learned early on that when Mini says 'Dad' she refers to Tim, while 'Daddy' means Ray. 

"But as long as I can remember, I've only seen my Daddy wear it. I like it because it's green." Mini smiles when she's talking, and Sophie can tell that she's seeing the memory she's about to describe in her mind's eye. "Before we moved here, we lived at Bravo Company Orphanage. My Daddy told us a story every night. He is really good at that, he has the best stories _ever_. I usually cuddled up to my Dad and listened to my Daddy, and most of the time he wore this t-shirt during story time."

Mini pauses, then she grins. "My Daddy has one too, it says 'PERSON', but usually my Dad wears it. I think it always looks funny, because it's too small for him, but my Daddy says it's a perfect fit. So when I see something green, it makes me feel happy and safe. Just like my Daddy and my Dad."

Sophie feels her eyes prickle with tears of emotion. She knows that Mini is adopted, but hearing her talk like this is the best proof that she doesn't know that there's anything different about her family. And that's how it should be, in Sophie's opinion, a kid shouldn't know stuff like that. She has met both of Mini's fathers and she can tell they really love her, but this proves to her beyond a doubt that they're doing a fantastic job of raising their daughter.

She wonders if they know why Mini loves the colour green so much. It's a beautiful story, and she thinks she might ask them about it at the next parent-teacher conference. If they don't know, she'll tell them. It's something that will make them smile and feel good, she's sure about that. It's one of those little things kids do that make their parents feel loved without the kids even being aware of what they're doing. Sophie is a mom herself, and she knows she lives for those little moments and has never forgotten a single one of them. They're her personal treasures that she always carries with her in her memory and that she cherishes more than she can ever explain. She's sure that Mini's fathers are the same.

Sophie thanks Mini for her sharing her memory and asks the other children if they have any questions, then they continue with the next kid. It's an overall pleasant day, and Sophie feels relaxed when the final bell rings hours later. She's looking forward to the weekend, she'll go with her family to visit her parents at their farm, and she knows her sons love spending time with their grandparents. She's thinking about the upcoming trip when she's standing in the main door and waiting for her students to exit the building and go to their parents waiting outside the school gates in a large flock. By chance her gaze lands on Mini, who is just crossing the courtyard together with Kareesha, Maggie and Amber. Those four have been inseparable ever since Mini joined the class, especially Mini and Kareesha stick together like glue, and Sophie is glad that the girls get along so well. 

Suddenly Mini looks up and Sophie can hear her shout "Daddy!" before she takes off running towards a man waiting next to the open gates. Sophie recognises him as Ray, the younger one of Mini's fathers, who has the same brown doe-eyes as Mini. Sophie knows they're not biologically related, but she can't help noticing every single time how similar their eyes are. 

At first she wasn't quite sure what to make of Ray. Not only is he quite young as a father, he also looks like a stereotypical bad boy with his long hair, his beard, his tattoos and his penchant for old chucks and printed t-shirts, not to mention that desert camouflage bandana he's always wearing tied around his left wrist. Sophie was a little wary when she met him the first time when he and his partner - now husband, she corrects herself - came by without Mini for the interview and to register her as a student. He seemed very different from Tim, who has an aura of silent authority and competence around him that made Sophie like him immediately. She had no doubts that Ray is very intelligent, she just wasn't sure he was a responsible father.

But ever since she first saw Ray with Mini, her concerns have vanished. Now she's watching Mini sprint towards him in genuine joy and she doesn't slow at all before she crashes into his legs. The way he catches her easily and doesn't stumble in the least tells her that he is very much used to that kind of greeting. Ray is laughing when he picks her up and kisses her on the cheek, which makes Mini giggle while she's wrapping her arms around his neck and hugs him.

Sophie smiles at their interaction. The profound love between them is so blatantly obvious that she can't help smiling, and she has revised her opinion of Ray a long time ago. She admits that she was a little bit sceptical at first when she learned about the girl from Sri Lanka that would be her new student, the one with no mom but two Caucasian dads. Sophie doesn't harbour prejudices, but she expected there to be issues of some kind, maybe due to bullying or unintentionally hurtful comments of other students about either Mini's family situation or her obviously different appearance from her fathers. While Sophie has a thoroughly mixed class in terms of race and family situations - single moms and single dads are no exception - none of her kids have same-sex parents. There are only three other same-sex parents in the entire school, two lesbian couples and a gay one, but their kids are in higher grades, so this was bound to be a new concept for most of her students.

So far there haven't been any big issues, though, and Sophie is grateful for that. For the Friday before Mini's first day in her new school, Sophie gave the topic of 'Family' for their 'Show and Tell', an idea she had thought about ever since she'd learned about Mini's arrival and her family situation. She tasked her kids to think about who they _regard_ as family, not just who they're related to, and as a result there was a myriad of different family situations that the kids probably never had thought about. Next to the classic mom, dad and kids family unit there were several single moms and single dads, kids living with aunts or uncles, kids in patchwork families with step parents, kids with single parents who have new partners without being married, one kid living with her older sister because her parents had died in a car crash, and another kid who was adopted. Throughout the day Sophie made it a point to introduce them to other kinds of families that weren't present in their class, like kids in foster care, kids living in orphanages, kids who live with their grandparents, or kids who have two moms or two dads. When Mini arrived the next week and the kids heard that she has two dads, they pointed out that they'd just learned about that and asked her a few questions, but that was it. Sophie deemed her 'Family' topic a success after that reaction, and she's honest enough to admit that she was very relieved about it.

As her primary homeroom teacher Sophie was made aware of Mini's background so that she can react to eventual issues. She and the school psychologist were invited to a long conversation by Ray and Tim before Mini started school, and they told them that she had lost her family in the Indian Ocean tsunami and that she'd been buried alive for five days in its aftermath when she was just three years old. It made Sophie shudder with horror to just imagine what the little girl must have gone through. She also learned that Ray found her in the debris when he and his partner where in Sri Lanka as part of the rescue and relief effort, which made her correct her first impression of Ray even more. 

Sophie also got to know that after the official end of the rescue mission, they remained and headed the local orphanage for several years, which is where Mini grew up. They told them about Mini's abandonment issues and what usually triggers them, but they didn't expect it to become an issue in the school context. They still instructed them very clearly to call either or both of them if there ever should be an episode and they provided them with the contact info for Mini's psychiatrist just in case. 

Sophie remembers that Ray gave them written permission for Tim to act in his stead in all things concerning Mini at the school, because he was the one who had adopted her in 2007 and Tim didn't have any rights. She found that strange considering how obviously Mini regards both of them as her parents, but after a little online research she learned that same-sex couples cannot adopt in Sri Lanka, and it made her realise what they must have gone through in order to become a family, to make sure that Mini could stay with them. They're married now, she knows, and the paperwork has been updated to the status of Tim as Mini's legal parent after he went through the step parent adoption process. This is a kid that is loved and wanted in a way every kid should be, but that Sophie knows sadly not every kid is.

In Sophie's so far short acquaintance with Mini, she has come to realise that Mini is an incredibly well adapted kid and very easy to get along with. She made friends almost instantly, and she's neither shy and hesitant nor boisterous and dominant, which means she integrated easily into the group and is well liked by her classmates. Mini listens to what she is told in most cases, much better than her fellow students, in fact. And although she does have a stubborn streak, she's not prone to temper tantrums like some of her classmates. Sometimes Sophie wonders how much of that comes from growing up in an orphanage, where she had to adapt to an entirely different level of group interaction than a child in a small family unit of three of four. It doesn't seem to have done her any harm, if anything Mini is well attuned to the group dynamics and picks up when there's something wrong with other kids, and Sophie has seen her offer comfort several times. 

Sophie remembers that it's how Mini met Kareesha on the first day Mini joined the class. Kareesha had been crying because she'd lost her favourite hairpin, and Mini came up to her and asked her why she was sad. Upon hearing about the lost hairpin, she simply pulled one of her green butterflies out of her hair and offered it to Kareesha. Sophie smiles when she remembers how Mini told Kareesha that butterflies bring luck and since they now each had a butterfly, they would be lucky forever. Since that day the girls have been close, and Kareesha introduced her to Amber and Maggie, which resulted in the four girls becoming a firm unit after just a few days. 

Sophie noticed Mini's beautiful hairdo already on her first day as a student, but back then she'd thought it was something done specifically for her first day. But it wasn't, Mini shows up with different braids every day, and Sophie has to admit that she is very impressed with the beautiful and very skilled arrangements. After two weeks she couldn't help asking Mini who does her hair, and Mini proudly told her that her Dad does it and has been doing it since she first entered school in Sri Lanka. It made Sophie look differently at Tim, who she'd perceived as less emotionally expressive than Ray, and she began to pay attention when he came to pick Mini up. She wonders how it's possible that she never noticed how much he changes when he's around his little girl, how all the seriousness and reserve drop away and reveal a gentle, caring and affectionate father who clearly loves his kid more than anything. Sophie finds it beautiful to watch, and she makes it a point to catch a glimpse of them whenever Tim comes to pick Mini up. It always leaves her feeling content for the rest of the day.

Sophie also noticed early on that Mini is a very diligent and intelligent girl and obviously enjoys learning - especially things that have in any way to do with the ocean, which seems to be her current obsession. Not to mention that Sophie can tell that her parents put in some real time and effort with their daughter. They definitely read to her and encourage her to contribute to stories, Sophie can clearly see that in Mini's highly developed imagination. Mini is also very comfortable with asking questions when she doesn't understand something or wants to know more about it, which tells Sophie that she's used to do so at home and is encouraged to think about things and make up her own mind. It's definitely not a trait that all parents support, Sophie knows that from the way her students behave inside and outside the classroom.

Sophie returns her attention to Mini and her father when the little girl catches her watching and waves at her with a huge smile before she shouts, "Bye, Mrs Lilly!"

Sophie returns the smile and the wave, same as Ray does before he sets Mini on the ground and takes her little green backpack. At the same time Sophie sees how Tim comes around the corner on a bicycle, wearing a dark blue uniform and a bandana on his head. It reminds her that he's working as a paramedic, and it seems he just came off a shift. When Mini spots him, he gets off the bike and sets down his bag so that he can catch her when she crashes into him. In fact, Sophie remembers that she has seen Mini do this with all the adults who pick her up. There are two other men who come fairly regularly, both of them registered as adults with permission to leave the school grounds with Mini.

One of them is so tall that Sophie had to laugh the first time she saw him with Mini, because the difference in height was just too cute. Brad is his name, Sophie remembers that from the registration papers as well as that one time she talked to him after school, when Mini was securely cuddled up against him in his arms, obviously very comfortable where she was. He's a Recon Marine, she knows, and he has shown up in uniform a few times when he came right after work. He looks like a Marine, too, Sophie thinks. Obviously she sees a lot of servicemen around and many of her kids have military parents, given that Oceanside is inseparably connected with Camp Pendleton. 

But what stands out to her is how good he is with Mini and how much the little girl obviously loves him. It never ceases to amaze Sophie when she sees Marine dads with their kids, how they look like hard men on the outside and then turn into teddy bears when they're around their kids. It's not always the case, she's well aware of that, but whenever she observes it, she knows that she's witnessing something precious. And while Brad isn't Mini's dad, he shows the same transformation around her, and Sophie knows that if he ever has kids of his own, he'll be a wonderful father.

The other man who comes to pick Mini up is very very handsome. Sophie has noticed that he usually comes by on Wednesdays, and that day the single moms waiting at the school gates definitely dress a lot better than they usually do. And they're collectively wearing make-up, something that's not the case on other days. He seems uncomfortable with their attention, which makes Sophie like him even more. She talked to him, too, more than once. She makes sure to talk to all the adults who have permission to pick up her kids, because she wants to get an idea of who they are and what their relationship with the kid is. He is called Walt, and he is a former Recon Marine and now works as a civilian instructor for the Marines. He told her that he served with Ray, Tim and Brad, which is how she learned that both of Mini's fathers are former military. Walt doesn't seem like the typical Marine to Sophie, he's too nice and gentle, but she knows that doesn't have to mean anything. 

What matters is that Mini obviously adores him and that he shows the same kind of gentle, protective affection for her that all the other men in her life do. Sophie thinks that Mini has them all wrapped around her little finger, and she's glad that that girl doesn't have a manipulative personality. She's mischievous, Sophie will admit that, but not malicious or manipulative. She's way too straightforward for that. 

Sophie has heard from Mrs Chan that Amber spends the Wednesday afternoon together with Mini, Maggie and Kareesha in Walt's care. They have founded sort of their own private girl scouts troop and call themselves 'The Bravo Squad', which seems to have been Mini's idea. Mrs Chan said that Amber has since begun to catch spiders in a glass to bring them outside instead of screaming in panic at her mom to kill them, and that she now lights the garden torches when Mrs Chan asks her if she wants to do it - things that she was extremely afraid of before. Sophie thinks that this little squad of theirs is a good thing for the reason alone that it makes Amber less afraid of things.

Mrs Chan was along for several of their meetings, she said, because she wanted to see what they do there. She told Sophie about that one time when Walt took the girls to an adventure playground with quite high and complicated obstacles, and Mrs Chan said that she likes how Walt encourages the girls to try things they think they can't do. Yet he always stays close enough to keep anything serious from happening, especially with Amber and Maggie, who're not as daring and sure-footed as Kareesha and Mini. Amber even agreed to have a try at the rope tower with Walt always reassuring her that he was right behind her and wouldn't let her fall. She'd ended up climbing to the very top on her own, something Mrs Chan said she never expected to see, and then she whooped at her mom before climbing down again, a huge grin on her face that made Mrs Chan smile at the memory. Yes, Walt is a very patient and good teacher, Mrs Chan said, and he always puts an emphasis on how the girls stay safe and do things right. Mrs Chan then told Sophie that she thinks it's not surprising given his job as an instructor for the Marine Corps.

Mrs Chan also very much likes Walt, Sophie picked up on that easily. She's one of the single moms of Sophie's kids, although in her case it's because her husband, also a Marine, was killed in action when Amber was just two years old. Mrs Chan is a very gentle soul and probably will never hit on Walt in any way, but Sophie thinks it's a very good development that she's beginning to look at men again. As long as she has known Mrs Chan, she never did that. Maybe it'll make her come out of her protective shell, which would also be very good for Amber, in Sophie's opinion.

Sophie's gaze follows the Bryan-Persons, who are just about to disappear out of view. Mini is walking between her dads and is holding their hands while Tim is pushing his bike with the other and Ray is carrying Mini's small neon green backpack over his shoulder. Sophie watches Mini jump forward and they lift her off the ground and let her swings between them as if she's flying, and Sophie can hear her happy laughter all the way back to the school. She's still smiling when the little family turns the corner on their way home.

Well, it's time to stop musing about other people's families and start thinking about her own. Her sons and her husband are going to be waiting for her to get back so that they can leave for her parents' farm. Oh yes, Sophie thinks with a smile when she closes the door behind the last student, this is going to be a wonderful weekend.


	62. Encouragement - (Walt & Ray, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray decides it's time to have a talk with Walt about Walt's love life. And a few other things that he knows Walt needs his absolutely brilliant, expert advice on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seriously I had so much fun writing this chapter with Ray as the wise man giving advice XD I hope you enjoy reading it ^^
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : Look, there's more Sunhine Puppy Walt for you! I hope it makes you happy ^_^

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Ray closes his eyes behind his sunglasses, takes a deep breath and lets the scent of the ocean flood his nostrils while he relaxes into the beach chair underneath him. He buries his feet into the warm sand and smiles contently.

It's Sunday, and they've decided to make use of the exceptionally warm October weather this weekend to get together at the beach for a picnic and to give the kids the opportunity to play in the ocean one last time before it'll get too cold. There are eight adults and seven kids gathered in their group, although they're quite spread out at the moment. Besides Tim, Ray and Mini there are Kareesha's and Maggie's entire families including siblings, and Amber and her mom Amy. Oh, and Walt - who was invited not by Ray, but by Amy. Which Ray knows because when he called to ask Walt along for this trip with his Bravo Squad girls, he'd already been invited. He also arrived together with Amy and Amber instead of on his own or with Ray and his family. Ray has _thoughts_ about that. Plenty of them. 

Ray, Walt and Kareesha's dad Luke are currently lounging in the beach chairs they've gathered under the two sunshades they've wisely brought with them, because the weather is truly more like summer than early fall. Maggie's mom Julie is sitting in the sand just a few feet away from them, keeping an eye on the two youngest kids, her five-year old daughter Junie and Kareesha's younger brother Charlie. They've obviously declared it their goal to bury Julie's legs in the sand as far as they can and then cover the rest with a sand castle. Ray thinks they're well on the way to success.

Tim, Amy, Maggie's dad Bobby and Kareesha's mom Terri are currently in the water with the older kids, meaning Mini, Kareesha, Amber, Maggie and her older brother Dommy. All five of them have boogie boards which they're trying to ride to shore more or less successfully. Mini is pretty good at it, and Ray can see that Brad's surfing lessons are paying off. She's also the easiest to spot out in the water because she's wearing a neon green bathing suit paired with boardshorts of the same colour, and she stands out like a navigational buoy in the surf. 

Ray still finds it hilarious that Mini's nickname in school and with her friends is 'Kiwi'. It's also utterly fitting - they've been in the US for seven months now, and Mini has yet to lose her love for the colour green. She's adding other colours to her wardrobe now - mostly violent shades of orange and purple in her strange sense of fashion - but green has firmly remained her staple colour. One thing's for sure, if his girl ever decides to become a fashion designer, she'll certainly break up traditional colour schemes and rip through the fashion world like a hurricane of mismatched neon colours. He's still not sure if she simply has no sense of colour or if it's just very eccentric. It probably depends on your point of view. She'd be like a green Lagerfeld.

When the kids leave the water and come running up the beach towards Ray's, Walt's and Luke's shaded little paradise, the grown-ups trail behind them at a more moderate pace and pick up the odd discarded boogie board on the way. Mini devotedly carries hers back to their picnic area because she loves that violently green thing with a passion - it was a gift from Brad - and Maggie and Dommy also dutifully drag their boards all the way to the towels. Amber and Kareesha are a little more sloppy and leave Amy and Terri to do the job for them. 

Kareesha jumps onto Luke's legs without hesitation when she reaches their misshapen circle of chairs and Ray is suddenly busy with Mini hopping up onto his lap, soaking wet as she is. The wetness seeps through his boardshorts and the water dripping from her long hair covers his bare chest like icy little pricks, but after the first shock it's actually quite refreshing. Ray's already been in the water before and he has just dried off, so he figures getting wet again because of the drenched frog on his legs isn't that much of an issue. Mini is telling him excitedly how she almost managed to stand on her board while Ray is sneaking her his half-empty bottle of water that she drinks entirely without really noticing because she's so distracted by her tales of success. 

Ray pushes his sunglasses in his hair and listens to her with half an ear while he's watching in utter fascination how Amber climbs on Walt's lap with the same natural ease that Mini always displays. Walt instinctively wraps his arm around her waist to keep her from falling off before he offers her his bottle of water just like Ray did with Mini and Luke with Kareesha. She accepts it and downs half of it, which is not surprising given how much time she spent out in the ocean playing with the other kids. What Ray finds noteworthy, though, is that Walt instinctively knew that he'd have to get her rehydrated and that she'd completely forget about drinking if he doesn't offer. By the easy and almost incidental way the scene plays out, Ray can tell that it comes naturally to Walt and isn't something he consciously thought about. 

Ray can't help wondering if Walt is even aware of what he looks like when he's with Amber. Despite the fact that Amber is Asian and Walt is Caucasian, they definitely look like they're father and daughter. Amber is quite a shy kid, especially compared to Mini and Kareesha, who are definitely the daredevils in their group of four. She tends to hang back and watch and wait instead of just going for things, and she's very reserved around grown-ups, especially when she doesn't know them well. Even with Ray and Tim or Maggie's or Kareesha's parents, who she's met countless times, she's still hesitant. 

But with Walt there's no sign of hesitation or reserve. Right now she's telling him about the waves that she managed to swim across on her board, her face glowing with her huge, proud smile that grows even wider when he praises her courage and perseverance. Ray has enough experience with children to know that she's completely comfortable in Walt's arms and feels safe with him, she's relaxed in the same way that Ray's familiar with from Mini when she's with people she loves and trusts. Walt smiles at Amber and gives the forgotten water bottle in her hands a little poke to remind her to drink some more, which she does before she resumes talking. Ray wonders if that is what Walt sees when he watches Ray with Mini. This sense of belonging and family that has nothing to do with physical appearance but everything with behaviour. It would certainly make sense. 

Yep, Ray thinks with a grin, Walt has turned into a dad, and Ray isn't sure he even knows it. Maybe he should address the matter. It's bound to be an interesting conversation, that much is certain. 

Not to mention that this development prompts the _very_ interesting question if Walt is in a relationship with Amy. It's not difficult to see that he really likes her and that it's obviously a mutual feeling, but if they're really together, they certainly keep the PDAs tightly under wraps - and that's not something Ray can see Walt doing. He's an affectionate guy who's wearing his heart on his sleeve, he'd show his significant other how he feels about her with little touches and smitten looks. Walt is cheesy like that. 

Not that Ray is in any position to judge, he admits when Tim comes up to their picnic spot and Ray can't help trailing his gaze over the large amount of Tim's bare wet skin on display. He's not ashamed to admit that his appreciation of Tim's sexiness hasn't eased a bit in all those years they're together now. And when Tim's wearing nothing but his swim trunks - like now - it shows especially clearly that he keeps in shape. He's not the bodybuilder-kind of bulky, he's more the toned type with muscles that come from years of dependency on his strength and speed rather than gym sessions meant to create muscles to show off. He's bulkier than Ray - not that that's difficult, although Ray has buffed up a little bit in the past years - and his well defined arms and legs are a treat to look at, not to mention the very nice pecs and the flat stomach with faint signs of a six-pack...

"Ray!"

The sound of his name pulls Ray out of his musings rather unpleasantly. He turns away from the tempting sight of Tim to face to his other side where the sound came from, and he finds Walt smirking at him, obviously well aware of what Ray was doing. 

"You done ogling your husband?" Walt asks with a teasing grin over Amber's head.

Ray just wiggles his eyebrows. "Never, homes. There's quite a lot to ogle."

Walt's grin broadens. "You're so cheesy, Ray."

"No, Uncle Walt, Daddy just loves Dad." Mini chimes in with a big smile.

Ray decides she's a gem and kisses her cheek. "You're completely right about that, Bambi."

Suddenly warm, wet hands settle on Ray's shoulders, followed by several droplets landing on his bare skin, and then Tim leans over the back of the beach chair to press a kiss to the top of Ray's head. "Same here, Josh."

"Dad!" Mini pipes when Tim bends down to kiss her on the top of the head, too. "Can we get ice cream?"

Amber perks up at the question, and Ray can see that Kareesha turns towards them from where she's still sitting on Luke's legs, and Maggie's and Dommy's head have also come around to face Tim. The hopeful expression in their eyes is almost menacing and Ray is glad that it's all directed at Tim and not at him. 

With the long honed skill of a parent Tim makes quick eye contact with Luke, Amy and Bobby, who happen to stand close by and have heard the hopeful request, and only then does he nod. "All right, peanut, ice cream it is."

The enthusiastic cheering that breaks out at these words makes Ray chuckle. Mini immediately hops off his legs and attaches herself to Tim, and Luke and Bobby come to his rescue when Tim is suddenly surrounded by all seven children. Julie is still half buried, so Amy quickly declares that she'll help the guys and together the four adults and seven kids make their way over to the ice cream parlour by the pier. Ray grins while he's watching the excited multicoloured spots of different heights dance around the taller adults in blatant anticipation of ice cream treats, their happy chatter audible even from a distance. Junie and Charlie have managed to make their dads carry them, and Ray notices that Mini and Amber are visibly the smallest girls of the Bravo Squad. They're both rather short and skinny while Maggie and Kareesha are quite a bit taller than them. 

Ray turns his head away from the group when Julie frees herself from the pile of sand that covers her legs and gets up off the ground. She and Terri decide to make use of the moment of respite to take a relaxed dip in the ocean, without kids around that they have to pay attention to. Ray and Walt wave to them and promise to hold the fort, and Ray thinks that this is the perfect opportunity to sound Walt out about those things Ray noticed. He'll have to do it subtly, though, he doesn't want Walt to clam up. Or escape into the ocean.

Ray keeps staring at Walt for a full minute before he finally turns to Ray with a frown. "What?"

"Nothing." Ray replies casually because few things make people more curious than being told that there's nothing going on.

Walt pointedly raises both eyebrows. " _Ray._ "

Ray shrugs. "Just wondering."

"Wondering what?"

Ray makes a show of grabbing a new water bottle form the cooler next to his chair. "If I look with Mini like you do with Amber."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Walt retorts and easily catches the plastic bottle Ray throws him.

Ray takes a long sip of water. Augmenting curiosity by delaying replies works wonders in his experience. "Oh, nothing."

Walt snorts. "You're a little shit, Ray."

"Language, Walt." Ray chides with a barely suppressed grin.

"There are currently no kids in earshot, so I can say that." Walt points out triumphantly.

"So Mini told me you were at Amber's birthday party last week." Ray continues with a complete non-sequitur to rattle Walt a bit. Also a very effective strategy. 

"Yeeees." Walt draws the word out, clearly suspicious of Ray's line of questioning. "Berry wanted me to come."

Ray will never get over how disgustingly cute it is when Walt calls Amber 'Berry'. She only allows very few people to call her that, among them the Bravo Squad, her mom and obviously Walt. With pretty much everybody else she insists on Amber, no abbreviations, please. 

"And Amy?" Ray asks as innocently as he can manage.

He can tell that Walt isn't fooled, but he still answers. "She certainly didn't mind having another adult to help her supervise a bunch of kids high on sugar."

 _Especially not if it's you_ , Ray thinks to himself. He will admit that he likes Amy, even if she's often very quiet, especially when they're out in a group. She's a lot like her daughter in that regard. Or maybe Amber's a lot like her mom. Whatever. When you catch her alone, Amy's a pretty good conversation partner, though, and has a lot of well-founded opinions on a lot of topics. Ray's had a few conversations with her, and he knows that Tim likes talking to her because he thinks her arguments are very interesting and she has unusual perspectives on quite a few things. 

Ray also knows that Amy is four years older than Walt. Not that you can see it, she has the ageless kind of look of many Asian women, and she fulfils the stereotype in so far that she's slim, small, quiet and really pretty. But she also has tons of brains, after all she has a PhD in oceanography and researches and teaches at MiraCosta College. And she's patient and knows how to talk to kids - Mini always comes back from Amber's house with new bits and pieces of knowledge about her beloved ocean because Amy explains things to her when she asks. And Mini asks a lot. 

Amy's honest and intelligent and loving in a subtle way that is very different from Ray but that he quite appreciates, especially because he thinks she's the kind of genuinely good soul that Walt in his adorable puppy innocence deserves, somebody who has no malicious bone in her entire body. Now he only needs to find out if Walt is interested. Of if maybe they're already together.

"Let me guess, decent guy that you are, you stayed after the party to help her with the clean-up."

Walt nods. "Of course. It was a mess, and I couldn't just up and leave and let her do it all by herself, especially with Berry still jumping around like the energiser bunny on speed. Or you on Ripped Fuel."

"Sooo, Walt." Ray smirks at him over his water bottle, and it might be a touch suggestive. "Anything you want to tell me?"

Walt eyes him almost suspiciously for a few seconds, then he sags back into his beach chair and sighs profoundly. "There's nothing to tell."

Ray just stares at him in disbelief. "You're kidding."

"No, sadly I'm not." Walt looks at him with the expression of a kicked puppy on his face. "We're just good friends."

"Which I take to mean that you would like there to be something to tell." Ray concludes easily.

Walt smiles, and it's shy and hopeful and genuinely smitten in a way that only Walt's puppy dog eyes can express so well. "Yeah. Amy is awesome, Ray. She's smart and funny and spending time with her and Berry is the best part of my week. I stayed for dinner after Bravo Squad this Wednesday, and we cooked together and watched a movie with Berry and then we kept talking till midnight after we'd tucked Berry in. It was so relaxing, and it's so easy to talk to her and we never run out of things to laugh about."

"Damn, you're head over heels." Ray comments after a moment of silence. Well, at least he knows now that Walt is interested in Amy. No doubt left about that. Not after _that_ monologue.

"I know." Walt sighs again, and it sounds wistful as well as resigned. "I have been for a while."

Ray leans over the space between the beach chairs and nudges his elbow into Walt's side. "Then go for it, Walt."

Walt bites his bottom lip. "I don't know if she likes me, too. And if she doesn't, I'd destroy our friendship. I really don't want to lose her and Berry."

"She's into you, homes." Ray remarks drily, because you'd have to be blind to miss the gentle little smiles Amy only ever gives Walt. She's not the type to flirt outright, and she'd probably never be so bold to hit on Walt, but yeah, she's interested in him. She's just very subtle about it. 

"I don't know, Ray." Walt shrugs and it's a very insecure gesture. "I think she's not over her husband."

"She's a widow, isn't she?" Ray asks, just to make sure that he has the details right.

Walt nods. "Yeah. Her husband was also a Recon Marine. He was killed in action when Berry was just two."

"How?"

Walt gently shakes his head and looks genuinely unhappy. "She still doesn't know, it's classified. He just left on deployment healthy and whole and came back in a casket."

"Fuck, that's bad." Ray replies, and it's heartfelt. He's suddenly back during Tim's deployment, and just the idea that the same might have happened to Tim is enough to make Ray's stomach churn. "After having lived as a military wife through a deployment, I can tell you that not knowing what happened to him is not going to make it any easier to let go."

"Yeah, I get that. I know she loved him very much, and still does." Walt looks miserable, but also determined. "Maybe there's just no spot for me in her heart. At least not as a boyfriend. If friendship is all she can give me, I'll take it."

"Wow, you've _really_ got it bad."

Walt just laughs gently, but doesn't deny it. All right, so Ray will have to push him in the right direction, because he's got the big picture here while Walt is obviously too close to the events to see clearly. And the fact of the matter is that Amy likes Walt back, but she won't make the first move, so Ray has convince Walt that it's the right thing to make the first move himself. Hmm, not easy, but Ray has always liked a challenge. Who would have thought that matchmaking would ever become Ray's speciality?

"So, homes, what makes you think that she's not into you?"

Walt looks surprised by his question and needs a moment to think about it. That's good, Ray muses with a suppressed satisfied smirk, because if Walt can't list anything off the top of his head, it's obviously not _that_ crystal clear that Amy doesn't like him.

After a minute of contemplation Walt seems to have found something to list. "Well, we've know each other for almost half a year now and she never made a move and never really let me know that she wanted me to make one either."

"But you _do_ see the way she smiles at you, don't you? That gentle little smile that only you are getting?"

Walt just shrugs as if he's not certain, but Ray can tell that yes, he does see it. He's just not sure what to make of it.

"That all you can come up with?" Ray asks with a challengingly cocked eyebrow. All he gets is another shrug.

"Not very convincing as arguments go, I have to say." Ray comments sceptically. "So we can establish that most likely she _is_ into you, considering that she spends time with you and her daughter every week, usually even more than once, and has done so for months. And that you cook together and watch movies together and talk until late at night and laugh together and have little inside jokes and she asks you along to picnics with her daughter's friends and family."

"Maybe? But what if I go for it and screw it up?" Walt sounds like the doubt is eating at him, and Ray can't have that.

"If you don't to anything, you can also screw it up, homes." He points out matter of fact.

"But it's not just about Amy and me, Ray. There's Berry to consider, and I don't want her to get hurt. Or make her feel like I'm intruding on her family."

"You _are_ aware that girl loves you to pieces, aren't you?" Ray asks with a deadpan tone to his voice, because how the heck could Walt _not_ have noticed?

Walt shrugs as if he's indeed not aware of that. "And what if we don't work out? What if Berry gets attached to me and then Amy and I break it off for whatever reason? Berry would be stuck in the middle, she'd inevitably get hurt."

Ray refrains from pointing out that it's too late for that because Amber is already attached to him. Instead he asks, "And you're really wondering why Amy hasn't made a move, homes?"

"What?" Walt's brow is furrowed in confusion. 

"Now, just think, Walt. If _you_ are already that worried about what implications your relationship would have for Amber, then just imagine what responsibility _Amy_ is feeling as her mother. I bet she's holding back for pretty much the same reasons as you, because there's no doubt that she really _really_ likes you."

"You think so?" Walt asks with disbelief and hope warring in his voice.

"Yeah, homes, I'd bet on it."

Walt quietly gnaws on his bottom lip for a few moments, the he looks up and Ray can clearly see the doubt and insecurity in his eyes. "Say I'd make a move, and Amy and I would get together. I want to be there for Berry, but what if I then find out that I'm not ready to be a father, or that I'm no good at it? I don't want to hurt her, and if I screw up-"

"Walt." Ray interrupts him firmly, because _damn_ is this situation familiar. And he knows _exactly_ how to deal with it. "Let me ask you a question."

"Yeah?" Walt looks like he has no idea what to expect and that makes him wary.

"Amber. Do you love her?" Ray makes it a point to look Walt in the eye when he asks.

"Yeah." Walt replies with a gentle nod, and Ray knows it's the truth.

"Now, would you die for her?" Ray continues and can't help thinking that this is like looking into a freaking mirror. A time-jumping mirror. His mom is going to laugh her ass off when he tells her about this.

Walt's instant reaction is a frown and a very decisive, "Of course!" He even looks like he's ready to throw himself in front of a bullet for her right now.

So far, so good, Ray thinks. Now the hard part. "And would you live for her?" 

Walt is obviously caught by surprise by that question, and Ray remembers that feeling very well from when his mom hit him with that same question over two and a half years ago. He can tell how Walt's perspective shifts and rearranges, and that's a process Ray recalls as well. He's pretty sure he knows where Walt will come out at the end.

True to his expectation, Walt looks him in the eye and nods firmly. "Yes."

Ray grins and reaches out to clap him on the shoulder. "Well, as a wise woman once said: Then you're good."

Walt quizzically raises his eyebrows. "What wise woman said that?"

"My mom." Ray replies with a smirk.

"All right, she is wise indeed." Walt chuckles, but then he turns serious again. "But even if _I_ know where I stand, it's not just up to me, Ray. What if Berry doesn't want me to be a part of her family?"

"That's the most unfounded worry I have ever heard." Ray retorts with a snort. Walt looks at him with a hurt expression in his eyes, and Ray decides to elaborate. "She already treats you like a parent, Walt."

Walt just stares at him in plain confusion. He clearly has no idea what Ray is talking about. Well, looks like he'll have to spell it out for dear old Walt. "Have you ever noticed how reserved Amber is with all of the other adults in her life? She'd _never ever_ come to sit on my legs. Or Terri's or Bobby's or Julie's. But you? No hesitation whatsoever. She even actively demands it."

Walt seems to be thinking about that, and Ray is sure he's replaying his and the others' interactions with Amber in his mind, going over them based on this new information. Ray already knows that he'll only find confirmed what Ray just said.

"Okay, true." Walt agrees after a minute of silent consideration.

"And she lets you call her 'Berry'." Ray continues, because that's a pretty big argument in his book. Maybe because he understands Amber's reasoning so well, considering that there are just three people in this world who are allowed to call him 'Josh'.

"Actually, she asked me to." Walt corrects him, obviously not aware of how that makes Ray's point even stronger.

"Seriously? She _asked you to_? What more evidence do you need?" Ray gives him an incredulous look. "If you need me to give you a framework for comparison, then let me tell you that there are just three people who call me 'Josh', and that's my mom, my grandma and Tim. And I only ever offered to one person, and that's again Tim. If anybody else called me 'Josh', I'd punch their lights out." 

Walt is silent for a moment, obviously contemplating this new piece of information he just learned about Ray and applying it to Amber. "I see your point."

"Good. But I can tell you're still not convinced." Ray remarks and Walt gives a shrug that is confirmation and insecurity wrapped in one. Hmm, Ray will have to get out the big guns, then. "You need more proof? How about that: Amber has firmly claimed you as hers."

That seems to be news to Walt and he looks genuinely puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"Don't tell me you haven't noticed that Mini only sits on your lap or makes you carry her in your arms when Amber's not around."

Walt frowns, clearly sceptic. "Really?"

"Yeah, really." Ray retorts drily. "Because when Amber's there too, than that's _her_ spot and Mini respects that you're Daddy Walt first, and Uncle Walt second."

Walt looks baffled. "Seriously, now? That sounds like they're a pack of wolves and there's some kind of pecking order."

Ray just snorts at Walt's innocence regarding kids. Three years of heading and living in an orphanage certainly didn't leave much of that in Ray. "They're _kids_ , Walt, _of course_ there's a pecking order. And one fundamental rule is that you don't go around claiming other kids' parents. So Mini respects that you're Amber's, same as Amber respects that Tim and I are Mini's. And it's been like that for a while now."

Walt looks stunned. "I really didn't notice."

"And here I was thinking that you're a Recon Marine, trained to observe and gather intel." Ray teases with a big grin. "Maybe you're a bit out of practise, homes. You should _really_ work on that."

Before Walt can reply, loud voices announce the return of the ice cream crew. Ray turns around and sees that Maggie and Mini are leading the ragtag group of kids and adults. As soon as they get to the sunshades, Mini reclaims her former spot on Ray's lap. She's dry now, which makes it more comfortable than before. Her ice cream is almost gone, but she still offers Ray the chance to try her selection of cookie dough and chocolate, which Ray gratefully accepts. The adults claim the beach chairs one after the other, and Ray notices that Amy immediately chooses the one right next to Walt and graces him with one of her gentle little smiles. And when Amber makes Walt pick her up to sit on his legs instead of her mother's, Ray catches Walt's gaze and just raises an eyebrow as if to say 'See?'. 

Walt just smirks, rolls his eyes and then inclines his head in acknowledgement. Okay, Ray thinks, at least Walt has understood. Now he just has to act.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I can't resist putting my visual inspiration for the Tim-description in here. These two pictures are just too delicious to keep them from you. Seriously, I'd feel greedy if I did XD (if you click on them, you'll get the full size pic for the full size enjoyment of the deliciousness ;D)
> 
> [ ](https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/16335757/137516/137516_original.jpg)  
> 
> 
> [](https://ic.pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/16335757/137443/137443_original.jpg)  
>    
> 


	63. Mail - (Brad & Mini, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Larson notices that Brad gets _a lot_ of letters during their current deployment to Iraq - and most of them come from the same address in Oceanside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is a really short chapter (at least by my standard, because for some reason the chapters have become longer and longer in the course of the story... ^^V). In case that you don't remember who Larson is, he was the Marine who shot the little girl during Tim's second tour in Iraq in 2004 and made Tim realise that he was going to leave the service.
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : Next up is that Nate chapter you've asked for ^___^ *is a mean tease*

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


"Mail call!" Larson shouts and begins to make his rounds through the tent with a stack of envelopes in his hand, sorting through them while walking. It's late afternoon and it's windy as fuck again, they're expecting another shamal for later today, and he's _so_ not looking forward to that. In Larson's opinion Iraq is still the same shithole it was when he was first deployed there in 2004. It's still too hot during the day and too cold at night, it's still too windy and there's still way too much sand in places it should never be. It's end of February '09 now and his company has been here for over a month and he's reminded again why he dislikes Iraq so much.

Larson returns his focus to the mail and hands over an envelope here and two there to the men they're addressed to. He's been helping with distributing the mail for a while now, and he finds it interesting how the kind of mail the men are getting gives him insight into their lives. Most of the men get something form their wives and girlfriends in more or less regular intervals, and there's always the odd bill. Often there are also some messages from other family members, particularly mothers seem to like to write actual paper letters instead of emails. But there are also more interesting things, like the lawyer correspondence between Jerry and his wife, soon to be ex-wife; or the scented letters Scott gets from his various girlfriends. Yes, that's right, _plural_. Larson can tell them apart by the perfume even before he manages to read the sender's address on the envelope.

Larson hands Jerry his dreaded lawyer letter, and then he spots another familiar sender's name on one of the envelopes. Larson knows who the letter is for even before he sees Colbert's name. _'Lakmini Bryan-Person'_ the sender's address says, and it's the same name that has been in every single mail call since the beginning of the tour. She's living in Oceanside, too, which is too much of a coincidence in Larson's opinion. Probably some Asian chick who's keeping Brad's bed warm so that he'll pay for her clothes and jewellery. She's definitely very devoted to him considering how many times she has already written to him. Larson has also seen _Brad_ write letters a few times, something Larson can't remember ever seeing him do before on deployments, especially not with such regularity. She sure got him hooked. Who would have thought that the Iceman would ever write love letters from deployment? Seems he's getting soft.

"Colbert!" Larson shouts and then spots Brad lying on his bedroll. "You have three letters, and again one by that Lakmini lady. You've got yourself a hot Thai girlfriend to keep your bed warm while you're gone?"

Larson grins and tosses the letters at Brad, only to find himself at the end of a patented Iceman stare, which never ceases to freak Larson out, no matter how long he's served with Brad by now.

"First of all, Lakmini is a Sri Lankan name, not Thai." Brad replies in a calm but pointed voice. "And second, she's seven years old, which is _a little_ young to be my girlfriend."

Larson feels a sense of dread whenever Brad talks in that specific tone of voice, especially when it's paired with that expression on his face and that intense gaze. The guys around them have fallen silent and they're watching the interaction, a sure sign that they feel the same tension in the air that Larson picks up on.

"Third, Mini is practically my niece, so you better be careful how you talk about her, Larson." Brad continues with an eyebrow raised either in chiding or in threat. Or both, Larson is not quite sure. What he _is_ sure about, though, is that it's a clear warning, and after almost five years of serving with Brad on and off Larson knows better than to ignore it. 

"Sorry, Brad." Larson says with his hands raised in a placating gesture, one of them still holding the stack of letters. "No offence."

Brad keeps him in the intense focus of his gaze for a few more seconds, and Larson begins wondering if maybe he managed to seriously piss off the Iceman. That certainly doesn't bode well for the remainder of the tour. Before he can get worked up about the possibility, Brad averts his gaze and begins to sort through the mail he just got, wordlessly dismissing Larson. Yeah, it's clearly a dismissal, and he has not yet let Larson off the hook, that's just as clear. Shit.

Larson turns around to continue his rounds and mutters under his breath, "Fuck, that was scary." 

"I could have told you to hold your tongue on that specific topic." Lilley remarks drily from his perch on a stack of boxes when Larson hands him his two letters.

Larson gives him a wary look. "You know that girl?"

Lilley nods. "Yeah, brah. She's Doc Bryan's daughter."

"Damn." Larson swallows reflexively and the dread in his stomach is back full force. 

Yeah, like he's _ever_ going to forget Doc Bryan. He's one of the scariest motherfuckers Larson has ever met. Even scarier than Brad. Seriously, back in 2004 when the Doc had grabbed him after Larson had shot the little girl in Baghdad, he'd been sure the man was going to snap his neck like a twig. It was a mixture of shock about killing a kid and fear of the Doc's actions that made Larson freeze where the corpsman had pushed him to his knees right next to the dead little girl with the perfect shot through the eye. 

Until this day Larson is unbelievably grateful to Rudy for pulling the Doc back. He's not sure what would have happened otherwise. Larson made sure to avoid Doc Bryan as much as possible for the rest of the tour, although the corpsman never mistreated him or neglected his care in any way even after the incident. Still, he gave Larson the creeps ever since that incident, and he's surprised that none of the other men seemed to feel the same. 

"So the Doc and Brad are friends? They never seemed particularly close to me." Larson wonders when he thinks back on their interaction during their 2004 deployment. The Doc and Brad respected each other, no doubt about that, but they never struck Larson as friends who would still be in contact years after one of them left the service and they didn't work together anymore.

"Brad is the best friend of the Doc's husband, Ray, who's also a Recon Marine. Well, was. We all were deployed together for the 2003 invasion." Lilley makes a vague gesture with his hand in Brad's direction. "You never met Ray, he left the Corps just before you enlisted, but he served with Brad for years."

"The Doc is _gay_? Seriously?" Larson blurts before he has even thought the words. Wow, now _that's_ really a surprise. Larson would never ever have expected that, but then, the Doc has one of the best poker faces Larson has ever seen. And considering that fucking one of his Marines would have gotten them both kicked out of the service, there's probably a _very_ good reason for his expert poker face. 

"Well, he _married a guy_." Lilley pointedly cocks an eyebrow. "I learned about it last summer at a Bravo reunion. They didn't make it a secret and I saw their wedding rings, so I don't think it's a joke. Seriously, brah, it was all over the reunion in record time. He's even called Bryan-Person now, he took on Ray's last name."

"I really never expected that he's gay." Larson comments, still stunned by that specific piece of information. He's not sure how he feels about it. On one hand it makes no difference, because the Doc could still have snapped his neck like a twig, gay or not. On the other hand it feels weird knowing that a guy like the Doc can be gay - you'd never figure, he certainly doesn't fulfil any clichés the way Rudy did - and Larson isn't even sure that Rudy's _actually_ gay, because back when they served together he was definitely married to a woman. Damn, that shit's confusing. It makes Larson wonder how many other guys in the company are just like Doc and he'd never even suspect it. 

"Me neither." Lilley shrugs, then he grins. "But then, it's Doc Bryan. He was never much one for sticking to conventions."

"True enough." Larson inclines his head in agreement. He remembers that in 2004 the Doc was the only man in the entire battalion who defied the grooming standard by openly sporting a moustache, something that would have had serious consequences for any other man. But Larson knows that since corpsmen are Navy and technically don't belong to the Marine Corps, they don't have to adhere to the Corps' grooming standards, and the Doc certainly enjoyed flaunting that. To Larson it always felt like a nonverbal but no less clear Fuck-You to command. The men certainly loved the Doc for it.

"Hey Larson, you got mail for the rest of us, too? Or are you just going to spend the afternoon blabbering with Lilley?" Larson hears Scott shout through the tent, clearly eager to get his scented love letters. This one is from his girl in LA, the one with the sexy sultry perfume. Larson knew that as soon as he grabbed the stack of mail. 

"Coming, you impatient hick!" Larson shouts back and then gives Lilley a quick nod before he moves to continue distributing the mail. He happens to turn around at just the right moment to see the letter Brad just got from that Lakmini girl. It's not actually a letter, it's a card, obviously drawn by a kid. On the front Larson can make out what looks like two misshapen stick figures on surf boards, one very tall and the other not even half its size. The tall one has something yellow on its head that's probably supposed to be hair, and it's riding a large wave. Larson assumes that it's supposed to be Brad, the height alone is a good indication. The small figure has long black hair - at least Larson thinks that what those two tails sprouting from the head are - and it's standing on a very green surf board on a much smaller wave. It's probably that Lakmini girl, seems she and Brad are into surfing. Well, she's definitely not a very proficient artist.

Larson can also spot the inside of the card, and there are multicoloured letters drawn in crayon that say _'I miss you, Uncle Brad!'_ , written over the entire breadth of the unfolded card. It's so large that Larson can read it even from his position ten feet away. The most striking thing, though, is the little, genuinely pleased smile on Brad's mouth when he's reading the card. It's an expression Larson has never seen on his face before and that seems so out of character for the Iceman that it throws Larson. 

Brad suddenly looks up as if he felt Larson watching him - which he probably did, scary mofo that he is - and he holds Larson's gaze for a second before he pointedly cocks an eyebrow.

Larson swallows instinctively. Okay, message received. Don't mess with the Iceman's niece, don't talk bad about her. Best not to mention her at all, Larson decides, considering that she's the Doc's kid. He really doesn't want two scary mofos out to have his head.

Yeah, he'll definitely be more careful about that in the future.


	64. Sympathy - (Brad/Nate, Nate & Ray, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nate can't help wondering why he always finds himself in these kinds of heavy conversations on Poke's front porch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're interested in where some inspirations for Ray's rants come from, look up the TED talk by Antonia Foster, 'LGBTQ+ and Polyamory in Animals: Yes, It's Natural'. It's very enlightening and funny :D ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bK6EwIoQl34 )
> 
> My dear **Veronibell** , you wanted a conversation between Nate and Ray about having a partner on active duty during DADT-times, and here I am to fulfil your wish. And I'm sure you will immediately notice your influence on this part *winks*

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Nate finds himself standing on the front porch of Poke's house, leaning with his elbows on the wooden banister and staring out into the night. It's past midnight by now and Nate feels relaxed by the welcoming camaraderie of his former men and the beers he's had over the course of the evening, just enough to feel loose without even being tipsy. Nate never liked what it feels like when he's drunk, so he has learned to make sure not to get to that point. 

Nate listens to a bout of laughter echoing over to him from the garden behind the house and he smiles at the sound. He always feels honoured that he's invited to the Bravo reunions, he's well aware that he's the only former officer who does. He knows that it's because the men want him there, because they see him as part of Bravo and not a removed superior who only bugged them when he was in command. He actually _knows_ this because more than one of the men told him that over the course of the years, usually very late in the evening at one of their reunions when they were already more than buzzed. They also didn't use those exact words, it was usually more incoherent, but the feeling behind the words was no less clear for it. 

Nate links his fingers and suddenly wishes that he'd taken another bottle of beer out here, even if just to keep his hands busy. It's mid March now and Brad has been deployed for two months and nine days, and he'll be gone for another two months and seventeen days. Nate gave up pretending that he isn't counting years ago, even if he never told Brad about doing it in the first place. Sometimes he wonders if Brad is counting too, but he never asked.

Nate sighs and passes a hand over his face. It's not that bad when he is in Washington where he has a life that takes up most of his time and that Brad never really shared with him. It's easier to pretend that nothing is wrong because he doesn't have hundreds of things and places around him that constantly remind him that Brad's not there. But here in Oceanside - especially at a Bravo reunion - Brad's absence is blatantly obvious and Nate feels it like a constant pain that alternates between his chest and his stomach. In all the years of their relationship he has never been in Oceanside when Brad wasn't there, and he's never been at a Bravo reunion without Brad either. It feels utterly wrong. 

Nate arrived in Oceanside yesterday evening. For once he concluded his work week at noon on Friday so that he could catch a flight that would get him to San Diego with enough time to spare to arrive in Oceanside by seven in the evening. He'll fly back to Washington on Monday because Ray bugged him to agree to spend Sunday with them. At first Nate had declined, but then Ray put Mini on the line and she was so excited to have Nate come by that he just couldn't tell her that wouldn't really have time to spend with her. He knows very well that Ray used Mini on purpose as a weapon to make him take Monday off so that he has the entire Sunday with them, and well, it worked. Nate is sure Ray knew perfectly well that he wouldn't stand a chance in the face of Mini's sincere anticipation and Ray probably had her standing by ready to unleash her on him. Ray is cunning like that. 

Nate is even staying at Ray's and Tim's apartment during his weekend trip to Oceanside. He has a key to Brad's house - has had it on his keyring for years - but it feels wrong to sleep there without Brad cuddling up to him, so he decided to opt for Ray's offer to claim their couch. He suggested it right after Nate agreed to stay until Monday, as if he knew that Nate didn't want to sleep at Brad's place without him there. That made Nate realise that he probably _did_ know - he's been through Tim's second deployment to Iraq, after all. 

So far Nate hasn't regretted choosing Ray's and Tim's couch over Brad's empty bed. He's been too busy to miss Brad quite as painfully as he expected he would have if he'd stayed at his house, and Mini is one major reason for that. He knows that she likes him, but he never expected the incredibly enthusiastic greeting he received when he arrived at Ray's and Tim's place. As soon as he entered the apartment, he heard her excited shout of "Uncle Nate!" right before she crashed into his legs in the same way that he has seen her do countless times with Brad and that she had only done a few times with Nate so far. She insisted that he picked her up so that she could hug him properly - her words - and for the rest of the evening Mini didn't let him out of her sight. 

Over dinner she told him about how much better she is now at riding her boogie board and that they'll go to the beach tomorrow so that she can show him because Brad gave her a wetsuit for Christmas so that she can keep training even in winter. Of course Nate knows about that considering that Brad sent him links to a selection of wetsuits that contained the colour green and asked for his help in choosing the one that she would like best. Mini also informed Nate of all the cards she'd made for Brad and how they should make one together and send it to him because she's sure he'd love that. She's missing Brad terribly much, Nate can tell, and it leaves something warm and soft in his chest to see how much Brad is loved by this little girl. 

This morning Nate was woken up by Mini jumping on top of him with enthusiastic shouts of "Get up, Uncle Nate, it's running time!" and he found himself facing an entirely green creature with a big smile on her face and running shoes in her hands that she swung demonstratively. That's how Nate found out that his plans to go for a run in the morning, something he still does even years after leaving the Corps, now included Ray, Tim and Mini. He ended up running with Ray because the pace Tim sets for Mini is really too slow for Nate, and he was surprised how utterly relaxing and refreshing it was to run in companionable silence with Ray.

After breakfast Ray had to work until three in the afternoon, and Nate ended up going for groceries with Tim and Mini. She confused the hell out of him when she suggested that they buy cat litter followed by powdered milk and scented candles, and it took Tim's not quite hidden smirk to make Nate understand that this must be a thing she does often. A quick explanation later Nate learned that it's something of a game she and Ray play when they're shopping, and Mini's grin at his suggestion of getting some drain cleaner with a pair of socks confirmed that he understood how it works. Tim just shook his head at them, a fond smile on his face, and let them go crazy with their suggestions. 

Once they'd brought their purchases - minus the cat litter or the drain cleaner - to the apartment, the three of them did indeed go to the beach just like Mini had told Nate the evening prior. Nate got to watch her ride her violently green boogie board in her very noticeable black and green wetsuit and he couldn't help realising that Brad's attempts to get himself a surf buddy certainly were very successful. Mini is surprisingly good at riding waves on her boogie board, she even managed to stand - well, more like crouch - for short periods of time, and Nate thinks it might be time to upgrade her to an actual kids surf board when Brad gets back. 

After her surfing session Mini insisted that they take pictures for Brad, and they sent them to him in an email after they returned to the apartment. In one picture there's Nate and Mini with their cheeks pressed together, both of them giving their biggest grins and Mini forming a heart with her fingers that she's holding out in front of them. She was still wet from her dip in the ocean, and Nate had to change into dry clothes upon their return because she got his entire side soaking wet, much to Tim's amusement. Nate has the distinct impression that he's been in Nate's place a few times.

Just thinking about the time he spent at the beach today with Mini reminds Nate of Brad again. Thoughts of Mini are always associated with Brad for him; of course they are, considering that he knows her through Brad and usually spends the time with her also together with Brad. Like those three days last September when he and Brad took care of her while Tim and Ray were in Washington for the Lone Sailor Awards Dinner. Nate had so much fun that weekend, especially because he enjoyed it so much to see Brad so relaxed and quietly happy with Mini and Nate around him. He remembers the fun they had trying out different kinds of pancakes, because Nate had bought a book about pancakes with recipes from all over the world for Mini to choose from, and the results were of mixed success but certainly very entertaining. 

Nate has noticed a long time ago that Brad is always the most relaxed and at ease in the safe remoteness of his house, where there are no immediate neighbours who could observe them together. That means that Brad doesn't have to hold back, he doesn't have to censor his words or his gestures, he doesn't have to be careful all the time to avoid endangering his job. When they're at his house, Brad doesn't hesitate to touch Nate, he doesn't keep himself from looking at him with that little smile Nate loves so much, he doesn't hold back the teasing and sometimes downright naughty comments that come to him so often and that Nate enjoys very much to answer in kind. He kisses Nate when he feels the urge, he leans into Nate's touches and he smiles at him, his eyes warm in a way he could never afford to show outside the safety of his house. This is the Brad Nate truly loves and that he knows only very few people get to see. This is the man behind the Iceman, the affectionate, caring and gentle side of him that he usually doesn't show and that only those he loves ever get to see. Nate knows that Ray has seen it, probably has always been able to see it, and to Mini that's who Uncle Brad is because she doesn't know the Iceman at all. 

Nate smiles to himself when he thinks about the hours they spent at the beach every day when Ray and Tim were in Washington, with Brad teaching Mini how to use that neon green boogie board he'd gotten for her specifically for that first weekend that her parents were out of town. Nate doesn't think he'll ever forget the expression of overwhelming joy on Mini's face when she first saw that green thing, or how she hugged Brad so tight that Nate was worried she might choke him. She didn't let the board out of her sight all weekend, including taking it with her to bed, which is when Nate managed to convince her to only let it sit at the bottom end and not to cuddle up to it.

There have been other sleepovers since - quite a few, in fact - and sometimes Nate wonders if that's what it would feel like to have a family with Brad. He usually pushes those thoughts down as soon as they pop up, because there's no point in pondering - _wanting_ \- something he can't have, at least not as long as DADT is in effect - and that doesn't look like it'll change anytime soon, no matter the growing discussions. Being a Marine is who Brad is, it's not just a job for him, it's a lifelong vocation. Nate knows that, knew that when he fell in love with Brad, knew it long before he ever kissed Brad for the first time. Brad is a warrior through and through, he needs the thrill of the missions, he needs the discipline of the Corps, he needs the challenges - and Nate accepted that when he decided that he wanted a relationship with Brad. 

He didn't go into this blind, and he would never ask Brad to give up being a Marine, because that would mean asking him to give up a fundamental part of who he is, to give up his very essence. Ever since that strange marriage proposal that Mini initiated last September Nate is oddly sure that Brad would actually contemplate a change in careers if Nate ever asked him, and that's something Nate doesn't _ever_ want Brad to do for him. He wants Brad to be Brad, and that means accepting that the Corps is such a huge part of him. It also means to accept that there are things Nate will never get to have. Because while Nate wants a family, he only wants it _with_ Brad, so there's no point in giving up Brad in order to have a family. It would defy the very purpose of the whole thing.

Nate sighs again and wonders if maybe he's also missing Brad so much right now because staying at Ray's and Tim's place shows him what family life with Brad could be like. Nate sees their easy affection with each other as well as with Mini, something they show in public same as in privacy. He sees how proudly they're both wearing their wedding bands, he hears how easily they refer to the other their husband, he notices their little gentle touches and affectionate looks that they don't have to hold back because of some retarded policy. Not that they don't know what it's like, Nate is well aware that for about a year of their relationship Tim was still on active duty while Ray had left the Corps. 

Nate breathes deeply and considers going back inside to get himself that beer he'd like to use to keep his hands busy. And maybe stay inside in the middle of the men to distract himself from his thoughts about Brad, because there's no point in yearning, Brad is not going to be back before the end of May either way. And Nate can't just write to him or call him or video chat with him for the simple reason that it looks suspicious if they have too much contact, not to mention that he can't say or write what he really wants to say because that would end Brad's career instantly. This is one of those moments when Nate hates DADT with a passion, just like every time he thinks about the life he'd like to have with Brad and that that damn policy is preventing them from having. 

Nate hears the door open behind him a second before a low, familiar voice says, "I know how it feels, homes." 

Before Nate can turn around, a sweating beer bottle appears by his elbow. Nate turns his head to Ray, who's giving him a lopsided smile that seems oddly gentle and understanding. It's not an expression Nate has ever seen Ray direct at him before.

"Thanks." Nate says when he accepts the beer and then takes a sip to have an excuse not to answer to what Ray just said. It feels good to finally have something in his hands that he can fiddle with.

"I've been there too, you know. I get it in a way they don't and never will." Ray says with a wave at the house behind them, where the faint voices of the other men can be heard. His voice is very quiet in a way that Nate isn't used to from him, but he knows it's because Ray is very well aware that their conversation topic is not meant for other ears. 

Nate takes another sip of his beer, then he gives Ray a long look. "It's not his first deployment that I'm experiencing, Ray."

Ray just snorts and looks at him with a pointedly raised eyebrow. "They were the worst five months, three days and fourteen hours of our relationship. Now don't tell me that it gets easier just because you do it more than once. I have eyes, Nate, I know you'd be lying."

Nate takes a deep breath, then he lets it escape with an almost silent sigh because yes, Ray has a point here. "No, it doesn't get easier."

"Yeah, that's what I thought." Ray nods slowly before he turns to look out at the night sky. He's dangling his beer bottle from his fingers where he's leaning on the banister same as Nate is. When he doesn't say anything else for a while, Nate follows his example and stares out into the night. It's a companionable kind of silence that Nate never knew he could have with Ray, and Nate is vaguely surprised to find that Ray's presence is actually making him feel a little better, somehow not so alone with his thoughts of Brad and his longing to see him again. It's also a relief not to feel like he has to hide it because with Ray he doesn't. And not only because Ray knows about him and Brad, but also because Ray is right, he _does_ get it in a way none of the other guys do, not even Tim - because they were never the ones who stayed behind. Nate has experienced both sides of deployment more than once, and he found that leaving is a lot easier to bear than staying behind.

"You know, Mini probably misses him almost as much as you do. And she's not dealing well with his absence at all." Ray says in a very quiet voice after a few minutes of silence. Nate turns to look at him with a surprised expression on his face because that's not at all what he expected to hear. He has never been that close with Ray, they don't have heart to heart talks. They respect each other, they even like each other, but Nate is certain that without Brad as a link they would never have stayed in contact after they both left the Marine Corps. 

But he's also well aware that it was Ray who invited Nate to stay with them this weekend, he reached out even before that by calling from time to time, usually with the excuse that Mini wanted to talk to Nate. Now Nate realises that he was looking out for Nate and making sure he's okay during Brad's absence. If anything, that shows Nate that Ray sees him not just as a former CO who he happens to be in contact with due to their mutual connection to Brad. At some point during Brad's current deployment Nate understood that since Ray regards Brad as family and since he perceives Nate as Brad's family, for him that makes Nate also part of Ray's family. It's a strange kind of logic that still seems oddly plausible to Nate. He also knows it's not just his imagination because Ray trusts him with Mini and has left her in his care repeatedly, something he'd never do if he didn't trust Nate.

Right now Ray is frowning at the night sky, not looking at anything in particular, then he takes a deep breath and sighs. "Ever since he left Mini's been subdued, moody, prone to emotional outbursts. Be glad you weren't here that first time when she wanted to see him and couldn't. It was _nasty_."

Nate can't say that he noticed anything different about Mini. From the moment he stepped into the apartment she's been her usual energetic and cheerful self. And tonight she left brimming with excitement for the sleepover at her friend Amber's house, which was arranged because Tim and Ray as well as all her usual babysitters are at the reunion tonight and Brad's obviously still on deployment. Before he ferried Mini over to Amber's house, Ray told Nate with a pretty smug expression on his face that Amber's mom is actually Walt's girlfriend and that it's only because of Ray's skilled, continuous support and his excellent advice that they finally got together in December after - and here Nate quotes - 'making eyes at each other for the better part of half a year without getting anywhere to the point that even Amber thought they were being obtuse'. When Nate saw Walt at the reunion tonight, he had to admit that he looked good, radiating a relaxed contentedness and smiling easily. Nate always likes to see that his men are doing well after returning to the civilian life, he knows that the transition can be difficult.

"She loves Brad a lot, doesn't she?" Nate makes it a question although it isn't one, and he knows Ray is aware of that. There's no doubt that Mini absolutely adores Brad, everybody who sees those two together for even a few minutes can tell. 

"She sure does. Pair that with her abandonment issues and Brad leaving for months, and you have a lot of trouble in the making." Ray points out almost tiredly, and Nate watches him pass a hand over his face in a weary gesture that makes Nate wonder how much trouble he's talking about. "The worst is that she knows that Amber's father was also a Recon Marine, and he went on deployment when Amber was two and never came back. Mini's old enough to understand the concept of death, and I'm pretty sure she's fearing that something will happen to Brad and that he won't come back."

Nate involuntary tightens his grip on the bottle in his hands and shudders at the thought of something happening to Brad, which he learned a long time ago not to dwell on. To think that Mini at just seven years of age is worrying about something like this is disconcerting, and he wishes he could do something to make her forget about it. 

Ray continues after a moment of silence. "And I can't even tell her not to worry, because I'm _very_ familiar with that thought. When Tim was deployed without me... Even the thought that he might not come back was enough to unsettle me for hours, which is why I pointedly didn't think about it. But how do you explain that to a little kid? If I, as a grown-up with plenty of experience, couldn't deal with the thought, how is she supposed to? And I can't lie to her and tell her that nothing will happen because I obviously don't know and that's the kind of lie that the trust of kid never really recovers from."

Nate swallows hard because Ray has a point, not only in so far that he can't know if something might happen to Brad, but also in the regard that lying to Mini would be the worst thing he could do. That in turn means he can't really diffuse her fears, and to Nate the situation seems pretty screwed up. Mini is a very bright kid, she sure has understood that people she loves can die and that that means they'll leave her forever, especially considering that she lived through the tsunami that took her entire family from her. Her abandonment issues are not unfounded, they're based on experience, even if she probably doesn't consciously remember it. And Nate has learned that Mini is a lot like Brad in some aspects - if she decides to love somebody, she does it with all her heart. If Nate had to venture a guess, then he'd say that right after Ray and Tim Mini loves Brad most, he's one of the people she relates to the closest. Losing him would be devastating for her, and the thought of the possibility is probably no easier to bear. 

"Is there anything that helps her deal?" Nate asks after considering the issue for a moment.

"Yeah. Any kind of communication with Brad leaves her excited and happy for days. He's writing her letters fairly regularly, and she has them all neatly organised in a special folder so that she can reread them when she wants to. And that folder sits on her bedside table - _always_." Ray is smiling fondly when he says it, and Nate finds himself returning the smile when he remembers the bright green folder he noticed on Mini's bedside table. He didn't pay it special attention before, but now that he knows what it is he feels that soft warmth in his chest again. "He also managed to set up a few video calls, and those worked wonders. And she's been drawing him so many cards that I think he'll need an additional duffel just to get them all back stateside."

Nate chuckles at the image Ray's words create in his mind. He's sure Brad has never in his entire career gotten so much mail on a deployment. When Nate turns to look up from the bottle in his hands to Ray, he finds him watching him with a lopsided, genuine smile. 

"And you being here, that helps a lot. She's been happier and more relaxed than I have seen her in months." Ray leans in and bumps his shoulder against Nate's in the kind of friendship gesture they never shared before. "So, thank you for that, Nate."

For a moment Nate is caught off guard by Ray's sincere gratitude as well as the actual content of his words and his cordial touch. He feels like their relationship is shifting from work acquaintances connected mostly through Brad to something else that he can't quite put his finger on yet. He keeps looking at Ray for maybe a moment too long before he catches himself. "I'm glad I can do something to make her feel better. If there's any way I can help her deal, I will."

Ray nods slowly in acceptance. "You already are helping. Spending time with her, going to the beach with her today, taking those pictures, emailing Brad with her. It's bound to keep her spirits up for a few days." Ray suddenly grins. "Not to mention that that picture of you two grinning into the camera like lunatics is utterly adorable, it's _so_ going up on the fridge." 

"I am deeply honoured." Nate chuckles and involuntarily finds himself envisioning the fridge in the apartment, already covered in drawings, photos, post-it notes and other titbits. He's sure he even spotted a fortune cookie message among them, and it seems his own face will join the mess now. It feels strangely good.

Ray's grin slowly fades and he keeps looking at Nate with an almost unnervingly inquisitive gaze before he finally asks, "So, Nate, how are _you_ actually holding up?"

Okay, this is _really_ new. Seems they _do_ have heart to hearts now. Nate is not quite sure what to make of that, so he just shrugs. "I'm dealing. As I said, it's not the first deployment."

Ray nods slowly and then turns to look out into the night again, taking a sip of his beer. Nate is grateful that he's leaving it at that, because thinking about how much he's missing Brad right now is bad enough without voicing it. Nate raises the beer bottle to his lips and drinks a gulp, only to realise that it's getting too warm to enjoy. He settles his elbows back down on the banister and lets the bottle dangle from his fingers, slowly turning it. That's what he wanted that beer for anyway, to give his hands something to do, and not to actually drink it.

"In the mornings I used to put out the mug for Tim's coffee along with mine for weeks." Ray says quietly next to him, taking Nate by surprise with his confession. So much for leaving it be. "It felt like a punch to the gut every time I had to put it back unused."

Nate turns his head to look at Ray, but he's still staring out into the night. He realises that Ray had it worse because he was actually living with Tim at the time of his deployment, they were sharing their daily life at home in a way Brad and Nate never have. He was surrounded by reminders of Tim - and his absence - pretty much all the time.

"The first week after he left and the last week before he was scheduled to return were the worst." Ray continues when Nate remains quiet, but Nate has the distinct feeling that he never expected him to say anything. "But the shittiest feeling of all was waking up in the mornings and wondering why he wasn't in bed with me."

Ray turns to catch Nate's gaze, and Nate finds his assumption confirmed that it was no coincidence that Ray offered him the couch. They're silent for a moment, then Nate inclines his head in something that feels a lot more like agreement to what Ray just told him than simple acknowledgement. 

"DADT _sucks_ , homes." Ray suddenly remarks in a frustrated growl and leaves Nate rather surprised at the sudden outburst. He notices that Ray's still carefully keeping his voice down, though. He's looking at Nate with a frown now, slowly shaking his head. "Seriously, Nate, I don't know how you do it. I barely managed to deal with one deployment, I never would have been able to cope with a second one. Especially knowing that every time I talked to Tim, or even just wrote a letter or an email, I was putting him in danger. Just the fact _that_ I was talking to him was already a risk, and I hated how we had to censor every word and make sure not to communicate too much."

"Yeah, I was just thinking about that same issue a few minutes ago." Nate admits with a sigh and he can't help wondering why he always finds himself in these kinds of heavy conversations on Poke's front porch. Last year when he'd admitted to Tim that he was in a relationship with Brad, that also happened right here on this very porch, even pretty much in the same spot. It was the first time that Nate told anybody apart from his immediate family, because it's just too dangerous a secret to be shared. Yet he was never worried about Tim causing them any problems. Not only because obviously Tim gets it since he was once in the same situation, but also because even back in Iraq Nate was certain that the corpsman knew about them, and yet he never said a word. 

On top of that Nate deeply respects Tim, a sentiment that was there from the first moment he met the corpsman and that solidified with every single day they served together. He always had the impression that it's a mutual feeling, and Nate never took the respect Tim showed him for granted because he learned quickly that Tim doesn't respect a man for his rank, he only respects him for his conduct, his integrity and his brains. That's why Schwetje and Griego didn't manage to gain even a spark of his respect, and Tim never made a secret out of it. As the company's first lieutenant Nate was privy to Tim's training history, which is how he knew why Tim got away with his conduct in a way nobody else in Bravo Company would have. And it wasn't only due to him being Navy, it was because he was one of the most highly trained men in the company along with Brad, Pappy and Rudy, _and_ he completed all of his courses top of his class. He was simply put too much of an asset for command to get bothered by his attitude, and Tim always knew how to keep things _just_ on this side of tolerable.

What Nate always admired about Tim is that his fearless courage extends beyond combat situations, he also doesn't shy away from harsh and uncomfortable questions, criticism and conflict with figures of authority - and that requires a totally different kind of mental strength than running to a wounded man while under fire. Back in Iraq when Nate heard through the grapevine that Tim had told Schwetje to his face and in front of witnesses that he was incompetent, Nate was unable to keep the grimly satisfied smile off his face. Because Tim had spoken words that had been on the tip of Nate's tongue for so long, and he could no longer count the times he'd almost choked on them when swallowing them down because he _couldn't_ say them, not without leaving his men completely exposed to Schwetje's incompetence. Because if Nate had said what Tim had, he would have been relieved of his command pretty much instantly, he has no doubts about that.

Nate also greatly respects Tim's daring for giving that speech at the Lone Sailor Awards Dinner in front of such a high-ranking and powerful audience. Nate knows that simply due to his relationship to Brad he himself can't attract that kind of attention, he can't risk it because it could backfire on Brad, and that's the last thing Nate wants. So when Tim contacted him and asked if he was willing to proofread his draft of the speech and offer his opinion on how to improve it, Nate felt deeply honoured and saw the opportunity to get involved without endangering Brad. Nate immediately agreed to Tim's request and took an evening to work through the draft, taking notes and putting some serious thought into his suggestions for improvement. 

The structure and the content of the speech was excellent right from the start, but Nate had expected no less from Tim. Nate's influence mostly concerned the tone of the speech because Tim is very straight-forward and direct in his choice of words and Nate knew that it would make the impact of his speech even stronger if he toned it down a bit, if he said things in a way that would make his audience feel hooked and engaged rather than defensive. Especially since it was obviously Tim's goal to shake people awake, to make them think, to make them question DADT and discuss the subject, not to offend them and make them rise in an outraged protest to defend the policy. Nate and Tim spent over two hours on the phone while going over every sentence of the speech once Nate had emailed him the version including his suggestions. And on the Friday after the dinner Nate found an email from Tim in his inbox with a link to a blog post that related the speech at the dinner. The comment section alone told Nate that Tim had succeed in his mission.

"It's complete bullshit, anyway." Ray grumbles in a very low voice that just so carries to Nate, and his words successfully pull Nate out of his musings. "DADT doesn't fucking work, just look at all of us. Seriously, how retarded is it to lose somebody as highly trained and devoted as Brad or Tim or Rudy and Pappy over who they come home to? I mean, it's not like it has negatively influenced their performance in any way in all their years of service when the higher-ups didn't know, so why the fuck should that change just because everybody _does_ know? They're still the same skilled badasses as before, after all, _they_ haven't changed. That immense of amount of stupidity and ignorance is so fucked up that I don't even have the words for it."

"You're preaching to the choir, Ray." Nate replies with a resigned sigh because every word Ray just said is nothing but the truth. Sadly that doesn't mean that DADT will disappear.

"And frankly, it wouldn't have made any difference to us if there'd been openly not-straight guys in the platoon back when we were still on active duty. What matters is how somebody behaves, how they can deal with shit, how good they are at their job." Ray gestures at the house behind them. "Just look at how it doesn't even make a difference to them now to know that Tim and I are married or that Rudy and Pappy are together. Officially together, I mean, because we kind of always knew _that_ , and fuck, it _never actually_ mattered! Of course you always have the odd jerk in the platoon, but fuck it, we would have squared him away." 

Nate can tell that Ray's thinking about Chaffin right now, who has been notably homophobic and racist in his comments for as long as Nate can remember. And when Rudy and Pappy made it no secret tonight when they arrived at the reunion that they're living together in San Diego - and not just as roomies - Chaffin let off a highly offensive comment that resulted in Tim smashing him into the grass face first not even a second after he finished speaking. The reaction was so incredibly swift that it left Nate - and obviously quite a few of the men - silently stunned while Tim said something to Chaffin that was too low for Nate to hear. He didn't miss the way Chaffin tensed before he nodded, though, and only then did Tim let go of Chaffin's arm that he had twisted back in a painful hold. Nate had the distinct feeling that Tim greatly enjoyed doing that, and he wonders if there's history there that he's not privy to. Most interesting to him was that Chaffin didn't get any help from the guys who had witnessed the entire thing, and that he actually apologised to Rudy and Pappy, even if in a slightly forced manner. 

"Did you know that in 2004 the American Psychological Association issued a statement concerning DADT, and they firmly established that there's no empirical evidence that sexual orientation in any way relates to military effectiveness. There's no proven influence on unit cohesion or on morale or on combat readiness. And if proof is wanted, there are plenty of countries all over the world that don't have a discriminatory policy like DADT and they don't have any of the problems people here in America are so scared of. Think of the Netherlands or of all Scandinavian countries, even the UK - and none of them have any of the issues that are bounced around the discussion here in the US as if the world will come an end when servicemen will be allowed to _say_ that they're gay or bi or lesbian. It's not like they - we - are not already serving and always have, and just like you said, it never influenced to our proficiency and commitment." Nate pauses, surprised at himself for his fiery flood of words. He's been following the debate on DADT for years, especially ever since he got involved with Brad and it suddenly immensely impacted on his own life in a way it hadn't before.

Ray is looking at him with interest, but also in a way that tells Nate that he's no less surprised by Nate's rant. Nate takes a deep breath, then he continues because it feels good to finally talk about this. "The estimated amount of money DADT has cost in the first ten years since it took effect amounts to about 363 million dollar due to over 10.000 discharged service members. I can't help wondering how they can even justify that waste of taxpayer money considering that they're dismissing people who're not actually unfit to perform the duty they were trained for, it's the system that's unfit to treat people equally. That's not just a mind-boggling loss of skilled personnel, it's also an unjustifiable waste of money spent on training people just to kick them out for a reason that is irrelevant to their ability to do their jobs."

"And they always say money rules the world." Ray snorts. "Yet here we are, still stuck in the bigoted mindset of religious retards who'd rather force their morals down our throats than get their heads out of their asses in a way other countries did ages ago - and look, all those countries still exist, and they're doing great! But in the good ol' US of A there are no changes in sight."

Nate presses his lips into a thin line. "Not for now, anyway."

Ray is quiet for a moment as if he's thinking about what Nate just told him. "You think we'll ever get rid of it?"

Nate breathes deeply and turns the now warm beer bottle in his hands. "I sure hope so."

Ray looks at Nate and cocks an eyebrow. "What would you do if DADT was done with?"

Nate just gives him a knowing smile. "I think you know the answer to that."

Ray chuckles, a teasing yet good-natured sound, then he smirks. "Kiss Brad in the middle of Camp Pendleton just like all the wives and girlfriends do with their men?"

Nate laughs quietly and nods. "Yeah, that, too."

Ray looks at him in an appraising manner that gives Nate a warning about what is to come before the words themselves leave Ray's mouth. "Put a ring on his finger?"

"If it was possible." Nate confirms very quietly after a moment of consideration, because he has never said it out loud beside that one time when Brad asked him if he'd really say yes. He's not surprised Ray knows about it, though, because there's no way Mini didn't tell him about how she'll get to be their bridesmaid. "But since it's not possible here in California anymore and it's not legal in Washington either, I guess that's off the table for now anyway, even if DADT wasn't around anymore."

"Yeah, don't get me started on that _fucking_ Proposition 8." Ray growls, and Nate knows right away that it's a sore topic. He's not surprised by that. "I can't even tell you how pissed off I am about that shit. At least that damn proposition doesn't invalidate our marriage - so far, at least. They're still not entirely clear on that matter, the relevant case is still in court." 

Ray grits his teeth as if he's trying to hold back the words that clearly lie on the tip of his tongue. He's quiet for about two seconds, then he erupts in an angry outburst and the jerky movements of his arms underline his points forcefully. "Seriously, how _dare_ they even contemplate that! They have _no right_ to do shit like that. It's not some remote policy they're talking about, they're screwing with people's lives here, and they don't even think about that, don't consider it at all! For them it's just another political decision, some detached discussion, but they're fucking with _my family_!"

Ray stops only long enough to take a deep breath, and Nate has to admit that he's impressed that Ray still remembers and actually manages to keep his voice down despite being fully in the flow of his angry rant. "Those bigoted hateful retards have _no idea_ what it took for us to get to where we are in life now. They just take all their rights for granted in their all-encompassing ignorant arrogance. What the fuck do they gain by taking away our right to get married, to _be_ married? It's not like we're in any way impinging on their lives, we're not taking anything from them! For fuck's sake, we have a kid! How are we supposed to explain that to her? Oh, by the way, Bambi, your Dad and I are not married any longer, and no, that's not because we don't want to be, but because that great oh-so-free country we made your home decided to take away out right to be married. So all the parents at your school are suddenly no longer married, you ask? Oh no, Bambi, only your Dad and I. Why, you ask? Oh, well, because we both happen to be men. Why that matters, you want to know? Well, it doesn't, it shouldn't, but there are people out there who are convinced that because your Dad and I love each other, we're not human beings like they are, so we cannot possibly be a family. Please don't cry, Bambi, I promise that we're still your parents, we're still a family, even if the law doesn't recognise us as such anymore. No, Bambi, we won't allow anybody to take you away from us."

Ray falls silent, but Nate can see how his jaw is still working with how hard he's gritting his teeth, and his hands are gripping the beer bottle so tightly that it's a miracle it hasn't shattered yet. Especially the last part of his furious tirade, the fictional talk with Mini, leaves Nate reeling with the painful vision of what it would mean not just to Ray and Tim, but to Mini if their marriage way retroactively annulled. How it would destroy a fundamental part of her childhood - her blind trust in the safe haven of her family. He suddenly wonders how many kids are out there right now in the same situation, and his dislike for the people opposing same-sex marriage intensifies immensely. Ray is right, they don't give the faintest thought to those affected by their actions beyond the actual couples, those innocents like the children caught in their assault on equality that is based on feeling entitled and superior to anybody who is different from what they regard as the standard. 

"I take it Tim's no less pissed off about the whole thing." Nate doesn't make it a question because it _really_ isn't one.

Ray snorts. "Oh, you don't want to know how many heated discussions we've had about those bigoted retards and their hate crusade. More like joint rants. Seriously, don't get _him_ started, or he'll keep going the entire night. If there's a subject that gets him going even faster and harder than DADT, it's Prop 8."

"I have never understood why some people are so invested in keeping others from getting married. As long as it's consenting adults, there's no reason for anybody to oppose that wish." Nate shakes his head with a frown. "Same as I have never understood why things like race or sexual orientation should determine if you have the right to marry in the first place."

"Yeah, I like it most when their main argument is that only heterosexuality is 'natural' and that being gay or bi is a choice and unnatural." Ray scoffs. "One look at nature itself disproves that claim faster than they can even say it. Homosexual and bisexual behaviour has been well documented in over 1.500 different species, and in about a third of them regularly - so much for the 'not natural' part in that argument. And there's even this single-cell organism that I always forget the name of that has _seven different sexes_ at once, so it obviously _naturally_ has more that just the heterosexual option to mate, because don't tell me that a single-cell organism is _pondering the issue_ and then _makes a conscious choice_ whether to be heterosexual or not. Seriously, trying to use biology as a way to justify bigotry is so retarded it's actually ridiculous, because if anything, then nature proves that heterosexuality is _not_ the norm, but just one of many different options."

Nate finds himself amused by the random facts that Ray obviously likes to collect, and he has to admit that the argument in itself is solid. "Unfortunately I don't think that people who are so hellbent on denying others the very rights they claim as natural for themselves are open to rational arguments. If that were the case, this discussion would have been put to rest a long time ago."

"Or it would never have come up in the first place." Ray develops Nate's thought further. "Imagine how awesome that would be: A world without DADT and with equal marriage."

Nate cocks an eyebrow. "Maybe you should move to Canada."

Ray snorts out a bout of laughter that somehow eases the anger that ruled most of their conversation. Ray is still smirking when he turns to Nate. "I'll make sure to suggest it to Tim after you propose it to Brad. Maybe he can join the Canadian Marines."

"Deal." Nate chuckles, then he slowly leans in and bumps his shoulder against Ray's in the same way Ray did before. "Thanks for offering me your couch, by the way."

Ray gives him a lopsided smile and returns the shoulder bump. "That's what friends are for, Nate."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really feel awkward for asking this, but does anyone feel like leaving me a wee word to let me know what you think about the new chapters? I'm really curious - I'd love to get some feedback on what's going on in our boys' lives ^_^


	65. Backbone - (Brad & Ray, Tim & Mini & Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brad gets an interesting letter from Ray during his deployment to Iraq. Yes, a fucking _handwritten letter_. On _green_ stationery. WTF.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is a wee bit different, but I hope you have as much fun reading it as I had writing it ;D
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : I'm sure you'll see right away in how far this was also inspired by something you said ;D You know, a bit like 'your wish is my command' XD

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


_Bryan-Person Palace,  
Kingdom of Oceanside, California  
in the good ol' US of A_

_Saturday, April 18th 2009 (probably won't reach you till, like, mid May - seriously, a carrier pigeon would be faster...)_

_Dear Mr Marine Man,_

_I am very proud to know that you are being brave and honourable by defending our beautiful country against the terrorists. They are very bad and I am happy that you are going to shoot them all dead for me. Sadly I cannot be there to join you in the fun. I would pray for you, but since we agree that religion is all make-believe bullshit anyway, it seems kind of pointless. Now go any be all warrior-y and make sure to kiss your 203 goodnight from me. Your best pal Ray-Ray._

_Oh, and by the way, thank you very much for teaching my daughter how to punch the right way, Bradley. Last week Mini hit another kid - and at least she didn't break her wrist. She did break the kid's nose, though._

_Well, I personally think she did the right thing and I have told her that, screw what the principal said. Tim agrees with me on that, btw. That kid is a nasty bully, and he's known among all of the kids for his cruelty. He's a sixth grader who is always going after the smaller kids, pressing their lunch money, humiliating them, stealing their stuff, stuffing them in lockers, shoving them around, generally just the whole standard bully shebang. I fucking hate bullies like that. Why the fuck do they always get away with their shit? It's just like it was in my school days, definitely nothing has changed in that regard. And that's a former small kid talking here. I've seen many lockers from the inside._

_But no, that fucking bully at Mini's school doesn't get punished or disciplined or even just a stern talking-to, and he's been pulling that shit for **years**. No, he's the "poor victim" now (yes, those are air quotes), because he got hit by a girl half his size when she prevented him from stuffing another boy in a locker. Seriously, what else would have taught that brat a lesson? It's not like talking to him will solve anything. Mini did the only thing that works, and if she does it again, I will still side with her. It's probably a good thing if she doesn't get caught next time, though. Maybe it's time to teach her some useful intimidation tactics..._

_So, she's been suspended from school for three days, and she has to attend anger management sessions with the school psychologist. I wonder if that lady will realise that Mini didn't hit that little shit in anger, but as a calculated move to make him stop what he was doing to that other boy. As far as I was told the little terrorist did insult Mini when she told him to leave the other boy alone, seems they argued in the hallway for several minutes, and there are other kids who saw it happen. But she only hit him when he grabbed the other boy by the neck and began to shove him into the locker. Yeah, that's not what anger management issues look like. On top of that she only hit him once, a single well aimed blow to the nose that was guaranteed to keep him from continuing his assault (well taught, Bradley), and we both know she could have caused him **a lot** more damage. She didn't even kick him in the balls, homes. (Pity...)_

_And can you believe it, she's also supposed to fucking **apologise** to that bully! But she's refusing to do that and she even had Tim and me help prepare a letter explaining why she cannot in good conscience apologise. She brought us a draft with notes of what she wants to say, and she wrote that she knows it's wrong to hit others, but that she had tried to reason with him several times and he only mocked her and continued hurting the other kid, and so she had no choice but to put an end to it before he could injure the other boy. And if she now apologised to him, that would mean that what he did was okay and that she was sorry for helping the other boy, and it was **not** okay, she is **not** sorry, because helping and protecting others is the right thing to do, she's always been taught that. She even pointed out how they had talked about bullying in class a while ago and how they'd been told that it was not okay and that they should stand by the kid that got bullied. She had done just that, and now she is supposed to say that it was wrong? That doesn't make any sense._

_Damn, she's awesome. We're raising such a great kid. Backbone like steel. They won't get an apology out of her, not for doing the right thing. In her letter she actually requested - well, more like demanded - that the little shit should apologise to the boy he was in the process of stuffing into the locker. Oh, and she managed to get fourteen other kids to tell her about the things he did to them, and she listed them in a neat little chart that she added to her letter. Ten of the kids even agreed to have their names disclosed on her list, and that they would tell the principal what they told Mini if she makes sure that the brat gets punished. They're fucking scared of that little terrorist and now Mini's actions are giving them hope that things might change and that they can do something against that bully._

_Now **that's** my girl. I can't tell you how proud I am of her. Even if it'll most likely get her suspended again at some point. I wonder how much of that is Bri's influence, if I remember it correctly she's managed to rack up five reprimands in this school year alone, and all of them because she disagreed with authority figures. Well, maybe Tim's a little bit to blame for that, too, he did have a hand in raising her, after all, and I certainly do see the parallels in their behaviour. I'm sure Encino Man would agree with me on that point._

_At least Mini knows she has Tim and me backing her up. Screw the system, she's right in what she's doing, and I won't tell her any different. Really, I'm curious what she's going to become as an adult. Hopefully not a lawyer or a politician... Well, she'd still kick ass. Might be what we need as a country. How do you like the sound of President Mini Bryan-Person? Cool, uh? I could get used to that. And she'd be the first **truly** green president! After her it'll be called the Green House in Washington..._

_I'll keep you up to date with how the situation progresses. Or Mini can just tell you herself if you can manage to get another video call slot, she'd certainly love that. She managed to ride crouched on that green abomination of a boogie board you got her, all the way to the beach - prepare yourself for a detailed recount of the event when you call. I've heard the story so many times by now that I'll just flee the scene when she tells you all about it..._

_Signed by_

_The One True Warrior, The Wise Warrior Healer and Her Majesty The Green Warrior Queen_

_PS: How do you like my choice of stationery? In honour of your niece I even bought this green monstrosity, just to get you into the right mood. Tim just so prevented me from using a green envelope, but he didn't quite manage to keep Mini from pasting on those whale stickers..._


	66. Loss - (Tim/Ray, Tim & his co-workers)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A night shift at the fire station ends badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here we go, let the Angst Fest begin (yep, capitalised XD)! I feel like I should apologize in advance for torturing our boys like I'm going to do for a while now. I'm sorry, I really am T_T 
> 
> @ **Military_bluebells** : If you get that _oh shit, oh shit, oh shit_ feeling throughout this fic, then that's probably because you know me too well by now... XD
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : If you thought what I did to Tim before was bad, then you're going to revise your opinion pretty soon... And Ray's not any better off... I'm sure you're going to have a lot of thoughts on the next few chapters, and I'm curious to hear them all ^_^

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


"Hey Doc, you want a coffee, too?" Kimmy calls from the kitchen of the fire station over to where Tim is sitting on the couch with a book in his hands. For once it's not a textbook but a work of fiction, some thriller he bought ages ago but never found the time to read. 

Tim looks up and gives her a quick smile. "Yeah. Thanks, Kimmy."

"Sure thing, Doc." She says easily and pours a second cup, then she walks over with both mugs and hands one to Tim before she sits down on the other end of the couch. He accepts it and takes the first sip carefully, he has learned by now that Kimmy tends to drink her coffee only freshly brewed because she wants it _hot_ , not some lukewarm piss - her words. True to form it's still scalding, but Tim has to admit that he has come to like it that way. He's begun to do that at home too, because M&Ms liquefy a lot better when the coffee is still scalding hot. It tastes better in his opinion, probably because the sugar coating dissolves faster and the chocolate melts quicker and therefore disperses sooner in the liquid. Ray hasn't stopped teasing him about that comment yet and mocks him that he's turned candy coffee preparation into a science. 

Tim goes back to his book when Kimmy takes up the magazine she was reading before her coffee run. Molly is sitting on the other couch with Robin, the station's newest EMT who she gets along with like two peas in a pot, and both women have large paper cups with some fancy special coffee mixture on the table in front of them. Travis is busy making himself yet another sandwich, as if dinner wasn't enough for him, and Kyle, Jim and Elliot went to their bunks some time after dinner. Tim takes another sip of his coffee and for a moment he misses the candy taste that he began to associate with coffee years ago. He never drinks Ray-coffee at the station, though, he just sticks to the regular black coffee they have here, just like pretty much everybody else. 

It's slow tonight, which is nice for a change. He's working a twelve-hour shift which started a little over four hours ago and will see him come home just in time to eat breakfast with Ray and Mini and then he'll walk with her to school while Ray has to leave for work. It's June now, still in the first half, though, so Mini still has one more week of school left before the summer break starts. Since the semester is already over for both Tim and Ray, their G.I. Bill payments stopped and they're both working as much as possible. It also means that organising their lives is a little bit easier at the moment with one thing less to plan around, especially because their college courses have fixed times that they can't shift around as needed. Both their work places are a lot more flexible in that regard, which is a major reason why they're planning to stay with their current employers throughout their studies. It has worked overall well this past year, so why change it?

The final exam period of this semester at the end of May wasn't easy, though. Not that final exam periods are _ever_ easy, but add to the mix that Tim and Ray both had it at the same time and needed to prepare extensively while having a kid and working part-time, and trouble was bound to occur. There were many occasions when Tim and Ray sat in the living room after Mini was in bed, studying until the wee hours of the morning, sometimes sitting together at the dining room table or on the couch, sometimes one here and the other there. Tim felt completely run down and exhausted after he'd taken the last exam of the semester, and he knows that without the extensive help of Walt and Amy as well as Maggie's and Kareesha's parents they would have been totally screwed. 

Mini acted up quite a bit, she didn't like it at all that both Tim and Ray had to take so much time for studying. It was the second time they had to navigate finals with Mini, but somehow the December exam period was easier to deal with. Tim thinks there are three major reasons for that, one of them being that she unconsciously reacted to the strain both Tim and Ray felt due to the uncertainty caused by Proposition 8. And while it already came into effect on November 5th and technically was already an issue in December, it was still so fresh and they were still so busy with other things that it only really began to show in their behaviour in the new year, when they'd had too much time to ponder the issue and the reality of what the court's decision to retroactively annul their marriage would mean for them as a family. 

By the time the exam period rolled around, both Tim and Ray felt the enormous and constantly growing stress of not being sure if they'd still be married as soon as the court came to a decision in the case _Strauss v. Horton_. Tim has only once experienced that very specific kind of unbelievably intense helpless anger that Proposition 8 made him feel for months on end, and that was when he was denied access to Mini after her fall off the swing last year. He knows Ray felt it too, they talked about that fucking Prop 8 more times than Tim can count, and they'd even begun to make plans on how to deal with the situation should the worst case come to bear and their marriage would be invalidated. They'd looked into domestic partnerships, any way to make sure that they would remain a legal family unit with Mini, so that she wouldn't _ever_ have to feel like the country she'd just begun to consider her home had taken her family from her. 

While they both tried to shield Mini from it all, Tim is sure that she still noticed that something weighed heavily on them, something more than just the approaching exams, and she reacted to it by throwing fits in a way she was never particular prone to before. When on May 26th 2009 the court decision came through and ascertained that their marriage would not be influenced in any way by Prop 8, Tim felt such an incredible weight lift off his shoulders that he could have sagged in relief. He did, actually, and it landed him on the couch with Ray right next to him in a similar condition. It was just two days after Tim's thirty-sixth birthday and it felt like a belated but most precious gift. It was also smack in the middle of their exam week with three more days of exams to go, and Tim only really became aware that their biggest worry was gone when he'd taken the last exam on Friday and he lay on the couch that evening in a heap with Ray and Mini, all of them dozing more than actually watching the movie they'd put on.

Another reason why Tim thinks the December exam period was comparatively easy is because the season played into their hands, keeping Mini busy with Christmas get-togethers of her friends as well as her school. She was thoroughly distracted by discovering the excitements of the holiday season in the US, since it was her first Christmas in her new home. Mini insisted that they sent a large Christmas package over to the orphanage, including her gifts for Usha and her other friends in- and outside the orphanage. Mini likes to exchange letters with Usha, so she writes about once or twice a month. It's not so much actual written letters as drawings, printed pictures, stickers and whatever else attracts Mini's attention, but Tim loves her enthusiasm behind it and that it's so important to her to keep in contact. 

Tim and Ray are also still in regular contact with Padma and Manisha and keep up to date with the events at the orphanage. Tim is relieved that Keshini and Mewan have grown into reliable, fully engaged members of the orphanage's staff and that the kids love them both very much and have accepted them fully. Tim and Ray also make sure to donate regularly to the orphanage, and according to Padma there's been an increase of donations around Christmas 2008 same as they observed in 2007, and since the names are the same she knows that those donations come from other Bravo men. Tim knows from Padma that Brad also follows a pretty regular donation schedule throughout the year to support them. He never said anything about that to either Ray or Tim, so they've both decided to respect his wish not to have it mentioned. 

That leads Tim to the third major reason why the December exam period was so much easier: Brad was there, while this time he was still deployed and only returned on the Sunday at the end of the exam period. Mini didn't deal well with his absence at the beginning of his deployment, and although it improved with the passing of time, there were several low points that _of course_ coincided with the exam week. Tim still wonders how he managed to sit through his last exam without falling asleep considering that he'd had to revise until the wee hours of the morning because of Mini's major meltdown and the ensuing drawn-out temper tantrum that took up most of the afternoon, which is when he _should_ have been doing his final revisions. 

Ever since Brad came back from deployment on the last day of May she has improved a great deal, though. It's only been about a week and a half now, but it's really noticeable in Tim's opinion. Ray agrees with him that she's so much more relaxed and cheerful since Brad is back in her life, she's even-tempered in a way she hasn't been in months. At first when Brad left she was subdued and had emotional outbursts when she wanted to see him but couldn't. Brad was a gem, though, he organised a few video calls with her that left her a lot more relaxed for days afterwards. Writing him letters and making cards for him also alleviated her unhappiness, and having Nate here for a few days worked wonders, same as getting a letter from Brad. And an instant remedy was going to the beach with her and her beloved neon green boogie board so that she could practise riding it on the waves, which she has become very good at. 

But ever since the exam preparation period started for Tim and Ray, she grew more and more petulant and short-tempered. It climaxed during the actual exam week in pretty much one or two temper tantrums per day, and Ray and Tim split up in taking care of it so that the other could keep studying. It was exhausting to say the least, and Tim is incredibly glad it's over - the exam period as well as Brad's absence.

Brad's still internally coming back from deployment, Tim can tell not only because he knows it has always been the same for him, but also because Brad is more silent than he usually is, and more tense, withdrawn and impatient. Tim never noticed those things about him before because he'd been on deployment along with Brad, so the change was so gradual that he didn't realise it. It stands out to him now, though, and he knows that Ray has noticed it, too. It still leaves Tim amazed and feeling warm inside to see that it doesn't extend to Mini, though. It's as if all his shields come down around her and he can just be Brad with her and forget all the things that still weigh him down and keep him anchored in the events of the past months.

What Tim won't ever forget is Mini's reaction to Brad coming home, how she shouted his name when she saw him in Camp Pendelton when they were waiting for him. He won't forget how she ran towards him at the fastest speed she's capable of, how Brad dropped his bag right there in the middle of the other men, and how she crashed into his legs and then clung to him. He won't forget how Brad immediately picked her up, how she wrapped herself around him like a little octopus, arms and legs and all, and how Brad held her tight and hid his face against her neck while her long braids were falling down over his arms. It was so genuine and heartfelt, such a pure moment of affection and happiness that Tim will admit that there were a tear or two in his eyes while witnessing it. 

Mini loves Brad so very much, and Tim won't ever be able to tell Brad what it means to him that it's a mutual feeling and that Brad cares about her so much and does whatever he can to make her a happy kid. One more piece of evidence for that is how he indulged her when she wouldn't let go of him for the rest of the day, clinging to him like a very persistent leech. Brad seemed not to mind and waved Ray off when offered to take her off him. It was only when she fell asleep, right there in Brad's arms and with her head resting on his shoulder, that they were able to separate her from Brad.

Tim takes another sip of his coffee and thinks about how integrated Brad and Walt are in Mini's life, how they have become a very important part of it. Bravo Squad Wednesdays for example are a fixture now with Walt as the official Bravo Squad leader. The girls have not only formed a firm troop, they also love the things Walt teaches them and the time they get to spend outdoors. Walt has also taken them on several day trips on weekends, usually recruiting one of the parents to come along to help him supervise. They've done so many things that Tim can't even name them all, but he remembers that they've been hiking a few times, they've gone to the waterpark, they've gone on a whale watching tour and snorkelling, they've been to the aquarium and the zoo, they've gone to the boulder hall and to the climbing park and on one memorable occasion he got a pilot friend to take them up in a little six-seater Cessna for a sightseeing flight that resulted in Amber declaring that she wants to become a pilot, much to everybody's surprise. 

Walt is certainly doing an excellent job at getting the girls not only physically active and more secure, especially Amber and Maggie, but also at getting them interested in all kinds of things that they might not even have considered before. While Amber is currently obsessed with everything related to flying, Maggie has found a passion for caring for animals ever since they encountered an abandoned baby squirrel on one of their hikes and brought it to a local wildlife rehabilitation centre, and Kareesha loves their nature exploration tours more than anything and seems intent on becoming a walking encyclopaedia on Californian flora and fauna. During the Christmas season they also spent an entire day making cookies at Amy's place, and Tim smiled when he came to get Mini and found out that Walt and Amy had just a day before finally become a couple. It was about time in his opinion, they are perfect for each other, and his assessment has proven right by how they've grown into a nice little family over the past six months since. Tim likes seeing Walt happy like that, not to mention that his bond with little Amber is beautiful to watch and Tim can see how she's becoming more confident and daring ever since he became a firm part of her life. 

Tim's and Ray's plans for their future are also working out nicely at the moment, especially now that they know that Prop 8 doesn't annul their marriage. Ray has just finished the second year of his bachelor in Electrical and Computer Engineering and he has found quite good friends in his class. His study group is a relaxed, friendly and reliable bunch, and Tim knows all of them from the study evenings they sometimes hold at the apartment because Tim and Ray have the most space out of all of them. The dining room table transforms into a battlefield of books, notes, markers, laptops, chips, candy, coffee and energy drinks during study evenings, and Mini always enjoys playing hostess. She likes to bring them cookies and help Tim make coffee, but she knows to otherwise leave them to study as long as they're working. Before they start and during breaks she's allowed to mingle, and Tim watched her wrap all five of Ray's study buddies around her little finger within the first five minutes of their first meeting. Ever since that evening Ray's study group tends to bring a little something for Mini when they come by, be it a milkshake or a smoothie or a special cookie or something with peanuts in it. Seriously, Tim's not surprised that Mini loves study evenings. 

Mini has especially taken to Jessie and her genuine, open warmness and her easy cuddles. Jessie has acted as a babysitter for them on several occasions now, and she told Ray that Mini reminds her so much of her youngest sister, who is now eleven and living in San Francisco with her parents and who she misses so much. Mini loves sitting on Jessie's legs so that she can play with her long box braids which she finds absolutely stunning, especially that time when Jessie had bright purple accents braided in. Mini's been trying for months now to get Tim and Ray to agree to have her own hair braided like that, but of course with bright green accents. So far they've neither agreed nor refused, and Tim has talked about it to Jessie only to find out that it's quite expensive, but she gave him a wink and told him that she knows a lady who'd be willing to make them a good price with Jessie's good references because she's a friend of her mom's and has been doing Jessie's braids since she was a little girl. So last week Tim went with her to meet Mrs Morgan Kelley and brought along pictures of Mini as Jessie told him to, and he was left completely stunned when Mrs Kelley looked at the pictures and immediately exclaimed "Oh my god, you're the braiding Dad!" with a big smile on her face.

That's how Tim found out that Mrs Kelley - _Morgan, please_ \- is the same lady who defended Mini at the supermarket last year when some old whiskey tango hag threw racist slurs at his little girl. She told Tim that she instantly recognised Mini and her beautiful hairstyles, and that Mini told her that her Dad does her braids, which she found very impressive especially because they were done to such a perfection. So Tim ended up sitting in Morgan's garden drinking coffee with Jessie and her while he explained that he'd learned most of his skills from a thirteen year old girl in Sri Lanka back when it was time for Mini to enter school because she likes braids so much, and how he'd taught himself a few additional styles since. By the time Jessie and Tim left Morgan's house, he'd invited her and her husband to his and Ray's for dinner next weekend, and he's pretty sure he just found a new friend in a most unexpected way.

Ray was very surprised when Tim told him about who Morgan is and he loved the idea to meet her again because he'd been too busy with Mini back then to thank her properly for her support at the supermarket. So as her birthday present from Tim and Ray Mini will get her hair braided with her beloved green accents, and so far she knows nothing about it and Tim can't wait to see the surprise on her face. The braids will only last for about four to five weeks, Morgan told him, but Tim is pretty sure Mini will spend the entire time strutting around like a very green peacock and loving her hair more than ever. He likes the thought of giving her something for her eighth birthday that'll make her happy every day for over a month. 

Tim himself has now concluded the Post-Bac Premedical Program and he's very glad that he's out of the worst of studying now, at least for a short while - which is why he can read a thriller and enjoy every moment of it in good conscience. His application to the UC San Diego Medical School has been accepted and he has a spot secured for the fall. It was a long and exhausting process that left him wondering a few times if he'd manage to get in, especially considering that he's anything but a traditional applicant. He submitted the primary and secondary application last year, had the interview in early February and received his offer of admission a month later. He didn't hesitate to accept it and he can't even express what it meant to him when he finally held his letter of acceptance in his hands. 

Things have also become easier at the station ever since Ray had that confrontation with Jim last September. Apart from Ray, Tim, Jessie and Jim, nobody knows what really happened when Jim showed up a little banged up to his shift on the Monday afterwards. And although Tim and Jim will never really get along, the outright hostility has let up enough that it's not negatively impacting on them working together. Nobody will pair them up if it's not absolutely unavoidable, but they manage to stick to professional behaviour around each other whenever it does happen. Tim is perfectly fine with that, it's not like he was ever interested in upholding this stupid feud that Jim established. It's not something he considers worth wasting any energy on. His life is busy and demanding enough as it is, he doesn't need such unnecessary complications on top of everything else.

It's not like Tim just forgives Jim for being a total prick around him and for attacking Ray in an alleyway, but after working at the station for over a year now, Tim has seen enough of Jim's interaction with everybody else to be able to tell that he's not really a bad guy. Beneath all the posturing he's an excellent fire fighter who will risk everything for others and he genuinely cares about helping people. Interestingly enough Tim has also observed that Jim is not nearly as homophobic as he came across to Tim. He never once displayed that attitude towards to anybody else, not to other co-workers who're not straight, not to their patients or any of the people they deal with on calls. Tim's assessment of the situation is that Jim is an insecure Alpha male and he instinctively felt threatened by the introduction of Tim, who he perceived as another - and more experienced - Alpha male who would endanger his standing at the station. Tim thinks that the reason why Jim doesn't have that problem with Kyle, who also definitely falls into the category of Alpha males, is that the two of them have gone to the academy together and Jim clearly established himself as the stronger one over the course of time. But with Tim he faced an unknown threat and the only way he knew how to deal with it was aggression in an attempt to establish his superiority, and he picked the one thing about Tim that he thought he could easily attack. Tim is pretty sure that Jim never expected to be met with quite that much and quite that open disapproval for his behaviour from his co-workers. He probably assumed that especially the guys would side with him, but Elliot was on Tim's side from the very beginning, and Kyle and Travis never took any side. 

Tim is convinced that it also helped Jim's willingness to improve his behaviour when he learned that the guys he's been targeting can both take him out with ease despite being smaller than him. And while Tim demonstrated that only by proxy, Ray taught Jim that lesson hands on. Ray told Tim about it in detail when he came home that night and let Tim know that it might cause problems at work if Jim decided to go off script. He didn't, though, and Tim couldn't help the twinge of smug satisfaction during his next shift when he saw the bruises on Jim's face and the gash across his nose, the two most visible consequences of the night's clash. Tim is normally not a person who gloats, but this time he just couldn't resist, and when he passed Jim in the locker room, he said quietly, "I told you he doesn't need me to protect him."

Tim still wishes he could have seen it, how Ray handed Jim his own ass on a plate. Ray's a very different kind of fighter from tall guys like Brad or strong guys like Rudy. Ray's not weak - far from it - but he knows that his smaller size gives him limited range and strength and he compensates for it with speed, skill and cunning. You can see his lightning fast brain in the way he's fighting, something that Tim only really paid attention to after he got to know Ray as a person and not just one of the Marines in his care. Ray's always planning ahead, analysing his opponents, reading their body language and predicting their actions to move accordingly. It's beautiful to watch in Tim's opinion, and he never gets enough of it. He admits that he indulged in watching Ray spar after he'd caught Tim's attention in Iraq, and that he was also impressed with how good Ray is in ground fighting. And nowadays Tim immensely enjoys going to the gym with him to use the ring when they have the time, often together with Brad and Mini. 

Mini is also becoming really good at fighting, and they've left pure self-defence behind and progressed to actual fighting techniques that aren't only defensive. Mini has developed a liking for it and she certainly enjoys the physical activity as well as getting to spend time with Ray, Tim and Brad. Whenever all four of them hit the gym together, they take turns in the ring and Tim takes great pleasure in sparring with either Ray or Brad, but he has to admit that watching Ray and Brad spar never ceases to be one of his favourite things, and he can just never take his eyes off Ray throughout it.

Ray is all muscles and lean strength. Now at twenty-eight he's more solid than he was when Tim met him, and it has nothing to do with fat. It's more like he's growing into his skin, and Tim thoroughly enjoys how it looks on him, how it feels under his hands. Tim loves that Ray can manhandle him, that he's not shy to shove Tim against the wall when they're in the mood and kiss him until Tim loses his mind. Tim loves giving in to him and just letting go, knowing that Ray can take it, that he's Tim's equal, that he can match Tim. Tim loves to allow himself to be taken care of, to just let Ray do to him whatever he wants, knowing with absolute certainty that he'll never hurt Tim. It's a kind of trust that Tim didn't know he was capable of, not after the way he was burnt whenever he'd trusted somebody. 

It's even more humbling to know that he's shown the same kind of trust in return, and Tim would rather die than ever fail it - fail _Ray_. To have Ray so utterly vulnerable spread out under his hands, his eyes warm and trusting and his posture completely defenceless by choice, is intoxicating and intimidating at the same time. It never fails to get to Tim, and he savours every shiver that passes through Ray at his touch, every mindless noise he makes, every breathless _'Tim'_ that leaves Ray's mouth because it seems to be the only word he's still capable of forming when he's in that state. He indulges in the way Ray's skin tastes under his tongue, how it feels under his lips, how its scent fills his nose. Tim loves tracing Ray's tattoos with his mouth, wandering from one to the other, from Ray's lower left arm up to his shoulder, across his chest along the _No Dice_ script to the other shoulder and down his right arm. He loves to card his fingers through the smattering of chest hair and then follow the tempting happy trail beneath the waistband of Ray's pants, usually ending his journey of discovery all the way down at the tattoo on Ray's left calf before returning a little further up to see to other objectives that Ray _loves_ him focussing on.

Ray may not fulfil conventional beauty standards, but to Tim he's the most gorgeous and attractive person he has ever met. He has never felt like that about another person, neither man nor woman. Even Marc and Emmy, the two people he really loved, don't come close to it. Now that Tim knows what it feels like, he can see that they were never _that_. But Ray... He's so damn sexy that Tim could stare at him for hours, and he's only getting better the older he becomes. Tim certainly loves how the beard looks on him, not to mention how it feels when it touches his skin. It should be impossible, but somehow Ray manages to look more mature and at the same time more mischievous with his neatly trimmed beard, and mischievous is a look Tim has always liked on him. 

And Ray's hair... Oh, don't get him started. Tim never knew he was such a sucker for long hair, seriously, he swears he wasn't before Ray. And he should know, because Emmy wore her black curls down to the waist, but Tim was never as obsessed about touching her hair as he is now with Ray. He's so glad that Ray decided to grow it out of his crew cut, especially since he's blessed with wavy, thick strands in a beautiful dark brown colour, and Tim never imagined how freaking _good_ it would look on him. Ray keeps it at shoulder length, and god, Tim can't even put into words how much he loves to bury his fingers in the silky strands. The way they slide through his fingers is intoxicating and addictive and Tim really _really_ hopes that Ray doesn't intend to cut it short again. It would be such a shame and Tim would intensely miss stroking through it, holding on to it when Ray's kissing him or playing with a long strand when they're cuddled up on the couch watching TV or reading. But nothing is more attractive to Tim than Ray's large brown eyes, their warm colour and their mischievous expression, the intelligence that shines through so clearly. Or his smile, especially when he's relaxed and comfortable, or when he's up to his ears in mischief and teasing Tim to his heart's content...

" _What_ are you thinking about, Doc?" A voice asks and pulls him out of his most pleasant musings.

Tim looks up from the book he wasn't really reading and he finds Molly watching him with a curious and distinctly amused expression on her face. He just cocks an eyebrow and wonders what exactly she just saw on his face. "Why?"

"Just curious." She replies with a smirk.

Tim gives it a moment, then he decides to grace her with an answer after all. "I was thinking about Ray."

She slowly inclines her head as if she's been expecting him to say that. "How long have you been together now?"

Tim's not sure where she's going with her questions, but he humours her. "A little over six years."

"Daaaamn." Molly sighs loudly and dramatically sinks back in the pillows. "If I ever get married, I want a husband who still looks like _that_ when he's thinking about me even after six years of being together."

"Yeah, me too." Robin agrees with a wistful sigh.

Kimmy snorts. "Good luck with that." 

"Hey!" Molly huffs indignantly and throws Kimmy a glare, but she's obviously amused rather than offended.

"No, Molly, I didn't mean it like that." Kimmy smirks, she clearly finds this conversation quite funny. "I meant that that's pretty rare to find."

"Did you find it?" Molly asks with an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

"Well, I generally don't see my husband's face when he's thinking about me, so I wouldn't know the exact answer to your question. But yes, I think I'm one of the lucky ones-", here she waves her hand at Tim, "-just like Ray."

In a strange way Tim feels flattered, by Kimmy's positive appraisal as well as by Molly's evident longing for the kind of relationship he has with Ray. That's not something he ever experienced, much less expected to happen. He doesn't tend to talk much about private stuff at work, but they all know Ray and Mini by now, because on weekend shifts those two tend to come by with homemade cookies and sometimes brownies or muffins. Mini loves baking, and she even more loves to share her creations, especially with Tim and his colleagues when they're stuck at work. It made Mini and by extension Ray quite popular around the station.

"I want to be one of the lucky ones, too." Molly says with a pout. Tim knows she's recently single again after a rather disastrous break-up from her boyfriend of three years. She certainly complained about his cheating ass loud and long enough that everybody at the station knows that he's a jackass and that she kicked him out of their shared apartment, including throwing his stuff out on the street the same night she found out about his infidelity that must have been going on for quite a while. Tim certainly understands her reaction considering that he was in her shoes with Emmy.

"What do I have to do to become one of the lucky ones? How do I find someone like that?" Molly asks earnestly and looks from Kimmy to Tim and back.

Kimmy gives her a sympathetic smile and shrugs. "There's nothing you _can_ do. It happens or it doesn't. Looking for it won't make it happen."

"Yeah, that part is mostly just chance." Tim agrees. "A lot of it."

Molly looks a little disheartened. "How much chance are we talking about?" 

"It can be a little thing, but it'll still be a huge, unpredictable coincidence. Completely unplannable." Tim replies, and it makes Molly looks at him with such a genuine need to know that he decides to share a little titbit about himself for once. "Take Ray and me, for example. I didn't particularly like him for a long time. We were in the same platoon for months - living in the same tent, even - before I really noticed him as something other than the loud and obnoxious buffoon that he made himself out to be. All it took was one moment of seeing a glimpse of who he was behind his jokes, and it happened by complete coincidence when I was treating his sore feet - of all things - and admonishing him for his excessively high consumption of Ripped Fuel. And it's not like I fell head over heels in love with him at first sight, that's something that happened gradually in one of the worst environments possible. We were both on active duty in an active war zone in the middle of an invasion, and even without those factors any military branch is a bad place to fall in love with somebody of the same gender. Because of DADT even thinking about him as anything other than just one of the Marines in my care could cost me my job. Not to mention that I had absolutely no idea if he was even remotely into guys, and no way of finding out without again endangering my job. And yet here we are, six years later, married and with a kid. So you see, a lot of occurrences that could never have been planned."

There's a moment of captivated silence, and Tim realises that Molly, Robin, Kimmy and even Travis are looking at him and listening to him with almost rapt attention. He's sure he has never talked so much in one go here at the station, never mind about something personal. His audience sure seems to appreciate it.

"How did you find out that he was interested?" Robin wants to know with her eyes wide in genuine curiosity.

"In some broken power plant in Baghdad Ray shoved me into a closet - yes, an _actual_ closet - and kissed me, completely out of the blue." Tim replies with a smirk because it's a very fond memory and he never ceases to be amazed by Ray's courage. "If you want more proof of unplannable events, just know that it was the first time he _ever_ kissed a guy because I'm the first guy he's ever been interested in. Not exactly predictable, now, is it?"

"Wow, you're like the plot of a love-flick." Molly says with her mouth hanging open.

Tim can't help snorting at that. Given Ray's mouth, that movie would have been R-rated even without any portrayal of sex or violence. 

"And you, Kimmy?" Robin wants to know after a moment of silence. "How did you meet your husband?"

"It's not nearly as much of a movie plot as Tim's and Ray's meeting. Well, maybe the beginning of a stereotypical 90s girl-power chick-flick." Kimmy chuckles. "I lived in the middle of nowhere in Montana at the time, working as a flight paramedic. Back then Drew was a salesman for heavy machinery, especially logging equipment, and he was in Montana visiting a client. His rental car had a flat tyre and there were no tools whatsoever to change it, so he ended up stranded by the side of the road in the middle of the woods. I happened to come by, stopped, asked him what was wrong and changed his tyre. He was so grateful that he invited me for a coffee at the next diner down the road, but I was on my way to work so I declined and he just wrote his motel's phone number on the back of my hand. I actually called, we met that evening for dinner and just hit it off. The rest, as they say, is history, and we've been married for twenty-three years now."

"I think it's a beautiful chick-flick." Molly says with a smile, obviously really enjoying Kimmy's and Tim's stories. "And it was definitely quite unplannable."

"Well, the _real_ coincidence about it all is that I was terribly late for my shift because my alarm hadn't gone off that morning. I should have passed that spot by the road over half an hour earlier, and by that point Drew wouldn't have been there because he hadn't even left his motel yet. I also contemplated not stopping because I was so very late, but I felt really bad for leaving somebody stranded like that in rural Montana - there was no telling when the next car would come by. It was in the eighties, well before cell phones were the norm, so it's not like he could have called help on his own. And to make it even more unbelievable, Drew was only in Montana because he was filling in for the co-worker who was supposed to do the job, but who'd gotten food poisoning the evening before the trip. So yes, it was all very much unplannable and relied on so many coincidences that I still find it slightly spooky."

"All right, _that_ is spooky." Robin agrees and then sighs. "So that means we can just wait and hope?"

"Well, and have fun along the way." Kimmy offers with a smirk. "You're still young, ladies! Don't waste your life waiting - just live, and when it happens, it happens. And if not, you still want to look back and like what you did with your life. Meeting the right guy isn't everything there is to it, after all."

"Amen." Travis remarks from his spot in one of the armchairs, and Tim snorts at his dry delivery. Kimmy has a point, though, Tim thinks. He met Ray after he'd already given up on believing that there was somebody out there for him. Tim had most certainly not been looking for love anymore at that point in his life. He'd decided other things were more important to him. And then came Ray and screwed with all of his rules, all of his ideas of what his life would be like and showed him that there was more to it than he'd expected.

Tim is interrupted in his musings by the alarm going off, and he's immediately up and hurrying to the ambulance. Kimmy is right behind him, running to the passenger door when Tim heads for the driver's side. By oh-one-ten they and Ambulance 2 manned by Travis and Robin are following the station's two rigs down the road and away from the station. The teamwide radio crackles to life and the Captain's voice comes over the comms. "Listen up, everybody. We have a four storey apartment building on fire, so far only the ground level on the west side of it. The call came in three minutes ago, so the fire could have spread already. It's an old building and we've been informed that the housewide fire alarm isn't working, so I need everybody knocking on doors and evacuating the building as soon as we arrive. That includes the paramedics."

When they arrive at the scene the fire has definitely begun to spread. Tim can see flames licking out of the second floor windows in the west corner, and the ground floor fires are not concentrated on the west corner anymore. They definitely need to hurry, especially considering that there are still people sleeping in the building, completely unaware of what's happening. It makes Tim angry just to think about how much the danger to the residents' lives could have been minimised if just that fucking alarm had been in working condition.

Only seconds after arriving they all head into the building to evacuate the residents. There's a central staircase, and they split up to the left and the right, with the fire fighters taking on the areas closer to the fire while the paramedics spread out in the side of the building that's furthest from the fire. While they're all wearing full turnout gear, the paramedics will be needed outside to treat the injured as soon as they're done clearing the building, while the fire fighters will remain inside as long as necessary and possible.

Tim and Kimmy run up the stairs to start on the top floor while Travis and Robin take the floor below them to give the residents furthest from the ground level the most time to evacuate. Soon the sounds their fists banging on doors and their voices shouting out identification and orders to leave the building fill the hallways. Most of the residents rapidly catch on to the situation and file out of the apartment complex. The radio crackles with status updates every minute or so, and it becomes clear that they need to hurry because the fire is spreading fast. Smoke has long since begun to fill the hallways when Tim and Kimmy are done with the top floor, and they call it in before heading downstairs. They find that Travis and Robin have also moved on and are now hammering on the doors on the second floor, and Tim can spot Jim and Kyle further down the hallway close to the fire, herding a few human shapes towards the staircase.

Since they seem to have everything under control, Tim and Kimmy proceed to the first floor. By now many of the residents have become aware of the commotion and that something is going on, some of them have opened their doors and are peeking out either in curiosity or annoyance. Tim urges an old lady to leave her many photo albums behind with gentle but firm force and makes another resident take her outside so that he can continue with the next apartment. The smoke is becoming thicker and the heat is persistently increasing. Tim can tell that time is running out. 

There are sounds of a commotion behind the door of the last apartment on the floor, and Tim and Kimmy share a quick look before she steps forward and raises her hand.

"Oceanside Fire Department! Open the door!" Kimmy shouts for the umpteenth time this night while hammering her fist against the door. "You have to evacuate, the building is on fire!"

The door suddenly pops open under the impact of her fist, as if the lock wasn't properly engaged, and Kimmy pushes it open and steps inside. "OFD! Anybody here? You need to evacuate the premises!"

She has taken just a few steps down the hall, Tim right behind her, before they step into the middle of a scene of confrontation. Or what's left of it, because there's a guy on the floor, obviously knocked unconscious judging by the blood on his temple and the matching traces of it on the other guy's hand who's leaning over him. Even from where he's standing a few feet away Tim can tell that the man down is breathing and not gravely hurt, and he assumes that the commotion they heard before entering is when the guy was taken out. 

"Who the fuck are you?" The guy who's still standing straightens when he spots them, his movements uncoordinated, his pupils blow and his speech unclear and a little slurred. One quick glance at Kimmy lets Tim know that she has understood the situation same as he has - the guy is high on something, and it's not just alcohol or weed. And considering that he obviously just knocked out a guy, whatever he took is something that makes him aggressive and potentially dangerous. 

"Sir!" Kimmy says firmly and makes a point to maintain eye contact and keep her hands visible. "We're paramedics, Oceanside Fire Department. The building is on fire, we have to get out of here."

The guy remains standing where he is, looking at them with a confused expression on his face as if he's not processing what she just said. The radio crackles and then the Captain's voice calls for Tim and Kimmy to respond and give their status before he informs them that Travis and Robin are out of the building and have started treating the wounded while the fire fighters are still working on getting to those people who are by now trapped by the fire in their apartments. When neither Tim nor Kimmy react - they both know they can't take their attention off the druggie right now - the Captain calls for them again and urges them to get out of the building. 

"The building is _burning down_! Do you understand?" Kimmy repeats, her voice more urgent than the first time. Tim knows that she's as well aware of the dangers as he is, and Tim's running out of patience. The fire is spreading fast, they have no time for this shit right now, they need to get those two idiots out of the building. And since one of said idiots is unconscious, it'll take more time because they have to carry him out. They need to get moving. 

When the guy still doesn't react, Tim takes a step forward so that he's next to Kimmy and he focusses on the man. "We have to leave, man. _Right now_."

The guy's eyes flicker to Tim as if he's only now noticing him, and then he begins waving his arm at Tim and then the unconscious guy on the ground in a rather uncoordinated way. "You're with him! You're here to steal my stash!"

Yeah, as if I would ever touch that shit other than to destroy it, Tim is tempted to answer, but he knows it will only make the situation worse. It's not like that guy is in a state where you can reason with him. "I'm not interested in your stash, man, I'm interested in getting you and your buddy out of here before the fire burns us to a cinder."

"You're lying! You're just trying to distract me so that you can get my stuff!" The guy shouts and gets visibly more agitated by the second.

"Sir, we're not after your stash." Kimmy tries again because the guy is obviously more triggered by Tim than her. "We're just here because of the fire."

"There is no fire! You're just making that up!" He yells, obviously in the process of freaking out, and he's moving in an unsteady circle in a clipped way, not quite able to maintain his balance without compensating for it with his arms. "Stay away from my stash!"

Tim can see things turning ugly even before it happens, and he takes a step closer to Kimmy. He's in the process of moving in front of her just as the guy whips a pocket pistol out of his hoodie's front pocket. It looks like a Beretta 21A Bobcat, as far as Tim can see, an older make and not very well maintained, most likely a .22 calibre. It's not very powerful, but deadly enough at this short range. Tim doubts that the guy is even capable of aiming properly, but he doesn't have to be in these close quarters to cause some serious damage.

Tim keeps moving his body between the gun and Kimmy, very slowly to avoid triggering the guy into action. He makes sure to reach behind him and puts his hand against Kimmy's arm to push her firmly but slowly behind him without ever taking his eyes off the junkie.

He feels Kimmy tense under his hand. "Doc, what are you-"

"Shhh. Stay behind me." Tim mutters under his breath. He's well aware that the guy can go off any second and shoot at them, and right now they're in no position to either protect themselves or disarm him. So the most important thing is to not set him off, and loud noises or arguing will most likely do that. People on drugs are often unpredictable, especially when they're as far gone as this guy. He needs to distract the guy long enough to get closer to him. The less distance between them, the shorter the time Tim needs to take him out. 

"Hey man." Tim says in as low and calm a voice as he can and slowly and demonstratively raises his arms so that the guy can see he's not trying something. "Is it okay with you if we take a look at your buddy? We just want to make sure he's all right."

The guy hesitates, obviously unsure about what to do. Right now Tim doesn't care much about either of the two idiots, but he cares a lot about getting Kimmy out of here without a hole anywhere in her body. That means that he needs to get the guy to come closer to him and focus on Tim, not on Kimmy. "You can join in, make sure he doesn't have your stash hidden somewhere."

Tim can hear Kimmy hiss behind him, but she doesn't say anything. She doesn't have to for him to sense her disapproval loud and clear, though. 

"Yeah, okay." The guy consents after a few seconds of consideration, and his gun shifts the remaining distance from Kimmy to Tim. "But if you try to steal it, I'll shoot you."

"Deal." Tim agrees with a nod as if it's a promise, and then he slowly moves to over to where the second guy is still lying unconscious on the floor. When he's next to him, Tim looks at the guy with the gun, an eyebrow cocked and his hand making an inviting gesture at the knocked out man at his feet. "So, do you want to search him first?"

"What the fuck, Doc-" Kimmy shouts in anger. Just as Tim feared, the sound of her voice makes the druggie jerk towards her with the gun, and Tim reacts instantly. He jumps forward to grip the guy's gun arm, but just as he feels the limb in his grip and pushes it towards the ceiling he hears the unmistakable sound of a shot being fired. It goes wide, so Tim continues with his assault to disarm the junkie. The guy is surprisingly strong, probably due to the stimulants in his body, and he manages to twist his arm down and then there's a second shot only a moment later that Tim knows instantly hit him in the right leg. He can feel the impact and the pain, but he doesn't react to it, not yet, he has to take the guy out first, before he can shoot Kimmy. She might be an army brat and tough as nails, but she has no combat training. She'll be an easy target, and he can't have that, she has four kids who need her to come home tonight. 

Tim forces the gun's muzzle towards the ground with the left hand wrapped around the druggie's wrist, and then Tim puts a considerable amount of force behind a palm heel strike to the guy's chin. His head jerks back from the impact and Tim feels him sag down almost instantly, knocked out cold by the force of the strike. Tim grips the gun, but makes no move to keep the guy from hitting the ground, he figures he deserves the hard landing.

"Doc! Are you okay?" Kimmy rushes up to him, her face twisted in worry and maybe a little shock and fear.

"Sure. Just a graze." Tim replies easily while he ejects the magazine from the gun and then removes the chambered round. He doesn't even bother to look at his leg because if he's still standing this easily, there's no damage to the bone or any major muscle tissue. It doesn't even hurt that much, which he knows is also due to the adrenaline that's currently coursing through his veins. "Now lets get these idiots out of here before we burn to a crisp." 

Kimmy replies to the Captain's repeated radio messages and informs him of the situation, including the fact that Tim was shot, while Tim turns around to grab the guy he just knocked out. He's bigger than the other one, so it makes sense if Tim takes him and Kimmy gets his smaller buddy. But when he bends down Tim suddenly feels light-headed, which is the first sign that maybe he was hit worse than he first thought. He's been shot before - more than once, actually - and he knows from experience that this is not his normal reaction to a graze. He looks down to where the throbbing in his leg is turning increasingly more painful by the second, and he catches sight of an unexpectedly large amount of blood colouring his uniform pants on the inside of the thigh, just about two handbreadth above the knee.

 _Oh oh, this isn't good_ , is his last thought before his legs suddenly give out under him. Tim finds himself on the ground with his back halfway leaning against the fridge, and Kimmy is next to him in an instant and cutting open his pant leg while she's shouting into her radio for backup.

"Just a graze, uh? Why the fuck did you do that, Doc!? Why did you push me behind you?" She yells angrily while at the same time breaking out in hectic but focussed activity, her hands flying from her pack to Tim's leg to wipe away the blood with a pad of gauze so that she can assess the injury. 

"You have kids." Tim manages to reply, but he's astonished how much effort it takes him to speak. He can tell that things are bad, not just because he's rapidly feeling faint, but also because of the increasing amount of blood that is bright red and actually spurting instead of flowing now that the fabric of his pants has been cut away. That's a sure sign that the bullet nicked his femoral artery - well, the subsartorial artery, to be precise - which means he's pretty fucked. 

"You have a kid, too, you idiot!" Kimmy yells at him and then applies a pressure bandage to his leg and pulls it tight before adding manual pressure with her hands. Tim growls in pain because _shit, fuck that hurts_ , and then Travis and Robin show up with a gurney, followed by Jim and Kyle who go straight for the two unconscious idiots. Tim doesn't manage to hold back a pained shout when his co-workers heave him up and place him on the gurney, and then Kimmy is applying pressure to the wound again to keep it from bleeding. To keep him from _bleeding out_ , he's well aware of that despite his increasingly hazy brain.

Out of the corner of his eye Tim notices his fire fighter colleagues working on containing the fire when Travis, Robin and Kimmy roll the gurney out of the building. The Captain must have requested reinforcement, Tim can spot the rigs of Station five and seven. When they pass Molly and Elliot who're holding a hose directed at the burning building, Kimmy shouts over the general noise so loudly that it makes even Tim's ears ring. "Elliot, call Ray! Tri-City, tell him to come _immediately_!"

Tim never catches his reply because they're loading him into the back of the ambulance and as soon as he's secured, Kimmy straddles his shins and uses her entire body weight to keep the pressure on the still bleeding gun shot wound. Tim hears her shout orders to Travis who's behind the wheel, and he's sure she's saying something about the hospital needing to have a vascular surgeon ready and to prep the theatre for emergency surgery, and - most importantly - to have A+ blood transfusions ready upon arrival. Okay, things are really bad then...

Suddenly a hand in a latex glove slaps his cheeks none too gently and Tim's eyes snap open, and when did he close them, anyway?

"Doc, concentrate. Don't fall asleep." Kimmy says with a firm no-nonsense voice and all Tim can think about beyond the intense pain is that there's blood on her uniform, not just on her sleeves but also on the front of her shirt. Damn, that's a lot of blood, Tim muses, unable to voice his thoughts. He's so fucking cold, but at the same time he feels that he's sweating and his heart is beating painfully fast while breathing is becoming more difficult and his vision is beginning to blur. Tim is well aware that he's showing all the symptoms of a dangerously high loss of blood, but he can't concentrate on anything, not even that simple thought. He's so tired, his head feels light and it's a bit as if he's flying...

Sudden intense pain in his right leg pulls him back into the here and now, and he spots Kimmy gripping his thigh extra hard, her eyes focussed on him and a deep frown on her face. He thinks she looks scared, and that's not an expression he ever expected to see on her face. "Doc, think of Ray and Mini, they need you to stay awake. I want you to give _everything_ for them and _stay awake_."

Mini, Josh, oh god, he can't leave them. He can't fail them, not like that... Tim wants to say something, wants to tell Kimmy that he won't give in to the urge to close his eyes and just let go. He runs the pad of his thumb over the smooth shape of his wedding band and feels the desperate urge to make Kimmy promise that she'll tell Ray and Mini that he loves them so so much, because he's not sure he'll manage to tell them himself, and he should have, why didn't he say it more often... But he finds it difficult to stay awake, never mind to concentrate enough to form the words.

"Tim!" The hand is back slapping his face while the other is still holding tight on his leg, and there's a desperate edge to Kimmy's voice. "Tim, stay with me! I need you to stay awake! Focus on my voice, and don't nod off! We're just a minute out!"

Tim tries, he really does, he forces his eyes open with all his might, but there are black spots dancing around his vision, and they're most certainly increasing in number. He wishes he could see Ray again, could tell him how much he loves him and see him smile that gentle half smile, he wishes he could hug his little peanut close and kiss her hair, smell her favourite apricot shampoo...

"TIM! For fuck's sake, stay with me! Your family needs you to stay right here with me, so don't you dare to-"

He doesn't hear the end of her sentence because suddenly the world goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for that very mean cliffhanger... Soooo, do you have any feelings or thoughts about this chapter? I'm so _so_ curious what you think! *sets out freshly brewed tea, coffee and homemade biscuits and invites you to the table*


	67. Fear - (Brad & Ray, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brad gets a call - from the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst! I hope you don't hate me too much yet... T_T 
> 
> @ **Military_bluebells** : Here's more for the _oh shit, oh shit, oh shit_ feeling that the title probably already gave you...
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : I know you're going to hate me even more after this, and it's still not over... I'm not sure you're going to have a relaxed night after this... *hides under the desk*

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


His first thought is, why the fuck is his ringtone Avril Lavigne's 'Sk8er Boi'? 

For a moment Brad is tempted to just let it ring, but his curiosity about who's calling him at this time of the night is just too big - although he does have a _very_ strong inkling about the identity of the caller. He grabs the cell and looks on the screen, and the name "Best Pal Ray-Ray" is flashing in sync with the ringtone. Ray changed his entry in Brad's phonebook again, it seems. And the ringtone. Last time he did it, he turned Nate into 'Mr Someone' and set his ringtone to UNKLE's 'Safe in Mind'. Ray arranged it so that it started smack in the chorus and on the loudest volume possible, which means that Brad got the scare of his life when his phone suddenly blared _'Someone's found a way to break into my mind'_ out of the blue one evening, despite the fact that Brad had originally set his cell to vibrate. Brad had wanted to kill Ray for _so many_ reasons.

Still, the fact that Ray calls him now, at oh-two-sixteen on a Thursday night - or rather Friday morning - puts Brad on high alert immediately, because as much of a prankster as Ray may be, he has never in their entire friendship called Brad at night just to annoy him.

"Ray." Brad says into the phone while he's rolling around to lie on his side and props himself up on one elbow.

"Brad..." Ray sounds breathless and somehow anxious, and definitely not like he's in a pranking mood. "I know it's late, or well, early, depending on your point of view, and I'm really sorry to call you, you were probably getting your beauty sleep and have to be at base early, but well, there was an incident-"

"Ray." Brad tries to get Ray to focus because he's in his rambling state which means he produces a lot of words, but says very little. It also means that whatever happened is bad enough to unsettle him to that point, because Brad is pretty sure Ray is not on Ripped Fuel.

"-and now I'm at Tri-City Medical Center and it's really bad, and I could need you here right now and I know it's not exactly your typical visiting hours-"

" _Ray!_ " Brad makes his voice firmer in the hopes of getting in a word edgewise, or they won't get anywhere. "Calm down and tell me what's happening. Are you okay? Is Mini okay?"

Brad is already out of bed, phone sandwiched between his ear and his shoulder while he's pulling on a pair of jeans. If Ray is asking him to come to Tri-City at this time of the night, he has a damn good reason and Brad wants to be ready to be oscar mike as soon as possible.

"Yeah, she's fine, she's asleep at home, Walt came over to stay with her while I'm at the hospital. Elliot called, there was some kind of incident at one of their calls, and Tim..." Brad hears a choked breath on the other end of the line and that makes the feeling of dread increase by about a thousand times. 

"What is with him, Ray?" Brad asks in a calm but insistent voice, just about finished tying his second shoe.

"He was shot. They brought him in some forty minutes ago. Brad, the bullet nicked the femoral artery..." Ray's voice ebbs away as if he's unable to keep talking all of the sudden. That worries Brad even more than his rambling state.

"I'm there in ten mikes. Stay frosty until I get there. You hear me, Ray?"

There's only silence on the other end of the line when Brad grabs his wallet and his car keys before he locks his front door behind him.

"Ray, do you copy?" Brad repeats when he slips into his truck, this time with a firm TL intonation because he knows Ray is bound to still react to that, and it would be a good thing to get him focussed right now. 

"Copy." Ray replies, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Ten mikes, Ray." Brad repeats just to keep him focussed, then he hangs up and starts the car.

Brad is sure he breaks a lot of traffic rules on his way to the Tri-City Medical Center, but he doesn't care. He's also pretty lucky that it's the dead of the night on a weekday, and it seems the cops aren't looking for traffic violators at the moment. There's a profound feeling of dread and worry in his stomach because he's never heard Ray sound like that, and he knows that things must be really bad in order for him to call Brad in the middle of the night - not because he wants Brad to do something for him, but because he just wants Brad to _be there_. Ray asked Walt to watch Mini because he needed Brad for himself. Brad is pretty sure all of that was unconscious, but that makes it only more disconcerting. Because for Ray to do such things on autopilot means that his major brain activity was firmly on something else, and that's not something that Brad has ever seen happening when Mini's care was concerned. But then, it's Tim, and Brad knows very well where he ranges on Ray's priority list - he asked the guy to marry him, after all. 

When Brad enters the ER eight minutes and forty-seven seconds after ending the call, he spots Ray immediately. It's not too difficult given that there are very few people in the waiting area and Ray is pacing up and down like a caged tiger. There's a deep frown etched into his forehead and the tension in his body is blatant. It's obvious that he was woken in the middle of the night and hurried over here. His hair, which comes down to his shoulders by now, is tousled from the many times he carded his fingers through it. He usually keeps it tied back, but now it's falling loose around his face like he either forgot, didn't care or didn't have the time. 

His gaze finds Brad instantly when he comes in, as if Ray is still attuned to his presence same as he was during their deployments together. Ray stills and stares at him with a cocked eyebrow, as if the sight of Brad momentarily ripped him out of his obvious worry. "Are you wearing a Harvard t-shirt, homes?" 

Brad doesn't reply and just pointedly looks at the obviously very old olive drab t-shirt he can see under Ray's unbuttoned shirt. It's sporting the US Navy logo and he can clearly make out the name 'BRYAN', so in his opinion Ray is in no position to pass judgement. 

"So, what's the status?" Brad asks when he comes to stand in front of Ray, completely ignoring his question. To him it seems as if his words return Ray to the current situation, and suddenly he is vibrating with suppressed tension and Brad spots him fiddling with the corner of Tim's bandana that is wrapped around his left wrist the way it always is.

"He's still in surgery." Ray's voice is clipped and his frown deepens, and a second later he resumes his pacing as if he can't bear to stand still. "He was unconscious when they brought him in, I was told, because he lost too much blood."

That doesn't sound good at all, Brad can't help realising. "What happened?"

"All I know is that he was shot in the leg by a small calibre weapon by a junkie when they were evacuating an apartment building where the fire alarm wasn't working." Ray replies without ceasing his pacing. "Seems the building is still on fire and there are a number of wounded, which is where all the other members of Tim's team are right now. They've even called reinforcement from other stations because it's getting out of hand. That's all Elliot could tell me when he called."

Brad nods in acknowledgement. Of course Elliot wouldn't have had either much time during an active call nor much information when he told Ray what happened. That he called Ray immediately was an act of friendship, in usual procedure the hospital would have informed Ray after establishing Tim's identity and his emergency contact. It means that Ray would have been told a lot later, and obviously Tim's co-workers wouldn't let that happen. 

Ray continues pacing up an down in front of Brad, waving his arms agitatedly. "He survived five fucking tours to war zones, for fuck's sake, and now he gets taken out by a goddam junkie? The man's a trained spec op, how did that even happen? Have you ever seen his training history? No? Because I have, and it's fucking impressive! He has more training than pretty much anybody I served with, so how the fuck did he let himself get taken out _by a fucking junkie_?!?"

Brad lets Ray rant, he knows it's his way of dealing with the stress of the not knowing, with the intense fear that Brad can read in his eyes as well as in his posture, even mid-rant. Ray keeps going for an impressively long time, and Brad wonders when he will burn out. Right now he's fuelled by the need to distract himself from the uncertainty and the fear, and Brad knows better than to interrupt that mechanism. He's well aware of Ray's limits, he has experienced too many extreme situations with him to not be, and right now Ray's still good. That's bound to change in the course of the night, especially if there are bad news, but for now it works. 

At some point Brad gets them some dreadful coffee from the vending machine although he's well aware that it's not the best idea to feed Ray caffeine considering the state he's in. Ray downs it remarkably quickly and never stops pacing or ranting, although he inserts an excursus about bad hospital coffee and food and how it should qualify as torture. His eyes anxiously jump to the doors separating the waiting area from the operation rooms every time a doctor or a nurse comes out, but none of them is there because of Tim. Ray seems to be unable to decide whether he's glad about that or terrified by it, and the weariness and the tension in his shoulders increases with every minute.

At oh-three-twenty the waiting area gets a lot busier all of the sudden when six more people come in, all of them in first responder uniforms sullied to various degrees. Two women and one man are wearing paramedic uniforms, the other two men and one woman are sporting sooty fire fighter turnout gear minus their jackets and helmets. Clearly they have just come from a demanding call and Brad can see the blatant shock and worry on their faces. It's not difficult for Brad to understand that they're Tim's team, especially because he recognises Elliot among them. He immediately heads for Ray and he's closely followed by a small but sturdy middle-aged woman with blood on her uniform, and the others trail after them.

"Ray! We just finished the call. How is he?" Elliot asks with genuine concern in his voice.

"Still in surgery." Ray replies same as he did when Brad asked his that same question an hour ago, because there have been no news since. That's either good or bad, depending on how you look at it.

"I'm so sorry, Ray." The woman says, the expression on her face one of guilt and blame. "It was all my fault. If I had just stayed quiet..."

"Are you okay, Kimmy?" Ray asks with a worried frown and gestures at her bloody uniform when she trails off. 

"It's not..." She looks down at her filthy shirt and then swallows hard, her face contorted in pain. "It's not mine."

Brad catches Ray inhaling sharply, because it's clear what she's not putting into words - it's _Tim's blood_. Same as Brad, Ray is well aware that the amount of blood on her uniform is considerable - too much for one person. 

"We were immediately called back to the scene, the apartment building fire got worse and there were more injured. We just brought in another one." The woman - Kimmy - gestures at her shirt with both hands and looks like she's fighting the urge to just tear off the sullied piece of clothing. "I never had the time to change..."

"Hey, Kimmy, it's okay." Ray steps up to her and puts a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "What the hell happened?"

"We were going from door to door to evacuate the residents because the damn fire alarm wasn't working, and Doc and I stumbled into some kind of argument between two junkies. One had knocked the other unconscious, and he thought we were with his opponent and had come to steal his stash of drugs. He was totally out of it, even insisted we had just made the fire up to rob him." Kimmy explains, the frown on her face deepening with every word. "Doc could tell things were going to get ugly, I think. He was in the process of pushing me behind him just when the guy pulled a gun on us. Doc tried to trick him, I think that he wanted the guy to come closer to him so that he could disarm him. And I... I didn't get it at the time and then I spoke up and the guy turned the gun on me and Doc jumped in and there were two shots..."

Kimmy is crying now, and Brad watches how Ray pulls her into a firm embrace, not caring about the dried blood on her clothes. She wraps her arms around Ray's waist and leans into his touch. "I'm so sorry, Ray. It happened so fast! He said he was fine, just a graze, and then he went down all of the sudden and there was so much blood, and then all I could do was try to stop the bleeding and keep him awake, but I didn't manage, right before we reached the hospital he..." 

"There's nothing more you could have done, Kimmy." Ray replies when she trails off again, unable to continue talking. The certainty in Ray's voice is not quite enough to mask his own pain and fear. "Protecting others is a fundamental part of Tim's nature. You have four kids, he'd never have let you remain facing a loaded gun if there was any way for him to get you to a safer place - even if that was just behind him."

"He has a kid, too, Ray! He has Mini, there was no obvious choice here!" Brad can tell that she's truly upset, that she doesn't understand why Doc put her first when they're technically in the same position with each of them having a family. Brad on the other hand is not surprised at all by Tim's actions, that he put himself on the line to make sure that his co-worker was safe. Well, Brad thinks with a mixture of fondness and resignation, once a corpsman, always a corpsman. He doesn't expect a civilian to ever truly understand what that entails, somebody who has never seen Doc run head on into enemy fire to get to a wounded Marine. It never fails to impress Brad, no matter how many times he witnesses corpsmen do it. They truly are their very own brand of people.

"For him there was an obvious choice, Kimmy. He's a professional trained to deal with violence, you're not. His chances in this specific situation were better than yours." Ray's voice is kind despite the fact that Brad can tell how much Ray is hurting at the moment. He knows Ray is not going to let Kimmy blame herself for something that was unavoidable, because Ray knows Tim, knows that he would always act that way in such a situation. "What would have happened if he hadn't pushed you behind him?"

Kimmy pulls back enough to wipe her hands over her eyes and admits after a long moment of silence, "I would most likely be injured - or dead - now. If Doc hadn't taken out the shooter, that guy would have shot me next. He was completely convinced we were there to steal from him."

Ray takes a firm hold of her upper arms and makes it a point to hold her gaze. "See? Tim knew exactly what he was doing. Believe me, he's not new to that kind of situation." 

Kimmy presses her lips into a thin line, then she nods slowly. "Thank you, Ray."

Ray lets go of her and slips off the short-sleeved shirt he's wearing over his t-shirt and holds it out to her with a little encouraging smile. "Why don't you go wash up and get out of that filthy shirt?"

Brad can see how appealing the thought is to her and he certainly understands that feeling. She hesitates, obviously unwilling to rob Ray of his clothes, but he insistently pushes his shirt in her hands and she thanks him again and gives him another quick embrace before she heads off in the direction of the ladies' room. 

"Ray, do you mind if we stay?" The woman in the fire fighter uniform asks carefully and bites her lip. She's still quite young and probably really pretty under the soot covering her face and hair, but right now she only looks worn, worried and exhausted.

"Of course not, Molly." Ray says with a firm nod. "Stay as long as you need."

"Thanks." She replies with a grateful quick half smile. "Our shift isn't over, but Cap has given us permission to stay at the hospital and wait for news. He's called in a replacement crew after Doc was rushed off the scene, and frankly, we'd be useless right now anyway..."

"Yeah, I certainly understand _that_." Ray remarks drily. Brad's not surprised that his morbid sense of humour isn't leaving him even now. That's Ray for you.

Molly looks ashamed, she's obviously not that familiar with Ray. "Oh god, I'm sorry, Ray, I didn't mean-"

"Hey, Molly, it's okay." Ray calms her when he realises she took it the wrong way. "I know you didn't. I'm just being my usual sarcastic self."

She still looks contrite and bites her bottom lip again in an expression of worry before she gives a hesitant nod. The guy in the paramedic uniform and Elliot drag her to the plastic chairs and sit down, followed by the young female paramedic. The broad young fire fighter who's almost as tall as Brad joins them after giving Ray a concerned look and a nod. When Kimmy comes back after a few minutes, she looks a little better. She has obviously washed her face, hands and body off Tim's blood and changed out of her sullied shirt into Ray's clean one. She gives his arm a squeeze when she passes him on her way to join her colleagues on the chairs in the waiting area. 

Brad can tell that Ray isn't able to sit still right now, he's still brimming with restless tension that he needs to get rid off, and he's not surprised when Ray takes up pacing again instead of sitting with Tim's co-workers. They seem to get it, too, and only throw the occasional concerned gaze in his direction, but respectfully leave him alone otherwise. 

Brad leans against the wall of the hallway that Ray is constantly pacing up and down and keeps an eye out on everything going on. There's not much activity in the ER; a drunk guy with a bloody laceration on his temple that looks like it was caused by a bottle, a mother with a teenage son who's audibly complaining about stomach ache, a young woman with a scared look on her face and a long cut on her arm that she's covering with a towel. 

Brad returns his full attention to Ray when he suddenly stops walking and his entire body goes tense. Brad follows his line of sight and spots a big guy in a dirty fire fighter uniform, carrying a rather large bakery box and balancing eight to-go coffees in two paper cup holders on top of it. The guy is even a bit taller than Brad, and that's not something Brad encounters often. The tension in Ray's frame is not fear or worry, though, no, it's the expectation of a confrontation that he'll take gladly now, even if only to distract himself from the current situation. Brad assumes that this is the guy Tim's been having problems with ever since he started the job, the one whom Ray taught a lesson last September after the guy tried to beat him up in an alley. Yeah, Brad could have told him that was a bad idea. Ray has mastered the art of using a guy's height against him to perfection, as Brad knows very well.

Ray's pacing has brought him smack between the entrance and Tim's co-workers, which means that the big guy has to walk past Ray to get to them. He hesitates for the fraction of a second when he spots Ray facing him in his battle-ready stance, but then he continues on and stops when he's still a few feet away from Ray.

"I brought coffee and pastries." The guy says unnecessarily and carefully lifts his charge a little as if there's any way to miss the bright orange box. "Feel free to take some if you want."

Ray doesn't say anything, but the frown on his face takes on a different notion, away from attack-ready and hostile to something closer to wary, maybe even resigned. Brad can tell that he really wanted that fight - or at least the distraction it would have provided. It's clear he won't get it, though, and he knows it.

"I'm sorry." The tall guy adds quietly, and to Brad his words seem surprisingly genuine. He's visibly uneasy, and Brad guesses it's a mixture of the awkward situation and his unpleasant encounter with Ray that the guy is obviously well aware he himself instigated.

Ray just nods after a moment, as if he doesn't quite trust his voice if he tried to speak now. The guy doesn't make it hard on Ray, he just returns the nod and then continues on to his co-workers to share his offerings. Coffee and pastries make the rounds as everybody settles in for a long waiting period. Brad can tell that they won't leave as long as there are no news about Tim's condition.

Kimmy brings Ray and Brad a coffee each, and Brad is grateful for it because it's actually decent coffee that doesn't compare at all to the piss the hospital vending machine produces. Ray keeps pacing while he's ingesting his next dose of caffeine, and Brad seriously hopes he won't get hyper from it. It doesn't seem to be a good combination with the current situation. 

To his surprise Ray sags down on a chair at the other end of the hallway from Tim's co-workers a few minutes after he has finished his coffee. Brad makes his way over to him and sits down next to him. Ray's been pacing for the majority of the past two hours and this change of behaviour has Brad alarmed. He has seen enough of Ray's different stages of dealing with emotionally stressful situations to know that they're approaching his breaking point _fast_. 

Suddenly Ray deflates next to him, and Brad throws him a worried glance. Ray doesn't say anything and just stares at the floor. Brad leans back in the too-small chair when Ray remains silent and unmoving for several minutes apart from slowly turning a silver ring over and over between his fingers. It's not his wedding band, Brad can see that on his ring finger, and that's when he becomes aware of the fact that it's _Tim's_. Of course they had to take all jewellery off Tim for the surgery, Brad realises, but somehow it fills him with dread to see it in Ray's hands instead of on Tim's ring finger, especially because he knows Tim would never part from it voluntarily. Brad wonders how this night will play out, and he hopes from the bottom of his heart that Tim will pull through. He doesn't even dare to think about what will happen if he doesn't. What it will do to Ray, not to mention to Mini.

"We can't lose him, Brad." Ray suddenly whispers beside him, his voice breaking on the words, and Brad knows that he's referring to himself and Mini. When Brad turns towards him, he's deeply unsettled to see tears running down Ray's cheeks. He's still staring at the ring in his hands like he hasn't even noticed that he's crying. 

Brad reaches out and carefully places his arm around Ray's shoulder, unsure if his comfort is welcome or if Ray will shake him off in order to keep functioning. But to his surprise Ray sags into his side as if his strings are cut, and there are violent yet almost silent sobs shaking his body so forcefully that Brad feels them like jolts against his side. Ray's head is resting against Brad's chest and his eyes are squeezed shut, his breathing ragged. Brad tightens his grip and wraps his other arm around Ray as well, to assure him that he's safe and at the same time to give him a little privacy here in the middle of the hallway.

"I can't lose him!" Ray chokes, his voice low but so full of despair that it pains Brad to listen to him. He has never seen Ray like this, and he's honest enough with himself to admit that he's truly unsettled by it. He knows that Ray loves Tim, really and truly loves him, but he's never seen such unmistakable physical proof of it. Ray's clearly terrified, completely scared out of his mind by the possibility that the doctors will come out of the theatre and tell him that Tim didn't make it. Even when Ray was at his worst, Brad has never seen him like this.

Brad finds himself involuntarily imagining Nate in that operating room with a wound that leaves him at risk of bleeding out on the table. The way his stomach churns and his entire body hurts and his mind almost blanks with fear gives him an idea of what Ray must be going through at the moment. Brad suddenly feels the overwhelming urge to call Nate, to hear his voice and confirm that he's all right. He knows it's an irrational urge, but that doesn't ease it in any way. Suddenly he's glad that he grabbed Nate's t-shirt when he got dressed, the one he abstracted the last time Nate visited.

Ray keeps hiding in Brad's arms for a few minutes before the quiet sobs recede and he begins breathing more regularly again. Brad just keeps holding him until Ray's ready to pull back. It takes a few more minutes before he does it, only to raise the hem of his t-shirt to pass it over his wet eyes and face. 

"Sorry." Ray mutters from the folds of Tim's t-shirt where it's pressed to his face.

"Nothing to apologise for." Brad replies quietly but firmly, and he means it. 

Ray lowers the hem of his t-shirt again and throws Brad a quick gaze. His eyes are red rimmed and he looks even more exhausted than before. "Thanks."

Brad just nods and bumps his shoulder against Ray's. Ray gives a hesitant half smile, then he closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall, obviously concentrating on his breathing. Brad watches him lift his left wrist to his face and press his nose against the fabric of Tim's bandana. He's slowly calming down again, but Brad knows it's just temporary. Every time the doors to the restricted area open Ray peeks up, but his name is never called. If the waiting is beginning to drive Brad crazy, he wonders what it must be doing to Ray. 

When a middle-aged doctor comes into the waiting area a while later and looks around before asking for 'Mr Bryan-Person', it's almost a relief. It's quickly followed by dread, though.

Ray immediately shoots out of his chair. "That's me."

Brad glances at his watch while he gets up to join Ray. It's oh-four-forty-two, meaning that it's been roughly three hours since Tim was brought in. That's a pretty long surgery, and judging by the look on the doc's face it was anything but easy. 

The doc turns to Ray and comes to stand next to him. The man looks tired and worn in a way that makes Brad's insides curl in dread. He can read even worse fear in Ray's eyes.

"Your husband is alive." The doc relays the most important information first, and Brad can see how Ray physically sags in relief. "The surgery went well, all things considered. We managed to repair the femoral artery, stop the bleeding and seal the wound." 

Ray takes a deep breath and passes his hand over his face before he looks at the doctor with unshed tears of relief glistering in his eyes. "Thank you, Doc."

The man gives a nod in acknowledgement before he continues. "Your husband was extremely lucky to be surrounded by medical professionals with an ambulance parked right out front, or he wouldn't even have made it to the hospital. He lost a huge amount of blood, but his colleague managed to slow the blood loss long enough to give us a fighting chance here. He's currently still receiving transfusions and will continue receiving them for the next few hours. He's stable for now, but the next twenty-four hours are critical. Right now it can go either way, Mr Bryan-Person."

Ray swallows hard and nods at the doctor's blunt words. The relief in his gaze is replaced by dread again.

"He flatlined twice, but we managed to get him back." The doc resumes his report and Brad sees Ray flinch as if he's been physically struck, and his sharp intake of breath is clearly audible. "The first time was on the way to the hospital and it lasted a minute and thirteen seconds, the second time was on the table, but only for thirty-six seconds. He technically died twice, and his brain was not supplied with oxygen during those times. Right now we cannot say if it caused any damage. We will only know once he regains consciousness." 

Wow, Brad thinks in a mixture of impressed and pissed off, the doc really doesn't believe in sugar-coating things. He delivers the bad news one blow after the other, clear and to the point. It's something Brad would appreciate under normal circumstances, but he can feel how each new blow hits Ray harder than the last.

"The biggest issue is the blood loss. It weakened him considerably, and we've decided to keep him in a medically induced coma for now to ease the strain on his body while it's recovering. We intend to get him out of it in a day, maybe two, depending on how well his body will react to the treatment." The doc seems to be done with his report on Tim's condition, and Brad is glad that there's not more bad news coming. It's really enough for one night in his opinion.

Ray clears his throat before he speaks, but his voice still sounds hoarse. "Can I see him?"

"Yes, but only one visitor at a time, and make sure to let him rest." The doctor replies with a quick nod. "We're setting him up in ICU and you can visit him in a few minutes. A nurse will come and bring you to him once he's settled."

"Thank you, Doc." Ray repeats again when he shakes the doctor's hand, and Brad can tell that Ray means it from the bottom of his heart. 

"You're welcome, Mr Bryan-Person." The doc gives Ray a genuine smile before he disappears in the restricted area again, and Ray stares after him, taking several deep breaths. He's passing his fingers over the fabric of Tim's bandana around his left wrist again.

"You want me to tell Tim's co-workers?" Brad offers when Ray hasn't moved in a minute.

Ray shakes his head as if he's pulling out of whatever headspace he was lost in and then squares his shoulder. "Nah, I'll do that."

Brad follows him over to where Tim's co-workers are watching them with worry and hope warring on their faces. Ray relates the gist of what the doc told him and Brad watches the collective relief settle over them. Ray tells them to go home because Tim's not allowed so many visitors at the moment anyway, but they only agree after Ray promises to keep them updated of Tim's status. When they begin to pack up, a nurse calls for Ray and then escorts him and Brad to the ICU. She guides them to a private room separated off with glass walls and repeats the doctor's instructions of only one visitor at a time and peace and quiet to allow Tim to rest. Brad thinks that last instruction is pretty nonsensical considering that Tim is in a medically induced coma and wouldn't even wake up if a whole ensemble did a step dance routine in his room.

Ray hesitates at the door to Tim's room after the nurse has left them alone, his entire body taunt like a bowstring, staring inside without making a move to enter. Brad follows his gaze and feels a sense of dread at what he sees. Tim is extremely pale and Brad can't help noticing the equipment he's hooked up to and the multiple needles sticking in his arms and his right hand. There is no mistaking how serious the situation is, how close Ray came to losing Tim for good - and that the worst is not over yet.

Brad settles his hand on Ray's shoulder and gives it a light squeeze to pull him out of his mind, because Brad has no doubt that it's spiralling badly right now. Ray almost flinches under his touch, as if he was so lost that he didn't even notice Brad was next to him, but then he throws Brad a quick look, his eyes huge and terrified, and he gives him a tight-lipped nod before he enters Tim's room. 

Brad remains standing outside and watches Ray through the glass wall. When he approaches the bed his movements are hesitant in a way Brad has never seen on Ray. Once he has reached Tim's side, Ray settles his hand in Tim's hair and cards his fingers through it before he bends down and touches his lips to Tim's forehead in a lingering kiss that looks so tender and intimate that Brad feels almost guilty for witnessing it. Ray remains where he is, with his lips pressed to Tim's skin, for a long moment before he moves just enough to rest his forehead against Tim's. Brad can see that he's saying something to Tim before he pecks a soft kiss to his unmoving lips, and the gesture seems to Brad as if Ray sealed a promise he just gave. Then Ray straightens and sits down on the edge of the bed, completely ignoring the chair next to it, and takes Tim's hand in both of his. It's the left hand, the one with no needles sticking out of it, but Ray is still visibly careful and gentle in his touch. Then he digs into his pocket and pulls something out, and Brad realises it's Tim's wedding band when Ray slowly slides it back on Tim's ring finger before he starts playing with it.

When Brad is sure that Ray's good for the time being - or as good as he can be given the situation - he sneaks out on the visitor roof-terrace, pulls out his cell and speed-dials Nate. It's a little after eight in the morning in Washington, Nate is bound to be in the office at the moment and Brad usually never calls him at work, but right now he doesn't care.

"Brad, are you okay?" Nate asks instead of a greeting when he picks up on the second ring, obviously alarmed by the unusual timing of his call.

There is no rational explanation for the relief that sweeps through him at the sound of Nate's voice. It leaves him sounding a little breathless when he replies, "Yeah." 

"Brad?" He can hear Nate's worry clearly in the way he's saying his name. Nate knows him too well to believe that nothing is wrong.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Brad confirms again and absent-mindedly rolls the hem of Nate's Harvard t-shirt between his fingertips. The next words leave his mouth without his conscious assent. "Just needed to hear your voice."

Nate is quiet for a second, as if he is stunned and touched by the words and at the same time unsettled by Brad's very uncharacteristic behaviour. "Brad, what happened?"

Brad breathes deeply, then he launches into a quick report. "I'm at the hospital. Tim was shot in the leg, the femoral artery was hit. He just came out of surgery, but he's in a medically induced coma and not out of the woods yet. He flatlined twice. Ray's a mess."

" _Fuck_." The shock is apparent in Nate's voice as well as in his choice of words. He's silent for a few moments, probably working through the news, then he asks, "Do you want me to come?"

Brad actually thinks about it for a moment, tempted to agree because he really wants Nate close right now. But this is not about him, it's about Ray and Tim, and they both need him to keep his undivided focus on them right now. He won't be able to do that if Nate is here. 

"I need to focus." He doesn't have to say anything else for Nate to get it. 

"Copy that." Nate pauses, then he continues in a tender tone of voice that he doesn't use often. "I'll call you in a few hours."

Brad swallows hard. The gentle tone of Nate's voice makes Brad feel like Nate is caressing him, wrapping around him like a blanket. It's a kind of comfort and intimacy he never experienced before he met Nate, and there are words on his tongue that he wants to say, that he wants Nate to know, but doesn't dare to voice them. Not now, not over the phone.

"Okay." He says instead, then he finds himself adding, "Stay safe."

It's stupid, really, Nate is in his office and not out on the battlefield. It's not like his life is particularly dangerous these days, not to mention that he's more than capable of defending himself. But Nate doesn't comment, doesn't tease or laugh. He simply replies, "I will", and it makes Brad feel better despite the fact that he knows nothing has changed. 

"Okay." Brad repeats, unable to say more. He feels like his emotions are threatening to choke him, and he doesn't need that right now. He has to function, has to take over the wheel for Ray for the time being, until he's back on his feet. 

"Brad." Nate's voice has still the same tender tone, but now there's insistence mixed in. "Call me. Anytime. Just say the word and I'm on the next plane."

Suddenly a sense of calm settles over Brad. Somehow the express confirmation that Nate will not hesitate to come and have his back makes him regain his centre. He knew it even without Nate putting it into words, but hearing Nate voice it eases something inside of him in a way he needed in order to regain his calm. He nods, never mind that Nate can't see it, and then replies, "Solid copy."

After hanging up Brad puts his cell back in his pocket and reaches for his wallet. He opens it and pulls a small piece of paper out from behind his least used credit card. It's the print out of a photo, scaled to fit the size of his wallet. Nate is looking at him, one arm wrapped around Mini who's standing in front of him in the wetsuit Brad gave her last Christmas, both of them grinning broadly and Mini making a heart with her fingers in front of them. She's wet and glowing in the way Brad recognises from himself and other passionate surfers after a good surf session. 

Brad looks at the picture for a few seconds and smiles back at the two people who mean the most to him on this planet, then he returns the photo to its hiding spot, slips his wallet back in his back pocket and straightens his shoulders. Time to go back inside and make sure that Ray stays at least remotely sane until Tim wakes up. Not an easy task, but Brad has never shied away from a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo, do you feel the need to vent a little due to all the angst? Feel free to hit me with it! I'd love to listen to it all ^^


	68. Emergency - (Tim/Ray, Ray & Tim's Sister, Tim's Family)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marley learns about Tim being shot and immediately gets on the next plane to California.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And even _more_ angst, because I'm sure you haven't had enough yet XD But there's also some good things. Can't serve you _only_ angst, now, can I?
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : You inspired a few things in this chapter (of course you did ^^), I'm curious if you find them all :D

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Marley is sitting in her office, working on the ad campaign for an insurance company that she got just on Wednesday, when her cell starts vibrating on the desk where she usually leaves it sitting when she's working. Most of her clients call the agency's landline, but some use her cell number and she wants to make sure she doesn't miss any important calls. Connections are crucial in the advertising business, and she's well aware of it.

Marley looks away from her screen and reaches for her phone, checking the caller ID to see if she knows who it is and if she wants to reply. If it's Dad who's trying to sneak in, she'll just let the call go to voice mail like she always does. She still refuses to talk to him after the shit he pulled with Tim last summer, especially because Dad has never apologised to him. Obviously Tim hasn't talked to him either - and that's not particularly unusual considering how tense their relationship has been for years - but Marley knows from Mom and Martha that Dad never even made the attempt to reach out. _That's_ what Marley has issues with - he still thinks he's right, not only in attacking Tim and Ray like that, but also in doing so in front of a little girl and actually insulting her directly. He still thinks he was right shouting at a little kid because of her skin colour, and Marley is pretty sure she'll never be able to forgive him for that.

But something good came out of that horrible evening after all. Mom's been driving a surprisingly hard line against Dad's behaviour towards Tim and Marley ever since they both broke off all contact with him. Marley only goes to her parents' house when she's sure that Dad isn't there, and although she never forbade Brianna to visit her grandparents, her girl immediately picked up on the fact that something bad must have happened. She asked Marley about it one evening about a month after the incident, and Marley explained that Tim and her had a strong disagreement with Dad, but that it has nothing to do with Brianna. Bri is thirteen now and deserves to enjoy her grandparents as long as she can, and Marley doesn't want her problems colouring Bri's relationship with them, especially because Dad has always been loving and caring with her - very different from the way he was with Marley when she grew up. Marley would really like to know why he couldn't have been like that when _she_ was a kid. 

A week later Mom told her that she overheard Bri ask Dad what happened between him and Marley and Tim, and it seems he couldn't come up with an answer that Bri was willing to accept. Mom told Marley that Bri asked him some pretty uncomfortable question in her quest to understand, and that she absolutely didn't see his issues with Ray being Tim's partner. Bri told Dad that your partner is the person who you love and who loves you, like Alex loves Marley and like Ray loves Tim, and why would it matter that Ray is a man, he's a person, after all. At that point Ray had already proposed to Tim and Bri knew she was going to be their bridesmaid, something she was so excited about that it made her run through the house cheering when Tim asked her over the phone if she wanted the job. When Mom relayed that part of Bri's and Dad's conversation, Marley felt proud and maybe a little smug that she'd raised her daughter right, despite the fact that she'd also grown up around Dad and his antiquated opinions. 

But Dad wasn't done misstepping in his attempt to make Bri understand his point of view, and Mom told Marley that Bri became rather hostile when he tried to explain to her that Mini isn't Tim's daughter because she's a of different race and therefore she's not family. Yeah, Marley could have told him that it was the wrong thing to say. Bri is very protective of Mini, who she seems to regard as a mixture of a little sister and a padawan. Bri loves Star Wars and has made it a point to introduce Mini to it, and Marley has heard her call Mini 'young Padawan' as well as 'baby sis' on many occasions. And Bri doesn't take kindly to people who think that just because she and Mini have a different skin colour, they're not related. 

There's one occasion in particular that Marley will never forget. It was on the day before Tim's wedding, when she took the girls for the final fitting to the bridal boutique in San Diego that made their bridesmaid dresses. Bri and Mini had sashayed around the boutique in their identical beautiful white dresses, both glowing with pride. The mother of a bride-to-be - who was just trying on gown number three hundred - smiled at the girls and told them that they looked very pretty and who was going to get married? Bri replied that _'me and my sis'_ were bridesmaids for her Uncles Tim's wedding, at which the woman told her with a grandmotherly, patronising smile that she must mean her adopted sister since Mini was obviously not her real sister, after all she's brown and Bri is white. At first Marley simply couldn't believe what she'd just heard, and then she was about to lay into that woman with a vengeance, but Bri beat her to it. When she witnessed Bri demonstratively wrap her arm around Mini and tell off that woman, she wanted to cry with how proud she was of her little girl. 

Mom told Marley that ever since that conversation with Dad, Bri has become more reserved around him, and from both Mom and Martha Marley has heard that Dad has become more quiet and withdrawn since that final confrontation with Tim and the ensuing explosive argument with Mom. Marley is still impressed that Mom finally took a stand against Dad, that she actually screamed at him and openly took Tim's side for the first time in... well, _ever_ , probably. In Marley's opinion it was long overdue. Her dad needed the reminder that he has something to lose, that he can't take Mom for granted - or the rest of his family. Marley wonders if this past year might serve as something of a wake-up call after he not only lost Tim, but also Marley and to some extend Brianna and Mom. She's not sure that he can actually change, though. She'd love to hope, but she has lived with him for too long to actually do it.

When Marley takes her still ringing cell and looks at the caller ID on the screen, it says _Ray-Ray_ and she smiles at the name. Calls with Ray are usually very amusing and never boring. He has the same mischievous sense of humour as Marley and she gets along with him like two peas in a pod. It's so much fun to gang up on Tim with him, who usually only gives them a long-suffering look and a fond half-hidden smile when they get up to new shenanigans. 

She's so glad that Tim has found Ray. He's to him what Alex is to her - a true match, a real companion, a person who loves them for who they are, ugly sides and all. It's what she always wanted for Tim, especially after the way Marc and Emmy hurt him to the point that she wasn't sure he'd ever open up enough to somebody to find that kind of connection. 

It also doesn't hurt that Ray is absolutely awesome with Brianna. Not only is Ray good with kids in general, but he's also able to connect with a teenager in a way that Marley thinks is wizardry because _no_ adult is able to connect with a teenager. Well, it certainly does help that Ray and Bri share a weird interest in Nascar and car racing in general - including the engineering behind it - and can talk about that for hours, something Marley never quite understood. After asking Marley for permission, Ray's now planning to surprise Bri for her fourteenth birthday with a trip to a race with him and Tim, and Marley knows that Bri will love Ray even more after that. He told Marley that his mom took him to Nascar several times as a kid and a teenager, and she can tell that he enjoys it a lot that Bri shares his enthusiasm for it. 

Ray also got Bri into the _Fast and Furious_ franchise and watched the first three movies with her when he, Tim and Mini visited over Easter this year, and then he took her to the cinema to watch the newest one that had come out just before Easter. And he gave her the nickname _'NOS'_ which Marley knows Bri is very proud of ever since she explained to Marley that it stands for nitrous oxide that is used to make cars go faster by burning the fuel at a higher rate than normal. Marley had just nodded as if understanding what she was talking about.

"Morning Ray!" Marley pipes into the phone when she accepts the call. "Isn't it a bit early in your part of the country to be calling?"

It's about half past eight here, so it's what, half past five in the morning in Oceanside? She knows Ray is an early bird, but that's early even for him. 

"Marley..." He doesn't say more than her name, but suddenly an icy shiver runs through her entire body and goose bumps follow in its wake. She just knows something bad has happened, it's in the tone of his voice, in the shaky way he's breathing. He doesn't sound like himself at all.

"Ray, what happened?" Marley presses out, forcing herself not to jump to conclusions. 

"Tim..." Ray's breath hitches and Marley feels her stomach drop. "Tim's been shot, Marley."

"What?" It's more a rush of breath than a proper word. The shiver is back, worse than before. Marley suddenly feels incredibly cold. _No no no no no-_

"I'm at Tri-City Medical Center. He just came out of surgery." Ray continues, his voice still so unbelievably tired and scared that Marley can tell that he's been through the wringer for at least a few hours already. "The bullet hit the femoral artery, he lost a lot of blood. He's in a medically induced coma right now."

"I'm getting on the next flight." Marley says immediately, already accessing the airline's website to book a flight. "I'll be there this afternoon."

"Marley." Ray's voice is so quiet she can barely hear it, but she doesn't miss the way it shakes. "Bring Brianna."

Marley feels like she's been punched in the stomach and her breath escapes with an audible gasp. Oh god, _no_. No, he can't mean what she thinks he's saying.

"Do you mean he'll..." She can't make herself say the words.

"I don't know, Marley." He sounds so afraid that Marley wants to pull him close and hug him tight. Maybe it's for her own comfort as much as for his. "I've just seen him, and Marley, he's so incredibly pale and his skin is so cold... They said he's stable for now, but that the next twenty-four hours will decide whether..." 

_Whether he makes it or not._ Marley hears the words although Ray trails off, either unable or unwilling to finish the sentence. She understands it only to well, she wouldn't be able to say that kind of thing either. But she can tell that there's something else, something more, and it's _not_ good news. Still, she has to know, so she makes herself ask, "What aren't you telling me, Ray?" 

He's quiet for a few seconds, but it confirms that her feeling was right, there is indeed more. Ray takes a deep breath as if he needs it to fortify himself for what he has to say next. "He... he flatlined. Twice."

Marley is unable to reply, her throat is closing up and she's sure there are tears in her eyes, because why else would her screen be so blurry? Tim died - twice. He fucking _died_ and she didn't know and couldn't do a thing, she couldn't protect him, and... _Shit, dammit..._

"The oxygen flow to the brain was interrupted, so there's the possibility of... of brain damage." Ray continues with a hesitant voice as if he hates every single word he's saying. "We'll only know when he wakes up. There's no way of telling before."

Marley is well aware that Ray says _'when he wakes up'_ and not _'if he wakes up'_ , and she decides to follow his lead and keep her hopes up. She has to believe that her baby bro will pull through. He has to wake up because she can't imagine a life without him in it, because she can't _ever_ tell Bri that Tim's gone. 

Marley clears her throat and forces herself to speak. "He's tough, he'll be fine. He has to be."

"Yeah." Ray breathes in reply, and Marley can tell that he desperately wants to believe it. He's silent for a few seconds before he continues in a rough voice. "Marley, your mom... I don't think I can..."

"I'll call Mom, Ray." Marley says resolutely because he sounds like he's already at the end of his rope and just a step away from breaking down. She really doesn't want him to have to put on a brave face for Mom's sake."Don't worry about it, I'll take care of it."

Ray breathes out long and deep before he murmurs, "Thank you, Marley."

"Of course, Ray. You just go and be with Timmy." Marley suddenly wonders if Ray has anybody with him and dearly hopes that he's not left to deal with this horrible situation on his own. "You're not alone over there, are you?"

"No, Brad's here." Ray replies and it eases Marley's worry for Ray at least a tiny bit. Brad is a good rock to lean on during a crisis like this. He'll make sure Ray doesn't lose himself, that he doesn't do something stupid. 

"Okay. Good." Marley nods, even if Ray can't see it. Then another thought hits her. "And Mini?"

"Walt came over, he's taking care of her today. She's still asleep, I left in the middle of the night." Ray hesitates, as if he's not sure whether he should say what's on his mind, but then it breaks out of him. "I don't know how to deal with this, Marley! I don't want her to know, not yet, not as long as I don't know... She's still got these immense abandonment issues and knowing Tim might... It'll break her, Marley, I can't tell her that! How could I ever do that to her-"

"I get it, Ray. I think you're doing the right thing by not telling her yet." Marley interrupts him because he's beginning to lose himself, and while she can understand that extremely well, it won't do anybody any good. Not him, and not Mini either. "Walt is great with her, he'll find a way to keep her busy and distracted and he'll buy you some time. Trust him, he'll have your back, same as Brad."

For some reason that makes him chuckle. It's a wet sound, but also somehow genuinely amused. "Yeah, Tim said pretty much the same thing to me back in Iraq when I was crashing from exhaustion and going cold turkey off Ripped Fuel. Something about trusting my team to cover for me. Seems there's a reason why the two of you are related."

Despite everything Marley finds herself smiling at his words. "You know what they say. Great minds think alike."

Ray chuckles again, this time less wet. "Indeed, they do. Thanks for grounding me, Marley."

"Of course. That's what family is for, Ray." Marley replies, still smiling. "I'll be on the next flight."

"Okay." Ray sighs deeply. "Give Bri a hug from me, will you?"

"I will. She'll appreciate it." Marley says and can't help loving Ray a little more for his genuine concern for Bri. 

"Thanks, Marley."

After they've hung up Marley hurries through the process of booking tickets for Bri and herself on the first flight to San Diego that she thinks she can make, and then she organises a rental car at the airport. She doesn't bother with accommodation, she'll sort that when they get there. She's sure they can crash at Tim's and Ray's, and she assumes she won't spend much time away from the hospital anyway.

As soon as the tickets and the booking confirmation for the rental car are printed out, Marley powers down her computer, packs up her things and leaves her office. She has to tell Gary, her boss, and then she needs to get to Mindy's place where Bri is spending the day since she's on summer break now, then they have to continue on home to throw a few clothes in an overnight bag and she has to call mom and get to the airport. Marley knocks on Gary's door and enters without waiting for his reply. He looks up from his computer, a surprised expression on his face. "Marley, what-"

"Gary, I'm sorry, I have to leave." Marley interrupts him because she has no time to waste, she needs to get her daughter and then get to the airport. "My brother was shot tonight, he's in a coma and it's not sure whether he..." 

She trails off and makes a vague gesture with her hand because she can't say it, no more than Ray could. "I just booked a flight to San Diego for me and my daughter, we depart in two hours, and I need-"

"Marley." Now it's Gary who's interrupting her, but his voice is gentle and understanding. "Marley, it's okay. It's Friday anyway and this is a family emergency, it's covered. Call me early next week when you know more and we'll get it sorted. Now get your daughter and go see your brother."

For a moment Marley is so stunned and touched by his immediate understanding and support that she feels like she's about to break down in tears. She forces the feelings back down because now is not the time, she has things to do. She gives Gary a grateful nod and swallows hard. "Thanks, Gary."

"I've been there, Marley." He just says with a profoundly sad smile that tells her that whatever his story is, it didn't end well. "Don't waste time."

She nods again and then she thanks him a second time before she hurries off. She's out of the building and in her car only a few minutes later, and on her way to Mindy's house she calls her mom, but she doesn't answer her phone. Given that it's almost nine o'clock on a Friday morning Marley assumes that she's currently working, most likely she's in customer contact right now and can't answer her private phone. Marley doesn't have the time to try again, so she decides to leave a message on Mom's voice mail with all the fundamental information. Although it's less than optimal, it'll have to do - Marley has more important things to deal with right now.

Next she calls Alex, who's also at work at the moment but actually has the opportunity to take her call. She explains in a very condensed manner what's going on, and his calm voice makes her find her centre again and she feels more level-headed when she arrives at Mindy's home and pulls into the driveway.

She still has no idea how she's going to explain this to Bri. There's no gentle way of doing it, really, it will always be a hard blow. And at thirteen Bri is too old to be lied to, she'll know the truth about the situation at the latest when they get to the hospital, and that will only make it worse for her. No, Marley will have to tell her what's going on. Well, maybe not all the details, but at least the basics. She has to give Bri time to prepare before she'll be faced with her Uncle Tim in a hospital bed in a coma. 

Oh god, she can't even _think_ it without her heart constricting painfully in fear and worry, how is she supposed to say those words out loud to Bri? Marley rests her head against her hands that are wrapped around the top of the steering wheel in a desperate grip. She takes a deep breath, then she gets out of the car. Time to face the music. Only an hour and twenty-five minutes left until their flight departs.

Marley rings the doorbell and Mindy's mom lets her in before she goes to get Brianna. The stubborn expression on Bri's face turns worried when she catches sight of Marley. "Mommy? What's wrong?"

Marley swallows hard and decides not to beat around the bush right now. "Bri, we have to go. Your Uncle Tim was injured tonight and we need to fly to California immediately. Our plane leaves in an hour and twenty minutes, so please hurry getting your stuff."

Bri's eyes grow wide in horror and then she nods and runs back into the house without a word of backtalk. She's at the door again within two minutes, which is definitely her personal record. Usually it takes Marley at least fifteen minutes to get her to leave her friends' places. Sometimes even longer.

Bri is quiet during the short ride home, and she has packed a small bag and is back by the door within ten minutes, even faster than Marley herself. She's wearing Tim's old Navy t-shirt now, which is still too big on her and which Marley knows is like her comfort blanket. It's only when they're halfway to the airport that Bri speaks again. 

"Mommy?" She asks hesitantly.

"Yeah, cricket?"

"Will Uncle Tim be okay?" Bri wants to know, her voice afraid in a way it usually never is.

Marley sighs deeply and wishes she could reassure Bri that everything will be fine, that Tim will be fine, but that would be a lie and it will be uncovered when they get to the hospital. "I don't know, Bri. Ray said he's in a coma at the moment, but at least it's medically induced, which means that the docs should be able to pull him out of it when it's time."

Bri is quiet for a moment, then she repeats, " _Should_ be?"

Of course she would pick up on the fine but crucial distinction between _'should be'_ and _'will be'_ , Marley thinks with an internal sigh. Sometimes having an intelligent kid is not a good thing. "Yeah, _should_ be."

"So it's not sure." Bri points out, and it's not a question.

Marley hesitates, but she knows she can't lie, it won't achieve anything but undermine Bri's trust in her words. "No, cricket, it's not sure."

Bri nods, more to herself than Marley, and falls silent again. She doesn't say much when they get to the airport, park the car, make their way through security and to the gate and then board the plane. Marley lets her be, not just because she's pretty unsettled by the whole situation herself, but also because Bri's not sulking, she rather seems preoccupied and lost in thoughts.

"Mommy, I'm scared." Brianna whispers when they're in the air and the plane has levelled out. She sounds small in a way she hasn't since she entered her teenage rebellious phase, and Marley knows that she's not referring to flying because that has never bothered her.

"Me too, cricket." Marley admits gently. She hears Bri sniffle next to her, and then she feels her put her head on Marley's shoulder. It has been a while since Bri so openly sought physical closeness, since she admitted to needing her mom's comfort, and Marley gives it to her immediately and with no questions asked. She wraps her arm around Bri and gently cards her hand through her unruly hair that is so similar to Marley's own. It comforts her as much as it helps Bri, who doesn't make any attempt to pull back until the plane has landed in San Diego over five hours later. Marley knows she fell asleep during the flight, same as Marley herself, and for the first few minutes after waking both Bri and Marley are groggy and stiff. 

When they're getting off the plane and Marley switches on her cell again, it instantly goes off with one notification after the other. There are twenty-tree missed calls from her mother and soon afterwards the message pops in that she has seven voice mails. Instead of listening to all of them, Marley simply calls her back while they're walking through the airport and to the car rental to get their car.

Mom sounds absolutely terrified when she answers on the first ring. "Marley, what is going on? Your cell was off and so is Ray's, I haven't been able to get through to anyone! How is Tim? Is he okay?" 

"I don't know, Mom." Marley replies when her frantic questions end. "We've just landed, we're on our way to get the car and then we'll head to the hospital. I don't know any more than what I told you in the voice mail."

"I will be on the next fight to San Diego." Mom replies instead of pressing for more information that Marley doesn't have. 

"The last flight out here is at 6 pm, Mom, you won't make that one. It's in less than an hour." Marley points out because she still remembers the fight schedule she checked just a few hours ago. "There's one early tomorrow morning, though, it should get you here before noon."

Mom tells her she'll get on that one and only allows Marley to finish the call when she promises to tell her about Tim's condition as soon as she gets to the hospital and has found something out. Marley hangs up just as they reach the car rental and she quickly checks out the car and then they're off to drive to Oceanside. Bri spends the ride staring out of the window, and Marley regularly checks on her with quick sidelong glances. 

When they finally get to Tri-City Medical Center less than an hour later, shortly before half past two, Marley feels the restless anxiety deep inside her rear its ugly head. She hasn't heard anything since Ray's call, and it's been almost nine hours since then - and a lot can happen in nine hours, especially in a situation like this. Marley forces the thoughts down, there's no use in getting worked up now when she will know more in a few minutes. 

She and Bri make their way to the reception where they register and get their visitor badges and get told where to find Tim. The fact that he's stationed in ICU doesn't exactly make Marley feel better. At least it's not too difficult to find Tim's room, especially because Ray is standing in the middle of the hallway, talking to Tim's friend and co-worker Elliot. 

"Uncle Ray!" Bri shouts when she spots him. Elliot gives Marley a friendly wave of the hand and then excuses himself just as Bri comes running up to Ray. She stops right in front of him and hesitates only for the fraction of a second before she takes the last step and wraps her arms around Ray's waist. She hugs him close and Marley can tell he's surprised by her overt display of physical affection, but he closes his arms around her and accepts her offer of comfort only a second later. Marley watches how he bends down to press a kiss to the top of Bri's head in the same way Marley has seen Tim do countless times. His shoulder-length hair falls forward like a thick curtain when he bends his head, hiding his face for a moment, and she can see how he relaxes into Bri's embrace. He's saying something to her that makes her look up and nod, but she doesn't let go yet. 

When Marley walks up to them, Ray's giving Bri a gentle smile and an encouraging pat on the back. "Go on in, NOS, he'll love having you there."

Bri lets go of him with an uncertain look, then she nods again and slowly, almost carefully opens the door to Tim's room and disappears inside. Only now does Marley realise that both Bri _and_ Ray are wearing Tim's old Navy t-shirts and it touches something deep inside her chest that makes her smile.

"Hey Marley." Ray says when he turns towards Marley and gives her a little smile that clearly shows how run down he is. She doesn't hesitate to step up to him and pulls him close into a tight embrace. He's tense for a second, then she feels him draw a deep breath that seems shaky and he melts against her and rests his forehead on her shoulder. She doesn't say anything, just holds on tight and allows the firm circle of his arms to give her as much comfort as he's drawing from her closeness. There's something strangely connecting to know that there's this other person who loves Tim as much as she does, even if in a different way. She can see it every single time she sees them together, and she can feel it clearly now in his exhausted embrace.

Marley only pulls back when Ray seems to have regained the ability to face the world again, at least for now. She cherishes that he trusts her so much that he allowed his guard to come down for the duration of their embrace and that she was able to give him a little strength. She feels better herself, and she knows he can tell that he did the same thing for her. They're united in their profound love for Tim and right now in their bottomless fear for him, and knowing somebody gets it - _really_ gets it, not just understands the principle but actually shares the feeling related to the same person - somehow eases the strain a tiny bit.

"How is he?" Marley asks and looks through the glass wall into the room where Brianna has sat down on the chair next to the bed, her small hands holding Tim's big one - the one without the wires and needles sticking in it. 

Marley swallows hard at the sight of him. He's deadly pale and there's a blood transfusion drip next to the bed, slowly replenishing what he lost, along with more drips and sensors. His right leg is resting elevated on a rectangular foam pillow and the stark white bandage around his thigh, beginning at the knee and disappearing under the hospital gown, is impossible to miss. There's a heart rate monitor attached to him, beeping slowly but regularly, which Marley assumes is a good sign.

Seeing Tim like this makes her realise how serious the situation really is. It's abundantly clear that he had a brush with death and is still not clear of it. He looks vulnerable and almost frail in a way that is so out of character for him, he's always so strong and solid, somebody who supports others and who you think you can always trust to be there, strengthening your back. He's the kind of person most people never expect to need support himself. Marley knows better, Tim has never had issues showing vulnerability or his need for comfort around her, and she understands it as the very special and precious gift that it is. Yet rarely has the point been driven home so forcefully that he's not invincible, that he can get hurt just like everybody else - and that he can die just as easily as any of them. 

"He's stable for now." Ray says in reply to her question, his gaze also directed at Tim and Brianna. Then he closes his eyes and the way his brows furrow makes a sick feeling rise in Marley's stomach. 

"But he..." Ray stops and has to clear his throat before he seems able to continue talking, but his voice is still raw in a way Marley has never heard before today. "He coded again about three hours after the surgery. I was sitting right next to him, and suddenly the alarms went off, totally out of the blue..."

Marley feels the icy shiver from this morning return, and there are goose bumps spreading over her arms and back. She sees the almost suppressed tremble going through Ray's body at the memories he's recounting, and she sidles closer to him and wraps her arm around his waist. After a second or two his right arm settles around her shoulder and Marley turns to look at Tim again, who is lying so freaking motionlessly between the stark white sheets, and she feels a fear so profound that it almost chokes her. It's a feeling she hasn't experienced in a long time, and every time she did, it was connected to either Tim or Bri. 

This isn't the first time Tim was shot, but the other times never cut it so close - but that moment of terror was still there every single time when she was told by some stranger that he'd been shot, in those few seconds before the entire situation could be relayed to her, when that crucial information was the only thing she knew. It's the same thing she felt when Brianna ran off at the mall when she was four and was missing for two hours until the cops found her by the petting zoo, sitting inside the enclosure and happily cuddling a grey bunny while chatting with a little boy who was petting a guinea pig. The last time Marley experienced it was when she got the call from the hospital after Bri's accident on the rink, that same day she met Alex for the first time. 

The silence stretches for a few minutes that Marley feels both she and Ray need to regain their composure. When Ray takes up his report on Tim's status again, his voice is a little firmer than before, but he doesn't make any attempt to let go of Marley, and she's grateful for it. Usually she always has to be the strong one for Bri, but in a situation like this she feels like she herself needs somebody to be strong for her. And while Ray obviously is not feeling much better than she is, his arm around her shoulders still gives her some comfort. She wishes Alex was here with his solid strength and his soothing calmness and his gentle voice. She wants to cuddle close to him and hide in his arms and forget the horrible reality of the world for a moment - the reality of her baby brother dying _three times_ in the last twelve hours. The reality that she's completely powerless to do anything to save him, to help him, to make sure that he's all right. All she can do is wait, and it's a feeling she hates with a passion.

"It's been six hours since..." - Ray waves his hand in a vague gesture, but Marley understands that he doesn't want to say again what happened to Tim - "and his body is accepting the blood transfusions and he's not running a temperature, both of which are big risks in a case like this, they told me. The docs think it's a good sign that there weren't any more complications so far, but they made it a point to tell me that it's cautious hope, that things can take a turn for the worse completely unexpectedly, especially in the first twenty-four hours - pretty much like they already did once."

"I hope it doesn't happen again." Marley replies although she knows that if the doctors caution him like that, then they have good reason to do so.

"Me neither." Ray murmurs and takes a deep breath in and out. She feels the tension entering his frame before he turns his head to look at her. He doesn't manage to hide the apprehension in his gaze, and Marley just knows that there are more bad news coming her way. "And since Tim hasn't regained consciousness yet, there's still no saying if... if he took any damage from the three times he..."

Ray doesn't finish the sentence, but Marley senses the shiver running down his spine, and she's pretty sure by the way he hesitates and then trails off that he's held back from saying the words out loud by the same profound fear that Marley feels deep inside her chest. She's not superstitious, but she still feels like it might jinx it. The thought of Tim dying, let alone doing it _three times_ , haunts her enough as it is, she doesn't need to hear it spelled out. It's also one of the bits she left out when she told Bri about what happened. 

"Bri doesn't know that he..." Marley leaves the sentence unfinished and makes a vague gesture with her hand, same as Ray did. "Or about the risk of brain damage."

"Yeah, it's not exactly something I want to tell her." Ray replies with a shrug that looks pained rather than casual. Marley doesn't even dare to think about what it could mean if there are indeed any repercussions from the times Tim's brain wasn't supplied with oxygen. She can't imagine Tim as anything other than the competent, intelligent man he is, and the thought that he might have suffered any brain damage scares her immensely.

"What about Mini?" Marley asks when she suddenly realises who is missing from the picture.

"When she woke up this morning Walt told her that both Tim and I had work emergencies and I talked to her on the phone before school to reassure her. She still doesn't know a thing." Ray passes his free hand over his face in a wary gesture before he continues. "A few hours ago Walt wrote me a text and told me that he'd managed to set up a weekend trip to go camping for Mini and her friends. Even gave it the name 'Bravo Squad Survival Camp' and pretended that it was a surprise long in the works. His partner Amy is coming along to help him keep an eye on the girls, one of which is her daughter. So Mini will be thoroughly distracted until Sunday afternoon, which gives us a bit more time to see where things are going before I have to tell her anything."

"That's good." Marley nods slowly. 

"Is it?" Ray asks in a voice that is rough and raw with doubt. "What if things go south and I robbed her of the last chance so see him? What if I have to tell her that I sent her on a camping trip while her Dad-"

"Hey." Marley interrupts him firmly and squeezes his waist a little stronger than strictly necessary. "You can't think like that."

Ray grits his teeth. "Hard not to."

"I know that, Ray. Believe me, I do." Marley pointedly throws a glance at Bri, who is still sitting in the chair in Tim's too-big t-shirt and holding Tim's hand. There's an aura of scared sadness around her, in the way her back is hunched and she's huddled into the chair, that makes Marley's heart ache. "Bri might be older, but that doesn't make the situation any easier. Because she gets it, even if I wish she didn't. I can't protect her from the truth, no matter how cruel it is. I can only help her through it. Mini is still at an age where you can lessen the blow, especially once Tim is awake and she can come to visit. She doesn't need to know all of the bad things that happened between him leaving for his shift and her visiting him here. Consider it a blessing that you at least have the option of sparing her the uncertainty and the fear that comes with it. Just think about how hard it is for _us_ to deal with it. Imagine what it would do to a kid Mini's age, especially given her background."

Marley feels Ray shudder in response. "Yeah, no, I _really_ don't want to imagine that." 

She nods in agreement. "And if I could spare Bri, I would. But it's not possible, she's too old, she understands too much. I can only keep a few things from her, some truths that would do more harm than good. She doesn't need to know that he flatlined three times - especially not at thirteen years old. It's bad enough that she's seeing him like this, that she now understands that he's not invincible and that she could lose him. I know that the alternative to not bringing her here would be worse, but still, it pains me that she has to learn that lesson so early. I would have been fine with her not learning it until much later in life."

Ray is looking at her with a pained expression on his face, then he takes a deep breath and nods. He tightens his arm around her shoulders in short but encouraging squeeze and then jerks his chin towards the door. "You want to go in?"

Marley nods slowly but firmly. "I need to touch him and feel that he's real, you know?"

"Yeah, I certainly do." Ray agrees under his breath. "Tim's just permitted one visitor at a time, but I asked and when it's a kid it's okay if an adult accompanies them, so you're good to stay in there with Bri if you want to sit with him."

"Thanks, Ray. I'm going to do that." Marley gives his waist a gentle squeeze before she lets go of him and steps towards the door. 

"If you don't mind, I'm going to make use of the opportunity and hit the head." Ray says with a half smile and a sheepish shrug.

"Sure, go ahead." Marley replies and wonders what that is about. Ray gives her a quick, grateful nod before he walks down the hallway in the direction of the men's room. Marley's gaze follows him and suddenly she can't help wondering how many - or rather how few - pee-breaks he actually allowed himself since he arrived in the hospital. She doubts he would have left Tim alone, so she assumes that he's only gone when Brad was there to take over watch. He sure is dedicated, she thinks with a smile and can't help being impressed and touched by his devotion. Her brother really lucked out with Ray.

When Ray has disappeared around the corner, Marley pushes open the door to Tim's room to join Brianna by his side. She first kisses Bri on the hair and then gently sits down on the edge of the bed to place a kiss on Tim's forehead. He's not as warm to the touch as she would have expected, and together with his unnatural pallor it makes her stomach churn uneasily. It remind her that his last brush with death was just a little over six hours ago, and she has to force herself not to let her fear show. She doesn't want Bri to see that, it would scare her even more than she already is, and her little girl really doesn't need that. 

"Mommy, why is Uncle Tim so cold?" Bri is looking at her with her brow furrowed in worry. She's holding Tim's hand between both of hers, rubbing his skin as if she's trying to warm it. 

"It's the blood circulating through your body that keeps you warm." Marley points at the transfusion bag on the other side of the bed. "When Uncle Tim was injured, he lost a lot of blood, cricket, and the body can't produce it as quickly as necessary. That's why he's getting additional blood now, so that his circulation gets going again. He'll warm up again as soon as he's better."

Bri is biting her bottom lip when Marley finishes with her explanation, but she doesn't ask anything else, just keeps gently rubbing Tim's hand. Marley spots Ray coming back from the restroom, and he remains standing outside the glass wall, looking inside the room and watching Tim with a worried expression on his face. Marley can see how he's absent-mindedly fiddling with the corner of the camo bandana wrapped around his left wrist. She knows it's Tim's because she asked Ray about it during the reception after their wedding, when she noticed that he was wearing it even with his tux - a rather unusual combination, after all. 

Ray told her with a grin that Tim gave it to him in Iraq after leaving a _very_ visible hickey on the side of Ray's neck during one of their trysts, and that Ray wore it around his neck to cover the evidence of said encounter. He also elaborated on how Tim always wore it on his head throughout the deployment and practically made it a trademark, and that Ray still thinks that him wearing Tim's bandana was even more obvious than the hickey would have been, and Marley had laughed so hard at that. It makes her feel all gooey inside that Ray still wears Tim's bandana, over six years after he got it, even now that he has a wedding band that kind of replaces it. Maybe it's the romantic in her, but she thinks there's a reason why he's wearing it on the left side, especially after he told her that after Iraq he switched his watch to the right wrist to accommodate the bandana. 

Marley returns her gaze to Tim's pale face and reaches out to caress his cheek. It's rough with stubble and still too cool to the touch. She sighs under her breath and decides that it's time to ring Mom and let her know what is going on. She's bound to be sick with worry and Marley doesn't want to make her wait any longer than necessary.

"Cricket, I've got to call Grandma. You remember, I promised to give her an update as soon as we got here." Marley says and Bri nods in acknowledgement without ever letting go of Tim's hand. "Is it okay with you if I step out for a few minutes?"

"Yeah, Mommy. It's okay." Bri replies in that quiet, small voice Marley is beginning to hate. She doesn't want her girl to feel like that, and it's even worse that she can't do anything to make it better.

"Do you want me to send in Uncle Ray?" Marley asks when her gaze catches on Ray still standing outside the glass partition wall. Bri doesn't say anything, but she nods a little jerkily in her eagerness to confirm, and her ginger curls bounce with every movement of her head. Marley has never been more glad that her daughter and Ray get a long so well. 

"I'll tell him." Marley touches her hand to Bri's cheek and gives her a smile before she gets up off the bed and slips out of the room. She lets Ray know that she has to call her mom and that Bri would love for him to stay with her and Tim in the meantime. Ray smiles a little, gentle half smile at that and opens the door to comply with Bri's wish. 

Marley makes her way out into the parking lot before she calls her mom's cell. She answers immediately as if she's been waiting next to it, and Marley realises that that's probably the case. Marley answers her questions to the best of her ability and knowledge and relates what Ray has told her. She can tell how anxious Mom is to get here, how afraid she is that Tim is going to take a turn for the worse and she's not here to be there for him. Marley is sure Mom's aware that her presence wouldn't make any difference, that she's as unable to help Tim as Marley and Ray are, but that doesn't dampen her urge to come anyway and it reassures Marley in a strange way. 

Before they end the call, Mom enquires after Ray, about how he's holding up, and Marley smiles at the genuine concern in her voice. It's nice to see that she has finally come around to Tim's and Ray's relationship, that she really has accepted Ray as the person by Tim's side. Marley thinks that their wedding was the final step that cemented it for Mom, that it was the moment when she realised that Tim has everything she ever wanted for him - just with a guy instead of a girl. Mom also asks after Mini and seems very relieved that she doesn't know about what's going on yet. Marley knows her mom has grown to love Mini and that she's working on becoming the grandmother she wants to be for Tim's kid after that disastrous first meeting when Dad crashed the party. Marley has indeed noticed Mini's drawings on the fridge among the collection of Bri's, Sue's and John's pieces, and she likes how clearly Mom states to Dad where she stands with Mini, even without saying a word. That's not something Mom would have done a year ago, before that fateful evening. 

When Marley gets back to the hallway off Tim's room, she spots a very tall man standing in front of the glass wall, and it doesn't even take her the fraction of a second to know that it's Brad. She met him for the first time on the day before Tim's and Ray's wedding and has seen him a few times since, and she likes him a lot. He's similar to Tim in many ways, she thinks, and maybe that makes it so easy for her to get along with him. They both care so freaking much and hide it so well, even if they do it in very different ways. Same as with Tim, she's sure that if Brad accepts you in his small circle of people he loves and cares about, you have gained a protector for life who will also kick you in the ass when necessary. She's glad to know that Ray has Brad in his corner, and that he was here to have Ray's back when Ray needed support and Marley was still half a continent away.

"Marley." Brad greets her with a lopsided smile when she comes to stand next to him. "It's good you're here."

"Hi Brad." Marley returns his smile and pulls him into an embrace. He's so freaking huge that he has to bend down to be able to wrap his arms around her, and she always feels like a kid with her 5'3" next to him. But right now she actually doesn't mind and takes comfort in his solid towering mass. Brad sure gives good hugs when he wants to. 

They both turn to face Tim's room again when they've pulled back. Bri is still sitting in the chair holding Tim's hand, and Ray is perched on the edge of the bed facing Brianna, both of them in Tim's old t-shirts so that it looks as if they dressed in matching clothes on purpose. One of Ray's hands is resting on the sheets on Tim's stomach, as if he's unable to be close to him without maintaining some kind of physical contact, and Marley can tell that Ray left the chair and Tim's hand to Bri on purpose. He's quietly talking to her while she's looking up at him, and Marley's heart hurts at the fear she can see on her face. Bri understands the gravity of the situation perfectly, even if Marley wishes she didn't. 

Marley finds herself watching Ray, taking in how he's putting on a brave face for Bri without entirely hiding how much the situation is affecting him, as if he knows she can tell anyway and would only feel lied to and belittled if he tried. But Marley can tell that he's only showing a fraction of the fear that courses through him, because she saw glimpses of it before, when it was just the two of them and he didn't have to put on a brave face. She knows that he's absolutely terrified, and Marley thinks that he has good reason to be considering that he went through the experience of Tim coding directly in front of him, something that Marley was spared since she only heard about it, but wasn't there to live through it. She doesn't think she'd be holding it together as well as Ray is had she been there and witnessed her brother dying, even if they were able to bring him back. She realises that she has heard a lot about how Tim's doing since she arrived, but nothing about Ray - and this situation is definitely not just about Tim.

"So, how's he really doing?" Marley quietly asks Brad and jerks her chin at Ray to make it clear who she's talking about. Brad turns to watch her for a moment and Marley feels like he's sizing her up. When he finally decides to answer, she can only assume that she passed his assessment. 

"He's holding on by a thread but refuses to show it or admit to it." Brad replies in an equally quiet voice, then he shrugs. "The night wasn't pretty. And this morning after Tim coded it was even worse. Ray needs to feel like he's in control - at least of himself - in order to function. I won't be the one to point out that he's not in control of _anything_ because it's simply beyond his control."

"Yeah, me neither." Marley agrees with his frank assessment and appreciates that he's not bullshitting her. 

"Tim's Captain was here this morning, shortly after Tim coded." Brad says after a moment of silence.

Marley tries to ignore the shiver that runs down her back at the last part of Brad's sentence. "What did he say?"

"He enquired after Tim and seemed pretty shocked by the events. He said he'd never had one of his crew shot. He told Ray that Tim's a highly valued member of Station 1 and one of the best paramedics he's ever worked with, and that Tim and Ray have the full support of the Fire Department." Brad relays, then he smiles grimly. "And he said that the junkie who shot Tim is being prosecuted."

"That's a relief." Marley admits honestly, and she doesn't just mean the prosecution of the junkie. No, she's especially relieved to hear that Tim and Ray have the backing of the Captain and the Fire Department. She's well aware how much worse the situation would be it they didn't, and she knows prejudice against same-sex couples is still rife out there, especially in male-dominated institutions like fire stations. Tim told her about the issues he had with one of his co-workers when he started working at Station 1 a year ago, but it seems they've come to the mutual agreement to just avoid each other after their feud came to a head and in consequence Tim's partner Kimmy gave both of them an ultimatum. "Ray needs all the support he can get right now."

Brad inclines his head in agreement. "He certainly has Tim's colleagues in his back. All seven of Tim's team came by throughout the morning, which is saying something when you consider that they were in the ER's waiting room till almost 5 am after working through the night."

"Yeah, I saw Elliot when we arrived."

"He's been here twice already, even brought some breakfast for Ray and me this morning. Something real, not that cafeteria crap from downstairs." Brad says with obvious appreciation for Elliot's supply run. "How long are you going to be here for, Marley?"

"I'll be here as long as it takes." Marley replies and feels immense gratitude to Gary again. "I'm lucky with my boss, he immediately accepted this as a family emergency. And I took my laptop, so I can work remotely if necessary."

"So you've got this covered tomorrow?" Brad makes it sound like a question, so Marley nods in confirmation. "That's good, because I have to be on base throughout the day, but I'll make sure to be back here by evening."

"That'd be good." Marley sighs and gives Ray and Tim a deeply worried look. "I worry about how long Ray can keep it up. Do you know when they're planning to bring Tim out of coma?"

"They're not sure yet. The episode this morning made them more cautious and they want to give him more time to heal, so the doc said something about Sunday at the earliest."

"Almost two more days." Marley mutters under her breath. Two more days of uncertainty and fear, two more days of wondering if Tim suffered any brain damage of if he'll still be himself when he wakes up. Marley can't help wondering how much longer _she_ can keep up her brave face. She knows she has to, for Bri's sake alone, but it won't be easy. It's one of the hardest times of her life so far, that she's sure of. 

"Ray's mother and grandmother are on their way over. I'm sure their presence will help a great deal." Brad says after a moment of silence, then he glances at his watch. "Their plane landed forty minutes ago, so they should arrive in the next half hour or so at the latest."

That reminds Marley of Mom's plans. "Yeah, my mom will take the first plane tomorrow morning."

Brad nods in acknowledgement and then gives her a little smirk. "At least we'll have some powerful reinforcement. Maybe we can get Ray home long enough to take a shower and change his clothes before Sunday."

Marley can't help chuckling at his words. "Yeah, that would probably be good. For all of us."

Brad snorts. "I know for a fact that it would be in our interest. I've been on two deployments with Ray, I know exactly what happens after a few days without the opportunity to shower."

"To much information, Brad!" Marley retorts with an involuntary snort of laughter, and it feels so good to let it out. It breaks the sombre tension that had begun to take hold of her and she allows the moment to make her feel better. She's going to need little moments like this if she wants to make it through the next few days with her mind intact. 

"Thank you, Brad. For being there for Ray." Marley turns to him with a genuine smile. "For being there for both of them."

Brad looks at her for a moment, then he gives her a short nod that she thinks is him accepting her gratitude. "It's all we can do for them right now."

"Yeah." Marley sighs deeply at the truth of his words and turns to look into Tim's room again, where the scene hasn't changed much. She's glad that Ray's mother and grandmother are coming to join them in the fight. She likes them both a lot and trust them to be able to make Ray see some reason, especially his grandma won't let him get away with any bullshit. 

Somehow Marley is sure they're going to need that specific skill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think? Pretty please? *puppy dog eyes*


	69. Stalemate - (Tim/Ray, Ray & Tim's Mother, Ray & Tim's Father)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ruth makes her way to Oceanside to be with her son. Alan decides to join her. Ray is not amused.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's throw some conflict into the mixture of angst and drama! And a dash of badass Ray, because we all enjoy that, don't we? ;D Also, it's my birthday today, and you'd make my day soooooo much brighter with a wee word, if you feel like it ^_^ *offers pieces of the chocolate covered birthday cake*
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : Happy Birthday, hon! I hope you have a great day and that you got spoilt rotten! I send you tons of hugs and cuddles! You're the best birthday brain twin I could ever ask for :D PS: Do you remember that I told you ages ago how I spent an entire evening just writing badass Ray? Well, here's that chapter. I hope you enjoy it!

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


It's ten past six in the evening on Friday when her cell finally rings. Ruth has been looking at it anxiously every few minutes for an hour and a half now, willing it to come to life with a call from Marley about how Tim is doing.

Marley starts off by telling her that Tim is still in coma, but she says that's going according to plan. The surgery went well and the doctors managed to repair the damage the bullet caused and he's stable at the moment. She has seen him and he's very pale, but he's still receiving blood transfusions, so there's hope that he'll be doing better soon. When she's listening to her Ruth thinks that while the news aren't exactly good, they're not extremely bad, either.

She quickly revises that assessment when Marley tells her that Tim flatlined a third time this morning, a few hours after the surgery. Ruth can't help gasping "He _died_? _Three times?_ " in complete shock. As if to make matters worse, Marley informs her that he's not out of the woods yet and that the docs say that the first twenty-four hours are critical, and that things might take a turn for the worse again at any time, which is one of the reasons why he's in ICU. On top of that there's the risk of brain damage because of those three times his heart stopped, but they don't know anything yet because he's still unconscious. Ruth is close to tears at this point and sinks down on the closest chair by the dining room table. 

When Marley ends the call and Ruth looks up, she finds Alan standing in the doorway of the living room, watching her and definitely listening to her side of the conversation. Ruth told him that Tim was shot when she first learned about it - of course she did, there was no hiding her agitated state anyway. She also thinks it's the kind of information that she can't keep from him in good conscience, no matter how bad things are between Tim and his father. Alan was visibly caught off guard, maybe even unsettled, but he got a grip on his reaction to the news pretty quickly and didn't say anything about it. Ruth can't help feeling a certain sense of resentment against him for his reaction - or lack thereof. Tim might be _dying_ \- _their son_ might be _dying_ , and she thinks that warrants a little more of a reaction than silence. 

Ruth looks back at Alan for a long moment, willing him to say something, but he remains silent. She finally gets up off the chair and passes him in the doorway without a word to walk into their room and pack a small bag for her trip to Oceanside. While she's gathering some clothes and essentials she's thinking about the flight she's going to book as soon as she's done. She wonders how long it will take for her to get to Oceanside and if she'll manage to make the flight that Marley was talking about, the one that should get her to Oceanside before noon. It still sounds like it takes too long. She should be there, by Tim's side, right now... Ruth looks up in confusion when Alan enters their room, puts his small, old overnight bag on the bed next to hers and begins putting folded clothes inside. 

"What are you doing?" Ruth asks, bewildered.

"I'm coming with you, of course." Alan says matter of fact and keeps packing his bag.

Ruth looks at him, harsh words on the tip of her tongue about how he has ignored their son for a year, how he hasn't even reacted to the news of his grave injury, so there's nothing _'of course'_ about him wanting to join her on the trip to Oceanside. But she can see the bags under his eyes, she can see the deep lines around his mouth and how clipped his movements are, so she finds herself swallowing her admonishments. Still, she has a few things to make unmistakably clear _right now_ , before she even contemplates to let him come along.

"I promise you, Alan, if you do or say _anything_ to upset Tim or his family, I will file for divorce as soon as I'm back home." Ruth says quietly, and she means every single word. He stops packing and turns to look at her for a long moment, then he nods. She's not sure whether it's agreement or just simple acknowledgement, but at least he knows that whatever he does now will have serious consequences.

After they have finished packing in silence, Ruth books two tickets from Philadelphia International to San Diego. Since the last flight was at 6 pm and she never would have been able to make that one, just like Marley had told her already on the phone, she chooses the earliest flight available the next morning. They will leave at 5.25 am, and while it's not the fastest flight, it will still get them to San Diego the earliest, which is all that matters to Ruth right now. She has to get to Tim's side as quickly as possible. Marley didn't gloss over the fact that he's still on the knife's edge and that things can turn either way at any moment, as proven by the events after the surgery.

Ruth doesn't sleep at all that night. She's lying awake, her cell next to her pillow and the door open so that she can hear the landline in case they need to reach her. She refuses to think about the fact that if they call her, it's going to be bad news - terrible news. If they call, if Ray or Marley call, then only to tell her that Tim... She can't even think the words.

Alan is lying still beside her, his breathing even and gentle, but Ruth knows that he's not asleep either. She's still not sure if it's a good idea to allow him to come along. Ray is not going to like it, and he has every reason to think so. Nowadays when Ruth thinks back to that fateful evening a year ago, it mostly makes her angry rather than just shocked. She knows she has changed quite a bit since it happened, mostly concerning her relationship with Alan and in consequence also her relationship with Tim and Marley. She's closer to them than she has ever felt since they left childhood, as if the barrier that was between them has not necessarily disappeared, but they're working on dismantling it from both sides. Ruth never before realised how much distance there was between her and her children just because she'd always tried to keep the peace with Alan. She almost lost Tim over it, and she wonders how she could ever have thought that it was worth it.

Alan has also changed this past year, she can't help thinking. He still spends time in the evenings out with his buddies from work, but he's not home quite as late as was the norm before. He's also less imperious wit Ruth ever since she has begun to stand up to him when she doesn't agree with him, as if he's not quite sure how to deal with her new confrontational behaviour. He has become quiet in a way he wasn't before, like he's thinking about a lot of things but doesn't talk about them. She is not sure how much of that is because of how completely Tim and Marley broke off contact with him while still keeping in close contact with Ruth. She can't help thinking that he could do something about that if he really wanted to change things, but she hasn't seen him make any attempt at all.

Ruth suspects that it cuts him the deepest how Brianna has pulled back from him over the last year, because she knows that he loves his granddaughter very much. Ruth has to admit that she has seen it coming for a while, she was just waiting for the moment when they would first clash with their different mindsets - with Bri's so fundamentally shaped by Marley and Tim who're both so very different from Alan in their outlook on life and the people around them. Up until Brianna met Tim's family, she never had a reason to really bump heads with Alan, but as soon as Bri began to grow attached to Mini and Ray, that changed. Ruth has seen her with both her cousin and her new uncle, and she knows how much Bri loves them both. Not to mention that Tim has always been a father figure for her and that she loves him deeply. It was bound to create friction in her relationship with Alan at some point, especially if Bri felt the need to defend them.

Ruth remembers the conversation between Bri and Alan that she overheard when Bri asked him about his argument with Tim and Marley, trying to understand what happened. Already after the first question Ruth could tell that things wouldn't go well and that this was the moment when the way Bri looked at her grandfather would irrevocably change. She's sure Alan wasn't aware of it, of how he destroyed his relationship with his granddaughter with every new point he tried to make. He should have known that Bri would stand up for those she considers her family, and if he had paid attention in the months since Tim's return to the States, he would have known that Ray and Mini are firmly in that circle. Trying to discredit them - not to mention Tim - was always going to backfire, but Ruth knew Alan is too set in his ways and opinions to change, so she just left him to find that out on his own. Intervening in their conversation would only have delayed the inevitable. The only thing she regrets is that Bri had to experience that, had to lose her innocent, loving way of looking at her grandfather when she realised that she had to choose between him and her integrity, her family. 

Ruth thinks that Alan was caught off guard by Bri's forceful reaction to his words as well as her clear opposition to his points. At thirteen Bri has pretty strong opinions already - not surprising given that Marley is her mother and that she grew up around Tim - and she's not shying away from conflict, one of the reasons why she's regularly getting reprimands in school. Ruth thinks Alan should have expected her reaction, but since Bri was never very confrontational with him, he probably underestimated her. So far Alan and Bri have always been very close and he loves to spoil her and feed her interest in cars and engineering, something that's a hobby of his too and that none of his kids or grandkids share. Ruth has always wondered why he's so caring and loving with Brianna when he never quite managed to be like that to his own kids, not even to Martha, who he's closest to. She wonders if it has to do with his age, that he learned from his mistakes, but she's not sure that's true when she's looking at his behaviour now.

Ever since Bri stormed out of that conversation with her grandfather, her behaviour towards Alan changed. She still comes by Ruth's and Alan's house several times a week, but it feels different now. She's not outright ignoring Alan and she hasn't broken off contact with him the way Marley and Tim have, but she's careful and reserved around him now, doesn't chat as easily and carefree anymore. It's as if she's filtering what she's saying around him, and Ruth has noticed that she keeps Mini, Tim and Ray firmly off topic when he's around, but has no issues talking about them when she's alone with Ruth. Alan has tried to mend the bridges with Bri more than once, but she's not taking it. It's not petulant, teenage defiance, though, it's as if she is wary of him and doesn't trust him the way she used to. Ruth can tell that Alan feels it, too, and he has definitely become more withdrawn since. 

Ruth is already - or rather still - awake when her alarm goes off, and she gets up and quickly goes through her morning routine before they leave the house before 4 am. The streets are empty and the trip to the airport is unusually quick, and the same is true for the check-in and the security controls. Only when the plane has left the ground does Ruth finally fall asleep, and she wakes up when they're already in their final descent on San Diego. It's almost quarter to eleven local time when they check out the rental car, and Ruth purposefully grabs the keys from the attendant and heads for the driver's side. She made it a point to book it in her name, she wants to have a car at her disposal in case things turn sour with Alan. She can tell that he's a little irritated by her literally taking the wheel when usually it's him driving when they're travelling together. Ruth ignores him glowering in the passenger seat, she's too glad that she's driving because it gives her something to do during the journey to Oceanside and keeps her thoughts from wandering off in directions she'd rather avoid. 

When they arrive at Tri-City Medical Center, Ruth is quick to find a spot where to park. She wants to get inside and finally see Tim, touch her hand to his cheek and make sure that he's still with her. She needs to know that he's alive, that nothing bad has happened since she last heard about his status. Ruth doesn't pay Alan any special attention when she enters the hospital and registers with reception to get her visitor badge and Tim's location. Alan trails behind her when Ruth makes her way to the elevator and rides it up to the third floor, where Tim's room is situated. She feels her nervousness increase with every second that she gets closer to her son, to finding out how he's doing. If he's still... 

The doors of the elevator open and spare her of thinking that scenario through to its bitter end. She glances around when she leaves the cabin, looking for room numbers or a familiar face, anything that will tell her where to go. She's relieved when she sees Ray step out into the hallway a short distance away, and she hurries towards him immediately. 

"Ray!" Ruth says as soon as she's close enough that she doesn't have to shout. He turns to look at her, and Ruth is shocked by how worn and tired he looks, downright exhausted. He still gives her a little smile, but it suddenly falls off his face and Ruth observes how Ray's entire body grows tense when he recognises Alan behind her. She sees him snarl as if it's a reflex, and he's positioning himself securely in front of the door to what she assumes is Tim's room. It's as if the exhaustion is replaced completely by his instinct to protect Tim.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Ray growls quietly at Alan when they're in talking distance. Ruth spots Tim through the glass walls behind Ray, and she's shocked by how pale and utterly motionless he is. Brianna is curled up on the bed by his left side, well away from the many lines, needles and wires, and she's clearly asleep with her head resting on Tim's shoulder. Suddenly Ruth understands that Ray is keeping his voice down despite his obvious anger because he doesn't want to wake Bri, because he doesn't want her or Tim to hear them arguing.

Ruth can see that Ray's eyes are narrowed at Alan, who the question is clearly directed at, and his posture radiates barely suppressed hostility. Somehow she doesn't doubt for a moment that he'll go for Alan's throat if provoked. There's no Mini around this time who he has to keep calm for, and she knows that he'll do whatever it takes to keep Tim safe - and it does not surprise her the least that he regards Alan as a threat to Tim. If she ever had any doubts left about what Ray feels for her son, this moment would have eradicated them. 

"I came to see my injured son." Alan replies calmly as if it's the most logical thing in the world. Ruth can tell right away that it's the wrong thing to say.

"Oh, so _now_ you care." Ray doesn't bother to hide the disdain in his voice and his eyes flash angrily. "Now that he's in bad shape you suddenly sweep in and call him 'son' again."

Alan squares his shoulders as if preparing for a fight. "He _is_ my son."

"Yeah, seems that's subject to change depending on your mood." Ray points out sharply. "Don't forget, I was there, I heard all the downright cruel things you said to him. I heard your ultimatum. And since he married 'his fuckbuddy' and will never leave his 'brownie' daughter behind, that technically makes him not your son anymore. After all, he didn't 'break it off with this fag and his brown brat'. _Your_ words."

Alan grits his teeth, but he's trying to remain calm and civil. Ruth can tell it's taking him an effort, because she knows how much he hates it to have his own words thrown back at him. "I flew all the way over here. I demand to see him, Ray." 

"It's Mr Bryan-Person to you." Ray replies coldly. "And you have no right to demand _anything_ here, never forget that. You relinquished that right when you decided to be the shittiest father I've ever seen. At least mine wasn't around, but _you_ actively kept hurting and abusing your own kid _for decades_ \- and only now that he is seriously hurt, you suddenly think maybe you care about him after all and you decide to play concerned dad. That's got to be a new low."

Ruth never expected Ray to be capable of such verbal slaughter. He knows exactly where to aim and doesn't hesitate to go for it. She only got to know him as caring and kind - and when he was wary of her, it was for a good reason and because he stood by Tim and wanted to protect him. And even then he'd never tried to verbally attack or hurt her. But right now, with Alan, that's exactly what he's going for - and Ruth can tell that it's working. She might have had quite a few disagreements with Alan of late, but she still knows him, she can still read him. And although he's as good at keeping his feelings under wraps as Tim is, she can tell that Ray's words are finding their mark dead-on. 

"Ruth, you're welcome to sit by Tim's side." Ray says to her and gives her a quick smile that makes her relax instantly. She understands that he wants her to know that his words are not directed at her. She's infinitely grateful that he's not treating her the same way he is treating Alan. She's sure she couldn't have dealt with being denied access to Tim in this situation.

When Ray returns his gaze to Alan, his eyes narrow again. "But _you_ stay out of his room. You have caused him more suffering than any other person in his life, so don't you believe _even for a second_ that I will let you get close to him when he's at his weakest."

Alan's nostril flare in what Ruth knows is outrage not only at Ray's clear opposition to Alan's demands, but also the contemptuous way he's speaking to Alan. "He's my son, you _can't_ keep me away from him."

"Yes, I can - and I will." Ray retorts and clearly enjoys pointing it out to Alan. "You may be his sperm donor, but you forget that _I_ am _his husband_ \- and he gave me medical power of attorney because we knew to prepare for a situation like this. Don't make me use it in order to get you thrown out of the hospital."

"You wouldn't dare." Alan huffs in angry disdain, but Ruth definitely believes Ray when he says that he will get Alan banned from the hospital.

"Don't tempt me." Ray throws him a hard look, and the set of his mouth is determined. "I will tell everybody, including the medical staff, that you are explicitly forbidden to enter Tim's room. One of us is always with him anyway, so don't think we'll give you any opportunity. Marley will break your nose if you even so much as try, you know that very well. So will my Mom, and my Grandma will probably kick you in the nuts. And Brad is a highly experienced Recon Marine, he knows how to kill silently and where to hide a body. So don't even think about it."

"That's ridiculous. All I'm demanding is to see my son!"

"No." Ray says resolutely, his voice quietly threatening. "I know that he wouldn't want you here, especially while he's unable to defend himself, and I will respect that wish and I will enforce it for him as long as he can't do it himself. Unless _he_ gives you permission himself, you are forbidden to enter his room."

"He _can't_ give me permission, he's in a goddam coma!" Alan just barely keeps from shouting.

"Yeah, don't I know it." Ray remarks sarcastically, but Ruth can see how the truth of Alan's words hits him, and she knows that Alan just said the wrong thing again.

"I just want to see him." Alan says suddenly a lot more quietly than before, and Ruth wonders if he's realising that Ray won't budge, that he can't be bullied into letting Alan do what he wants. She keeps looking at her husband and sees him first grit his teeth, then he swallows hard. "Please."

Ruth can't believe her ears nor her eyes at what she's witnessing. Alan being willing to _plead_ with Ray - his son's _husband_ \- to be allowed to see Tim is not something she ever expected to happen, and it makes her wonder if maybe this past year did change him - the fact that Marley still won't talk to him, that Tim has cut off all contact with him, that Ruth has taken a stand against him on several occasions and that Bri has become more distant with him when she visits. If maybe the realisation that his son might actually _die_ did shake him after all, in a way nothing else has before. Ruth wants to believe it, but she doesn't quite dare. 

"The answer is still no. But if you respect a few rules, I won't have you banned from the hospital right now." Ray continues after a moment of tense silence. "One, you will not try to enter Tim's room. Two, when our daughter is here to visit him, you will make yourself scarce and you won't make her afraid by occupying the door to her Dad's room like the creature you are in her nightmares. You scared the shit out of her once, and if you do it again I won't be held responsible for my actions. Three, when Tim wakes up and doesn't want to see you, you respect that."

For a long time Ray keeps scrutinising Alan with a sharp and unforgiving expression in his eyes, then he steps in until he's practically in Alan's face. Despite the fact that he's shorter than her husband and has to raise his head to look him in the eye, he exudes an aura of danger that makes Ruth suddenly realise that he's just as much a soldier trained to kill as her son. That he _has_ killed before. She has never seen it so clearly, neither on Tim nor on Ray, and it makes a shiver run down her back.

"I'm not Tim. Don't make the mistake of thinking that I will hold back like he has done for years. If you say so much as _one_ wrong word to or about my husband and my daughter while you're here, I _will_ knock you out." Ray's voice is very quiet, but there's no doubt that he means it and his body language makes it clear that he's also very much capable of carrying out his threat. "And I _will_ make sure that it causes lasting damage."

Alan doesn't back down and never takes his eyes off Ray, but to Ruth it seems like he's wary of Ray. She can't put her finger on what has given her that impression, there's no tell in Alan's body language nor his face, but she's still sure of it. She wonders if Ray picks up on it as well or if she's the only one noticing because she knows Alan so well. 

"You either agree to those rules, or you can fuck off on your own or I make you fuck off." Ray shrugs pointedly casual. "Your choice."

For the umpteenth time in this conversation Alan is gritting his teeth, then Ruth sees him give a quick, clipped nod. "I agree to your rules."

"Great. You see those chairs over there? Feel free to camp out there, but don't harass my family and friends or bother the medical staff. You want to know how Tim's doing - ask Ruth, she can give you updates." Ray gives him a exaggerated bow that is clearly mocking. "Now excuse me, I want to properly greet my mother-in-law and let her see her son."

Ruth almost gasps at the purposeful cruelty of his words, but she doesn't quite find it in her to protest - or to defend Alan. She still very clearly remembers that scene in her dining room, how Alan verbally attacked Mini and Ray in front of Tim, and she has to admit that Ray has a very good reason for how he's behaving towards Alan. In fact, she's surprised that Ray is accommodating Alan as much as he is, that he hasn't forced him to leave like he could have. 

Ray turns towards Ruth and smiles as her when he gives her an embrace in greeting, and he blatantly ignores Alan who's right next to them. She returns the gesture and it makes her feel relieved and at the same time mildly guilty, because by engaging in it she is in a way cutting Alan and stating that she agrees with Ray's decision to not let him see Tim.

"Hi Ruth. Sorry about that." Ray says when he lets go of her, and he jerks his chin towards the door. "You want to go in?"

Ruth throws a quick glance at Alan before she nods. She feels bad for him, but not for a moment is she tempted to reject the chance to be with Tim just to stand by her husband. It's one of those moments where she is now deciding very differently than she would have done a year ago. 

When Ray holds the door open for her, Ruth turns away from Alan and enters Tim's room. She's again hit by how pale he is, how utterly motionless he is lying between the stark white sheets. Bri's bright ginger hair is a sharp contrast to Tim's skin colour, and the way she is trustingly cuddled close to him makes Ruth smile despite the graveness of the situation. Tim's right leg is elevated under the sheets, there are needles sticking in his right hand and she can see several sensors attached to him that feed into the heart rate monitor beside the bed. He looks sick, she's tempted to call it bruised and battered, and Ruth swallows hard against the lump suddenly forming in her throat. 

Ruth steps up to the bed and carefully leans over Bri's sleeping form to press a kiss to Tim's forehead. Just like she had wanted to do for hours, she then cups his jaw in her hand and gently caresses his cheek. It feels cool and rough with stubble under her finger, but it reassures her that he's alive and she feels herself breathing a little easier. She lets go of Tim only after a few minutes and bends down to place a kiss to Bri's hair. When she looks down, she spots Bri holding on to Tim's hand, the one that is clear of needles and sensors. It's his left, and she notices the wedding band on his ring finger. 

Ruth turns to look at Ray, who is standing a few steps behind her in a respectful distance, granting her as much privacy as possible in the small room. His hair has grown long, she thinks, and he has pulled it back in a messy ponytail that seems more convenient than stylish. Suddenly Ruth notices that he's wearing the same type of old, worn Navy t-shirt as Bri, and she can make out the faded letters 'BRYAN' on his chest. It's Tim's t-shirt, she realises, _he's wearing Tim's t-shirt_. It makes a shiver run down her spine and her heart constricts painfully in her chest. It's as if she's suddenly given visual proof for the genuineness and the depth of his feelings for Tim, as if this little gesture tells her more than any words could have, more than even their wedding ceremony. Wearing somebody else's clothes - _wanting_ to wear somebody else's clothes - is such a sincere and tender gesture of seeking comfort and closeness, and Ruth suddenly remembers how she used to slip into one of Alan's too-big shirts after taking a shower when they were just married. She hasn't had the urge to do that in decades.

Ruth swallows against the lump in her throat, then she waves Ray over to her side. When he comes to stand next to her, she touches her hand to his arm and asks in a very quiet voice, as to not disturb Bri, "How is he doing?"

"Better. No fever, no signs of infection, and he's off the blood transfusions, too. He's not nearly as pale as he used to be, and his skin is beginning to feel warm again." Ray replies just as gently. "He's stable and it's been more than twenty-four hours since the surgery. Every hour more is increasing his chances of recovery. They're allowing more than one visitor at a time now, which is already a testament to the improvement of his condition. " 

"Did he..." Ruth trails off and waves her hand in a shaky, vague gesture. She knows from Marley that Brianna doesn't know about Tim's brushes with death, and she doesn't want to say it out loud with Bri in the room, never mind if she's sleeping or not. Actually, she doesn't want to say is out loud at all.

"No. Not after yesterday morning." Ray replies as if he understood perfectly what she didn't say, what she _couldn't_ say. She sees him swallow hard once, and she can only guess what he must have felt when it happened. Marley told her that Ray was by Tim's side at the time, and she doesn't even dare to think about how terrifying that experience must have been. It suddenly makes her wonder how Mini is doing with all of this, and it makes her heart skip a beat anxiously. She can't imagine her granddaughter dealing well with this situation. 

"Ray, where is Mini?" Ruth asks with a feeling of dread in her stomach. She doesn't want Mini to experience such a traumatic event, especially considering that she is still suffering from underlying abandonment issues. A situation like this is bound to trigger her with a vengeance, and Ruth never wants her to have to go through that.

"She's camping for the weekend. She doesn't know a thing about what's going on." Ray explains with a sigh, and Ruth can't tell whether it's a sound of relief or guilt. "Walt came to our place in the middle of the night when I had to leave for the hospital, and he managed to piece together a spontaneous camping trip for Mini and her three friends. She thinks Tim and I had work emergencies yesterday and that's why Walt was there in the morning to take her to school." 

Ruth takes a moment to think about it, and she comes to the conclusion that this is the best way to handle the situation for now. She gently squeezes Ray's arm when she whispers, "It's best if she doesn't know yet."

Ray takes a deep breath and lets it escape with another sigh. "My mom, my grandma and Marley said the same thing."

"See? We all agree." Ruth tries to ease his worry, or maybe his guilt, as much as she can. He has enough on his plate right now, there's no point in worrying about this now as well. "When will she be back?"

"Sunday afternoon."

Ruth watches him worry his bottom lip between his teeth. "What are you going to do then?"

"I don't know yet." Ray furrows his brow in indecision. "But I have to tell her then. Maybe I'll ask Walt to bring her to the hospital. We'll see what the situation is like then."

"You mean if Tim will be awake?" Ruth asks with hope in her almost silent voice. 

"Yeah." Ray agrees with a quick nod. "For now they plan to bring him out of coma on Sunday."

"I'm sure they'll succeed." Ruth says with as much conviction as she can manage.

"Yeah." Ray breathes the word more than he says it, and Ruth can tell that he wants to believe it, but doesn't quite dare yet. They're silent for a long time, both watching Tim and Bri, who is still peacefully sleeping next to him. Suddenly Ruth wonders where they stayed last night. She's pretty sure Marley wouldn't have left the hospital no matter what, but it's not a place for a teenage girl to spend the night.

"Did Bri sleep here last night?" 

"Oh, no. Visiting hours end at 6 pm and only two immediate family members of critical cases will be allowed to stay after that. My mom and my grandma took her to our place and they slept there, while Marley stayed at the hospital with me." Ray tells her, still keeping his voice down. "My mom and my grandma are just now getting us coffee and some food from the cafeteria." He smiles at Bri's sleeping form. "And a hot chocolate for Bri." 

"Where's Marley?" Ruth wonders out loud when she realises that her daughter isn't around.

"She's at our place, taking a shower." Ray glances at his watch that Ruth suddenly realises he's wearing on the right wrist because his left is taken up by a camo bandana. "She should be back in ten or fifteen minutes."

Ray looks up and through the glass wall into the hallway, then he slowly steps up to the bed and very gently shakes Brianna's shoulder. "Hey, NOS. Time to wake up."

Bri grumbles something incomprehensible under her breath, but doesn't quite wake. Ray chuckles and passes his hand up and down her upper arm. "Nope, no more five minutes. Your hot chocolate is here, and I know that you hate it when it gets cold."

True to Ray's words Ruth spots Ray's mother and grandmother coming down the hallway, each carrying a tray with paper cups and some wrapped snacks. They set them down on a small table between the chairs outside Tim's room and give Ruth a smile and a wave in greeting when they see her through the glass partition.

Ray has by now managed to get Bri to wake up and she's just sliding off the bed, looking tousled and sleepy. He gently steers her out of the door and gives Ruth a quick look over his shoulder when he's holding the handle, about to close the door behind him.

"I'll leave you with him for a bit. I'm sure he'd like to hear your voice." Ray smiles, and suddenly he looks tired and worn, so very different from the man facing off her husband when they arrived. "If you need anything, we're right outside."

Ruth catches Ray's gaze flicker over to where Alan is sitting in one of the chairs in the hallway, and she can tell that he won't leave Tim out of his sight as long as Alan is here. She's again struck by the realisation how lucky Tim is to have found somebody who loves him so much, and she's wondering why she thought for such a long time that only a woman would be able to fulfil that role for Tim. She'll admit that she's still not comfortable thinking about the physical aspects of a relationship between two men, but she has understood a while ago that the emotional aspects do not differ from a straight couple in any relevant way. She has seen Tim with Ray enough times to know that with absolute certainty. And witnessing now how fiercely protective Ray is of Tim, how much he _cares_ about her son, she can't find any fault in their relationship. The fact that they're both men suddenly seems quite irrelevant an argument.

Ruth watches how Ray and Bri sit down between Angela and Mary-Ann who then distribute coffee, hot chocolate, water and snacks between the four of them. Ruth can tell that Bri has clearly seen Alan down the hallway, but apart from a nod in his direction she doesn't acknowledge his presence, she doesn't walk over to him to say hi, nor does she leave the circle of Ray, his mother and grandmother, who she's obviously quite comfortable with.

Ruth turns back to Tim and sighs at the sight of his pale skin and his motionless figure. She sits down on the chair next to the bed and slowly takes Tim's left hand, letting her fingers caress the back of his hand. "What are you doing, Timmy?"

He doesn't answer, and while that's not really a surprise, she's still disheartened. She wishes with all her heart that he would wake up and speak to her, tell her that he'll be fine and that she's worrying over nothing, just like he always did when he was a kid and a teenager who got hurt so often that he was greeted by name when he came into the ER. Between football and his wild nature he collected scars and injuries as if they were badges of honour, and Ruth never quite got used to the calls from the school infirmary, and even less to those from the ER. Later there were calls from some clerk from the Navy informing her that Tim had been injured, at least those two times it was serious enough that he's ended up on medical leave for a period of time. That's also how she knows that Tim has been shot before, even if she's not aware of the circumstances and it obviously was nowhere near as grave as this time.

Ruth only gets up from her position by Tim's side when Marley comes into the room. She's obviously freshly showered, her long curls still dark with moisture where she pulled them back in a quick and convenient braid. Marley greets her with a smile and a heartfelt embrace and then perches on Tim's bed when Ruth takes the chair again. 

"Hi Mom. How long have you been here?" Marley settles her hand on Tim's uninjured leg and absent-mindedly pets him through the sheets as if he's a cat.

"Not that long. We must have arrived just after you left." Ruth replies unthinkingly, and she only realises what she said when Marley eyes her suspiciously.

" _We_?" Marley asks pointedly and her gaze flickers through the hallway outside the room. Ruth can tell the exact moment when she spots Alan, who is still sitting in the chair down the hallway, reading a magazine. Marley suddenly tenses and the smile falls off her face to be replaced by a deep, angry frown. For a moment Ruth is worried that she might get up and initiate a shouting match with Alan right there in the ICU hallway, but instead Marley just glares at him. "What is _he_ doing here?"

The open anger and hostility in her voice makes Ruth almost flinch. She knows things between Marley and Alan have deteriorated ever since that fateful evening last year, but she never realised just how angry Marley is with her father. Of course the fact that she hasn't spoken to him in a year is a clear sign, but it also means that Ruth never witnessed the extent of her misgivings.

"He insisted on accompanying me here to see Tim." Ruth explains without embellishments.

Marley's frown deepens. "And did he?"

"No." Ruth replies honestly. "Ray made it very clear that he's forbidden to enter Tim's room unless Tim allows it."

Marley nods with a satisfied expression on her face. "Good."

Ruth watches her and sighs. "Do you really hate him that much, Marley?"

Marley looks at her in surprise, as if she never expected Ruth to ask that question. Only belatedly does Ruth realise that despite knowing about Tim's and Marley's issues with Alan, she indeed never did ask either of her children about it. Maybe Marley's surprise is well founded, and it makes Ruth feel uneasy and guilty. There are so many things she has to make up for, so many mistakes she only becomes aware of now. 

"No, Mom, I don't _hate_ him. Intensely dislike what he's thinking, saying and doing? Yes, quite often." Marley answers after a moment of silence. "Most of all I want him to apologise to Tim, and to Ray and Mini. And I want him to _mean_ it, but I don't think that's possible. He's incapable of even seeing what he did wrong. And how can I respect - much less love - a man who thinks it's perfectly all right to shout and hurl insults at a little kid just because she has a different skin colour? And that's not even taking into account all the cruel things he said to Tim over the years, even before Tim came out. Or to me when I didn't follow _his_ plan for _my_ life."

Ruth lets her words sink for a while. Marley has never talked to her that openly about the issues she has with Alan, although she has dropped more hints since Ruth's huge fight with him. There's a resigned quality to her words and her voice that tells Ruth that it's an old topic, and that she's thought about it many times, probably talked with Tim and Alex about it, too. And that she doesn't see a solution to it, none at all. 

"Considering the gravity of the events, the possible consequences... Don't you think that this situation is different? That the circumstances should make us all reconsider?" Ruth enquires quietly, more like she's voicing a thought than asking a question that she wants answered. 

"Only if he understands what he did wrong - _that_ he did something wrong. And as long as that's not the case, I won't let him anywhere near Tim, not as long as he's down and can't fight off the attacks coming his way." Marley's voice is hard when she continues. "But I wouldn't hold my breath. I've lived with Dad for too long to think that it's even in the cards. He's too stubborn, he's prejudiced and judgemental and thinks everybody has to live according to his ideas, to his expectation of who they should be. And when you don't, he bullies you until you give in. Just that it didn't work with Tim and me. Or more recently with Bri. And as a consequence we've cut him off, because he won't ever change, and we don't want his toxic influence in our lives." 

Ruth listens to Marley with her heart growing heavier with every word. She knows Marley isn't wrong, and that's the worst part of it. She herself has wondered so many times over the past year if Alan is capable of change, and she could never comfortably answer that question with a yes. She remembers her resentment at his lack of reaction to the news of Tim being shot, her shock and repulsion at his cruel words to Mini, Ray and Tim that evening a year ago. She thinks of the many times Tim walked out of their house because he didn't want to hurt Ruth with the frank words he finally said to Alan that evening when he broke off their relationship. She thinks about how Bri turned guarded and careful around Alan after that fateful conversation they had, and how even that didn't make him see that maybe his stance is wrong. He's losing his family over it, and he's not doing anything to prevent that. She still doesn't know what he's trying to achieve by coming here, but she's not seeing him make an effort to mend the bridges he burnt. 

The sound of the door opening rips Ruth from her dark thoughts. She looks up and sees Mary-Ann peek into the room. "Hey, Marley?"

Marley turns around to look at Ray's grandmother. "Yeah?"

"I'm going to drag Josh to the apartment kicking and screaming to make him take a shower and change his clothes. He's been here for what, thirty-something hours now, it's really time." Mary-Ann informs them with a vague gesture at where Ray and Bri are sitting in the chairs outside Tim's room, talking to his mom. Ruth has by now learned that Ray's first name is 'Josh', and that only very few people are allowed to use it. As far as Ruth can tell, only his mother, grandmother and Tim call him that. She has observed how Tim usually calls him 'Ray' when he's talking about him to other people, and only around Marley she has seen him drop that habit. It felt like a very important moment when he did it the first time with Ruth, too. He does it sometimes now, not often, but sometimes he doesn't correct himself to use 'Ray' when he's talking about him to Ruth. It always feels like a gift of trust to her.

"I think he'll go easier if he knows you'll hold the fort here." Mary-Ann finishes with a pointed glance at Marley.

"I will, don't worry." Marley confirms immediately, and Ruth watches how she jerks her chin at her father outside in the hallway. "I'll punch his nose in before I let him in here. You can tell Ray that it's safe for him to take an hour to get cleaned up."

Mary-Ann grins, obviously pleased with Marley's answer. "You go, girl." 

"And tell him to shave, his stubble is getting bad and Tim likes Ray's beard neat." Marley adds with a cocked eyebrow.

Mary-Ann's grin widens. "You know how to play dirty." 

Marley chuckles, definitely smug. "I certainly do. Think it'll work?"

"Yep, sure will. I'll relay your message word for word." Mary-Ann returns the smug grin. "We want Josh to look good when his man wakes up, now, don't we?"

Marley snorts. "You're not bad at playing dirty yourself, Mary-Ann."

"Thank you very much." Ray's grandmother says with a mocking bow before she disappears again, shutting the door quietly behind her. Ruth follows their easy interaction with a familiar twinge of jealousy. Marley clearly has the same good relationship with Ray's family that Tim has; that easy, comfortable banter, gentle teasing and underlying affection she has observed between her son and Ray's mother and grandmother every time she has seen them together. She can't remember ever having that with either Tim or Marley or even Martha. 

A few minutes later Ray comes into the room, looking like his grandmother indeed threatened to drag him out kicking and screaming if he didn't come voluntarily, and it seems she won the battle. Ray gives both Marley and Ruth a quick and slightly sheepish smile before he walks up to Tim's side. Marley scoots over a bit to make room for him, and he doesn't hesitate to settle his hand on Tim's cheek before he bends down and places a visibly tender kiss first to Tim's lips, then to his forehead. Ruth thinks she can hear him whisper 'I love you' and 'Don't you dare leave me' into Tim's skin before he pulls back and straightens again. He lets his fingertips trail along Tim's jaw in a slow caress before he steps back reluctantly.

"Go, Ray." Marley gives him a reassuring smile. "I'll keep watch over him."

Ray presses his lips together and hesitates for another second before he gives her a nod, turns around and exits the room, closing the door behind him with a quiet click. Ruth's gaze follows him and she sees him turn around twice to look back at Tim before Ray and Mary-Ann disappear into the elevator and out of sight. And while Ruth absolutely understands Ray's reluctance to leave Tim's side, she thinks that Mary-Ann is right, a shower, a shave and fresh clothes will do him good. Getting out of the hospital and into the sunlight for a few minutes, breathing clean, fresh air and seeing something other than the walls of the ICU will make him feel better, and she's sure he will need all of his strength for the next few days, especially when it's time to tell Mini. A moment of respite inbetween might do wonders for his perseverance. 

After a few minutes of strangely comfortable silence Ruth leaves Marley alone with Tim because she need to go to the ladies' room. She takes a moment to freshen up, feeling wary and run down from the worry for Tim combined with the sleepless night and the long journey. She looks at herself in the mirror and is surprised that she doesn't look much different than she usually does, if definitely more tired. Somehow she expected the strain and the constant fear of the past day and a half to change her physically in a way that everybody can see. She certainly feels different, but she thinks she doesn't look it. 

When she returns, she sees that Bri has taken her spot in the chair by Tim's side and she's quietly talking to him, Marley watching her from the bed with a gentle smile. Ruth decides to leave them to it and not disturb them, so she takes the seat next to Angela in the hallway instead of going back into Tim's room. Angela gives her a smile and offers her a paper coffee cup that she'd wrapped in a jacket to keep it warm. Ruth is surprised and oddly touched that Mary-Ann and Angela obviously had thought to bring a coffee for her too, despite the fact that she hadn't arrived yet when they went to the cafeteria. But of course Marley and Ray would have known that she'd be there any minute, they must have told them about it. Ruth accepts the cup with a genuinely grateful smile, wraps her hand around the still-warm carton and takes a sip.

It's a nice gesture that makes Ruth feel accepted and welcome in a way she didn't know she needed, especially because she always feels a little awkward around Ray's mother. Angela is so different from her, she seems so confident and sure of herself, she's outspoken and assertive and Ruth can't help thinking that she would never have let a man come between her and her children in the way Ruth allowed it to happen, however unwittingly it might have been. She feels inadequate compared to Ray's mother, and that's probably the reason why she never quite knows what to talk about with her. She's glad that Angela is content to just sip her coffee in silence, and it's not an uncomfortable silence. 

Ray has been gone for about twenty minutes when Ruth becomes aware of Alan walking across the hallway from where he'd been quietly sitting on a chair for the past hour or so. He comes to stand outside the glass wall to Tim's room, looking inside without making the attempt to enter.

"Don't even think about it." Angela says without looking up from her coffee, and Ruth is surprised that she knows who Alan is. They have never met, after all, and she wasn't here to see him arrive with Ruth or to witness the confrontation with Ray.

Alan seems a little surprised as well, but he hides it quickly and plays innocent. "I'm not doing anything. I'm just watching."

Angela looks up at him with an eyebrow cocked in clear disbelief. "Yeah, sure. Don't think that you'll have your chance to sneak into Tim's room just because my son's not here right now. Tim still has enough family members watching over him to make sure you stay away from him."

Alan continues to pretend that he doesn't know what she's talking about. "Why would you even think that's what I'm here for?"

"Because despite other _crucial_ differences, Tim and you do indeed look very much alike." Angela points out drily. "It's not too difficult to know who you are, and I'm well aware that you're not allowed in his room because he wouldn't want you there." 

Alan bristles, but Ruth can see that he's making an effort to remain calm. She wonders if her promise to divorce him if he causes any grief has anything to do with it. She's not sure. "I have a right to see him. He's my son."

"No, he's not. _You_ made that clear to him yourself last year when you _told him that to his face_. What father would ever _do that_ and still dare to call himself a father!" Angela's voice is quiet but hard and unforgiving when she says it, and she gets up from her seat and pointedly positions herself between Alan and the door. "Seriously, I can only admire Tim for becoming a genuinely good man and a wonderful father considering the bad example _you_ set for him." 

Alan is silent for a heartbeat, and Ruth can tell that he's taken aback by her words. "How would you even know that?"

"Because he talks to me. And because contrary to you, I actually care about him a great deal and he knows it and is secure in that knowledge." Angela still keeps her voice down, but there's no missing the sharp reproof behind her words. "He told me about you, so I have a pretty good grasp of the wreck that is your relationship with him." 

Ruth feels every single one of her words cut her deeply. She knows they're aimed at Alan, but she's aware that they're true for her, too. Tim certainly doesn't talk to Ruth like he obviously confides in Angela, and she knows that the reasons for that lie entirely with herself. He made a point to keep her away from those parts of his life that are important to him, and it's only in the last year that he has begun to allow her to see him, and even now she's sure he's still holding back pieces of him. Ruth shivers at the thought that throughout his life he was _not_ secure in the knowledge that she loves him, and no child should ever doubt that they're their mother's first priority. She wonders how many times she disappointed his faith in her when she failed to intervene and protect him against Alan's words, especially when he was a kid and a teenager who still believed in her. Her heart constricts at the realisation that he just stopped believing in her at some point and began to fend for himself, because he had learned that he couldn't count on her to have his back. For a horrible moment Ruth feels like crying, right here in the middle of the hallway. 

After a moment of silence Alan crosses his arms over his chest. "Maybe I'm here because I'm trying to mend our relationship."

"Quite frankly, I don't care. It's a little late for that. And I don't trust your sudden insight considering that it took Tim _dying three times_ for you to realise that maybe something went wrong in your relationship. You've had nothing but shouting matches with Tim for decades. If nothing else, the things he said to you last year should have woken you up. Or the fact that there was radio silence for a year and that you only know about his condition because Ruth told you. Not to mention that the fact that _two_ of your kids broke off all contact with you is a pretty clear sign that something is wrong on your end of the line." Angela's words are purposefully crass to hurt Alan, Ruth can tell that right away. It's the same thing she witnessed Ray doing, and just like back then, it's working now, too. Ruth wonders what it is about the Persons that gets under Alan's skin in a way few people manage. 

Angela lets her words sink in for a second, then she continues before Alan can think of a comeback. "Tim is _my son-in-law_ , he's part of _my family_ , and I will make sure you don't get any opportunity to hurt him any more than you already did. So if you upset, harass or insult my boys, I'm going to punch your lights out, and I don't care how many witnesses there are." 

She all but growls the threat at Alan, and it ought to be funny and ridiculous considering how petite and small Angela is compared to him, but somehow it isn't. Ruth can tell that it's not an empty threat, and she can see again where Ray gets his spirit and fire from. She can't help being impressed by Angela's unwavering readiness to protect her family that she clearly considers Tim a part of. 

When Alan doesn't say anything, Angela leans back and crosses her arms in front of her chest, almost as if she's mirroring his stance. "I frankly don't understand why my son hasn't banned you from the hospital, but I'm sure he has his reasons. Be glad and grateful for his leniency and don't abuse it, because neither Marley nor I would have been that nice." She gestures at the door behind her. "And only _if_ Tim wants to see you, you can go in. But as long as he doesn't say so explicitly, you will stay out here."

"Alan, you agreed to Ray's rules. You promised not to try to enter Tim's room." Ruth finds herself admonishing him before she has even thought the words, and she can see that she caught him off guard by siding with Angela as well as by chiding him so openly. She's surprised herself at what she's doing, but she doesn't feel any regret about it. Not after what Marley said to her when they were talking in Tim's room, not after the realisations brought on by Angela's words just now.

Angela puts her hand on Ruth's shoulder where Ruth is still sitting in the chair next to the door, and she gives a gentle squeeze that feels like approval, respect and a promise of support all wrapped in one. Ruth lets those feelings wash through her, and then she openly looks at Alan, challenging him. It's time to choose her side once and for all. Either Alan will learn from that and change his ways, or he will lose Ruth, too. 

She's not sure what his decision will be, but she's surprisingly okay with that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do you think of badass Ray and Angela? Did you have fun with that? :D


	70. Collapse - (Tim/Ray, Ray & Tim's Family)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ray reaches the end of his rope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, here we go with yet _another_ healthy dose of angst. I hope you still bear with me and don't hate me just yet... *hides under the desk*
> 
> @ **Military_bluebells** : Do you remember that you wondered what I meant by Ray not being any better off than Tim - well, here you'll get the answer to that... 
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : You expected me to torture our boys even more than I already did, and you were right about that - now it's Ray's turn... I hope I don't make you cry again *offers tissues anyway*

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


The ICU is becoming quiet now that the visiting hours have reached their final fifteen minutes on Saturday evening. Ray is outside Tim's room with Brad and the remains of the dinner Brad brought for Ray and Marley. She's sitting with Tim at the moment because they always make sure one of them is in there, that Tim is never alone. She ate before Ray and then they switched places so that now he's getting some food in his pretty empty stomach. Ray knows he should eat more, that he needs it to keep his strength up, but he's not hungry and mostly just forgets to eat. He has other priorities at the moment.

"You're staying?" Brad makes it sound like a question, although it clearly isn't one. He knows that Ray won't leave Tim's side anytime soon, especially not before Tim's out of the woods, not before Ray has seen Tim look at him. Ray still nods in reply to Brad's non-question and chews the last of his ham-and-cheese sandwich.

Mom, Grandma and Ruth have just left with Bri to spend the night at his and Tim's place, since the rules of the ICU state that only two immediate family members per patient are allowed to stay once the visiting hours are over. Nobody even contemplated that Ray would be leaving, but there was a bit of a hassle about who would stay with him. Ray knew that there was no discussion that it would be Marley, but Ruth had wanted to stay too, and he knows she technically has the right to ask for it. So he threw Marley a look that told her to leave it to him, and he gently but firmly insisted that Ruth went to the apartment, too. She looked like death warmed over, and Ray could tell that a night on one of the very uncomfortable hospital chairs would not do her any good, never mind that Marley would never budge and Ray knows Tim wants his sister here more than his mother.

In the end Ray's mom convinced Ruth to join her and Grandma at the apartment so that Bri could have a quiet night of feeling almost normal. She was playing dirty by using Ruth's sense of responsibility for Bri, but Ray isn't exactly bothered by that. He and Marley promised that they'd call them immediately if anything happened, and that was the final argument that made Ruth agree, even if it was reluctant. 

Ray is so incredibly glad that his mom and grandma are here to have his back because he knows that he's a mess. He thinks he's still holding it together reasonably well, though, all things considered. But he certainly doesn't have the nerve or the strength to deal with any family drama right now, and the unexpected arrival of Tim's father already caused enough of that without Ruth feeling pushed out of her son's life adding to it. And Marley is almost as much of a mess as he is and clearly can't deal with it right now either, but he's still so glad she's here. Just like him she has only left the hospital once to shower, but otherwise she hasn't left Tim's side. Marley feels like the sister Ray never had and they get along so well that having her here is a comfort already. Knowing that she loves Tim as much as Ray does also helps a great deal. 

And Bri's unexpected but heartfelt hug when she arrived still means the world to Ray. She's a teenager, so although they do get along great, she's naturally not very physically affectionate with him. She still is with Tim, though, and has not yet stopped to jump into his arms in welcome. Ray knows how much that means to Tim, and he's glad that Bri still expects Tim to stick to their age-old greeting ritual. Ray expects it to end sooner or later, but this episode right now might actually make her hold on to it for a while longer. Seeing her fear and her need to be close to Tim, watching her sleep cuddled up against him emphasised how much she loves Tim and that he'll always be a father figure for her, even with Alex around. Ray hates that she has to go through this, but at the same time it's so good to know that despite all the issues with his family Tim is loved so much.

Even Ruth has come around and clearly stated her position to Tim's father. Mom told him about her confrontation with Tim's father when Ray was gone to take a shower at their apartment, and she sounded amazed and positively surprised when she relayed how Ruth had put her husband in his place, clearly taking Tim's and Ray's side. According to Mom Tim's father was caught off guard by that and didn't seem to know how to react, so he just retreated back to his chair down the hallways without a word. Ruth stayed firm and didn't join him, but remained with Angela outside Tim's room, keeping guard.

It's not something Ray ever expected to happen. Admittedly, Ruth has made immense progress since that first time he met her, but she always seemed too timid, too much of a peacemaker and too much under her husband's influence to ever take a stance against him. It certainly makes him look at her differently, and he's willing to admit that he might have been wrong about her. He hopes it, in fact, because he wishes from the bottom of his heart that Tim's relationship with his mom improves. Tim deserves to have at least one parent who's on his side and isn't afraid to show him that he's loved just the way he is.

It was only after personally meeting Tim's parents that Ray truly understood how lucky he is with his family, with his mom's and grandma's unwavering love and support no matter what shit he got into. And that it might have been a good thing that his own father wasn't around, because absence is better than what Tim had to go through, especially as a kid. And since Ray's father was never in the picture and Mom and Grandma did a great job of raising Ray, he never really missed him, either. He was gone even before Ray was born, and while Ray knows his name and has looked him up, he's never met him and quite frankly, he's not interested either. He considers the man a sperm donor, not a father. 

That thought makes Ray turn his head enough to check if Tim's father is still here. He is, hasn't moved from his position on the chair in down the hallway where Ray directed him at his arrival. He won't be here much longer, though, because the staff will ask him to leave when visiting hours end. Ray enjoys the knowledge that he can't get back in again until tomorrow morning because those visitors allowed to stay after 6 pm get issues a special badge with the name of the patient they're associated to - and if you don't have it, security will kick you out. Obviously Tim's father is _never_ going to get that badge. 

At first when Ray spotted him behind Ruth this morning, he'd _really_ wanted to knock him out and then kick him out of the hospital. _Literally_. The only reason he hasn't done it so far is because it feels like it should be Tim's decision, not Ray's. And since the man has so far stuck to the rules Ray outlined - because while he did approach Tim's room, Mom said he didn't actually try to enter - Ray will let him be for now. If he wants to camp out in the hallway for the foreseeable future without causing any trouble, Ray's not going to stop him until Tim can give his verdict. The only point is that he will make sure that he's nowhere near Tim's room when Mini comes by. She indeed had a few nightmares about 'the evil screaming man at Grandma's house' - her words - and Ray will never forgive him for that. Tim won't either, that he's sure about. Insulting Ray or even Tim is one thing, they're grown-ups and can fight back, but attacking and scaring the shit out of a little kid, not to mention their daughter, is a gross misconduct that can never be excused. It's not like that jerk didn't know what he was doing, after all.

Ray still doesn't know what the man plans to achieve by being here. So far he's gotten clear opposition and even some outright hostility from pretty much everybody in attendance, even Ruth and Bri to some point. He's clearly not wanted here, but that doesn't seem to deter him. Ray will make sure to keep a careful eye on him, because he has no doubt that there is some kind of endgame behind it all, and he doesn't want to be caught unawares. 

Ray glances down at his wedding band and takes a deep breath. Never before has he been so glad that he's married to Tim and that the shitty Proposition 8 hasn't invalidated their marriage. The legal aspects of it are so important all of the sudden, despite the fact that both he and Tim gave each other power of attorney in pretty much all regards. If he wasn't married to Tim - or at least in a domestic partnership, had Prop 8 annulled their marriage - Ray wouldn't even be allowed to visit him on ICU, never mind stay after hours. He would be _nothing_ in regard to Tim, he'd have no rights whatsoever, and Ruth and Tim's father as his parents would have _all the rights_ , especially if Tim hadn't given him medical power of attorney. It's a pretty scary idea that he's incredibly glad can never come to bear anymore. 

When a nurse approaches Tim's father and talks to him for a moment, obviously informing him that he has to leave now, Ray realises that it's already 6 pm. Brad is getting up next to him, ready to leave before the staff can ask him to. Ray cleans up the bags their dinner came in and makes sure to throw them all away and leave the table and chairs spotless. He knows that it's important to be on the good side of the medical staff, and along with being friendly and considerate, it also matters to show respect by keeping the spaces he uses clean. 

So far the nurses and docs are firmly on Ray's side, especially because by now everybody knows that Tim's a paramedic who was shot while doing his duty. The rumour mill has also informed them that Tim just finished his pre-med course and is going to med school at the end of summer with the goal of becoming a paediatrician, which won him the hearts of pretty much all the staff. They consider him one of them, and the loyalty of the community shows in how they interact with Ray, too. He's extremely glad for it because it makes his life so much easier right now, and he won't do anything to risk it.

When Brad has said goodbye and followed right behind Tim's father - no doubt to make sure that he really leaves the building - Ray enters Tim's room. He sits on the edge of the bed and puts his hand on top of the sheets over Tim's stomach, just like he's become used to doing when somebody else has already claimed Tim's hand. Marley is curled up on the plastic chair next to the bed with Tim's hand in hers, and she and Ray keep talking quietly for a while before they both pick up their respective books and read. It's oddly comfortable, sitting here in companionable silence with Marley while reading, and Ray manages to relax for the first time since he spotted Tim's father in the hallway this morning. 

He only realises how late it is when Marley closes her book and sets it down on the bedside table. She unfolds her legs and stretches before she gets out of the chair and slips into her shoes. She looks at Ray while he too puts his book aside, and then she smiles at him. "How about I leave you with him for a few hours? I'll be right outside if you need me."

Ray returns her smile, even if it's maybe a bit shaky. "Thanks, Marley."

Marley inclines her head in acknowledgement and leaves him with a gentle, understanding smile and a squeeze of his arm. She shuts the door behind her with a quiet click and he sees her take a seat in one of the chairs outside the room. He's pretty sure she chooses one facing with the back to Ray on purpose to grant him a little more privacy, and he's grateful for it and at the same time oddly touched by the gesture. Ever since he first met her she's been nothing but openly welcoming to him and supportive of Tim and him in the face of the rest of her family. She also blatantly loves Mini and it clearly doesn't matter to her at all that she's not Tim's kid by birth. Ray is so glad that Tim has her in his corner, especially considering that he as such a shitty father. It's almost as if giving him Marley as a sister and Bri as a niece is fate's way of making up for screwing up its choice of dad for Tim. 

Ray watches Marley undo her simple braid, obviously in an attempt to get more comfortable for the long night ahead that she seems to plan on spending out there on the uncomfortable plastic chair. Her hair immediately makes Ray think of Bri, who looks so much like Marley that it's sometimes creepy. At the same time she also has the same stubbornness and strong moral compass as her mother, and Ray never gets enough of watching Bri's outright love for Tim and her fierce protectiveness of Mini. And while a teenage girl is not the easiest person to get along with, Ray really likes Bri. She's whip-smart and easy to engage when it concerns something that interests her. It's also very fortunate that Bri loves Nascar and car racing in general and has easily as much fun talking engines as Ray. He can see her study engineering if her interest persists, she certainly has the talent and the brains for it. He'll do his best to nurture that interest, he likes having a buddy in his passion for Nascar and engines.

Ray turns away from watching Marley to look at Tim. He's as motionless and impassive as he's been for the past forty hours, but at least he's not cold to the touch anymore and his skin colour is slowly returning, even if he's still way too pale. It's beginning to wear Ray down, he just really needs a sign of life from Tim. He'd be content with a squeeze of his hand or a second of Tim looking at him. Anything to let him know that he's still in there somewhere. He knows that it's not going to happen as long as they're keeping Tim under, and he's glad that they're going to stop the medication in the course of the night. The plan is for Tim to wake up sometime tomorrow - if it works, which is not sure, and the docs told him in no uncertain terms that there's no telling if he sustained any brain damage. That Ray should prepare for possible side effects, of which memory loss is particularly common after a cardiac arrest, and since Tim had three of them, it's reasonable to expected it. And he should consider that memory loss can have character altering effects to the point that he doesn't recognise Tim at all. There might also be disorientation, depression and PTSD - and those are only the least severe repercussions. The worst could be severe brain damage that would mean permanent physical or mental disability or even both, or he might never regain consciousness at all. 

Ray takes a deep breath, squeezes his eyes shut and passes his hands over his face. Ever since they told him that, he's been unable to forget it for even a second. He's not sure what scares him the most - that they stop the meds but Tim doesn't wake up, or that he wakes up but isn't Tim anymore, that there's nothing left of the person Ray fell for and who he loves with all his heart. Physical disability or memory loss and mental side effects Ray can deal with, no matter how hard it would be, but realising that there's nothing of his Tim left, that would destroy him. 

Ray lets his hands drop away from his face and leans forward until he can cup Tim's jaw and rest his forehead against his. He closes his eyes and slowly passes his thumbs over Tim's cheeks, which are rough with prominent stubble. He really needs a shave, or he will leave a trail of beard burn all over Ray the next time they make out. _If_ they'll ever make out again, that is. 

That thought hits Ray like a punch to the gut and he takes a breath that is shakier than he'd like to admit, but since nobody but Tim is around to hear it, he doesn't bother to hide it. "I need you to come back to me, Tim." 

Ray swallows hard and concentrates on the stubble under his fingertips to anchor him in the here and now. "And I need you to still be you when you wake up. _When_ you wake up, not _if_ , you hear me? You're not allowed to leave me alone."

He falls silent, hoping against hope that for some kind of reaction. Of course there is none. "Seriously, Tim, we've got this awesome little girl, and she can't grow up without her Dad. I can't do that to her. _You_ can't do that to her. So wake the fuck up."

Tim still doesn't react, and although that was to be expected, it still makes Ray's almost choke with despair. How is he supposed to face Mini and tell her that her Dad is not waking up again, that she will have to live without him? He can't _ever_ do that, it's the height of cruelty to first give her a home and a family and then take half of it away. She already lost one family, she can't lose another one. It's not fair, it's not fucking fair!

"She loves you so much, you're her Dad, she needs you to be there for her. There's still so much we have to experience with her, and you know she wants a bike for her birthday. We'll have to teach her, then. You can't leave me alone with that." Ray turns his head so that his nose brushes against Tim's in a gentle caress. "And you have to do her braids until she's old enough to do it herself, you know how much she loves it, and that I totally suck at it, that's your job. Not to forget that you'll have to be there to see her face light up when we tell her about those box braids she'll get for her birthday. You can't miss out on that, _you're not allowed to_. And we still have to put the fear of god into her future boyfriends. Not that she can't do that herself, but it still would be so much fun. I was thinking of a t-shirt for us - green, of course - saying _'My daughter is a Mini Recon Marine. Are you?'_ You think that'll do the trick?"

He knows it's true, too. After a year of more or less covert training by Brad, Ray and Tim, not to mention Walt's Bravo Squad meetings, she knows pretty much every remotely age-appropriate trick in the book to defend herself or to help others. He can only imagine what levels she will have reached at the age of fifteen or sixteen when they've widened the net to various kinds of weapons and included drug awareness. He's pretty sure no boy will ever get the edge on her, and that's a pretty good feeling. He has never understood those dads who threaten to beat up a potential date in order to keep their daughter safe. He thinks it's much more effective if the daughter is able to do that herself. It's not like the dad can be around at all times, and later revenge doesn't undo the harm already done. But if she's able to take out her date with ease, well, let's just say he'll sleep easier knowing that.

"You have a daughter to raise, Tim. You have an obligation to make it back to us." Ray shifts one hand from Tim's cheek to his chest and settles it over his heart. "You already did it three times, you can do it again."

The moment when Tim's heart suddenly stopped beating yesterday morning is the worst moment Ray has ever experienced in his life. He has nothing to compare it to, nothing at all. Even when Mini fell off the swing and ended up in hospital he still knew that it wasn't life-threatening. Because while Tim's message on Ray's voice mail was deeply unsettling for the fact alone that he'd fallen back on radio protocols - an unmistakable sign for how shaken he was - his report was also precise and to the point and left no doubt about the fact that it wasn't a critical injury. One of the advantages of having a trained medical professional as a partner.

But yesterday morning, when the alarms went off completely out of the blue and the docs and nurses came running in with a crash cart and Ray saw the flat line on the heart rate monitor and heard that horrible continuous beep... He knew that Tim was _dead_ , right there in front of him, and he couldn't do jack shit about it. It's one thing to hear about it from the doctors, and an entirely different thing to witness it, to _experience_ it first hand. Never in his life has he felt so helpless and desperate, so terrified and devastated all at once, mixed up in a nice, strong cocktail from hell. He's sure he aged at least ten years in those forty-one seconds that Tim's heart stopped beating for the fucking _third time_ in less than seven hours. He knows for sure that he'll never quite manage to get the sound of that drawn-out beep out of his head again. He can still hear it when it's all quiet around him, and he always looks at the monitor then to make sure that it's only in his mind, that it's not happening again. 

He admits that he might have lost his shit a little bit afterwards. He's glad Brad was there, probably the only person besides Tim and Mom who can deal with him when he's losing it. Ray has still no idea how Brad managed to manoeuvre him to the empty visitor roof-terrace of the ICU after they'd brought Tim back, but were still working on him and had banned Ray from the room. But he definitely remembers screaming out his pain and terror on that roof until he was hoarse. He remembers the hot tears of panic and helplessness on his face and the way his brain felt like it was exploding in his head. Brad was just there, keeping an eye on him while he let it out, and making sure Ray didn't do anything too stupid, like maybe hit the wall and break his hand. 

Ray felt raw and exhausted afterwards, but also a little bit better, like maybe opening the valve for a few minutes had dispersed the bottled-up tension at least enough for him to keep it together again. He wordlessly and gratefully accepted Brad's arms around him, holding him together after the outburst left him weak and trembling. They felt nothing like Tim's arms - Brad's just way too tall and he obviously doesn't smell like Tim - but there was still comfort and a sense of security to them that helped him regain his composure. On their way back to Tim's room Brad made him pass by the men's room to wash his face and clean up a bit before he left him sitting with Tim and kept watch right outside the room.

So Ray knows now that he doesn't deal too well with the threat of losing somebody he loves. Maybe Mini isn't the only member of this family with abandonment issues. Ray certainly recognises some of his behaviour as eerily similar to hers when she's triggered. It's just that he understands her so well now, on an entirely different level than before. He gets the overwhelming fear and helplessness she must feel and how it leaves her caught up in a nameless terror that nothing can really penetrate. It's just like he still hears that continuous beep and sees that flat line on the heart rate monitor in his mind's eye, it's _so clear_ , just like Tim's ghostly still body, his face so unmoving and his skin so deadly pale, and he _knows_ that Tim is gone and he can't do _a fucking thing_ about it... 

Ray frowns and touches his hand to his cheek. His fingers come away wet, and that's when he realises that he's crying. _Shit_. He hates crying, always has. It makes him feel as puffy and sticky as if he has a severe cold, and it always gives him a headache. He's lucky in so far that he rarely cries, it's just not something that happens to him often, but that makes it all the more nasty when it does happen - like now. 

He tells himself to get a grip already. Things haven't progressed much, but Tim hasn't taken a turn for the worse, either, so he has no reason to blubber. But no matter what he tells himself, the stupid tears just won't stop coming. It's not like the floodgates have opened or anything, it's more like a moderate but constant stream that keeps trickling down his cheeks. He passes his palms over his eyes and sniffs in an effort to make himself stop, but it's not working. He looks at Tim, who's slightly blurry at the moment, and then decides that he wants to be close to him. Closer than just sitting on the edge of the bed.

Ray carefully glances around and sees no nurse watching them, so he dares to toe off his shoes and then he very carefully climbs up on Tim's bed, paying extra attention not to come too close to any lines or to upset his leg in any way. He slowly lies down on top of the sheets and then shifts down until he can rest his head on Tim's shoulder, pretty much the same position Bri slept in this morning. He buries his nose against Tim's neck, closes his eyes and breathes in his scent. He hates the strong note of disinfectant that's mixed in and that almost covers Tim's very own scent, the one Ray loves so much and that he wants to wallow in right now. It never fails to make him feel better, to make him feel safe, and that's what he desperately needs right now.

No, what he _really_ needs is to know that Tim will be fine, that he'll wake up tomorrow and remember Ray and Mini and his life, that he's still the sharp-minded, determined, caring man Ray fell in love with, that he'll recover and return to their life and then they'll keep raising their awesome daughter together.

He needs to know that he won't have to tell Mini tomorrow that her Dad is not coming home again.

"I can't do this without you." Ray admits and his voice finally breaks with a barely suppressed sob. He curls up to Tim and feels the tears that are now running freely down his cheeks, and for once doesn't try to hold them back.

He'll give himself a moment. Just a few minutes. He'll get his shit together again afterwards, he'll stick on his brave face and get through the next day. But now, _right now_ , he needs a moment to cast off all his masks. He needs Tim all to himself, he needs to feel him breathing, needs to reassure himself that his skin is warm and his heart is still beating.

So Ray stretches until his ear rests right above Tim's heart, and then closes his eyes and allows himself to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for hurting poor Ray like that! I hope you can forgive me *looks contrite and hides even further under the desk* Please don't hate me... T_T


	71. Support - (Brad/Nate, implied Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brad takes an important step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter somehow became a 13.000-word monster that consists _not_ just of angst like the last few chapters, so I hope you enjoy every word of it ^_^ It was a wish of my dear Veronibell, and she supplied the main ideas for it in her comment on the last chapter 'Collapse', so I'd like to give her credit here ^_^ Good thing she did, it would have been a pity if we'd missed out on this ;D 
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : Just so you know, I blame this entire chapter totally on you. I may have extended your ideas a little further and I included a few things you said in other comments, too. I hope I can live up to your expectations! I had so much fun writing this - thanks for bringing my Muse back :D

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


At seventeen-fifty-five Brad gets up off the too small chair in the hallway of the ICU in Tri-City Medical Center. Visiting hours will end in five minutes, and he intends to be gone before the staff come by and have to ask him to leave. Next to him Ray is gathering the wrappers of the dinner Brad brought for him and Marley, then Ray wipes down the little table with a napkin before he throws it in the trash along with the packaging. Brad is not surprised by it, he knows that Ray is not actually a messy person, most people just assume that he's messy because he often comes across as chaotic. But Brad has lived with Ray long enough to know that while he's not as much of a neat nut as Brad - Ray's words - he keeps everything in general order. On top of that Brad is pretty sure that Ray's making sure to stay on the good side of the medical staff right now. Wise move.

Brad says goodbye to Ray and gives Marley a wave through the glass wall to Tim's room that she returns with a smile, then he lingers in the hallways just long enough to make sure that Tim's father walks ahead of him. Brad follows the man in plain sight and enters the elevator along with him, he _wants_ him to know that Brad is keeping an eye on him. 

The fact that the man is Tim's father is impossible to miss. Brad has rarely seen such a strong physical resemblance between father and son, but there are also so many blatant differences that Brad would never have mistaken one for the other. The most noticeable difference in appearance from a solely visual point of view is that Tim sports a moustache while his father is clean shaven. Tim is also more muscular and fit than his father, but that is not surprising given that he's decades younger and leads a very active lifestyle, which includes keeping in shape through regular exercise. 

But what stands out most to Brad is that the way Tim carries himself speaks of his military background as clearly as if he was wearing a uniform. And while Tim's father has the same kind of natural authority to his posture and gait that Tim has, Brad can read in his body language that Tim's father has no combat experience, that he's not a trained warrior like Tim is. If those two ever got into a physical fight, Tim's father wouldn't stand a chance against his son - or Ray, for that matter - and Brad can't help wondering if the man _really_ understands that. Judging by the way he comports himself, Brad would say that he doesn't.

Brad is aware that there are some massive issues between Tim and his father, even if he's not privy to the entire story. Ray told him that Tim's father is the epitome of a homophobic, racist, judgemental bigot - Ray's words - and that he insulted Tim, Ray and Mini last year when they were visiting Tim's mom. The fact alone that Marley and Tim's mom were invited to the wedding, but Tim's father wasn't is a sure sign that things are not too good between them. Not to mention that Ray explicitly forbidding the man to enter Tim's room in a situation like this speaks as clear a language as the way Marley glares at her father and how the Bryan women - including little Brianna - show signs of either wariness or anger and hostility towards him. On top of that Brad didn't miss the way Angela and Mary-Ann are clearly protective of Tim and hostile towards his father. Brad has known Ray's mom and grandma long enough to be well aware that there's bound to be a very good reason for that behaviour. 

Brad's own assessment of Tim's father is not very profound given that he had only about thirty minutes to observe the man sitting on a chair and hasn't even exchanged a word with him, but it's enough to dislike him. At first glance he seems to be a lot like Tim, the same strong silent type, the same natural authority, the same tendency to observe. But Tim's father is lacking the genuine care that underlies Tim's every action even when he's being a caustic, angry badass, which he was quite a lot when Brad served with him. Somehow even then you still knew that he would risk everything for you without hesitation, that deep down he's the kind of man you can trust to have your six and who you want to have by your side when shit hits the fan. Brad thinks it's one of the reasons why kids are drawn to Tim and trust him right away - they feel that he's genuinely decent and that they're absolutely safe with him. Tim's father has _nothing_ of that charisma, and Brad doesn't trust him as far as he can throw him.

Throughout the elevator ride to the ground floor Tim's father keeps looking at Brad in a way that is bordering on a challenge, he's very well aware what Brad is doing and he's not backing down. Brad just calmly stares back and then pointedly follows him through the reception area and out in the street. He makes it no secret that he watches where the man is going, and only when Tim's father rounds the corner and thinks himself safely out of Brad's sight does Brad begin to track him in secret. He wants to know where the man is staying, it always pays to know the enemy's hide-out. Tim's father doesn't seem to have a car, he keeps walking at a brisk but steady pace for two blocks, then he enters a basic hotel. Brad is only satisfied when he has found out that Tim's father has room number 27, and a quick call where he's pretending to want to make a reservation for that room informs him that it's booked it for the next five days. Brad returns to the hospital's parking lot about half an hour after later to get his truck and drive home for the day. There's nothing more he can do for Ray and Tim right now. 

The drive out to his house is quiet and the streets are surprisingly empty for a Saturday evening. Brad finds his thoughts wandering back to yesterday morning, when Ray lost it after Tim coded right in front of him. The memory of Ray screaming in agony and fear on the roof-terrace of the ICU, his eyes wild and tears streaming down his face, is not going to leave Brad anytime soon. It was so raw and helpless and it pained Brad just to listen, to watch him succumb to the pure terror of losing Tim, of seeing Tim die right in front of him. And while Brad is sure that he doesn't _really_ know what Ray felt like at that moment, Brad's stomach still clenches painfully and his mind becomes paralysed with a kind of helpless fear he never knew before whenever he thinks about _Nate_ being the one bleeding out in that operating room, about _Nate's_ heart stopping right in front of him. It's a feeling that hasn't quite left him since that early Friday morning in the ER when they were waiting for news about whether Tim was alive or not. 

Brad can't remember ever feeling like that, not even when he was in an active war zone with Nate, and that situation was certainly a lot more dangerous than their current lives. But that doesn't change the fact that in a corner of his stomach he's been feeling uneasy and wary and just _off_. He's perfectly aware that it's irrational and unfounded, but he can't quite get rid of that feeling. It's been his constant companion for the thirty-seven hours that have passed since that thought first came to him, and it only eases whenever he hears Nate's voice on the phone, warm and strong and _alive_. 

Now that he's thinking about it, Brad realises that since Friday morning they talked to each other a lot more than they'd usually do in such a short timeframe, and Brad called Nate about as many times as Nate called him. They were mostly short conversations and Brad admits - at least to himself - that for him it was more about satisfying the need - the _urge_ \- to hear Nate's voice than to actually exchange information. He needed that moment of relief when the uneasy feeling of diffuse fear inside him stopped as soon as Nate's voice was in his ear. Brad can't help thinking about how Ray doesn't get to have that kind of relief, how the knot of constant fear and uncertainty inside him must be countless times worse, and how he can't even dare to hope that it'll pass because it could just as well get worse. 

Ray's close to the end of his rope, Brad can tell. Letting it out on the ICU's roof-terrace may have allowed him to decompress for a moment, but it's nothing more than a temporary relief that won't last. He's wondering how much longer Ray will be able to keep it up, especially if things don't work out and Tim either doesn't wake up tomorrow or if there are indeed some serious side effects of the three times his heart stopped beating. Brad knows that Ray is very strong, that he can take a lot more strain than most people realise, but even he has limits. He had a first brush with his breaking point when Tim coded in front of him, and Brad is well aware that Ray is fast approaching the limit of what he can take. Add to the mixture that he'll have to face Mini tomorrow afternoon, that he has to tell her about Tim without really knowing what he can say, and Brad knows shit will hit the fan very soon. 

The pressure Ray's under right now compares to nothing they have been trained for or experienced on active duty because this is personal - as personal as it can possibly get, this is Ray's _family_ on the line. And Brad doesn't even want to think about what it would do to Mini if Tim doesn't wake up, or if he's not himself anymore when he wakes, if he doesn't remember her and Ray. Brad has never witnessed Mini go into a full-blown attack when her abandonment issues are triggered, but Ray has told him about it in detail before they started the sleepovers last year to prepare him in case it happens when he's taking care of Mini while Ray and Tim aren't there. Ray taught Brad how to recognise the first signs of an approaching attack, how to try to keep her from getting all worked up and what to do when she's losing it. Brad could tell that for Ray the worst of it is that there's nothing they really _can_ do to make it better other than to be there, reassure her that they won't leave her, and help her ride it out. 

Brad has no doubts at all that losing her Dad would send Mini much further over the edge than any attack before, and he never wants his little girl to experience that. She has suffered way too much already in her young life, and yet she's still so positive, so cheerful and loving and passionate, and Brad never wants her to lose that. It always reminds him that despite all the shit he has seen and experienced, there are genuinely good things in this world that are worth protecting, worth loving, worth fighting for, worth living for - and that for Mini, _he_ is one of these things same as she is for him. For some reason that realisation floored him.

Brad has only _really_ become aware of how much Mini is attached to him when he left for his last deployment in January and he received a letter from her already with the first mail call, and then in every subsequent one. _Every single one_. Never in his entire career has Brad received so much mail during a deployment, and only halfway through this one did he realise that he was actually looking forward to the next mail delivery. He never bothered with it before, but this time it was different. For the first time he didn't mind the reminders of home that came with such regularity, something he always avoided before to the point that he even asked his mom and sister not to write, at least not more than once a month, which they reluctantly agreed to. But Brad would never be able to ask that of Mini, and he admits that every card he got, as artistically challenged as they were, made him smile and gave him a warm feeling somewhere deep in his chest. He made sure to store them safely in his pack and now he has them all sorted by date in a little box in his workshop, the place he loves the most in his house. He even went out and bought a green box specifically for Mini's cards and letters because any other colour would have felt wrong.

Brad's not quite sure when it started, but nowadays he sometimes can't help wondering if the Marines are worth all the things he's missing out on, and that's not a thought he ever expected to have. It was always clear cut for him, he never doubted that he would serve his entire life, that this is his calling. It's still his calling, that hasn't changed, but he now has issues with DADT in a way he never expected to have and never had before. Because ever since Ray and Tim returned to the US and made Mini a part of Brad's life, he realised that he might want something he hasn't thought about for a very long time. Spending time with Nate and Mini is among Brad's favourite things to do, he loves Mini's genuine laughter, her curiosity and her enthusiasm, he loves watching Nate smile so genuinely and openly with Mini, he loves seeing him show that soft side of his so blatantly. He can't help thinking that Nate would make a fantastic father and that without DADT he might be one - because the most staggering insight for Brad is that he _wants_ this with Nate: A family. 

Brad was sure he didn't want a family of his own after the mess with Kylie and Jason. Before, well yes, he'd pictured himself having a kid or two with Kylie, coming home to them after a deployment, playing with them in the garden, seeing them grow up while he and Kylie grow old together. But afterwards, not so much. Kids were always firmly linked to Kylie for him, and that resulted in even the thought of having children leaving a very bad taste in his mouth. For years he hadn't even thought about it, he was content with a fling here and there between deployments, but nothing serious, _never_ something serious. He _didn't want_ serious. He'd done that, and look where it got him. No, thank you. He'd learned his lesson.

And then he met Nate - his _CO_ , of course he had to fall for his freaking _male CO_ \- and serious was the _only_ thing he wanted. Even now, after more than six years of being with Nate, he's sometimes still amazed that he gets to have it, that Nate puts up with his shit, that Nate wants him just as much as he wants Nate - that Nate would _marry_ him if it was possible. Brad has known that for almost a year now - nine months and seven days, to be exact, since Mini asked her loaded bridesmaid question - and it still leaves him stunned and humbled. Brad's well aware that he's not the easiest person to get along with - _to love_ \- but with Nate that never mattered. And being around Mini so much this past year, being loved so genuinely and innocently and whole-heartedly by a little kid, changed something inside Brad in a way he can't quite put his finger on. He just knows that he won't ever forget how she shouted his name at the airstrip at Camp Pendleton when he came back from his last deployment, how she ran towards him and how she clung to him when he'd picked her up. He won't forget the sense of peace he felt in the middle of his post-deployment restlessness, and it remained throughout the rest of the day when she refused to let go of him and when she fell asleep in his arms. It's something he doesn't want to miss again, that feeling of belonging and family, and he wants to share it with Nate. 

And DADT is the reason why they can't have it. Brad has always thought DADT to be bullshit, even long before it actually concerned him personally. Brad has known that he's bi for as long as he can remember, but since he was in love with Kylie for most of his life and afterwards didn't want a relationship anyway, DADT never caused him much trouble. Sure, he had to be more careful when he picked up guys than when he found himself a girl for the night, but that was about it. Ever since he met Nate that began to change. 

Brad feels a cold shiver run down his spine when he thinks about the fact that if Nate was in ICU, Brad wouldn't be allowed to stay - scratch that, he wouldn't even be granted access in the first place since officially he is _nothing_ to Nate - because of DADT. He wouldn't have been contacted either since Nate's emergency contact is his mother, not Brad - because it would be very difficult to explain to the brass why Brad is the emergency contact of his former CO without their relationship being revealed. Their situation would be very different from Ray's and Tim's because they're not married and have no legal right to each other at all. Fuck, they're not even officially together because of DADT. Only a handful of people know about them at all, including Brad's family, Nate's family, Ray, Tim and Mini; and Brad is pretty sure Walt, Poke and Mike know, too. Because of that shitty policy, if something happened to Brad, Nate would not even be informed about it, he wouldn't know a thing. They're lucky in so far that both their families not only know about their relationship but also approve of it, which means that Brad's family would tell Nate if something happened to Brad, they would keep him up to date, they would do everything in their power to make sure that he had access to Brad - which in turn could cost Brad his job. How fucked up is _that_?

Ever since Brad realised that he wants a family with Nate he has begun to actively hate DADT. And after spending two years with the British Royal Marines in the UK, where they abolished such discriminatory policies in 2000 and where Brad served with several openly gay or bi Marines, he is more certain than ever that DADT is harmful and disruptive rather than the protective measure it's supposed to be. During his time with the Royal Marines he didn't see any evidence for all the terrible consequences that the Americans are so certain will result from allowing gay and bi servicemen to openly be who they are. If anything, Brad felt like unit cohesion was better because the enormous pressure of secrecy - that he's very familiar with himself - was taken out of the equation. And when Nate showed him the blog post with the transcript of Tim's speech at the Lone Sailor Awards Dinner in September last year, Brad agreed with every single point Tim made. What a pity that the higher-ups still have their heads so far up their asses that they're unable to see any reason at all.

He's just glad that they managed to keep Mini from walking around Oceanside telling everybody who'll listen about her Uncle Brad and her Uncle Nate who love each other like her Daddy and her Dad do, and how she'll get to be their bridesmaid when they have their wedding party. It wasn't easy, but in the end it was Ray who came up with the perfect way to keep her from spilling the beans. He invented this whole multi-part fantasy story that Brad heard all about from Mini. It was about a fierce warrior who wielded a powerful sword of ice, and his body was protected by an impenetrable armour of magical ice. The warrior was highly respected for the relentless protection he provided for the kingdom and for living by a strong code of honour. But only very few people knew that the warrior's heart behind his armour of ice was made of pure starlight and that it powered his magical sword and armour. The happier the warrior was, the brighter shone his starlight heart and the stronger was his sword and the harder was his armour. 

During a campaign to the eastern borders of the kingdom to defend its people against the evil orcs of the dark lands, the warrior fought alongside the youngest son of the king, an intelligent and most decent prince with a heart of pure gold who was as fierce as the warrior in his desire to protect the people. During the long days of war the warrior and the prince grew first to respect each other and then they fell in love with each other. The prince gave the warrior his heart of pure gold, and it made the warrior's starlight heart shine brighter than it ever had before, and his sword became sharper and his armour stronger than ever before. Together the prince and the warrior were unbelievably strong, and they fought valiantly and defeated the orcs and returned peace to the eastern borders of their kingdom.

But by the king's rules his sons were forbidden to give their heart to anybody but the person the king chose for them. So the prince and the warrior could not tell anybody about their fused hearts, because if their love was disclosed, the king would separate the warrior and the prince. He would tear the pure gold from the starlight and that would make the bright starlight of the warrior's heart fade along with his dying happiness and then his magical ice sword would crumble and his armour would melt and leave him vulnerable. So the prince and the warrior loved each other in secret, because they both knew they were needed to defend the people, it was their duty to make sure that the kingdom was safe. And one day, when the old king would die, his rules would be void and the prince and the warrior would let their pure gold starlight shine openly to protect the kingdom. But that day was not there yet.

Ray concluded his drawn-out adventure fantasy tale by telling Mini that the situation for her Uncle Brad and her Uncle Nate is very similar, and that they have to love each other in secret to be able to do their duty and protect the people of the US. Ray told Brad with a rather smug grin that she immediately pinky promised to not disclose their love and to protect their pure gold starlight heart, and so far she hasn't said a word about them, as far as Brad can tell. And while Ray's plan seems to work, Brad is still not sure how he feels about the fact that Ray gave him a starlight heart. But he certainly likes the sword and the armour made of powerful magical ice, and he also thinks that Nate would make a very good king once they get rid of the old one.

Brad's musings are interrupted when he steers his truck through the trees lining his long driveway and he spots his house. He frowns because he can see that there's light on, and there's a dark blue Ford parked besides the front porch, clearly a rental car. Technically he knows who it must be because there's only one person on this planet who Brad has given a key to his house, and that's Nate. Not even his parents or Ray have one - not that Ray needs one, he's perfectly capable to just pick the lock like he has done on more than one occasion. It's why Brad never bothered to give him a key, because why spoil his fun? But Ray is still at the hospital and Nate is in Washington, they talked on the phone shortly past seventeen-hundred when Brad was on his way home from base. That was not even two hours ago, so there's no way Nate could have managed to get to Oceanside since then. 

Brad parks his truck next to the blue Ford, kills the engine and gets out of the car. Whoever is in his house will have heard the truck, so there's no need for Brad to be stealthy in his approach, although he remains careful and alert. He opens the door and enters, and he's instantly met with the delicious scents of chicken soup and matzah balls. It's one of Brad's favourite foods since childhood, especially the way his mom makes it, and besides his family Nate is the only one who knows that. Brad's frown deepens as he makes his way towards the kitchen without taking off his shoes or his jacket. He wants to be ready for whatever he's going to find, although he seriously doubts that a burglar would make the effort to cook his favourite dish.

Before he has taken more than two steps the door to the kitchen opens and Nate comes into the hallway. Brad freezes mid movement in something that is one part surprise, three parts relief and six parts joy. It's been exactly five days and twelve hours since Brad has last seen him. Oh-seven-hundred last Monday morning, to be precise, when he left Nate's apartment together with him - Nate to go to work, Brad to fly back to California. He'd arrived in Washington DC on Friday afternoon, five days after returning from deployment, for a short weekend getaway. Brad would have loved to fly out to Washington earlier and to spend more time with Nate, but the timing was exceptionally unfortunate because CNAS had decided to make Nate CEO on June 1st. Obviously that meant that Nate couldn't take time off right after his promotion, it would have sent a very very wrong message, and Brad will never hold it against him considering how many times Nate has to accommodate Brad's job and all the shit it entails - DADT and deployments, for example. 

For some reason his most recent deployment dragged on in a way Brad isn't used to. It was a lot of patrols through Baghdad's many neighbourhoods, several proper recon missions and counter-terrorism operations, and a great amount of time spent training the Iraqi Security Forces, not to forget the odd car or suicide bomb thrown into the mixture. So it wasn't exactly a boring tour and Brad was pretty busy, yet he found himself thinking about Nate and missing him a lot more than he usually does on deployments. He's not sure how much of that was due to Mini's letters and the more or less regular calls and video chats serving as a constant reminder of home in a way he previously made a point to avoid during deployments. Mini is always connected to Nate for Brad, which is not exactly surprising considering how much time the three of them have spent together and how much Brad loves that time. 

So Brad found himself almost religiously counting the days in his head, something he stopped doing after Kylie dumped him for Jason. He didn't see the point of it anymore, because what for? There was nothing - _nobody_ \- in the States that he wanted to get back to so desperately. Returning just meant that he'd be doing his job in a different location than during a tour. He only began counting the days again on that first deployment without Nate in 2004, and he's been doing it on every tour since, even if he never said a word about it to anybody. He knows that Nate is counting, too, but not because Nate ever told him so. No, it was in fact Nate's sister who dropped that piece of information two years ago during the Fick family Christmas Eve dinner that Brad has been invited to ever since Nate told his family about him. 

Now Brad lets his gaze travel over Nate's body and takes all of Nate in. He's wearing a black t-shirt and he's barefoot, his jeans riding low in the way they always do when he takes off his belt, which Brad knows he only does when he's either at home or here. Nate is looking at him for a long moment, his eyes wandering all over Brad as if he's checking him for injuries inside and out. It's the same kind of look Nate always gives him when Brad comes back from deployment, the same look he gave Brad a week ago when he entered his apartment to find Brad on the couch, and the same look that Brad remembers getting constantly in Iraq in 2003, even if it was much more covert back then. Brad wonders what Nate is looking for, and what he's seeing. 

After a moment a slow smile comes to Nate's lips and his eyes are warm when they lock with Brad's. 

"Welcome home, Brad." He says quietly, his voice tender in the way it was on the phone, and hearing it breaks the spell that kept Brad standing motionless in the hallway. He has crossed the short distance between them in two long strides and then his arms have wrapped around Nate and pulled him close in a firm embrace. The dread in his stomach is gone as soon as Nate is touching him, and it's replaced by a profound relief that might be irrational, but is no less real for it.

It feels so good, _so fucking good_ , Nate's solid body pressed against him from head to toe, his strong arms wrapped tight around Brad's waist, his hands splayed out on Brad's back, and their touch feels firm and sure even through Brad's jacket. A tension that Brad wasn't even consciously aware of leaks out of him and he allows himself to melt into Nate. He closes his eyes, buries his nose in the crook of Nate's neck and inhales deeply, and Nate's scent wraps around him and fills his senses. It feels like home. 

Brad strokes the tip of his nose against the soft skin where shoulder meets neck and closes his arms a little tighter around the strong body pressed against his. Nate makes no attempt to break the hold of Brad's arms on him, instead he leans in and moulds his body to Brad's until it feels like they're one, and Brad finds himself relax - genuinely and profoundly relax - for the first time in days. He's always been amazed at how perfectly their bodies fit together, how the three inches of difference in height make them slot together like they are made for each other. Nate is a pretty tall man, and Brad never knew how much he likes having a partner who is close to him in height until Nate kissed him for the first time. That's when Brad found out that he _loves_ that Nate only needs to raise his head to be able to kiss him, that he can take the initiative without needing Brad to bend down to be able to reach his lips. It's so fucking _hot_ when he takes charge, and it never fails to do things to Brad that he will never put into words. He has an inkling that Nate knows anyway.

Just like now, because Nate's lips are touching the side of Brad's neck, slowly wandering up his throat, and Brad tilts his head to the side to grant him better access. Nate takes his time, opening his mouth against Brad's neck to let his tongue caress the skin while his hands are sliding underneath Brad's leather jacket. He strokes Brad's sides and back through the fabric of his t-shirt, and Brad shivers when Nate trails a finger down his spine and causes goose bumps to spread all over Brad's skin. When the touch of Nate's tongue reaches Brad's jaw, Brad's head turns towards him instinctively, searching for Nate's mouth, his lips already agape in anticipation of meeting Nate's. 

He's not disappointed. Nate doesn't dive in, though, instead he just opens his mouth and trails the tip of his tongue over Brad's lips, his breath a warm caress on Brad's skin. His lips enfold Brad's in a gentle touch before he slips his tongue into Brad's mouth in a sensual and unhurried exploration, as if he has never kissed Brad before. Brad returns the teasing ministrations and follows Nate's lead on his thorough discovery tour of Brad's mouth. It's intimate and arousing in a different way than their kisses usually are, and Brad finds himself enjoying it immensely how the heat is spreading through his veins in a constantly increasing burn.

By the time Nate is pushing the jacket off Brad's shoulders, Brad is half-hard in his jeans and his senses have focussed almost entirely on Nate. He hears his jacket fall to the floor, carelessly disposed of in a way they usually never are with their clothes, but right now he doesn't care. He just wants to get rid off the clothes that are preventing him from feeling Nate's warm skin against his. His fingers are pushing up Nate's t-shirt, but before he can pull it over his head Nate suddenly freezes in his arms and leans backwards without breaking Brad's hold on him. When Brad opens his eyes, he finds Nate staring at Brad's chest, his hands holding onto the fabric of Brad's t-shirt. Brad is a little confused about what is going on, but before he can ask, Nate speaks up.

"You're wearing my t-shirt." He says in a voice that leaves no doubt that he's absolutely astounded by that fact. His eyes are wide in surprise and his mouth is agape, and Brad would laugh at how adorable that makes him look if he wasn't so busy feeling his cheeks grow warm. He's aware that he's blushing, even if it's just a little bit and it's probably not visible in the dim light of the hallway. 

Nate slept in the t-shirt when he was here the last time before Brad's deployment, and Brad hid it under the pillow when he made the bed in the morning of Nate's departure, knowing that Nate would never look for it in the neatly made bed because Brad never keeps any clothes there. The t-shirt smelled of Nate for days afterwards, and even if Brad will never admit to it out loud, he did jerk off the night after Nate left with his nose pressed into the soft fabric and Nate's scent filling his senses. He almost felt regret when he threw the t-shirt in the laundry a few days later, but he knew there was nothing of Nate's scent left anyway, so it would be pointless not to wash it. 

And today when he changed out of his uniform he just grabbed Nate's t-shirt before he drove out to get some dinner for Ray and Marley. He can't even really say why he picked it, it's just... he needed something of Nate's touching him, a reminder that Nate is all right, that he's not in a coma in a hospital bed with a hole in his femoral artery and the threat of brain damage looming over him. It's not rational behaviour, he knows that, and really, he's a grown man, he should be above such adolescent-girl urges. Yet he didn't bother to analyse the move when he came home, he just followed the instinct, and he _most certainly_ didn't expect Nate to be here when he came back. He didn't think Nate would _ever_ see him wearing his t-shirt, that he would know that Brad not only wears it in the house or to sleep, but _out in public_. Brad is well aware that that's an entirely different thing, and he knows Nate is aware of it, too. 

"You're wearing my t-shirt." Nate repeats with wonder in his voice when Brad remains silent, still fighting the burn in his cheeks. Nate is looking down at his own hands that are slowly passing over the fabric of the Harvard t-shirt over Brad's chest, and there's an unmistakable hint of possessiveness in his touch as well as in his voice. When Nate looks up and catches his gaze, Brad finds it mirrored in his eyes, too, and it makes Brad's dick twitch in arousal. He never admitted out loud how much it turns him on when Nate shows that he's possessive of Brad, but right now he knows that he doesn't have to say it for Nate to notice. He swallows hard, licks his suddenly dry lips and gives up fighting the blush on his cheeks. 

"Yeah." Brad's reply is firm yet barely above a whisper, and his hands tighten their grip where they're resting on the bare skin of Nate's waist underneath his t-shirt. Brad's well aware that Nate has never seen him do anything as overt as this to mark himself as Nate's, that Brad has never shown this clearly his desire for the outside world to know that he belongs to Nate, even if only a selected few are able to understand the meaning of Brad wearing a Harvard t-shirt. Ray certainly did get it. 

Nate's pupils have dilated at Brad's confirmation, and Brad decides that he wants to push things in a way he never has done before. He moves his arms up from Nate's waist to his back to pull him closer, then he leans in until his mouth is right next to Nate's ear. He licks along the shell, well aware of how sensitive Nate's ears are, before he says in a low voice, "I'm yours, Nate."

He feels Nate tense in his arms, hears him take a sharp breath, and then, before Brad can even begin to doubt the wisdom of saying those words, he feels a shiver go through Nate before he melts against Brad and into his arms in a way that speaks of stunned happiness as clearly as if Nate had put those feelings into words. Nate's nose comes to rest in the crook of Brad's neck and his arms close firmly around Brad's waist in a way that feels protective, possessive and loving at the same time. For the first time does Bard consciously notice that Nate embracing him has felt like that for years, and suddenly Brad realises how much easier it is to breathe now that Nate is here, in his house, in his arms, his face buried against Brad's neck, his hands a reassuring pressure on Brad's back. 

Brad closes his eyes, turns his head and touches his lips to Nate's temple in a lingering kiss. He finally really believes that Nate is alive and healthy and that there's not a scratch on him. That he's not bleeding out, that Brad is not about to lose him.

"I love you, Nate." Brad murmurs against the warm skin under his lips because he can't hold it back anymore, he doesn't want to, he needs Nate to hear it, to know it. The words have been on the tip of his tongue for a while now, but he never quite dared to say them, wasn't sure that he ever would despite knowing them to be true. Those words always belonged to Kylie, the only person he ever said them to - but now they aren't hers anymore, now they belong to Nate, whose hands are clenching in the fabric of Brad's t-shirt in reaction to his confession, his arms around Brad's waist tightening and pulling Brad impossibly much closer. He doesn't raise his head off Brad's shoulder, though, his nose still touching Brad's neck. The deep breath he takes is shaky, and Brad can feel Nate's chest tremble against his.

"I wasn't sure I would ever hear you say that." Nate's voice is low and raw when he speaks, and Brad can hear how deeply it affects Nate that Brad said those words to him, how much they mean to him.

"I was sure I was never going to feel it again after Kylie." Brad admits quietly, the words no more than a whisper against Nate's temple. "I was wrong."

Brad feels Nate swallow hard and his arms tighten around Brad before Nate touches his lips to Brad's throat in a lingering kiss, a warm, soft pressure against Brad's skin that makes goose bumps spread down Brad's back and arms. Then Nate lifts his head off Brad's shoulder and his hands come up to cup Brad's jaw in a firm yet gentle grip, and he catches Brad's gaze and holds it. He's quiet for a long time, just looking at Brad without hiding his emotions, allowing them to show openly in his eyes, vulnerable and yet completely unafraid. Brad just keeps staring into his beautiful green eyes that he gets lost in over and over again, and it sends a new wave of goose bumps down Brad's back to feel so clearly how much _he_ means to Nate, that Nate wants _him_ just the way he is. It leaves Brad breathless and he's completely unable to look away. He _doesn't want_ to look away.

"You know that I love you and have done so for years, don't you?" Nate's voice is warm and sure, leaving no doubt that he means every single word. His thumbs are caressing Brad's cheeks in a slow, mesmerising pattern and Brad finds himself unable to speak, so he just nods before he leans in and captures Nate's lips in a slow, deep kiss. He puts all the feelings into it that he doesn't have the words for, and he knows that Nate understands his body's language as easily as he always has, as instinctively as he did even before they really knew each other. And now, after more than six years of being with Brad, he's a master at reading Brad, at understanding him without them exchanging any words.

Nate opens to him immediately and takes all Brad has to give before he returns the kiss with equal passion. He ends up pressing Brad into the wall next to the door to the living-dining room, his thigh slipping between Brad's legs and rubbing teasingly against Brad's groin. His hands have left Brad's face, and his right one is now holding onto the back of Brad's left thigh where his leg has come up to allow Nate better access to his groin. The other hand is carding through Brad's hair and at the same time keeping the back of Brad's head from hitting the wall. Brad feels liquid heat pooling in his gut, and it intensifies with every lick of Nate's tongue into his mouth, every thrust of his hard dick against Nate's firm thigh, every hoarse groan he can hear coming from deep within Nate's throat. 

Brad pushes off the wall and steers Nate backwards through the doorway into the living-dining room and guides him in a more or less direct path towards the couch. It's the closest horizontal surface that isn't the floor, and Brad's only objective is to get Nate to sit down somewhere so that he can climb on top of him without making them both end up in a heap on the floor. As soon as they reach the couch Brad pushes Nate down and then immediately straddles him, spreading his legs wide and pressing down on Nate's rapidly growing erection that he can feel through the fabric of their jeans. Nate's hands are gripping his ass, encouraging him to grind down, and Brad is more than happy to oblige while he's leaning down to claim Nate's lips in a thorough kiss. Nate moans into Brad's mouth and sits up so that he's pressed to Brad's body rather than leaning back into the cushions, and his hands quickly undo the button and fly of Brad's jeans before they slide underneath the waistband and his underwear to grab Brad's bare ass. Brad's hips buck in an instinctive reaction to it, he _loves_ feeling Nate's large hands on his butt. 

"Dinner?" Brad presses out when he pulls back just enough to speak, not because he's hungry but because he doesn't want to be interrupted by a smoke detector going off.

"Stove's off." Nate replies between two kisses, obviously understanding immediately what Brad is really asking, and Brad is impressed by his foresight. Without another word Brad buries his hands in Nate's hair and pulls his head back so that he can plunge his tongue into Nate's mouth again. He loves how Nate's hair is just long enough that he can get a grip on it when he's making a first, and Nate's low groan in reaction to it never stops going directly to his dick. Brad spreads his legs a little further and rubs his painfully hard erection into Nate's, encouraged by Nate's firm grip on his asscheeks under his undone jeans. 

"Fuck me." Brad growls low and rough against Nate's lips, and he can feel Nate shudder underneath him, his grip tightening on Brad's ass. Brad claims Nate's mouth again, the kiss deep and wet and downright filthy, and he loves the groan he can hear low in Nate's throat. He wants Nate to claim him, he wants Nate to take charge, he wants to let go, he wants to feel Nate pulsing deep inside him, he just _wants_.

"Take me." Brad utters against Nate's open mouth, his hot breath mingling with Nate's. It's by far not his first time bottoming with Nate, they don't have fixed roles, but for some reason this feels different from all those other times before. 

" _Brad._ " His name is drawn from Nate's lips in a hoarse groan, sounding tortured and raw, and the sound sends goose bumps all over Brad's skin. One of Nate's hands trails up the small of Brad's back and underneath his Harvard t-shirt that Brad is still wearing, and Brad leans into his touch when he feels Nate's large hand splay out between his shoulder blades, its strong grip pulling Brad even closer, the taunt muscles of Nate's arm pressing firmly against Brad's ribcage. Brad is unable to hold back his appreciative groan because he loves to feel Nate's strength, and then he shivers in anticipation when Nate's other hand slides between his asscheeks. It's followed by Nate's fingers expertly pressing down behind Brad's balls, sending a jolt of pleasure through him that makes him shudder against Nate in reflex, his mouth open in an unrestrained moan. Nate's hips buck in an instinctive response and remind Brad how much it turns Nate on when he gets loud.

" _Mark me, Nate._ " Brad demands when he can speak again, his voice low and rough. He arches into Nate and bares his throat to him so that he can bite the side of Brad's neck and leave his mark. Brad wants it, wants that visible reminder that he belongs to Nate, that Nate belongs to him, that this is real, that Nate is here, that he's whole and healthy and safe, that _he is Brad's_.

Nate lets out a strangled groan that sounds a lot like Brad's name right before he closes his lips over the skin of Brad's collarbone, biting and sucking a mark there in a way he has never done before in their entire relationship. Brad can feel Nate grow even harder where he's pressing his groin to Nate's, and his own dick is straining painfully against the confines of his jeans when he senses Nate's teeth on his neck and his fingers behind his balls, sending waves of arousal through his entire body. Oh god, he wants it, he wants Nate inside him, and he wants it _now_.

A first step towards achieving his objective is to get rid of their clothes. They're both still mostly dressed, and that's definitely not conductive to getting Nate to fuck his brains out. As soon as Nate lets go of Brad's neck, leaving behind a pointed throbbing, Brad jerks first his own t-shirt over his head and then pulls off Nate's, throwing them aside carelessly. He knows he'll have to get up to allow them both to take off their pants, but he's unwilling to part from Nate for even that long. It seems Nate feels the same way about it, he's already back to devouring Brad's mouth and his hands are wandering all over Brad's chest and back, making good use of the now exposed and freely accessible bare skin. Brad can't quite suppress a shiver when Nate scratches with his nails down his spine, from Brad's neck all the way down underneath the waistband of Brad's undone jeans, playing over his hole in a way that makes Brad's dick leak in arousal.

Lube, they need lube. A quick mental check of his options tells Brad that the closest bottle is in his bedroom, which means that he'll have to get up to get it. He can kill two birds with one stone here, get rid of his jeans and underwear _and_ get the lube, so that solidifies his course of action.

"Lube." Brad says in a hoarse voice as he gets up off Nate's lap and unceremoniously shoves down his jeans and boxer briefs in one go before he walks over to the bedroom buck-naked, his strides impatient. He quickly grabs the bottle of lube he keeps in the bottom drawer of his bedside table, then he returns to the living room. Nate made good use of the time and is entirely naked now, sitting on the couch with his clothes thrown haphazardly on the floor along with Brad's. Under normal circumstances neither Brad nor Nate would ever leave their clothes in such a mess strewn all over the place, but these are not normal circumstances and they both know it. Nate's dick is hard and leaking, his mouth is open, his lips swollen from their kisses, and he's licking his bottom lip when his gaze follows Brad's approach. He's flushed from his cheeks all the way down his chest, and Brad never gets over how hot he finds it that he can read Nate's arousal so clearly on his body.

Brad straddles Nate as soon as he's back by the couch and immediately pops open the cap of the bottle of lube, coating his own fingers with the liquid. He's very well aware that Nate would never skimp on the preparation, so he decides to just do it himself because he just _can't_ wait, not now, not this time. Nate's eyes are dark with arousal while he's watching Brad open himself up for him, his mouth agape and his tongue passing over his lips, his hands caressing Brad's thighs where he's kneeling over Nate's lap. Brad prepares himself probably a lot less carefully than he should, but he knows what he can take and he _wants_ to feel it burn, he _wants_ to be sore tomorrow so that he can feel the reminder of Nate inside him throughout the day. 

When Brad decides he's good, he reaches behind him and takes hold of Nate's dick, slicking him up with more lube before he holds him steady at his hole. He catches Nate's gaze when he begins to lower himself, never looking away because he wants to see every emotion in Nate's eyes, he wants to see his face contort in pleasure, he wants to see him give in to this entirely. Nate's gaze is heated and dark with arousal and at the same time it's open in a way Brad isn't sure it was before, and is sends a wave of heat through him to know that Nate is laying himself bare for Brad, not even the tiniest hint of a defence left, trusting Brad unconditionally in this moment of vulnerability. It humbles Brad and at the same time turns him on in a way he never would have expected, and he feels a trickle of precum leak out of him. 

He hears Nate's drawn-out moan and feels the tightening of his grip on Brad's hips when the tip of his erection slips into Brad past the ring of muscles, and Brad feels the first hint of the burn of Nate stretching him. They've gone without condoms for years now, and Brad will never stop revelling in the sensation of Nate's hot, hard flesh touching him without a barrier to lessen the intensity of the experience. 

"Oh fuck, yes." Brad growls low in his throat and sinks down further, feeling Nate opening him up even more until he's sheathed entirely inside Brad. Brad is panting by now and he can see Nate's chest rise and fall in equally laboured breaths, and Nate's grip on his hips is so tight that Brad knows there'll be finger-shaped bruises that he'll admire in the mirror later. Nate is still holding his gaze and his pupils are blown wide now, and even in his blissed out condition Brad is well aware that Nate held entirely still while Brad took him inside, that he didn't thrust up in the way he must crave to do. Nate knows that this is Brad's first time bottoming in over six months, because the last time they did this was before Brad was deployed at the beginning of January. Brad feels how long it has been, the burn more intense than it is when there's not been a dry spell of several months, and while he enjoys that burn immensely, he also appreciates that even now Nate's not moving, that he's waiting for Brad to decide when he's ready for more.

Brad gives himself a moment to adjust because his preparation really wasn't quite as thorough as it should have been, and he makes good use of that time by taking hold of Nate's neck to pull him up from where he's lying back in the cushions and claim his mouth in a deep kiss. Nate's hands leave his hips and begin trailing all over Brad's body, from his thighs over his ass to his sides up his back and down Brad's arms where they're now wrapped around Nate's shoulders while he's devouring Nate's mouth. Brad feels the heat of Nate's dick pulsing inside him and experimentally shifts his hips a little, causing Nate to groan into the kiss and his hands to take hold of Brad's ass until his fingertips are touching the spot where he's disappearing inside of Brad. 

" _Brad._ " Nate's voice is a low rumble against Brad's lips and his eyes are hooded when he's looking up at Brad, his gaze burning and so full of desire that it makes a jolt of arousal shoot through Brad's entire body, leaving behind a prickling sensation all over his skin. It's amplified when Nate's right hand leaves its spot on Brad's ass to wrap around Brad's throbbing dick in a firm grip, just the way he knows Brad likes it, his thumb smearing the precum over the tip. Brad can't keep his hips from bucking at the ensuing pleasure, which makes Nate move inside him.

"Fuck, you're... you're _so hot_." Nate gasps into his mouth, his voice wrecked and raw in a way that makes Brad feel vaguely smug. It'll never stop being an ego boost that he can render Nate so hot and bothered that he's bordering on incoherent. Nate doesn't lose his cool easily, but when he's sleeping with Brad he always does, and it turns Brad on beyond reason that he has that effect on Nate. 

Brad tightens his arms around Nate and teasingly licks over his bottom lip while he's raising his hips off Nate's lap. He goes slow because he wants to fully enjoy the sensation of the slow slide of Nate's dick as well as Nate's blissed-out groan that is almost lost in their kiss. He stills when Nate is almost slipping out of him and gives Nate's bottom lip a sharp nip.

"Move, Nate." Brad orders in a rough whisper when he sinks down again, and Nate obeys him immediately and thrusts up at the same time that he jerks Brad's dick. Brad feels him slip deep inside him and hit his prostate just right, and the wave of ecstasy that courses through him is so strong that it almost overwhelms him. 

" _Nate!_ " He pants into Nate's open mouth right before he claims it again, lost in the intense sensations. Brad sets up a slow rhythm, thrusting up into Nate's fist and grinding down hard every time he bottoms out because he never gets enough of how it feels when Nate is so deep inside him and hits his prostate so hard that Brad's brain short circuits. He groans loudly every time it happens and just lets go, allows himself to lose control, trusting Nate to take over the wheel for the both of them. It's probably very good that he doesn't have any close neighbours.

Brad loses his sense of time and space, the only things mattering anymore are Nate and his touch - his erection sliding in and out of Brad and hitting Brad's prostate with every thrust, his deliciously tight grip on Brad's dick, his hand on Brad's ass, his mouth on Brad's, his tongue caressing Brad's. His moans push Brad higher and higher, Nate's voice an octave lower than it usually is, and most of the noises he makes are mindless and utterly lost in pleasure. Brad gets carried away by the intense sensations, he feels closer to Nate than he ever has before, as if they just passed a turning point in their relationship that he didn't even know existed. Brad only lets go of Nate's lips when he feels that he's close because he's panting so hard that he needs to breathe through his mouth. He doesn't pull back far, just half an inch, and he loves feeling his breath mingle with Nate's.

"Brad... Brad..." Nate's voice is so deliciously hoarse and breathless, and Brad could listen to it for hours, especially when it's saying his name. Nate raises his head until his mouth is right next to Brad's ear and his breath is a hot caress of wet air against Brad's skin. "I love you... _Brad._ "

To the end of his days Brad will deny that it's those words that send him over the edge, but they _are_ the reason he comes so hard that he thinks he might have blacked out for a second or two. His body is shaking with the force of his orgasm, and Nate's thrusts make his brain almost shut down with the continued intensity of the pleasure. He feels the exact moment when Nate is pushed over the edge, the heat filling him and Nate's dick pulsating palpably inside him with the last few jerky thrusts of Nate's hips. 

Brad slumps forward until his head comes to rest on Nate's shoulder, his body still trembling in the aftermath of his orgasm, and he feels utterly boneless in a way he rarely experienced before. He trusts Nate to hold him upright because Brad knows he himself can't manage to do that right now, he's completely wiped out and it feels so unbelievably _good_. The firm and strong circle of Nate's arms around him never wavers and keeps him from sliding off Nate, off the couch. Nate is leaning back in the cushions, panting as hard as Brad, and Brad follows him until he's covering Nate with his entire body like a large and thoroughly fucked human blanket. Nate is still inside him, soft now that they've both come, and Brad allows himself to sprawl over him with all his weight in a way he usually never does. He's well aware of how heavy he is, after all, but Nate doesn't seem to mind right now.

One of Nate's hand comes up and begins carding lazily through Brad's short hair while the other maintains its firm hold on Brad's waist. Brad relaxes into his touch and waits for his breathing to normalise again. He feels Nate's lips against his temple, pressing a gentle kiss to the skin and then just lingering there while he too regains his breath. It's comfortable and soothing, and Brad closes his eyes and turns his head a little more until his nose touches the side of Nate's neck. He breathes in the scent of Nate's sweat and finds it oddly intoxicating, which makes him wonder in passing if that fantastic orgasm damaged something in his brain. If it did, he finds that he doesn't particularly mind, because Nate just smells _fantastic_. 

As if to ruin the mood, Brad's stomach suddenly growls rather loudly, which makes Nate chuckle and the motion causes Nate's dick slips out of him. Brad feels his come trickle down his legs, and he makes a face at the sensation. Okay, now that's not quite so pleasant. Hopefully they didn't get anything on the couch.

Nate seems to have followed his train of thought. "What do you think about a shower to clean up this mess and then dinner?"

"Great plan." Brad replies, then he raises his head so that he can look at Nate before he cocks an eyebrow and smirks. "Not sure my legs work, though. I think you fucked them into uselessness."

Nate chuckles again and doesn't bother to hide his rather smug smirk. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"You do that." Brad says drily before he leans in to nip Nate's chin, pointedly using his teeth. "But I expect you to make up for it by indulging me in the shower. Hair wash and back rub and all that."

Nate grins while he lets his hands travel down to Brad's ass and then teasingly slips three fingers inside him, aiming straight for his prostate and spreading the mess of his come even more. "Deal."

Brad's entire body twitches in a most pleasant aftershock and he gasps against Nate's shoulder when his head sags forward. "You're playing dirty, _sir_."

"Hmmm, am I, now?" Nate doesn't sound sorry in the least and his fingers nudge Brad's almost oversensitive prostate again. "Do you want me to stop?"

"Fuck no." Brad doesn't bother to suppress the groan that follows his words and then he bites down on Nate's shoulder that is so conveniently located under his mouth. He relishes in the hitch he can hear in Nate's breath as well as in the shiver that goes through him and that Brad feels clearly because he's still draped over Nate. He knows he's way too spent to get it up again, but that doesn't mean that he's not enjoying the sensations Nate's fingers inside him elicit. 

It takes another few minutes before they finally get up off the couch and make their way to the bathroom. Nate makes good on his promise and gives Brad the full care package once they're in the shower, including a head massage to go with the hair wash, and a very enjoyable yet thorough body wash inside and out. He steers Brad under the spray of hot water for his back rub and draws it out until Brad feels like he could fall asleep right here in the shower because he's so relaxed. Damn, Nate is _good_ at this, at taking care of Brad. It's not like he's never done it before, but this feels like it's on a different level than before. Maybe it's also because Brad himself feels different, looser and more at ease than ever before. Yeah, that orgasm definitely damaged something in his brain. Not that he's complaining.

When they're drying off, Brad's gaze flickers to the bathroom mirror and he instantly notices the dark bite mark forming on the left side of his neck, just over the collarbone, and there are indeed finger-shaped bruises beginning to show on Brad's hips. Brad smirks, Nate certainly marked his territory tonight. 

It's not the first time Nate has left a mark on him, but it happens very rarely. They're both aware that it'll only lead to questions Brad can't reply to honestly and that might cause him trouble, and Nate has always made sure to never leave a mark that would be visible when Brad is in uniform. This is the first time he did, Brad can tell that the dark spot over his collarbone will be partially exposed by the collar of his uniform t-shirt. Nate is too familiar with the cut of the uniform not to have known that when he chose the spot, and when Brad traces his fingertips over the mark there's a slow warmth in his stomach at the thought that others will see it and that only Brad knows who _really_ left it there, who claimed him so visibly. 

Suddenly he notices Nate watching through the mirror how Brad is caressing the mark on his neck. Nate is smirking, but there's a gentle warmth in his eyes that tells Brad that he's genuinely pleased. Nate looks up from Brad's neck and catches his eyes in the mirror, and his smirk turns into a soft smile before he leans in, places a kiss on Brad's shoulder and then leaves the bathroom to get dressed. Brad remains standing where he is, transfixed and his skin tingling where Nate kissed him, and watches in the mirror how Nate gets a clean pair of Brad's boxer briefs out of the closet and puts them on, then he grabs the uniform t-shirt that Brad wore today off the back of the chair and pulls it over his head. He turns around and makes it a point to catch Brad's gaze in the mirror, and Brad can't help noticing that there's 'COLBERT' written across his chest. Something in Brad's stomach churns in a wave of possessiveness that he's well familiar with but never experienced quite _that_ strongly before. He licks his lips, and the corner of Nate's mouth quirks up when he sees it.

"Come to the kitchen when you're ready, I'll put the finishing touches to dinner." Nate says with a voice that is deeper than usual, then he leaves the bedroom. 

Brad keeps looking in the mirror until Nate has left its range. Something changed tonight, he can feel it even if he can't quite put his finger on what it is, same as there was this strange shift after Mini's bridesmaid question and the ensuing marriage proposal that wasn't actually put into words and where Brad is still not sure who proposed to whom. But he knows that afterwards their relationship changed in little ways, as if that proposal erased a sense of uncertainty that still lingered between them even after all those years of being together. Ever since Brad found it easier to show that he considers Nate his, to allow his possessiveness to shine through from time to time in a way he wasn't comfortable with before because he wasn't entirely sure that he had the right considering that he's the reason they're keeping their relationship a secret. He wasn't sure that Nate would welcome his claim, but after that day he learned that Nate does.

And tonight... Telling Nate that he loves him always seemed to be this insurmountable obstacle, the _only_ obstacle Brad ever encountered that he wasn't sure he'd manage to conquer - but now that he has done it, it feels like the most natural thing in the world. That doesn't mean that he'll go around shouting it from the rooftops - even if DADT wasn't preventing him from doing that - or that he'll be hitting Nate over the head with confessions of undying love all the time now, but it eases something deep inside him that Nate knows, that there's no doubt left in Nate that not only does Brad consider him his, but that he also considers himself to be Nate's. He needs Nate to know that it's a two-way street, that they're both equally invested in this.

Brad shakes himself out of his musings and leaves the bathroom to get dressed. When he moves he feels the low burn in his ass from their activities on the couch, and he smiles at the sensation when he pulls on a clean pair of boxer briefs, jeans and a t-shirt. Yeah, Nate _really_ marked his territory tonight, and not all of those marks are of the visible kind. Brad finds himself enjoying every single one of them.

When Brad comes into the kitchen, Nate has put on his jeans and is standing by the stove. Brad spots their afore carelessly discarded clothes neatly folded and piled in a stack sitting on the armrest of the couch. The scent of dinner is lingering deliciously in the room, and Brad finds it cute and oddly touching that Nate looked up a matzah ball soup recipe and cooked it for him, knowing how much Brad likes it. 

"How's Tim doing? Any change yet?" Nate asks over his shoulder when he hears Brad enter, all the while he keeps stirring the soup.

"No, he's still in a coma." Brad replies and comes over to stand next to him, leaning with his hip against the counter. The last time they talked on the phone was about three hours ago, so Nate is reasonably up to date of the situation, but Brad is well aware that things could have changed - for the better as well as for the worse - in the past few hours. "Tonight they're going to stop the meds keeping him under. They hope he'll wake up tomorrow, but it's not sure yet."

Nate nods slowly, then he gives him a concerned look. "And Ray?"

"Approaching his limits." Brad presses his lips into a thin line. "Tomorrow will be crucial. If Tim doesn't wake up, or if there are serious repercussions of the times his heart stopped, it won't be pretty." 

"Especially because he'll have to tell Mini." Nate continues Brad's line of thought easily, and there's a deeply worried frown on his face. Brad told him that Mini is on a camping trip with Walt and the Bravo Squad and will be back on Sunday afternoon, at which point Ray will be forced to make a decision about what he'll tell her, and how he'll do it. That's something that hasn't changed since their last conversation. 

That reminds Brad that Nate must already have been in California during their last call. He was probably on route from San Diego to Oceanside, because he wasn't at the house yet when Brad came home to change after work. Brad watches him stir the soup for a moment, wondering what it was that made him come despite the fact that Brad didn't ask him to. It's not that he's unhappy about it - far from it, he feels so much better now that Nate is here that he wouldn't want it any other way. But it seems out of character for Nate to fly across the country unannounced, especially in light of Brad declining his offer to do so during their call yesterday morning.

"Not that I'm in any way complaining, but why are you here?" Brad asks after another minute of companionable silence. 

Nate looks up from the pot, and his eyes have that same open and unafraid expression that Brad remembers from earlier, when he told Brad that he loves him. That memory still leaves goose bumps on Brad's skin. "Because you asked me to."

Brad frowns in confusion, he's sure he didn't ask Nate to fly across the country. "I didn't."

"You rarely ask for what _you_ need by actually putting it into words, not when it's personal." Nate's voice is warm, but there's also a note of fond exasperation in it - and fair enough, he has a point there, Brad can admit that. Nate puts the wooden spoon aside and then steps up to Brad, right into his personal space, before his hands come up and cup Brad's jaw in a touch so gentle that it almost makes him shiver. "But I listened to you on the phone, and I could hear what you were _not_ saying." 

Brad feels goose bumps on his arms at Nate's words, at the realisation that Nate must have picked up on the unease and the diffuse fear that lodged in Brad's stomach ever since Friday morning, feelings that Brad never once voiced - to anybody. And yet Nate knew even without seeing Brad, only by listening to him. And he also knew that the only thing that would help Brad was having Nate by his side. That realisation is dazzling as much as it is overwhelming and scary.

"I'm here to have your six so that you can keep supporting Ray and Tim." Nate raises his head and pecks a kiss to Brad's lips, then he smirks. "Now get us some plates, Gunny, dinner is ready."

Brad chuckles and feels the tension leave his frame at the change of topic. He's had enough insights for one evening, he's more than happy to just enjoy dinner now and be done with all the emotional revelations. He gets out the soup plates like Nate told him to and a few minutes later they're sitting at the breakfast counter with the matzah ball soup in front of them, and Brad feels his mouth watering because it smells so good. He takes a bite and his head comes up almost immediately to look at Nate, because this tastes _exactly_ like his mom makes it.

"Like it? It was my first try." Nate smiles, and it's a little bit smug. "I got your mom to give me her recipe, and she talked me through it when I made it."

Brad can just stare at Nate because he's actually stunned into speechlessness. Not just because Nate went to all that trouble just to make Brad one of his favourite foods, but also because his mom was involved in it. Well, it's true that his mom absolutely adores Nate and thinks he's the perfect son-in-law even if he's not Jewish, she told Brad that more than once. And she makes it a point to invite him to Hanukkah every year with a pointed look at Brad and the not so subtle remark that it's a time to celebrate family, after all. It still takes Brad a moment to regain his voice. "What _on earth_ did you say to manage that? She never gives out her family recipes."

"I didn't have to say anything, Brad." Nate gives him a pointed look. "She knew it was for you as soon as she saw that I called from your home landline."

Brad stares at him for a few more seconds, then he just nods, takes another bite and chews it slowly. It's so freaking good that he feels like hugging Nate, and while it's not unusual for him to feel the urge to draw Nate into an embrace, it's strange to experience it because of his cooking. They eat in companionable silence for a few minutes before Brad asks another question that just occurred to him. "How long can you stay?"

"I have my laptop with me and I cleared it that I'll work from here next week." Nate replies easily and Brad realises that even if this might have been a rather spontaneous trip, Nate didn't leave anything to chance and planned it so that he can keep Brad and his work in perfect balance. It doesn't surprise him in the least.

It also doesn't feel anymore like Nate might distract him from his task of supporting Ray and Tim - to the contrary, Brad feels like he can fulfil his mission even better now that the unsettled feeling in his gut is gone, now that he feels like himself again, now that he knows Nate is here to have his six. He's surprised at how much he misjudged the situation, and even if he might not say so out loud, he's glad that Nate made a better judgement call and didn't listen to Brad when he told him not to come here. 

Brad finishes his plate and decides to take seconds. When he gets up to head over to the pot, Nate follows him with his empty plate in hand and joins him in the kitchen. 

"You know you will have to wear your Harvard t-shirt again now that you're here." Brad says out of the blue when he's filling his plate with chicken soup and matzah balls.

Nate looks at him with a raised eyebrow. "Because it's _my_ t-shirt?" 

"No." Brad sets down the plate before he leans in and bites Nate's earlobe, profoundly enjoying the ensuing shiver that goes through Nate's entire body. He watches Nate putting his own plate safely down on the counter before Brad continues in a low voice. "Because I want it to smell like you again so that I can bury my nose in it when I jerk off when you're not here." 

Okay, so maybe he will admit to doing that after all. He doesn't regret it at all given Nate's reaction: He gasps, his hands come up to grip Brad's hips, his eyes darken and he licks his lips in a gesture that is decidedly hungry. It makes a shiver of most pleasant anticipation run down Brad's spine.

"Did you do that last time after I had left?" Nate's voice is low and rough, and there's no misunderstanding how much the thought turns him on. 

"Oh yes." Brad replies with a low chuckle and gives Nate a very dirty smirk. "Repeatedly."

Nate swallows hard, his eyes darken even more at Brad's words and a faint blush begins to show on his cheeks and his neck. Brad thinks it's a very good look on him.

"You just smell so good." Brad continues, thoroughly enjoying Nate's obvious arousal. "Makes me come so much harder when I have your scent in my nose."

Nate closes his eyes for a second and takes a deep breath as if he's about to lose control and jump Brad right here in the kitchen, which leaves Brad feeling very smug. When Nate opens his eyes again, he licks his lips before he glares at Brad, but the now bright red colour of his cheeks ruins the stern effect he was obviously going for. "You're a menace, Brad."

Brad just grins and casually takes Nate's plate from the counter. "More soup, _sir_?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *coughs* Seriously, I hadn't planned for the chapter to take this... ahhhm, _juicy_ turn. It just kind of ran away with me, and Brad and Nate had too much fun to stop... Do you mind? ^^
> 
> Also, I just invented my first GK fairytale! XD How did you like it?


	72. Distraction - (Walt & Ray, Walt & Mini, Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Bravo Squad Survival Camp ends with Walt bringing Mini to the hospital to visit Tim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was also a wish of my dear Veronibell, she wanted Walt's POV of the events after Tim is shot, including Mini's reaction to learning about it. I thought it would be a short one, but my Muse had other plans, so it's over 9.000 words XD I hope you don't mind?
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : And another chapter that I'll blame on you ^_^ There's _a lot_ of your beloved Sunshine Puppy Walt in here, I wish you a lot of fun with what I came up with for his life :D

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Walt glances up at the sun slowly approaching the zenith, then he turns around and looks at the four girls walking behind him in a more of less orderly line because the trail is so narrow that walking next to each other is not possible. Kareesha is right behind him, followed by Mini and with a bit of a distance there's Berry and then Maggie. Amy's taking up the rear to make sure that they don't lose anyone because especially Kareesha has a habit of just wandering off to whatever catches her attention, never mind what the rest of the group does. 

Walt stops when they reach the top of the hill they are climbing and waits while his squad is assembling around him. It's Sunday now, and so far the hastily improvised 'Bravo Squad Survival Camp' is going great. They're camping in the Palomar Mountain State Park some fifty klicks inland from Oceanside, and throughout the past two days Walt sometimes even forgot for a while why they're _really_ out here - that this trip is an elaborate distraction for Mini to allow Ray to focus entirely on Doc for now. 

When Ray called Walt in the middle of the night - or _very_ early on Friday morning, depending on your point of view - it was at first hard to gather more than that Doc got injured on the job and Ray had to leave _right away_ to drive to the hospital. Walt managed to understand that he was being asked to come and watch Mini even without Ray actually getting to that point. To describe Ray as a mess at that point would be an understatement, and that put Walt on high alert immediately because for Ray to lose it like that things had to be really _really_ bad. He doesn't lose control like that, and Walt would know, he's been to war with him, after all. 

As soon as Walt hung up, he got out of bed to get dressed, all the while telling Amy that he had to get to Ray's to mind Mini because of an emergency with Tim. She looked at him with a worried expression and asked if there was anything she could do to help, but Walt knew he'd have to deal with Ray alone, so he kissed Amy on the temple and told her to go back to sleep and to give Berry a good morning kiss from him when she woke up. Just eighteen minutes after Ray's call Walt let himself into the apartment, finding Ray dressed and pacing in the living room. Ray took barely enough time to tell Walt that he'd have to wake Mini and send her off to school before he was out of the door with a quick but heartfelt "Thanks Walt" thrown over his shoulder. Yeah, things had to be _catastrophically_ bad for Ray to act like that.

Walt found a hastily scribbled note on the dining room table telling him Mini's morning routine and the times he needed to adhere to so that she wouldn't be late. Since it was barely oh-two-hundred Walt decided to grab a few more hours of sleep, so he got himself a blanket and lay down on the admittedly very comfortable couch. His phone woke him at oh-five-twenty-two when it chirped with a very short text from Ray that informed him that Doc came out of surgery and was in a medically induced coma, and to _not_ tell Mini about it. After that Walt couldn't go back to sleep again, and he spent the next hour and a half thinking about how he could help Ray because even with the limited information Walt had, he could tell that the situation would _not_ be resolved by the time Mini got out of school today. 

By oh-seven-hundred Walt woke Mini after raiding Ray's and Doc's wardrobe for running gear so that he could take her on her morning run like Ray had asked him to do in his note. She was a bit disoriented at first why Walt was there but Ray and Doc weren't, but Walt told her that there'd been work emergencies for both of them, and he was very glad that she didn't question what kind of work emergency an electronics shop could possibly have in the middle of the night. She was quickly distracted when he told her that she'd have to be the squad leader this morning because he didn't know the route of her run, and only a few minutes later they were out of the door and Mini lead him through the neighbourhood with the pride about her task coming off her in waves. It was fun to run with her even if Walt had to keep his pace down to accommodate her short legs. He ended up thinking that he should suggest it to Amy and Berry, it might be fun doing that together.

Ray called Walt at oh-eight-hundred during breakfast and asked him if he could get Mini after school, then he talked to Mini for a few minutes. Ray obviously managed to keep his worry out of his voice because Mini chatted happily on the way to school when Walt walked next to her holding her hand, clearly she was completely ignorant about what was going on. They got to the school gates at about the same time as Kareesha and Maggie, and only a few minutes later Amy arrived with Berry, who immediately ran to Walt to hug him around the waist and to demand her good morning kiss because he hadn't been home when she woke up and that was _not_ okay. Walt smiled when Berry made him pick her up and kiss her first on the tip of her nose and then on the forehead - like the sun rising - in their by now familiar morning kiss routine, and his heart melted a little when she hugged him close again before she headed inside the school with Maggie, Mini and Kareesha. He found Amy watching them with a soft smile and then she gave him her own version of the good morning kiss before she drove off to work.

On his way back to Ray's and Doc's apartment to get his car Walt called Brad because even if Ray hadn't mentioned him, Walt was absolutely sure that Brad was at the hospital with him. Brad told him what had happened to Doc, that he'd been shot during a call, that his femoral artery got hit, that he flatlined twice already before the end of the surgery and that he flatlined a third time just thirty-five minutes ago, but they'd managed to revive him. At that point it hit Walt that he could help Ray by taking the worry for Mini off his shoulders, especially considering that she deals really badly with uncertainty concerning the health or safety of the people she loves. Walt is well aware of her abandonment issues because Doc sat him down and told him all about it and how to handle it before the first Bravo Squad camping trip that Kareesha's mom Terri chaperoned with Walt instead of Ray or Doc, who'd done it the two times before. 

Walt has also closely observed Mini's development throughout Brad's deployment, and it was painful to watch how she worried herself into a frenzy and became short-tempered and moody in a way Walt has never seen her be before. It probably didn't help that Ray and Tim had their final exams period during Brad's deployment and had to spent a lot of time studying. One afternoon in early May, when Walt walked home with Mini from the local pool, she asked him with a very small voice if her Uncle Brad was going to come back or if he was going to leave like Berry's dad, and it broke Walt's heart when he understood that Mini was scared that Brad would _die_. The thought had never even crossed his mind before - that it wasn't just because she missed Brad, but because she feared he would _die_. It lodged a lump in his throat and he tried his best to reassure her that her Uncle Brad is one of the most competent warriors on the planet and that he has been on many deployments before and always came back home. Walt picked her up and carried her the rest of the way back home, and she spent it cuddled up to him, arms wrapped tight around his neck and silent in a way that worried Walt. He just barely refrained from outright telling her that Brad wouldn't die because suddenly he was scared of being proven a liar, and he wasn't sure she'd ever forgive him for that.

So telling Mini about Doc's condition and having her sit at the hospital waiting for news, maybe even for days without improvement, always worrying that he could die, sounded like the absolute worst thing to do - for her as well as for Ray. Walt has experienced Ray right after he got the news of Doc's injury, after all, he has witnessed how deeply it hit Ray and unsettled him in a way Walt has never seen before. He could tell that Ray _really_ didn't need the additional burden of keeping up a happy face for Mini's sake when he's just about keeping it together himself. But Walt knew without a doubt that that's exactly what Ray would do, he'd shut it all inside him and let nothing of it show to keep from upsetting Mini, to protect her from the same terror he's feeling himself. Walt could tell that would end badly in the long run, and if he could make things even a tiny bit easier for Ray in this horrible situation, then that's what he would do. Walt could buy him time, even if it's just two days.

So on his way to Camp Pendleton Walt called Amy and told her about his idea to take the Bravo Squad on a camping trip for the weekend and pretend that it was a long planned surprise for them to take the focus completely off Mini and what was happening. He asked her if she'd help him supervise the girls and when she agreed immediately, he called Luke and afterwards Julie to inform them what happened to Tim and about the distraction for Mini in form of the weekend camping trip with the Bravo Squad. They both didn't hesitate to agree to have Kareesha and Maggie join the trip, and Walt consequently wrote Ray a text with his plan, which Ray replied to with a thank you in capitals. 

After his first class of the day Walt began organising the necessary gear so that he and Amy could take the girls out to the Palomar Mountain State Park that same afternoon. He only had two courses to teach that Friday, which was very fortunate because that meant he was off at fifteen-hundred, which gave him enough time to pack and get everything ready before picking up Berry and Mini from school. Kareesha and Maggie and their gear got dropped off at Amy's place shortly afterwards that then they were oscar mike. They had to take two victors because Walt's truck can't seat four kids and two adults without infringing on traffic safety laws, so Amy took Maggie and Kareesha with her while Berry and Mini insisted on riding with him and the gear. They met up at the parking lot at the head of the trail, distributed the gear between the six of them so that the girls felt like a true part of the expedition, and then began their hike, which saw them arrive at the campsite Walt had picked out with enough time to set up the tents before dark. 

They have two three-person tents, and the girls insisted that they're old enough to sleep without an adult, so in the end Walt shared with Amy - not like he minded that _at all_ \- and the four girls took the second tent. They're still small enough that they fit comfortably into a three-person tent, especially because Mini and Berry are rather tiny for their age. And since tents might be a visual cover but certainly aren't in any way a sound barrier, Walt gave in and allowed the girls to pile in the second tent. After all it's not like he can't hear _exactly_ what's going on in the tent next to his and Amy's. Obviously that's true the other way round too, so he and Amy were a paragon of propriety throughout the nights. No more than a kiss good night - which the girls giggled at from the other tent - and cuddling close for sleeping. In _separate_ sleeping bags. Kids are really the most effective chaperones Walt has ever encountered. 

On Saturday morning they visited the Boucher Hill Fire Lookout, an active fire lookout tower that also serves as a tourist attraction. They climbed the tower and Walt had the girls determine the cardinal directions based on what they could see, which they did to his full satisfaction. Mini also excitedly told the local park volunteer staffing the tower that her Dad works at a fire station, but it doesn't have tower as cool as this one. And he's a paramedic and not a fire fighter, and she has been to the station many times because when he has to work on weekends, she will bring cookies for him and his friends, because it's sad when you have to work on weekends, and cookies make everything better, and her Dad loves her macadamia nut cookies. Walt had to bite his lip hard while listening to her, and Amy gave his hand a gentle squeeze when she noticed. Lying never came easy to Walt, but he can do it when he knows he has to. And this was one of those moments, he really _really_ had to make Mini believe that nothing was wrong, he had to give Ray and Doc as much time as possible to get their feet back under them. The clearer the situation when Mini learned about it, the easier it would be on her.

After their visit to the lookout tower, they went on a hike and in the afternoon they drove to the Palomar Observatory which fascinated the girls to no end, especially the telescope. Walt has to admit that the tour guide was exceptionally good at explaining things so that not just lay adults could understand it, but the kids did, too. Walt can't help wondering if one of his girls wants to become an astronomer next. 

Before dinner Walt and Amy insisted that the girls took a one hour nap because there was a night hike planned for later, and the girls reluctantly agreed. Walt made them spread out over their campsite to rest because he knew if they were lying next to each other or in the tent, they'd chatter, but they'd never sleep. And he had a great night program planned, so they had to be rested for that. To his surprise all four of them were out within minutes, which gave him enough time to go over the plans for tonight with Amy, then they began preparing dinner. At twenty-thirty, about half an hour after sunset, they set out for their night time survival lesson and the girls were brimming with anticipation. It was a clear night, perfect for Walt had in mind, and in the course of the next three hours he introduced his squad to reading the stars and orientation in the dark, he had them build a fire pit and make a fire without matches, then they built a shelter in the light of the fire with just their Swiss Army knives to use as tools. When they returned to their campsite for the night, the girls were exhausted but happy and proud of their success and Walt was amazed and impressed by his squad's skills and enthusiasm. 

Walt could tell that his girls were asleep within minutes of crawling into their tent, and when he and Amy got up around oh-six-hundred, they were still out. They made use of the time to get cleaned up in the nearby stream and spent a few precious minutes alone, then they prepared breakfast. When Walt checked the girls' tent at oh-seven-hundred, they were miraculously all still sound asleep, so he woke them and made them get ready for the day. After breakfast they went for their morning hike, which is how they ended up on this little hill.

Now that all his girls have reached the top, Walt looks around his squad. "Can anybody tell me what time it is? Without using a watch, of course."

All four girls look up at the sky and he observes them checking the surroundings.

"Between ten and eleven am?" Maggie suggests after considering it for a moment. She has this habit of making things a question when she's not sure about them, and Walt is still working on breaking that habit. He wants her to stop questioning herself every step of the way and get more confident about the things she knows. It's a work in progress - at least she's not too shy anymore to say anything at all, which was the case at the beginning.

"I'd say it's more between eleven and twelve." Kareesha offers, and Walt feels pride swell in his chest. Damn, his girls are _good_.

"About eleven o'clock would be my estimate, too." Walt says with a smile, and both Maggie and Kareesha beam back at him. Out of his four Bravo Squad girls Kareesha is by far the most interested in the wilderness, everything from naming plants and animals to survival techniques, which usually also makes her the most likely to be right when he asks things like this. She's so freaking good and fast at learning that stuff that she could put Marines in survival training to shame. Sometimes Walt can't help being amazed at how easily children absorb information when they're interested in something. He remembers that he actually had to learn a lot of stuff by heart during survival training, and she internalises it after hearing it once. 

"So that means that we'll head back to the camp now, make lunch and then we'll break camp, clean up and hike back to the cars." Walt smiles at the girls and gestures at the trail they just came up. "Now, Bravo Squad, it's up to you to guide us back to camp. Remember to check the position of the sun, use your compasses and any orientation points you memorised on the way up. If you're not sure, talk it out in the group and decide on a route."

Of course Kareesha takes the lead, and Walt and Amy follow the girls down the hill. Walt then makes use of the opportunity that they're in the very back and sneaks in a quick kiss that makes Amy chuckle. At least the girls are not giggling at them this time because they're too busy finding the way to look at them. 

His cell vibrates in his pocket halfway down the hill, and Walt pulls it out and checks the screen to see if it's Ray with any news. Instead it's a text from Q-Tip. Somehow the news of Doc's injury has spread through the Bravo grapevine and for some reason it's Walt who's getting all the calls and text messages. The first call came on Friday afternoon from Rudy and Pappy, closely followed by Poke, Kocher, Stiney and Lovell, and texts from Shady, Christopher and T. Over the next few hours more and more of his Bravo brothers contact him. Since Walt has no internet access out here, he has no way to check his emails, but he's sure that his inbox is overflowing with messages from his fellow Marines. Walt assumes that the LT is kept up to date by Brad, and Mike most likely gets his intel through the LT. And Walt can only assume that the guys on purpose don't call Ray because they don't want to bother him in this situation, and since they all know that Walt is close friends with Ray _and_ living in Oceanside as well, they instead contact him. On top of that most of the men are probably too chickenshit to call Brad, or maybe only a selected few actually have his private cell number. Maybe both.

Already on Friday Walt recruited Poke as his XO because he's better suited to deal with the worried Marine chatterboxes while Walt is out here in the middle of nowhere camping with a bunch of seven-year-olds. So Walt simply sends Q-Tip's text on to Poke, who'll inform him about what's going on. The outpouring of concern for Doc's condition is quite huge, Walt can't help noticing, but then Doc was always highly respected and liked in the company, even if most guys were cautious and maybe a tiny bit afraid of Doc same as they were of Brad - not that they'd _ever_ admit to it. Notable exceptions next to Ray and Brad are Rudy and Pappy, who Walt knows Doc always got along with very well, he's seen them sit together many times during their deployments.

To learn that one of their own was shot and gravely injured, in a civilian capacity on top of that, certainly left his Bravo brothers unsettled. Walt thinks that what makes it even worse is that it's _Doc_ , because he's sure that most of the men perceived Doc as pretty much bullet-proof the way he always ran head-on into rounds coming from all sides as if he was invincible. It was easy to believe it, too, when you'd seen the many times Doc seemed to defy logic as well as statistical probability by getting out of those highly dangerous situation without a scratch on him and with his mission successfully completed by getting the injured men out. But Walt knows it's not true, he knows Doc isn't invincible because he's seen the scars on his body in the showers. There are quite a few scars, actually, and Walt can tell that Doc was shot at least twice because two of those scars were _definitely_ caused by a bullet. One is a long graze at his left side along his ribcage, another a through-and-through at his right shoulder. 

After Walt has forwarded Q-Tip's text to Poke, he stows his cell again and checks what his squad is doing. So far the girls have found the way, but now they've stopped and they're discussing and pointing in several directions, with Kareesha and Mini having their compasses out and obviously not quite agreeing where to go. Walt comes to a stop next to Amy and listens to the discussion without getting involved. Mini is wrong but insists that she's right, so they end up walking a rather long detour, which Kareesha has no issues pointing out repeatedly. Walt stays out of it, he planned in additional time for the way back because he wants them to get it done by themselves, and detours and backtracking are part of the learning experience. 

In the end Berry takes the lead by simply walking off with resolute steps when Mini and Kareesha don't stop bickering, and Walt smiles proudly when she finds her way back to the camp with impressive accuracy. He has noticed that she has a very good memory, especially for visual input, and he's sure she drew a map of the AO in her head on the way up based on visual markers like specific trees or stone formations. She's just too reserved to outright take the lead of a group, but when she gets annoyed with the others she stops caring about being shy and just does her thing. Interestingly enough the other girls tend to follow her lead then without much discussion. It's quite the interesting dynamic, and Walt is still trying to understand how it works. 

When Berry has led them back to their campsite, Walt tasks them with relighting the fire which they extinguished before leaving for their hike. Once they've managed to do that, the girls help him and Amy to make lunch, which they eat sitting around the fire. Afterwards Walt declares that they're going to break camp, and the girls insist that they can take down their own tent. Walt is more than happy to leave them to it. They will learn it faster and more effectively when they're doing it themselves, and he wants them to get really fit in setting up and breaking camp. This is not their first camping trip, and he can see that a lot of the routines have already begun to establish. He smiles at Amy, who's also observing the girls, and then the two of them start to dismantle their own tent. 

It's thirteen-fifty when Walt's cell vibrates again and he sees Ray's name on the screen. He catches Amy's gaze and she nods, understanding immediately, and Walt makes sure to step away from the camp far enough that the girls can't hear him before he accepts the call. 

"Hey Walt." Ray greets him when he answers, and to Walt he sounds exhausted and more worn down than he ever even sounded in Iraq, and that's saying something.

"Ray. Any news?" Walt feels a sense of dread in his stomach and throws a look at Mini, who is currently collecting the anchors of the tent together with Maggie. Hopefully this is not bad news.

Ray is quiet for another second, then he says quietly. "Tim woke up."

Walt feels his breath leave him with a sigh of such intense relief that he's sure Ray heard it on the other end of the line. "That's good."

"I wasn't there to see it - well, the first time I was there, but I was asleep and Marley saw him looking at her, but she said he was only awake for a few seconds. And the second time I was out for lunch, but my mom sat with him and she said he spoke to her and seemed lucid, even if he didn't say much."

"That's great news, Ray." Walt tries to sound encouraging, although he can tell - and perfectly understand - that Ray is still wary because he hasn't actually _seen_ Doc awake with his own eyes.

"I hope it is." Ray replies tiredly. "How's my Bambi doing?"

"She's doing great, Ray." Walt reassures him immediately, because Ray doesn't need any more worries on his plate, especially because there's nothing to worry about with their camping trip. "The trip went really well and the girls had lots of fun. They're now packing up their tent and we still have to clean up. I expect us to begin the hike back in about forty mikes."

Walt hears Ray's relieved exhale before he speaks. "Walt, can you bring Mini to the hospital after your trip?"

"Sure, Ray, no problem. We're here with two victors, I'll ask Amy to take the girls home while I'll drive with Mini to Tri-City."

Ray is quiet for a second. "Thanks, Walt."

"Sure, Ray. Tri-City is even on our way back." Walt replies easily. 

"No, I mean..." Ray clears his throat, then he continues. "For everything."

Walt smiles, even if Ray can't see it. "I always have your six, Ray."

Ray's voice is a bit rough when he replies, "Thanks again, Walt."

Walt decides to change the topic before it gets too much for Ray. He doesn't sound like he can deal with sympathy right now. "Do you want me to tell Mini where we're going?"

"I think there's no way around it, but I don't want her worrying for the entire drive." Ray sighs deeply, and he sounds terribly resigned. "But I'll tell her, she should hear that from me."

An idea comes to Walt that might ease the strain on Ray and Mini, at least for another hour or two. "Or I could explain us splitting up for the way back by saying that you asked me to bring her to you, without specifying that we're going to the hospital. That would keep her from worrying for over an hour of driving. It's not going to do her any good if she has too long to ponder the issue."

"Yeah, that's a good idea, we'll do that. If she has an hour to get worked up, she'll be ready to go into a full-blown attack when she sees Tim in the hospital bed, especially because he most likely won't be awake." Ray doesn't exactly sound relieved, but definitely a little bit better than a minute ago. "Contact me when you're close, I'm going to be waiting for you in the parking lot. I want to get things explained before she sets even one foot into the hospital."

"Solid copy." Walt confirms and returns to the campsite after he ends the call with Ray. He tells Amy what Ray told him, that Tim has woken up and that Ray asked him to bring Mini to the hospital, and Amy assures him that she'll take care of the girls before she gives him a gentle little kiss of encouragement. She knows that things will most likely turn ugly when they get to the hospital, and Walt loves her even more for her firm support. 

Once the tents and all the rest of their gear is packed up, Walt makes the girls clean up every sign of their presence, including thoroughly extinguishing the fire pit. For the hundredth time he repeats their guideline for exploring nature, and the girls immediately join in when he says "Take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints." He's glad to see that the lesson is beginning to stick when all four of them take a last look around to make sure everything is as they found it and no trash is left behind. 

The hike back to the victors passes faster than their way up to the campsite, with is also due to the fact that most of the trail is going slightly downhill now. Walt has the girls take the lead again and they manage to find the way without much issue, which means that they _did_ pay attention on their way up as he had instructed them to do. There are only three forks in the trail, but they decide on the right path every time, which Walt praises them for when they have reached the parking lot at the head of the trail. He's rewarded with four huge happy smiles for it, and he chuckles before he tells them that they're splitting up for the way home because Ray asked him to bring Mini to him while Kareesha's and Maggie's parents will get them from Amy's house. Before they can start complaining Walt makes them help him and Amy pack the victors, which proves to be a surprisingly good distraction. The camping gear goes into his truck again, as well as his and Mini's packs, while the Amy's and the girls' packs as well as the food is stored in Amy's Honda. 

Walt is just about to finish arranging the last of the camping gear in the back of his truck when Berry comes up to him and watches him until he shuts the tailgate. 

"Can I come with you, Daddy?" Berry asks quietly when he turns towards her and she looks at him with big hopeful eyes. 

"Not this time, Blueberry, I'm not driving home right away. You know that I'm bringing Mini to her Daddy, and we don't want to make him wait by driving a detour first." Walt says with regret in his voice as well as his heart, because he absolutely _hates_ to refuse her when all she wants is to be close. On top of that he still melts every single time she calls him 'Daddy', something that she started doing here and there in mid February. She hasn't called him 'Walt' in months now, and he collects and cherishes every single 'Daddy' like his personal treasure. 

The first time she called him 'Daddy' happened so in passing that Walt replied to it without even realising it - maybe it wasn't even the first time, maybe he just didn't notice before either. He'd brought her to school because Amy had an early lecture, and at the gates Berry made him kneel down so that she could hug him before she joined Mini, Kareesha and Maggie to head inside. She turned at the school gates with a big smile and waved at him. "Bye, Daddy!"

"Bye, Blueberry!" Walt replied with another wave of his hand and he smiled while he watched her walk into the school building. He began a long time ago to use the colour of her t-shirt to add before 'Berry', and so sometimes she's Blueberry or Blackberry or Strawberry when she's wearing red - or Orangeberry or Greenberry or Pinkberry, which she was puzzled about at first because they're not actual berries. Walt just smirked when she asked but didn't tell her why he called her that until she figured out that it depends on the colour of her t-shirt. By now it has become a tradition and Walt has noticed that she sometimes chooses her t-shirt depending on what she wants to be called that day. She definitely likes Blueberry best.

"I remember when my daughter was that age." A woman in her late thirties said next to him, then she sighed loudly. "But now she's thirteen and at that age where she's embarrassed just to be _seen_ with her mom, and she wouldn't be caught dead giving me a hug where anybody could see it. Especially not at school."

"I guess I still have a few years until we get to that point." Walt replied with a chuckle. 

"Enjoy it as long as it lasts. Your daughter is absolutely adorable." The woman gave him a friendly smile before she turned around to her car, and only then did Walt consciously realise what Berry had called him. For a second it felt like his entire world turned on its axis before it clicked into place and a profound warmth settled in his chest at how _right_ it felt.

After their outing to the beach at the end of October Walt may have spent a bit of time 'honing his rusty Recon skills', as Ray teased him he should, and damn, Ray was right about _so many things_. Walt had never truly realised that Berry treats him differently than other adults, maybe because she so quickly lost that reserve around him. But it's true, she actively seeks him out, she's comfortable cuddling up to him and does it same as she does with Amy, and she has no problems chatting non-stop with him, which she doesn't do with other adults aside from her family. And Walt found out that Mini indeed doesn't sit on his legs or makes him carry her when Berry is around, instead Berry claims those things with a natural ease as if Walt has always been her father. It was quite the revelation, and one of the things he wanted to see for himself if Ray was right about before he dared to take a first step with Amy. 

Walt knew already before they got together that Amy is _it_ for him, but he wanted to be absolutely sure that Berry would be all right with a change in their relationship. Turns out she had been waiting for it and actually cheered and did a little happy dance in the living room the first time she saw Amy kiss him, which convinced both Amy and Walt that she was indeed very much all right with it. 

But this? Berry actually _calling_ him 'Daddy'? It was another step altogether, and Walt knew this wasn't his decision. It was Amy's. And he knew he couldn't let it sit until tonight after Berry was in bed, not only because he would die of nervousness, but also because he didn't want to risk Berry doing it in front of Amy tonight before he'd had the opportunity to talk to Amy about it. So on his way to Camp Pendleton he wrote Amy a text and asked her to meet up for lunch, something they do from time to time when their schedules match, and his agitation actually increased when she agreed to meet him at their favourite diner. Walt is sure that throughout the morning training even his Marines noticed something was going on with him, because there was the odd concerned glance when they thought he wasn't looking.

At lunch Walt approached the table with the nervousness churning in his stomach like heavy seas, and Amy could tell at the first glance that something was up. She patiently waited until he found the courage to tell her about what had happened that morning at the school gates, and then he told her that he'd step back if she was uncomfortable with it because he didn't want to infringe on Lee's place in Berry's life and heart. Amy took his hand and gave him a smile that was sad and a little wistful when she told him that he _couldn't_ actually infringe on Lee's place in Berry's life and heart because Berry doesn't remember her father at all, she was way too young when he died to have actual memories of him. She'd just turned two when he was killed, and of those first two years of her life he'd been deployed twice for a total of eleven months. 

Walt thinks that until the day he dies he will never forget how he felt when Amy then told him that he's a wonderful father to Berry and that she's incredibly glad that he's in their life, and that it makes sense for Berry to call him Daddy if she wants to since that's what he is to her. Then Amy smiled, took his hand and pressed a gentle kiss to his knuckles, and Walt will admit that there might have been a tear or two on his part. 

For months now Walt has rarely slept at his apartment, he's practically living with Amy and Berry already, even if he never formally moved in. It just kind of happened, and he loves that they're growing into a family so naturally and easily. A lot of his stuff has begun migrating to Amy's house, he has a side in the wardrobe and on the bathroom counter, he's a fixed part of the morning routine, he and Amy share the chores, they take turns bringing Berry to school, and Amy registered him at the school as an adult allowed to get Berry. Berry demands that he sits with her and Amy when she gets her bedtime story, and she wants Walt to kiss her goodnight same as her mom does it - first on the forehead, then on the tip of her nose, like the sun setting.

Walt is sometimes amazed at how profoundly Berry has not only accepted him into her life, but actually demands that he's part of it. He loves his little girl so much and he never wants to let her down, and sometimes he gets so scared that he might screw it up, but Amy usually catches onto those fears of inadequacy very quickly and disperses them with her calm, firm words and gentle smile. Walt is still humbled and honoured that she's allowed him to become a father to Berry, that she encourages and enjoys their bond. Walt never knew how much he loves having a family until he found Amy and Berry, and he knows he will do everything in his power to make his two lovely ladies happy. 

The first time Ray heard Berry call Walt 'Daddy', he'd given Walt a knowing grin and said with a cocked eyebrow, "Just so you know, homes, she owns you now". Walt had just chuckled and replied that she already did before and that he wouldn't want it any other way, which made Ray complain about how cheesy Walt was, but Walt could see the content expression in his eyes that told him that Ray was happy for him. When Doc noticed what Berry calls him, he clapped Walt on the shoulder and told him "Welcome to fatherhood" with a little smile.

The thought of Ray and Doc brings Walt back to the situation at hand. He'd love to let Berry ride with him and Mini in the truck back to Oceanside, but he doesn't want her to be there when they get to the hospital. First off he doesn't want her to get upset, and second he wants to be able to focus entirely on Mini and Ray. Telling Mini about Doc's condition is bound to become unpleasant, and Walt doesn't want Berry to witness that. 

"I'm sorry you can't come with us, Blueberry." Walt says with genuine regret. "Your mom will take you, Kareesha and Maggie back, and I promise that I will be home to help you and your mom with dinner."

"Okay." Berry says with a slow nod and bites her lip. She only tends to cry when she's scared or overwhelmed, but rarely because she wants something or doesn't get what she wants. She's too reserved to throw temper tantrums in the way Walt has seen other kids do, instead she just becomes very quiet, and Walt finds that even harder to deal with. 

Walt smiles at her. "Do you want to give me a hug for the way?"

Berry smiles at that and nods eagerly, and Walt crouches down so that she can wrap her arms around his neck because Berry is pretty small for her age, same as Mini. "I love you, Daddy."

Walt feels his insides turn into mush - warm, fluffy mush - at her words, same as it always happens when she says that to him. It's another one of his personal treasures. 

"I love you too, my little Blueberry." Walt places a kiss on her temple before he lets go of her, but he keeps kneeling. "I'll see you at home, okay?"

"Okay." She replies, but now she's smiling and not biting her lip anymore. Walt returns her smile and then follows her over to where Amy is getting ready to leave. Walt gathers his squad around him for their usual after-action review where they establish what went well and where there's room for improvement. Overall Walt has mostly words of praise for how the girls comported themselves throughout the trip and how well they worked together during the night exercise. He dissolves the debriefing with their traditional Bravo Squad hand-stack before Maggie and Kareesha get into the back of Amy's victor. Berry only follows after hugging Walt around the waist, and with a last quick kiss to Amy's lips Walt turns around to follow Mini, who has already run up to his truck. 

"So, Mini Mouse, ready to drive back?" Walt asks when he helps her climb into the high cabin of the truck.

"I would have loved to stay longer." Mini replies frankly, and Walt smiles at that. He thinks they're making good progress with her abandonment issues if she not only was fine throughout the weekend without Ray or Tim around, but if she wants to stay longer. Hopefully the next few hours won't ruin all that progress. 

Mini spends the entire drive back chatting about all kinds of things, and Walt finds it as easy as usual to keep the conversation with her going. Ever since Ray pointed out to Walt how Mini holds back when Berry is around, he makes sure to spent time just with Mini, without the other girls around and especially without Berry. Walt wants Mini to know that he's still her Uncle Walt and that she can have him all to herself like it was before Berry _claimed him as hers_. It still makes Walt feel strange to think about it like that, but he can admit now that Ray described the dynamics among the girls pretty accurately when he said that. 

One of the things Walt and Mini do together are her weekly swimming lessons which by now include freediving training. Walt finds it funny how Mini can swim very well by now, but she still looks like a drowning dog when she's doing it because she hates getting water in her nose, so she tilts her head way back when she's swimming. Her solution to the issue is to just keep her head underwater where she can block her nose easily. Walt has noticed that she's more a diver than a swimmer, so he thought it wise to teach her how to do it properly, and she's getting quite good at holding her breath for extended periods of time. He's seen her use her boogie board just a week ago, and he's sure she's using the techniques he taught her to duck dive through oncoming waves without running out of breath. 

Time passes almost too quickly, and Walt sends Ray a short text when they're only ten mikes out. Mini is still talking, and Walt glances at her through the rearview mirror and wishes she didn't have to go through the shock that he knows is about to come. He and Ray shielded her as long as possible, but now the time has come to tell her that Doc was injured, and the only thing they can do now is to make it as painless as possible. She will be scared, he knows there's no way around that, but knowing that Doc is out of coma makes things a lot easier than if he hadn't. 

"Uncle Walt, why are we at the hospital?" Mini asks when he drives on the Tri-City Medical Center visitor parking lot, and he can clearly hear the surprise in her voice. 

"Your Daddy will explain that to you." Walt says uneasily when he pulls into a free spot, but he tries not to let his voice reflect that feeling. He's glad when he sees Ray already crossing the lot to greet them. "Look, there he is."

Walt gets out of the truck and opens the rear door for Mini just as Ray reaches them. One look at him makes a shiver run down Walt's back. Ray looks like death warmed over, exhausted and totally worn out. There's none of his usual energy to his movements and there are dark circles under his eyes, yet his face lights up and there's a genuine smile on his lips when he spots Mini.

"Daddy!" Mini pipes happily when Ray immediately kneels down, and she doesn't hesitate to throw her arms around his neck. Walt can see how Ray squeezes his eyes shut when he pulls her close and how he hides his face in her hair for a second before he pulls himself together again and forces the smile back on his features.

"Welcome back, Bambi. How was your Bravo Squad Survival Camp?" Ray asks when she pulls back, but she doesn't jump on the question like he probably had hoped. Instead she looks at the tall buildings behind Ray with a wary expression.

"Why are we at the hospital, Daddy?"

"Well, Bambi, you Dad was hurt during work, and they brought him here to get better, like they did with you when you fell off the swing. And since I'm sure you'd like to visit him I asked your Uncle Walt to bring you here." Ray explains in an earnest but pointedly casual voice, and Walt is very impressed by his poke face. If he didn't know how serious things have been - and probably still are - then he wouldn't be able to tell by Ray's expression or the tone of his voice. It's almost scary how good Ray is at this. "You want to see your Dad, don't you?" 

"Of course!" Mini replies instantly, accompanied by frantic nodding. When she stops, she's biting her bottom lip in a way that reminds Walt of Berry, and she looks scared. "Is Dad all right?"

Walt notices the fraction of a second that Ray hesitates before he answers, but he's certain Mini doesn't pick up on it. 

"He's sleeping a lot, Bambi, because the doctors gave him some strong medicine. His right leg was hurt." Ray replies in the same earnest but casual voice, and Walt can't help noticing that Ray doesn't actually answer in the affirmative, how he doesn't outright say that Doc is all right. It worries Walt, because he can tell that Ray is avoiding lying to Mini, and that means that Doc is not actually out of the woods yet.

"Do you want to go see him now?" Ray asks her with gentle smile and Mini nods again, slower this time and still biting her lip. When Ray gets up off the ground where he was kneeling in front of her during their conversation, she raises her arms to make Ray pick her up, and he does it without hesitation. Walt watches how Mini cuddles close to him in the way she always does when she's scared, and his heart hurts at seeing her unsettled like that. 

Walt gets Mini's backpack out of the truck and swings it over his shoulder, then he looks at Ray over Mini's head that is now resting against Ray's shoulder. "Want me to come along?"

Ray gives him a nod, and Walt can easily read the worry in his eyes. Ray clearly knows just as well as Walt that the worst is still to come. It's one thing for Mini to hear that her Dad is hurt, but another entirely to actually see it. Walt follows Ray into the hospital where he has to register at the reception to get a visitor badge while Ray waits with Mini in his arms, then they take the elevator to the third floor of the ICU. 

It's easy to tell which room is Doc's because Walt recognises Ray's mom and grandma as well as Doc's sister, who are all sitting together on the visitor chairs in the hallway. Next to them is the very tall figure of Brad, and Walt is surprised to spot the Lt standing beside him. Well, maybe not _that_ surprised, he's known about them for while, after all, and the LT is a friend of Ray's and Doc's by now, too. Walt puts Mini's backpack down next to the group while they greet each other, but Mini is clearly in no mood to do anything but be with her Dad, so Ray carries her into Doc's room. Walt turns to look inside when Doc's mom comes out and greets him with a smile before she makes a gesture in invitation for him to go in.

Walt hesitates for a moment and wonders if it's his place, but he catches Ray looking at him and giving him a quick nod, so he slinks into the room and quietly closes the door behind him. Only now does he notice Doc's niece sitting on the bed, and Walt smiles at Brianna, who he remembers from Ray's and Tim's wedding where she played tag with him, Mini and Brad. She returns it, but it's half-hearted, and that's when Walt first catches sight of Doc and he feels his throat close up. 

_Fuck_ , Doc looks bad, _really_ bad. He's unusually pale and his face shows clear signs of the enormous recent strain on his body, not to mention the elevated leg and the lines in his right arm and hand. He looks nothing like the grumpy, badass, death-defying corpsman Walt got so used to during deployments, and it makes his stomach churn uneasily. Suddenly Ray's exhausted and worn-out condition makes so much sense, and Walt is incredibly glad that they managed to shield Mini from the worst of it. The thought makes Walt throw a worried glance at her, because if _he_ is shocked by the sight, he doesn't even want to know how it makes _her_ feel. Mini is still in Ray's arms, and she's staring at Doc with her face contorted in fear and her eyes glistering with tears.

"Daddy, is Tāttā..." Mini trails off and Walt feels his heart break at the tears suddenly spilling down her cheeks. 

"No, Bambi, no." Ray says immediately in a very insistent voice and uses two fingers on her chin to make her look at him. "Your Tāttā is just asleep. You remember what I told you? The medicine the doctors gave him makes him very sleepy."

Mini is sniffling and openly crying in his arms, and Walt wishes there was something he can do to help, but he can't think of anything. 

"Hey, Mini, come here to me." Brianna says suddenly, and Walt sees Ray exchange a quick look with her before he carries Mini over to the bed and sets her down on the mattress besides Brianna. He stays next to the girls but doesn't say anything.

Brianna gets up off the edge of the bed where she was sitting and pats the spot she just vacated. "Lie down, baby sis. You can cuddle up to him. Here on the left side."

"But I'll hurt him!" Mini looks very very scared at the idea that she might harm Doc, and that makes Walt feel absolutely miserable. She should never feel like that, but he can understand perfectly why she does.

"No, you won't hurt him, I promise." Brianna replies in a voice that is an impressive mixture of firm and soothing for a teenager, and she pats the mattress again. "I know because I even slept by his side with my head on his chest. You can hear his heart beat under your ear."

"Really?" Mini's voice is very quiet, but Walt can hear the note of hope in there.

"Really, baby sis." Brianna gives Mini a gentle smile and pats the bed again. Walt finds it absolutely adorable how Brianna calls Mini 'baby sis', and he's sure she's doing it on purpose right now in her role of the older sister. "Lie down and try it."

Mini slowly stretches out beside Doc with Brianna guiding her, and then her head comes to rest on Doc's chest, right above his heart. She tenses for a second before Walt can see her entire body relax and she practically melts into Doc's side. 

"Can you hear it?" Brianna asks gently, although Walt is sure that she can tell that Mini does hear it. Mini nods but doesn't say anything, as if she's unwilling to do anything that would keep her from hearing Doc's heartbeat. Walt watches how Brianna keeps stroking soothingly over Mini's back while she's listening to her dad's heartbeat. 

Ray puts his hand on Brianna's shoulder to make her look at him and Walt sees how he mouths the words 'Thank you' at her. She gives him a quick little nod and a genuine smile and keeps gently moving her hand on Mini's back. 

Walt knows from Mini's as well as Ray's and Doc's tales that the girls are close and that Brianna is very protective of Mini, but he's never seen it before. It's a beautiful thing to watch, he thinks with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts on the recent developments? I'm very curious ^^


	73. Alleviation - (Tim/Ray, Tim & Ray's Mom)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim wakes up to find himself in the hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How about something nice after all the angst? I hope this chapter makes you feel a wee bit better after the torture I put everybody through in the last few chapters ^^ PS: If you're confused about a few things in this chapter, well, there's a good reason for that ;D
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : So, you really wanted to know how Tim's doing, which this chapter should _begin_ to give you an answer to. After all, you know me, it's never _that_ easy when it's me writing the story... ;D

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


One of the first things Tim becomes aware of is that he's feeling high like a kite. Combine that with the clouded mind and the absence of pain or _any_ uncomfortable feelings in his body and he can only assume that he's on some very strong painkillers. He hates taking painkillers because they make him mellow and woozy and out of control of his body, a feeling he distinctly dislikes.

The next thing entering his mind is that there's an annoying noise somewhere close by. It's a repetitive short beep, not loud enough to be an alarm, but still bugging him persistently. Heart rate monitor, his mind supplies unbidden all of the sudden. Why on earth is he hearing a heart rate monitor? It's disconcerting enough that he forces himself to wake up, to check what's going on. Because in his experience a heart rate monitor is rarely a good sign.

Waking up is not nearly as easy as he thinks it ought to be. He tries to concentrate on the annoying beeping noise, to use it as an anchor. Peeling his eyes open is way more difficult than it should be, which tells him that something is seriously wrong. When he finally manages to lift his eyelids, he closes them again right away because of the bright light assaulting his senses. He gives it a while before he tries again, this time slower and more careful. It's still too bright, but he has more control now and finally manages to make out a window with pale early morning sunlight streaming through, which is the source of the brightness. 

He looks down at himself and sees that he's obviously in a bed and his legs are covered by stark white sheets. Underneath the sheets he can make out that his right leg is elevated, and it feels like it's resting on something soft and roughly rectangular. He can also still hear the beeping and there's something attached to his right hand that looks like a drip and a sensor. He's in the hospital, then. And whatever happened, it has something to do with his right leg. At least he thinks so.

Tim slowly raises his gaze to have a look around and assess the situation he's in. The first thing he notices in his immediate environment is something bright and red, and it takes him a moment to understand that it's a shock of hair. Long ginger curls, to be exact, attached to a woman who is sitting in the chair beside the bed, her legs pulled under her, a book in her hand and reading glasses perched on her nose. She hasn't noticed him looking yet and keeps biting her bottom lip while she's reading. He feels that he knows her, but it eludes him who she is. It makes his head pound to think about it, so he lets it go and allows his gaze to travel on. 

It lands on a shape right next to him that he identifies as a sleeping man. He's halfway sitting on a chair and halfway lying on the mattress at the level of Tim's stomach, his head resting on his folded right arm. His face is turned towards Tim, and Tim can see that he has strong dark eyebrows and long eyelashes that rest against his cheeks where his eyes are closed in sleep. Under his strong, straight nose he sports a neatly trimmed circle beard and his mouth is slightly agape, his breathing coming slowly and regularly. 

He's beautiful, Tim finds himself thinking. Despite the exhausted look on his face and the dark circles under his eyes, he's utterly beautiful with his long dark brown hair fanning out around his head. It looks thick and soft, and Tim feels the sudden urge to bury his finger in the wavy strands. When he tries to move his left hand, the one closest to the man, he realises that he can't. When he looks down to find out why, he sees that the man has a firm hold on it, and Tim notices a camouflage bandana tied around the man's left wrist...

Josh, he suddenly thinks. Yes, Josh and Marley, that's who the two people in his room are. His partner and his sister. But where's his daughter? Shouldn't Mini be here too... All of the sudden it comes back to him and memories descend on him like a powerful, overwhelming wave that he can't even begin to get a grasp on. He doesn't even try, just lets it wash over him. When his mind is finally clearing again, there's the beginning of a serious headache left behind in the wake of the onslaught of memories. 

Tim looks at Ray again and suddenly thinks that the position he's sleeping in will be hell on his back and neck when he wakes. Tim wants to shake Ray awake and tell him to come up here already and stretch out comfortably next to him, but Tim finds that he can't make his voice work and that he's unable to move because his body won't respond to his commands. He first tries to turn his head and then to squeeze Ray's hand, but it's not working. He can feel his limbs just fine, the touch of the sheets against his legs and the warmth of Ray's hand in his, so at least he knows he's not paralysed. It's the drugs, then. Has to be.

He's still seriously freaked out for a moment, then he forces himself to calm down because if he's really on drugs like he strongly supposes he is, there's not much he can do about it right now anyway. And Ray is here, obviously keeping watch over him - and by the looks of it he has done so for quite some time - and Tim is absolutely certain in the knowledge that Ray would never let anybody hurt Tim, and he wouldn't be asleep here if he didn't feel that it was safe for both of them. Not to mention that Marley is sitting right next to them, and she's just as fierce in her protectiveness of Tim as Ray is. She must have called Ray and told him that Tim's in the hospital, and Tim loves her for it even more than he already does.

He glances at her and wills her to turn and look at him. He can't say how much time passes when she suddenly straightens and looks up, her gaze flickering over to him. She tenses when she sees him looking back at her, and then a beautiful smile spreads over her face, blatantly showing her relief. Tim wants to say something, wants to ask her what's going on and why he's in the hospital, but he still can't speak, so he tries to return her smile and is glad when it seems to work. She gets up off the chair and puts her book aside, but before he can see her come to stand beside him his eyes are already closing again. He wants to stay awake, but he's so damn tired and the headache is getting worse, and the pull of sleep is so incredibly strong. He thinks he feels the press of warm lips to his forehead before the darkness claims him again.

He has no idea how much time has passed when he feels himself come awake again. This time the first thing he notices is that there's a hand passing through the hair at his temple, a slow soothing motion that Tim instinctively knows isn't Ray. The fingers are too small and the touch feels different, yet he's not alarmed. Somehow he knows he's not in any danger, and he takes his time to open his eyes. When he manages to get a visual, it's of a human shape outlined against the bright window behind it. It takes his vision a moment to clear, and then he can make out a petite woman with thick brown hair and warm brown eyes, a gentle smile coming to her lips when she realises that Tim is looking back at her. 

"Welcome back, son." She says with a warm note of relief in her voice, keeping it low and soothing. Her fingers never stop carding slowly through his hair, and it's relaxing and reassuring at the same time.

She called him 'son', so she must be his mom. She looks old enough that she could be and it doesn't feel wrong, and he tries to remember her. He gives his brain time to sort through his memories, which seem a bit spotty, and suddenly he knows who she is. She's not _his_ mom, she's Ray's, and he knows her name, it's on the tip of his tongue, but it's refusing to reveal itself.

"You had us worried, Tim. How do you feel?" Ray's mom asks in the same quiet tone.

"Like I was run over by a Humvee. Repeatedly." Tim croaks out and barely recognises his own voice. He sounds like shit, but at least he _can_ talk. That's definitely progress.

Apparently Ray's mom shares the assessment that he doesn't sound good, because while she chuckles at his reply, she also immediately bends over to retrieve the water bottle with the drinking straw that's sitting patiently on the bedside table. She offers him the straw and carefully holds the bottle for him. "Drink some water, son. It'll make you feel much better."

Tim follows her advice and sucks some of the fresh liquid into his mouth, and she's right, it feels like balm in his dry throat. He keeps drinking, but makes sure to swallow slowly and to not overdo it. He's a corpsman, after all, he knows exactly what will happen if he drinks too much too fast. And puking doesn't seem like an activity he'd like to engage in right now.

When he feels like he's had enough, Tim lets go of the straw and relaxes back into the pillow. The fact alone that he can move his head and arms again eases his tension tremendously. Ray's mom returns the bottle to the bedside table and then sits down on the edge of the bed and resumes carding her fingers through his hair. He finds the touch very soothing and allows himself to relax into it.

"What happened?" Tim asks after a moment, and while his voice is still rough like sandpaper, it sounds a little better than before.

"You were shot during a call. The bullet hit your femoral artery. You lost a lot of blood and you were unconscious when your co-workers got you to the hospital. You were in surgery for three hours afterwards. That was two days ago." Ray's mom replies evenly. She has the same direct way of dealing with things that Ray has, and it makes Tim feel at ease around her. Right now he greatly appreciates that she's neither sugar-coating things nor beating around the bush. He's injured, he's not mentally impaired, and he knows from all the tells around him that something serious must have happened, even if his memory is a bit hazy right now. He can't remember getting shot, but being a corpsman always includes the risk of it, so it's not that surprising. It has happened before. He thinks. He can't recall much of what happened after he was shot either, but he just woke up, so he'll give it some time.

Ray's mom smiles at him, a gentle teasing edge to it. "You'll have a pretty impressive scar on your right thigh, I was told. I hear guys and gals dig scars."

Tim can't help chuckling at her joke, but then it reminds him that he faintly remembers that Ray was here before, and Marley, too. Before he can ask, Ray's mom continues as if she knew what he wants - _needs_ \- to know. Her hand is still carding through the hair at Tim's temple and it calms him in a way he's not used to from his own mother's touch. At least he doesn't think so, because he doesn't associate this feeling of comfort and reassurance with thoughts of his mother, that much he can tell from what he remembers.

"And before you wonder where Josh is, he, Marley and your mom are getting some lunch right now, and Brad and Nate are keeping watch in the hallway. And my mother has taken Bri to the beach to get her out of the hospital for a while. Ever since you first woke up about three hours ago the atmosphere has relaxed considerably. I could convince them to finally go eat something real instead of vending machine snacks." Ray's mom smirks. "As for Mini, Walt and Amy have taken the Bravo Squad on a camping trip, and she doesn't know anything about this so far."

Tim has no idea who Amy is or what a Bravo Squad is - because it certainly doesn't sound like she's talking about Bravo Company, because why would Walt take Mini camping with Bravo Company? - but he still relaxes at her words, which are clear and to the point to make sure that he knows the things he's the most worried about. His family is okay, his daughter is safe. He wonders why the LT is here with Brad instead of Lovell, though. Brad's not Tim's TL... He already feels his concentration slipping again and the darkness is coming back to claim him, but he's not ready to go yet. He fights against the sleep that is steadily and persistently creeping up on him, he has so many more questions...

"Don't worry, Tim, your man will be back by your side within the next twenty minutes, and I'm pretty sure he won't leave again until he sees you looking at him with your pretty baby blues." Ray's mom gives him a warm smile, then she leans in and places a gentle kiss on his forehead. "So sleep now, son. You're safe. I'll keep watch over you."

Tim feels his eyes close, and because he knows he can trust her to keep him safe, he allows it to happen. Before he falls asleep again his mind flickers back to how she called him 'son', and he admits that he likes it when she does that, because he can tell that she means it. His last thought before the arms of darkness close around him is that he considers himself very lucky to have Angela on his side. Right, that's her name, Angela.

Tim comes around next to the feeling of a small warm body on his left side and a longer one on his right, both cuddled up against him. Even before he opens his eyes the faint scents he picks up let him know immediately that one of them is Mini and that the other is definitely Brianna. He'd recognise his niece's scent everywhere, just like Mini's. It's seared into his brain, the scent of his girls, from long cuddles and countless hours of carrying them in his arms. 

He opens his eyes slowly and blinks a few times to clear his vision. He's not quite as high anymore as the first time he woke, but the painkillers are clearly still in his system because it takes him a minute to focus and to get a grip of his senses, and even then everything is still hazy. The light in the room is warmer than before and the sun is standing quite low, a good sign that it's early evening.

When Tim looks down he first catches sight of the mess of fiery ginger curls on his right side, where Brianna is cuddled up to him on top of the sheets while obviously carefully keeping a distance from his elevated leg. Next he spots Mini's long raven black hair on his left side, for once not braided but just held back by a green scrunchy. Both girls are resting with their heads on his chest and they're obviously asleep. Tim smiles when he spots how Bri's hand is resting reassuringly on Mini's arm where it's lying on his chest, and her gentle grip didn't loosen entirely even in sleep. 

He doubts that he will ever be able to put into words how much it means to him that Bri has not only accepted Mini as Tim's kid and a part of her family, but that she obviously loves her cousin and has taken her under her wing. Bri is incredibly protective of Mini, a trait that developed pretty early on as far as he can remember. It was probably helped by Mini's open and unwavering adoration. And the physical manifestation of that beautiful bond between his girls that he can see right here, right now, makes him feel warm and at peace.

When Tim raises his right hand to caress Bri's hair, he notices that while the cannula is still inserted in the back of his hand, the drip is gone. He takes that as a good sign and smiles when he slowly brushes a few strands of ginger hair back. Bri doesn't move under his touch, still completely relaxed against him in the way he remembers from before she entered her teenage rebellion phase. Tim turns to Mini and bends his head enough that he can place a gentle kiss to the top of her head, then he lets his left hand stroke over her back. She doesn't react either and just remains a warm weight against his side. 

A sudden movement to his left makes Tim look up, and only now does he realise that Ray is in the room. He's slouched in the chair beside the bed in a rather uncomfortable looking position, obviously just waking up. His face is scrunched up and his eyes squeezed shut while he's slowly unfolding his limbs and stretching them out after remaining too long in an obviously unpleasant sleeping position. He's wearing the same grey t-shirt as the first time Tim woke up, but now his hair is pulled back in a loose ponytail and Tim suddenly wonders how the fuck Ray managed to get that hair length past the grooming standard. The thought is lost to the desire to pull the hair tie out and bury his fingers in the thick strands. The urge feels very familiar.

He watches Ray stretch for another second or two, then he says quietly, "Hey, Josh."

Ray's head whips around to him and he stares at him with eyes like saucers when he sees Tim looking at him. He freezes mid stretch, one arm still raised over his head and the other bent and his legs stretched so that he's pushed halfway out of the chair. It's a rather ridiculous position to freeze in, but he quite obviously either doesn't notice or doesn't care.

" _Tim_." Ray breathes his name more than he says it. Then a smile comes to his face that is shaky but also so full of genuine, heartfelt joy that it makes Tim feel warm all over. Ray relaxes back into the chair and he looks so utterly relieved that Tim wonders how bad things have _really_ been in those past few days, especially when he notices the tears in Ray's eyes that he seems intent on not letting fall. 

Ray doesn't lose any time in getting up and coming over to the bed. He reaches out and cups Tim's jaw with one hand, his fingers caressing Tim's cheek. He's looking at Tim with such a turmoil of feelings mirrored in his eyes that Tim's almost overwhelmed, but before he can say anything, Ray is leaning over Mini's sleeping form and then places a gentle but lingering kiss to Tim's lips. For the fraction of a second Tim is shocked that Ray is kissing him so openly in a semi-public location, but then he decides that the LT will just overlook this transgression of DADT should he see them, given that he's in a similar situation with Brad.

"Tim. _Tim._ " Ray whispers against his lips, no louder than before, and Tim feels the gentle scratch of his beard against his skin, a sensation that he has always enjoyed very much and that he allows himself to indulge in now. Ray's fingertips keep trailing over Tim's jaw as if he needs to feel him to reassure himself that Tim is indeed here, awake and well. A loose strand of his hair falls forward and touches the side of Tim's face, reminding him of what he's been wanting to do ever since he first woke up here. So he slowly raises his left hand, careful not to unsettle Mini who is still sleeping against his side, and slides his fingers into Ray's hair to brush out the tie until the long strands fall loose around his face. They're so soft between his fingers, silky yet strong and thick, and Tim _definitely_ remembers that feeling.

Ray is melting into his touch and lets go of his lips to press his cheek to Tim's, and Tim can feel wetness on his skin. He instantly understands that Ray didn't quite succeed in holding back his tears, and that tells him all he needs to know about how terrifying and straining the last few days were for him. Ray's warm breath is ragged and uneven against Tim's skin, as if he's trying to keep himself from sobbing, and it unsettles Tim beyond words because he's been with Ray for years - even if he doesn't know how many right now - and he has never seen him shaken like that. Knowing that _he_ is responsible for it, that _he_ means so much to Ray, is at the same time scary because it means he's able to hurt Ray more than anything else in the world, humbling because he still can't believe that he can be loved like that, and precious beyond all measure because along with Mini's love it's the greatest gift he's ever been given.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, you hear me?" Ray whispers against his cheek, his voice breaking several times while he's speaking. Suddenly a flash of memory passes through Tim, more a feeling than an actual event. There's intense pain and yet he feels like he's drifting, and a voice is imploring him to _stay awake, Doc!_ and he thinks he might be in an ambulance, but the most poignant impressions are coldness, a desperate kind of helplessness, and profound regret.

"I love you, Josh." Tim breathes instead of replying to his question because it's the most important thing that he needs to say, that he needs Ray to hear.

"What?" Ray gasps and Tim feels a shiver go through him at the obviously unexpected words. 

"I remember regretting that I would not be able to tell you again, so..." Tim pulls back just enough to be able to look Ray in the eye, and he makes it a point to hold his gaze and let his feelings show in a way he rarely does. "I love you. So _so_ much."

Ray's beautiful brown eyes are wide and a little red rimmed, and there are fresh tear tracks on his cheeks. But then he's smiling, a soft, warm smile that is stunning in its sincerity. The fear doesn't entirely disappear from his eyes, but it's mostly replaced by an expression of warm happiness that Tim his humbled to know he's also responsible for, simply by saying those words out loud. 

"You're still you." Ray whispers and keeps looking at him for a long moment, then he leans in again and places another chaste kiss to Tim's mouth, and Tim can feel his smile against his lips. "In case it wasn't clear, I love you, too."

Tim chuckles and shuts his eyes, soaking up Ray's closeness and inhaling his scent. Combined with the comfortable, trusting warmth of his girls cuddled up against him it's the most efficient, non-pharmaceutical relaxant he can imagine. He feels boneless and his limbs grow heavy, and then he feels his hand slide out of Ray's hair although he wants to keep holding on to it, doesn't want to lose the sensation underneath his fingers. When he tries to open his eyes again, his eyelids feel unbelievably heavy and flutter in his efforts to stay awake. 

"It's okay, Tim. Go back to sleep. I can tell that you're tired." Ray's voice murmurs close to his ear, and it's warm and fond. It's followed by the gentle press of soft lips to Tim's cheekbone, just below his left eye, and then he feels long fingers slide into his hair. "Sleep, Tim. I've been told it's the best way to speed up your recovery."

Tim gives in and ceases his efforts to open his eyes. He breathes in deeply, taking in the soothing blend of Mini's and Bri's scents, and concentrate on the sensation of Ray's fingers carding through his hair. He feels comfortable and safe and at home in a way he always associates with his family, and he falls asleep to that feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feed the love-starved author with a wee comment? Let me know what you think of the recent adventures of our boys? Pretty please? *puppy dog eyes*


	74. Apprehension - (Tim/Ray, Tim & Tim's sister, Brad & Tim)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim learns about some of the fundamental things that happened while he was in a coma.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess you're curious how dear Tim is doing, so here we go with some more info on his condition - aaaaand a tiny wee bit of angst because it's still me who's writing this XD I hope you have fun with that! ^^
> 
> And look, we've **surpassed 300.000 words!** Now that's a reason to celebrate, isn't it? :D *throws confetti* This is also now the longest GK fic here on the archive ^_^
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : Here's a little post-work relaxation reading for you ^^

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Even before Tim peels his eyes open he is greeted by the feeling of sunlight on his face. It's not especially warm, which makes him assume that it's still sometime well before noon. His eyes need a moment not only to adapt to the brightness, but also to focus, and his mind clears only slowly, something he's fast becoming used to. He can't remember ever having experienced that before, but it's been a constant ever since he first woke up in the hospital. He's still hoping that it's a side effect of the meds he's on, but he's not quite sure anymore that it really is. 

When his eyes finally focus, the first thing he sees straight ahead of him is the familiar dark blond hair of his mother, who is sitting on a chair in the hallway on the other side of the glass wall of his room. So he didn't imagine that Mom is here. He remembers waking up sometime in the middle of the night according to the darkness outside the window, and Ray, Mini and Bri were gone. Instead there were Angela and Mom occupying the two chairs by the bed, and they told him that they'd combined their forces with Mary-Ann, Bri, Brad, Nate and Walt to force Marley and Ray to go home at the end of visiting hours. They said they convinced Ray that it would be best for Mini to stick to their usual daily life routine, and that means that he spends the night at home and then sends her off to school on Monday morning like he does any other morning. Tim didn't manage to stay awake for much longer than the few minutes it took to tell him about Ray and Mini, and he thinks he fell asleep to his mom pressing a kiss to his temple and Angela holding his hand.

When Tim glances around the room now it's empty except for Ray who's sitting on the chair next to the bed, his legs pulled under him and his shoes discarded on the floor. He has a thick volume in his hands that looks suspiciously like a textbook, and there's a frown of concentration on his face while he's reading. He has a red coloured pencil tucked behind his right ear and Tim can see a blue one and a green one sticking out of his ponytail, ready to use when he needs them. Tim remembers that it's something he has seen him do all the time when he's working texts over, using his hair as a pen holder, and Tim thinks that it makes him look like the stereotype of a confused genius. It's absolutely adorable.

Ray's wearing a different t-shirt than the last time Tim saw him when Mini and Bri were here. It's olive drab instead of grey, and it takes Tim a second to recognise it as one of _his_ Navy uniform t-shirts, but it's faded and worn in a way that suggests that it's very old. The fact that Ray is wearing it in public with such natural ease - in Oceanside, no less, a town where people understand uniforms - tells Tim two things: One, Ray has worn Tim's t-shirt in public many times before. Two, for whatever reason there seems to be no need to hide their relationship. Combine that with the way Ray didn't hesitate to kiss him when Tim woke up, and Tim can only assume that either DADT is a thing of the past and he doesn't remember that, or they're both out of the service. Whatever the case, Tim is sure that he's missing some vital pieces of information here. 

Tim also knows with absolute certainty that Mini is his daughter and that he and Ray adopted her, that she's legally their kid. In connection with that he recalls that he spent time in Sri Lanka, where Mini was born, and he remembers a natural disaster area and a disgustingly sweet stench of rotting flesh, foul water and death; he remembers worn, injured faces and tired, resigned eyes. He remembers that he and Ray served in an orphanage, although he can't make that logically fit with their jobs as a Recon Marine and a SARC, which would in turn confirm his suspicion that he and Ray are not in the forces any longer. He's confused, to say the least, and he's sure there are some issues with his memories. Just thinking about it is giving him a headache.

Ray suddenly glances up from his book as if he knows Tim is awake, and his eyes widen a little when he finds Tim looking at him. It's almost immediately followed by a gentle smile coming to his face that clearly speaks of relief. "Good morning, Sleeping Beauty."

"Good morning, my handsome Prince Charming." Tim replies with a chuckle, and damn, his voice sounds like shit again. 

"How're you feeling?" Ray asks while he's setting his book aside, then he gets up and reaches for the water bottle on the bedside table.

"High on painkillers. Confused." Tim replies honestly. "What time is it? Oh, and what day?"

"Monday, oh-nine-hundred sharp. Great timing on your part." Ray says with a smile before he offers Tim the drinking straw, which he accepts gratefully. Tim takes his time sipping as much water as he deems necessary, but not too much so that he doesn't upset his stomach. Ray is carding his fingers through Tim's hair while he's drinking and tells him that Mini sends him hugs and kisses and wants him to know that she'll be by after school and then she'll stay with him all afternoon and evening. Oh, and she also made him a get-well card, because she wants him to feel better so that he can come home, and Ray is supposed to tell him that she loves him so so much.

Ray hands him said card when Tim is done drinking, and of course it's green. She obviously didn't have green paper, so she must have spent quite some time colouring almost the entire sheet green with crayons - the inside _and_ the outside. On the front she drew a figure with short hair, something that's obviously meant to be a moustache and a cast on its leg - no doubt Tim - and a smaller figure with a green t-shirt and green pants and long black hair is hugging the big figure around the waist. It seems like they're in a park because the ground under their feet is green, too, and there's something resembling a tree to one side. For some reason there are also two dolphin stickers, a crab, a crocodile and what looks like an octopus floating through the picture, and Tim can't keep the grin off his face. Mini is definitely enthusiastic and innovative when she gets creative, but she's no Da Vinci. Maybe a Picasso, though. He'll hold his verdict on that until she begins to draw faces in more detail. 

Damn, he can't wait to finally hug his little peanut close again, to hear her laugh and see her smile at him. He may have some holes in his memories, but he sure as hell remembers his little girl. Suddenly the info pops into his mind that it's her last week of school before the summer break now and that it'll be her birthday soon, on July 18th. But how old is she going to turn? Is it seven or eight? Eight. It's eight. He's sure it's eight.

Tim frowns at the feeling in his stomach that tells him again that he's missing something. "Josh, what year is it?"

Ray's expression turns worried instantly. "2009. It's June 15th today."

Tim just nods slowly, because that doesn't feel wrong or strange. He knows it's 2009, knew it even before Ray told him - even the month. So at least he knows it's not like in the movies where the main character wakes from a coma and forgot a few years of his life. 

"Tim?" Ray's voice sounds very worried, and when Tim looks at him he can see the fear in his eyes again, the one he remembers from when he woke up to Mini and Bri sleeping by his side. Ray keeps standing next to the bed, and Tim can easily read the tension in his frame. He's obviously making an effort not to let it show, but Tim knows him too well, there's no fooling him. Reading Ray's body language was one of the first things Tim learned after Ray caught his attention back in Iraq, and he became very good at it long before he even had his first prolonged conversation with Ray. Therefore it's easy for him to see that something is off with Ray now. Something more than just worry caused by Tim asking for the year. 

"I'm okay, Josh." Tim says in a gentle, reassuring voice while he's handing Mini's card back to Ray and watches him set it on the bedside table, positioned so that Tim can see it. "I just think I might have some holes in my memories."

"Holes in your memories?" Ray repeats carefully, and his frown has turned even more worried than before. Tim doesn't like that he can see the fear in his eyes increasing in sync with the tension in his frame.

"Yes. Some things just don't quite add up." Tim explains and reaches out with his left hand to play with the hem of the Navy t-shirt Ray is wearing. That's when he spots the wedding band on his left ring finger, and a quick glance to the side shows an identical one on Ray's finger. Seems they're not just a couple, they're _married_. Uh. Interesting. Certainly feels right.

"Are we still on active duty?" Tim asks instead of inquiring after their marital status, because he's sure that'll unsettle Josh even more right now. And Tim already kind of has his answer to that question, after all. He can _feel_ that it's true.

"No, we're not." Ray replies slowly, almost carefully. "I left the Corps in 2003, shortly after Iraq. You left the Navy in mid 2004."

"See, that's already clearing up a lot of things." Tim looks at him with a little smile and demonstratively pats the mattress next to him. He knows what to do to make Ray feel better. "Now come here, Josh."

Ray sits down on the edge of the bed, and Tim stretches his arm out sideways in invitation. "Lie down."

Ray throws him a pointed look and raises an eyebrow. "The nurses won't like it."

"There are no nurses around right now. And I'll take the blame if they come in and chide us." Tim reassures him and encouragingly pats the mattress again. There are few things that make Ray relax more than affectionate physical closeness from the people he loves, be it an arm around his shoulder, a hug or a cuddle. Tim has witnessed the tension seep out of him when Mini snuggled up to him after a long day, he has seen him unwind when Angela pulled him into a hug, has observed his shoulders relax when Mary-Ann ruffled her hand through his hair while calling him 'munchkin'. 

Ray is still hesitating, so Tim decides to get out the big guns. "Come down here already, Josh. I want to feel you close."

"Okay, all right, you win." Ray raises his arms in surrender and rolls his eyes in a show of reluctance, but Tim knows it's only that - a show. He can tell that Ray wants to be close to him just as much as he wants Ray close, and true to form Ray melts against him immediately when he has arranged himself carefully on top of the sheets with his head resting on Tim's shoulder and an arm stretched out across Tim's chest. 

As soon as his head touches Tim's shoulder there's something digging uncomfortably into his skin. "Josh, something is poking me in the neck."

"Oops." Ray lifts his head, reaches behind him and pulls the three pencils out of his hair with a sheepish smile. "Sorry."

Tim chuckles while Ray props himself up on his elbow and twists enough to put the pencils on the bedside table. When he turns around again, Tim smiles up at him. "While you're at it, why don't you get rid of the hair tie, too?"

For some reason that makes Ray smile with obvious relief in his eyes, and he doesn't hesitate to reach back and pull the tie out of his hair. When he lies down and settles his head on Tim's shoulder again, Tim allows his hand to come up and slide into the soft strands. 

"God, I love your hair." Tim murmurs in profound pleasure at the feeling of the soft, thick strands sliding through his fingers. Ray relaxes against him in an almost boneless sprawl and Tim feels a little bit like he has a large, warm cat plastered along his side. It's one of the things he has always loved about Ray, how he doesn't put on some kind of tough-guy show when they're close, how he openly and unabashedly shows how much he enjoys cuddling with Tim.

Ray has become more solid over the past few years, he's not as skinny anymore as he was when Tim first met him. Back then he was nothing but bones and muscles, not one superfluous gram of fat on him, especially not at the end of their tour in Iraq. There's still no excessive weight to him and he's still all lean strength, but there's also a little more mass to him. Right now he feels oddly fragile in Tim's arms, though, and it has nothing to do with the fact that Ray is naturally lean. It reminds Tim of Iraq, of that moment at the end of their tour after Ray lost it during their football game and attacked Rudy. When Tim followed him to the half-destroyed warehouse and offered Ray the comfort and safety of his embrace, Ray felt in his arms a lot like he does now. 

"You okay?" Tim murmurs into his hair. He feels tired and there's a headache building, but he doesn't want to go back to sleep before he hasn't found out what is wrong with Ray, what really causes that fear in his eyes.

"Yeah, sure." Ray replies immediately, his voice equally quiet.

Tim gives it a moment and just touches his lips to Ray's forehead in a long, lingering kiss. "Josh."

Ray takes a deep breath, and Tim can feel that it's shaky. "Okay, no."

Tim cards his hand through Ray's hair in a slow, gentle caress. The way it slides through his fingers feels like home, familiar and comforting. "Talk to me, Josh. What's wrong? Apart from the obvious."

It takes a long time before Ray answers, and Tim just waits him out, never stopping his touch. 

"I almost lost you." Ray murmurs after a time that Tim can't define in its length, and his voice breaks at the end of the sentence.

Tim lets it sink in for a while before he replies, "But you didn't, Josh. I'm still here."

Tim can feel against his chest how Ray grits his teeth. "Yes, I did. Three times, actually."

Okay, that's news to Tim. But since he hasn't been awake for more than a few minutes at a time, he has not yet managed to get the full picture of what happened. "What do you mean?"

"So I take it you haven't talked to the docs yet." Ray remarks instead of answering his question. 

"Not yet, no." Tim replies with an increasingly bad feeling in his stomach that even manages to push away the lingering tiredness. Ray doesn't say anything else for a while and his hand keeps tracing a mindless pattern on the hospital gown covering Tim's chest.

"You flatlined. Once in the ambulance and once during surgery." Ray finally says in a very quiet voice, and Tim suddenly becomes aware of the fact that Ray's fingers are drawing their patterns right above his heart. "And then again three hours after the surgery, when I was sitting right next to you."

A shiver goes through Tim, not because he is afraid for himself but because Ray's barely hidden distress suddenly makes sense in a horrifying way. The thought that he died right in front of Ray leaves him reeling with anguish. He can't even imagine what it must have done to him to witness that and be completely unable to do anything about it. If it was Tim in Ray's stead, he knows he would have lost it.

It takes Tim a moment before he finds his voice again, and it's oddly hoarse when he speaks. "I didn't know."

"They weren't sure if..." Ray trails off and Tim feels him swallow hard before he forces himself to continue, his voice noticeably strained. "Until you woke there was no way of telling if you had sustained any brain damage."

"From the interruption of the oxygen supply to the brain when my heart stopped." Tim understands immediately, and it's strangely satisfying to have medical knowledge come to him that easily. Because if they were worried about brain damage as a consequence of cardiac arrest, memory loss would be a _very_ common complication. That certainly explains a few things, like the issues he always has upon waking, the disorientation, and the hazy and spotty memory. Well, at least he still _has_ his most of his memories, so he's not going to complain. 

"Yeah." Ray presses his hand flat over Tim's heart as if he's trying to feel his heartbeat. "They told me your memory could be impaired, or that you might be permanently disabled or that you might not wake up at all."

Tim feels Ray's chest tremble when he takes a deep, shaky breath to continue. "They already told me that right after you came out of surgery, and I then had about fifty-three hours to excessively ponder the issue and wonder about how the fuck I was supposed to tell our daughter before Marley woke me up to tell me that you'd opened your eyes, but seemed unable to move or talk. So after that I had another four hours to wonder if that was the brain damage they warned me about and what I should prepare for before my mom told me you'd spoken to her and that you were lucid and that you _seemed_ to recognise her and _seemed_ to know who I was, but that you hadn't said much to confirm her impression, and _again_ I wasn't there to see it for myself, and then it was already the afternoon and Mini came back from her camping weekend and I suddenly had to tell her about you but I still _didn't really know_ how you were doing, if you remembered us, _if you were still you_ , I didn't know what I could actually tell her without lying, without giving her false hope, but at the same time I didn't want to trigger her, and if Bri hadn't been there to distract and reassure her I'm sure I would have screwed up spectacularly and traumatised our kid even more than the situation already did."

Ray suddenly falls silent and Tim feels the tension that built up during his monologue seep out of him like he has run our of steam, as if his strings have been cut and the only thing he feels is exhaustion. Tim finds that he can't speak, that he has no words to express how painful it is to just listen to Ray, never mind imagine what he must have gone through. The only thing Tim can do is to wrap his arms around Ray the best he can without upsetting his leg, and to press a long kiss to the top of his head and to hope that he can ease his pain - at least a little - just by being there.

"I can't forget that just like that, Tim." Ray mumbles against Tim's collarbone, his voice barely above a whisper. "So it might be a while until I'm fine again."

Tim buries his nose in Ray's hair and nods slowly in acknowledgement. "How can I help?"

"Just stay alive." Ray replies instantly, as if he doesn't even have to think about it. "Don't ever make me tell our daughter that her Dad's not coming home."

The words hit Tim like a punch to the gut and he can't quite suppress the gasp that escapes him. He instinctively tightens his arms around Ray. "I promise, Josh."

"Good. I'll hold you to that, Tim." Ray replies firmly, then he falls silent and Tim can tell that he's soaking up Tim's closeness the same way Tim is taking comfort in his. Despite their unpleasant conversation topic it's a surprisingly companionable silence and Tim feels the tiredness return the more he relaxes and the headache is getting a little better.

"Oh, and next time you're facing a junkie with a gun, don't let him shoot you." Ray says in a dry voice and Tim can't hold back the snort that escapes him at Ray's words. All right, so that's how he got shot. There's a flicker of a memory about that.

"Okay, Josh." He replies, the grin still on his face.

"Yeah, seriously, Tim, I expect better from you. You're a fucking SARC, use your ninja skills on him."

"I did. I knocked him out without killing him." Tim defends himself half-heartedly because that's something he vaguely remembers. Palm heel strike to the chin. "At least I think so. The memory is a bit hazy."

"Yeah, you didn't kill him. I know that for sure because your Captain told me that the jerk is being prosecuted for threatening you and Kimmy and of course for shooting you." There's a note of satisfaction in Ray's voice before he continues with less enthusiasm. "Oh, and while we're on the subject of jerks: Your father is here."

" _What?_ " Tim can't quite believe what Ray just told him, and it's enough to disperse the tiredness that had begun to take hold of him. He must have heard wrong. Any remaining relationship between him and his father was irretrievably broken that evening a year ago. Tim hasn't exchanged a word with him since. So why the fuck would he be here now? After all, he made his point perfectly clear: Tim is not his son anymore. There's no uncertainty in his memories about any of _that_. "You're kidding me."

Ray shakes his head where it's still resting on Tim's shoulder. "Nope. He's here, has been camping in the hallway outside your room during visiting hours since noon on Saturday."

"I don't want to see him." Tim says reflexively because the thought of facing the homophobic, racist bigotry of his father right now is profoundly unappealing, even downright nasty. He definitely doesn't feel up to it. Why the fuck couldn't he forget about that shit instead of forgetting his own wedding?

"Yeah, I figured, so I haven't let him through to you. He arrived together with your mom, but she hasn't made a case for him and respected and even enforced my decision that he's not allowed to enter your room unless you give him permission." 

Tim suddenly breathes a little easier. "Thank you, Josh."

Ray tilts his head back so that he can look at Tim and gives him a reassuring smile. "I made sure the others know it too, including the staff. And at least one of us has always been in here with you, around the clock, either me, my mom, Grandma, Marley or Brad - and you know that every single one of them would take your father's head off if he tried to sneak in." Ray chuckles. "My mom even threatened him directly, told him she'd punch his lights out if he harassed you."

Tim grins at the picture Ray's words paint in his mind. "I would have loved to see that."

"What? Her threatening him or her punching his lights out?"

"Both sound really appealing." Tim admits with a chuckle. 

Ray grins, then he turns serious. "You want me to make him leave for good?"

Tim find himself hesitating, although he doesn't know why. It's not like he wants to see his father, after all. Before he can think it through, he replies, "Not yet."

Ray smiles as if he understands what even Tim himself doesn't understand. "No need to hurry that decision. He can sit out in that rather uncomfortable hallway for a while longer. It's not like anybody is forcing him to stay, he can leave whenever he wants. Consider it a test of his determination."

"Sounds like a plan." Tim agrees and tries to keep his eyes from fluttering shut. Suddenly the headache along with the intense tiredness is back with a vengeance and it's well on its way to claim victory over him in his fight to stay awake. Ray's hand is still drawing mindless patterns on Tim's chest, and the gentle caresses are hypnotising and relaxing at the same time. Tim can't say how much time has passed when he feels Ray stretch up and then there's the soft touch of warm lips to the underside of Tim's jaw, followed by the tip of Ray's nose brushing over the skin. Tim is out before he ever feels him pull back.

He wakes a few times throughout the day - at least he thinks it's still the same day - to find different people keeping watch by his bedside. He's rarely awake for long, the conversation he had with Ray in the morning definitely qualifies as the longest period of time he managed to keep his eyes open. At least he's finally awake for his doctor's visit and he gets some more information of what happened and what he should expect for the next few days and weeks. Tim is not able to stay with the doc for long, but it's long enough to realise that his medical knowledge definitely is still there. 

Once he wakes to his mom and Angela sitting next to each other in the chairs and reading in companionable silence. Tim takes a moment to observe them while they haven't noticed yet that he's awake. Mom looks different to him in a way that has nothing to do with physical appearance, because while she looks tired, she hasn't changed anything about her looks. He can't quite put his finger on what it is, but he decides it's a good change. Angela has her legs pulled under her same as Ray always does it when he's reading a book, and she's smirking at something happening in her novel. When they notice that his eyes are open, he's met with two genuinely happy smiles.

Next he wakes to Marley sitting on one chair with her laptop on her legs, obviously working on something, and Ray slouched in the other chair, studying his textbook, again with his coloured pencils sticking out of his ponytail. Tim's not even awake long enough to make them notice that he is, and when he opens his eyes the next time, there are Bri and Mary-Ann chatting quietly in his room. Bri is sitting on the bed by his hip, her hand holding his while she's explaining to Mary-Ann that Nascar has a serious lack of female drivers. It makes a thought pop up in Tim's mind, something about Ray taking her to a race for her birthday, and he makes sure not to say anything about it in case it's a plan and not something that already happened. Because _that_ he can't remember. Yep, there are _definitely_ holes in his memory.

He falls asleep again after only maybe ten minutes of talking to Bri and Mary-Ann, but the relieved, outright happy look on his girl's face is totally worth every minute he manages to stay awake. When he comes around again, it's Marley who is in the chair beside his bed, this time with a book in her hands and her reading glasses on her nose. They're small wire rimmed glasses that tend to slide down her nose and that Tim suddenly remembers he always teases her about because they look like granny-glasses when they've ended up on the tip of her nose again. 

"Hey Marls." Tim says when his vision has come into focus and his mind has cleared, and he can't help noticing that his voice sounds like a rumbling mess again. He intensely dislikes the disorientation he always experiences when he wakes up, and after talking to Ray and later the doc this morning - was it this morning? - he's now sure that it's not something caused by the meds, but a repercussion of the cardiac arrests. The doc told him that it might ease with time, but it's also possible that it's something that'll stay and that he might have to get used to it. Only time will tell, and it's way too early at the moment to say where it's going. He's supposed to sleep as much as possible, give his body the time and the rest it needs to recover, and maybe the issues will ease up. And since it's not like Tim manages to stay awake for long anyway, he just allows himself to give in every time sleep overcomes him. Maybe it'll help. He'd certainly appreciate that, although he still thinks he shouldn't complain considering how much worse things could be right now. 

"Hey baby bro." Marley smiles at him and closes her book before she gets up and offers him the drinking straw of the omnipresent water bottle. "How're you feeling?"

"Tired, but I guess that is to be expected." Tim replies after he consumed as much water as he thinks he can ingest without making himself sick. Hydration is very important, not to mention that the cool water is pure bliss when it's running down his throat. "I'm not in pain, if that's what you're asking, but then I can tell that I'm still on painkillers. Milder ones than before, though."

Marley smirks, and it's a fond expression. "You've always hated painkillers."

"Still do." Tim agrees and relaxes back into the pillow while Marley sets the water bottle aside. It's true that he doesn't feel any discomfort in his leg, although he knows it should be a pretty painful injury. Well, he'll have enough time to suffer when they'll finally take him off the meds and send him home. Because when he has the choice, nine times out of ten he'd rather grit his teeth and suffer through it than take painkillers that make him loopy.

"You're going to get a little visitor soon, somebody who's very eager to finally give you a hug that you're awake to return." Marley tells him when she sits down on the edge of the bed.

Tim smiles spontaneously. "Mini is coming?"

"Yep. Brad sent me a text, he just got her from school and they're on their way over." Marley is smiling fondly, but Tim can't tell whether it's at the thought of Mini or because of his obvious anticipation to see his little girl. Maybe a little bit of both.

"How is she doing?" Tim asks with a worried frown when he remembers that while she was here already, he'd been asleep and she never got to talk to him. Hopefully it didn't unsettle her too much.

"The camping trip that Walt took her and her friends on was a blessing because she never knew how bad things were, and when she came by yesterday afternoon you'd already come out of coma. So even if it was still not entirely clear how you were doing, Ray could at least tell her that you were only asleep, and that it was because your leg was hurt and the docs had given you some strong medicine. Obviously that is much easier to accept than hearing that it's not sure if her Dad will wake up again." Marley isn't one for beating around the bush, and Tim appreciates that she's giving him the facts without sugar-coating them. "She's a bright kid, though, so she can tell something is up, especially because there are so many people around who usually don't get together without a special occasion - and there is no wedding or birthday, and she knows that. Not to mention that it made her worry that you didn't wake up when she was here." 

Tim presses his lips together in worry. "So she's unsettled?"

"Yeah, but Bri's doing a fantastic job of keeping her distracted. When Mini didn't want to leave you last night, Bri convinced her that you had invited Bri over for a sleepover with Mini long before you hurt your leg and that it was supposed to be a surprise for Mini and that she certainly didn't want so ruin all the work you'd put in now by staying at the hospital and leaving Bri all alone at the apartment to watch movies without Mini. It worked like a charm, and then they camped out in the living room on the couch and watched _Finding Nemo_ for the umpteenth time while Mary-Ann spoilt them with chocolate cookies and peanut butter cookies she'd made." Marley chuckles at the memory, then she grins. "And then Ray had to tell her a story before bed, and I've never seen Bri look so much like a little kid again as when she was lying next to Mini in bed and listened to his frankly absolutely crazy adventure tale. I still don't know how he managed to make it plausible that dragons, race cars, flying surfboards and warrior queens coexist in the same story."

Tim is grinning by now, his chest feeling warm with the genuine gratitude and love he feels for Bri and her caring for Mini as well as for Ray's efforts to distract and entertain both girls. Tim has heard enough of Ray's stories to know that he's extremely good at making completely contrary things fit together seamlessly, and Tim can admit that even as an adult he always enjoys story time. Ray is used to doing it in Sinhala as well as in English by now, because whenever Mini has friends over, she still insists on story time, but obviously her friends don't speak Sinhala, so Ray had to adapt. He's no less good in English, obviously, and he's popular with the Bravo Squad for his crazy stories. Tim is very relieved that he has no issues remembering any of that.

"He's really good at it, isn't he?" Tim remarks with a chuckle.

"Oh yes, very good." Marley agrees immediately. "If his engineering career doesn't work out, he can easily switch to writing kid's books. He'd be a bestselling author."

Tim grins. "You should tell him that."

"I did. He said that it'd be difficult to write the stories down because he always makes everything up on the spot with the help of his usually very creative audience that - his words - 'is not impaired by the unnecessary bounds of realism and feasibility'."

Tim snorts at that reply, which is so very typical for Ray. Not that he's wrong. Kids truly are the better audience with their open minds and their willingness to delve into any world that captures their imagination.

"And how were things this morning? " Tim enquires when he remembers that Mini had school today.

"Mini was very upset that she would have to go to school without her braids, but when Ray offered to give it a try she looked absolutely horrified and refused to let him anywhere near her hair." Marley looks a little bewildered by her reaction, but Tim can't help the snort of laughter that escapes him. He knows very _very_ well why she wouldn't let Ray try to braid her hair, and she was very wise to do so. "So I braided her hair, but I'll readily admit that I'm nowhere near as good at it as you are. Luckily she was satisfied with a simple Dutch braid, and that I can do."

Tim smirks at her and cocks an eyebrow. "I can teach you."

Marley snorts, but before she can reply the the door opens and Brad comes in with Mini holding onto his hand. Tim's gaze is drawn to his little girl immediately, and he can read in her body language how unsettled she is, and she looks scared when she spots him in the hospital bed. He knows this scenario is bound to trigger her abandonment issues in some unknown way, but it seems that his family managed to keep her reassured enough for now that she's nowhere close to going into an attack.

Marley looks from Mini and Brad to Tim and then gets up off the bed with her book in her hand. She leans in to place a tender kiss to Tim's cheek before she makes her way to the door. "I'll be back later. I'm right outside if you need me."

On her way out Marley leans down to kiss the top of Mini's head before she caresses her cheek with a reassuring touch and gives her an encouraging smile. Mini looks at her with a spontaneous smile before she turns her big eyes back on Tim, and her smile disappears.

"Tāttā, are you okay?" Mini asks in a small voice when she's approaching the bed with hurried steps after letting go of Brad's hand. The fact that she fell back into Sinhala despite the presence of a person who she knows doesn't speak the language tells him a lot about how scared she really is, and Tim is unbelievably grateful to find his knowledge of Sinhala unimpaired by his memory issues. Brad remains standing by the door and gives Tim a quick nod that tells Tim that Mini is fine apart from being unsettled.

"I'm okay, peanut. Just a little banged up, but it'll heal." Tim replies in Sinhala and gives her a reassuring smile, then he pats the mattress next to him. "Do you want to sit next to me?"

Mini nods immediately and climbs up on the bed way more carefully than Tim knows she usually is. She ends up sitting on her knees next to him without touching him. "When I was here yesterday you were sleeping, and Āppa said that's because you were hurt." 

"That's true, peanut, my right leg took some damage. That's why it's propped up." Tim gestures at where his leg is visibly elevated under the sheets. "But it'll get better soon, and then I'll be home again with you and your Āppa."

Mini is biting her lip, her eyes huge with worry and something that Tim identifies as fear. She hesitates, then she asks carefully, "Can I hug you, Tāttā? Or will I hurt you?" 

She looks so uncertain and afraid that it makes Tim's heart break. He never wants her to be afraid to touch him because she worries that she might hurt him. He never wants her to think that she can't seek comfort with him. So he smiles at her and opens his arms in invitation and then pulls her to him when she leans in almost instantly. She stretches out along his left side and rests her head on his chest, her small arms wrapped around him as far as she can reach.

Tim presses a kiss to the top of her head and lets his hands stroke her back soothingly. "You won't hurt me, peanut. Just having you close already makes me feel better. It seems you have some serious healing powers." 

Mini gives a quiet little laugh in response to his words and relaxes against him. Tim places another kiss to her hair before he looks over to Brad. He's watching them with a little smile that doesn't vanish even when he catches Tim looking. 

Tim holds his gaze for a long moment, then he switches back to English and says with genuine gratitude in his voice. "Thank you, Brad."

He doesn't just mean for bringing Mini here, but also for all the other things he's sure Brad did for Ray over the past few days. He has no doubts that Brad was the first on the scene, that he was by Ray's side long before Marley or Angela or Mary-Ann even knew about what happened. And he's also sure that Brad kept Ray grounded throughout the worst of it, that he made sure that Ray didn't lose himself like he's prone to do in a situation like this. Tim owes Brad more than he can ever repay, and he knows it. So he looks Brad in the eye and lets him see how grateful he is and how glad he is that Ray has him as his best friend.

Brad, still standing by the door, nods in understanding and acceptance, and the little smile is still on his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone feel like making me a happy wee cookie by leaving me a few words? *gets Walt to make puppy dog eyes at you* :D


	75. Closure - (Tim/Ray, Tim & Tim's Father, implied Brad/Nate)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim decides to talk to his father after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it comes, the big showdown between Tim and his father! I know you've all been wanting to see that, even if you weren't aware that you wanted it XD I'm also currently working on four more chapters that tie directly into this story arc, so do you mind if I prolong the story/chapter count yet _again_...? 
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : I've had this chapter written for ages and I'm so so so curious to hear all your thoughts about it because I know you love Alan _so_ much (not XD ) You're going to have a field day with this! ;D There's also the odd nod to some things you said in your comments, so happy hunting ^^

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


"See you later, Uncle Tim!" Brianna says with a smile and a wave of her hand when she's at the door.

Tim returns her wave and her smile. "Enjoy the beach, Bri."

"I will!" She assures him with a huge grin before she closes the door behind her and walks with Tim's mom down the hallway towards the elevator, where Angela and Marley are waiting for them. She's been with him for a few hours, even if he wasn't awake for all of them. It's almost noon now and his mother and Angela insisted that Marley and Bri come to the beach with them to have lunch and stretch their legs a little bit. He's very glad that Bri also gets to enjoy the beautiful sides of summer at the Californian coast instead of only being cooped up in the hospital.

It's Wednesday and Tim's been out of coma for almost four days, even if he was asleep for most of that time. Yesterday morning he was transferred off ICU, which he sees as a huge testament to his progress because it means that they don't consider his condition critical anymore. They still want to keep him at least another four days, though, because of possible complications from the cardiac arrests and the enormous blood loss. Tim has seen the wound on the inside of his thigh last night when Nelly, the nurse he's had most contact with so far, changed the dressing. It's almost three inches long and surprisingly straight considering that it's a combination of the gunshot wound and the subsequent surgical incision. He counted sixteen stitches and saw no reddening or swelling that would be signs of infection, so he thinks it looks good all things considered.

Yesterday morning Ray brought him some regular nightwear clothes, and Tim is very relieved that with his transfer off ICU he was allowed to finally get rid of that horrible hospital gown. He hates wearing those things, and every single time he had to he was glad when he could switch back to something a little more dignified. He's currently wearing a Lock Haven University t-shirt that is so old that it's worn to a very pleasant softness, which is why he likes it for sleeping. Ray also brought him a pair of boxers because they're short enough not to come in contact with the dressing over his injury. They're plain black ones, but Tim knows they're _Ray's_ because of the small Iron Man arc reactor printed on the left leg. He's absolutely sure Ray knows he knows and that he did it on purpose. Tim can't say that he minds, it's oddly comforting to be wearing something of Ray's - even if it's his boxers. It's not like it's the first time. The two separate drawers they're using for their underwear are a charade at best. Ray was never shy to help himself to Tim's underwear - he already did that on his very first night at the apartment right after their tour to Iraq, after all. That Tim _definitely_ remembers.

Tim is glad that he's now able to stay awake for more than just a few minutes at a time, and this morning was the first time that he got out of bed. With Ray's help he made it to the bathroom to take care of business and back to bed. That left him so exhausted that he fell asleep again afterwards, and when he woke it was to find Bri sitting on the bed next to him with a book in her hands that he recognised as one of Ray's basic engineering textbooks from his pre-engineering course in 2003. She also had a pencil sticking out of her ponytail, and Tim can't help wondering if she picked that quirk up from Ray.

Nelly told Tim this morning that he's supposed to walk short distances at least three or four times a day because moving around will keep down the risk of complications and will help speed up his recovery. He has to admit that while he doesn't like taking painkillers, they're doing a fantastic job of keeping the pain down to such a degree that he was able to walk this morning without any discomfort in his leg, so it'll be the bone-deep exhaustion that brings him down long before any pain will. He's still not up for anything even remotely more straining than walking to the bathroom and he's still terribly tired most of the time, but given what his body went through that's not surprising. Recovering from the massive blood loss, the three cardiac arrests and the injury to his leg is enough to require all of his body's resources, so Tim allows himself to rest whenever it demands it. And it does that pretty much constantly.

While Tim was injured badly enough to end up in the hospital more than once before, it was never _this_ bad. He's not used to his body functioning only at such a limited capacity, but he's mostly just glad that it's functioning at all. He's lucky that he was in very good shape and excellent health before he got shot, but he will still feel the after-effects of the enormous blood loss for a while. Fact is that about half of the blood in his veins now is not his, and his body is still adapting. His iron levels are not quite back to what they should be despite the blood transfusions he received, which is one of the reasons why he's so incredibly tired all the time. And while his leg is supposed to heal entirely, he will require some physical therapy to get up to full mobility again because the bullet nicked his sartorius muscle. He doesn't have any of the other side effects the docs talked about - at least not so far - aside from mild disorientation, but he thinks that's normal given that his memory's not entirely intact. But otherwise he's good. No depression, no anxieties, not symptoms of PTSD. 

As for the disorientation and his memory issues, the docs consider them fairly minor complications compared to what they had expected, and they're still mildly surprised by how well his body dealt with the cardiac arrests. Tim has by now established that while the vast majority of his memory is intact, it's spotty and hazy and also kind of jumbled. There are things he obviously doesn't remember - judging by the reactions he's getting or by how some things just don't make sense to him - and the moments he's missing sometimes come before and sometimes after events that he _does_ remember. 

One of the most prominent examples is that when he first woke up he didn't know that he got married to Ray. He knew they were a couple, but he thought that he was still a corpsman and Ray a Marine. But at the same time he _did_ know that he had legally adopted Mini, which doesn't make any sense when you look at the timeline of those events, especially given how inextricably they're linked with each other. He's still unbelievably glad that he got the memories of their wedding back, even if he knows they're still not complete. He recalls the day in pretty great detail, but he still doesn't remember the moment during the ceremony when he shared his first kiss with Ray as his husband, and that's a memory he desperately wants back. 

There are other things that have come back to him by now. He remembers pretty much all of Sri Lanka and how they came to be there, he remembers all of their kids as well as Padma and Manisha and life at Bravo Company Orphanage. He also recalls now why he decided to leave the Navy and that he worked with the MSF afterwards. A few things still don't quite add up, but he decided to just give it time because forcing it won't work anyway, and he already regained a few memories in the past two days. The most important things in his life are part of the memories he has retained, and that's his family, his life with Ray and Mini. He counts himself lucky that he gets to have that, even if there are some moments of their life that he doesn't remember.

At least his professional knowledge is not affected by his memory issues, as far as he can tell. He remembers his training in the Navy, he remembers the SARC courses he took, he remembers Afghanistan and Iraq. He can recall his coursework of the past year's pre-med studies and most of his time working as a paramedic. He has no trouble following the things the docs say to him and his brain supplies him with unbidden background knowledge concerning the topics they skirt. When Kimmy came by to visit him he made her quiz him about things he should _definitely_ know as a corpsman and a paramedic. She couldn't find any fault in his performance, which reassured him enormously. For a while there he was worried that he might have to step back from his spot at UC San Diego Medical School where he's supposed to start at the end of August. He has to make sure he's back on his feet until then.

Only a minute after Bri has left, the door opens again and Ray comes in. He told Tim yesterday that Bri pointed out to him that she won't let Tim's father into the room any more than the others will, and to show her that he trusts her just as much as the adults Ray makes it a point to leave her alone with Tim when she's visiting him. Tim knows that Ray is still staying close by, but since there's always somebody of their group somewhere in the hallway Bri doesn't seem to have noticed. Ray was probably keeping watch because Tim's father is still sitting in the hallway every day as long as visiting hours permit - Tim has seen him walk past his room last night when he had to leave. From Brad Tim learned that his father has taken a hotel room two blocks from the hospital and has booked it until tomorrow. 

Tim's mom's not staying at the hotel with him, instead she's staying at the apartment along with Angela, Mary-Ann, Marley and Bri. Ever since Tim was transferred to a regular room nobody is allowed to stay after visiting hours anymore because that is an exceptional rule that only applies to critical cases in ICU. Ray told him that it's quite cosy with so many people at the apartment and the sleeping arrangements are a bit cramped. Tim's mom and the girls share Mini's queen-size bed and Ray insisted that his mom and grandma sleep in his and Tim's bed. He made Marley take the couch while he's sleeping on one of their camping mats that he placed in the living room. To Tim it all sounds rather uncomfortable, and he's well aware they can't keep housing everybody once he gets discharged on Sunday. 

Tim's had quite a few visitors over the past days. Mini insists on coming by every day after school and she'll be here in about two hours when Ray and Mary-Ann get her from school. Since it's Wednesday school finishes earlier and she excitedly told him yesterday that she will spend the entire afternoon until the end of visiting hours with him. Tim has noticed that there's never any sign of his father at those times, and he has the distinct impression that Ray has something to do with that. Tim certainly approves, he's pretty sure that seeing his father would unsettle Mini after the nightmares she had about him after their very unpleasant first - and only - meeting. He sure doesn't want a repeat of that.

Apart from his family, who're around most of the time, Walt was also here a few times, and Tim thinks he combines it with the opportunity to make sure that Ray is doing okay. Yesterday during lunchtime he sat with Tim and Ray and told them all about that camping trip he took Mini on, and that's when Tim learned that Amy is Walt's partner, that her daughter Amber has officially made Walt her father by calling him 'Daddy', and that Bravo Squad is kind of a private girl scouts troop that Walt leads. That not only sparked a few more memories, it also helped Tim put others into context, and that again cleared up a few things Tim's been wondering about. It gives him hope that maybe he'll manage to regain his entire memory at some time, even if it might take him a while.

Brad and Nate have also been here, and they're coming by again later today. Tim doesn't refer to Nate as 'LT' anymore ever since he remembered that Nate left the Corps years ago and that he's a family friend now and that Mini calls him 'Uncle Nate'. Even when Tim still had his memory hangup when he first woke up and he thought he was still on active duty, he knew that Brad and Nate are together. They don't show any physical affection when they're out in public due to Brad still being on active duty, but they don't need to in order to exude a sense of belonging that is palpable to Tim - and it's _always_ been like that, even in Iraq. But he has the feeling that something between them is different than he remembers, there's a kind of gentle contentment and easy possessiveness around them that he's sure wasn't there before, and he wonders how anybody can _not_ see that they're a couple. If he didn't know that it's impossible due to DADT and current laws, Tim would have assumed that one of them proposed and got a yes. 

All of Tim's team members from the fire station have also come by, although not all at once. At first he wasn't able to put names to the faces of his co-workers, but that eased pretty quickly since he hasn't actually forgotten who they are, just their names. Molly, Elliot, Travis and Robin visited together - which made Tim wonder if they might have to rename them into 'The Foursome' because Molly and Robin stick together like glue - and Molly hugged him with tears in her eyes. Elliot as well as Kimmy were already here several times, in fact, and Elliot brought Tim an mp3-player with tons of music to keep him entertained while Kimmy gave him an audio version of one of the textbooks he'll need for med school. She told him that she knows from experience that for a while now listening will be easier for him than reading, and she gave him a wink when she said that she knows he'll get restless soon enough and that'll give him something to do. She also kissed him on the cheek and gave him a heartfelt thank you for protecting her, which was then followed by an apology for getting him shot. Tim didn't let that stand because he may not remember all about that night, but he knows for sure that Kimmy is not to blame for what happened, she didn't pull that gun. He made sure to tell her that in no uncertain terms, which earned him another kiss to the cheek and a gentle smile when she left.

Even Jim showed up, tagging along with Kyle. He sure looked awkward and uncomfortable, but he made a point to be nice and non-confrontational, which Tim will give him credit for because he sure as hell remembers the issues with Jim. The Captain also visited Tim and enquired after his well-being and assured him that he's on paid medical leave and that of course the city is responsible to cover the costs of his treatments since he was injured on duty. There'll be paperwork - lots of it - but the Captain said he already filed whatever he could, and there will be a lady coming by later that week to go over the papers that Tim needs to sign to make things progress. It's a somewhat fortunate coincidence that Tim had just switched to working full-time at the beginning of June, the Captain explained, but it complicates the situation that it's just a temporary switch for the summer months and that he'll be back in part-time at the end of August. It means his claims are reduced compared to a regular full-time employee, but they'll make sure he's not hung out to dry and his job is still there when he's back on his feet, the Captain promised him. It's quite reassuring to know that he has the backing of his boss, Tim must admit. Medical bills can become nasty really quickly, especially if they include major costs like a three-hour surgery and four days in ICU, not to mention his continued stay in hospital and the recovery period and ensuing treatments afterwards.

Ray told him that he's also on - sadly unpaid - leave for the week because his boss at the electronics shop immediately accepted the recent events as a family emergency. And since the semester is over and done with since end of May, he doesn't need to make any arrangements with his professors at college. His study group still offered immediately to come by and help him in any way he needs, from watching Mini to buying groceries or simply cooking a meal. 

Walt also informed Tim and Ray that pretty much all of their Bravo brothers have inquired after Tim and many have offered their help, and so far Walt and Poke have held them back from visiting, but Tim just needs to say the word and then his Marine brothers will descend on him like a platoon of helpful busy bees. Or annoying flies, Walt added with a grin, that depends on who they're talking about. Anyway, Rudy and Pappy are just waiting to get word and then they'll drive over from San Diego and Rudy promised to make Tim his most delicious coffee. Oh, and Lovell offered to help train Tim back to his former level of mobility and fitness if he wants some company while doing that. Tim is incredibly glad that he and Ray have such a fantastic and reliable network of friends, it certainly makes life a lot easier at the moment. Knowing that Ray wasn't left alone with this situation - especially when Tim was still unconscious and his future entirely uncertain - is an immense relief to Tim.

He watches Ray as he closes the door to Tim's room behind him and then comes over to the bed. Tim thinks Ray looks worn out and exhausted, but Ray brushes it aside whenever Tim mentions it and just says that he's had a rough few days and it'll ease in time. There's little Tim can say about that right now, especially considering that the current sleeping arrangements are bound to keep Ray from resting in the way he should and needs. But Tim hasn't forgotten Ray's confession about how he can't just forget everything that happened, how it will take him a while until he'll be fine again, and that alone is enough for Tim to keep a careful eye on him. He knows Ray well enough to be able to tell that he's trying to keep any additional burden off Tim's shoulders, and Tim will not have that when it concerns Ray's well-being. He expects to be met with some resistance in that regard, but it's not like Tim is any less stubborn than Ray. Tim can recover and at the same time make sure his pigheaded husband is doing so, too. 

"Did you have a good time with Bri?" Ray asks Tim with a smile when he comes to sit on the edge of the bed, pretty much in the same spot Bri occupied while she was chatting with Tim.

"I always have a good time when my girl's here." Tim replies with a smirk. "She's never boring. And I have to admit that I find the mind of a teenage girl rather confusing sometimes, so that keeps me on my toes."

"True." Ray agrees with a chuckle. "Let me guess, she told you about that band she likes so much. I always forget their name. Some brothers."

"Oh yes, they certainly were a big part of the conversation. They're on tour this year, it seems, and Bri was working on convincing me to chaperone her for a concert so that she and her friends are allowed to go. Because apparently it's _'so not cool'_ to have your mother chaperone you, but your uncle is okay."

Ray laughs at the way Tim imitates Bri, saying those words with the perfect annoyed-teenage-girl inflection. "Well, seems you're cool enough to meet her friends, so take it as a compliment."

"It's not a compliment, Josh." Tim replies with a mockingly raised eyebrow. "I'm a glorified admission ticket on legs. She has to have an adult in order to go, and she's just picking the least annoying one." 

Ray just grins. "She's a smart kid, then. I'd pick you, too, if I was in her stead." 

Tim snorts and rolls his eyes. "You're such a sweet talker, Josh."

Ray wiggles his eyebrows and grins. "You know you love it."

"Sure." Tim replies totally deadpan, and it only makes Ray's grin widen in response to what he obviously perceives to be a challenge. He leans in until he's propped up on his arms over Tim, then he bends down and touches his lips to Tim's. He doesn't make any attempt to deepen the kiss, only opens his mouth a little and then trails the tip of his tongue over Tim's bottom lip in a slow, sensual caress. Tim can't help it, his mouth opens immediately in response and Ray plays with his very skilled tongue along his lips, teasingly dips inbetween only to retreat again. He nibs on Tim's bottom lip before he enfolds it with his own lips and runs the tip of his tongue over the spot he just bit. 

Tim groans and then he raises his hands and buries his fingers in Ray's hair, on purpose loosening the tie holding the strands back. He uses his newfound grip to pull Ray closer and parts his lips at the same time to plunge his tongue deep into Ray's mouth. He feels Ray chuckle into the kiss in a show of smug satisfaction because this is obviously what he wanted all along. Tim losing his cool because of Ray's touch is one of his favourite reactions to provoke, and Tim doesn't mind at all to give him just what he wants. Ray returns the kiss eagerly, not shy to take what he's offered. When Tim pulls back at last and rests his forehead against Ray's, he's panting more than is probably appropriate for a simple kiss. He feels the warm, wet air of Ray's breath on his lips, and it makes a most delicious shiver run down his spine.

"Okay." Tim agrees, and he's aware that his voice is a little breathless. "I love it."

"I knew it." Ray replies, and the smug grin is audible in his voice. He leans in again and continues to lazily nibble on Tim's lips and place slow, tender kisses on his mouth, his lips warm and soft, his beard scratching deliciously over Tim's skin. Tim enjoys the slow burn of arousal that he can feel spreading through his body, despite the fact that he knows that he's not up to anything real. His body wouldn't be even if they had the privacy to engage in some sexy times - which they certainly don't considering that the walls to the hallway are mostly made of glass. Tim's just content to enjoy Ray's closeness and the little spikes of heat that his very skilled lips and tongue cause to course through Tim time and again. 

"When you're home again I have plans for you." Ray murmurs against Tim's mouth between lazy touches of lips against lips. "I will settle you in bed and make sure that you don't move your leg even an inch while I'm turning you into a quivering mess of pleasure. I'll get you so blissed out that you'll sleep like a log for twelve hours afterwards and don't even remember that your leg's hurt." 

"Hmmm." Tim hums in approval and smirks against Ray's lips. "I like your plans already."

Ray keeps kissing Tim for a moment longer before he cups his face and pulls back to look him in the eye. The expression in his beautiful warm brown eyes is playful but also serious. "I'll take good care of you, Tim."

Tim returns his gaze evenly, and the smirk on his mouth transforms into a gentle smile. "I know."

"I'll get you back on your feet in no time." Ray pecks another kiss to Tim's mouth, then he grins. "And then _you_ can go running with our little girl again, because I'll have you know that she's been complaining about my running style for the past few days since she had to settle for me as her running buddy. Seems you're much better at it than me. Something about how you're not bolting all the time to leave her in the dust, if I got the gist of it right."

Tim can't hold back the snort that escapes him at Ray's words. He's not surprised at all that Mini is complaining, she probably has good reason to. He knows Ray is certainly making an effort to keep his pace down for her, but it's probably of limited success and he's just too fast for Mini's short legs to keep up. It's why she's running with Tim who has no issues adapting to her pace, but he expects that to change in a few years when Mini gets taller and faster. She's the same kind of runner as Ray, she runs to get rid of her surplus energy, and once she'll be able to keep up with Ray she'll probably switch running buddies because Tim's calm pace will make her feel restless then. Tim's glad that it's still a few years away, though, because he loves the morning runs with his daughter. 

"She offered a solution to the problem, which was to put a leash on me. You know, one of those rolled up retractable things." Ray makes sure to sound completely offended, but then he grins teasingly and pats Tim's injured leg, pointedly only touching his shin and making sure not to rattle the limb. "Seriously, I need you back. And hey, you won't even have to keep down your pace for the first few weeks, because I'm sure she'll be faster than you when you take up training again."

"I love how you see the good in things." Tim remarks drily, but he knows Ray is right. It'll be a while before he can start running again, and even then it'll be a slow work in progress to get his leg back in shape. He has no illusions about how slow he's going to be at the beginning. Mini will have to adapt her pace to his for once. It's probably a good experience for her, that _she's_ the stronger and faster one and that it's _her_ who needs to be considerate. It could be a valuable lesson in responsibility.

For some reason that makes Tim think about his father who hasn't been considerate of Tim since he was a kid, but who has suddenly decided that he's willing to sit for days on end in a hospital hallway to wait for Tim to decide whether he'll see him or not. It's not the first time that Tim has been thinking about that since Ray told him that his father is here, and he's still not sure what is going on here. The situation is unusual to say the least, but he's sure that his father didn't suddenly change his ways and began caring about Tim just because he's hurt. He never cared before, and even if Tim has to admit that he's never been quite that badly injured, he just can't see his father suddenly doing a 180 and become a caring dad.

"I've been thinking about my father." Tim finds himself saying out of the blue, and Ray looks up in apprehension.

"Wow, you certainly know how to kill the mood." He remarks drily before he pulls back enough that he can look Tim in the eye. "Have you decided what to do about him?"

Tim nods. When he doesn't elaborate, Ray raises an eyebrow in question. "Want me to kick him out after all?"

"The opposite, actually." Tim takes a deep breath, then he lets it escape slowly. "Let him in."

Ray's gaze turns concerned. "You sure?"

"No, not really." Tim admits and presses his lips together. "But knowing that I have the chance to clear the air and don't do it feels like a coward's way out."

Ray frowns, but it seems worried rather than disapproving. "You don't have to see him, Tim. Not out of some feeling of obligation. You don't owe him anything."

"I know." Tim takes another deep breath and looks at the back of the figure he can make out at the end of the hallway, almost out of view. "But he's been out there for almost four days now, and if he just wanted to insult and belittle me there are easier ways to achieve that. So I'll see what he's here for."

"Okay." Ray nods slowly, accepting his decision. "I'll be right outside. Just say the word and I'll drag him out. I'll knock him unconscious if necessary. I might actually even do that if it's _not_ necessary."

Despite the tension Tim feels rising inside him he can't help smirking at the picture Ray's words paint in his mind. "Tempting."

Ray chuckles, then he bends down and places a lingering kiss to Tim's temple. "I mean it, Tim. If you want him gone, I'll be there in an instant."

"I know. It's one of the reasons why I can do this." Tim admits quietly, then he closes his eyes and leans into Ray's touch. "Thank you, Josh."

Ray settles his hand over Tim's left and pointedly begins turning Tim's wedding band on his finger. "Always, Tim."

His promise makes Tim feel warm all over, and it's as if it gives him the strength and confidence he knows he's going to need to get through this. Because he's not naive, he knows that any conversation with his father is going to be unpleasant at best, explosive at worst. Unfortunately that's not something he's lacking memories of.

"Do you want me to get him now?" Ray looks at him with a warm gaze that tells Tim loud and clear that he can change his mind anytime he wants and Ray will not judge him. 

Tim squares his shoulders and nods. "Yeah. I want to get this over with before Mini comes by for the afternoon."

"All right. I'll let him know." Ray pecks another kiss to Tim's temple before he gets up off the bed, leaves the room and walks down the hallway. He talks to Tim's father for a few moments, and Tim is sure from his body language that there's the odd threat among the things he's saying.

"All right." Tim mutters to himself and cracks his neck while he's watching Ray approach with Tim's father in tow. "Showtime."

When his father opens the door, Ray remains right outside the room, and it's clear from the way he's standing there that he's not going to let Tim out of his sight and that he's ready to barge in at any moment. Tim knows that a simple wave of his hand will be enough to bring Ray in here in less than a second, and it's oddly reassuring to have that option. He's never seen himself as a person who needs protection, but right now he doesn't mind at all to have Ray as a safety net.

Tim follows his father with his gaze when he closes the door behind him and then turns around to look at Tim. His eyes are of a distinctly paler blue than Tim's, almost grey, and Tim was always glad that at least their eye colour is different. He wouldn't want to have his father's eyes. 

Tim has always been aware of much he looks like his father, and the older he got, the stronger became the resemblance. But now Tim sees how they're beginning to deviate. He hasn't seen his father since that unpleasant evening a year ago, and the first thing he notices is that he looks old in a way that Tim never noticed before. He's still standing straight and holding himself with the authority he's had as long as Tim can think back, but his shoulders seem to have sagged as if there's a weight resting on them. He's also not as solidly built anymore, and Tim wonders if that is an effect of ageing or of the events of the past year. Probably a little bit of both, because Tim knows that Bri pulling back from him must have hit his father. He's always been close to her and seemed to be able to love her and treat her with affection in a way he never managed with his own children. And as much of a emotionally stunted jerk as his father might be, Tim can't imagine that Bri distancing herself left him unaffected. 

There are lines around his father's mouth that a speak of unhappiness and discontent, and the prominent frown lines on his forehead are impossible to miss. Tim also becomes aware of how underdeveloped the laugh lines on his father's face are - lines that Tim noticed showing up around his own eyes in recent years. He likes those lines, faint as they still are, and he hopes that they'll grow more pronounced when he gets older. They're a testament to a life well lived, physical proof of the fact that he mostly made the right decisions along the way. Tim is well aware that before he met Ray and left the Navy the lines on his face were mostly frown lines too, that back then he was headed in the same direction of dissatisfaction and anger as his father. It's oddly satisfying to know that now - at least in that regard - he'll never look like his father. Give it ten more years and they'll have such a different face that their resemblance becomes hard to notice. 

His father also doesn't have a moustache and never had one, which was one more reason why Tim liked to keep it even after the battalion's moustache growing contest was over. In college Tim had a full beard for a few years before he had to shave it off in the Navy, and he's been clean shaven ever since until the contest. And he's honest enough to admit that without that contest he would _never ever_ have contemplated growing a moustache, which he always expected to make him look sleazy and creepy like it does with the overwhelming majority of men. It doesn't, though, and back in Iraq Tim was surprised to find that he likes how it looks on him. It didn't hurt either that keeping it for the simple reason that Sixta _couldn't_ actually make him shave it off served as a rather satisfying fuck-you to incompetent command. It was anything but subtle, but quite frankly Tim didn't want to be subtle anymore at that point, and he knows that the other men took pleasure in him doing what they couldn't. And the fact that Ray clearly loves his moustache might also have played a part in his decision to not shave it off again.

"Hello Tim." His father greets him with a nod, otherwise his face remains impassive.

Tim just nods in acknowledgement, but doesn't say anything. He can't bring himself to call him 'Dad', not after the way their last exchange of words - or rather insults - ended. Not after his father told him that he's not his son anymore. In Tim's eyes he forever lost the privilege to be called 'Dad' at that very moment.

His silence seems to unnerve his father a bit, because he moves further into the room and walks to the foot of the bed, where he remains standing a little uncertainly. When he's turning sideways Tim can clearly see that he's not as strong as he used to be, that he has become slighter. Tim has been well aware for a long time that he's physically superior to his father, in strength as well as skill, and it was one of the reasons why he always made sure to walk out of the door when his father made him livid. Tim was always worried of what he might do if he ever gave in and used his superior strength and skills against his father. He wondered if he'd be able to keep a lid on his anger then, if he'd be able to stay in control. With any other person he'd have said _'Yes, of course'_ , but not with his father. He's always managed to bring out the worst in Tim, and Tim was well aware of that. It was not worth the risk, so he'd rather walked away. Hitting his father wouldn't resolve their issues in any way, he always knew that.

"Have a seat." Tim offers after a moment of silence, and it has nothing to do with courtesy. He just doesn't want to have his father looming over him while they're talking with him lying in bed, and getting his father to sit down on one of the chairs levels the playing field.

After a moment of hesitation his father steps up to the chair further away from Tim and sits down. "How are you feeling? I heard there are some issues with your memories."

Tim just snorts. "Unfortunately for you - and me, I guess - I haven't forgotten about our history. And even if there are any holes in my memories that I don't know about, there's still enough dirt as it is."

His words are followed by an awkward silence, but Tim feels no need to break it. He just lets it stand and waits to see how his father will proceed. It's not Tim who wanted to talk, after all.

"And your leg?" His father asks after almost a whole minute. 

"It's going to take time, but it'll heal." Tim replies and makes a vague gesture at the shape of his elevated leg covered by the sheets. He catches his father's eyes follow his hand, and that's when he realises that his gaze is tracing Tim's wedding band. 

"So you got married." His father says in a neutral voice when he realises that Tim noticed his gaze. 

"I did." Tim confirms without elaborating. There's another silence, and it's just as uncomfortable as the previous ones. This must be one of the most stilted and awkward conversations Tim has ever had, but it's also the first conversation with his father in years that hasn't turned into an argument within the first two minutes. They're actually exchanging words instead of hurling insults at each other. Tim is not sure what to make of that, it's so unlike the way they've been treating each other since he was a teenager.

"How long have you been with... him now?" His father asks completely unexpectedly, and Tim can admit that he's taken by surprise by that question, especially because it's not phrased like an insult despite the way his father hesitated over the word 'him'. Not even the tone of his voice is dismissive, it's mostly just neutral.

Tim looks at his father and ponders for a moment whether he wants to answer his question or not, then he decides that he will reply and see where this is going. At least he _can_ actually reply because since yesterday he remembers that Ray first kissed him in a derelict power plant in Baghdad on April 13th 2003. "A little over six years."

His father nods slowly as if he's thinking about that, and Tim just waits for a nasty comment to come next. Instead his father continues with the twenty questions. "How did you meet him?" 

Tim glances at Ray who is standing in a position resembling a combat stance right next to the door, his arms crossed over his chest and a frown on his face. He catches Tim's eyes immediately, a silent question if everything is okay, and Tim gives him an almost imperceptible nod at which Ray's posture relaxes the tiniest bit. "Ray was a Recon Marine. We served together."

His father is quiet for a moment, then he gives Tim a wary gaze. "So he wasn't bluffing when he threatened to knock me out and cause lasting damage?"

Tim can't quite suppress the smug smirk. "No, he definitely wasn't. I've seen him take out bigger guys than you - guys _with_ fighting experience." 

"Uh." His father just utters with a quick glance at Ray, and Tim gets the impression that his perception of Ray just rearranged. 

"And you should know that you're firmly in his bad books ever since he met you and you not only insulted him and me, but scared our daughter." Tim adds because he can't quite resist the temptation to twist the knife in the wound, even if it's petty and maybe a little childish.

His father frowns and looks at Tim again, nodding slowly as if in confirmation. "Yeah, I noticed that he's not particularly fond of me." 

"That's putting it mildly." Tim replies frankly because he knows that Ray would absolutely _love_ to deck Tim's father. And not just for scaring Mini, but for how he behaved towards Tim since childhood. 

"Why..." His father trails off and makes a vague gesture in the direction of the door. "Why him?"

"Because I love him. He's my counterpart in every way." Tim replies frankly, purposefully misunderstanding his father's question to see his reaction. And _maybe_ to provoke him and see if he'll take the bait.

To Tim's surprise he doesn't. "No, I mean-"

"Yeah, I know what you mean." Tim interrupts him. "You want to know why I married a man and not a woman."

His father's mouth presses into a thin line that Tim recognises as the instinctive disapproval he has seen hundreds of times on his father's face. But instead of commenting, his father just gives a quick nod in confirmation. It's a kind of restraint Tim has never seen him display, so he decides to answer his father's question.

"It's actually pretty simple. I married a person. Gender is irrelevant to me." Tim explains and watches the incomprehension coming over his father's face. "I'm neither straight nor gay, so I don't care what physical form a person comes in. If Ray was a woman, we'd still be married. It simply doesn't matter."

"I don't think I will ever understand." His father says with a frown that for once seems more confused than disapproving.

"Yeah, no shit." Tim replies drily before he has even thought the words. It's satisfying to see his father wince the tiniest bit at his immediate and quite obviously instinctive cynical reaction. "But I never asked you to understand it." 

"What else did you want, then, when you came home in college and told us that..." His father interrupts himself, as if he's trying to find words that aren't the insults that are clearly lying on the tip of his tongue. In the end he makes an unspecific gesture with his hand that seems to encompass Tim and Ray. "That you like both men and women."

Tim shakes his head. "I didn't ask for your understanding back then. I already knew I was never going to get that. All I did was to tell my family the truth because it's the right thing to do and I'm not ashamed of who I am. And I didn't ask for acceptance or even just for tolerance. I only ever asked you to respect my choices, never mind whether they concerned my education or my career or my partners or my family. And you never did, not once in my entire life."

"I would have, if they'd been reasonable choices. But how could I ever respect such _bad_ choices?" His father throws his arms up in a gesture of frustration and incomprehension. "First you throw away your talent that would have guaranteed you a beautiful football career - for a degree that doesn't even earn you any money. Then you decide that it's a good idea to bang guys and even marry one. And finally you forgo continuing the family line and having offspring of your own flesh and blood for some orphan from a third world country! Please tell me how those are reasonable choices that deserve my respect!"

For a second Tim is so angry that he's tempted to really ask Ray to knock his father unconscious. He'd love to do it himself, but since he can't even get off the bed without help that's sadly out of the question. Then Tim grits his teeth and decides that two can play dirty. He still has the odd low blow up his sleeve, after all.

"I'm glad we've cleared that up. At least I know now where you stand." Tim retorts sharply, then he leans back and cocks one eyebrow. "So tell me, are you only here because Bri's begun to cut you off, too?"

The way his father tenses in his chair is the only thing Tim needs to see to know that he nailed it. Before his father can formulate a come-back, Tim decides to drive the point home. "Don't you ever pause to wonder why so many of your family members turn their back on you? First Marley and me, then Mom, and now Bri, who loved you so much before. And we've all left because of something _you_ did or _you_ said. How much more do you have to lose before you realise that it's _you_ who's doing something wrong?"

His father frowns and crosses his arms in front of his chest. "I don't know what you expect from me, Tim."

"From you?" Tim scoffs. "Disdain. Contempt. Verbal attacks. Prejudice. Bullying. Threats. Humiliation. Hate." 

It's satisfying to see that Tim's list of expectations is making his father squirm in his seat. Yeah, it's always different when you're confronted with your shortcomings in such a precise manner. But Tim is not done yet, he has more to say.

"They're all things I have learned to expect from you since childhood. The same things Marley expects. The same things that Bri never knew about you - that I always hoped she never would have to learn - but that she's becoming aware of now, which is why she's distancing herself from you. Neither Marley nor I ever said a bad word about you to her, it's all your own doing."

Now there's an uncomfortable and uneasy edge to his father's frown. Tim doesn't let him speak, though, because he's _still_ not done. 

"Did you know that my daughter had nightmares after that evening last year when you stormed in and screamed at her for no apparent reason? Nightmares about _you_." Tim doesn't bother to hide the anger and disdain in his gaze or in his voice. "How low do you have to stoop to become a creature of nightmares for a little child? Especially considering that she only saw you for a few minutes. If it taught me one thing, than that I will never trust you, especially not with my daughter. I want you nowhere near her."

The silence that follows his words is pointed and final. It lasts for a long time, and Tim feels no need to end it. He waits for his father to get up and leave, but he remains sitting in the chair, looking down at nothing in particular with a deep frown on his face. When he finally raises his head and looks Tim in the eye, there's an odd kind of resigned certainty in his gaze.

"We're never going to get anywhere, are we?" He asks in a muted tone of voice that reflects that he already knows the answer to his question.

"No, I don't think we will." Tim confirms sincerely, because why should he lie? Certainly not to make his father feel better or give hope where he doesn't see any. "We have too much history. And quite frankly, I don't want to forgive you. I think you don't deserve it because I don't think that you will ever really change. I can't just forgive and forget years of abuse, especially not from the one person who was supposed to love me and protect me, and yet did the exact opposite. Even as a kid I often wondered why you ever had children in the first place because I have rarely seen a worse father."

Tim knows it's a cruel blow, but it's also nothing but the truth. He lay awake many nights as a child, asking himself why his father had brought him into the world when he so obviously didn't want him. He remembers asking Marley once when he was maybe eleven or twelve years old, why their father didn't want them, why he didn't love them like he loved Martha. She was silent for a long time before she answered, and he never forgot what she said. _"Because we're strong, Timmy."_ Somehow it was easier to stand his ground after that.

Yet the flinch he can see at his words now, visible before his father can control it, doesn't bring him any satisfaction. Suddenly it's not about revenge anymore, it's not about hurting his father back as much as he hurt Tim throughout his life. Instead it's about closure. Because he knows his father is right, they will never get anywhere. Tim is not willing to _let_ them get anywhere because it would mean letting his father back into his life, and he doesn't want the threat of more hurt and disappointment in his life. Not when it will impact on his daughter and his husband. He managed to break free of the need to gain his father's acceptance and love a long time ago, and in the course of the past year he has realised how much better he's been since he broke off contact. He will not take a step back into the misery of before.

He's willing to be civil whenever they're in each other's company, he has no interest in upholding their earlier habit of ending up at each other's throat every time they're in the same room. But that's as far as he's willing to extend the olive branch.

"My life is better without you, and I don't want you back in it." Tim says bluntly. "I'm willing to bury the hatchet for Mom's sake, but that's it." 

His father keeps looking at him for a long time, then he slowly raises his hand and holds it out to Tim. "Truce?"

After a moment of consideration Tim looks him square in the eye, nods and then firmly shakes his hand. "Truce."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after I got no reaction whatsoever on the last chapter *sniffles sadly in the corner* (did you not like it? *worried*), I'm on my knees here begging for some feedback - even if it's just something teeny tiny - because I really _really_ want to know what you think about the whole Tim & his father thing. I'm so curious (and maybe a bit nervous *gnaws on fingernails*) and you'd make my day a lot brighter with a wee word!


	76. Concurrence - (Tim & Mini & Ray, Mini & Tim's Father)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mini comes across Tim's father in the hospital hallway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here comes the curveball. I hope you have fun with it ;D 
> 
> @ **military_bluebells** : I told you I'm not done with Alan yet *evil grin* 
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : I fulfilled one of your wishes here, I'm sure you'll notice it right away XD

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


"I'm coming with you, cookie."

"It's just down the hallway, Nana. I'm almost eight years old, I can go to the bathroom on my own." I say as firmly and decisively as I can. "I've been to that ladies' room a lot of times in the past few days, I really know the way."

"All right, cookie. Five minutes." Nana smirks and sinks back into the chair she was just getting out off. "If you're not back within five minutes I'm going to embarrass you by coming to get you."

That sounds like fun, actually. "How will you embarrass me, Nana?"

"I might carry you back here." Nana demonstratively flexes her right arm, which is funny because Nana has very skinny arms. "Upside down."

I grin at her. "Cool!"

"That's not supposed to encourage you, cookie." Nana gives me stern look, but I can see that she's hiding a grin. "Hmmm, maybe I'll send your Uncle Brad after you. He's tall enough to carry you hanging by your ankles."

"Yeeees!" I grin even wider because that would be so much fun. I look into Tāttā's room, where Uncle Brad is sitting next to Uncle Nate in the chairs, while Āppa is perched on the edge of the bed. I can see that his hand is resting on Tāttā's belly, something I've seen him do a lot in the past few days, and Tāttā's hand is on top of his. They're talking about something with Uncle Brad and Uncle Nate, and I think they all look relaxed, something I like a lot. It also means that Nana will most likely be able to get Uncle Brad to really carry me hanging by my ankles. That would be _so cool_.

Āppa and Nana got me after school today and we went to my favourite diner before we came to the hospital, and Tāttā was sleeping when we got here. He still sleeps a lot and he woke up just before Uncle Brad and Uncle Nate went in his room some ten or so minutes ago. Granny, Grandma, Auntie Marley and Bri are out to eat lunch right now because Granny dragged Auntie Marley out of the hospital saying that she needs to eat something real for a change, and Bri and Grandma were eager to help her, so Auntie Marley gave in pretty quickly. Granny told me with a wink that she'll make Auntie Marley walk along the beach for at least an hour to get some sun on her skin because it's so pale now from all the time she spent in this hallway that Auntie Marley's freckles are almost more noticeable than her red hair. I suggested to Granny that they should get soft ice cream from the vendor by the pier and then take off their shoes and walk barefoot through the sand, because that's what Āppa, Tāttā and I always do.

Nana has me show her where the minute hand on my watch should be by the time I have to be back from the bathroom, and I obediently point at 2.33 pm. Only then does Nana let me go down the hallway to the ladies' room that I can already see from here. Seriously, it's not a big deal. Okay, I know that I dawdle sometimes, but really, it's just the bathroom. What on earth would I do there that would take longer than five minutes? It's not _that_ interesting. Nana gives me a smile before I leave and I'm sure she'll keep watching me all the way to the door, but at least I can prove that I'm old enough to go on my own. 

It's Wednesday today, which means that I only have two more days of school before summer break. I'm so looking forward to summer break because I will be able to go out in the ocean every day then. Uncle Brad already promised to take Bri and me surfing on Saturday morning, and Uncle Nate will be coming with us, which is so so cool. And tomorrow in a month will be my birthday and I can have a party with my friends all day long because we're all on summer break. I really hope I will get a bike for my birthday - a green one - because I want to ride to school on it in the next school year, same as Maggie and her big brother Dommy do. I know it's not that far from home to school, but I think it will be fun, and maybe I can ride with Āppa and Tāttā along the trail by beach for Sunday trips, then. Maggie told me that her family does that sometimes, and she says it's great because they usually go for ice cream when they go on trips. And I know that we'll have a Bravo Squad camping week this summer where Reesh's mom will come along, and that's awesome because she's so funny and she's really good at wood carving because that's her job, and she promised to teach us how to make beautiful things out of wood with our Swiss Army knives. Maybe I can make something for Tāttā to make him smile and feel better. Tāttā always gives me that gentle warm smile that I love so much when I make something for him, and he has all my cards and drawings set up on the table next to his bed here at the hospital. 

Because school finishes earlier on Wednesdays I have the entire afternoon today to spend with Tāttā here at the hospital before we have to go home. Usually I would have been with the Bravo Squad today, but I wanted to come and stay with Tāttā instead because after our troop meeting it would have been too late to come see Tāttā. I really don't like that Tāttā isn't coming home with us in the evenings, but he explained to me that it's because the doctors are still giving him that strong medicine for his leg and that makes him sleep a lot, so the doctors want somebody to be there and keep an eye on him, same as Tāttā and Āppa wouldn't ever leave me alone at home when I'm sleeping. And since Āppa isn't a doctor, or a paramedic like Tāttā or a nurse like Nelly he can't take care of the wound on Tāttā's leg like they can here at the hospital, so Tāttā will stay here a little while longer. But I can come visit him every day, and that makes it a little better. And Nelly is really nice, and she smiles a lot and always has funny little stories to tell about her two dogs, and I'm sure she takes good care of Tāttā. 

On Sunday, when I first came here, I was really afraid that Tāttā wouldn't wake up again when he didn't during my entire visit. I know that Āppa said that he was just asleep, but usually I can wake him up when he's asleep. But this time that didn't work, he never even moved. It was really scary, especially because Tāttā was also so pale, much more than he usually is. But Bri was right, I could hear his heart beat strong and regular when I put my head on his chest, and that reassured me a lot. 

And when Uncle Brad got me from school on Monday to bring me here, Tāttā was awake when we came to his room. He smiled at me and talked to me and when I hugged him he wrapped his arms around me like the warm blanket they always remind me of, and it made me feel so much better. But I hated that Āppa made me leave with him in the evening, I really wanted Āppa and me to stay with Tāttā if he can't come home with us. But Āppa wouldn't let me, he told me that I had school the next day and I could come by again afterwards, because Tāttā would never want me to skip school or be late because of him. I know that's true, even if Tāttā couldn't tell me so himself because he was already asleep again. I still hated leaving without him.

And I really didn't like that I had to go to school without a braid the next morning, because Auntie Marley stayed at the hospital with Tāttā, so she couldn't braid my hair like she'd done on Monday morning. And I will never let Āppa do it, I remember only too well what he did with Babi's hair when Padma tried to teach him, and I never want that to happen to _my_ hair. So I had to go to school with just a ponytail, and I was really sad about that. But Mrs Lilly was really nice and asked me why I had no braid, and I told her that Tāttā is in the hospital because he got hurt at work and that Āppa is very very bad at braiding. She offered to do a simple braid for me, but she cautioned me that she's not as good at it as Tāttā. I think that Mrs Lilly did okay and I was glad that I did get to have a braid after all, but I can't wait for Tāttā to do my braids again, because he's so much better at it than Auntie Marley or Mrs Lilly. 

When I get to the ladies' room I pull open the door and spot out of the corner of my eye that Nana is indeed watching me. It doesn't take me long to pee and then wash my hands, and I hum 'Happy Birthday' twice to make sure that I stick to the thirty seconds, just like Tāttā always insists I do when I've been to the toilet. While I'm humming I remember that there's a vending machine in the hallway around the corner, and I still have my pocket money from this week. Maybe it's enough to buy some chocolate. When I have dried my hands and I'm ready to go, I open the door very slowly and peek out to see if Nana is looking my way right now. As luck has it, she's not, so I quickly sneak around the corner. If I hurry I'm sure Nana won't notice, and Bri and me can eat the chocolate in secret when she comes back from lunch. Bri loves chocolate as much as I do, but she's not fond of peanuts, so I'll get something without peanuts.

I spot the vending machine next to a row of mostly empty chairs, just where I remembered it. Before I reach it I look at the old lady sitting close to the vending machine and then at the man at the very end of the row of chairs. I don't know her, but I'm surprised that I know who he is. I've only met him once before, but Bri told me so much about him that I've been curious to meet him again for ages.

He's Tāttā's and Auntie Marley's Dad and Bri's Grandpa, which means he's also my Grandpa. It's not difficult to know who he is because he looks a lot like Tāttā, just without the beard. I remember him from that first time we visited Grandma's house, when he started shouting soon after he came in. It scared me so much, he was so loud and so angry for no reason I could see, and Tāttā was really strange, too. I still don't know why they were shouting at each other, and then Āppa picked me up and we left without Tāttā, which was also very strange. I remember that Āppa woke me when Tāttā came back, and how Tāttā had tears in his eyes when I found him on the couch. I've never seen him cry before that, and I'm sure it had something to do with Grandma and why Grandpa was shouting, but I never asked because I didn't want to make Tāttā sad again.

I still wonder why Grandpa was so angry. Tāttā never talks about him and we never see him and it's only Grandma who comes to visit us, so I could never ask Grandpa about it. But I really like what Bri told me about him and all the things she and Grandpa do together. He seems really nice, so I think it's strange that he was shouting so much when I met him. Maybe he had a really bad day. Bri never said a word about him shouting. Instead she told me that he loves cars just like she does, and that he has a very old car in his garage, and that it's even older than Auntie Marley. The car even has a name, Grandpa calls it 'Marilyn' and Bri said it's a girl, so I should say 'her' and 'she', not 'it', because cars have personalities and you have to respect them, Grandpa says. And he told Bri that Marilyn is the first car he bought and she's special. And he and Bri work on her when Bri comes to visit Grandma and Grandpa, and she says that Grandpa is very good at explaining things and he shows her how to take the car apart and repair it and put it back together and make it run. She also said that he even let her drive Marilyn down the driveway a few times and that he told her that one day Marilyn will belong to Bri, because she loves and cherishes her as much as Grandpa does. Bri hasn't talked about him that much anymore recently, but when I asked her why, she wouldn't tell me. 

I keep watching Grandpa for a moment and I can tell that he hasn't seen me yet. He must have come with Grandma to see Tāttā, and I wonder why I didn't meet him before. Why wasn't he with Grandma when I came here on Sunday or every day since? Maybe he arrived later. Maybe because of work, that's usually what grown-ups say when they can't be somewhere. That's what Tāttā says when he's gone overnight or on the weekend, and it's what Uncle Brad said when he left us for months. I hate it when grown-ups say that.

Grandpa doesn't look angry now like he did the last time I saw him. He looks sad. His elbows are on his knees and he has his face in his hands. He's pressing his fingers against his forehead in the way Āppa does when he has a headache, and then he passes his hands over his eyes and down his face. When his chin is resting in his hands and I can see his entire face, I think he seems very very tired. It's a bit like what Tāttā looks like when he comes home from working for a whole day and whole night. And I was right, Grandpa really looks sad, and I don't like it. He looks like Tāttā did that evening when he was crying, even if Grandpa's eyes are dry and I can't see any tears. 

I bite my lip and wonder what I can do to make him feel better. Suddenly I have an idea and I dig in my pocket and find the two caramel apple Bulls-Eyes that Berry gave me in school today. I wonder if Grandpa likes them. I'm sure he does, everybody likes Bulls-Eyes. Maybe it will make him feel better like it always makes me feel better. 

I pass by the vending machine and follow down the row of chairs until I come to stand in front of the one he's sitting on, but Grandpa is back to pressing his fingers against his forehead and his eyes are closed now, so he doesn't see me. I wait a few seconds, but when he doesn't react beyond moving his fingers against his forehead, I reach out and gently tug on his sleeve. I'm sure he's worried about Tāttā, so I say, "Dad is going to be okay, Grandpa."

He raises his head out of his hands and looks up at me with a little frown before both of his eyebrows rise when he recognises me, and I notice that the blue of his eyes is a lot lighter than Tāttā's. I give him a little smile and hold out my hand with the two Bulls-Eyes on my palm. "Are you okay, Grandpa? Do you want a Bulls-Eye?"

He is staring at me with his mouth hanging open, which looks really funny. I think he looks very surprised and like he doesn't know what to say. Maybe he's not sure if I really mean it that he can have one of my candies, so I take his hand and put a Bulls-Eye in his palm. "They always make me feel better when I'm sad. And you look sad, Grandpa, so maybe they can make you feel better, too."

"Ah..." Grandpa begins, then he closes his mouth and clears his throat before he speaks again. "Thank... Thank you?" 

It sounds like a question and he still looks surprised, even with his mouth closed. I give him a big smile now because I like his voice. It sounds like Tāttā's, just a little rougher, more like I think a Grandpa should sound. "Your voice sounds a lot like Dad's when you're not shouting." 

"Ah..." Grandpa does some complicated thing with his eyebrows and I wonder if he always says 'ah' so much. Bri never mentioned that.

I sit down on the chair next to him and begin unwrapping my candy. "Do you like Bulls-Eyes, Grandpa?" 

"Ah..." Grandpa looks down at the candy in his hand as if he only now noticed it, and I think he seems confused. I wonder why, it's not that hard a question. "Yeah, I do."

"This one tastes like caramel and apple. My friend Berry gave it to me in school today." I tell him before I pop it in my mouth.

"What are you doing here all alone? I'm sure you're not supposed to run around the halls on your own, are you?" Grandpa asks with a frown that I'm familiar with from Tāttā. He usually does that when he's wondering about something or when he finds something strange.

"I had to go to the bathroom and I convinced Nana that I'm old enough to go alone. And when I came out I saw you sitting here looking sad, so I came to see if you're okay." I say around the Bulls-Eye in my mouth. "Why aren't you sitting with us by Dad's room, Grandpa? Grandma and Auntie Marley and Bri are there, too. Well, they're out for lunch right now, but they'll be back soon."

Grandpa looks up and down the hallway as if he's looking for somebody before he turns back to me, still with that puzzled frowny face. "Does Tim... Does... your Dad know you're here?"

I nod and kick my legs. I can't reach the floor because the chair is so high. "Yep. But he and Daddy are talking to Uncle Brad and Uncle Nate right now. I'm really glad that Dad's okay. Daddy said he'll be coming home on Sunday."

Grandpa looks back at the Bulls-Eye in his hand, then he unwraps it and puts it in his mouth. For a moment we just sit next to each other eating our candy. I glance at him, and he doesn't look so sad anymore. I still think that he's confused by something, but I really don't know what. Maybe he doesn't like the apple caramel after all.

I wonder if this is a good time to ask him a question that I've had for a while now, and I decide to just go for it. "Grandpa, why did you and Dad shout at each other when we visited the first time?"

Grandpa turns to me and and does that complicated thing with his eyebrows again. "Did he ever tell you what that was about?"

I shake my head. "No. But Dad never shouts like that, so he must have been really mad." I shrug. "And you were too, I think."

"Yeah." Grandpa says so quietly that I can barely hear him, then he takes a deep breath. "You know, that's something your Dad should explain to you."

"Okay." I'm not happy with that answer, but it feels like Grandpa really doesn't want to talk about it and I don't want to make him sad again. I came here to cheer him up, after all, so I decide to talk about something else. "Bri told me you like cars and motors just like my Daddy does, and that she got to work on a really old car with you that's called Marilyn and is a really special girl. Can I see Marilyn the next time we're visiting Auntie Marley? Bri said she's awesome!"

Now Grandpa looks surprised again and it takes a moment before he says anything. "Bri talked about me to you?"

"Of course, all the time. She always has the best stories about the things you do together, especially about Marilyn." I explain with a smile. Then I remember that she kind of stopped doing that, and I don't want to lie, so I add, "Well, she didn't talk about you as much recently, but she wouldn't tell me why when I asked."

Grandpa seems sad to hear that, and I'm sorry I said it. I didn't want to make him sad, after all. But I already have an idea how I can make up for it. "Bri said that it's your birthday tomorrow! Mine is exactly a month after yours, on July 18th. I didn't know you're here, Grandpa, but I still have until tomorrow to make something for you!" 

I look at my watch and see that I'm already three minutes late, so I hop off the chair. "I have to go back now or Nana will come looking for me. Or she will send Uncle Brad. I was supposed to come back right away after going to the bathroom." 

"Then you shouldn't make them worry." Grandpa says with a raised eyebrow, and now he really looks like Tāttā does when he's chiding me.

"You're going to be here tomorrow, aren't you, Grandpa?" I ask because maybe he'll already be gone and then I'll have to ask Āppa to help me send him his gift. "I want to give you your birthday gift!"

He hesitates, then he nods. "I'll be here."

"Awesome! See you tomorrow after school, Grandpa!" I say with a happy smile and wave at him before I turn around and run down the hallway and around the corner back to Tāttā's room. I've already been gone a lot longer than I should have been, and I don't want to be chided for dawdling again. But I wouldn't mind Uncle Brad carrying me hanging by my ankles. I wonder if Nana really asked him.

She didn't, I can tell because I spot Nana coming towards me as soon as I round the corner. She's giving me a look that is somewhere between worried and chiding. I know that look, Āppa does it, too. "Cookie, where were you? I was looking for you, and you weren't in the ladies' room."

"I was in the hallway talking to Grandpa." I wonder why Nana didn't see me when she was looking for me. I wasn't hiding, after all. But then I realise that Nana probably couldn't see me because I was sitting behind Grandpa. 

"Who?" Nana looks suspicious now, like she does when I'm trying to sneak a cookie past her.

"Grandpa. Dad's and Auntie Marley's Dad." I explain, although I think it should have been obvious. I don't have another Grandpa.

Nana furrows her brow. She doesn't seem to like what I just said, and I wonder why. "Did he come talk to you?"

"No. I saw him sitting in the hallway and he looked really sad, so I asked him if he was okay. Did you know that it's Grandpa's birthday tomorrow? Bri told me that, and since Grandpa is here I want to make something for him." I grab my backpack that's sitting under the chair, right where I put it when I got here. "I'm going to use the table by Dad's bed to draw him a birthday card!"

I don't wait for Nana's reply and just push open the door to Tāttā's room. Āppa, Tāttā, Uncle Brad and Uncle Nate all turn towards me when I come in and they stop talking as if I surprised them. "Dad?"

"Yes, peanut?" Tāttā is smiling at me, and I really like that he's awake to do that.

I let go of the door and cross the room. "Can I sit next to you and use your table so I can draw?"

"Sure, peanut." Tāttā gives me a nod and pats the bed next to him. "Make yourself comfortable." 

Āppa gets up off the edge of the bed and lifts me up to sit there, then he pushes the table closer to me. I put my backpack down on the bed next to Tāttā and then I get out my papers and my pencils. Āppa goes to sit on Tāttā's other side, the one where his leg is hurt, and I feel Tāttā's hand stroking over my back while I'm drawing. I listen with half an ear when he, Āppa, Uncle Brad and Uncle Nate take up their conversation again. It's not very interesting, but I like sound of their voices.

When Uncle Brad and Uncle Nate leave they both come to me and place a kiss on the top of my head, and I give them a smile before I go back to drawing. I look up again when I hear Nana's voice from the hallway, and it's just in time to see her pull Uncle Brad into a hug. I giggle because it looks so funny. Nana is even smaller than Granny, and Uncle Brad has to bend down really far. When I hear a snort I glance at Āppa and Tāttā, and they're both grinning while they're watching Nana and Uncle Brad.

Tāttā sees me looking at him and he nods at my papers with a smile, his hand still moving on my back. I love it when he does that, it feels good and it reminds me of story time. "What are you working on, peanut?"

I hold my paper up so that he and Āppa can see it. "It's my card for Grandpa."

Tāttā frowns, but his hand doesn't stop stroking me. "For _who_?" 

"Grandpa." I repeat and return to colouring the card. "It's his birthday tomorrow."

Tāttā's hand stills and he's silent for so long that I look up again. He's looking at me with a strange expression on his face that I don't quite understand. "And how would you know that?"

I glance from Tāttā to Āppa and back, then I shrug. "Bri told me, and I always remembered because it's exactly a month before my birthday." 

Tāttā begins stroking over my back again. "And why would you draw him a card?"

"He's my Grandpa, Tāttā." I point out because that's really a stupid question. I made cards for Grandma, Granny and Nana too, after all. "And he's here, so I can give it to him tomorrow after school and we don't even have to send it."

Tāttā inhales so fast that I can hear it. "You've _seen_ him?"

"Sure. He's down the hall by the vending machine." I wave my hand in the direction I'm talking about. "I saw him when I was on my way back from the bathroom, and he looked really sad, so I gave him one of my Bulls-Eyes."

Tāttā is staring at me as if he can't quite believe what I'm telling him, but his hand doesn't stop moving on my back, so I guess he's not angry with me. Then his expression becomes serious and worried. "Did he say anything to you, peanut?"

"Of course." I glance over at Āppa, but I can't really read anything on his face. I wonder why they don't seem to like that I talked to Grandpa, same as Nana didn't like it. "He thanked me for the Bulls-Eye and I asked him if I can see Marilyn the next time we visit Bri and Auntie Marley because Bri told me so much about her."

I hold up the card again and point at it. "See, that's why I'm drawing Grandpa and me in a car together. I don't know what Marilyn looks like, but Bri said she's red and very big and the roof can be folded down."

Tāttā is frowning now, but he doesn't look angry, more like he's confused and worried, but it's not quite the puzzled frowny face that he and Grandpa sometimes make. When Tāttā doesn't say anything, and I remember that Grandpa said more. "And when I asked him, Grandpa promised me that he'll be here tomorrow after school so that I can give him his birthday gift."

"Did he, now?" Āppa says from the other side of the bed, and his voice sounds strange, it's low but somehow sharp. He takes a deep breath and then he gives me the kind of look he has when he's worried that I got hurt. "Bambi, did he say anything mean to you?"

Now I frown because that doesn't make any sense. "No, Āppa. Why would Grandpa say anything mean to me?"

I hear Tāttā take a deep breath same as Āppa just did, and Āppa looks at him for a few seconds. They're doing that talking-without-words-thing that all parents seem to be able to do when they don't want us to know that they're talking about. Reesh's mom and dad are really good at that, too. 

"Josh?" Tāttā asks after a moment of silence and there's a strange tone to his voice, but he's still stroking over my back in those little movements of his hand that I know so well.

"On it." Āppa replies immediately as if he knows exactly what Tāttā asked of him even if he didn't say it. They do that a lot, I'm used to it, and I decide to go back to my drawing. I want to get it finished today, and I haven't even made Marilyn all red yet.

I feel Āppa get up off the bed and I hear him give Tāttā a quick kiss and then he gently pokes me in the side before he leaves the room. I concentrate on making sure that Marilyn's tyres are round, I know they should be circles. 

Tāttā's hand wanders higher on my back and he gently scratches his fingertips over my neck like he does when he wants me to pay attention. "Peanut, can you go sit with Nana for a moment?"

I look up from my drawing. "Why?"

"Please, Mini."

It's rarely a good sign when Tāttā switches from 'Peanut' to my name, especially not when he's using _that_ tone, so I nod and hop off the bed. "Okay." 

I gather my pencils and my drawing papers in one hand and my backpack in the other, then I walk through the room towards the door. I've just passed through the doorway into the hallway when I spot Āppa and Grandpa coming towards me. Āppa is frowning and he seems tense to me, but he gives me a smile when he sees me, and that makes him look so much nicer right away. 

Grandpa gives me a look when he walks past me, but Āppa doesn't let him stop and ushers him into Tāttā's room. I _really_ want to know that they're talking about. Maybe I can finally find out why Tāttā and Grandpa were shouting at each other back then. But I know that Nana will keep an eye on me, so I need to find a way how I can eavesdrop without being too obvious about it, or she will keep me from doing it.

I stop by the chairs outside Tāttā's room where Nana is sitting and think about it for a moment, then I have an idea. I sit down on the floor and spread my papers and my pencils around me and pointedly continue drawing. I'm not entirely done with my card for Grandpa, after all, and I came out of the room with all my things in my hands, so it's hopefully convincing to Nana. I make sure that I'm close enough to the door that I can see as well as hear what's going on inside. Well, _hopefully_ I can hear them, I'm not sure if that'll work.

But I'm lucky, the door hasn't closed entirely behind Grandpa, and I can hear them talking, even if it's only very faint. I glance at Nana out of the corner of my eye without stopping to draw, but she seems unable to pick up their voices. I change the angle how I'm sitting so that I can peek inside through the glass wall from underneath the chair I'm sitting in front of. I see Grandpa standing on the other side of the bed and Āppa is besides him with his arms crossed in front of his chest. Tāttā's head is turned towards them both, so I can't see his face, but I can still make out what he's saying.

"What are you playing at?" Tāttā is definitely keeping his voice down, but I can tell that he's angry. "Are you trying to get back in Bri's good graces by cosying up to Mini?"

I don't understand what that means, but I _do_ understand that it's a bad thing. Tāttā thinks Grandpa did something wrong and it has something to do with me, even if I don't see what that is.

"I'm not playing at anything, Tim." Grandpa replies with a frown, and he doesn't sound pleased. 

I hear Āppa snort before he says drily, "Yeah, sure."

I wonder why Tāttā and Āppa are so angry about Grandpa and me talking. I do that with Grandma, Granny and Nana all the time, and they never have a problem with that.

"I retreated out of sight before she arrived, just like you demanded. I was well out of her way in that hallway." Grandpa says while he's looking at Āppa. I glance down at my drawing and frown. Why would Āppa want that Grandpa isn't around when I come by to visit Tāttā? That's really strange.

Before I can think about it any more, Grandpa turns back to Tāttā and continues speaking, and I have to concentrate so that I can hear him. "I didn't even see her until she was tugging on my sleeve. I didn't seek her out, she came to me."

There's a long moment of silence, and even if I can't see it I'm sure that Tāttā is staring Grandpa down in the way he does when he's really mad. That doesn't happen often, and I don't understand why it's happening now. Āppa is looking at Grandpa with that same deep frown again that he had in the hallway, but he doesn't say anything.

"If you hurt our little girl in _any_ way..." Tāttā finally says in a very quiet voice. I have never heard him sound like that - like he's really really dangerous. It's clearly a threat, and I wonder why Grandpa would ever hurt me. 

Tāttā doesn't finish his sentence, but Grandpa obviously understands exactly what he didn't say because he nods slowly. 

"You know that Bri will never forgive you if you do." Tāttā continues, and he still sounds like he's warning Grandpa. It doesn't make much sense to me. Forgive what?

Grandpa presses his lips into a thin line. "I know."

"And that will be the least of your problems." Āppa adds in the same kind of dangerous voice that Tāttā used. 

Grandpa looks at him for a long moment before he turns to Tāttā. "I don't have to come here tomorrow if you don't want me to."

"Oh yes, you do. I _expect you_ to be here after you promised it to her." Tāttā's voice is very firm and leaves no room for discussion. It's similar to how he sounds when I'm trying to get out of doing homework. "She already drew you a birthday card."

Grandpa nods again. "All right, I'll be here."

Tāttā slowly shakes his head. "I don't know what she sees in you, but you had better not screw this up." 

Grandpa and Tāttā stare at each other again, and Tāttā sounds very hard when he continues speaking. "If you do, I can promise you that Martha will be the only family you have left."

"I know." Grandpa falls silent for a long moment, and I wonder who Martha is. Then I remember that she's Tāttā's and Auntie Marley's younger sister, I just never met her. Bri doesn't talk about her much, I mostly remember her saying that Martha is boring.

Grandpa and Tāttā are still staring at each other and Āppa is glaring at the back of Grandpa's head, his arms still crossed. I wonder if they want to keep staring at each other for the rest of the day. I don't have the impression that they're much enjoying it and it's not very interesting, so I look down to concentrate on my drawing again. I hope I didn't stop moving my pencil for long enough to make Nana suspicious, so I glance at her out of the corner of my eye to avoid attracting her attention. Nana is turned in the chair so that she can see me, but she's reading a book, so she hasn't noticed that I was too caught up in eavesdropping to keep up drawing.

"Is she always like that?" Grandpa wants to know after a moment of silence, and I look up because I'm sure he's talking about me.

"Like what?" Tāttā asks, and I think his voice sounds like a warning again. Like when I'm about to do something I know I'm not supposed to, just that he now sounds a lot harsher than he's ever been with me. 

"She told me I looked sad and then offered me some of her candy to make me feel better." Grandpa explains, and now I know for sure that they're talking about me.

"Yeah, she's always like that. It's called 'caring' and 'kind', in case you're wondering what those gestures were." Tāttā's voice is low but very sharp in a way I have never heard before, and I wonder again why he's so angry with Grandpa. 

"She asked me why we were shouting at each other last year." Grandpa says after another moment of silence. I can tell that Tāttā tenses, and Āppa visibly grits his teeth. So I was right not to ask Tāttā about that, he clearly doesn't like that question, and neither does Āppa.

"And what did you tell her?" Tāttā presses out, and he even sounds tense.

"That she should ask you." Grandpa replies with a shrug.

"Yeah, like I'm _ever_ going to repeat to her what you said that evening." Tāttā replies still in that low, sharp voice. "I never want her to ever even _hear_ such things, never mind in the context of her own family." 

That sounds really really bad. Whatever Grandpa said, it must have been absolutely horrible for Tāttā to react like that, and I wonder if it has something to with why Tāttā and Āppa are so angry with Grandpa. It certainly explains why Tāttā never mentions Grandpa or why we never see him or why everybody seems to dislike me talking to him. I wonder if that's also why Bri stopped talking about Grandpa like she used to do before.

"If you _ever_ say something like that to her, I won't be held responsible for my actions." Āppa growls from beside Grandpa, and he's giving Grandpa a very dark look. I would be very afraid if Āppa looked at me like that, and I decide that I don't think I ever want to know what Grandpa said last year.

Tāttā shakes his head again, and I wish I could see his face. "Seriously, I don't understand what you're doing here. What do you want? Just two hours ago you made it very clear to me what you think of us, of _her_. What do you hope to gain by this caring-Grandpa-charade?"

Grandpa shrugs and to me he seems to be genuinely at a loss. "I don't know, Tim." 

"Don't tell me that meeting her spontaneously changed all your views and opinions." To me Āppa sounds like he's mocking Grandpa. "We're not in a fairy tale."

Grandpa looks at him and just shrugs again, and he reminds me of what he looked like when I offered him my Bulls-Eye and he wasn't sure what to say. 

I see Tāttā take a deep breath, his chest visibly rises and then lowers again when he lets it out. "This is your _very_ last chance to turn things around. And don't forget our earlier conversation. Keep in mind that I never planned on giving you that chance."

"Why are you giving it, then?" Grandpa asks after looking at Tāttā for a moment.

"I'm not. Mini is. You owe it entirely to her." Tāttā's voice is very intense. "Don't waste it."

Grandpa looks first at Tāttā, then at Āppa and then back at Tāttā before he nods, and even if he didn't say anything it feels to me as if he just gave a promise. I don't really know what he promised, but I can tell that it's important. Tāttā returns the nod, but Āppa doesn't, he's still glaring at Grandpa.

Despite everything I just heard I still like Grandpa, he wasn't mean to me like Tāttā and Āppa seem to think he was. But I've never seen Tāttā and Āppa be so angry and hostile with anybody from our family before. They certainly never did that with Granny and Nana, or with Auntie Marley and Uncle Alex. Something was different about Grandma at the beginning, I remember that, but it was never like _this_. So I think Āppa and Tāttā have a reason to be like that with Grandpa, even if I don't know what it is.

I look down at my drawing again, at red Marilyn with her not quite round tyres and Grandpa and me sitting inside driving down the road. Yeah, I still like Grandpa, but now I wonder if I'm wrong. I think about what Uncle Brad always says, that solid recon is the basis of every good decision, and I decide that I'll do just that. 

I'll recon Grandpa, and I'll ask Bri to do it with me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you expect that or did that happen totally out of the blue? I'm very very curious to hear what you think about the turn of events! Comments are love and very very much appreciated :D


	77. Puzzlement - (Tim/Ray, Mini & Tim's Father, Brad & Tim's Father, Tim's Family)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mini and Brianna insist that they all go out to have dinner together to celebrate Alan's birthday. Ruth doesn't know what to make of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And because it's so much fun, here's the next chapter in the mess that is Alan Bryan and his relationship with his family. I hope you're still enjoying it :D
> 
> @ **military_bluebells** : So, you wanted to know how Mini conducts her recon - I think this should give you some hints about that ;D 
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : More Alan for you, hon! XD Have fun with that! Oh, and I'm fulfilling a few of your wishes in this chapter. I hope they make you happy ^_^

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Ruth doesn't understand what's going on. She's completely at a loss.

Because while she can tell that there's _definitely_ something going on, she can't grasp at all what it is. All she knows for sure is that it involves Alan as well as Mini and Brianna. It's like the girls are hellbent on including Alan in their group and on spending time with him. It comes very much out of the blue for Ruth, especially considering how Brianna behaved towards her grandfather in the past few months.

It can't just be because it's Alan's birthday today, although that's what the girls are claiming. With Mini she might believe it because she doesn't really know Alan yet and hasn't formed any negative attitudes towards him yet - quite to the contrary, she seem to have a very positive picture of him based on the things Bri told her before her argument with her grandfather. But Ruth knows Bri better than to believe that she would forgive and forget everything just because it's Alan's birthday. Something must have happened that made her change her behaviour, she certainly wouldn't have acted like this yesterday. After all she pretty much gave Alan the cold shoulder for the past five days. As far as Ruth can tell she didn't talk to Alan once in the entire time they've been waiting here in the hospital hallways, so why does she suddenly - from one day to the next - change her attitude so fundamentally? 

The situation at hand is that they're at a Italian restaurant right now, having what passes as the most awkward improvised birthday dinner Ruth has ever experienced. What she finds interesting is that Bri picked the restaurant - and Ruth is well aware that Bri knows that Alan loves Italian food.

They're quite the awkward assembly. Next to Alan there are obviously Brianna and Mini as the instigators of the whole thing, then there are Ray and Marley who're both trying to keep from glaring at Alan. Ruth can't help noticing that this is the first time in a year that Marley and her father are sitting at the same table. She also can't help wondering how that's going to end. Marley looks like she's mostly here to protect Bri and Mini and maybe to stop Ray from turning into a murderer, not because she wants to celebrate her father's birthday. 

On Ray's other side Brad is sitting with an impassive face, and next to him is the very nice gentleman called Nate who is probably the most polite to Alan out of all of them. Ruth never met him before this week, but she has heard his name from Mini before and he's obviously a close friend of Brad's. She learned that he was Tim's, Ray's, Brad's and Walt's commanding officer in 2003 when they were deployed to Iraq, and she thinks it shows that he's an officer. Ruth wonders if he came along to make sure that nobody gets killed tonight, because there's no doubt that Ruth is no match for an angry Ray or an angry Brad, and Marley will most likely help them instead of keeping them from hurting Alan. 

Angela and Mary-Ann begged out of coming along by claiming to be tired and wanting to go to bed early, which must be the most obvious white lie Ruth has ever heard, and both women didn't really bother to pretend otherwise. They clearly didn't expect to be able to make it through a dinner with Alan without either insulting or hitting him, and considering that that would most likely have upset Mini, they decided to best avoid the risk. 

Mini and Brianna are sitting to each side of Alan as if they've ganged up on him, and they're both chatting to him about his beloved car that Mini is very eager to get to see. Ruth watches them in silence, well aware that Ray, Marley and Brad are doing the same thing while Nate, who is sitting next to Mini, sometimes chimes in the conversation between Alan and the girls.

Yes, something is definitely up. And interestingly enough it's Mini and Bri who are at the heart of it, not Alan. Ruth knows him well enough to be able to read his confusion at Bri's behaviour. He definitely doesn't know what to make of it any more than Ruth does, and she can tell that he doesn't quite trust the sudden change in the situation, especially concerning Brianna. He knows his granddaughter well enough to be aware that she's not _that_ forgiving, especially not out of the blue.

It all started this afternoon when Alan showed up in the hallway in front of Tim's room because he had promised it to Mini yesterday. Ruth learned about that from Tim, who told her that Mini had spotted Alan in an out-of-the-way hallway yesterday afternoon and thought he looked sad and then offered him some candy and chatted to him. Ruth held her breath when she first heard about that, and she only relaxed when Tim told her that Alan hadn't said anything to upset Mini, that he hadn't insulted her or rebuffed her. Ruth would never have forgiven him for that and she's sure he knows that, but she's still undecided on whether he was so civil because of her promise to divorce him if he misbehaved, or if maybe he didn't dare with all the family members around who would have learned immediately about him mistreating Mini. Ruth is pretty sure that Ray would have murdered him, and Angela, Mary-Ann and Marley would have joined in instead of holding him back. Ruth would have joined them, too, she can admit that now. She is very protective of her youngest grandchild, especially because Mini is such an innocent and loving girl who doesn't even expect people to be mean to her, never mind her own family. Ruth wants to keep that innocence alive as long as possible, and she would never have forgiven Alan if he was the one to take it from her.

When Alan approached Tim's room this afternoon Ruth, Angela, Mary-Ann, Bri and Mini were sitting on the chairs outside Tim's room, while Ray, Brad and Nate stood next to them as if standing guard while they were waiting for Alan to show up. What made it even more impressive was that Brad was even wearing his uniform because he'd come to the hospital directly from base, as he'd explained to Ruth when she'd asked. Tim was asleep again at that point, exhausted from the first physical therapy session he'd had that afternoon, and so they'd all decided to wait outside in the hallway to grant him the quiet he needed to rest.

Ruth was surprised to see Mini hop off the chair with a card in her hand as soon as she spotted Alan, and then she ran towards him with a huge smile on her face and a cheerful shout of "Grandpa!". Ruth could tell while watching Alan with Mini that he was uneasy with the situation and didn't quite know how to act, even if he did his best to hide it. What astonished her most was that he didn't tell Mini off for calling him 'Grandpa', which Ruth had most certainly expected him to do when she heard Mini say it. Considering the way he'd treated Mini that evening a year ago and the nasty things he's said about her and other people of colour before, Ruth couldn't imagine that Alan would be okay with her calling him 'Grandpa' at all, never mind for everybody to hear. He didn't say a word about it, though, and accepted it easily. It confused Ruth even more when she watched Alan kneel down to lower himself to Mini's admittedly small height so that he could accept her card.

"Happy birthday, Grandpa!" Mini piped enthusiastically and held out her drawing to him.

"Thank you very much, Mini." Ruth heard him say when he took the folded piece of paper, and not only was she surprised that he had paid enough attention to know her name, but that he actually used it. 

"I hope you like it!" Mini beamed at him. "I tried to make Marilyn look as real as I could! I know she's red and big and her roof folds back, that's what Bri told me, and she said I got her pretty well!"

Ruth remembers how Alan stared at the card for a second before he looked up at Mini with a little smile. It was surprised and a little hesitant, but Ruth was stunned to realise that it was genuine. _That's_ something she certainly _never_ expected to happen.

"You're quite the artist, I see." Alan said with a smirk and Ruth remembers hearing a quiet snort next to her that came from Ray, who obviously agrees with the general consensus that Mini is very motivated and creative, but has pretty much no talent whatsoever for drawing. That doesn't mean that they don't love getting drawings from her, but her creations certainly will _never_ be displayed in a museum.

Mini glowed at his praise and then took his hand and made him sit down in the chair next to Bri, who gave him a smile that was so innocent that Ruth _knew_ she was up to something. For the next hour Mini kept Alan busy by showing him all kinds of drawing she'd made, and Bri chimed in with the occasional comment and ideas for what they could do when Mini came to visit the next time. All the while the two girls completely ignored the group of more or less suspicious adults surrounding them, and Ruth is well aware that was never ever a coincidence, at least not on Brianna's part. 

Shortly before the end of visiting hours, when Tim was still asleep and Ray came out of his room after saying goodbye for the night, Bri suggested that they should go to dinner together because it's Alan's birthday. Mini joined in right away, and Ruth could tell that Alan wanted to beg out of it but couldn't without upsetting Mini and Bri, which he was obviously trying not to do. And Marley and Ray were pretty much in the same predicament, so they reluctantly agreed to Bri's and Mini's pleas. Ruth is sure that at least Bri knew exactly what she was doing here. Brad practically invited himself by simply coming along, and Nate followed his example, even if he was a little more polite about it by asking first.

And that's how they ended up here at the Italian restaurant, waiting for their food while Bri and Mini are cornering Alan. Bri is behaving as if nothing was ever wrong between her and her grandfather, and Mini is openly curious and keeps peppering Alan with questions about everything from the car to his job as a steamfitter, which she finds very interesting but also confusing. Alan is patiently answering her questions and explains things to her in a way a seven-year-old can understand, same as Ruth has seen him do with Bri when he began teaching her about engines and cars when she was about Mini's age. 

Ruth can frankly admit that she doesn't know what Alan is doing. She almost doesn't recognise him anymore, his behaviour is so unlike him, especially given the way he changed during the past year. He is calm and patient and almost seems content with the girls glued to his side, even if he's not smiling as much as he did when Brianna was younger and loved to sit on his legs while he explained things to her. Ruth finds herself wondering if it's an act to get back into Bri's good graces, but he's never been that good an actor. He can hide his feelings perfectly well under an impassive expression on his face, she knows that for sure, but to fake feelings - especially positive ones - is not his strength. No, Ruth decides, that's not something he can do, and it's also not something he ever bothered to do, or he would have treated his own children differently. The insight doesn't help in any way to make her understand what is going on here.

"If I didn't know better, I'd say he actually likes her." Ray remarks very quietly, never taking his eyes off Mini and Alan, and his words pull Ruth out of her musings.

Marley nods slowly. "I would, too, if there wasn't the fact that I know he has racist tendencies and Mini is unmistakably not white. I just... I don't trust him."

"Neither do I, that's why I'm here." Ray agrees with a frown on his face. "I certainly won't leave Mini alone with him, not even with Bri around."

Ruth doesn't say anything, but she quietly agrees with both Marley and Ray. Fact is, she wouldn't leave Mini alone with Alan either because she's worried he'll says something to upset her, and she can't help realising that that is a very sad thing to think about your own husband, the father of your children. It's also quite telling about how far their relationship has already deteriorated, she thinks with a twinge of sadness in her heart.

"Do you have any idea what the girls are doing?" Marley asks nobody in particular after watching Mini and Bri for a few minutes. At least Ruth is sure now that she's not the only one who noticed that the girls are up to something.

"I'd say they're on a recon mission." Brad says from his seat next to Ray.

"Excuse me?" Ruth turns to look at him with a puzzled expression on her face because she doesn't understand what he's talking about.

"They're checking him out. Putting him to the test. Gathering intel." Ray explains in Brad's stead, as if he was thinking the same thing all along.

"They're _kids_." Ruth protests because he makes them sound like trained spies.

"Yeah, but they're _our_ kids." Ray shrugs before he turns to look at Ruth with a raised eyebrow. "Mini grew up around so many Recon Marines that it's absolutely impossible that she _didn't_ pick up a thing or two. And Bri is very smart _and_ Tim is her uncle, so what do you expect?"

Ruth frowns at him, still sceptical. "You mean they're actually pursuing a common goal with their behaviour?"

"Sure are." Ray confirms with a nod and then he vaguely gestures at Alan who is sitting on the opposite side of the large round table. "You know Bri better than me, Ruth. Can you really see her change her stance on him so completely and so suddenly without a very good reason?"

Ruth considers it for a moment, but he's basically just saying what she's been thinking for hours now. "No."

That's when their food arrives, and consequently things quiet down a little bit, but only because Mini and Bri are obviously too eager to inhale their food to keep talking as much as before. Of course that means that they're finished much sooner than anybody else, and they get right back to quizzing Alan. Ruth almost feels sorry for him, because now that Ray and Brad pointed out to her what the girls are doing, she can see it too. They're definitely checking out how he reacts to things they say and Brianna is clearly working based on what she learned about Alan's opinions in their disastrous conversation. She's more or less subtly confronting him with those issues, especially those relating to Mini, and at the same time she's playing the angle that she knows that Alan wants her to talk to him again. It makes Ruth suddenly realise that Bri is a lot more mature - and a lot more cunning - than she gave her credit for. 

She wonders if Alan picked up on what the girls are doing, but she's not sure he has. Right now Mini is looking at him with those big eyes of hers when he tells her that next time she's visiting she can come by and see Marilyn. Ruth catches him smile when Mini cheers enthusiastically at his promise. It's a little smile, yet it still makes his eyes crinkle, and Ruth tries to see through it, to expose the lie underneath it, but she can't find any deceit in the gesture. Ruth doesn't believe in fairy tales, especially not when it concerns Alan who she has consistently lost faith in over the past year, in particular after his lack of reaction to Tim's condition. Yet she wonders if maybe meeting Mini for real actually changed him in ways he himself doesn't even really know how to deal with. She wants to believe it, she really does, but she still finds herself doubting his motivation.

When they're finished with dinner Alan excuses himself to go to the bathroom, and Ruth wonders how much of that is because he needs a moment away from the intense attention of the girls. Mini and Bri begin talking among themselves as soon as Alan's seat between them is vacant, and they make it a point to keep their voices down as if they're trading secrets. Ruth notices that Brad gets up only half a minute after Alan has left and he gives the same excuse. She decides to follow their example and quickly go to the ladies' room now before they leave the restaurant. She asks the girls if they need to go and want to come with her, but they both shake their heads no and immediately go back to talking to each other. 

Ruth makes her way to the back of the restaurant and then through the door marked 'restrooms' which leads to a set of stairs going down to the basement. Ruth follows it and right before she descends the last step she suddenly has a clear view of men's room. The door is ajar and Ruth spots Alan and Brad standing next to each other at the sinks washing their hands. Brad's tall uniform-clad figure is impossible to miss and Ruth is again impressed by how easily he towers over Alan's already tall frame and makes him appear small in a way she has never perceived him before. Ruth stops dead in her tracks and finds herself watching the men because her gut tells her that something is about to happen. She doesn't know why she thinks so, but the certainty is heavy in her stomach.

It's Brad who speaks first, and his voice is low and deceptively calm. "You ought to know that Mini is a Recon Marine kid, Mr Bryan." 

Alan doesn't say anything, but Ruth can see him frown.

"She has a lot more Recon Marines as uncles than you are aware of." Brad continues in the same calm voice and keeps washing his hands, not even looking at Alan. "And we deal with threats to our kids swiftly, silently and very efficiently."

Alan finally turns his head towards Brad and cocks an eyebrow. "Is that a threat?"

"No, it's a fact." Brad looks at him impassively and shrugs, but Ruth can't help finding the gesture anything but casual. She never expected that a shrug could be a menacing gesture. 

Ruth is sure that Alan picks up on it too, but he doesn't react to it in a visible way. "And why are you telling me that?" 

Brad turns off the water and begins to dry his hands. He's seemingly relaxed, but to Ruth everything about his body language speaks of intense focus. "I thought it fair to let you know what you're getting into. _Right now_ you still have the opportunity to back out of it. If you don't have any impure motives, then we are no threat to you. But if you hurt our girl in any way, we will deal with it accordingly."

Ruth feels a shiver run down her spine at Brad's words, delivered so calmly and yet they drive the point home effortlessly. Same as with Ray when he was threatening Alan after their arrival at the hospital, Ruth suddenly feels how dangerous Brad really is. It's as if he's consciously allowing it to show and she can clearly see the soldier trained to kill underneath the calm demeanour, and the fact that he's in uniform only enhances the effect. Alan sees it too, Ruth can tell that from the wary expression on his face before he schools his featured back into his impassive mask that Ruth is so familiar with. He doesn't say anything, though, he just keeps looking straight at Brad. 

Brad obviously considers their conversation finished because he opens the door and leaves the restroom. He's looking straight at Ruth where she's still standing on the last step of the staircase and then he winks at her, and Ruth suddenly understands that he knew the entire time that she was there. It makes another shiver run down her spine, even if she doesn't actually feel threatened by him. 

Brad steps aside at the bottom of the narrow staircase to make room for her and he gestures politely for her to come down first, a little smile on his face. "After you, Mrs Bryan." 

"Thank you, Brad." Ruth manages to say after a second of silence that she needs to regain her composure. He still insists on calling her 'Mrs Bryan' although Ruth offered him her first name at the wedding. Right now she's almost glad about it because the way he says her name makes her feel like he's using it as a sign of respect and not a method of intimidation as he did with Alan. It sounds very different, and it puts her at ease in a mostly intangible way. She gives him a little smile and descends the last step, then she continues to the ladies' room without a backward glance at either Brad or Alan. 

Ruth is still amazed sometimes by the amount of unwavering and loyal support that Tim and his family get from so many people in their lives. Right now she's still working on believing that she just witnessed Brad more or less openly threatening Alan with violent consequences should he hurt or upset Mini, and she doesn't doubt for even a moment that he will go through with it. He also made it clear that he's by far not the only Recon Marine who will come after Alan, and Ruth can tell that Walt and Nate are ready to go to any lengths necessary to protect Mini. The way Brad phrased it makes Ruth assume that he wasn't just referring to them, though, but also to many other of their war comrades that she doesn't know. Of course she has heard about the brotherhood that exists in the military, but she never imagined that it would extend this far. In a strange way it makes her feel reassured and relieved to know that Tim has so much support among his fellow soldiers despite the fact that he's not straight.

When Ruth returns to their table Alan is sitting in his seat between the girls again and they're back to pestering him with questions. Ruth's gaze flickers to Brad, who is calmly sipping the rest of his beer while Nate is giving him a pointed look as if he knows exactly what Brad just did. Ray is smirking and Marley looks confused, like she feels that something is going on but she doesn't know what it is. Ruth decides to tell her about Brad's encounter with Alan when they get back to the apartment because it doesn't seem fair that she's the only one who doesn't know. 

They call it a night shortly afterwards because it's getting late and Mini has to go to school tomorrow. Brad and Nate say their goodbyes outside the restaurant, and Alan leaves on foot after both Mini and Bri have given him a hug, which Ruth is again sure is a calculated action at least on Brianna's part. 

Ruth drives back to the apartment with Angela, Mary-Ann and Marley while Mini and Bri insist on riding with Ray. When she's sitting in the passenger seat of Angela's rental car Ruth thinks about what she still needs to do tonight. Now that Tim's release date is set for Sunday, Ruth has decided to fly back to Philadelphia on Saturday. She knows that Tim and Ray need their apartment back and on top of that Ruth has to be back at work on Monday morning. She also knows that Marley arranged with her boss that she can work on her laptop from here for another week because Ray can't take any more leave and Tim needs help in his first week out of hospital. Knowing that Marley will be with Tim while he's recovering makes it easier for Ruth to go home. She asked Alan if he plans on coming along with her, which he agreed to, and Ruth will buy their tickets tonight when she's back at the apartment.

On Friday morning Ruth calls Martha to let her know that Tim will get out of the hospital on Sunday and that Ruth and Alan will be back in Warminster on Saturday evening. Martha called Ruth already last Sunday morning before Tim came out of coma and asked about him, and Ruth knows she has talked to him on the phone on Wednesday evening. It was a short call, but what matters to Ruth is that it let Tim know that Martha cares. While Tim and Martha don't really have anything to talk about, they don't actively dislike each other, and Ruth knows that Martha was very worried when she heard that Tim was shot and in a coma. She may not have much in common with Tim, but he's still her big brother. 

Ruth spends the Friday in equal parts at the hospital with Tim and at the beach with Bri, Marley and Angela, who seems to have made it her mission to take the Bryan women out of the hospital during lunchtime and make them get some fresh air, eat some real food and catch a healthy amount of sunshine. Ruth admits that she enjoys the time the four of them spend together, it's comfortable and easy and Ruth finds herself relax when they're wandering the beach after lunch, each of them with a soft ice cream in hand and their feel bare in the sand, just like Mini told them is Bryan-Person tradition. 

Ruth finds that it's surprisingly easy to talk to Angela once Ruth lets go of her feelings of inadequacy and allows Angela to strike up a conversation. She's very straightforward and doesn't hold her tongue, and it takes Ruth a bit of getting used to, but then she realises how at ease it makes her feel to know that Angela always says what she's thinking and means what she says. It's very different from how Ruth is used to communicate, and it's oddly refreshing and freeing not to feel the need to hide what she's thinking and swallow her words. Ruth never consciously noticed how much she's doing that on a daily basis, how normal it is for her to think something, but never put it into words for others to hear.

Ray gets Mini after school and brings her to the hospital, and Ruth smiles when she sees her hug Tim tight in greeting and when he kisses her on the temple. She loves how his face relaxes when his little girl is with him, how he becomes soft in a way he usually doesn't allow himself to be and how his smiles are real and show genuine happiness. He is such a wonderful dad, attentive and loving and open with his child in a way he didn't experience from his own father after the age of maybe six or seven, and Ruth feels the familiar mixture of guilt and shame again when she thinks about how a part of that is also her fault. She is so unbelievably proud of what Tim made of himself, how he overcame all the obstacles in his path and managed to become the kind of father every child should be lucky enough to have.

Ruth is still undecided on how her life will go on when they return to Warminster. So far Alan hasn't done anything to upset Tim or his family, and Ruth knows that there were - and still are - many opportunities for him to do so. But she can tell that he's making an effort especially with Brianna and Mini, for whatever reason that may be. He also either avoids Ray and Tim or makes it a point to not say anything offensive when they can't avoid each other. Ruth will give him credit for that, it's an unusual degree of restraint for him, and maybe he's doing it in parts because he wants to show Ruth that he doesn't want her to file for divorce. She'd like to think that it's the reason, but she's not quite sure she believes it. It makes her sad to think about her relationship with Alan, and whenever she sees glimpses of the unconditional trust and the genuine love between Tim and Ray, she wonders if she ever had that with Alan. It makes her even more sad to realise that she can't say with certainty that they even had that in their early years or when they got married.

Alan comes by the hospital shortly after Mini arrived because she and Bri made him promise last night that he would. Ruth watches how the girls drag him into Tim's room and make him sit on one of the chairs while Mini claims the other one and Brianna takes a seat on Tim's bed. Ruth can't quite fight off the impression that Bri is trying to act as a protective shield for Tim and that she's ready to defend him should it become necessary. It makes Ruth even more sure that Bri is doing all of this very much on purpose while Mini is probably not entirely aware of what's going on. Ruth wonders what the girls are trying to achieve, Brianna for one knows perfectly well that Tim and Alan don't get along, _and_ she obviously also knows about his less than friendly opinions about Mini as a person of colour. Getting all of them together in one room seems like a bad idea, but it's certainly exactly what Bri has set out to do, and Mini is helping her with it.

Ruth watches them carefully from the hallway. Marley, Mary-Ann, Angela and Ray are doing the same thing because Bri more or less ordered all of them to stay outside. Ruth just waits for the entire thing to blow up within minutes, but surprisingly it doesn't and she can see the tension in Tim's frame begin to ease after a while, same as she notices Alan's shoulders relax bit by bit. Ruth would love to hear their conversation, although it looks like Mini and Bri are doing most of the talking. It seems mostly relaxed and Mini is smiling a lot and she even manages to make Tim smile more than once, and Bri is smirking rather smugly when she, Mini and Alan leave the room after almost an hour. 

It's Ruth's and Alan's last evening in Oceanside, so Brianna and Mini say goodbye to him at the end of visiting hours when they collectively have to leave the hospital. Ruth observes them attentively, and she can tell that there's more genuine warmth in Bri's embrace than there was last night. It seems more like a heartfelt gesture of goodbye than the calculated move it was yesterday, and Ruth can only assume that whatever happened in Tim's room, Alan's behaviour earned him a little of Brianna's affection back. Ruth wonders where that leaves things. She'll make sure to keep an eye on Bri and Alan once they're all back in Warminster. She's sure that things aren't suddenly all good, this is not over yet. Brianna hasn't forgiven her grandfather for what he said during their disastrous conversation last year, Ruth is certain of that. But if Alan is serious about this, he might have found a way to mend their almost-burnt bridges. The question is if he realises it, and if he's willing to do what it takes. Ruth is certain that this is the last chance Brianna will give him.

Ruth is very surprised when Alan kneels down to hug Mini goodbye. He's still a little awkward when he pats her on the back while Mini has her arms wrapped around his neck, but Ruth sees the little smile tugging on his lips. She knows it's genuine because nobody would be able to see it the way his face is turned, and she's the only one who does because she's taking an inconspicuous step to the side while she's actively looking for the expression in his face. He has no reason to fake that gesture, and Ruth wonders how he'll deal with the realisation that he actually _likes_ Mini. She's sure it won't be easy.

Ruth sees Ray relax when Alan leaves, as if he was on high alert the entire time her husband was here. He probably was, Ruth realises, especially because he wasn't allowed to be by Tim's and Mini's side when Alan was in Tim's room. The fact that Ray respected Brianna's and Mini's wish and let them do their thing - even if Ray was hovering right outside the door - shows Ruth that Ray trusts Bri not to endanger Mini or do anything to hurt Tim, and she's sure Bri noticed that too. It probably makes her like Ray even more, because Bri has strong opinions and can't stand it when she's not taken seriously. Ray showed her a lot of trust and respect in the past week, and Ruth knows Brianna takes note of such behaviour from adults, especially because she's regularly in conflict with her teachers when she feels like they don't take her or other kids seriously. 

Ray insists on cooking dinner when they're at the apartment because it's their last evening together. Angela and Mary-Ann will also fly out tomorrow, even if they leave a few hours after Ruth. Mini and Bri are eager to help Ray prepare the meal and he orders Marley, Angela, Mary-Ann and Ruth out of the kitchen and tells them to relax and enjoy the evening. Ruth has never had Sri Lankan food before, but she has to admit that she really likes the spicy taste and the rich flavour. Ray is a fantastic cook, and she's not sure why that surprises her so much. 

On Saturday morning Ruth says her goodbyes to Angela and Mary-Ann at the apartment. She is pleasantly surprised by the heartfelt embraces she gets from both women, and Angela gives her a note with her address and phone number and tells her to call if she needs to talk or if she simply wants to hear a friendly voice, or if she feels like gossiping about their boys and their grandchild. Ruth is genuinely touched because she knows the offer is not just a polite formality, Angela doesn't make offers she doesn't mean, that much Ruth has learned by now. She found herself talking to Angela a lot over the past week that they either spent together at the apartment, in the hospital hallway or sitting together throughout the night by Tim's bed. Ruth has the distinct feeling that she has found a friend in Angela, as different at she and Angela might be. It's a very good feeling.

Mini and Bri both take their time hugging her, and Ruth smiles happily and takes pleasure in the warm feeling deep in her chest at the outright love from her two smart, lovely, mischievous granddaughters. Marley and Ray come to the hospital with her, although they're going in two cars because Ruth needs her rental to drive to San Diego International afterwards. She meets up with Alan at the hospital, where Ruth insisted going before she leaves because she wants to say goodbye to Tim the day she flies back.

Ray and Marley wait with Alan in the hallway while Ruth goes into Tim's room. She thinks he's looking a lot better than he did when she arrived. His skin isn't pale anymore and he's looking at her with alert eyes, clearly awake and lucid. She knows he has issues with his memories and it shocked her a few times when he clearly didn't remember something, but he seems to be dealing with it remarkably well. Ruth just hopes that his recovery will be swift and without any setbacks, she knows how much it must bother him to be in such bad condition considering how important physical fitness is to his life and his job. But she has seen him recover from injuries before, and if there's one thing she doesn't doubt than it's his tireless motivation and determination to get better. 

They talk for a few minutes, and Ruth takes great pleasure in how easy and relaxed their conversation is. She feels closer to Tim - and to Marley - than she has in a long time, and it feels incredibly good to know that they're slowly mending their relationship. When it's time for her to leave, Ruth leans in and places a gentle kiss to Tim's forehead before she pulls back and smiles at him. "I love you, Timmy."

Tim looks surprised for a moment, then he swallows hard and holds her gaze. Ruth can see how much it means to him to hear her say that, and she's ashamed that she didn't tell him more often, that she didn't make sure that he knew and that he _never_ doubted it.

"And I'm very proud of you, of the life you've made for yourself and the beautiful, loving family you have." Ruth continues because this is another thing she has to tell him. After coming so close to losing him she realised that she cannot take it for granted that she gets the opportunity to tell him what she really needs him to know. "I'm glad to know that you have Ray by your side and I'm very grateful that you two have given me such a smart, loving and beautiful granddaughter."

Tim looks absolutely overwhelmed, he's staring at her with his mouth agape and Ruth can see that his eyes are wet. His voice is low and rough when he finally speaks. "Thank you, Mom. It means a lot."

Ruth presses her lips into a thin line and then slowly shakes her head in regret. "I'm really sorry it took me so long to come around."

"You _did_ come around. That's what matters." Tim replies after a moment of considering her words.

Ruth touches her hand to his cheek and makes it a point to hold his gaze. "Thank you for giving me a second chance, Tim."

Tim raises his hand and covers hers where it's resting on his cheek. He gently squeezes her hand and gives her another smile, and Ruth knows that while they still have some way to go, they're on the right path.

Alan goes into Tim's room after Ruth has said her goodbyes, and they talk for a few minutes, then they shake hands and Alan leaves. Ruth notices how differently Tim and Alan are behaving when they're in the same room now, they've not once ended up at each other's throat. Ruth knows that Tim and Alan had a talk on Wednesday, but neither of them said anything about it to her. It seems to her that they came to some sort of agreement, and she certainly prefers it over their earlier behaviour.

Ruth assumes their talk had something to do with Mini and her open affection for Alan. It reminds her of how Marley and Tim never interfered with Brianna's relationship with Alan, despite their own bad experience with him. It always seemed to Ruth as if they wanted Bri to have the love they never got from their father because Alan seemed to be able to give it to her while he didn't manage with them. She can't imagine that Tim would outright forbid Mini to have contact with Alan as long as Alan doesn't do anything to upset her, which he clearly hasn't done so far. Ruth knows just like Tim that Mini wouldn't understand why she'd be forbidden to see Alan who she only knows as her somewhat reserved but nice grandpa who explains things to her and Bri. It's a difficult line to walk between protecting and hurting Mini here, and Ruth hopes that Alan won't make Tim regret walking it.

When they leave the hospital and Ruth drives them to San Diego Alan seems lost in thoughts. Ruth leaves him be, she doesn't feel the need to talk. It's only when they have boarded the plane and Ruth is sitting by the window with Alan in the seat next to her, that she's suddenly overcome by the need to know, to _understand_. She turns to look at Alan and watches him for a few seconds, taking in his straight posture, his strong nose, the frown lines on his face. "Did you mean it, Alan?"

He turns to face her with his eyebrows raised in question. "Mean what?"

Ruth takes a moment to look in his grey-blue eyes and wonders when she last saw him laugh, genuinely laugh. She can't remember. "When you told Mini that she could come by next time she visits and that you'll show her your car then."

A frown comes to his face that seems troubled and pensive to Ruth, and Alan keeps looking at her for a moment before he presses his lips into a thin line and nods. "Yeah, I meant it."

Despite everything his reply catches Ruth by surprise. It's one thing for her to notice that Alan likes Mini and another entirely for him to acknowledge that by saying it out loud - because Alan loves that car, he would never let anybody close to it who he doesn't like. To Ruth that means two things: One, Alan has realised himself that he genuinely likes Mini, and two, he is willing to admit that - at least to Ruth. She's honest enough with herself to acknowledge that she didn't expect that to happen, especially not so quickly.

"What is going on here, Alan?" Ruth finds herself asking him questions she never would have dared to ask a year ago. Now nothing will hold her back from finding out his motives because it concerns the well-being of her granddaughter. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know, Ruth." Alan replies in a quiet voice after a long moment of silence, and he actually looks like he's at a loss. Ruth can't remember ever having seen him like that. "I really don't know."

Ruth keeps looking at him, and she's surprised to find herself actually believing him.

Maybe not all hope is lost yet. Maybe Alan _can_ change after all. And if he's serious about this, if he's really willing to work on himself, then Ruth is willing to give him the benefit of the doubt and help him through it. She will keep a close eye on him and she will very carefully observe how things are going, but she finds that she doesn't want to pass up on the opportunity to maybe - _hopefully_ \- be able to bring her family back together and mend the broken relationship between her children and their father, even if it's maybe just possible to a certain degree. She's willing to try, no matter how long and difficult the path may be, as long as Alan is willing to do so, too.

And if it doesn't work out, she can still divorce Alan. Ruth knows she's strong enough to stand on her own now, and she knows she has a family supporting her if it comes to that. She doesn't _need_ him in her life like she always thought she did, and she will only _keep_ him in her life if he proves himself worthy of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What do your think of this chapter? Did I manage to make you change your opinion/first impression of Ruth? And Alan? Any opinions on him and what's going on? *is very curious*


	78. Comfort - (Tim/Ray, Ray & Tim's Sister)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim finally comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, how about a bit of Marley & Ray bonding time and then some Ray & Tim fluff after all the shit I put you and our beloved characters through in the past twelve chapters? I think we all deserve it ;D

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


"Āppa? Are you ready?"

Ray turns at the sound of Mini's whisper coming for the door to the master bedroom. She's all dressed in her running gear, just her shoes are still missing because the rule is 'no shoes in the apartment', so she will only put them on right before they leave.

"Yeah, I'm ready, Bambi." Ray says equally quiet and gets up off the edge of the bed where he sat down to put on his socks. "Let's get going."

It's Sunday morning, and Tim is finally coming home after ten days at the hospital. Ray can't wait to go to the hospital to get him at thirteen-hundred, once Tim's had his daily physical therapy session and his stitches got removed, which is his last appointment before they're going to release him. But it's still a few hours until then, and right now it's Ray's job to go for the morning run with his Bambi. Bri is still asleep in Mini's room because she's not willing to get up this early, but Mini certainly insists on her morning run. 

It's almost strange that the apartment is so empty, Ray thinks while he's following Mini through the living room and to the front door. He got so used to the presence of so many people in their home that he's noticing their absence now. Ruth flew back to Pennsylvania yesterday morning and took her jerk of a husband with her, and Mom and Grandma took an afternoon flight back to Missouri. Ray knows that taking nine days off work unplanned was really stretching things for his mom, and while Ruth managed to get paid leave, his mom didn't. Her only advantage is that she's been with the diner since it opened and they're all more a big family than a work hierarchy, which is why Mom could leave that long. Jamie, the owner of the diner, has known Ray since he was in diapers, and she immediately agreed to let Mom leave when she heard what happened. Of course it helps that Jamie also knows Tim and that she very much likes 'the handsome, polite Navy man Ray managed to land' - and Ray is quoting here. He's sure Tim had Jamie wrapped around his little finger as soon as he called her Ma'am the first time. She even tasked Mom to give Tim her best wishes for his recovery and to tell Ray to take better care of his man.

Mini is remarkably quiet when she's crossing the apartment and putting on her shoes, but that's one of the things life at the orphanage instilled in her: Being considerate of others, especially when they're sleeping - like Marley, who is stretched out on the couch in the living room and still happily in dreamland. She refused to take the bed when Ray offered that he'll take the couch, because she said it doesn't make any sense with Tim's coming home today. He'll need the bed, and on top of that she _really_ likes that couch of theirs, it's very comfortable - which Ray knows it actually true - and long enough for her to lie down without bumping her head or feet against the armrests. Ray didn't hold back from pointing out that that's only because Marley is just pretty short. She informed him with a grin that being short does have advantages, too.

As soon as Ray and Mini are wearing their shoes Ray snags his keys off the counter and puts them in the pocket of his running shorts, then he follows Mini out into the hallway and closes the door behind him as quietly as possible. They first go through their customary warm-up on the strip of green right in front of their building, then they take off down the quiet street. Ray forces himself to keep his pace slower than he'd usually go because Mini's short legs can't keep up with him otherwise. He's still waiting for her to convince Marley to buy her a retractable leash to use on him so that he won't run off yet again. He doesn't mean to leave her in the dust like she's always complaining about - rightfully so, he knows - but when he's running his brain begins to jump from one thought to the next and he just lets his legs run on autopilot, which is why he tends to have more problems with keeping his pace down than Tim does. It takes him actual concentration and effort to not run at his normal speed, which is kind of counterproductive to why he's running in the first place. But for his little girl he'll make that effort, he wants her to keep enjoying her morning runs. It's a family tradition that Ray hopes will last for a long time.

When Ray and Mini get back from their run Marley is awake and in the kitchen making breakfast. Ray can smell the delicious scent of freshly brewed coffee as soon as they enter the apartment and he hurries through his post-run shower just to get his hands on a cup of it as quickly as possible. Mini claims the bathroom as soon as he's out, and Ray reminds her to not lock the door and to pull the bath mat in front of the shower _before_ she gets in and turns on the water, which earns him an annoyed sigh before she shouts a 'Yeeeees Daddy' through the door. He's sure she picked up that particular annoyed sigh from Bri, who excels at it. 

Ray is standing in the kitchen with his hands wrapped around a most delicious mug of candy coffee when he sees Bri coming out of Mini's room. She's still mostly asleep and shuffles through the hallway like a zombie, her hair a huge tousled ginger mess that looks like a bird's nest with particularly erratic inhabitants. She barely gives Marley and him a glance before she disappears in the bathroom without so much as a word of greeting. Only a few moments later there's chatter and giggling coming from the bathroom, and Ray throws Marley a long-suffering look. "Do you think we'll manage to make them clean up the mess they're no doubt creating right now?"

"If they don't do it on their own, I'll make them." Marley replies with a firm voice and a pointed look at the door. "Because I want to take a nice hot shower after breakfast, and I don't intend to break my neck due to slippery tiles. Or, you know, an entire system of interconnected lakes on the bathroom floor."

"I love it when you take on the part of the bad cop, Marley." Ray grins at her over the rim of his mug. "Means I don't have to for once."

Marley chuckles. "I know what you mean. Ever since Alex and I got married and he moved in I finally have somebody else who can be the bad cop from time to time. It's very relaxing."

"Tim and I have split the bad cop routine between us." Ray says with a huge grin. "He's usually the bad cop for homework and school stuff, and I'm the bad cop for chores. Obviously that means whenever Mini wants to get out of something for school she comes to me, and whenever she wants to wriggle her way out of tidying her room she goes to Tim. Sometimes it's really hard to keep a straight face."

Marley snorts and looks up from the sandwich she's making. "Yeah, Timmy already got practice at the bad cop routine concerning school work because I forced him to do that whenever he was staying at my place when Bri was still younger. I enjoyed it too much to watch him do that while I got to lean back and relax for once."

Marley turns serious after a moment and then she looks at Ray with a hesitant half-smile and gives a shrug. "Well, and on top of that I didn't want him to only be the fun uncle, I wanted him to actually be a parental figure of authority for Bri. You know, in case something ever happened to me."

Ray feels a shiver run down his back at her words, especially now that the current situation shines an entirely different light on them. Suddenly a previously theoretical issue isn't quite so theoretical anymore.

"I actually drafted a will for that specific case while I was still pregnant - you know, just in case the birth didn't go as smoothly as planned - so that there could never be _any_ dispute over who would get custody of her." Marley continues after a moment of silence, the sandwich forgotten on the counter in front of her. "I had to make sure even before Bri was born that she would _never_ end up with my parents in case of something happening to me. Tim and I went to a lawyer and had it all professionally drawn up and signed and sealed so that it would be airtight should the worst ever happen."

Only now does Ray realise how deeply involved in Bri's life Tim really is. Of course Tim told him the gist of it, but they never really discussed the consequences of _Marley dying_. Ray thinks that Tim just _knows_ that Ray would never hesitate to take Bri in, she's a very important part of Tim's life, after all, and until recently he was her only father figure. But that has changed with Marley's wedding, which makes Ray wonder if it also impacted on that arrangement. "Do you still have it in effect after you got married to Alex?"

Marley nods slowly. "Yes, I never changed it. Tim will always be the adult I want to have primary custody of her, and I will only change that if Bri wants Alex to adopt her. I think she's been thinking about it, but she hasn't said anything so far, and as long as she doesn't it remains as it is."

Ray inclines his head in acknowledgement, that makes sense. "Does Bri know about that? And Alex?"

"Alex knows, of course. I told him about it before we got married, it was one of the major things I absolutely needed us to be on the same page about. And we are, he completely understands my reasoning and supports it. He told me a year ago that he would love to adopt Bri, but that in the end it's her decision." Marley sighs heavily and stares into her coffee cup. "As for Bri, well... It's not a topic you talk about with your kid when they're young, and those regulations have been in effect since before Bri was born. And how the heck do you bring it up once your kid is a little older and actually understands things like death? 'By the way, cricket, if I die before you're an adult, your Uncle Tim will take care of you, I hope that's all right with you?' That sounds like a very bad way to do it. I mean, after what just happened with Tim I've been waiting for her to ask me, but I never actually told her that there are arrangements in place for that specific case because I never actually _want_ my daughter to think about the possibility of her mother dying while she's still a minor."

Ray takes a deep breath and lets it out with a long sigh. "Yeah, tell me about it."

Marley reaches out, puts her hand on his arm and catches his gaze. "Ray, I think you did a great job with this very difficult situation. You managed to get Mini through it without traumatising her, and she's a difficult case to begin with because she has _already_ suffered the loss of people she loved. Nobody could have done it better than you did, and I think you need to acknowledge that and let yourself off the hook. You have nothing to feel bad about."

"Thanks, Marley." Ray says quietly. He can see in her eyes that she means it, and somehow that makes him not only feel better, but he actually begins to believe what she's saying. It still eats at him that things could have gone entirely different, though. If Tim had... Ray is not sure Mini would ever have really forgiven him for sending her on a camping trip instead of giving her the chance to say goodbye in that case. In the end, Ray thinks, he just got lucky with the outcome.

"You know that Bri will always have a home with us, don't you?" Ray suddenly feels the need to tell Marley that because he wants her to know that he, too, would welcome Bri, not just Tim. "I seriously hope it'll never come up, but Bri already has a quasi-father and a little sister in this family, she belongs either way."

Marley gives him a gentle smile and he thinks her eyes are a little wet. "Thank you, Ray. It means so much to have that kind of loving and reliable safety net, even if hopefully it'll never be needed."

"Yeah, I know." Ray returns her smile and spontaneously pulls her into a hug that she returns without hesitation. This must be what it feels like to have a sister, Ray thinks.

"Gosh, this is a heavy conversation to have before breakfast." Marley mutters against his shoulder.

Ray can't help laughing when he lets go of her. "Real heavy, especially on an empty stomach."

Marley turns back to her sandwich preparations that are still spread out on the counter. "You want a turkey sandwich to remedy that?"

"I sure do."

"Here you go." Marley hands him half of the sandwich she already finished and winks at him. "But don't tell the girls that I let you have something to nibble before breakfast. You'll undermine my authority."

Ray crosses his heart when he has already taken a bite and makes a gesture for zipping his mouth shut while he's chewing. Marley chuckles before she hands Ray a knife and orders him to help her make the remaining sandwiches. They work in companionable silence next to each other and Ray finds his thoughts wandering to the one thing he's been thinking about on and off since Wednesday - the strange situation with Mini and Tim's father. He's on one hand strongly opposed to that man having _any_ kind of contact with Mini - because Ray _very clearly_ remembers the first time he encountered that jerk, and it certainly left a lasting and an extremely bad impression. On the other hand he can tell that it's true that Mini sought him out and not the other way round, and so far Ray can't find a thing to criticise about the jerk's behaviour towards or around Mini - as much as he hates to admit that. 

So if he and Tim now prevented her from seeing him, then _they_ will be the bad guys in her eyes. She won't - _can't_ \- understand why they'd forbid her to have contact with 'her grandpa' as she calls the jerk, and neither Ray nor Tim will _ever_ tell her the reason for it, especially not at the level of detail that's necessary to make her understand. Because neither of them want her to ever know what that asshole said to and about Tim, Ray and Mini herself. Never. And not to protect him, but to protect Mini from losing a very precious part of her childhood innocence and her ability to blindly and unconditionally trust in the adults in her family. 

Tim and Ray talked about Alan quite a lot on Wednesday, first after Tim had his talk with his father alone and then again after their joint conversation. Tim told Ray that he had cleared the air and made a final cut in the wreck that is his relationship with his father, and that they'd agreed on a truce for Ruth's sake, but beyond that they were done. And Ray could tell that Tim was relieved about this decision, about finally having a clean closure to the whole mess. And then came Mini with her bombshell revelation that she had talked to 'her grandpa' and that she was making a birthday card for him and had made him promise to come by the next day. Ray knows it completely blindsided Tim and that his first instinct was to forbid any contact between Mini and his father, and that it was only his firm belief that he needed to get the full picture of the situation before he made a decision that kept Tim from imposing an immediate ban on Mini and his father talking to each other. 

Ray truly understands that Tim thinks it should be Mini's decision whether she wants to have contact with Alan or not as long as he doesn't pose a threat to her well-being - and Ray's sure that Brad's not very subtle threats to that prick's safety certainly will keep him from causing Mini any harm. Ray doesn't need to know the details of what Brad said, he has a pretty clear idea what happened when Brad followed the jerk to the men's room at the Italian restaurant three days ago, and he knows Brad can be a _very_ scary motherfucker if he wants to be. And there's no doubt in Ray's mind that he most certainly wanted to scare Tim's jerk of a father. Brad is protective as fuck of Mini, and his opinion of Tim's father is no doubt as shitty as Ray's. For good reason, Ray wants to have pointed out here. 

So Ray gets Tim's reason for not shooting his father down right away, but Ray's also a father and a husband first and foremost, and he can't help seeing that prick as a threat to his family - to Mini as well as to Tim, who will have to let that asshole back into his life and who will do it for Mini's sake, even now that he's _finally_ managed to get closure. The irony of it is so bitter that it still makes Ray retch.

Ray glances at Marley, who is cutting another finished sandwich in half and puts it on two plates, one for Mini, one for Bri. "Say, Marely, what do you make of that thing with Mini, Bri and your father?"

Marley looks up from her task and holds his gaze for a moment before she sighs and shakes her head in perplexity. "I seriously don't know _what_ to make of it." 

Ray inclines his head in acknowledgement because he can understand that entirely. He's still not sure what is going on either, and no matter how much he hates that asshole, he's been treating Mini perfectly fine the entire time and never gave Ray any reason to go for his jugular. 

Marley purses her lips. "I'm not sure I like it, either. But I can tell that it's mostly the girls' doing, which makes me feel _a little_ more reassured."

"Yeah, as much as I hate to admit it, but he didn't start it. Mini told us that herself. He actually did stick to the rules I laid out at the beginning." Ray falls quiet for a moment to carefully eye the bathroom door and listen for the chatter and giggles to make sure the girls aren't in any way able to hear their conversation. He's still careful to keep his voice down when he continues talking. "What is he even hoping to gain by what he's doing? I really don't get it. I mean, I was there when he spewed those disgusting, racist comments, and he meant them. So why the fuck is he now okay with Mini calling him grandpa? Why is he humouring her to the point that people who're not privy to this background would assume him to be a caring grandfather?"

Marley shrugs, clearly puzzled. "I wish I had an answer for you, but I've been wondering the same thing ever since I first saw them together."

"I'll be honest, I don't want him anywhere near Mini, but I also don't want to hurt her by forbidding her contact with the guy she considers her grandpa. She clearly doesn't know what our argument a year ago was about, and she doesn't have a bad image of him. She likes him, and I don't think she'd understand if we kept her from seeing him or talking to him." Ray frowns in frustration at the knife in his hand and the slice of bread he's supposed to butter. "But I'm not willing to forgive him, and I don't want him in our lives. He hurt Tim so badly over so many years, and despite it being hard on him, I think Tim's been a lot better since the clean cut with him. I don't want that to reverse. The jerk is not worth it."

"Tell me about it." Marley grumbles in agreement. "I think that without Bri and her good relationship with my father I would have broken off contact to him a long time ago." She taps the bottom end of her knife on the counter a few times, then she turns to look at Ray with a raised eyebrow. "Do you know that Tim and I never told Bri any of the bad stuff about him?" 

Ray nods in confirmation because Tim told him about that in one of their many conversations about his asshole father. 

"It's because we could see that he's different with her - always has been, from the first moment he met her as a newborn. He was with her as we would have wished him to be with us when we were kids. And we didn't want to take that from her because we could see it was genuine, he never set out to hurt her like he did with us. Even that conversation gone wrong last year wasn't him intentionally hurting her, it was based on a fundamental lack of understanding on his part. And I know that Bri pulling back from him hurt him, which is only possible _because_ he cares about her." Marley sighs deeply. "For whatever reason he genuinely loves her the way a grandfather should be able to love his grandchild, in a way he never managed with Tim and me. And we didn't want our issues with him to rob her of a grandparent who really cares about her, especially considering that she only has my parents. There are no other grandparents to make up for it."

Marley puts down the knife and fully turns to face Ray, her expression conflicted. "I can read him pretty well, Ray, and while my brain tells me not to believe it, what I saw over the past few days suggests that he actually cares about Mini."

She makes an almost frustrated gesture with her arms. "I really don't like making an argument for him, but he behaved with her like he did with Bri when she was her age, and he's not that good an actor to put on a front like that for as long as we spent time together over the past few days. But I can't help that I don't trust him, I have too much experience with him and his prejudiced ways to ever actually do that." Marley snorts bitterly. "Can you imagine how _well_ it went down when I had a black boyfriend in high school? That's a reaction I will never forget, and I never want Mini to experience something like that directed _at her_." 

Ray feels his insides grow cold with a nameless rage. If that jackass _ever_ assaults his daughter - verbally or otherwise - Ray will kill him. And he's not figuratively speaking, here. "Do you think he would do that?"

Marley shrugs. "I would love to say no, and nothing during those past few days suggested that he ever would do that to Mini, but my subconscious is still on high alert whenever he's around her for the simple reason that she's not white and I have seen his attitude to people who're not white - repeatedly. And I don't believe in miraculous instant changes of decades of prejudice, no matter how cute and charming and loving Mini is - I doubt him, not her. And I don't think that instinctive sense of alert in me will ever disappear, it's too deeply ingrained, to much honed by years of experience. And I know it's the same for Tim, which is why I really admire him for allowing our father as close to him and Mini as he is - and he's doing it for Mini's sake while he at the same time has to worry that it's the exact thing that might backfire and hurt her for no other reason than the colour of her skin. How screwed up is that? At least that's something I never had to worry about with Bri."

Yeah, Ray is very well aware how screwed up the situation is, and he knows that Tim is, too. He's just about to say something along those lines when the bathroom door opens and the girls come out, followed by a wave of hot, moist air pregnant with fruity shampoo fragrances, and Ray quickly swallows the words. Mini is sporting two braids that are obviously Bri's handiwork, and Bri has one long braid that Ray would bet his life on was created by Mini. It's remarkably good, if not nearly as neat as Tim's work tends to be. It's only a little crooked which Mini tried to hide by adding colourful hair clips in those spots. Ray's respect and adoration for Bri rises a few notches because she not only let Mini do that, but obviously also intends to walk around with the hairdo a seven-year-old made. Well, almost eight, as Mini would point out if she could hear his thoughts. 

After breakfast Marley takes that shower she mentioned, but before she can do that she indeed makes the girls clean up the mess of water puddles on the floor and long ginger and black hairs left in the sink and hair accessories strewn over the bathroom counter. When Marley emerges from the bathroom again she's wearing a new pair of black shorts and new grey t-shirt. Yesterday morning, when Brad and Nate took Mini and Bri surfing, Marley made use of the time to buy herself some more clothes because she didn't come prepared to stay for such a long time. She has cleared it with her boss that she can work remotely for the next week as well and Ray won't ever be able to tell her how grateful he is that she's staying until next Sunday. 

Ray has to go back to work tomorrow, there's no way he can take any more leave without risking his job, not to mention that they really need the money and he already had one week of unpaid leave. At least Tim is on paid medical leave, which eases the strain on their finances a little. As Tim's Captain promised, a lady from the Fire Department's administration did indeed come by and she brought quite a lot of paperwork with her that Tim had to read and sign in order to get paid medical leave as well as to make sure that the city pays for his medical expenses that are a direct result of performing his duty. Ray stayed and went over the paperwork with him for the simple reason that Tim has holes in his memories and has problems concentrating for extended periods of time, and they can't allow any mistakes to invalidate his claims. 

So Ray has no choice but to return to work on Monday, but fact is that Tim needs help in his first week back home, there are so many things he can't do yet. Marley declared the whole thing a non-issue because she'll just stay, and on top of that she let Ray know that she has experience with nursing Tim back to health because she's done it before. More than once.

The timing of her return to Pennsylvania is also quite fortunate in regards to the plans Walt has come up with together with Rudy and Poke. They've set up an impromptu Bravo reunion on Saturday for those who can manage to come to Oceanside on such short notice. Some of the Bravo guys have actually been to the hospital to visit Tim, mostly those who either live in Oceanside anyway or are still on active duty and are currently stationed at Pendleton. Ray knows that Poke and Lovell have come by, and Mike, Stiney and Lilley are at base at the moment and also managed to visit. Of course Ray knows that this so-called reunion is actually a surprise party for Tim, because the guys were clear about the fact that they don't want Tim to know about it until he gets there. Poke volunteered his house - again, it seems Bravo reunions always happen at Poke's house recently - and Walt took care of contacting the guys and Rudy organised their food supplies by distributing the tasks of who brings what, especially for those living close by who actually can bring something to eat. They plan to make it a family event, so they'll start at noon and everybody is invited to bring their significant other and kids along, if they have any. So Ray asked Marley if she and Bri want to come, they're family after all, and Marley immediately agreed because she's very curious to meet the guys Tim served with. 

Ray also called Morgan Kelley last week to cancel the dinner plans they'd had for yesterday evening. He explained to her what happened and she was very upset to hear about Tim's condition and told Ray immediately not to worry, and that they should let her know when they feel up to a casual meal and she'll invited them over to her house and then she'll spoil them rotten. Oh, and of course they're to bring their adorable daughter along, because Morgan makes fantastic brownies and little Mini will certainly enjoy them very much. Ray is genuinely touched by her warm and understanding reaction and he gets why Jessie likes her so much. She calls her 'Auntie Morgan' with that affectionate tone to her voice for a reason, Ray figures.

Today Marley will meet up with Walt and his family so that they can take the girls out for a hike because Ray needs the time to get Tim settled in when he comes home, and that is much easier to accomplish when the girls aren't excitedly milling around them. Marley and the girls leave at oh-nine-hundred, which gives Ray enough time to do a quick round of cleaning and tidying of the apartment before he gets to the hospital shortly before noon. Tim is asleep again when Ray gets to his room, and the doc tells him that the stitches of his wound were just removed and Tim is exhausted from the physical therapy session he had before that, so they'll give him an hour to rest while they prepare the discharge papers. He'll come by before Tim is due to leave to go over the last things with them, but Ray can just sit with him until then if he wants to.

Ray thanks the doctor and then enters Tim's room to take his customary spot on the edge of the bed. Ray settles his hand on the sheets over Tim's stomach and concentrates on feeling him breathe. Tim looks so much better now than he did when Ray first saw him after he came out of the surgery. It always reassures Ray when he sees the colour in his cheeks instead of the ghostly paleness that clung to him for the first few days after the surgery. He needs another shave, though, his stubble is beginning to show rather strongly. Ray helped him shave on Thursday, but he knows that Tim has a pretty fast and strong beard growth, which he first noticed by how quickly Tim was able to grow his moustache back during OIF. He was also one of the unfortunate individuals who had to shave more or less every day, at the latest every second day, to maintain the grooming standard - because even Tim wouldn't have been able to get away with prominent scruff. And nowadays Tim shaves off his stubble for Ray's sake because he's the one suffering beard burn otherwise. His face is reasonably well protected by his own beard, but other regions of his body certainly are _not_. He knows _that_ from experience.

Ray wakes Tim with a kiss to the tip of his nose at twelve-forty to give him time to get ready for finally leaving the hospital. Ray has noticed that it always takes Tim a few minutes to regain his bearings upon waking, he seems confused and disoriented as if his senses aren't quite working and he doesn't know where he is. Ray finds that a bit concerning because he knows from experience that Tim can snap awake instantly when necessary, even if he's not fond of doing it he certainly _can_ , and Ray can tell that he definitely _cannot_ do that anymore, at least not at the moment. The doc said that it's a repercussion of the cardiac arrests and might ease or it might stay, that's something only time can tell. Ray really hopes it'll ease, he can tell how much Tim hates it. 

When Tim is finally awake as well as clear-headed Ray helps him get out of bed and into the bathroom. Tim is already walking a lot easier and he's more stable on his feet than he was on Wednesday when he first got out of bed, and Ray is very relieved to see that kind of improvement in his condition. After using the toilet and washing up Ray helps Tim change into the loose, wide cargo shorts and the black t-shirt he brought for him, then Tim makes his way back to the bed with Ray's arm around his waist supporting him. Just as he has settled back down the doc shows up for the final talk before Tim's getting discharged from the hospital. Ray listens very well to the doctor when he explains to Tim that he'll tire easily over the next week or two and that it'll take quite a while to get back to the level of fitness he had before the injury. The doc estimates the recovery time to take about six to eight weeks minimum and Tim has the next two check-ups already scheduled. He'll also keep getting physical therapy for the next six weeks and they'll start tomorrow with three times a week, then they'll reduce it bit by bit. 

Tim is supposed to expect aches, twinges and pain in his leg for about the next four weeks, but they should ease to only faint sensations by the end of that period. The doc also urges Tim to actually take the painkillers he's been prescribed because it's important that the pain level is low enough that he keeps moving. Tim doesn't require crutches and the doc encourages him to walk as much as he feels comfortable with, and to go a little further every day because it'll boost his blood flow and will speed up his recovery. The doc also lets him know that it'll cause pain rather than actual damage to his leg if he overdoes it, but he's supposed to take it easy at first and start slow. Ray is pretty sure he and Marley will have to keep an eye on Tim to make sure he _doesn't_ overdo it.

The doc nods at Tim's obviously swollen leg and points out that after any kind of activity, be it standing or walking or just sitting, Tim's leg will swell up for the next weeks and Tim should rest whenever he feels tired. He's also supposed to keep his leg elevated above his heart whenever he's resting and especially at night for sleeping, and he will be given the foam block to take home with him. The doc doesn't say much about how Tim should take care of the wound, he just mentions that Nelly already went over that with Tim and she told the doc that Tim certainly knows what to do because his medical knowledge seems intact, which Tim confirms with a nod and smirk. 

When the doc is finished Nelly shows up with a wheelchair and takes obvious pleasure out of making Tim sit in it to wheel him out of the hospital, all the time chatting with him and Ray. Ray gets the car and drives up to the entrance and Nelly helps him get Tim settled in the back. He ends up sitting sideways with his leg propped up on the seat, and it looks quite uncomfortable in Ray's opinion. But the doc told them to not have Tim sits with his leg bent down like you'd normally sit for more than ten minutes at a time for the next two weeks, and the drive home takes longer than ten minutes. Tim and Ray both say goodbye to Nelly and then Ray starts the car and they finally head home. Ray is so glad to have Tim back with him, and he can tell that Tim's really happy to be out of the hospital.

When they get to their building Ray doesn't even give Tim the chance to contemplate proving his independence, instead he wraps his free arm around Tim's waist as soon as they're both out of the car, and in the other he carries the foam block, Tim's backpack slung over his shoulder. Tim gives him a look but doesn't complain, and Ray decides not to comment on it. When they're in the apartment Ray manoeuvres Tim over to the couch and makes him lie down, then he puts down the foam block and gently helps Tim to elevate his leg so that it's higher than his heart, just like the doc said. 

"So, Mr Bryan-Person, what are your plans for the day?" Ray asks loudly from the bedroom while he's emptying the backpack that contains Tim's few clothes and personal possessions that he had at the hospital. He throws the clothes in the laundry and sets the cards Mini drew for Tim on the nightstand on Tim's side of the bed.

"I want a shower." Tim replies with a deep sigh that speaks of his longing. "A _real_ shower, not a sponge bath."

Ray knows that Tim is allowed to shower, even if he's not allowed to have baths yet because the wound is still healing and shouldn't be soaked. And he sure understands that Tim wants a proper shower after over a week of sponge baths, so even if he thinks that Tim should rest first, he doesn't say it because Ray would want a shower too before lying down in his own bed if he were in Tim's position. 

"All right, shower it is." Ray says easily when he comes into the living room with a set of clean boxers and a t-shirt for Tim and sweats and a t-shirt for himself to change into after his shower.

Tim watches him with an eyebrow raised in surprise. "I didn't expect you to give in that easily. I was sure you'd make me take a nap first."

"The thought was there, believe me, but I _do_ understand why you'd want a shower first." Ray admits with a shrug and walks over to the bathroom to deposit the clothes before he returns to Tim, who's still lying on the couch. "So come on, before I change my mind."

Tim smirks and allows Ray to help him get up and hobble over to the bathroom, where Ray makes him sit on the closed toilet lid to get him undressed. Tim chuckles when Ray pulls the t-shirt over Tim's head. "I'm not entirely invalid, Josh. I can actually move my arms just fine, so I'm quite capable of undressing myself."

"That may very well be, Tim, but I enjoy undressing you too much to let you take that pleasure from me." Ray lets his gaze wander up and down Tim's body to make his point unmistakable clear. Tim has lost some weight over the past nine days, Ray can see that easily. He knows Tim's body better than his own, and so it's not difficult to notice that his ribs are beginning to show in a way they didn't before. Ray is just incredibly grateful that Tim was in such good shape before he got shot, or this could have ended a lot worse. 

"Like what you see?" Tim asks teasingly when Ray keeps staring at him from where he's kneeling in front of Tim.

"Always have, always will." Ray replies easily because it's the truth. He found Tim gorgeous and hot even before he fell in love with him, and that's not ever going to change. 

"Even with the newest addition to my gallery of scars?" Tim is looking at him with something resembling insecurity in his eyes. "It's a nasty one."

Ray holds his gaze while his fingertips blindly find first the round little scar on Tim's right shoulder followed by the corresponding exit point on his back, then the long scar running down his ribcage on his left side, then short one at the small of his back and the jagged one below his left knee, before his hand finally settles gently over the bandage covering the inside of Tim's thigh. "I love every single one of your scars, Tim. I know them by heart, and I will have _great_ pleasure learning this new one until I can recognise it blindfolded by feel alone."

Tim swallows hard, and the insecurity is gone from his gaze, replaced by something that looks like wonder mixed with fondness. "You always know what to say."

Ray smirks at the familiar line, but it's a gentle expression. "It's a special skill of mine."

"I know." Tim replies with a low chuckle and leans in to place a tender kiss to Ray's lips. "Thank you, Josh."

"Always, Tim." Ray pecks another little kiss to Tim's mouth before he leans back on his heels and looks at the white gauze. "Now let me get that bandage off you before I get you in the shower. I don't want you sitting or standing any longer than strictly necessary."

Ray begins to remove the dressing with slow, gentle movements to avoid causing Tim any pain. He takes his time and peels the gauze back with careful fingers, always making sure that the hem of Tim's boxer shorts doesn't come in contact with the revealed flesh.

" _Fuck._ " Ray mutters before he can hold it back as soon as the bandage is entirely gone. He hasn't seen the wound yet, only heard about it in their talks with the doc, and he's _so_ not prepared for what he's seeing. The scar is long, about three inches, and starts about a hand's breadth above the knee on the inside of Tim's thigh and runs up almost diagonally to the front of his leg. Ray can only assume that the direction was determined by the angle of the shot, which makes perfect sense given that Tim had been pushing the gun down when it was fired. The punctures from the stitches that were removed just a few hours ago are clearly visible and the healing scar itself is reddish-pink and the flesh is raised. It's a mostly straight line that Ray knows must consist of the gunshot wound as well as the incisions that were made during the surgery. There are two places where the line alters its course a little, and Ray can tell that's where the docs widened the opening to repair the damage the bullet had caused. 

It suddenly drives the point home again how close he came to losing Tim, that he _did_ in fact lose him _three times_ , and Ray feels his throat close up when he keeps staring at the scar, frozen in place because he's simply unable to move. He tries to breathe but his airways are just not quite clear, and Ray feels the breath stutter in his throat. 

"Josh." Tim's voice interrupts Ray's spiralling thoughts with its firm, warm sound, aided by the anchoring touch of Tim's hands to Ray's neck. Ray swallows hard and then forces himself to look up at Tim who's watching him with a reassuring gaze. "I'm okay, Josh. I'm here and I'm not leaving you."

Tim's words are accompanied by his thumbs slowly caressing Ray's jaw, passing over the skin in a soothing touch that grounds Ray in the here and now. He finds himself able to nod in acknowledgement of Tim's words, then his gaze flickers down to the scar again. 

"Does it hurt a lot?" Ray asks with his fingertips hovering over the elevated pink skin without actually touching.

"The scar itself is not that bad. You can touch it without causing me any pain." Tim says with gentle encouragement in his voice, and his hands never stop caressing Ray's neck and jaw. "It's more the entire thigh that hurts whenever the painkillers wear off because the bullet nicked the muscles."

The tip of Ray's index finger slides along the raised flesh of the scar in a feather light touch and he can't help noticing how hot it is, how hard and thick the puckered skin feels. It's going to turn into a quite prominent scar, Ray knows that there's no way around that, but then he has never understood why people are ashamed of scars. This one is a testament to Tim's courage and his loyalty, to his instinct to protect people, and to his will to survive and make it back to Mini and Ray. Ray can't ever hate a symbol of those character traits, no matter how much pain was connected to the experience - for Tim as well as for Ray.

"All right, let's take that shower you've been dreaming about." Ray says resolutely and pulls himself out of the daze he was in. He looks up at Tim and gives him a smile to let him know that he's okay, and Tim gives his face one last caress before he lets go when Ray gets up off the floor. 

"I'll get the stool." Ray informs Tim when he's turning around to retrieve the plastic stool from behind the door. It's actually Mini's stool that they got for her when they came back to the US and Mini for the first time in her life had an entire bathroom to herself and had to learn to shower alone. Before, at Bravo Company Orphanage, the older girls usually helped the younger ones in the communal girls' bathroom or Padma and Manisha took care of them. To make it easier for Mini they bought her the stool to sit down in the shower when she had to wash her feet or legs, but she quickly outgrew it and nowadays it's usually only sitting behind the door and gets used to deposit clothes. Ray never quite expected that one day Tim would sit on the neon green thing, and he finds the thought quite amusing.

Before Ray can reach for the stool, Tim shakes his head. "No, I want to stand."

Ray just raises an eyebrow, not hiding his scepticism. "You sure?"

"Yeah. I have somebody with me who I can lean on, I'm not alone in the shower stall, so I can stand." Tim smirks at him, but there's clear relief in his eyes. "I want to feel the water running down my skin all over my body, even if it's just for a few minutes."

"Okay. But tell me when you feel that you can't stand anymore and I'll grab the stool." Ray gives Tim a pointed look to make him understand that he's not joking.

Tim just nods in agreement, but Ray's not quite convinced that he will _really_ do what Ray asked. He can be stubborn like that, and today is not the right day for this particular brand of stubbornness.

"Seriously, Tim. I don't want to have to scrape you off the floor and drive you right back to the hospital with a concussion because you hit your head going down." Ray says firmly with his fists propped up on his hips. "I'm strong, but I'll have you know that your dead weight is more than I can take when I'm not expecting it. Your sexy ass is damn heavy."

Tim snorts at that and grins. "I'm not sure that was a compliment, even if it kind of sounded like one."

Ray can't quite suppress the smirk tugging on his lips, but he really needs to be sure that Tim gets it, so he looks him him the eye and quirks an eyebrow. "Promise. On your corpsman's honour."

Tim holds his gaze and gives a nod. "I promise."

"Well then, off we go." Ray offers Tim his hands to pull him off the toilet lid. When Tim is standing Ray hooks his fingers in Tim's boxers and slides them down with a teasing look in his eyes. He wiggles his eyebrows exaggeratedly and suggestively when he goes down on his knees in front of Tim, even if the gesture is meant to allow Tim to rest his hands on Ray's shoulders to step out of the boxer shorts, not to actually blow him. Tim chuckles at his antics, they're both well aware that Tim's not up to anything, but that doesn't mean that it's not fun to tease. Ray enjoys the lightness it gives the situation and he can tell that Tim takes pleasure in it, too. It's like regaining a piece of normality to tease each other like they always do whenever they're in the bathroom together.

Ray switches the water on to allow it to heat up before he helps Tim into the shower stall. He follows right behind him as soon as Ray has shed his own clothes, which only takes him a few seconds because he just haphazardly throws them on Mini's stool instead of folding them. He has other priorities right now, and since Mini isn't home he doesn't have to be a role model, so he doesn't care where and how his clothes land. 

"Ahhh, that feels good." Tim sighs in pure bliss, his eyes closed and his face turned into the spray. Ray smiles at his open enjoyment of something as simple as hot water running down his skin, but after years in the Marines Ray has learned to cherish a leisurely hot shower just as much as Tim, and even years after leaving the service that appreciation hasn't waned yet.

"Come here." Ray offers quietly as he wraps one arm around Tim's waist and encourages him to lean against him. Tim takes him up on the offer without hesitation and allows himself to rest with a part of his weight against Ray. Ray is for the umpteenth time grateful for the non-slip shower mat that they originally put in for Mini, but that has proven a real asset time and again. Ray greatly appreciates how it facilitates shower sex, especially when Tim picks him up to fuck him against the wall, but right now he's just glad that it makes it easier for Tim to lean against Ray without the risk of slipping. 

Ray lets go of Tim's waist and reaches for the shampoo and begins washing Tim's hair with slow, gentle movements designed to allow Tim to remain leaning against him throughout the process. Tim is melting into Ray's body and his touch, and Ray can tell that he's entirely handing himself over into Ray's hands and trusts him to take care of him. It's something Tim has begun to do more often the longer they're together, but it's still rare and always makes Ray feel like he's given a most precious gift. He enjoys every moment of it, gently rinses out the shampoo and then goes on to wash Tim's body with the same slow, gentle touches he used on his hair. He can tell that Tim is tiring because he's leaning more and more against Ray, so Ray decides to finish up and get him settled in bed as soon as possible.

Once he has shut off the water Ray makes sure to keep a firm hold on Tim when he helps him step out of the shower stall to keep him from slipping. The last thing Tim needs right now is to fall on his face on slippery bathroom tiles, so Ray firmly manoeuvres him with his feet onto the fluffy bath mat before he gets a towel and starts to dry Tim off. His short hair doesn't take much time to dry, and Ray instead pays attention to Tim's arms, torso and legs.

"Hmmm, it's nice to get spoiled like that." Tim purrs when Ray is standing behind him and passes the fluffy towel over his back before he wraps his arms with the towel in hands around Tim's torso. Tim leans back against Ray and melts into him, and Ray holds him close and presses a lingering kiss to his shoulder blade.

"I'm glad you're home." Ray whispers against the skin under his lips and tightens his hold around Tim's waist.

"Me too." Tim replies with a deep sigh and turns his head where it's resting on Ray's shoulder so that he can touch his lips to Ray's cheek. 

Ray can tell that Tim is only standing on his left leg and that he's favouring his right, but he doesn't say anything about it and just takes it as a sign that he needs to get Tim horizontal and back to sleep as quickly as possible. The shave he had thought about doing today can wait until tomorrow, Ray decides as he helps Tim into his fresh boxers and t-shirt. He can tell that Tim is bordering on exhausted by the comparatively huge amount of activities he's just gone through, from this morning's physical therapy session to getting his stitches removed and leaving the hospital to taking a shower. It's way more than he's done since he was admitted to the hospital, and it shows that it's taking its toll on his body.

"Sit down, I'll get the new bandage on." Ray manoeuvres Tim to sit on the closed toilet lid again, then he quickly dries himself off and slips into his t-shirt and his pair of sweats before he grabs the first aid kit. He kneels in front of Tim again and carefully pushes the hem of his boxer shorts up so that he can measure and then cut the piece of gauze to the appropriate length. He reaches for the tape and rips off four lengths of it and sticks them to the counter, then he takes the towel again and very carefully dries the skin around the wound.

"That doesn't look good." Ray remarks when he sees how much Tim's leg has swollen up in those few minutes he's been standing.

"It's normal. You heard what the doctor said, the swelling will happen every time I walk, sit, stand or lie with the leg lower than my heart." Tim explains in what Ray always refers to as his 'corpsman voice'. "That's why I have to keep the leg elevated when I'm lying down."

"And that's exactly what you'll be doing within the next few minutes." Ray says while he's carefully taping the gauze over the healing scar. "It's bed time for you."

"Aye aye, Corporal." Tim replies with a quiet chuckle, and Ray can see that his eyes are soft with tiredness.

"That's what I want to hear." Ray finishes with the dressing and then gets up and reaches for the bottle of pain meds that he pointedly placed on Tim's side of the counter when he unpacked his backpack. He shakes out a pill and holds his palm out to Tim. "Here's your prescribed painkiller."

Tim frowns at the pill in Ray's palm as if it's about to attack him. "I don't need a-"

"Take it." Ray interrupts him resolutely before Tim can even begin to properly refuse it.

"Josh-"

"No, Tim. There will be no discussion whatsoever. You _will_ take those damn painkillers today, and if I have to force feed them to you." Ray says with narrowed eyes and a sharp edge to his voice, and he means it. "You will not start playing hero on your first day out of the hospital. You will take that damn pill and then you will sleep so that you can recover from a fucking hole in your femoral artery and three cardiac arrests!"

Tim keeps looking at Ray with an almost mulish expression on his face, then he takes a deep breath and visibly resigns himself to giving in. He grudgingly picks up the pill and gives it a last glare before he puts it in his mouth and accepts the glass of water Ray offers him. He downs it entirely and then hands it back with so much defiance in the simple gesture that Ray is seriously tempted to laugh. He never knew Tim could be quite that much of a petulant child. At least he knows now where Bri gets it from. 

"Come on, bedtime." Ray says around a smirk and wraps his arm around Tim's waist to support him on the way to the bedroom. 

"You're bossy." Tim complains quietly, but Ray can tell that he's fighting a smile, too. Obviously the humour of the situation isn't entirely lost on him either.

"Somebody has to be when you're being so unreasonable." Ray remarks, still with a smile in his voice, as he helps Tim settle down on the bed. Then he places a kiss on Tim's cheek and smirks at him. "That's why I'm your husband, after all."

Tim chuckles and turns his head enough to peck a kiss to Ray's lips. "I assure you, there were other reasons why I married you."

"That's good to know." Ray grins. "Now lie down while I get your cuddly rectangular leg pillow thingy."

Ray hears Tim snort at that description when he's heading over to the couch where they left the foam block. When he brings it to the bedroom Tim has indeed settled under the sheets and he looks entirely boneless in exhaustion, his eyes already closed. Ray pulls the sheets aside on his right side and very gently takes hold of his calf to raise the leg and place the foam block underneath it. Tim only gives a low groan but doesn't move otherwise until Ray has pulled the sheets back in place to cover him. 

"Stay?" Tim murmurs with his eyes still closed, and his voice is drowsy with sleep and probably the pain meds. He sounds utterly adorable, and it makes Ray smile gently while he's sitting down on the edge of the bed. 

"Sure, I'll stay with you."

Tim's hand pats the mattress next to him in a slightly uncoordinated gesture, but Ray gets immediately what he's trying to say. He's patting Ray's side of the bed, and Ray doesn't hesitate to get up again and walk around the bed to lie down next to Tim. Tim's left hand is still blindly searching for Ray and when it makes contact with his t-shirt at his waist, it clenches into a fist and tries to pull him in.

"Want you close, Josh." Tim mumbles, clearly more than halfway asleep already.

"I'm here, Tim." Ray whispers against Tim's ear before he places a lingering kiss to his temple, and he feels Tim relax under his touch. Ray slips underneath the sheets and moves down until he can rest his head on Tim's chest, then he moulds his body along Tim's side so that they're pressed together from head to toe, warm and comfortable and familiar. He takes a deep breath and savours the scent of Tim, a bit of shower gel and shampoo but mostly just Tim, no overpowering odour of disinfectant to cover his scent. 

Ray feels Tim burying his nose in Ray's hair and his chest expands under Ray's head with the deep breath he takes. His voice is little more than a low, sleepdrunk rumble when he murmurs, "Hmmmm... love you, Josh."

Ray closes his eyes against the warm afternoon sun shining into the room and smiles, content to just lie here and finally - _finally_ \- feel Tim close again, real and warm and alive. Within a few minutes Ray feels himself drift off to the beautiful sound of Tim's heartbeat under his ear and the soothing feeling of his chest rising in even breaths under his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, did you like wallowing in all the soft feels? Are you happy? I hope so! ^_^  
> PS: Make me happy too? Leave me a wee word? I'd love you for it! :D


	79. Care - (Tim/Ray, Ray & Tim's Sister, Tim & Tim's Sister)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marley and Bri stay the week after Tim is released from hospital. It's... well, definitely not boring.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a wild mixture of angst, humour, fluff, Tim and Ray behaving like teenagers, Marley being an awesome older sister and Walt being a (good? bad?) influence on Bri XD I hope you have fun!
> 
> @ **military_bluebells** : Here's more of the Ray and Marley bonding that I promised you ^_^ Also a bit of embarrassment, but it's pretty funny, so I hope it'll make you laugh instead of cringe ;D
> 
> @ **TheFanWhoAlwaysWaited** : Next up is the Angel chapter! And guess what, it grew even longer - it's at 17.200 words now, for _one chapter_. Now that's what I call inspiration. Thanks for that! :D

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


"Yes!" Marley grins at her laptop and allows herself to indulge in the sense of accomplishment and relief that washes over her. It's just after five o'clock on Thursday evening and she's done with her project and just sent off the last files to the office. Now _that_ feels good.

Her boss Gary was an angel these last two weeks and Marley doesn't think she can ever repay him for his willingness to accommodate her situation. Not only did he consent to have her work remotely for a second week in a row despite the deadline of their project creeping closer, but he actually supported her in her decision to stay in California for another week. And when Marley called him on the Monday after Tim woke up, Gary immediately asked after him and how he was doing, which Marley will never forget. And when she called Gary last Friday to make arrangements for this week, he enquired after Tim again and seemed genuinely relieved that he was doing better and would be allowed to go home. Really, Marley has to find a way to show Gary how much it means to her that he made it possible for her to be with Tim while at the same time to keep working. She's well aware that a different kind of boss could have made her life very difficult in this situation.

In order to get her work done, Marley gets up at five in the morning every day except Sunday so that she can clock in some hours of undisturbed work before breakfast, and especially before the girls wake up. Her early morning routine is one of the reasons why Marley likes taking the couch because that means she doesn't disturb anybody when she gets up and makes herself some coffee and a bowl of cereal before she starts working. As soon as the rest of the household wakes up and Ray's gone to work, she's usually pretty busy with Tim and the girls, although Bri takes on watching Mini a lot and without complaining, especially when Marley is driving Tim to his doctor's appointments and his physical therapy sessions. Still, her work time reduces considerably once the usual day starts.

What helps a lot is that Tim's and Ray's amazing support network of friends took care of the girls several times this week so that Marley could get her work done. On Monday two friends of Ray's, fellow students of his called Jessie and Marisa, came to get the girls early in the morning and went to the San Diego Zoo Safari Park with them. Over dinner Bri and Mini excitedly told Tim, Ray and Marley everything about how they rode on the back of a truck through the park and saw many different animals and even got to pet a rhino and a giraffe, and then they got to feed parrots who sat on their hands and ate nectar out of little cups the girls were holding, and one parrot decided to sit on Marisa's head and stole her hair tie. Oh, and then Jessie and Marisa and them got to fly over the park on a zipline and that was _so cool_! There was no doubt that the girls absolutely loved the trip, and the action and excitement of the day resulted in both of them falling asleep already an hour and a half after dinner. Marley had grinned and told Tim and Ray that she hadn't seen that happen with Bri in years.

Shortly before noon on Tuesday Tim's co-workers and friends Elliot and Kimmy came by to take the girls out for a day at the beach with the two younger ones of Kimmy's four kids. Kerry is fourteen and Adrian is nine years old, so they're close to Bri's age as well as Mini's, and Mini knows them already and gets along well especially with Adrian, who also happens to love surfing. On Wednesday Walt agreed immediately to have Bri tag along for their Bravo Squad meeting which he keeps up even during summer break. Walt even requested to talk to Bri on the phone when Ray called him, and he asked her if there was anything in particular she's interested in doing or learning, and that's how Wednesday's activity became a wilderness survival lesson out in the woods. Marley is not sure what to make of the fact that Bri now owns a Swiss Army knife that Mini eyed jealously all evening because it's bigger than hers and has more tools. Seems it's one of Walt's older knives, and he told Bri that it accompanied him on two tours, once to Afghanistan and once to Iraq when he served together with Tim and Ray, and now it would accompany her wherever she wants to take it. Marley can tell that Bri already treats it like a prised possession. Maybe it's a good idea for Marley to check if there are any penalties if Bri brings it to school with her, because she has an inkling that she will take it _everywhere_ from now on.

Today Marley had the girls, and she was supposed to be out at the beach with them this afternoon. But when Marley became aware that she was just one or two hours away from finishing her project, she asked them if they were willing to let her work another two hours, and then she'd have the evening and the entire Friday for them. She's surprised that both Bri and Mini agreed without much of a fuss and then retreated to Mini's room to do god knows what. Considering that Bri and Mini are six years apart they manage to keep busy with just each other as company in a way Marley didn't expect to last so long. The girls never spent _that_ much time together - it's been almost two weeks now - and Marley is surprised that especially Bri didn't get bored or annoyed at some point. Mini is considerably younger than her, after all, and at that age the distance in years makes a huge difference. But so far they're both still clearly enjoying their time together and they're thick as thieves, with Bri the clear leader of their little pack of two. Or the Master to her Padawan, as she calls it.

Overall the last two weeks have been remarkably comfortable and Marley's still amazed how easily and naturally it was for all of them to live together, despite the fact that there were way too many people at the apartment last week with Angela, Mary-Ann, Marley, Mom, Bri, Mini and Ray all living there at the same time. Sure, the sleeping arrangements were a bit cramped, but Marley genuinely doesn't mind taking the couch because she loves that old thing. Tim has had it as long as she can think back, and Marley slept on it many times before and never had any back issues the next morning. And she would never have taken the spot in one of the beds from the older women. Her mom already has back problems as it is - something she passed on to Tim and Martha but not to Marley - and Angela is fifty-five and Mary-Ann is seventy-eight, they both deserve to sleep in a proper bed. 

On top of that Marley really likes Angela and Mary-Ann and gets along with them very well, and she noticed that Mom also grew more comfortable with them the more time they all spent together. And Bri certainly adores the direct and outspoken nature of both women as well as their easy affection and gentle teasing that quickly extended to Bri. Marley noticed that she has taken a special shine to Mary-Ann, who is the kind of unconventional, badass grandmother her own grandma isn't. Bri is even calling her 'Nana' like Mini does, and Mary-Ann doesn't seem to have any issues with that. Marley wonders how Mom felt about that, but if there ever were any bad feelings about it - which Marley never noticed - then they certainly have disappeared entirely in the course of the past week.

Marley closes the email program and sets her laptop on the coffee table before she attaches her external hard drive to make a backup of all her hard work so that the final version of her project is securely stored in more than one place. Once she has started the process she takes her mug in both hands and comfortably relaxes back in the cushions to sip her coffee while she waits for the backup to be completed. Apart from the odd chatter or giggle from Mini's room it's quiet with Tim sleeping in his room and Ray still at work. 

Two days ago Marley booked her and Bri's flight back home. They'll leave on Sunday because they have one last 'appointment' here on Saturday. The men of Tim's former platoon have planned to throw a surprise party for him at the house of one of the guys here in Oceanside - Poke, Ray called him - and they will do it on Saturday and start around noon because they want to do it with families instead of just the guys. Ray asked her if she wanted to come along, and of course Marley agreed immediately because she's very curious to finally meet some of the guys she only knows by name. 

Together with Walt, Poke and Rudy - who Marley actually has heard about several times before and who she knows Tim likes - they've also already come up with a plan on how to keep it a secret from Tim and still get him to Poke's house on time. First they will dispel any possible suspicions on Tim's part by splitting up as if they all have their own plans for the day. That means Brad will pick up Mini on Saturday morning, but instead of going surfing like they'll pretend to do, they'll drive to San Diego International to pick up Nate when he arrives at half past ten, and then they'll come directly to Poke's house. Nate had to fly back to Washington last Sunday because he has to work this week, but he immediately declared that he wasn't going to miss Tim's surprise party, and Marley knows that he has already booked his flights for the weekend. 

Meanwhile Marley and Bri will pretend to have 'a day with the girls', as they call it - a tradition where they go shopping for clothes and shoes and books and whatever else strikes their fancy, and then they sit in a café and Bri is allowed to have a coffee because Marley is along for it. It's something Bri actually still likes doing with Marley despite being thirteen, where it's generally regarded as very uncool to hang out with your mom. Marley is sure it also has to do with the fact that Bri usually gets something out of it, be it some piece of clothing or simply the permission to have a coffee of her choosing - which usually ends up being something with tons of added extras that is so sweet Marley is loath to call it 'coffee' anymore. Of course this time Marley and Bri will not really have a day with the girls, instead they'll head over to Walt's and Amy's house and help them prepare the dishes they're supposed to bring, and then they'll all together head over to Poke's house at about quarter to twelve. 

Officially the reunion begins at noon, but Ray will come by with Tim at about half past twelve so that there's enough time for everybody to arrive and to get things ready for Tim, including the buffet of the dishes that the guests supply. Poke's wife Gina also told them that she'll arrange for the guest room to be ready in case Tim needs to rest inbetween, and that they will set up deck chairs around the garden with footrests that can be elevated so that Tim can prop up his leg as needed. In order to get Tim to Poke's house, Gina will call Tim and invite him and Ray over for lunch. Since Tim likes Gina a lot and absolutely loves her famous paella - which of course she will offer as a sort of bribe - he's bound to agree and the rest is easy. The guests will all hide out in Poke's garden behind the house, and Gina and Poke will invite Tim and Ray to the table out on the patio, and that's when they can reveal their surprise. Marley is very much looking forward to the look on Tim's face when he sees how many of his brothers came to see him and how much support he has with them. It'll do him good, especially after the concentrated contact with Dad last week. 

Marley is very relieved that Tim is doing a lot better now than he did when he came home. He still tires way more easily than before, but he's in the middle of the healing process, so she's not too worried about that. He's also improving with every day that passes, and he's now awake the majority of the day except for the odd nap, and he spends most of that time either chatting with Bri and Mini when they're around, or he's listening to the audio version of a medical textbook that Marley knows Kimmy gave him. Marley asked him why he's not reading something more relaxing, but Tim just explained that reading is actually quite exhausting at the moment and he still has so much to learn before med school, so he figures it's a good way to make a start on that by listening to the textbook that he has to study anyway. 

Marley thinks that's only part of the truth. She's pretty sure that he's secretly worried that maybe his memory holes might be extending to his medical knowledge here and there, and he wants to make sure that's not the case by immersing in the subject matter. Because if he is indeed lacking information, that's when he'll realise, and it'll give him enough time to fill the holes before the beginning of classes at the end of August. It's been twelve days now since he woke up from coma and while Tim has steadily been regaining memories, there's no doubt that he's still missing things. It happens recurrently that he doesn't remember something they're talking about, and Marley is by now very good at reading the tiny frown of confusion that normally comes to his face when he realises that something doesn't make sense to him. He's not always telling them when that's the case, so Marley and Ray have both begun to actively ask him whenever they notice. Ray is easily as good at reading Tim as Marley is, which makes it easier for them to work together to get Tim back on track.

By now Tim can also walk longer distances on his numerous short trips that the doctors told him to take throughout the day. At first it was only around the apartment, but now he takes several slow and mostly short walks around the neighbourhood every day. More than once Marley and Ray already had to stifle his efforts to make sure that he doesn't overdo it. Sometimes Marley wonders how a medical professional like Tim is able to so completely ignore his own body's limits in his quest to recover. He of all people should know better, and she's certain he does, but he dislikes being physically impaired so much that he tries to force his recovery to speed up. It's a really strange behaviour considering that Tim has always been remarkably patient, especially with others, but Marley has long since realised that the one thing his patience doesn't extend to is his own recovery. That's been a constant every single time she nursed him back to health, be it after a more or less serious injury or a simple case of the flu. In a way she finds it pretty funny, and she has teased him about it more times than she can remember - when she wasn't busy berating him for it. 

Whenever Bri and Mini are around they insist on accompanying Tim on his walks instead of letting Marley do it, or Ray when he's home from work in the evenings. They never let him go alone, it's one of the things they all agree on, no matter what Tim says. Marley has noticed that Bri not only makes sure to take her cell along when it's her and Mini walking with Tim, but that she has it connected to the charger every single time before they leave, as if she wants to make extra certain that she can call help in case that something happens with Tim. Marley finds the gesture at the same time heart-warming and heartbreaking, because it tells her that Bri lost a little more of her remaining childhood innocence and her implicit trust in the strength of the adults in her life. It's probably the first time she feels responsible for the safety of a person who is something of a parent for her, and the role reversal means that she just had to grow up a good deal more in a very short timespan. Marley is pretty sure that before this episode Bri never even _considered_ that Tim might not be solid as a rock, completely unshakable and invincible. That he's human and can get hurt just like everybody else - that she might lose him. And while Marley knows it's a lesson Bri would have to learn anyway at some point, it makes her sad that she learned it so early.

Who Marley is worried about, though, is Ray. When he slept on the camping mat last week before Mom, Angela and Mary-Ann left, right on the other side of the coffee table from the couch where Marley was lying, she heard him shift restlessly every night. Marley certainly recognises it when other people have nightmares, not just because she has a kid, but especially because she's seen Tim when he came back from deployments. Several times during the night Ray would get up to go over to the kitchen to get a bottle of water out of the fridge according to the very few sounds he made. She only ever heard the fridge door and the gentle sound of the seal on the water bottle breaking, but she never heard his footfalls. That would be a lot creepier if she wasn't used to it from Tim, who would move through her place like a freaking ghost whenever he stayed with her on leave, that's how silent he was. She got used to it a long time ago, and yet Tim still managed to scare the shit out of her every time he popped up behind her without any sign of approaching her. She knows Tim began to make noises on purpose while walking - at least throughout the day - to keep that from happening after Bri once screamed at him in shock that he was giving her a heart attack and would be the reason for her premature demise. 

Now Ray's sleeping in his own bedroom again with Tim by his side, so things should be good, but Marley still wakes to him standing in the kitchen with a bottle of water most nights. In the light of day he looks tired to her, even if she can tell he's trying to hide it and he downplays it whenever she mentions it. She asked him about the nightmares once, but he just brushed it off and changed the topic. She's sure when they were sharing the living room she heard him whimper Tim's name on several nights be before he woke up from his restless sleep, his voice tortured and utterly devastated, and it doesn't take much deduction skill to know what his nightmares are about. She can't even imagine what it must be doing to him if he's really going through the horrors of losing Tim almost every night, but it's bound to take its toll.

Marley is deeply torn whether she has the right to mention it to Tim or not. It doesn't feel like it's her place, especially because Ray obviously doesn't want to talk about it, but on the other hand she's pretty sure that Tim would want to know and that Ray won't say a word about it to him. He doesn't want Tim to worry, especially since there's not much he can do about it anyway. Ray only wants Tim to heal, and his reasoning will be that Tim can do that better if he's not worrying about Ray - which might be true, but Marley is sure her brother doesn't share Ray's position on that. He loves Ray - more than she has ever seen him love a romantic partner before - and even if he might not be able to do much about it, he'd want to be there for Ray and support him. He'd hate to know that Ray went through something like this alone, and it would make it even worse that losing Tim is the reason he's having nightmares in the first place.

Marley wonders how it's possible that Tim hasn't woken to Ray's nightmares yet considering that he's a much lighter sleeper than Marley is and even _she_ wakes. Then it hits her that it has to be a side effect of the pain meds that she knows Ray makes Tim take before bed. They make him woozy, so it's a good guess that they also make him sleepy. Combined with his still low iron levels and his body's need to rest in order to heal they're probably powerful enough to keep him under throughout the entire night and even Ray's nightmares. That realisation makes her lean towards telling Tim because it's not like he can actually find out on his own, but at the same time it feels like a betrayal of Ray's trust, like going behind his back, and she never wants to do that. It feels like being stuck between two brothers she loves, and helping one will hurt the other. Fucking stalemate.

Before Marley can spend more time pondering the issue, she hears the key in the door announcing Ray's return home. Her laptop is still copying files and she's too lazy to get up off the couch, so she just waits for Ray to come into the living room so that she can greet him. Instead Ray heads straight for the kitchen where Marley can hear the door of the fridge opening and then closing again before Ray has even crossed the hallway, which means that it must be Tim. Damn, even injured he's still moving like a freaking ghost.

"Hi sailor boy." Ray's voice is teasing but warm. "What are you doing up and hobbling around?"

"Hey Josh." Tim replies quietly, followed by the noise of the seal of a bottle breaking. "Just getting some water." 

There's a moment of silence, then Marley hears the rustling of clothes and the gentle click of the bottle being set down on the counter. A second later the sounds tell her that they're kissing, and Marley decides to give them a moment to go through their greeting before she'll let them know she's there. Problem is that it doesn't seem like they'll stick to a quick welcome kiss, this sounds more like they're getting it on in the kitchen. There's breathing that is slowly getting more heavy, and Marley can make out the odd low groan coming from deep inside somebody's throat, although she can't for the life of her say which one of them is making the sound. Well, maybe the embarrassment can't be avoided. Either way, she should let them know she's in the room before it gets even more awkward.

Just as Marley is about to come up from where she's hidden by the back of the couch, she hears them stop kissing, followed by Ray's voice. It's dark and rough with arousal. "Remember what I promised you back in the hospital?"

Tim chuckles, and it's gentle and yet sexy in a way she's never heard him sound. "Hmmmm, yes, I certainly do."

"How about I fulfil that promise-" sounds of more kissing "-right-" another kiss "-now."

"Very _very_ tempting." Tim replies in a low voice that is definitely heavy with arousal. 

Okay, that's it, she has to put a stop to this before she can't escape witnessing her brother have sex not fifteen feet from her. Marley peeks over the back of the couch and spots Tim and Ray in the kitchen. They're clearly not aware that she's there nor that she can _see_ and _hear_ them, which tells her _a lot_ about their degree of distraction. Tim is leaning with his back against the counter, his right leg cocked to take the weight off it, and he's positively melting into Ray's arms and into his kiss while his fingers are buried in Ray's long hair. Ray's head is tilted back and he's plundering Tim's mouth with an almost lazy thoroughness that tells Marley in no uncertain terms that it must have been a while since they've done this, since they exchange more than chaste pecks. Probably not since before Tim got shot. Poor boys. 

Ray's fingers are carding through Tim's hair while Tim's hands are now wandering down Ray's back and then disappear _underneath_ the waistband of his jeans. Marley can see them take a firm hold of Ray's ass before they pull him in until he's rubbing against Tim's uninjured thigh, and there's _no way_ she could miss the low, appreciative moan that Ray makes at the touch. Their kiss is deep and real and _definitely_ a foreplay to more, and Marley thinks it's best to make them aware of her presence _right now_ before things get out of hand. So to speak, she thinks with a glance at Tim's hands. She wants to snort at her own bad joke.

Marley pointedly clears her throat and watches them stop kissing in surprise. Tim's looking at her with a dazed expression on his face before his eyes clear and he looks vaguely horrified. Marley fights to not laugh at the way he tries to unobtrusively remove his hands from where they're still grabbing Ray's ass underneath his pants. It's a pretty futile attempt, there's no way she could have missed what he was doing, anyway. 

"Boys, you should _really_ continue that in your room. With the door closed. And probably locked." Marley can't quite suppress her grin. "I can make sure the girls are too busy to even consider knocking. Or - if you need more time and _privacy_ \- I can even take them out for a spell."

"Marley!" Tim complains with a pained and maybe even slightly embarrassed groan. "We thought you and the girls were out!"

"Well, as you can see, we're not." Marley doesn't bother to hide her smirk. "But it can be arranged. I'm sure they'd love to go to Taki's for dinner. That would buy you, what, about an hour and a half, maybe two? That enough?"

"Mar-" Tim begins to object, but Ray interrupts him straight away with a rather dirty grin. "That would be _highly_ appreciated."

"Josh!"

Ray glances down between them before he cocks an eyebrow in challenge when he looks back up at Tim's face. "Don't tell me you don't want to."

"Not the point, Josh!" Tim growls back, but even from all the way over in the living room Marley can see the blush coming to his cheeks. It's oddly adorable to see her usually unflappable brother flustered like that over getting caught making out with his husband in the kitchen like horny teenagers.

"Very much the point." Ray retorts before he turns back to Marley. She can't help noticing that he pointedly doesn't move away from where he's standing in front of Tim and is basically blocking Marley's line of sight to his lower body. She has a pretty good idea why he's doing that, and it makes her want to cackle like a teenager because the situation is so ridiculous and so very hilarious at the same time. 

"Girls!" Marley shouts through the hallway towards Mini's room, the grin still on her face. She'll just make the decision for the boys, they clearly need some time alone.

"What, Mommy?" Bri asks from where she's peeking out of the door with Mini's head tucked underneath her arm.

"We're going out to eat sushi at Taki's for dinner." Marley suggests with flourish. She has to sell this right to give the boys some _privacy_. "What do you think?"

"Yay!" Comes the twin shout from Mini's room when the door opens fully. No need to sell this, it seems.

"Put your shoes on, girls, we'll go right now." Marley says to make sure they don't come into the kitchen where Ray is still carefully standing in front of Tim. She may enjoy her baby bro's embarrassment, but she doesn't want to make him feel uncomfortable by having the girls take note of his condition. Luckily Mini and Bri are too excited about the prospect of getting sushi to do anything but head straight for their shoes by the front door. Marley throws a quick look at her laptop and puts it in sleep when she notices that the backup is done, then she turns back to the boys.

"Ray, why don't you bring our patient here to bed." Marley suggests with a smirk and a wink before she heads to the hallway to join the girls. She catches the glare Tim throws her, but he doesn't say anything. It's lovely to see the flush high on his cheeks become more prominent at her words. It's very difficult to make Tim blush, so Marley takes it as a win that she did.

"Aren't Uncle Tim and Uncle Ray coming with us?" Bri asks when only Marley comes to put on her shoes.

"Uncle Tim needs to rest a bit, cricket, and Uncle Ray is going to keep an eye on him." Marley replies with as much of a straight face as she can manage. 

"Bye Dad! Bye Daddy!" Mini shouts towards the kitchen, and Marley smiles when she hears Tim's rumbled "Enjoy dinner, peanut" and Ray's "We'll see you later, Bambi". Bri also says goodbye before Marley ushers the girls out of the apartment after grabbing her purse and her set of keys to the apartment that Ray gave her when she arrived. 

Taki's is less than fifteen minutes to walk from the apartment, so Marley decides to leave the car where it is and to go on foot. Mini is holding onto her hand and Bri is walking on her cousin's other side, and they both look like they're eager to get to their favourite sushi restaurant. 

"So, what have you girls been doing while I was working?" Marley wants to know when they're waiting for a traffic light to turn green.

"Picking locks." Mini replies easily, and Marley catches Bri elbowing her in the side.

"Excuse me?" Marley can't quite believe what she just heard and gapes at Mini.

"I've been teaching Bri how to pick locks." Mini elaborates as if it's the most normal thing to do on a Thursday afternoon. She definitely doesn't see anything wrong with teaching somebody to pick locks. Bri clearly knows that it's not the most appropriate thing to do according to the expression on her face when Marley looks at her with raised eyebrow.

"You've been teaching Bri how to pick locks." Marley repeats, and she's not sure if she's doing that to make sure that she heard right or to convince herself of what she just heard.

"Yep." Mini nods enthusiastically. "Uncle Walt has taught us Bravo Squad girls how to pick locks, and Bri said she's never done that before, so I told her I could teach her! Daddy can do it too, and Uncle Brad says he's really good at it!"

"What the heck do those Recon Marines teach you?" Marley wonders out loud and shakes her head in puzzlement.

"Cool stuff." Bri replies instantly, and Marley can't help wondering how many more obscure skills her daughter is going to pick up from Walt and cohorts until Sunday. 

"Is there any more cool stuff I should probably not know about?" Marley asks with a chuckle when they reach the restaurant. Bri just gives her a grin that is decidedly mischievous and Marley resolves that she doesn't want an answer to her question. Instead she ushers the girls inside and they get escorted to a corner table, so Marley lets the subject drop. At least she's convinced that Walt and Brad are making sure that Bri and Mini learn to do that 'cool stuff' the right way _and_ the safe way. That'll have to do for now.

Dinner is a lively affair, and Marley makes it a point to draw it out so that Tim and Ray have those two hours she promised them. It'll do them good to be able to let go of all restraints for the first time in two weeks and to solely concentrate on each other without having to worry about anybody hearing them or - worse - one of the girls walking in on them. Marley certainly knows _she_ will make use of Bri's love for sleepovers at Mindy's to make sure she'll get to have that same opportunity with Alex when they're back home. Especially because Marley loves how loud she can make Alex be, and she wants to _hear_ him without him holding back because they have to be quiet so that they don't traumatise Bri. Yeah, two weeks is _really_ too long. 

Bri and Mini keep chatting all throughout dinner and on the walk back to the apartment, and Marley is happy to listen to them and chime in here or there with a comment. It's nice to have such an easy and comfortable evening with her girls, and she likes that Bri is more relaxed and approachable here in Oceanside where nobody knows her and she doesn't feel the urge to uphold her cool-girl façade as much as she does back home. Marley is definitely looking forward to the time when Bri has grown out of her rebellious phase and they can simply enjoy each others' presence again. Sadly it'll probably be at least another four to five years until they get to that point.

When they get to the apartment Ray is sitting on the couch with a book and greets them with a relaxed smile that lets Marley know right away that things went well. While he's made an effort to look put together, Marley's grown-up vision easily picks up on the signs that he just got laid, like how loose-limbed and profoundly content he is and how the tension in his body has all but dissolved. Not to mention that his hair is not tied back as it normally is, and it was clearly only finger-combed into something resembling tidiness and Marley can still tell that Tim thoroughly messed it up with his fingers. There's also the tip of a still-forming hickey peeking out of the collar of his t-shirt, and Marley plans to tease him and Tim about that in the morning. Gosh, they're so adorable, her little brothers.

Bri and Mini head to Mini's room after saying hello and Marley decides not to worry about what shenanigans they're getting up to now. As long as they're not rappelling down the building or parachuting out of the window she's good. Maybe she should check if there's any gear for that in Mini's room along with her lock picking kit and Swiss Army knife. 

Instead Marley sits down next to Ray and gives him a smile that might hold a little bit of a smug edge. "So, how's our patient?"

"He's asleep." Ray replies with a smirk and dog-ears the current page in his book before he puts it on the coffee table next to Marley's laptop.

"You mean he's _recuperating_." Marley corrects him with an ambiguous grin.

Ray wriggles his eyebrows. "You could say that. I'm sure he'll get a loooong and good night's sleep."

Marley just snickers. "I believe that. Just please, don't tell me any details. He's still _my brother_."

"I'll spare you the details." Ray says magnanimously and then smiles broadly. "Let's just say it was to the mutual satisfaction of all parties involved."

Marley makes a pained face but can't quite keep from snorting. "Too much information, Ray."

"Yeah, we'll best leave it at that." Ray chuckles, then he looks down at his hands and Marley can feel how he's turning serious. She wonders what this is about and leans back in the cushions to wait until he's ready.

"Thanks, Marley." Ray says quietly after a moment, and he looks up at her and shrugs a little sheepishly. "You know, for giving us a moment there."

"Anytime, Ray." Marley smiles, then she gently jerks her head at the closed door of the master bedroom. "You seemed to need it. Both of you. And I don't mean the sex part, more the closeness of it. The intimacy that comes of being so close to somebody. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"Yeah, it has. Before Tim... you know." Ray admits after a moment of silence, then he bites his lip as if he's thinking about whether or not to say his next words. Marley just waits him out, and in the end Ray continues while he keeps staring at the closed door that Tim is sleeping behind. "It's strangely life-affirming to see him come apart under my touch. To know that he's still here, that we can still do this. I think we both needed that confirmation by more than just words."

"Makes sense. I've never been in your exact situation - and I seriously hope I never will be, because the thought of losing Alex scares the shit out of me - but I can imagine that words alone wouldn't be enough reassurance, no matter how sincere they are." Marley watches him look at the door blocking his view of Tim, and she can see how much he cares in every line of his body. "You know, Ray, I'm really glad that you love my brother so much. That he gets to have you."

That seems to catch him by surprise and Ray turns to look at her, but doesn't say anything. 

"He deserves to be loved like that, no matter what he may think, and from you he accepts it and dares to return it." Marley continues and makes sure to hold Ray's gaze to let him see that she means it. "I don't know if he ever told you about his previous relationships, but he got burned really _really_ badly twice." 

"Marc and Emmy." Ray says quietly, and it's not a question.

Marley nods. Seems Tim did tell Ray about that, at least the basics. "I was worried that he'd never let anybody close to him again after Emmy. That he would never dare to love anybody again because it makes him vulnerable in the most hurtful way, and both times he did it ended very badly for him. I know, I was there both times to pick up the pieces." 

Ray is still looking at her without saying a word, but to Marley it feels like he actually _can't_ speak right now. His eyes aren't guarded or wary, instead he lets her see how her words affect him, and she decides to let him know the rest of what she's been thinking for years now. "You know Tim, he doesn't love halfway, if he loves, it's with everything he is. And I think that after his experience with Emmy he completely closed off that part of him that wanted to love and be loved. He decided that doing his job and trying to make the world a better place in the course of it would be enough for him. But I think we both know that's not true, it could never be enough because he cares so much and he has so much to give. In the long run it would have killed something inside him to suppress all that. And that's where you come in, Ray, because you got under his skin and made him dare to care again. You're good for him, you know. You made him live again in a way he hadn't for years. I could see it right away when he came to Warminster for my wedding, even if I didn't know about you yet, so I couldn't say exactly what it was about him that had changed, but I knew it was good. Like he had turned a corner."

Marley reaches out to take Ray's hand in hers and then looks up to catch his gaze again. "You and Mini, you're his world, and I don't think I can ever thank you enough for giving him that sense of belonging, that certainty that he's loved unconditionally. He really needs that in his life, and you know that he never got it from the people who should have given it to him: Mom, Dad, Marc, Emmy. They all broke his heart and his trust in the worst ways possible." 

"He only ever had me and Bri, but he needed more, and you gave him that. I think you are the reason he fought his way back to life _three times_ after he was shot. I have to be honest here, Ray, I'm not sure he would have survived this without you. I'm not sure he would have had the will to fight the way he did if he didn't have you and Mini in his life." Marley lets go of Ray's hand to cup his cheeks and she firmly holds his gaze. "I want to thank you, Ray. Thank you that you made it possible for me to keep my little brother. Thank you that Bri didn't have to lose him."

When she falls silent Ray swallows hard, once, twice, but he seems unable to find his voice. There are tears in his eyes and Marley can see how deeply touched he is, how much her words mean to him. When he finally speaks, his voice is low and rough and his words are heartfelt. "Thank you, Marley."

Marley gives him a gentle smile and then leans in to kiss him on the forehead. "Of course, Ray. That's what big sisters do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two more chapters to go, then I'm going to let the fic rest ( _again_ , yes, I know -_-V) because seriously, I need my life back... Since interest in the story seems to have waned anyway (well, it did become _a bit_ long... ^_^V), I guess it's a good idea to cut it off here and wait and see if/when I'm going to write more. 
> 
> Anyway, you'll get approx. 30.000 words more to enjoy in the next two chapters first :D


	80. Backup - (Rudy/Pappy, Tim/Ray, Brad/Nate, Bravo Two)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rudy, Walt and Poke organise an impromptu Bravo Reunion - with families. What better way to show Doc their support?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a real monster at 17.000+ words and it was in great parts inspired by [Family Can Be Found](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23494318) by _TheFanWhoAlwaysWaited_ , where Rudy and Pappy live together and adopt a thirteen-year-old foster kid. Some concepts are borrowed from that fic and some sentences and scenes are directly taken from it. I can only recommend you to read it, it's a cute little fic and will definitely give this chapter more depth, although you don't need to read the fic in order to understand this chapter. Angel belongs to _TheFanWhoAlwaysWaited_ and isn't my invention, I just got permission to borrow her and the setup for Pappy and Rudy to play with them a little before I give them back unharmed :D 
> 
> There is also another beautiful little fic by _TheFanWhoAlwaysWaited_ that ties into the Impossible Relationship verse and that you might enjoy, it's about how Rudy and Pappy got together: [Calming Your Soul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26752099)
> 
> @ **TheFanWhoAlwaysWaited** : Thank you so so much for providing me with this awesome inspiration and for giving me permission to use Angel in my fic verse! I still adore your fic to pieces and I hope I managed to live up to your expectations and that I could do your headcanon justice with what I wrote here. I adapted your timeline a teeny tiny bit because I had to make it fit with my timeline as well as the standard process of a foster adoption, but I hope you can forgive me for that (if you don't know what I'm talking about, then I did a good job with the adaptation ;D). Now, enjoy the 17.000+ words you inspired :D
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : Remember all the way back in your comment on Impact you wanted Rudy to meet Mini when she's wearing her hair in a crown because that's when Brad first called her a warrior queen? And how you wanted to know more about what the Bravo guys think about Ray and Tim? Well, your wish is my command ^^

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


Rudy puts the last maki roll in its designated spot on the neatly arranged platter. He looks at his work and smiles, then he puts the cover over the dish and places it in the cooler where all the other transport boxes are already stored for their approximately one-hour long journey to Poke's house. With sushi the temperature is very important, and Rudy doesn't want the flavour to suffer from incorrect transportation. He also doesn't want to risk giving his brothers and their families food poisoning because the raw fish isn't kept cold enough. It's the height of summer, after all. 

"Looks good, Rude." Pappy remarks when he comes into the kitchen and sees the cooler. Rudy made a wide selection of maki, futomaki, nigiri, tamago and some wakame salad because he knows Pappy likes it despite his continued mocking of sushi in general. "But don't you think it's a bit much of algae and raw fish? There are a lot of kids today."

"Oh ye of little faith." Rudy gives him a look that is supposed to be chiding, but he knows he probably only looks fond. He never manages to have bad feelings towards Pappy, not even when he's trying to fake them for show. "I'll have you know that Ray's and Tim's young one loves sushi, and so does Tim's niece. I asked Ray about that. And Poke said his girls love it, too, and you know very well that Angel can't keep her hands off sushi, so we already have five kids who will eat from it. And there will be a lot of things for those who don't like it. I even made sure we have mac and cheese for the very fussy eaters."

"You planned it all, didn't you?" Pappy replies with a chuckle while he watches Rudy close and seal the cooler.

Rudy just smiles broadly. "Of course, Pap. Proper preparation prevents poor performance, as you know."

It's Saturday, the day of the quickly improvised Bravo reunion that is really just a way for all the brothers to show Tim their support and to have his six. They've been planning it for just under two weeks now, ever since the Monday after Tim came out of coma, and Rudy talked to Ray several times to make sure that the date is okay and that Tim is actually up for the surprise healthwise. Rudy is still shocked that their indestructible warrior healer got shot while doing his duty as a paramedic - as a _civilian_ in _peace times_ \- and even more so that it was so bad that his heart stopped beating _three times_. He knows that his Marine brothers are equally unsettled by it, because, well, it's _Doc_. They've all seen the stunts he pulled on deployments, and he always got out of them without a scratch. 

Rudy has heard the details of how bad things were from Walt, whose idea it was to put together this reunion. He also suggested making it a family event instead of a booze-heavy get-together of the guys for two reasons: One, Tim is simply not fit enough for one of their usual nights out, and two, he's not allowed to drink with his medication anyway. Rudy and Poke agreed to his idea straight away, and several of their brothers announced that they will come with significant others and kids. So considering that they have children of all ages in their group today, Rudy made sure when he distributed the food preparations that there are a variety of things the kids will like. 

Rudy is especially looking forward to meeting Tim's and Ray's young one today. He's heard quite a bit about her already from Walt and Brad, and of course from Tim, and the few times they talked also from Ray. Rudy can tell that they're all smitten with her, and he deems it a sign of her good character that their famously stoic Iceman adores her so much that Rudy can hear it in his every mention of her. She must be a very special girl. 

Talking about very special girls, Rudy wonders where _his_ very special girl is. Angel knows they plan to leave every minute now, and still there's no sign of her. Rudy takes the cooler and carries it to the front door, then he turns to look at Pappy who is following behind him with the bag containing the bottles of sake Rudy insisted are necessary for the full Japanese experience. "Is our girl ready?"

"Ah don't know. She sure knows we're plannin' to leave now." Pappy replies with a shrug before he turns around to the staircase and shouts, "Ange, you comin'?"

Rudy smiles at the way Pappy shortens her name, something he's been doing pretty much since they met her, and he knows Angel secretly likes it. There's a moment of silence following Pappy's question, then a loud reply floats down to them from the top floor. "Yeah, in a minute!"

"You said that five minutes ago, Skippy!" Pappy points out, although both he and Rudy know that it won't make her speed up in any way.

"Paaaappy." She shouts back in that impressive annoyed-teenage-girl voice that makes Rudy smile every single time he hears it because it means she's comfortable with them in a way she wasn't before. Comfortable enough to behave like the teenager she is instead of a lost kid constantly expecting rejection to the point that she tries to pre-emptively provoke it so that it'll come on her terms. "One minute!"

"Ah'm countin', Skippy." Pappy replies, the amusement in his voice easy for Rudy to hear. 

"Yeeeees" echoes down the stairs, and Rudy knows the word means the opposite of what it is commonly understood to mean.

"We still have almost an hour of drive ahead of us and I don't want to be late. I'm supposed to help getting things ready." Rudy frowns in unease. He doesn't like promising his help and then not delivering.

"Relax, Rude. Poke and Hasser got it. They'll be able to hold the fort without you for a few more minutes." Pappy remarks with a cocked eyebrow, and his words manage to calm Rudy in the way Pappy is always able to do. "And it's only ten-forty-five, we're still early."

"You're always the voice of reason, Pappy." Rudy replies with a smirk and then leans in to peck a kiss to Pappy's lips.

Pappy's hand comes up to Rudy's cheek to keep him where he is and then Pappy opens his mouth and deepens the kiss, even if just for a moment. "That's what you have me for - to keep your feet on the ground."

"True, Paps." Rudy agrees and then steals another quick kiss. "Very true."

And it is. Pappy has always been able to anchor Rudy in a way no other person in his life ever managed. So it's probably not too surprising that they entered a domestic partnership in September 2006, about three months after Pappy left the Marine Corps as well. It was Pappy who proposed to Rudy, complete with a home-cooked dinner - even if Pappy had as usual applied hot sauce to cover that the veggies were a bit overcooked - and going down on one knee and holding out a little velvet box with a ring. It was romantic as hell and Rudy absolutely loved it. He will never forget how Pappy said that he wanted to do this right and that Rudy was worth the sappy romance of the gesture. Rudy admits that he loves Pappy even more for going to the trouble just because he knew Rudy would love it. Yeah, that's his man. Such a pure heart and a beautiful, caring, considerate soul.

Ever since that evening Rudy always wears his ring on a chain around his neck because he can't wear something on his finger given his job as a fitness trainer. Pappy has an identical ring to Rudy's and openly wears it on his left ring finger. Rudy loves seeing it on him and even years into their relationship the feeling hasn't diminished at all. Their families also know about them, and although that wasn't all smooth sailing, it was worth it in the end. 

For years Rudy and Pappy never exactly made their relationship public with Bravo, though, even if they didn't really hide it either. Rudy's outlook on that state of affairs changed after that Bravo reunion in August of last year when the news of Tim and Ray being married tore through their Recon Marine brothers like a wildfire. Rudy is sure that most of them thought it was a prank until much later that evening when Ray very deliberately kissed Tim on Poke's back porch for everybody to see, with tongue and his hands on Tim's ass, and none of the men missed how Tim immediately leaned into his touch. It was definitely not the kind of kiss you'd give a mere friend in order to prank your platoon, but the kind that leaves no doubt about the fact that you've already done _way_ more than just kiss.

Rudy carefully observed his brothers' reactions throughout the evening and found himself surprised that there were only few genuinely negative comments, and they were usually met with disapproval from the other men, expressed not necessarily with words but also with looks and body language. The bullshitting and ribbing and teasing extended to Tim's and Ray's relationship just like the men applied it to any other of the guys' relationships, and Rudy understood it as the covert sign of acceptance that it was. He probably should have known, he should have trusted in his brothers more than he did concerning this specific matter. He feels vaguely ashamed that he thought so badly of them.

Rudy admits that he never suspected that their grumpy corpsman and their resident motormouth were a couple. He learned through the grapevine that they got together already in Baghdad, which means that Rudy had enough time to notice, yet he never did. Ever since he saw them together at that reunion he wonders how he could have missed it. Their energies might be quite different, but they fuse together with such purpose and ease that it shows clearly that they belong together. In a way it's similar to Brad and the LT - even if their energies follow a different pattern, they are unmistakably meant to join into one strong, inseparable current. It's beautiful to experience, such a union of energies, and Rudy always likes being around people who share such a bond. They feel complete in a way that is very soothing to his soul. The only thing that feels even better is to have Pappy and Angel around him.

The reason why Rudy and Pappy decided to make their relationship official with their brothers three months ago during the last Bravo reunion - the one that followed on Tim's and Ray's coming-out - is right now dawdling upstairs in her room: Angel, their thirteen-year-old adoptive daughter. She's been living with Rudy and Pappy for almost nine months now, and she's legally their kid for two months and twenty days. And yes, Rudy is keeping count of the days because he feels so unbelievably lucky that they were granted the privilege of meeting and then adopting their girl. In March they were in the final month of the post-placement supervision period of the adoption process, and on the day of the reunion they were twenty-four days away from the finalisation hearing that would mark the point when Angel legally became their daughter. Both Rudy and Pappy agreed that it would be wise to drop one news after the other on their Recon Marine brothers, so they started by being open about their relationship, and today they will for the first time introduce them to their daughter.

Fact is that Rudy and Pappy knew all along that they wanted to have kids, and they were on the same page about the wish to adopt. They already started the process to adopt a child in November of 2007 by committing to the home study which takes between six months to a year to run its course. It's a fundamental step in the process because its successful completion is the premise to be eligible to adopt, and Rudy was very relieved when they passed it and could begin looking for a child. All along both Rudy and Pappy knew they weren't looking for a specific age group or gender or race or mental or physical health - all of that didn't matter. They were looking for the kid that was meant to be a part of their family, whatever form it may come in. 

Since they had no adoption preferences their social worker Melinda asked them if they were willing to consider a foster adoption instead of an infant adoption, meaning adopting an older child, those usually more difficult to place with a family because of their age and background. Rudy and Pappy exchanged just one quick glance before they both nodded their consent. Since the completion of the home study in July 2008 they went through several suggestions of a potential match with a kid, and their visit to the group home where Angel was staying at the time wasn't the first group or foster home they went to. But they'd never encountered _their_ kid, not until that day late in September last year.

What is interesting is that they were there for a different kid, a six-year-old boy who Rudy talked to briefly in the rec room of the group home when he was swarmed by all the young kids. So it was Pappy who saw Angel first, and Rudy is sure that he knew immediately that she was _it_ for them, same as Rudy knew it as soon as he came over to where Pappy sat on a chair next to her perch on the windowsill. She had a frown on her face and a book clutched in her hands as if it was her shield against the world, her green eyes narrowed and watching them with wary resentment.

Rudy has rarely seen a young person with such life and strong, bright vibes around her that are covered by so much helpless anger and resentment towards the world. He was overwhelmed by the wish to help her to lose that anger and fear, he wanted to take that burden off her young shoulders and allow her to fly free, to soar, safe in the knowledge that there are people who love and support her no matter what, that she will always have a place to come back to, a _home_ with a family that is _hers_. One look at Pappy and Rudy knew they both felt the same way about it, that Pappy also knew Angel was their kid.

They were technically inverting the matching process of adoptive parents with waiting children by requesting a specific child, but Angel's social worker Logan was very open to it because at thirteen Angel was unlikely to find a permanent family anymore and he was loath to rob her of the unexpected opportunity. He was well aware that she was too old, most families wanted younger children. So he met with Rudy, Pappy and Melinda for a disclosure meeting to discuss Angel's background and needs.

Rudy felt his heart ache when he learned about how painful her young life has already been. Angel was first taken out of her family at the age of four and a half, then again at five years and two months, both times because of severe neglect by her drug-addicted parents. She spent a few months in two foster homes and was then returned to her family until her parents lost custody of her when she had just turned six because they both got arrested for serious drug offences and awaited prison sentences. Since then Angel was handed from one foster family to the next, she ran away a few times and spent time in several group homes but never really settled in anywhere, never formed a bond with anybody. 

Logan called her a loner, a troubled and difficult child, very intelligent but also bitter and deeply mistrustful of adults, and he warned Rudy and Pappy that she had a strong independent streak because she had learned to fend for herself so early in life due to the neglect she experienced from her parents. What Rudy saw was a hurt soul that had learned not to trust or to love, that was betrayed and disappointed and neglected by the very people who were supposed to love and protect her. He saw strength and goodness and decency, a child that deserved that her life finally took a turn for the better. He was determined to be that turning point in her life, no matter how long it would take to convince her that she could trust them, and he could tell that Pappy shared his mindset. No matter how difficult it would be, no matter how many people called her troubled and resentful and incapable of forming relationships, Angel was _their kid_ from the moment they saw her in the group home, and they would be there for her and support her and allow her to start believing in the good in people again, no matter how much time and patience and love it would take. And they both knew that it would require copious quantities of patience and love, they knew their girl wasn't an easy nut to crack. 

The beginning wasn't easy at all. Logan was certainly right about her intense resentfulness and mistrust towards adults. She pushed them away at every opportunity, but Rudy could read so clearly that it was a defence mechanism, that she did it to protect herself from the disappointment she was waiting for because she expected to be rejected again at some point. Every day she expected to be returned to the group home like an unwanted toy, and Rudy wished from the bottom of his heart that he could make her believe that it wouldn't happen, that she would find nothing but love and support with them and never rejection. But that was a lesson only time could teach her, so Rudy settled for patience. 

He counted it as a win that she never once ran away or even attempted it. He and Pappy had agreed before her arrival to set up some absolutely unbreakable rules that she had to abide by, but otherwise they let her be independent. Angel might be a child by age, but she had taken on the role of her own caregiver for too long to suddenly be treated like an immature and incompetent little kid. It would only make her feel entrapped and not taken seriously, and that was a sure way to lose any hope of building a relationship of trust with her. 

Angel most certainly tested the limits of their patience, and Rudy quickly understood that she was trying to make the other shoe drop already so that she could return to the life she was used to - the life of an unwanted kid shuffled from group home to group home until she aged out of the system - because she was so convinced that that's what would happen sooner or later anyway. Rudy and Pappy talked about it a lot, how to best handle it, how to react and how not to react, what to say and what not to say to her. Rudy still thinks she was bewildered that she never succeeded in making either Pappy or him lose their patience, not even after months of trying. He could have told her right away that she would _never_ manage to make Pappy lose his patience, it's simply not possible when he cares about somebody, but she wouldn't have believed him anyway, she had to find that out for herself.

There was a sort of turning point in their relationship about four and a half months into her living with them. At the time Rudy didn't even know it was a turning point, he only became aware of that in hindsight. It was all brought on by a really nonsensical argument that wasn't even a real argument, and it concerned her English teacher Mr Jones who apparently thought that the essay she'd handed in last week wasn't up to his standards. Over dinner she pulled him and his knowledge of the English language to pieces and made it a point to show off her own skills in the process, and Rudy had to fight back his smirk at some of her scorching remarks. It didn't help that he agreed with her assessment that Mr Jones should have retired a decade ago when he was still remotely able to follow his students' thought process - her words. Pappy clearly found it equally amusing, which is why they both didn't really protest against her verbal slaughter of her teacher until she took it to new heights that included words Rudy would not tolerate in their home - especially not from a thirteen-year-old.

"Language, Ange." Pappy admonished from his spot at the kitchen counter at one of her more colourful descriptions of Mr Jones and gave her a pointed look.

She was silent and glared at him for a few seconds, then she scoffed. "But it's true, he is a fuck-"

"Angel." Pappy cut in before she could finish that sentence, sharper this time, the warning unmistakable.

“Angel hunny, why don’t you join me in meditation to control that negative energy?” Rudy offered in hopes of helping her deal with her anger.

“I don’t want to do any of that pseudo science hippie bullshit!” She shouted before she got up and stalked upstairs to her room, her long auburn ponytail swinging jerkily with her angry movements. It wasn't the first time she'd said something like that, but for some reason it really hit Rudy that time. Later that evening, when they were getting ready for bed, he talked to Pappy about it because he felt disheartened that even after several months she wasn't any closer to trusting them, to allowing them to care for her. In the end he decided to heed Pappy's words to be patient and to just keep on showing her love. It was all he could do for her at that point. 

When Rudy came back from his customary run the next morning and joined Pappy and Angel for breakfast in the kitchen after his shower, Angel surprised both of them by apologising out of the blue for being a bad kid and for making them sad, which told Rudy right away that she must have overheard their conversation the night before. But what caught them really off-guard was that she actually began crying when she apologised for making them regret their decision to take her in, and neither Rudy nor Pappy hesitated to comfort her and assure her that they didn't regret it and never would. For the first time since meeting her Rudy had the feeling that she was letting them see her, that she allowed them to care for her without rebuffing them. 

Rudy was surprised when Angel came out into the garden later that day when he got ready to have his meditation session. He saw out of the corner of his eye how she bit her lip and watched him from the porch as if she wanted to approach him but wasn't sure she should. Rudy gave her a smile but let her be otherwise. It had to be her decision.

It took a few minutes, but then he heard her hesitant voice some distance behind him. "Rudy?"

Rudy turned towards her and gave her an encouraging smile. "Yes, Angelwings?"

"I thought, maybe... you know..." She gnawed on her lower lip again, and Rudy noticed how her freckles stood out against her pale skin in the sunlight. He took note of the few steps she'd taken closer to him, off the porch and onto the grass. He could see her take a deep breath before she gestured at his yoga mat on the grass. "I thought maybe I'd try that meditation stuff after all."

"Of course, hunny." Rudy smiled at her encouragingly and scooted over to one end of the mat. "My mat is long enough for the both of us."

Rudy will never forget the hesitant but genuine smile that got him, and how she came over and then sat down next to him on the blue yoga mat, imitating his lotus position with remarkable ease. He could tell right away that she would be a natural as soon as she managed to forget her unease and allowed herself to sink into meditation. He was sure it would help her let go of the anger that burned inside her and would enable her to channel her thoughts towards good things instead of the negativity she harboured. 

After that morning it was as if she had consciously decided to let them in and to allow herself to care and to grow attached to them. It's not like everything was easy and smooth sailing from that moment on, but things did slowly progress in a way they hadn't before. She began using their names, something she had pointedly avoided before. She stopped rebuffing their gestures of caring, be it a friendly word or an invitation to join them for a game of cards or to watch a movie. She accepted the odd book that Pappy brought for her because he thought it might interest her and that he left for her in her favourite spot on the living room windowsill. She began cuddling up in the quilt that Rudy had arranged on the windowsill for her, the one that had been his grandma's. She stopped frowning at the nicknames they used for her, and Rudy saw her hide a smile when Pappy called her 'Ange' or 'Skippy' or when Rudy called her 'Angelwings'. But Rudy and Pappy also knew not to push her and to let her decide what she was comfortable with, to let her come to them on her own terms. It was a lot of learning by doing on both sides, but Rudy thinks they did a good job, all three of them.

One thing that made Rudy very happy was that ever since that morning Angel joined him in one meditation session a day, sometimes in the mornings, sometimes in the evenings. She also began to hover around Pappy whenever he was on his knees working on his fruit, veggie and herb beds in the garden, and one afternoon Rudy came into the kitchen after work to find Pappy and Angel covered in earth all over while they were up to their elbows in a hole in the ground, lowering the cherry tree that Pappy had been talking about planting for a while. Rudy watched them with a smile for a few minutes, then he began to make dinner while they were finishing their gardening project. When they intended to come inside Rudy protested at their extremely dirty condition and simply took the garden hose and sprayed them with water. It ended in a hose fight that saw all of them soaked to the bones and laughing from the bottom of their belly. It was the first time Rudy really felt like they were a growing into a family with Angel allowing her guard to come down completely for those minutes. It's a feeling he will treasure forever, and he loves remembering that moment.

When Rudy and Pappy sat Angel down a month before the end of their six month post-placement period and asked her if she wanted to be a legal part of their family, she seemed unable to believe that they really meant it. So Pappy spelled it out for her and told her to her face that they love her and want to adopt her because she's their kid either way, and that they want her to also _legally_ be their daughter till death and beyond. They told her to take however long she needed to think about it and let them know when she had come to a decision. It took her less than two hours, and as soon as Angel told them that she wanted them to adopt her, they requested an appointment for a finalisation hearing in court to make it official as soon as possible after the end of the obligatory six months. 

Rudy will forever remember that moment at the hearing when the judge signed the final adoption decree and Angel realised that this was real, that she had a forever family, _her_ family. He will forever remember how the tears ran down his girl's face while she was smiling so broadly that it almost looked painful. He will forever remember Pappy's glistering eyes when Angel jumped in their arms, how she clung to them both with surprising strength in a quite uncharacteristic display of affection.

"You're _our daughter_ , Angel." Rudy told her when she looked up at them, and he felt his soul sing with happiness, with how right this felt.

"Forever. No matter what." Pappy added, and at that Angel lost it and sobbed into their shoulders, not letting go of either of them for several long minutes. It was an unusually emotional and affectionate reaction considering her normally so reserved behaviour, and that alone told Rudy how much it meant to her. He could see how a substantial part of the fear and anger in her aura dissolved at that moment, and it left him with the certainty that they had found the right kid, _their forever kid_. It was a two-way street, even if Angel might still take a while to truly understand that. 

But it turned out that Angel also had a gift for them. She surprised them at the end of the finalisation hearing by replying to the judge's question for her name that she wanted to take both Rudy's and Pappy's surnames because she strongly disliked the associations she had with her own last name and wanted a fresh start with her _real family_. Rudy will admit that he couldn't hold back a tear or two when she said that, and he saw that Pappy's eyes were wet as well at her words. It was like she finally believed that they aren't leaving her, that they love her just for who she is and that she's a crucial part of their little family of three. So she now goes by Angel Reyes-Patrick, and every time Rudy hears her say her name or sees her write it down somewhere he feels like he is given a most precious gift - the gift of her trust and her love. 

Even the judge couldn't contain his smile at the open display of happiness. He posed for photos with them after the hearing when Angel very politely requested it, and she stood between Rudy and Pappy and the judge with a huge smile on her face and held her final adoption decree in front of her like a most prized possession, a bit as if she needed the visual proof that this day truly happened. Logan pulled them aside while Angel was talking to the judge and told them that he'd been Angel's social worker for the past five years and he'd never witnessed her being so open and happy, that he'd never seen her bond with anybody, certainly not to the point that she wanted to take somebody's surname. He smiled when he said that the improvements he'd observed in her in the past months were astonishing and that he was really glad that one of his older kids got to find happiness in their forever family after everybody - including him - had already given up believing in it. 

After the hearing Angel made Rudy and Pappy pose with her outside the courthouse, and Rudy always smiles when he sees that photograph. Angel's auburn hair glows in the afternoon sun and the freckles on her face make her look younger than she is, especially in combination with her slim and small build next to Rudy's and Pappy's tall frames. She's of average height for her age, but compared to Rudy and Pappy she's small, she doesn't even come up to their shoulders, which Rudy finds adorable but knows better than to say out loud. Angel told them that this is their first official family picture, which is why Rudy printed it out, framed it and put it up on the first floor landing in the stairwell. It's on the wall you always see when you go up or down the stairs, which is the reason why Rudy chose this specific spot. He sometimes catches Angel standing on the landing looking at the photo with a gentle little smile, and it always leave a warm, content feeling in his chest. 

Right now Angel comes running down said stairs, hair pulled back in a high pony tail with that purple hair tie she currently likes so much and her cheeks are flushed as if she really hurried. Rudy can't help wondering what took her so long. "I'm here! I'm here!"

"That was three minutes, Ange." Pappy points out drily. 

She just shrugs. "Close enough."

Pappy snorts. "Ah think somebody needs to explain to you how countin' works."

Angel just scrunches her nose and Pappy chuckles at her antics. She then looks at Rudy and turns in a circle. "So, do I look okay? Can I go like that?"

Oh, so _that's_ what she's been doing, Rudy realises. Trying on outfits and fretting over which one to pick. He feels oddly touched that going to the reunion with them made her think so much about what to wear. It shows that she cares about what impression she leaves and how it'll reflect on them. It's a kind of caring and concern she didn't even _consider_ showing just four months ago. 

She settled on cut-off jeans and a blue tank top with a loose, short-sleeved white shirt that she tied in front of her stomach. Rudy thinks she looks very presentable, but still like herself. "You can definitely go like that, Angel hunny. You look like a strong young woman with an eye for style."

That actually makes her smile while Pappy snorts behind him. "You're like a walkin' women's magazine, Rude."

"Well, he has style, so of course he recognises it when others do." Angel defends Rudy with a grin and then hops down the last steps. "So, what are you guys waiting for? I thought we had a reunion to get to."

She doesn't wait for their reply, instead she opens the front door and takes the cooler to carry it towards the victor. Rudy follows her with his gaze and smirks at her cheekiness. Yeah, she's doing good, their girl. They're getting there. 

The drive from San Diego to Oceanside goes smoothly as soon as they're out of the city limits and have left the weekend traffic behind. Rudy is driving and Pappy is riding shotgun while Angel is sitting in the back and keeps asking them all kinds of questions about their time in the Marines and about the people they're going to spend the day with. Rudy can tell that she's curious as much as nervous and wants to get a good idea of what to expect. He knows by now that she hates going into situations unprepared, and he can only assume that it's based on her many experiences with being put into new foster families or group homes without knowing what she'll find. So both Rudy and Pappy make sure to tell her as much as they possibly can about their brothers and their families and about Poke's house and about how the day is planned to go. She absorbs it like a sponge, something Rudy already early on noticed her doing with new information. She has a very good memory, that's something Rudy and Pappy agree on. 

They arrive at Poke's house just over an hour after they left home, which is good considering that they had to work their way through San Diego's Saturday traffic. Angel jumps out of the victor in a wordless expression of her nervous energy as soon as the engine is shut off, and Rudy exchanges a quick look with Pappy. It's the first time she'll meet any of their Marine brothers and she's obviously a little anxious about the whole thing, so Rudy and Pappy wordlessly agree to leave the food in the vehicle for now and only get it once their introductions are complete and Angel has calmed down a bit. 

They make their way down the street and up the driveway before they all come to stand on Poke's front porch and Rudy rings the bell. He has to admit that for the fraction of a second he's taken completely by surprise at the sight of Brad opening the door with another head peeking over his shoulder. It's surprising for several reasons: One - nobody is tall enough to peek over Brad's shoulder. Two - the face belongs to a little girl with a beautifully braided crown on her head, complete with a green butterfly. Three - Rudy may never have met her personally, but he knows immediately that this must be Tim's and Ray's daughter because she has Ray's eyes and a very impressive mixture of Tim's and Ray's energies. Four - Rudy has never in their entire acquaintance seen Brad this relaxed, comfortable and at ease. This... _soft_. It's a good look on him, Rudy thinks with a content feeling in his belly. He likes it when his brothers are happy.

"Who's that, Uncle Brad?" The little girl pipes from Brad's back where he's holding her piggy style with just one arm while she's bouncing her feet up and down - which are clad in extremely green chucks, Rudy can't help noticing. It's clearly not the first time Brad is carrying her like that, and Rudy smiles at the comfortable ease and familiarity that surrounds them. 

"I'm pleased to meet you, young Miss Bryan-Person." Rudy greets her with a genuine smile and gives a little courteous bow that makes her giggle. "I'm Rudy and this is my partner Pappy, and we're both Marine brothers of your fathers. And this young lady here is Angel, our daughter."

Rudy observes the reactions to his words, and he spots all of them. Angel relaxing under his hand on her shoulder when he calls her their daughter, Pappy's proud little smile at those words and Brad's eyebrow that rises a fraction in surprise at the mention of Angel being their daughter because none of their brothers know about that yet. Rudy and Pappy decided to keep it on the down low to not jinx it until they had absolved the finalisation hearing that made Angel legally their kid.

"Hi Rudy! Hi Pappy! Hi Angel! I'm Mini." The little girl pipes enthusiastically with a big smile that shows that she's missing a front tooth and she offers her hand over Brad's shoulder for them to shake. It's a funny and very cute picture, and while Rudy reaches up to shake her hand he realises again that this girl has such an amazing energy to her. 

"Are Tim and Ray here yet?" Pappy asks with a look at Mini after he too shook her hand.

"No, they're supposed to arrive in about forty mikes." Brad steps aside to let them in and Rudy steers Angel into Poke's hallway with the hand he has on her shoulder. "So far Tim still doesn't know a thing about this. We're stealth."

"Why is it so important that Dad doesn't know that we have a party for him, Uncle Brad?" Mini asks with confusion in her voice and on her face.

Brad turns his head so that he can look at the girl perched on his back out of the corner of his eye. "You remember that we're planning to _surprise_ your Dad, Mini Mouse? That's why it's called a 'surprise party'."

Rudy feels his smile grow wider when he hears Brad's nickname for the little girl. This is a very different side of him, and Rudy likes it very much. It makes Brad seem content and relaxed, which is always a good thing in Rudy's opinion. Brad is way too alert and guarded all the time, it certainly does him good to let go a little. 

"Poke and Gina are still busy in the kitchen, so just come on through to the garden. Quite a few people have already arrived." Brad says towards Rudy, Pappy and Angel before he turns around and leads the way, Mini still on his back. Rudy gives Angel's shoulder a gentle, encouraging squeeze and she starts moving to follow Brad with Rudy and Pappy trailing behind them. True to Brad's words the garden is already pretty busy. There are tables arranged in the shade of the back porch where the buffet is set up, which is so far only halfway filled. There's a medium-sized garden tent pitched in the middle of the grass with various kinds of deck chairs and foldable camping chairs underneath it, clearly contributed by several sources. Behind a very comfortable looking wooden sun lounger with an elevated footrest there's a metal rod rammed into the grass with a sign attached to it that says _'Doctors Only'_ in large red letters that were clearly drawn by Q-Tip, with a red cross on each side of the words. 

Rudy spots a good dozen of his Marine brothers among the wives and girlfriends straight away. Some of the ladies he's familiar with, others he hasn't met yet. He knows that not all his brothers could make it due to prior arrangements because this little get-together was indeed put together on very short notice, but he thinks it's still quite a good turnout. Even Eric Kocher came - he was invited despite the fact that he's not technically a part of Bravo Two because he's a good friend of Tim's. Stiney, Lilley and Mike are here without their families because they're currently stationed at Camp Pendleton and it would have been too much of a hassle to fly their families over. There still are quite a few younger children running around in the garden and a few older ones have taken over the two swings and the wooden bench in the back of the garden. Rudy recognises Manimal's boys and Poke's daughters among them as well as Lovell's young son, the other children he doesn't know. 

"Oh, hey Rudy! Hey Pappy! Welcome!" Gina greets them with a smile when she comes out of the house with a bowl of fruit salad in her hands that she deposits on the buffet before she hugs them hello. She gives Angel a warm smile and welcomes her to the family that is Bravo Two when Pappy introduces her as their daughter. Gina doesn't falter or show surprise and her genuinely friendly welcome clearly puts Angel at ease. Gina invites Angel to come to the kitchen with her so that she can get her a soda from the fridge, and after a second of hesitation and a quick glance at Pappy and Rudy Angel goes with her. Rudy follows them with his gaze and smiles at the ingenious way Gina has with her, probably helped by the fact that Gina's eldest daughter is barely a year younger than Angel. 

"Let's get the food out of the victor." Pappy suggests when Angel has disappeared inside the house, and they let Brad know what they're doing before they walk back to the vehicle to get the cooler and the sake. When they return to the driveway Rudy spots Walt standing on the front porch with Stiney, Manimal, Trombley and two women he doesn't know. The one standing between Stiney and Trombley has impressively ginger curls and holds a bowl with salad, the other is rather short with beautiful long black hair. Rudy can't see more of her because she has her back turned towards him, but he assumes that she must be Amy, Walt's girlfriend, judging by how close they're standing. Walt mentioned her a few times during their last reunion and when they were organising this one, and Rudy could tell immediately that he is very serious about her. He sounded absolutely head over heels in love.

When Rudy climbs the last step up to the front porch he suddenly notices the little girl that is pressing with her back against Walt's and Amy's legs. She must be about the same age as Tim's and Ray's young one and she's obviously a bit overwhelmed by all the people judging by the way she's clinging to Walt and Amy, almost hiding between them. 

Rudy and Pappy are welcomed with grins and one-armed hugs when they join the group, and Rudy finds his assumption confirmed when Walt introduces the woman by his side as Amy and the redhead as Tim's sister Marley. Before they can really start a conversation Gina comes to the door and ushers them all inside, especially because she wants to set up the food they brought with them on the buffet tables. Pappy takes the cooler from Rudy and heads into the kitchen with Marley following him with her bowl of salad, and Gina trails them together with Amy and the huge dish of mac and cheese she brought. As soon as Amy is gone, the little girl who Rudy now knows is her daughter Amber presses herself against Walt's side, and he puts his arm around her and reassuringly strokes her shoulder without ever stopping talking with Stiney, and she seems content to just stay like that.

"Uncle Walt! You're here!" 

Rudy looks up when he hears the enthusiastic shout followed by a whirlwind of green and black appearing by Walt's side. He easily recognises the youngest member of the Bryan-Person family with her beautiful aura and her infectious smile.

"Hi Berry!" Mini almost instantly turns her attention from Walt to the little girl by his side when she spots her.

"Hi Kiwi!" Little Amber lets go of Walt and beams at the other girl, and suddenly she doesn't seem so shy anymore. She and Mini clearly know each other very well.

Mini takes her hand and points with the other one at the French doors out towards the garden. "Come on, Berry! They have an awesome swing!"

Amber turns to look at Walt with huge eyes. "Daddy, can I go?"

"Sure, Blueberry." Walt replies with a smile and gives her back an encouraging little pat. "Have fun, girls. And don't forget to drink, it's pretty hot today."

"Yes, Uncle Walt!" Mini calls back over her shoulder, already in the process of dragging Amber off to the garden, and she follows with a quick, "Okay, Daddy!"

Rudy watches their interaction with a gentle smile. Seems that he and Pappy are not the only ones who became parents recently. Amy's daughter clearly considers Walt her father, that is obvious from the way she treats him as well as from the fact that she even calls him 'Daddy'. It's cute, Rudy thinks while he watches how Walt's gaze follows the girls with a content smile on his face until they're out of sight. 

"Congratulations, brother." Rudy says genially and claps his hand on Walt's shoulder. "You have a beautiful family."

Walt seems a little surprised by his words, then he smiles back, one of his genuine, broad smiles. "Thanks, Rudy."

For a moment Rudy allows himself to simply enjoy the pure happiness radiating off Walt, then he returns his focus to the task at hand. "Come on, brother, let's see if everything is ready for out warrior healer's arrival or if we can help with anything."

It quickly becomes apparent that Gina has taken over the show and is clearly in complete control of the situation. Rudy and Walt help carry the last dishes out to the tables and then they round up the guys and their families in the garden when it's about time for Ray and Tim to arrive. They don't want to spoil the surprise at the last minute, after all. Rudy casts a glance over the crowd and spots Angel with three other girls close to her age on the bench in the back of the garden, and it looks to him like she's content to just sit in the group and listen. One girl is Poke's eldest daughter, one girl Rudy hasn't met yet and the third has long ginger curls that remind Rudy immediately of Tim's sister, which means this must be his niece Brianna. Rudy has never met her before today, but Tim has mentioned her quite a few times over the years, and the resemblance to Marley is unmistakable. A quick look at Pappy lets Rudy know that he's also been keeping an eye on their girl, and they share a little smile at how well she seems to be getting along with the other kids at the reunion. She may not be talking much, but at least she's not sitting alone in a corner with a book.

An almost anticipatory silence falls when the bell rings and Gina and Poke head to the front door to let in the special guest of the day. Rudy listens closely to the voices he can hear through the open French doors, followed by footsteps approaching. Poke exits first closely followed by Ray, and both of them are clearly moving in a way that makes sure that they block Tim's line of sight of the garden when he steps outside on the back porch. 

"Surprise!" Their assembly of guests shouts in unison right before Tim can turn towards them and spot them, and Rudy sees Tim's eyes widen at the unexpectedly large amount of people gathered in the garden and cheering for him. He clearly didn't see this coming at all and he looks a little steamrolled while Ray is standing behind him with a pleased smirk on his face. 

"What..." Tim seems unable to form a sentence, instead he gestures with his hand at the people spread out in Poke's garden. 

"We're here to have your six, dawg." Poke replies for all of them and clasps Tim on the shoulder. "This is a little Welcome-back-to-life party for you after you scared the shit out of us."

Tim keeps looking over his brothers and their families for a few seconds, then a little half smile comes to his mouth. "Thank you. All of you."

"Sure thing, brother." Rudy remarks from his spot at the bottom of the stairs and smiles. He takes his time to take Tim in and assess his condition. He knows their corpsman well enough to be aware that he won't let anything show that can't be overlooked either way, like his faint limp and the fact that he can't yet stand for longer periods of time and needs to prop up his leg, which is why they arranged for a designated lounger for him. Tim is moving with careful steps that are a testament to his leg injury, and he's a little slimmer than when Rudy last saw him, but he assumes that's a consequence of the recent strains he went through. Otherwise his energy is strong, as if he came out of this ordeal strengthened instead of weakened. Right now his energy reflects how touched he is by the unexpected demonstration of brotherhood, and Rudy contently establishes that their mission is a success. Tim has definitely understood that he has the support of all his Recon Marine brothers. 

"It's good to see you, brother." Rudy says to Tim when he's taken the few steps down to the grass with a helping hand from Ray. "We were very worried. How are you?"

"Getting back to my feet. Taking baby steps." Tim replies and chuckles. "Literally."

Ray settles his hands on Tim's hips from where he's standing behind Tim and uses them to steer him towards the _'Doctors Only'_ sun lounger. "Come on, man of the hour, sit down and prop your leg up. You can hold your audience from your lounger throne."

Rudy has never seen Ray be such a blatant mother hen, but it's understandable, Rudy admits, considering what Ray went through in the past two weeks. Rudy can't quite suppress the shiver that runs through him at the thought of the horrors Ray must have experienced when Tim's heart stopped beating. He technically died three times while Ray was there and couldn't do anything to help him, and Rudy doesn't even want to imagine how he himself would feel if that had happened to Pappy. It's not something he ever even wants to contemplate, but he can admit that he would definitely be hovering over Pappy like a mother hen, too. 

Tim slowly walks over to the sun lounger and then sits down, and Ray immediately elevates the footrest. When he's done he sits down on the edge of the lounger besides Tim, who stretches up and pecks a kiss to Ray's mouth in a gesture that is clearly instinctive. "Thanks, Josh." 

"Always, Tim." Ray replies with a gentle little smile, and that's an expression Rudy has never before seen on his face. It's a little bit as if those two are in a bubble right now and don't even notice that there are people around them considering how Ray's hand has come to rest on Tim's stomach as if it's a habit. The fact that Tim called Ray 'Josh' is also a fair indication for it, because Rudy has noticed that he usually doesn't do that when other people are around. He certainly has never done it around any of their Bravo brothers before, even if he does it occasionally when he's talking to Rudy.

"Awww, you are _so_ adorable." Brad quips in his best imitation of a teenage girl when he comes to stand beside the lounger and hands Tim a glass with something that looks like iced tea. Rudy is frankly impressed by how accurate Brad's teenage-girl imitation is and wonders where he got the opportunity to listen to it enough to nail the tone of voice and the cadence so perfectly. Angel certainly sounds exactly like that in certain circumstances.

"Oh shut it, Bradley." Ray replies with an eye-roll, but Rudy doesn't miss the smirk tugging on his lips. "Why didn't you bring anything to drink for me?"

"Because you actually have two working legs and can get it yourself." Brad replies deadpan and pulls up an orange camping chair to lounge in with a beer in his hand. The chair is definitely not made with people of Brad's height in mind, and his legs are stretched out in front of him because sitting properly would make his knees practically end up under his chin.

"You're mean, Brad." Ray complains with a pout. 

Rudy carries over a second orange camping chair and puts it down next to Tim's lounger. "You'll live" Brad is retorting drily just as Rudy is sitting down. 

"You can have some of my iced tea, Josh." Tim offers and holds out his glass.

"What is it?" Ray asks and eyes it suspiciously.

"Something fruity with lemon."

Ray purses his lips in a disapproving way. "Not a fan of lemon."

Tim retracts his glass and pointedly drinks a sip. "Well, then you'll have to get up and go get your own." 

"You're mean, too."

"I do my best." Tim smirks and Ray swats his arm, but it's obviously not a hard impact. 

Before anybody can say anything else Mini runs up to them and crashes into Ray's side without really decreasing her speed, and he visibly struggles to catch her and not end up on the ground himself. "Oi, Bambi! Don't make me fall off the chair!" 

She gives him a huge grin and doesn't look sorry at all, then she turns to Tim. "Dad? Do you like our surprise?" 

"Peanut, you're in on this, too?" He asks with his eyebrows raised in question. Rudy can't help finding it utterly adorable that Tim's nickname for her is 'Peanut'.

The little girl nods proudly with a huge grin on her face. "Uncle Brad and me tricked you! We went to get Uncle Nate from the airport instead of going surfing so that we could surprise you!"

"Did you, now?" Tim chuckles and smiles at her. It's a genuine and soft smile that Rudy has seen in a milder variant when Tim's been dealing with children before. "You're becoming a real spy."

She seems to take that as a compliment. "I'm stealth!"

Rudy, Brad and Ray snort almost simultaneously at her words, and Tim laughs outright and pats her back where she's standing right next to his lounger. "Yeah, you're stealth, peanut. Runs in the family."

Mini grins, obviously very satisfied with that answer. 

"Do you know that we call your Dad our warrior healer?" Rudy asks her with a smile.

She nods eagerly. "That's what Daddy sometimes says to him, but I think he's being funny when he does that. He only calls Dad a warrior healer when he calls himself the One True Warrior."

Rudy sees Brad throw Ray a pointed look at her words, then he cocks his eyebrow and mouths 'One True Warrior' at him in clear scepticism. Ray just grins broadly in reply.

Rudy returns his focus to the little girl and decides to ignore Ray's and Brad's antics for now. "And what does that make you? Are you the warrior princess?" 

She shakes her head firmly. "No, I'm a warrior queen! Uncle Brad says that, and he's practising with me so that I will become the strongest and fastest warrior queen of all!"

Rudy can't help his gaze flickering to Brad, who just shrugs one shoulder and nods in confirmation. Rudy looks back at Mini and then inclines his head with a smile. "And right he is. You certainly look like a warrior queen with your beautiful crown."

She beams at him and then points at Tim. "My Dad does my braids! I'm so happy that he can do that again. He's so much better at it than Auntie Marley or Bri or Mrs Lilly!"

Rudy has to admit that he didn't expect that her hair is Tim's work, but on second thought it does make sense. Tim has a very calm hand, after all. It also creates a very adorable picture in Rudy's mind when he imagines Tim braiding his daughter's hair, and he smiles at the pure domestic bliss of it.

"Thank you for the compliment, peanut." Tim strokes over her back and she smiles brightly at him before she turns to Ray.

"Daddy? Can I get a coke? Gina says she has some in the fridge for us."

Ray nods, but he pointedly raises one eyebrow. "But only one, Bambi. You know the rules."

"Okay!"

"No cheating, Bambi."

"Oooookay!"

"My superpower is truth vision, I will know if you make Bri get you another one."

"I wouldn't!"

"Of course you would. In fact, I remember just last week, when we went out for your grandpa's birthday-"

"Daaaaddy, that was just one time!"

"Maybe, but it proves that you would."

She purses her lips but doesn't have a comeback for that, she obviously knows that Ray has a point here. The entire interaction leaves Rudy smiling fondly. It's not the first time he sees Ray with a kid, he was _very_ popular with the children in Afghanistan. But there's an underlying tenderness to his interaction with his daughter that Rudy hasn't seen before, and it's a thing of pure beauty. Rudy appreciates the dichotomy of his appearance and his behaviour, how Ray looks like the epitome of a bad boy with his long hair, his beard, his tattoos and the prominent camo bandana around his wrist that Rudy is absolutely certain is Tim's, but how his interactions with his daughter speak of a loving, caring father who is absolutely smitten with his kid and puts her first before anything else. Rudy can't help wondering if Ray is cultivating that effect on purpose. It would certainly be like him. 

"Go get your _one_ coke, Bambi." Ray says to her with a smile and pokes her gently in the sides, at which she giggles and then happily runs off towards the house. Rudy follows her with his gaze and spots her veer off the direct course to very purposefully crash into the LT's legs where he's standing together with Mike and Lovell. He catches her easily and smiles at her, and then she takes his hand and drags him towards the house, which is when Rudy sees Pappy coming over to the garden tent with three bottles of beer in his hand. 

"Here." Pappy says when he holds one bottle out to Ray and one to Rudy.

"You're the best, Pappy!" Ray sighs in an almost obscene show of pleasure when he takes a sip, then he turns to Brad. "See, now _that's_ how a good TL behaves, Bradley."

Brad just snorts. "I'm not your TL anymore, Ray. And even if I still were, you can move your skinny ass to get you own beer. I trust you're enough of a grown-up for that."

"Just barely." Pappy mutters under his breath and Rudy suppresses a chuckle.

"You have the most charming personality, Gunny Colbert." Ray retorts and takes another sip of his beer in an almost demonstrative manner.

Meanwhile Pappy holds his own bottle out to Rudy. "Hold that for a sec, Rude?"

"Of course, Pappy, my man." Rudy agrees and takes Pappy's beer so that he can get himself a chair. He settles the yellow deck chair down in the free spot between Rudy and Brad and then accepts his beer back with a grateful little smile once he has sat down.

"Ah think our girl is gettin' along great with your niece, Tim." Pappy remarks with quiet amusement in his voice and jerks his chin towards the house. Tim follows his pointer same as Rudy, Ray and Brad, and true enough, Angel and Brianna have moved on from the bench in the back of the garden to the porch swing. They're huddled together looking at a magazine with their legs pulled under them and their heads tucked together while they're talking quietly interrupted by giggling. They look like they've known each other for ages instead of a mere hour.

Rudy smiles at the sight. It fills his heart with a profound warmth to see his young one finding friends, especially in a kid with such a strong energy as Tim's niece. She is a lot like her uncle in that regard, they have a very similar aura, those two. Strong and principled and decent and unafraid to do whatever needs to be done in order to do the right thing. Rudy doesn't doubt that Brianna will do great things one day, and he certainly doesn't mind his girl having genuinely decent people like that as friends. 

" _'Our girl'_?" Ray repeats slowly with a quizzically raised eyebrow. "Is there maybe something you two want to share with the class?"

Rudy smiles broadly. "There is, in fact."

Pappy gestures with his hand in the direction of the porch before he says with that little proud smile Rudy loves so much, "Meet Angel Reyes-Patrick, our daughter."

There's a moment of stunned silence, only Brad is not surprised since he already knew about this. Tim recovers first.

"So you're parents now, too." He remarks and then gives them a little smile that tells Rudy that he's genuinely happy for them. "Congratulations."

"When did _that_ happen? You didn't say a word about it at the last reunion just three months ago!" Ray blurts before Tim has even finished speaking, and Rudy gathers that he's truly surprised. For a moment Rudy wonders why, but then he realises that it's because Ray is obviously familiar with the general timeline of an adoption process and knows that three months is not enough to complete it. 

"The finalisation hearing was two months and twenty days ago." Rudy says in answer to Ray's question. "But she's been living with us for close to nine months now." 

"So it wasn't final yet at the last reunion." Tim catches on immediately.

Pappy nods in confirmation and then shrugs. "We didn't want to jinx it."

"Yeah, I sure understand that." Tim agrees with a deep sigh that makes Rudy suspect that little Mini's adoption process wasn't the easiest one. 

"So, is that why you finally admitted to your undying not-so-secret love affair in March?" Ray asks with a grin. "Were you preparing us kids for the big news?"

Rudy chuckles. "In a way that description is oddly accurate, yes." 

Ray looks at them with blatant curiosity. "So, who knows yet?"

"The people in this round." Rudy replies with a hand gesture that includes Tim, Brad, Pappy, Ray and himself. "Gina. Probably Brianna."

"And your daughter." Pappy adds helpfully, because that's right, she was there when they arrived and introduced themselves.

"That means the news will spread _very_ quickly." Ray waves his hand at the people surrounding them in the garden. "Everybody will know before the end of this reunion, and you won't even have to formally introduce her for that. She'll be the covert star of the day - sorry Tim, you'll have to share the limelight with the newest Bravo kid." 

Tim chuckles. "I think I can live with that just fine."

"Well then, to Angel Reyes-Patrick, the newest Bravo kid!" Ray says with a grin and holds up his beer bottle. Rudy feels his heart swell when Tim and Brad don't hesitate to raise their drinks as well, and even more so when Walt, Stiney and T who stood nearby and obviously heard Ray's toast immediately join in. Their glasses and bottles clink together with Rudy's and Pappy's while they repeat the toast, and Rudy is relieved and touched that they accept Angel so easily and unquestioningly. 

"Damn, this conversation has made me hungry. I'm going to get something to eat. Those chicken wings I spotted when we came in looked absolutely delicious." Ray turns to look at Tim with a questioningly cocked eyebrow. "What do you want, hubby? I'll bring you something."

Tim just smirks. "Surprise me."

"Oh, I will." Ray grins mischievously when he gets up and Rudy wonders if it was such a smart idea on Tim's part to give Ray permission to go crazy on the food choices. 

"Ah'm comin' with you." Pappy heaves himself out off the too-low deck chair, puts his bottle down in the grass beside one of the front legs and turns to follow Ray. "Ah have to get myself some of Rudy's weird algae salad before it's all gone."

"Algae salad?" Rudy hears Ray's doubtful voice when they're walking away. "Fuck, you're so whipped, Pappy."

"Nothin' wrong with that." Pappy's dry voice replies easily and it makes Rudy smirk. 

"True." Ray's snort and his amused assent are the last thing Rudy can hear before their voices are lost in the general noise of the many people gathered in the garden. 

Throughout the afternoon Rudy keeps a careful eye on Angel as well as their injured warrior healer from wherever Rudy happens to be standing or sitting with his brothers and their families. His daughter seems to have found a soulmate in Tim's niece, at least that's what it looks like the way the two girls are attached by the hip. They spend a long time on the porch swing with their magazine and later Rudy spots them sitting in a circle on the grass with several other kids, among them Mini, Walt's little girl and one of Manimal's boys. They all have plates in their hands with food from the buffet and Gina is bringing them plastic cups and two different bottles of soda. Rudy checks on Angel when she goes back to the buffet for seconds, and she tells him with a grin that Bri is so much fun and that she really likes it here. Then she reaches out and pats his arm as if she's the grown-up and assures him that he doesn't need to worry, Pappy's been checking on her too, and she's fine. For a moment Rudy is surprised at her touch as well as her gentle amusement at their seemingly not-so-covert motherhenning, then he sees that Angel's smile reaches her eyes and she's not actually bothered by it. It feels like another step forward in the process of them growing into a family.

As for Tim, Rudy notices how all of the men come to his _'Doctors Only'_ sun lounger at least once, some alone and others in groups. In more or less regular intervals Tim can be seen getting up and walking in slow steps around the garden for a short while, usually accompanied by some of the men. At some point T, Stiney, Eric, Lovell, Mike and Pappy sit together with Tim in the shade of the garden tent and talk for a good hour, all of them obviously relaxed, and Rudy likes the laughter that echoes over from them from time to time. Ray, Gina and Tim's sister seem to have made it their mission to supply Tim with food and drink, and when Gina puts the second bowl of ambrosia in his hands Tim asks her if they're trying to make him get fat to which Gina just laughs before she tells him he needs to gain his lost pounds back and that will help him with that. She does have a point, Rudy has to agree, Tim really needs to gain a little weight. He's not sure ambrosia is the right way to do that, though, and Tim clearly has his doubts about that, too.

Rudy makes it a point to welcome Tim's sister to their reunion when he comes across her in the kitchen, and they talk for a while, which is when Rudy learns that she has heard about him and is very pleased to finally meet him in person. Rudy likes Marley immediately, she's a happy soul with a smile in her aura and she has a good deal of mischievous energy to her that reminds Rudy of Ray. It probably explains why those two seem to get along so well, according to what Rudy observed so far. Marley thanks him for organising the reunion with Poke and Walt and assures him that it's exactly what Tim needed. She doesn't elaborate on why, and Rudy doesn't ask although he can tell that it's because of more than just Tim's injury. It seems a private matter, and he respects that.

By mid afternoon Rudy has ended up sitting in the grass with his back resting against a tree and a pleasantly cool bottle of beer in his hand after he, Q-Tip and the LT helped Poke set up the inflatable kiddie pool for the children because it has indeed become very hot. Q-Tip slouches down in the shade along with Rudy as soon as he has his own cold beer, and Christeson, Lilley, Chaffin and Garza join them one by one a few minutes later, only to be teasingly shamed about not helping with setting up the pool. A few of the younger kids are already cooling off in the water to loud laughter and shrieks of joy. Rudy spots Mini approaching the pool with clear intent, and he can't help noticing that she's still wearing her street clothes including her shoes, and he wonders if he should maybe stop her before she reaches her destination and ends up drenched.

"Lakmini Cooray Bryan-Person, you stop _right there_!" Ray's voice suddenly booms over the general chaos and the little girl actually stops in her approach on the pool and turns around to where Ray is standing on the back porch with his fists on his hips like the personification of a strict governess that you know not to mess with.

"But Daddy, I want to go into the pool too!" Mini shouts back with a defiant expression on her face. Rudy has to hand it to her, she has guts.

"Yeah, I know that you do, and you can, but not before you change. Come over here, Bambi, I've brought your bathing suit." Ray waves a violently green piece of clothing as if to make his point, and it works like a charm. His daughter sets off and runs towards him at full speed now that she knows what she has to do to get into the nice cool water of the pool. Rudy smirks when she crashes into Ray's side the same way she did earlier and that he saw her do with the LT, but this time Ray doesn't stumble at all, as if he's used to it.

"Damn, she _is_ real." Q-Tip mutters under his breath to nobody in particular, and when Rudy turns towards him he see that he's watching Ray and Mini with a mixture of fascination and bewilderment. The little girl has just disappeared into the house and Ray is following her while waving the bathing suit in his hand and saying something to her.

"Who is real?" Lilley asks with a puzzled frown.

"Doc's and Ray's daughter." Q-Tip explains and waves his bottle in the direction of the house where Ray and Mini just disappeared.

That doesn't seem to make much sense to Lilley, because he just raises his eyebrows in even stronger bewilderment. "Brah, why would she not be real?"

"I was there last year when Doc and Ray told us that they got married and have a kid." Q-Tip elaborates. "As in, I was standing right next to them when they said it."

"Yeah, me too." Chaffin chimes in and Garza nods, too. Rudy finds that interesting, he himself only heard all those things second hand. He didn't even know who of the guys beyond Poke were part of that original round.

"Seriously, I thought it was a very elaborate joke." Q-Tip continues with a shrug of his left shoulder.

"A joke? You did _see_ them, like, tongue-fuck each other right on that porch over there!" Chaffin scoffs and points at the back porch as if that's going to underline his point.

"No, I actually didn't." Q-Tip shakes his head. "Maybe I was inside getting something to drink or hitting the head or something, but I only heard about it, I didn't see it myself."

"You missed quite the show, brah." Lilley grins broadly. "Ray got a good handful of Doc's ass, that much was obvious. You could have sold that as the intro to a gay porn flick."

"Not like Doc was complaining." Chaffin snorts, and to Rudy it sounds derisive rather than amused.

"Course he wasn't, they had a point to make." Garza takes a sip of his beer and leans back on his elbows in the grass.

Lilley obviously doesn't quite follow his reasoning. "What do you mean?"

"Come on, by that point of the evening we'd all heard the rumours and seen the rings, but we didn't _really_ believe it, did we?" Garza points out and quirks his eyebrows in challenge. 

Chaffin frowns at him. "Is that why you asked to see a photo of their kid when they told us about her?" 

"Yeah, man." Garza nods in confirmation. "It's not like I believed the whole thing any more than you guys did. Ray I might _just so_ believe, but the Doc? Come on. I mean, it's not any more likely that he'd be part of a prank like that, but that still sounded more plausible to me at the time than that he's _married_ to _Ray Person_ and has _a kid with him_."

Q-Tip gives a slow shake of his head and eyes Chaffin. "Seriously, bro, I thought Doc would make mincemeat out of you when you were about to say shit about his kid. He's one dangerous motherfucker, the Doc."

"Yeah, calling her a haji-bitch probably wasn't the wisest thing to do." Garza remarks drily and suddenly a few things make sense to Rudy. It certainly explains some of the bad vibes he has picked up on between Tim and Chaffin, as well as Ray and Chaffin. Of course they wouldn't take too kindly to him insulting their daughter, and Rudy feels a bit spiteful for thinking that Chaffin really should have know that. 

Chaffin glances over at the garden tent where Tim is visible on his lounger with Brad, the LT, Mike and Eric occupying the camping chairs next to him. "Well, at least he's not _that_ dangerous now." 

"True, but I think Ray and Brad will kill you for him, so it's not like that helps you in any way." Lilley remarks drily before he takes a gulp from his bottle.

Christeson looks at him with a confused frown. "Okay, Ray I get, but Brad too?"

"Fuck yes, man. He loves that girl like his own." Lilley replies instantly, and Rudy finds his reaction very interesting. Of course Rudy has noticed the bond between Brad and Mini, but he didn't know that it went _that_ deep.

"You're kidding." Christeson says and voices what most of them are thinking right now. 

"Nah, man. When we came back from deployment last month, Doc and Ray and their daughter were waiting for him at Pendleton." Lilley tells them, and it's obvious that he himself is still amazed by what he witnessed. "Seriously, you should have seen it. She ran towards him and he actually dropped his shit right there on the airstrip so that she could jump into his arms and she didn't let go of him anymore. If I didn't know better, I would have said that's gotta be _his_ kid."

"No way, man." Q-Tip gapes. "That's not our Iceman." 

"I tell you, it happened. Totally surreal." Lilley waves his hand at the garden tent. "Not even Ray or Doc could make her let go, and they're her parents. Brad had to carry her, so Ray took his bag."

"That shit is still so weird." Chaffin mutters with a shake of his head, and Rudy gets a bad feeling that he knows where this is going.

"What shit?" Garza asks because there are several possible option right now that Chaffin could be referring to. Rudy hopes his premonition is wrong, but he doubts it.

"Doc and Ray." Chaffin says and makes a gesture with his hands that is impossible to misunderstand, and Rudy feels his hackles rise because of course his premonition _wasn't_ wrong.

"So what?" Lilley asks casually. "It's not like we ever noticed before they told us."

"Seriously, it really doesn't bother you that they're fucking fags?" Chaffin seems genuinely bewildered. For a moment Rudy is tempted to correct him that both Tim and Ray are actually bi and not gay, but he decides that he's more interested in hearing how his brothers will react to Chaffin's slander.

Q-Tip just shrugs. "It's not like either of them ever tried to fuck me."

"Yeah, they never hit on any of us, so I don't see the issue." Christeson agrees. "It's their business who they fuck."

"Fag or not, they have what it takes to become Recon Marines and they did their job, so who cares?" Garza also shrugs, which looks a bit strange since he's leaning back on his elbows. "And Doc's still one of the most dangerous and most competent motherfuckers I've ever met, no matter where he sticks his dick."

"It's still fucking wrong." Chaffin grumbles with a frown.

"You are aware that Pappy and I together too, brother, aren't you?" Rudy remarks calmly but pointedly because he thinks now is the moment to make Chaffin realise that he will find no sympathy for his negativity and pointless hatred here. Of course Rudy knows that Chaffin is indeed very much aware of the nature of his and Pappy's relationship. It's not like Rudy has forgotten what Chaffin said to them when they made their relationship public at the last reunion, but he refuses to repeat it because he doesn't want to strengthen the negative energies. It was one of the few genuinely derogatory and hateful comments Rudy has heard about either Tim's and Ray's relationship or his and Pappy's, and he can't honestly say that he's surprised that it came from Chaffin. But he can admit that he _was_ genuinely surprised by how swiftly Tim reacted to it and how completely he took Chaffin down, and by the fact that none of the other men came to Chaffin's defence. Rudy still doesn't know what Tim said to Chaffin back then, but whatever it was, it left a lasting impression. It even made him apologise, and that's quite the feat. 

"Yeah, I'm aware." Chaffin admits and shrugs. "But you're different."

"How are we different? We're both same-sex couples, and the way you make it sound, that's what you have a problem with." Rudy replies, genuinely confused by Chaffin's words because they don't make any sense. 

"You've been an old married couple since I first met you. I've never known you any other way than attached by the hip, which on top of that is not exactly unusual for sniper teams. Would be really strange if you behaved differently." Chaffin explains, and maybe it makes sense in a twisted kind of way, but Rudy still finds his reasoning very irrational. He's right about the old married couple, though - after all, Pappy kissed Rudy for the first time in 2000 on libo, which makes it almost ten years. 

"Well, we _are_ in a domestic partnership since 2006, and we have been together since 2000." Rudy says calmly because maybe now is the time to make the point how they've always been who they are now, the only thing that ever changed throughout this whole time period is other people's perception of them. Pappy and him, though, they've remained the same guys their brothers always knew.

"Seriously, now?" Q-Tip blurts in surprise while Chaffin simultaneously gapes, "No shit?"

"No shit." Rudy confirms with a smile while he pulls the chain with his wedding ring out of his collar so that the guys can see it. "That's my wedding band, and Pappy's wearing his on his left ring finger, in case you haven't noticed yet."

"I can't fucking believe it." Chaffin snorts, but he looks genuinely baffled. "In a platoon of twenty-four guys we already have four fags in two couples. What are the odds of _that_?"

 _Technically six queers and three couples_ , Rudy thinks with a quick glance at Brad and the LT, but he knows better than to say that out loud. He doesn't want to endanger his brother's career, after all, because Brad is still on active duty and DADT is still very much in effect. When Rudy first saw Brad together with the LT today, they were standing together in the kitchen with Mini still riding on Brad's back, and Rudy could tell immediately that something between them has changed compared to the last time he met them. The aura of affection and belonging that has always surrounded Brad and the LT has grown a lot stronger and the confluence of their energies is clearer, as if their bond deepened in some way. Rudy has always wondered how it's possible that most people don't see it. They're so unmistakably a unit that it's practically blatantly obvious and he finds it incredibly sad that they have to hide it because of a nonsensical policy like DADT.

"Yeah, and just think about the fact that out of those four guys, three are among the most highly trained men of the entire platoon." Christeson chimes in and waves his hand first at the garden tent and then at Rudy. "Doc, Pappy and of course you, Rudy. Kind of upends the stereotypes, now, doesn't it?"

"Stereotypes never really work, brother." Rudy remarks with a gentle shake of his head. "They only do harm, therefore it's important to free yourself of the preconceived notions they put in your head."

"Like that all fags are sissies?" Chaffin offers in a rather mocking tone of voice.

"Yes, like that one." Rudy agrees calmly and then decides that he has to make his point very clear once and for all. He certainly never wants Chaffin to say something offensive when Angel might hear it. "You know that every single one of us can take you down, James. In fact, we all have done so at some point in training. Now just imagine what four of us can do. Not very reminiscent of sissies, is it?"

There's a moment of tense silence when he finishes speaking. Clearly all the men present have understood the threat in Rudy's words and they're well aware of the fact that what he said is true. Rudy lets the tension seep in for another few seconds, then he smiles pleasantly at Chaffin. "It might also interest you that coincidence has it that in fact not a single one of the four of us is actually gay. We're all bisexual, which in turn proves again that the mould of your stereotype doesn't work."

"Screwby." Q-Tip mutters into the ensuing silence and somehow that breaks the tension. 

"By the way, Rudy, I heard Stiney say that you and Pappy adopted a kid?" Christeson turns to Rudy with a curious expression on his face. "Is that actually true or is that another wild rumour?"

Rudy can't helps smiling at the thought of his very special girl. "It's true, brother. Our daughter's name is Angel."

Q-Tip waves with his hand at the kiddie pool where the younger kids are playing and then at the back of the garden where the older ones have congregated. "Which one of the kids is her?"

Rudy gestures at the buffet where Angel is standing with Brianna while they're getting more food. "The girl with the auburn hair in a ponytail and the white shirt."

Chaffin snorts, but it's not malicious. "Only you would know - and use - words like 'auburn', Rudy."

"Well, brother, it is the apt description of her hair colour, so why would I not use it?" Rudy gives him a pointed look but smiles to take the edge out of it. He wants Chaffin to know that they're good if he doesn't insist on being a prejudiced well of negativity.

"She's a pretty girl." Garza remarks with a acknowledging nod.

"And more importantly, she's smart, strong, kind and genuinely decent." Rudy adds because in his opinion those qualities are more important that a person's physical appearance.

Q-Tip whistles and then grins. "Damn, you're totally over the moon with her!"

Rudy smiles proudly. "Of course I am, brother, she's my kid!"

"Daddy of the year, Rudy Reyes." Q-Tip chuckles and then the conversation moves on to other topics, first Garza's new job and then Christeson's plans to travel to Europe for a few months. The longer they talk the more Rudy relaxes again, and he's pleased that no weird vibes remain between them after that rather intense conversation before. It's maybe half an hour later that Rudy notices out of the corner of his eye that Ray is helping Tim up off his lounger and then escorts him into the house with an arm wrapped around his waist. Gina meets them by the French doors and then heads inside with them. When Ray comes back outside without Tim almost ten minutes later Rudy excuses himself from his group and walks over to him with a concerned frown. "Is Tim all right, Ray? Did we overtax his health with this party?"

"Nah, don't worry, Rudy, he's okay." Ray assures him with a shake of his head. "He just needs a catnap. His blood iron levels are still too low, so he tires easily."

At the mention of blood iron Rudy realises that Tim must have lost so much blood that it caused his heart to stop, which means it was _a lot_. Of course that is only to be expected given that his femoral artery was injured, Rudy just never thought about the implications. "Is it because he lost so much blood?"

"Yeah." Ray shrugs, but the gesture is tense and uneasy. "Well, more than half of the blood in his body is not his, so..."

Ray trails off, clearly uncomfortable talking about this. Rudy gets the impression that it's something he'd rather forget or at least ignore, and that's not possible when he's talking about it, which means he dislikes having to mention it at all.

"I'm sorry, we didn't even consider that." Rudy admits, feeling guilty. He's worried that he might have overdone it in his eagerness to show Tim their support. "I really would hate to have done him any harm with this reunion."

Ray gives him a surprisingly genuine smile. "You haven't. Quite the contrary. This was exactly what he needed after... well, after all the shit that's happened recently."

Rudy watches Ray for a moment, and now that he's seeing Ray up close without any distractions around them he notices that he looks tired and that there are shadows under his eyes. His energy is nowhere near as strong and bright as Tim's, and that worries Rudy because that's certainly not how it should be. 

Rudy gestures at the buffet next to them. "Do you want to grab a drink and sit with me, brother?"

Ray seems a little surprised, but he quickly regains his composure. "Yeah, sure."

They both get a non-alcoholic drink because they're the designated drivers for their families. Rudy had two beers and the last one was a while ago, so he knows he'll be fine for driving later on considering that there a several hours left before they'll leave. 

"You mind sitting over there?" Ray points at the group of vacant camping chairs that sit at the edge of the garden tent when they walk down the stairs of the back porch.

"No, of course not." Rudy replies and realises once they've sat down that Ray chose this spot to have a line of sight to the kiddie pool where Mini is playing with a group of other kids, among them Walt's little girl and Lovell's young son. The moment drives home how much being a parent is part of Ray now and how important that part is in his every decision. 

Ray relaxes back into the chair and grins while he nods towards the porch swing that Angel and Brianna have claimed yet again, both of them with a bowl of what looks like ice cream in hand. "Nice to see that you and Pappy followed our example: Hook up with a platoon buddy, get hitched, adopt your kid. Shit homes, you've even stolen my beard." Ray remarks and strokes over his chin. "We look like freaking brothers, Rudy. Well, as long as you ignore the decidedly different stature."

Rudy looks at him sceptically, but on the inside he's smirking. Conversations with Ray are never boring. "Well, it's the same kind of vet beard that all military guys grow at some point once they have left the service, Ray."

"Homes, we've been out of the service for what, like four, five years? I don't think you can still call it a vet beard. And to be honest here, I only began to grow mine in 2006 to look more mature for Mini's adoption process." Ray pauses, then he grins and it's outright dirty. "And I kept it because Tim loves it and I love his reaction to it."

Rudy can't help chuckling at that revelation. "Oh yes, I know what you mean."

"You do?" Obviously Ray didn't expect that answer, because he's looking at Rudy with both eyebrows raised in surprise. "Pappy's a sucker for your beard?"

Rudy smirks at the memory of what it does to Pappy when Rudy's beard scratches over his bare skin, especially at his neck and the small of his back. "You could say that."

"I always thought that was just Tim's thing." Ray admits in surprise.

"Oh no, it's quite a common kink." Rudy replies easily.

Ray just shrugs. "I wouldn't know. Tim's the only guy I've ever been with and the only one I ever will be with." 

For some reason those words and the ease and certainty they're delivered with make Rudy smile. Ray has matured a lot since Rudy first met him. Back then he would never have said what he just did, and even if he had, he certainly wouldn't have meant it. But now there's no doubt in Rudy's mind that Ray means every word, that Tim is _it_ for him and he's not embarrassed to say so. It makes Rudy realise again how fucking much the events of the past two weeks must have impacted on Ray. Yes, Tim was the one who got shot, but Ray was the one who had to sit by and watch in total helplessness. Rudy is not sure which cross is harder to bear. 

"So, how are _you_ doing after this whole ordeal, Ray?" Rudy asks Ray with a sideways glance when they've both been quiet for a while.

"I'm fine, Rudy." Ray just shrugs and takes a sip of his coke. "I'm not the one who got shot."

"That doesn't mean it was any less taxing for you." Rudy remarks gently. "You seem exhausted."

Ray is quiet for a long moment, then he sighs deeply. "Well, it was a demanding two weeks." 

"Do you want to talk about it, brother?" Rudy offers and turns to face him.

Ray keeps looking in the direction of the kiddie pool and pointedly avoids Rudy's gaze. "Not talking about it would be much preferred, in fact."

Rudy studies the hint of a frown on Ray's face that speaks of unease more than anger or hostility and he decides to humour him. Maybe distraction is what he needs, and Rudy wants to help Ray, not make him feel miserable. It stands to reason that talking about Tim's injury and the consequences of it won't make Ray feel good in any way, so Rudy leans back in his chair and asks, "What do you want to talk about instead?"

Ray looks at him for a long moment, then he gives Rudy a grateful little half smile and jerks his head at the porch swing where Angel and Brianna are breaking out in loud laughter at that exact moment. "How did you meet your little girl?"

Rudy doesn't notice how time flies while he's telling Ray about how they met Angel and how things went from then on, the difficult beginning and the progress they've made in the last four months. He's surprised how well versed Ray is not only in adoption policies but also in regards to educational issues and children's needs at various stages of development, also kids older than his own daughter. It reminds him that for several years Ray served as the headmaster of an orphanage - to which Rudy and Pappy still donate every year at Christmas - where children ranged from toddlers to teenagers, so he is no stranger to raising children of any age. It shows in his detailed advice and assessments, and Rudy realises that he's actually a person they can call if they have specific questions. It's a very strange realisation.

Ray leaves Rudy alone after about an hour to check on Tim, and Rudy sees them come back to the garden together about ten minutes later. Tim indeed looks better than before, the rest clearly did him good, and Rudy ends up sitting together with him, Poke, Walt and Eric when Ray has escorted him back to his _'Doctors Only'_ sun lounger. What is a bit jarring is to realise during their conversation that there are now and again things Tim clearly doesn't remember. The first time it happens Tim explains to them that he has holes in his memory due to his brain lacking oxygen when his heart stopped, but they're mostly minor things and it got a lot better already and he'll just ask when they mention stuff he doesn't know, so they shouldn't be surprised when he asks seemingly strange questions. He's very open and casual about it, which makes it easier for all of them, and in the end it doesn't happen nearly as often as Rudy expected.

All the while Rudy keeps an eye on Angel and notices Pappy checking up on her once more in the late afternoon, and she gives him the same gently amused smile that Rudy got earlier that day before she returns to her obviously very interesting conversation with Brianna. Several more of Rudy's Recon Marine brothers ask him and Pappy about the truth behind the rumour that they have a kid now, and Rudy smirks when he thinks about Ray's quite accurate prediction that before the end of the reunion everybody would know about Angel and who she is. It makes him deeply happy that he receives nothing but congratulations and good-natured teasing about it and that they clearly accept Angel not only as his and Pappy's daughter, but also as the newest addition to the Bravo kids. 

It's almost nineteen-hundred hours by the time Rudy and Pappy decide that they should leave considering that they still have an hour of drive ahead of them. Ray also just announced that he and his family would leave soon, so it's the right time to say goodbye. The sushi is entirely gone, so is the sake, and Rudy gives Pappy a little I-told-you-so smile when they gather the empty transport boxes that Gina has already passed through the dishwasher. Pappy just rolls his eyes with a smirk and then steals a kiss when they're alone in the kitchen for a precious minute before other guests come in to claim their plates, platters and bowls.

Angel and Brianna hug each other for what seems like ages and Rudy hears promises of meeting up again, and according to the scraps of their conversation that reach his ears they have exchanged cell numbers and email addresses. He notices that Brianna's hair is now pulled back in a ponytail while Angel is wearing hers loose, and it seems to Rudy that Angel's purple hair tie changed hands, so to speak. Angel is also wearing a simple, thin braided leather bracelet around her left wrist that she definitely didn't have when they came here, and Rudy wonders how it's possible that Logan ever called her a loner incapable of forming relationships. She certainly managed easily enough with Tim's niece, and Rudy is sad that Brianna lives all the way over on the east coast and not in San Diego. He really would have liked for his girl to have a friend close by who she obviously gets along with very well. Rudy decides that he will talk to Tim and Ray and ask them to let him know when Brianna comes to visit them so that he can arrange for the girls to meet up if they want to.

When they're sitting in the victor and have just hit the freeway Angel clears her throat. "Rudy? Pappy?"

"Yes, Angelwings?" Rudy asks from the driver's seat and glances in the rear view mirror to look at her sitting in the back seat. She seems pensive, and he's curious what it is she wants to know. He's sure that this day gave her a lot of things she might want to ask them about at some point.

"Can you teach me Recon Marine stuff?"

That was not what Rudy had expected her to say at all, and a quick look sideways reveals that Pappy looks as surprised as Rudy feels.

"What do you mean, Skippy?" Pappy enquires because they both know that 'Recon Marine stuff' can mean a lot of things. It's a broad field, after all.

"Mini said that her Dads and her uncles are teaching her Recon Marine stuff. Like fighting and picking locks and survival techniques." She explains and Rudy sees her shrug in the rear view mirror. "Sounds like really useful stuff to know, and well, you can do all that, too, can't you?"

"We sure can." Pappy confirms carefully and catches Rudy's gaze for a split second. It's enough for them to communicate everything they need the other to know. "What do you want to learn, Ange?"

"Fighting, like self-defence and martial arts and stuff." She replies instantly, as if she doesn't even have to think about it. "I mean, I can knock out anybody who comes too close to me, I've done that more than once, but I'm sure there are more effective ways of doing it than those I know. It's not like I ever had the opportunity to learn how to do it properly."

Rudy feels his insides twist in something fierce at her mentioning so casually that she had to physically defend herself before. He recognises the feeling in his stomach as rage paired with intense protectiveness, and he can't say he's ever felt it before, not in this powerful combination. He seriously hopes nobody _ever_ touched his girl against her will. Abuse wasn't mentioned in her file, but Rudy is well aware that not all things make it into the files, and she spent a lot of time with only herself to watch her six. 

"And picking locks, that's really a good skill to have." She continues easily, obviously completely unaware of what her words did to Rudy. "I can do it, but I'm not very good at it, although I know how important it is to be able to open locked doors."

There's another surge of that feeling in Rudy's insides and his hands involuntarily tighten their grip on the steering wheel. He has to actually make an effort to concentrate on the road and after a few seconds Rudy realises that that must be what parents feel like when their kids are in danger. When he glances sideways again he can read in Pappy's gritted teeth and the frown on his face that he's experiencing the same feeling. They both don't even want to imagine what it means that she thinks it's important to be able to open locked doors, but it's clearly not based on good experiences.

"We'll teach you, Skippy." Pappy tells her in a firm voice that leaves no doubt that he means it. "We'll teach you everything you need to know to open any door in your way."

"Cool." She sounds pleased and when Rudy looks at her via the mirror, she's smiling. She's relaxed in her seat and seems content. "That's going to be awesome."

Rudy knows that Pappy isn't just talking about physical doors, and he's sure Angel will realise that over time as well. Because that's what parents do, and they _are_ her parents. 

Not to mention that she just gained the entirety of Bravo Two as backup without even knowing it. She's a Recon Marine kid now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to ask you, **my quiet readers** who I may never have heard from, if you might consider to please please please let me know if you're actually still interest in this story? Do you even want me to continue it at some point or is it just me (and two or three other souls - you know who you are ^^) who's enjoying living in this fic's world? *is nervous* I'd be very grateful for a wee word! Thank you so much for sticking with this fic for so long :D


	81. Pain - (Tim/Ray)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tim is rather forcefully reminded that recovery is a bitch. Not just for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I have now written about 307.000 words for this fic in five months (and another 21.000 for that new Tim/Ray fic XD). That's definitely my new record... 
> 
> So, yeah, this is it, **the final chapter!** Feels weird... Like I'm leaving behind a huge part of my life... I hope you enjoy this chapter, it has a variety of emotions for you, everything from funny to hot to angst. Have fun! :D
> 
> @ **military_bluebells** : You wanted some elaboration on what it meant when Ray told Marley that Tim came apart under his touch. Well, here it is XD
> 
> @ **Veronibell** : Remember that feeling you had that Ray hasn't had his breakdown yet? You were right.

[](http://pics.livejournal.com/nanuk_dain/pic/000be3gq)  


"Two more, Tim."

Tim grits his teeth and presses his feet up, making sure to keep the load distributed evenly and to not favour his right leg. He always thought he'd be better at this considering the kind of extreme training he'd gone through as a SARC and his very high level of pain tolerance, but he admits that recovery is a real bitch this time around. It's Friday, almost two weeks after he was released from the hospital, and he's still not nearly at the level he'd expected himself to be at by now. Maybe he's really getting old.

"One more rep and you're done." Derek encourages him and watches Tim gather his last reserves to complete that final rep of the exercise. "Come on, sailor, you won't quit at the last one, will you?"

With pretty much everybody else Tim would have replied very sharply to that provocation, but Derek is a forty-eight-year-old vet who knows what he's talking about. He's a former Army medic who decided to become a physical therapist after he was forced to leave the service when shrapnel took out his left leg and he spent a year getting back on his feet - literally _and_ figuratively speaking. He told Tim that he ended up in Oceanside, the heart of the US Marine Corps, eight years ago because his wife is a Marine and they moved here when she got a very good position at Camp Pendleton. He laughed when Tim congratulated him for his courage to move into enemy territory, and then Derek said with a shrug that he was already out of the service at that point anyway, and he's certainly not lacking clients this close to a Marine base. He has his own little practice and the hospital loves to send him active and former servicemen because they seem to listen to him more than to a physical therapist with a purely civilian background. Tim can admit that that's true for him, too, so the hospital staff might actually know very well what they're doing here.

Tim sets the weights back down at the end of his last rep and breathes deeply against the pain shooting all the way down his thigh. Derek frowns at him while he takes hold of Tim's right leg without asking for permission and begins to press his fingers into the muscles of Tim's thigh in a massage that Tim is very familiar with by now. Tim grits his teeth again because the pressure is painful to the point that he'd like to howl, but he doesn't allow himself to make a sound. He knows it'll get better, Derek's massages always help, even if they hurt first.

Derek keeps frowning at him until Tim presses out between still gritted teeth, "What?"

Derek presses his lips into a thin line and looks down at where his fingers are working Tim's muscles. His ebony skin is a sharp contrast to Tim's pale thigh and the pink of the still healing long scar running along the inside of his leg. "Are you familiar with something called the femoral neuralgia syndrome?"

Tim thinks about it. He remembers hearing it before, but that's it. Derek knows about Tim serving as a corpsman, which is why he's asking first before he's launching into an explanation. "Not very familiar, no. I think I read an article about it once."

"Well, that's not surprising, it's not that well researched." Derek begins to explain while he continues working the painful muscles, always mindful of the still tender scar tissue. "Usually it's mostly regarded in patients who have a serious catheter-related injury to the femoral artery because of interventional vascular surgeries, but you basically fit into the same category considering that you suffered an injury to the femoral artery as well, even if you don't share their underlying medical conditions like cardiac problems or peripheral vascular conditions. I think you might have it because the intense levels of pain you're experiencing are not appropriate for the degree of recovery you've already achieved. You should have only mild pain by now, and that only at certain activities, not all the time."

"What makes you think that the pain is so intense that it's not appropriate?" Tim asks with a frown. He hasn't complained about it once.

"I'm very familiar your type, Tim." Derek says drily with a pointedly raised eyebrow. "Your pain threshold is extremely high, so the fact that I can actually _see_ your pain during our sessions tells me how incredibly strong it has to be."

Tim inclines his head in acknowledgement. Okay, maybe Derek has a point here. "So what is that femoral neuralgia syndrome?"

"Basically it's very persistent pain in the lower extremities and residual hyperesthesias or paraesthesias caused by damage to the femoral nerve. It often results in intense pain radiating from the groin down the anteromedial thigh. It's known to happen in connection with hip replacement surgeries, too. In most cases it eases within a year, but sometimes it's chronic and it can be so severe that walking or driving become impossible and that even the most gentle of touches to the front of the thigh is extremely painful."

Tim nods slowly. "I can walk and while my leg is overly sensitive, it's not painful to touch. But the rest sounds pretty familiar. I haven't been cleared to drive yet, so I don't know about that. My sartorius muscle was nicked by the bullet, that's what I attributed the pain to."

"Or it could be that your intermediate and medial cutaneous nerves were injured by the bullet as well. Or maybe even by the consequent surgery to repair the damage to the femoral artery." Derek points out, his fingers still digging into Tim's muscles. "That would explain the unusually high levels of pain you're still experiencing. You should get that checked by your doctor, Tim."

Tim nods slowly because that actually sounds like a promising lead to follow. It could explain a few things that he's been wondering about. "I have an appointment on Tuesday, I'll make sure to get that cleared up."

"That'll be really good, because then we could try to find a solution for this. Physical therapy with a focus on pain relief is one option." Derek shakes his head slowly and gives Tim an honest look. "You can't keep going on like this, Tim."

Tim sighs quietly. "I wouldn't mind getting rid of the pain, that's true. Especially because that would mean that I could finally stop taking those damn painkillers for good."

"Ah, you're one of those guys who hate painkillers." Derek smirks. "Seems it's always us medics who hate taking our own stuff."

Tim chuckles because he has to admit that a lot of fellow corpsmen and paramedics he met throughout his career also intensely disliked taking painkillers. "Yeah, I've always hated taking painkillers, even as a kid. They make me terribly woozy and mellow."

Derek frowns and gives Tim a concerned look. "Are you even sleeping at all if you're in so much pain and refuse to take anything for it?"

"My husband forces me to take pain meds before bed." Tim admits with an unhappy huff because Ray hasn't eased on that at all. Tim suspects that his very observant nature tells Ray exactly in how much pain Tim constantly is, and that _not_ pestering Tim about taking painkillers throughout the day is Ray's way of showing that he respects Tim's wish to have a clear head when he's awake. But Ray won't accept that argument for the night, and so far Tim hasn't managed to get him to allow Tim to skip the pain meds in the evening. He's very adamant about that and insists that Tim needs to get decent rest for his recovery, which isn't exactly wrong, after all. A side effect of the pain meds is that they make him sleepy, so Tim tends to be out within minutes of lying down and he usually sleeps through the night.

"Seems you got yourself a good one, then. Must be a hell of a guy to be able to get you to take painkillers." Derek says with a low whistle of respect. He knows Tim is married to a man and has taken it in stride, which Tim is very grateful for because he'd have serious problems allowing a homophobic guy as close to him as physical therapy requires.

"Ray's a former Recon Marine." Tim chuckles and then smirks. "He knows how to handle me. Has a lot of experience with it."

"Swift, silent and deadly, hmm?" Derek grins at him and continues his massage, but now he's working down the leg to include the calf. "Did you serve with his unit?"

Tim nods and enjoys that the pressure of Derek's hands doesn't feel nearly as painful on his lower leg as on his thigh. "Yeah. Iraq 2003."

"You were in the invasion?"

"Yeah. We were the tip of the spear, as they like to call it."

Derek whistles appreciatively yet again. "Damn, you really picked a good one, didn't you?"

"Don't tell him that, it'll blow up his ego until it doesn't fit into our apartment anymore." Tim says with a smirk. "He's picking me up today, so you have a chance to meet him if you're interested."

"Of course I'm interested to meet the guy who can get you to do things you _really_ don't want to do." Derek replies with a grin before he begins to pass his hands flat over Tim's leg to end the massage. Tim's thigh feels like it's burning, but it's a familiar sensation by now, and he knows that in the long run he'll feel better. Right now it really sucks, though.

Derek has Tim walk through the studio for a few minutes and Tim knows that while it serves to relax his muscles and ease off the efforts of the session, Derek also uses it to categorise the way he's walking and how he's distributing his weight. Tim will admit that Derek is extremely good at what he does, he already has a very good eye by nature and it was further honed by years of experience to the point that he can diagnose most issues just from looking at a person move. Tim considers himself lucky that he was assigned to Derek, although he has the strong inkling that it wasn't by chance, but because of his military background.

When Derek tells him that he can stop walking Tim sits down on the bench next to his backpack and his shoes and puts his leg up on the seat. It still feels better to have it elevated whenever he's sitting, and especially so after something as exhausting as a physical therapy session. Derek comes over with Tim's water bottle in hand that he left next to the torture device Derek had him use as the last exercise of the session.

"Drink, sailor." Derek says when he hands Tim the still half-full bottle, then he sits down next to him with a teasing smirk. "I would expect a fellow medical professional to know how important it is to keep hydrated."

Tim accepts the bottle and very pointedly drinks all of what's left in it, which makes Derek chuckle. When Tim has finished drinking he bends down to reach for his left shoe to put it back on. Derek takes the right one and holds it for Tim to slip into before he wordlessly ties the laces for him like it's no big deal. Tim immensely appreciates Derek's casual way of dealing with his current limitations because it means that he doesn't feel awkward that he can't even tie his right shoe without a lot of painful contortion that he's always happy to avoid. 

"Thanks." Tim gives Derek a quick but geniunely grateful smile.

"Of course, brother." Derek replies easily, and Tim knows he means it. Because he's been in the same situation, Derek really gets what his clients are going through, and he also knows which are the important little things that make life so much easier and so much less awkward.

The little bell on the door chimes and Tim turns towards it to see Ray entering the studio. He's wearing the dark green cargo shorts that Mini made him buy because she has a similar pair and wants to walk around in matching clothes. He combined it with that rather snug black t-shirt that Tim likes so much because it shows off his lean but strong figure and his toned arms. He's also wearing his hair loose for once, his sunglasses pushed up on his head, and Tim's hands itch with the desire to bury in the thick strands. Ray looks absolutely gorgeous in Tim's opinion. 

Derek clears his throat and gives Tim a good-natured teasing grin when Tim turns towards him. "Judging by that look I guess it's safe to say that it's your husband who just came in."

"Affirmative." Tim replies with a gentle chuckle because apparently his face yet again betrayed his feelings for Ray. Seems Tim is losing his patented poker face, at least where Ray is concerned. And Mini, too. 

Ray looks around and comes towards them when he catches sight of them. He's openly smiling at Tim while he gives him an appreciative once-over, and Tim wonders if the expression on his own face looks the same when he's looking at Ray. If so, it's no surprise that everybody can read what Tim is thinking.

"You must be Ray." Derek greets him with a grin and holds out his hand. "I'm Derek Andrews, Tim's physical therapist."

Ray seems surprised by the knowledgeable welcome, but he catches himself quickly and shakes the proffered hand with a smirk. "Nice to meet you, Derek. So, is he behaving?"

"So far, so good." Derek replies with an approving nod at Tim who is still sitting on the bench. "But do me a favour and make sure he mentions the possibility of having femoral neuralgia syndrome during his check-up on Tuesday, would you?"

"Femoral neuralgia syndrome, is it?" Ray throws Tim a warning glance. "I'll make sure it gets mentioned, don't worry."

Tim bristles and glares at each of them in turn. "I can hear you talking about me, you are aware of that, aren't you?"

"Sure we are, Tim." Derek gives him a pointed look. "But I want to make sure you actually get that pain issue checked out, and I trust your badass Recon Marine husband more than you concerning that matter."

Ray is grinning widely by now. "I like you already, Derek."

Derek chuckles. "Thank you very much, Ray. It's a mutual feeling."

Ray winks at him conspiratorially. "Together we'll whip him back in shape."

Derek laughs and claps Tim on the shoulder where he's sitting next to Derek. "We will, I have no doubt about that."

"You guys are annoying." Tim gives them a dark look. "Both of you."

"You'll thank us later." Ray says with an air of smug certainty around him, then he gestures towards the exit. "And while I'd love to stay and chat more, we've got to get going because I have to get to work and our daughter is waiting for you. You promised her to watch _Night At The Museum_ with her once I'm gone and you had better fulfil that promise or she'll be a cranky mess all weekend."

"Ben Stiller, Tim? Really?" Derek teases good-naturedly and grins. 

Tim just shrugs and sighs in slightly exaggerated resignation. "She absolutely loves that T-Rex skeleton and wants it as a pet. She's kind of obsessed with it right now, says she wants to ride it to school."

"Maybe we should get her a tame, living T-Rex skeleton for her birthday instead of a bike." Ray suggests with a grin. "We'd be the parents of the century."

"Let me know when you find one." Tim replies drily. "Really, it's not the worst kids movie and it is fun, but I don't need to watch it twenty times. But if it makes her happy, well..."

Derek chuckles. "Yeah, tell me about it. My son loved the _Ninja Turtles_ with a passion from about the age of eight till thirteen, and until this day I can speak along to all episodes _and_ the movies."

"I feel for you." Ray says with the appropriate amount of commiseration on his face and pats Derek on the shoulder. "But at least your son has good taste."

"Thank you, Ray. I appreciate it." Derek replies with a grave voice and Tim just chuckles at their antics. He always suspected that those two might get a long well.

Ray turns back to Tim and cocks an eyebrow. "Now, Tim, get your sexy ass off that bench and get moving. My shift starts in half an hour."

"Bossy." Tim grumbles under his breath and smirks when he hears Ray chuckle.

"You know you love it." Ray retorts with a grin and holds his hand out to Tim. Tim accepts it and allows Ray to pull him up in the way that has become a habit by now. Ray noticed quickly that getting up especially off low seating is particularly painful for Tim and ever since he always offers his arm for Tim to use as a help to pull himself up. To most people it would appear as Ray just being a gentleman offering his arm, a polite and slightly playful gesture, but to Tim it's essential in order to be able to get up without making a total fool of himself. He immensely appreciates that Ray so easily and naturally extends his help without making a big deal of it and also does it in such a way that most observers wouldn't even recognise it as a gesture of crucial help. Judging by the way Derek's gaze follows their interaction he immediately picks up on the true nature of it, though. Tim's not surprised by that.

"It was nice meeting you, Ray." Derek holds out his hand to Ray instead of commenting on it. Then he jerks his head at Tim, who is now standing next to him. "I'm glad to know you have my six with this one." 

"Likewise, Derek." Ray shakes Derek's hand and smirks. "And I know that you need all the support you can possibly get with this particular patient of yours."

"I can _still_ hear you." Tim points out drily.

Derek laughs and shakes Tim's hand. "See you on Monday morning, Tim."

"Yeah, see you Monday." Tim replies with a last shake of his hand before he and Ray turn and leave the practice. Ever since Marley and Bri flew back to Pennsylvania last Sunday Tim usually has his sessions with Derek in the mornings so that he can watch Mini once Ray is off to work. Ray managed to switch his shifts with a colleague so that he starts later in the day and instead works until closing time, which allows him to watch Mini while Tim's out in the mornings, and then Tim takes over. Usually Tim takes a cab to Derek's practice, but sometimes old Mabel from downstairs helps them out by watching Mini when they have quick errands to run that take less than an hour, and she's minding Mini now while Ray's coming to get Tim.

Mabel moved into the building while Tim and Ray were in Sri Lanka and in the first few months after their return to Oceanside they didn't have much contact with her beyond a polite greeting when they met her in the hallway. That changed after Mini began striking up an unexpected friendship with old Mabel's overweight cat who is usually a pretty unfriendly fellow, but he seems to appreciate Mini's oat cookies and learned that being nice to her would get him nibbles of them. Ever since, Tim and Ray have spoken to Mabel a few times while Mini bonded with Fat Louis, and that's how they learned that she's seventy-nine years old and her son bought the apartment on the ground floor for his mother because she's not good with stairs anymore but refuses to move into a nursing home. Mabel is not the fittest woman for her age, which is why both Tim and Ray agree to only leave Mini with her for short periods of time to not overwhelm her, but it has indeed come in handy to have somebody in the building who is almost always home and loves to spend a bit of time with the one kid in the entire neighbourhood that her cat likes. Mini is wise enough to always bring a few morsels of oat cookie for Fat Louis, and Tim is sure that's the actual reason why that nasty creature likes her, but he's not about to tell her that.

When Ray pulls up in front of their building Tim's thigh is still burning from the physical therapy session and the massage, but the sensation is slowly being replaced by the familiar bouts of pain that constantly shoot down from his groin to almost his knee. It certainly fits the description of femoral neuralgia syndrome that Derek gave him, and Tim decides to do some research on it later. He's aware that Derek is right that he can't keep going like that. And he knows that Ray is right with his insistence that Tim take painkillers for the night - he wouldn't be sleeping at all otherwise considering how intense the bouts of pain can be. 

Ray gets out of the truck and walks around to the passenger side. Tim has already opened the door and appreciates it that Ray lets him get out on his own. Ray knows that it's no problem because the cabin of the truck is high up enough that Tim can basically just slide to the ground, no pushing up with his bad leg is required. Again Tim is amazed at how well Ray can read him, even concerning things that are not solidified by years of experience, things like the limitation of his leg as well as the things he _can_ do - and that Ray knows him so thoroughly that he can tell when Tim requires and wants help and when he doesn't. Ray never offers more help than what Tim really needs, as if he knows that Tim wants to retain as much independence as possible and intends to challenge himself enough to improve without making his leg worse in the process. But Ray also has no qualms to force him to accept help when Tim is overtaxing himself, and Tim respects him for it, even if it pisses him off when it happens. There are very few people who dare to do that with Tim, and even fewer from whom he'll accept it. Ray is one of them.

"Are you good going up alone? I'm a bit late for my shift." Ray asks while his hands settle on Tim's hips once Tim is out of the truck. Tim can tell right away that it's not a gesture meant to help him stand - which he doesn't need anymore - but a touch simply for the sake of touching. Ray's not exerting any kind of hold on him, instead his middle fingers have hooked into the belt loops of Tim's cargo shorts and his index fingers and thumbs have slipped underneath Tim's t-shirt to caress the bare skin above his waistband. It's just a small and mostly chaste touch, but it still makes goose bumps spread over Tim's skin. God, he loves it when Ray touches him like that, casual yet intimate, tender yet possessive, all wrapped in one. 

"Yeah, I'm good, Josh." Tim gives him a reassuring smile and lets his hands settle on Ray's upper arms, slowly tracing his fingers up and down his triceps and enjoying the sensation of Ray's muscles under his fingertips. "I'll go get Mini from Mabel and then we'll camp out on the couch to watch _Night At The Museum_."

Ray chuckles. "I don't envy you. I've seen that movie more times than I ever wanted to."

"Yeah, me too." Tim admits with a long-suffering sigh.

"You two have fun." Ray smirks, then he leans in to place a slow but chaste kiss to Tim's lips before he straightens again. "See you tonight." 

Tim instinctively tightens his hold on Ray's arms to keep him from pulling back. Suddenly the urge to feel him close, to have Ray's tongue deep inside his mouth is so intense that he can't let go, not before Ray kisses him for real. He doesn't care that they're standing in the street with the truck and the open passenger door the only thing granting them any privacy, he just _wants_. The wave of desire is so strong that Tim feels his breath coming faster and there's the feeling of heat in his cheeks, and he's sure Ray can see his pupils dilate. 

"Tim?" Ray asks in a voice that sounds like he's worried about Tim's uncharacteristic behaviour.

"Kiss me, Josh." Tim growls and he barely recognises his own voice, it's dark and raw with arousal and need. He feels Ray's fingers tighten on his sides and a low, slightly strangled groan comes from deep inside Ray's throat before he leans in, stretches up, and then his lips find Tim's. Tim doesn't hesitate to open for Ray's tongue and at the same time he buries his hands in Ray's hair and savours the addictive feeling of the thick, soft strands sliding through his fingers. Ray's totally in control of the kiss, and he keeps it slow and _deep_ and downright filthy, and suddenly his hands have left Tim's hips and they're splayed out on the bare skin of Tim's back underneath his t-shirt, warm and large and possessive. Tim melts back into his touch and forwards into his kiss, and _god_ , how he loves to be claimed by Ray. 

He can't help thinking of that evening when Marley caught him and Ray making out in the kitchen, especially the part that came once Marley had taken the girls out for dinner. It was the first time Tim and Ray were intimate since before Tim was shot, and due to obvious restrictions imposed by Tim's condition their options were limited, but Ray is nothing if not creative. He got them naked and settled Tim on the bed on his back with his bad leg propped up, and then he took Tim apart with his hands and his mouth and his damn beard that still drives Tim crazy when it scratches over his skin in just the right places - and Ray knows all of them by heart and is not ashamed to use them to make Tim lose his mind. Tim was utterly unable to hold back his rather loud moan of pleasure when Ray's fingers slid inside him and filled him just the way he needed, and then Ray found his prostate and took his sweet time to bring Tim right to the edge just to pull back again, his mouth on Tim's dick and his fingers inside Tim and Tim's hands fisted in Ray's long, thick hair. He repeated his torture until Tim was more than half-crazy with ecstasy and the need to come, his body shaking from the sensations, nonsensical noises leaving his mouth. It was slow and sensual and _so fucking good_ and Tim is sure his brain overloaded when Ray finally let him come - at least there are a few minutes that he can't remember because he was so completely blissed out.

When he opened his eyes again after a timespan he will never be able to define in its length, it was to Ray watching him, his eyes wide and more black than brown with how blown his pupils were, his mouth agape and his hand moving with intent in his own dick. "Fuck, I love how you sound when you come." He'd rumbled in this low, rough tone of voice he gets when he's extremely aroused and that Tim absolutely loves hearing. The flush to Ray's cheeks and his quick breathing told Tim that he was close, and all it took was Tim's hand joining Ray's on his leaking erection and he came so hard that Tim felt his entire body shake with it.

When Tim fell asleep to the feeling of Ray's warm, pliant body nestled against his left side and his fingers carding lazily through Tim's hair, he became aware that Ray had even managed to keep Tim's damn leg elevated throughout the entire thing, and Tim doesn't think he will ever find out how Ray managed _that_.

Tonight Tim wants what wasn't possible back then. He wants Ray to take him until his brain ceases to function. He wants Ray to stake his claim on him, he wants to feel owned, he wants to let go of every shred of control and hand himself over into Ray's care. He wants to lose himself in Ray's touch, he wants to feel on fire, not because of the pain in his leg but because of Ray's hands and mouth on him, because of Ray's body against Tim's, because of Ray's dick deep inside him and Ray's fists pulling on his hair.

Yeah, that's what he wants. Preferably right now, but he knows that's not possible, so he'll settle for later tonight, when Ray is back from work, Mini is asleep and they have firmly locked their bedroom door.

"Tonight." Tim growls into Ray's ear, his voice barely above a very rough whisper. "Tonight I want you to fuck me until I lose my mind, and I want to feel it for days. I want you to mark me inside and out."

Ray groans deep in his throat and when his gaze finds Tim's, he looks genuinely tortured. His eyes are wide and dark with desire, his lips swollen from their kiss and there's a beautiful blush to his cheeks. " _Fuck_ , you're killing me here, Tim."

Tim smirks, and there might be a slightly evil edge to it. "You know you love it."

Ray just groans again and his head sinks forward to rest against Tim's collarbone, he clearly recognises the words. "Dammit, Tim, I still have an entire shift ahead of me and now I'll have to fight a fucking boner for the entire eight hours!"

Tim chuckles and inclines his head so that he can nip the side of Ray's neck. "Anticipation is half the pleasure, Josh."

"I hate you." Ray mutters without bothering to lift his head off Tim's chest.

Tim chuckles again and moves his uninjured thigh to rub it against the bulge in Ray's pants. "No, you don't."

Ray doesn't quite manage to suppress a moan that Tim feels as a puff of hot breath against his throat, and a shiver goes through Ray's entire body that makes Tim feel smug. "Okay, I don't."

Tim smirks and nips Ray's neck again. "Don't you have to get to work?"

Ray straightens and glances at his watch. "Fuck, I'm going to be late now."

"You can blame it on me." Tim offers, the smirk still on his lips.

"I will." Ray grumbles and turns a little so that the passenger door hides how he grips his crotch to rearrange things, then he gives Tim a dark look that is rendered ineffective by the blush on his cheeks. "Because you're totally to blame."

"I can't say that I mind." Tim replies and chuckles when Ray grumbles something unintelligible under his breath that bears a vague resemblance with 'You're a menace'.

Ray straightens, steps out from behind the passenger door and presses a quick kiss to Tim's lips, then he pulls back entirely. "Tonight."

Tim smirks and doesn't bother to hide his anticipation. "Tonight."

Ray nods as if to confirm it again, then he closes the passenger door and walks around the truck to get into the driver's seat. He starts the engine and throws Tim a wink before he pulls away from the curb and drives down the street in the direction of downtown. Tim's gaze follows the disappearing vehicle and he can still feel the smirk on his face. Fuck, this was so good that he even forgot the pain in his leg for the time being. 

Tim turns towards the building and slowly walks to the front door, then he heads over to old Mabel's door and rings the bell. As usual it takes a while until Mabel has made it to the door to open, and she greets him with the genuinely cordial smile she now always has for Tim. He still remembers the faint disapproval he felt from her at the very beginning when he and Ray returned to the US and she first became aware that they're a same-sex couple. He wasn't too surprised by it given her age, but he is quietly pleased that it has disappeared entirely ever since Mini befriended Fat Louis and Mabel learned a little more about her neighbours from the fourth floor with the lovely little girl who likes to bring Mabel some of her cookies whenever she goes on a baking spree. 

Mabel asks Tim inside and chats with him while he tries to get Mini to let go of Fat Louis, who to his surprise has actually curled up on her legs where she's sitting on the floor in front of the TV watching cartoons with her back resting against the sofa. The cat is so big that he takes up all of Mini's thighs and spills beyond them with his legs and tail, while his head is resting on her chest and she's absent-mindedly running her fingers through the fur behind his ears. He's actually purring, and Tim tries to bring that cuddly kitty in line with the hissing nightmare that always tries to scratch everybody who wants to walk past him. Maybe Mini's oak cookies are a lot better than Tim gives them credit for.

When they get to the apartment after another five minutes of coaxing and Fat Louis glaring at Tim for making Mini get up, Tim puts his backpack away and then sets water bottles on the coffee table for him and Mini while she very enthusiastically gets the DVD-player going. Tim props his leg up on the coffee table in the way he always does when he shares the couch with somebody. He doesn't have to keep it higher than his heart anymore, but simply elevating it instead of sitting with it bent makes it hurt less, so he still does that when he's sitting. The scar itself looks pretty much healed by now, even if it's still of the pinkish colour that is a sign that it's a recent injury instead of the white, faded appearance of long healed wounds. Tim knows it's just the flesh and skin on the outside that is healed, though, the tissue underneath will still take a while.

Mini cuddles into his left side when the movie starts. He has noticed that she always comes to his left side now, as if she tries to avoid his right leg at any cost, and he thinks she's still afraid that she might hurt him. It's something he'll have to address at some point, but right now he's actually grateful for it because his thigh is indeed prone to intense pains, even if they're not necessarily a consequence of extraneous influence, and Mini can be a little wild sometimes. He knows she would never hurt him on purpose, but he's still aware it could happen in the heat of the moment when she's excited, and he never wants her to feel responsible for him curling into a ball of pain because she accidentally struck his leg. 

Mini quickly loses herself in the movie as if she's never seen it before and Tim allows his thoughts to wander. When he first watched this movie with her after he got shot, he actually didn't remember it, despite the fact that Ray informed him that he's seen it at least ten times. Tim's memory issues have slowly improved since, but for the past week or so he seems to have reached a plateau. He knows he's still missing things, but nothing much has come back in several days now. He tries not to force it because that will only frustrate him without actually helping his memory, but it's difficult when he again realises from the way people around him react that he must be missing something. He's pretty sure that he has access to the vast majority of his memories, but it's not like he actually knows if or what he forgot. That's something only other people and their reactions can tell him, which means this will be a continuous process of discovering where his memory holes are and what they're about - actual events of his life or just an irrelevant movie. He still can't remember his first kiss with Ray as his husband from their wedding, and that bugs him. He's seen photos of that moment, but he has no recollection whatsoever of it.

He talked about that with Marley a few times throughout the additional week she stayed with them to help Tim out. He's so grateful that she didn't hesitate to make arrangements so that she could spend more time in Oceanside because it's true that she has experience with nursing him back to health. She has indeed done it more than once, for everything from gunshot wounds to the flu, and during every single incident Tim didn't even _consider_ staying with his parents. He wasn't - and still isn't - comfortable with letting his mother and most certainly not his father see him in a vulnerable condition like that and to be completely dependent on them to help him with even basic things like washing or getting dressed. No, no way he'd _ever_ do that. Marley on the other hand handles it in a casual no-nonsense way that is typical for nurses, mothers and big sisters, and Tim appreciates the humour she maintains throughout all of it. Even the teasing, because it's good-natured and makes the whole thing a lot less awkward.

As a consequence of their conversations about his memory issues Marley began to tell him of moments of his life - from their childhood to college to the Navy and the times he spent at her place with Bri - and then he could find out whether he recalled those things or not. It was roughly ninety to ninety-five percent that he remembered, which was very reassuring, but there were also a few gaping holes. Some of them have filled with actual memories now, but some he still only knows about from Marley's tales. What Tim hates most about this situation is that he has no way of knowing, that he can't actually trust in what he thinks he knows because he'd never even be aware that he's missing something. 

Another thing that Tim noticed is that he still has problems concentrating for longer periods of time, and that is something that worries him because given that he'll start med school in less than two months it could become a real problem. One thing is sure - med school requires _a lot_ of concentration while learning things by heart, and right now Tim is definitely not up for that in the way he needs to be to succeed. He greatly appreciates the audio version of the medical textbook Kimmy gave him, because she was right that it's a lot easier at the moment to listen to things than to read them. So far Tim has made good use of the free time he has now to get a headstart on the materials for med school, which means that he likes to listen to the textbook while having the actual printed copy in front of him to follow the text as well as to study the images. He's well aware that it's going at a slower pace than before he got shot, so he figures he needs all the additional time for studying that he can get. And if there's one thing he suddenly has in abundance, it's time. He's not used to that at all, but he's grateful for it at the moment.

Since he got discharged from the hospital almost two weeks ago he's had a steady stream of visitors, especially this past week that Marley was gone and Ray had to work. He's pretty sure it's because his and Ray's friends want to check up on him as much as they try to help him with Mini, because Tim can't quite keep up with a seven-year-old the way he used to. He appreciates it, especially because he doesn't want Mini coped up indoors all the time just because he's not able yet to spend long periods of time being physically active and isn't allowed to drive, which severely limits their range of activities.

Brad has been by a few times to take out Mini, sometimes just for a few hours to go surfing and sometimes for the entire day. Walt not only came to get Mini for her Bravo Squad Wednesday, he also visited one afternoon with Amber and loaded Tim and Mini in his victor to drive them to the park with the large playground Mini likes so much. Tim was surprised that Walt had also brought some food and drink and even a fucking blanket and in the end he and Walt had an improvised picnic while the girls rollicked about on the playground. The conversation was unexpectedly easy and got surprisingly deep from time to time while they covered all kinds of topics from their girls' sometimes very strange choices of dress over Walt's work with the Marine Corps and the DOD to fatherhood. Tim is sure he got to know Walt better in that one afternoon than in all the years beforehand.

Tim has also gotten visits from his co-workers. Both Kimmy and Elliot came by more than once at the hospital as well as after he got released, separately as well as together. Molly, Travis, Kyle and Robin also visited Tim in the hospital several times, and Tim was touched when all of them offered to help him prepare for the requalification test that he has to pass in order to be allowed to go back to work at the fire department. It consists of a written and practical part, and usually he'd only be required to absolve the fitness test, but due to his memory issues the department insisted that he take the theoretical part of the requalification as well. 

So far most of Tim's exercise beyond the physical therapy sessions with Derek still consists only of walking, because anything more strenuous like running or even biking causes pains that he can barely manage, and that says a lot. Maybe that'll change if he gets a new diagnosis on Tuesday, or maybe it'll at least give him an idea how he _could_ change that. Despite his leg's limitations Tim makes sure to keep his upper body in regular activity because he doesn't want to lose his strength any more than already happened due to his enforced time without exercise, and he intends to get back to work as quickly as possible. Since he knows he'll have to pass the requalification tests for that, it'll pay to not allow his fitness to suffer by neglecting his training now that he _can_ train again - at least those parts of his body that don't require the use of his right leg.

Tim knows he's a very impatient patient and that he rushes and forces his recovery in a way he as a medical professional would berate anybody in his care for, Marley pointed that out to him on more occasions than he can count. And she is right, he's well aware of that, but it doesn't ease his urge to get back on his feet because he hates being idle not because he chose to be, but because he's forced to be. Tim really wants to get back into running, not just because he needs to work on his endurance or misses the activity itself, but because he craves to go on his morning runs with Mini again that so far Ray is still absolving with her. Tim misses their time together doing something they both love, he misses how she glows when she's running and how blatantly she enjoys it. It's their father-daughter time, and he wants to enjoy it as long as it lasts. He's well aware it'll probably change once she hits puberty, maybe even before, when it suddenly becomes 'uncool' to hang out with your dad, even for runs.

Mini will turn eight in about two weeks, so Tim hopes he has at least another three or four years before she becomes a rebellious teenager. And given how headstrong she is he expects her to become quite a confrontational teenager, and that's a good thing, it means she's able to come up with her own thoughts and is willing to stand up for them, it means she's strong and confident and has principles and morals and that they raised her right. But Tim already knows he'll miss his little peanut who simply wants to snuggle up to him to watch a movie, who comes to him so that he braids her hair or puts a band-aid on her newest scratch or holds her close to fend off bad dreams. Tim turns to look at Mini where she's cuddled into his side, her eyes wide while she's completely hooked by the story enfolding on the screen. He smiles gently, lets his hand stroke over her arm and she never looks away from the movie, but she instinctively cuddles closer to him. 

God, he loves her _so so much_ , his little girl, and the thought that he almost left her alone long before it's time scares him and makes him feel almost physically sick. It would have hurt her so incredibly much, and he never wants to be responsible for that, he never wants to do that to her. He wants her to trust in him, trust that he's always there to catch her when she falls, that he'll dust her off and put her back on her feet and encourage her to try again. He wants her to go and discover the world knowing that she always has two parents to come home to who love her no matter what strange or crazy or sometimes even stupid stuff she gets up to. He wants to see her face light up when she learns that she'll get to have box braids with her beloved green accents for her birthday and he wants to see her enjoy them every single day that she has them. Tim leans in to place a random kiss to the top of her head and feels unbelievably grateful that he still gets to see Mini's reaction to her birthday present.

That reminds Tim of Jessie, who has also been by to take Mini out for a few hours - and if there's one thing Mini loves doing then it's spending time with her favourite babysitter who has the most beautiful and awesome hair, as Mini likes to put it. Jessie is an absolute natural with kids and clearly enjoys spending time with Mini as much as she does, so Tim was completely relaxed when he waved goodbye to his little girl when Jessie walked with her down the street in the direction of the beach. He also admits that it was a nice change to have the apartment all to himself for once, and he made use of it to study in complete peace and quiet with a freshly brewed, scalding hot cup of Ray-coffee to sip on. 

Yesterday Tim also got a visit from Steven Lovell, who recently moved to Oceanside and asked Tim during the Bravo reunion last Saturday if he wanted to meet up. Tim agreed without hesitation because he always got a long well with Steven, already during OIF, and they mostly just lost contact afterwards because of the physical distance and events like a natural disaster and Tim relocating to Sri Lanka. Steven offered him - this time in person instead of through Walt - that if Tim wants some company getting back in shape, Steven is happy to help him out with that. Tim thinks he'll take him up on that offer because he knows he'll need some serious training to regain his former level of strength and fitness after an injury like this, and it'll be easier if he has a training buddy who operates on his own standards - and a former Recon Marine brother definitely operates on Tim's standards. 

It still means the world to Tim to know that his Bravo brothers have his six, despite the fact that he's technically not a Recon Marine _and_ he's in a same-sex relationship, both of which are things usually not conductive to being respected and valued by Recon Marines. But that improvised reunion they put together for him shows that they see him as one of their own, and he can admit that that reunion took him completely by surprise. He didn't expect it at all when he and Ray pulled up in front of Poke's house after Gina invited them for lunch, and it floored him. 

One reason it impacted so much on him is that all the shit with his father is still lying heavily in Tim's stomach, and seeing so much of him while he was at the hospital brought back some nasty memories that Tim would have loved to forget forever - but of course that's not how his memory holes work. The most prominent is the feeling of being a disappointment and a failure because of who he is: Because he went to college instead of becoming a professional football player, because he's bi, because he married a man, because his daughter is not his own flesh and blood, because he's not the son his father wanted to have. They are all thoughts Tim was so sure he'd left behind a long time ago, that he'd overcome and finished with once and for all, and he still refuses to be put back into the state of mind where he felt inadequate because of who he is. Even when he was still a teenager he refused to accept the blame his father assigned him, but having so much disappointment projected at him while growing up as well as as an adult, especially from somebody as important in a kid's life as their father, left _something_ behind. He has fought that _something_ for as long as he can remember and he will continue to do so - because it's his father who has issues, there's _nothing_ wrong with Tim - but that doesn't change the fact that it's there and that Tim can feel it.

So experiencing the support and approval of his Recon Marine brothers was like balm to Tim's soul after the forced contact with his father. The effort they went through to organise and then come to the reunion at such short notice with quite a few of them either driving or even flying in from all over the country, their genuine relief that he survived, their teasing and ribbing and the fact that they're not treating Tim any different than they're treating each other - it all shows him that they not only tolerate him, no, they _accept_ him just how he is, they _respect_ him for who he is, they consider him _one of them_. Until he experienced it Tim didn't even know that it's the kind of loyalty and brotherhood that he needed to balance out his father's disapproval and disappointment. He's not sure he can ever repay his Bravo brothers for it, or that they even know what the gesture means to him - beyond a selected few like Ray of course, and possibly Brad and Walt, maybe even Nate.

Ray. 

Tim glances up from the movie he wasn't really watching to the small framed wedding picture that Ray insisted they put up on the wall in the living room despite his usual mockery of such heteronormative happy-sappy middle-class suburban housewife gestures - his words. It's the photo Tim also gave to the Lone Sailor Awards committee when they requested pictures of his life to use in the presentation video. He always has to smile when he sees it, it's one of his favourite pictures of his family - the way Ray is grinning while he's pecking Mini on the cheek, the way she's squealing in obvious joy, the way Tim himself is smiling so genuinely while he's holding Mini in his arms. It's a moment of true, unfiltered and complete happiness that was caught on film by complete chance, just because the shutter happened to be released at the exact right second. 

They didn't have a professional wedding photographer - _way_ too expensive - it was Alex who fluttered all over the place with his Nikon and later gave Tim and Ray a portfolio with printed pictures as well as a CD with the digital versions, and he said that it was his contribution to their wedding present. Tim has to admit that he was surprised by the quality of the pictures - if Alex ever wants to quit being a paramedic, he can certainly become a wedding photographer. He has a fantastic eye for lighting as well as poses and his selection of pictures was absolutely perfect. Tim is still touched by the gesture and he'll forever be grateful to Alex that he gave them visual keepsakes of their special day.

Tim keeps looking at Ray in the picture and takes in the happiness he radiates, and he can't suppress the worry lying heavily in his stomach at the thought of how different from that picture Ray is right now. Tim can tell that there's something off with him, and he's not talking about it to Tim. Tim didn't notice it quite so prominently at the hospital yet, probably because he was asleep so much and the situation was so out of the norm, but now that he's home he can see all the little signs very clearly. First there are the physical tells, like the fact that Ray has lost some weight and that he always has dark shadows under his eyes that Tim has the impression are getting worse instead of better. There are other non-verbal tells Ray can't hide from Tim, like how tired he seems all the time, even if he's doing his best to cover it. And despite this he's awake when Tim goes to bed and before Tim wakes up. He's also pretty quiet and tense in the mornings, and it's only gone after the morning run. 

Tim asked him about it a few times, but Ray usually just replies that he didn't sleep well and waves it off. He doesn't fool Tim, though, he knows his husband too well for that to work. He's not sure yet how to get Ray to talk to him, but he's not letting it go that easily. He's sure whatever it is, Ray is keeping it to himself because he doesn't want to burden Tim in any way as long as he's still healing, but Tim will make him understand that that's not how a marriage works. They're in this _together_ and Tim doesn't want Ray to shield him like that, not at Ray's expense. And it clearly _is_ negatively impacting on Ray's mental and physical health, and Tim will not stand back and watch without interfering. Ever since that moment in Iraq when Tim got his first glance behind Ray's masks he knows that Ray has a protective streak several miles wide - not just one - and he'll sacrifice all self-preservation in order to keep those he loves safe. But they're not in a war zone anymore, the rules are different. Tim will find a way to make him understand that he can _always_ lean on Tim, and that Tim _wants_ to share whatever it is that is pulling Ray down - it's not some kind of duty, it's a profound and genuine desire borne of love and trust. When he promised Ray 'in good times as in bad', he meant it.

When Ray comes home that evening after the end of his shift, Tim has dinner ready that Mini insisted helping him to cook. Ray is off this weekend, so he's relaxed and in a good mood and dinner is a lively affair with lots of laughter. Tim enjoys the slow return to normal, even if there are little reminders that things are different - like the fact that even throughout dinner he has his leg propped up under the table on an additional chair, or that Ray mentions an event at the orphanage that Tim can't remember. Well, what did he say to Rudy at the reunion? Baby steps. 

Afterwards the three of them get comfy on the couch and Ray tells a crazy and fantastic tale in Sinhala according to the original story time tradition. Since Mini can't curl up on Tim's legs at the moment, she's plastered to his left side and Ray is sitting on Tim's right so that she can look at him from her sprawl halfway on Tim's chest. Tim lets his hand caress her back the way he's been doing since she first claimed the spot on his lap during story time in Mutur, and he likes that he can feel her relax while she's entirely caught up in the spell of Ray's newest story. Marley is right, Tim finds himself thinking with a smile at a most surprising turn of events in the tale, Ray really should write his stories down. So many kids would love to go to bed to such an adventure, and they can't all have a Daddy with as much imagination and acting talent as Ray. 

After story time they bring Mini to bed and tuck her in, and then Ray sits sideways on the couch and relaxes into the armrest. Tim stretches out between his legs, leans with his back against Ray's chest and lets his head fall back on Ray's shoulder. While they're talking in low voices about everything and nothing Ray's left hand is carding lazy circles through Tim's hair and his right has found its way under Tim's t-shirt and rests on his stomach. Tim feels comfortable and relaxed, even his leg is not bothering him too much, it's more a constant but bearable background annoyance than red hot bursts of pain. He allows himself to become boneless against Ray and later that night, when Tim has carefully locked the door to the master bedroom, he lets Ray take him apart piece by piece until he's so lost in pleasure that it's not because of his memory holes that he can't remember his name anymore. When Ray finally - for the first time in three weeks - pushes inside Tim he has to press his face into the pillow to keep down his loud groan of pleasure. He makes Ray take him hard so that he'll feel it for days, just like he craves, and he's utterly boneless and satisfied when he falls asleep to the feeling of Ray gently cleaning him with a warm, wet cloth followed by Ray's lean body nestling against him.

On Tuesday Ray comes along for Tim's appointment at the hospital. Tim would have bristled at it as an implication of Ray not trusting him to take care of his own recovery if it hadn't already been planned that way _before_ Derek mentioned the femoral neuralgia syndrome. He also knows that Ray worries about him and that he notices the pain Tim is living with and feels helpless because he can't do more to help Tim than what he's already doing, meaning respect his choice not to take any pain medication during the day and force him to take it at night. 

During the talk with the doctor Ray doesn't say much and leaves it to Tim, which he greatly appreciates. The doc agrees with Derek's assessment of what might be the reason for Tim's pain issues and immediately schedules some tests for the next day to give them clarity. In the end Derek is proven right: Tim does indeed have femoral neuralgia syndrome as the doc informs him on Thursday, and it sure explains why recovery has been that much of a bitch. Tim doesn't complain about it, though, because he knows he's damn lucky, all things considered. Yes, the almost constant pain is exhausting and sometimes it's so intense Tim feels like screaming, but that seems a small price to pay for being alive, for not having any relevant brain damage, for being able to walk and talk and think and move his body _at all_. He's well aware things could have gone entirely different.

One good thing that comes out of having a diagnosis is that they now have new options for how to treat his symptoms. The doc tells him to stop taking the painkillers in the evening and instead prescribes him a low-dose tricyclic antidepressants that he has to take before going to bed. Tim is curious to see if it'll make a difference. He also gets more physical therapy sessions with Derek, but the additional ones will focus on pain relief instead of rehab. If there's no noticeable improvement in his pain issues despite these treatments then there's the option of temporary femoral nerve blocks over specific pain points, but the doctor thinks they should exploit the other options first and Tim definitely agrees.

So on Thursday evening Tim gladly leaves the painkiller pill bottle sitting unopened on the top shelf of the bathroom cabinet and instead takes the antidepressant when it's time for bed. The first thing Tim notices is that he doesn't fall asleep as quickly as when he takes the pain meds. The antidepressant also doesn't make him woozy or sleepy and he actually feels Ray shift close to him and rest with his head on Tim's shoulder before Tim falls asleep. That is definitely a huge difference because in the weeks before Tim was usually out before Ray even came to bed a minute or two after him, that's how sleepy the painkillers made him. Tim definitely likes this better, though, he likes being awake long enough to feel Ray's warm skin against his and to bury his nose in Ray's soft hair to take in his scent and to fall asleep to the feeling of _Ray_.

Another new experience is that Tim doesn't sleep through the night for the first time since he was shot. At first he's not sure what woke him. His mind is still clouded in the way he's used to by now whenever he wakes, and it takes a while for his consciousness to clear, but then his brain begins to sort through his surroundings to find out what it was that pulled him out of sleep. He opens his eyes to find the room plunged in darkness and he realises that it must be the middle of the night.

Then there it is again, the thing that he instantly knows woke him. It's a tiny sound that has him on high alert immediately. It's not loud, barely above a whisper, but it sounds so utterly pained and frightened and devastated that his eyes snap open instantly. It's also close by, too close to come from Mini's room, and that leaves only Ray. 

Tim stretches enough to switch on the lamp on the bedside table and then he props himself up on his elbow to look at Ray, who is sleeping next to him. He's curled up on his side in a foetal position and his entire body is taunt like a bow string. There are tear tracks on Ray's cheeks, and Tim sees a new tear disappear in his beard. His brow is furrowed, his eyes squeezed shut and his teeth gritted, and then the painful little sound escapes his mouth and a shudder goes through his entire body.

An unpleasant shiver runs through Tim, and he understands immediately that Ray is caught in a very nasty nightmare. Tim knows that in most cases it's best to just let those affected sleep through their nightmare, so he keeps himself from reaching out and instead watches Ray to establish how severe the nightmare is and whether to wake him or not. They're both familiar with the other having nightmares from time to time, especially in the aftermath of a deployment it was a more or less common occurrence, and it's not the first time Tim watches over Ray while he lives through a nightmare. 

Ray remains in his coiled position for several minutes, the silent tears keep running over his cheeks and there are shivers going through him in more or less regular intervals, usually followed by another terrified little sound that makes Tim's insides clench painfully, but he forces himself to hold back. But then it's like Ray got punched in the stomach and he suddenly curls in on himself with a choked breath, then his entire body shakes with a barely contained, pained sob. That's it, Tim decides, the severity is enough to warrant waking Ray. He doesn't seem aggressive at all and never has been before when he had a nightmare, but Tim is still familiar enough with the possible consequences of waking a combat vet form a nightmare of this magnitude to not go for Ray's shoulder to shake him awake. Instead Tim scoots to the edge of the bed and sets his healthy leg on the floor to gain the leverage he needs to make the entire bed shake, well aware that it's bound to trigger Ray's reflexes but will be less confusing for Ray than having somebody loom over him. It has always worked well on him when his nightmares got so bad that Tim decided to get him out of them.

"Josh. Wake up." Tim makes sure to keep his voice soothing but firm and loud enough to penetrate into his dreams. Ray shifts uneasily, almost twisting as if in pain, but he doesn't wake even at the movement of the bed. That's unusual, it must be an exceptionally deep and strong nightmare.

"Josh, listen to my voice. You're having a nightmare." Tim says with the same intonation as before and gives the bed another jolt, a little stronger this time. "I need you to wake up, Josh."

When Ray's eyelids begin to flutter Tim quickly strips off his t-shirt because bare skin calms Ray like nothing else when he wakes from a nightmare. As soon as his t-shirt has been disposed somewhere beside the bed Tim moves back to Ray's side so that they're at eye level again. His eyes open slowly, and Tim's insides clench at the blatant terror and the utter devastation that meet him, the usually warm brow colour of Ray's irises almost entirely swallowed by the blown pupils and the tears that are still silently running down his cheeks. Ray's gaze clears only slowly, he's clearly disoriented, but then he focusses on Tim and looks confused, as if he doesn't quite dare to believe what he's seeing. 

"Tim?" His voice is small and broken in a way Tim has never heard before. Ray's hand reaches out until his palm settles against Tim's cheek, and Tim shivers at how hesitant and fragile the touch is.

"I'm here, Josh." Tim replies in a low and soothing voice and cups his hand over Ray's where it's resting against his cheek.

Ray's eyes close again, and the movement makes new tears slip down the established tracks on his cheeks. He furrows his brow, grits his teeth and swallows hard, then he opens his eyes again, looking like he's halfway expecting Tim to be gone. 

"I'm still here, Josh." Tim leans in and touches his lips to Ray's wet cheek, right below his eye, and he can taste the salt of Ray's tears. "I'm not leaving you."

"I thought you were..." Ray's voice breaks before he can finish the sentence. He takes a shaky breath and shifts closer to Tim to curl up against him. Tim puts his arms around Ray's shoulders and back and pulls him in until he is pressed close against him in the safe cocoon of his arms. Ray is trembling where he's hiding his face against Tim's chest, where his cold hand is resting flat over Tim's heart and his legs have entangled with Tim's.

"It was a fucking nightmare. Just a nightmare. It's not true." Ray repeats again and again under his breath as if he needs to hear it to believe it. "Just a stupid nightmare. It wasn't real."

Ray still sounds so unbelievably small, and it leaves an uneasy feeling in Tim's stomach. "What happened, Josh?"

Tim feels Ray shake his head against his chest, a slow movement that seems more denial and defence than a refusal to answer. Tim shifts so that his hand can card through Ray's hair, and he feels him still tremble under his touch, in his arms.

"You didn't make it." Ray presses out after a long moment of silence. He chokes on the words and curls deeper into Tim's arms. "They tried, they tried absolutely _everything_ , but they didn't manage to... to get your heart beating again. And I.. _I couldn't do a fucking thing_ , I could just watch... and you... you were _gone_..."

Ray's last words are lost to a barely suppressed sob, and he shakes hard against Tim's body. Tim feels like he was just sucker-punched with enormous force and he can't quite contain his sharp inhale. _Fuck_ , Ray is having nightmares about _Tim dying_ \- when his surgery was three and a half weeks ago and he's been home for just over two weeks. It's true that he noticed that Ray seems tired a lot more than usual, that he often doesn't look well rested in the mornings and tends to be awake when Tim falls asleep, but suddenly he sees it in an entirely different light - Ray is not just sleeping less or badly, he's living through losing Tim on a regular basis at night. It pains and shames Tim that he never noticed, although he's well aware that it's because the pain meds knocked him out. The only reason he's awake now is because it's the first night that he hasn't taken them. 

Tim tightens his hold on Ray and buries his face in his hair before he asks quietly, "How long have you had those nightmares, Josh?"

Tim feels Ray shrug against his chest. "Pretty much since it happened." 

Tim expected that answer, but it still makes his stomach churn. Ray hasn't properly slept in almost a month due to crippling nightmares, and Tim didn't fucking notice because he was on pain meds that kept him from waking up to Ray's distress. He doesn't ask Ray why he didn't tell him about it, he knows the answer to that question, even if he doesn't agree with it.

"Fuck, _Josh_." Tim breathes into Ray's hair, and even he himself can hear how pained it sounds. He thinks again that he never wants Ray to shield him like that, he wants Ray to lean on him when he needs it, he wants Ray to share when something is bothering him. And this is not something minor, this is a huge thing that has been dragging Ray down for weeks. This is the kind of thing Tim _definitely_ wants to know about, no matter how he himself feels. "I didn't know."

Ray chuckles wetly. "Yeah, well, I found out that morning in the ER that Mini's not the only one around here with severe abandonment issues. She just deals with them better than I do."

Tim presses his lips together and wraps himself tighter around Ray, even if it's hardly possible. He wishes he could take it all back, could undo all the damage that that damn bullet caused to Ray. "When was the last time you got a full night's sleep?" 

When he answers Ray's voice is muffled against Tim's chest where he's hiding his face, and his beard moves gently against Tim's bare skin. "A while ago."

Tim cards his fingers through Ray's hair in a way he knows soothes him. "How long a while are we talking? Days or weeks?"

Ray is silent for a moment, then he murmurs, "Weeks."

Suddenly Tim remembers how Marley told him to keep a close eye on Ray and that Tim had the impression that there was something important that she really wanted to tell him but for some reason didn't. She must have known about the nightmares, Tim realises. Of course - she and Ray slept in the living room for a few days, she would have woken to his nightmares. For a moment he's angry that she didn't tell him, but then he forces himself to think it through. He's sure there's a good reason why she didn't say anything, but he definitely will ask her during their next call. He really wants to know. 

Tim closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, never ceasing his soothing caress of Ray's hair. "You need to talk about this, Josh."

Ray doesn't say anything, he just shrugs and Tim senses the gesture where Ray is cuddled up against him.

"I mean it, Josh. You can't keep carrying that around with you." Tim makes sure to keep his voice low and gentle, but without losing the determination behind it. Ray shrugs again, and for some reason Tim notices that his afore cold hand is slowly warming where it's still resting flat over Tim's heart.

"Josh." Tim takes hold of Ray's cheeks and makes him raise his head so that Tim can look him in the eye. There's still an echo of the terror in his gaze, and Tim hates that he has been going through this alone for all this time. "You wouldn't let Mini carry it around, so don't expect me to let you do it. You have to talk about this. With a professional."

Ray keeps looking at him for a long moment, then he takes a deep breath and lets it escape slowly with an audible sigh. "Yeah, I know."

Tim lets go of his cheeks when he feels that Ray wants to return to his hiding spot against Tim's chest. Ray immediately cuddles as close to Tim as physically possible and Tim senses his warm breath against his bare skin. He feels Ray's hand over his heart rising just enough that Ray's fingers can draw a mindless pattern on his skin the same way Tim has noticed him doing a lot since he woke in the hospital. 

"Is it always the same dream?" Tim asks into the silence and the warm, soft light of the lamp on the bedside table creates a comforting atmosphere of intimacy. 

"Mostly." Ray mumble and then falls silent again. Tim can tell that there's more, but he remains quiet and waits for Ray to decide whether he's ready to tell him or not. "Often I wake when... when you're gone. But sometimes..." Ray's takes a deep breath and it's so shaky that Tim can feel it as well as hear it. "Sometimes I don't wake, and then I come home and... and I have to tell Mini that..." 

Ray breaks off and presses his face against Tim's chest. Tim feels the wetness of fresh tears against his skin and his heart seizes up. _Oh god_ , Ray has nightmares about _having to tell Mini that Tim died_. Tim feels so sick that there's bile in his throat.

"I'm so sorry, Josh." Tim mutters into Ray's hair and tightens his arms around him. He feels utterly gutted and incredibly guilty for the pain he caused Ray. " _Fuck_ , I'm _so sorry_ I did this to you."

Ray keeps silently crying against Tim's chest for a few minutes that feel like an eternity to Tim. When he finally speaks, it's barely above a whisper. "You promised you would never make me tell her. Please, Tim..." Ray's voice cracks, and it's very small and desperate when he continues. "Don't ever break that promise."

"I won't." Tim replies where his face is still buried in Ray's soft hair. For the first time he's genuinely glad that going to med school and working as a doctor is a much less dangerous line of occupation than corpsman or even paramedic, because it means he can make sure that he can keep that promise. "I will always do everything in my power to make sure that I will never leave you and Mini alone, Josh."

Ray's warm lips place a lingering kiss over Tim's heart. "I'll hold you to that, Tim."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, **this will be the end** \- for now (yes, _again_ , I know... ^_^V)! Because as unlikely as it seem, I still have more plot (all the way until 2019 is mostly plotted, actually) and maybe another writing attack will come by at some point and then you'll get more chapters (I actually already have another 9 chapters in bits and pieces XD). Best way to make sure you don't miss that is to subscribe, because you never know how long it'll take me (well, the first break lasted 8 years, the last just about two months XD). But now - after five months of obsessive writing - I really need my life back, and it seems my Muse is on holiday now anyway (which she deserves, given that she just inspired 328.000 words ;D )
> 
> Please remember that **comments are love** and if you feel like making me a happy wee cookie, then maybe just leave me a wee word? Or a long one, whatever you feel like ^^ You'd totally make my day!
> 
> Oh, and I have a tiny wee **question for you** if you don't mind: Are you interested in reading more for this story at some point? I'm very curious to know if there's any interest considering how long this story already is. Thank you! :D

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Impossible Relationships Fanart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24594811) by [nanuk_dain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/pseuds/nanuk_dain)




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